tag:theconversation.com,2011:/africa/topics/family-711/articlesFamily – The Conversation2024-02-21T13:22:53Ztag:theconversation.com,2011:article/2224732024-02-21T13:22:53Z2024-02-21T13:22:53ZAre our fears of saying ‘no’ overblown?<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/576255/original/file-20240216-28-feso3m.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=50%2C8%2C5540%2C3724&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">We can be unduly hard on ourselves as we grapple with the implications of declining an invitation.</span> <span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.gettyimages.com/detail/photo/man-using-cell-phone-behind-translucent-glass-royalty-free-image/1015918742?phrase=typing%2Bno%2Bthank%2Byou%2Binto%2Bphone">Yifei Fang/Moment via Getty Images</a></span></figcaption></figure><p>Everyone has been there. You get invited to something that you absolutely do not want to attend – a holiday party, a family cookout, an expensive trip. But doubts and anxieties creep into your head as you weigh whether to decline.</p>
<p>You might wonder if you’ll upset the person who invited you. Maybe it’ll harm the friendship, or they won’t extend an invite to the next get-together.</p>
<p>Should you just grit your teeth and go? Or are you worrying more than you should about saying “no”? </p>
<h2>An imaginary faux pas</h2>
<p>We explored these questions <a href="https://doi.org/10.1037/pspi0000443">in a recently published study</a>.</p>
<p>In a pilot study that we ran ahead of the main studies, we found that 77% of our 51 respondents had accepted an invitation to an event that they didn’t want to attend, fearing blowback if they were to decline. They worried that saying no might upset, anger or sadden the person who invited them. They also worried that they wouldn’t be invited to events down the road and that their own invitations would be rebuffed.</p>
<p>We then ran a series of studies in which we asked some people to imagine declining an invitation, and then report their assumptions about how the person extending the invite would feel. We asked other participants to imagine that someone had declined invitations they had extended themselves. Then we asked them how they felt about the rejection. </p>
<p>We ended up finding quite the mismatch. People tend to assume others will react poorly when an invitation isn’t accepted. But they’re relatively unaffected when someone turns down an invite they’ve extended.</p>
<p>In fact, people extending invites were much more understanding – and less upset, angry or sad – than invitees anticipated. They also said they would be rather unlikely to let a single declined invitation keep them from offering or accepting invitations in the future.</p>
<p>We found that the asymmetry between people extending and receiving invites occurred regardless of whether it involved two friends, a new couple or two people who had been in a relationship for a long time.</p>
<figure class="align-center ">
<img alt="One speech bubble with a question mark in it, and another with an ellipses, indicating contemplation or a brief moment of speechlessness." src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/576254/original/file-20240216-16-93bp3g.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/576254/original/file-20240216-16-93bp3g.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=450&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/576254/original/file-20240216-16-93bp3g.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=450&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/576254/original/file-20240216-16-93bp3g.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=450&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/576254/original/file-20240216-16-93bp3g.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=566&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/576254/original/file-20240216-16-93bp3g.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=566&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/576254/original/file-20240216-16-93bp3g.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=566&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px">
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<span class="caption">People are pretty understanding when their invitations are rebuffed.</span>
<span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.gettyimages.com/detail/photo/question-bubble-and-chatting-bubble-royalty-free-image/1448380909?phrase=saying+No&adppopup=true">Carol Yepes/Moment via Getty Images</a></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>Why does this happen? </p>
<p>Our findings suggest that when someone declines an invitation, they think the person who invited them will focus on the cold, hard rejection. But in reality, the person extending the invite is more likely to focus on the thoughts and deliberations that ran through the head of the person who declined. They’ll tend to assume that the invitee gave due consideration to the prospect of accepting, and this generally leaves them less bothered than might be expected.</p>
<p>Interestingly, while our research examined invitations to fun events – dinners out to restaurants with a visiting celebrity chef and trips to quirky museum exhibits – <a href="https://doi.org/10.1037/xap0000457">other studies</a> have found that the same pattern emerges when someone is asked to do a favor and they decline. </p>
<p>Even with these less enjoyable requests, people overestimate the negative implications of saying no.</p>
<h2>Lay the groundwork for future invites</h2>
<p>There are a few things you can do to make things easier on yourself as you grapple with whether to decline an invitation.</p>
<p>First, imagine that you were the one extending the invitation. Our research shows that people are less likely to overestimate the negative implications of declining an invitation after they envision how they would feel if someone turned down their invite.</p>
<p>Second, if money is a reason you’re considering passing on a dinner or a trip, share that with the person who invited you – as long as you feel comfortable doing so, of course. <a href="https://doi.org/10.1002/jcpy.1226">Other research</a> has found that people are especially understanding when people cite finances as their reason for declining.</p>
<p>Third, consider the “no but” strategy <a href="https://www.self.com/story/saying-no-to-invitations">that some therapists suggest</a>. Decline the invitation, but offer to do something else with the person who invited you.</p>
<p>With this method, you’re making it clear to the person who invited you that you’re not rejecting them; rather, you’re declining the activity. A bonus with this strategy is that you have the opportunity to suggest doing something that you actually want to do. </p>
<p>Of course, there’s a caveat to all of this: If you decline every invitation sent your way, at some point they’ll probably stop coming.</p>
<p>But assuming you aren’t a habitual naysayer, don’t beat yourself up if you end up declining an invitation every now and then. Chances are that the person who invited you will be less bothered than you think.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/222473/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>The authors do not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organization that would benefit from this article, and have disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.</span></em></p>Nearly 80% of people have accepted invitations to events they didn’t want to attend.Julian Givi, Assistant Professor of Marketing, West Virginia UniversityColleen P. Kirk, Assistant Professor of Marketing, New York Institute of TechnologyLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/2218502024-02-19T13:43:19Z2024-02-19T13:43:19ZHow having conversations with children builds their language — and strengthens family connections<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/576189/original/file-20240216-16-eufedv.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=0%2C0%2C7321%2C3396&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">Intentionally integrating vocabulary into conversations from topics children are curious about helps grow children's language skills. </span> <span class="attribution"><span class="source">(Shutterstock)</span></span></figcaption></figure><p>Parents and caregivers of school-aged children are all too familiar with the after-school conversation that sounds a little something like: </p>
<p>“How was school?” </p>
<p>“Fine.” </p>
<p>“What did you learn?” </p>
<p>“Nothing.”</p>
<p>Conversations between children of <a href="https://theconversation.com/a-new-study-of-warlpiri-language-shows-how-baby-talk-helps-little-kids-learn-to-speak-207835">all ages</a> and attentive, caring adults <a href="https://www.hanen.org/helpful-info/articles/power-turn-taking.aspx">offer strong benefits</a> in all domains of children’s <a href="https://www.apa.org/topics/parenting/helping-kids">well-being</a>.</p>
<p>When these conversations are purposeful and strategic, they can even strengthen skills that contribute to <a href="https://www.readingrockets.org/topics/vocabulary/articles/talking-counts#">stronger literacy and language development</a>.</p>
<h2>More than information exchange</h2>
<p>When we engage in quality conversations with children, we are doing more than finding out how their day was at school. </p>
<p>Talking with children <a href="https://decoda.ca/talking-is-teaching/">teaches them about their world</a>, <a href="https://www.lena.org/new-research-links-early-vocabulary-skills-to-teacher-child-interaction-in-preschool-classrooms/">enhances their vocabulary</a>, <a href="https://www.integrativemind.com/blog/strengthening-parent-child-communication-building-trust-and-understanding">strengthens trust and relationships</a> and models formal <a href="https://thesixshifts.com/2021/08/2035/">language structures</a> — how an arrangement and order of <a href="https://surreyschoolsone.ca/teachers/literacy/elementary/reading-essentials/language-structures/#">words in the context of specific sentences yields meaning</a>.</p>
<figure class="align-center ">
<img alt="A man and girl seated at different ends of a couch with mugs." src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/576070/original/file-20240215-22-te0oax.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/576070/original/file-20240215-22-te0oax.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/576070/original/file-20240215-22-te0oax.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/576070/original/file-20240215-22-te0oax.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/576070/original/file-20240215-22-te0oax.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/576070/original/file-20240215-22-te0oax.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/576070/original/file-20240215-22-te0oax.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px">
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">Quality conversations have multiple benefits.</span>
<span class="attribution"><span class="source">(Shutterstock)</span></span>
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<p>The power of conversations between children and adults even has the potential to affect connectivity in select regions of the brain. </p>
<p>In a recent study in the <em>Journal of Neuroscience</em>, conversational “turns” — where there is a back-and-forth conversational exchange between children and attentive adults — were linked to increased strength of white matter connections between regions of the brain <a href="https://doi.org/10.1523/JNEUROSCI.1034-22.2023">related to speech and comprehension of written and spoken language.</a> </p>
<h2>Sparking language-building conversations</h2>
<p>The list below details some ways parents or caregivers can spark language-building conversations that accelerate children’s literacy and family relationships:</p>
<p><strong>Actively listen.</strong> <a href="https://www.cdc.gov/parents/essentials/toddlersandpreschoolers/communication/activelistening.html#">Active listening</a> involves showing an authentic interest in what children have to say. Active listening looks like minimizing distractions, making eye contact, stopping other things you are doing, lowering yourself to their physical level (by sitting or bending down, for instance) and reflecting or repeating back what they are saying and what they may be feeling to make sure you understand. </p>
<p><strong>Ask open-ended questions.</strong> Open-ended questions encourage children to <a href="https://decoda.ca/talking-is-teaching/">pause, think and reflect</a> instead of simply responding “yes” or “no” or “nothing.” Open-ended questions typically begin with the following words and phrases: </p>
<ul>
<li>Why, how, describe … </li>
<li>Tell me about …</li>
<li>What do you think about … </li>
<li>I wonder (if / why / how) …</li>
<li>What do you notice about … </li>
<li>Tell me more about …</li>
<li>What else do you want me to know about that? </li>
</ul>
<p>Open-ended questions can also be used as follow-ups to other questions.</p>
<figure class="align-center ">
<img alt="Two adults sitting on a porch with a child." src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/576190/original/file-20240216-24-pejfg0.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/576190/original/file-20240216-24-pejfg0.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=443&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/576190/original/file-20240216-24-pejfg0.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=443&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/576190/original/file-20240216-24-pejfg0.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=443&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/576190/original/file-20240216-24-pejfg0.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=556&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/576190/original/file-20240216-24-pejfg0.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=556&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/576190/original/file-20240216-24-pejfg0.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=556&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px">
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">Asking children what they notice is one way to guide an open-ended conversation.</span>
<span class="attribution"><span class="source">(Shutterstock)</span></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p><strong>Try the “Strive-for-Five” framework.</strong> “Strive-for-Five” is a conversational framework pioneered by educators David Dickinson and Ann B. Morse and <a href="https://doi.org/10.1002/trtr.2266">recently adapted by</a> educational researchers Sonia Q. Cabell and Tricia A. Zucker. This <a href="https://coursemedia.erikson.edu/eriksononline/CPC/2014_2015/Module1/Documents/Purposeful_Talk/Strive_for_Five_Experience.pdf">framework is intended</a> to enhance conversations by encouraging parents, caregivers and educators to strive for <em>five</em> conversational turns with children instead of the typical three in order to foster foundational language skill development. To try this, respond to children in a way that challenges their thinking and encourages using language. Rather than stopping short at the third conversational point, attempt to continue the conversation by asking fun, <a href="https://www.parents.com/parenting/better-parenting/advice/questions-every-parent-should-ask-their-kid/">open-ended follow-up questions</a> or share another thought to try to extend the exchange.</p>
<p><strong>Embed conversations in everyday routines.</strong> If you find it difficult to actively listen and engage in purposeful conversations during certain times of the day, try to schedule time where active listening may be more feasible, like during <a href="https://www.naeyc.org/our-work/families/spending-quality-time-with-your-child#:%7E:text=Create%20a%20special%20ritual%20for,how%20she%20makes%20you%20feel">everyday routines</a> or when <a href="https://laughplayread.wordpress.com/2018/04/09/strive-for-five/">reading aloud</a>. </p>
<p><strong>Scaffold the conversation.</strong> Scaffolding is a strategy used to support learning by building on skills children already have and gradually reducing the support provided. Scaffolding conversations with children might include:</p>
<ul>
<li>repeating words or phrases so they are used correctly;</li>
<li>integrating vocabulary from topics they are learning about or are curious about;</li>
<li>providing sentence starters that invite them to finish the sentence;</li>
<li>asking questions that challenge their thinking to move a conversation past the third talking turn.<br></li>
</ul>
<figure>
<iframe width="440" height="260" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/rVaRdVt6Ihw?wmode=transparent&start=0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen=""></iframe>
<figcaption><span class="caption">Video from Parent Lab discusses how scaffolding conversations with children strengthens language-building skills, autonomy, confidence and connections.</span></figcaption>
</figure>
<p>Engaging in frequent, meaningful conversations with children of all ages helps strengthen their <a href="https://www.readingrockets.org/topics/about-reading/articles/simple-view-reading">language comprehension</a>, and in turn, reading comprehension. </p>
<p>Elevating the quality of conversations by using any or all of these suggestions has the potential to enhance the fundamental components of language comprehension, while simultaneously building and maintaining family connections.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/221850/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Kimberly Hillier does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.</span></em></p>Engaging in purposeful, meaningful and strategic conversations with children can directly support children’s language comprehension, an important component of reading.Kimberly Hillier, Instructor, Faculty of Education, University of WindsorLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/2199532024-02-12T13:26:57Z2024-02-12T13:26:57ZFamily caregivers face financial burdens, isolation and limited resources − a social worker explains how to improve quality of life for this growing population<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/574183/original/file-20240207-27-pcczxx.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=30%2C30%2C5061%2C3359&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">Family caregivers may be less likely to turn to others when they need their own support. </span> <span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.gettyimages.com/detail/photo/african-american-woman-pushing-father-in-wheelchair-royalty-free-image/494327497?phrase=caring+for+the+elderly&adppopup=true">Terry Vine/DigitalVision via Getty Images</a></span></figcaption></figure><p>Millions of Americans have <a href="https://www.caregiver.org/resource/caregiver-statistics-demographics/">become informal family caregivers</a>: people who provide family members or friends with unpaid assistance in accomplishing daily tasks such as bathing, eating, transportation and managing medications. </p>
<p>Driven in part by a <a href="https://www.aarp.org/home-family/your-home/info-2021/home-and-community-preferences-survey.html">preference for home-based care</a> rather than long-term care options such as assisted living facilities, and the <a href="https://doi.org/10.1155/2012/680265">limited availability and high cost</a> of formal care services, family caregivers play a pivotal role in the safety and well-being of their loved ones.</p>
<p>Approximately 34.2 million people in the United States <a href="https://www.caregiver.org/resource/caregiver-statistics-demographics/">provide unpaid assistance</a> to adults age 50 or above, according to the Family Caregiver Alliance. Among them, about 15.7 million adult family caregivers care for someone with dementia.</p>
<p>I am a licensed clinical social worker and an assistant professor of social work <a href="https://scholar.google.com/citations?user=AikbrQ4AAAAJ&hl=en">studying disparities in health and health care systems</a>. I focus on underrepresented populations in the field of aging. </p>
<h2>Challenges for family caregivers</h2>
<p>In my research focusing on <a href="https://doi.org/10.1093/geront/gnad086">East Asian family caregivers</a> for people with Alzheimer’s and related dementia, I discovered that <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177/07334648221142600">Chinese American</a> and <a href="https://doi.org/10.1080/13607863.2022.2122932">Korean American caregivers</a> often encounter challenging situations. These include discrimination from health care facilities or providers, feelings of loneliness and financial issues. Some of these caregivers even find themselves <a href="https://doi.org/10.1080/13607863.2022.2122932">having to retire early</a> because they struggle to balance both work and caregiving responsibilities. </p>
<p>My findings join a growing body of research showing that <a href="https://doi.org/10.1111/scs.12463">family caregivers</a> commonly <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177/0733464818813466">encounter five specific challenges</a>: financial burdens, limited use of home- and community-based services, difficulties accessing resources, a lack of knowledge about existing educational programs, and physical and emotional challenges, such as feelings of helplessness and caregiver burnout. </p>
<p>However, researchers are also finding that family caregivers feel more capable of managing these challenges when they can tap into formal services that offer practical guidance and insights for their situations, as well as assistance with some unique challenges involved with family caregiving.</p>
<figure>
<iframe width="440" height="260" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/dskLxMc2MW0?wmode=transparent&start=0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen=""></iframe>
<figcaption><span class="caption">How to find your way back if you feel that you’ve lost yourself in a caregiving role.</span></figcaption>
</figure>
<h2>The demographics of informal caregivers</h2>
<p>More than 6 in 10 family caregivers are women. </p>
<p>Society has always expected <a href="https://doi.org/10.1093/geront/32.5.607">women to take on caregiving responsibilities</a>. Women also usually earn less money or rely on other family members for financial support. This is because equal pay in the workplace <a href="https://iwpr.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/C455.pdf">has been slow to happen</a>, and women often take on roles like becoming the primary caregiver for their own children as well as their aging relatives, which can drastically affect their earnings. </p>
<p>While nearly half of care recipients live in their own homes, 1 in 3 live <a href="https://www.caregiver.org/resource/caregiver-statistics-demographics/">with their caregivers</a>.</p>
<p>Sometimes termed “resident caregivers,” these individuals are less likely to turn to others outside the family for caregiving support, often because they feel that it’s important to keep caregiving within the family. These caregivers <a href="https://doi.org/10.1080/13607863.2021.1935460">are typically older, retired or unemployed</a> and have lower income than caregivers who live separately.</p>
<p>According to a 2020 report from the AARP Public Policy Institute, about 1 in 3 family caregivers <a href="https://www.aarp.org/ppi/info-2020/caregiving-in-the-united-states.html">provide more than 21 hours of care a week</a> to a loved one. </p>
<p><iframe id="4L0re" class="tc-infographic-datawrapper" src="https://datawrapper.dwcdn.net/4L0re/2/" height="400px" width="100%" style="border: none" frameborder="0"></iframe></p>
<h2>Juggling caregiving with everyday life</h2>
<p>Caregiving often creates financial burdens because it <a href="https://doi.org/10.1093/geronb/gbv095">makes it harder to hold a full-time or part-time job</a>, or to <a href="https://doi.org/10.1093/geronb/gbv095">return to work</a> after taking time off, particularly for spouses who are caregivers.</p>
<p>Often, community-based organizations such as nonprofits that serve older adults offer a variety of in-home services and educational programs. These can help family caregivers <a href="https://www.cdc.gov/aging/caregiving/caregiver-brief.html">manage or reduce</a> the physical and emotional strains of their responsibilities. However, these demands also can make it difficult for some caregivers to even learn that these resources exist, or take advantage of them, particularly as the care recipient’s condition progresses. </p>
<p>These challenges <a href="https://doi.org/10.23750/abm.v93iS2.12979">worsened at the height of the COVID-19 pandemic</a>. Many support programs were canceled, and it was hard to access health care, which made things even more stressful and tiring for caregivers. </p>
<p>Research shows that those who are new to family caregiving often take care of their loved ones <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK2665/">without any formal support initially</a>. As a result, they may face increased emotional burdens. And caregivers age 70 and above face particular challenges, since they may be navigating their own health issues at the same time. These individuals are less likely to receive informal support, which can lead to social isolation and burnout.</p>
<figure class="align-center zoomable">
<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/572934/original/file-20240201-23-2arn8b.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=10%2C10%2C6699%2C4456&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="Mature woman places a cardigan on an elderly adult." src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/572934/original/file-20240201-23-2arn8b.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=10%2C10%2C6699%2C4456&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/572934/original/file-20240201-23-2arn8b.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/572934/original/file-20240201-23-2arn8b.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/572934/original/file-20240201-23-2arn8b.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/572934/original/file-20240201-23-2arn8b.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/572934/original/file-20240201-23-2arn8b.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/572934/original/file-20240201-23-2arn8b.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">Caregivers age 70 and above may be navigating their own health challenges with little support.</span>
<span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.gettyimages.com/detail/photo/mature-woman-caring-for-her-elderly-mother-royalty-free-image/1390975112?phrase=family+caregivers&adppopup=true">Alistair Berg/DigitalVision via Getty Images</a></span>
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</figure>
<h2>Support for family caregivers</h2>
<p>There are numerous programs and services available for family caregivers and their loved ones, whether they reside at home or in a residential facility. These resources include government health and disability programs, legal assistance and disease-specific organizations, some of which are <a href="https://www.caregiver.org/connecting-caregivers/services-by-state/">specific to certain states</a>.</p>
<p>In addition, research has found that providing appropriate <a href="https://doi.org/10.1046/j.1532-5415.2001.49090.x">education and training</a> to people in the early stages of caregiving enables them to better balance their own health and well-being with successfully fulfilling their responsibilities. Many community-based organizations, such as local nonprofits focused on aging, as well as government programs or senior centers, <a href="https://doi.org/10.1111/jgs.14259">may offer case management services</a> for older adults, which can be beneficial for learning about existing resources and services. </p>
<p>For family caregivers of people with dementia, formal support services are particularly crucial to their <a href="https://doi.org/10.1590/1809-98232016019.150117">ability to cope and navigate the challenges</a> they face.</p>
<h2>The role of Medicaid</h2>
<p>Formal support may also be helpful in finding affordable home-based and community resources that can help compensate for a lack of informal support. These include <a href="https://www.medicare.gov/coverage/home-health-services">home health services</a> funded by Medicare and <a href="https://www.medicaid.gov/medicaid/home-community-based-services/home-community-based-services-authorities/home-community-based-services-1915c/index.html">Medicaid-funded providers</a> of medical and nonmedical services, including transportation.</p>
<p>Medicaid, which targets low-income Americans, seniors, people with disabilities and a few select other groups, has certain income requirements. Determine the eligibility requirements first to find out whether your loved one qualifies for Medicaid.</p>
<p>The <a href="http://www.thescanfoundation.org/sites/default/files/the-need-to-include-family-caregiver-assessment-medicaid-hcbs-waiver-programs-report-aarp-ppi-ltc.pdf">services and support covered by Medicaid may vary</a> <a href="https://www.payingforseniorcare.com/medicaid-waivers/home-care">based on a number of factors</a>, such as timing of care, the specific needs of caregivers and their loved ones, the care plan in place for the loved one and the location or state in which the caregiver and their loved one reside. </p>
<p>Each state also has its own Medicaid program with unique rules, regulations and eligibility criteria. This can result in variations in the types of services covered, the extent of coverage and the specific requirements for <a href="https://www.medicaidplanningassistance.org/getting-paid-as-caregiver/">accessing Medicaid-funded support</a>.</p>
<p>If so, <a href="https://www.medicaid.gov/about-us/contact-us/index.html">contact your state’s Medicaid office</a> to get more information about self-directed services and whether you can become a paid family caregiver.</p>
<h2>Medicare might help</h2>
<p>Medicare may <a href="https://www.medicare.gov/coverage/home-health-services">help pay for certain home health services</a> if an older adult needs skilled services part time and is considered homebound.</p>
<p>This assistance can alleviate some of the caregiving responsibilities and financial burdens on the family caregiver, allowing them to focus on providing care and support to their loved ones without worrying about the cost of essential medical services. </p>
<p>Peer-to-peer support is also crucial. Family caregivers who join support groups tend to <a href="https://doi.org/10.1080/13607863.2016.1231169">manage their stress more effectively</a> and <a href="https://doi.org/10.3389/fpubh.2019.00122">experience an overall better</a> <a href="https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1532-5415.1990.tb03544.x">quality of life</a>.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/219953/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Kathy Lee has received funding from the Alzheimer's Association - New to the Field (AARG-NTF-20-678171). </span></em></p>Family caregivers who have stronger support networks and positive communication with loved ones tend to be more resilient.Kathy L. Lee, Assistant Professor of Gerontological Social Work, University of Texas at ArlingtonLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/2205822024-01-19T13:40:32Z2024-01-19T13:40:32ZStudents in this course learn the art of the apology<figure class="align-right ">
<img alt="Text saying: Uncommon Courses, from The Conversation" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/499014/original/file-20221205-17-kcwec8.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=237&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/499014/original/file-20221205-17-kcwec8.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=375&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/499014/original/file-20221205-17-kcwec8.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=375&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/499014/original/file-20221205-17-kcwec8.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=375&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/499014/original/file-20221205-17-kcwec8.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=471&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/499014/original/file-20221205-17-kcwec8.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=471&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/499014/original/file-20221205-17-kcwec8.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=471&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px">
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<p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/topics/uncommon-courses-130908">Uncommon Courses</a> is an occasional series from The Conversation U.S. highlighting unconventional approaches to teaching.</em> </p>
<h2>Title of course:</h2>
<p>Sorry: The art and literature of the apology</p>
<h2>What prompted the idea for the course?</h2>
<p>A number of years ago our students and faculty read Eula Biss’ book “<a href="https://www.graywolfpress.org/books/notes-no-mans-land">Notes from No Man’s Land</a>” for our first-year reading program. </p>
<p>It ends with her essay “All Apologies,” which braids together seemingly disparate moments of apology: Biss to her little sister for hitting her, Ronald Reagan’s apology to <a href="https://www.nationalww2museum.org/war/articles/redress-and-reparations-japanese-american-incarceration">Japanese Americans for WWII internment</a>, and Bill Clinton’s apologies <a href="https://www.cnn.com/ALLPOLITICS/1998/08/17/speech/">for marital indiscretion</a>, to Hawaiians <a href="https://www.hawaii-nation.org/publawsum.html">for the U.S. overthrowing their monarchy</a> and <a href="https://clintonwhitehouse4.archives.gov/textonly/New/Remarks/Fri/19970516-898.html">for the Tuskegee syphilis experiment</a>.</p>
<p>I had the opportunity to expand on a discussion of Biss’ book with a class of first-year students. It started me thinking about the significance of the apology in our lives. From politicians and other public figures to friends and family, we often experience the apology given or withheld.</p>
<h2>What does the course explore?</h2>
<p>The course explores much more than just the anatomy of an apology and what makes an apology succeed or fail. The course also gets students to consider how apologies can be used to understand historical events, interpersonal relationships and differences in culture and gender. We also discover how apologies provide insight into the nature of celebrity and corporate success.</p>
<p>When former Canadian Prime Minister <a href="https://www.rcaanc-cirnac.gc.ca/eng/1100100015644/1571589171655">Stephen Harper apologized</a> in 2015 on behalf of the government for having forcibly removed Indigenous children from their homes to teach them in residential schools, he repeated “we are sorry” in French, Cree, Anishinaabe and Inuktitut, recognizing the very cultures the forcible removal was meant to erase.</p>
<p>After several people died from <a href="https://www.pbs.org/newshour/health/tylenol-murders-1982">cyanide-laced Tylenol</a> in 1982, the parent company – Johnson & Johnson – issued a statement that has since become one of most oft-cited examples of an <a href="https://www.ou.edu/deptcomm/dodjcc/groups/02C2/Johnson%20&%20Johnson.htm">effective corporate apology</a>.</p>
<p>When Ellen DeGeneres apologized in 2020 for fostering a toxic workplace, it <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Egn3CuQRHW8">missed the mark</a> because she tempered it with humor and didn’t take ownership. Similarly, YouTuber Colleen Ballinger, accused of exploiting her fans, failed spectacularly in her apology, not because it was accompanied by her ukulele strumming but because she <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ceKMnyMYIMo&t=3s">painted herself as a victim</a>.</p>
<p>Assignments include a case study that each student chooses and a short research paper on a related topic, such as shame, confession, guilt, forgiveness and absolution.</p>
<h2>Why is this course relevant now?</h2>
<p>We are living in a <a href="https://www.theatlantic.com/newsletters/archive/2023/05/trump-santos-justice/674023/">post-shame era </a> in which outrageous and offensive behavior is often accepted and even applauded.</p>
<p>For instance, the current governor of Montana body-slammed a reporter while running – successfully – for Congress; entertainer James Corden apologized for berating a hapless waiter but then withdrew the apology; “Real Housewives” throw drinks and flip tables.</p>
<p>The apology itself is often monetized, weaponized or – most often – skipped over. Almost 20 years ago, Aaron Lazare wrote about the growing importance of apology and its power and complexity in his book “<a href="https://global.oup.com/academic/product/on-apology-9780195189117?cc=us&lang=en&">On Apology</a>.”</p>
<h2>What’s a critical lesson from the course?</h2>
<p>A good apology – that is, an effective one – offers a reset, restoring balance or repairing a rupture. A really good apology might even strengthen the relationship between the offender and the offended. </p>
<h2>What materials does the course feature?</h2>
<p>Course texts include scientific studies, transcripts of apologies, essays and poetry. The novel <a href="https://www.penguin.com.au/books/sorry-9781741666632">“Sorry” by Australian writer Gail Jones</a> opens a unit on the national apology, the debt to Indigenous people and the case for reparations.</p>
<p>The unit ends with a screening of Mimi Chakarova’s 2023 film on Russell City – <a href="https://www.theapologyfilm.com/">“The Apology”</a>.</p>
<p>Students begin the semester by writing their own personal apologies. I never ask to whom. They are submitted in sealed envelopes. Students revisit their apologies at the end of the semester. I never read them.</p>
<h2>What will the course prepare students to do?</h2>
<p>My hope is that by the end of the semester the students will be able to apologize effectively. But like all courses in the humanities, it is meant to teach students to analyze and interpret texts and to appreciate the very best creative expressions of humanity, even when created in response to the very worst actions.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/220582/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Nancy E. Berg does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organization that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.</span></em></p>Apologies can easily go awry if they’re not made in a certain way.Nancy E. Berg, Professor of comparative literature, Arts & Sciences at Washington University in St. LouisLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/2174932024-01-02T20:38:27Z2024-01-02T20:38:27ZParenting with ADHD: 7 practical tips for success<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/566382/original/file-20231218-29-ec0niw.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=40%2C70%2C6669%2C4386&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">Parents with ADHD may have challenges, but also strengths, particularly when their child also has ADHD. In these families, parents may have more empathy and tolerance for their child’s difficulties and may be able to play more effectively with their child.</span> <span class="attribution"><span class="source">(Shutterstock)</span></span></figcaption></figure><iframe style="width: 100%; height: 100px; border: none; position: relative; z-index: 1;" allowtransparency="" allow="clipboard-read; clipboard-write" src="https://narrations.ad-auris.com/widget/the-conversation-canada/parenting-with-adhd-7-practical-tips-for-success" width="100%" height="400"></iframe>
<p>Attention-deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) often goes undiagnosed in adults — including parents — but it has a significant impact on family life.</p>
<p>A parent with ADHD may struggle with time management and staying focused. They may appear to be in control, but their daily life can be chaotic with missed appointments, trouble remembering and enforcing rules at home and a struggle to meet responsibilities. </p>
<p>When under stress, a parent with ADHD may be prone to moments of frustration and anger in response to minor provocations. This emotional struggle can lead to harsh responses to children, which parents often regret once the moment has passed.</p>
<h2>Understanding ADHD in adults</h2>
<p>ADHD involves patterns of inattention (forgetfulness, being easily distracted), hyperactivity (fidgeting, restlessness) and impulsivity (interrupting conversations or speaking out of turn). <a href="https://doi.org/10.1017/S0033291713002493">ADHD is highly heritable</a>, which mean parents with ADHD will often have a child with ADHD.</p>
<figure class="align-center ">
<img alt="A man, a woman and two children reading a book together" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/566385/original/file-20231218-19-776d0i.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/566385/original/file-20231218-19-776d0i.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/566385/original/file-20231218-19-776d0i.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/566385/original/file-20231218-19-776d0i.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/566385/original/file-20231218-19-776d0i.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/566385/original/file-20231218-19-776d0i.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/566385/original/file-20231218-19-776d0i.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px">
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<span class="caption">Parents’ ADHD symptoms do not appear to impact their ability to be warm, caring and loving parents.</span>
<span class="attribution"><span class="source">(Shutterstock)</span></span>
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<p>An estimated <a href="https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jad.2023.07.071">eight per cent of children worldwide have ADHD</a>, while only <a href="https://doi.org/10.7189%2Fjogh.11.04009">three per cent of adults meet criteria for ADHD</a>. One reason for this difference may be that symptoms of ADHD become milder as individuals age, <a href="https://doi.org/10.1007/s00787-018-1258-1">especially hyperactivity/impulsivity symptoms</a>.</p>
<p>While some individuals may no longer meet ADHD diagnostic criteria in adulthood, they can still experience significant life impairments. These include <a href="https://doi.org/10.1192/bjp.2018.97">poorer physical health and socioeconomic outcomes compared to those with no history of ADHD</a>.</p>
<p>However, research has shown an increase <a href="https://doi.org/10.1001/jamanetworkopen.2019.14344">over the last decade in diagnosis of adult ADHD</a>, potentially due to <a href="https://doi.org/10.1093/ije/dyt261">increased awareness of ADHD</a> and/or availability of clinical assessments. Several anecdotal reports indicate that parents only realized their own ADHD symptoms when <a href="https://www.additudemag.com/adhd-parent-child-diagnosis-stories/">seeking help for their child</a>.</p>
<h2>ADHD’s impact on parenting</h2>
<p>ADHD’s tendency to be passed down in families has important implications because it can affect the way parents interact with their children. <a href="https://doi.org/10.1016/j.cpr.2017.05.003">Research</a> has found that ADHD symptoms in parents are associated with harsher parenting behaviours (like yelling at a child, overreactive and severe punishments) and more lax parenting practices (like inconsistent discipline or providing few or no boundaries). </p>
<p>This makes sense in light of the symptoms of ADHD, including difficulties with forgetfulness and impulsivity. <a href="https://doi.org/10.1007/s11920-019-1003-6">People with ADHD also often struggle with regulating intense emotions</a>. Together, these symptoms can make it more difficult for parents to remain calm and consistent when interacting with their child.</p>
<p>However, <a href="https://doi.org/10.1016/j.cpr.2017.05.003">research also</a> indicates that parents’ ADHD symptoms do not appear to impact their ability to be warm, caring, and loving. </p>
<p>Other research also suggests there is a “<a href="https://doi.org/10.1080/15374416.2016.1169538">similarity fit</a>” if a parent and child both have ADHD. In these families, parents with ADHD may also have more empathy and tolerance for their child’s difficulties and may be able to play more effectively with them because they can follow the pace of their child’s play.</p>
<h2>Practical strategies for parents with ADHD</h2>
<figure class="align-center ">
<img alt="A woman and child on a sofa in a therapist's office, with a therapist seen from behind" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/566384/original/file-20231218-15-hhu5h5.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/566384/original/file-20231218-15-hhu5h5.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/566384/original/file-20231218-15-hhu5h5.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/566384/original/file-20231218-15-hhu5h5.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/566384/original/file-20231218-15-hhu5h5.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/566384/original/file-20231218-15-hhu5h5.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/566384/original/file-20231218-15-hhu5h5.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px">
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<span class="caption">Seek professional support when needed for your own symptoms of ADHD.</span>
<span class="attribution"><span class="source">(Shutterstock)</span></span>
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<p>Raising kids with ADHD can be challenging. Children with ADHD often benefit from specific strategies like setting clear rules and consistent boundaries, using a system that rewards appropriate behaviour, and spending lots of quality time together. These strategies <a href="https://doi.org/10.1521/adhd.2019.27.3.1">can be difficult to maintain for parents dealing with their own ADHD</a>.</p>
<p>Here are some practical strategies that may be helpful to parents who have ADHD, or believe they might have ADHD:</p>
<p><strong>1. Seek professional support when needed for your own symptoms of ADHD</strong> </p>
<p>If you suspect you have ADHD but have not been diagnosed, consult a health-care professional. Family doctors and psychiatrists can offer medication options, while psychologists can provide cognitive behavioural therapy, <a href="https://div12.org/treatment/cognitive-behavioral-therapy-for-adult-adhd/">a highly effective treatment for adult ADHD</a>.</p>
<p><strong>2. Seek out supports for specific parenting issues</strong></p>
<p>There are some free research-backed courses available online such as <a href="https://www.coursera.org/learn/everyday-parenting">this one</a>, and <a href="https://familyman.movember.com/en-au/">this one specifically designed for dads (though moms and other caregivers are welcome too!)</a>. </p>
<p>Another avenue of support is clinical psychologists or social workers who specialize in working with children and adolescents, and their parents. Look for someone who can provide <a href="https://effectivechildtherapy.org/concerns-symptoms-disorders/disorders/inattention-and-hyperactivity-adhd/">behavioural parent training, which is an evidence-based treatment for child ADHD</a>. </p>
<p>It’s helpful to let the therapist know that you are also struggling with ADHD symptoms. There is <a href="https://doi.org/10.1521/adhd.2019.27.3.1">some evidence</a> that adjustments — including flexible pacing (for example, focusing only on one thing during a session, lots of repetition), extra practice and supportive group therapy — may be particularly helpful for parents with ADHD.</p>
<p><strong>3. Be gracious to yourself</strong> </p>
<p>ADHD involves certain areas of the brain, and remember, it’s highly heritable. If you have a child with ADHD, it’s not because of your parenting or anything you did. </p>
<p>Also, parenting is a hard job that’s made even harder when you are experiencing symptoms of ADHD and/or when your child has ADHD. It makes sense that things can feel out of control sometimes! You are allowed to experience negative emotions, and to ask for support from family and friends if you are able. </p>
<p>Working on developing effective coping techniques (either with or without professional help) may have the bonus effect of providing an opportunity for your child to observe and learn through your example.</p>
<p><strong>4. Use organizational aids to help manage your ADHD symptoms</strong></p>
<p>Instead of relying solely on memory, individuals with ADHD often find it effective to keep a calendar, planner, daily agenda or a to-do list. Creating an external record of tasks and appointments, even if you don’t check it constantly, can increase the chances of remembering these responsibilities. Research shows that, for individuals with high levels of ADHD symptoms, using these types of compensatory strategies was associated with <a href="https://doi.org/10.1007/s12402-016-0205-6">fewer negative parenting practices</a>.</p>
<p><strong>5. Think proactively about recurring situations</strong></p>
<figure class="align-center ">
<img alt="Cropped image of a pop-it toy in a child's hands, and two other toys in the background." src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/566383/original/file-20231218-27-dorj7s.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/566383/original/file-20231218-27-dorj7s.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/566383/original/file-20231218-27-dorj7s.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/566383/original/file-20231218-27-dorj7s.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/566383/original/file-20231218-27-dorj7s.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/566383/original/file-20231218-27-dorj7s.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/566383/original/file-20231218-27-dorj7s.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px">
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<span class="caption">If you notice your child always acts out when bored, you can prepare an activity bag to take with you in these situations.</span>
<span class="attribution"><span class="source">(Shutterstock)</span></span>
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</figure>
<p>For difficult parenting situations that seem to happen again and again, it can be helpful to think back to see if there are common issues that can be addressed proactively. Think about specific problem behaviours you experience with your child, as well as their context (such as where you were, and what happened before and after). </p>
<p>This may help identify common triggers that you can modify proactively the next time you are in a similar situation (see <a href="https://depts.washington.edu/uwhatc/PDF/TF-%20CBT/pages/8%20Parent%20Management%20Training/Tracking%20Behavior%20-Detailed.pdf">this worksheet)</a>. As a simple example: if you notice your child always acts out when bored, you can prepare an activity bag to take with you in these situations.</p>
<p><strong>6. Consider how you think about your child</strong></p>
<p><a href="https://doi.org/10.1177/1087054716669590">Research</a> suggests that parents with ADHD tend to attribute more blame to children (for instance: “my child spilled the milk on purpose”) compared to parents without ADHD. These types of attributions <a href="http://dx.doi.org/10.1080/15374416.2016.1144191">can make a parent more prone to responding harshly</a>. </p>
<p>If you notice yourself having these kinds of thoughts, it might be helpful to pause and think through other possible reasons for your child’s behaviour (for example, they were too excited and spilled the milk by accident). </p>
<p>Research also suggests that <a href="http://dx.doi.org/10.1080/15374416.2016.1144191">it can be helpful to notice times when your child is behaving well, and give them credit for this behaviour</a>.</p>
<p><strong>7. Remember your strengths</strong></p>
<p><a href="https://doi.org/10.1016/j.cpr.2017.05.003">Adults with ADHD are fully capable of being warm, loving and highly engaged parents</a>. Positive parenting is <a href="https://doi.org/10.1111/cdev.13764">consistently linked with improved child mental health</a>, so it is worth focusing on building these more positive aspects of your relationship with your child. </p>
<p>By implementing effective strategies for managing ADHD, and seeking out resources when needed, parents with ADHD can create a positive and fulfilling family life, and be a strong supportive source for their children who may be struggling with similar issues.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/217493/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Sheri Madigan receives funding from the Social Sciences and Humanities Research Council, the Canadian Institutes of Health Research, the Alberta Children's Hospital Foundation, an anonymous donor, and the Canada Research Chairs program.</span></em></p><p class="fine-print"><em><span>André Plamondon and Joanne Park do not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and have disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.</span></em></p>Parenting with ADHD presents unique challenges but also strengths. By using strategies for managing ADHD, and seeking resources when needed, parents can create a positive and fulfilling family life.Joanne Park, Assistant Professor, Department of Psychology, Mount Royal UniversityAndré Plamondon, Full Professor, Faculty of Educational Sciences, Université LavalSheri Madigan, Professor, Canada Research Chair in Determinants of Child Development, Owerko Centre at the Alberta Children’s Hospital Research Institute, University of CalgaryLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/2199662023-12-21T21:54:53Z2023-12-21T21:54:53ZIt’s not just housing: the ‘bank of mum and dad’ is increasingly helping fund the lives of young Australians<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/566790/original/file-20231220-15-irhy2g.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=35%2C8%2C5955%2C3979&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">
</span> <span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.shutterstock.com/image-photo/child-congratulations-graduates-business-man-house-713443921">Shutterstock</a></span></figcaption></figure><p>Much has been made of the increasing presence of the “bank of mum and dad” in the lives of Australians. </p>
<p>We know financial support from parents to adult children is increasingly used for entering the <a href="https://www.ahuri.edu.au/research/final-reports/395">housing market</a>. </p>
<p>But our new <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177/14407833231210956">research</a> shows parents are also helping their young adult children in other ways, including with meeting everyday expenses. We’ve gained new insights into who is receiving support from parents and what it’s used for.</p>
<p>So what does this look like in practice, and what does it mean for intergenerational inequality in Australia?</p>
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<p>
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Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/how-housing-made-rich-australians-50-richer-leaving-renters-and-the-young-behind-and-how-to-fix-it-195189">How housing made rich Australians 50% richer, leaving renters and the young behind – and how to fix it</a>
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<h2>Parental financial support becoming commonplace</h2>
<p>We have surveyed a diverse group of young Australians for almost <a href="https://education.unimelb.edu.au/life-patterns">18 years</a>, since they were in year 12 in 2006. This has allowed us to follow the trajectory of a cohort of millennials as they have transitioned to adulthood. </p>
<p>One of the areas we ask about is their sources of financial support. This includes their own income, savings and investments, and government support, but also gifts, loans and other transfers from their family. </p>
<p>Our findings show that financial support from family – typically parents – has become important for this generation well into young adulthood. </p>
<p>This support from family was very common for our participants when they were in their late teens. Perhaps more surprisingly, for many this support continued into their 20s and, for a significant minority, into their late 20s and beyond. </p>
<p><iframe id="C64so" class="tc-infographic-datawrapper" src="https://datawrapper.dwcdn.net/C64so/2/" height="400px" width="100%" style="border: none" frameborder="0"></iframe></p>
<p>So is it only rich parents providing this assistance? Turns out, not really. Our results show young adults from diverse socioeconomic backgrounds get financial help. </p>
<p>Surprisingly, the educational level and occupation status of their parents did not predict whether our participants were receiving support. Parents with higher education and in managerial or professional careers are providing financial help. But so too are parents of more modest means, even if the amount of support they can provide clearly differs.</p>
<h2>It’s not just about houses</h2>
<p>Our participants are using this support to pay basic expenses. </p>
<p>One in five 32-year-olds in our study report struggling to pay for three or more basic expenses (we ask about food, rent or mortgage repayments, house bills and healthcare costs). These young adults are three times more likely than those not facing this struggle to report receiving financial support from their family. </p>
<p><iframe id="mFkCN" class="tc-infographic-datawrapper" src="https://datawrapper.dwcdn.net/mFkCN/1/" height="400px" width="100%" style="border: none" frameborder="0"></iframe></p>
<p>These gifts and loans are also used to support parenting, and to support those working part-time out of choice or necessity.</p>
<p><iframe id="xuW0m" class="tc-infographic-datawrapper" src="https://datawrapper.dwcdn.net/xuW0m/1/" height="400px" width="100%" style="border: none" frameborder="0"></iframe></p>
<p>Some of our participants working part-time in their late 20s and early 30s are not in such a precarious position. They are receiving parental support while they pursue graduate study in medicine or law, for example. </p>
<p>So while some are using support to meet day-to-day needs, we also see parents helping their children “get ahead”. </p>
<p>Financial support is also used to pursue extended education and manage a period of insecure and poorly paid employment on the way to more secure and well-paid careers in medicine, academia or journalism.</p>
<p>This intergenerational support has social ramifications that go beyond buying property. Our research suggests it also shapes education pathways, employment, parenting, and potentially general wellbeing. </p>
<hr>
<p>
<em>
<strong>
Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/how-well-off-you-are-depends-on-who-you-are-comparing-the-lives-of-australias-millennials-gen-xers-and-baby-boomers-172064">How well off you are depends on who you are. Comparing the lives of Australia's Millennials, Gen-Xers and Baby Boomers</a>
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<h2>An outsized role for the bank of mum and dad</h2>
<p>Our results are an example of just how much life has changed in Australia. The growing challenges of cost of living and the effects of a booming housing market over many decades are changing the dynamics of inequality.</p>
<p>Most of the parents’ generation of the young people we have tracked are part of the Baby Boomer cohort. While there is substantial economic inequality within it, overall, this group benefited from the housing and other <a href="https://doi.org/10.1080/1600910X.2022.2058718">asset</a> booms over recent decades. </p>
<p>Many parents are using this foundation to help their children well beyond their teenage years. Of course, wealthy parents might find it easier to provide this support but are not the only parents providing it. For less wealthy parents, this might potentially change their plans for their own future and retirement. </p>
<hr>
<p>
<em>
<strong>
Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/friday-essay-how-policies-favouring-rich-older-people-make-young-australians-generation-f-d-199403">Friday essay: how policies favouring rich, older people make young Australians Generation F-d</a>
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</p>
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<p>Previous research has highlighted that the bank of mum and dad is becoming crucial for <a href="https://doi.org/10.1080/02673037.2020.1754347">buying</a> a house and that this might exacerbate and entrench <a href="https://doi.org/10.1080/1600910X.2020.1752275">inequality</a> for future generations.</p>
<p>Our work suggests it goes beyond housing. Parents are helping combat financial insecurity for their young adult children across the board. Our data shows this widespread insecurity emerged before the current cost-of-living crisis, but current conditions are going to exacerbate it. </p>
<p>So we need to ask whether we want the bank of mum and dad to continue to play an ever-growing role in life chances in Australia. Based on our research, that change is already underway.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/219966/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Dan Woodman receives funding from the Australian Research Council. </span></em></p><p class="fine-print"><em><span>Julia Cook receives funding from the Australian Research Council. </span></em></p><p class="fine-print"><em><span>Quentin Maire does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointments.</span></em></p>It’s now common knowledge loans and gifts from family are a large part of breaking into the housing market. But how is parental financial support being used in other areas?Dan Woodman, TR Ashworth Professor in Sociology, The University of MelbourneJulia Cook, Senior Lecturer in Sociology, University of NewcastleQuentin Maire, Senior Research Fellow, The University of MelbourneLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/2183372023-12-10T14:30:54Z2023-12-10T14:30:54ZImproved employment policies can encourage fathers to be more involved at home<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/564397/original/file-20231207-15-xwseva.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=0%2C14%2C4131%2C3083&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">Too few Canadian fathers take parental leave. That's because parental leave is framed as an employment policy rather than as care/work policy that promotes greater sharing of both paid and unpaid care work between parents. </span> <span class="attribution"><span class="source">(Shutterstock)</span></span></figcaption></figure><iframe style="width: 100%; height: 100px; border: none; position: relative; z-index: 1;" allowtransparency="" allow="clipboard-read; clipboard-write" src="https://narrations.ad-auris.com/widget/the-conversation-canada/improved-employment-policies-can-encourage-fathers-to-be-more-involved-at-home" width="100%" height="400"></iframe>
<p>While the COVID-19 pandemic had many detrimental <a href="https://theconversation.com/income-inequality-and-covid-19-we-are-in-the-same-storm-but-not-in-the-same-boat-173400">socio-economic</a> and <a href="https://theconversation.com/coronavirus-is-not-the-great-equalizer-race-matters-133867">health</a> impacts, one silver lining has been the influence of remote work on men’s involvement in unpaid work at home. </p>
<p>Since the first pandemic lockdowns in 2020, between 25 and 40 per cent of the Canadian labour force has shifted to <a href="https://www150.statcan.gc.ca/n1/pub/36-28-0001/2022008/article/00001-eng.htm">working remotely</a>. Evidence suggests <a href="https://www150.statcan.gc.ca/n1/pub/36-28-0001/2021010/article/00001-eng.htm">remote and hybrid work arrangements are here to stay</a>; 80 per cent of those who work remotely want to continue working at least several days per week at home. </p>
<p><a href="https://doi.org/10.1080/13668803.2023.2271646">Our research</a> finds that Canadian fathers who worked remotely during the pandemic reported higher levels of involvement in household work and child care. Remote work and other flexible work policies may play a crucial role in encouraging a more equitable distribution of household and care work within families.</p>
<p>Remote work isn’t the only policy pathway that facilitates men’s involvement at home. Our research finds that fathers who have previously taken parental leave report sharing a wider set of household work and child-care tasks with their partners.</p>
<p>But there is a catch: access to these policies is limited in ways that diminish their full potential. Part of the problem stems from the way parental leave and remote work policies are structured.</p>
<p>They are framed as employment policies, rather than as care/work policies that can promote greater sharing of both paid and unpaid care work between parents. This framing limits access to both sets of policies.</p>
<h2>Parental leave in Canada</h2>
<p>While Canada is regarded as a country with generous parental leave provisions, <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2018/sep/03/canada-us-maternity-leave-policy-differences">especially when compared to the United States</a>, its parental leave policies can be exclusionary. </p>
<p>Outside of Québec, parental leave programs have low wage replacement rates and restrictive eligibility criteria. Paternity leave is both low-paid (five to eight weeks at a 33 to 55 per cent wage-replacement rate) and contingent on mothers (or birthing parents) also taking leave rather than being designed as an individual entitlement. </p>
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<p>
<em>
<strong>
Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/how-one-province-got-80-per-cent-of-fathers-to-take-paternity-leave-118737">How one province got 80 per cent of fathers to take paternity leave</a>
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<p><a href="https://www.jstor.org/stable/27081267">These differences</a> exclude many low-income parents from receiving <a href="https://doi.org/10.3138/cpp.2020-091">parental leave benefits</a>.</p>
<p>In addition, top-up wages are highly uneven throughout Canada. Some employers don’t enhance the wage replacement rates for parental leave (70 to 75 per cent in Québec and 33 to 55 per cent in the rest of Canada). </p>
<p>Others, especially those in federally regulated industries, the public sector and large private sector companies, top-up wage replacement rates to as high as 93 per cent. In many contexts, however, top-ups are limited solely to mothers, which disincentivizes fathers from taking parental leave.</p>
<h2>Flexible work arrangements in Canada</h2>
<p>Flexible work arrangements have a less complex policy architecture than parental leave policies, but they share its drawback of uneven access. Aside from those who are self-employed, the decision-making power for remote work lies with employers.</p>
<p>As of December 2017, employees in all federally regulated sectors in Canada can <a href="https://www.canada.ca/en/employment-social-development/corporate/portfolio/labour/programs/labour-standards/flexible-work-arrangements.html#h2.3">request a flexible work arrangement under the Canada Labour Code</a> after six months of continuous employment.</p>
<p>However, managers maintain the right to refuse requests for flexible work arrangements if they believe their use will be detrimental to the quality or quantity of an employee’s work. This results in different standards being applied to different employees and means that access depends on managers’ opinions about remote work and its effect on productivity.</p>
<p>While there is no <a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2023/10/10/business/remote-work-effects.html">clear-cut evidence</a> that working remotely hinders productivity, stereotypes of remote workers as unambitious persist <a href="https://doi.org/10.1111/josi.12015">and prevent men</a> <a href="https://doi.org/10.1007/s11205-018-2036-7">and women</a> alike from gaining access.</p>
<h2>Who benefits from these policies?</h2>
<p>Constraints around policy access and eligibility mean parental leave and remote work are set up to benefit those who already enjoy socio-economic privileges, such as those who receive hefty wage top-ups and those in high-ranking positions who don’t need to worry about managerial biases. </p>
<p>To ensure more people benefit from parental leave and flexible work policies, our study suggests they must provide greater support for more people’s work and care lives.</p>
<p>In terms of flexible work arrangements, the right to remote work should acknowledge the diverse caregiving needs and responsibilities of all individuals, including fathers. One step in this direction would be to frame flexible work policies as a human right available to all workers, <a href="https://www.rotman.utoronto.ca/Connect/Rotman-MAG/Issues/2023/Spring-2023/Spring-2023-Feature-Articles/Spring_23_Equality">regardless of parental or gender status</a>, to mitigate the stigma associated with working remotely and encourage widespread use.</p>
<figure class="align-center ">
<img alt="A baby in a mint-green sleeper sits in her father's lap while he reads her a book." src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/564384/original/file-20231207-21-zdsr71.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=0%2C0%2C5000%2C3323&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/564384/original/file-20231207-21-zdsr71.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=401&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/564384/original/file-20231207-21-zdsr71.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=401&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/564384/original/file-20231207-21-zdsr71.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=401&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/564384/original/file-20231207-21-zdsr71.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/564384/original/file-20231207-21-zdsr71.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/564384/original/file-20231207-21-zdsr71.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px">
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">Remote work privileges should take into account the caregiving obligations of everyone, including fathers.</span>
<span class="attribution"><span class="source">(Unsplash)</span></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>When it comes to parental leave, the evidence is clear: from 2019 to 2020, <a href="https://www.leavenetwork.org/fileadmin/user_upload/k_leavenetwork/annual_reviews/2023/Canada2023.pdf">only 23.5 per cent of recent fathers</a> living outside of Québec took (or intended to take) parental or paternity leave, compared to 85.6 percent of fathers in Québec. If the rest of Canada adopted Québec’s more inclusive policy framework, we could narrow the gendered gap in parental leave access.</p>
<p>While the COVID-19 pandemic created extraordinary uncertainty and unpredictability in employment, it also introduced new ways of thinking about <a href="https://doi.org/10.1111/cars.12315">paid and unpaid work</a> and <a href="https://doi.org/10.3138/cpp.2020-077">how to support people’s work and care lives</a>. </p>
<p>If more Canadians are to harness the benefits of parental leave and remote work, we need to design employment and care policies in ways that recognize individuals of all gender identities as not just workers, <a href="https://doi.org/10.3138/cpp.2020-091">but as caregivers and care receivers</a> throughout their lives.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/218337/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Kim de Laat receives funding from the Social Sciences and Humanities Research Council of Canada.</span></em></p><p class="fine-print"><em><span>Alyssa K Gerhardt receives funding from the Social Sciences and Humanities Research Council of Canada. </span></em></p><p class="fine-print"><em><span>Andrea Doucet receives funding from the Social Sciences and Humanities Research Council of Canada.</span></em></p>If more Canadian fathers are to harness the benefits of parental leave and remote work, we need to design employment and care policies in ways that recognize every family’s unique needs.Kim de Laat, Sociologist and Assistant Professor at the Stratford School of Interaction Design and Business, University of WaterlooAlyssa K Gerhardt, PhD Candidate, Department of Sociology and Social Anthropology, Dalhousie UniversityAndrea Doucet, Professor and Canada Research Chair in Gender, Work, and Care, Brock UniversityLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/2153722023-11-06T15:16:12Z2023-11-06T15:16:12ZMy parents are from two different African countries: study shows how this shapes identity<p>More than a <a href="https://www.elibrary.imf.org/view/journals/062/2016/009/article-A001-en.xml">third of migration</a> in sub-Saharan Africa happens within the continent. This mixing of people means that some children have parents of different national origins. Yet not enough is known about the lives of these children: how they form their identity and what impact migration has on them. </p>
<p>The majority of <a href="https://www.researchgate.net/profile/Kassahun-Kebede/publication/329950963_The_African_second_generation_in_the_United_States_-_identity_and_transnationalism_an_introduction/links/5c76fdca92851c69504669e9/The-African-second-generation-in-the-United-States-identity-and-transnationalism-an-introduction.pdf">research</a> on second generation African immigrants focuses on understanding their experiences in the global north. </p>
<p>Our <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/01419870.2018.1484503">research</a> looked at the less studied African context, where the majority of African migration occurs.</p>
<p>We are <a href="https://www.ug.edu.gh/sociology/staff/geraldine-asiwome-ampah">sociologists</a> who study <a href="https://link.springer.com/chapter/10.1007/978-3-030-97322-3_7">migration</a> and <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/imig.12644">identity</a> and we have seen that studies tend to take the <a href="https://ora.ox.ac.uk/objects/uuid:d93fe8bf-5987-40ea-98d2-e9c6cbbe61f0/download_file?safe_filename=TDI%2Brevised%2Bsubmission%2Bto%2BERS%2BAugust%2B2015.pdf&file_format=application%2Fpdf&type_of_work=Journal+article">perspective</a> of the <a href="https://iupress.org/9780253000828/migrants-and-strangers-in-an-african-city/">parents</a> in the African context. The voices of the children are missing. </p>
<p>To fill this gap we <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/13504630.2023.2222670">asked</a> children who have two African-born parents – but from different countries on the continent – about their experiences. </p>
<p>Our aim was to understand how children with binational parentage formed their identity. We wanted to know if they aligned with either or both of their parents’ identities and which individual or structural factors shaped that. This could be useful to know in contexts where ethnic, religious, political and national identities are salient markers of difference and influence people’s lives and opportunities.</p>
<h2>Questions of identity</h2>
<p>We conducted 54 interviews but drew on the experiences of 32 of the research participants for our paper. Their ages ranged from the lower 20s to the lower 60s. Participants came from Ghana, Botswana, Kenya, Nigeria, Ethiopia and South Africa. Our sample was middle class and therefore our findings are limited to binational identity among middle class Africans. </p>
<p>A key criterion for participation was that participants should have lived in the African country of one of their parents’ birth or both during their formative years. This is because formative years (from birth up to the end of secondary education) shape who you are. And the experiences you have in a place leave an indelible impression and influence your sense of who you are.</p>
<p>We asked them questions such as: Who are you? What is your identity? Where are you from? How do others perceive you? What relationship do you have with your parents’ home country or home town? To what extent has your identity created opportunities for you and to what extent has it created challenges for you? </p>
<h2>Primary and secondary identities</h2>
<p>A person’s primary identity is how they see themselves principally. Their secondary identity comes after those core or foundational aspects.</p>
<p>We learnt that the participants’ primary identity was shaped predominantly by the closeness of family ties during their formative years. Family ties were evident in communication, visits and presence at rites of passage.</p>
<p>The case of three sisters whose mother was from Botswana and father from Ghana highlighted the importance of the closeness of family ties for identity formation even among siblings.</p>
<p>Maru, the eldest, was born when her parents were settling into adult life. She was raised by her maternal grandmother in rural Botswana because her parents were trying to find jobs in Gaborone, the capital. She felt a close bond with her maternal grandmother and thought of herself as Kalanga (an ethnic group) with a very weak link to Ghana. </p>
<p>Her two sisters were born almost a decade later in Gaborone and raised by their parents, who had settled into their lives in the capital. They described themselves differently. Seliwe described herself as Ghanaian. When she was growing up, the family spent holidays (sometimes several months) in Ghana and she thoroughly enjoyed those visits. She was close to the Ghanaian side of her family and spent much time during our interview talking about her paternal uncle, who lived in her father’s home town, and the jollof rice at a popular fast-food restaurant in Accra. She identified chiefly as Ghanaian and insisted that identity be recognised, for example by ensuring that her name, which is Ghanaian, be pronounced correctly.</p>
<p>The family plays a crucial role in identity formation. If parents want their children to identify with both sides of the family, they need to ensure that the children spend time with both sides of the family. </p>
<p>Another influence is the extent to which children are accepted by the extended family members. Meghan, who had a Ghanaian father and a Nigerian mother, noted that her mother’s family embraced her far more than the Ghanaian side of the family. Although she was living in Ghana, she barely had any contact with them. She explained, “I find that I relate more to my Nigerian side than the Ghanaian side.” </p>
<p>Fluency in a particular African language was not an important marker of identity for the study participants.</p>
<p>Our study also found that binational individuals drew upon their secondary identity either explicitly to achieve some purpose or implicitly for its intrinsic value.</p>
<p>About half of the sample had drawn on their secondary identity to access something practical, like tertiary education or employment. In simple terms, even if they didn’t feel strongly Nigerian (for example) they might use that identity to get a place at a university. </p>
<p>The other half of the sample drew on their secondary identity for non-essential – more cultural – purposes. Usually this was in making choices about things like food, clothing and music. Another purpose was more personal – such as the name the individual chose to use.</p>
<h2>Why the insights are useful</h2>
<p>Identities are fluid and people weave in and out of them. If you feel Nigerian at your core then you embrace all aspects of “Nigerianness”, including music, food and so on. If being Nigerian is your secondary identity, you see value in claiming it sometimes even if it is for instrumental reasons.</p>
<p>We found individuals with binational identity were able to shift between their primary and secondary identity quite frequently, sometimes daily. </p>
<p>A society’s culture informs identity – but so do individuals.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/215372/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>The authors do not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and have disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.</span></em></p>Primary identities are foundational and serve as the core part of an individual’s identity.Akosua Keseboa Darkwah, Associate Professor of Sociology, University of GhanaGeraldine Asiwome Ampah, Senior Lecturer of Sociology, University of GhanaLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/2142362023-10-09T13:31:59Z2023-10-09T13:31:59ZWitchcraft in Ghana: help should come before accusations begin<p>Witchcraft is generally understood to refer to a supernatural power possessed by an individual. In Ghana, particularly in the northern parts of the country, the subject continues to <a href="https://www.ghanaweb.com/GhanaHomePage/features/Should-witch-camps-in-Ghana-be-closed-down-1023430">spark fierce debates</a>.</p>
<p>In regions such as Northern, Savanna and North East, people accused of witchcraft are banished from their communities. In response, other communities have provided refuge for displaced people. These places of refuge have themselves <a href="https://www.newsweek.com/witch-camps-elderly-women-die-ghana-1754907">sparked controversy</a>. Critics contend that they have become centres of “abuse” and have called for their closure. </p>
<p>I am a <a href="https://findanexpert.unimelb.edu.au/profile/821110-matthew-mabefam">lecturer</a> in anthropology and development studies. I set out to understand the controversy around what are often called “witch camps” and whether they should be abolished. I conducted a year long ethnographic study in the Gnani-Tindang community in northern Ghana. Gnani-Tindang provides refuge for people accused of witchcraft who have been banished from their communities.</p>
<p>I conclude from my <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/21681392.2023.2232052">findings</a>
that government and NGOs aren’t proving capable of managing the problem, because they are starting at the wrong place. The focus is on witchcraft accusations, by which time people have already been stripped of their “social citizenship” and been forced to relocate. </p>
<p>Engaging with the experiences of people accused of witchcraft and their communities shows that intervening at an earlier point matters more.</p>
<h2>The background</h2>
<p>Victims of witchcraft accusations face alienation or exclusion from their communities. Exclusions can be social, physical, economic or psychological.</p>
<p>Some villages in northern Ghana have become known as places that provide refuge to people banished from their communities. These villages were not created for this purpose. Rather, they are already existing communities that have chosen to provide such refuge. </p>
<p>Banishment happens when someone accused of witchcraft is no longer welcomed in their community. They are asked to leave and never return. Not heeding such advice comes with consequences including violence, abuse, social exclusion and murder. </p>
<p>Sometimes people relocate to a village that’s offering them safety after they’ve been forced to leave their homes following direct threats. In some instances people move when they hear rumours that they risk being accused of witchcraft. </p>
<h2>What people who had been banished told me</h2>
<p>The purpose of my research inquiry was to gain insights into how individuals accused of witchcraft speak about themselves and their circumstances.</p>
<p>The experiences of those accused varied. As one told me:</p>
<blockquote>
<p>They finally threatened that they were going to do their juju, and if I had any knowledge about the child’s sickness, I was going to die within four days. I told them they should go ahead; I was willing to die if I were the one responsible for the child’s sickness. After the ritual, I didn’t die. However, they said I could no longer stay with them in the community.</p>
</blockquote>
<p>Another gave this account: </p>
<blockquote>
<p>After the death of my husband, the relatives accused me of witchcraft. My in-laws said I killed my husband, but I don’t know anything about it. He fell sick and died afterwards. How can I kill my husband? I was lucky I wasn’t killed. There were lots of chaos, and some of the people suggested that I should be killed. Others disagreed and suggested that I should be brought to Gnani-Tindang … It’s my husband’s people who brought me here.</p>
</blockquote>
<p>We also observed that elderly people with little strength to fend for themselves were often targeted. One person, who was 80 years old, said: </p>
<blockquote>
<p>Look at me; I’m old and weak now. I can’t do much for myself. But I must fetch water, firewood and beg for food to eat. It is lonely here. </p>
</blockquote>
<h2>What next</h2>
<p>Ghana’s parliament has recently <a href="https://www.songtaba.org/wp-content/uploads/Press-Release_antiWitchcraftBill-28072023.pdf">passed</a> an anti-witchcraft bill. It seeks to criminalise the practice of declaring, accusing, naming, or labelling people as witches. Making such an accusation would lead to a prison sentence.</p>
<p>But, in my view, the bill alone isn’t the solution. This is because declaring certain behaviour illegal – and therefore punishable in a court of law – doesn’t address the issue of prejudice and discrimination which often relates to people’s age, gender and economic status. In other words, the law won’t deal with the tensions that emerge when culture intersects with the reality of people who become victims of witchcraft accusations.</p>
<p>Additional steps need to be taken. </p>
<p>Firstly, attention needs to be given to the underlying social issues driving accusations of witchcraft. For example, extreme inequalities among men and women, old and young, rich and poor. Creating avenues that provide a balance in society will have an effect on witchcraft accusation and banishment. </p>
<p>Early gender-tailored education needs to be introduced by the government and development actors on the value of both boys and girls. This is particularly important in the patriarchal societies of northern Ghana. This could help address gender inequalities that lead to witchcraft accusations. Witchcraft accusation is gendered: more women than men are accused, confronted and banished. </p>
<p>There is a need to engage widely with the Ghanaian society about the dangers of witchcraft accusation and to put in mechanisms to protect those who are abused and violated as a result of such accusations. </p>
<p>Finally, there is a need to listen to the voices and experiences of those who are victims of witchcraft accusations. This will ensure that interventions aren’t detached from their reality.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/214236/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Matthew Mabefam does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.</span></em></p>Victims of witchcraft accusations face alienation or exclusion from their communities.Matthew Mabefam, Lecturer, Development Studies, The University of MelbourneLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/2110932023-09-26T22:51:51Z2023-09-26T22:51:51ZFamily vlogs can entertain, empower and exploit<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/548388/original/file-20230914-27-rfrjml.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=0%2C23%2C5329%2C3523&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">Family vlogs can be a double-edged sword that provide families with income, but also lead to exploitation.</span> <span class="attribution"><span class="source">(Shutterstock)</span></span></figcaption></figure><iframe style="width: 100%; height: 100px; border: none; position: relative; z-index: 1;" allowtransparency="" allow="clipboard-read; clipboard-write" src="https://narrations.ad-auris.com/widget/the-conversation-canada/family-vlogs-can-entertain-empower-and-exploit" width="100%" height="400"></iframe>
<p>YouTube channels belonging to American content creator Ruby Franke were recently <a href="https://globalnews.ca/news/9960389/ruby-franke-youtube-kevin-jodi-hildebrandt/">scrubbed from the site</a> after the YouTuber was charged with child abuse. Franke was known for making parenting videos on her YouTube channel, 8 Passengers. Her videos frequently featured content on the family and her six children.</p>
<p>Police in Utah said the charges were laid after Franke’s 12-year-old son <a href="https://www.sltrib.com/news/politics/2023/09/05/heres-what-we-know-about-arrest/">climbed out of the window</a> of a home and went to a neighbour to ask for food and water. Police said the boy and his younger sister were found emaciated and required hospitalization. </p>
<p>As blogs and live journals gather internet dust, <a href="https://www.wix.com/blog/photography/how-to-vlog">vlogging</a> has emerged as a new source of intimate entertainment, and for creators, potential income. However, they also raise serious questions about exploitation and the privacy rights of children.</p>
<h2>What is vlogging?</h2>
<p>Vlogs are videos, usually published through social media, that share the creator’s personal thoughts and experiences. Family vlogs like Franke’s are a popular form of this medium, where parents take viewers into their homes. The content might involve taking viewers along on the family’s daily routine. Family vlogging channels upload videos sharing <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cq1hI0Mmyic">significant milestones</a>, <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OxUHjIFkeIk&t=401s">morning routines</a> and <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KkpvqOUrWec">preparing for school</a>. </p>
<p>Many might feel uneasy about <a href="https://theconversation.com/want-to-be-a-social-media-influencer-you-might-want-to-think-again-203306">content creation</a> that showcases private family life. However, at the same time, vlogs might offer families agency and alternative means of making ends meet at a time of stagnant wages and soaring living costs.</p>
<p>Thinking about vlogging as a kind of social reproduction allows us to think through the double-edged sword of content creation. Social reproduction refers to the labour of <a href="https://doi.org/10.1111/1467-8330.00207">lifemaking</a>: the day-to-day work of care, education and sustenance. <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177/0309132518791730">Feminist theorists</a> use this term to think about the ways in which caring labour supports and shapes our social, political and economic world.</p>
<p>Social reproduction is “<a href="https://doi.org/10.1111/1467-8330.00207">the fleshy, messy and indeterminate stuff of everyday life</a>.” It involves the responsibilities and relationships involved in maintaining daily life.</p>
<figure class="align-center zoomable">
<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/544800/original/file-20230825-21-qhucf7.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="A man and two young children sit in front of cameras and a laptop." src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/544800/original/file-20230825-21-qhucf7.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/544800/original/file-20230825-21-qhucf7.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=338&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/544800/original/file-20230825-21-qhucf7.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=338&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/544800/original/file-20230825-21-qhucf7.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=338&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/544800/original/file-20230825-21-qhucf7.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=424&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/544800/original/file-20230825-21-qhucf7.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=424&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/544800/original/file-20230825-21-qhucf7.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=424&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">Many might feel uneasy about content that showcases private family life. However, vlogs offer alternative means of making ends meet.</span>
<span class="attribution"><span class="source">(Shutterstock)</span></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<h2>A response to the pressures of parenting</h2>
<p>Family vlogging did not develop in a vacuum. Instead, the trend towards “mumpreneurs” emerged from within a <a href="https://newleftreview.org/issues/ii100/articles/nancy-fraser-contradictions-of-capital-and-care">care crisis</a>. The cost of living is rising, wages are stagnating, and government benefits do not provide the support families need. Parents — and mothers in particular — are facing significant pressures when it comes to caring for children and the household.</p>
<p>There has been a rise in gender equity in the workforce, however there is still <a href="https://theconversation.com/we-can-we-reduce-gender-inequality-in-housework-heres-how-58130">huge inequity</a> when it comes to work in the home. Women are working unprecedented (paid and unpaid) hours, and are often being told they are <a href="https://www.sfu.ca/vancity-office-community-engagement/below-the-radar-podcast/series/women-work-more/143-amanda-watson.html">failing at both</a>.</p>
<p>As a response to these pressures, mothers developed their own online communities to express the <a href="https://jarm.journals.yorku.ca/index.php/jarm/article/view/40238">highs and lows of parenting</a>. These communities began as <a href="https://doi.org/10.1080/1369118X.2016.1187642">“mommy blogs,”</a> but have increasingly moved to vlog format over the years. </p>
<p>Family vlogs can offer intimate counter-narratives to the expectations of parenthood. Mothers can share <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177/17504813221123663">the anxieties and pressures they face</a> and offer support to one another.</p>
<h2>Commodifying families</h2>
<p>However, there can be downsides to the trend. Many family vlogs are highly curated productions that can perpetuate ideas about what constitutes “good” motherhood, rather than challenge racialized, gendered and classist <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177/2056305117707186">ideals of motherhood</a>. In this way, vlogs are less about connection and more about commodification.</p>
<p>The implications of this monetization are complex. Performing <a href="https://doi.org/10.1093/ccc/tcy008">socially desirable</a> forms of motherhood can reproduce racial, sexual and class-based exclusion around who does and who does not count as a good mother. Dominant ideas of “motherhood” are shaped by heterosexual family structures, and there is a <a href="https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/37354/women-race-and-class-by-angela-y-davis/">long history</a> of surveilling and <a href="https://utorontopress.com/9781442691520/exalted-subjects/">disciplining</a> racialized parents.</p>
<p>YouTube <a href="https://support.google.com/youtube/answer/72851">creators</a> depend on <a href="https://www.youtube.com/intl/en_ph/creators/how-things-work/video-monetization/">viewership and subscribers</a> to monetize their content. They also use YouTube advertisements, sponsorships and brand deals to generate income. While some creators can make millions of dollars, most do not. Many are precarious workers with fluctuating incomes determined by <a href="https://support.google.com/youtube/answer/141805#zippy=%2Chow-does-youtube-choose-what-videos-to-promote%2Chow-are-videos-ranked-on-home">YouTube’s algorithm</a>. </p>
<p>On the other hand, content creation allows mothers to rebel against economic insecurity by making their motherhood a source of income. While this offers a means of paying the bills, who benefits and who doesn’t when a certain version of the family is commodified? </p>
<figure class="align-center zoomable">
<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/544801/original/file-20230825-15-k4cmur.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="A man and a young girl preparing food in a kitchen while a smartphone films" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/544801/original/file-20230825-15-k4cmur.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/544801/original/file-20230825-15-k4cmur.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/544801/original/file-20230825-15-k4cmur.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/544801/original/file-20230825-15-k4cmur.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/544801/original/file-20230825-15-k4cmur.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/544801/original/file-20230825-15-k4cmur.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/544801/original/file-20230825-15-k4cmur.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">Many content creators are dependent on social media algorithms that determine what content gets the most views.</span>
<span class="attribution"><span class="source">(Shutterstock)</span></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<h2>Kids and clickbait: What is the law?</h2>
<p>Exploitation is twofold for family vloggers. Firstly, in the United States, parents are considered responsible for protecting their underage children’s privacy information and consent. Many influencers live or move to the U.S. for <a href="https://www.cbc.ca/player/play/1987946563736">creator funds</a> and better networking opportunities. This can become an issue when <a href="https://theconversation.com/why-arent-there-any-legal-protections-for-the-children-of-influencers-196463">parents exploit their children</a> while also being <a href="https://www.newsweek.com/youtube-lets-lawless-lucrative-sharenting-industry-put-kids-mercy-internet-1635112">in charge of providing consent</a>. </p>
<p>Secondly, <a href="https://static.googleusercontent.com/media/research.google.com/en//pubs/archive/45530.pdf">social media algorithms</a> determine whether a video becomes popular on a platform, which <a href="https://www.youtube.com/intl/en_ca/creators/how-things-work/content-creation-strategy/">prioritizes content that gains the most views</a>.</p>
<p>The algorithms can <a href="https://theconversation.com/want-to-be-a-social-media-influencer-you-might-want-to-think-again-203306">change without warning</a>, so creators never know if their content will remain popular. If family vloggers choose to stop showcasing their children on their channels, they might <a href="https://www.popsugar.com/family/posting-kids-faces-social-media-privacy-49045872">lose viewership</a> and priority within the algorithm.</p>
<p>Existing U.S. laws are unequipped to handle this new form of child labour. <a href="https://www.washingtonpost.com/history/2023/08/25/illinois-child-influencer-earnings-law-history-jackie-coogan/">The Coogan Act</a> attempts to protect the income of child performers, but it does not account for the unique conditions of child social media stars. </p>
<p>Most recently, <a href="https://www.nbcnews.com/news/child-influencers-law-illinois-reaction-rcna99831">Illinois is the first U.S. state</a> to pass a law to ensure child influencers featured in monetized videos receive financial compensation. The law will take effect in July 2024, and there is hope that other states will follow suit. </p>
<p>This is a good start, but it is not enough. Policymakers should also look at the steps France has taken to protect child influencers. In 2020, the country passed a law that gives children the <a href="https://www.bbc.com/news/world-europe-54447491">right to be forgotten</a>. This means that child influencers can request that the platform removes content featuring them without their parent’s permission.</p>
<p>Laws need to include more than financial compensation for child influencers. There need to be regulations protecting children’s privacy, rights to have content removed and preventing children from being overworked. There also needs to be a call for greater regulation and transparency of social media algorithms that control and manipulate what is profitable.</p>
<p>Whether it is entertainment, exploitation or employment, family vlogging is a reminder of the complex interconnections between care work and wage work. As the households of strangers stream across our screens, parents and lawmakers must think carefully about the impacts on families and children.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/211093/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Rebecca Hall receives funding from the Social Sciences and Humanities Research Council.</span></em></p><p class="fine-print"><em><span>Christina Pilgrim does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.</span></em></p>Vlogging has emerged as a new source of intimate entertainment, and for creators, potential income. However, they also raise serious questions about exploitation and the privacy rights of children.Rebecca Hall, Assistant Professor, Global Development Studies, Queen's University, OntarioChristina Pilgrim, Master's student, Department of Sociology, Queen's University, OntarioLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/2134122023-09-20T13:20:17Z2023-09-20T13:20:17ZSuicide in Ghana: society expects men to be providers – new study explores this pressure<p>Suicide is a complex behaviour that is widely regarded as a significant public health issue across the globe. It is influenced by psychiatric, psychological, biological, social, cultural, economic and existential factors. In most countries, the rate of male suicides is between <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/pdf/10.1177/0706743718766052">3 and 7.5 times</a> higher than that of females even though suicide ideation (thoughts) and attempts are <a href="https://www.who.int/publications/i/item/9789241564779">more frequent</a> for females. </p>
<p>The World Health Organization <a href="https://www.worldlifeexpectancy.com/ghana-suicide">reported</a> in 2020 that approximately 1,993 suicides occurred in Ghana annually. A report in Ghana on suicide attempt trends over four years also <a href="https://www.ug.edu.gh/news/prof-akotia-advocates-change-attitudes-towards-suicide">revealed</a> that 707 suicide attempts occurred in 2018, 880 in 2019, 777 in 2020 and 417 as of June 2021. </p>
<p>Studies continue to reveal a disproportionately high number of males in both suicide and attempted suicide in Ghana. Suicidal behaviour in Ghana is a predominantly <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0277953610007471?via%3Dihub">male problem</a> – which is one reason it’s of interest to me as a <a href="https://www.researchgate.net/profile/Johnny-Andoh-Arthur">psychologist who studies</a> men’s mental health. </p>
<p>I undertook a <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/17482631.2023.2225935">study</a> that focused on the way loss of job and income influenced relationships with close family members prior to suicide. This is not to suggest that loss of income or job is the only cause of men’s suicide in Ghana. Other <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0277953610007471?via%3Dihub">studies</a> have highlighted chronic illness, substance use, interpersonal conflict and loss, marital challenges, economic difficulties, perceived shame, and mental illness as other contributing factors. </p>
<p>My study used a qualitative research approach, interviewing 21 close relatives and friends of nine men who had all suffered some economic challenges in ways that affected their relationships with family members. All nine had died by suicide. </p>
<p>Even though these men lived in social settings that valued mutual support and reciprocal obligations, some of them suffered abandonment during their economic difficulties. Even those who could depend on spouses in their situation appeared to find that dependency emasculating.</p>
<h2>Men and suicide</h2>
<p>The term <a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/9560163/">gender paradox</a> in relation to suicide describes the observation where females have higher rates of suicidal thoughts and behaviour than males, yet mortality from suicide is typically lower for females compared to males.</p>
<p>Biologically, it is suggested that <a href="https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/articles/24101-testosterone">testosterone</a>, which is linked to impulsivity and aggression, is about ten times higher in males than in females. Thus the likelihood for males to engage in risky behaviours including aggression towards themselves is linked to high testosterone levels. </p>
<p>The high male suicide rate is also connected to gender stereotypes and <a href="https://www.psychiatrist.com/jcp/depression/suicide/suicide-men/">role socialisation</a>. Society expects certain things of men. </p>
<p>The patriarchal nature of most societies in Africa makes being economically independent a key social expectation of being a man. Men are expected to be employed, with a regular income, and to start a family. </p>
<h2>Family support in Ghana</h2>
<p>My study highlighted Ghana’s extended family system. This system encourages support and care for one another, belonging and seeking help in times of adversity. The study found that the deceased men had perceived being a burden, loss of respect, social abandonment and anxiety when faced with crises like job losses and financial difficulties. The relative of one of the deceased stated:</p>
<blockquote>
<p>I even got angry the day this incident (suicide) happened. People even said we have been starving him, etc, etc. For Christ sake, he was 27 years. Must I keep on taking care of him? </p>
</blockquote>
<p>A friend of another deceased person said:</p>
<blockquote>
<p>His relatives visited him a lot when he was doing well in business but they stopped visiting when his problems started. </p>
</blockquote>
<p>Thus a dysfunctional, transactional social system existed around them. The implicit rule appeared to be that the victims were as valuable as their ability to provide for others and be economically independent.</p>
<p>The finding aligns with an earlier <a href="https://link.springer.com/chapter/10.1007/978-3-030-47852-0_10">study</a> in Ghana that shows that the motivation for male suicides is not that men seek to reject their social responsibilities. Instead, </p>
<blockquote>
<p>it is an intense sense of personal responsibility towards meeting prescribed social norms and roles associated with gender. </p>
</blockquote>
<p>My study also found that even though it was possible for some of the men to depend on their wealthier wives during economic difficulty, doing so created distress. Depending on their wives and seeing them assume hitherto <a href="https://theconversation.com/women-occupy-very-few-academic-jobs-in-ghana-culture-and-societys-expectations-are-to-blame-200307">“male” roles</a> were seen as emasculating. </p>
<p>A spouse illustrated:</p>
<blockquote>
<p>He felt that due to the problems he was going through, there were some responsibilities I was not supposed to do as a wife that I was doing and all of those thing got him worried. </p>
</blockquote>
<p>Where they were intent to live as <a href="https://theconversation.com/death-and-mourning-in-ghana-how-gender-shapes-the-rituals-of-the-akan-people-212398">benevolent patriachs</a> in line with internalised masculine codes, their economic predicament constrained the men’s social roles and created distress. </p>
<p>As another spouse explained:</p>
<blockquote>
<p>Things were not going so well with his job, it got to the extent that he could not help people the way he wanted to, and he was worried. </p>
</blockquote>
<h2>Men as providers</h2>
<p>The findings of this study highlight the patriachal system that defines men partly in terms of their capacity to provide materially for others. Men who strictly adhere to such <a href="https://theconversation.com/how-parenting-in-ghana-shapes-sexist-stereotypes-51823">male norms</a> may struggle to adjust when they have to depend on others, including their spouses. The extended family system should support such men emotionally and materially, but some family members chose to abandon them. </p>
<p>Public education is vital to change unhealthy gender norms that affect men in social and economic adversity. It will enable men to learn effective ways of coping and alternative <a href="https://theconversation.com/young-fathers-in-ghana-are-expanding-the-meaning-of-manhood-153807">ways of being men</a>. Education will also help change societal notions of who a man is and foster more support in times of adversity.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/213412/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Johnny Andoh-Arthur does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.</span></em></p>Suicide in Ghana is regarded as taboo for most families.Johnny Andoh-Arthur, Senior Lecturer, Psychology, University of GhanaLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/2123982023-09-07T13:27:51Z2023-09-07T13:27:51ZDeath and mourning in Ghana: how gender shapes the rituals of the Akan people<p>Gender has a significant impact on the socio-economic, political and religious experiences of Ghanaians. For <a href="http://www.scielo.org.za/scielo.php?script=sci_arttext&pid=S0259-94222017000300016">Akans</a>, the country’s largest ethnic group, descent is traced through the <a href="https://resources.saylor.org/wwwresources/archived/site/wp-content/uploads/2011/04/Akan-People.pdf">maternal line</a>. Property is transferred in this line too. </p>
<p><a href="https://www.jstor.org/stable/3773817">Mourning rituals</a> are another area of life that’s shaped by gender in Ghana – as in many other cultures of the world. </p>
<p>In a <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/07481187.2023.2236983">recent paper</a>, we explored the way Akan mourning rituals reflect the culture’s ideas about gender and reproduce social patterns.</p>
<p>Bereavement is gendered in Akan society: there are strict behavioural prescriptions for males and females. We argue that enacting and reproducing masculinity and femininity in these rituals may have negative health and psychological consequences for both men and women.</p>
<p>Our study is useful for therapists and counsellors to understand the impact of gender and culture when working with people who are dealing with grief and loss. Gender shapes how people make meaning of – and cope with – grief and loss in a specific social milieu. </p>
<h2>Mourning, masculinity and femininity</h2>
<p>The responsibilities of the principal cultural players of Akan death and mourning rituals are assigned according to gender. Males are the major players in organising and supervising the rites. </p>
<p>A key player is the lineage head (<em>Abusuapanin</em>), who is invariably male. </p>
<p>In Akan culture, the lineage head must be informed of all deaths occurring in the lineage. He must, in turn, inform the chief and other authorities of the polity (village or town) of all deaths in his lineage when they occur. </p>
<p>The second major player is the chief mourner, who is also usually a male. According to the customs and traditions of the Akan (and the <a href="https://lawsghana.com/judgement/Ghana/High-Court/363">law courts</a>), the body of a deceased person belongs to the extended family into which one is born. The extended family decides at a meeting who the chief mourner should be. </p>
<p>The choice of chief mourner is very important because he makes decisions such as who will succeed the deceased and how to mourn fittingly. He oversees the proper organisation and execution of all rites pertaining to the death, particularly ensuring that the deceased has a funeral that befits his or her status attained in life and is compatible with the social standing of the family in the community.</p>
<p>Women’s roles in Akan mourning rites, though extensive, are secondary to those of men. Women have the responsibility to bathe and prepare the dead body to be laid in state for mourners to file past it. These women are usually members of the deceased’s family and are well versed in handling dead bodies. </p>
<p>Women also fulfil the role of professional mourners or wailers. Some Akan lineages engage the services of these wailers to add solemnity to the mortuary rites. At ordinary Akan funerals where they are absent, it is the women who lament and wail during critical stages of the process. Men are culturally discouraged from loud wailing and weeping. The expression <em>ɔbarima nsu</em>, which means “a man does/must not cry”, calls on Akan men to refrain from such behaviour to avoid labels of effeminacy. </p>
<p>This norm in the mourning process is consistent with a cultural practice that generally demands that Akan men must not <a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10896-015-9781-z#citeas">publicly</a> display their emotions, even in the face of adversity, pain and suffering. </p>
<p>In contrast, a woman who does not weep or lament at the death of a close relative is suspected of being a malevolent witch responsible for the deceased’s death. Thus, the Akan mourning rituals can be culturally and psychologically coercive and oppressive for women. </p>
<p>Cash donations have become an important part of Ghanaian funerals. Both men and women make donations. But the archetype is that men will donate large sums of money to the bereaved family while women announce the donations and heap appellations on the male donors. For example, the compliments that women lavish on men to acknowledge their cash or kind donations may include <em>mo ɔpeafo</em> (well done), <em>mompene no na ɔyɛ ɔbarima amu</em> (let all praise him for he is a real man indeed) and other special names such as <em>ɔdenoho</em> (the affluent or independent one).</p>
<p>The male donor, female announcer gender hierarchy at funerals is another instance of gender role (re)enactment and performance. When men demonstrate economic prowess at funerals and women remain on the fringes as announcers, they are both performing and reinforcing a culturally given gender hierarchy. </p>
<h2>The burden of mourning for males and females</h2>
<p>We concluded from our findings that Akan death and mourning rituals can be culturally and psychologically oppressive against men and women. In the case of women, this is due to the unfair power hierarchy and the patriarchal nature of Ghanaian society. </p>
<p>In the case of men, the cultural expectation that they be emotionally restrained in mourning may have health and psychological consequences. These could <a href="https://www.researchgate.net/profile/Osafo-Joseph/publication/322708025_Suicide_among_men_in_Ghana_The_burden_of_masculinity/links/5b7c650d92851c1e1224e539/Suicide-among-men-in-Ghana-The-burden-of-masculinity.pdf">include</a> depression, stress and suicide. The masculine requirement for men to resist crying during bereavement leaves men to suffer alone in silence when they experience emotional pain. </p>
<p><em>Anthony Mpiani, a teaching and research assistant at the Department of Sociology at the University of Alberta in Edmonton, Canada, co-authored this article.</em></p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/212398/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>The authors do not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and have disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.</span></em></p>Gender plays a major role in how mourning is done by the Akan ethnic group of GhanaStephen Baffour Adjei, Senior Lecturer at the Department of Interdisciplinary Studies, Akenten Appiah-Menka University of Skills Training and Entrepreneurial Development Mensah Adinkrah, Professor, Sociology and Criminal Justice, Central Michigan UniversityLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/2121752023-09-01T12:43:23Z2023-09-01T12:43:23Z‘The Blind Side’ lawsuit spotlights tricky areas of family law<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/545068/original/file-20230828-244119-badfi1.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=58%2C0%2C2878%2C1890&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">Sean Tuohy, Michael Oher and Leigh Anne Touhy pose for a photo before a University of Mississippi game in 2008.</span> <span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.gettyimages.com/detail/news-photo/michael-oher-of-the-ole-miss-rebels-stands-with-his-family-news-photo/83870434">Matthew Sharpe/Getty Images</a></span></figcaption></figure><p>What’s the difference between adoption and conservatorship? Millions of dollars and the freedom to make your own choices, if you ask retired football player Michael Oher.</p>
<p>Oher, whose story was made into the 2009 movie “The Blind Side,” says he believed he <a href="https://slate.com/culture/2023/08/blind-side-michael-oher-tuohys-lawsuit-conservatorship-adoption-lies.html">signed papers to be adopted</a> by an affluent white couple, Sean and Leigh Anne Tuohy, in 2004. But papers filed in court recently indicate Oher was in fact never adopted. Rather, he has been <a href="https://www.espn.com/nfl/story/_/id/38190720/blind-side-subject-michael-oher-alleges-adoption-was-lie-family-took-all-film-proceeds">under a court-imposed conservatorship</a> all this time. Further, it is alleged that the <a href="https://www.espn.com/nfl/story/_/id/38190720/blind-side-subject-michael-oher-alleges-adoption-was-lie-family-took-all-film-proceeds">arrangement allowed the Tuohys</a> to “gain financial advantages” by striking deals in Oher’s name.</p>
<p>The Tuohys’ attorneys have <a href="https://apnews.com/article/nfl-michael-oher-tuohys-blind-side-movie-1bebe2ba9ee2ba60ac806dabab4f6d4c">pushed back</a>, saying that Oher had long known he wasn’t formally adopted and that the <a href="https://people.com/blind-side-sean-tuohy-speaks-out-about-michael-oher-legal-petition-7643431">conservatorship was necessary</a> for his college football aspirations. Their current attorney has also said he believes the long timeline for getting an adoption – compared with the <a href="https://sports.yahoo.com/blind-side-controversy-why-the-tuohys-sought-a-conservatorship-over-adoption-for-michael-oher-141415218.html">relatively speedy</a> conservatorship process – played a role in their decision.</p>
<p>As the high-profile legal drama <a href="https://variety.com/2023/film/news/the-blind-side-controversy-producers-respond-michael-oher-1235704029/">continues to unfold</a>, Leigh Anne Tuohy’s <a href="https://perma.cc/2DVP-GSBR">personal website</a> still describes Michael Oher as the couple’s “adopted son.”</p>
<figure>
<iframe width="440" height="260" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/gvqj_Tk_kuM?wmode=transparent&start=0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen=""></iframe>
</figure>
<p>As a <a href="https://www.law.virginia.edu/faculty/profile/nrc8g/2915359">law school professor</a> who teaches trusts and estates as well as family law, I have been intrigued by the precise connections between the Tuohys and Oher. A conservatorship and an adoption are two very different legal proceedings, and the resulting relationships are entirely distinct. </p>
<h2>What is a conservatorship?</h2>
<p>Conservatorships are legal mechanisms to help people who can’t care for themselves or their finances – for example, due to <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2021/aug/18/britney-spears-case-guardianship-laws">advanced dementia</a>. They’re typically <a href="https://www.npr.org/2021/06/24/1009726455/britney-spears-conservatorship-how-thats-supposed-to-work">not for</a> people like Oher who have been signing their own contracts or writing their own books. The goal is to protect a vulnerable person’s well-being and their assets from being misused. Another recent conservatorship in the news, that of <a href="https://theconversation.com/why-conservatorships-like-the-one-controlling-britney-spears-can-lead-to-abuse-164617">Britney Spears</a>, was also the subject of contentious legal proceedings, although the conservator in that case was her father. </p>
<p>Adoption is a different legal process that results in a new parent-child relationship. Parents have certain rights and responsibilities for their children, but once a child turns 18 – regardless of whether they are adopted – they are legal adults: They can make their own medical decisions, enter into their own contracts and get married without any parental involvement. People in conservatorships don’t typically have the same kind of freedom.</p>
<p>In Tennessee, where the Tuohys live, parents are not required to support their children once they <a href="https://law.justia.com/codes/tennessee/2021/title-34/chapter-1/section-34-1-102/">graduate from high school</a>. But the existence of a parent-child relationship remains meaningful even after a child turns 18. For example, parents and children may have <a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2023/08/26/opinion/i-have-a-pretty-good-idea-why-michael-oher-is-angry.html">legal inheritance rights</a>, or children may be required to <a href="https://www.dallasnews.com/sponsored/2022/08/28/the-parent-trap-filial-responsibility-laws-cause-financial-havoc-for-children/">pay for a parent’s necessities</a>.</p>
<p>The Tuohys say they were told that they <a href="https://people.com/blind-side-sean-tuohy-speaks-out-about-michael-oher-legal-petition-7643431">couldn’t adopt an adult</a>. But under Tennessee law, as in <a href="https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubPDFs/parties.pdf">many other states</a>, adoption can take place at any age. To be sure, in Tennessee, anyone 14 or older <a href="https://codes.findlaw.com/tn/title-36-domestic-relations/tn-code-sect-36-1-117/">needs to consent for the adoption to take place</a>. So Oher would have had to agree – which he says he thought he did. </p>
<p>In addition, adoption <a href="https://codes.findlaw.com/tn/title-36-domestic-relations/tn-code-sect-36-1-117/">typically requires</a> <a href="https://www.findlaw.com/family/adoption/who-may-be-adopted.html">ending the rights of the birth parents</a>, which can be done either voluntarily or through a termination hearing. So even though Oher was over 18, the Tuohys could have adopted him – but that probably would have required ending the parental rights of Denise Oher, Michael Oher’s mother.</p>
<h2>Tuohys’ relationship to Oher</h2>
<p>The Tuohys didn’t file for adoption. Rather, they asked a court to appoint them Oher’s conservators, which it did.</p>
<p><a href="https://theconversation.com/why-conservatorships-like-the-one-controlling-britney-spears-can-lead-to-abuse-164617">Only a court</a> can impose a conservatorship, and only a court can terminate one. A handful of states explicitly allow for a “<a href="https://www.americanbar.org/groups/law_aging/publications/bifocal/vol-42/vol--42-issue-2--november-december-2020-/voluntary-guardianships--a-primer-on-states-guidance/">voluntary</a>” conservatorship – that is, one to which the person subject to the conservatorship agrees. Others, including Tennessee, <a href="https://heinonline-org.proxy1.library.virginia.edu/HOL/Page?handle=hein.journals/umem36&id=499&collection=journals&index=journals/umem">seem to allow that</a> implicitly, providing for <a href="https://law.justia.com/codes/tennessee/2010/title-34/chapter-1/34-1-107">special procedures</a> when the person joins the petition. </p>
<p>That appears to be what happened with Oher: He <a href="https://documents.shelbycountytn.gov/ProbateCourtDocuments/viewdoc.aspx?id=11">joined</a> in the request for a conservatorship, and so did his birth mother. At issue is whether he knew he was doing so.</p>
<p>Although <a href="https://thehill.com/opinion/judiciary/4164229-michael-ohers-shockingly-unnecessary-conservatorship-exposes-court-failures/">Tennessee law</a> requires that the court find an individual “<a href="https://law.justia.com/codes/tennessee/2010/title-34/chapter-1/34-1-126">fully or partially disabled and … in need of assistance”</a> before issuing the order on conservatorship, there do not seem to have been <a href="https://www.washingtonpost.com/sports/2023/08/25/blind-side-controversy/">any claims</a> that Oher could not manage his own finances, health or living situation. The court apparently found that it was in Oher’s “<a href="https://sports.yahoo.com/michael-oher-conservatorship-unlike-legal-141712383.html#:%7E:text=Judge%20Robert%20Benham%20noted%20in,in%20Oher's%20%E2%80%9Cbest%20interest.%E2%80%9D">best interest</a>.” </p>
<p>Nonetheless, the Tuohys were apparently given authority to act on behalf of Oher. Although they were appointed “<a href="https://www.caregiver.org/resource/conservatorship-and-guardianship/">conservators of the person</a>,” which typically does not include control over finances, they were also given authority to approve <a href="https://documents.shelbycountytn.gov/ProbateCourtDocuments/viewdoc.aspx?id=11%20NOTE%20THIS%20LINK%20DOES%20NOT%20WORK%20-%20how%20about%20this?%20%20https://www.vulture.com/article/blind-side-michael-oher-conservatorship-lawsuit-explained.html%22%22">any contract that Oher wished to sign</a>. It’s unclear just what financial arrangements they undertook, <a href="https://www.washingtonpost.com/sports/2023/08/25/blind-side-controversy/">other than those</a> that Oher alleges related to “The Blind Side” – he claims that a deal saw the Tuohys receive <a href="https://www.espn.com/nfl/story/_/id/38190720/blind-side-subject-michael-oher-alleges-adoption-was-lie-family-took-all-film-proceeds">millions of dollars in royalties</a> from the film. An attorney for the Tuohys <a href="https://people.com/tuohy-family-claims-blind-side-subject-michael-oher-attempted-15-million-shakedown-7643878">strongly denied</a> exploiting Oher, describing the lawsuit as a “shakedown”; they are reportedly preparing a legal response.</p>
<h2>Little oversight</h2>
<p>Conservatorships – also called guardianships in some states – can be useful to help people who cannot make their own decisions. Even then, to protect the individual’s autonomy, states typically require that conservators be given the least amount of power possible. </p>
<p>But there is typically <a href="https://time.com/6075859/britney-spears-conservatorship-disability/">very little oversight</a> over conservatorships. Generally, a conservator is supposed to provide an annual report to the court. Under-resourced courts, however, may not be able to monitor the guardianship. It isn’t even clear how many conservatorships exist in the U.S., due to <a href="https://www.eldersandcourts.org/guardianship_conservatorship/general-information/basics/data">uneven record-keeping</a>.</p>
<p>There are alternatives to guardianships. In advance of any incapacity, an individual can designate a trusted person, known as an “agent,” to act on their behalf through advance medical directives or financial powers of attorney. Another option is supported decision-making, in which the individual retains decision-making authority but receives help <a href="https://thearctennesse.wpengine.com/supported-decision-making-sdm-lev3/">from other people</a>. These arrangements can be informal or <a href="https://supporteddecisionmaking.org/faq/">written as contracts</a>.</p>
<h2>Oher’s options</h2>
<p>Oher has already asked the court to compel the Tuohys to stop using his name and image, to provide an accounting of – and an end to – the conservatorship, and to return any money which should have been paid to Oher. He is seeking information about his school records and any <a href="https://www.tennessean.com/story/news/2023/08/30/oher-seeks-blind-side-payment-information-in-conservatorship-battle/70717241007/">contracts related to the movie</a>. Outside of the conservatorship system, Oher could sue for damages in the event of any breach of fiduciary duty or fraud.</p>
<p>When all the smoke is cleared, maybe Oher can persuade Hollywood to make a sequel to “The Blind Side” about his struggle with the conservatorship system.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/212175/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Naomi Cahn does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organization that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.</span></em></p>Two very distinct legal processes are at issue in the Michael Oher case.Naomi Cahn, Professor of Law, University of VirginiaLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/1807152023-08-18T13:30:45Z2023-08-18T13:30:45ZHow the tourism industry – and other travellers – can help families of autistic children get the break they deserve<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/543246/original/file-20230817-17-qp0zf3.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=100%2C84%2C5506%2C3648&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">
</span> <span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.shutterstock.com/image-photo/happy-family-jumping-together-on-beach-286469927">Tom Wang/Shutterstock</a></span></figcaption></figure><p>Going on a family holiday is <a href="https://www.researchgate.net/publication/261216568_Backer_E_Schanzel_H_2012_The_stress_of_the_family_holiday_in_H_Schanzel_I_Yeoman_E_Backer_Eds_Family_Tourism_Multi_Disciplinary_Perspectives_Channel_View_Publications">not always a relaxing</a> experience. It can involve traffic jams, airport queues and stress. Even so, most of us look forward to going away for the change of scenery and break from our everyday routines. </p>
<p>For autistic children, though, these changes in environment and routine can be <a href="https://www.researchgate.net/publication/269983758_Holiday_What_Holiday_Vacation_Experiences_of_Children_with_Autism_and_Their_Families">difficult to cope with</a>. And <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/13683500.2023.2233040">our research</a> suggests that this can make their family holidays extremely fraught affairs.</p>
<p>Some of the British parents we spoke to said the challenges of taking their autistic children away on holiday were so great that they would only go on short trips (35% only ever spent one or two nights away). Many did their best to avoid peak travel times and other situations in which their child might become overstimulated. </p>
<p>A large majority (over 80%) only ever took their holidays in the UK, rather than going abroad. Some said they chose not to go away on holiday at all, and took day trips instead to avoid overnight stays.</p>
<p>Many told us that having an autistic child had a significant effect on when, where and how they took family holidays. One parent commented: “I need a holiday myself by the time I get back from having my son full-time on my own.” </p>
<p>Another said their latest holiday was so “traumatic [that it] made us cancel a future holiday and put us off trying to go again”.</p>
<h2>Reactions of other holidaymakers</h2>
<p>Overall, our research found several common reasons why parents found it difficult to take their autistic children away on a family holiday. We were surprised to learn that the biggest factor was the reactions of other holidaymakers to their child’s behaviour. </p>
<p>Autistic children can often <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177/1362361311431703">become anxious</a> when they encounter new and unfamiliar stimuli, which of course come thick and fast on holiday. And when an autistic child becomes overwhelmed by anxiety, they may become visibly upset or engage in something known as <a href="https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/behaviour/stimming/all-audiences">self-stimulating behaviour</a>, or “<a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/1362361319829628">stimming</a>”, which can involve things like rocking in a seat, flapping hands, banging toys together, or pacing up and down.</p>
<p>Some parents (from a sample of 295 families with autistic children) told us this was often interpreted by others as “bad behaviour”, and that they felt judged for not being able to control their offspring. </p>
<p>Nearly half of the parents in our survey considered interactions with other holidaymakers to be a difficult aspect of travelling with an autistic child. Many of these said that other holidaymakers seemed to lack understanding or empathy for their child’s condition. Some would glare, while others even scolded the child themselves. </p>
<h2>Avoiding triggers</h2>
<p>Going on excursions or to events was another stressful part of holidays, according to our survey participants. Many chose to avoid them and stay close to their accommodation throughout their trip.</p>
<figure class="align-center ">
<img alt="A busy airport." src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/543249/original/file-20230817-15-mn73ah.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/543249/original/file-20230817-15-mn73ah.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=399&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/543249/original/file-20230817-15-mn73ah.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=399&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/543249/original/file-20230817-15-mn73ah.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=399&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/543249/original/file-20230817-15-mn73ah.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=501&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/543249/original/file-20230817-15-mn73ah.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=501&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/543249/original/file-20230817-15-mn73ah.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=501&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px">
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">Busy airports can be overwhelming.</span>
<span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.shutterstock.com/image-photo/manchester-uk-25-august-2018-chaos-1163899090">RootsShoots/Shutterstock</a></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>But this then raised another issue which came up frequently – how to
entertain an autistic child’s siblings. Some autistic children, for example, can be sensitive to loud noises, bright lights and strong smells – which may well feature in the kinds of places their siblings find exciting and want to visit. As one mother explained: “The holiday is supposed to be for the whole family, but my whole time is spent calming and attending to my autistic daughter due to her heightened struggles on holiday. My younger child and other family members do not have the holiday [they expect to have].”</p>
<p>Parents also mentioned that while the travel industry as a whole seems to have made significant gains in terms of meeting the needs of people with mobility issues, those with other needs are poorly served by comparison. </p>
<p>Some said that things like quiet spaces at airports or fast-track queues at amusement parks would be extremely helpful. Alternative ideas included the provision of noise-cancelling headphones on flights, and <a href="https://pure.york.ac.uk/portal/en/publications/weighted-blankets-and-sleep-in-autistic-children-a-randomized-con">weighted blankets</a> and blackout blinds in hotels. </p>
<p>Other holidaymakers can also do a lot to help. As fellow travellers, and often fellow parents, we need to be more aware of the challenges that taking an autistic child on holiday can involve. </p>
<p>Our research strongly suggests that a more tolerant attitude towards the behaviour of autistic children, and a greater degree of empathy with their parents, would go a long way to helping the whole family get the break they deserve.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/180715/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>The Family Fund - gave advice with respect to accessing participants and shared our questionnaire with their networks</span></em></p><p class="fine-print"><em><span>Brian Garrod and Raphaela Stadler do not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and have disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.</span></em></p>New research suggests many families of autistic children are reluctant to travel.Brian Garrod, Professor of Marketing, Swansea UniversityAllan Jepson, Senior Lecturer and Researcher, University of HertfordshireRaphaela Stadler, Associate Professor for Tourism and Event Management, MCI Management Center InnsbruckLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/1994202023-08-01T05:59:36Z2023-08-01T05:59:36ZIs equality compatible with the nuclear family? Alva Gotby proposes a radical politics of friendship<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/533955/original/file-20230626-74220-ey31e1.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=0%2C11%2C3911%2C2781&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">
</span> <span class="attribution"><span class="source">Craig Addlerley/Pexels</span>, <a class="license" href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/">CC BY</a></span></figcaption></figure><p>Love is usually framed as romantic and desirable: an intimate connection that’s its own reward. That justifies, perhaps, the toil and hard work that make up much of our lives. But it also disguises how much love is also work: a labour performed disproportionately by women. </p>
<p>Alva Gotby’s <a href="https://www.booktopia.com.au/they-call-it-love-alva-gotby/book/9781839767036.html?gclid=CjwKCAjwvdajBhBEEiwAeMh1UzzPQWlIF6ATgWXJcDc0fibEryZLCn-m1Rqq3AdHShOopTDX-MMapBoCZ9sQAvD_BwE">They Call it Love</a> is a timely reminder of one of the more invisible gender inequalities – the difference in emotional and intimate care work performed by men and women within heterosexual households. </p>
<p>Acts like comforting a family member or friend, soothing children or providing company for the elderly are all labours of love – but they’re not given or received equally.</p>
<hr>
<p><em>Review: They Call it Love: The Politics of Emotional Life – Alva Gotby (Verso)</em></p>
<hr>
<p>Gotby’s book is a fascinating account of how this makes women subordinate carers (or apologist secondary co-workers) within nuclear families. </p>
<p>She crusades to unmask the “naturalness of feminine care” – and to expose care inequalities and incite political awareness. She encourages women to refuse labour and even suggests abolishing the nuclear family. </p>
<p>I personally found her account of women’s agency and men’s emotional complexity limited at times. And the book sometimes lacks the evidence to fully support its claims. But it also has a lot to offer.</p>
<figure class="align-center zoomable">
<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/533927/original/file-20230626-61110-lds4rx.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/533927/original/file-20230626-61110-lds4rx.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/533927/original/file-20230626-61110-lds4rx.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=401&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/533927/original/file-20230626-61110-lds4rx.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=401&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/533927/original/file-20230626-61110-lds4rx.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=401&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/533927/original/file-20230626-61110-lds4rx.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/533927/original/file-20230626-61110-lds4rx.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/533927/original/file-20230626-61110-lds4rx.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">Alva Gotby’s book suggests abolishing the nuclear family.</span>
<span class="attribution"><span class="source">Emma Bausco/Pexels</span>, <a class="license" href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/">CC BY</a></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>Gotby critiques the work we do creating “good feelings” for ourselves and others. She employs sociologist Arlie Hochschild’s concept of <a href="https://www.sagepub.com/sites/default/files/upm-binaries/13293_Chapter4_Web_Byte_Arlie_Russell_Hochschild.pdf">emotion management</a>: women are still required to perform more <a href="https://www.sagepub.com/sites/default/files/upm-binaries/13293_Chapter4_Web_Byte_Arlie_Russell_Hochschild.pdf">emotion work</a> for children and partners in heterosexual nuclear families – and <a href="https://theconversation.com/what-is-emotional-labour-and-how-do-we-get-it-wrong-185773">emotional labour</a> for clients and colleagues in the workforce. </p>
<p>And she draws on domestic labour theorist <a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2021/02/17/magazine/waged-housework.html">Silvia Federici’s</a> ideas of “reproductive labour” – the care work we do to sustain ourselves and others – to describe how care work is cast as “naturalised” and innately feminine. (And how it’s undervalued as a form of labour.)</p>
<p>Gotby combines these ideas to develop the concept of “emotional reproduction”: how the capitalist need for cheap (or unpaid) care labour relegates women and mothers to continuing the performance of excessive, unpaid emotional and other care work. </p>
<p>This frees men to do more paid work and models conventional gender roles for children – reproducing the gendered order of society. As Gotby reflects:</p>
<blockquote>
<p>Love can thus be used to extract an ongoing, infinite amount of labour – a work relationship that may stretch over a whole lifetime. </p>
</blockquote>
<h2>Class and ‘emotional elites’</h2>
<p>Modern bourgeois notions have seen the nuclear family “monopolise care”. Alternative forms of attachment have been discredited, while children’s emotional needs have expanded – so, the care required from mothers has intensified. </p>
<p>In the 1970s and 80s, Hochschild <a href="https://www.jstor.org/stable/2778583">observed</a> that middle-class children were raised to become managers (by appreciating and instrumentalising feelings), while working-class children were raised to become factory workers (by respecting discipline and authority). </p>
<p>Now, argues Gotby, working-class children destined for the service economy also need to learn and deploy emotional skills. However, these emotional skills are still largely about deference.</p>
<figure class="align-center zoomable">
<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/533923/original/file-20230626-130650-fvy3b5.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/533923/original/file-20230626-130650-fvy3b5.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/533923/original/file-20230626-130650-fvy3b5.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/533923/original/file-20230626-130650-fvy3b5.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/533923/original/file-20230626-130650-fvy3b5.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/533923/original/file-20230626-130650-fvy3b5.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/533923/original/file-20230626-130650-fvy3b5.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/533923/original/file-20230626-130650-fvy3b5.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">Working-class children need to learn deferential emotional skills to work in the service economy.</span>
<span class="attribution"><span class="source">Andrea Piacquadio/Pexels</span>, <a class="license" href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/">CC BY</a></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>My recent work on the emergence of “<a href="https://www.cambridge.org/core/books/abs/dystopian-emotions/new-economy-and-the-privilege-of-feeling-towards-a-theory-of-emotional-structuration/A45448C6E34093776EE5CEDFC82FAD9D">emotional elites</a>” reflects these fascinating distinctions, too. Emotional elites include bosses, managers, owners – people with resources and privilege who can displace their emotional difficulties onto others. </p>
<p>They are served by an “emotional precariat” of workers employed in the service economy. Some perform from scripts (like sales pitches). Others are recruited based on gendered and racialised assumptions they will form a “naturally caring” workforce. This was reflected <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/09502386.2017.1303426">in a study</a> of Filipino call centre workers.</p>
<p>“Emotional intermediaries” mediate between these groups. These include professional care and education workers (like nurses and teachers) and those paid to manage what <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Outsourced-Self-Intimate-Market-Times/dp/080508889X">Hochschild calls “outsourced emotions”</a>, like wedding planners and love coaches. </p>
<p>They also include middle managers whose jobs include sustaining and protecting their bosses’ emotions, as demonstrated in <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0730888400027001003?journalCode=woxb">Katherine Lively’s</a> study into how female paralegals show emotional deference to male attorneys. </p>
<hr>
<p>
<em>
<strong>
Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/what-is-emotional-labour-and-how-do-we-get-it-wrong-185773">What is emotional labour - and how do we get it wrong?</a>
</strong>
</em>
</p>
<hr>
<h2>Invisible work, female anger</h2>
<p>Gotby argues that the capitalist economy relies on invisible reproductive work to survive. Care work is not fully recognised, valued or integrated by the formal economy. Groups more likely to perform this informal labour, such as women and migrants, are especially negatively impacted.</p>
<p>Gotby advocates resistance and suggests a range of strategies. She urges women to appropriately label care as work, withdraw their labour and refuse to reproduce. She criticises poor or punitive state support for child care, reproductive services, community housing, healthcare and support care workers.</p>
<p>There are “rewards for those who do gender well, in particular for white, bourgeois, heterosexual women,” Gotby writes. Queer sexualities, on the other hand, are often punished. </p>
<p>She claims heterosexual women are still bound to underpaid or unwaged care work, while men exaggerate “emotional ineptness” to avoid it. Women “participate in their own exploitation”, by investing in heterosexual love and performing emotional labour that enhances their partner’s or co-worker’s status over their own. </p>
<figure class="align-center zoomable">
<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/533924/original/file-20230626-29-68wsem.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/533924/original/file-20230626-29-68wsem.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/533924/original/file-20230626-29-68wsem.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/533924/original/file-20230626-29-68wsem.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/533924/original/file-20230626-29-68wsem.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/533924/original/file-20230626-29-68wsem.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/533924/original/file-20230626-29-68wsem.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/533924/original/file-20230626-29-68wsem.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">Heterosexual women are still bound to unwaged care work.</span>
<span class="attribution"><span class="source">Tima Miroshnichenko/Pexels</span>, <a class="license" href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/">CC BY</a></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>She also points to the gendering of anger. For men, it’s fleeting, situational and conviction-based. But for women, it reflects weakness, flaws and excessive emotion: </p>
<blockquote>
<p>feminised workers are mainly made to absorb anger and frustration […] masculinity, on the other hand, works through the displacement of anger onto others.</p>
</blockquote>
<p>Women are required to be flexible and compliant, she writes. In the workforce, they must be distant from reproductive duties and feminine; they must absorb unwanted emotions and unwaged work. They are even pressured to enjoy this labour.</p>
<p>But what about feminists who want to resist these arrangements? Gotby argues feminist movements have aimed not at fostering “better” feelings, but at mobilising feelings for liberation, refusing emotional reproduction and suppression, and broadening allowable emotions for women. </p>
<p>She champions women’s use of anger to ignite solidarity against male backlash and aggression. She advocates working with men in the broader struggle against capitalism, built on a base of organised, powerful feminist resistance. And she argues for sexual refusal and queer resistance to male sexual domination.</p>
<figure class="align-center zoomable">
<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/533928/original/file-20230626-103925-ca7ga3.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/533928/original/file-20230626-103925-ca7ga3.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/533928/original/file-20230626-103925-ca7ga3.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/533928/original/file-20230626-103925-ca7ga3.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/533928/original/file-20230626-103925-ca7ga3.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/533928/original/file-20230626-103925-ca7ga3.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/533928/original/file-20230626-103925-ca7ga3.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/533928/original/file-20230626-103925-ca7ga3.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">Alva Gotby champions women’s use of anger to ignite solidarity.</span>
<span class="attribution"><span class="source">Edmond Dante/Pexels</span>, <a class="license" href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/">CC BY</a></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<h2>Abolish it all?</h2>
<p>In her final chapter, Gotby presents her most strident and controversial claims: she argues for the abolition of the nuclear family, gender and capitalism.</p>
<p>She argues that getting men to do more childcare without challenging “the conflicting needs and contradictions within capitalism” will have limited effect. She even claims true equality is impossible within existing gendered categories: </p>
<blockquote>
<p>Sexual difference already contains a construction of hierarchy, making “gender equality” a contradiction in terms.</p>
</blockquote>
<p>She proposes denaturalising gender, “stripping bodily markers of their social significance”. This means “following black, indigenous, trans, and intersex feminists” and embracing the openness and pleasure of queer sexual identity. </p>
<p>She pushes for a “political commitment to caring for each other outside of the family” – along with a reworking of the welfare state, and social policies to decentralise the nuclear family household (providing better community and intergenerational connections). </p>
<p>And she calls for support for activist groups that provide care and political support for criminal, queer, trans and migrant people – and actively resist harmful social norms. </p>
<p>Finally, she calls for a radical politics of friendship: prioritising friendship connections, making them much more intimate. Ultimately, she wants to reclaim love by transcending the nuclear family in favour of solidarity.</p>
<figure class="align-center zoomable">
<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/533951/original/file-20230626-5608-e8fwl4.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/533951/original/file-20230626-5608-e8fwl4.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/533951/original/file-20230626-5608-e8fwl4.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=397&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/533951/original/file-20230626-5608-e8fwl4.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=397&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/533951/original/file-20230626-5608-e8fwl4.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=397&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/533951/original/file-20230626-5608-e8fwl4.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=499&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/533951/original/file-20230626-5608-e8fwl4.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=499&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/533951/original/file-20230626-5608-e8fwl4.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=499&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">Alva Gotby calls for support for activist groups that provide care and political support for criminal, queer, trans and migrant people.</span>
<span class="attribution"><span class="source">Jeff Sof/Pexels</span>, <a class="license" href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/">CC BY</a></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<h2>A convincing call to arms?</h2>
<p>The book advocates big changes. However, the call is muted (or perhaps rendered premature) by several important limitations. </p>
<p>Gotby’s idea of emotional reproduction mirrors – but does not engage with – the idea of <a href="https://philpapers.org/rec/COTTEC">emotional capital</a>, which argues the capacity to manage emotions is learned, not innate. Conceiving of emotional care work as “capital”, which can be learned, allows for change.</p>
<p>For example, <a href="https://philpapers.org/rec/COTTEC">men can learn</a> caring skills in teaching and nursing work – albeit with greater difficulty, later in their lives. The ebb and flow of emotional capital allows for emotional winners and losers to emerge, beyond Gotby’s conventional male-oppressor and female-oppressed binary. </p>
<figure class="align-center zoomable">
<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/533926/original/file-20230626-154331-h49d2i.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/533926/original/file-20230626-154331-h49d2i.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/533926/original/file-20230626-154331-h49d2i.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=401&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/533926/original/file-20230626-154331-h49d2i.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=401&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/533926/original/file-20230626-154331-h49d2i.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=401&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/533926/original/file-20230626-154331-h49d2i.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/533926/original/file-20230626-154331-h49d2i.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/533926/original/file-20230626-154331-h49d2i.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
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<span class="caption">Men can learn caring skills in the context of teaching and nursing jobs.</span>
<span class="attribution"><span class="source">Anastasia Shuraeva/Pexels</span>, <a class="license" href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/">CC BY</a></span>
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<p>This exemplifies a second problem. Gotby’s strong critical feminist Marxist position risks inflexibility – and a degree of highly gendered structural determinism. By erasing the possibility women can experience authentic feelings of love and care in heterosexual nuclear families, uncorrupted by gender exploitation, Gotby undervalues existing intimacies.</p>
<p><a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/0950017003017002004">Bolton and Boyd</a> demonstrate how workers can participate in emotional labour while knowingly and willingly finding it enjoyable. Women’s agency to avoid or resist exploitation – and men’s agency to become involved in care work – is underplayed throughout the book.</p>
<p>A third problem is that this largely theoretical book lacks contemporary empirical data to back up its many assertions, or demonstrate their continued relevance. </p>
<p>It fails to include contrary empirical findings, such as studies that show couples who endorse egalitarian over essentialist gender beliefs have <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/00224545.2021.1983508">more equal involvement in childcare and housework</a>. Including recent data about women’s ongoing exploitation and men’s lack of emotional effort would give greater weight to many of Gotby’s claims.</p>
<p>A fourth problem, connected to all those raised above, is the unsubtle way the book represents men and masculinity. It relies too often on a standardised depiction of middle-class white men as ubiquitous, unconscious, privileged recipients of care. </p>
<p>It doesn’t account for the nuance in men’s emotions. Australian <a href="https://ro.uow.edu.au/lhapapers/3136/">survey data</a> shows that – contrary to classic depictions of unfeeling male stoicism – men experience a complex range of emotions. These include feelings of care, concern and sympathy with family and childcare. </p>
<p>Gotby’s work also fails to encompass emotional work performed by different types of men, based on characteristics such as social class, age or cultural background. And it doesn’t account enough for shifts in men’s housework and care work. Studies have shown <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2020/jun/17/gender-roles-parenting-housework-coronavirus-pandemic#:%7E:text=Since%201965%2C%20fathers%20have%20nearly,they%20have%20no%20other%20choice.">men increased their domestic work contribution during COVID</a>, and <a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s11113-022-09735-1">maintained higher levels of childcare</a> in the immediate aftermath. </p>
<p>These problems undermine Gotby’s powerful call to end the nuclear family altogether.</p>
<figure class="align-right zoomable">
<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/533932/original/file-20230626-103925-46jrob.jpeg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/533932/original/file-20230626-103925-46jrob.jpeg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=237&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/533932/original/file-20230626-103925-46jrob.jpeg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=907&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/533932/original/file-20230626-103925-46jrob.jpeg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=907&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/533932/original/file-20230626-103925-46jrob.jpeg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=907&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/533932/original/file-20230626-103925-46jrob.jpeg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=1140&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/533932/original/file-20230626-103925-46jrob.jpeg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=1140&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/533932/original/file-20230626-103925-46jrob.jpeg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=1140&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
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<p>The book nonetheless has much to recommend it. It helps us understand the ongoing situation faced by many women in performing unrecognised (and unpaid) care work. It clearly links private and public emotional work and labour (in a way often missing from emotion management literature) by pointing out how much the formal capitalist economy relies on informal unpaid labour and reproductive effort to sustain it. </p>
<p>And it de-naturalises and de-essentialises emotional labour and care as distinctly feminine. This opens up this space for a bigger (and welcome) role for men to take on more of it – as they can and should. </p>
<p>The book provokes and challenges, raising important questions around the future role of the family, and about the sustainability of emotional labour within a capitalist economy increasingly dominated by emotional services, concerns and requirements.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/199420/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Roger Patulny does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.</span></em></p>Alva Gotby’s book encourages women to refuse the labour of care – and even suggests abolishing the nuclear family.Roger Patulny, Affiliate Researcher, Monash UniversityLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/2086502023-07-21T12:27:32Z2023-07-21T12:27:32ZBluey teaches children and parents alike about how play supports creativity – and other life lessons<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/536621/original/file-20230710-16123-hbig7c.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">The playful Heeler family has amassed fans of all ages.</span> <span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://bbcw.box.com/s/ji22tfwxhdjokpvkmqj1w8eefn8ucmdc">Ian Kitt/BBC Studios</a></span></figcaption></figure><p><a href="https://mashable.com/article/bluey-kids-show-for-adults">Adults and kids</a> love <a href="https://www.bluey.tv/">Bluey</a>. This Australian animated show – hugely <a href="https://www.newidea.com.au/bluey-streaming">popular in the U.S.</a> as well – focuses on a family of blue heeler dogs living in Brisbane. The seven-minute episodes feature 6-year-old Bluey; her 4-year-old sister, Bingo; her mom, Chilli; and her dad, Bandit. They depict the beauty of childhood and portray the realities of being a parent in our current age. </p>
<p>As <a href="https://scholar.google.com/citations?user=0TfM-kYAAAAJ&hl=en&oi=ao">developmental scientists</a> <a href="https://sdlab.fas.harvard.edu/people/aria-gast%C3%B3n-panthaki">who study children</a> and <a href="https://scholar.google.com/citations?user=beCz8i0AAAAJ&hl=en&oi=ao">how they interact with the world</a>, we sort of adore Bluey too. </p>
<p>The show exemplifies what years of child psychology research have made clear: that <a href="https://www.doi.org/10.13140/RG.2.2.16823.01447">children learn through play</a>. Bluey illustrates a variety of age-appropriate caregiving practices that parents and caregivers can use in the everyday life of a child. Below we highlight five lessons depicted in select episodes and explain how certain scenes can provide inspiration for playful learning opportunities for all families.</p>
<h2>1. Support children’s creativity</h2>
<p>In the “<a href="https://www.bluey.tv/watch/season-3/rain/">Rain</a>” episode, Chilli and Bluey get caught in a downpour. While Mom runs inside, Bluey is thrilled to be out in the rain and begins to build a dam against the water on a walkway. When her hands can’t contain the water, she tries a variety of household objects – blocks, an umbrella, a dollhouse – to do the job. Importantly, Bluey does not give up and continues to find creative solutions to reach her goal. </p>
<p>Researchers and leaders in a variety of industries point to <a href="https://learningthroughplay.com/explore-the-research/why-creativity-matters-and-how-we-can-nurture-it">creative innovation</a> as a top skill that children will need to be successful in <a href="https://www.brookings.edu/articles/a-new-path-to-education-reform-playful-learning-promotes-21st-century-skills-in-schools-and-beyond/">tackling the upcoming challenges</a> of the 21st century. </p>
<p>Instead of stopping Bluey, Chilli recognizes how driven her daughter is to meet her goal, so she braves the rain and helps her to successfully build the dam. Chilli represents how <a href="https://www.pbs.org/parents/thrive/creative-play-the-real-work-of-childhood">caregivers can foster children’s creativity</a> by asking open-ended questions and allowing children to explore various ways of solving a problem. </p>
<h2>2. Use everyday materials for play</h2>
<p>In “<a href="https://www.bluey.tv/watch/season-2/flatpack/">Flatpack</a>,” after returning from the ready-to-assemble furniture store, Chilli and Bandit toss extra packaging from their new porch swing into the backyard. Bluey and Bingo use these items to construct a fantasy world. The girls let their imaginations take them on a journey from swimming like fish in a foam pond to hopping like frogs on a cardboard island.</p>
<p>Play experts use the term “<a href="https://extension.psu.edu/programs/betterkidcare/early-care/tip-pages/all/loose-parts-what-does-this-mean">loose parts</a>” for items without a defined play purpose that can be used in many ways and encourage children’s creativity. This episode shows Bluey and Bingo engaged in <a href="https://learningthroughplay.com/explore-the-research/engaging-young-children-in-play">free play</a> with such objects and portrays how deeply children can play even if they don’t have conventional toys or guidance from a caregiver.</p>
<figure>
<iframe width="440" height="260" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/MmuDI7lbJpk?wmode=transparent&start=0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen=""></iframe>
<figcaption><span class="caption">Bluey’s seven-minute episodes often center on the importance of play.</span></figcaption>
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<h2>3. Help kids process emotions through play</h2>
<p>Play is a natural way that children <a href="https://doi.org/10.1093/acprof:oso/9780195304381.001.0001">emotionally process</a> a variety of difficult experiences. Childhood experts emphasize that <a href="https://howtoddlersthrive.com/book/">pretend play gives children the freedom</a> to work through their fears and feelings. </p>
<p>In “<a href="https://www.bluey.tv/watch/season-1/copycat/">Copycat</a>,” Bluey and Bandit find an injured parakeet on a morning walk and take it to the vet. We then see Bluey engaged in a play scene in which she casts Bingo in the role of the parakeet and reenacts the morning. When Chilli, playing the vet, tells Bluey that Bingo is all better, Bluey protests: “No, you have to pretend it’s bad news, that the [parakeet] is dead.” Chilli seems wary to proceed but, importantly, follows her daughter’s lead in the play. </p>
<p>Similarly, in the episode “<a href="https://www.bluey.tv/watch/season-1/early-baby/">Early Baby</a>,” Bluey’s friend Indy uses play to work through a difficult life experience: having a younger sibling in a neonatal intensive care unit. In their classroom, Indy and her friends play “early baby” where they have to wash their hands before holding the baby doll and keep her in “a fish tank with holes in it” – an incubator. </p>
<h2>4. Promote multigenerational relationships</h2>
<p>These episodes explore the relationship between the girls and their grandparents. In “<a href="https://www.bluey.tv/watch/season-1/grannies/">Grannies</a>,” Bluey and Bingo are dressed up as grannies in search of a can of beans. After raiding the cabinets, Bluey scolds a dancing Bingo because “grannies can’t floss!” The girls argue and settle the debate by video chatting with Nana, learning she indeed cannot do the <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Kj3wWKjMSQ">popular dance</a>. When Bingo gets upset, Bluey helps Nana learn to floss by guiding her through the dance moves over video chat. </p>
<p>In “<a href="https://www.bluey.tv/watch/season-3/phones/">Phones</a>,” the girls teach Grandad about growing up in a digital world by creating fake smartphones with cardboard and crayons. They show Grandad how to navigate various apps to order food. Armed with his own crayon and a stuffed crocodile, Grandad sneaks the croc into Bingo’s basket and creates a “Croc Catcher” app for the girls to call for his assistance.</p>
<p>Research shows that strong relationships <a href="https://doi.org/10.1093/geront/gnu056">between grandparents and children</a> <a href="https://doi.org/10.1016/j.evolhumbehav.2016.11.010">benefit both generations</a>. Grandparents teach children about their family’s history while children bring grandparents up to speed with the modern world. A recent study of grandparents found that <a href="https://doi.org/10.1002/hbe2.268">video chat enables this bonding between generations</a>, and the “Phones” episode shows this when Nana learns how to fit herself in the video chat frame and do a new dance. While Grandad is initially baffled by using apps for everything, the girls help him navigate this modern convenience through play. </p>
<h2>5. Foster self-regulation</h2>
<p>The episode “<a href="https://www.bluey.tv/watch/season-1/wagon-ride/">Wagon Ride</a>” shows a common parenting scenario. Bandit encounters a friend in public and begins chatting with the friend, moving his attention away from Bluey. Bluey cannot wait any longer and interrupts her dad. Soon after, Bandit works with his daughter to establish a way she can control her impulse to interrupt him while also feeling acknowledged by her father: Whenever Bluey wants to get her dad’s attention, she can place her hand on his arm, and he’ll place his hand over hers to acknowledge that he knows she’s waiting. </p>
<p>Helping a child develop <a href="https://developingchild.harvard.edu/science/key-concepts/executive-function/">self-regulation skills</a> like the ability to wait patiently is important, as such skills predict many <a href="https://doi.org/10.1073/pnas.1019725108">positive lifelong outcomes</a>. Higher levels of self-regulation ability are often tied to <a href="https://doi.org/10.1016/j.bpsc.2018.06.011">better mental health</a> and <a href="https://doi.org/10.1080/00220671.2014.979913">academic performance</a>. Bandit exemplifies how caregivers can help build their child’s self-regulation ability by <a href="https://developingchild.harvard.edu/resources/activities-guide-enhancing-and-practicing-executive-function-skills-with-children-from-infancy-to-adolescence/">trying to make it fun</a>.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/208650/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>The authors do not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organization that would benefit from this article, and have disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.</span></em></p>The seven-minute episodes show characters dealing with difficult emotions like fear and grief through play.Molly Scott, Research Scientist in Playful Learning, Temple UniversityAria Gastón-Panthaki, Research Coordinator for Children's Development, Harvard UniversityDouglas Piper, Ph.D. Student in Psychology, Georgetown UniversityLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/2088472023-07-10T20:10:04Z2023-07-10T20:10:04Z‘Just leave me alone!’ Why staying connected to your teenager is tricky but important<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/536234/original/file-20230707-25-jfe2e4.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=18%2C18%2C6093%2C4050&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">
</span> <span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.shutterstock.com/image-photo/caring-young-mother-comforting-sad-crying-1701862408">Shutterstock</a></span></figcaption></figure><p>Parenting teenagers can feel daunting. With <a href="https://www.aihw.gov.au/reports/children-youth/health-of-young-people">high rates</a> of youth mental health diagnoses and persistent messages about adolescents’ desire for independence, parents and carers are searching for ways to support their kids and have a relationship with them.</p>
<p>Family connectedness – the sense of belonging and closeness that can be present in families of all shapes and sizes – can <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/nuf.12404?casa_token=D2zOD33NnbcAAAAA%3AJcoJWDSHkTsIi4kl8lPVDgserRetCCqx8TU0clckJiP2SOZUhP1Z1qm3L4dgSp21oWfrAl6Q4bZ7nLa1">protect</a> young people’s wellbeing and mental health. </p>
<p>Feeling connected to family can <a href="https://academic.oup.com/bjsw/article/52/6/3130/6444177">provide</a> a stable foundation for positive development and building a sense of self. Family connection helps young people feel secure and supported at home as they cope with the changes of adolescence and explore the world and relationships around them. </p>
<p>But it’s not always easy to foster when the teenager in your life says they want you to leave them alone. Here are some ideas to try. </p>
<h2>Pushing away but wanting connection</h2>
<p><a href="https://academic.oup.com/bjsw/article-abstract/48/3/693/3852230">Our previous research</a> involved interviews with young people, who told us that although their words and actions sometimes push relatives away, they need and value time with family much more than we might realise. </p>
<p>Similar <a href="https://raisingchildren.net.au/pre-teens/communicating-relationships/family-relationships/relationships-with-parents-teens">research</a> suggests young people still want family involvement, despite sometimes sending mixed messages. In 2020, 80% of 15–to-19 year olds <a href="https://www.missionaustralia.com.au/publications/youth-survey?limit=20&limitstart=20">surveyed</a> rated family relationships as very or extremely important. </p>
<p>Here’s what young people told us they wanted family to do.</p>
<h2>1. Be present in their lives</h2>
<p>Time with family members is important to young people. Connections are built by being engaged with your teenagers during the mundanity of life – while washing the dishes together, sharing meals or driving places. </p>
<p>Young people need to see you are genuinely interested in their lives. Ask open-ended questions and remember the important things they tell you. A good first step is <a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2022/08/24/well/family/reconnect-parents-teens.html">putting away your phone</a> – yep, just like we keep telling them to.</p>
<p>Do not assume changes in their mood are just due to hormones or <a href="https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20220823-what-really-goes-on-in-teens-brains">neurological shifts</a>. Teenagers in our research told us sometimes they hide away in their bedrooms because their parents are focused on work and not mentally present to connect with. </p>
<p>When life gets busy, be explicit that you value time with them and want more of it. </p>
<p>If you are not living with your young person, showing a consistent interest in their lives is crucial to maintaining your connection. </p>
<h2>2. Share in each other’s interests</h2>
<p>Common interests naturally support time together and engaged conversations. </p>
<p>Ask about the things they care about. Spend time together doing the things they enjoy – op-shopping, hiking, watching movies. Think about ways they can enjoy their interests at home – cook a meal or watch a movie together. </p>
<p><div data-react-class="InstagramEmbed" data-react-props="{"url":"https://www.instagram.com/p/CqMOrFaJagX","accessToken":"127105130696839|b4b75090c9688d81dfd245afe6052f20"}"></div></p>
<h2>3. Value them for who they are right now</h2>
<p>Young people want to feel valued as an important part of the family and have their individuality and ideas respected. </p>
<p>They are used to adult opinions being valued above their own and appreciate you taking their views seriously and being willing to change your mind.</p>
<p>Our research revealed different ways to show you respect and accept them. Young people want you to accept their friends, notice their strengths, and be trusted with subject and career choices. They definitely do not want to be compared to their siblings. </p>
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<p>
<em>
<strong>
Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/why-the-tween-years-are-a-golden-opportunity-to-set-up-the-way-you-parent-teenagers-195910">Why the tween years are a 'golden opportunity' to set up the way you parent teenagers</a>
</strong>
</em>
</p>
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<h2>4. Balance freedom and boundaries</h2>
<p>For many young people, being given independence is a sign of trust and helps them feel more connected. </p>
<p>Even young people recognise they can be given too much independence and, in the long term, see reasonable boundaries as a sign of care. </p>
<p>Negotiate fair boundaries with your young person, develop mutually agreed consequences and talk things through calmly when things do not go to plan. </p>
<figure class="align-center zoomable">
<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/536233/original/file-20230707-792-jfe2e4.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="Adult man and teenagers sitting on bridge outdoors" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/536233/original/file-20230707-792-jfe2e4.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/536233/original/file-20230707-792-jfe2e4.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/536233/original/file-20230707-792-jfe2e4.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/536233/original/file-20230707-792-jfe2e4.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/536233/original/file-20230707-792-jfe2e4.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/536233/original/file-20230707-792-jfe2e4.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/536233/original/file-20230707-792-jfe2e4.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">Doing things together is powerful.</span>
<span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.shutterstock.com/image-photo/father-son-sitting-on-bridge-forest-316375751">Shutterstock</a></span>
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<p>
<em>
<strong>
Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/teenage-brains-are-drawn-to-popular-social-media-challenges-heres-how-parents-can-get-their-kids-to-think-twice-204686">Teenage brains are drawn to popular social media challenges – here's how parents can get their kids to think twice</a>
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</em>
</p>
<hr>
<h2>You don’t have to do it alone</h2>
<p>I often hear parents express guilt about how they parent. But parents are not solely responsible for family connection. Young people and the wider family also play an important role.</p>
<p>Supportive relationships with siblings, extended family and close friends extend their network of support. You can support and encourage these relationships with others by keeping communication open and suggesting opportunities to spend time together. </p>
<hr>
<p>
<em>
<strong>
Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/how-can-i-help-my-teen-quit-vaping-201558">How can I help my teen quit vaping?</a>
</strong>
</em>
</p>
<hr>
<h2>Hang in there!</h2>
<p>Do not let your idea of adolescent independence stop you from engaging with the young people in your life – they <a href="https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20220823-what-really-goes-on-in-teens-brains">value staying connected</a> with family, even if they do not always show it. </p>
<p>Even if connections have become strained, most young people will be open to new efforts to connect. As they grow, you can think about moving towards interdependence and a more mutually supportive relationship.</p>
<p>And just like the younger stages of infancy and childhood, this too shall pass. As teenagers move towards adulthood, most young people will become clearer and more expressive about how they value you and your relationship. </p>
<p><div data-react-class="InstagramEmbed" data-react-props="{"url":"https://www.instagram.com/p/Coe0QMFA6-2/?hl=en","accessToken":"127105130696839|b4b75090c9688d81dfd245afe6052f20"}"></div></p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/208847/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Jessica Ross and Thomas Schaefer assisted with the preparation of this piece. </span></em></p>It’s not always easy to foster connection when the teenager in your life says they want you to go away. But they likely want to be closer than you think.Elise Woodman, Social Work Researcher and Lecturer, Australian Catholic UniversityLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/2073812023-06-15T09:25:13Z2023-06-15T09:25:13ZSuccession is as much about technology as it is about money, power and family<p><em>Warning: the following article contains spoilers.</em></p>
<p>Technology is key to Succession’s tale of the Roy family media dynasty, with the drama playing out on screens within the show and in the homes of the viewers beyond it.</p>
<p>The final series is no exception. This is best illustrated in episode three, Connor’s Wedding. The siblings, Kendall (Jeremy Strong), Roman (Kieran Culkin) and Shiv (Sarah Snook) – Connor (Alan Ruck), as always, is left out – find out through a phone call with Shiv’s husband Tom (Matthew Macfadyen) that their father Logan (Brian Cox) has suffered a heart attack and that they must say their goodbyes.</p>
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<p>Through technology – Roman’s iPhone and Tom’s Samsung, propped against Logan’s ear – the children share their emotional farewells. This proves one of the more emotional interactions with technology in a series otherwise littered with sterile, often absurd uses of technology. </p>
<p>This includes Kendall pinching to zoom in on a photo of his father’s will, heightening the drama as he seeks to ascertain whether his name has been underlined or crossed out as his successor.</p>
<p>And there are so many memorable tech moments. Gerri’s threat to publicly expose Roman’s “dick pics”. Kendall’s keynote at the Living Plus conference after his father’s death, where doctored footage of Logan haunts his presentation. </p>
<p>Cousin Greg (Nicholas Braun) stepping in for Tom to lay off ATN employees via Zoom with a brutal lightheartedness. Or PR executive Hugo (Fisher Stevens) being caught out chuckling at the ATN test reel of Kerry (Logan’s mistress), from behind a laptop screen. </p>
<h2>Technology and communication</h2>
<p>In the finale, scenes featuring technology operate in concert with one another. In episode five, Kill List, when the Waystar entourage travel to Norway to finalise the deal with Matsson (Alexander Skarsgård), the Swedes mock them in their native tongue, leaving them humiliated but in the dark.</p>
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<p>However, in the last episode, the tables are turned. Matsson and his sidekick are discussing Tom’s potential to replace Shiv as their future American CEO, not knowing that Greg is eavesdropping using a translation app. The tension is ramped up as Greg stares at the dot, dot, dot of the app while it translates sentence by sentence.</p>
<p>In a series where people rarely say what they think and second-guess everybody else, viewers delighted in the real time voice-to-text translation happening as the Swedes conversed. The dramatic irony is exquisite as the previous conversation, in which Tom makes his “pain sponge” pitch to Matsson, plays itself out. </p>
<p>This information bleeds into the subsequent scene in the Caribbean, where Kendall and Shiv have travelled to see Roman, who has retreated to his mother’s villa following his disastrous attempted eulogy at Logan’s funeral. Kendall receives a call from Greg confirming the intel about Shiv’s exclusion.</p>
<p>After confronting her with the news, she immediately phones Matsson, who does not answer. We listen to the dial tone in anticipation – the interface between information being passed and received, between digital and analogue, between Shiv’s potential triumph and her failure to become CEO.</p>
<p>United behind Kendall in their mission to sabotage the merger, the siblings join Connor at Logan’s apartment to claim his remaining possessions. They adjourn to a private room to review a video recording of their late father attending a dinner.</p>
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<p>A few minutes in, CFO Karl (David Rasche) sings Robert Burns’ Scottish folk melody <a href="http://www.robertburns.plus.com/greengrow.htm">Green Grow The Rashes O</a> – an aural symbol of Logan’s heritage, featured prominently in episode six of season two, Dundee. It is somewhat ironic, given Burns’ song’s message is that men who live only to pursue money and status do not live happy lives.</p>
<p>“You’re butchering it”, barks Logan across the table, as the camera pans to him and then back to Karl, capturing the Scotman’s emotional response in handheld camera work reminiscent of the footage of the opening credit sequence.</p>
<p>Teary-eyed, his children watch on. It’s an interface with the past, with the deceased, through a screen in a moment of nostalgia, reflection, commemoration and memory – for the characters and audiences alike.</p>
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<p>
<em>
<strong>
Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/succession-and-scotland-logan-roy-and-the-art-of-nation-branding-204962">Succession and Scotland: Logan Roy and the art of 'nation branding'</a>
</strong>
</em>
</p>
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<h2>Succession’s digital culture</h2>
<p>Every episode of Succssion has moments depicting characters interacting with technology such as these. And while technology is, from the start, both the narrative subject and a means of communication, it also plays a key role in forging and involving an online community of fans.</p>
<p>Succession’s digital culture is rife, evidenced by the 89,000 followers of <a href="https://instagram.com/kendallroylookingsad?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==">@kendallroylookingsad</a> on Instagram, viral fan theories on TikTok (such as @gigiontherun’s 2021 <a href="https://www.businessinsider.com/succession-characters-tom-use-samsung-iphone-android-fan-theories-finale-2023-5?r=US&IR=T#:%7E:text=Some%20%22Succession%22%20viewers%20on%20Reddit,in%20the%20show%27s%20final%20season.">iPhone theory</a>), the analysis of the <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/SuccessionTV/comments/12i5rut/season_4_poster_significance/">season four promotional poster</a> on Reddit and the <a href="https://imgflip.com/memegenerator/458361243/Kendall-Roy-sad-mic">existence</a> of “sad Kendall” meme generators.</p>
<p><div data-react-class="InstagramEmbed" data-react-props="{"url":"https://www.instagram.com/p/Cs09uTGNRjr/?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA%3D%3D","accessToken":"127105130696839|b4b75090c9688d81dfd245afe6052f20"}"></div></p>
<p>As I watched the series finale, I was constantly wondering which scenes would become memes, or inspire fan theories and new readings. More cynically, perhaps, I couldn’t help but ponder if the finale baited this very culture, whether through Matsson’s laidback “<a href="https://www.gq-magazine.co.uk/article/succession-season-4-episode-5-lukas-matsson-alexander-skarsgard-style#:%7E:text=His%20uniform%20is%20one%20of,less%20Theranos%2C%20more%20Loch%20Ness.">gorpcore</a>” fashion or Tom placing a red-circle sticker on Greg’s forehead as a signal of ownership. </p>
<p>Checking Instagram on my phone the morning after the finale, there was one memorable standout from Instagram’s @kendallroylookingsad account, showing the defeated son looking out over New York harbour accompanied by the caption: “Sad because Kendall has looked sad for the last time.”</p>
<p>The post says it all – a singular example of technology being used to express feelings on a show which is about technology as much as it is about money, power and dysfunctional family. Succession’s spin-off digital culture is ultimately very meta, revealing how technology was not just a central theme of the show, but a means for fans to interact with it, even after its run has ended.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/207381/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Michael Samuel does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.</span></em></p>How technology is central to the show’s most dramatic and pivotal moments – and how it might define its legacy.Michael Samuel, Lecturer in Digital Film & Television, Department of Film and Television, University of BristolLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/2045182023-05-23T18:36:51Z2023-05-23T18:36:51ZIndian activists call for recognition of queer relationships beyond marriage<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/527088/original/file-20230518-21-svvca8.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=0%2C31%2C5301%2C3475&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">Demonstrators carry a rainbow flag as they march demanding equal marriage rights in New Delhi, India on Jan. 8, 2023. </span> <span class="attribution"><span class="source">(AP Photo)</span></span></figcaption></figure><iframe style="width: 100%; height: 100px; border: none; position: relative; z-index: 1;" allowtransparency="" allow="clipboard-read; clipboard-write" src="https://narrations.ad-auris.com/widget/the-conversation-canada/indian-activists-call-for-recognition-of-queer-relationships-beyond-marriage" width="100%" height="400"></iframe>
<p>The Supreme Court of India <a href="https://indianexpress.com/article/explained/explained-law/sc-same-sex-marriage-here-are-the-arguments-over-10-days-8609177/">recently finished</a> hearing <a href="https://www.downtoearth.org.in/blog/governance/marriage-equality-what-good-is-symbolic-recognition-of-one-s-relationships-sans-rights--88940">petitions</a> related to marriage equality for queer and trans people. A group of 18 couples has <a href="https://www.npr.org/2023/05/09/1174752874/india-same-sex-marriage-case-supreme-court">petitioned</a> the country’s highest court to legalize same-sex marriage.</p>
<p><a href="https://www.boomlive.in/explainers/same-sex-marriage-wrong-term-what-is-a-marriage-equality-petition-in-india-21762">Marriage equality</a> would grant LGBTQ+ couples rights currently only available to those married to people of the opposite sex.</p>
<p>Activists are also calling for the recognition of queer and trans kinships beyond marriage. Trans and queer kinships provide emotional as well as material supports and care. But legalizing marriage alone ignores such kinship ties. </p>
<p>Many who choose such kinships over marriage will not have access to rights and benefits that are associated with marriage.</p>
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<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/524933/original/file-20230508-266123-o6xtme.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="A woman at a protest holds a placard that reads: self identification is a human right." src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/524933/original/file-20230508-266123-o6xtme.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/524933/original/file-20230508-266123-o6xtme.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=410&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/524933/original/file-20230508-266123-o6xtme.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=410&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/524933/original/file-20230508-266123-o6xtme.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=410&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/524933/original/file-20230508-266123-o6xtme.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=516&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/524933/original/file-20230508-266123-o6xtme.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=516&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/524933/original/file-20230508-266123-o6xtme.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=516&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">Protestors hold placards during a demonstration against an anti-LGBT bill in Bangalore, India in November 2019.</span>
<span class="attribution"><span class="source">(AP Photo/Aijaz Rahi)</span></span>
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<h2>Beyond marriage</h2>
<p>In February, activists Rituparna Borah, Chayanika Shah, Minakshi Sanyal, Maya Sharma and six anonymized petitioners <a href="http://orinam.net/content/wp-content/uploads/2023/03/Rituparna-Borah-Ors.-v.-UOI-WP-No.-260-of-2023-as-filed.pdf">filed a petition</a> before the Supreme Court demanding the right to form legally recognized families — even if they do not revolve around marriage.</p>
<p>These 10 petitioners are calling for the legal recognition of <a href="https://www.thequint.com/gender/chosen-family-queer-and-trans-persons-life-marriage-equality#read-more">an expansive idea of family</a> which goes beyond the institution of marriage and is not solely defined by birth or adoption. </p>
<p>They are asking the court to affirm the rights of queer and trans people who have <a href="https://lifestyle.livemint.com/relationships/it-s-complicated/the-petition-you-need-to-know-about-from-the-same-sex-marriage-hearings-that-start-today-111681805877468.html">various forms of kinships</a>, friendships and non-monogamous relationships that are not deemed legitimate in the eyes of the law.</p>
<p><a href="https://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/city/kolkata/no-court-of-law-can-tell-us-whom-to-love-says-lesbian-couple/articleshow/50827605.cms">Queer</a> and <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/world/2019/aug/08/indian-transgender-couple-tie-knot-in-landmark-rainbow-wedding">trans</a> people have long been getting married in India even without legal recognition. Marriage has legal and socio-cultural legitimacy that is unparalleled.</p>
<h2>Legal, political and social hurdles</h2>
<p>However, marriage in the Indian context enables the inequalities of the caste system to persist. <a href="https://www.bbc.com/news/world-asia-india-35650616">Caste</a> is a hierarchical socio-religious system which continues to privilege people of upper castes while excluding lower caste and caste-oppressed people. </p>
<p>Activists see marriage as a <a href="https://www.newsclick.in/marriage-equality-case-queer-and-trans-persons-assert-right-define-family">casteist</a> institution and are demanding that the state recognize queer and trans kinships beyond marriage.</p>
<p>Marriage cannot contain all kinds of <a href="https://www.thenewsminute.com/article/thicker-blood-queer-kinship-and-choosing-your-own-families-88253">relationships, needs and wants that inform the lives of queer and trans people in India</a>. Therefore, <a href="https://indianculturalforum.in/2021/11/24/what-we-dont-talk-about-when-we-talk-about-same-sex-marriage/">marriage equality</a> alone <a href="https://thewire.in/lgbtqia/queer-trans-deaths-equal-same-sex-marriage">cannot save</a> or protect all trans and queer lives. </p>
<p>For example, social injustice and political mobilization can <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/00856401.2023.2150446">inform strong relationships</a>.
Kinships rooted in affection, care, mutual support, activism and solidarity, deserve recognition, and the rights that flow from it.</p>
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<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/524935/original/file-20230508-29-6su8wd.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="People at a march with rainbow coloured balloons and a banner that reads: Delhi queer pride." src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/524935/original/file-20230508-29-6su8wd.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/524935/original/file-20230508-29-6su8wd.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=399&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/524935/original/file-20230508-29-6su8wd.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=399&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/524935/original/file-20230508-29-6su8wd.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=399&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/524935/original/file-20230508-29-6su8wd.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=502&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/524935/original/file-20230508-29-6su8wd.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=502&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/524935/original/file-20230508-29-6su8wd.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=502&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
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<span class="caption">People attending a march demanding equal marriage rights in New Delhi, India on Jan. 8 2023.</span>
<span class="attribution"><span class="source">(AP Photo)</span></span>
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<h2>Networks of care</h2>
<p>Disabled and neurodivergent trans and queer people experience <a href="https://www.hindustantimes.com/lifestyle/relationships/how-indians-with-disabilities-find-love-through-dating-apps-101677134546666.html">more discrimination</a> when it comes to establishing relationships. Their partners are also often <a href="https://medium.com/skin-stories/if-you-want-the-full-story-you-have-to-start-with-our-love-story-dd8291a73495">dissuaded</a> or discouraged by their families from <a href="https://www.thebetterindia.com/295644/disabled-activist-nu-misra-on-navigating-sexuality-stereotypes/">dating</a> them. </p>
<p>They often choose <a href="https://feminisminindia.com/2022/02/08/the-loves-of-my-wildest-dreams-valentines-day-plans-and-beyond/">broader networks</a> of care, affection and support. </p>
<p>Recognition of different kinds of trans and queer kinships can also help dismantle relationship hierarchies. When marriage is the only valid and legal relationship, it runs the risk of marginalizing those <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E2pZ3KQPZ9A">excluded</a> from it.</p>
<p>Moreover, there are trans kinships which cannot be subsumed within the institution of marriage — such as <a href="https://journals.openedition.org/samaj/3992">Hijra households</a> with complex <a href="https://www.fordhampress.com/9780823294718/hijras-lovers-brothers/">kinship</a> structures.</p>
<p>Older trans and queer people <a href="https://www.queerbeat.org/stories/long-shadows-in-the-sunset">aging into disabilities</a> might find it even harder to successfully advocate for themselves and their partners as they age. </p>
<p>Apart from marriage equality, the Indian state needs to be committed to equity to ensure the survival of trans and queer people as well as their kinship networks. Marriage equality without attention to equity cannot do justice to trans and queer lives.</p>
<p>If trans kinship is to be legally recognized, it should also align with demands for <a href="https://upscwithnikhil.com/article/polity/what-is-the-difference-between-vertical-and-horizontal-reservations-in-india">horizontal reservations</a> and <a href="https://www.youthkiawaaz.com/2023/04/before-getting-married-i-want-to-live-with-pride/">equality</a>. </p>
<p>In India, <a href="https://www.thequint.com/explainers/trans-people-fight-for-horizontal-reservations-across-castes#read-more">horizontal reservations</a> refer to policies and quotas that address historical injustices and inequities faced by marginalized groups. Such reservations would provide caste-oppressed trans people <a href="https://indianexpress.com/article/opinion/equal-stake-nation-transgender-people-demanding-horizontal-reservation-8570321/#:%7E:text=jobs%20and%20education.-,In%202021%2C%20Karnataka%20became%20the%20first%20and%20only%20state%20in,horizontal%20reservation%20for%20transgender%20persons.">guaranteed rights</a> with regards to education and employment which they struggle to access. </p>
<p>So far, <a href="https://indianexpress.com/article/opinion/equal-stake-nation-transgender-people-demanding-horizontal-reservation-8570321/">Karnataka</a> remains the only Indian state to <a href="https://thewire.in/lgbtqia/karnataka-first-state-reserve-jobs-transgender-persons">partially</a> provide horizontal reservations for transgender people.</p>
<p>Trans people often experience violence and exclusion on the basis of caste as well as transphobia. Horizontal reservations recognizing caste oppression within trans communities means those who are unmarried, unpartnered and without community, can also survive when marriage equality prevails.</p>
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<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/527281/original/file-20230519-25-fs6kdw.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="A group of people stand in a line. Some are chatting to each other." src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/527281/original/file-20230519-25-fs6kdw.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/527281/original/file-20230519-25-fs6kdw.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=396&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/527281/original/file-20230519-25-fs6kdw.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=396&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/527281/original/file-20230519-25-fs6kdw.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=396&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/527281/original/file-20230519-25-fs6kdw.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=498&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/527281/original/file-20230519-25-fs6kdw.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=498&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/527281/original/file-20230519-25-fs6kdw.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=498&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">Transgender women and gay men wait in line to receive a number as part of the process to apply for asylum in the United States, at the border in Tijuana, Mexico on Nov. 15, 2018.</span>
<span class="attribution"><span class="source">(AP Photo/Gregory Bull)</span></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>Kinship ties are important in the lives of variously marginalized trans people in various parts of the world. In 2018, a group of LGBTQ+ migrants, including 30 trans women, <a href="https://academic.oup.com/migration/article/9/3/1075/6179036">presented themselves together</a> at the United States’ southern border, having travelled through Mexico from Honduras. </p>
<p>They asserted the existence of their kinship by applying for asylum in the U.S. together. Even though they identified as a group, they were separated from each other and sent to different detention centres. </p>
<p>As marriage is associated with rights that cannot be obtained otherwise, it is crucial to <a href="https://www.theindiaforum.in/article/redefining-same-sex-marriage#Top">make living and relating possible</a> for those who want to — or have to — survive without it. </p>
<p>We need to advocate for the recognition of broader and inclusive forms of trans and queer kinship so that their critical support networks are not invalidated in the eyes of the law if and when marriage equality becomes a reality in India.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/204518/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Sohini Chatterjee receives funding from the Social Sciences and Humanities Research Council (SSHRC) as a Vanier Scholar.</span></em></p>Trans and queer kinships provide emotional as well as material supports and care. But legalizing marriage alone would ignore such kinship ties.Sohini Chatterjee, PhD Candidate & Vanier Scholar in Gender, Sexuality, and Women's Studies, Western UniversityLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/2047562023-05-22T20:05:48Z2023-05-22T20:05:48ZStan Grant’s new book asks: how do we live with the weight of our history?<p>This month, journalist and public intellectual Stan Grant published his fifth book, <a href="https://www.harpercollins.com.au/9781460764022/the-queen-is-dead/">The Queen is Dead</a>. And last week, he abruptly stepped away from his career in the public realm, <a href="https://www.abc.net.au/news/2023-05-19/stan-grant-media-target-racist-abuse-coronation-coverage-enough/102368652">citing</a> toxic racism enabled by social media, and betrayal on the part of his employer, the ABC. </p>
<p>“I was invited to contribute to the ABC’s coverage as part of a discussion about the legacy of the monarchy. I pointed out that the crown represents the invasion and theft of our land,” <a href="https://www.abc.net.au/news/2023-05-19/stan-grant-media-target-racist-abuse-coronation-coverage-enough/102368652">he wrote</a> last Friday. “I repeatedly said that these truths are spoken with love for the Australia we have never been.” And yet, “I have seen people in the media lie and distort my words. They have tried to depict me as hate filled”. </p>
<p>Grant has worked as a journalist in Australia for more than three decades: first on commercial current affairs – and until this week, as a main anchor at the ABC, where he was an international affairs analyst and the host of the panel discussion show Q+A. The former role reflects his global work, reporting from conflict zones with esteemed international broadcasters such as CNN. His second book, <a href="https://www.harpercollins.com.au/9781460751985/talking-to-my-country/">Talking to my Country</a>, won the Walkley Book Award in 2016.</p>
<hr>
<p><em>Review: The Queen is Dead – Stan Grant (HarperCollins)</em></p>
<hr>
<p>In this new book, Grant yearns for a way to comprehend the forces, ideas and history that led to this cultural moment we inhabit. The book, which opens with him grappling with the monarchy and its legacy, is revealing in terms of his decision to step back from public life.</p>
<p>Released to coincide with <a href="https://theconversation.com/coronation-arrests-how-the-new-public-order-law-disrupted-protesters-once-in-a-lifetime-opportunity-205328">the coronation</a> of the new English monarch, Charles III, The Queen is Dead seethes with rage and loathing – hatred even – at the ideas that have informed the logic and structure of modernity. </p>
<p>Grant’s work examines the ideas that explain the West and modernity – and his own place as an Indigenous person of this land, from Wiradjuri, Kamilaroi and Dharawal country. That is: his work explores both who he is in the world and the ideas that tell the story of the modern world. He finds the latter unable to account for him.</p>
<p>“This week, I have been reminded what it is to come from the other side of history,” he writes in the book’s opening pages. “History itself that is written as a hymn to whiteness […] written by the victors and often written in blood.”</p>
<p>He asks “how do we live with the weight of this history?” And he explains the questions that have dominated his thinking: what is <a href="https://theconversation.com/whiteness-is-an-invented-concept-that-has-been-used-as-a-tool-of-oppression-183387">whiteness</a>, and what is it to live with catastrophe?</p>
<h2>The death of the white queen</h2>
<p>In his account, his rage is informed by the observation that the weight of this history was largely unexplored on the occasion of Queen Elizabeth II’s death last September. The death of the white queen is the touchpoint always returned to in this work – and the release of the book coincides with the apparently seamless transition to her heir, now King Charles III. </p>
<figure class="align-right zoomable">
<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/527406/original/file-20230522-29-dcc0ot.jpeg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/527406/original/file-20230522-29-dcc0ot.jpeg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=237&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/527406/original/file-20230522-29-dcc0ot.jpeg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=917&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/527406/original/file-20230522-29-dcc0ot.jpeg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=917&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/527406/original/file-20230522-29-dcc0ot.jpeg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=917&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/527406/original/file-20230522-29-dcc0ot.jpeg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=1152&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/527406/original/file-20230522-29-dcc0ot.jpeg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=1152&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/527406/original/file-20230522-29-dcc0ot.jpeg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=1152&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
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<p>In the lead-up to the coronation, “long live the king” echoed across the United Kingdom. Its long tentacles reached across the globe where this old empire once ruled, robbing and ruining much that it encountered. The death of the queen and the succession of her heir occurred with ritual and ceremony. </p>
<p>Small tweaks acknowledged the changing world – but for the most part, this coronation occurred without revolution or bloodshed, without condemnation – and without contest of the British monarchs’ role in history and the world they continue to dominate, in one way or another. </p>
<p>Grant argues the end of the 70-year rule of Queen Elizabeth II should mark a turning point: a global reckoning with the race-based order that undergirds empire and colonialism. Whereas the earlier century confidently pronounced the project of <a href="https://theconversation.com/the-power-of-yindyamarra-how-we-can-bring-respect-to-australian-democracy-192164">democracy</a> and liberalism complete, it seems time has marched on. </p>
<p>History has not “ended”, as Francis Fukuyama <a href="https://theconversation.com/the-end-of-history-francis-fukuyamas-controversial-idea-explained-193225">declared</a> in 1989 (claiming liberal democracies had been proved the unsurpassable ideal). Instead, history has entered a ferocious era of uncertainty and volatility. </p>
<hr>
<p>
<em>
<strong>
Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/the-end-of-history-francis-fukuyamas-controversial-idea-explained-193225">The End of History: Francis Fukuyama's controversial idea explained</a>
</strong>
</em>
</p>
<hr>
<p>Grant reminds us that people of colour now dominate the globe. Race, <a href="https://theconversation.com/racism-is-real-race-is-not-a-philosophers-perspective-82504">as we now know</a>, is a flexible and slippery made-up idea, changing opportunistically to include and exclude groups, to dominate and possess. </p>
<p>Grant examines this with great impact as he considers the lived experience of his white grandmother, who was shunned when living with a black man, shared his conditions of poverty with pluck and defiance, then resumed a place in white society without him. </p>
<p>And writing of his mother, the other Elizabeth, Grant elaborates the complexity of identity not confined to the colour of skin, but forged from belonging to people and kinship networks, and to place – which condemns the pseudoscience of <a href="https://humanrights.gov.au/about/news/speeches/power-identity-naming-oneself-reclaiming-community-2011">blood quantum</a> that informed the state’s control of Aboriginal lives. This suspect race science has proved enduring.</p>
<p>Grant’s account of the death of the monarch is a genuine engagement with the history of ideas to contemplate the reality of our 21st-century present.</p>
<figure class="align-center zoomable">
<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/527467/original/file-20230522-27-ts8u8f.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/527467/original/file-20230522-27-ts8u8f.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/527467/original/file-20230522-27-ts8u8f.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/527467/original/file-20230522-27-ts8u8f.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/527467/original/file-20230522-27-ts8u8f.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/527467/original/file-20230522-27-ts8u8f.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=502&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/527467/original/file-20230522-27-ts8u8f.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=502&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/527467/original/file-20230522-27-ts8u8f.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=502&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">Grant argues the end of the queen’s 70-year rule should mark ‘a global reckoning with the race-based order that undergirds empire and colonialism’.</span>
<span class="attribution"><span class="source">Yui Mok/AP</span></span>
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<hr>
<p>
<em>
<strong>
Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/racism-is-real-race-is-not-a-philosophers-perspective-82504">Racism is real, race is not: a philosopher's perspective</a>
</strong>
</em>
</p>
<hr>
<h2>Liberalism and democracy = tyranny and terror</h2>
<p>In several essays now, Grant has engaged with the ideas of mostly Western philosophers and several conservative thinkers to explain the crisis of liberalism and democracy. Grant argues that, like other -isms, liberalism and democracy have descended into tyranny and terror. </p>
<p>The new world order, dominated by <a href="https://theconversation.com/friday-essay-stan-grant-on-how-tyrants-use-the-language-of-germ-warfare-and-covid-has-enabled-them-204183">China</a> and people of colour, is in dramatic contrast to the continued rule of the white queen and her descendants.</p>
<p>In this, perhaps more than his other books and essays, Grant moves between big ideas in history – the <a href="https://theconversation.com/criticism-of-western-civilisation-isnt-new-it-was-part-of-the-enlightenment-104567">Enlightenment</a>, modernity and democracy – to consider himself, his identity, and his own lived experience of injustice, where race is an undeniable organising feature. </p>
<p>In this story he explains himself, as an Indigenous person, “an outsider, in the middle”; “an exile, living in exile, struggling with belonging”; living with the “very real threat of erasure”. </p>
<hr>
<p>
<em>
<strong>
Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/the-power-of-yindyamarra-how-we-can-bring-respect-to-australian-democracy-192164">The power of yindyamarra: how we can bring respect to Australian democracy</a>
</strong>
</em>
</p>
<hr>
<h2>Love, friendships, family, Country</h2>
<p>In the final section of the book, Grant’s focus switches to the theme of “love”, and to friendships, family and Country. He speculates that his focus on these things is perhaps a mark of age. </p>
<p>Now, he accounts for the things in life that are truly valuable – and this includes deep affection for the joy that emanates from Aboriginal families. Being home on his Country, paddling the river, he finds quiet and peace. </p>
<p>The death of the monarch of the British Empire, who ruled for 70 years, should speak to the history of empire and colonial legacy and all its curses – especially in settler colonial Australia. Yet her passing – which coincides with seismic change in the global economic order with China’s ascendance and the decline of the United States and the UK, the global cultural order and the racial order – has been largely unexamined in public discourse in Australia. </p>
<p>The history of colonisation and of ideas that have debated ways to comprehend the past have been a feature of Grant’s intellectual exploration, including on the death of the queen. As he details in his new book, the reaction from some quarters to this conversation has exposed him to unrelenting and racist attack. </p>
<p>In this work and in others, exploration of the world of ideas to understand the past and future sits alongside accounts of the everyday; of the always place-based realities of Aboriginal accounts of self. </p>
<p>The material deprivations and indignities, the closely held humility that comes with poverty and powerlessness - shared socks, a house carelessly demolished, burials tragically abandoned – are countered by another reality: the intimacy of most Aboriginal lives, characterised by deep love, affection, laughter and belonging. These place-based, “small” stories Grant shares sit alongside the bigger themes of modern history, such as democracy and freedom. </p>
<p>In this latest work, Grant details his sense of “betrayal” at the discussion he sought about the monarch’s passing and the discussion that was actually had, the history of ideas and his own place in this. </p>
<p>And now, of course, he has announced his intention to exit the public stage. Racism, we are reminded, is an enduring feature of the modern world – a world yet to allow space for an unbowing, Wiradjuri-Kamilaroi-Dharawal public intellectual.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/204756/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Heidi Norman does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.</span></em></p>Stan Grant’s new book, The Queen is Dead, is revealing in terms of his decision to step down from public life. ‘I have been reminded what it is to come from the other side of history,’ he writes.Heidi Norman, Professor, Faculty of Arts and Social Sciences, University of Technology SydneyLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/2039972023-05-22T12:28:07Z2023-05-22T12:28:07ZTrans joy and family bonds are big parts of the transgender experience lost in media coverage and anti-trans legislation<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/526881/original/file-20230517-29-eund6e.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">Some trans people find gender euphoria in being mothers and being with family.</span> <span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.gettyimages.com/detail/photo/family-having-fun-at-home-royalty-free-image/1388504287">rparobe/E+ via Getty Images</a></span></figcaption></figure><p>Since the beginning of 2023, 49 U.S. state legislatures have introduced <a href="https://translegislation.com/">over 500 anti-trans bills</a>. While mainstream media increasingly <a href="https://time.com/6131444/2021-anti-trans-violence/">cover violence</a> and <a href="https://www.vice.com/en/article/5d383z/anti-trans-violence-2022">legislative attacks</a> against trans people, many scholars and activists worry that focusing just on violence and discrimination <a href="https://doi.org/10.1093/socpro/spac034">fails to capture the full experience</a> of being trans.</p>
<p>Drawing on the success of movements like the <a href="https://kleavercruz.com/the-black-joy-project">Black Joy Project</a>, which uses art to promote Black healing and community-building, trans activists are challenging one-dimensional depictions of their community by highlighting the <a href="https://www.advocate.com/voices/trans-joy-challenging-times">unique joys of being transgender</a>. </p>
<p><a href="https://scholar.google.com/citations?user=LzPI-r8AAAAJ&hl=en">My research</a> <a href="https://www.umass.edu/sociology/users/dpsiegel">on trans parents</a> affirms the reality of trans joy. From 2019 to 2021, I interviewed 54 transgender women – both current and prospective parents – from diverse racial and class backgrounds across the country. I found that while many have navigated discrimination in their parenting journeys, they also have fulfilling parent-child relationships, often with the support of partners, families of origin and their communities.</p>
<h2>Gender euphoria</h2>
<p>Scholars and community members use the term <a href="https://doi.org/10.1080/26895269.2021.1915223">gender euphoria</a> to describe a “joyful feeling of rightness in one’s gender/sex.” It diverges from the diagnosis of <a href="https://www.psychiatry.org/patients-families/gender-dysphoria/what-is-gender-dysphoria">gender dysphoria</a>, or a sense of conflict between assigned sex and gender identity typically associated with feelings of distress and discomfort. </p>
<p>While gender dysphoria reflects some trans people’s experiences, physicians have historically used this concept to <a href="http://dx.doi.org/10.1136/medethics-2018-105293">restrict access to gender-affirming care</a>. For example, doctors may prescribe hormones only to people who obtain a letter from a therapist attesting that they fit a narrow understanding of transness that includes expressing hatred for their body.</p>
<p>Gender euphoria celebrates feeling comfortable with who you are and how you are perceived by the world. Some people transition with a specific set of goals, while others discover new sources of joy and new facets of their identity over time. </p>
<figure class="align-center zoomable">
<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/526888/original/file-20230517-19-42g2za.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="Parents kissing child on either cheek" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/526888/original/file-20230517-19-42g2za.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/526888/original/file-20230517-19-42g2za.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=401&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/526888/original/file-20230517-19-42g2za.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=401&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/526888/original/file-20230517-19-42g2za.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=401&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/526888/original/file-20230517-19-42g2za.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/526888/original/file-20230517-19-42g2za.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/526888/original/file-20230517-19-42g2za.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
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<span class="caption">Some trans women find euphoria in their role as mothers.</span>
<span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.gettyimages.com/detail/photo/happy-lgbtqia-couple-kissing-daughter-at-home-royalty-free-image/1421318476">Maskot/DigitalVision via Getty Images</a></span>
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<p>Many of the trans women I interviewed expressed their gender euphoria in relation to their role as mothers. A Black trans woman in her 20s, whom I will call Gloria, experiences joy in being recognized as a mother. “I love being called Mom. That’s the greatest thing,” she told me. “I love waking up every morning to see [my child’s] beautiful face. It keeps me motivated.”</p>
<p>Other people experience euphoria in how they express their gender. Naomi, a white trans woman in her 40s, experienced her first spark of gender euphoria at the nail salon. “It was the only gender-affirming thing I could express [at the time],” she said. “When the nail tech took the polish off and I saw how long my fingernails had gotten, my heart skipped a beat.”</p>
<p>For many trans people, transitioning opens up a new set of possibilities. When I asked Adriana, a trans Latina in her 30s, what it was like to come out as trans, she told me, “I’ve never been happier. The happiest day of my life was when my daughter was born, and the second happiest day of my life was when I [started transitioning].” </p>
<h2>Family and community connections</h2>
<p>While some trans people do experience rejection from their families of origin, that is not true for the majority of the community. In a 2015 national survey of over 27,700 trans adults, the U.S. Trans Survey, 60% of respondents reported having families who are <a href="https://transequality.org/sites/default/files/docs/usts/USTS-Full-Report-Dec17.pdf">supportive of their trans identity</a>.</p>
<p>Liza, a white trans woman in her 20s, has a close relationship with her brothers. “We are still a little triad. Yes, things change, but ultimately, I’m the same person just using a different name,” she said. “I can see myself as part of this family going forward. There’s no break. I’m not breaking anything by coming out.”</p>
<figure class="align-center zoomable">
<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/526889/original/file-20230517-25-oyufc4.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="Family and friends in a room celebrating" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/526889/original/file-20230517-25-oyufc4.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/526889/original/file-20230517-25-oyufc4.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/526889/original/file-20230517-25-oyufc4.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/526889/original/file-20230517-25-oyufc4.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/526889/original/file-20230517-25-oyufc4.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/526889/original/file-20230517-25-oyufc4.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/526889/original/file-20230517-25-oyufc4.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">Many trans people are supported by their families of origin and their chosen families.</span>
<span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.gettyimages.com/detail/photo/family-and-friends-coming-together-for-a-birthday-royalty-free-image/1398118272">Flashpop/DigitalVision via Getty Images</a></span>
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<p>Trans women also form <a href="https://www.familyequality.org/resources/finding-and-forming-a-chosen-family/">chosen families</a> with friends, co-workers and other community members. Relationships with other trans people can have particularly positive effects on <a href="https://doi.org/10.1089/lgbt.2019.0014">identity development and overall well-being</a>, including emotional resilience, self-acceptance and a sense of connection. </p>
<p>Jane, a Black trans woman in her 20s, has a tight-knit group of first-time parents she can call “whenever [she’s] freaking out,” no matter the scope of the emergency. While she laments her father’s lack of support, Jane’s friends are always there for her. “[T]hey come to visit, they bond with my son, [and] we get to spend time together like a big family, you know?” </p>
<h2>Trans community care</h2>
<p>In addition to caring for their biological and adopted children, the trans women I interviewed felt a responsibility to take care of their community. </p>
<p>Sometimes this care manifested as parent-child relationships, in which respondents provide financial or emotional support to LGBTQ+ youth. Maggie, a white woman in her 50s, didn’t know she was a parental figure for her “queer kids” until they tagged her on Instagram to celebrate Mother’s Day. </p>
<p>“Someone might go, ‘Hey, can I stay on your sofa tonight? I’m having a hard time.’ Well, yeah, of course,” she said. “Or they might hang around the shop [I work at], and only later it dawns on me, ‘Oh, this was the only place they could come and get affirmed and not feel weird.’”</p>
<p>Many also provide care outside their family units. Whitney, a Black trans woman in her 20s, reaches out to and tells local teachers they can refer parents of trans kids to her if they have any questions about how to support their children on their gender journeys or if their kids need someone to talk to.</p>
<p>Respondents like Whitney, who began questioning her gender identity in her early teens, also mentor trans women who are older than they. “Why not,” she told me, “if I have relevant experiences and can help make their lives easier?” </p>
<p>Miriam, a white trans woman in her 60s, agreed that she has a lot to learn from younger trans people. “A lot of my community today, people who I count as family and my beloveds, are not of my generation,” she said. ‘Beloveds’ is the term she uses to describe her platonic loved ones. “I learn a lot from my beloveds in their 20s and 30s, who don’t have the same baggage I [dealt with] about how I could be and who I could be.”</p>
<h2>Anti-trans hate as a self-fulfilling prophecy</h2>
<p>Anti-trans politicians deploy a variety of tactics to stigmatize transgender communities, from describing gender-affirming care <a href="https://www.cnn.com/2023/02/11/politics/gender-affirming-care-bans-transgender-rights/index.html">as mutilation</a> to falsely accusing trans people of <a href="https://www.hrc.org/press-releases/new-report-anti-lgbtq-grooming-narrative-surged-more-than-400-on-social-media-following-floridas-dont-say-gay-or-trans-law-as-social-platforms-enabled-extremist-politicians-and-their-allies-to-peddle-inflamatory-discriminatory-rhetoric">predatory behavior</a>. </p>
<p>While these politicians <a href="https://www.aclu.org/podcast/protecting-women-and-children-is-a-shield-for-transphobia">claim to be protecting children</a> by restricting access to gender-affirming care, a 2021 Trevor Project survey found that recent political events have <a href="https://www.thetrevorproject.org/survey-2021/?section=Introduction">harmed the mental health</a> of 94% of LGTBQ youth in the U.S. A study based on data from the 2015 U.S. Trans Survey found that harassment based on gender identity at school <a href="https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jadohealth.2021.06.001">also harms transgender youths</a>, resulting in higher rates of suicide attempts and suicidal thoughts.</p>
<p>In contrast, research has shown that starting hormone replacement therapy <a href="https://theconversation.com/transgender-youth-on-puberty-blockers-and-gender-affirming-hormones-have-lower-rates-of-depression-and-suicidal-thoughts-a-new-study-finds-177812">reduces the risk of suicide</a> by 73% for trans youth, <a href="https://news.cornell.edu/stories/2018/04/analysis-finds-strong-consensus-effectiveness-gender-transition-treatment">among other mental health benefits</a>. Another study found that trans people who start hormones as adolescents report <a href="https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0261039">lower levels of binge drinking, drug use and suicidality</a> than those who desired gender-affirming hormones but could not access them. </p>
<figure class="align-center zoomable">
<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/526907/original/file-20230517-17-80m0ex.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="Trans youth holding signs reading 'PROTECT TRANS KIDS'" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/526907/original/file-20230517-17-80m0ex.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/526907/original/file-20230517-17-80m0ex.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/526907/original/file-20230517-17-80m0ex.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/526907/original/file-20230517-17-80m0ex.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/526907/original/file-20230517-17-80m0ex.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/526907/original/file-20230517-17-80m0ex.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/526907/original/file-20230517-17-80m0ex.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">Legislation targeting trans youths has significantly harmed the children they intend to protect.</span>
<span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://newsroom.ap.org/detail/GenderAffirmingCareBanKentucky/8766283f5ccc4352848130aca6a2b0fa">Timothy D. Easley/AP Photo</a></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>For Adriana, who described beginning transition as the second happiest day of her life, after the day her daughter was born, fear of rejection kept her in denial of her trans identity. She used alcohol and made “reckless decisions” to cope with her gender dysphoria. Transitioning, meanwhile, brought her closer to her daughter. “I was never myself around her, not completely, which my daughter noticed,” she said. “We’ve always been close, but now that I’m genuinely happy with myself, we’re even closer.”</p>
<p>Amid efforts to <a href="https://rewirenewsgroup.com/2022/10/24/idaho-conservatives-want-to-ban-drag-performances/">criminalize drag shows</a> and <a href="https://www.technologyreview.com/2022/07/15/1055959/book-bans-social-media-harassment/">ban LGBTQ topics</a> from public schools, highlighting the joy of trans motherhood directly rejects myths that <a href="https://rewirenewsgroup.com/2023/03/14/we-are-not-groomers-how-anti-lgbtq-stereotypes-inhibit-reproductive-justice/">portray trans women as “groomers”</a> or otherwise dangerous to children. Extensive research shows that <a href="https://williamsinstitute.law.ucla.edu/publications/transgender-parenting/">having a transgender parent</a> does not affect children’s gender identity, sexual orientation or other developmental markers. Yet trans people experience discrimination in both <a href="https://doi.org/10.1111/fcre.12354">adoption</a> and <a href="https://doi.org/10.1093/swr/svz005">custody disputes</a> based on these pervasive myths. </p>
<p>Trans motherhood showcases the resilience of trans people who work diligently to take care of each other, even when they are failed by their communities and other institutions. Maria, an Indigenous Latina trans woman in her 30s, finds beauty in serving as a mother for the young queer and trans activists she works with. “I find it an honor that someone holds you in such high esteem that they want to call you their mom. … Because motherhood is a beautiful thing,” she said. “I think it’s a beautiful thing to help them in their journey to become the best versions of themselves.”</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/203997/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Derek P. Siegel receives funding from the American Sociological Association. </span></em></p>Trans motherhood showcases the unique joys of being transgender, be it through developing a deeper connection with one’s own child or caring for others in one’s community.Derek P. Siegel, Ph.D. Candidate, Sociology, UMass AmherstLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/2040352023-05-21T20:00:05Z2023-05-21T20:00:05ZSumner Redstone: the other media baron who inspired Succession was more toxic and dysfunctional than Logan Roy<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/526103/original/file-20230515-18-7g22tf.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=17%2C0%2C1920%2C1270&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">
</span> <span class="attribution"><span class="source">HBO</span></span></figcaption></figure><p>Just before the third season of the hit HBO television show <a href="https://theconversation.com/how-succession-feeds-the-hidden-fantasies-of-its-well-to-do-viewers-201936">Succession</a> began, the show’s creator, Jesse Armstrong, was asked (again) what it was about real-life media tycoons Sumner Redstone and Rupert Murdoch that drove him to create a TV series about a fictional media family that bore some resemblances to each of them.</p>
<p>Armstrong’s answer was simple: when Redstone and Murdoch had been asked about their succession plans, both had joked they didn’t plan to die.</p>
<hr>
<p><em>Review: Unscripted: The Epic Battle for a Hollywood Media Empire – James B. Stewart and Rachel Abrams (Cornerstone Press)</em></p>
<hr>
<p>“It felt like something quite basic about not wanting to give up and feeling that loss of influence at the end of your life,” Armstrong <a href="https://english.ahram.org.eg/News/435246.aspx">explained</a>. “And I started to feel there was a show about what those people are like in general.”</p>
<figure class="align-center zoomable">
<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/526220/original/file-20230515-8760-ma8fg8.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/526220/original/file-20230515-8760-ma8fg8.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/526220/original/file-20230515-8760-ma8fg8.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=450&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/526220/original/file-20230515-8760-ma8fg8.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=450&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/526220/original/file-20230515-8760-ma8fg8.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=450&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/526220/original/file-20230515-8760-ma8fg8.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=566&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/526220/original/file-20230515-8760-ma8fg8.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=566&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/526220/original/file-20230515-8760-ma8fg8.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=566&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">Jesse Armstrong (second right) was inspired to write Succession by Sumner Redstone and Rupert Murdoch, who both joked they intended not to die.</span>
<span class="attribution"><span class="source">Chris Pizello/AP</span></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>Armstrong’s success has been to combine the all-too-common anxiety about our legacy with the elevated stakes that come with being one of those rarefied ultra-wealthy corporate media figures who believe mortality is negotiable.</p>
<p>It appears that for these media tycoons’ families, an inheritance goes beyond how much it’s worth, or what corporate outpost might come their way: it’s also about the family dynamic. Sibling rivalry, parental respect – and often, the banality of favouritism. Emotional fealty can have dollar signs attached to it. </p>
<p>We understand this almost instinctively in Armstrong’s depiction of the Roy family and the gruesome fascination patriarch Logan Roy conjures from a combination of psychopathic paternalism and deal-making wizardry. </p>
<p>But now we can also see it in even more lurid detail, with the release of a book by two New York Times journalists on Redstone’s savage battle to secure his own legacy: <a href="https://www.penguin.com.au/books/unscripted-9781529912852">Unscripted: The Epic Battle for a Hollywood Media Empire</a> by James B. Stewart and Rachel Abrams.</p>
<p><div data-react-class="Tweet" data-react-props="{"tweetId":"695000477734285312"}"></div></p>
<h2>An American success story</h2>
<p>Redstone was one of those classic American success stories. His father sold linoleum, and went on to run two drive-in theatres, which Redstone would later develop into the movie theatre chain National Amusements. (And as a child, <a href="https://www.theringer.com/tv/2019/9/29/20886840/succession-season-2-episode-8-recap">just like Logan Roy</a>, Redstone briefly lived in a house with no inside bathroom.)</p>
<p>Redstone escaped his background with a scholarship to Harvard that set him on the path to a career that, at its peak, delivered him control of Viacom, Paramount Pictures, CBS, MTV, Comedy Central, Nickelodeon and publisher Simon & Schuster, as well as National Amusements. It was a playpen of great wealth and wide influence.</p>
<p>Unscripted makes clear that Redstone’s travails are even more compelling and incredible than his small-screen avatar’s. The reality is more toxic, more dysfunctional and far more complicated than any TV script. </p>
<p>Unscripted catalogues Redstone’s sexual predations – including finding on-air roles for women he was interested in (another Logan move), and repeatedly dating or trying to date his grandson’s girlfriends. Said one Hollywood executive of his behaviour: “He acts like a 15-year-old kid at summer camp.”</p>
<p>His fed-up grandson eventually hired TV’s Millionaire Matchmaker, Patti Stanger (whom Sumner called his “dream girl” and unsuccessfully pursued), to find him a companion. This would have unforeseen consequences.</p>
<figure class="align-right zoomable">
<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/526175/original/file-20230515-29-kumz6q.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/526175/original/file-20230515-29-kumz6q.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=237&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/526175/original/file-20230515-29-kumz6q.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=922&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/526175/original/file-20230515-29-kumz6q.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=922&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/526175/original/file-20230515-29-kumz6q.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=922&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/526175/original/file-20230515-29-kumz6q.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=1159&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/526175/original/file-20230515-29-kumz6q.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=1159&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/526175/original/file-20230515-29-kumz6q.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=1159&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
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<span class="caption"></span>
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<p>But what Unscripted really reveals is how desperately Redstone clung to the hallmarks of his successful life, and how vulnerable that made him to those who wanted to take advantage of him. </p>
<p>Central to the book, and his later life – as Armstrong noted – is Redstone’s gobsmacking denial of his own mortality.</p>
<p>At the age of 85, and having survived a hotel fire in his 50s, and later prostate cancer, <a href="https://www.vanityfair.com/hollywood/2023/02/sumner-redstone-in-love-the-cringey-sexcapades-of-a-horny-billionaire">Redstone boasted</a> to CNN’s celebrity interviewer Larry King that he had “the vital statistics of a 20-year-old”.</p>
<p>In case Larry had any doubts, Redstone laid out his case. “Even 20-year-old men get older. Not me. My doctor says I’m the only man who’s reversed it. I eat and drink every antioxidant known to man. I exercise 50 minutes every day.” Redstone even told one of his numerous paramours that he was the inspiration behind <a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0421715/">The Curious Case of Benjamin Button</a>, a film about a man who defies chronology by getting younger.</p>
<p>Not long after the King interview, Redstone’s health started to deteriorate. And that, of course, brought his family’s inheritance and succession issues into sharp relief. </p>
<hr>
<p>
<em>
<strong>
Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/the-rich-are-pouring-millions-into-life-extension-research-but-does-it-have-any-ethical-value-201774">The rich are pouring millions into life extension research – but does it have any ethical value?</a>
</strong>
</em>
</p>
<hr>
<h2>The successor: Shari Redstone</h2>
<p>Redstone had two children: a son, Brent, who was estranged from his father, and Shari, a lawyer, three years younger than her brother. The similarities of Shari (who, incidentally, has red-blonde hair) to Shiv Roy, played by Sarah Snook, have been noted.</p>
<p>Over the years, Shari had clashed bitterly with her father, sometimes publicly. At the same time she craved his affection and approval, which he dangled frequently before her (especially when he needed something) but then withdrew his favour. </p>
<p><div data-react-class="Tweet" data-react-props="{"tweetId":"1179841050623565826"}"></div></p>
<p>Shari was initially nominated as his successor, but after a public feud between them, Sumner announced his inheritance would instead be shared between his five grandchildren. </p>
<p>The book hums with the steady undercurrent of the cruel and fraught relationship between Sumner and Shari, reaching its crescendo as Sumner chose two of his lovers to become his live-in carers in a bizarre affront to his family. </p>
<p>One of them was Sydney Holland, introduced to Redstone by the Millionaire Matchmaker: she became his live-in fiancee. The other was his old flame, Manuela Herzer, who moved in (with her daughter) while the house Redstone had bought her was being renovated – and stayed, sharing Holland’s duties of managing the household and Redstone’s medical care. </p>
<p>Together, they not only found every way possible to prevent Shari from visiting him – but also <a href="https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/business/business-news/sumner-redstone-sues-companions-elder-abuse-reclaim-150m-gifts-937749/">extracted US$150 million</a> from him.</p>
<p>By that stage, Redstone was being fed through a tube into his stomach. He spent most of his day watching sport on TV, and could barely speak. The fate of his companies swung in the wind. Shari, who was still part of the corporate landscape, was trying to salvage something from the wreckage. </p>
<p>She never gave up, although she came close to walking away. All she wanted was a signal from her father that – after years of being patronised, yelled at, ignored and belittled – he trusted her. </p>
<p>After she managed to extract the two carers from the Redstone home (no easy feat), Shari “all but moved to Los Angeles” to be near her father. His nurses installed a large clock so he could track the hours and minutes until her arrival, and she “became adept at interpreting Sumner’s speech”.</p>
<p>There is an echo here too of Succession: Logan Roy’s business rival, Sandy, whose daughter Sandi – also apparently inspired by Shari – is his translator to the world, after he falls seriously ill (with what’s <a href="https://screenrant.com/succession-season-3-sandy-illness-syphilis-what-happened/">rumoured</a> to be syphilis, seemingly a dig at his hypersexuality).</p>
<figure class="align-center zoomable">
<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/526105/original/file-20230515-17-ummfq5.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/526105/original/file-20230515-17-ummfq5.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/526105/original/file-20230515-17-ummfq5.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/526105/original/file-20230515-17-ummfq5.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/526105/original/file-20230515-17-ummfq5.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/526105/original/file-20230515-17-ummfq5.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/526105/original/file-20230515-17-ummfq5.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/526105/original/file-20230515-17-ummfq5.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">Succession’s Sandi (Hope Davis) is also inspired by Shari Redstone.</span>
<span class="attribution"><span class="source">HBO</span></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>Sumner and Shari’s conversation turned to the proposal to sell a stake in Paramount to a Chinese property conglomerate. Sumner was viscerally opposed to the idea, hatched by a longtime executive whom Sumner now determined was on the outer. </p>
<blockquote>
<p>“What do I do?” Redstone asked his daughter. </p>
<p>“This is your battle, not mine […] I have a new life,” Shari replied. </p>
<p>Redstone pleaded: “Shari, you have to do this. You need to stop this.” </p>
<p>For Shari, that was the moment he finally said: “Shari, I trust you.” </p>
<p>“I’ll do it for you,” she said.</p>
</blockquote>
<p>Shari’s determination to follow her father’s wishes helped make sure the deal never happened.</p>
<p>All this will resonate with those Succession fans who felt the whiplash of Logan Roy’s disdain towards his children, and its savage counterpoint as he tried to woo them. </p>
<p>Logan seems indomitable, but what makes the Redstone story so compelling is, eventually, the patriarch’s vulnerability – his confrontation with mortality – and the desperation and loneliness that drove him to restore his relationship with his daughter. </p>
<hr>
<p>
<em>
<strong>
Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/the-first-biography-of-lachlan-murdoch-provides-some-insights-but-leaves-important-questions-unanswered-192403">The first biography of Lachlan Murdoch provides some insights, but leaves important questions unanswered</a>
</strong>
</em>
</p>
<hr>
<h2>Corporate misogyny</h2>
<p>There is no denying the other essential thread in Unscripted is one that clearly links Redstone’s appalling behaviour towards the women in his life with the corporate play that finally resolves his legacy.</p>
<p>The deal was to be a merger of the successful CBS network with the ailing Viacom, an idea Redstone had aggressively rejected for years. But the older Redstone became, the more appealing the merger became to the executives at CBS, particularly its chief executive, <a href="https://theconversation.com/how-les-moonves-got-to-leave-cbs-on-his-own-terms-while-others-in-metoo-miscreant-club-got-canned-103041">Les Moonves</a>.</p>
<p>As the heat around the deal increased, rumours started to circulate about Moonves. Several women <a href="https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2018/08/06/les-moonves-and-cbs-face-allegations-of-sexual-misconduct">came forward</a> to accuse Moonves of sexual harassment and, in some instances, alleged sexual assault.</p>
<p>As Unscripted follows Moonves and the complex network of law firms and investigations that surrounded him, Sumner Redstone recedes from view. Shari, emboldened and central to the corporate action, becomes the character linking the two ends of the Redstone story. She had counted Moonves as a friend who had helped make CBS successful. Her father had championed him – but the CBS chief had let Shari down and betrayed her with his behaviour. He had to go.</p>
<figure class="align-center zoomable">
<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/526173/original/file-20230515-15-vs5j9k.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/526173/original/file-20230515-15-vs5j9k.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/526173/original/file-20230515-15-vs5j9k.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=402&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/526173/original/file-20230515-15-vs5j9k.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=402&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/526173/original/file-20230515-15-vs5j9k.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=402&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/526173/original/file-20230515-15-vs5j9k.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=505&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/526173/original/file-20230515-15-vs5j9k.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=505&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/526173/original/file-20230515-15-vs5j9k.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=505&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">Sumner Redstone and Les Moonves with Ewan McGregor at movie premiere Salmon Fishing in the Yemen.</span>
<span class="attribution"><span class="source">Chris Pizello/AP</span></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>Recurring and relentless misogyny characterises the corporate, entertainment and media worlds. We see this in Redstone’s corporate kingdom – and in the fictional setting of Waystar Royco, the corporate behemoth in Succession. Truth marches alongside fiction, without a sideways glance.</p>
<p>The book is an assiduous piece of journalism from two Pulitzer Prize winners: Abrams was part of The New York Times reporting team that worked on the Weinstein stories, and her knowledge of that context gives Unscripted a sharp clarity. </p>
<p>But Abrams and Stewart also have some great material to work with: we eavesdrop on conversations, and read text messages and emails, that together amount to a picture of greed, arrogance and despair. Most of these details are on the public record because there has been so much litigation between various parties seeking to either protect Redstone’s legacy or snatch some of it for themselves.</p>
<p>It ended on August 11 2020, when Sumner Redstone died at the age of 97. The merger between CBS and Viacom went ahead and Shari attempted to reshape the culture with seven women on the 13-member board of the merged company.</p>
<hr>
<p>
<em>
<strong>
Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/why-do-people-crave-the-approval-of-an-abusive-or-narcissistic-parent-and-what-can-they-do-about-it-203664">Why do people crave the approval of an abusive or narcissistic parent? And what can they do about it?</a>
</strong>
</em>
</p>
<hr>
<h2>Living+</h2>
<p>Redstone might have died, but Armstrong’s other inspiration – Rupert Murdoch – continues. Murdoch turned 92 in March and seems resolute, if less robust.</p>
<p>Just like Redstone, Murdoch had his moment to pronounce on his longevity. He was 69 and had triumphed over prostate cancer. </p>
<p>“I’m now convinced of my own immortality,” <a href="https://www.vanityfair.com/news/2023/04/rupert-murdoch-cover-story">he declared</a>, although it’s highly likely he was half-joking. Nonetheless, there is longevity in the family genes: Murdoch’s mother, Dame Elisabeth, died at 103.</p>
<figure class="align-center zoomable">
<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/526240/original/file-20230515-12594-kg1js8.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/526240/original/file-20230515-12594-kg1js8.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/526240/original/file-20230515-12594-kg1js8.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=399&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/526240/original/file-20230515-12594-kg1js8.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=399&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/526240/original/file-20230515-12594-kg1js8.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=399&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/526240/original/file-20230515-12594-kg1js8.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=501&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/526240/original/file-20230515-12594-kg1js8.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=501&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/526240/original/file-20230515-12594-kg1js8.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=501&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">Rupert Murdoch joked, aged 69, ‘I’m now convinced of my own immortality’. That idea seems to have inspired Succession’s retirement product, Living+.</span>
<span class="attribution"><span class="source">HBO</span></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>After Redstone’s departure, Murdoch remains the oldest media tycoon still actively in charge. It’s clear he believes there’s still much work to be done, but <a href="https://theconversation.com/celebrity-money-and-power-tvs-obsession-with-the-murdoch-family-dynasty-146113">who will follow him</a> from among his four grown-up children remains a work in progress.</p>
<p>Whatever happens, it’s highly unlikely the public turmoil and angst that surrounded the Redstone succession will be repeated with Murdoch: it has so far felt like a much more discreet display.</p>
<p>If there’s any doubt about how the Murdochs want to keep all this private, it’s that one of the terms of the settlement of Murdoch’s divorce from his fourth wife, model Jerry Hall, was that she couldn’t give story ideas to the writers of Succession.</p>
<p>And yet in a recent episode from what is the final series, Kendall Roy launched a new retirement product from Waystar, <a href="https://www.vulture.com/article/succession-living-plus-inspiration-explained.html">Living+</a>, which he described in his unique corporate mangling as a “personalised longevity journey”.</p>
<p>What actually is that, Ken? Somewhere to go while you’re waiting, or just maybe some intimations of mortality? Most likely, it’s just a Jesse Armstrong joke.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/204035/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Nick Richardson does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.</span></em></p>A new book, Unscripted, tells the incredible story of Sumner Redstone, the other model for Succession’s Logan Roy – and the epic succession journey of his daughter, Shari, now chair of ViacomCBS.Nick Richardson, Adjunct Professor of Journalism, La Trobe UniversityLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/2053582023-05-10T21:10:19Z2023-05-10T21:10:19ZCould public health guidelines help stop loneliness? 7 tips that show how crucial social connection is to well-being<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/525492/original/file-20230510-29-c980oo.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=7%2C100%2C5152%2C3181&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">Similarly to the nutrition, exercise and alcohol use guidelines promoted by many national governments, social connection guidelines have the potential to improve our health and happiness by helping us prioritize social connections in our daily lives.</span> <span class="attribution"><span class="source">(Shutterstock)</span></span></figcaption></figure><p>United States Surgeon General Vivek Murthy recently called <a href="https://www.cbsnews.com/news/loneliness-surgeon-general-epidemic-covid/">loneliness an epidemic</a> and issued a <a href="https://www.hhs.gov/sites/default/files/surgeon-general-social-connection-advisory.pdf">public health advisory</a> on the healing effects of social connection and community. </p>
<p>The report warned of the considerable adverse effects of loneliness and social isolation — comparing it to <a href="https://doi.org/10.2105/ajph.2013.301261">other leading risk factors</a> for premature death such as smoking, obesity, elevated blood pressure and high cholesterol. </p>
<h2>Loneliness and social isolation can be harmful</h2>
<p>In my work as a social and behavioural epidemiologist, I have studied how social and community connectedness shapes health outcomes, <a href="https://doi.org/10.1007/s10461-017-1939-7">ranging from HIV</a> to <a href="https://doi.org/10.1080/13691058.2018.1439186">substance use</a>. </p>
<p>For example, my colleagues and I have previously shown that social isolation is associated with a <a href="https://doi.org/10.1007/s10461-020-03000-2">48 per cent increase</a> in odds for premature death, and that lonely people have <a href="http://dx.doi.org/10.1136/jech-2019-213566">71 per cent higher odds</a> of reporting fair or poor health. </p>
<p>Other researchers have also documented the havoc that loneliness wreaks on individuals, showing that lonely and isolated people have <a href="https://doi.org/10.1093/abm/kaaa029">poorer immune function</a>, experience <a href="https://doi.org/10.1016/j.bbi.2019.08.189">higher levels of inflammation</a>, and are at greater risk for <a href="https://doi.org/10.1136/heartjnl-2015-308790">heart disease</a>, <a href="https://doi.org/10.1038/ncponc1134">cancer</a> <a href="https://doi.org/10.1186/s12889-017-4948-6">and diabetes</a>. </p>
<figure class="align-center ">
<img alt="A group of young people at a table taking a selfie" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/525493/original/file-20230510-16752-1wvk1l.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/525493/original/file-20230510-16752-1wvk1l.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=363&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/525493/original/file-20230510-16752-1wvk1l.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=363&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/525493/original/file-20230510-16752-1wvk1l.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=363&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/525493/original/file-20230510-16752-1wvk1l.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=456&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/525493/original/file-20230510-16752-1wvk1l.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=456&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/525493/original/file-20230510-16752-1wvk1l.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=456&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px">
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">While everybody’s vulnerability to loneliness and social isolation differs, we all need social connection.</span>
<span class="attribution"><span class="source">(Shutterstock)</span></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>Perhaps just as importantly, <a href="https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/the-secret-to-happiness-heres-some-advice-from-the-longest-running-study-on-happiness-2017100512543#:%7E:text=The%20Harvard%20Study%20has%20found%20a%20strong%20association,isolation%20is%20a%20mood%20buster%2C%E2%80%9D%20says%20Dr.%20Waldinger.">Harvard research</a> from the longest-running cohort study ever conducted suggests that warm social relationships are the most important predictor of happiness across the life course. </p>
<p>In other words, people who are disconnected lead sicker, sadder and shorter lives. </p>
<h2>Public health guidelines</h2>
<p>In response to this epidemic of loneliness, my team at <a href="https://casch.org/guidelines">the Canadian Alliance for Social Connection and Health </a> has <a href="https://www.universityaffairs.ca/news/news-article/university-researchers-are-helping-to-create-a-canadian-guide-for-social-connection/">engaged experts from across Canada</a> and globally to develop the world’s first public health guidelines for social connection. </p>
<p>Similar to the <a href="https://food-guide.canada.ca/en/">nutrition</a>, <a href="https://www.participaction.com/">exercise</a> and <a href="https://ccsa.ca/canadas-guidance-alcohol-and-health">alcohol use</a> guidelines promoted by many national governments, social connection guidelines have the potential to improve our health and happiness by helping us all prioritize social connections in our daily lives. </p>
<p>They can also raise awareness among health-care providers and policymakers to ensure these experts are taking actions consistent with the latest evidence highlighting the importance of social health.</p>
<h2>Promising guidelines for better social health</h2>
<figure class="align-center ">
<img alt="A group of middle-aged adults around a table at an art class" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/525494/original/file-20230510-18700-bteavf.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/525494/original/file-20230510-18700-bteavf.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=267&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/525494/original/file-20230510-18700-bteavf.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=267&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/525494/original/file-20230510-18700-bteavf.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=267&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/525494/original/file-20230510-18700-bteavf.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=336&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/525494/original/file-20230510-18700-bteavf.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=336&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/525494/original/file-20230510-18700-bteavf.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=336&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px">
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">Regardless of levels of introversion or extroversion, insufficient social connection is associated with poorer well-being.</span>
<span class="attribution"><span class="source">(Shutterstock)</span></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>While everybody’s vulnerability to loneliness and social isolation differs, we all need social connection. Yet, people generally <a href="https://doi.org/10.1016/j.tics.2022.02.007">underestimate the benefits of connecting</a> with others and overestimate the costs, which include the emotional labour and mental energy needed to manage relationships and your self-presentation.</p>
<p><a href="https://doi.org/10.1027/1614-0001/a000048">Regardless of levels</a> of introversion or extroversion, insufficient social connection is associated with poorer well-being. </p>
<p>This is because social connection is a biological imperative. We evolved in <a href="https://theconversation.com/dunbars-number-why-my-theory-that-humans-can-only-maintain-150-friendships-has-withstood-30-years-of-scrutiny-160676">close-knit communities</a>. For ancient humans, social exclusion was a death sentence. Loneliness is our body’s way of <a href="https://doi.org/10.1080/02699931.2013.837379">keeping us connected</a>, but sometimes <a href="https://casch.org/theory">we get trapped</a> by it. </p>
<p>Public health guidelines can help raise awareness of the importance of social connection and provide us with a road map for better social health. But what should these guidelines look like? </p>
<p>This is exactly what <a href="https://www.newswire.ca/news-releases/from-social-distancing-to-social-connection-the-genwell-project-s-nationwide-survey-reinforces-the-importance-of-human-connection-as-canada-transitions-to-post-pandemic-recovery-822887144.html">my team has set out to understand</a> as part of a multi-phased, mixed-method study funded by and conducted in partnership with the Canadian government. So far, we have identified a few promising approaches that each of us can act on right now:</p>
<figure class="align-center ">
<img alt="A family on a sofa looking at a tablet." src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/525495/original/file-20230510-17-ng6lfz.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/525495/original/file-20230510-17-ng6lfz.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/525495/original/file-20230510-17-ng6lfz.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/525495/original/file-20230510-17-ng6lfz.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/525495/original/file-20230510-17-ng6lfz.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/525495/original/file-20230510-17-ng6lfz.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/525495/original/file-20230510-17-ng6lfz.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px">
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">Close relationships fulfil our most important relational needs: to feel loved, acknowledged and validated.</span>
<span class="attribution"><span class="source">(Shutterstock)</span></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<ol>
<li><p><strong>Make sure to have <a href="https://static1.squarespace.com/static/60283c2e174c122f8ebe0f39/t/645a88655583045704102e40/1683654757592/CSCG_Evidence+Brief_Number+of+Friends.pdf">three to five close friendships</a> to call on when you’re in need</strong>. Research has shown that individuals who have at least three to five close friends experience the lowest levels of loneliness, anxiety, depression and a range of other adverse health outcomes. Having too many friends can sacrifice quality for quantity. Having too few can leave you alone in a time of need.</p></li>
<li><p><strong>Get <a href="https://static1.squarespace.com/static/60283c2e174c122f8ebe0f39/t/640e0384b9ce9e602bf93c77/1678640005938/CSCG_Evidence+Brief_Social+Time.pdf">one to three hours of social interaction per day</a></strong>. That’s between seven and 21 hours of social time per week — far more than the average of <a href="https://www.bls.gov/news.release/atus.nr0.htm">34 minutes of socializing most of us get each day</a>. This value aligns with the approximate <a href="https://www.researchgate.net/profile/Robin-Dunbar/publication/235356868_Theory_of_mind_and_the_evolution_of_language/links/53dfc58b0cf2a768e49bddbd/Theory-of-mind-and-the-evolution-of-language.pdf">24 hours per week</a> that tribal and pastoral societies have historically enjoyed. While this may seem like a daunting jump in social hours for some, social interactions can include a wide variety of activities: chit chat with your barista, a phone call to a friend, conversation over dinner.</p></li>
<li><p><strong><a href="https://static1.squarespace.com/static/60283c2e174c122f8ebe0f39/t/640e03a10c9c9c5dbec35801/1678640034544/CSCG_Evidence+Brief_Network+Composition.pdf">Prioritize spending time with those closest to you</a></strong>. We’ve found that individuals need to socialize with both “strong” and “weak” ties, but that the balance of your social energy should be spent on close friends and family with whom you have warm relationships. This is because close relationships fulfil our most important <a href="https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2020.00901">relational needs</a>: to feel loved, acknowledged and validated. Building these <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/0265407518761225">strong ties takes time</a>.</p></li>
<li><p><strong>Diversity in your social network is important too.</strong> <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177/0146167214529799">So-called “weak ties” — those you don’t have a close relationship with — also matter</a>. In fact, studies have shown that <a href="https://doi.org/10.1093/geroni/igaa009">talking to neighbours</a> can build a sense of community; <a href="https://doi.org/10.1080/15555240.2018.1436444">making friends at work</a> can reduce job stress; and even <a href="https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jesp.2022.104356">talking to strangers</a> can create a sense of safety and provide a meaningful source of connection. Different relationships provide different types of support. </p></li>
<li><p><strong>Recognize the risks of <a href="https://static1.squarespace.com/static/60283c2e174c122f8ebe0f39/t/63e67385a6ab9322c8125ea6/1676047237951/CSCG_Evidence+Brief_Living+alone.pdf">living alone</a>.</strong> People who live alone are at increased risk of loneliness and <a href="https://doi.org/10.1016/j.eclinm.2022.101677">studies have shown</a> that living alone, <a href="https://doi.org/10.1093/nutrit/nuv024">particularly for men</a>, is hazardous to your health. That means that if you live alone, prioritizing social relationships may be especially important to you. </p></li>
<li><p><strong><a href="https://static1.squarespace.com/static/60283c2e174c122f8ebe0f39/t/6410a513a2173037c04a2141/1678812436160/CSCG_Evidence+Brief_Old+Friends.pdf">Reach out to old friends</a> and don’t be afraid to <a href="https://static1.squarespace.com/static/60283c2e174c122f8ebe0f39/t/640e03cb6924ff0526a018e9/1678640075343/CSCG_Evidence+Brief_New+Connections.pdf">make new ones</a>.</strong> Keeping and maintaining relationships can be hard — especially in today’s fast-paced world. Renewing old friendships can be an easy way to keep your social calendar full, but keeping a healthy level of engagement with new people will make sure your friendship well doesn’t run dry.</p></li>
<li><p><strong>Don’t forget the importance of solitude.</strong> Just as time with others is important, it’s also important to have time alone. It is perfectly good, and even healthy, to spend time alone. We call this “<a href="https://doi.org/10.1002/9781118427378">solitude</a>.” In fact, for some, time with others may even <a href="https://doi.org/10.1007/s10902-023-00661-3">exacerbate feelings of loneliness</a>. Time alone provides an opportunity to restore your social reserves and meet your own personal needs.</p></li>
</ol>
<p>Following these and other strategies can improve your health and well-being. However, addressing loneliness, like many of the big problems we face today, will require a whole-of-society response. Public health guidelines for social connection can provide the foundation for such an approach.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/205358/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Kiffer George Card receives funding from the Social Sciences and Humanities Research Council, The Canadian Institutes of Health Research, and the Health Research BC. He is affiliated with the Faculty of Health Sciences at Simon Fraser University, The Pacific Institute on Pathogens, Pandemics, and Society, The Canadian Alliance for Social Connection and Health, and the GenWell Project. </span></em></p>People who are lonely lead sicker and shorter lives. Just like the guidelines for food and exercise, public health guidelines for social connection can help us all live happier and healthier lives.Kiffer George Card, Assistant Professor in Health Sciences, Simon Fraser UniversityLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/2042202023-05-09T15:30:45Z2023-05-09T15:30:45ZSuccession: why it can be hard grieving someone you had a complicated relationship with<p><em><strong>This article contains spoilers</strong></em></p>
<p>There is a <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QLaVY-mWtmg">scene</a> in the pilot episode of HBO’s American black comedy-drama series <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OzYxJV_rmE8">Succession</a> where Kendall Roy locks himself in the bathroom, no longer able to hold in his rage and resentment towards his father. Billionaire media mogul, Logan Roy, is portrayed as a narcissistic, emotionally abusive, power-hungry father who has inflicted a lifetime of neglect and abuse on his children.</p>
<p>After his mini-breakdown, Kendall composes himself, returns to the dining room, and puts on a brave face with the rest of the family to celebrate his father’s birthday. There is an uncomfortable sense that family life is an artificial performance. Not too far from the surface are the pain, resentment and anger of decades of dysfunctional family life.</p>
<p>Trauma specialist, <a href="https://www.carolynspring.com/about/">Caroline Spring</a>, wrote that the “happy family” is a myth for many, a performed cultural ideal that masks a myriad of unpalatable truths. This can also be true in death, as people negotiate the loss of family members they blatantly disliked during life, or who caused them nothing but suffering and pain.</p>
<p>It’s difficult to say how many funerals are characterised by singing the praises of people many of those present either openly or secretly resented or cannot forgive. </p>
<p>It’s not necessarily that the deceased wasn’t loved or that their loss doesn’t still sting. Grieving dysfunctional, toxic or hurtful relationships creates a different level of complexity. </p>
<p>In Succession, when the tyrannical Logan Roy finally dies his <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SfBDSRi6NA8">children’s sadness is palpable</a>. However, family therapists have <a href="https://www.researchgate.net/profile/Froma-Walsh/publication/258219041_Bereavement_A_family_life_cycle_perspective/links/55ca19e208aeb975674a4319/Bereavement-A-family-life-cycle-perspective.pdf">argued</a> that such grief can be complicated by the fact that the bereaved are often mourning a relationship they wish they’d had with the deceased or are angry and remorseful about the fact that things were never repaired. </p>
<p>There is also the possibility for internal conflict when cultural or familial pressure to celebrate the deceased collides with an internal need to acknowledge the fact that they were mean, abusive, and neglectful. </p>
<h2>Artificial forgiveness</h2>
<p>Bereavement psychologists <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/009164711103900403">suggest</a> that forgiving the deceased is important to preserving mental health. After all, as Nelson Mandela suggested, resentment “is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die”. </p>
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<p>In simple terms, psychologist <a href="https://internationalforgiveness.com/research/">Robert Enright</a> defined forgiveness as rooting out negative thoughts, feelings and behaviours towards someone, and finding a way to develop positive thoughts, feelings and behaviours about them too. He suggested such forgiveness is highly relevant in cases where the offending party is dead.</p>
<p>In his book, Dying Matters, palliative care physician, Ira Byock, <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Dying-Well-Peace-Possibilities-Life/dp/1573226572">argued</a> that suffering can be eased through deathbed rituals designed to foster forgiveness. As part of a “good death”, he encourages people to engage in five steps, where they say:</p>
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<p>Forgive me. I forgive you. Thank you. I love you. And Goodbye. </p>
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<p>The idea being that such forgiveness rituals help “wipe the slate clean”.</p>
<p>However, it has been argued that this sort of forgiveness is artificial. </p>
<p>Grief psychologist, <a href="https://rememberingpractices.com/about-lorraine-hedtke/">Lorraine Hedtke</a>, believes such practices pressure people into what she calls an “artificial ending”. Sometimes people end up silencing suffering or minimising and denying pain in service to a cultural pressure to accelerate forgiveness. She also <a href="https://rememberingpractices.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/11/Re-thinking-deathbed-forgiveness-rituals.pdf">questions</a> whether forgiveness is really something we can conjure up in “once and forever” rituals.</p>
<h2>Death is not the end</h2>
<p>Of course, death is not the end of our psychological relationship with the deceased. Hedtke offers the example of an abusive, angry, tyrannical father, much like Succession’s Logan Roy, whose six sons had few kind words to say about him on his death. </p>
<p>Neither the man’s death, nor his funeral, she wrote, were the time or place any of his children felt able to make false declarations of forgiveness. At the funeral they had few kind words or fond memories and could not recall appreciative connections with their father. Only in the years that followed did they begin to construct a more forgiving version of him. </p>
<p>Eventually the brothers were able to retain their original reality – that he was indeed a mean and vindictive father – and also begin to appreciate and understand him in a different light too. This was sparked by a random conversation about a long-forgotten fishing trip, prompting them to remember a positive quality that had previously gone unnoticed. </p>
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<p>Even after death, Hedtke <a href="https://rememberingpractices.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/11/Re-thinking-deathbed-forgiveness-rituals.pdf">argues</a>, relationships change and evolve. In some cases, perhaps this sort of change is only possible after someone’s death.</p>
<p>Studies have also suggested that people’s capacity to forgive the dead may be connected to psychological factors like attachment. Psychologists Elizabeth Gassin and Gregory Lengel <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/009164711103900403">found</a> that people with high attachment avoidance were less likely to reach forgiveness for someone they were close to who had died. This makes sense because attachment avoidance is a tendency to repress or shut away our feelings for the other. It is difficult to forgive someone if we are unable to acknowledge or face our feelings about them.</p>
<p>So with all this in mind, it might be hard for the Roy children to forgive Logan straight away. Theirs was a fraught and complicated relationship. Their journey to forgiveness and through grief might take time but that is normal.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/204220/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Sam Carr does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.</span></em></p>The three Roy children had a love-hate relationship with their father so losing him has thrown up some difficult feelings they may feel they have to ignore.Sam Carr, Reader in Education with Psychology and Centre for Death and Society, University of BathLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/2051352023-05-08T11:35:18Z2023-05-08T11:35:18ZKenya’s starvation cult left hundreds dead – a psychologist’s view on how to support people as they process tragedy<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/524877/original/file-20230508-174052-pceh3j.jpeg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">A Kenyan investigator at a mass gravesite in Shakahola in April 2023. </span> <span class="attribution"><span class="source">Yasuyoshi Chiba/AFP via Getty Images</span></span></figcaption></figure><p>In <a href="https://www.standardmedia.co.ke/sports/coast/article/2001470894/four-people-starve-to-death-while-fasting-to-meet-jesus">early April 2023</a>, Kenyan police discovered a mass grave linked to a Pentecostal church in the coastal town of Malindi. By the end of the month, at least <a href="https://apnews.com/article/cult-church-shakahola-kenya-africa-ruto-odinga-autopsies-9cfcbbc026f5d441b039460b74980620">110 bodies</a> had been dug up from shallow graves in the area’s Shakahola forest. By 13 May, <a href="https://www.monitor.co.ug/uganda/news/kenya-starvation-cult-death-toll-exceeds-200-4234448">201 bodies</a> had been found. </p>
<p>A loss of this magnitude is <a href="https://nation.africa/kenya/news/-the-horror-and-trauma-of-reporting-on-shakahola-a-journalist-s-account-4221148">traumatic and painful</a> for the families and friends directly affected, and also for the public exposed to the details. The <a href="https://www.aljazeera.com/podcasts/2023/5/3/did-a-kenyan-cult-leader-convince-his-followers-to-die">level of media attention, public backlash and judgement of the dead</a> makes the experience of the loss even more difficult for those directly concerned. </p>
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Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/what-is-a-cult-165512">What is a cult?</a>
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<p>The Shakahola story is being controlled by parties outside the families affected because of the <a href="https://nation.africa/kenya/news/autopsy-shakahola-cult-strangled-suffocated-members--4219702">government scrutiny</a> and a <a href="https://www.africanews.com/2023/05/02/kenya-deadly-cults-pastor-mackenzie-to-face-terrorism-charges-odero-remains-in-custody/">police investigation</a> related to the criminal case against the church leader. This has the potential to disrupt healthy grieving. </p>
<p>Africa is considered <a href="https://www.pewtrusts.org/en/trend/archive/summer-2016/how-africa-is-changing-faith-around-the-world">one of the most religious continents</a> in the world. Many people use religion as a coping mechanism during difficult moments, yet in this case, <a href="https://www.the-star.co.ke/news/realtime/2023-05-04-dont-judge-pentecostal-churches-because-of-mackenzie-clergy/">religion is centre stage</a> as the possible perpetrator of the grief being experienced. This complicates the grieving process as people experience betrayal from one of their most valued support systems: religion. </p>
<p>Most families will adapt their own style and process – all valid – to handle the pain and trauma. As a counselling psychologist, I have <a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/33311868/">conducted studies</a> on how <a href="https://www.academia.edu/86359067/An_Investigation_of_Therapeutic_Value_of_the_Batsotso_Mourning_Rituals_in_Kakamega_County_Kenya">communities deal with death</a> and found unique practices that help in processing grief. </p>
<p>However, there are certain common stages of grief that people will experience – and can be helped to process – as the Shakahola tragedy continues to unfold. These stages are: </p>
<ul>
<li><p>shock and numbness</p></li>
<li><p>yearning and searching</p></li>
<li><p>despair and disorganisation </p></li>
<li><p>reorganisation and recovery.</p></li>
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<h2>Shock and numbness</h2>
<p>This is one of the initial responses individuals experience when they receive news of the death of a loved one. It manifests in the form of denial of the fact that the person is dead. Some people hope that what’s happening will be reversed. Others react by minimising the magnitude of the loss. </p>
<p>Shock or denial is one of the immediate healthy reactions to a traumatic event. This gives affected people the time to absorb and accept a difficult reality before they come to terms with it. Families should resist efforts to get them to accept a loss and “move on”. Shock, disappointment, anger, frustration, denial or even acceptance are all valid reactions. </p>
<h2>Yearning and searching</h2>
<p>At this stage, a grieving person has begun to get in touch with the reality of their loss. Staring at a perceived impossible future, a grieving individual tries to search for the comfort they used to enjoy from the deceased. This manifests in a continuous preoccupation with the person who has died, and an attempt to look for reminders of them. Some grieving people will cling to their loved one’s photos or clothes, or spend time in their favourite places. </p>
<p>In a traumatic case like the Shakahola one, one of the most important things that families will be yearning and searching for is justice and information about what caused their loved one’s death. A satisfactory <a href="https://www.the-star.co.ke/news/2023-05-04-shakahola-bodies-postmortem-complete-for-100-bodies-11-remaining/">autopsy process</a> and prosecution of the perpetrators would help people to grieve in a healthy way. </p>
<p>Families should be allowed to experience this stage without any external regulation. This can be therapeutic as it helps families reflect, experience the pain associated with the loss and vent their emotions. In this stage, individuals will cry and feel sad, confused or frustrated as the reality of their loss sets in. </p>
<h2>Despair and disorganisation</h2>
<p>With the reality that their loss is permanent and irreversible, bereaved people in this stage may feel hopeless and angry, and question their situation. For families affected by the Shakahola saga, many are likely to be furious at government agencies, their deceased loved ones and the church. </p>
<p>This anger may also be directed at themselves, especially if they feel they could have done something to prevent the death of their loved one. It may also be directed at others for causing the death or not doing enough to prevent the death, or at God for not listening to their prayers to prevent the death. </p>
<p>It’s important to allow families to express these mixed reactions at whoever they choose to without trying to convince them otherwise. It’s healthy for them to ask questions and blame whoever they choose to. This stage is not permanent. </p>
<h2>Reorganisation and recovery</h2>
<p>At this stage, the intensity of grief declines and hope is restored. A grieving person begins to see the possibility of living a good life again. They begin to relinquish some of their loved one’s property or start to carry out some of the duties that were performed by the deceased. </p>
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<strong>
Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/can-death-on-the-screen-feel-the-same-as-a-real-one-203549">Can death on the screen feel the same as a 'real' one?</a>
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<p>These four stages, however, manifest differently for different people. And they’re not linear. They may appear in any order. Time is also a silent stage and factor that helps people process grief. </p>
<p>The public watching the stories coming out of Shakahola can experience secondary trauma. This is difficult to avoid since access to information is a fundamental right. It’s therefore important for people to be aware of negative emotions that may develop as a result of following the saga. It shouldn’t raise alarm, though, as with time, these emotions will subside. </p>
<p>Journalists, security forces and other workers with direct access to the tragedy and exhumation of bodies are exposed to the danger of high-level traumatisation. They may need to seek psychosocial support to avoid developing severe psychological effects, including insomnia and anxiety. </p>
<p>Understanding grief is an important step towards healing. When you experience a tragedy, it’s important to realise that any accompanying emotions are normal reactions to an abnormal event. The process may take time and the pain may not subside quickly, and it all remains valid.</p>
<p><em>Note: the headline and text were changed to reflect the increasing number of bodies found.</em></p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/205135/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Stephen Asatsa does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.</span></em></p>The media attention, public backlash and judgement of the dead in the cult saga have made processing the loss difficult for families.Stephen Asatsa, Counseling Psychologist, Catholic University of Eastern AfricaLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.