tag:theconversation.com,2011:/ca/topics/online-relationships-30772/articlesOnline relationships – The Conversation2024-01-24T10:12:42Ztag:theconversation.com,2011:article/2171742024-01-24T10:12:42Z2024-01-24T10:12:42ZDating apps: marketing experts’ research reveals pitfalls to look out for, and tactics for success<p>Dating can come with new and sometimes frustrating challenges. In the past, relationships were often <a href="https://www.ucpress.edu/ebook/9780520917996/consuming-the-romantic-utopia">arranged by families and guided by societal norms</a>, limiting individual choice but sparing us the agony of endless decisions. Nowadays, those who are single have endless potential partners at their fingertips. A 2019 Pew Research Center study showed that couples who met online are <a href="https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2019/06/24/couples-who-meet-online-are-more-diverse-than-those-who-meet-in-other-ways-largely-because-theyre-younger/">more diverse</a>, be it in terms of income, education, political orientation and ethnicity. </p>
<h2>Freedom can have its price</h2>
<p>According to <a href="https://www.amazon.fr/Escape-Freedom-Erich-Fromm/dp/0805031499">psychoanalyst Erich Fromm</a>, freedom can sometimes come at the price of feelings of powerlessness and even isolation. We are marketing researchers exploring online dating to determine if the market ideology of freedom and endless choice extends to every aspect of human life. Our <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/0267257X.2022.2033815">research reveals</a> that users’ feelings of anxiety and frustration stem from a clash between a perceived commodification of relationships and societal values.</p>
<p>Some study participants referred to online dating as “draining”, expressing a hope that they could “finally” finish the process. Didier, a 51-year-old engineer living in Paris called online dating “mass manipulation”; Ella, a 25-year-old editor, said that at first, online dating was “exciting and new”, but that as time went by, she found the experience depressing.</p>
<p>So why does it happen that faced with unlimited opportunities to love, we at times feel that love is not getting any closer?</p>
<p><em>“Liquid” modernity and the rise of emotional capitalism</em></p>
<p>In his book <a href="https://www.amazon.fr/Liquid-Love-Frailty-Human-Bonds/dp/0745624898"><em>Liquid Love</em></a>, British sociologist Zygmunt Bauman asserts that the modern world has ushered in an era of the “individual without ties,” prioritising freedom and flexibility over attachment. This has transformed traditional notions of love and relationships into more transient and “liquid” forms. </p>
<p>French-Israeli sociologist Eva Illouz <a href="https://www.fnac.com/a5926310/Eva-Illouz-Why-love-hurts">echoes these observations</a>, contending that those living in today’s capitalist societies face unique challenges due to evolving norms and values. According to Illouz, as a society, we no longer see love uniquely through a framework of moral virtue, commitment and stability, but this is the price we pay for greater control over our romantic lives, greater self-knowledge, and equality between the sexes. Amid the backdrop of media-promoted ideals that often set unrealistic standards for love, people find themselves hesitant to invest in the emotional work required for deeper connections.</p>
<p><em>Misaligned values</em></p>
<p>In online dating settings, what happens when two individuals’ values or expectations of a relationship are not aligned? As our <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/0267257X.2022.2033815">research shows</a>, this misalignment can cause frustration – for example, one participant could be looking for a long-term relationship, while another could be more interested in casual relationships or broadening their horizons. Both would perceive the other’s actions as inappropriate.</p>
<p>Mark, a 26-year-old management consultant, shared a sense of frustration he felt when the women he met on an app wanted to connect with him on social media or call frequently, as he preferred to establish boundaries. By contrast, Alice, a 54-year-old administrator, said that some of the men she met online were often not open about their marital status. She even worked out techniques to find out whether a potential partner was in a relationship, such as getting off the phone very quickly or always paying cash.</p>
<p>Sometimes these conflicting desires are even experienced by one and the same person: they might strive for commitment, trust and closeness, yet be unwilling or unable to get off the hook of unlimited choice. Derek, a 38-year-old entrepreneur, reflected on the gap between his relationship expectations and his online-dating experience: </p>
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<p>“For me, long-term relationships are about values – human values. And if I meet for a date and the morning after I have another new profile, I think ‘Oh, great’, and the woman or the man you saw last night, they’re at the bottom of the list.”</p>
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<p>This misalignment can lead to negative experiences, mistreatment, and even abuse online. Rose, a 23-year-old university lecturer, said that to her, going on dates was connected with a sense of fear because of the “horror stories” she had heard from others. Indeed, reports from other study participants (whose names we chose to withhold) had experiences ranging from distressing to traumatising, including verbal abuse, encounters with individuals who bore no resemblance to their photos, and even a sexual assault by someone using a fake profile.</p>
<p><em>The gamification of dating</em></p>
<p>The deinstitutionalised social setting of online dating can lead to situations where there are sometimes few or no shared social connections between the partners. This can lead to its being perceived as a “gamified” experience, as those met online are perceived as less “real” compared those encountered through friends or family. This diminished sense of reality can make behaviour less predictable, as there are no specific sanctions for what would normally be seen as unethical behaviour.</p>
<p><em>Denial and shame</em></p>
<p>While many study participants enjoyed the choice provided by dating apps, some were hesitant to identify themselves as using them, highlighting the situational and temporary nature of this condition. Some talked about the “stigmatised” nature of online dating, the perception that if they find a partner this way, those in their social circle might think there was something “wrong” with them because they were not able to find a partner in “real life” by traditional means.</p>
<p><em>The uncertainty</em></p>
<p>Such uncertainty arises when we’re unsure about the norms and outcomes of social interactions. This can happen when there is a lack of clarity about the framework under which the interaction is taking place. As the relationship terms are not clarified, both parties feel vulnerable and prefer not to open up too much to avoid potentially being hurt. The communication codes are also often unclear, giving rise to <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/OnlineDating/">multiple discussions in online communities</a>, where the users ask for advice in explaining behaviours of their dating partners.</p>
<h2>The survival strategies</h2>
<p><em>Embrace the best authenticity in you and in others</em></p>
<p>If you’re using a dating app, consider a daring strategy: authenticity. Self-promotion is fine, even necessary, but so are conviction, realism and honesty. In that way you can try to match with partners who see you as the person you are and not the person you project. Definitely select flattering photos and showcase your desirable traits, but also show some conviction and your true self. Let some light in on the magic!</p>
<p><em>Use the app functions to narrow down the choice</em></p>
<p>When seeking a relationship online, it’s important to make the most of the available resources, ensuring you don’t miss out on potential connections. Consider using filters and search tools to refine your search for compatible partners. Specify your preferences, such as age, location, and shared interests, to increase your chances of finding a meaningful connection.</p>
<p><em>Enjoy the little things</em></p>
<p>It’s essential to adapt your approach and redefine what “value” means to you in this unique context. Instead of judging success by a single measure, consider redefining it to include other aspects – for example, meaningful conversations or shared interests. This flexibility enables you to recalibrate your expectations and discover value in your app experience, even if it doesn’t align with your initial goals. Love is built on shared emotions.</p>
<p><em>Talk, but also listen</em></p>
<p>Don’t be afraid to discuss your expectations with potential partners. Most importantly, when a person says that he or she is not looking for a committed relationship, believe them, rather than trying to change them or hoping that they will reconsider. Show them that you’re listening and not just broadcasting a set of preconceived ideas.</p>
<p><em>Keep exploring, yet know when to stop</em></p>
<p>Last but not least, don’t give up. As online dating becomes more and more accepted, a greater number of people are finding real relationships online. Despite all the hurdles, <a href="https://www.pewresearch.org/internet/2020/02/06/the-virtues-and-downsides-of-online-dating/">more than 12% of marriages</a> start online, according to a Pew Research Center study. Consider dating apps not as an unending search, but as a means to an end – and potentially a happy one.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/217174/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Les auteurs ne travaillent pas, ne conseillent pas, ne possèdent pas de parts, ne reçoivent pas de fonds d'une organisation qui pourrait tirer profit de cet article, et n'ont déclaré aucune autre affiliation que leur organisme de recherche.</span></em></p>Use of dating apps is on the rise and they can provide a wealth of choice. Research also shows that they can leave some users feeling overwhelmed and exhausted.Alisa Minina Jeunemaître, Associate Professor of Marketing, EM Lyon Business SchoolJamie Smith, Director of Undergraduate Programmes, ISC Paris Business SchoolStefania Masè, Associate professor of marketing and communication, IPAG Business SchoolLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/1923952022-10-14T01:53:31Z2022-10-14T01:53:31ZTodd Sampson’s ‘Mirror Mirror’ raises the alarm on our lives online – but not all its claims are supported by evidence<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/489683/original/file-20221013-23-gymjdy.jpeg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=14%2C1%2C1036%2C604&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">
</span> <span class="attribution"><span class="source">Channel Ten</span></span></figcaption></figure><p>This week, Todd Sampson’s documentary <a href="https://10play.com.au/mirror-mirror">Mirror Mirror: Love & Hate</a> screened on Channel Ten. The documentary focuses on harms that occur through social media and online platforms.</p>
<p>It raises important points about the need for awareness and regulation, but these are often crowded out by alarmist tropes that don’t reflect what we know from decades of research into digital technologies. Left unchallenged, they can prompt unnecessary worry and distract us from having important conversations about how to make technology better.</p>
<p>As digital media researchers, here are some of the claims we think people should approach with caution.</p>
<h2>Digital technology and ADHD</h2>
<p>While it’s sensible to avoid letting young children spend all day on digital devices, the documentary’s suggestion that using digital devices causes attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) in children is questionable.</p>
<p>The neuroscientist interviewed about this notes that studies have found “correlations” between digital device use and ADHD diagnoses, but the documentary never explains to viewers that correlation doesn’t equal causation. It may be that having ADHD makes children more likely to use digital devices, rather than digital devices causing ADHD.</p>
<p>Even more importantly, <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/pdf/10.1177/1087054720953897">longitudinal studies</a> have looked for evidence that device use causes ADHD in children and haven’t found any. </p>
<p>There are other reasons why the science here is much less conclusive than the documentary suggests. <a href="https://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0213995">Studies</a> that find these correlations often use parents’ estimates of their children’s “screen time” to measure technology use.</p>
<p>This method is now regarded by some experts as an <a href="https://www.mdpi.com/1660-4601/17/10/3661/htm">almost meaningless</a> measure of technology use. Parent estimates are <a href="https://ijbnpa.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/1479-5868-3-43">usually inaccurate</a>, and “screen time” combines many different technologies into one concept while failing to account for the content being watched or the context of use.</p>
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Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/relax-its-just-a-ringlight-for-kids-toys-like-the-vlogger-set-prepare-them-for-a-digital-world-185139">Relax, it's just a ringlight for kids. Toys like the 'vlogger set' prepare them for a digital world</a>
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<img alt="A small child holding an ipad up with their feet while on the sofa" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/489703/original/file-20221014-14-oy88m9.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/489703/original/file-20221014-14-oy88m9.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=467&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/489703/original/file-20221014-14-oy88m9.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=467&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/489703/original/file-20221014-14-oy88m9.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=467&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/489703/original/file-20221014-14-oy88m9.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=587&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/489703/original/file-20221014-14-oy88m9.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=587&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/489703/original/file-20221014-14-oy88m9.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=587&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px">
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<span class="caption">Parents’ tracking of their children’s screen time is not always a reliable measure.</span>
<span class="attribution"><span class="source">Steve Heap/Shutterstock</span></span>
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<h2>The trope of pseudo-connections</h2>
<p>Another key focus in the documentary is the idea that online interactions and relationships are not real and have no value. There are claims about “pseudo-connections” leading to poor mental health and increased loneliness.</p>
<p>Overall, the documentary suggests online communication is fake and harmful while in-person interaction is real and beneficial. </p>
<p>This well-worn trope ignores decades of evidence about the value of online interactions and relationships. <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/1369118X.2019.1602663?journalCode=rics20">Keeping in touch with friends and family overseas</a>, <a href="https://clalliance.org/publications/affinity-online-how-connection-and-shared-interest-fuel-learning/">finding people with shared interests</a>, and <a href="https://link.springer.com/book/10.1057/978-1-137-48865-7">political organising and activism</a> are all meaningful online interactions.</p>
<p>It’s especially important to recognise that online friendships and interactions can be crucial for LGBTIQ+ young people. These young people suffer <a href="https://www.lgbtiqhealth.org.au/statistics">disproportionate rates</a> of suicide and mental illness. However, studies have repeatedly shown digital communication tools such as social media provide them with valuable sources of <a href="https://www.taylorfrancis.com/books/mono/10.4324/9780429060953/digital-media-friendship-cultures-care-paul-byron">emotional support</a>, <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S014521341400283X?casa_token=V9UYQCK8yaQAAAAA:c9dL8NFo9Ag-GuAMJfjGqkoYX6PM-QrNI2tCyzM0A06E0dKTDGhvGoTHrB_-Hm5l6lWZHujioA">friendships</a> and <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S074756321630437X?casa_token=ffyM2FOtCckAAAAA:J-m8_YNAUnF7wcip6QahZFJ5gTnNmyA6Nxxlm9-hhZodMqt63YLcnyojjcYrf-1ZKzga9ICXyQ">informal learning</a>, and are ultimately linked to <a href="https://www.jmir.org/2022/9/e38449/">improved mental health</a>.</p>
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Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/scare-mongering-about-kids-and-social-media-helps-no-one-44902">Scare-mongering about kids and social media helps no-one</a>
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<h2>Strangers on the internet?</h2>
<p>Mirror Mirror pays a lot of attention to the dangers of children interacting with strangers online. Its most alarmist claim on this topic is that today, the majority of children’s friends are strangers on the internet.</p>
<p>However, <a href="http://eprints.lse.ac.uk/30124/1/On_the_rapid_rise_of_social_networking_(LSERO_version).pdf">research has consistently shown</a> young people mostly use social media to connect with people they already know. However, other kinds of online spaces, like gaming platforms, are also accessed by children and do encourage interactions between strangers. Serious harms can come from these kinds of interactions, although it’s important to remember <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S1054139X18301344">this is less common than you might think</a>.</p>
<p><a href="https://www.lse.ac.uk/media-and-communications/assets/documents/research/eu-kids-online/reports/EU-Kids-Online-2020-10Feb2020.pdf">A world-leading European Union study</a> of children’s internet use provides a more balanced picture. It found most children are not interacting with strangers online and when children meet friends from the internet in person, it’s usually a happy experience.</p>
<p>The study emphasises that while it’s important to talk to children about managing risks, meeting new people online can have benefits, such as finding friends with similar interests or practising a foreign language. </p>
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Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/children-can-be-exposed-to-sexual-predators-online-so-how-can-parents-teach-them-to-be-safe-120661">Children can be exposed to sexual predators online, so how can parents teach them to be safe?</a>
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<h2>The anonymity trope</h2>
<p>In the show’s second episode, Sampson states anonymity is “perhaps the biggest killer of empathy” in internet communication. The documentary never defines anonymity and frames it as almost exclusively negative. </p>
<p>While anonymity can be a part of the way people inflict harms online, forcing people to use their real names <a href="https://coralproject.net/blog/the-real-name-fallacy/">doesn’t automatically</a> make them behave better. </p>
<p><a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0163443719842074">Research has also shown</a> online anonymity is used for many different purposes, including positive ones. It can reduce online harms such as <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1002/9781119429128.iegmc009">doxxing</a> and enable <a href="https://journals.uic.edu/ojs/index.php/fm/article/view/5615">consensual sexual interactions</a>. It can also ensure that people who experience marginalisation feel comfortable using the internet without fear of retribution. </p>
<p>Mirror Mirror is too quick to frame anonymity as the cause of online abuse rather than as one of many contributing factors. It’s important we don’t lose sight of these other factors, especially the social contexts of misogyny and racism in which online abuse occurs.</p>
<h2>The real issues</h2>
<p>The documentary includes some heartbreaking accounts from parents, young people and women who have experienced devastating harm online. These are real issues and, as Sampson notes, responsibility for fixing them lies with tech platforms, regulators and educators.</p>
<p>We wholeheartedly agree and welcome discussions about regulating big tech and developing awareness and education campaigns.</p>
<p>But we would like to see more practical discussion of <em>how</em> platforms need to change, and fewer sensationalist claims and implicit critiques of individual users.</p>
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Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/coroner-finds-social-media-contributed-to-14-year-old-molly-russells-death-how-should-parents-and-platforms-react-191757">Coroner finds social media contributed to 14-year-old Molly Russell’s death. How should parents and platforms react?</a>
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<img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/192395/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Kate Mannell is a Research Fellow in the Centre of Excellence for the Digital Child, which is funded by the Australian Research Council. </span></em></p><p class="fine-print"><em><span>Caitlin McGrane is the Manager, Policy and Online Safety, at Gender Equity Victoria. Gender Equity Victoria has received State and Federal Government to investigate experiences and solutions to gendered online harassment.</span></em></p>The risk of experiencing harm online is real, especially for children – but decades of research don’t support the alarmist tropes used in these conversations.Kate Mannell, Research Fellow in Digital Childhoods, Deakin UniversityCaitlin McGrane, RMIT UniversityLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/1723802021-12-10T13:37:33Z2021-12-10T13:37:33ZGot Zoom fatigue? Out-of-sync brainwaves could be another reason videoconferencing is such a drag<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/436504/original/file-20211208-15-iliwgf.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=0%2C0%2C6173%2C4112&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">Conversation in person usually feels effortless. Conversation over video? Not so much.</span> <span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.gettyimages.com/detail/photo/stressed-business-woman-working-from-home-on-laptop-royalty-free-image/1249628154">nensuria/iStock via Getty Images</a></span></figcaption></figure><p>During the pandemic, video calls became a way for me to connect with my aunt in a nursing home and with my extended family during holidays. Zoom was how I enjoyed trivia nights, happy hours and live performances. As a university professor, Zoom was also the way I conducted all of my work meetings, mentoring and teaching. </p>
<p>But I often felt drained after Zoom sessions, even some of those that I had scheduled for fun. <a href="https://news.stanford.edu/2021/02/23/four-causes-zoom-fatigue-solutions/">Several well-known factors</a> – intense eye contact, slightly misaligned eye contact, being on camera, limited body movement, lack of nonverbal communication – contribute to Zoom fatigue. But I was curious about why conversation felt more laborious and awkward over Zoom and other video-conferencing software, compared with in-person interactions.</p>
<p>As a researcher who <a href="https://scholar.google.com/citations?user=8j4_-aYAAAAJ&hl=en">studies psychology and linguistics</a>, I decided to examine the impact of video-conferencing on conversation. Together with three undergraduate students, I ran <a href="https://doi.apa.org/doi/10.1037/xge0001150">two experiments</a>.</p>
<p>The first experiment found that response times to prerecorded yes/no questions more than tripled when the questions were played over Zoom instead of being played from the participant’s own computer. </p>
<p>The second experiment replicated the finding in natural, spontaneous conversation between friends. In that experiment, transition times between speakers averaged 135 milliseconds in person, but 487 milliseconds for the same pair talking over Zoom. While under half a second seems pretty quick, that difference is an eternity in terms of natural conversation rhythms.</p>
<p>We also found that people held the floor for longer during Zoom conversations, so there were fewer transitions between speakers. These experiments suggest that the natural rhythm of conversation is disrupted by videoconferencing apps like Zoom. </p>
<h2>Cognitive anatomy of a conversation</h2>
<p>I already had some expertise in studying conversation. Pre-pandemic, I conducted several experiments investigating how topic shifts and working memory load affect the timing of when speakers in a conversation take turns.</p>
<p>In that research, I found that <a href="https://cogsci.mindmodeling.org/2019/papers/0048/index.html">pauses between speakers were longer</a> when the two speakers were talking about different things, or if a speaker was distracted by another task while conversing. I originally became interested in the timing of turn transitions because planning a response during conversation is a complex process that people accomplish with lightning speed. </p>
<p>The average pause between speakers in two-party conversations is about one-fifth of a second. In comparison, it takes more than a half-second to <a href="https://doi.org/10.1080/00140139508925238">move your foot from the accelerator to the brake</a> while driving – more than twice as long. </p>
<p>The speed of turn transitions indicates that listeners don’t wait until the end of a speaker’s utterance to begin planning a response. Rather, listeners simultaneously comprehend the current speaker, plan a response and predict the appropriate time to initiate that response. All of this multitasking ought to make conversation quite laborious, but it is not. </p>
<h2>Getting in sync</h2>
<p>Brainwaves are the rhythmic firing, or oscillation, of neurons in your brain. These oscillations may be one factor that helps make conversation effortless. <a href="https://doi.org/10.1017/9781108610728">Several</a> <a href="https://doi.org/10.3758/BF03206432">researchers</a> have proposed that a neural oscillatory mechanism automatically synchronizes the firing rate of a group of neurons to the speech rate of your conversation partner. This oscillatory timing mechanism would relieve some of the mental effort in planning when to begin speaking, especially if it was <a href="https://doi.org/10.7554/eLife.68066">combined with predictions</a> about the remainder of your partner’s utterance.</p>
<p>While there are many open questions about how oscillatory mechanisms affect perception and behavior, there is <a href="https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2012.00320">direct</a> <a href="https://doi.org/10.1038/nn.4186">evidence</a> for neural oscillators that track syllable rate when syllables are presented at regular intervals. For example, when you hear syllables four times a second, the electrical activity in your brain <a href="https://doi.org/10.1038/nn.4186">peaks at the same rate</a>.</p>
<figure class="align-center zoomable">
<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/435178/original/file-20211201-15-how79x.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="A spectrograph of human speech with a rough sine wave overlaid on it" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/435178/original/file-20211201-15-how79x.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/435178/original/file-20211201-15-how79x.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=115&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/435178/original/file-20211201-15-how79x.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=115&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/435178/original/file-20211201-15-how79x.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=115&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/435178/original/file-20211201-15-how79x.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=145&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/435178/original/file-20211201-15-how79x.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=145&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/435178/original/file-20211201-15-how79x.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=145&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">This acoustic spectrogram of the utterance ‘Do you think surfers are scared of being bitten by a shark?’ has an overlaid oscillatory function (blue wave). This shows that midpoints of most syllables (numbered hash marks) occur at or near the wave troughs, regardless of syllable length. The hash marks were generated with a Praat script written by deJong and Wempe.</span>
<span class="attribution"><span class="source">Julie Boland</span>, <a class="license" href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nd/4.0/">CC BY-ND</a></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>There is also evidence that <a href="https://doi.org/10.1093/oso/9780190618216.001.0001">oscillators can accommodate some variability</a> in syllable rate. This makes the notion that an automatic neural oscillator could track the fuzzy rhythms of speech plausible. For example, an oscillator with a period of 100 milliseconds could keep in sync with speech that varies from 80 milliseconds to 120 milliseconds per short syllable. Longer syllables are not a problem if their duration is a multiple of the duration for short syllables.</p>
<h2>Internet lag is a wrench in the mental gears</h2>
<p>My hunch was that this proposed oscillatory mechanism couldn’t function very well over Zoom due to variable transmission lags. In a video call, the audio and video signals are split into packets that zip across the internet. In our studies, each packet took around 30 to 70 milliseconds to travel from sender to receiver, including disassembly and reassembly.</p>
<p>While this is very fast, it adds too much additional variability for brainwaves to sync with speech rates automatically, and more arduous mental operations have to take over. This could help explain my sense that Zoom conversations were more fatiguing than having the same conversation in person would have been.</p>
<p><a href="https://doi.apa.org/doi/10.1037/xge0001150">Our experiments</a> demonstrated that the natural rhythm of turn transitions between speakers is disrupted by Zoom. This disruption is consistent with what would happen if the neural ensemble that <a href="https://doi.org/10.1093/oso/9780190618216.001.0001">researchers believe normally synchronizes with speech</a> fell out of sync due to electronic transmission delays. </p>
<p>Our evidence supporting this explanation is indirect. We did not measure cortical oscillations, nor did we manipulate the electronic transmission delays. Research into the connection between neural oscillatory timing mechanisms and speech in general <a href="https://doi.org/10.1038/s41583-020-0304-4">is promising</a> but not definitive.</p>
<p>Researchers in the field need to pin down an oscillatory mechanism for naturally occurring speech. From there, cortical tracking techniques could show whether such a mechanism is more stable in face-to-face conversations than with video-conferencing conversations, and how much lag and how much variability cause disruption. </p>
<p>Could the syllable-tracking oscillator tolerate relatively short but realistic electronic lags below 40 milliseconds, even if they varied dynamically from 15 to 39 milliseconds? Could it tolerate relatively long lags of 100 milliseconds if the transmission lag were constant instead of variable?</p>
<p>The knowledge gained from such research could open the door to technological improvements that help people get in sync and make videoconferencing conversations less of a cognitive drag.</p>
<p>[<em>Understand new developments in science, health and technology, each week.</em> <a href="https://theconversation.com/us/newsletters/science-editors-picks-71/?utm_source=TCUS&utm_medium=inline-link&utm_campaign=newsletter-text&utm_content=science-understand">Subscribe to The Conversation’s science newsletter</a>.]</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/172380/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Julie Boland does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organization that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.</span></em></p>It appears that the rhythms of your brain waves get in sync with the speech patterns of the person you’re conversing with. Videoconferencing throws off that syncing process.Julie Boland, Professor of Psychology and Linguistics, University of MichiganLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/1697132021-10-15T11:35:46Z2021-10-15T11:35:46ZWhat happens to your life stories if you delete your Facebook account?<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/426578/original/file-20211014-25-1qec2mj.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=0%2C0%2C5861%2C3895&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">How much of your life is archived on Facebook?</span> <span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://unsplash.com/photos/NhU0nUR7920">Arthur Poulin/Unsplash</a></span></figcaption></figure><p>If the latest deluge of <a href="https://theconversation.com/facebooks-scandals-and-outage-test-users-frenemy-relationship-169244">Facebook controversies</a> has you ready to kick the app to the digital curb, you are <a href="https://www.washingtonpost.com/technology/2021/10/12/leave-facebook-alternatives/">not alone</a>. There are <a href="https://www.consumerreports.org/social-media/how-to-quit-facebook-a7830117290/">plenty of good guides</a> out there on <a href="https://www.cnet.com/tech/services-and-software/how-to-permanently-delete-your-facebook-account-without-losing-your-photos/">how to do it right</a>. Even Facebook <a href="https://www.facebook.com/help/224562897555674">makes it pretty easy</a> to understand the nuances of saying “see ya later” (deactivating) or “never speak to me again” (deleting).</p>
<p>But before you go, you might want to consider this: What happens to your life stories?</p>
<p>For many people, a decade or more of updates, comments, photos, messages, tags, pokes, groups and reactions reside inside that particular digital sphere. And Facebook wants you to remember that. As <a href="https://www.makeuseof.com/tag/deactivate-facebook-account-explained/">one writer put it</a>: “Facebook is obsessed with memories. It likes to make you nostalgic, and remind you of just how long you’ve used social media.”</p>
<p>As a researcher who <a href="https://scholar.google.com/citations?hl=en&user=c1LwRL8AAAAJ&view_op=list_works&sortby=pubdate">studies life stories on social media</a>, I know that’s an accurate assessment. This strategy drove Facebook to build a powerful and unique life narrative tool. Millions of people have invested billions of collective hours building what scholars call a <a href="https://doi.org/10.1075/ni.23.1.10pag">networked life narrative</a>, in which people “co-construct” their social identities through their interactions with one another.</p>
<p>Perhaps you’ve never thought about how archiving the small moments of your life would eventually amass into a large narrative of yourself. Or how interactions from your family, friends, colleagues and strangers would create meaningful dimensions of that story. </p>
<h2>Deactivating versus deleting</h2>
<p>What happens if you decide to be done with all of that? If you deactivate Facebook, it is like putting that story into suspended animation. Much of what you did and said will <a href="https://www.makeuseof.com/tag/deactivate-facebook-account-explained/">either be removed or grayed out</a>. If you reactivate it someday, most of it will be restored and on you go.</p>
<figure class="align-right zoomable">
<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/426573/original/file-20211014-27-mw43zu.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="A hand holds a white smart phone with a blue screen with the name facebook in the center and cross out marks across the text" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/426573/original/file-20211014-27-mw43zu.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=237&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/426573/original/file-20211014-27-mw43zu.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/426573/original/file-20211014-27-mw43zu.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/426573/original/file-20211014-27-mw43zu.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/426573/original/file-20211014-27-mw43zu.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/426573/original/file-20211014-27-mw43zu.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/426573/original/file-20211014-27-mw43zu.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">Feeling the urge to quit Facebook?</span>
<span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://flickr.com/photos/bookcatalog/40992060262/">Book Catalog/Flickr</a>, <a class="license" href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/">CC BY</a></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>Delete the account, on the other hand, and “Your profile, photos, posts, videos, and everything else you’ve added will be permanently deleted. You won’t be able to retrieve anything you’ve added,” <a href="https://www.facebook.com/help/android-app/224562897555674">according to Facebook</a>. </p>
<p>If all those memories you have stored mean anything to you, your last chance to keep it before deleting is to <a href="https://www.facebook.com/help/212802592074644">download your information</a>. I suggest you do this once in a while anyway, because it reveals a lot about how you are tracked, how you consume media on the app and how you have acted on the site over the years. </p>
<p>It’s also a pretty nifty set of files that you can view offline either through the folder system or using a web browser offline by opening the index.html file. You can also <a href="https://www.facebook.com/your_information">look at the data</a> online through Facebook.</p>
<h2>Losing the connections</h2>
<p>But to a surprisingly large degree, your downloaded narrative gets “de-networked.” What do I mean by that?</p>
<ul>
<li><p>Your posts are listed by date and time, but have none of the reactions and comments that followed. This is also true of photos and videos you have posted.</p></li>
<li><p>The same happens to the comments you made on other people’s posts. There is no reference to what you were commenting on because technically that is not your data.</p></li>
<li><p>The polls you have voted on do not have the context of the poll itself, only your answers.</p></li>
<li><p>The invitations you received are listed only by name.</p></li>
<li><p>There is a section of all the people you have interacted with on the app, but it’s just a list of names, dates and times.</p></li>
<li><p>There are dates attached to most everything, but none of the context – think personal and social news – in which those posts were made.</p></li>
</ul>
<p>[<em>Over 115,000 readers rely on The Conversation’s newsletter to understand the world.</em> <a href="https://theconversation.com/us/newsletters/the-daily-3?utm_source=TCUS&utm_medium=inline-link&utm_campaign=newsletter-text&utm_content=100Ksignup">Sign up today</a>.]</p>
<p>There are exceptions. For one, your messages are left in context, so you see the conversations you had. Another exception is that events are ordered by how you responded about attending. And I have one caveat: I am gathering this information from my own data, so there might be other exceptions I cannot see.</p>
<h2>Take a look around before walking out the door</h2>
<p>Still, what you ultimately download starts to feel like the scaffolding of a life, with the depth of those memories only activated by your own mind. That might be enough for you. </p>
<p>If the richness of your networked narrative means something, on the other hand, slow down. Take some time to dive into your account one last time – saving the responses you cherish, capturing the context where you can – before you say goodbye to Facebook for good.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/169713/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Michael Humphrey does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organization that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.</span></em></p>Many people are feeling the urge to quit Facebook. It’s not hard to do, technically speaking. It’s a good idea, however, to pause first and look back on your digital memories.Michael Humphrey, Assistant Professor of Journalism and Media Communication, Colorado State UniversityLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/1097022019-01-23T11:47:45Z2019-01-23T11:47:45ZHave you caught a catfish? Online dating can be deceptive<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/253768/original/file-20190114-43538-jlhcv9.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=398%2C1571%2C5417%2C3080&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">You should see the one that got away.</span> <span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.shutterstock.com/image-photo/happy-fisherman-big-catfish-trophy-boat-1154538595">FedBul/Shutterstock.com</a></span></figcaption></figure><p>On the internet, you can become <a href="https://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/comic-riffs/post/nobody-knows-youre-a-dog-as-iconic-internet-cartoon-turns-20-creator-peter-steiner-knows-the-joke-rings-as-relevant-as-ever/2013/07/31/73372600-f98d-11e2-8e84-c56731a202fb_blog.html">anyone you want to</a> – at least for a while. And though deception doesn’t fit well with lasting romance, people lie all the time: <a href="https://doi.org/10.1016/j.chb.2016.06.052">Fewer than a third of people in one survey</a> claimed they were always honest in online interactions, and nearly nobody expected others to be truthful. Much of the time, lies are meant to <a href="https://doi.org/10.1093/joc/jqy019">make the person telling them seem better</a> somehow – more attractive, more engaging or otherwise worth getting to know.</p>
<p>“Catfishing” is a more advanced effort of digital deception. Named in a <a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt1584016/">2010 movie</a> that later expanded into an <a href="http://www.mtv.com/shows/catfish-the-tv-show">MTV reality series</a>, a catfish is a person who sets up an intentionally fake profile on one or more social network sites, often with the purpose of defrauding or deceiving other users. </p>
<p>It happens more than people might think – and to more people than might believe it. Many times in my own personal life when I was seeking to meet people online, I found that someone was being deceptive. In one case, I did a <a href="https://images.google.com/">Google image search</a> and found a man’s profile picture featured on a site called “Romance Scams.” Apparently, not everyone looking for love and connection online wants to start from a place of truth and honesty. Yet, as the show demonstrates to viewers, online lies can often be easy to detect, by searching for images and phone numbers and exploring social media profiles. Some people lie anyway – and plenty of others take the bait.</p>
<figure>
<iframe width="440" height="260" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/pVyClEUiK40?wmode=transparent&start=0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen=""></iframe>
<figcaption><span class="caption">Why would they lie?</span></figcaption>
</figure>
<h2>Why might someone become a catfish?</h2>
<p>When a deep emotional bond grows with someone, even via texts, phone calls and instant messages, it can be devastating to find out that person has been lying about some major aspect of their identity or intentions. My analysis of the <a href="https://scholarworks.uni.edu/etd/153/">first three seasons of the “Catfish” TV show</a> reveals that there are several reasons someone might choose to become a deceitful catfish. On the show, ordinary people who suspect they’re being catfished get help from the hosts to untangle the lies and find the truth.</p>
<p>Sometimes the deception is unintentional. For instance, some people <a href="http://doi.org/10.1111/j.1083-6101.2006.00020.x">don’t know themselves well</a>, so they tend to see and present themselves more positively than is accurate. In episode 13 from the show’s second season, a <a href="http://www.mtv.com/news/3064701/catfish-chasity-family-cousin-mandy/">woman named Chasity</a> uses someone else’s pictures and claims to be named Kristen. Others may intentionally create a fake profile but then <a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt3188104/">connect with someone unexpectedly deeply</a> and find the situation hard to come clean about.</p>
<p><div data-react-class="Tweet" data-react-props="{"tweetId":"947115402139701254"}"></div></p>
<p>Other catfish intend to deceive their targets, though not out of malice. For instance, they pretend to be someone else because they have low self-esteem or for some other reason <a href="https://www.bustle.com/articles/29450-miranda-james-are-a-catfish-miracle-these-skyping-pals-give-us-hope-for-future">think people won’t like the real person</a> they are. On the show, there are several episodes about people who are struggling with aspects of their gender identity or sexual orientation and don’t know how to behave appropriately about those internal conflicts, or who fear bullying or violence if they openly identify their true selves.</p>
<p>Some catfish, though, set out to hurt people: for instance, to get revenge on a particular person because they are angry, hurt or embarrassed about something that has happened between them. In one episode, for instance, a <a href="http://www.mtv.com/news/2384114/catfish-jasmine-mhissy/">woman catfishes her best friend</a> to get back at her because they’re both interested in the same real-world man.</p>
<p>The show also highlighted a few catfish who found enjoyment making fake profiles and <a href="https://www.bustle.com/articles/26966-catfish-tracie-thoms-superfan-sammie-bring-an-episode-thats-both-dark-and-redeeming">getting attention from strangers</a> online. Others wanted to see if they could <a href="https://www.vulture.com/2013/09/catfish-recap-season-2-aaliyah-alicia-iphone.html">make money</a>. Still others hoped to capitalize on the growing popularity of the show itself, wanting to actually meet someone famous or <a href="http://www.mtv.com/news/2158036/catfish-where-now-sneak-peek-dee-pimpin/">become famous</a> by being on TV.</p>
<figure>
<iframe width="440" height="260" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/IoMYDl6vkMk?wmode=transparent&start=0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen=""></iframe>
<figcaption><span class="caption">Some people think they’re actually dating a celebrity online.</span></figcaption>
</figure>
<h2>Why do people fall for a catfish?</h2>
<p>People want to trust those they interact with online and in real life. If a person believes he or she is <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177/1461444818792425">on a date with someone being deceptive</a>, things tend not to progress to a second date. </p>
<p>In the TV show, victims find out about the lies the catfish have told, exposed by the show’s hosts and co-investigators. Many who learn of being lied to <a href="http://www.mtv.com/video-clips/99acvt/catfish-the-tv-show-confidence-in-jenn">aren’t particularly interested in meeting up</a> with the real person behind the mask they’d been communicating with. </p>
<p>Someone who is enthralled in their connection with another person often fully believes what they’re told – even if it seems too good to be true. This is what scholars call the “<a href="http://psychology.about.com/od/socialpsychology/f/halo-effect.htm">halo effect</a>,” which suggests that if a person likes someone initially, they’re more likely to continue to view them as good, even if that person does something bad. Effectively, that positive first impression has created a figurative angelic halo, suggesting the person is less likely to do wrong. In the very first episode of “Catfish: The TV Show,” Sunny believes that her love interest Jamison is a model holding cue cards on a late-night comedy show and studying to become an anesthesiologist. Sunny has a very hard time accepting that none of those claims are true of Chelsea, the real person claiming to be Jamison.</p>
<figure>
<iframe width="440" height="260" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/0Rf1M405s7M?wmode=transparent&start=0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen=""></iframe>
<figcaption><span class="caption">Sometimes the catfish is someone the victim knows.</span></figcaption>
</figure>
<p>A complementary idea, called “hyperpersonal connection,” suggests that people who <a href="http://doi.org/10.1177/009365096023001001">develop deep emotional ties to each other very quickly</a> may be more trusting, and may even feel safer sharing things facelessly online than they would in person. So someone who met a new friend online and felt an immediate connection might share deeply personal feelings and experiences – expecting the other person to reciprocate. Sometimes the catfish do, but they’re not always telling the truth.</p>
<p>Another reason people might not look too deeply into whether the person they’re talking to is real is that they don’t want the relationship to change, even if they say they do – or think they might in the future. If it’s meeting their needs to <a href="https://doi.org/10.1016/j.chb.2016.06.052">feel accepted, appreciated, connected and less lonely</a>, why rock the boat? That could risk shattering the fantasy of a potential “happily ever after.” Some people also might not really plan ever to meet in real life anyway. So they don’t feel a need to verify the identity behind the online mask, and any lying will never actually matter.</p>
<p>Other people might feel guilty, as if they were <a href="https://link.galegroup.com/apps/doc/A297135951/AONE?u=googlescholar&sid=AONE&xid=a49adec8">snooping on someone</a> they should trust, who might be upset if they found out their claims were being verified – even though the liar is the one who should feel bad, not the fact-checker.</p>
<p>People can still meet and develop real relationships through dating sites, apps and social media. But catfish are still out there, so it pays to be skeptical, especially if the person is never able to talk on the phone or by video chat. Ask questions about their lives and backgrounds; beware if someone gives fishy answers. Do your own background checking, searching images, phone numbers and social networks like they do on the “Catfish” show. Someone who’s sincere will be impressed at your savvy – and that you care enough to ensure you’re both being honest.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/109702/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Nicole Marie Allaire does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organization that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.</span></em></p>Online lies can often be easy to detect, by searching for images and phone numbers and exploring social media profiles. Some people lie anyway – and countless others take the bait.Nicole Marie Allaire, Lecturer in English, Iowa State UniversityLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/730842017-02-27T09:46:22Z2017-02-27T09:46:22ZFalling in love in virtual reality could be a deeper experience than real life<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/158307/original/image-20170224-23036-1z0g76k.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">
</span> <span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.shutterstock.com/image-photo/multiracial-couple-love-going-beyond-racial-525755629?src=vl5r1WSUFCGmVuKjmaKGXw-1-37">www.shutterstock.com</a></span></figcaption></figure><p>The vast majority of us are constantly connected to the things we like and those we are close to through technology – to the point where we may even have <a href="http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/technology-33976695">problems managing without it</a>. So when something as exciting as virtual reality (VR) comes along, it can quickly become part of our already tech-reliant lives, providing us with multiple new possibilities, including for falling in love. </p>
<p>VR is now more immersive and believable than ever before. Cheaper hardware and faster software means it is within our reach at home. VR has become a walk-in painting, a gut-wrenching white-knuckle ride, and a mystical land where you can defy gravity. Likewise, you can visit <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QKcVIEASVII">real world places</a> using VR, <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lj1E-Gc5RyQ">witness events</a> or <a href="http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/technology-37576755">learn something new</a>. Putting on a headset and using motion trackers can transport you into a different universe. It doesn’t need to be expensive or highly specialised – you can jump in <a href="https://theconversation.com/how-to-build-a-virtual-reality-system-in-your-living-room-28598">from the comfort of your living room</a> with commercially available technology.</p>
<p>VR has a wonderful history of <a href="http://www.rheingold.com/vc/book/9.html">geeked-out subcultural tech communities</a>, experimenting with what it means to be tech-social. Already there are <a href="https://www.rt.com/viral/372792-tinder-virtual-reality-headset/">dating apps</a>, <a href="https://www.wareable.com/vr/the-best-360-degree-vr-videos-on-youtube">360-degree</a> virtual experiences and online multi-player gaming. But it is going beyond this, and allowing humans to have much deeper interactions with one another.</p>
<h2>Physical barriers</h2>
<p>Touch is such an important part of building relationships that it can be difficult to see how this can be overcome in the virtual world. After all, without a physical presence, you cannot feel the other person, or react to small movements and expressions that we are all innately attuned to. </p>
<p>There has already been a great deal of interest in the sensationalism that VR can offer. VR sex, as <a href="http://michelreilhac.com/projects/viens/">VR sensual experience</a> or standard <a href="http://mashable.com/2015/07/06/virtual-reality-porn/#UnurL_LWCEq4">pornography</a>, tends to focus on bodily arousal, <a href="https://theconversation.com/unfaithfully-yours-what-happens-when-virtual-reality-affairs-get-real-67842">infidelity</a> and kink. However, it can be more romantic than that: “The Kissenger” allows you to “kiss” someone using a <a href="http://kissenger.mixedrealitylab.org/">mobile phone add-on</a>, for example, making the virtual a little more real. And immersive <a href="http://uploadvr.com/synesthesia-suit-hands-on/">sensual suits</a> with haptic feedback can make that special date on a VR dancefloor even more memorable.</p>
<figure class="align-center ">
<img alt="" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/158308/original/image-20170224-23038-y26euu.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/158308/original/image-20170224-23038-y26euu.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=403&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/158308/original/image-20170224-23038-y26euu.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=403&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/158308/original/image-20170224-23038-y26euu.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=403&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/158308/original/image-20170224-23038-y26euu.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=507&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/158308/original/image-20170224-23038-y26euu.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=507&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/158308/original/image-20170224-23038-y26euu.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=507&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px">
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">Relationships can thrive even without physical presence.</span>
<span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.shutterstock.com/image-vector/love-distance-341545949?src=g19WL393k2P0fUqT8RDVDQ-1-0">Sly Raccoon/Shutterstock</a></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>Online connections have allowed us to communicate over vast distances, meet others we like and share interests with, and even build relationships <a href="http://edition.cnn.com/2008/LIVING/12/12/second.life.relationship.irpt/index.html?iref=24hours">for many years now</a>. We’re not limited to interacting with those physically near us any more, but virtual reality is taking us one step beyond chatrooms and the like. Interacting with another avatar’s physical appearance – one which displays a style that the person may be unable to portray in real life – adds an extra level to things. We can <a href="https://altvr.com/news/altspacevrs-new-app-featuring-vr-call-makes-connecting-to-anyone-in-virtual-reality-as-easy-as-sending-a-text/">talk and interact with them</a> almost as if they are physically in the same room, even though they may be on the opposite side of the world. </p>
<p>The digitised self in virtual space is complex, however. Though it enables you to be emotionally immersed within the technology and for you to have a digital presence in the VR world that others can see and interact with, your body remains outside. This could cause potential problems – should a couple later meet in the real world and find no attraction to each other – but it also removes a barrier between two potential lovers. Humans are so focused on looks that it can stop a perfect match ever meeting.</p>
<p>When you have lost your sense of disbelief in the virtual world, and question where the self begins and the physical body ends, romantic love in a virtual space can start to feel very real. VR love brings two minds together with phantom bodies, but in a positive way it can make us question what it means to be human – and how we understand our sense of self in connection to others. It allows us to explore who we are and reveal how we love without the looks or traits that we feel define us physically.</p>
<h2>Digital love</h2>
<p>It is very easy for VR relationships to blossom within the digital space, as users experience fantasies and challenges together. These exhilarating shared experiences can bring a relationship into focus. The adventures become joint intimate stories and memories – and the two individuals begin exploring themselves as a couple as well as travelling the VR world. For those in love, the times that you are not in the VR world can become fraught with longing for the other person – and the reality you have created.</p>
<p>The ability to experience such connection and emotion can be far more immersive in VR, as time is dedicated specifically to “playing out” the relationship. It can even be used as a place for couples to experiment with living together while still physically being far apart.</p>
<p>The long-term results and impacts of love and relationships in virtual reality are yet to be seen and felt, but the fact is that they are happening. Yes, there still may be those instances where a couple cannot overcome physical attributes when meeting in the real world after joining together in VR, as happens with other online relationships. But as the boundaries between the physical and digital worlds become more blurred, humans might become less concerned with what happens in reality and rely on the strength of their virtually built emotional attachment.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/73084/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Trudy Barber does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.</span></em></p>Detaching from the physical world may make for deeper bonds.Trudy Barber, Senior Lecturer in Media Studies, University of PortsmouthLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/716052017-02-21T01:19:44Z2017-02-21T01:19:44ZIs your smartphone making you shy?<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/157194/original/image-20170216-32722-10p77ot.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=0%2C654%2C3703%2C2633&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">Does technology shackle us, preventing us from interacting with real people?</span> <span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.shutterstock.com/download/confirm/370077887?src=VIerSUev_WINo-muNwsuOA-3-48&size=huge_jpg">'Chain' via www.shutterstock</a></span></figcaption></figure><p>During the three years I’ve spent researching and writing about shyness, one of the most common questions people ask is about the relationship between shyness and technology. </p>
<p>Are the internet and the cellphone causing our social skills to atrophy? I often hear this from parents of shy teenagers, who are worried that their children are spending more time with their devices than with their peers.</p>
<p>This anxiety isn’t new. At the first international conference on shyness, organized in Wales in 1997 by the British Psychological Society, Stanford psychology professor Philip Zimbardo was the keynote speaker. He noted that since he began the Stanford Shyness Survey in the 1970s, the number of people who said they were shy <a href="http://pqasb.pqarchiver.com/guardian/doc/187962581.html?FMT=CITE&FMTS=CITE:AI&type=historic&date=Jul+22%2C+1997&author=&pub=The+Guardian+%281959-2003%29&edition=&startpage=A8&desc=Silence+of+the+sheepish">had risen from 40 percent to 60 percent</a>. He blamed this on new technology like email, cellphones and even ATMs, which had loosened the “social glue” of casual contact. He feared the arrival of “a new ice age” of noncommunication, when we would easily be able to go an entire day without talking to someone. </p>
<p>Some of Zimbardo’s fears have been realized. Look at any public space today and you’ll see faces buried in tablets and phones. The rise of loneliness and social anxiety is now a familiar refrain in the work of sociologists such as <a href="http://bowlingalone.com">Robert Putnam</a>, <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E0qE90GDOhw">John Cacioppo</a> and <a href="http://alonetogetherbook.com">Sherry Turkle</a>. </p>
<p>They argue that individualized consumerism is isolating us from each other and selling us cheap techno-fixes to ease the pain. We rely increasingly on what Turkle calls “sociable robots,” like Siri, the iPhone digital assistant, as a stand-in for flesh-and-blood intimates. Even when spending time with others we are half-elsewhere, distracted by technology – “alone together,” as Turkle puts it. </p>
<p>And yet this sense of being “alone together” can actually be useful for shy people, who can turn to technology to express themselves in new ways.</p>
<h2>A different kind of social</h2>
<p>The shy aren’t necessarily antisocial; they are just differently social. They learn to regulate their sociability and communicate in indirect or tangential ways. Cellphones allow them to make connections without some of the awkwardness of face-to-face interactions.</p>
<p>When the Finnish company Nokia introduced texting to its phones in the mid-1990s, it seemed to be a primitive technology – a time-consuming, energy-inefficient substitute for talking. But texting <a href="https://books.google.com/books/about/Perpetual_Contact.html?id=Wt5AsHEgUh0C">took off among Finnish boys</a> because it was a way to talk to girls without the signals being scrambled by blushing faces or tied tongues. </p>
<p>Two sociologists, Eija-Liisa Kasesniemi and Pirjo Rautiainen, <a href="https://books.google.com/books/about/Perpetual_Contact.html?id=Wt5AsHEgUh0C">found</a> that while Finnish boys would rarely tell girls they loved them, they might spend half an hour drafting a loving text message. They also discovered that boys were more likely to text the words “I love you” in English rather than Finnish, because they found it easier to express strong feelings in a different language. </p>
<p>Another scholar of cellphone culture, Bella Ellwood-Clayton, <a href="http://www.mta.t-mobile.mpt.bme.hu/dok/7_Ellwood.pdf">showed</a> how text messages served a similar purpose in the Philippines. Filipino courtship rituals are traditionally coy and convoluted, with elaborate customs such as “teasing” (tuksuhan) among mutual friends or using an intermediary (tulay, which literally translates to “human bridge”) between potential partners. The cellphone allowed young Filipinos to circumvent these elaborate, risk-averse routines and test the waters themselves by text. </p>
<p>Such is the case wherever cellphones are used: Texting emboldens those who are more dexterous with their thumbs than with their tongues. The ping announcing a text’s arrival is less insistent than a phone ring. It does not catch us by surprise or demand we answer it instantly. It lends us space to digest and ponder a response. </p>
<h2>The shyness paradox</h2>
<p>As for the looming “social ice age” created by technology, Zimbardo made that claim before the rise of social networks and the smartphone. These have made it easy for people to lay bare intimate details of their private lives online, in ways that seem the very opposite of shyness. Advocates of this kind of online self-disclosure <a href="https://hbr.org/2012/10/why-radical-transparency-is-good-business">call it</a> “radical transparency.”</p>
<p>Not everyone using social networks is amenable to radical transparency, of course. Some prefer to hide behind online personas, pseudonyms and avatars. And this anonymity can also inspire the opposite of shyness – <a href="https://theconversation.com/how-news-sites-online-comments-helped-build-our-hateful-electorate-70170">a boldness that turns into hostility and abuse</a>. </p>
<figure class="align-right ">
<img alt="" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/157195/original/image-20170216-32685-xh20p0.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=237&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/157195/original/image-20170216-32685-xh20p0.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=772&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/157195/original/image-20170216-32685-xh20p0.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=772&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/157195/original/image-20170216-32685-xh20p0.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=772&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/157195/original/image-20170216-32685-xh20p0.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=970&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/157195/original/image-20170216-32685-xh20p0.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=970&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/157195/original/image-20170216-32685-xh20p0.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=970&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px">
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">In many ways, technology adapts to our existing habits.</span>
<span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.shutterstock.com/download/confirm/459282133?size=huge_jpg">'Smartphone' via www.shutterstock.com</a></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>So these new mobile and online technologies have complex effects. They aggravate our shyness at the same time as they help us to overcome it. Perhaps this paradox tells us something paradoxical about shyness. In his book “<a href="https://books.google.com/books/about/Shock_Of_The_Old.html?id=IdVGikvzIHoC">The Shock of the Old</a>,” historian David Edgerton argues that our understanding of historical progress is “innovation-centric.” We think that new technologies change everything for good. However, according to Edgerton, we underestimate how much these innovations have to struggle against the forces of habit and inertia. In other words, new technologies don’t change our basic natures; they mold themselves around them.</p>
<p>So it is with shyness. After about 150,000 years of human evolution, shyness must surely be a resilient quality – an “odd state of mind,” as Charles Darwin <a href="http://darwin-online.org.uk/content/frameset?itemID=F1142&viewtype=text&pageseq=1">called it</a>, caused by our strange capacity for “self-attention.” And yet we are also social animals that crave the support and approval of the tribe. </p>
<p>Our need for others is so strong that shyness simply makes us sublimate our social instincts into other areas: art, writing, email, texting. </p>
<p>This, in the end, is my answer to the worried parents of shy teenagers. Is their cellphone making them shyer? No: They are both shy and sociable, and their phone is helping them find new ways to express that contradiction.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/71605/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Joe Moran does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organization that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.</span></em></p>Some have said that technology could lead to ‘a new ice age’ of social isolation. Not so fast, says the author of a new book about shyness.Joe Moran, Professor of English and Cultural History, Liverpool John Moores UniversityLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/646412016-09-11T14:29:24Z2016-09-11T14:29:24ZVirtual reality will change the world. Here’s what parents need to know<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/136717/original/image-20160906-6127-iigted.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">When it comes to children and virtual reality, proceed with caution.</span> <span class="attribution"><span class="source">Ralph Orlowski/Reuters</span></span></figcaption></figure><p>I’ve always been a nerd who loves technology and games. So when it emerged that virtual reality (VR) tech was becoming available to gamers, I was ecstatic.</p>
<p>Then something happened that gave me pause. A gamer and YouTuber named Mark Fishbach, aka <a href="https://www.youtube.com/user/markiplierGAME">Markiplier</a>, shared his experience of playing an unfinished VR demo game. VR is a technology that creates a virtual environment. It is presented to our senses so you feel like you’re actually there. A host of technologies are used to account for cognition and perception. A VR headset takes over and re-represents visual surroundings – similar to what headphones do with audio. </p>
<p>Despite the game’s terrible graphics and unrealistic scenery, Markiplier got so scared playing it that he started crying and wanted to stop at various points.</p>
<p>Everything changed for me in that moment. If a 27-year-old man who plays horror games for a living can be terrified by an unrealistic game, VR may hold very real risks for its users - especially younger ones. </p>
<p>There is no doubt that VR is the next big thing: it will <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VQaCv52DSnY">change the world</a>. As it becomes more common and cheaper, it will be incorporated into everything from education, military training and research to criminal justice, and even <a href="https://techcrunch.com/2016/01/06/virtual-reality-therapy-treating-the-global-mental-health-crisis/">therapy</a>. </p>
<p>But for families with young children, it may be wiser to wait a little before leaping headlong into this new reality.</p>
<h2>What is VR?</h2>
<p>VR isn’t exactly new. There were attempts in the 1990s to make it mainstream. These failed because of technological drawbacks and enormous expense. But technology <a href="http://www.vrs.org.uk/news/2016-the-year-of-vr">has evolved</a>, making VR steadily more affordable and accessible.</p>
<p>VR’s power lies in the fact that the subconscious cannot differentiate between reality and the simulated environment you’re seeing. Your conscious mind might be aware that you’re just playing a game, but your subconscious re-calibrates itself to accept the new surroundings as real. It will initiate fight or flight and other psychological and physiological reactions in response to a perceived threat. This is why a VR user might duck at something that’s thrown at him in the game.</p>
<p>This description might alarm parents. But there’s no need to start burning VR headsets in the streets. VR and its near-neighbour augmented reality hold incredible promise.</p>
<p>Research has indicated that they might <a href="http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3125918/">fight child obesity</a>, <a href="http://www.vrs.org.uk/virtual-reality-healthcare/autism-treatment.html">autism</a>, and even improve <a href="http://www.smithsonianmag.com/innovation/how-can-schools-use-virtual-reality-180957974/?no-ist">school grades</a>. </p>
<p>But there’s a flip side. VR often draws comparisons with regular gaming. So, many of the concerns that have been raised historically against the gaming industry may warrant a second look in the context of VR.</p>
<h2>Desensitisation</h2>
<p>Some experts are worried that VR <a href="http://www.vrs.org.uk/virtual-reality/ethical-issues.html">desensitises users</a>. This could be through violent games, or through exercises for military personnel in which soldiers train in simulated combat scenarios.</p>
<p>It could mean that a person is no longer as affected by extreme acts of behaviour, like violence. They may fail to show appropriate empathy or compassion. <a href="http://www.vrs.org.uk/virtual-reality/ethical-issues.html">Some experts</a> even claim that in some situations a desensitised user may actively seek out violent scenarios for a sense of power and for the adrenaline rush. This has been particularly noticed in those who play highly immersive games involving VR or take the form of <a href="https://www.techopedia.com/definition/241/first-person-shooter-fps">first person shooter games</a>.</p>
<p>Recent research denies this, suggesting that <a href="https://consumer.healthday.com/mental-health-information-25/behavior-health-news-56/violent-video-games-don-t-influence-kids-behavior-study-698040.html">violent video games don’t influence kids’ behaviour</a>. Still, it’s important to remember that children under the age of 12 are experiencing significant psychological development. Games that are not age appropriate or take hours (more than three a day) to complete can <a href="http://www.forbes.com/sites/jordanshapiro/2014/08/27/a-surprising-new-study-on-how-video-games-impact-children/#33e472f349f9">have negative effects on them</a>.</p>
<h2>Virtual addiction</h2>
<p>As VR tech becomes more readily available and starts spreading into other industries, there may be a rise in virtual reality addiction, that mirror <a href="http://www.psychguides.com/guides/video-game-addiction-symptoms-causes-and-effects/">video gaming addiction</a>, but is potentially even more enticing.</p>
<p>These people will begin to blur the boundaries between real, augmented and virtual reality. Their real world life may suffer as a result.</p>
<p>PokemonGo is a good example. This can be considered an augmented reality game; it enhances reality rather than replacing it with a completely fabricated environment. It places things in reality that aren’t really there but can be perceived through the game. The hype around the game was immense - and was quickly followed by reports of people walking into traffic, getting fired or mugged, and even abandoning their children to chase Pokemons.</p>
<p>In this augmented world they neglected their real world surroundings and responsibilities. </p>
<p>The key to addressing this is similar to addressing any potential addiction: self-control. It’s vital to limit the hours spent playing, particularly when children are the gamers. Parents can treat the device as a reward for good behaviour. They can also restrict access if children go over the time limit or behave badly.</p>
<h2>Virtual misrepresentation</h2>
<p>Many people behave totally differently in a virtual world. Researchers studied <a href="https://vhil.stanford.edu/mm/2007/yee-proteus-effect.pdf">the effects</a> of playing an avatar – a figure representing a person in a computer game – that has traits the user doesn’t. These might include height, weight, attractiveness and age. They found that people would behave in a manner associated with that trait. Other users would respond to an avatar with a specific trait similarly as they would in reality.</p>
<p>This could become an issue where VR avatars make users more inclined to be rude, crude, or even bully others. Children are especially vulnerable, with <a href="http://www.marketwatch.com/story/these-people-are-more-likely-to-bully-your-kids-online-2016-08-30">cyberbullying among teens on the rise</a>. </p>
<h2>How to manage kids and VR</h2>
<p>Some experts have <a href="http://www.digitaltrends.com/virtual-reality/is-vr-safe-for-kids-we-asked-the-experts/">pointed out</a> that it’s far too soon to suggest VR devices are harming children. </p>
<p>This isn’t surprising. VR is still too new for any of its long term effects, whether negative or positive, to be understood. For now, how can the parents of young gaming enthusiasts ensure that their children are playing it safe in the VR world?</p>
<p>Until we know more, parents should heed the age <a href="https://www.vrfocus.com/2015/06/oculus-rift-age-limit/">limits</a> on VR devices. It’s also a good idea to limit playing time and to monitor what games your children are playing. Use the device as a tool to teach kids self-restraint and discipline – and keep an eye on the VR scene for any new developments.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/64641/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Melissa Meyer does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.</span></em></p>There is no doubt that virtual reality is the next big thing. But for families with young children, it may be wiser to wait a little before leaping headlong into this new reality.Melissa Meyer, PhD Candidate at the Centre of Criminology, UCT, University of Cape TownLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.