tag:theconversation.com,2011:/au/topics/families-3702/articlesFamilies – The Conversation2024-03-21T12:25:56Ztag:theconversation.com,2011:article/2234222024-03-21T12:25:56Z2024-03-21T12:25:56ZWhy are Americans fighting over no-fault divorce? Maybe they can’t agree what marriage is for<p>“First comes love, then comes marriage” – so goes the classic children’s rhyme. But not everyone agrees. Increasingly, the idea that love is the most important reason to marry – or at least to stay married – is under attack. Republican pundits and lawmakers have been pushing back on the availability of no-fault divorce, challenging the idea that not being in love is a valid reason to end a marriage. </p>
<p>Speaking as a <a href="https://sc.edu/study/colleges_schools/law/faculty_and_staff/directory/yablonzug_marcia.php">professor of family law</a>, I know such views aren’t new. Zsa Zsa Gabor <a href="https://www.bbc.com/news/entertainment-arts-10984784">once quipped</a>, “Getting divorced just because you don’t love a man is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.” But while Gabor was probably joking, the Republican attack on divorce is serious.</p>
<h2>A history of American divorce</h2>
<p>For most of U.S. history, getting a divorce was difficult. Many states <a href="https://www.washingtonpost.com/history/2022/07/03/south-dakota-divorce-capital/">banned it entirely</a>, while others permitted it only under limited circumstances – typically <a href="https://daily.jstor.org/the-lost-history-of-no-fault-divorces/">cruelty, desertion or adultery</a>. Unhappily married couples who couldn’t prove such “faults” were effectively stuck.</p>
<p>Then, in 1969, California became the first state to <a href="https://digitalcommons.law.ggu.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1057&context=callaw">allow no-fault divorce</a> – meaning that a spouse could get a divorce simply by asking for it, without having to prove that their partner had done something wrong first. </p>
<p>After California enacted no-fault divorce, the rest of the states quickly followed. By 1977, 47 states permitted no-fault divorce, and by 1985, <a href="https://www.routledge.com/No-fault-Divorce-What-Went-Wrong/Parkman/p/book/9780367154394">all 50 states permitted some form of no-fault divorce</a>.</p>
<p>But now, nearly 50 years later, no-fault divorce is under increasing attack.</p>
<p>The issue gained <a href="https://www.rollingstone.com/politics/politics-features/stephen-crowder-divorce-1234727777/">renewed</a> <a href="https://www.cnn.com/2023/05/18/opinions/crowder-right-wing-rhetoric-about-divorce-ignores-history-shanley/index.html">national</a> <a href="https://www.christianpost.com/voices/steven-crowder-and-no-fault-divorce.html">attention</a> in 2023, when Steven Crowder, a conservative commentator who prides himself on his “provocative” views, expressed outrage and disbelief that his wife could divorce him without his consent. </p>
<p>Crowder isn’t alone in such criticisms: Divorce has become a hot topic among many red-state Republican lawmakers. Most recently, in January 2024, Oklahoma lawmaker Dusty Deevers proposed a bill to <a href="https://www.oklahoman.com/story/news/2024/01/26/no-fault-divorce-law-oklahoma-senator-wants-to-end/72354142007/">eliminate no-fault divorce</a> and suggested <a href="https://www.newsweek.com/dusty-deevers-public-shaming-people-who-divorce-republican-senate-1848878">“public shaming”</a> of spouses who commit marital fault and then divorce. Restricting no-fault divorce is also part of both the <a href="https://texasgop.org/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/2022-RPT-Platform.pdf">Texas</a> and <a href="https://ne.gop/issues/">Nebraska</a> Republican Party platforms, and was <a href="https://www.wwno.org/news/2023-01-12/louisiana-republican-party-considers-backing-elimination-of-no-fault-divorce">recently debated</a> by Louisiana lawmakers.</p>
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<figcaption><span class="caption">Oklahoma’s KFOR reports on a proposal to end no-fault divorce in the state.</span></figcaption>
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<p>The ability to divorce regardless of what the other party wants is the essence of no-fault divorce. I think it’s alarming that it’s under attack. Nevertheless, the idea that not being in love is a valid reason to divorce is an assumption that should be questioned. It’s based on the idea that love is the purpose of marriage, and that itself is debatable.</p>
<h2>What’s marriage for, anyway?</h2>
<p>Marriage is a legal status that confers important rights and benefits on the married, and these rights and benefits <a href="https://books.google.com/books/about/Public_Vows.html?id=Jnh7ylcLaB4C">have nothing to do with love</a>. In fact, the purpose of these advantages is to give couples non-love reasons to marry. The idea is that the social benefits of marriage are so significant that incentivizing marriage, or even flat-out <a href="https://www.thenation.com/article/archive/hotgun-weddings/">paying people to marry</a>, is justified.</p>
<p>For an example of this kind of cost-benefit analysis, consider the policy debate over whether children are better off being raised by two married parents. In her recent book “<a href="https://press.uchicago.edu/ucp/books/book/chicago/T/bo205550079.html">The Two-Parent Privilege: How Americans Stopped Getting Married and started Falling Behind</a>,” economics professor Melissa Kearney argues that this advantage is significant and wide-ranging. Not surprisingly, Kearney’s work was <a href="https://ifstudies.org/blog/the-ultimate-privilege-two-parent">eagerly embraced by</a> <a href="https://www.wsj.com/articles/marriage-economist-kearney-two-parent-privilege-socioeconomic-mobility-equity-single-mother-divorce-4b499a5e">pro-marriage advocates</a> and has reinvigorated <a href="https://www.brookings.edu/events/the-two-parent-privilege-a-conversation-on-the-case-for-marriage">long-standing discussions</a> <a href="https://www.niskanencenter.org/discussion-on-marriage-economic-opportunity-and-family-flourishing-with-melissa-kearney">about how to</a> <a href="https://www.politico.com/news/magazine/2024/01/06/marriage-political-expert-roundtable-00133856">further encourage marriage</a>. </p>
<p>If children do better when raised by married parents, it’s understandable that the government would enact laws and policies to promote marriage. It also explains why the government might seek to limit divorce. This is a purely instrumental view of marriage, and one that would have been <a href="https://www.hup.harvard.edu/books/9780674008755">very familiar to 18th- and 19th-century Americans</a>. </p>
<p>For most of U.S. history, marriage was unabashedly transactional. Laws <a href="https://www.hup.harvard.edu/books/9780674008755">essentially guaranteed</a> that most men and women would wed; love had nothing to do with it.</p>
<h2>Striking a ‘marital bargain’</h2>
<p>Historians refer to marrying for legal and economic benefits as the “<a href="https://casetext.com/case/perry-v-schwarzenegger-10">marital bargain</a>.” However, in the late 19th century, acceptance of the transactional nature of the marital bargain began to wane, and publicly, men and women began to declare that <a href="https://search.worldcat.org/title/marriage-a-history-how-love-conquered-marriage/oclc/64589809">love was the purpose of marriage</a>. As historian Nancy Cott writes in her book “<a href="https://www.hup.harvard.edu/books/9780674008755">Public Vows</a>,” by the turn of the 20th century, American culture had “put love and money on opposite sides of the street.” </p>
<p>My book, “<a href="https://steerforth.com/product/youll-do-9781586423742/">You’ll Do: A History of Marrying for Reasons Other than Love</a>,” also explores this history and shows how Americans went from encouraging the marital bargain to viewing it as harmful, both to couples and to the institution of marriage as a whole. </p>
<p>Despite the public view that love is the only reason to marry, the law takes a more practical approach, recognizing that love alone may not be enough to get couples to the altar. That’s why it continues to encourage marriage for instrumental reasons, with <a href="https://steerforth.com/product/youll-do-9781586423742/">benefits ranging from tax breaks and immigration preferences to criminal law defenses</a>.</p>
<p>When marriage was a clear bargain for exchange, the benefits of the union were obvious. Like the 19th-century marital advertisement “<a href="https://abcnews.go.com/GMA/story?id=700646">Man with farm seeks woman with tractor</a>,” each side knew exactly what they were getting. Now, the purpose of marriage is less clear. I believe the move to eliminate no-fault divorce is simply the latest symptom of this confusion regarding the goals of marriage.</p>
<p>If marriage is about love, then a lack of love should be the quintessential reason to divorce. However, if marriage is a contract for benefits, then it isn’t surprising that Crowder and other no-fault critics are outraged that it can be unilaterally broken. Although the push to eliminate no-fault divorce is presented as a fight over the purpose of divorce, it’s really a fight over the meaning of marriage.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/223422/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Marcia Zug does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organization that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.</span></em></p>A growing number of Republicans say that you shouldn’t be able to divorce simply because you’ve fallen out of love. It’s an idea with a long history.Marcia Zug, Professor of Family Law, University of South CarolinaLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/2233842024-03-12T11:39:11Z2024-03-12T11:39:11ZFamily unbound: how western society is redefining and assembling families through digital platforms<p>Modern Western life offers a wide range of possibilities of what “family” can be: single parents, rainbow families, patchwork constellations, co-parenting, adoption, surrogacy and <a href="https://edition.cnn.com/us/childfree-by-choice-women-birth-rate-decline-cec/index.html">partnerships without children</a>. Family forms are diversifying and extending beyond the <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/jomf.12712">traditional</a>.</p>
<p>In many ways, the landscape of this fundamental institution is changing faster than laws and other institutions that can accommodate. As a result, certain online platforms are now seeking to bridge the gap, connecting individuals who are interested in forming non-traditional families and seeking guidance on how to do so.</p>
<h2>A Zeitgeist shift</h2>
<p>A website operating in Switzerland, Germany and Austria, <a href="https://www.familyship.org">Familyship.org</a>, is looking to <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/14705931231201780">bridge this institutional and cultural gap</a>. Two women, Miriam Förster and Christine Wagner, set it up in order to form their ideal family. Together they found a co-father to take an active parental role and to provide ongoing support for the infant. While the women later ended their relationship, Christine and the co-father, who is gay, have continued to raise the child together.</p>
<p>The site was designed to help people weave new family ties according to a range of desired constellations. Regardless of relationship status, sexual orientation or gender, it’s designed to help anyone with a non-traditional understanding of family to conceive and raise a child. Over the past decade, more than 12,000 people have used the platform.</p>
<p>Users can seek various types of co-parents: hands-on, those with more passive “aunt or uncle” functions, or sperm donors who are less involved in the upbringing of the child. It is also possible to “mix and match” these parental roles as desired. The community is diverse with regard to gender, sexual orientation, relationship status, the desired form of family, and geographic location. Most users are based in Germany, Switzerland and Austria, and they’re generally politically liberal and well educated.</p>
<p>The overall goal of the platform was to help those wishing to be parents develop a child-centric family structure. Users are looking for ideal co-parenting partners to bear and rear offspring, not for romance or life partners. The platform affords privacy and protection for its users by offering strict privacy regulations and community access upon registration for a user fee.</p>
<h2>Liberation through innovative family models</h2>
<p>In our research, published in <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/14705931231201780"><em>Marketing Theory</em></a>, we analysed discourses in media coverage, interviewed the site’s founders, and accompanied 23 families or to-be families over a period of a year and a half. All names have been changed for privacy reasons.</p>
<p>Our analysis showed that there is a demand for platforms that enable and support individuals who question the societally dominant meanings of family. For example, Carlotta, a 38-year-old architect who is bisexual, describes herself as someone who struggles to maintain long-term relationships. After a year of reflecting on her wish to having a child, she came across the platform:</p>
<blockquote>
<p>“At some point I [searched the Internet] and found a concept called co-parenting – it made total sense to me. I couldn’t believe that after all this worrying and thinking, my solution was right there. From one moment to the next, the burdening feeling was gone, and I felt so relieved to see a realistic option for having a child.”</p>
</blockquote>
<p>She is now raising a child with a homosexual man in a co-parenting arrangement.</p>
<h2>Separating parenthood from romantic partnerships</h2>
<p>The platform’s co-founder, Christine Wagner, takes issue with the role of romantic entanglement in family formation and childrearing:</p>
<blockquote>
<p>“Eventually, it became obvious to me that this separation between the desire for children and partnership had to happen. This traditional coupling was also deeply rooted in my mind.”</p>
</blockquote>
<p>The disentanglement between romance and family formation is also a key reason for the popularity of the platform among heterosexual men and women. The platform was initially founded by a lesbian couple and used predominantly by the LGBTQIA+ community in the earlier years of the platform. Many users are drawn to the platform because they desire to reduce the perceived risk inherent in romantic relationships.</p>
<p>Emilia, a 37-year-old heterosexual woman, is one of them. An expatriate with a degree in literature and history, she co-parents with a homosexual man she found after moving to Berlin, which she dubs the “singles’ capital” of the world. Their second child is already in the planning. She reflects upon her journey:</p>
<blockquote>
<p>“I always knew I wanted to have a family and become a mother… But at the same time, I increasingly worried. My parents got divorced, as with so many other families. I see the marriages of my friends and the unstable relationships children are born into. And if you look at the official statistics, the divorce rates speak for themselves. To be honest, I don’t believe in this family model anymore. It is too risky to base a family on romantic emotions between two people. I want to find a stronger basis for my child’s future.”</p>
</blockquote>
<p>Claudia, a 35-year-old who graduated in design and business, is also co-parenting a child with a homosexual man. Her thoughts echo Emilia’s:</p>
<blockquote>
<p>“I actively thought about questions like: How important is it for me to have children? I came relatively quickly to the conclusion that it is very important for me to have children. But I really do have big doubts about the concept of a traditional family, and it doesn’t really suit me either.”</p>
</blockquote>
<h2>Family creation afforded by platforms</h2>
<p>Social scientists have started to question the changing role of relationships and <a href="https://www.wiley.com/en-fr/The+End+of+Love:+A+Sociology+of+Negative+Relations-p-9781509550258">love in the contemporary era</a>, in which popular social media and dating apps greatly influence our interactions and how we meet others. In this respect, <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/14705931231201780">our study</a> helps advance understandings of “platformisation” of consumer culture. In practice, this means that corporations are once again closely involved in shaping our intimate relationships.</p>
<p>As a digital platform, Familyship.org contrasts with such trends. It can be better understood as a “social enterprise”, given it was a created by ordinary people as a nonprofit. In doing so, it became a successful initiative in shaping and re-imagining one of the most intimate spheres of our lives – the way people think about, create, and enact family.</p>
<p>For policy-making purposes, we consider the model of Familyship.org to be an interesting one to learn from. Its collaborative model helps individuals to share life experiences and find solutions to complex social and legal constraints in ways that leverage a network of expertise. The site protects privacy, enabling participants to talk freely and creatively about their desired family constellations in a closed community space.</p>
<p>As a <a href="https://direct.mit.edu/itgg/article/1/2/145/9448/The-Process-of-Social-Innovation">2006 paper</a> published in the MIT journal <em>Innovations</em> notes, “people are competent interpreters of their own lives and competent solvers of their own problems”. Similarly, policymakers should follow suit and foster the creation of similar kinds of protected platform spaces for social innovation and experimentation.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/223384/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Part of the research project was funded by the the Swiss National Science Foundation P1SGP1_188106. </span></em></p><p class="fine-print"><em><span>John Schouten et Joonas Rokka ne travaillent pas, ne conseillent pas, ne possèdent pas de parts, ne reçoivent pas de fonds d'une organisation qui pourrait tirer profit de cet article, et n'ont déclaré aucune autre affiliation que leur poste universitaire.</span></em></p>Whether LGBTQIA+, or sceptical of romantic love as the best foundation for their family, many are looking to the Internet to find co-parenting partners with whom to raise a child.Lydia Ottlewski, Assistant professor, University of Southern DenmarkJohn Schouten, Canada Research Chair in Social EnterpriseJoonas Rokka, Professeur en marketing, EM Lyon Business SchoolLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/2219392024-03-08T13:38:13Z2024-03-08T13:38:13ZTeenagers often know when their parents are having money problems − and that knowledge is linked to mental health challenges, new research finds<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/576103/original/file-20240216-28-neuioj.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=120%2C77%2C5609%2C3736&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">Teens are more clued in to family finances than many people think.</span> <span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.gettyimages.com/detail/photo/single-working-mother-and-her-teenage-girl-talking-royalty-free-image/1457103190">Olga Rolenko/Moment via Getty Images</a></span></figcaption></figure><p>When parents try to shield their kids from financial hardship, they may be doing them a favor: Teens’ views about their families’ economic challenges are <a href="https://doi.org/10.1017/S0954579423001451">connected to their mental health and behavior</a>.</p>
<p>That’s the main finding of a study into household income and child development that I recently conducted with my colleagues.</p>
<p>As a <a href="https://scholar.google.com/citations?hl=en&oi=ao&user=--zcHSQAAAAJ">professor of psychology</a>, I know there’s <a href="https://doi.org/10.1007/s10964-020-01210-4">a good deal of research</a> showing that young people who experience more household economic hardship <a href="https://doi.org/10.1007/s13524-019-00833-y">tend to have more behavioral problems</a>.</p>
<p>But most studies on this issue rely heavily on caregiver reports – that is, what adults say about their kids. Fewer researchers have asked young people themselves. </p>
<p>To fill this gap, my colleagues and I asked more than 100 Pittsburgh-area teenagers, as well as their parents, about their family income, their views about their financial challenges, and their mental health. We checked in with them multiple times over nine months. </p>
<p>Doing this, we found a few important things. First, we found that many families’ economic situations varied over time – they were doing fine with money in some months and struggling during others. And second, we found that when teenagers said they and their family were experiencing hardship, those teens had more behavioral problems.</p>
<p>For example, many teens said that they couldn’t afford school supplies or that their caregivers worried because they lacked money for necessities. In the months when teens reported experiencing these hardships, they were more likely to feel depressed and get in trouble at school.</p>
<h2>Why it matters</h2>
<p>Other researchers have found that economic hardship is related to <a href="https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1467-8624.2007.00986.x">differences in parenting</a>, <a href="https://doi.org/10.3390/children9070981">academic achievement</a> and many <a href="https://doi.org/10.1016/j.childyouth.2022.106400">other developmental outcomes</a> – but prior studies haven’t always captured the complexities and challenges that struggling families face. </p>
<p>For example, researchers studying links between economic hardship and youth behavioral development have historically looked at family income on a yearly basis. But bills come due weekly or monthly. Our work shows that looking at the annual data alone risks missing an important part of the story: Many families experience brief spells of financial instability.</p>
<p>Our work also shows that teens are acutely affected by economic conditions in their daily lives and understand their families’ circumstances. This has important implications for research. Given that adolescence is a time of major emotional and cognitive changes, our team believes that researchers should center on the perspectives of young people directly affected by economic challenges. For example, we have previously found that how young people view stress and support in their lives may have <a href="https://theconversation.com/positive-parenting-can-help-protect-against-the-effects-of-stress-in-childhood-and-adolescence-new-study-shows-208268">implications for their brain development</a>.</p>
<p>This work also has important implications for public policy. For example, lawmakers assume that economic hardship is fairly stable and set anti-poverty policies accordingly. Our research offers fresh evidence that many people see <a href="https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2017/05/31/business/31-volatility.html">large income swings throughout the year</a>. This kind of economic instability has been found to <a href="https://doi.org/10.1007/s10802-016-0181-5">affect child development</a>, especially when families <a href="https://doi.org/10.1017/S0954579419001494">lose large amounts of income</a>. To lessen the impact of poverty, policymakers may need to think about economic hardship more dynamically.</p>
<h2>What’s next</h2>
<p>Our research team wants to continue putting young people’s voices front and center. We’re also interested in more complex ways to make sense of socioeconomic status. While we know that income matters for families, we’re increasingly focused on household wealth, which is a household’s assets minus its debts. Wealth may influence child development in ways that are different from income. We’re just starting to collect data for a new project examining how both of these factors <a href="https://sanford.duke.edu/story/nichd-awards-grant-sanford-partnership-focused-adolescent-wellness-factors/">affect teen mental health</a>.</p>
<p><em>The <a href="https://theconversation.com/us/topics/research-brief-83231">Research Brief</a> is a short take on interesting academic work.</em></p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/221939/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Jamie Hanson and his colleagues receive funding from the National Institutes of Health. Hanson is also a board member of the Pittsburgh Non-Profit, Project Destiny.</span></em></p>A study of more than 100 teens and their caregivers showed a unique link between hardship and behavior problems.Jamie Hanson, Assistant Professor of Psychology, University of PittsburghLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/2222972024-03-06T17:45:10Z2024-03-06T17:45:10ZWhat you’re really saying with your Mother’s Day gift<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/579540/original/file-20240304-51515-w8kd5a.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=102%2C56%2C6127%2C4091&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">
</span> <span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.shutterstock.com/image-photo/loving-young-adult-female-child-congratulate-1940140240">Fizkes/Shutterstock</a></span></figcaption></figure><p><em>Here mum, I’ve bought you something!</em></p>
<p>After your daughter spends the weekend visiting, a surprise gift seems like a kind gesture – until you open it and find a vacuum cleaner. What does this say about her visit and what she thinks of your house? Should you receive it with gratitude, hand it back in a huff, or start planning a revenge gift?</p>
<p>We give gifts for all kinds of reasons: to show someone we <a href="https://academic.oup.com/jcr/article-abstract/20/3/393/1838979?login=false">love them, are proud of them, or appreciate them</a>. As the above situation shows, we also give gifts to give a hint, to flatter (or offend) someone or to <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/014829639390049U">assert influence</a>. </p>
<p>Exchanging <a href="https://books.google.co.uk/books/about/The_Gift.html?id=zxsiBQAAQBAJ&redir_esc=y">gifts</a> is a way to express personal desires, social norms and kinship, especially in relationships. And mothers and their <a href="https://books.google.co.uk/books/about/Linked_Lives.html?id=R2OuAAAAIAAJ&redir_esc=y">adult daughters</a> have some of the most complex relationships.</p>
<p>In a paper published in January 2024, we <a href="https://academic.oup.com/jcr/advance-article/doi/10.1093/jcr/ucae002/7513748?login=false">interviewed 27 mothers</a> and their adult daughters to explore the politics involved in gift-giving and receiving. We found that gifts are a way for mothers and daughters to communicate several things. Gifts can provide advice (even unwelcome) without the giver having to say it, help strengthen the relationship, and (not so) subtly suggest that the other person change.</p>
<p>Gifts can also help mothers and daughters learn about each other’s boundaries and about themselves. Receiving an unwanted gift can be a crucial moment, when a mother realises the differences between herself and her daughter, or a daughter sees herself for the first time as independent from the relationship.</p>
<h2>Strengthening the relationship</h2>
<p>As we learned from the mothers and daughters in our study, exchanging mundane gifts is a way to confirm a lasting bond, especially if the relationship is going through a rough period. One 32-year-old woman who was in a toxic romantic relationship told us that her mother would buy her small gifts of flowers, books or chocolates, or she would come to see her. </p>
<p>She described this frequent flow of small, but thoughtful gifts as “strategic”, saying that her mother “took a step back, [but] she didn’t want to lose her connection with me”.</p>
<p>For the mother, these gifts served as a means of preserving the mother-daughter connection despite the presence of the daughter’s difficult boyfriend. Her mother explained:</p>
<blockquote>
<p>We tried to not judge and stand by her because that’s what she wanted. I’d take her to the concert every now and then. He would try to sabotage it by having a fight with her. </p>
</blockquote>
<p>Generosity and gift-giving can be a way to show love and approval and strengthen the mother-daughter bond. But they can also come with strings attached, or a sense of duty to reciprocate. </p>
<p>A 37-year-old woman who needed a second car to fulfil childcare commitments told us that after her mother gave her some money, she would visit her parents and cook for them as a way of “saying thank you”.</p>
<h2>Nudging the other to change</h2>
<p>Some mothers and daughters use gifts to gently nudge each other into making better decisions. One 58-year-old mother who is a hoarder found it amusing that her daughters gave her gifts of experiences – massages and spa days – instead of tangible items.</p>
<p>One of her daughters responded: “It’s embarrassing to invite friends around” because they see a cluttered house. The daughter used these experiential gifts to try to “cure” her mother of hoarding, and save herself from feeling embarrassed.</p>
<figure class="align-center ">
<img alt="An older, Asian woman and her adult daughter stand back to back with arms crossed and unhappy expressions on their faces" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/579546/original/file-20240304-48072-vgwcpy.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/579546/original/file-20240304-48072-vgwcpy.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/579546/original/file-20240304-48072-vgwcpy.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/579546/original/file-20240304-48072-vgwcpy.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/579546/original/file-20240304-48072-vgwcpy.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/579546/original/file-20240304-48072-vgwcpy.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/579546/original/file-20240304-48072-vgwcpy.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px">
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">It’s the thought that counts, right?</span>
<span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.shutterstock.com/image-photo/asian-mature-mom-adult-daughter-have-2218350429">NTShutterth/Shutterstock</a></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>Sometimes, the demand for change is less subtle. A retired woman we interviewed described receiving expensive holidays and weekends away from her eldest daughter, Aurora, despite being a reluctant traveller.</p>
<blockquote>
<p>I have always been nervous about new places. I’ll never feel confident. Aurora tries hard instilling confidence in me. She just doesn’t give up … I did ask her not to organise any more holidays [like this], it’s rubbish. And she said, “No, you’re rubbish” and I said, “Yes, we are.” Oh, I am useless. I felt safer when Aurora was around.</p>
</blockquote>
<p>Eventually, Aurora took her mother and father on a trip with her, rather than giving it as a gift. This pleased her mother, who said she was “ecstatic” to be taken care of by her daughter on holiday, saying: “I didn’t have fears because we [my husband and I] were going with Aurora and her husband. We were being treated like children.”</p>
<p>When you give or receive a gift this Mother’s Day, think about what you’re really saying. You might be trying to shore up a rocky relationship, asking for help or suggesting the other person make a change in their life. Or you might simply be saying: I love you.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/222297/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>The authors do not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and have disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.</span></em></p>It’s never just a box of chocolates.Chih-Ling Liu, Senior Lecturer in Marketing, Lancaster UniversityRobert Kozinets, Professor of Journalism, USC Annenberg School for Communication and JournalismLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/2240572024-03-04T20:58:06Z2024-03-04T20:58:06ZMAID and mental health: Does ending the suffering of mental illness mean supporting death or supporting better lives?<p>Recent headlines have <a href="https://nationalpost.com/news/canada/psychiatrists-clash-deadline-maid-mental-illness">highlighted debates</a> among federal parties over the proposal to <a href="https://www.canada.ca/en/health-canada/news/2024/02/the-government-of-canada-introduces-legislation-to-delay-medical-assistance-in-dying-expansion-by-3-years.html">extend Medical Assistance in Dying</a> (MAID) to people suffering solely with mental illness. </p>
<p>Proponents of <a href="https://psychiatry.utoronto.ca/news/discussing-medical-assistance-dying-and-mental-illness-canada">expanding Bill C-7 to mental illness claim</a> that delays to do so are based on stigma and stereotypes promoting the belief that a mental disorder renders someone incapable of making a rational choice to die. Those that advocate for delaying an expansion suggest that more work is needed to <a href="https://doi.org/10.1097/yco.0000000000000298">ensure appropriate safeguards</a> are in place to distinguish requests for MAID from illness-induced suicidal ideation. </p>
<p>The recent announcement that including mental illness in MAID will be <a href="https://www.cbc.ca/news/politics/liberals-delay-expanding-maid-1.7101560">delayed until 2027</a> gives provincial and territorial health-care systems more time to prepare for implementation. </p>
<h2>Putting access to MAID in context</h2>
<p>People living with long-term mental illness should have the option to consider MAID, like others facing chronic, debilitating illnesses. However, access to MAID is a small part of a larger conversation we ought to be having about how the health-care system can provide supports and services that empower people with mental health disorders to navigate the long journey of mental illness with dignity and resilience. Extending support to the families that care for them should be considered key. </p>
<p><a href="https://www.camh.ca/en/driving-change/the-crisis-is-real/mental-health-statistics">As the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health (CAMH) reports</a>, mental illness is the leading cause of disability in Canada, and wait lists for services are far too long. For each person with a debilitating mental illness, there are family members — biological, legal or chosen — doing their best to provide support and care. But who supports these families as they navigate the challenges of persistent mental illness? </p>
<p>Despite decades of research demonstrating the <a href="https://doi.org/10.7870/cjcmh-2015-009">importance of family caregivers</a> for supporting people with severe mental illness, and the <a href="https://www.mentalhealthcommission.ca/wp-content/uploads/drupal/Caregiving_MHCC_Family_Caregivers_Guidelines_ENG_0.pdf">beneficial outcomes</a> for all family members when families are supported, vital support services have <a href="https://www.fraserinstitute.org/sites/default/files/mental-health-care-how-is-canada-doing.pdf">declined throughout Canada</a>. Families that are racialized, poor or newcomers are <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177/0840470420933911">getting even less support</a> in a depleted family support service system. </p>
<p>Examples of evidence-based family-focused supports that would help include <a href="https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1752-0606.2011.00256.x">family psychoeducation</a>, <a href="https://doi.org/10.1111/hsc.12689">peer support</a>, and <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177/07067437231197263">community-based, culturally-acceptable services</a> that focus on whole families.</p>
<h2>Supporting patients and families</h2>
<p>In addition to asking health-care systems to prepare to end the suffering of mental illness by facilitating death, we should be asking legislators and policymakers to build a health-care system that supports better lives for people with mental disorders and their families. </p>
<p>Families manage mental illness <a href="https://www.ctvnews.ca/health/relatives-of-people-with-serious-mental-illness-often-bear-brunt-of-stigma-study-1.6374892">out of sight</a> of these leaders and society at large; their suffering is seen as a <a href="https://tspace.library.utoronto.ca/bitstream/1807/94700/1/Caregiving%20under%20siege_Williams.pdf">personal matter</a> that is no one else’s business. But the numbers tell us that ending suffering from mental illness is everyone’s business. It requires <a href="https://cmha.ca/brochure/social-support/">networks of support</a> for those who have been diagnosed and caregivers. Ignoring the families that support individuals with mental illness has <a href="https://www.mentalhealthcommission.ca/wp-content/uploads/drupal/Caregiving_MHCC_Family_Caregivers_Guidelines_ENG_0.pdf">ramifications for everyone’s health</a>. </p>
<p>My research exploring the experiences of Ontario families affected by mental illness has shown there are <a href="http://familyguidetomentalhealth.com/port/harmful-practices/">gaps in the system</a> when it comes to family support. Conversations with families reveal that, whether one is a caregiver or someone who has been diagnosed, those living with mental illness often feel <a href="http://familyguidetomentalhealth.com/port/stigma-isolation/">isolated, alone and overwhelmed</a>. </p>
<figure>
<iframe width="440" height="260" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/bO_jmSo4VfA?wmode=transparent&start=8" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen=""></iframe>
<figcaption><span class="caption">In a video from the Family Caregiving Project, family members describe difficult interactions with the health-care system.</span></figcaption>
</figure>
<p>Family members who <a href="https://tspace.library.utoronto.ca/bitstream/1807/94700/1/Caregiving%20under%20siege_Williams.pdf">don’t fall into the definition of “traditional family”</a> often report challenges throughout the care process. Families that are part of marginalized or lower-income groups face additional <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177/0840470420933911">challenges to getting help and support</a>, often due to financial barriers, language and cultural barriers, or other social determinants that correspond to inequities in access to health care. </p>
<p>The failure to build proper supports and services that meet the needs of families could worsen an already growing mental health crisis. If the family is stressed, that <a href="https://citeseerx.ist.psu.edu/document?repid=rep1&type=pdf&doi=c8ae98f27c37c9ca253832a6f7a479f3d322b502">stress will impact everyone within it</a>, caregivers and people struggling with a mental illness alike. This is suffering that can last for decades. The well-being of whole families affected by mental illness must be recognized as an issue of urgent concern.</p>
<h2>Caring for people with long-term mental illness</h2>
<p>Education and training are needed to ensure health professionals have the information they need to better support families. At the same time, more work must be done to promote the general public’s understanding of mental illness and reduce stigma, so people don’t feel ashamed about asking for help. </p>
<p>My work with the Family Caregiving Project to develop <a href="http://familyguidetomentalhealth.com/family-caregiving-project/">free online educational resources</a> is a start. These resources help health-care professionals, educators and community groups better understand and discuss the experiences of families struggling with mental health issues. </p>
<hr>
<p>
<em>
<strong>
Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/medical-assistance-in-dying-for-mental-illness-ignores-safeguards-for-vulnerable-people-156012">Medical assistance in dying for mental illness ignores safeguards for vulnerable people</a>
</strong>
</em>
</p>
<hr>
<p>But Canada’s families require government support as well. We need to ensure that our health-care system provides necessary services for families. Last year, we called on the Ontario government to fund targeted support for families living with serious and persistent mental illnesses, <a href="https://www.change.org/p/family-day-includes-families-affected-by-mental-illness-they-need-your-help-0cc2c044-c4bf-4de2-a722-ef5eae4f2d05">collecting nearly 1,500 signatures from people who agree family support needs to be a priority</a>. </p>
<p>Living with a recurrent mental illness and having hopes rise and fall when treatments fail is a source of profound suffering for families all over Canada. People diagnosed with mental illness need to be part of the dialogue surrounding MAID eligibility because long-term mental illness can be devastating. At the same time, we have a health-care system that is focused on the short term of crisis and hospitalization, with little thought or investment for the months and years over which individuals and their families must find ways to carry on. </p>
<p>We need to offer more than assistance to death. We need to offer adequate resources and services that will get people help when needed, and support the mental health and well-being of all family members over the long term.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/224057/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Charmaine C. Williams receives funding from the Social Sciences and Humanities Research Council (SSHRC). In the past she has received funding from the Canadian Institutes of Health Research (CIHR), the International Development Research Council (IDRC), the Ontario HIV Treatment Network, and the Ministry of Health and Long-Term Care.</span></em></p>In addition to asking health-care systems to prepare to end suffering of mental illness through Medical Assistance in Dying (MAID), we must ask policymakers to support better lives for families.Charmaine C. Williams, Dean and Professor of Social Work, University of TorontoLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/2233712024-02-29T13:17:22Z2024-02-29T13:17:22ZThe UK’s two-child limit on benefits is hurting the poorest families – poverty experts on why it should be abolished<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/577376/original/file-20240222-18-unkhdr.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=0%2C0%2C998%2C666&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">
</span> <span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.shutterstock.com/image-photo/please-give-me-some-chocolate-group-1299500284">Liderina/Shutterstock</a></span></figcaption></figure><p>Under the UK’s two-child limit, families on benefit receive a payment for each of their first two children, but no more for any additional children. </p>
<p>The limit results in families losing around <a href="https://www.resolutionfoundation.org/publications/catastophic-caps/">£3,200 a year</a> for any third or subsequent child born after April 2017. For low-income households, that’s a huge amount. The policy affects over 400,000 families, according to estimates by think tank the <a href="https://www.resolutionfoundation.org/publications/catastophic-caps/">Resolution Foundation</a>. </p>
<p>Our <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/ijsw.12642">new research</a> shows that larger families have become poorer since the introduction of the two-child limit – and the poorest families are losing out the most. The policy breaks the link between need and social benefits: rather than helping those in greatest need, the it punishes them. </p>
<p>The two-child limit came into force in April 2017. A family claiming working-age means-tested benefits, such as the child tax benefit, housing benefit, or universal credit, who had a third or subsequent child born <a href="https://www.gov.uk/guidance/claiming-benefits-for-2-or-more-children">after April 6 2017</a> does not receive a child related payment for them. Larger families with children born before this date continue to receive the standard child addition. </p>
<p><a href="https://www.york.ac.uk/news-and-events/news/2023/research/two-child-limit-and-benefit-cap-fail-to-meet-aims/">Research has found</a> that the two-child limit, along with the benefit cap (an upper limit on the amount of out-of-work benefits a family can receive) has put larger families under enormous pressure and harmed parents’ mental health. </p>
<p>Another brutal detail is known as the “rape clause”. The two-child limit allows for an exception in the event of non-consensual conception, but it requires victims to provide <a href="https://researchbriefings.files.parliament.uk/documents/CBP-9301/CBP-9301.pdf">third party evidence</a> – such as a criminal injuries compensation scheme award – and prove they are not living with the perpetrator. </p>
<h2>Losing out</h2>
<p>Our new <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/ijsw.12642">research</a> used data from the Households Below Average Income dataset, a nationally representative source of information on household incomes. We compared data from 2015-16, before the two-child limit came into force, with 2019-20 (the pandemic disrupted later data collection). We also compared small families – those with one or two children – with larger families of three or more children. </p>
<p>We measured poverty using household disposable incomes after taxes and benefits, but before housing costs. Children in households with incomes below 60% of the national median were counted as poor. </p>
<p>When the two-child limit was announced in 2015, 27% of children in larger families lived in low-income households, based on this measure, compared with 17% of children in smaller families. By 2019-20, after the introduction of the two-child limit, the larger family poverty rate had gone up to 37%. It remained at 17% for smaller families. This was because larger families’ incomes fell rather than because poorer families had more children. </p>
<p>This cannot be solely attributed to the two-child limit. Poverty in larger families <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/ijsw.12642">had been increasing</a> before it was introduced. But it means that the limit penalised families that were already vulnerable. </p>
<figure class="align-center ">
<img alt="Worried couple, woman is pregnant" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/577384/original/file-20240222-22-3jerkd.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/577384/original/file-20240222-22-3jerkd.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/577384/original/file-20240222-22-3jerkd.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/577384/original/file-20240222-22-3jerkd.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/577384/original/file-20240222-22-3jerkd.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/577384/original/file-20240222-22-3jerkd.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/577384/original/file-20240222-22-3jerkd.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px">
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">The poorest families are losing out.</span>
<span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.shutterstock.com/image-photo/married-man-woman-stressed-worried-postpartum-1940705395">christinarosepix/Shutterstock</a></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>We also looked at income differences between larger families with or without a child under three. The two-child limit came into force in 2017, meaning that in 2019-20 larger families with children aged under three would be affected by the policy. We found that larger families with a child under three had lower incomes on average in real terms in 2019-20 than in 2015-16. </p>
<p>And we found that poverty has worsened the most in the poorest larger families. Between 2015-16 and 2019-20, the large families who were poorer than 90% of families nationally saw their income fall by 18% in real terms. The larger families on middling incomes saw their income fall by 9%.</p>
<p>The income of the poorest small families – families not affected by the two child limit – also fell in real terms, but by much less: 2%. </p>
<h2>Unusual limits</h2>
<p>From an international perspective, the UK two-child limit policy is unusual. None of the other <a href="https://www.oecd.org/about/">developed countries</a> that are members of the Organisation for Economic Co-operation and Development <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/ijsw.12642">limit the number</a> of children eligible for means-tested family benefits to two children, and in many countries benefits increase with family size. </p>
<p><a href="https://sticerd.lse.ac.uk/dps/case/cp/casepaper228.pdf">Research</a> from the London School of Economics shows that only three European Union countries restrict their benefits by family size (Cyprus, Romania and Spain) but they do so at three or four children. </p>
<p>The rationale for the two-child limit was to reduce government deficit, but it <a href="https://www.parliament.uk/globalassets/documents/impact-assessments/IA15-006E.pdf">also sought</a> to encourage parents “to reflect carefully on their readiness to support an additional child”. </p>
<p>The <a href="https://endchildpoverty.org.uk/two_child_limit/">End Child Poverty Coalition</a> argues that scrapping the limit would be the most cost effective way of reducing child poverty, stating that for the estimated cost of £1.3 billion, a quarter of a million children would be lifted from poverty. If the Labour party is serious about <a href="https://labour.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/Mission-breaking-down-barriers.pdf">breakding down the barriers to opportunity</a>, abolishing the two-child limit should be the first thing they do, should they come to power.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/223371/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Jonathan Bradshaw receives funding from no one currently. He is a member of the Research Committee of the Child Poverty Action Group and an Emeritus Professor at the University of York.. </span></em></p><p class="fine-print"><em><span>Yekaterina Chzhen does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.</span></em></p>Rather than helping the families in greatest need, the policy punishes them.Yekaterina Chzhen, Assistant Professor in Sociology, Trinity College DublinJonathan Bradshaw, Professor of Social Policy, University of YorkLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/2186822024-02-21T13:19:25Z2024-02-21T13:19:25ZMarriage is not as effective an anti-poverty strategy as you’ve been led to believe<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/575664/original/file-20240214-26-6cr98q.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">Despite the popular guidance, marriage can be an economic risk for single parents with unstable partners.</span> <span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.gettyimages.com/detail/photo/divorce-process-royalty-free-image/1329914655">simarik/iStock/Getty Images Plus</a></span></figcaption></figure><p>Brides.com predicts that 2024 will be the “<a href="https://www.brides.com/marriage-proposal-boom-2024-8358024">year of the proposal</a>” as engagements tick back up after a pandemic-driven slowdown.</p>
<p>Meanwhile, support for marriage has found new grist in recent books, including <a href="https://sociology.as.virginia.edu/people/w-bradford-wilcox">sociologist</a> Brad Wilcox’s “<a href="https://www.amazon.com/Get-Married-Americans-Families-Civilization/dp/0063210851">Get Married: Why Americans Must Defy the Elites, Forge Strong Families and Save Civilization</a>” and economist Melissa Kearney’s “<a href="https://press.uchicago.edu/ucp/books/book/chicago/T/bo205550079.html">The Two-Parent Privilege</a>.”</p>
<p>Kearney’s book was <a href="https://www.city-journal.org/article/review-of-the-two-parent-privilege-by-melissa-kearney">hailed by economist Tyler Cowen</a> as possibly “the most important economics and policy book of this year.” This is not because it treads new ground but because, as author <a href="https://www.city-journal.org/article/review-of-the-two-parent-privilege-by-melissa-kearney">Kay Hymowitz writes</a>, it breaks the supposed “taboo about an honest accounting of family decline.” </p>
<p>These developments are good news for the marriage promotion movement, which <a href="https://www.dol.gov/general/aboutdol/history/webid-moynihan">for decades</a> has claimed that marriage supports children’s well-being and combats poverty. The movement dates back at least to the U.S. Department of Labor’s <a href="https://www.dol.gov/general/aboutdol/history/webid-moynihan">Moynihan Report of 1965</a>, which argued that <a href="https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2015/09/the-moynihan-report-an-annotated-edition/404632/">family structure aggravated Black poverty</a>.</p>
<p>Forty years after the Moynihan Report, George W. Bush-era programs such as the <a href="https://www.acf.hhs.gov/ocs/policy-guidance/csbg-im-no-89-healthy-marriage-initiative">Healthy Marriage Initiative</a> sought to <a href="https://www.jstor.org/stable/4624797">enlist churches</a> and other community groups in an effort to channel childbearing back into marriage. These initiatives continue today, with the federally subsidized <a href="https://www.acf.hhs.gov/ofa/programs/healthy-marriage-responsible-fatherhood">Healthy Marriage and Responsible Fatherhood programs</a>.</p>
<p>Still, nearly <a href="https://www.census.gov/newsroom/stories/single-parent-day.html">30% of U.S. children</a> live in single-parent homes today, compared with 10% in 1965.</p>
<p>We are <a href="https://scholar.google.com/citations?user=gCJEShUAAAAJ&hl=en&oi=ao">law professors</a> who have written extensively about <a href="https://scholar.google.com/citations?user=0BBCYNAAAAAJ&hl=en&oi=ao">family structure</a> and <a href="https://www.fordham.edu/school-of-law/faculty/directory/full-time/eleanor-brown/">poverty</a>. We, and others, have found that there is almost no evidence that federal programs that promote marriage <a href="https://www.bgsu.edu/content/dam/BGSU/college-of-arts-and-sciences/NCFMR/documents/FP/FP-14-02_HMIInitiative.pdf">have made a difference</a> in encouraging two-parent households. That’s in large part because they forgo effective solutions that directly address poverty for measures that embrace the culture wars. </p>
<figure class="align-center zoomable">
<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/575989/original/file-20240215-28-q3xgpp.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="Child hangs upside down on playground equipment" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/575989/original/file-20240215-28-q3xgpp.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/575989/original/file-20240215-28-q3xgpp.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=401&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/575989/original/file-20240215-28-q3xgpp.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=401&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/575989/original/file-20240215-28-q3xgpp.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=401&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/575989/original/file-20240215-28-q3xgpp.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/575989/original/file-20240215-28-q3xgpp.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/575989/original/file-20240215-28-q3xgpp.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">Having a parent who has a college degree makes kids less likely to live in poverty than having parents who are married.</span>
<span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.gettyimages.com/detail/photo/girl-upside-down-on-the-jungle-gym-royalty-free-image/1127705002">Mayur Kakade/Moment Collection via Getty Images</a></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<h2>Marriage and social class</h2>
<p>Today’s marriage promoters claim that <a href="https://ifstudies.org/blog/the-benefits-of-marriage-shouldnt-only-be-for-elites">marriage should not be just for elites</a>. The emergence of marriage as a marker of class, they believe, is a sign of societal dysfunction.</p>
<p>According to census data released in 2021, 9.5% of children living with two parents – and 7.5% with married parents – <a href="https://ojjdp.ojp.gov/statistical-briefing-book/population/faqs/qa01203#:%7E:text=In%202021%2C%209.5%25%20of%20children,17.4%25">lived below the poverty level</a>, compared with 31.7% of children living with a single parent.</p>
<p>Kearney’s argument comes down to: 1 + 1 = 2. Two parents have more resources, including money and time to spend with children, than one. She marshals extensive research designed to show that children from married couple families are <a href="https://doi.org/10.1146/annurev-economics-063016-103749">more likely to graduate</a> from high school, complete college and earn <a href="https://doi.org/10.1146/annurev-economics-063016-103749">higher incomes as adults</a> than the children of single parents.</p>
<p>It is undoubtedly true that two parents – that is, two nonviolent parents with reliable incomes and cooperative behavior – have <a href="https://www.brookings.edu/articles/cohabiting-parents-differ-from-married-ones-in-three-big-ways/">more resources for their children</a> than one parent who has to work two jobs to pay the rent. However, this equation <a href="https://doi.org/10.31235/osf.io/pmyhj">does not address causation</a>. In other words, parents who have stable incomes and behaviors are more likely to stay together than parents who don’t.</p>
<p>Ethnographic studies indicate, for example, that the most common reasons unmarried women are no longer with the fathers of their children are the men’s <a href="https://ssrn.com/abstract=3841832">violent behavior, infidelity</a> and <a href="https://www.ucpress.edu/book/9780520335233/essential-dads">substance abuse</a>.</p>
<p>Moreover, income volatility disproportionately affects parents who don’t go to college. So while they may have more money to invest in children together than apart, when one of these parents experiences a substantial drop in income, the other parent may have to decide whether to <a href="https://elibrary.law.psu.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1455&context=fac_works">support the partner or the children</a> on what is often a meager income.</p>
<p>The <a href="https://theconversation.com/having-a-single-parent-doesnt-determine-your-life-chances-the-data-shows-poverty-is-far-more-important-217841">impact of having single parents</a> also plays out differently by race and class. As sociologist and researcher <a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2019/12/09/opinion/two-parent-family.html">Christina Cross explains</a>, “Living apart from a biological parent does not carry the same cost for Black youths as for their white peers, and being raised in a two-parent family is not equally beneficial.” </p>
<p>For example, Cross found that living in a single-mother family is less likely to affect high school completion rates for Black children than for white children. Also, Black families tend to be more embedded in extended family than white families, and this additional support system may help protect children from negative outcomes associated with single-parent households.</p>
<p><iframe id="A2rK0" class="tc-infographic-datawrapper" src="https://datawrapper.dwcdn.net/A2rK0/1/" height="400px" width="100%" style="border: none" frameborder="0"></iframe></p>
<h2>Making men more ‘marriageable’</h2>
<p>Kearney, to her credit, does note that economic insecurity largely explains what is happening to working-class families, and that no parent should have to tolerate violence or substance abuse. But she doubles down on the need to restore a norm of two-parent families.</p>
<p>Many of her policy prescriptions are sensible. She advocates for better opportunities for low-income men – to make them, in the words of <a href="https://press.uchicago.edu/ucp/books/book/chicago/T/bo13375722.html">sociologist William Julius Wilson</a>, “marriageable.” Such policies would include wage subsidies to improve their job opportunities, investment in community colleges that provide skills training, and the <a href="https://theconversation.com/banning-the-box-would-help-people-released-from-prison-rebuild-their-lives-45539">removal of questions about criminal histories</a> from job applications, so that candidates who have previously been incarcerated are not immediately disqualified.</p>
<h2>A new marriage model</h2>
<p>What marriage promotion efforts overlook, however, are the underlying changes in what marriage has become – both legally and practically. </p>
<p>The new marriage model rests on three premises.</p>
<p>The first is a moral command: Have sex if you want to, but don’t have children until you are ready. While the shotgun marriage once served as the primary response to unplanned pregnancy, such marriages today often derail education and careers and are <a href="https://today.duke.edu/2016/11/shotgun-marriage-dead#:%7E:text=After%20a%20decade%2C%2030%20percent,prior%20to%20a%20child's%20conception.">more likely to result in divorce</a> than other marriages. Research shows that lower-income women’s pregnancies are much <a href="https://www.guttmacher.org/sites/default/files/factsheet/fb-unintended-pregnancy-us_0_4.pdf">more likely to be unplanned</a>. </p>
<p>The second is the ability to pick a partner who will support you and assume joint responsibility for parenting. As women have attained more economic independence, they are less in need of men to raise children, particularly if their partners are insensitive or abusive. With healthy relationships, couples pick partners based on trust, commitment and equal respect. This is more difficult to do in communities with high rates of incarceration and few opportunities for stable employment. </p>
<p>And the third is economic and behavioral stability. Instability undermines even committed unions. Parents who wait until they find the right partner and have stable lives bring a lot more to parenting, whether they marry or not.</p>
<p>We believe that creating opportunities for low-income parents to reach this middle-class model is likely to be the most effective marriage promotion policy.</p>
<h2>Economic support is key</h2>
<p>In relationships that fall outside of these premises, 1 + 1 often becomes 1 + -1, which equals 0.</p>
<p>Being committed to a partner who can’t pay speeding tickets, runs up credit card bills, comes home drunk or can’t be relied on to pick up the children after school is not a recipe for success. </p>
<p>Economic principles suggest that businesses with more volatile income streams need a stronger capital base to withstand the downturns. Working-class couples who face economic insecurity see commitment as similarly misguided; without a capital base, a downturn for one partner can wipe out the other.</p>
<p>The Biden administration’s child tax credit expansion included in the <a href="https://www.bloomberg.com/news/newsletters/2024-02-08/the-child-tax-credit-bill-seems-destined-for-defeat-in-the-senate?embedded-checkout=true">American Rescue Plan Act of 2021</a> helped cut the child poverty rate – after accounting for government assistance – <a href="https://www.cbpp.org/research/poverty-and-inequality/governments-pandemic-response-turned-a-would-be-poverty-surge-into">to a record low</a> that year. It did more to address child poverty than <a href="https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2014/01/140106094155.htm">marriage promotion efforts have ever done</a>.</p>
<p>Researchers have described such income-support policies as the “<a href="https://doi.org/10.1007/s12187-020-09782-0">ultimate multipurpose policy instrument</a>.” They improve the economic circumstances of single-parent families and, in doing so, may also provide greater support for two-parent relationships. </p>
<p>Policymakers know how to solve child poverty – and these measures are far more effective than efforts to put two married parents in every household.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/218682/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>The authors do not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organization that would benefit from this article, and have disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.</span></em></p>Marriage on its own won’t do away with child poverty, and in fact it can create even more instability for low-income families.Eleanor Brown, Professor of Law, Fordham UniversityJune Carbone, Professor of Law, University of MinnesotaNaomi Cahn, Professor of Law, University of VirginiaLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/2225672024-02-15T13:16:03Z2024-02-15T13:16:03ZMost people would be equally satisfied with having one child as with two or three – new research<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/575046/original/file-20240212-18-cr3m9v.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=0%2C0%2C2650%2C1918&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">
</span> <span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.shutterstock.com/image-photo/diverse-culture-families-playing-children-on-644803663">Tint Media/Shutterstock</a></span></figcaption></figure><p>Picture your ideal family. Do you have children? How many?</p>
<p>It’s fairly well established that when asked about their ideal family, people <a href="https://uk.style.yahoo.com/parents-happiest-with-this-number-of-children-130657574.html?guccounter=1&guce_referrer=aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cuZ29vZ2xlLmNvbS8&guce_referrer_sig=AQAAALSMoZY_favqh1RLJg3osUVkZY4Rcc-gZ73Db3kMC4q4wHFgjNXJeTMPDGEwWCJfcYMawoqwwsnmEprKNbIpz1qN6Dh3gSvg3SLmTlvez2ll1oiAXxQics4EvK5c5M4Kw73OjCf2ADaZ_uO3NxJkkhniFfs20KNzuUuLll_4-5Mi">tend to say</a> that <a href="https://www.businessinsider.com/american-families-ideal-number-of-kids-cost-raising-child-expensive-2023-11?r=US&IR=T">two children</a> is the best number to have. But this regularity has come about from asking the simple question: “Ideally, how many children would you like to have?”. </p>
<p>But if two children really was the best number to have, surely most people would have two – but they don’t. In South Korea, the average number of children is less than one per woman. In the US it’s 1.64. </p>
<p>A huge number of studies have tried to figure out why this is – why there’s a gap between the number of children people say they want, and how many they have. But it turns out we may have been asking the wrong questions. </p>
<p>When you take a different approach and ask people to rate different options of family life, you get a far more accurate idea of what people are happy with. <a href="https://www.pnas.org/doi/10.1073/pnas.2311847121">My research</a> with colleagues has done just this. I found that people still valued parenthood. But they valued having one child just as highly as having two or three. </p>
<h2>Family values</h2>
<p>A family isn’t just about the number of children. There are a whole range of other things to consider when thinking about what your ideal family might look like. Are you married, cohabiting, or a single parent? Who does the washing up and changes the nappies? What does the work-life balance in your family look like? </p>
<figure class="align-center ">
<img alt="Family of three in kitchen" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/575047/original/file-20240212-20-gm8rij.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/575047/original/file-20240212-20-gm8rij.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/575047/original/file-20240212-20-gm8rij.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/575047/original/file-20240212-20-gm8rij.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/575047/original/file-20240212-20-gm8rij.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/575047/original/file-20240212-20-gm8rij.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/575047/original/file-20240212-20-gm8rij.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px">
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">We found that number of children mattered less than you might expect.</span>
<span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.shutterstock.com/image-photo/happy-young-family-three-home-kitchen-45888763">michaeljung/Shutterstock</a></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>When you bring in factors like this, the ideal number of children starts to change. </p>
<p>We carried out research with around 10,000 people in a range of countries: the US, Norway, Italy, Spain, Japan, China, South Korea and Singapore. We showed each person in the study six scenarios with descriptions of different families. Half of the respondents were shown scenarios that included families with no children as well as with children, and the other half saw scenarios that included families with one, two or three children. </p>
<p>These scenarios had further varying factors, such as traditional or egalitarian gender roles and the amount of contact with extended family. In some, family members communicated well, and not in others. We asked the people in our study to rate these different scenarios on a scale from one to ten.</p>
<p>The findings are clear. Looking at all the responses, overall people do feel that a family with no children is not ideal. Parenthood still matters. But there is no discernable difference in how people rated the families with one, two or three children. </p>
<p>The only outlier is China, where people viewed having three children somewhat negatively: understandable after decades of policies curbing fertility. Nowhere in our study was having just one child viewed more negatively. </p>
<h2>Importance of communicating</h2>
<p>What does come out very strongly is the role of communication, both within the nuclear family but also with grandparents. This characteristic is the most important feature of the ideal family of today.</p>
<p>If you think about it, this finding is not all too unexpected. Good communication means strong emotional support – and that is what most people would like to receive from a family. If communication breaks down, then why bother with having a family if you can get the necessary support elsewhere through friends and other social networks?</p>
<p>Other features matter too – obviously. Respondents viewed low income negatively (apart from in Norway). More egalitarian gender roles and good work-life balance are important. But our findings, which are remarkably similar across different countries, show that good communication matters the most in people’s vision for good family life – more than the number of children they might have.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/222567/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Arnstein Aassve receives funding from Horizon Europe. </span></em></p>We found no discernable difference in how people rated family scenarios with one, two or three children.Arnstein Aassve, Professor in Demography, Bocconi UniversityLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/2225902024-02-09T13:33:14Z2024-02-09T13:33:14ZSome of the Renaissance’s most romantic love poems weren’t for lovers<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/574483/original/file-20240208-16-27mgyx.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=3%2C5%2C750%2C552&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">Sonnets still have a reputation for being about the unrequited love of a man for a woman.</span> <span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/0/0c/Codex_Manesse_Bernger_von_Horheim.jpg">AndreasPraefcke/Wikimedia Commons</a></span></figcaption></figure><p>As poets have demonstrated for centuries, a sonnet for your beloved never goes out of style. The gift of verse may carry extra cachet this Valentine’s Day, on the heels of Taylor Swift’s announcement that <a href="https://www.rollingstone.com/music/music-news/taylor-swift-tortured-poets-department-track-list-1234962007/">her next album is poetry-themed</a>. </p>
<p>But in carrying out <a href="https://www.aup.nl/en/book/9789463720274/petrarch-and-the-making-of-gender-in-renaissance-italy">my research on Renaissance literature and gender</a>, I’ve been struck by how many of that period’s love poems were not for lovers.</p>
<p>These sonnets, composed for friends and family, are not just beautiful; they’re also a reminder that love and Valentine’s Day aren’t exclusively for couples.</p>
<h2>The love sonnet is born</h2>
<p>The sonnet was invented in 12th century Italy as a 14-line poem with 11 beats per line and various rhyming patterns. Its originator, Giacomo da Lentini, was a poet in the Kingdom of Sicily who had been inspired by <a href="https://daily.jstor.org/the-heretical-origins-of-the-sonnet/">older Arabic and French poetry</a>.</p>
<p>But it was the Italian poet <a href="https://poets.org/poet/petrarch">Petrarch</a> who put the form on the map. In the 14th century, he wrote a collection of 366 poems, mostly sonnets. He penned the collection for a woman named Laura, whom he loved from afar in life and after her death.</p>
<p>Petrarch died in 1374, but his poetry became the <a href="https://www.google.com/books/edition/Petrarch/tkbVMQEACAAJ?hl=en">most widely published</a> literature of the Italian Renaissance. It was so popular that it inspired generations of poets, imitators known as “Petrarchists.” Petrarchism became a global phenomenon in the 16th and 17th centuries, spreading to Spain, France, England <a href="https://press.uchicago.edu/ucp/books/book/chicago/U/bo3645653.html">and even the Americas</a>. </p>
<h2>Playing with sonneteering stereotypes</h2>
<p><a href="https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poets/thomas-wyatt">Thomas Wyatt</a> is thought to have written the first English sonnets, in the early 16th century. His poems strongly relied on Petrarch; some of the best known, like “<a href="https://www.theguardian.com/books/booksblog/2009/aug/10/poem-of-the-week-thomas-wyatt">Whoso list to hunt</a>,” are quasi-translations of the Italian poet’s work.</p>
<p>Writing <a href="https://www.shakespeare.org.uk/explore-shakespeare/shakespedia/shakespeares-poems/#:%7E:text=While%20he%20may%20have%20experimented,writing%20sonnets%20seriously%20around%201592.">a half-century later</a>, Shakespeare changed the form, ending his sonnets with a rhyming couplet, giving birth to the “Shakespearean sonnet.” </p>
<figure class="align-right zoomable">
<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/574458/original/file-20240208-18-z1gp8z.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="Title page of a collection of Shakespeare's sonnets featuring a colorful illustration of Shakespeare, flowers and two cherubs." src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/574458/original/file-20240208-18-z1gp8z.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=237&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/574458/original/file-20240208-18-z1gp8z.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=765&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/574458/original/file-20240208-18-z1gp8z.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=765&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/574458/original/file-20240208-18-z1gp8z.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=765&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/574458/original/file-20240208-18-z1gp8z.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=961&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/574458/original/file-20240208-18-z1gp8z.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=961&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/574458/original/file-20240208-18-z1gp8z.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=961&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">Many of Shakespeare’s sonnets were addressed to an unnamed young man.</span>
<span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://luna.folger.edu/luna/servlet/detail/FOLGERCM1~6~6~1189282~187533:-Songs--Songs-and-sonnets--manuscri?qvq=q:112125&mi=0&trs=1#">Folger Digital Image Collection</a>, <a class="license" href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0/">CC BY-SA</a></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>More than four centuries after the first printing of Shakepeare’s sonnets in 1609, his poems are still oft quoted. Many valentines will find themselves <a href="https://www.folger.edu/explore/shakespeares-works/shakespeares-sonnets/read/18/">compared to a summer’s day</a> or swearing there can be no impediments between <a href="https://www.folger.edu/explore/shakespeares-works/shakespeares-sonnets/read/116/">the marriage of true minds</a>.</p>
<p>Less well known, however, is the fact that half of Shakespeare’s poems were addressed to a young man, an unnamed “<a href="https://www.shakespeare.org.uk/explore-shakespeare/blogs/mysterious-identity-fair-youth/">Fair Youth</a>.” Depending on which Shakespeare scholar you ask, the gesture is either platonic, romantic or a little of both. In any case, it introduces an element of queerness, in that there’s homoeroticism and a <a href="https://huntington.org/verso/queerness-shakespeares-sonnets">challenge to what society deems natural</a>.</p>
<p>Yet today the Renaissance sonnet still has a reputation, even among scholars, for being about the unrequited love of a man for a woman. But even before Shakespeare, in Renaissance Italy, the sonnet was a lot more varied than that.</p>
<h2>For friends and lovers</h2>
<p>For starters, even Petrarch wrote about more than just his love for Laura. </p>
<p>A number of his poems were composed for friends, with several of them for the Florentine poet <a href="https://publicdomainreview.org/essay/petrarchs-plague/#p-3-0">Sennuccio del Bene</a>. In <a href="https://petrarch.petersadlon.com/canzoniere.html?poem=113">poem 113</a>, Petrarch writes about returning to the region where Laura was born, but he opens by describing his love for his friend, saying he is only “half” himself without Sennuccio, and that both men would only be “whole” and “happy” if they were together.</p>
<p><a href="https://petrarch.petersadlon.com/canzoniere.html?poem=287">Poem 287</a> is a sonnet on Sennuccio’s death, in which Petrarch’s mourning is only mitigated by the knowledge that his friend is in heaven with other great poets, like Dante, and the now-deceased Laura. The short poem mixes his love and grief for both people, his beloved and his friend.</p>
<p>Today’s “<a href="https://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/a26052713/galentines-day/">Galentine’s Day</a>” – a celebration of female friendship – has yet to spawn a male-friendship-centered “<a href="https://theconversation.com/galentines-day-has-become-a-thing-why-hasnt-malentines-day-130862">Malentine’s Day</a>.” </p>
<p>But platonic love between men carried no stigma in the Renaissance. Take the verses of Venetian writers <a href="https://www.treccani.it/enciclopedia/orsatto-giustinian_(Dizionario-Biografico)/">Orsatto Giustinian</a> and <a href="https://www.treccani.it/enciclopedia/celio-magno/">Celio Magno</a>, who published their poetry in a single book in 1601. </p>
<p>Magno and Giustinian portray their friendship with the vocabulary of Petrarchan love. <a href="https://www.google.com/books/edition/Rime_di_Celio_Magno_et_Orsatto_Giustinia/SI81w2hdFcMC?hl=en&gbpv=1&pg=PA160&printsec=frontcover&dq=%22tu%20non%20viui%22">In one sonnet</a>, Magno describes how he hates being separated from his friend, which is almost like being severed from himself: “You do not live, I do not live; together we are far from ourselves in this bitter state.” </p>
<p>At the risk of being the <a href="https://archermagazine.com.au/2021/03/heteronormativity-popular-history/">“and-they-were-roommates” historian</a>, I’ll note that the book also contains passionate poems from Giustinian to his wife, Candiana Garzoni. </p>
<p>That doesn’t cancel out the homoerotic tension in the men’s poems to each other, but it does make classifying their sexuality challenging. And maybe this shouldn’t be the point. If anything, their <a href="https://www.elle.com/culture/movies-tv/a46410977/broad-city-10th-anniversary-loving-your-best-friend/">romantic friendship</a> seems to skirt simple categories of sexual orientation. </p>
<h2>Sororal sentiment</h2>
<p>Most published writers in Renaissance Italy were men, but a not-insignificant number <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Twenty-Five-Women-Shaped-Italian-Renaissance/dp/0367533995">were women</a>. Existing in a single copy in a library in Siena, Italy, is a joint poetry collection written by two sisters, Speranza Vittoria and Giulia di Bona. They lived with their mother and four other sisters.</p>
<p>Their sisters Lucrezia and Cassandra both died at a young age. The sonnets that Speranza and Giulia <a href="https://scholar.google.com/citations?view_op=view_citation&hl=en&user=ahDhW3sAAAAJ&sortby=pubdate&citation_for_view=ahDhW3sAAAAJ:Zph67rFs4hoC">composed for them</a> take the sort of heartbreaking imagery used to describe a lost partner, but is repurposed to portray their grief: the swan song, the sun gone dark, the poet’s wish to die in order to be near the object of their love. </p>
<p>In one melancholic poem about Lucrezia’s death, Speranza weeps for the “strange place, dark earth, and bitter stone” that “possess” her sister, and thus her own happiness.</p>
<p>The poems traded between Speranza and Giulia are brighter, exhibiting an abundance of love and admiration. In one pair of sonnets, written playfully yet impressively with matching rhyme words, the two liken each other to white ermines, <a href="https://artsandculture.google.com/asset/lady-with-an-ermine/HwHUpggDy_HxNQ?hl=en&ms=%7B%22x%22%3A0.5%2C%22y%22%3A0.5%2C%22z%22%3A8.872019804523145%2C%22size%22%3A%7B%22width%22%3A2.7206646564529637%2C%22height%22%3A1.2375000000000012%7D%7D">an animal considered a symbol of moral virtue</a>. </p>
<h2>Love is big</h2>
<p>There are so many other Renaissance Italian poems written for friends, parents, children and grandchildren – not to mention fiery love poems dedicated to Jesus and the saints, some by clerics, like <a href="https://www.jstor.org/stable/j.ctv15d81vf?turn_away=true">Angelo Grillo</a>.</p>
<p>They serve as reminders of what the love poem can be. They push back against narratives that champion heterosexual relationships or that tout <a href="https://medium.com/the-sundial-acmrs/teaching-premodern-asexualities-and-aromanticisms-908cc375af12">romantic coupling and sexual attraction</a> of any orientation as the most important relationship in a person’s life, <a href="https://theconversation.com/single-on-valentines-day-and-happily-so-155191">minimizing the importance of other loving relationships</a>.</p>
<p>These poems also encourage everyone to think more expansively about their own love and home lives. As an unmarried mother of a 5-year-old – and as someone who has only ever lived with friends or siblings – I have benefited immensely from <a href="https://www.npr.org/sections/goatsandsoda/2023/12/01/1216043849/bringing-up-a-baby-can-be-a-tough-and-lonely-job-heres-a-solution-alloparents">alloparenting</a>, the care provided for my son by all of the nonparents in his life.</p>
<p>I ended up in these living situations in part because of the pandemic, which, in a way, was a form of luck: Sometimes it takes a disruptive event <a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2024/02/06/opinion/ezra-klein-podcast-rhaina-cohen.html">to break cultural expectations</a> for the nuclear family and childrearing.</p>
<p>If writers could describe different types of love during the Renaissance, why limit what we can envision for ourselves?</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/222590/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Shannon McHugh does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organization that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.</span></em></p>These moving poems are a reminder that on Valentine’s Day, it’s OK to celebrate a broader definition of love.Shannon McHugh, Associate Professor of French and Italian, UMass BostonLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/2206182024-01-10T13:29:31Z2024-01-10T13:29:31Z‘Thirst trap’ and ‘edgelord’ were recently added to the dictionary – so why hasn’t ‘nibling’ made the cut?<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/568127/original/file-20240107-19-mm0vw0.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=59%2C29%2C4902%2C3211&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">A rose by any other name would smell as sweet – but would it sound as sweet?</span> <span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.gettyimages.com/detail/photo/little-rose-royalty-free-image/1280008568?phrase=open+dictionary+flowers&searchscope=image%2Cfilm&adppopup=true">Alicia Llop/Moment via Getty Images</a></span></figcaption></figure><p>A student in my graduate seminar recently mentioned seeing her “niblings” at Thanksgiving. Some of the students in my class were clearly familiar with the term. But others frowned, suggesting that they hadn’t heard the term before, or didn’t know what it meant.</p>
<p>A nibling is the child of one’s brothers or sisters. The word is a blend of the “n” in “niece” and “nephew” with “sibling,” and it was coined in the <a href="https://www.degruyter.com/document/doi/10.1515/9783110857610/html">early 1950s</a> by linguist Samuel Martin.</p>
<p>But even though it’s been around for over 70 years, the word <a href="https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/nibling">isn’t included</a> in the online Merriam-Webster dictionary. </p>
<p>The <a href="https://www.merriam-webster.com/wordplay/new-words-in-the-dictionary">most recent crop</a> of terms added to the dictionary includes words like <a href="https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/edgelord">edgelord</a> – a person who makes provocative statements online – and <a href="https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/thirst%20trap">thirst trap</a>, which is an online photo that’s meant to grab attention. Edgelord was first recorded in 2015, and thirst trap dates from 2011.</p>
<p>So why have these newbie words made the cut? Why have they been chosen for inclusion, but not nibling?</p>
<p>In making such decisions, the dictionary’s editors note that they employ <a href="https://www.merriam-webster.com/help/faq-words-into-dictionary">two criteria</a>. First, a term “must be used in a substantial number of citations that come from a wide range of publications.” Second, these citations need to cover “a considerable period of time.”</p>
<p>But there may be another litmus test that the editors employ, perhaps subconsciously: aesthetics. </p>
<h2>Blended words</h2>
<p>Many new terms are a blend of two words that already exist. </p>
<p>Some of these mashups are now so familiar that they aren’t even perceived as such, such as <a href="https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/smog">smog</a>, a combination of “smoke” and “fog,” and <a href="https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/motel">motel</a>, a union of “motor” and “hotel.”</p>
<p>Dictionary editors are conservative because they want to enshrine just the new words that remain reasonably popular and that are likely to have some staying power. But dictionaries are full of terms that have fallen out of use. When is the last time you heard someone refer to a <a href="https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/houppelande">houppelande</a> or a <a href="https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/blatherskite">blatherskite</a>?</p>
<p>Editors have chosen to exclude some terms despite the fact that they have been around for a long time. <a href="https://www.dictionary.com/e/aunt-uncle-niece-nephew-words/">Nibling</a> is one, and <a href="https://www.merriam-webster.com/grammar/no-antidisestablishmentarianism-is-not-in-the-dictionary">antidisestablishmentarianism</a> is another, even though the latter was first used over a century ago, <a href="https://www.oed.com/dictionary/antidisestablishmentarianism_n?tab=meaning_and_use#1726801">in 1900</a>.</p>
<p>But after 70 years in the shadows, nibling may finally be having its moment. In 2020, Jennifer Lopez used it in an <a href="https://www.nbcnews.com/feature/nbc-out/jennifer-lopez-shares-video-about-transgender-nibling-brendon-n1237838">Instagram post</a> to refer to her sister’s transgender child. Her post was viewed over <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/CENEADXpCao/?utm_source=ig_embed&ig_rid=0dff33a9-c77e-4da7-8a49-e8983a791088">2 million times</a>. The term was also used in the sixth season of the TV show “<a href="https://bigbangtheory.fandom.com/wiki/Four_Hundred_Cartons_of_Undeclared_Cigarettes_and_a_Niblingo">Young Sheldon</a>” to refer to the title character’s unborn niece or nephew.</p>
<p>However, nibling has <a href="https://www.nytimes.com/search?dropmab=false&query=nibling&sort=best">never graced</a> the pages of The New York Times, and it’s appeared <a href="https://www.washingtonpost.com/search/?query=nibling">just twice</a> in The Washington Post, in articles from late 2023.</p>
<h2>The importance of aesthetics</h2>
<p>With English speakers becoming more comfortable with gender-neutral terms, such as the <a href="https://www.merriam-webster.com/wordplay/singular-nonbinary-they">singular “they</a>,” nibling seems like a natural addition to English’s gender-neutral lexicon.</p>
<p>But it seems that, in addition to utility and widespread use, a third factor plays a role: aesthetic quality. Nibling simply sounds off-putting, too similar to “nibbling” – and not exactly something that you want to associate with family members.</p>
<p><a href="https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-9627475/Do-call-niece-nephew-nibling-1950s-gender-neutral-term-wildly-popular.html">A 2021 Daily Mail article</a> agreed, calling nibling “skin crawling and awkward.” </p>
<p>And consider the case of Latinx, a word that was coined to be gender-neutral and inclusive. Although it has appeared in Merriam-Webster since 2018, it may end up going the way of an expression like “<a href="https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/colored">colored</a>,” a term that was once “<a href="https://www.npr.org/sections/codeswitch/2014/03/30/295931070/the-journey-from-colored-to-minorities-to-people-of-color">a term of racial pride</a>,” according to the Oxford English Dictionary, but which is now considered offensive and has fallen out of use.</p>
<p>No matter how useful Latinx may be, the term is <a href="https://theconversation.com/stop-using-latinx-if-you-really-want-to-be-inclusive-189358">widely disliked</a> in the Hispanic community. A major reason seems to be the word’s lack of aesthetics. One Latina interviewed by Billboard described it as <a href="https://www.billboard.com/music/latin/latinx-term-latin-community-9514370/">sounding “ugly</a>,” and people can’t seem to agree on <a href="https://www.merriam-webster.com/wordplay/word-history-latinx">how to pronounce it</a>. The more pronounceable <a href="https://www.bestcolleges.com/blog/hispanic-latino-latinx-latine/">Latine</a> has been proposed as an alternative.</p>
<h2>“Phablet” not fabulous?</h2>
<p>Aesthetics may also help explain why some other blended words, such as <a href="https://www.oed.com/dictionary/phablet_n?tab=meaning_and_use#302938524">phablet</a>, a fusion of phone and tablet, have failed to catch on. A term for large cellphones, it’s been in use since <a href="https://www.oed.com/dictionary/phablet_n?tab=meaning_and_use#302938524">at least 2010</a>, although it doesn’t currently appear in Merriam-Webster’s word list.</p>
<p>Phablet made its <a href="https://archive.nytimes.com/boss.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/01/21/this-week-in-small-business-facebook-search/?searchResultPosition=1">first appearance</a> in The New York Times in 2013 and was set off by quotation marks – a standard way of demarcating a new term. In its <a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2019/01/05/opinion/sunday/apple-china.html?searchResultPosition=4">last appearance</a>, excluding in puzzles, in that newspaper in 2019, it was still bracketed by quotation marks. </p>
<p>Why did it fail to catch on?</p>
<p>In a <a href="https://www.theatlantic.com/technology/archive/2013/01/what-is-a-phablet/319563/">2013 article</a>, The Atlantic characterized phablet as “horrible,” “stupid” and “clumsy.” The piece suggested that it reminded people of words like “flab” and “phlegm.” Usage data compiled by Oxford English Dictionary editors indicates that phablet <a href="https://www.oed.com/dictionary/phablet_n?tab=frequency#302938524">peaked in popularity</a> in 2018 and has been dropping ever since.</p>
<h2>Utility versus aesthetics</h2>
<p>In some cases, however, utility has clearly trumped aesthetics. The initialism LGBT, which is clunky to say, has been used since at least 1992 and has appeared in <a href="https://www.nytimes.com/search?dropmab=false&query=lgbt&sort=oldest">almost 6,000 articles</a> in The New York Times since 2000.</p>
<p>LGBT has sprouted a number of <a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2018/06/21/style/lgbtq-gender-language.html">more inclusive variants</a>, such as LGBTQ, LGBTQ+ and LGBTQIA, which makes it difficult to know <a href="https://thecentercv.org/en/blog/the-guide-to-lgbtq-acronyms-is-it-lgbt-or-lgbtq-or-lgbtqia/">which one to use</a>. </p>
<figure class="align-center ">
<img alt="A sign reading 'LGBTQIA+ Info' is taped to a blue tarp." src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/568082/original/file-20240105-19-uhx6n4.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/568082/original/file-20240105-19-uhx6n4.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=468&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/568082/original/file-20240105-19-uhx6n4.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=468&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/568082/original/file-20240105-19-uhx6n4.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=468&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/568082/original/file-20240105-19-uhx6n4.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=588&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/568082/original/file-20240105-19-uhx6n4.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=588&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/568082/original/file-20240105-19-uhx6n4.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=588&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px">
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">‘LGBTQ,’ even as an ever-evolving mouthful, has caught on.</span>
<span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.gettyimages.com/detail/news-photo/march-2022-berlin-lgbtqia-info-is-written-on-a-poster-news-photo/1239046196?adppopup=true">Annette Riedl/Picture Alliance via Getty Images</a></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>Nevertheless, these ungainly initialisms remain popular, despite their awkwardness, because they clearly fill a need.</p>
<p>Will nibling go the way of phablet, or will it become as common as LGBTQ? </p>
<p>Merriam-Webster’s editors have nibling on their list of <a href="https://www.merriam-webster.com/wordplay/words-were-watching-nibling">words they are watching</a>. But it remains to be seen whether a useful but awkward blend will appeal to a more inclusive world.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/220618/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Roger J. Kreuz does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organization that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.</span></em></p>Pleasant-sounding words might have a leg up.Roger J. Kreuz, Associate Dean and Professor of Psychology, University of MemphisLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/2167242023-12-07T21:08:46Z2023-12-07T21:08:46ZWhen ‘rights’ divide: Trans kids need supportive families<iframe style="width: 100%; height: 100px; border: none; position: relative; z-index: 1;" allowtransparency="" allow="clipboard-read; clipboard-write" src="https://narrations.ad-auris.com/widget/the-conversation-canada/when-rights-divide-trans-kids-need-supportive-families" width="100%" height="400"></iframe>
<p>Protests in support of “parental rights” have taken place across Canada in recent months. Many taking part in these demonstrations have railed against “gender ideology” in school curricula and <a href="https://canadians.org/analysis/what-you-need-to-know-about-the-parental-rights-protests/#">mixed bathrooms</a>. </p>
<p>Much of this rhetoric is based upon the transphobic fallacy that age-appropriate inclusive health education will somehow manufacture queer and trans children all over the place. </p>
<p>The rights of young people to determine their identities are being stripped away, beginning in <a href="https://theconversation.com/new-brunswicks-lgbtq-safe-schools-debate-makes-false-opponents-of-parents-and-teachers-207600">New Brunswick</a> and <a href="https://theconversation.com/saskatchewan-naming-and-pronoun-policy-the-best-interests-of-children-must-guide-provincial-parental-consent-rules-212431">Saskatchewan</a>. The rights of a trans and non-binary child or youth to be referred to by their name, and to be treated with respect by having their gender affirmed, are being eroded across Canada. </p>
<p>These policies put children and youth at risk, and they reinforce a false opposition between “parents’ rights” and children’s rights. </p>
<h2>Pitting parents against their kids</h2>
<p>Lacking support from family is one of the strongest predictors of trans and non-binary youth <a href="https://transpulsecanada.ca/results/report-health-and-well-being-among-trans-and-non-binary-youth/">attempting suicide</a>. Let that sink in. A trans kid’s family — their support, acceptance, dismissal or rejection — are the most important factor in whether a young person considers ending their life. </p>
<p>More than 10 years ago, researchers had already made strong connections between the support that trans youth received within their families and self-esteem, depression, suicidality, satisfaction with life and long-term overall <a href="http://transpulseproject.ca/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/Impacts-of-Strong-Parental-Support-for-Trans-Youth-vFINAL.pdf">mental health</a>.</p>
<p>The term “dead name” is used to denote the pre-transition name of a trans or non-binary person. This term exists for a reason, because forcing a child to deny their gender identity can cause their mental health to suffer.</p>
<p>If parents, educators, schools and provincial governments really care about the health and well-being of our youth, we must oppose enacting policies that create a false dichotomy between the “rights” of parents and the rights of children and youth. We must instead help families of trans and non-binary youth to come together instead of be torn apart.</p>
<p>Respondents in <a href="https://doi.org/10.1080/00224499.2014.886321">research focused on minority stress and trans youth</a> reported daily bullying in school and higher levels of sexual and physical assault, with poorer mental and physical health overall compared to non-trans participants.</p>
<p>Data indicates 59 per cent of transgender and non-binary people in Canada <a href="https://doi.org/10.1080/26895269.2023.2278064">have reported being misgendered daily</a>, an experience that can be devastating to a young person <a href="https://transpulsecanada.ca/results/report-health-and-well-being-among-non-binary-people/">coming out into themselves</a>. </p>
<h2>Dangerous silencing</h2>
<p>Silences can be dangerous. I didn’t even hear the word “lesbian” growing up in 1980s, conservative Canadian suburbs. In this shiny, white, middle-class Protestant world, silence about all forms of difference was a constant. But when I moved into the world I realized how our lives were veiled in layers of embedded racism, homophobia and <a href="https://www.jstor.org/stable/3173834">compulsory heterosexuality</a>.</p>
<p>To be clear, the silence and invisibility of lesbians, and even the invisibility of the word “lesbian” did not stop me from becoming a great big, card-carrying queer. </p>
<p>However, hearing the word at the right time might have stopped me from marrying a gay man at 19 and embarking upon a lavender marriage that was doomed from its inception. Silently and unconsciously we did what we “knew” to be the only road we could travel: we bought a house, we had babies, we spun through the tidal force of sanctioned heterosexuality and we still came out the other side flaming like rockets in the night, queers. </p>
<p>The invisibility we experienced and faced only made the road to authentic living and loving, much longer and harder, and it created so much more collateral damage. I tell this story because the way trans and non-binary youth are being repressed and made invisible today reminds me of the abyss of invisibility I faced. </p>
<p>So, when we pit the “rights” of parents against the rights of children and youth to have a safe, accepting and affirming family and school environment, we are assuming that these are in opposition. </p>
<p>Instead, we need to explore these questions through a systems lens. That is, we need to consider the whole: parents, siblings, the trans/non-binary youth, the school system, all of the systems in which the children or youth are swimming. </p>
<figure class="align-center zoomable">
<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/563473/original/file-20231204-17-96yucz.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="A person holding another person's hand consolingly" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/563473/original/file-20231204-17-96yucz.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/563473/original/file-20231204-17-96yucz.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/563473/original/file-20231204-17-96yucz.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/563473/original/file-20231204-17-96yucz.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/563473/original/file-20231204-17-96yucz.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/563473/original/file-20231204-17-96yucz.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/563473/original/file-20231204-17-96yucz.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">We must help families of trans and non-binary youth to come together instead of be torn apart.</span>
<span class="attribution"><span class="source">(Shutterstock)</span></span>
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<h2>Overcoming transphobia with family support</h2>
<p>There are situations where parents, teachers or others in a child’s life are irreconcilably transphobic, and this is not going to shift. However, in my extensive experience as a queer, gender non-conforming clinical psychologist, I have seen parents come around and find a way to affirm their child’s gender. </p>
<p>This was achieved through persistence, education and empathy. I had to make space for a parent’s fears, and even space for the transphobic comments and the concerns they produced (while shielding their children from those conversations).</p>
<p><a href="https://theconversation.com/family-support-protects-trans-young-people-but-their-families-need-support-too-202743">The family must continue to show up</a>, trying to find their way to their child. My job was to protect their child from their parents’ fear and transphobia while holding the parents as they tried to find their way. When this hard work by all parties was successful, the well-being of that child or youth was vastly improved and they finally had the support they needed to find their way through a frequently transphobic world. </p>
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<em>
<strong>
Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/how-parents-can-support-a-child-who-comes-out-as-trans-by-conquering-their-own-fears-following-their-childs-lead-and-tolerating-ambiguity-158275">How parents can support a child who comes out as trans – by conquering their own fears, following their child's lead and tolerating ambiguity</a>
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<p>I have also worked with families who could not overcome their views. A father who simply could not let go of rigid Catholic theological interpretations that cast his child as damaged, a mother who had experienced her own traumas in ways that made it very hard for her to be flexible, leaving her child out in the cold. </p>
<p>I have worked with many, many families over decades and most of the time, they can find their way to accepting and affirming their trans and non-binary child. For the few who can’t, what do we do in those situations? We certainly must not enact <a href="https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/new-brunswick-trans-lgbtq-higgs-1.6889957">laws and policies</a> to “protect” their “rights.” </p>
<p>Instead, we need find ways to support those young people whose parents deny their existence, experience and identity. So many just need to hear that they exist and learn that they are okay, just as they are.</p>
<p><em>Miles Cooke and Jamie Zarn, research assistants on Heather MacIntosh’s research team at McGill University, also contributed to this article.</em></p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/216724/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Heather B MacIntosh receives funding from SSHRC</span></em></p>In the wake of transphobic protests, the ‘rights’ of parents are being falsely positioned in opposition to the rights of transgender and non-binary children rather than focusing on supporting families.Heather B MacIntosh, Associate Professor, Director, MScA Couple and Family Therapy, School of Social Work, McGill UniversityLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/2180622023-12-06T15:53:38Z2023-12-06T15:53:38ZRural communities are being left behind because of poor digital infrastructure, research shows<p>In an era where businesses and households depend on the internet for everything from marketing to banking and shopping, the lack of adequate digital access can be a significant hurdle. And our recent research shows that many <a href="https://research.aber.ac.uk/en/publications/the-socio-economic-impact-of-the-covid-19-pandemic-on-ceredigion-">homes</a> and <a href="https://research.aber.ac.uk/en/publications/the-economic-impact-of-the-covid-19-pandemic-on-ceredigion-busine">businesses</a> in the UK are being left stranded in the digital age.</p>
<p>Our two studies focused on a rural county in Wales, Ceredigion, where the lack of reliable digital infrastructure worsened the impacts of the pandemic on families and businesses. Poor digital accessibility and connectivity exacerbated the stress levels of families who were already having to juggle home schooling and working from home. </p>
<p>Similarly, businesses had to struggle with issues around internet provision, availability of effective digital infrastructure and digital proficiency while working and running businesses from home. </p>
<p>Our research involved two online surveys. One focused on households and the other on businesses and the self-employed between April and June 2021. The survey questions were designed to address the challenges and opportunities brought about by the pandemic. </p>
<p>Some important themes emerged in the responses we received to both surveys. These were insufficient digital accessibility and connectivity, lack of digital skills and training opportunities and the cost of broadband and mobile access.</p>
<h2>Household experiences</h2>
<p>Our research showed that 12% of homes did not have enough digital equipment for their needs during the pandemic and 76% of these included children who were being home schooled. Schools and some workplaces provided equipment in some instances, but 18% of households had to borrow equipment. </p>
<p>Despite that ability to borrow, many homes found themselves juggling equipment between homeworking adults and children learning online. Many pupils relied on small mobile devices to access lessons, while others lacked access to equipment like printers.</p>
<p>These problems were compounded in rural and remote areas, where slow broadband speeds and a lack of reliable mobile signal were cited as the biggest issues. Other issues included the cost of broadband and mobile access, the lack of digital skills or training opportunities to improve digital skills, poor customer service from broadband providers and issues with connectivity.</p>
<h2>Business and self-employed experiences</h2>
<p>The pandemic brought similar challenges to businesses. The closure of non-essential firms during the pandemic led to a <a href="https://www.oecd.org/coronavirus/policy-responses/e-commerce-in-the-time-of-covid-19-3a2b78e8/">surge</a> in e-commerce. Companies that could embrace online sales were able to continue operating despite lockdowns and restrictions. </p>
<p>But businesses that were slow to adopt e-commerce or lacked the necessary infrastructure struggled to adapt. In fact, our research found that 47% of businesses faced difficulties with digital access and connectivity during the pandemic. Some of the other issues faced by businesses included:</p>
<p>• a lack of reliable broadband or mobile (37%)</p>
<p>• slow broadband speed (29%)</p>
<p>• poor mobile signal (26%)</p>
<p>• lack of digital skills or access to training schemes (16%)</p>
<p>• the cost of access (13%)</p>
<p>People working from home in rural locations also had problems due to a lack of digital infrastructure, poor connectivity and a lack of digital skills. </p>
<h2>Bridging the gap</h2>
<p>In the future, an increased reliance on online work, education and public services, such as online health and welfare support, will further disadvantage those without adequate internet access. The digital divide is widening between those with higher incomes and those with lower incomes. </p>
<p>For example, households with higher incomes were <a href="https://www.scirp.org/reference/referencespapers?referenceid=3051117">more likely</a> to have had access to technology for home schooling and remote working during the pandemic, unlike those with lower incomes.</p>
<p>The gap in access to digital technology is often determined by location too. Remote and sparsely populated areas often lack adequate broadband and mobile signal coverage. Bridging this digital divide is crucial for economic growth, social inclusion and access to essential services. </p>
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<strong>
Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/how-teachers-supported-children-and-parents-through-covid-19-school-closures-181380">How teachers supported children and parents through COVID-19 school closures</a>
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<p>To address the digital divide, the UK and devolved governments need to invest in digital infrastructure in rural areas to ensure that everywhere has at least a minimum quality coverage. Local authorities could introduce schemes that enable people to gain access to cost-effective computer devices and internet access.</p>
<p>Expanding digital literacy and empowering businesses in rural areas is also crucial. Enhancing digital skills training would better prepare future generations for the digital world. </p>
<p>Additionally, businesses in rural areas require tailored support, such as funding for digital infrastructure upgrades, training opportunities and guidance on consumer privacy and protection, to enable their digital growth and sustainability.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/218062/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Aloysius Igboekwu currently volunteers for a Childcare charity as a Trustee. </span></em></p><p class="fine-print"><em><span>Maria Plotnikova and Sarah Lindop do not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and have disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.</span></em></p>New research reveals the digital divide that was exposed by the COVID pandemic.Aloysius Igboekwu, Senior Lecturer in Finance, Aberystwyth UniversityMaria Plotnikova, Lecturer in Economics, Aberystwyth UniversitySarah Lindop, Senior Lecturer in Finance, Aberystwyth UniversityLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/2175082023-11-29T13:39:59Z2023-11-29T13:39:59ZGentle parenting can be really hard on parents, new research suggests<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/560821/original/file-20231121-24-2jty9e.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">Gentle parents often feel overwhelmed and alone, researchers found. </span> <span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.gettyimages.com/detail/photo/mother-with-headache-daughter-in-background-royalty-free-image/151083021">Jamie Grill/The Image Bank/Getty Images</a></span></figcaption></figure><p>Are you a gentle parent? If so, chances are good that, just like your children, you may need a nap.</p>
<p>The idea of gentle parenting has been around <a href="https://doi.org/10.1037/10636-000">since the 1930s</a> but received increased attention over the past few years on <a href="https://www.instagram.com/mommacusses/">social media</a> and <a href="https://www.scarymommy.com/parenting/this-gentle-parenting-stuff-sure-isnt-easy">blogs</a>, as well as in popular <a href="https://uk.bookshop.org/shop/sarahockwellsmithauthor">books</a>, <a href="https://www.newyorker.com/books/under-review/the-harsh-realm-of-gentle-parenting">magazines</a> and <a href="https://www.washingtonpost.com/parenting/2022/11/29/gentle-parenting-child-development/">newspapers</a>.</p>
<p>Despite its growing popularity, what remains unclear is what, exactly, this parenting style entails. Parenting author and self-described “gentle parenting” founder <a href="https://sarahockwell-smith.com/2014/04/18/what-is-gentle-parenting/">Sarah Ockwell-Smith</a> has described gentle parenting as “a way of being” and “a mindset,” with “an emphasis on your child’s feelings.” But does it mean no yelling? No punishment? How is it different from other established approaches to parenting? Is it good for kids? Equally important: Is it good for parents?</p>
<p>To explore what this gentle parenting movement is all about, my fellow family studies professor <a href="https://scholar.google.com/citations?user=-LGWgsgAAAAJ&hl=en">Alice Davidson</a> <a href="https://www.macalester.edu/psychology/facultystaff/annie-pezalla/">and I</a> gathered data from over 100 parents across the country with at least one child between the ages of 2 and 7. We asked these parents to tell us how they reared their kids, how they were reared by their own parents and how they respond when their child misbehaves. We also asked if they identified as a “gentle parent.” For those who saw themselves as “gentle parents,” we asked them: What do you mean?</p>
<p>These preliminary findings, which will be submitted soon for publication, should be interpreted with caution since the diversity of our sample was limited.</p>
<h2>An internet phenomenon</h2>
<p>About half our sample identified as “gentle parents.” Those who identified as gentle parents were almost all white – 84% – and highly educated. The one diverse aspect of their profile was their age. Participants ranged from 32 to 51 years old, including both Gen Xers and millennials.</p>
<p>When asked how they were reared as children, these participants described their parents in simplistic ways, with terms such as “confrontational” and “reactive.” In contrast, when asked to describe their own parenting, they used 50% more adjectives, including terms such as “affectionate,” “conscious,” “accepting” and, of course, “gentle.” </p>
<p>There was, overall, a theme within these parents’ responses that they would do a better job at parenting than their own parents did with them. In open-ended responses, some participants stated this goal plainly. One father replied: “[My approach to parenting is to] do the opposite of my parents. No spanking or physical punishment.” Perhaps gentle parenting is more than just a parenting style – it’s also a rejection of the parenting styles of previous generations.</p>
<p>Shifts in generational approaches to parenting are not new, from the <a href="https://www.thisamericanlife.org/317/unconditional-love">behaviorist movement</a> of the 1920s – Don’t hug your kid! – to the <a href="https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2014/08/the-perils-of-attachment-parenting/375198/">attachment parenting of the 1990s</a> – Always hug your kid! – to the more contemporary <a href="https://theconversation.com/free-range-kids-why-a-childs-freedom-to-travel-and-play-without-adult-supervision-matters-132243">free-range parenting movement</a> of the 21st century – Where is my kid?</p>
<p>Each movement is a reaction to the evolution of parenting scholarship. Yet the embrace of gentle parenting advice seems unique in that, despite its <a href="https://www.tiktok.com/tag/gentleparenting">popularity on social media</a>, it is not born of scholarship. Child development researchers have not followed these families to determine the extent to which this approach to child rearing is good for either kids or parents.</p>
<p>Attempting to find a common definition, we analyzed these parents’ open-ended responses that described what “gentle parenting” means to them. For most, gentle parenting was primarily about staying calm in challenging moments with their kids.</p>
<p><div data-react-class="TiktokEmbed" data-react-props="{"url":"https://www.tiktok.com/@will_rogers_is_your_dad/video/7241575056256683306?is_from_webapp=1\u0026sender_device=pc\u0026web_id=7284042002567808543"}"></div></p>
<p>A 42-year-old mother of a 3-year-old only child wrote that gentle parenting meant “having a moderate reaction – never getting too alarmed or being too permissive, always monitoring and adjusting expectations to the needs of the child and environment.” A 35-year-old mother of 6-year-old twins wrote that gentle parenting meant “trying not to yell, trying very hard to manage my own feelings so that I don’t hurt their feelings.” These parents are working hard to keep their cool. </p>
<h2>‘Hanging on for dear life’</h2>
<p>A secondary theme of gentle parenting among the parents we surveyed was about validating their kid’s big feelings. Picture a kid having a meltdown at the mall. Sometimes this validation involved parents labeling an emotion: “I see you are very angry right now.” Or they might allow their kid to freely emote: “We sit with the feeling.” Often it involved giving affection: “I ask them if they want a hug.” </p>
<p>These parents were also extraordinarily well versed in parenting literature. Many quoted bestselling author Becky Kennedy’s <a href="https://www.goodinside.com/book/">Good Inside</a> parenting manual or referenced philosophies from world-renowned early childhood educator <a href="https://magdagerber.org/magdas-writings/">Magda Gerber</a> in their responses. They used nuanced terms such as “hand-in-hand,” “gentle rein” and “conscious” to describe their parenting. They had all done their homework on how to be an excellent gentle parent. </p>
<p>Yet we noted two troubling themes in these parents’ responses. First, none of them mentioned raising their children with help from their friends, family or community. </p>
<p>Second, many of them acknowledged, without prompting, that they were struggling to feel competent. When asked to describe her parenting approach, a 36-year-old mother of two children under 5 reflected that she often feels like she “has nothing to give” and gets “easily overstimulated and overwhelmed all day every day.” She ended her reflections with the simple confession: “I often feel out of control.”</p>
<p>She wasn’t alone in those sentiments. Here are some others:</p>
<ul>
<li>“I’m hanging on for dear life.”</li>
<li>“I try to be gentle, but it can be challenging working full time and being stressed and having little support.”</li>
<li>“I confess I have no idea what I’m doing much of the time.”</li>
</ul>
<p>Over 40% of our “gentle parents” provided these sorts of confessions, illuminating a clear message: They are often not so gentle with themselves. They were frequently exhausted, uncertain, hard on themselves and lonely.</p>
<h2>More harm than good?</h2>
<p>We are currently expanding our sample with the goal of recruiting a much more diverse group of parents – not only in race or ethnicity but also in education level. We want to test whether this gentle parenting phenomenon is primarily limited to highly educated white parents. We also plan to follow these families over time to explore the sustainability of this gentle parenting approach and to see how their kids are doing. We wonder: Will the kids of gentle parents show the same sort of emotional restraint as their parents? Or will these children only build in the emotional control they wield over their parents?</p>
<p>Until we analyze that data, our message to these parents is short and sweet: Go easy on yourselves. Also, go ahead and take that nap.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/217508/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Annie Pezalla does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organization that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.</span></em></p>The gentle parenting movement has exploded in popularity on social media. But is it good for kids or parents?Annie Pezalla, Visiting Assistant Professor of Psychology, Macalester CollegeLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/2173352023-11-28T13:40:04Z2023-11-28T13:40:04ZPhilly parents worry about kids’ digital media use but see some benefits, too<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/560790/original/file-20231121-15-ky05z4.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">Parents can model good media habits, like using online tools to connect with family and friends. </span> <span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.gettyimages.com/detail/photo/father-and-daughter-using-tablet-royalty-free-image/696315038">Ridofranz/iStock/Getty Images Plus</a></span></figcaption></figure><p>A group of U.S. senators recently called on tech giant Meta – which owns Facebook, Instagram, WhatsApp and Facebook Messenger – to <a href="https://www.warren.senate.gov/imo/media/doc/2023.11.14%20-%20Meta%20-%20Document%20Request.pdf">hand over documents</a> related to the mental and physical harms its products cause to young people. The demand follows a lawsuit <a href="https://coag.gov/app/uploads/2023/10/23.10.24-Doc.-1-Complaint-People-v.-Meta-23cv05448.pdf">filed by 33 states</a> in October 2023 that alleges that Meta, in order to maximize profits, knowingly designs addictive social media features. The lawsuit states these features are designed “to entice, engage, and ultimately ensnare youth and teens.”</p>
<p>While researchers disagree about whether social media and other digital media <a href="https://doi.org/10.1016/j.chb.2020.106414">can truly be addictive</a>, they do agree that excessive smartphone use is a problem. Many parents express <a href="https://www.nature.com/articles/s41390-023-02555-9">concern and confusion</a> about how best to manage digital media use for children under the age of 13. </p>
<p>I am a <a href="https://scholar.google.com/citations?user=OPZ2j6wAAAAJ&hl=en">professor of library and information science</a> at Drexel University’s College of Computing and Informatics. My colleague <a href="https://www.uvm.edu/cems/cs/profiles/yuanyuan-feng">Yuanyuan Feng</a> and I conducted in-depth research interviews in 2019-22 with 17 parents at three branches of the Free Library of Philadelphia. The goal was to study <a href="https://navigatingscreens.wordpress.com/">how parents manage media use</a> within their families. All of the parents – who represented a range of educational, socioeconomic, racial and ethnic backgrounds – were Philadelphia residents with at least one child age 5 to 11. </p>
<p>Although we did not set out to study parental concerns about children’s media use, every one of the parents expressed worries. Only eight parents discussed any positive aspects of media use. </p>
<p>Our research suggests promoting balance – rather than preventing addiction – is a better goal for managing kids’ digital media use.</p>
<h2>Parents’ key concerns</h2>
<p>The most common concern – expressed by 80% of our study participants – was children’s exposure to inappropriate content. We have used pseudonyms throughout this article to protect our participants’ privacy. </p>
<p>As Eliza, a mother of three kids ages 4, 7 and 13, said, “I wanted to make sure that (my children) just were not watching inappropriate stuff. … They know that word. They’re always like, ‘It’s not appropriate.’” </p>
<p>Nearly three-quarters of the parents were uncomfortable with the amount of time their children spend with media. “It’s like a battle,” said Jordan, a father of three sons, the oldest age 6. “I try to limit the screens as much as I can, although I realize we have pretty much every type of device that he could use or want to use.” </p>
<p>Seventy percent of the Philadelphia parents worried about media use displacing potentially healthier activities like reading books, playing outside, socializing in-person with friends or attending <a href="https://libwww.freelibrary.org/programs/kids/events">community events for kids</a>. </p>
<p>“There’s all kinds of cool things (at the library). There’s story time here, and … (t)hey had a pot-bellied pig outside one day. We got to meet a pot-bellied pig! I mean, how do you get that chance when you live in the city?” said Marla, the mother of a 5-year-old girl. </p>
<p>Evonne, a mother of an 8-year-old boy and two girls age 11 and 12, cited concern for children’s safety and privacy. This was shared by slightly more than half of the parents.</p>
<p>“I just had this conversation with my kids,” she said. “‘Whatever you put out there on social media can come back to haunt you … whether it’s a job interview or even a college or high school interview. You have to be very careful how you present yourself. … It can really damage you.’” </p>
<p>Research suggests that saying digital media damages children’s social skills <a href="https://doi.org/10.1086/707985">is an oversimplification</a>. Still, about a third of the parents worried that media overuse leads to poor social skills. “Kids (are) losing the ability just to socialize,” said Tyler, a father of two boys, ages 4 and 8.</p>
<figure class="align-center ">
<img alt="Girls sits on bed while taking part in video meeting on laptop" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/561155/original/file-20231122-23-qahi7x.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/561155/original/file-20231122-23-qahi7x.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=450&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/561155/original/file-20231122-23-qahi7x.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=450&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/561155/original/file-20231122-23-qahi7x.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=450&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/561155/original/file-20231122-23-qahi7x.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=566&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/561155/original/file-20231122-23-qahi7x.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=566&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/561155/original/file-20231122-23-qahi7x.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=566&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px">
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">Online interactions can help build kids’ social skills.</span>
<span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://unsplash.com/photos/woman-in-black-and-white-zebra-print-shirt-using-macbook-pro-61fy_dlPtF4">Maria Thalassinou on Unsplash</a>, <a class="license" href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nd/4.0/">CC BY-ND</a></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<h2>Benefits for kids</h2>
<p>The parents in our study told numerous and often lengthy stories about their concerns. They mentioned benefits of media use much less often and with far less detail. Nonetheless, it’s important to recognize that digital media offer <a href="https://doi.org/10.21241/ssoar.71817">both risks and opportunities</a> for children. </p>
<p>Parents appreciated how digital media enabled their children to communicate with family and friends who live far away, for example by video chatting with relatives in other countries. They also believed digital media skills are vital to their kids’ future job success. And they appreciate how digital media can support kids’ learning by building curiosity and providing access to new information.</p>
<p>Several parents enjoyed playing online games with their children and texting them messages of support throughout the day. They felt these were examples of how they could use digital media to support healthy family relationships. </p>
<p>Finally, several parents discussed the joy and relaxation their children feel using digital media. Research shows that gaming in particular can be a <a href="https://www.doi.org/10.1542/pir.2022-005666">healthy form of digital play</a> when done in moderation and with parental awareness of content warnings.</p>
<h2>How to guide kids</h2>
<p><a href="https://doi.org/10.1080/01616846.2022.2044265">Thoughtful discussions with children</a> are key to helping them benefit from digital media and to reduce potential risks. Toward this end, I suggest parents think about their role in guiding children’s media use less as protecting them from harm and more as educating them for long-term healthy habits. Here are a few recommendations to support that approach. </p>
<p><strong>Rethink time limits:</strong> Time limits focus on the amount of digital media use without considering the <a href="https://www.today.com/parents/family/kids-phones-expert-one-thing-rcna121130">value of different types of use</a>. There is no “normal” amount of time children should spend with media. Three hours in one day spent watching cartoons probably isn’t great for social or educational development. But one hour watching cartoons plus one hour <a href="https://doi.org/10.1002/hbe2.268">video calling with grandparents</a> and one hour working online for a school assignment take up the same amount of time and represent a balance of activities that support entertainment as well as social and educational development. </p>
<p><strong>Educate kids:</strong> Some online content is <a href="https://www.unicef-irc.org/publications/1183-investigating-risks-and-opportunities-for-children-in-a-digital-world.html">inappropriate or risky for children</a>. But simply restricting access leaves them unprepared to make informed decisions on their own when they reach adulthood. Educating kids about the benefits and risks prepares them for a life certain to be spent partly online.</p>
<p><strong>Encourage building social skills online:</strong> Much of young people’s social activity today takes place online, making online participation an important part of making and keeping friends. Being digitally connected can help children <a href="https://www.commonsensemedia.org/articles/are-there-apps-or-tech-tools-to-help-kids-develop-socially">practice social interactions</a>. Popular cooperative games like <a href="https://www.commonsensemedia.org/game-reviews/minecraft">Minecraft</a> and <a href="https://www.commonsensemedia.org/game-reviews/animal-crossing-new-horizons">Animal Crossing: New Horizons</a>, for example, can help children learn how to solve problems together. </p>
<p><strong>Model good media habits:</strong> When parents use media in moderation to interact with others and not just for passive use like watching videos, kids are likely to <a href="https://doi.org/10.1002/pra2.681">pick up these behaviors</a>. If you decide to set rules for family media use, you should follow them. too. If children are not allowed to use their phones at mealtimes, for example, parents should consider doing the same. The same is true for modeling respectful communication – set a good example by avoiding arguments online. </p>
<p><strong>Avoid fear tactics:</strong> Most young people find positive discussions more motivating than scare tactics, which are <a href="https://pshe-association.org.uk/evidence-and-research-key-principles-of-effective-prevention-education">generally ineffective</a>. Rather than telling children that the internet is a scary place where dangerous strangers hang out, for example, teach them to leave online conversations when anyone asks them to share personal information or when they begin to feel uncomfortable. It sends the same message without suggesting that all online conversations are dangerous. It also encourages children to build judgment skills. </p>
<p>At its core, a balanced parenting approach requires talking honestly with children about both the risks and benefits of digital media and helping them to learn to make good media use decisions.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/217335/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Denise E. Agosto, Rebekah Willett (University of Wisconsin), and June Abbas (University of Oklahoma) received funding for this work from The Institute of Museum and Library Services.</span></em></p>Researchers conducted in-depth interviews with 17 Philadelphia parents about how their family uses digital media. Here they offer tips to promote healthy, balanced media habits for kids.Denise E. Agosto, Professor of Library and Information Science, Drexel UniversityLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/2142892023-11-06T16:37:51Z2023-11-06T16:37:51ZWhy term-time holidays can be a lifeline for children and young people with attachment needs<p>The holidays are over, and children are back in school – apart from the ones going on a term-time vacation. </p>
<p>The combination of the cost of living crisis and the fact that holidays can be <a href="https://www.independent.co.uk/travel/news-and-advice/school-days-lost-holidays-term-time-b2302862.html">significantly cheaper in term time</a> makes taking children out of school for a holiday tempting for parents and carers. It has been reported that unauthorised holidays in term time accounted for over five million <a href="https://www.civitas.org.uk/2023/03/27/five-million-school-days-lost-to-unauthorised-holiday-absence/">lost school days</a> in England in the 2021-22 academic year.</p>
<p>Headteachers in England cannot grant term-time holiday requests unless there are “<a href="https://commonslibrary.parliament.uk/holidays-during-school-term-time-england/">exceptional circumstances</a>”. If a headteacher declines a holiday request and parents or carers take their child out of school anyway, they can be fined £60. This fine rises to £120 if they do not pay within 21 days, or to potential prosecution if they do not pay within 28 days. </p>
<p>But for some children and young people, there is more to the debate than a cheap holiday and some late summer sunshine. Some need extra time to build secure relationships with the important adults in their lives, and the quality time that a holiday provides can be invaluable.</p>
<h2>Attachment theory</h2>
<p><a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/13632752.2021.1979322">My research</a> is underpinned by <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4085672/">attachment theory</a>, which suggests that key adults should be available and responsive to a child’s needs. In such a relationship, the child knows that if they are distressed, they can rely on their caregiver to help them feel better. </p>
<p>With consistent “<a href="https://bjgp.org/content/bjgp/67/660/311.full.pdf">good enough</a>” parenting like this, children will develop a <a href="http://www.psychology.sunysb.edu/attachment/online/waters_ahd_comment.pdf">secure base</a> from which to explore the world. </p>
<p>A securely attached child <a href="https://mindsplain.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/Ainsworth-Patterns-of-Attachment.pdf">actively monitors</a> their caregivers’ location while exploring, only returning if faced with a challenging situation. The secure base gives children the ability the navigate the world and, as they become more independent, they can spend longer periods of time away from the important adults in their lives.</p>
<p>But estimates suggest that <a href="https://www.suttontrust.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/baby-bonds-final.pdf">40% of all children</a> have insecure attachments. This can happen when traumatic events affect how available and responsive important adults are to these children – and this can affect the development of secure relationships. </p>
<p>These <a href="https://mft.nhs.uk/rmch/services/camhs/young-people/adverse-childhood-experiences-aces-and-attachment/">adverse childhood experiences</a> can include bereavement, hospitalisation, living in a war zone, sexual and physical abuse (such as domestic violence) and neglect.</p>
<p>Insecurely attached children respond to challenging situations with <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2518099/">hyper-vigilance</a> – they are constantly on alert for threats. This means that for many pupils, school is fraught with challenge. </p>
<p>Pupils have to manage extended periods away from parents or carers, and navigate relationships with peers and unfamiliar adults. They have to keep their emotions in check, even when they feel overwhelmed. </p>
<p>They are required to be increasingly independent. To make and carry out decisions alone. To answer for the consequences of their actions. And to know that a chosen behaviour is practicable, <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.2753/RES1060-9393310957#:%7E:text=independence%20and%20the%20psychic%20phenomena,external%20pressure%3B%20the%20inclination%20to">sociable, and moral</a>. </p>
<p>This is despite the fact that many of these children still need to <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/13632752.2021.1979322">develop dependency</a> – where others meet their psychological, social and physical needs –
first. On top of all this come academic expectations. </p>
<figure class="align-center ">
<img alt="Father hugging happy daughter" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/552046/original/file-20231004-17-i8xuhn.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/552046/original/file-20231004-17-i8xuhn.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/552046/original/file-20231004-17-i8xuhn.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/552046/original/file-20231004-17-i8xuhn.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/552046/original/file-20231004-17-i8xuhn.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/552046/original/file-20231004-17-i8xuhn.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/552046/original/file-20231004-17-i8xuhn.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px">
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">Families make important memories on holiday.</span>
<span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.shutterstock.com/image-photo/african-american-father-his-little-girl-1213210501">pixelheadphoto digitalskillet/Shutterstock</a></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>But holidays can increase the amount of time that a child spends with their parents or carers, giving them the space they need to develop these important relationships. </p>
<h2>Building bonds</h2>
<p>Research suggests that family holidays make children <a href="https://www.telegraph.co.uk/travel/family-holidays/the-science-behind-how-holidays-make-your-child-happier-and-smarter/">happier and smarter</a>. On holiday, families can create <a href="https://www.irishtimes.com/life-and-style/health-family/parenting/pack-your-bags-to-give-children-happiness-anchors-1.3050796">shared, positive memories</a> that children can draw upon for years to come. Time <a href="https://avondhupress.ie/family-holidays-boost-happiness/">away from routine</a> allows parents and carers to truly attend to their child’s needs in a fun, playful, and focused way. </p>
<p>Having more time with parents or carers, and moving slowly towards these more secure relationships, can help reduce children’s anxiety and hyper-vigilance, and improve their overall mental health. </p>
<p>At pertinent times, then, which may not fit within the existing school holiday structure, children with attachment needs may benefit from extended periods with birth or adoptive parents, or foster carers. It takes <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/13632752.2021.1979322">quality time</a> to build relationships, away from commitments such as work and school, and this is what holidays can offer such families. </p>
<p>Dedicating time to building these bonds can serve children well when they are back in school. When children become anxious, school staff can draw on these stronger relationships. A phone call or note from home can help reassure them, for instance. </p>
<p>Holidays give families precious time together – and a term-time holiday should be a matter of what is best for a child and their family.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/214289/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Sarah Wall is affiliated with The University and College Union. </span></em></p>Disability may place constraints on a family’s ability to take vacations during the school holidays.Sarah Wall, Senior Lecturer in Education, Anglia Ruskin UniversityLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/2150092023-10-25T13:48:57Z2023-10-25T13:48:57ZMen say they are spending more time on household chores, and would like to do more – survey of 17 countries<p>Women perform between <a href="https://www.equimundo.org/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/State-of-the-Worlds-Fathers-2023.pdf#page=7">three and seven times more caregiving tasks</a> than men in the global south. These include household domestic work and largely focus on caring for children. </p>
<p>Hopefully this is changing. The <a href="https://www.equimundo.org/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/State-of-the-Worlds-Fathers-2023.pdf">2023 State of the World’s Fathers Report</a>, themed “Centering Care in a World in Crisis”, explored the experiences and involvement in caregiving among 12,000 men and women, many of whom are parents, across 17 countries. The survey looked at who does the caregiving, how they care, for whom, and what men and women think about care.</p>
<p>I am one of five co-authors of the report, which unveiled a remarkable appreciation for care among respondents. In an online survey they overwhelmingly associated care with positive terms. “Love” was the most frequently mentioned word across all countries. </p>
<p>Other frequently mentioned words included “help”, “protection”, “attention”, “responsibility”, “health”, “kindness” and “family”.</p>
<p>Most of the men involved in the survey said they were doing care work, and they were willing to do more. But many barriers stood in their way, including societal norms and financial constraints. While the findings of the research point to changes, it also found that the pace of change is far too slow. </p>
<h2>Growing pressure for greater equality</h2>
<p>Earlier this year, United Nations member states unanimously designated <a href="https://www.unwomen.org/en/news-stories/news/2023/08/member-states-agree-on-international-day-of-care-and-support-a-milestone-for-gender-equality-and-sustainable-societies#:%7E:text=This%20international%20day%20shows%20the,key%20lever%20to%20sustainable%20development.%E2%80%9D">29 October as the International Day of Care and Support</a>. This reflects a growing recognition of the value of care and care work, highlighting the urgent need to distribute caregiving responsibilities more equitably. </p>
<p>Providing care for another person can be a positive experience, fostering empathy and meaningful relationships. However the unequal allocation of <a href="https://www.ilo.org/global/about-the-ilo/newsroom/news/WCMS_633115/lang--en/index.htm">caregiving</a> between men and women has long hindered women’s participation in paid work. </p>
<p>In 2018, the International Labour Oganization estimated 606 million working age women were not able to do so because of unpaid care work. And the heavy burden of care work has had <a href="https://www.researchgate.net/publication/354252144_Women's_wellbeing_and_the_burden_of_unpaid_work">adverse consequences </a>on the physical and mental wellbeing of women.</p>
<h2>Moving in the right direction</h2>
<p>The State of the World’s Fathers report found that mothers still bore a greater share of responsibilities in care work such as cleaning, physical and emotional childcare, cooking and partner care. Women reported performing 1.32 times more physical childcare and 1.36 times more house cleaning than men across all countries surveyed for the report. </p>
<p>But fathers in countries as diverse as Argentina, Ireland, China, Croatia and Rwanda also reported dedicating significant hours to various unpaid caregiving tasks within the household.</p>
<p>The State of the World’s Fathers study attributed this shift to several factors, including the impact of <a href="https://www.who.int/europe/emergencies/situations/covid-19#page=58">COVID-19</a>, evolving gender norms related to caregiving, and structural factors such as care systems and parental leave policies.</p>
<p>In 15 countries, between 70% and 90% of men agreed with the statement, “I feel as responsible for care work as my partner.” </p>
<p>Encouragingly, in some nations like <a href="https://www.equimundo.org/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/State-of-the-Worlds-Fathers-2023.pdf">South Africa (85%) and Rwanda (93%)</a>, men disagreed with the statement, “Boys should not be taught to sew, cook, clean, or take care of their siblings.”</p>
<p>Men who were more emotionally aware and open to seeking emotional support were <a href="https://www.equimundo.org/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/State-of-the-Worlds-Fathers-2023.pdf#page=22">two to eight times</a> more likely to provide care to a family member than those who were not emotionally aware. </p>
<p>Men who spent more time caring for others experienced greater well-being. Respondents who expressed satisfaction with their involvement in raising their children were <a href="https://www.equimundo.org/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/State-of-the-Worlds-Fathers-2023.pdf#page=8">1.5 times</a> more likely to agree with the statement, “I am the person I always wanted to be” and report a sense of gratitude in life than respondents who did not report satisfaction with childrearing. </p>
<h2>Everybody needs to chip in</h2>
<p>It’s important to recognise that caregiving cannot be dependent solely on individual efforts. Men and women alike require the support of communities, care systems and policies to provide care effectively. </p>
<p>More than half of both mothers and fathers considered<a href="https://www.equimundo.org/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/State-of-the-Worlds-Fathers-2023.pdf#page=8"> political activism </a>for care leave policies a priority. This sentiment varied: 57% of fathers and 66% of mothers in India, and 92% of fathers and 94% of mothers in Rwanda supported this cause.</p>
<p>Women were more likely than men to <a href="https://www.equimundo.org/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/State-of-the-Worlds-Fathers-2023.pdf#page=54">prioritise care policies</a> along with healthcare and gender equality policies. Concerns about the cost of living were prevalent among both genders, with slightly more women (58%) than men (53%) expressing this worry. </p>
<p>The study found a significant portion of individuals in all countries reported <a href="https://www.equimundo.org/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/State-of-the-Worlds-Fathers-2023.pdf#page=54">taking action </a>to improve care policies. The majority (74%) discussed the issue with friends and family, while 39% of women and 36% of men signed or shared online petitions. Additionally, 27% of women and 33% of men attended events calling for improved care policies.</p>
<p>Policymakers have an important role to play in reforms for improved parental leave. Better data enables better policies, so there also need to be more accurate statistics on, for example, how many fathers take parental leave, and how time spent on care work is distributed among men and women. </p>
<p>Making it easier for men to share duties in the house is essential if countries are to <a href="https://www.equimundo.org/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/State-of-the-Worlds-Fathers-2023.pdf#page=81">thrive</a>.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/215009/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Wessel Van Den Berg works for Equimundo: Center for Masculinities and Social Justice.</span></em></p>The latest State of the World’s Fathers report found a shift in attitudes. In 15 countries, between 70% and 90% of men agreed with the statement, “I feel as responsible for care work as my partner.”Wessel Van Den Berg, Research fellow, Stellenbosch UniversityLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/2133092023-09-27T12:23:12Z2023-09-27T12:23:12ZPhiladelphia undercounts students who are homeless – here’s what parents need to know to advocate for their child<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/550461/original/file-20230926-27-j1f2e6.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">Philly schools counted 4,675 homeless children in the 2021-22 school year – but the numbers are likely higher.</span> <span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.gettyimages.com/detail/photo/two-friends-walking-in-new-york-at-the-village-royalty-free-image/1457991066">Leo Patrizi/E+ Collection/Getty Images</a></span></figcaption></figure><p>For thousands of Philadelphia kids, the return to school this fall was made more difficult because they don’t have a secure place to call home.</p>
<p>During the 2021-2022 school year, the most recent data available, the School District of Philadelphia identified <a href="https://www.philasd.org/research/wp-content/uploads/sites/90/2023/02/Education-of-Children-and-Youth-Experience-Homelessness-Analysis-of-2021-22-Data-February-2023.pdf">4,675 children</a> as homeless. </p>
<p>Counting students was difficult during the COVID pandemic, making year-over-year comparisons difficult, but the most recent numbers are up 9.7% compared to <a href="https://www.philasd.org/research/wp-content/uploads/sites/90/2023/02/Education-of-Children-and-Youth-Experience-Homelessness-Analysis-of-2021-22-Data-February-2023.pdf">the 2018-2019 school year</a>, when the count was 4,261. </p>
<p>In Pennsylvania, <a href="https://www.education.pa.gov/K-12/Homeless%20Education/Pages/20212022CountsbyCounty.aspx">the 2021-2022 count was 41,126</a>, <a href="https://www.education.pa.gov/K-12/Homeless%20Education/Pages/20202021ECYEHCountsbyCounty.aspx">up nearly 24%</a> from the year before.</p>
<p>Research suggests the actual numbers are even higher. Pennsylvania lags other states in identifying youth who are homeless, and data collected for the 2018-2019 school year suggests Philadelphia in particular <a href="https://files.eric.ed.gov/fulltext/ED611597.pdf">underreports</a>. This is particularly true for students who attend charter schools. </p>
<p>Schools struggle to identify students who are homeless for a variety of reasons, as a <a href="https://detroitpeer.org/wp-content/uploads/2023/06/HomelessIdentificationJuneFinal.pdf">recent study in Detroit</a> makes clear. The study highlights parent and guardian lack of awareness about resources available, limited trust from parents in sharing their housing circumstances and insufficient support from schools when parents do share this information. </p>
<p>As a professor of counseling <a href="https://scholar.google.com/citations?user=jb6uAUkAAAAJ&hl=en">who researches homelessness</a>, and a former school counselor who has examined the <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177/0042085916668954">challenges educators face</a> in supporting homeless youth, I know it is critical that parents and guardians understand their children’s rights at school to ensure their kids get the support they need.</p>
<h2>Know your rights</h2>
<p>Living on the streets is only one of many ways kids experience housing loss. </p>
<p>In Pennsylvania, <a href="https://www.education.pa.gov/Documents/K-12/Homeless%20Education/Reports/2020-21%20ECYEH%20State%20Evaluation%20Report.pdf">65% of students experiencing homelessness</a> live in doubled-up situations – sharing housing temporarily with other people. This includes living in cramped apartments with other families, or regularly moving between friends’ or relatives’ houses. About 22% live in shelters or transitional housing. Others live in hotels or motels, and about 2% are unsheltered.</p>
<p>Given this complexity, some families may not understand <a href="http://doi.org/10.5330/1096-2409-21.1.47">they qualify</a> for resources available to the homeless. Educators may also be unsure.</p>
<p>When students without stable housing are not properly identified, they miss out on support under the <a href="https://nche.ed.gov/legislation/mckinney-vento/">McKinney-Vento Homeless Assistance Act</a>, a federal law that is designed to provide protection and assistance for students experiencing homelessness who attend public schools, and <a href="https://www.education.pa.gov/Policy-Funding/BECS/uscode/Pages/EducationforHomelessYouth.aspx">Pennsylvania’s Education for Homeless Children and Youth State plan</a>. </p>
<p>These services are designed to <a href="https://www2.ed.gov/programs/homeless/legislation.html">remove barriers to their enrollment, attendance and success</a> in school. </p>
<p>For example, students who are identified as homeless can enroll in schools even when they lack immediate access to paperwork such as educational records, immunization records and proof of residency within the school district. They can receive free transportation to and from their current school even if they move out of the district. They can also receive support from a <a href="https://homeless.center-school.org/more-about-homeless-liaisons/">“homeless liaison,”</a> a person who ensures the school is meeting the McKinney-Vento requirements, and they qualify for free <a href="https://nche.ed.gov/wp-content/uploads/2018/10/identification.pdf">school breakfast and lunch</a>. </p>
<p>The Philadelphia school district has an <a href="https://www.philasd.org/studentrights/#homeless">Office of Student Rights and Responsibilities</a> specifically designed to help students understand their rights, including supporting students experiencing homelessness. Homeless liaisons and other staff work with the office to identify students. According to its website, the office provides tutoring, supports student enrollment and transfers, offers school supplies and uniforms, and hosts a teen program with an array of services, including college preparation. </p>
<h2>What parents can do</h2>
<p>Facing housing insecurity is stressful for parents, guardians and kids. To increase the likelihood for a successful school year, parents can take these steps:</p>
<p><strong>1. Learn your child’s rights:</strong> Parents can ensure their children are getting the services and supports they are afforded under McKinney-Vento, such as transportation to their current school if they move temporarily out of the district. Reviewing these <a href="https://nche.ed.gov/parent-resources/">parent resources</a> is a good place to start.</p>
<p><strong>2. Contact the school’s homeless liaison:</strong> It’s important for parents to inform the school’s liaison of their family’s housing status and if they have moved. Liaisons can provide information about what happens next and what resources are available. This <a href="https://ecyeh.center-school.org/about/homeless-liaisons/">directory lists all of the liaisons</a> in Pennsylvania.</p>
<p><strong>3. Decide who else should know:</strong> Liaisons will keep information about students’ housing status confidential unless parents want them to inform the child’s teachers or other school personnel. Sharing that information can be helpful. For instance, if inconsistent housing will impact the child’s ability to complete homework or attend school regularly, their teachers can, for example, support the child by being more flexible with deadlines. </p>
<p><strong>4. Connect with the school counselor and social worker:</strong> These are trusted adults within the school system who are trained to provide families with the support they need in a safe and confidential space. They can connect parents and students with the homeless liaison and resources within the school and in the community. </p>
<p><strong>5. Request electronic records:</strong> Parents should try to save all emails that contain educational records from any school their child attended each year. Should housing circumstances lead families to move quickly, these records will be easy to transfer to the new school. While previous schools should eventually transfer records, having a record of grades and coursework helps ensure that a student is placed in the appropriate courses as soon as they start at a new school.</p>
<p><strong>6. Notify the school of any move:</strong> If families need to move outside of their current school district, they should notify their child’s school as soon as possible. Students may be able to continue at their current school despite their new address. Research shows that feeling connected to friend groups as well as teachers <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177/0042085919877928">improves high school graduation rates</a>. Maintaining these relationships over time can benefit students experiencing homelessness.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/213309/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Stacey Havlik consults to the National Association for the Education of Homeless Children and Youth (NAEHCY) as a member of their Higher Education Committee. She is affiliated with NAEHCY. </span></em></p>A professor of counseling who researches homelessness offers tips so parents can make sure their child gets the school support and accommodations they are entitled to.Stacey Havlik, Associate Professor of Education and Counseling, Villanova UniversityLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/2083962023-09-14T21:19:18Z2023-09-14T21:19:18ZOntario needs to remove barriers to child-care subsidies for low-income families<iframe style="width: 100%; height: 100px; border: none; position: relative; z-index: 1;" allowtransparency="" allow="clipboard-read; clipboard-write" src="https://narrations.ad-auris.com/widget/the-conversation-canada/ontario-needs-to-remove-barriers-to-child-care-subsidies-for-low-income-families" width="100%" height="400"></iframe>
<p>In September, a major turnover in child care occurs, as preschoolers graduate to kindergarten and a new wave of preschoolers enters into early learning and care systems. </p>
<p>This year, the pressures on the child-care sector have increased dramatically as governments are radically decreasing the costs of child care for families as they <a href="https://www.canada.ca/en/early-learning-child-care-agreement/agreements-provinces-territories.html">implement Canada-wide early learning and child care (CWELCC)</a> agreements.</p>
<p>The government of Ontario has <a href="https://www.fao-on.org/en/Blog/Publications/2022-education-estimates">projected significant increases in demand for child care</a> as a result of lower fees. In these early days, we are not aware of evidence of this happening, but <a href="https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/london/now-that-daycare-is-cheaper-in-ontario-demand-is-up-are-working-parents-getting-squeezed-out-1.6757416">anecdotally this seems to be the case</a>.</p>
<p>While provinces are talking about increasing the number of spaces, substantial <a href="https://doi.org/10.3138/cpp.2022-059">labour shortages in staff</a> (since pay and benefits are poor in this sector) and insufficient investment in physical spaces likely mean that increases in demand will <a href="https://fao-on.org/en/Blog/Publications/2022-education-estimates">far outpace increases in supply</a>.</p>
<p>When resources are scarce, disadvantaged parents and children receive the short end of the services stick while more affluent families are more likely to secure access to higher-quality services. </p>
<p>Research from 2005 found that following Québec’s move to significantly expand a network of daycare services in 1997 and reduce fees for parents, “<a href="https://irpp.org/research-studies/quality-counts">the overall quality of the daycare settings attended by children from less privileged families was significantly lower</a> than that of those attended by children from more privileged families.” </p>
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Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/ottawas-10-a-day-child-care-promise-should-heed-quebecs-insights-about-balancing-low-fees-with-high-quality-159626">Ottawa's $10-a-day child care promise should heed Québec’s insights about balancing low fees with high quality</a>
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<p>Ontario’s current implementation plan for child care and early learning agreements runs the risk of leaving disadvantaged families further behind, rather than closing gaps in opportunities and outcomes for their children. To prevent this, Ontario, and indeed all provinces, need to double down on removing barriers to child-care subsidies for low-income families. </p>
<h2>Lower-income families have less access</h2>
<p>In Canada, many children spend a <a href="https://www150.statcan.gc.ca/n1/pub/89-652-x/89-652-x2014005-eng.pdf">significant part of their day in early learning and child care</a>, whether in centres or home-based settings.</p>
<p>With the introduction of new child care agreements across Canada, all families are eligible for substantial fee reduction. </p>
<p>For example, when Ontario’s agreement is fully implemented, fees should be down to approximately $12 per day, regardless of whether both parents (or one parent in single-parent households) work or study. </p>
<h2>$10 a day is a hardship for many</h2>
<p>Before the federal government announced the introduction of Canada-wide early learning and care agreements, most parents who received a child-care subsidy in Toronto paid well below $10 per day. For example, when we examined data pertaining to nearly 900 parents recruited from the City of Toronto’s child-care subsidy waitlist, we found that, based on their financial and work/study activity eligibility, parents paid an average of $3.33 per day. </p>
<p>Since their fee contribution was set based on financial eligibility criteria, this means that $10 per day would be a hardship for many of these families. Without additional fee subsidies, these parents would likely not be able to afford care.</p>
<h2>Complicating factors</h2>
<p>Even if parents can afford child care (whether through their earnings or subsidies), they still need to secure a space. Wait lists for child care can be long, with some parents having to get in line even before their child is born. </p>
<p>This is especially challenging for families who are new to Canada or unfamiliar with the system, as well as those in neighbourhoods with limited child-care options. </p>
<p>As documented by the research of Petr Varmuza, one of the authors of this story, in the City of Toronto, when neighbourhoods have lower levels of income and maternal education, they tend to have lower availability of child care. </p>
<p>One complicating factor is that parents find it hard to evaluate the quality of care their children receive, with many being unaware of whether it is <a href="https://doi.org/10.1186/s40723-019-0063-8">licensed or not</a>. </p>
<h2>Disadvantages compounded</h2>
<p>It is concerning that children from lower-income families <a href="https://doi.org/10.1186/s40723-019-0063-8">are less likely to have access to any form of licensed care</a>. Low-income families tend to have limited knowledge of the child-care sector and tend to live in neighbourhoods with fewer child-care <a href="https://www.oise.utoronto.ca/atkinson/UserFiles/File/Events/2023_Summer_Institute/Michal_Perlman_-_WHO_S_IN_AND_WHO_IS_OUT_CWELCC_AND_EQUITY.pdf">spaces per child</a>. </p>
<p>Furthermore, because subsidies for low-income parents are tied to parent activity, if their circumstances change for any reason (like losing a job, going on parental leave or caring for a sick family member), their subsidy is revoked. And research has linked such <a href="https://doi.org/10.1007/s10643-023-01513-8">disruptions in care to worse outcomes for children</a>. </p>
<p>It is simply unfair that low-income parents are subject to these activity requirements in order to receive the level of subsidy they need while, under the current framework for CWELCC, higher income parents are not subject to these restrictions. </p>
<h2>Remove work/study requirements</h2>
<p>To address this inequity, all work/study requirements for fee subsidies should be removed.</p>
<p>Inclusivity is explicitly stated as an important goal of the federal government’s Canada-wide early learning and child care initiative, and one aimed at providing support to society’s most vulnerable populations and ensuring the healthy development of their children. </p>
<p>However, for vulnerable and marginalized groups, access to early learning and child care remains uncertain. This inclusivity goal must become a top priority to fulfil affordable care for all families.</p>
<p>The ultimate solution is publicly funded child care with enough spaces for everyone.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/208396/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Michal Perlman receives funding from the Social Sciences and Humanities Research Council, The Lawson Foundation, The Nova Scotia Department of Education and Early Childhood Development and other sources.</span></em></p><p class="fine-print"><em><span>Samantha Burns receives funding from the Social Sciences and Humanities Research Council and The Nova Scotia Department of Education and Early Childhood Development. </span></em></p><p class="fine-print"><em><span>Petr Varmuza does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.</span></em></p>For vulnerable and marginalized groups, access to early learning and child care remains uncertain. Inclusive access must become a top priority to achieve affordable care for all families.Michal Perlman, Professor of Applied Psychology and Human Development, University of TorontoPetr Varmuza, Assistant Researcher, Perlman Lab, Ontario Institute for the Studies of Education, University of TorontoSamantha Burns, Ph.D. Student, Developmental Psychology and Education, University of TorontoLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/2124262023-09-14T19:48:11Z2023-09-14T19:48:11ZNavigating the complexities of caregiving for dementia in South Asian communities<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/547295/original/file-20230908-43950-v2nuih.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=103%2C60%2C5647%2C3768&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">Caregiving in South Asian communities is characterized by close family bonds that emphasize respect for elders.</span> <span class="attribution"><span class="source">(Shutterstock)</span></span></figcaption></figure><iframe style="width: 100%; height: 100px; border: none; position: relative; z-index: 1;" allowtransparency="" allow="clipboard-read; clipboard-write" src="https://narrations.ad-auris.com/widget/the-conversation-canada/navigating-the-complexities-of-caregiving-for-dementia-in-south-asian-communities" width="100%" height="400"></iframe>
<p>In 2020, an estimated <a href="https://alzheimer.ca/en/research/reports-dementia/landmark-study-report-1-path-forward">597,000</a> individuals were living with dementia in Canada. By 2030, that number is expected to increase to almost one million, and by 2050, almost 1.7 million. </p>
<p>Dementia is a global struggle affecting many around the world. In South Asian communities, an intricate tapestry of cultures, languages and traditions engenders a caregiving dynamic for those living with dementia.
Dementia care in South Asian households is nuanced and complex and is shaped by cultural, familial and societal forces. </p>
<p>Strong familial bonds and respect for elders provide a foundation for support. However, stigma, language barriers and gendered caregiving roles can create formidable challenges.</p>
<p>By understanding these diverse dynamics, experts and medical practitioners can provide better and more tailored support to South Asians with dementia and the people who care for them.</p>
<h2>Caregiving in South Asian communities</h2>
<p><strong>Strong family bonds:</strong> The South Asian community is characterized by its close-knit family structures, where family members often share caregiving responsibilities. This communal caregiving approach fosters unity and support, allowing individuals with dementia to remain within their familial environment. </p>
<p><strong>Respect for elders</strong>: South Asian cultures traditionally hold elders in high regard. This fosters a sense of duty and responsibility toward caring for aging family members and can translate into a heightened commitment to caregiving for individuals with <a href="https://brill.com/display/title/37884">dementia</a>. </p>
<p>These values are also informed by religious beliefs and cultural practices. In Hinduism, the concept of <a href="https://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/astrology/kundali-dasha-remedies/lal-kitab-remedies-for-pitru-rin/articleshow/68206686.cms">Pitru Rin (debt to ancestors)</a> emphasizes the obligation of children to <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177/1084822312439466">repay their parents for their nurturing and care</a>. Similarly, Islam strongly emphasizes <a href="https://doi.org/10.1007/s11562-020-00458-8">respecting and caring for one’s parents</a> and elderly relatives, as prescribed in the Qur’an and Hadith. In Sikhism, the concept of <a href="https://www.bbc.co.uk/bitesize/guides/zmcf3k7/revision/3">seva (selfless service)</a> extends to caring for elders in the community. Cultural norms and expectations shape the roles and responsibilities of care partners.</p>
<p><strong>Multi-generational households:</strong> Many South Asian households often have multiple generations living under one roof. This arrangement can benefit dementia caregiving, allowing continuous care, emotional support and companionship. </p>
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<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/547888/original/file-20230912-28-ew1qvu.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="A young Indian women places her arms around an older woman wearing a sari and holding a book." src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/547888/original/file-20230912-28-ew1qvu.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/547888/original/file-20230912-28-ew1qvu.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/547888/original/file-20230912-28-ew1qvu.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/547888/original/file-20230912-28-ew1qvu.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/547888/original/file-20230912-28-ew1qvu.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/547888/original/file-20230912-28-ew1qvu.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/547888/original/file-20230912-28-ew1qvu.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
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<span class="caption">Living in multi-generational households can provide people with dementia continuous care, emotional support and companionship.</span>
<span class="attribution"><span class="source">(Shutterstock)</span></span>
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<h2>Challenges to caregiving</h2>
<p><strong>Stigma and a lack of awareness</strong>: Stigma surrounding dementia is prevalent and can often mean people delay getting medical help and <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177/1471301212444806">lack awareness about available support</a>. This can lead to isolation and a lack of care for people with dementia.</p>
<p><strong>Collectivism:</strong> South Asian cultures emphasize collectivism, where the needs of the family or community take precedence over individual needs. This can influence the decision-making process regarding caregiving arrangements.</p>
<p>While collectivism can provide a robust support network, it can also lead to care partners neglecting their well-being in favour of the needs of the person living with dementia. </p>
<p><strong>Language and cultural barriers:</strong> Language and cultural differences can pose significant challenges in accessing appropriate care and information about dementia. People with dementia and their caregivers may not be fluent in the language of their host country. That can make it especially challenging to communicate effectively with doctors and navigate <a href="https://doi.org/10.1017/S1041610211000214">health-care systems</a>.</p>
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Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/navigating-dementia-care-in-the-south-asian-community-overcoming-barriers-and-stigma-171788">Navigating dementia care in the South Asian community: Overcoming barriers and stigma</a>
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<p><strong>Emotional and financial stress:</strong> Caregiving for a loved one with dementia can be emotional and stressful for anyone. The constant demands of caregiving, coupled with the progressive nature of dementia, can lead to caregiver burnout and mental health issues. </p>
<p>In South Asian communities, caregiving responsibilities often fall on daughters or other female relatives due to <a href="https://doi.org/10.1159/000506363">gendered expectations</a> of their role in the family. Women often have to juggle caregiving with their other household and family duties. </p>
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<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/547293/original/file-20230908-27-9nesjy.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="Close up of an elderly woman's hands being held by a younger woman." src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/547293/original/file-20230908-27-9nesjy.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/547293/original/file-20230908-27-9nesjy.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/547293/original/file-20230908-27-9nesjy.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/547293/original/file-20230908-27-9nesjy.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/547293/original/file-20230908-27-9nesjy.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/547293/original/file-20230908-27-9nesjy.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/547293/original/file-20230908-27-9nesjy.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
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<span class="caption">Stigma surrounding dementia and language barriers can often lead to isolation or delayed treatment.</span>
<span class="attribution"><span class="source">(Shutterstock)</span></span>
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<p>Living in multi-generational households can also bring additional stress for family members tasked with caregiving. Long-term care homes are often viewed negatively due to cultural values that prioritize family unity and the belief that it’s the responsibility of younger generations to care for their elders at home. That can be compounded by financial stress if caregivers have to quit jobs to provide care full-time. </p>
<h2>Supporting caregivers</h2>
<p>Acknowledging and supporting caregivers is crucial for a more equitable future. This support entails recognizing and valuing their unpaid care work.</p>
<p>Employers should promote flexibility and provide workplace resources to ease caregiving burdens. These could include offering flexible work arrangements, adjusted hours and remote working options. They can provide paid family leave to accommodate caregiving needs and consider providing childcare support. </p>
<p>Financial support and legal protections further empower caregivers. These concerted efforts from governments, employers and communities collectively contribute to a more equitable and inclusive society.</p>
<p>By acknowledging the positive aspects of caregiving and addressing the negatives, society can work toward enhancing the well-being of South Asian care partners and individuals with dementia. </p>
<p>It is imperative to address the unique challenges faced by South Asian care partners and individuals with dementia. This includes promoting awareness about dementia, overcoming language barriers in health care and fostering culturally sensitive support networks.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/212426/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Navjot Gill does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.</span></em></p>Dementia care in South Asian households is shaped by cultural, familial and societal forces that bring benefits and challenges.Navjot Gill, Doctoral Candidate, Aging, Health and Well-being, University of WaterlooLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/2108972023-09-03T20:03:03Z2023-09-03T20:03:03ZBeing the main breadwinner didn’t necessarily keep married mums in work during the pandemic<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/540668/original/file-20230802-19-2o1z8i.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=0%2C24%2C5447%2C3596&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">
</span> <span class="attribution"><span class="source">Shutterstock</span></span></figcaption></figure><p>In the toughest days of the pandemic, many dual-income families made the difficult choice to drop down to one income. </p>
<p>With dads being the primary earners in many heterosexual households, it was often the mother who gave up her job to manage all the extra housework, homeschooling and childcare the pandemic brought.</p>
<p>But what about heterosexual households where the mother was the primary earner?</p>
<p>Our <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/jomf.12926">study</a>, published in the Journal of Marriage and Family, involved analysis of 7,139 different-sex married parents in the United States, captured at multiple time points. We found many married mothers who earned half or more of the family’s income got knocked out of employment during the first 18 months of the pandemic. </p>
<p>The employment rate of fathers who earned the bulk of the money over this time dropped much less, we found. In fact, it barely changed.</p>
<p>Our study also found the ability to work remotely was an important lifeline for mothers to retain employment. Overall, earning more of the income couldn’t guarantee mothers would be protected from employment loss, but working remotely was crucial to mothers remaining employed. </p>
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<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/540669/original/file-20230802-19-6hm10h.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/540669/original/file-20230802-19-6hm10h.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/540669/original/file-20230802-19-6hm10h.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/540669/original/file-20230802-19-6hm10h.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/540669/original/file-20230802-19-6hm10h.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/540669/original/file-20230802-19-6hm10h.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/540669/original/file-20230802-19-6hm10h.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/540669/original/file-20230802-19-6hm10h.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
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<span class="caption">The pandemic pummelled mothers through added childcare, housework, and homeschooling.</span>
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Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/the-great-resignation-didnt-happen-in-australia-but-the-great-burnout-did-201173">The 'great resignation' didn't happen in Australia, but the 'great burnout' did</a>
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<h2>Even earning more, many mothers were knocked out of employment</h2>
<p>To track US mothers’ employment over the duration of the pandemic, we used data from the Annual Social and Economic Supplement of the Current Population Survey. The data are collected by the US Census Bureau.</p>
<p>Our sample included civilian respondents aged 25–54 who were different-sex, married parents with children 12 years or younger. In each case, both the respondent and their spouse reported working for pay in 2019, before the pandemic started.</p>
<p>We used this data set to follow mothers’ and fathers’ employment patterns over the first year of the pandemic (January 2020 to May 2021). </p>
<p>We found fathers in this group who were primary earners tended to remain employed over this period. </p>
<p>The employment rate for mothers, by contrast, dropped significantly in the first few months and never fully recovered. It didn’t matter if mothers were primary earners or not – their employment rate still dropped.</p>
<p>In fact, by the March to May period of 2021, mothers’ employment was over four percentage points lower than pre-pandemic levels – regardless of their earnings.</p>
<p>So, earning more of the family income didn’t necessarily shield mothers from employment loss. What did matter, however, was access to telecommuting. </p>
<p>Mothers who could work online had significantly higher employment rates across the period of our study than mothers who couldn’t. Additionally, the positive effect of telecommuting on employment was four times larger for mothers than for fathers.</p>
<p>Telecommuting was a lifeline for mothers’ employment during the pandemic.</p>
<figure class="align-center zoomable">
<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/541587/original/file-20230807-25-qhmckc.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="A woman exams documents and works from home while her pre-schooler plays in the background. Half-eaten food and mess sits near her computer." src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/541587/original/file-20230807-25-qhmckc.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/541587/original/file-20230807-25-qhmckc.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/541587/original/file-20230807-25-qhmckc.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/541587/original/file-20230807-25-qhmckc.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/541587/original/file-20230807-25-qhmckc.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/541587/original/file-20230807-25-qhmckc.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/541587/original/file-20230807-25-qhmckc.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
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<span class="caption">Earning more of the family income didn’t buffer mothers from employment loss.</span>
<span class="attribution"><span class="source">Shutterstock</span></span>
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</figure>
<h2>The pandemic-pummelled mothers</h2>
<p>These findings build on our previous research showing US mothers’ employment was hit hard during the pandemic. </p>
<p>At the start of the pandemic, our previous research found nearly 250,000 more mothers than fathers <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/2378023120947997">exited employment</a> from February to April 2020.</p>
<p>We also found in prior studies that US mothers with children aged five or under reduced their work time <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7361447/">four to five times more</a> than equivalent fathers.</p>
<p>We also showed that in-person learning in the latter part of 2020 <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/08912432211001300?te=1&nl=nyt-parenting&emc=edit_ptg_20210324">was lower</a> in US districts with higher proportions of Black and Hispanic students. Remote learning across the <a href="https://www.rsfjournal.org/content/rsfjss/9/3/134.full.pdf">2020–2021 school year</a> led mothers’ but not fathers’ employment to drop, especially for those with less education and limited access to telecommuting. </p>
<p>And our earlier research revealed how US mothers stepped into more <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/1097184X21990737">housework and childcare</a>, causing sleep problems, anxiety and stress.</p>
<p>As we discussed these findings with researchers and the community, one question would keep coming up: isn’t all this just the consequence of fathers earning more? </p>
<p>Isn’t it a “rational” choice to shield fathers from job loss, rather than mothers, because men tend to be the primary earners?</p>
<p>Our recently published <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/jomf.12926">research</a> shows that, no, this was not necessarily about who made more money in the household – it is often about who is expected to provide care when times get tough. </p>
<p>Many mothers got knocked out of employment even when they were the family’s highest earner.</p>
<figure class="align-center zoomable">
<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/541586/original/file-20230807-15-tgnnsz.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="A young Asian mother works from home on a laptop while her child plays next to her." src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/541586/original/file-20230807-15-tgnnsz.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/541586/original/file-20230807-15-tgnnsz.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=338&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/541586/original/file-20230807-15-tgnnsz.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=338&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/541586/original/file-20230807-15-tgnnsz.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=338&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/541586/original/file-20230807-15-tgnnsz.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=425&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/541586/original/file-20230807-15-tgnnsz.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=425&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/541586/original/file-20230807-15-tgnnsz.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=425&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">Working remotely has been critical to mothers remaining employed.</span>
<span class="attribution"><span class="source">Shutterstock</span></span>
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</figure>
<h2>Where to from here?</h2>
<p>US mothers have now returned to employment at pre-pandemic levels. But we can’t ignore the fact many mothers stepped into the added care of the pandemic while also trying to maintain their work lives. Many couldn’t and employment dropped. Others experienced significant <a href="https://osf.io/preprints/socarxiv/py8bj/">earnings losses</a> even while remaining employed. </p>
<p>For those with the option to work remotely – who are largely employed in professional jobs – this benefit was and remains critical to their ability to hold onto their job. Despite this, employers are increasingly removing this lifeline and demanding a return to the workplace.</p>
<p>These lessons also extend to other Western nations. In Australia, for example, <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/1097184X21990737">mothers</a> picked up more housework and childcare at the expense of their health and wellbeing (as did <a href="https://theconversation.com/covid-forced-australian-fathers-to-do-more-at-home-but-at-the-same-cost-mothers-have-long-endured-154834">fathers</a>). Australian workers want <a href="https://www.work-futures.org/publications">remote work to remain</a> which has long been critical to mothers maintaining employment and to avoid <a href="https://theconversation.com/the-great-resignation-didnt-happen-in-australia-but-the-great-burnout-did-201173">burnout</a>.</p>
<p>The pandemic showed care work is critical to our lives and we must support those who do it. </p>
<p>For married heterosexual mothers, this means acknowledging the tolls of the pandemic and ensuring access for all in relevant occupations to critical resources like telecommuting.</p>
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Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/yet-again-the-census-shows-women-are-doing-more-housework-now-is-the-time-to-invest-in-interventions-185488">Yet again, the census shows women are doing more housework. Now is the time to invest in interventions</a>
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<img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/210897/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Leah Ruppanner receives funding from the Australian Research Council. </span></em></p><p class="fine-print"><em><span>Liana Christin Landivar is a senior researcher at the US Department of Labor. Views expressed are those of the author and not necessarily those of the US Department of Labor.</span></em></p><p class="fine-print"><em><span>Caitlyn Collins and William Scarborough do not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and have disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.</span></em></p>With dads being the primary earners in many heterosexual households, it was often the mother who gave up work to manage extra work at home during the pandemic. But what about heterosexual households where the mother was the primary earner?Leah Ruppanner, Professor of Sociology and Founding Director of The Future of Work Lab, The University of MelbourneCaitlyn Collins, Associate Professor of Sociology, Arts & Sciences at Washington University in St. LouisLiana Christin Landivar, Faculty Affiliate, University of MarylandWilliam Scarborough, Associate Professor of Sociology, University of North TexasLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/2121752023-09-01T12:43:23Z2023-09-01T12:43:23Z‘The Blind Side’ lawsuit spotlights tricky areas of family law<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/545068/original/file-20230828-244119-badfi1.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=58%2C0%2C2878%2C1890&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">Sean Tuohy, Michael Oher and Leigh Anne Touhy pose for a photo before a University of Mississippi game in 2008.</span> <span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.gettyimages.com/detail/news-photo/michael-oher-of-the-ole-miss-rebels-stands-with-his-family-news-photo/83870434">Matthew Sharpe/Getty Images</a></span></figcaption></figure><p>What’s the difference between adoption and conservatorship? Millions of dollars and the freedom to make your own choices, if you ask retired football player Michael Oher.</p>
<p>Oher, whose story was made into the 2009 movie “The Blind Side,” says he believed he <a href="https://slate.com/culture/2023/08/blind-side-michael-oher-tuohys-lawsuit-conservatorship-adoption-lies.html">signed papers to be adopted</a> by an affluent white couple, Sean and Leigh Anne Tuohy, in 2004. But papers filed in court recently indicate Oher was in fact never adopted. Rather, he has been <a href="https://www.espn.com/nfl/story/_/id/38190720/blind-side-subject-michael-oher-alleges-adoption-was-lie-family-took-all-film-proceeds">under a court-imposed conservatorship</a> all this time. Further, it is alleged that the <a href="https://www.espn.com/nfl/story/_/id/38190720/blind-side-subject-michael-oher-alleges-adoption-was-lie-family-took-all-film-proceeds">arrangement allowed the Tuohys</a> to “gain financial advantages” by striking deals in Oher’s name.</p>
<p>The Tuohys’ attorneys have <a href="https://apnews.com/article/nfl-michael-oher-tuohys-blind-side-movie-1bebe2ba9ee2ba60ac806dabab4f6d4c">pushed back</a>, saying that Oher had long known he wasn’t formally adopted and that the <a href="https://people.com/blind-side-sean-tuohy-speaks-out-about-michael-oher-legal-petition-7643431">conservatorship was necessary</a> for his college football aspirations. Their current attorney has also said he believes the long timeline for getting an adoption – compared with the <a href="https://sports.yahoo.com/blind-side-controversy-why-the-tuohys-sought-a-conservatorship-over-adoption-for-michael-oher-141415218.html">relatively speedy</a> conservatorship process – played a role in their decision.</p>
<p>As the high-profile legal drama <a href="https://variety.com/2023/film/news/the-blind-side-controversy-producers-respond-michael-oher-1235704029/">continues to unfold</a>, Leigh Anne Tuohy’s <a href="https://perma.cc/2DVP-GSBR">personal website</a> still describes Michael Oher as the couple’s “adopted son.”</p>
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<p>As a <a href="https://www.law.virginia.edu/faculty/profile/nrc8g/2915359">law school professor</a> who teaches trusts and estates as well as family law, I have been intrigued by the precise connections between the Tuohys and Oher. A conservatorship and an adoption are two very different legal proceedings, and the resulting relationships are entirely distinct. </p>
<h2>What is a conservatorship?</h2>
<p>Conservatorships are legal mechanisms to help people who can’t care for themselves or their finances – for example, due to <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2021/aug/18/britney-spears-case-guardianship-laws">advanced dementia</a>. They’re typically <a href="https://www.npr.org/2021/06/24/1009726455/britney-spears-conservatorship-how-thats-supposed-to-work">not for</a> people like Oher who have been signing their own contracts or writing their own books. The goal is to protect a vulnerable person’s well-being and their assets from being misused. Another recent conservatorship in the news, that of <a href="https://theconversation.com/why-conservatorships-like-the-one-controlling-britney-spears-can-lead-to-abuse-164617">Britney Spears</a>, was also the subject of contentious legal proceedings, although the conservator in that case was her father. </p>
<p>Adoption is a different legal process that results in a new parent-child relationship. Parents have certain rights and responsibilities for their children, but once a child turns 18 – regardless of whether they are adopted – they are legal adults: They can make their own medical decisions, enter into their own contracts and get married without any parental involvement. People in conservatorships don’t typically have the same kind of freedom.</p>
<p>In Tennessee, where the Tuohys live, parents are not required to support their children once they <a href="https://law.justia.com/codes/tennessee/2021/title-34/chapter-1/section-34-1-102/">graduate from high school</a>. But the existence of a parent-child relationship remains meaningful even after a child turns 18. For example, parents and children may have <a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2023/08/26/opinion/i-have-a-pretty-good-idea-why-michael-oher-is-angry.html">legal inheritance rights</a>, or children may be required to <a href="https://www.dallasnews.com/sponsored/2022/08/28/the-parent-trap-filial-responsibility-laws-cause-financial-havoc-for-children/">pay for a parent’s necessities</a>.</p>
<p>The Tuohys say they were told that they <a href="https://people.com/blind-side-sean-tuohy-speaks-out-about-michael-oher-legal-petition-7643431">couldn’t adopt an adult</a>. But under Tennessee law, as in <a href="https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubPDFs/parties.pdf">many other states</a>, adoption can take place at any age. To be sure, in Tennessee, anyone 14 or older <a href="https://codes.findlaw.com/tn/title-36-domestic-relations/tn-code-sect-36-1-117/">needs to consent for the adoption to take place</a>. So Oher would have had to agree – which he says he thought he did. </p>
<p>In addition, adoption <a href="https://codes.findlaw.com/tn/title-36-domestic-relations/tn-code-sect-36-1-117/">typically requires</a> <a href="https://www.findlaw.com/family/adoption/who-may-be-adopted.html">ending the rights of the birth parents</a>, which can be done either voluntarily or through a termination hearing. So even though Oher was over 18, the Tuohys could have adopted him – but that probably would have required ending the parental rights of Denise Oher, Michael Oher’s mother.</p>
<h2>Tuohys’ relationship to Oher</h2>
<p>The Tuohys didn’t file for adoption. Rather, they asked a court to appoint them Oher’s conservators, which it did.</p>
<p><a href="https://theconversation.com/why-conservatorships-like-the-one-controlling-britney-spears-can-lead-to-abuse-164617">Only a court</a> can impose a conservatorship, and only a court can terminate one. A handful of states explicitly allow for a “<a href="https://www.americanbar.org/groups/law_aging/publications/bifocal/vol-42/vol--42-issue-2--november-december-2020-/voluntary-guardianships--a-primer-on-states-guidance/">voluntary</a>” conservatorship – that is, one to which the person subject to the conservatorship agrees. Others, including Tennessee, <a href="https://heinonline-org.proxy1.library.virginia.edu/HOL/Page?handle=hein.journals/umem36&id=499&collection=journals&index=journals/umem">seem to allow that</a> implicitly, providing for <a href="https://law.justia.com/codes/tennessee/2010/title-34/chapter-1/34-1-107">special procedures</a> when the person joins the petition. </p>
<p>That appears to be what happened with Oher: He <a href="https://documents.shelbycountytn.gov/ProbateCourtDocuments/viewdoc.aspx?id=11">joined</a> in the request for a conservatorship, and so did his birth mother. At issue is whether he knew he was doing so.</p>
<p>Although <a href="https://thehill.com/opinion/judiciary/4164229-michael-ohers-shockingly-unnecessary-conservatorship-exposes-court-failures/">Tennessee law</a> requires that the court find an individual “<a href="https://law.justia.com/codes/tennessee/2010/title-34/chapter-1/34-1-126">fully or partially disabled and … in need of assistance”</a> before issuing the order on conservatorship, there do not seem to have been <a href="https://www.washingtonpost.com/sports/2023/08/25/blind-side-controversy/">any claims</a> that Oher could not manage his own finances, health or living situation. The court apparently found that it was in Oher’s “<a href="https://sports.yahoo.com/michael-oher-conservatorship-unlike-legal-141712383.html#:%7E:text=Judge%20Robert%20Benham%20noted%20in,in%20Oher's%20%E2%80%9Cbest%20interest.%E2%80%9D">best interest</a>.” </p>
<p>Nonetheless, the Tuohys were apparently given authority to act on behalf of Oher. Although they were appointed “<a href="https://www.caregiver.org/resource/conservatorship-and-guardianship/">conservators of the person</a>,” which typically does not include control over finances, they were also given authority to approve <a href="https://documents.shelbycountytn.gov/ProbateCourtDocuments/viewdoc.aspx?id=11%20NOTE%20THIS%20LINK%20DOES%20NOT%20WORK%20-%20how%20about%20this?%20%20https://www.vulture.com/article/blind-side-michael-oher-conservatorship-lawsuit-explained.html%22%22">any contract that Oher wished to sign</a>. It’s unclear just what financial arrangements they undertook, <a href="https://www.washingtonpost.com/sports/2023/08/25/blind-side-controversy/">other than those</a> that Oher alleges related to “The Blind Side” – he claims that a deal saw the Tuohys receive <a href="https://www.espn.com/nfl/story/_/id/38190720/blind-side-subject-michael-oher-alleges-adoption-was-lie-family-took-all-film-proceeds">millions of dollars in royalties</a> from the film. An attorney for the Tuohys <a href="https://people.com/tuohy-family-claims-blind-side-subject-michael-oher-attempted-15-million-shakedown-7643878">strongly denied</a> exploiting Oher, describing the lawsuit as a “shakedown”; they are reportedly preparing a legal response.</p>
<h2>Little oversight</h2>
<p>Conservatorships – also called guardianships in some states – can be useful to help people who cannot make their own decisions. Even then, to protect the individual’s autonomy, states typically require that conservators be given the least amount of power possible. </p>
<p>But there is typically <a href="https://time.com/6075859/britney-spears-conservatorship-disability/">very little oversight</a> over conservatorships. Generally, a conservator is supposed to provide an annual report to the court. Under-resourced courts, however, may not be able to monitor the guardianship. It isn’t even clear how many conservatorships exist in the U.S., due to <a href="https://www.eldersandcourts.org/guardianship_conservatorship/general-information/basics/data">uneven record-keeping</a>.</p>
<p>There are alternatives to guardianships. In advance of any incapacity, an individual can designate a trusted person, known as an “agent,” to act on their behalf through advance medical directives or financial powers of attorney. Another option is supported decision-making, in which the individual retains decision-making authority but receives help <a href="https://thearctennesse.wpengine.com/supported-decision-making-sdm-lev3/">from other people</a>. These arrangements can be informal or <a href="https://supporteddecisionmaking.org/faq/">written as contracts</a>.</p>
<h2>Oher’s options</h2>
<p>Oher has already asked the court to compel the Tuohys to stop using his name and image, to provide an accounting of – and an end to – the conservatorship, and to return any money which should have been paid to Oher. He is seeking information about his school records and any <a href="https://www.tennessean.com/story/news/2023/08/30/oher-seeks-blind-side-payment-information-in-conservatorship-battle/70717241007/">contracts related to the movie</a>. Outside of the conservatorship system, Oher could sue for damages in the event of any breach of fiduciary duty or fraud.</p>
<p>When all the smoke is cleared, maybe Oher can persuade Hollywood to make a sequel to “The Blind Side” about his struggle with the conservatorship system.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/212175/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Naomi Cahn does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organization that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.</span></em></p>Two very distinct legal processes are at issue in the Michael Oher case.Naomi Cahn, Professor of Law, University of VirginiaLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/2102292023-08-15T12:35:07Z2023-08-15T12:35:07ZDaily report cards can decrease disruptions for children with ADHD<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/542161/original/file-20230810-23-1fhmc8.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">Students with ADHD who get a daily report card had 4.5 fewer rule violations per 30-minute class than those without one, one study found.</span> <span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.gettyimages.com/detail/photo/father-looking-very-happy-looking-at-his-daughters-royalty-free-image/1389796720">Hispanolistic/E+ Collection/Getty Images</a></span></figcaption></figure><p>As another school year approaches, some caregivers, students and teachers may be feeling something new needs to happen to promote success in the classroom. </p>
<p>Daily report cards can be a great starting point.</p>
<p>As a clinical psychologist who studies <a href="https://scholar.google.com/citations?user=BRXERkMAAAAJ&hl=en">how schools can help students with attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder</a>, I know traditional report cards distributed three or four times per year don’t do enough to make a difference for children who are prone to outbursts or other challenging behaviors. </p>
<p>Studies <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177/0014402917706370">conducted by my team</a> <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177/1087054717734646">and others</a> support the idea that these students are better served by <a href="https://doi.org/10.1080/02796015.2010.12087748">daily report cards</a>. </p>
<h2>Track daily progress</h2>
<p>Daily report cards date back at least to the 1960s, when they were used in a study involving children attending a <a href="https://doi.org/10.1901/jaba.1970.3-223">special education summer school</a>. </p>
<p>Today they are commonly used for <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177/0014402917706370">children with ADHD</a> in both <a href="https://doi.org/10.1007/s12310-020-09375-w">general education</a> and <a href="https://doi.org/10.1080/02796015.2010.12087775">special education</a> classrooms. Daily report cards have also been used for <a href="https://files.eric.ed.gov/fulltext/ED607134.pdf">students with autism</a> without intellectual disability. And one study found that many teachers say they use <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177/10983007060080030601">versions of a daily report card</a> for brief periods to address behaviors across many different school situations.</p>
<p>A daily report card can be very <a href="https://ccf.fiu.edu/research/_assets/how_to_establish_a_school_drc.pdf">easy for teachers</a> to <a href="https://doi.org/10.1080/10474412.2013.785182">create and use</a>, either with <a href="https://mygoalpal.fiu.edu">an app</a> or by developing them on their own. First, the teacher along with others – who may include the parents, principal, school psychologist or counselor, and even the child if appropriate – should meet to establish goals. Goals should be positively phrased, such as: “Completed work within time given” or “Participated in class discussions without interruption.” </p>
<p>Once set up, the daily report card can take just 10 seconds to complete. The time savings are significant when one considers the alternatives typically used in schools, such as repeated redirection or reprimanding, or sending the student to the principal’s office to be monitored.</p>
<p>Daily report cards also work. </p>
<p>A 2010 study evaluated children with ADHD where half had a daily report card and half did not. Those with the daily report card had an average of <a href="https://doi.org/10.1080/02796015.2010.12087775">4.5 fewer rule violations</a> per 30-minute class than those without one. Extrapolating across a school day, that is 54 fewer daily rule violations on average, and over 10,000 per school year. </p>
<figure class="align-center ">
<img alt="Example of a daily report card used in schools" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/542048/original/file-20230810-25-k9dewx.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/542048/original/file-20230810-25-k9dewx.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=464&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/542048/original/file-20230810-25-k9dewx.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=464&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/542048/original/file-20230810-25-k9dewx.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=464&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/542048/original/file-20230810-25-k9dewx.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=583&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/542048/original/file-20230810-25-k9dewx.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=583&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/542048/original/file-20230810-25-k9dewx.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=583&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px">
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">An example of a daily report card.</span>
<span class="attribution"><span class="source">Florida International University Center for Children and Families</span></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<h2>Realistic goals</h2>
<p>For many children with challenging behaviors, it is important to set goals that can be easily reached – at least at first. </p>
<p>Over time, the goals can be made more challenging as the child experiences success – a <a href="https://www.routledge.com/Behavior-Modification-What-It-Is-and-How-To-Do-It/Martin-Pear/p/book/9780815366546">process called shaping</a>. For example, if a child interrupts a lesson by calling out about five times per class, the initial goal may be set at “Participates in lesson with no more than four interruptions.” </p>
<p>This would represent an improvement, and it would also ensure the goal was reachable. Once the child met the goal for three to five days in a row, the goal could be changed to “Participates in lesson with no more than three interruptions.”</p>
<h2>Positive parent-teacher communications</h2>
<p>Teachers tend to <a href="https://doi.org/10.1037/spq0000442">communicate with caregivers more frequently</a> when a child is experiencing difficulties in the classroom. But these communications often focus on <a href="https://www.additudemag.com/mean-teacher-comments-adhd-students/">negative behaviors</a>. As a result, they can <a href="https://doi.org/10.1080/00131911.2019.1666794">strain relationships</a> between the caregiver and the teacher. Other times, it may result in the caregiver’s avoiding communication with the school. </p>
<p>Daily report cards can result in more positive and solution-focused communication instead of reports focusing only on what went wrong and can therefore enhance caregiver-teacher communication.</p>
<h2>Motivating rewards</h2>
<p>Importantly, the daily report card should be linked to home-based privileges and rewards so that children are motivated to meet daily goals.</p>
<p>At the end of the day, the child brings their daily report card home and, based on their behavior at school that day, home privileges such as an allotment of screen time or a slightly later bedtime can be used as rewards.</p>
<p>Importantly, this is not a punishment program in which a child loses privileges if goals are not met. It also is not bribing the child by providing a reward before an appropriate behavior is completed. Rather, the child starts the day without home privileges and earns them based on positive school behavior. The daily report card tells the child exactly what goals need to be met to earn the motivating privileges. This small difference can be quite powerful for the child because it puts them in charge of how they earn access to things they like to do at home based on how they behaved at school that day.</p>
<p>Evidence suggests this home-based reward system is <a href="https://doi.org/10.1080/02796015.2010.12087775">one of the biggest factors</a> in whether the daily report card is successful. It also provides a new opportunity for the child and caregiver to have a positive discussion about school each day.</p>
<h2>Better than medication?</h2>
<p>There is also evidence that the daily report card is a <a href="https://doi.org/10.1080/15374416.2015.1055859">cost-effective approach</a> for children with ADHD as an <a href="https://doi.org/10.1080/15374416.2015.1105138">alternative to medication treatment</a>. </p>
<p>My colleagues and I conducted a study in which children with ADHD were randomly assigned to start the school year with either medication or a daily report card. The parents of those assigned the daily report cards took part in classes that taught them how to provide home rewards for it. At the end of the year, the students who started with the daily report card had half as many discipline referrals and 33% fewer disruptive behaviors observed in the classroom than the students receiving medication. The daily report card approach also <a href="https://doi.org/10.1080/15374416.2015.1055859">cost less than daily medication</a>. The students who started the school year with the daily report card had overall treatment costs of US$708 less than the students starting with medication.</p>
<p>Teachers and caregivers who want to learn more about daily reports cards can check out the <a href="https://ccf.fiu.edu/research/_assets/how_to_establish_a_school_drc.pdf">downloadable workbook</a> or <a href="https://mygoalpal.fiu.edu">free app</a> designed by my colleagues at Florida International University’s <a href="https://ccf.fiu.edu/">Center for Children and Families</a>. Both resources allow caregivers and teachers to set goals and track a student’s progress. Starting the school year with a daily report card should help the child achieve the positive days needed to get a good grade on their report card at the end of the grading period.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/210229/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Gregory Fabiano receives funding from the Department of Education and the National Institutes of Health to study positive behavioral supports like the Daily Report Card. Gregory Fabiano also receives royalties from Guilford Publications for a book written about Daily Report Cards.</span></em></p>Traditional report cards sent home every few months are fine for most students. But for kids with behavioral issues, a daily report card can be a better option.Gregory Fabiano, Professor of Psychology, Florida International UniversityLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/2057232023-08-07T13:03:29Z2023-08-07T13:03:29ZWhat’s behind our enduring fascination with wives and mothers who kill?<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/540540/original/file-20230801-19-4zkxdx.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=4%2C22%2C2991%2C2029&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">A family photo of Andrea Yates, her husband and four of their five children. Yates killed all five by drowning them in a bathtub in 2001.</span> <span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.gettyimages.com/detail/news-photo/this-undated-family-photo-shows-four-of-the-five-children-news-photo/1607982?adppopup=true">Photo Courtesy of Yates Family/Getty Images</a></span></figcaption></figure><p>In March 2023, a Utah woman named Kouri Richins published a children’s book titled “<a href="https://www.goodreads.com/en/book/show/123277319">Are You With Me?</a>” which she characterized as an effort to help her three young sons process the loss of their father, who had died suddenly the previous year. Presenting herself as a concerned mother and grieving widow, she was interviewed on “<a href="https://www.abc4.com/gtu/a-childrens-book-to-aid-in-coping-with-grief/">Good Things Utah</a>” in April 2023.</p>
<p>A few weeks later, on May 8, 2023, Richins was arrested and charged with killing her husband, Eric.</p>
<p>An autopsy showed that the 39-year-old man died of a massive fentanyl overdose. Since Eric had no history of drug abuse, his family found the circumstances suspicious. In the months before his death, Eric confided in his business partner that on several occasions – after being served a drink or meal by his wife, including on Valentine’s Day – he had become violently ill. Utah’s <a href="https://www.parkrecord.com/news/prosecutors-provide-more-information-about-alleged-marital-troubles-between-kamas-couple/">Park Record reported</a> that he had mentioned to friends and family that if anything were to happen to him, Kouri would be the likely culprit.</p>
<p>In August 2023, as I write this, the Richins’ housekeeper <a href="https://nypost.com/2023/07/07/housekeeper-admits-selling-kouri-richins-fentanyl-affidavit/">has confessed</a> to providing the fentanyl that killed Eric, and the case is mired in multiple lawsuits, including one in which <a href="https://www.sltrib.com/news/2023/06/28/sister-eric-richins-sues-kouri/">the victim’s sister accuses</a> Kouri of “enacting a horrific endgame to steal money from her husband, orchestrate his death and profit from it.” Meanwhile, Kouri Richins refutes these charges and has filed her own <a href="https://kutv.com/news/local/utah-woman-accused-of-husbands-murder-faces-civil-case-over-property-finances">civil suit</a> “seeking not only half of the marital residence but also her late husband’s business, which is valued at approximately $4 million.” She has been <a href="https://kutv.com/news/local/judge-denies-kouri-richins-bail-request-due-to-severity-of-charges-potential-penalties-eric-richins-kamas-book-author-fentanyl-summit-county-court">denied bail</a> and is currently awaiting trial – an event destined to become a media spectacle.</p>
<figure>
<iframe width="440" height="260" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/njXQz82S9UI?wmode=transparent&start=0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen=""></iframe>
<figcaption><span class="caption">‘Inside Edition’ reports on the arrest of Kouri Richins.</span></figcaption>
</figure>
<p>Whether or not it’s true that “<a href="https://www.npr.org/2007/10/16/15244466/love-and-hate-a-tolstoy-family-tale">each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way</a>,” as Leo Tolstoy famously wrote, other people’s domestic misery seems to be a constant source of interest. </p>
<p>What lies behind the public’s fascination with familial trauma, especially when it turns deadly? And what occluded anxieties or longings do people confront or exorcise as they consume these stories of mayhem and murder?</p>
<p><a href="https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2023/06/20/true-crime-podcasts-are-popular-in-the-us-particularly-among-women-and-those-with-less-formal-education/">The interest in true-crime podcasts</a>, series and documentaries is nothing new. The public appetite for easily accessible portraits of real-life murders stretches back to the early days of print, when they were repackaged and sold as ballads, domestic tragedies and lurid penny pamphlets.</p>
<p><a href="https://www.proquest.com/openview/961f96e82665b4b9a540742fafcf3ca5/1?pq-origsite=gscholar&cbl=51922&diss=y">My research</a> as a scholar of 16th- and 17th-century English literature is largely focused on popular representations of domestic crime. I’m often struck by the resonance between these historical portrayals and the way such incidents are reported today.</p>
<p>While the medium has changed, the framing of these stories has remained strikingly consistent. The same queasy combination of sensationalist titillation and pious condemnation found in 16th- and 17th-century media appears in today’s news coverage of domestic murders – and it shines a light on enduring cultural anxieties. </p>
<h2>‘Sleeping in a serpent’s bed’</h2>
<p>The Richins case – with its themes of marital distrust, betrayal and conflicting interests – echoes a 16th-century murder so scandalous that it was reported in historical chronicles and popular pamphlets alike. It also inspired the Elizabethan domestic tragedy “<a href="https://www.gutenberg.org/files/43440/43440-h/43440-h.htm">Arden of Faversham</a>” and at least <a href="https://ebba.english.ucsb.edu/printballad.php?i=rox_album_3_156-157_2448x2448.jpg">one ballad</a>. </p>
<p>The crime occurred on Valentine’s Day 1551, when <a href="https://blog.pshares.org/alice-arden-of-faversham-and-womens-interest-in-true-crime/">Alice Arden</a> conspired with her lover and some hired assassins to kill her husband, Thomas, at his own dinner table. </p>
<p>The historical records and the play depict a woman who places desire above duty, determined to kill her husband and replace him with her paramour, who was a servant in her stepfather’s household – a step down the social ladder that added insult to injury.</p>
<p>That the murder of a middle-class suburban bureaucrat rated inclusion in official sources like “<a href="https://english.nsms.ox.ac.uk/Holinshed/">Holinshed’s Chronicles of England, Scotland and Ireland</a>” and the “<a href="https://www.exclassics.com/newgate/ng4.htm">Newgate Calendar</a>” – and was still inspiring fresh interpretations decades later – suggests an appeal beyond the merely salacious. </p>
<figure class="align-center ">
<img alt="Crude drawing of man being strangled with a cloth at a table." src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/540532/original/file-20230801-19-wj7vfp.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/540532/original/file-20230801-19-wj7vfp.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=305&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/540532/original/file-20230801-19-wj7vfp.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=305&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/540532/original/file-20230801-19-wj7vfp.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=305&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/540532/original/file-20230801-19-wj7vfp.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=383&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/540532/original/file-20230801-19-wj7vfp.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=383&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/540532/original/file-20230801-19-wj7vfp.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=383&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px">
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">An undated print depicts the murder of Thomas Arden.</span>
<span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://from.ncl.ac.uk/hubfs/Ardens_Murder.png">Newcastle University</a></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>In 16th-century England, where the majority of adults <a href="https://books.google.com/books?id=DrMyGQGmwmoC&q=adventure+of+marriage#v=snippet&q=adventure%20of%20marriage&f=false">were married</a>, women effectively became their husbands’ legal “<a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coverture">subjects</a>” upon marriage. This meant that a wife who killed her spouse was guilty not only of murder but of petit, or “petty,” treason, a crime against the state punishable by burning. <a href="https://brill.com/display/book/9789004400696/BP000015.xml?language=en">As I have argued elsewhere</a>, the idea of violent marital insurrection posed a frightening challenge to patriarchal notions of a man’s home as his castle. </p>
<p>But cases of female violence were – <a href="https://www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/what-is-domestic-abuse/domestic-abuse-is-a-gendered-crime/">as now</a> – comparatively rare: The figure of the murderous wife wielded far more power in the imagination than in reality. </p>
<p>As the unmarried Elizabeth I’s long reign drew to its close, fears about domestic partners gone wild indicated broader fears about the family as a “<a href="https://internetshakespeare.uvic.ca/doc/CleaverGodly_M/index.html">little commonwealth</a>” or microcosmic state – and the need to reinforce the status quo in politically uncertain times.</p>
<p>In life and onstage, Alice Arden was the stuff of proto-feminist fantasy and masculine nightmare, and early modern plays, pamphlets and ballads sought to defuse the rogue woman’s perceived menace in the way they presented the scandal. </p>
<p><a href="http://elizabethandrama.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/10/Arden-of-Feversham-Annotated.pdf">In the play</a>, Alice’s lover, Moseby, notes that “‘tis fearful sleeping in a serpent’s bed,” since when she has “supplanted Arden for my sake” she might “extirpen me to plant another.” </p>
<p>These suspicions find an echo in Eric Richins’ <a href="https://meaww.com/eric-richins-husband-allegedly-poisoned-by-author-wife-kouri-richins-believed-she-was-unfaithful">fears</a> about his wife’s intentions, and in some media portrayals of her as a <a href="https://meaww.com/kouri-richins-utah-woman-who-killed-husband-believed-she-would-inherit-3-6-m-until-he-changed-will">thwarted gold digger</a>.</p>
<h2>‘Like a fierce and bloody Medea’</h2>
<p>If a homicidal wife was a terrifying prospect, a murderous mother presented an entirely different level of horror. </p>
<p>The anonymous 1616 pamphlet “<a href="https://www.executedtoday.com/2015/05/18/1616-margaret-vincent-pitilesse-mother/#:%7E:text=A%20pitiless%20mother%2C%20that%20most,Vincent%20of%20the%20same%20town.">A Pittilesse Mother That at One Time Murdered Two of Her Own Children at Acton, etc.</a>” tells the story of <a href="https://www.cambridge.org/core/books/abs/medieval-and-early-modern-murder/monstrous-unmaking-maternal-infanticide-and-female-agency-in-early-modern-england/664BA2D9B855631299EF057D94BDB25C">Margaret Vincent</a>, who strangled and killed her two young children in an attempt to save their souls when her husband refused to convert to Catholicism. (She later repented, saying she had been “converted to a blind belief of bewitching heresy.”)</p>
<figure class="align-right zoomable">
<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/540533/original/file-20230801-18384-iitsai.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="Crude drawing of woman murdering two little children on a bed while a demon watches." src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/540533/original/file-20230801-18384-iitsai.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=237&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/540533/original/file-20230801-18384-iitsai.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=830&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/540533/original/file-20230801-18384-iitsai.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=830&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/540533/original/file-20230801-18384-iitsai.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=830&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/540533/original/file-20230801-18384-iitsai.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=1043&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/540533/original/file-20230801-18384-iitsai.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=1043&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/540533/original/file-20230801-18384-iitsai.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=1043&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">‘A Pittilesse Mother’ tells the story of Margaret Vincent’s murder of her two children.</span>
<span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://jenikirbyhistory.getarchive.net/media/strangling-from-a-pittilesse-mother-that-most-unnaturally-at-one-time-murthered-eb67ac">British Library</a></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>There are many parallels in the stories of Vincent and an evangelical Christian named <a href="https://time.com/4375398/andrea-yates-15-years-drown-children/">Andrea Yates</a>, who in 2001 drowned her five children in the bathtub of their Texas home, believing she would send their souls to heaven and drive Satan from the world. In March 2002, Yates was sentenced to life in prison, but a 2006 appeal found her not guilty by reason of insanity. She now resides in a mental health facility from which <a href="https://nationalpost.com/news/u-s-woman-who-drowned-children-refuses-release-from-psychiatric-hospital-every-year">she routinely refuses</a> to apply for release.</p>
<p>Neither Vincent nor Yates had been involved in any previous crimes or scandals, but both had exhibited signs of spiritual or mental instability. Vincent had “disobediently” insisted her family become Roman Catholics; Yates had <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Andrea_Yates#:%7E:text=Yates%20stopped%20taking%20Haldol%20in,feverishly%2C%20and%20stopped%20feeding%20Mary.">stopped taking the medication</a> prescribed for her postpartum depression and later psychosis without her doctor’s approval. Both women reportedly planned their children’s murders carefully, waited until their husbands were away from home to commit them, invoked diabolical forces to explain their actions, and initially claimed to feel no remorse. </p>
<p>The correlation between these historically distant murders is disturbing and fascinating, not least because both narratives feature conventionally “good,” married, middle-class mothers. Yet both were excoriated in contemporary media as <a href="https://nypost.com/2001/06/26/the-murdering-mom-the-prison-of-self/">monsters</a>: guilty of <a href="https://www.executedtoday.com/2015/05/18/1616-margaret-vincent-pitilesse-mother/">crimes against nature</a>, their husbands and their offspring.</p>
<p>Fast-forward to Jan. 24, 2023, when <a href="https://www.wcvb.com/article/lindsay-clancy-duxbury-mother-children-killed-committed-6-months/43852054">Lindsay Clancy</a> sent her husband, Patrick, on an errand and, like Margaret Vincent, strangled her three children before attempting suicide.</p>
<p>When Patrick Clancy returned to their home in Duxbury, Massachusetts, he found Lindsay on the lawn with major injuries, suffered in a jump from a second-story window. Inside, his children – ages 5 years, 3 years and 8 months – were unconscious. The two oldest were pronounced dead at the scene, <a href="https://www.nbcboston.com/news/local/as-community-mourns-duxbury-children-killed-questions-circle-about-maternal-mental-health/2956568/">while the youngest survived for several days</a>. </p>
<p>As more details of the case became known, a picture emerged of a doting mother and nurse midwife who often shared family photos and anecdotes on social media. After her youngest child’s birth, these posts included references to depression, anxiety and her ongoing attempts to find relief via therapy and medication. </p>
<p><a href="https://lawandcrime.com/high-profile/unlike-any-other-type-of-homicide-how-lindsay-clancy-mirrors-andrea-yates-case/">The inevitable comparisons</a> to the 2001 Yates murders were exacerbated by her lawyer’s revelation that Clancy had been prescribed more than a dozen medications in recent weeks, and by her own claim – as reported during her Feb. 7, 2023, <a href="https://www.wbur.org/news/2023/02/07/lindsay-clancy-duxbury-arraignment">arraignment</a> – that she had “<a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2023/02/08/health/lindsay-clancy-child-murder-charges-massachusetts.html">heard a man’s voice, telling her to kill the kids and kill herself because it was her last chance</a>.” </p>
<figure class="align-center ">
<img alt="Split screen of judge sitting at his dais and woman wearing facemask lying in a hospital bed." src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/540538/original/file-20230801-19-3rdp00.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/540538/original/file-20230801-19-3rdp00.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=340&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/540538/original/file-20230801-19-3rdp00.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=340&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/540538/original/file-20230801-19-3rdp00.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=340&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/540538/original/file-20230801-19-3rdp00.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=428&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/540538/original/file-20230801-19-3rdp00.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=428&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/540538/original/file-20230801-19-3rdp00.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=428&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px">
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">Lindsay Clancy appeared at her arraignment over Zoom while still in the hospital recovering from self-inflicted injuries.</span>
<span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.gettyimages.com/detail/news-photo/lindsay-clancy-appeared-at-her-plymouth-district-court-news-photo/1246891610?adppopup=true">David L. Ryan/The Boston Globe via Getty Images</a></span>
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</figure>
<p>The prosecution presented Clancy as a coldblooded, calculating murderer. The defense countered with a portrait of a woman suffering from serious mental illness with inadequate treatment. <a href="https://www.nbcboston.com/news/local/duxbury-tragedy-read-patrick-clancys-full-statement-on-his-wife-deaths-of-3-kids/2957737/">Patrick Clancy</a> has argued that his wife deserves compassion rather than condemnation. </p>
<p>As the familiar lines are drawn on the battlefield of public opinion, the sense of déjà vu is palpable. Is Lindsay Clancy a latter-day <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Medea">Medea</a>, the vengeful child killer of Greek mythology, or an overwhelmed and poorly supported woman struggling with a serious illness? As of this writing, <a href="https://www.boston25news.com/news/local/lindsay-clancy-duxbury-mother-accused-murdering-her-kids-remain-committed-6-months/PM7XPI3MCVFINO65YCCAGBSCNQ/">Clancy is committed</a> to Tewksbury State Hospital until November 2023, at which point future legal proceedings will be assessed.</p>
<p>These events are unquestionably horrific, but the passage of two decades may have wrought some changes in the public’s response. While Clancy has been reviled in some quarters as a coldblooded killer – <a href="https://www.tiktok.com/@aprnbeauty_81/video/7198259011211365637">particularly on social media</a> – the murders have also sparked a discussion about <a href="https://www.newyorker.com/science/annals-of-medicine/what-we-still-dont-understand-about-postpartum-psychosis#:%7E:text=In%20November%2C%20Clancy%2C%20who%20is,with%20Ativan%2C%20a%20benzodiazepine%2C%20but">postpartum mental health</a>, suggesting a willingness to better understand this complicated topic.</p>
<h2>A queasy sort of comfort</h2>
<p>Tales of domestic murder expose and underscore fears about society’s most fundamental institutions: home, family and community. The media in every period are extremely skilled at weaponizing – and capitalizing on – worries about the family’s capacity to provide a safe haven in a turbulent world.</p>
<p>In early modern England, highly gendered ideas about the home as a reflection of the state politicized anxieties about order, stability and the family as a patriarchal institution. Then as now, it was a frightening – yet compelling – prospect that threats to a family’s very survival might be hiding in the place people should feel safest. </p>
<p>Perhaps the ongoing fascination with dysfunctional, broken homes <a href="https://theconversation.com/why-does-it-feel-good-to-see-someone-fail-107349">is based in schadenfreude</a>, and the comforting realization that as troubled as our own families may be, we have not taken violent action against them. </p>
<p>Like the repentant gallows speeches recounted in ballads, or the assurance in “A Pittilesse Mother” that Margaret Vincent “earnestly repented the deed,” the containment and punishment of those who disrupt this bedrock institution offer reassurance that they are anomalies. (I could never do that; you could never do that.)</p>
<p>Or the appeal may lie in the idea that any of us might, in fact, be capable of such things. </p>
<p>Perhaps in choosing to be disturbed, entertained and ultimately comforted by narratives about domestic stability turned to chaos, we find a way to confront, if only obliquely, our most primal fears about the institutions we trust, the people we love – and our own capacity to destroy them.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/205723/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Dianne Berg does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organization that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.</span></em></p>The framing of these stories of murder and mayhem have remained remarkably consistent since the invention of the printing press – and may reveal our own hidden fears and desires.Dianne Berg, Visiting Assistant Professor of English, Clark UniversityLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/2050262023-06-25T20:03:52Z2023-06-25T20:03:52ZThe Black Summer bushfires put an enormous strain on families with young children. We can’t make the same mistakes again<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/529740/original/file-20230602-27-y427tr.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=16%2C0%2C1862%2C1081&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">
</span> <span class="attribution"><span class="source">Author provided</span></span></figcaption></figure><p>Floods, bushfires, heatwaves, cyclones. Australia is no stranger to emergencies. But during disasters we’re <a href="https://bmcpublichealth.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s12889-019-7528-0">better prepared</a> to support pet owners than families with babies and toddlers. </p>
<p>Until now, the experiences and needs of families with very young children during emergencies have been largely invisible and overlooked.</p>
<p>Our new <a href="https://www.breastfeeding.asn.au/resources-community-protection-infants-and-young-children-bushfire-emergencies-project">research</a>, a collaboration between the <a href="https://www.breastfeeding.asn.au/">Australian Breastfeeding Association</a> and Western Sydney University, highlights the challenges faced by the parents of very young children in disasters, and how we need to support them.</p>
<p>We looked at families affected by Australia’s catastrophic Black Summer bushfires of 2019-20. However, there are lessons for how we prepare for, and manage, any type of future emergency.</p>
<hr>
<p>
<em>
<strong>
Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/200-experts-dissected-the-black-summer-bushfires-in-unprecedented-detail-here-are-6-lessons-to-heed-198989">200 experts dissected the Black Summer bushfires in unprecedented detail. Here are 6 lessons to heed</a>
</strong>
</em>
</p>
<hr>
<h2>What we did and what we found</h2>
<p>We surveyed and interviewed 256 parents of children from newborn to four years old at the time of the Black Summer bushfires, and 63 emergency responders.</p>
<p>We found caring for a very young child profoundly impacted parents’ bushfire experiences. Preparing to evacuate was more complex and physically difficult. Parents were under-prepared. Many did not have an evacuation plan and found it difficult to gather what they needed when they had to leave.</p>
<figure class="align-center zoomable">
<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/529746/original/file-20230602-15-1y7tye.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="Woman with young baby in baby carrier packing to leave" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/529746/original/file-20230602-15-1y7tye.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/529746/original/file-20230602-15-1y7tye.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=450&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/529746/original/file-20230602-15-1y7tye.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=450&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/529746/original/file-20230602-15-1y7tye.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=450&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/529746/original/file-20230602-15-1y7tye.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=566&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/529746/original/file-20230602-15-1y7tye.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=566&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/529746/original/file-20230602-15-1y7tye.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=566&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">What to pack in an emergency? Many parents found they were under-prepared.</span>
<span class="attribution"><span class="source">M. George</span>, <span class="license">Author provided</span></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<hr>
<p>
<em>
<strong>
Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/evacuating-with-a-baby-heres-what-to-put-in-your-emergency-kit-127026">Evacuating with a baby? Here's what to put in your emergency kit</a>
</strong>
</em>
</p>
<hr>
<h2>Evacuation centres weren’t child-friendly</h2>
<p>Women commonly evacuated on their own with their partner staying behind to protect property. </p>
<p>These mothers found it difficult to keep their children safe in large evacuation centres due to overcrowding, the presence of strangers and animals, and because there were limited resources for caring for children.</p>
<figure class="align-right zoomable">
<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/529743/original/file-20230602-17-o1il2g.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="Van at evacuation centre with toddler" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/529743/original/file-20230602-17-o1il2g.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=237&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/529743/original/file-20230602-17-o1il2g.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=800&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/529743/original/file-20230602-17-o1il2g.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=800&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/529743/original/file-20230602-17-o1il2g.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=800&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/529743/original/file-20230602-17-o1il2g.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=1005&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/529743/original/file-20230602-17-o1il2g.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=1005&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/529743/original/file-20230602-17-o1il2g.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=1005&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">When parents evacuated, spaces weren’t always suitable for young children.</span>
<span class="attribution"><span class="license">Author provided</span></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>Some emergency responders were aware of the vulnerability of children and their caregivers in large evacuation centres. </p>
<p>They described child protection concerns and physical dangers. They described unsafe practices by unsupported caregivers, such as washing baby bottles in toilet sinks, and unsafe sleep situations. They highlighted a need to proactively support parents.</p>
<p>Parents and emergency responders repeatedly said evacuation centres should have a separate space for families with very young children.</p>
<p>Families who could evacuate to the home of family or friends or to child-friendly venues such as preschools or doctors’ surgeries fared much better. One parent who was evacuated to a preschool told us:</p>
<blockquote>
<p>to the children it was like a holiday because they had all the play equipment, they had a huge, big play area out the back.</p>
</blockquote>
<p>The kindness of emergency responders, strangers and community members was greatly appreciated. One woman described how a shop employee, after seeing her with her toddler and realising she had evacuated, immediately offered her home saying:</p>
<blockquote>
<p>Do you need somewhere to stay? […] I live just walking distance […] here’s my key.</p>
</blockquote>
<h2>Pregnant women were at risk</h2>
<p>Women prioritised their children’s wellbeing over their own and often did not eat or drink properly. This was particularly concerning for pregnant and breastfeeding women. </p>
<p>Two of the five pregnant women we interviewed fainted while queuing for food and assistance. One of these women told us:</p>
<blockquote>
<p>I was so worried about my kids. I’d given them water, supplied them with food […] that I would just forget […] to eat myself, to drink […] The ambulance people asked me, ‘Have you had anything to drink today?’ […] I couldn’t even answer the question. I was like, ‘I don’t even remember if I have or not’.</p>
</blockquote>
<h2>Feeding infants could be hard</h2>
<p>Parents often found it difficult to access the resources they needed to care for their children.</p>
<p>Those who were formula feeding found it particularly difficult as infant formula, water, detergent and electricity were often not available. One parent told us:</p>
<blockquote>
<p>I had absolutely no way to ensure the bottles were cleaned as we only had a bit of water and paper towel to wipe them out with. The bottles did not have any contact with detergent on over six days.</p>
</blockquote>
<p>Those distributing infant formula did not always check whether parents had resources such as clean water or a way of heating water. Donations of infant formula were often out-of-date, not in the location needed, or more than required. One mother told us:</p>
<blockquote>
<p>People were trying to help. However it was an overwhelming amount of formula.</p>
</blockquote>
<p>Women who were breastfeeding were often grateful they had a secure food supply for their baby. One woman said:</p>
<blockquote>
<p>I am so lucky I was still breastfeeding […] I could comfort my baby and make her feel sense of normality, I was also able to feed my child without needing to worry about safe food or bottle preparation and supplies.</p>
</blockquote>
<p>Some mothers found it difficult to breastfeed in crowded evacuation centres, became dehydrated or interpreted infant fussiness and frequent feeding as meaning there was a problem with their milk. </p>
<p>They needed support to be able to continue breastfeeding that was not always available and some stopped breastfeeding as a result.</p>
<hr>
<p>
<em>
<strong>
Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/babies-and-toddlers-might-not-know-theres-a-fire-but-disasters-still-take-their-toll-129699">Babies and toddlers might not know there's a fire but disasters still take their toll</a>
</strong>
</em>
</p>
<hr>
<h2>We need to do better in future emergencies</h2>
<p>When asked what they would do differently if they were in another emergency, parents said pack an evacuation kit and leave earlier. </p>
<p>But the onus shouldn’t be just on parents. Australian emergency planning and response needs an overhaul to better protect infants and young children, and their caregivers. </p>
<p>Existing emergency policies, planning, and guidance should be evaluated with a “young child lens” and adjusted to ensure families are properly supported. People who are experts on young children should be involved in this work.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/205026/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Karleen Gribble is Project Lead on the Australian Breastfeeding Association's Community Protection for Infants and Young Children in Bushfire Emergencies Project and is an Australian Breastfeeding Association Scientific Advisor, Educator and Counsellor. Karleen is also on the steering committee of the international interagency collaboration the Infant and Young Child Feeding in Emergencies Core Group. She has been involved in the development of international guidance and training on infant and young child feeding in emergencies for over a decade. She is a member of the Public Health Association of Australia. The research described in this article was supported by an Australian Government Protecting Australian Communities-Local Stream Grant.</span></em></p><p class="fine-print"><em><span>Michelle Hamrosi is the Community Engagement Officer on the Australian Breastfeeding Association's Community Protection for Infants and Young Children in Bushfire Emergencies Project. Michelle is also a General Practitioner and an International Board Certified Lactation Consultant, as well as a Clinical Lecturer for the Australian National University’s
Rural Medical School. Michelle volunteers as an ABA Breastfeeding Counsellor and Group Leader for the Australian Breastfeeding Association Eurobodalla Group. She is also a member of Doctors for the Environment, Climate and Health Alliance and Australian Parents for Climate Action. </span></em></p><p class="fine-print"><em><span>Naomi Hull is an RN, IBCLC, and has an MPH. She works for the Australian Breastfeeding Association (ABA) as Senior Manager, Breastfeeding Information and Research. Naomi volunteers as a Breastfeeding Counsellor on the ABA National Breastfeeding Helpline and as the National Coordinator for the World Breastfeeding Trends Initiative Australia. Naomi is also a member of the Public Health Association of Australia. </span></em></p>Parents and emergency responders repeatedly said evacuation centres should have a separate space for families with very young children. Here’s what else we could do.Karleen Gribble, Adjunct Associate Professor, School of Nursing and Midwifery, Western Sydney UniversityMichelle Hamrosi, Clinical lecturer, Rural Clinical School, Australian National UniversityNaomi Hull, Research Assistant, Australian National UniversityLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/2052732023-06-23T12:27:31Z2023-06-23T12:27:31ZLess sleep, less exercise and less relaxation – here’s the data on just how much busier moms are during the school year<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/529187/original/file-20230530-25-aog7gq.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">Moms get about 25 minutes less sleep each weeknight when their kids' school is in session. </span> <span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.gettyimages.com/detail/photo/son-waking-up-sleeping-mother-royalty-free-image/142740298">Jose Luis Pelaez Inc/DigitalVision Collection/Getty Images</a></span></figcaption></figure><p><em>The <a href="https://theconversation.com/us/topics/research-brief-83231">Research Brief</a> is a short take about interesting academic work.</em></p>
<h2>The big idea</h2>
<p>Moms of school-age children get significantly less sleep during the school year than during the summer.</p>
<p>We are <a href="https://www.toddrjones.com/">economists</a> <a href="https://scholar.google.com/citations?user=TdNR3AIAAAAJ&hl=en">who specialize</a> in <a href="https://scholar.google.com/citations?user=EaLMFY0AAAAJ&hl=en&oi=ao">education and health research</a>. We combined <a href="https://www.toddrjones.com/papers/School_Crime_most_recent.pdf">extensive data</a> on <a href="https://publicholidays.com/us/school-holidays/">school district schedules</a> with information derived from the <a href="https://www.bls.gov/tus/">American Time Use Survey</a> to explore the ways <a href="http://www.doi.org/10.3386/w31177">families use their time differently</a> depending on whether school is in session or out for summer.</p>
<p>We observed mothers on average tend to sleep 25 minutes less, have 28 minutes less free time and allocate seven minutes less for exercise on weekdays during the school year than during the summer. For comparison, fathers reduce sleep by 11 minutes during the school year relative to the summer, have 21 minutes less free time and five fewer exercise minutes.</p>
<p>Conversely, mothers spend about half an hour more per day during the school year taking care of others, including kids, and five additional minutes on travel – which often involves driving their kids to and from school.</p>
<p>Interestingly, even though both mothers and fathers spend more time physically present with children in their household during summer months, both spend more time actively engaged with the children – such as helping with homework or reading together – during the school year. However, the effect is almost three times greater for women than it is for men: Moms spend an extra 34 minutes per day during the school year actively engaged with the children versus an extra 12 minutes for dads. </p>
<p>Our study also observed teenagers ages 15-17, as they are the only children included in the time use survey. </p>
<p>During the school year, teenagers sleep about one hour and 20 minutes – or 13% – less than they do during the summer, and they have over two hours – or 33% – less free time each day. This reduction in free time includes nearly an hour and a half less time spent each day on television, games – including video games – and computer use. </p>
<p><iframe id="UmBRW" class="tc-infographic-datawrapper" src="https://datawrapper.dwcdn.net/UmBRW/1/" height="400px" width="100%" style="border: none" frameborder="0"></iframe></p>
<h2>Why it matters</h2>
<p><a href="https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jebo.2020.08.013">Prior research</a> has shown there is a <a href="https://doi.org/10.1002/hec.4570">gender gap</a> in mental health, with women faring worse than men on measures such as anxiety and depression. Women are also <a href="https://www.womenshealth.gov/blog/seasonal-affective-disorder-spotlight">four times as likely</a> as men to be diagnosed with seasonal affective disorder, a type of depression that typically occurs in fall and winter.</p>
<p>Our results suggest the possibility that these issues are exacerbated by the greater demands placed on mothers during the school year. </p>
<p>Regarding teenagers getting more sleep, our findings support <a href="https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/high-school-students-need-more-sleep-and-later-school-start-times/">arguments for later school start times</a> so that teens can <a href="https://www.doi.org/10.1126/sciadv.aau6200">get more sleep</a>. The American Academy of Pediatrics has recommended middle and high schools start <a href="https://doi.org/10.1542/peds.2014-1697">no earlier than 8:30 a.m.</a> so that adolescents can get sufficient sleep to support mental health and <a href="https://doi.org/10.1016/j.econedurev.2019.05.011">academic achievement</a>. However, the average start time <a href="https://nces.ed.gov/pubs2020/2020006/index.asp">for U.S. high schools is 8 a.m.</a>. </p>
<p>Our results also suggest that when school is out, teenagers may be especially susceptible to <a href="https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2023/05/17/1176452284/teens-social-media-phone-habit">media overconsumption</a>. Teens themselves <a href="https://www.pewresearch.org/internet/2018/08/22/how-teens-and-parents-navigate-screen-time-and-device-distractions/">say they spend too much time</a> on screens.</p>
<h2>What we still don’t know</h2>
<p>We do not yet know how these changes in schedules affect teen mental health. While some measures of teen mental health <a href="https://www.doi.org/10.3386/w30795">improve during summer months</a>, we found that teenagers spend the lion’s share of their extra summer free time in front of screens, and studies have linked excessive screen time to <a href="http://www.doi.org/10.1001/jamapediatrics.2019.1759">higher levels of depression</a> and <a href="https://doi.org/10.1007/s13679-020-00401-1">poorer mental health</a>.</p>
<p><em>This article was updated on July 31, 2023 with a new chart.</em></p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/205273/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>The authors do not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organization that would benefit from this article, and have disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.</span></em></p>Parents spend more time actively engaged with their kids – such as helping with homework or reading together – during the school year than during summer. But the difference is almost three times greater for moms than for dads.Todd Jones, Assistant Professor of Economics, Mississippi State UniversityBenjamin Cowan, Associate Professor of Economics, Washington State UniversityJeff Swigert, Assistant Professor of Economics, Southern Utah UniversityLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.