tag:theconversation.com,2011:/fr/topics/online-dating-2338/articlesOnline dating – The Conversation2024-03-25T16:37:51Ztag:theconversation.com,2011:article/2258372024-03-25T16:37:51Z2024-03-25T16:37:51ZDating apps: Lack of regulation, oversight and competition affects quality, and millions stand to lose<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/583280/original/file-20240320-24-xk2kwq.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=0%2C19%2C6498%2C4299&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">Dating apps have helped people make millions of connections.</span> <span class="attribution"><span class="source">(Shutterstock)</span></span></figcaption></figure><p>When Aleksandr Zhadan <a href="https://gizmodo.com/guy-used-chatgpt-talk-5-000-women-tinder-met-his-wife-1851228179">used ChatGPT</a> to talk to over 5,000 women on Tinder, it was a sign of things to come. </p>
<p>As artificial intelligence becomes more sophisticated and easily available, online dating is facing an onslaught of AI-powered fraud. The industry, which is dominated by a small number of incumbents, has already proven slow to respond to long-standing problems on its apps. AI will be its moment of reckoning — there are even apps that can <a href="https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/artificial-intelligence-relationships-1.7148866">help people write their messages</a>.</p>
<p>Opponents of dating apps <a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2024/03/16/opinion/dating-apps-hinge-tinder-bumble.html">may be happy</a> to see the industry crash and burn. The rest of us should worry. Online dating plays an important, and I believe positive, role in our lives. It has made it easier for people to find relationships, and easier to find people with whom we are truly compatible.</p>
<p>As the industry careens towards disaster, regulators should be prepared to intervene.</p>
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<h2>Real versus fake connections</h2>
<p>Zhadan’s case shows one of the challenges AI poses for online dating. Now, when we chat with someone on one of the apps, we cannot know if their answers are written by a chatbot, nor can we know how many other people they are talking to simultaneously. We also can’t know if someone’s photos have been <a href="https://mashable.com/article/using-ai-photo-generator-apps-for-dating-profile">produced with the help of an AI image generator</a> </p>
<p>But at least Zhadan was actually looking for love. Since the launch of ChatGPT in late 2022, the amount of outright fraud on dating apps, much of it powered by AI, has skyrocketed. According to cybersecurity company Arkose Labs, there was, between January 2023 and January 2024, <a href="https://www.arkoselabs.com/latest-news/how-criminals-are-manipulating-ai-to-target-dating-apps/">a staggering 2,000 per cent increase</a> in bot attacks on dating sites. </p>
<p>And this is just the beginning. AI is getting more powerful, and more convincingly human, all the time.</p>
<p>Even before AI appeared on the scene, fraud on dating apps was already a serious problem. Sign up for one of them and you’ll instantly find your feed clogged with an endless number of fake profiles. Most of them have been created for a specific purpose, which is to steal your money. Unfortunately, it works. </p>
<p>In 2023, 64,000 people in the United States admitted to being the victims of romance scams, most of which happen through dating apps — we can assume this is only a small portion of the actual cases. </p>
<p>The Federal Trade Commission <a href="https://www.ftc.gov/business-guidance/blog/2024/02/love-stinks-when-scammer-involved">measures the losses</a> for the year at US$1.14 billion. This has been going on for years, and the app companies have done little to stop it.</p>
<h2>Online connections, offline threats</h2>
<p>Fraud is not the only challenge faced by dating app users. <a href="https://www.kaspersky.com/about/press-releases/2024_nearly-a-quarter-of-online-daters-experience-digital-stalking">A quarter of them</a>, mostly women, have been stalked by someone they met online. Even more tragic are the cases of people being <a href="https://co.usembassy.gov/security-alert-risks-of-using-online-dating-applications/">assaulted or murdered</a>.</p>
<p>There are other issues: prices on the apps <a href="https://www.ft.com/content/83cd07a3-134c-4df7-ab6a-08752c724bbe">have gone up steadily</a> and innovation has come to a grinding halt. Ever since Tinder introduced <a href="https://techcrunch.com/2016/09/21/tinders-newest-app-tinder-stacks-lets-you-swipe-on-anything/">the card stack in 2016</a>, the design of the apps has hardly changed. </p>
<p>You swipe, match, message and hope for the best. It should perhaps be no surprise that customers are <a href="https://www.cnn.com/2024/02/14/business/dating-apps-2024-hinge-tinder-dg/index.html">getting fed up</a>.</p>
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<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/583458/original/file-20240321-30-md695s.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="Man using dating app on mobile phone" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/583458/original/file-20240321-30-md695s.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/583458/original/file-20240321-30-md695s.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/583458/original/file-20240321-30-md695s.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/583458/original/file-20240321-30-md695s.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/583458/original/file-20240321-30-md695s.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/583458/original/file-20240321-30-md695s.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/583458/original/file-20240321-30-md695s.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
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<span class="caption">Online dating plays an important and positive role in people’s lives.</span>
<span class="attribution"><span class="source">(Shutterstock)</span></span>
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<h2>Benefits to society</h2>
<p>While online dating certainly has its share of <a href="https://www.hachettebookgroup.com/titles/nancy-jo-sales/nothing-personal/9780316492799/">long-standing critics</a>, I have argued that, on balance, the apps are a <a href="https://www.taylorfrancis.com/chapters/mono/10.4324/9781315448848-7/sex-technology-neil-mcarthur">benefit to users and to society</a>. They are an efficient way to find partners, get us out of our social bubbles and encourage connections across class and race. </p>
<p>Precisely because of the important role the technology plays in our lives, we should pay attention to how the industry operates. The dating app companies are <a href="https://www.cnet.com/tech/services-and-software/what-you-need-to-know-about-tinders-new-verification-process/">finally starting</a> to do something to protect users. </p>
<p>But given how long fraud has plagued these apps, their response has been slow and pretty underwhelming. They need, at a minimum, better tools to detect fake accounts and remove them quickly. There is a lot more they could do as well. </p>
<p>They could require background checks for users, which <a href="https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2023/02/02/key-findings-about-online-dating-in-the-u-s/">polls show</a> a majority of people support. They could put AI to use themselves, to flag signs of fraud during people’s private chats. And dating app companies could implement safety features to protect users when they meet in person, for instance making it easier to share with your friends or family the profiles of people you are meeting up with.</p>
<h2>Dominant players</h2>
<p>One explanation for the companies’ sluggish response will be familiar to any observer of big tech: the concentration of ownership. The dominant player, Match Group, owns <a href="https://faq.lert.matchgroup.com/en/brands">over 40 different apps</a>, including most of the well-known: Tinder, Match.com, OkCupid, Hinge and Plenty of Fish. Its only serious competitor for market share is <a href="https://ir.bumble.com/news/news-details/2022/Bumble-Inc.-acquires-popular-Gen-Z-dating-app-Fruitz/default.aspx">Bumble, which also owns Badoo and Fruitz</a>. </p>
<p>In the United States, Match Group and Bumble control <a href="https://www.start.io/blog/these-6-apps-own-85-of-the-mobile-dating-market-on-valentines-day-2024/">over three-quarters</a> of the <a href="https://www.businessofapps.com/data/dating-app-market/">market</a>. </p>
<p>Anti-trust authorities have never given the industry any serious scrutiny. Presumably, they do not think online dating is important enough to deserve it. But these companies have a lot of control over one of the most intimate aspects of our lives.</p>
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<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/583457/original/file-20240321-28-aq0kfb.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="a woman's hand holding a phone displaying a yellow background with the word BUMBLE" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/583457/original/file-20240321-28-aq0kfb.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/583457/original/file-20240321-28-aq0kfb.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/583457/original/file-20240321-28-aq0kfb.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/583457/original/file-20240321-28-aq0kfb.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/583457/original/file-20240321-28-aq0kfb.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/583457/original/file-20240321-28-aq0kfb.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/583457/original/file-20240321-28-aq0kfb.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
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<span class="caption">In the United States, Match Group and Bumble control over three-quarters of the dating apps market.</span>
<span class="attribution"><span class="source">(Good Faces Agency/Unsplash)</span></span>
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<p>Thirty per cent of all adults in the U.S., and over half of people under 30, have <a href="https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2023/02/02/key-findings-about-online-dating-in-the-u-s/">used a dating app at some point</a>. One in 10 Americans is currently in a relationship with someone they met online. </p>
<p>The costs of fraud and abuse, in both human and financial terms, are huge. And the anti-competitive pressures in the industry are strong, given the network effect built into online dating: we want to be on the apps that everyone else is on.</p>
<p>Regulators should finally get involved. They should hold the companies accountable for fraud and abuse on their apps in order to force them to innovate to protect users. They should look closely at the prices they charge customers for premium features. The ultimate solution may be to break up the sector’s dominant players, Match Group and Bumble, in order to create real competition.</p>
<p>The inventors of dating apps deserve credit for enabling millions of connections that would never have happened otherwise. But if things don’t change, the companies could be in trouble and millions of people could be lonelier as a result.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/225837/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Neil McArthur does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.</span></em></p>Dating apps provide a valuable social service. The industry should be regulated to protect consumers, increase competition and address fraud.Neil McArthur, Director, Centre for Professional and Applied Ethics, University of ManitobaLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/2240682024-02-22T02:03:13Z2024-02-22T02:03:13ZDating apps are accused of being ‘addictive’. What makes us keep swiping?<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/577201/original/file-20240222-26-jrgxac.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=647%2C262%2C4562%2C3374&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">
</span> <span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.shutterstock.com/image-photo/woman-using-phone-dating-app-1951465051">13_Phunkod/Shutterstock</a></span></figcaption></figure><p>A class-action lawsuit filed in the United States against Match Group – the parent company of dating apps Tinder, Hinge and The League – is making headlines around the world.</p>
<p>The claimants accuse Match of having a “<a href="https://www.washingtonpost.com/technology/2024/02/19/tinder-hinge-dating-app-lawsuit/">predatory” business model</a> and using “<a href="https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2024/feb/17/are-dating-apps-fuelling-addiction-lawsuit-against-tinder-hinge-and-match-claims-so">recognised dopamine-manipulating product features</a>” to get people addicted to their apps. </p>
<p>So, can dating apps really be addictive? Are we swiping right into a trap? Here’s the science behind how dating apps are influencing our brains. </p>
<h2>How do apps give us a dopamine hit?</h2>
<p>Dating apps, like many apps these days, are designed to keep users engaged. Like any product on the market, one of the developers’ goals is for the app to be sold and used.</p>
<p>While dating apps are designed to facilitate connections, some people may find themselves developing an unhealthy relationship with the app, constantly swiping left and right. </p>
<p>Dating apps can feel addictive because they activate the dopamine reward system. <a href="https://www.health.harvard.edu/mind-and-mood/dopamine-the-pathway-to-pleasure">Dopamine</a> is a neurotransmitter – a chemical messenger in the brain, one of many such chemicals essential for our survival.</p>
<p>One of dopamine’s crucial roles is to influence when and how we experience pleasure and reward. Think about the rush of winning money at a casino, or getting lots of likes on Instagram. That’s dopamine working its magic.</p>
<p>However, dopamine does more that just help us feel pleasure and excitement. It also has a key role in <em>motivating</em> us to seek out pleasurable things. It’s released not only when we experience something pleasurable, but also when we’re <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3032992/#:%7E:text=The%20neurotransmitter%20dopamine%20(DA)%20has,and%20avoid%20the%20bad%20things.">anticipating and seeking out</a> a pleasurable experience. </p>
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Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/the-problems-with-dating-apps-and-how-they-could-be-fixed-two-relationship-experts-discuss-218401">The problems with dating apps and how they could be fixed – two relationship experts discuss</a>
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<h2>Excitement and unpredictability</h2>
<p>Certain app features make it more likely we will open our phones and start swiping. When you get a match on a dating app, it feels exciting – that’s dopamine at work. </p>
<p>But an element of unpredictability adds to this excitement. Each time you open the app, you don’t know what profiles you might see, and who might match with you. This element of surprise and anticipation is especially important in getting us hooked. </p>
<p>Imagine if instead of swiping through profiles one by one, you were shown a long list of them at once. It would still feel good to match with people, but that excitement and anticipation of swiping through one by one would be missing.</p>
<p>Additionally, <a href="https://books.google.com.au/books?hl=en&lr=&id=xctyCQAAQBAJ&oi=fnd&pg=PR13&dq=Schedules+of+reinforcement.+skinner&ots=4EmKhvhp5v&sig=zMZvJ65sKgben286FQif9Pw-984#v=onepage&q=Schedules%20of%20reinforcement.%20skinner&f=false">intermittent reinforcement</a> comes into the mix. This is where “rewards” – in this case, matches – are provided at irregular intervals. We know we might eventually get some matches, but we don’t know when or with whom.</p>
<p>Imagine if instead of being drip-fed your matches, you received a list of any matches from the past 24 hours, at 9am each day. Your excitement and desire to check the app throughout the day would likely lessen. </p>
<p>Other small features, such as “hearts” and “roses”, make dating apps socially rewarding. These are all forms of approval. It feels different to receive a heart or a rose compared to something unemotional like a “tick” or “thumbs up”. These social stimuli are rewarding and activate our dopamine, too.</p>
<h2>6 addictive signs to watch out for</h2>
<p>Not every dating app user will develop an unhealthy relationship to it. Just like not everyone who gambles, plays mobile games, or drinks alcohol develops a problem with those.</p>
<p>However, some people are biologically more vulnerable to addictions than others. <a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s11469-020-00318-9">A review of the research</a> into problematic dating app use found the people likely to spend more time on the apps are those high on personality traits such as neuroticism, sociability and sensation-seeking. Problematic use of online dating apps is also associated with low self-esteem. </p>
<p>While there’s no current diagnosis of a “dating app addiction”, some people do develop unhealthy app habits and experience day-to-day harms as a result. </p>
<p>These <a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s11469-020-00318-9">six</a> “<a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/14659890500114359">addiction components</a>” outline some of the signs you might be developing an unhealthy relationship with dating apps:</p>
<ol>
<li>salience (dating app use dominates your thoughts)</li>
<li>mood modification (dating apps change your mood)</li>
<li>tolerance (your use of dating apps increases over time)</li>
<li>withdrawals (distress when dating app use is interrupted for a period of time)</li>
<li>conflict (use of dating apps negatively affects your reality)</li>
<li>relapse (you return to a previous pattern of dating app use after some interruption)</li>
</ol>
<h2>Oh no, I think I’m hooked on an app!</h2>
<p>So, what can you do if you find yourself swiping through those matches more than you’d prefer?</p>
<p>Consider taking a break from the apps for a period of time. Depending on how hooked you feel, stopping completely for a while will help you reset your reliance on them.</p>
<p>Consider what is driving you to spend time swiping: are you feeling bored, sad or lonely? What other ways can you find to soothe these emotional experiences instead of turning to the app?</p>
<p>Make a list of the practical or emotional consequences of swiping, as a reminder of why you want to reduce your use. Perhaps the apps give you a brief rush, but in the long run don’t align with how you want to be spending your time, or <a href="https://bmcpsychology.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s40359-020-0373-1?fd=5317710456904024%7C5456507360795513&lp=/dating-apps-mental-health">don’t make you feel particularly good</a> about yourself.</p>
<p>If you really do feel hooked, it will feel uncomfortable to take a break. Strategies such as <a href="https://psycnet.apa.org/fulltext/2013-10410-007.html">mindfulness</a> can help us sit with the discomfort. Consider seeking out professional help from a psychologist if you’re struggling to take time from dating apps. </p>
<p>Lastly, remember that apps, while great for meeting people, are not the be-all and end-all of dating. </p>
<p>In-person events and opportunities to mingle still exist. So, step away from the screen and embrace the excitement, unpredictability and dopamine hit you can get from face-to-face encounters too. </p>
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Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/online-dating-fatigue-why-some-people-are-turning-to-face-to-face-apps-first-184910">Online dating fatigue – why some people are turning to face-to-face apps first</a>
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<img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/224068/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Anastasia Hronis does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.</span></em></p>The world’s largest online dating company – which runs Tinder, Hinge, OkCupid, The League and more – is being sued for making its apps too addictive. Are we swiping right into a trap?Anastasia Hronis, Clinical Psychologist; Research Fellow, University of Technology SydneyLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/2184012024-02-13T10:32:16Z2024-02-13T10:32:16ZThe problems with dating apps and how they could be fixed – two relationship experts discuss<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/574143/original/file-20240207-18-gbocbf.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=51%2C28%2C3776%2C2126&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">
</span> <span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.shutterstock.com/image-photo/augmented-reality-dating-concept-beautiful-lgbt-2301464957">Gorodenkoff/Shutterstock</a></span></figcaption></figure><p>Hundreds of millions of people worldwide <a href="https://www.statista.com/topics/7443/online-dating/#topicOverview">use dating apps</a>. But only <a href="https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2023/02/02/key-findings-about-online-dating-in-the-u-s/">half of users</a> say that they have had positive experiences. Indeed, a shocking 11% of female users under 50 have received threats of harm. Surely there’s a better way to build these apps.</p>
<p>Dating sites and apps have made it easier to find sexual and romantic partners, expanding the pool of potential mates to include the entire internet. About 10% of heterosexual people and 24% of LGB people have met their long-term partner <a href="https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2023/02/02/key-findings-about-online-dating-in-the-u-s/">online</a>. But apps have also introduced (or modernised) many ethical concerns associated with dating.</p>
<p>Before dating apps, many people met partners through family, friends or work, which meant that potential partners were often “vetted” by people we trusted. When you meet someone on an app, you often know nothing about them except what they choose to tell you. Making the pursuit of intimacy more <a href="https://www.politybooks.com/bookdetail?book_slug=the-new-laws-of-love-online-dating-and-the-privatization-of-intimacy--9781509543519">private and individual</a> has increased the potential for negative or harmful experiences. </p>
<p>Apps help you control how you present yourself and refine your dating pool using filters. Many see this as a helpful and liberating tool to clarify their identity and meet like-minded people. There are even <a href="https://leftyapp.com/">dating apps</a> exclusive to people with certain <a href="https://theconversation.com/the-parallel-economy-the-rightwing-movement-creating-a-safe-haven-for-deplatformed-conservative-influencers-201999">political views</a>.</p>
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<p><em><strong><a href="https://theconversation.com/uk/topics/quarter-life-117947?utm_source=TCUK&utm_medium=linkback&utm_campaign=UK+YP2022&utm_content=InArticleTop">This article is part of Quarter Life</a></strong>, a series about issues affecting those of us in our twenties and thirties. From the challenges of beginning a career and taking care of our mental health, to the excitement of starting a family, adopting a pet or just making friends as an adult. The articles in this series explore the questions and bring answers as we navigate this turbulent period of life.</em></p>
<p><em>You may be interested in:</em></p>
<p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/valentines-day-research-backed-tips-for-dating-app-success-199059?utm_source=TCUK&utm_medium=linkback&utm_campaign=UK+YP2022&utm_content=InArticleTop">Valentine’s Day: research-backed tips for dating app success</a></em></p>
<p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/online-dating-fatigue-why-some-people-are-turning-to-face-to-face-apps-first-184910?utm_source=TCUK&utm_medium=linkback&utm_campaign=UK+YP2022&utm_content=InArticleTop">Online dating fatigue – why some people are turning to face-to-face apps first</a></em></p>
<p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/love-island-what-the-show-can-teach-young-people-about-commitment-185459?utm_source=TCUK&utm_medium=linkback&utm_campaign=UK+YP2022&utm_content=InArticleTop">Love Island – what the show can teach young people about commitment</a></em></p>
<hr>
<p>But the more discerning you can be, the more you may contribute – often unwittingly – to unjust discrimination. Many people are <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/15240657.2021.1961498">swiped away</a> or filtered out on grounds of race, ability, class and appearance. For example, <a href="https://www.mdpi.com/1660-4601/19/14/8727">99.8%</a> of young black male sexual minority users have experienced some form of racialised sexual discrimination. And only <a href="https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2014-02726-002">3% of contacts initiated by white people</a> are to black people. Disabled people have reported receiving <a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s11195-022-09771-x#Sec42">“insulting, pitying, or aggressive comments”</a>, or doubts about their ability to have sex.</p>
<p>Apps are designed carefully to hold your attention using <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vAzXz005b7U">elements and rewards</a> that make using them feel like playing a game. This can distance your behaviour from your values. You might want a few, caring and nuanced interactions, or committed romantic love, yet find yourself <a href="https://www.forewordreviews.com/reviews/your-happiness-was-hacked/">thrilled by notifications</a>, or drawn into numerous sporadic conversations in ways you find alienating. Ghosting – suddenly leaving an interaction without explanation – is arguably disrespectful, but it <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/0265407520970287">can seem logical</a> when apps funnel you into conversations that lead nowhere or to harassment. </p>
<p>Using apps even morphs into an activity in its own right, becoming less a way of meeting people and more a source of attention, validation and sexual intrigue in your pocket.</p>
<p>Finally, dating apps encourage users to objectify each other through rapid judgment based on appearance. From rapid swiping with little information beyond a picture on apps like Tinder, to Grindr’s <a href="https://www.rollingstone.com/culture/culture-features/grindr-gay-men-body-image-1234733520/">grid of torsos</a>, dating apps make it easy to dismiss with a glance. </p>
<h2>Can dating apps be better?</h2>
<p>We are researchers of love and relationships who have studied <a href="https://www.taylorfrancis.com/chapters/edit/10.4324/9781003014331-19/online-dating-love-robots-natasha-mckeever">online dating</a>, <a href="https://www.politybooks.com/bookdetail?book_slug=romantic-agency-loving-well-in-modern-life--9781509551521">the idea of compatibility</a>, the <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/japp.12157">nature of love</a>, <a href="https://thamesandhudson.com/does-monogamy-work-9780500295694">non-monogamy</a> and the needs of <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/japp.12472">sexual minority groups</a>. </p>
<p>Our continuing exploration of these topics has convinced us that the people who design dating apps could do more to improve the experience for users. This is why, at the <a href="https://ahc.leeds.ac.uk/homepage/420/centre_for_love_sex_and_relationships">Centre for Love, Sex, and Relationships</a> at the University of Leeds, we are also launching a new research project on ethical dating online to explore how apps can become a better experience for everyone.</p>
<figure class="align-center ">
<img alt="A young man sitting on the floor against a couch, looking at his phone with a disappointed and confused look on his face" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/574146/original/file-20240207-20-79hrrg.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/574146/original/file-20240207-20-79hrrg.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/574146/original/file-20240207-20-79hrrg.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/574146/original/file-20240207-20-79hrrg.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/574146/original/file-20240207-20-79hrrg.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/574146/original/file-20240207-20-79hrrg.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/574146/original/file-20240207-20-79hrrg.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px">
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">Dating apps can be a source of distress.</span>
<span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.shutterstock.com/image-photo/single-sad-man-checking-mobile-phone-603284075">Antonio Guillem/Shutterstock</a></span>
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</figure>
<p>Some apps have already started to do this. Bumble only allows women to make the first move and has added a feature that <a href="https://bumble.com/the-buzz/privatedetector">automatically blurs</a> nude images, giving users a choice over whether they see the photo or not. Tinder has <a href="https://www.tinderpressroom.com/2023-02-07-Tinder-Gives-Members-More-Control-with-Expanded-Safety-Features-and-Partnership">added new safety features</a>, such as an AI that detects if a message may have offensive or sexually explicit language, and prompting users to <a href="https://www.tinderpressroom.com/2021-05-20-Tinder-Introduces-Are-You-Sure-,-an-Industry-First-Feature-That-is-Stopping-Harassment-Before-It-Starts">think twice</a> before sending. </p>
<p>But they could take it further. Enhanced safety features could help people report harassment. Apps could do more to inform users when someone is <a href="https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/love-sex/tinder-chat-gpt-ai-matches-b2320971.html">using AI</a> in their interactions, or make it easier to get <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2023/oct/23/meet-the-parents-tinder-introduces-matchmaker-approval-tool-for-friends-and-family">feedback</a> from friends, family or other users. These improvements might make it less likely that users will meet up with dangerous people.</p>
<p>Dating apps could give users more information about their preferences and behaviour. Sporadic statistical overviews, or “end of year round-ups” a la <a href="https://newsroom.spotify.com/2023-wrapped/">Spotify</a> could help users see whether they are as open minded as they want to be, or just choosing people from a similar racial or class background. </p>
<p>Finally, apps can “nudge” users towards more ethical behaviour, <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2018/oct/31/ghosting-busters-why-tech-companies-trying-stop-blanking-each-other">encouraging them</a> not to ghost someone, for example, or enforcing a cooling-off period for serial swipers. </p>
<p>While this might feel intrusive, remember that dating apps are <a href="https://uxplanet.org/how-tinder-design-hooks-you-up-60201d78501f">already</a> doing this – for example, sending notifications encouraging you to check the app regularly.</p>
<h2>Be a better dating app user</h2>
<p>There are also steps you can take to interact more ethically on dating apps. Being more aware of your own <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S1053810014001950">biases</a> is a good start. So is trying to be more open to people who don’t conform to what you think you want in a partner (particularly when these preferences might be influenced by biases and stereotypes). </p>
<p>You can also take more care of what you say and do on apps. For example, avoiding <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7037474/">ghosting</a> others unless it’s a response to abusive behaviour. In short, remember that online dating is not just a game, even if it feels like one, and that the images on your phone are – usually – of real people.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/218401/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>The authors do not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and have disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.</span></em></p>Some apps are already introducing safety features.Natasha McKeever, Lecturer in Applied Ethics, University of LeedsLuke Brunning, Lecturer in Applied Ethics, University of LeedsLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/2232192024-02-12T17:16:27Z2024-02-12T17:16:27ZDating apps: how the order you view potential matches can affect which way you swipe<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/574896/original/file-20240212-22-sx5reu.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=0%2C16%2C5536%2C3895&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">The order in which you view faces may affect which way you swipe</span> <span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.shutterstock.com/image-photo/beautiful-happy-woman-sending-love-text-599470442">pathdoc/Shutterstock</a></span></figcaption></figure><p>If you’re planning to celebrate Valentine’s Day with a new partner, there’s a good chance that <a href="https://www.pnas.org/doi/abs/10.1073/pnas.1908630116">you met online</a>, which surveys suggest is fast becoming the most popular way people get together. Of course, searching through profile after profile brings with it a variety of difficulties. </p>
<p>Perhaps surprisingly, research shows that one of those problems is simply trying to avoid being influenced by the order in which you view those profiles.</p>
<p>“Sequential effects” (or “serial dependence”) is a type of bias known in the field of psychology. Researchers have found that the previous item in a sequence affects how you judge the current item, whether this involves grading <a href="https://theconversation.com/our-psychological-biases-mean-order-matters-when-we-judge-items-in-sequence-70942">Olympic performances</a> or <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0013164410387344">students’ essays</a>. </p>
<p>We also know that people’s judgements of <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1068/p7116">facial attractiveness</a> show this bias. The direction of the effect can go in one of two ways – the attractiveness of the current face is either pulled towards our opinion of the previous one (assimilation) or pushed away from it (contrast). </p>
<p>This may depend on how similar we think the two faces are in other aspects like <a href="https://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0082226">gender or ethnicity</a>. High similarity between faces tends to lead to more assimilation. Low similarity produces less assimilation, or may even lead to contrast. </p>
<p>For instance, if the last photo you saw was very attractive and the one you’re currently considering shares several features in common (for example, both are south Asian women with long, dark hair) then you’re more likely to rate this one as attractive too.</p>
<p>These biases also apply to <a href="https://jov.arvojournals.org/article.aspx?articleid=2778156">other trait judgements</a> like trustworthiness, intelligence and dominance. So in the same way that our opinions about attractiveness are influenced by the previous face we saw, judgements about numerous other qualities are too.</p>
<figure class="align-center ">
<img alt="Man swiping and liking profiles on relationship site or application" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/574897/original/file-20240212-26-yb5mcw.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/574897/original/file-20240212-26-yb5mcw.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/574897/original/file-20240212-26-yb5mcw.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/574897/original/file-20240212-26-yb5mcw.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/574897/original/file-20240212-26-yb5mcw.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/574897/original/file-20240212-26-yb5mcw.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/574897/original/file-20240212-26-yb5mcw.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px">
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<span class="caption">It can be worth taking a moment before you swipe.</span>
<span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.shutterstock.com/image-photo/dating-app-site-mobile-phone-screen-1204256557">Tero Vesalainen/Shutterstock</a></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>To complicate matters, it isn’t clear whether these sequential effects are caused by a perceptual bias (what we thought of the previous face might change how we see the current one) or a response bias (how we physically responded to the previous face might affect our next response) since researchers typically ask participants to rate every face during the study. </p>
<p>But <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/13506285.2021.1995558">one UK study from 2021</a> tried to separate out these explanations by asking participants to view (but not respond to) the previous face before rating the current one. The results showed a contrast effect, where judgements of the current face shifted away from the attractiveness of the face seen before it (given by a different set of participants). Therefore, the direction of bias might depend on whether we’re simply viewing faces or having to actively judge them.</p>
<p>Of course, attractiveness judgements often take the form of a binary decision (“hot or not”) when viewing dating profiles, much like the left or right swipe used by platforms such as Tinder. Researchers have also found sequential effects with <a href="https://www.nature.com/articles/srep22740">this type of judgement</a>. </p>
<p>Participants in a 2016 study viewed a sequence of faces and decided whether each was “attractive” or “unattractive”. The results demonstrated an assimilation effect – participants were more likely to rate a face as attractive when they thought the preceding face was attractive than when it was unattractive.</p>
<p>While research has shown that photos play <a href="https://dl.acm.org/doi/pdf/10.1145/1357054.1357181">the biggest role</a> in a dating profile’s overall attractiveness, other factors such as <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/pdf/10.1177/0265407519878787">language errors</a> in the text can influence our judgements. Interestingly, in one study where pictures and text from the same dating profile were rated by different people, there was <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0747563211001786">a correlation</a> between the rated attractiveness given to the photos and the (separately rated) text that accompanied them. </p>
<p>Since ratings of perceived confidence were also collected, the researchers were able to show that physically attractive people tended to write accompanying text which came across as more confident, with this text judged to be more attractive by others.</p>
<p>So what can we take away from all these studies? You may already know about plenty of biases that people show when perceiving the world. For instance, people are susceptible to spotting <a href="https://kids.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/frym.2017.00067">faces in inanimate objects</a> or more likely to attribute positive qualities <a href="https://theconversation.com/halo-effect-do-attractive-people-really-look-less-guilty-how-the-evidence-is-changing-220349">to attractive people</a>. </p>
<p>However, you may not have been aware that viewing sequences of things can change your judgements. That’s not to say that choosing your current partner was entirely due to the quality of the profile that happened to pop up before theirs, but it may well have played a role.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/223219/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Robin Kramer does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.</span></em></p>Something to bear in mind if you find yourself swiping through profiles on a dating app later today.Robin Kramer, Senior Lecturer in the School of Psychology, University of LincolnLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/2171742024-01-24T10:12:42Z2024-01-24T10:12:42ZDating apps: marketing experts’ research reveals pitfalls to look out for, and tactics for success<p>Dating can come with new and sometimes frustrating challenges. In the past, relationships were often <a href="https://www.ucpress.edu/ebook/9780520917996/consuming-the-romantic-utopia">arranged by families and guided by societal norms</a>, limiting individual choice but sparing us the agony of endless decisions. Nowadays, those who are single have endless potential partners at their fingertips. A 2019 Pew Research Center study showed that couples who met online are <a href="https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2019/06/24/couples-who-meet-online-are-more-diverse-than-those-who-meet-in-other-ways-largely-because-theyre-younger/">more diverse</a>, be it in terms of income, education, political orientation and ethnicity. </p>
<h2>Freedom can have its price</h2>
<p>According to <a href="https://www.amazon.fr/Escape-Freedom-Erich-Fromm/dp/0805031499">psychoanalyst Erich Fromm</a>, freedom can sometimes come at the price of feelings of powerlessness and even isolation. We are marketing researchers exploring online dating to determine if the market ideology of freedom and endless choice extends to every aspect of human life. Our <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/0267257X.2022.2033815">research reveals</a> that users’ feelings of anxiety and frustration stem from a clash between a perceived commodification of relationships and societal values.</p>
<p>Some study participants referred to online dating as “draining”, expressing a hope that they could “finally” finish the process. Didier, a 51-year-old engineer living in Paris called online dating “mass manipulation”; Ella, a 25-year-old editor, said that at first, online dating was “exciting and new”, but that as time went by, she found the experience depressing.</p>
<p>So why does it happen that faced with unlimited opportunities to love, we at times feel that love is not getting any closer?</p>
<p><em>“Liquid” modernity and the rise of emotional capitalism</em></p>
<p>In his book <a href="https://www.amazon.fr/Liquid-Love-Frailty-Human-Bonds/dp/0745624898"><em>Liquid Love</em></a>, British sociologist Zygmunt Bauman asserts that the modern world has ushered in an era of the “individual without ties,” prioritising freedom and flexibility over attachment. This has transformed traditional notions of love and relationships into more transient and “liquid” forms. </p>
<p>French-Israeli sociologist Eva Illouz <a href="https://www.fnac.com/a5926310/Eva-Illouz-Why-love-hurts">echoes these observations</a>, contending that those living in today’s capitalist societies face unique challenges due to evolving norms and values. According to Illouz, as a society, we no longer see love uniquely through a framework of moral virtue, commitment and stability, but this is the price we pay for greater control over our romantic lives, greater self-knowledge, and equality between the sexes. Amid the backdrop of media-promoted ideals that often set unrealistic standards for love, people find themselves hesitant to invest in the emotional work required for deeper connections.</p>
<p><em>Misaligned values</em></p>
<p>In online dating settings, what happens when two individuals’ values or expectations of a relationship are not aligned? As our <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/0267257X.2022.2033815">research shows</a>, this misalignment can cause frustration – for example, one participant could be looking for a long-term relationship, while another could be more interested in casual relationships or broadening their horizons. Both would perceive the other’s actions as inappropriate.</p>
<p>Mark, a 26-year-old management consultant, shared a sense of frustration he felt when the women he met on an app wanted to connect with him on social media or call frequently, as he preferred to establish boundaries. By contrast, Alice, a 54-year-old administrator, said that some of the men she met online were often not open about their marital status. She even worked out techniques to find out whether a potential partner was in a relationship, such as getting off the phone very quickly or always paying cash.</p>
<p>Sometimes these conflicting desires are even experienced by one and the same person: they might strive for commitment, trust and closeness, yet be unwilling or unable to get off the hook of unlimited choice. Derek, a 38-year-old entrepreneur, reflected on the gap between his relationship expectations and his online-dating experience: </p>
<blockquote>
<p>“For me, long-term relationships are about values – human values. And if I meet for a date and the morning after I have another new profile, I think ‘Oh, great’, and the woman or the man you saw last night, they’re at the bottom of the list.”</p>
</blockquote>
<p>This misalignment can lead to negative experiences, mistreatment, and even abuse online. Rose, a 23-year-old university lecturer, said that to her, going on dates was connected with a sense of fear because of the “horror stories” she had heard from others. Indeed, reports from other study participants (whose names we chose to withhold) had experiences ranging from distressing to traumatising, including verbal abuse, encounters with individuals who bore no resemblance to their photos, and even a sexual assault by someone using a fake profile.</p>
<p><em>The gamification of dating</em></p>
<p>The deinstitutionalised social setting of online dating can lead to situations where there are sometimes few or no shared social connections between the partners. This can lead to its being perceived as a “gamified” experience, as those met online are perceived as less “real” compared those encountered through friends or family. This diminished sense of reality can make behaviour less predictable, as there are no specific sanctions for what would normally be seen as unethical behaviour.</p>
<p><em>Denial and shame</em></p>
<p>While many study participants enjoyed the choice provided by dating apps, some were hesitant to identify themselves as using them, highlighting the situational and temporary nature of this condition. Some talked about the “stigmatised” nature of online dating, the perception that if they find a partner this way, those in their social circle might think there was something “wrong” with them because they were not able to find a partner in “real life” by traditional means.</p>
<p><em>The uncertainty</em></p>
<p>Such uncertainty arises when we’re unsure about the norms and outcomes of social interactions. This can happen when there is a lack of clarity about the framework under which the interaction is taking place. As the relationship terms are not clarified, both parties feel vulnerable and prefer not to open up too much to avoid potentially being hurt. The communication codes are also often unclear, giving rise to <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/OnlineDating/">multiple discussions in online communities</a>, where the users ask for advice in explaining behaviours of their dating partners.</p>
<h2>The survival strategies</h2>
<p><em>Embrace the best authenticity in you and in others</em></p>
<p>If you’re using a dating app, consider a daring strategy: authenticity. Self-promotion is fine, even necessary, but so are conviction, realism and honesty. In that way you can try to match with partners who see you as the person you are and not the person you project. Definitely select flattering photos and showcase your desirable traits, but also show some conviction and your true self. Let some light in on the magic!</p>
<p><em>Use the app functions to narrow down the choice</em></p>
<p>When seeking a relationship online, it’s important to make the most of the available resources, ensuring you don’t miss out on potential connections. Consider using filters and search tools to refine your search for compatible partners. Specify your preferences, such as age, location, and shared interests, to increase your chances of finding a meaningful connection.</p>
<p><em>Enjoy the little things</em></p>
<p>It’s essential to adapt your approach and redefine what “value” means to you in this unique context. Instead of judging success by a single measure, consider redefining it to include other aspects – for example, meaningful conversations or shared interests. This flexibility enables you to recalibrate your expectations and discover value in your app experience, even if it doesn’t align with your initial goals. Love is built on shared emotions.</p>
<p><em>Talk, but also listen</em></p>
<p>Don’t be afraid to discuss your expectations with potential partners. Most importantly, when a person says that he or she is not looking for a committed relationship, believe them, rather than trying to change them or hoping that they will reconsider. Show them that you’re listening and not just broadcasting a set of preconceived ideas.</p>
<p><em>Keep exploring, yet know when to stop</em></p>
<p>Last but not least, don’t give up. As online dating becomes more and more accepted, a greater number of people are finding real relationships online. Despite all the hurdles, <a href="https://www.pewresearch.org/internet/2020/02/06/the-virtues-and-downsides-of-online-dating/">more than 12% of marriages</a> start online, according to a Pew Research Center study. Consider dating apps not as an unending search, but as a means to an end – and potentially a happy one.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/217174/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Les auteurs ne travaillent pas, ne conseillent pas, ne possèdent pas de parts, ne reçoivent pas de fonds d'une organisation qui pourrait tirer profit de cet article, et n'ont déclaré aucune autre affiliation que leur organisme de recherche.</span></em></p>Use of dating apps is on the rise and they can provide a wealth of choice. Research also shows that they can leave some users feeling overwhelmed and exhausted.Alisa Minina Jeunemaître, Associate Professor of Marketing, EM Lyon Business SchoolJamie Smith, Director of Undergraduate Programmes, ISC Paris Business SchoolStefania Masè, Associate professor of marketing and communication, IPAG Business SchoolLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/2148402023-11-02T19:12:31Z2023-11-02T19:12:31ZFriday essay: jilted lovers could once sue for breach of promise – did we lose something in abolishing this law?<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/556790/original/file-20231031-25-kfakh.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=35%2C7%2C4702%2C3137&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">
</span> <span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.shutterstock.com/image-photo/bridal-bouquet-on-cobblestone-street-585841202">Leah Joy Kelton/Shutterstock</a></span></figcaption></figure><blockquote>
<p>Just a few lines to my ever dear Beattie.<br>
My dear love. I am nearly mad. <br>
Dear love, I love the ground you walk upon. <br>
My dear love. I pity you from the bottom of my heart. <br>
You are my love for life.<br>
I think it is a yarn about my wife being alive … I think it is spite …<br>
Dear, I would like to see you …<br></p>
</blockquote>
<p>On a squally autumn day in Sydney in March 1914, Beatrice Storey, a barmaid, sued Frederick Chapman, a farmer, for abandoning her on the day of their wedding. To be precise, she claimed £1,000 damages in the New South Wales Supreme Court for breach of promise of marriage, a suit that could be used to claim compensation for injuries arising from a broken engagement.</p>
<p>Beatrice had first glimpsed Frederick a year earlier, from behind the bar at the Captain Cook Hotel. Cavalier, stocky and a “spinner of yarns”, he breezed into the pub “<a href="https://www.amazon.com.au/Paul-Keating-David-Day/dp/0732284252">smelling of horses and flashing his winnings</a>”. He told her he had been at the Moore Park races down the road. He also said he was 40, wealthy and a widower. After a month of giddy infatuation, he presented her with a wedding ring and vowed he would marry her.</p>
<p>Almost none of what he told her was true.</p>
<p>Beatrice explained from the witness box to the judge and a jury of four that she was 30 years old when she quit her employment, on Frederick’s insistence, and moved back home with her mother a few doors down on Flinders Street. Yes, she and Frederick had made wedding arrangements at St Barnabas’ church on George Street: 40 invitations were sent out; the wedding cake and carriage were ordered. </p>
<p>She had selected furniture for their new home in Kensington, and he had promised to settle the property upon her as well as gifting her £2,000 to furnish the house. “He said he had plenty of money,” she informed the court; “in fact, ‘money to burn’.” The day before the wedding, Frederick kissed Beatrice goodbye on the porch of her brother’s house and told her not to be late for church.</p>
<p>Frederick never showed up for his wedding. He phoned Beatrice and apologised, asking her to cancel the ceremony as he had just received news his wife was alive. The marriage would make him a bigamist. </p>
<hr>
<p>
<em>
<strong>
Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/friday-essay-3-ways-philosophy-can-help-us-understand-love-155374">Friday essay: 3 ways philosophy can help us understand love</a>
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</em>
</p>
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<p>Beatrice was livid. Frederick rushed to her house and tried to console her, begging her to take the wedding ring, fumbling his way into an embrace, chaotically trying to kiss her. She pushed him away. In the following weeks Frederick turned to ink and paper, bewailing the maddening effects of passion, confessing that the reports of his wife were “a yarn” and exhorting that it was his “greatest wish to marry”. </p>
<figure class="align-left zoomable">
<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/556796/original/file-20231031-21-fey6h3.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="A newspaper clipping reporting on the case." src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/556796/original/file-20231031-21-fey6h3.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=237&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/556796/original/file-20231031-21-fey6h3.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=940&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/556796/original/file-20231031-21-fey6h3.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=940&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/556796/original/file-20231031-21-fey6h3.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=940&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/556796/original/file-20231031-21-fey6h3.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=1181&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/556796/original/file-20231031-21-fey6h3.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=1181&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/556796/original/file-20231031-21-fey6h3.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=1181&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">A report of the case.</span>
<span class="attribution"><span class="source">National Library of Australia/Trove.</span></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>Beatrice converted Frederick’s love letters into legal evidence and his passion into proof, in one of the most lucrative breach of promise actions of her decade: £350 compensation for her “lacerated feelings”.</p>
<p>The next time Beatrice and Frederick appear on the historical record is on January 23 1915, at St Martin’s Anglican Church in Kensington. This time, Frederick showed up for his wedding.</p>
<p>A little under 60 years later, in the early 1970s, a grandson of Beatrice and Frederick was also sued for breach of promise of marriage, just before <a href="https://parlinfo.aph.gov.au/parlInfo/search/display/display.w3p;query=Id%3A%22legislation%2Fbillshistorical%2FHBILL1976V400018%22;src1=sm1">the action was abolished</a>. No newspaper bothered to report it, and we only know of the action because in 1986 a Liberal politician, Wilson Tuckey, raised it in federal parliament. </p>
<p>“Paul had a girl called Christine,” he hissed, directing his comments at a Labor MP named Paul, also implying (incorrectly) that an illegitimate child had been born. </p>
<p>“Madame Speaker,” the Labor MP interjected. He demanded Tuckey be censured. He railed against him, calling him a criminal. Later that day, the Labor MP held a press conference outside Parliament House to address the remarks and asked that they be erased from the Hansard minutes. This Labor MP, the grandson of Beatrice and Frederick, was <a href="https://www.aph.gov.au/About_Parliament/Senate/Powers_practice_n_procedures/pops/pop34/c14">the future prime minister Paul Keating</a>. </p>
<h2>Servants, seamstresses, nurses</h2>
<p>Why would Keating care so much about a past breach of promise suit – an action that by the 1970s was seen as a quirky relic from the Victorian era? Why should we care about his breach of promise suit, or any action over a thwarted romance in the past? What can the minor tragedies we see in breach of promise cases tell us about the history of love in Australia over the course of two centuries? And what might they suggest about how humans have sought to govern love – the most ungovernable of emotions, across time? </p>
<p>I have spent the past ten years looking for love in the canons of law; digging up around 1,000 breach of promise cases in search of answers to these questions. In the process, I have encountered a different kind of protagonist to those I have been accustomed to meeting in histories of romantic love. Here there are no lofty philosophers, sensitive poets or delicate letter-writers penning epistles in the hush of a lady’s drawing room. </p>
<p>The feckless Lotharios are shearers, train drivers, bankrupt shopkeepers, farmers and commercial travellers. Their scorned brides are people like Beatrice Storey: barmaids, domestic servants, seamstresses, nurses, piano teachers and, later in the century, chorus girls and migrants. They are mostly ordinary people of the lower-middle orders who could not afford the luxury of privacy, nor the indulgence of marrying for love alone.</p>
<p>Some went to court seeking compensation for lost wages or diminished social and economic status, others for wounded affections or missed romantic opportunities, and many more, like Beatrice, were using the action to pressure their partner to marry them. </p>
<p>Women who had been “seduced” litigated to defend their sexual reputations. Most plaintiffs were refreshingly oblivious or indifferent to the social scorn that the legal action cast upon them: the indignity of having your most private feelings filleted before a public audience; the perceived vulgarity of seeking financial recompense for the unquantifiable pain of a broken heart.</p>
<h2>Contemporary fantasies of romantic plenitude</h2>
<p>If Beatrice Storey had been left at the altar today, Frederick Chapman would not have been forced by the state to compensate her for her hurt feelings, nor for any financial losses she incurred. The fact Fred was an intimate partner, rather than a commercial one, would likely have denied her a legal remedy. </p>
<p>The law tends to assume that intimates don’t intend to create legal relations. Women are not economically and socially dependent on marriage as they once were, and a failed relationship does not relegate women to the status of damaged goods. Courtship is now defined by love, choice, physical desire and mutual negotiation, rather than by contractual legal obligation.</p>
<p>Fuelled by dating apps that promise a new partner by simply swiping right on your phone, fantasies of romantic plenitude have replaced legal regimes of punishment.</p>
<p>Yet people continue to experience injury, be it financial, emotional or bodily, when intimate promises are broken, and the discovery of deceit in relationships can be life-altering. </p>
<hr>
<p>
<em>
<strong>
Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/3-in-4-people-experience-abuse-on-dating-apps-how-do-we-balance-prevention-with-policing-198587">3 in 4 people experience abuse on dating apps. How do we balance prevention with policing?</a>
</strong>
</em>
</p>
<hr>
<p>Rather than seeing the unmooring of love from law as a tale of liberation, by which love was set free from the paternalistic bonds of the state, I question what we have lost in this process, and how we might imagine, legally and socially, an ethics of intimacy.</p>
<figure class="align-center zoomable">
<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/556793/original/file-20231031-23-3dz8ta.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="A woman at a window crying." src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/556793/original/file-20231031-23-3dz8ta.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/556793/original/file-20231031-23-3dz8ta.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/556793/original/file-20231031-23-3dz8ta.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/556793/original/file-20231031-23-3dz8ta.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/556793/original/file-20231031-23-3dz8ta.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/556793/original/file-20231031-23-3dz8ta.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/556793/original/file-20231031-23-3dz8ta.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">People continue to experience injury, be it financial, emotional or bodily, when intimate promises are broken.</span>
<span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.pexels.com/photo/light-fashion-love-people-6670149/">Pexels: Rdne stock project</a>, <a class="license" href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/">CC BY</a></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>Instead of turning to law, the Beatrice Storey of today would likely try to overcome her pain by reading self-help books or talking to friends, family and experts, all educated to varying degrees in psychology. The advice she would receive would no doubt revolve around the virtues of resilience, the balm of commodity culture (go out and buy yourself a new dress!), and interrogation of her own psyche (why had she been attracted to such a duplicitous cad in the first place?). </p>
<p>Where law would have ascribed fault and demanded a tallying-up of emotional, bodily and financial harm that could be compensated (however awkwardly) by money, therapeutic discourse is uninterested in material loss or ethical responsibility. </p>
<p>What was once a public debate about the rules of romance, including its gendered financial costs and the seriousness of its injuries, is now sequestered in the therapist’s clinic. </p>
<p>Like scholars before me, I argue that the “<a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/144078338702300304">coming of the counsellors</a>” by the mid-20th century was not a victory but a loss, particularly for women. Responsibility for romantic injury has been individualised and feminised, and its pain trivialised, drained of economic meaning.</p>
<h2>High stakes</h2>
<p>There is something fundamentally human about falling in love that allows us to feel the amorous tremors of love poetry such as Sappho or Byron although centuries may yawn between us and the poet. But love is also not just love. When we see doctors giving testimony about the medical effects of heartbreak, or read of Beatrice Storey turning around after her court case and marrying Frederick Chapman, or applaud women at the start of the 20th century for claiming damages for the dinners they had cooked their lovers, we know we are dealing with an emotion that is profoundly shaped by culture. Love is a creature of its time. And it is in the space between strangeness and familiarity that the history of love can be found.</p>
<p>When I tell my students they could once have sued a lover for breaking an engagement, they are always astonished and a bit indignant; romance is not a fit subject for law, they say. Their response exposes a cultural assumption that love and law are opposites, conceptual antipodes, each untranslatable and hostile to the other. We think of romance as frolicsome, rebellious, impetuous and wilful, impervious to the monolithic sobriety of law. </p>
<figure class="align-right zoomable">
<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/556792/original/file-20231031-21-w7qbls.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="The cover for the book Courting." src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/556792/original/file-20231031-21-w7qbls.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=237&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/556792/original/file-20231031-21-w7qbls.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=917&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/556792/original/file-20231031-21-w7qbls.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=917&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/556792/original/file-20231031-21-w7qbls.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=917&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/556792/original/file-20231031-21-w7qbls.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=1153&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/556792/original/file-20231031-21-w7qbls.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=1153&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/556792/original/file-20231031-21-w7qbls.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=1153&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
<figcaption>
<span class="caption"></span>
<span class="attribution"><span class="source">Black Inc.</span></span>
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<p>From the ancients to the romantic poets, love has been a breaker of rules, which is why social contract theorists such as Jean-Jacques Rousseau viewed it with suspicion. “Lovers never see anyone but themselves, they incessantly attend only to themselves and the only thing they are able to do is love each other,” he complained. </p>
<p>While law is rational and generalisable, love is a divine delirium that makes little sense to anyone but the couple afflicted. </p>
<hr>
<p>
<em>
<strong>
Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/explainer-the-philosophy-of-jean-jacques-rousseau-is-profoundly-contemporary-201179">Explainer: the philosophy of Jean-Jacques Rousseau is profoundly contemporary</a>
</strong>
</em>
</p>
<hr>
<p>Ethical or not, today’s courting couples can “ghost” away without consequence; they can break promises or refrain from making them at all. Being true to your own feelings and following your own desires now trumps any notion of duty or honour. Ineffable, exquisitely personal, secretive and mysterious, romantic love, as we imagine it, has nothing to do with the coercive, transparent machinations of our public legal system.</p>
<p>But if we think more deeply, this easy dichotomy between love and law begins to break down. Love has its own laws and exercises its own jurisdiction; like law, it demands, either pleasurably or punitively, that we relinquish our will to a higher order. Love may elevate us – magically transfiguring the world into something as beautiful as our imagined love object – but like law it can also deprive us of autonomy, bestow obligations, punish transgressions and issue commands. </p>
<p>And because the stakes in love and law are high, as both change lives, they have a similar interest in evidence: “How do I know you are who you say you are?” and “can I place trust in your words?” are questions asked as anxiously in court as in courtship. </p>
<p>Love and law propel us on a quest for proof: we hunt for clues in small gestures, we read signs into bodily disturbances, we discern meaning in happenstance and we detect broad patterns of significance in the minutiae of everyday life.</p>
<hr>
<p>
<em>
<strong>
Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/what-is-love-in-pop-culture-love-is-often-depicted-as-a-willingness-to-sacrifice-but-ancient-philosophers-took-a-different-view-187159">What is love? In pop culture, love is often depicted as a willingness to sacrifice, but ancient philosophers took a different view</a>
</strong>
</em>
</p>
<hr>
<h2>An ethics of love?</h2>
<p>Over the course of two centuries, romantic love and law become separated. Each declares incompetency in the realm of the other, and I wonder whether this is something we should celebrate. </p>
<p>Is there such a thing as an ethics of love? What did we lose in the shift from the legal condemnation of deceit in relationships to psychological exhortations to resilience? Should we take romantic injuries more seriously? How should we economically value intimate labour? </p>
<p>History is not simply about avoiding the mistakes of the past – for we never do this anyway. It is at best an exercise in humility: learning that humans are malleable creatures and that the various incarnations of humanity we meet when we travel back in time may sometimes be wiser creatures than ourselves. </p>
<p>For Australians, a history of love told from the papery relics of one of our most treasured national icons – the working-class battler – is a corrective to traditional histories of love that tend to favour the bourgeoisie, and an antidote to our anaemic national mythologising of stoic, independent blokes and robust women.</p>
<p>Frederick Chapman may have been a stockman, larrikin and “spinner of yarns”, but he was also nervous, sentimental and smitten by Beatrice Storey. And far from being a long-suffering heroine of Australian legend, Beatrice took her squandered affections to court and won. </p>
<p>Writing a history of courtship from the archival remains of broken hearts allows us to tell national and transnational stories of vulnerability and resistance, of fierce and fragile inner worlds.</p>
<hr>
<p><em>This is an edited extract from <a href="https://www.blackincbooks.com.au/books/courting">Courting: an intimate history of love and the law</a> by Alecia Simmonds (Black Inc).</em></p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/214840/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Alecia Simmonds received funding from The State Library of New South Wales where she was a Merewether Fellow. </span></em></p>Australians could once claim compensation for injuries arising from a broken engagement. Today, the responsibility for romantic injury has been individualised and feminised, its pain trivialised.Alecia Simmonds, Lecturer, Faculty of Law, University of Technology SydneyLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/2146352023-10-04T20:30:38Z2023-10-04T20:30:38ZAre We Dating The Same Guy? Online groups toe the line between protecting women and defaming men<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/551207/original/file-20230929-19-y6jzfd.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=100%2C90%2C6609%2C4376&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">Social media sites have given many the potential to reach millions of people instantly. With that reach, the risks and impacts of defamation can be far greater.</span> <span class="attribution"><span class="source">(Shutterstock)</span></span></figcaption></figure><iframe style="width: 100%; height: 100px; border: none; position: relative; z-index: 1;" allowtransparency="" allow="clipboard-read; clipboard-write" src="https://narrations.ad-auris.com/widget/the-conversation-canada/are-we-dating-the-same-guy-online-groups-toe-the-line-between-protecting-women-and-defaming-men" width="100%" height="400"></iframe>
<p>Infidelity and deception have always been part of dating and relationships. Traditionally managed privately between the parties or through legal processes, these issues have recently been co-opted by online vigilante communities that <a href="https://medium.com/sexography/are-we-dating-the-same-guy-has-become-a-hate-group-to-slander-innocent-men-a5f3a575585c">shame daters</a> — men in particular — who behave badly. </p>
<p>But are these online communities about more than shaming? Do they also safeguard women from getting exploited or hurt? </p>
<p>These questions are being debated in London, Ont., where a man featured on the Facebook group “Are We Dating the Same Guy? London, Ontario” <a href="https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/london/are-we-dating-the-same-guy-facebook-group-london-ontario-1.6937007">launched a defamation lawsuit</a> against one of its administrators alleging he was called names, accused of sending lewd photos and labelled a bad parent.</p>
<p>As scholars who specialize in dating culture and defamation, this case is intriguing to us for the legal precedent it may set. It could also have far-reaching implications for people in the online dating world and anyone using social networking platforms.</p>
<p>Social media sites enable users to potentially reach millions of people instantly. With that reach, the risks and impacts of defamation can be far greater.</p>
<p>As university educators working in environments where online dating is widespread and incidents of gender-based and sexual violence <a href="https://ontariosuniversities.ca/student-voices-on-sexual-violence-survey">occur often</a>, we’re also interested in what this case could mean for university students.</p>
<h2>Are We Dating The Same Guy?</h2>
<p>The first group was launched on Facebook in New York in 2022 by women who wanted to protect one another from men who cheat, are violent or exploit them financially. </p>
<p>Since then, groups have sprouted up in hundreds of cities across <a href="https://mashable.com/article/are-we-dating-the-same-guy-facebook">North America</a>, <a href="https://www.radiofrance.fr/franceinter/podcasts/veille-sanitaire/veille-sanitaire-du-vendredi-02-juin-2023-4425553">Europe</a>, the <a href="https://www.standard.co.uk/insider/are-we-dating-the-same-guy-inside-the-facebook-group-where-women-vet-men-they-re-talking-to-dating-apps-b1058726.html">United Kingdom</a> and <a href="https://www.news.com.au/lifestyle/relationships/dating/inside-wild-dating-groups-exposing-australian-men/news-story/616da5fa9c3335d4af90cff25811b531">Australia</a>. Men in Toronto have retaliated by also creating their own Facebook page: <a href="https://streetsoftoronto.com/are-we-dating-the-same-girl-facebook-group-toronto/">Are We Dating the Same Girl?</a></p>
<p>Members of the women’s groups post information about “red flag” men using screenshots of dating app profiles, text exchanges and sometimes memes. <a href="https://www.vice.com/en/article/dy375q/are-we-dating-the-same-guy-facebook-groups">Many posts</a> are anonymous, contain trigger warnings and are difficult to read because they detail awful instances of coercion, assault, racism, extortion and abuse.</p>
<p>However, the degree to which these groups actually protect women is up for debate and so is the purpose they serve. In some instances, these groups may be used to make <a href="https://www.bendsource.com/news/are-we-dating-the-same-guy-yes-19906004">false claims</a> about men. </p>
<figure class="align-center zoomable">
<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/551210/original/file-20230929-29-bmdb1b.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="A smartphone display with different dating app icons" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/551210/original/file-20230929-29-bmdb1b.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/551210/original/file-20230929-29-bmdb1b.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/551210/original/file-20230929-29-bmdb1b.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/551210/original/file-20230929-29-bmdb1b.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/551210/original/file-20230929-29-bmdb1b.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/551210/original/file-20230929-29-bmdb1b.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/551210/original/file-20230929-29-bmdb1b.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">Online dating has proliferated in recent years and groups have popped up to highlight daters who behave badly.</span>
<span class="attribution"><span class="source">(Shutterstock)</span></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<h2>Online dating groups</h2>
<p>Online posts stating that someone has behaved poorly in the dating context could be considered defamatory. Men whose reputations suffer from the information featured in the groups <a href="https://theintercept.com/2023/07/22/metoo-defamation-lawsuits-slapp/">could sue</a> the people posting and the group administrators for defamation, especially if they are of high social or professional standing and have a lot to lose.</p>
<p>Post-writers might <a href="https://doi.org/10.3138/cjwl.34.1.03">defend themselves</a> against accusations of defamation through the defence of “truth.” The rationale for this defence is that a person cannot sue for reputational harm if the statement made about them is in fact true. </p>
<p>However, this defence would require posters to prove their allegations are true. We know from <a href="https://doi.org/10.3138/cjwl.22.2.397">decades of experience</a> that this can be especially difficult in stereotypical “<a href="https://doi.org/10.1350/ijep.2009.13.4.329">he said/she said</a>” situations. </p>
<p>Post-writers might also raise a “qualified privilege” defence. This protects someone against civil liability for defamatory statements made to <a href="https://www.canlii.org/en/on/onsc/doc/2013/2013onsc4796/2013onsc4796.html?autocompleteStr=vanderkooy&autocompletePos=1">protect the interests</a> of another party, a common interest or the public interest. </p>
<p>Although these groups were established to protect women from toxic or dangerous men, it’s unclear whether group members have a legal or moral duty to share and receive this information, which is the hallmark of qualified privilege.</p>
<p>If any information is shared with malice or includes statements that exceed what is necessary to protect someone’s interests, the post-writers cannot rely on this defence. This means that vitriolic statements or gratuitous complaints about someone’s dating behaviour aren’t protected by qualified privilege. </p>
<figure class="align-center zoomable">
<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/551208/original/file-20230929-17-kdrt13.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="A women on a laptop with a pensive look on her face." src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/551208/original/file-20230929-17-kdrt13.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/551208/original/file-20230929-17-kdrt13.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/551208/original/file-20230929-17-kdrt13.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/551208/original/file-20230929-17-kdrt13.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/551208/original/file-20230929-17-kdrt13.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/551208/original/file-20230929-17-kdrt13.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/551208/original/file-20230929-17-kdrt13.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">Posters can defend themselves by saying their comments are truthful. But that can often be hard to prove in court.</span>
<span class="attribution"><span class="source">(Shutterstock)</span></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<h2>Gender-based violence on campus</h2>
<p>Online dating, social media posting and defamation have unique implications for university campuses where additional dynamics are at play. </p>
<p>Students who experience distressing dating experiences, including gender-based and sexual violence, may post the names and photos of the perpetrators online to call out violence and protect fellow students. However, in doing so they could be vulnerable to defamation suits if they cannot legally prove that the statements are true. </p>
<p>Individuals labelled offenders could <a href="https://yorkspace.library.yorku.ca/server/api/core/bitstreams/cc69509d-8744-4ad6-a7aa-493332530f4b/content">bring defamation claims</a> or complaints against their accusers under student codes of conduct. </p>
<p>This happened at Yale University when a former <a href="https://apnews.com/article/yale-rape-acquittal-colleges-sexual-assault-1d74bbe89517db23c49a4a098186bd89">student was sued for defamation</a> after she reported that a fellow student had raped her. In 2018, a fired Yukon College instructor also <a href="https://www.yukon-news.com/news/fired-yukon-college-instructor-sues-student-over-sex-assault-allegations/">sued a student</a> who accused him of sexual assault and posted about it online.</p>
<p>Such cases could escalate campus tensions regarding safety issues and make it harder for people to <a href="https://doi.org/10.1108/GM-07-2022-0228">come forward about sexual assault</a>, which are already infrequent due to fears of being disbelieved, shamed by peers or reliving the traumas related to the events. </p>
<h2>More safeguards needed</h2>
<p>The romantic escapades of celebrities once dominated news headlines, but in our digital society, anyone’s dating life can be thrust into the spotlight. Are We Dating the Same Guy? groups highlight the thorny social and legal implications of posting what could be considered defamatory content. </p>
<p>The proliferation of these groups across the globe means we must reflect on the complicated world of online dating, where there is little protection for daters and few ramifications for people who behave badly. </p>
<p>The potential for students to be pulled into similarly complex legal battles is equally important to consider. To safeguard students, universities should ensure they are able to come forward about abuse, whether to file formal complaints or to obtain other supports. </p>
<p>Universities should also consider distributing information about online dating and social media issues so students better understand their rights and risks when it comes to gender-based and sexual violence, dating and <a href="https://doi.org/10.1016/j.emospa.2023.100975">campus safety</a>.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/214635/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>The authors do not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and have disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.</span></em></p>Social media groups have emerged designed to protect women from bad dating experiences. Those who use them could be liable to being sued for defamation.Treena Orchard, Associate Professor, School of Health Studies, Western UniversityErika Chamberlain, Professor and Dean, Faculty of Law, Western UniversityLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/2101242023-08-04T12:29:00Z2023-08-04T12:29:00ZOnline romance scams: Research reveals scammers’ tactics – and how to defend against them<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/540850/original/file-20230802-18-uz84g3.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=0%2C0%2C12125%2C7478&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">Sometimes, true love is too good to be true.</span> <span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.gettyimages.com/detail/illustration/romance-scam-dating-scam-cyber-crime-hacking-royalty-free-illustration/1304684845">kate3155/iStock via Getty Images</a></span></figcaption></figure><p>In the Netflix documentary “<a href="https://www.netflix.com/title/81254340">The Tinder Swindler</a>,” victims exposed notorious con artist <a href="https://www.deseret.com/entertainment/2023/1/17/23559144/the-tinder-swindler-where-is-simon-leviev-now">Simon Leviev</a>, who posed as a wealthy diamond mogul on the popular dating app Tinder to deceive and scam numerous women out of millions of dollars. Leviev is a flashy example of a dating scammer, but criminal operations also prey on emotionally vulnerable people to gain their trust and exploit them financially. </p>
<p>The internet has revolutionized dating, and there has been a <a href="https://www.liebertpub.com/doi/10.1089/cyber.2021.29219.editorial">surge in U.S. adults using apps to find ideal matches</a> post-pandemic. While these apps offer convenience for connecting with romantic partners, they also open the door to online romance scams. Criminals create both deceptive profiles and urgent scenarios to carry out the scam.</p>
<p>The Federal Trade Commission reports that <a href="https://www.ftc.gov/news-events/data-visualizations/data-spotlight/2023/02/romance-scammers-favorite-lies-exposed">nearly 70,000 Americans fell victim to online romantic scams in 2022</a>, with reported losses topping US$1.3 billion. </p>
<p>Online romance scams exploit people through calculated online social engineering and deliberately deceptive communication tactics. In a series of research projects, my colleagues from <a href="https://ebcs.gsu.edu/">Georgia State University</a>, <a href="https://scholar.google.com/citations?hl=en&user=ecCbt3MAAAAJ">University of Alabama</a>, <a href="https://scholar.google.com/citations?hl=en&user=08ks5G0AAAAJ">University of South Florida</a> and I focused on understanding how scammers operate, the cues that may prompt changes in their tactics and what measures people can take to defend themselves against falling victim to this scam. </p>
<figure>
<iframe width="440" height="260" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/Ev0VEqxpKxg?wmode=transparent&start=0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen=""></iframe>
<figcaption><span class="caption">Simon Leviev, the ‘Tinder Swindler,’ conned several women by posing as a diamond mogul.</span></figcaption>
</figure>
<h2>How online romantic scams work</h2>
<p>Online romance scams are not coincidental. They’re carefully planned schemes that follow distinct stages. Research has <a href="https://doi.org/10.1057/sj.2012.57">identified five stages</a>: </p>
<ul>
<li>Baiting victims with attractive profiles. </li>
<li>Grooming victims with intimacy. </li>
<li>Creating crises to extract money.</li>
<li>On occasion manipulating victims with blackmail. </li>
<li>Revealing the scam. </li>
</ul>
<p>In short, scammers do not swindle victims by chance. They plan their actions in advance, patiently following their playbooks to ensure profitable outcomes. Scammers worm their way into a victim’s heart to gain access to their money through false pretenses.</p>
<p>In a previous study, my colleague <a href="https://scholar.google.com/citations?user=wHPMweEAAAAJ&hl=en">Volkan Topalli</a> and I analyzed victim testimonials from the website stop-scammers.com. Our research revealed scammers’ use of <a href="https://doi.org/10.1007/s12103-022-09706-4">various social engineering techniques and crisis stories</a> to prompt urgent requests. Scammers leveraged social norms, guilt and supposed emergencies to manipulate victims. Scammers also paid close attention to communication patterns and adapted their tactics based on victims’ responses. This interplay significantly influenced the overall operation of the scam. </p>
<p>Across the globe, online romance scammers use different techniques that vary across cultures to successfully defraud victims. In my recent research, for example, I looked closely into an <a href="https://doi.org/10.1080/15564886.2022.2051109">online romance scam in China</a> called “Sha Zhu Pan,” which loosely translates to “Pig Butchering Scam.” In Sha Zhu Pan, scammers bait and groom victims for financial exploitation through well-structured group setups. Multiple scammers across four groups – hosts, resources, IT and money laundering – persuade victims through romantic tactics to invest in fake apps or use fake gambling websites, convincing them to pay more and more without ever receiving their money back. Hosts interact with victims, resources members identify targets and collect information about them, IT creates the fake apps and websites, and the money launderers process the ill-gotten gains.</p>
<h2>Deterrence and rewards</h2>
<p>Like <a href="https://doi.org/10.1093/bjc/42.2.337">street robbers</a>, online romance scammers can be influenced both positively and negatively by a range of situational cues that serve as incentives or deterrents. </p>
<p>Our investigation showed that deterrent messages <a href="http://dx.doi.org/10.21428/cb6ab371.c6eae022">can significantly affect scammers’ behavior</a>. Here’s an example of a deterrent message: “I know you are scamming innocent people. My friend was recently arrested for the same offense and is facing five years in prison. You should stop before you face the same fate.” Based on live conversations with active scammers online, our recent analysis suggests that receiving deterrent messages reduced scammers’ response rate and their use of certain words, and increased the likelihood that when they sought further communications, they admitted they had done something wrong. </p>
<p>Our observations indicate that scammers not only <a href="https://doi.org/10.1080/01639625.2023.2197547">diversify their approaches</a> to prompt more responses, such as appealing to their romantic relationships, asking for identifying information and requesting victims switch to private chat platforms, but they also use several techniques for getting victims to <a href="https://www.crimrxiv.com/pub/zgfxej63">overcome their misgivings</a> about sending the scammers more money. For example, scammers subtly persuade victims to see themselves as holding more power in the interaction than they do. </p>
<h2>Blocking scammers</h2>
<p>There are methods that could help users defend against online romance scams. </p>
<p>In experimental findings, my colleagues and I suggest online apps, especially dating apps, implement warning messages. An example would be applying linguistics algorithms to identify keywords like “money,” “MoneyGram” and “bank” in conversations to alert potential victims of the scam and deter scammers from engaging further. </p>
<p>In addition, apps can use tools to detect counterfeit profile pictures and other types of image fraud. By concentrating on identifying scammers’ use of counterfeit profile pictures, this advanced algorithm holds the potential to preemptively hinder scammers from establishing fake profiles and initiating conversations from the outset. </p>
<figure>
<iframe width="440" height="260" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/-HF5UL69eG0?wmode=transparent&start=0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen=""></iframe>
<figcaption><span class="caption">The FBI gives advice on how to protect yourself from romance scams.</span></figcaption>
</figure>
<h2>How to protect yourself</h2>
<p>Online dating app users can take precautions when talking to strangers. There are five rules users should follow to steer clear of scammers: </p>
<ol>
<li>Avoid sharing financial information with or sending money to strangers. </li>
<li>Refrain from sending private photos to strangers. </li>
<li>Pay attention to spelling and grammar because scammers often claim to reside in English-speaking countries when they actually operate in non-Western countries. </li>
<li>Use image and name-reverse searches.</li>
<li>Confide in family and friends if you grow suspicious. </li>
</ol>
<p>One last piece of advice to empower those who have fallen victim to online romance scams: Don’t blame yourself. </p>
<p>Take the courageous step of breaking free from the scam and seek support. Reach out to your loved ones, trustworthy third-party organizations and law enforcement agencies for help. This support network is essential in helping you restart your life and move forward.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/210124/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Fangzhou Wang does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organization that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.</span></em></p>Dating apps have given an ancient profession, confidence scamming, a high-tech boost.Fangzhou Wang, Assistant Professor of Criminology and Criminal Justice, University of Texas at ArlingtonLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/2055652023-05-17T03:26:26Z2023-05-17T03:26:26ZThink you might be dating a ‘vulnerable narcissist’? Look out for these red flags<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/526685/original/file-20230517-17-bi5991.jpeg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=66%2C275%2C7282%2C4627&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">
</span> <span class="attribution"><span class="source">Shutterstock</span></span></figcaption></figure><p>Single people are increasingly turning online to find love, with more than <a href="https://www.businessofapps.com/data/dating-app-market/">300 million people</a> around the world trying their luck on dating apps. Some find their fairy tale. But for others, stories of online dating have very different endings. </p>
<p>You may be ghosted after a seemingly blissful start, or strung along with just crumbs of attention. Perhaps you suddenly learn the person you’re dating isn’t who you thought they were.</p>
<p>If these scenarios sound familiar, you may have dated a “vulnerable narcissist”.</p>
<h2>The dark side of online dating</h2>
<p>These days, about 30% of new relationships <a href="https://www.monash.edu/news/articles/rise-of-the-ebabies-kids-born-to-aussie-couples-who-met-online-will-be-in-the-majority-by-2038">form online</a>, and experts say this will only become more common in the future. But online dating isn’t without risk.</p>
<p>Antisocial dating behaviours are common online, such as <a href="https://theconversation.com/when-texts-suddenly-stop-why-people-ghost-on-social-media-171932#:%7E:text=Ghosting%20happens%20when%20someone%20cuts,a%20ghost%2C%20they%20just%20vanish.">ghosting</a> and breadcrumbing (when someone gives you crumbs of attention to keep you interested, with no intention of progressing the relationship). These experiences are often painful for the person on the receiving end, resulting in diminished <a href="https://www.mdpi.com/1660-4601/17/3/1116?amp=1">self-esteem and wellbeing</a>.</p>
<p>Misrepresentation is also rife online. One study found up to 81% of online dating users had engaged in <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/14681994.2020.1714577?casa_token=bpv_gGMc3H0AAAAA%3AAMGr1fH2YISVI2mw_RSBIDKNNFJ-Iwibx-gI9Yi2G28pAGHr1X4POqkCGTtCRAYL6aQvKuOsiEza">some form of it</a>. Some forms of misrepresentation are arguably innocuous, such as a carefully selected profile photo. But others are more deceptive and potentially harmful, such as presenting one’s personality inauthentically to lure a potential mate. </p>
<h2>Behind the mask</h2>
<p>In <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0736585323000497#b0075">new research</a> conducted by me and my colleagues Eliza Oliver and Evita March, we explore how personality traits can be associated with inauthentic self-presentation while online dating. </p>
<p>We were particularly interested in a sub-type of narcissism called vulnerable narcissism. Narcissism in a broad sense can be conceptualised as a personality trait that falls on a continuum. Those at the extreme end are characterised by entitlement, superiority, and a strong need for attention, admiration and approval. </p>
<p><a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/j.1467-6494.2010.00711.x?casa_token=zRwVnmU2U0oAAAAA%3AGB9QPb8uZg9q10NvzRktf6kKxcCYQzU8y67x0x4p5NlFRIurhFOseZImTp3hJVsWrBTKgwSnOyNG2a0wFg">Vulnerable narcissism</a> is characterised by high emotional sensitivity and a defensive, insecure grandiosity that masks feelings of incompetence and inadequacy.</p>
<figure class="align-center zoomable">
<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/526687/original/file-20230517-15-e132h0.jpeg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/526687/original/file-20230517-15-e132h0.jpeg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/526687/original/file-20230517-15-e132h0.jpeg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/526687/original/file-20230517-15-e132h0.jpeg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/526687/original/file-20230517-15-e132h0.jpeg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/526687/original/file-20230517-15-e132h0.jpeg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/526687/original/file-20230517-15-e132h0.jpeg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/526687/original/file-20230517-15-e132h0.jpeg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">Vulnerable narcissists tend to mask feelings of inadequacy with a grandiose presentation.</span>
<span class="attribution"><span class="source">Shutterstock</span></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>For <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0736585323000497#b0075">our study</a>, we recruited a sample of 316 online daters (55% female) via the crowdsourcing platform <a href="https://www.prolific.co/">Prolific</a>. We measured their scores for vulnerable narcissism, along with other “<a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/topics/psychology/dark-triad">dark triad</a>” personality traits including grandiose narcissism (arrogance and dominance), <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/basics/psychopathy">psychopathy</a> (low empathy and callousness) and <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/blog/machiavellians-gulling-the-rubes/201509/meet-the-machiavellians">Machiavellianism</a> (being manipulative and calculating).</p>
<p>We asked participants to complete two questionnaires that measured six domains of their personality, to measure how authentically they presented themselves.</p>
<p>First they considered their authentic self, with items such as “I can handle difficult situations without needing emotional support from anyone else”. Then they were asked to consider the persona they presented while online dating, with items such as “the persona I present when online dating would like people who have unconventional views”. </p>
<p>We then calculated a score for inauthentic self-presentation, which represented the distance between the authentic self and the online dating self.</p>
<p>We also asked participants whether they had ever engaged in the antisocial dating behaviours of ghosting or breadcrumbing. </p>
<hr>
<p>
<em>
<strong>
Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/first-the-love-bomb-then-the-financial-emergency-5-tactics-of-tinder-swindlers-176807">First the 'love-bomb', then the 'financial emergency': 5 tactics of Tinder swindlers</a>
</strong>
</em>
</p>
<hr>
<h2>Here’s what we found</h2>
<p>We found a significant link between vulnerable narcissism and inauthentic self-presentation. That is, those with higher scores for vulnerable narcissism presented more inauthentically. </p>
<p>Participants who had ghosted or breadcrumbed someone also had higher scores for vulnerable narcissism. However, it should be noted these effects were small, and not everyone who ghosts is likely to be a vulnerable narcissist. People may ghost for a range of reasons, some of which are appropriate to their situation (such as for their own safety). </p>
<p>That said, if a ghost returns from the dead without a reasonable explanation for their absence, you may have been “<a href="https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/worse-than-being-ghosted-zombied-is-the-new-dating-trend_uk_644bbe89e4b011a819c72cea">zombied</a>”. This is when someone ghosts you, only to reappear months or even years later. If this happens it would be wise to hit the block button. </p>
<h2>Might I be dating a vulnerable narcissist?</h2>
<p>Vulnerable narcissists can be difficult to identify in the early stages of dating because the persona they present isn’t their authentic self. Over time, however, the mask usually comes off. </p>
<p>If you’re wondering whether you’re dating a vulnerable narcissist, look out for these red flags waving in sync.</p>
<ol>
<li><p>Vulnerable narcissists are usually <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/00223891.2012.742903?casa_token=IcNNaKmGw3UAAAAA%3AzFrhAeKDeVSJIKuSnjPEXr_qXidHdYl9aMiqK8iVp9F7w_0WRhu5PIaEmDsD9N6ZaevcZYrkFLhvOMM">introverted and high on neuroticism</a>. In isolation, these traits need not be of concern, but in vulnerable narcissists they typically present in combination with dishonesty, and a lack of <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0191886917306220?casa_token=DhWyvFYiticAAAAA:VZ3738yoILJZEHsePwKnsbNuiu7KYCpNvfoqE03I59Cuz2UkppwrfAknCIZZeTJIgI3AM4xoeskC">agreeableness and humility</a>.</p></li>
<li><p><a href="https://scholarworks.uark.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1013&context=discoverymag">Love-bombing</a> is a manipulative dating tactic commonly used by vulnerable narcissists. It’s characterised by excessive attention and affection. While this can be flattering in the early stages of a relationship, the intention is to manipulate you into feeling dependent on and obligated to them.</p></li>
<li><p><a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1002/pmh.1532">The devaluation phase</a> follows love-bombing. It will often manifest in emotionally abusive behaviours such as harsh and relentless criticism, unprovoked angry outbursts, <a href="https://theconversation.com/explainer-what-does-gaslighting-mean-107888">gaslighting</a> and stonewalling. </p></li>
<li><p>Finally, vulnerable narcissists are hypersensitive to criticism. Constructive criticism is an important component of communication in healthy relationships. But a vulnerable narcissist is likely to perceive the slightest criticism as a personal attack. They may respond to criticism with emotional outbursts, making you feel like you’re walking on eggshells.</p></li>
</ol>
<h2>I think I’m dating a vulnerable narcissist!</h2>
<p>Vulnerable narcissists are prone to engaging in <a href="https://dvassist.org.au/am-i-experiencing-domestic-violence/quizzes/am-in-an-emotionally-abusive-relationship/">emotionally abusive behaviours</a>. If you suspect you’re dating one then you may be experiencing domestic violence, or be at significant risk of it if the relationship continues. </p>
<p>The onset of narcissistic abuse is often <a href="https://theconversation.com/narcissism-and-the-various-ways-it-can-lead-to-domestically-abusive-relationships-116909">slow and insidious</a>, but the adverse effects (such as symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder) can persist long after the <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0191886922004470?casa_token=r6Y-_qazDXkAAAAA:7DuvvE7SkGYdwYS56_abxctoBQXaLUDdMm6Sksy6_nob279--ICCtwEvvB57CxuDlhgtKZfNpTt4">relationship has ended</a>. </p>
<p>If you have concerns, it’s important to seek support from your family doctor, a psychologist, or a <a href="https://www.1800respect.org.au/">domestic violence support service</a>. They can help you navigate the relationship, or safely exit it. </p>
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<em>
<strong>
Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/is-narcissism-a-mental-health-problem-and-can-you-really-diagnose-it-online-188360">Is narcissism a mental health problem? And can you really diagnose it online?</a>
</strong>
</em>
</p>
<hr>
<p><em>Anyone at risk of family and domestic violence and/or sexual assault can seek help 24 hours a day, seven days a week, either online or by calling 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732). Information is also available in 28 languages other than English.</em></p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/205565/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Megan Willis does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.</span></em></p>Research reveals individuals that score high for vulnerable narcissism are likely to present themselves inauthentically while online dating.Megan Willis, Senior Lecturer, School of Behavioural and Health Sciences, Australian Catholic UniversityLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/2018562023-04-03T12:28:06Z2023-04-03T12:28:06ZSex, love and companionship … with AI? Why human-machine relationships could go mainstream<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/518533/original/file-20230330-20-i47owy.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=22%2C22%2C4970%2C3315&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">The California-based startup Replika has programmed chatbots to serve as companions.</span> <span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.gettyimages.com/detail/news-photo/in-this-photo-illustration-a-virtual-friend-is-seen-on-the-news-photo/1211994925?adppopup=true">Olivier Douliery/AFP via Getty Images</a></span></figcaption></figure><p>There was once a <a href="https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1083-6101.2009.01457.x">stigma attached to online dating</a>: Less than a decade ago, many couples who had met online would make up stories for how they met rather than admit that they had done so via an app. </p>
<p>Not so anymore. Online dating is <a href="https://www.pewresearch.org/internet/2020/02/06/the-virtues-and-downsides-of-online-dating/">so mainstream</a> that <a href="https://doi.org/10.1073/pnas.1908630116">you’re an outlier</a> if you haven’t met your partner on Tinder, Grindr or Hinge. </p>
<p>We bring up online dating to show just how quickly conventions around romance can change. <a href="https://www.npr.org/2023/03/29/1166891536/an-open-letter-signed-by-tech-leaders-researchers-proposes-delaying-ai-developme">With rapid advances in AI technology</a> over the past few years, these norms may well evolve to include sex, love and friendships with AI-equipped machines.</p>
<p>In our research, we look at how people use technology <a href="https://doi.org/10.1016/j.chb.2015.08.042">to form and maintain relationships</a>. But we also look at how people <a href="https://doi.org/10.30658/hmc.4.7">bond with machines</a> – AI-equipped systems <a href="https://fortune.com/2022/03/17/replika-ai-chat-bot-companion-experience/">like Replika</a> that essentially operate as <a href="https://doi.org/10.1037/tmb0000008">advanced chatbots</a>, along with physical robots like <a href="https://www.realdoll.com/realdoll-x/">RealDollx</a> or <a href="https://sexdollgenie.com/collections/ai-sex-robots">Sex Doll Genie</a>.</p>
<p>We explore the different forms of sex, love and friendships that people can experience with AI-equipped machines, along with what drives people to forge these relationships in the first place – and why they might become much more common sooner than you’d think.</p>
<h2>More than just a cure for loneliness</h2>
<p>A common misconception is that people who are lonely and otherwise unsuccessful in relationships are the most likely to turn to AI-equipped machines for romantic and sexual fulfillment. </p>
<p>However, initial research shows that users of this technology differ in only small ways from nonusers, and there is no significant connection between <a href="https://doi.org/10.3390/mti1010003">feelings of loneliness and a preference for sex robots</a>.</p>
<p>Someone’s willingness to use sex robots is also less influenced by their personality and seems to be tied to <a href="https://doi.org/10.1016/j.chb.2022.107403">sexual preferences and sensation seeking</a>. </p>
<p>In other words, it seems that some people are considering the use of sex robots mainly because they want to have new sexual experiences. </p>
<p>However, an enthusiasm for novelty is not the only driver. Studies show that people find many uses for sexual and romantic machines <a href="https://doi.org/10.3390/robotics7040062">outside of sex and romance</a>. They can serve as companions or therapists, or as a hobby.</p>
<p>In short, people are drawn to AI-equipped machines for a range of reasons. Many of them resemble the reasons people seek out relationships with other humans. But researchers are only beginning to understand how relationships with machines might differ from connecting with other people.</p>
<h2>Relationships 5.0</h2>
<p>Many researchers have <a href="https://doi.org/10.1145/3278721.3278741">voiced ethical concerns</a> about the potential effects of machine companionship. They are concerned that the more that people turn to machine companions, the more they’ll lose touch with other humans – yet another shift toward an existence of being “<a href="https://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_connected_but_alone?language=en">alone together</a>,” to use sociologist Sherry Turkle’s term.</p>
<p>Despite this apprehension, there is surprisingly little research that examines the effects of machine partners. We know quite a bit about how technology, in general, affects people in relationships, such as the <a href="https://doi.org/10.1016/j.copsyc.2020.04.007">benefits and harms of sexting among young adults</a>, and the ways in which online dating platforms <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177/00936502221127498">influence the long-term success of relationships</a>. </p>
<p>Understanding the benefits and drawbacks of AI partners is <a href="https://doi.org/10.1007/s11930-022-00331-0">a bit more complicated</a>.</p>
<p>We are now in an age of what sociologist Elyakim Kislev calls “<a href="https://global.oup.com/academic/product/relationships-50-9780197588253?cc=us&lang=en&">relationships 5.0</a>” in which we are “moving from technologies used as tools controlling human surroundings and work to technologies that are our ecosystem in and of themselves.” </p>
<figure class="align-center ">
<img alt="Elderly people in wheelchairs watch a white robot." src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/518537/original/file-20230330-21-p8ns2u.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/518537/original/file-20230330-21-p8ns2u.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/518537/original/file-20230330-21-p8ns2u.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/518537/original/file-20230330-21-p8ns2u.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/518537/original/file-20230330-21-p8ns2u.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/518537/original/file-20230330-21-p8ns2u.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/518537/original/file-20230330-21-p8ns2u.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px">
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">A humanoid robot named Pepper performs a comedy routine for residents at a nursing home in Minnesota.</span>
<span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.gettyimages.com/detail/news-photo/nursing-home-residents-carol-jones-carol-fisher-and-irene-news-photo/1407319386?adppopup=true">Mark Vancleave/Star Tribune via Getty Images</a></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>Therapeutic value is often mentioned as one benefit of romantic and sexual AI systems. One study discussed how <a href="https://doi.org/10.1515/pjbr-2020-0001">sex robots for elderly or disabled folks</a> could empower them to explore their sexuality, while almost half of physicians and therapists surveyed in another study could see themselves <a href="https://doi.org/10.2196/13853">recommending sex robots in therapy</a>. Robots could also be used in therapy with sexual offenders. But very limited research exists on these uses, which raise a range of ethical questions.</p>
<p>We also have very little knowledge about how human-to-robot relationships compare with human-to-human relationships. However, some of <a href="https://doi.org/10.1037/tmb0000008">our early research</a> suggests that people get just about the same gratification from sexting with a chatbot as they do with another human.</p>
<p>According to theories about how <a href="https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-030-19734-6_1">sexual relationships with artificial partners would work</a>, one of the many factors that could affect the quality of the interactions – and, ultimately, the wider adoption of relationships with robots and AI chatbots – is the associated stigma. </p>
<p>While women are the <a href="https://doi.org/10.1080/00224499.2019.1578329">main purchasers of sex toys</a> – and their use has become <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177/1363460719861836">a generally accepted practice</a> – people who use what’s called “sextech,” or technology designed to enhance or improve human sexual experiences, <a href="https://doi.org/10.1080/19419899.2022.2067783">are still stigmatized</a> socially. That stigma is even stronger for romantic AI systems or sex robots.</p>
<h2>Will you be my v-AI-lentine?</h2>
<p>As we have seen with dating apps, technological advancements in the context of relationships initially face skepticism and disagreement. However, there’s no question that people seem capable of forming deep attachments with AI systems.</p>
<p>Take the app <a href="https://replika.ai/">Replika</a>. It’s been marketed as the “<a href="https://theconversation.com/i-tried-the-replika-ai-companion-and-can-see-why-users-are-falling-hard-the-app-raises-serious-ethical-questions-200257">AI companion who cares</a>” – a virtual boyfriend or girlfriend that promises to engage users in deeply personal conversations, including sexting and dirty talk. </p>
<p>In February, the <a href="https://futurism.com/the-byte/italy-replika-ban">Italian Data Protection Authority</a> ordered that the app stop processing Italian users’ data. As a result, the developers changed how Replika interacts with its users – and some of these users went on to <a href="https://www.vice.com/en/article/y3py9j/ai-companion-replika-erotic-roleplay-updates">express feelings of grief, loss and heartbreak</a>, not unlike the emotions felt after a breakup with a human partner. </p>
<p>Legislators are still figuring out <a href="https://doi.org/10.3233/frl-210009">how to regulate sex and love with machines</a>. But if we have learned anything about the ways in which technology has already become integrated into our relationships, it is likely that sexual and romantic relationships with AI-equipped systems and robots will become more common in the not-so-distant future.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/201856/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>The authors do not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organization that would benefit from this article, and have disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.</span></em></p>Early research finds that people get just about the same gratification from sexting with a chatbot as they do with another human.Marco Dehnert, PhD Candidate in Communication, Arizona State UniversityJoris Van Ouytsel, Assistant Professor of Interpersonal Communication, Arizona State UniversityLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/2009142023-03-15T19:03:36Z2023-03-15T19:03:36ZStuck in a ‘talking stage’ or ‘situationship’? How young people can get more out of modern love<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/514589/original/file-20230310-461-c4ljrh.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=51%2C25%2C5689%2C3796&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">
</span> <span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://images.unsplash.com/photo-1516744263504-69bd3dec5d82?ixlib=rb-4.0.3&ixid=MnwxMjA3fDB8MHxwaG90by1wYWdlfHx8fGVufDB8fHx8&auto=format&fit=crop&w=1742&q=80">Unsplash</a>, <a class="license" href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/">CC BY</a></span></figcaption></figure><p>“Going together” sounds like a romantic term from yesteryear. Today’s young people have a newer label: the “talking stage”. It happens between being introduced to someone and officially dating, and it can involve talking or texting for days – even months.</p>
<p>The purpose of this stage is to have the opportunity to get to know someone before committing to a relationship with them. </p>
<p>But judging by their posts on social media, young people all over the world are <a href="https://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/a42030971/talking-stage-relationship/">struggling</a> with this modern-day dating phase. They can find it drawn-out, repetitive and emotionally draining.</p>
<p>Is it a new thing? And how can potential couples partners make the most of it? </p>
<h2>New label, old practice</h2>
<p>The talking stage is not a new phenomenon, but instead a new take on what we know as traditional “courting”. </p>
<p>Courting involves getting to know someone and building intimacy, often for an extended period of time, before committing to marriage. </p>
<p>Yet, not all relationships start with a courting or talking phase, some relationships start as a hook-up then progress to dating. This is because how people <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/01463373.2010.524874">communicate romantic interest</a> and initiate intimacy depends on personalities and social context. </p>
<p>Neverthless, <a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s12119-021-09896-9">the global pandemic changed the way people date now</a>. People who might not have chosen to date online previously, started pursing dates via the internet or sometimes teledates via screens. </p>
<p>Dating using <a href="https://theconversation.com/from-ghosting-to-backburner-relationships-the-reasons-people-behave-so-badly-on-dating-apps-179600">online apps</a> spread the love by swapping, matching, and instant messaging – often with multiple partners and in large numbers. </p>
<p>Researchers termed this period “<a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s12119-021-09896-9">jagged love</a>” and found it didn’t lead to traditional courting and romance. People in this context move quickly between partners, searching for meaningful connections and often feel disappointed with the outcome. There’s a lot of potential for <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/15332691.2020.1795039">sabotaging a relationship</a> before it even starts. </p>
<p>And there is a significant difference between the talking stage and traditional courting. Today, early conversations are accelerated by the amount of information publicly available about someone on the internet. So, for some people, talking or texting might feel like an unnecessary or tedious step, given what we can glean from Facebook, Instagram and TikTok. </p>
<p>But the talking stage may be a way to solidify <a href="https://www.wiley.com/en-au/Liquid+Love:+On+the+Frailty+of+Human+Bonds-p-9780745624891">fragile human bonds</a>. </p>
<p><div data-react-class="Tweet" data-react-props="{"tweetId":"1631029239293067270"}"></div></p>
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<em>
<strong>
Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/hook-ups-pansexuals-and-holy-connection-love-in-the-time-of-millennials-and-generation-z-182226">Hook-ups, pansexuals and holy connection: love in the time of millennials and Generation Z</a>
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<h2>Is it a ‘situationship’?</h2>
<p>In <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/comments/104icrr/what_are_some_tips_to_improve_talking_stage/">online forums</a>, young people report feeling confused about how long to talk to someone before moving on, or what to discuss with a potential partner. So the talking stage might seem ambiguous, stressful or anxiety-provoking. </p>
<p>Young people are also confused about whether they are in a “situationhsip” – another relationship status with an ambiguous definition, used to describe non-committed but emotionally charged intimate engagements. This one is similar to recent labels like “friends with benefits”, “booty calls”, or one-night stands.</p>
<p><div data-react-class="InstagramEmbed" data-react-props="{"url":"https://www.instagram.com/p/CWRI2EVvF9T","accessToken":"127105130696839|b4b75090c9688d81dfd245afe6052f20"}"></div></p>
<p>Being in an undefined stage or relationship can impact mental health and wellbeing. <a href="https://ww.ijicc.net/images/vol4iss3/Raquel_Peel_et_al.pdf">Relationship difficulties</a> are one of the most prominent reasons why people seek counselling and a significant contributor to anxiety, depression, and thoughts of self harm. Counselling services in Australia <a href="https://link.springer.com/chapter/10.1007/978-981-16-8040-3_14">report</a> the most common reasons for seeking counselling include relationship conflict, inadequate interpersonal skills to initiate or establish significant relationships, family violence, and sexual assault.</p>
<p>Fear of being hurt, abandoned, rejected or trapped can be a <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/15332691.2020.1795039">barrier</a> to forming and maintaining healthy long-term intimate engagements. </p>
<p>Being in a committed romantic relationship <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/j.1475-6811.2010.01248.x?casa_token=P-CZTx8mVz8AAAAA%3ADv2y6JsPkpyf08XsvzzGSbpznAIi8N3TdzVrHxgFDuN3FCJWS5iDWJg-HxGzT1uAH_so4yZi9bi_iP-m">decreases</a> the incidence of mental health issues when compared to ambiguous or casual engagements. This why <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/15332691.2020.1795039">my research</a> focuses on increasing people’s skills and confidence to navigate intimate partnerships. </p>
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<p>
<em>
<strong>
Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/from-ghosting-to-backburner-relationships-the-reasons-people-behave-so-badly-on-dating-apps-179600">From ghosting to 'backburner' relationships: the reasons people behave so badly on dating apps</a>
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<h2>Good practice</h2>
<p>Many people <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/15332691.2020.1795039">lack relationship skills</a> such as insight, flexibility, maturity, confidence, effective communication and how to manage expectations. Being able to improve relationship skills is a strong predictor of relationship satisfaction and long-term relationship success.</p>
<p>Working out how to navigate an intimate relationship, by communicating needs honestly and creating opportunities to develop and explore a sense of self, can help people feel <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/02654075221101127?casa_token=na2lhyw3DrcAAAAA%3AHHnN8P_wqKmoVrMgkbo8YGO6da6IjE49ze9fnTaUg7FvazDDKAUTqfKaYqkLZRQQdiN8GLKPxpXw0aY#bibr10-02654075221101127">more confident</a>. </p>
<p>So, the talking stage is an opportunity to get to know a potential partner, explore compatibility, and improve relationship skills. </p>
<figure class="align-center zoomable">
<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/514594/original/file-20230310-20-ded6q5.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/514594/original/file-20230310-20-ded6q5.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/514594/original/file-20230310-20-ded6q5.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=401&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/514594/original/file-20230310-20-ded6q5.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=401&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/514594/original/file-20230310-20-ded6q5.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=401&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/514594/original/file-20230310-20-ded6q5.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/514594/original/file-20230310-20-ded6q5.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/514594/original/file-20230310-20-ded6q5.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">There is talking and then there is the talking stage …</span>
<span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.pexels.com/photo/close-up-photo-of-women-looking-at-each-other-8552267/">Pexels/Pavel Danilyuk</a>, <a class="license" href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/">CC BY</a></span>
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<em>
<strong>
Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/the-one-could-dna-tests-find-our-soulmate-we-study-sex-and-sexuality-and-think-the-idea-is-ridiculous-158533">The One: could DNA tests find our soulmate? We study sex and sexuality — and think the idea is ridiculous</a>
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<h2>5 ways to make the talking stage better</h2>
<p>It may be a bit confusing and open-ended, but there are ways to make the talking stage more helpful than stressful.</p>
<p><strong>1) Open communication</strong> – make sure to express your needs, expectations, and be willing to also understand the needs and expectations of others in an honest way </p>
<p><strong>2) Explore compatibility</strong> – the talking stage is an opportunity to explore whether a potential partner shares interests, values and morals</p>
<p><strong>3) Define the relationship</strong> – this stage is an opportunity to discuss the potential relationship and the type of romantic engagement. It is important all parties understand what the relationship is and where it is headed </p>
<p><strong>4) Acceptance</strong> – this insightful step involves understanding the talking stage or “situationship” might fizzle out and not turn into a relationship (which may hurt) and that this is a natural part of the process </p>
<p><strong>5) Establish boundaries</strong> – self-protection and safety are basic human instincts. So, it is important to know how to navigate this process in a healthy way by establishing boundaries for the intimate engagement early.</p>
<p>Humans are hardwired to search for intimate connections from birth. Modern times may might have changed how we pursue and communicate love, but this innate instinct remains truly unbreakable and the talking stage can be an important part of it.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/200914/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Raquel Peel does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.</span></em></p>The ‘talking stage’ is a lot like traditional ‘courting’ – with some online complications. Still, it can be a great way to test the waters with a potential partner and establish healthy boundaries.Raquel Peel, Adjunct Senior Lecturer, University of Southern Queensland and Senior Lecturer, RMIT UniversityLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/1984542023-02-20T13:46:07Z2023-02-20T13:46:07ZChatGPT and Tinder: do smart chatbots make dating online better or worse?<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/510832/original/file-20230217-22-979ksn.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">
</span> <span class="attribution"><span class="source">Lucemade/iStock/Getty Images Plus</span></span></figcaption></figure><p><a href="https://tinder.com">Tinder</a> and other dating apps have come to define modern dating, and notoriously so. Users download the Tinder app to their phones or other devices and can then view the profiles of potential dates nearby. If they think someone might be a match, they swipe to the right on their touchscreens to show interest. If the other person swipes right too, a chat can begin, which might lead to an in-person meeting. </p>
<p>This initial introduction involves minimal information – a photo and some basic details about yourself. The result is that romance and trust are sometimes assumed to be missing from the dating process. Added to this are fears of <a href="https://www.wired.com/story/dating-apps-tools-to-thwart-scams/">harassment and scams</a> as well as uninspirational (and often sexually aggressive) Tinder opening lines like, “Wow, your clothes would look great bundled on my bedroom floor”. Yet, Tinder remains firmly part of the repertoire when looking for love, casual connections or intimacy. </p>
<p>Now Tinder’s chat game has been taken to new heights with the much discussed “smart” <a href="https://www.ibm.com/topics/chatbots">chatbot</a>, <a href="https://chat.openai.com/auth/login">ChatGPT</a>. Prompted by a typed question or instruction, ChatGPT provides answers and suggestions that have surprised many with their plausibility. It seems to have human qualities even though it is an artificial intelligence tool that frames its answers based on vast amounts of data from the internet. Some Tinder users have started to consult ChatGPT to suggest creative lines to use when chatting, modelled to the profile information available. It can even be used to design more intriguing profile biographies.</p>
<p>But what does this mean for app dating? Does it make building trust through technologies even more difficult? I don’t think so.</p>
<p>To consider the question, I draw on the experiences of 25 Tinder users in Cape Town, South Africa whose dating journeys I followed for two years. My <a href="https://open.uct.ac.za/handle/11427/35694">research</a> confirmed that the first phase of app dating is regarded with some scepticism and caution. But it also revealed that users often find ways to make the app’s technology work to build trust and romance. It depends on how it’s used. </p>
<h2>What is ChatGPT?</h2>
<p><a href="https://openai.com/blog/chatgpt/">ChatGPT</a> was launched by <a href="https://openai.com">OpenAI</a>, a US research laboratory, in November 2022 and sparked a chatbot development race among global tech giants. Available free, ChatGPT reached <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2023/feb/02/chatgpt-100-million-users-open-ai-fastest-growing-app">100 million users</a> within just two months who soon got <a href="https://medium.com/illumination/14-creative-ways-to-use-chatgpt-you-probably-didnt-know-about-f0f5d2608c6d">creative with it</a>. </p>
<p>Significantly more sophisticated than earlier chatbots, it builds sentences by picking words that are likely to follow one another, drawn from a large pool of information. While it doesn’t always do well with very simple questions, it impresses when more things are specified besides a topic – like the mood, tone or intellectual level required of its response. </p>
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Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/tinder-use-in-cape-town-reveals-the-paradox-of-modern-dating-177391">Tinder use in Cape Town reveals the paradox of modern dating</a>
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<p>ChatGPT can be used as a search engine to suggest a list of literature on, say, feminist theory. But it can also be instructed to write an essay or a poem on living as a woman. Or a podcast introduction on the topic, for that matter. </p>
<p>Even if the bot is not always factually correct – just like a human – it creates conversation that seems confident and intelligent, even humorous and witty. And it’s getting better at it.</p>
<h2>Tinder meets chatGPT</h2>
<p>Users experimenting with ChatGPT realised it can make the initial stage of Tinder dating less tedious and replace cringy or boring human pick-up lines with more intriguing and personalised ones, <a href="https://www.tiktok.com/discover/chatgpt-tinder-ai">even entire poems</a>. </p>
<p>On Tinder, there’s a general agreement that certain behaviour is wrong – like <a href="https://www.teenvogue.com/story/signs-youre-being-catfished">catfishing</a> (pretending to be an entirely different person). But things get blurrier when Tinder already offers built-in chatbot technology to suggest opening lines – like, “What are your favourite song lyrics?”. Tinder users can also manipulate their photos with filters or exaggerate their most positive attributes to attract more attention. </p>
<p>These slight manipulations are among the reasons my research respondents found Tinder introductions lack authenticity. The debates around ChatGPT and its potential to shortcut the labour needed to establish relationships made me think about their struggles to really connect online. Apart from an appealing profile, another deciding factor for a match is proving oneself through quick wit and bold banter. This can easily go wrong under pressure and communicating via text, <a href="https://www.britannica.com/topic/emoji">emojis</a> and <a href="https://www.britannica.com/technology/GIF">GIFs</a>. Enter ChatGPT.</p>
<h2>Will trust be ruined?</h2>
<p>Confident chatbots could indeed make the process of building trust and romance more complicated. But are they spoiling the integrity of romance and trust on Tinder? My answer would be no. ChatGPT will probably inspire bolder lines that users often dare to write. </p>
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<p>
<em>
<strong>
Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/chatgpt-dall-e-2-and-the-collapse-of-the-creative-process-196461">ChatGPT, DALL-E 2 and the collapse of the creative process</a>
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<p>While the line between inspiration and deception may become thin at times, this doesn’t necessarily mean that human qualities like creativity or confidence become replaced. Nor does it have to lead to an erosion of trust. </p>
<h2>Putting ChatGPT to the test</h2>
<p>Putting ChatGPT to the test, it seems one might actually get some surprisingly useful dating advice from it. When I asked clumsily for an opener for Tinder, the chatbot offered me some general advice and then concluded, “The opening line is just the beginning of the conversation. The most important thing is to be genuine, show interest in the other person, and be respectful.” </p>
<p>ChatGPT could be used to cheat in online exams or spread <a href="https://www.businessinsider.com/i-asked-chatgpt-to-write-insider-story-it-was-convincing-2022-12?r=US&IR=T">misinformation</a>, but it can also be part of constructive development. For instance it can prompt a <a href="https://www.wired.com/story/chatgpt-is-coming-for-classrooms-dont-panic/">rethink</a> about what education should look like. Similar discussions should be encouraged regarding dating. What do we want intimacy to be today? </p>
<p>Technologies don’t disrupt by themselves. Dating and sexuality are part of social processes that involve regulation and coding. Manipulating, violating or playing with these rules is also nothing new. The ways in which this happens change. When they do, we need to focus not so much on the technology but on how it is used. It’s worth remembering that humans can be untrustworthy and untransparent offline as well. In its worst applications, technology just accentuates this. </p>
<h2>Technology is people</h2>
<p>The fact that the Tinder users I interviewed kept deleting and redownloading the app showed me there’s a willingness to persevere, to navigate through the clichéd openers and posed images to get to more meaningful encounters. Experiences that felt inauthentic were part of this. </p>
<p>Given that the bar is quite low on Tinder and people tend to play it safe by not revealing too much about themselves, bold and personalised ChatGPT may initially seem like a breath of fresh air. </p>
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Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/debate-chatgpt-reminds-us-why-good-questions-matter-199047">Debate: ChatGPT reminds us why good questions matter</a>
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<p>But there’s no reason to believe that intimacy can be readily manipulated through the bot on a deeper level. My research found that the initial stage of Tinder dating, the online part, was recognised and humoured as a necessary stepping stone to get to the “real stuff”. </p>
<p>The good news about it all is that Tinder users have become good at sorting the wheat from the chaff, so to say. Even if this is a tiresome process, it’s a life skill that’s becoming ever more relevant. </p>
<p>A performance of confidence through ChatGPT cannot be maintained for long anyway. Once it wears thin and questions become more personal, people have to fall back on their ability to communicate sensitively, take risks, and slowly build trust.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/198454/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Leah Davina Junck does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.</span></em></p>Confident chatbots could undermine trust and romance - but probably won’t. They may even enhance online dating.Leah Davina Junck, University of Cape TownLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/1990592023-02-13T17:45:02Z2023-02-13T17:45:02ZValentine’s Day: research-backed tips for dating app success<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/509457/original/file-20230210-30-wzbpz8.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=40%2C57%2C5422%2C3579&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">
</span> <span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.shutterstock.com/image-photo/woman-using-phone-dating-app-1951465051">13_Phunkod/Shutterstock</a></span></figcaption></figure><p>Whether you’re in it for the romance or the chocolate, Valentine’s Day means love is in the air. For the <a href="https://www.businessofapps.com/data/dating-app-market/">300 million</a> people who use dating apps like Tinder, Bumble and Hinge, February 14 might be a time to get chatting. </p>
<p><a href="https://drrachelarielkatz.wixsite.com/info">I have studied</a> the many creative ways people use and communicate on dating apps, including <a href="https://hub.salford.ac.uk/health-and-society-research/public-health-messaging-during-the-covid-pandemic-dating-app-usage-and-sexual-wellbeing-among-men-who-have-sex-with-men">to talk about health precautions during the pandemic</a>, and <a href="https://research.manchester.ac.uk/en/studentTheses/on-the-grid-grindrs-reconfiguration-of-interactions-relations-and">making connections while travelling</a>.</p>
<p>I’ve learned that while dating apps are a great way to meet people, the aspects that people value, like <a href="https://research.manchester.ac.uk/en/studentTheses/on-the-grid-grindrs-reconfiguration-of-interactions-relations-and">convenience</a>, can also be a downside. The design of and social expectations of using dating apps can lead people to solicit a hook-up too aggressively, or make it easy to ghost someone just as they were getting excited about a match. </p>
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<img alt="Quarter life, a series by The Conversation" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/451343/original/file-20220310-13-1bj6csd.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=237&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/451343/original/file-20220310-13-1bj6csd.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=600&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/451343/original/file-20220310-13-1bj6csd.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=600&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/451343/original/file-20220310-13-1bj6csd.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=600&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/451343/original/file-20220310-13-1bj6csd.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=754&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/451343/original/file-20220310-13-1bj6csd.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=754&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/451343/original/file-20220310-13-1bj6csd.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=754&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px">
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<p><em><strong><a href="https://theconversation.com/uk/topics/quarter-life-117947?utm_source=TCUK&utm_medium=linkback&utm_campaign=UK+YP2022&utm_content=InArticleTop">This article is part of Quarter Life</a></strong>, a series about issues affecting those of us in our twenties and thirties. From the challenges of beginning a career and taking care of our mental health, to the excitement of starting a family, adopting a pet or just making friends as an adult. The articles in this series explore the questions and bring answers as we navigate this turbulent period of life.</em></p>
<p><em>You may be interested in:</em></p>
<p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/online-dating-fatigue-why-some-people-are-turning-to-face-to-face-apps-first-184910?utm_source=TCUK&utm_medium=linkback&utm_campaign=UK+YP2022&utm_content=InArticleTop">Online dating fatigue – why some people are turning to face-to-face apps first</a></em></p>
<p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/love-island-what-the-show-can-teach-young-people-about-commitment-185459?utm_source=TCUK&utm_medium=linkback&utm_campaign=UK+YP2022&utm_content=InArticleTop">Love Island – what the show can teach young people about commitment</a></em></p>
<p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/what-you-need-to-know-about-surveillance-and-reproductive-rights-in-a-post-roe-v-wade-world-185933?utm_source=TCUK&utm_medium=linkback&utm_campaign=UK+YP2022&utm_content=InArticleTop">What you need to know about surveillance and reproductive rights in a post Roe v Wade world</a></em></p>
<hr>
<p>From crafting the perfect opening message to taking the conversation offline, here are some things to consider after you’ve made a match.</p>
<h2>1. Actually read their profile</h2>
<p>People don’t always take the time to read someone’s entire profile before “liking” or dismissing them. This is a shame, because people attach a lot of meaning to their <a href="https://doi.org/10.17863/CAM.43238">profile pictures</a> and how they present themselves – and it’s not about looking as attractive as possible. People want to be liked for who they are. They express this by selecting photos that convey their hobbies, personalities and values. </p>
<p>Write your opening message with this in mind. Don’t just share details about yourself, or say a generic “hi”, or shower them with compliments. Ask a question or two to spark a longer conversation. Mention something specific they wrote in their profile or did in a photo, or comment on their answer to a prompt. For example, if they have a photo of themselves hiking, you could ask about their favourite hiking routes, or their other hobbies.</p>
<p>This is also something to think about when designing your own profile. Add a question or an opening line to encourage people to message you thoughtfully. Something as simple as: “Ask me about my ideal weekend” could get the ball rolling.</p>
<h2>2. Make your intentions clear</h2>
<p>Make clear what you want to get out of the interaction, whether it’s meeting new people, a hook-up or something longer term. This can save time and lead to a better experience. No one wants to spend too much energy communicating with someone who isn’t after the same thing as them.</p>
<p>If you’d like to go on a date, you could suggest something like: “I would love to go out and show you why cacio e pepe is definitively the best Italian meal.”</p>
<p>If you’re only interested in a hook-up, clarify you’re looking for something casual, but don’t talk about sex too quickly or aggressively – people find that <a href="https://research.manchester.ac.uk/en/studentTheses/on-the-grid-grindrs-reconfiguration-of-interactions-relations-and">off-putting</a>. Instead, tell them that they caught your eye and would love to see if there’s chemistry on a night together.</p>
<p>Respect other people’s intentions and varying comfort levels when it comes to taking risks – emotionally and physically. You can start this conversation by sharing what’s important to you about safety. This can be health-related (COVID testing or monkeypox vaccines), or safety-related, like meeting in a public place first. It doesn’t have to happen in the first message, but it’s worth discussing before you meet in person, as it’s often easier to talk about online. </p>
<p>My <a href="https://hub.salford.ac.uk/health-and-society-research/public-health-messaging-during-the-covid-pandemic-dating-app-usage-and-sexual-wellbeing-among-men-who-have-sex-with-men/public-health-messaging-during-the-covid-pandemic-findings/">research</a> with colleagues about gay men during the pandemic found that on dating apps, people gradually shifted away from government safety guidance, preferring to set their own strategies and boundaries. Just because you feel one way about health precautions or safety doesn’t mean your conversation partner feels the same. </p>
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<img alt="An androgynous couple, both with short hair and wearing makeup and brightly-coloured collared shirts, stand back to back and smile at their mobile phones, against a bright pink background" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/509498/original/file-20230210-22-yxr3b5.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/509498/original/file-20230210-22-yxr3b5.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/509498/original/file-20230210-22-yxr3b5.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/509498/original/file-20230210-22-yxr3b5.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/509498/original/file-20230210-22-yxr3b5.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/509498/original/file-20230210-22-yxr3b5.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/509498/original/file-20230210-22-yxr3b5.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px">
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<span class="caption">Will your next match be the one?</span>
<span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.shutterstock.com/image-photo/carefree-gay-couple-using-their-mobile-2078507641">Jacob Lund/Shutterstock</a></span>
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<h2>3. Don’t take things personally</h2>
<p>It’s hard not to take things personally when you put yourself out there. Dating rejection, even online, can be <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177/0265407520970287">painful</a>. This can be ghosting – when someone abruptly stops messaging you without warning – or when you simply don’t get a reply after your first message.</p>
<p>You might think: “We matched, which means they like me! So why ignore me?” Unfortunately, this happens often on dating apps. Many factors influence whether people will chat once they have been matched, including sexuality and gender. For example, straight women are more likely than straight men to have a lot of interested matches to sort <a href="https://www.statista.com/statistics/975925/us-tinder-user-ratio-gender/">through</a>. </p>
<p>Women also often take on the burden of <a href="https://doi.org/10.1080/14680777.2021.1948884">safety work</a> – screening matches to protect themselves. Whether it’s selectivity, not reading profiles closely until after matching or just overlooking their inbox on a busy day, a match doesn’t always lead to a conversation. </p>
<p>My <a href="https://research.manchester.ac.uk/en/studentTheses/on-the-grid-grindrs-reconfiguration-of-interactions-relations-and">research</a> suggests there are clashing ideas of social etiquette on apps. Not replying to an opening message might seem rude to you because you wouldn’t ignore someone speaking to you in real life. But someone else might view ghosting as a norm of the convenient, quick interactions dating apps enable.</p>
<p>People are on dating apps for different reasons. Whatever you’re looking for, there’s probably someone out there for you.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/199059/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Rachel A. Katz's research and her research with colleagues has received funding from UKRI, The University of Salford and The University of Manchester. She has also shared her academic research findings with Bumble. </span></em></p>The convenience of dating apps can also make them difficult to navigate.Rachel A. Katz, Postdoctoral Research Fellow, University of SalfordLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/1986402023-02-12T13:19:52Z2023-02-12T13:19:52ZChinese immigrants look to digital Chinatowns to find love online<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/506683/original/file-20230126-36630-6ek7qk.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=0%2C0%2C4941%2C3319&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">Dating apps like 2RedBeans and Tantan, that specifically cater to Chinese people, have become increasingly popular.</span> <span class="attribution"><span class="source">(Joshua Chun/Unsplash)</span></span></figcaption></figure><p>Where do people go for good Chinese food? One obvious answer is Chinatown. Many large cities have established Chinatowns and other neighbourhoods that serve as a cultural base for different communities. But increasingly, more than existing in physical space, these ethnic communities are forming in cyberspace. </p>
<p>In particular, digital Chinatowns are becoming very important in the dating lives of Chinese immigrants. According to <a href="https://doi.org/10.1111/cars.12414">our new research</a>, many Chinese immigrants in Canada are turning to online communities hoping to find love.</p>
<p>As the internet and smartphones have become ubiquitous in our day-to-day life, millions of singles are <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177/1529100612436522">going online</a> to look for romantic partners. And online dating platforms have burgeoned. </p>
<h2>Digital Chinatowns</h2>
<p>Even if you’ve never tried online dating, you’ve probably heard of Tinder, Plenty of Fish, OkCupid or one of the many dating apps available today. There are also online dating platforms that <a href="https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-319-95540-7_4">cater to specific groups</a>.</p>
<p>A popular choice among Chinese immigrants is <a href="https://www.2redbeans.com/en/chinese-dating?">2RedBeans</a>, one of the main dating sites for Chinese people living abroad. Another frequently mentioned app, <a href="https://tantanapp.com/en">Tantan</a>, is known as the Tinder of China. </p>
<figure class="align-center zoomable">
<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/509542/original/file-20230210-22-5ahifc.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="A hand holfing a smartphone showing a woman's picture on a dating app." src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/509542/original/file-20230210-22-5ahifc.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/509542/original/file-20230210-22-5ahifc.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/509542/original/file-20230210-22-5ahifc.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/509542/original/file-20230210-22-5ahifc.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/509542/original/file-20230210-22-5ahifc.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/509542/original/file-20230210-22-5ahifc.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/509542/original/file-20230210-22-5ahifc.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">dating platforms that cater to specific groups have become increasingly popular.</span>
<span class="attribution"><span class="source">(Shutterstock)</span></span>
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</figure>
<p>People of Chinese descent are <a href="https://www12.statcan.gc.ca/census-recensement/2021/dp-pd/prof/details/page.cfm?LANG=E&GENDERlist=1&STATISTIClist=1,4&DGUIDlist=2021A000011124&HEADERlist=31,30,25&SearchText=Canada">one of the largest visible minority groups</a> in Canada. Nearly 60 per cent of them are foreign-born immigrants to Canada. </p>
<p>In 2018–2019, our research team interviewed 31 heterosexual Chinese immigrants in Metro Vancouver, including 17 women and 14 men. All of our research participants had used online dating services while they were living in Canada. We talked with each of them about their dating and relationship experiences. </p>
<p>About half of the people we interviewed preferred to date someone of the same ethnic background. Many of them preferred Chinese immigrants who had come to Canada at a similar age to themselves. They believed that immigrating from China to Canada around similar ages would indicate shared cultural upbringings. This cultural matching was perceived to facilitate mutual understanding, good conversations, and feelings of “clicking” in intimate relationships.</p>
<p>Interviewees told us it was difficult to make friends in their daily life in Vancouver, let alone find their preferred dates. For example, one interviewee participated in an <a href="https://bcrefugeehub.ca/free-english-conversation-circles-a-comprehensive-listing/">English conversation circle</a> for newcomers to improve her English. However, she found it hard to socialize with people there because everyone “was cold to each other” and “had little interest in chatting further.” So, she went online in search of dates and romantic partners, just like <a href="https://doi.org/10.1108/INTR-10-2020-0547">many other immigrants</a>. </p>
<p>But meeting people on western dating apps was also challenging for our Chinese immigrant interviewees. While Tinder is often seen as a default option in the western dating scene, one interviewee felt there were “very few Chinese” on Tinder. Another said: “If any, those are the Chinese people who can’t speak Chinese; those speaking Chinese don’t use Tinder to look for partners.”</p>
<figure class="align-center zoomable">
<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/508141/original/file-20230203-13612-7qjkit.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="Asian woman looks out a window." src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/508141/original/file-20230203-13612-7qjkit.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/508141/original/file-20230203-13612-7qjkit.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/508141/original/file-20230203-13612-7qjkit.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/508141/original/file-20230203-13612-7qjkit.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/508141/original/file-20230203-13612-7qjkit.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/508141/original/file-20230203-13612-7qjkit.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/508141/original/file-20230203-13612-7qjkit.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
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<span class="caption">Interviewees said that difficulty making friends encouraged them to go online in search of dates.</span>
<span class="attribution"><span class="source">(Shutterstock)</span></span>
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</figure>
<p>As a result, many Chinese immigrants we interviewed primarily, or even exclusively, used dating platforms that specifically catered to Chinese people. </p>
<p>Dating apps like 2RedBeans and Tantan have created Chinatowns in cyberspace. Chinese-oriented dating apps not only provide a virtual space for co-ethnic daters to gather, but they also preserve the use of Chinese language. </p>
<p>Speaking Chinese matters when connecting with potential partners. Users who lack Chinese language skills can feel blocked out of cyber-Chinatowns. One of our interviewees, who came to Canada as a child and didn’t speak fluent Chinese, said his experience on Chinese dating apps had not been fruitful. In his experience on Tantan, most women stopped talking to him after he asked if they could speak English. </p>
<h2>Racial stereotypes</h2>
<p>Our research also found that Chinese immigrant men were more likely than women to rely on ethnic online communities to look for romance. Men’s choices of online dating platforms were not just down to personal preference, but rooted in their lived experiences of discrimination in dating. </p>
<p>One man shared with us that he once received the following comment from a white woman: “You are the first Asian man that caught my eye!” While it was meant to be complimentary, it felt more like scorn than praise, echoing stereotypes of Asian men being “unmasculine” and “unattractive.” </p>
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Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/asian-guys-stereotyped-and-excluded-in-online-dating-130855">Asian guys stereotyped and excluded in online dating</a>
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<p>Some of our male interviewees tried mainstream western dating apps like Tinder and Plenty of Fish but kept getting no matches. Disappointed with their experiences, they soon deleted the apps. </p>
<p>Even if some Chinese men were open to dating women of other ethnicities, non-Chinese women seldom responded to their messages. After experiencing constant non-responses and rejections on western dating apps, Chinese men tended to “retreat” into cyber-Chinatowns as a comfort zone shielding them from potentially disappointing encounters.</p>
<figure class="align-center zoomable">
<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/508126/original/file-20230203-7058-srd12l.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="People on a bench using smartphones." src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/508126/original/file-20230203-7058-srd12l.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/508126/original/file-20230203-7058-srd12l.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=338&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/508126/original/file-20230203-7058-srd12l.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=338&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/508126/original/file-20230203-7058-srd12l.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=338&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/508126/original/file-20230203-7058-srd12l.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=424&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/508126/original/file-20230203-7058-srd12l.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=424&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/508126/original/file-20230203-7058-srd12l.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=424&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
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<span class="caption">Chinese users found it difficult to meet people on western dating apps due to racial stereotypes.</span>
<span class="attribution"><span class="source">(Shutterstock)</span></span>
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<p>Without enough intercultural contact that promotes <a href="https://hbr.org/2017/06/does-diversity-actually-increase-creativity">deeper understanding</a>, individuals are often reduced to <a href="https://www.ucpress.edu/book/9780520293458/the-dating-divide">stereotypical characterizations</a>. As such, racial stereotypes remain unchallenged and racial discrimination continues to prevail.</p>
<p>Ethnic, cultural or religious online communities help people find a match. However, such communities can also risk further segregating people into ethnic clusters and reduce interactions across different cultural groups. </p>
<p>Our interviews with Chinese immigrants were conducted before the COVID-19 pandemic. Since then, <a href="http://dx.doi.org/10.2139/ssrn.3626460">anti-Asian racism has surged</a>. That could mean more Chinese immigrants will turn to digital Chinatowns to look for love and companionship. </p>
<p>What can be done to help immigrants attain a sense of belonging without living in the margins of the host society? Ideally, in Canada, a country that <a href="https://www.canada.ca/en/services/culture/canadian-identity-society/multiculturalism.html">supports multiculturalism</a>, visible minority immigrants can preserve their ethnic cultures while having plentiful intercultural communications without experiencing racism. But in reality, that is not always the case.</p>
<p>Limited opportunities to make meaningful connections won’t be magically solved by using technology. We must all cultivate more space, on and offline, where we can meet people of different backgrounds and get to know each other as real people and social equals. Culture may define us, but it should not divide us.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/198640/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Manlin Cai receives funding from the UBC Centre for Migration Studies Small Grants for Faculty-Graduate Student Research Collaborations. Any opinions, findings, and conclusions or recommendations expressed in this article are those of the authors and do not necessarily reflect the views of the funders.</span></em></p><p class="fine-print"><em><span>Yue Qian receives funding from the Social Sciences and Humanities Research Council of Canada Insight Development Grant and the UBC Centre for Migration Studies Small Grants for Faculty-Graduate Student Research Collaborations. Any opinions, findings, and conclusions or recommendations expressed in this article are those of the authors and do not necessarily reflect the views of the funders.</span></em></p>Chinese-oriented online dating platforms create “Chinatowns” in cyberspace, where Chinese daters gather in hopes of finding true love.Manlin Cai, PhD student, Department of Sociology, University of British ColumbiaYue Qian, Associate Professor of Sociology, University of British ColumbiaLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/1985872023-01-29T19:09:49Z2023-01-29T19:09:49Z3 in 4 people experience abuse on dating apps. How do we balance prevention with policing?<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/506737/original/file-20230127-24-sns258.jpeg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=0%2C11%2C7951%2C5285&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">
</span> <span class="attribution"><span class="source">Shutterstock</span></span></figcaption></figure><p>A 2022 <a href="https://www.aic.gov.au/publications/rr/rr25">survey by</a> the Australian Institute of Criminology found three in four app users surveyed had experienced online abuse or harassment when using dating apps. This included image-based abuse and abusive and threatening messages. A further third experienced in-person or off-app abuse from people they met on apps. </p>
<p>These figures set the scene for <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/australia-news/2023/jan/25/scale-of-sexual-violence-online-difficult-to-comprehend-minister-says-ahead-of-australian-roundtable">a national roundtable</a> convened on Wednesday by Communications Minister Michelle Rowland and Social Services Minister Amanda Rishworth.</p>
<p>Experiences of abuse on apps are strongly gendered and reflect preexisting <a href="https://apo.org.au/node/268156">patterns of marginalisation</a>. Those targeted are typically women and members of LGBTIQA+ communities, while perpetrators are commonly men. People with disabilities, <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/pdf/10.1177/1440783319833181">Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people</a>, and people from migrant backgrounds report being directly targeted based on their perceived differences. </p>
<p>What do these patterns tell us? That abuse on apps isn’t new or specific to digital technologies. It reflects longstanding trends in <a href="https://anrowsdev.wpenginepowered.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/12/300419_NCAS_Summary_Report.pdf">offline behaviour</a>. Perpetrators simply exploit the possibilities dating apps offer. With this in mind, how might we begin to solve the problem of abuse on dating apps?</p>
<h2>Trying to find solutions</h2>
<p>Survivors of app-related abuse and violence say apps have been slow to respond, and have failed to offer meaningful responses. In the past, users have reported abusive behaviours, only to be met <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/20563051221144315">with a chatbot</a>. Also, blocking or reporting an abusive user doesn’t automatically reduce in-app violence. It just leaves the abuser free to abuse another person.</p>
<p>Wednesday’s roundtable considered how app-makers can work better with law enforcement agencies to respond to serious and persistent offenders. Although no formal outcomes have been announced, it has been suggested that app users should provide 100 points of identification <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/australia-news/2023/jan/25/dating-app-background-and-id-checks-being-considered-in-bid-to-fight-abuse">to verify their profiles</a>. </p>
<p>But this proposal raises privacy concerns. It would create a database of the real-world identities of people in marginalised groups, including LGBTIQA+ communities. If these data were leaked, it could cause untold harm.</p>
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Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/right-swipes-and-red-flags-how-young-people-negotiate-sex-and-safety-on-dating-apps-128390">Right-swipes and red flags – how young people negotiate sex and safety on dating apps</a>
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<h2>Prevention is key</h2>
<p>Moreover, even if the profile verification process was bolstered, regulators could still only respond to the most serious cases of harm, and after abuse has already occurred. That’s why prevention is vital when it comes to abuse on dating apps. And this is where research into everyday patterns and understanding of app use adds value.</p>
<p>Often, abuse and harassment are fuelled by stereotypical beliefs about men having a <a href="https://anrowsdev.wpenginepowered.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/06/PIS-Special-Collection-2020-Update.pdf">“right” to sexual attention</a>. They also play on widely held assumptions that women, queer people and other marginalised groups do not deserve equal levels of respect and care in all their <a href="https://transfemme.com.au/information-for-men-who-date-trans-women">sexual encounters and relationships</a> – from lifelong partnerships to casual hookups. </p>
<p>In response, app-makers have engaged in PSA-style campaigns seeking to change the culture among their users. For example, Grindr has a <a href="https://www.taylorfrancis.com/chapters/edit/10.4324/9781003002338-3/kindr-grindr-sharif-mowlabocus">long-running “Kindr”</a> campaign that targets sexual racism and fatphobic abuse among the gay, bisexual and trans folk who use the platform.</p>
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<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/506739/original/file-20230127-22-v90ofk.jpeg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="A mobile screen shows various dating app icons" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/506739/original/file-20230127-22-v90ofk.jpeg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/506739/original/file-20230127-22-v90ofk.jpeg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/506739/original/file-20230127-22-v90ofk.jpeg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/506739/original/file-20230127-22-v90ofk.jpeg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/506739/original/file-20230127-22-v90ofk.jpeg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/506739/original/file-20230127-22-v90ofk.jpeg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/506739/original/file-20230127-22-v90ofk.jpeg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
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<span class="caption">Match Group is one of the largest dating app companies. It owns Tinder, Match.com, Meetic, OkCupid, Hinge and PlentyOfFish, among others.</span>
<span class="attribution"><span class="source">Shutterstock</span></span>
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<p>Other apps have sought to build safety for women into the app itself. For instance, on Bumble only women are allowed to initiate a chat in a bid to prevent unwanted contact by men. Tinder also recently made its “Report” button more visible, and provided users safety advice in collaboration <a href="https://au.tinderpressroom.com/datingsafetyguide">with WESNET</a>.</p>
<p>Similarly, the Alannah & Madeline Foundation’s eSafety-funded “<a href="https://crushedbutokay.org.au/">Crushed But Okay</a>” intervention offers young men advice about responding to online rejection without becoming abusive. This content has been viewed and shared more than one million times <a href="https://apo.org.au/node/319868">on TikTok and Instagram</a>. </p>
<p>In <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/17416590221111827?casa_token=QrLH08nxIfYAAAAA%3ASHseiwsxmhEVD8YomXzq86NjduaCc8j63dzimG_dekScSPgTjS8UJPCpAQDdfs0gwwTJSZuRAKOcXb8">our research</a>, app users told us they want education and guidance for antisocial users – not just policing. This could be achieved by apps collaborating with community support services, and advocating for a culture that challenges prevailing gender stereotypes.</p>
<h2>Policy levers for change</h2>
<p>Apps are widely used because they promote opportunities for conversation, personal connection and intimacy. But they are a for-profit enterprise, produced by multinational corporations that generate income by serving <a href="https://www.grindr.com/advertise/">advertising</a> and <a href="http://computationalculture.net/dating-apps-and-data-markets-a-political-economy-of-communication-approach/">monetising users’ data</a>. </p>
<p>Taking swift and effective action against app-based abuse is part of their social license to operate. We should consider stiff penalties for app-makers who violate that license.</p>
<p>The United Kingdom is just <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/media/2023/jan/16/tech-bosses-face-jail-if-they-fail-to-keep-children-safe-online-after-commons-deal">about to pass legislation</a> that contemplates time in prison for social media executives who knowingly expose children to harmful content. Similar penalties that make a dent in app-makers’ bottom line may present more of an incentive to act. </p>
<p>In the age of widespread data breaches, app users already have good reason to mistrust demands to supply their personal identifying information. They will not necessarily feel safer if they are required to provide more data.</p>
<p>Our research indicates users want <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/17416590221111827?casa_token=QrLH08nxIfYAAAAA%3ASHseiwsxmhEVD8YomXzq86NjduaCc8j63dzimG_dekScSPgTjS8UJPCpAQDdfs0gwwTJSZuRAKOcXb8">transparent, accountable and timely responses</a> from app-makers when they report conduct that makes them feel unsafe or unwelcome. They want more than chatbot-style responses to reports of abusive conduct. At a platform policy level, this could be addressed by hiring more local staff who offer transparent, timely responses to complaints and concerns.</p>
<p>And while prevention is key, policing can still be an important part of the picture, particularly when abusive behaviour occurs after users have taken their conversation off the app itself. App-makers need to be responsive to police requests for access to data when this occurs. Many apps, including Tinder, already have clear policies regarding cooperation with <a href="https://policies.tinder.com/safety-and-policy/intl/en">law enforcement agencies</a>.</p>
<hr>
<p>
<em>
<strong>
Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/tinder-fails-to-protect-women-from-abuse-but-when-we-brush-off-dick-pics-as-a-laugh-so-do-we-147909">Tinder fails to protect women from abuse. But when we brush off 'dick pics' as a laugh, so do we</a>
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<img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/198587/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Kath Albury receives funding from the Australian Research Council; FORTE: the Swedish Research Council for Health, Working Life and Welfare and VicHealth. She has previously received funds from the eSafety Commission, leading the research and evaluation arm of the 'Crushed But Okay' project, in collaboration with the Alannah and Madeline Foundation.</span></em></p><p class="fine-print"><em><span>Daniel Reeders is a PhD candidate at the Australian National University. They worked as a consultant on the safety in hookup apps research study mentioned in the article, led by Prof Kath Albury.</span></em></p>A recent government roundtable proposed stricter profile verification conditions as a response to safety concerns on dating apps. But research suggests users want something else.Kath Albury, Professor of Media and Communication and Associate Investigator, ARC Centre of Excellence for Automated Decision-Making + Society, Swinburne University of TechnologyDaniel Reeders, PhD Candidate, ANU School of Regulation and Global Governance (RegNet), Australian National UniversityLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/1849102022-06-20T10:51:31Z2022-06-20T10:51:31ZOnline dating fatigue – why some people are turning to face-to-face apps first<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/469280/original/file-20220616-22-d2gzpo.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=82%2C49%2C5302%2C3282&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">
</span> <span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.shutterstock.com/image-photo/couple-date-black-man-woman-drinking-1494190382">Prostock-studio / Shutterstock</a></span></figcaption></figure><p>For the last two-plus years, people hoping to meet their soulmate in person have had a rough time. Lockdowns and uncertainty about social gatherings have led many people to turn to dating apps. People who feel they have lost months or years of their dating life may be eager to avoid the perils of dating apps – <a href="https://theconversation.com/from-ghosting-to-backburner-relationships-the-reasons-people-behave-so-badly-on-dating-apps-179600">ghosting, backburner relationships</a>, or just wasting time chatting with the wrong people.</p>
<p>People are eager to meet in person, and the menu of dating apps is expanding to accommodate this. In addition to the likes of Tinder, Hinge and Bumble, there are apps that focus on bringing people together in person. </p>
<p>One of these is an <a href="https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2022/01/07/thursday-dating-hit-millennials-suffering-app-fatigue/">increasingly popular</a> app called Thursday. It is live just once a week (on Thursdays) and gives users just 24 hours to arrange a date. This cuts down on the onerous swiping and messaging throughout the week and possibly prevents people using the app simply for validation or amusement. Thursday also hosts in-person events where attendees might meet someone without swiping at all.</p>
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<img alt="Quarter life, a series by The Conversation" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/451343/original/file-20220310-13-1bj6csd.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=237&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/451343/original/file-20220310-13-1bj6csd.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=600&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/451343/original/file-20220310-13-1bj6csd.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=600&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/451343/original/file-20220310-13-1bj6csd.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=600&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/451343/original/file-20220310-13-1bj6csd.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=754&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/451343/original/file-20220310-13-1bj6csd.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=754&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/451343/original/file-20220310-13-1bj6csd.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=754&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px">
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<p><em><strong><a href="https://theconversation.com/uk/topics/quarter-life-117947?utm_source=TCUK&utm_medium=linkback&utm_campaign=UK+YP2022&utm_content=InArticleTop">This article is part of Quarter Life</a></strong>, a series about issues affecting those of us in our twenties and thirties. From the challenges of beginning a career and taking care of our mental health, to the excitement of starting a family, adopting a pet or just making friends as an adult. The articles in this series explore the questions and bring answers as we navigate this turbulent period of life.</em></p>
<p><em>You may be interested in:</em></p>
<p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/why-you-should-travel-solo-this-summer-184000?utm_source=TCUK&utm_medium=linkback&utm_campaign=UK+YP2022&utm_content=InArticleTop">Why you should travel solo this summer</a></em></p>
<p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/sally-rooneys-conversations-with-friends-how-british-attitudes-have-become-tougher-on-adultery-183843?utm_source=TCUK&utm_medium=linkback&utm_campaign=UK+YP2022&utm_content=InArticleTop">Sally Rooney’s Conversations with Friends – how British attitudes have become tougher on adultery</a></em></p>
<p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/love-island-ditches-fast-fashion-how-reality-celebrities-influence-young-shoppers-habits-183771?utm_source=TCUK&utm_medium=linkback&utm_campaign=UK+YP2022&utm_content=InArticleTop">Love Island ditches fast fashion: how reality celebrities influence young shoppers’ habits</a></em></p>
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<p>There are a few reasons in-person dating may be more appealing to some people than dating apps. The information we glean from online profiles gives us little to go on. Meeting in person results in a far richer and more detailed impression of a date than meeting online, where all we see is a photo and, usually, a brief bio. Also, 45% of current or previous users of dating apps or sites reported that the experience left them <a href="https://www.pewresearch.org/ft_2020-02-06_datingtakeaways_02">feeling frustrated</a>.</p>
<p>Online dating matches us to people we don’t know, making it easy for <a href="https://theconversation.com/first-the-love-bomb-then-the-financial-emergency-5-tactics-of-tinder-swindlers-176807">scammers to take advantage of them</a>. Apart from this, users often misrepresent themselves, resulting in disappointment when daters meet face to face.</p>
<p>While online dating appears to offer an abundance of choice, <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/15213269.2015.1121827?cookieSet=1">research suggests</a> that we make poorer decisions online about dating choice. We use simpler methods when choosing from a large array of potential suitors than when we choose on a one-to-one basis in person. This is often referred to as the paradox of choice.</p>
<h2>Are dating apps dead?</h2>
<p>Dating apps have undisputedly had a huge impact on how couples meet. In the US, <a href="https://news.stanford.edu/2019/08/21/online-dating-popular-way-u-s-couples-meet/">meeting online is the most popular</a> way that couples meet, and the number has increased in recent years.</p>
<p>Part of the appeal of apps is their simplicity: you can create a profile and start matching with people in a matter of minutes. Despite this, using dating apps does take time and effort. A large survey by <a href="https://www.bustle.com/p/millennials-spend-average-of-10-hours-a-week-on-dating-apps-survey-finds-but-heres-what-experts-actually-recommend-8066805">dating app Badoo found</a> that millennials spend on average 90 minutes a day looking for a date, by swiping, liking, matching and chatting.</p>
<p>Often, messages by one party go unanswered by the other, and even if there is a response, the chatting may never result in meeting in person. In 2016, Hinge’s data found that only <a href="https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/soloish/wp/2016/10/03/why-is-the-dating-app-hinge-bashing-swipe-apps/">one in 500 swipes</a> resulted in phone numbers being exchanged.</p>
<p>This onerous process may lead to online dating fatigue for some. If we get no positive matches from our seemingly endless swiping, or we receive no response to our messages, our online dating efforts will eventually fizzle out.</p>
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<img alt="A woman looks confusedly at her mobile phone" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/469273/original/file-20220616-20-pmnopz.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/469273/original/file-20220616-20-pmnopz.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/469273/original/file-20220616-20-pmnopz.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/469273/original/file-20220616-20-pmnopz.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/469273/original/file-20220616-20-pmnopz.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/469273/original/file-20220616-20-pmnopz.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/469273/original/file-20220616-20-pmnopz.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px">
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<span class="caption">Do you have dating app fatigue?</span>
<span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.shutterstock.com/image-photo/upset-confused-young-woman-suing-mobile-594411368">pathdoc / Shutterstock</a></span>
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<p>Traditional dating apps are still incredibly popular, especially among young people. As of 2021, Tinder has been <a href="https://www.tinderpressroom.com/news?item=122515">downloaded</a> over 450 million times – with Generation Z making up 50% of the app’s users.</p>
<p>Research by <a href="https://lendedu.com/blog/tinder-match-millennials/">Lendedu</a> asked 3,852 millennials whether they had ever met up with their Tinder matches. The research found that only 29% said “yes” – much lower than the 66% who reported meeting for at least one date via more traditional dating sites such as Match or OKCupid. </p>
<p>But not everyone on Tinder is hoping to find a date. <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0736585316301216">Research among Dutch Tinder users found</a> that many use the app for validation (using matches merely as an assessment of one’s own level of attractiveness), or for the thrill of receiving a match but having no intention of pursuing a date. </p>
<p>For this reason, dating apps may eventually lose users who are pursuing genuine relationships, particularly if they are instead turning to face-to-face opportunities first. But as long as they adapt to the changing demands of daters, apps are here to stay.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/184910/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Martin Graff does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.</span></em></p>Newer apps like Thursday prioritise meeting in person over possibly endless online chat.Martin Graff, Senior Lecturer in Psychology of Relationships, University of South WalesLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/1719322022-06-16T12:24:29Z2022-06-16T12:24:29ZWhen texts suddenly stop: Why people ghost on social media<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/457764/original/file-20220412-14-7bq4mt.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=0%2C0%2C5607%2C3732&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">Research suggests that many people prefer ghosting rather than open and honest conversations that might lead to conflict and stress.</span> <span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.gettyimages.com/detail/photo/man-with-hands-pressed-up-against-glass-behind-royalty-free-image/1015921616?adppopup=true">Yifei Fang/Moment via Getty Images</a></span></figcaption></figure><p>Check your phone. Are there any unanswered texts, snaps or direct messages that you’re ignoring? Should you reply? Or should you ghost the person who sent them? </p>
<p>Ghosting happens when someone cuts off all online communication with someone else, and without an explanation. Instead, like a ghost, they just vanish. The phenomenon is common on social media and dating sites, but with the isolation brought on by the COVID-19 pandemic – forcing more people together online – <a href="https://health.clevelandclinic.org/haunted-the-trend-toward-ghosting/">it happens now more than ever</a>. </p>
<p>I am a <a href="https://www.wesleyan.edu/academics/faculty/rtdubar/profile.html">professor of psychology</a> who studies the role of technology use in interpersonal relationships and well-being. Given the negative psychological consequences of thwarted relationships – especially during <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177/2167696816658585">the emerging adulthood years</a>, ages 18 to 29 – I wanted to understand what leads college students to ghost others, and if ghosting has any impact on mental health. </p>
<p>To address these questions, my research team <a href="https://doi.org/10.1037/ppm0000343">recruited 76 college students</a> through social media and on-campus flyers. The sample is 70% female. Study participants signed up for one of 20 focus groups, ranging in size from two to five students. Group sessions lasted an average of 48 minutes each. Participants provided responses to questions asking them to reflect on their ghosting experiences. Here’s what we found. </p>
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<figcaption><span class="caption">Millions have been ghosted by romantic partners, friends or potential employers.</span></figcaption>
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<h2>The results</h2>
<p>Some students admitted they ghosted because they lacked the necessary communication skills to have an open and honest conversation – whether that conversation happened face to face or via text or email.</p>
<p>From a 19-year-old female: “I’m not good at communicating with people in person, so I definitely cannot do it through typing or anything like that.” </p>
<p>From a 22-year old: “I do not have the confidence to tell them that. Or I guess it could be because of social anxiety.”</p>
<p>In some instances, participants opted to ghost if they thought that meeting with the person would stir up emotional or sexual feelings they were not ready to pursue: “People are afraid of something becoming too much … the fact that the relationship is somehow getting to the next level.” </p>
<p>Some ghosted because of safety concerns. Forty-five percent ghosted to remove themselves from a “toxic,” “unpleasant” or “unhealthy” situation. A 19-year-old female put it this way: “It’s very easy to just chat with total strangers so [ghosting is] like a form of protection when a creepy guy is asking you to send nudes and stuff like that.”</p>
<p>One of the least-reported yet perhaps most interesting reasons for ghosting someone: protecting that person’s feelings. Better to ghost, the thinking goes, than cause the hurt feelings that come with overt rejection. An 18-year-old female said ghosting was “a little bit politer way to reject someone than to directly say, ‘I do not want to chat with you.’” </p>
<p>That said, <a href="https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2020/08/PSDT_08.20.20.dating-relationships.full_.report.pdf">recent data suggests</a> that U.S. adults generally perceive breaking up through email, text or social media as unacceptable, and prefer a person-to-person conversation. </p>
<p>And then there’s ghosting after sex. </p>
<p>In the context of hookup culture, there’s an understanding that if the ghoster got what they were looking for – often, that’s sex – then that’s it, they no longer need to talk to that person. After all, more talk could be interpreted as wanting something more emotionally intimate. </p>
<p>According to one 19-year-old female: “I think it’s rare for there to be open conversation about how you’re truly feeling [about] what you want out of a situation. … I think hookup culture is really toxic in fostering honest communication.”</p>
<p>But the most prevalent reason to ghost: a lack of interest in pursuing a relationship with that person. Remember the movie “He’s Just Not That Into You”? As one participant said: “Sometimes the conversation just gets boring.”</p>
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<figcaption><span class="caption">Breaking up is hard to do.</span></figcaption>
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<h2>The consequences</h2>
<p>Attending college represents <a href="https://doi.org/10.15288/jsad.2014.75.580">a critical turning point</a> for establishing and maintaining relationships beyond one’s family and hometown neighborhood. For some emerging adults, romantic breakups, emotional loneliness, social exclusion and isolation can have <a href="https://doi.org/10.3390/ijerph17031116">potentially devastating psychological implications</a>. </p>
<p><a href="https://doi.org/10.1037/ppm0000343">Our research supports</a> the idea that ghosting can have negative consequences for mental health. Short term, many of those ghosted felt overwhelming rejection and confusion. They reported feelings of low self-worth and self-esteem. Part of the problem is the lack of clarity – not knowing why communication abruptly stopped. Sometimes, an element of paranoia ensues as the ghostee tries to make sense of the situation. </p>
<p>Long term, our study found many of those ghosted reported feelings of mistrust that developed over time. Some bring this mistrust to future relationships. With that may come internalizing the rejection, self-blame and the potential to sabotage those relationships. </p>
<p>However, just over half the participants in our study said being ghosted offered opportunities for reflection and resilience. </p>
<p>“It can be partly positive for the ghostee because they can realize some of the shortcomings they have, and they may change it,” said an 18-year-old female. </p>
<p>As for the ghoster, there were a range of psychological consequences. About half in the focus groups who ghosted experienced feelings of remorse or guilt; the rest felt no emotion at all. This finding is not entirely surprising, given that individuals who initiate breakups <a href="https://doi.org/10.1525/collabra.230">generally report less distress</a> than the recipients. </p>
<p>Also emerging from our discussions: The feeling that ghosters may become stunted in their personal growth. From a 20-year-old male: “It can [become] a habit. And it becomes part of your behavior and that’s how you think you should end a relationship with someone. … I feel like a lot of people are serial ghosters, like that’s the only way they know how to deal with people.”</p>
<p>Reasons for ghosting out of fear of intimacy represent an especially intriguing avenue for future research. Until that work is done, universities could help by <a href="https://www.affordablecollegesonline.org/college-resource-center/confidence-college-classroom/">providing more opportunities</a> for students to boost confidence and sharpen their communication skills. </p>
<p>This includes more courses that cover these challenges. I am reminded of <a href="https://www.trentu.ca/psychology/programs/undergraduate/undergraduate-course-listing">a psychology class</a> I took as an undergraduate at Trent University that introduced me to the work of social psychologist <a href="https://scholar.google.com/citations?user=eI8Fqo4AAAAJ&hl=en&oi=ao">Daniel Perlman</a>, who taught courses about loneliness and intimate relationships. Outside the classroom, college residential life coordinators could design seminars and workshops that teach students practical skills on resolving relationship conflicts. </p>
<p>In the meantime, students can subscribe to a number of <a href="https://www.gottman.com/blog/category/dating-premarital/">relationship blogs</a> that offer readers research-based answers. Just know that help is out there – even after a ghosting, you’re not alone.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/171932/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Royette T. Dubar does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organization that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.</span></em></p>With online use ever-increasing, so is the rise of ghosting – when friends decide to disappear into the social ether.Royette T. Dubar, Professor of Psychology, Wesleyan UniversityLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/1813752022-05-17T16:40:18Z2022-05-17T16:40:18ZFacebook Dating was set to take over the market – instead it was dead in the water<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/463013/original/file-20220513-16-j4u4kv.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=112%2C14%2C4880%2C3308&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">
</span> <span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.shutterstock.com/image-photo/february-15-2020-brazil-this-photo-1645674859">rafapress/Shutterstock</a></span></figcaption></figure><p>Facebook Inc, now <a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2021/10/28/technology/facebook-meta-name-change.html">called Meta</a>, <a href="https://www.theverge.com/2018/5/1/17307782/facebook-tinder-dating-app-f8-match-okcupid">announced</a> its dating application, Facebook Dating, in May 2018. There was real excitement, with people expecting a revolutionary dating app that <a href="https://www.theverge.com/2018/5/1/17308662/facebook-dating-app-events-tinder">would soon beat Tinder</a>. </p>
<p>And it is no wonder, when you consider the size of the company, its technical capabilities, and most importantly the large volume of data that Facebook has collected about its users. After all, research shows that Facebook <a href="https://www.pnas.org/doi/full/10.1073/pnas.1418680112">knows us better than our mums</a>, so why wouldn’t it live up to its goal of creating “<a href="https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2018/may/01/facebook-dating-app-mark-zuckerberg-f8-conference">meaningful relationships</a>”?</p>
<p>But four years later, it hasn’t taken over the market – most people have simply forgotten about it. Numerous reports claim the dating app <a href="https://thetab.com/uk/2021/06/21/i-tried-facebook-dating-211352">practically doesn’t function</a>. Facebook’s own data <a href="https://www.theverge.com/2021/4/15/22384448/facebook-dating-user-data-popular-downloads">suggest</a> not many people use the service – about 300,000 in New York, compare with the <a href="https://thebeehive.bumble.com/whitneyftob">claimed 3 million</a> Bumble users in New York.</p>
<p>As an <a href="https://www.vice.com/en/article/nz7dv7/research-confirms-dating-apps-tinder-grindr-happn-bumble-are-a-sad-game">online dating technology researcher</a>, I had an eye on Facebook Dating since its announcement. But as I never heard anything about its market success, it took me a while to look into it. Now, I think I have a good idea why the app failed. </p>
<h2>My experiment</h2>
<p>When I activated my Facebook Dating profile (out of a pure <a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s42001-021-00132-w">academic curiosity</a>), I was overwhelmed by the number of very attractive profiles that I was exposed to in the first few hours. I started pressing “like”, soon receiving “match” notifications, meaning people had also “liked” me. </p>
<p><a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s42001-021-00132-w">My own research</a> shows that receiving a positive signal on a dating app for a male heterosexual user is a rather rare event. Nevertheless, my phone didn’t stop buzzing for hours. But I started checking the profiles and soon realised this was too good to be true – with the matches seemingly out of my league. </p>
<p>To see what was going on, I started chatting. I didn’t have ethics clearance from my university for full-on research, therefore I made it clear on my profile I was there just for chatting.</p>
<p>But writing a couple of messages to one person, I got a phone number and an invitation to take things to WhatsApp. My past work has shown this <a href="https://arxiv.org/pdf/1607.03320.pdf">usually happens after at least 20 messages</a> and within three to four days. This was light-speed-dating – according to science. </p>
<p>Within a few hours, I had a long list of attractive matches who all wanted to talk to me “about interesting things” – not on the app, but on WhatsApp. Interestingly, nobody sent me an Irish number (often UK or Polish), even though they all lived in Ireland, supposedly.</p>
<figure class="align-center zoomable">
<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/463746/original/file-20220517-14-pjxx9t.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/463746/original/file-20220517-14-pjxx9t.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/463746/original/file-20220517-14-pjxx9t.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=363&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/463746/original/file-20220517-14-pjxx9t.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=363&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/463746/original/file-20220517-14-pjxx9t.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=363&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/463746/original/file-20220517-14-pjxx9t.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=456&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/463746/original/file-20220517-14-pjxx9t.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=456&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/463746/original/file-20220517-14-pjxx9t.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=456&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
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<span class="caption">They all wanted to chat about interesting things on WhatsApp.</span>
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<p>Things got even more weird quickly. Not only did the text messages look very similar, but also the profile names including Lily, Sandra and Miriam gradually turned to Tomasz, Moises and Andrew, as I continued liking and matching on the app. When I asked “Andrew” from Japan if “her” name is common for girls in Japan, she said it’s her German name. Tomasz, aka Diana, said it’s her ex-boyfiriend’s name and Moises didn’t reply.</p>
<p>At this point, I started to suspect that I was dealing with an organised phishing campaign with the goal of having my phone number via a WhatsApp chat combined with my name, and heaven knows what would come next. </p>
<figure class="align-center zoomable">
<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/463745/original/file-20220517-14-kqtdhr.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/463745/original/file-20220517-14-kqtdhr.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/463745/original/file-20220517-14-kqtdhr.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=360&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/463745/original/file-20220517-14-kqtdhr.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=360&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/463745/original/file-20220517-14-kqtdhr.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=360&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/463745/original/file-20220517-14-kqtdhr.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=453&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/463745/original/file-20220517-14-kqtdhr.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=453&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/463745/original/file-20220517-14-kqtdhr.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=453&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">A rather unconventional naming convention.</span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>If there is one social network company who could verify the authenticity of its users, it would be Facebook/Meta. The wealth of data that we have shared with the app makes it very easy for them to verify the accounts. In fact, <a href="https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/the-switch/wp/2018/05/03/facebooks-dating-service-is-a-chance-to-meet-the-catfisher-advertiser-or-scammer-of-your-dreams/">we rely on Facebook athentication</a> system to login to many other services and apps, including Tinder and Bumble.</p>
<p>Why then didn’t Facebook bother to remove all these fake profiles? </p>
<h2>Trouble on the horizon</h2>
<p>Facebook Dating coincided with <a href="https://www.businessinsider.com/mark-zuckerberg-scandals-last-decade-while-running-facebook-2019-12?r=US&IR=T#4-then-came-2018-when-news-of-the-cambridge-analytica-scandal-broke-and-revealed-that-the-data-analytics-firm-improperly-harvested-data-from-tens-of-millions-of-facebook-users-for-ad-targeting-during-the-2016-election-4">all sorts of scandals</a>, including the Cambridge Analytica one, and parliamentary questioning. Maybe an invasive use of personal data for matching purposes would have raised more angry voices. It seems the original vision for Facebook Dating may have been dead in the water before it was properly launched. </p>
<p>The rather primitive design of the app suggests that there was little attempt to compete with the existing dating apps. Your experience would be similar to your experience on Tinder ten years ago. </p>
<p>It seems most likely intentional that Meta allows fake accounts to lurk around Facebook Dating. There are simply aren’t many real users. If the fake accounts are removed the app practically becomes empty and Facebook wants us to see many profiles to stay around the app a bit longer. </p>
<p>So what can we learn from all this? It might be hard for users to detect fake accounts on dating apps immediately, therefore it is important not to share your phone number, and other private information before a level of trust is built. Eager invitations to take things to the next level, generic profile descriptions and rather inconsistent replies to your messages could be all bad signs to be ware of.</p>
<p>For the first time since its launch in 2004, the number of Facebook users stopped growing <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2022/feb/06/first-time-history-facebook-decline-has-tech-giant-begun-crumble">this past quarter</a>. And as <a href="https://www.newscientist.com/article/2295438-why-has-facebook-changed-its-name-to-meta-and-what-is-the-metaverse/">many of us are speculating</a>, this may be a reason why the company has chosen to change its name to separate Meta from Facebook, the social network, and attempt to focus on other areas, such as the <a href="https://www.wired.com/story/what-is-the-metaverse/">metaverse</a>. So perhaps the failure of Facebook Dating was an early sign that Facebook’s problems ran deep.</p>
<p><em>The Conversation approached Meta for a comment but didn’t get a reply.</em></p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/181375/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Taha Yasseri has received funding from EPSRC, Google, eharmony in the past.</span></em></p>An expert had a confusing time trying out Facebook dating.Taha Yasseri, Associate Professor, School of Sociology; Geary Fellow, Geary Institute for Public Policy, University College DublinLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/1822262022-05-15T20:15:14Z2022-05-15T20:15:14ZHook-ups, pansexuals and holy connection: love in the time of millennials and Generation Z<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/462196/original/file-20220510-12-8t3is2.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=35%2C71%2C5955%2C3916&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption"></span> </figcaption></figure><p>“That Love is all there is,” wrote Emily Dickinson, </p>
<blockquote>
<p>Is all we know of Love;<br>
It is enough, the freight should be<br>
Proportioned to the groove.<br></p>
</blockquote>
<p>Does what we know of love still apply to Australian relationships today – particularly among millennials and Generation Z, whose partnerships and dating behaviours are charting new territories? </p>
<hr>
<p><em>Review: Heartland: What is the future of modern love? by Jennifer Pinkerton (Allen & Unwin).</em></p>
<hr>
<figure class="align-right zoomable">
<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/462191/original/file-20220510-22-dgjg6f.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/462191/original/file-20220510-22-dgjg6f.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=237&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/462191/original/file-20220510-22-dgjg6f.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=918&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/462191/original/file-20220510-22-dgjg6f.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=918&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/462191/original/file-20220510-22-dgjg6f.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=918&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/462191/original/file-20220510-22-dgjg6f.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=1153&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/462191/original/file-20220510-22-dgjg6f.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=1153&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/462191/original/file-20220510-22-dgjg6f.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=1153&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
<figcaption>
<span class="caption"></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>Online dating, hook-ups, increased access to porn. Chastity movements. Romantic partners across (or regardless of) gender orientations. <a href="https://theconversation.com/more-romantic-partners-means-more-support-say-polyamorous-couples-125867">Polyamory</a> and a still-prevalent belief in <a href="https://theconversation.com/monogamy-cheating-on-what-nature-intended-or-a-simple-choice-7147">monogamy</a>. It’s all part of the modern landscape. Many committed relationships strain and break under the burden of meeting the hopes and dreams of what we imagine to be love. </p>
<p>Are the intimate and dating relationships of recent generations making more of what we traditionally understand as love, or are they creating something different, something new?</p>
<hr>
<p>
<em>
<strong>
Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/men-are-from-mars-women-are-from-mars-how-people-choose-partners-is-surprisingly-similar-but-depends-on-age-161081">Men are from Mars, women are from... Mars? How people choose partners is surprisingly similar (but depends on age)</a>
</strong>
</em>
</p>
<hr>
<h2>Researching love</h2>
<p>Such questions are explored in <a href="https://www.allenandunwin.com/browse/books/general-books/health-fitness/Heartland-Jennifer-Pinkerton-9781760878405">Heartland: What is the future of Modern Love?</a> by Dr Jennifer Pinkerton, a Darwin-based writer, photographer, producer, academic and Gen X-er. </p>
<p>Drawing on extensive research into more than 100 “heart-scapes” of young Australians – from transgender Aboriginal sistagirls in the Tiwi Islands to conservative Catholics living in Sydney – Pinkerton’s findings break new ground in an old landscape. </p>
<p>The complex modern dating world scoped in Heartland reveals a lack of rules, something that brings with it both loss and liberation. </p>
<p>Of course, love’s essential passion and pain remains unchanged across millennia. And some aspects of sexuality that seem new have always existed, albeit with different labels or levels of social acceptance. </p>
<p>“I desire. I crave,” wrote the Ancient Greek poet <a href="https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poets/sappho">Sappho</a>, whose name is now immortalised in the description of female-only relationships. Shakespeare’s famous sonnet that begins “<a href="https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/45087/sonnet-18-shall-i-compare-thee-to-a-summers-day">Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?</a>” was penned to another man. </p>
<p>Pinkerton shows the “who” is not what makes love complicated today. Millennial and Gen Z attitudes are inclusive to the point of being perplexed as to why a fuss was made (and for so long) about who can love whom. </p>
<p>It is the why, how, what, when and where that are currently making dating and relationships difficult – particularly post-pandemic – despite the ease of speedy internet access to potential partners.</p>
<figure class="align-center zoomable">
<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/462198/original/file-20220510-12-u8mp23.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/462198/original/file-20220510-12-u8mp23.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/462198/original/file-20220510-12-u8mp23.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/462198/original/file-20220510-12-u8mp23.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/462198/original/file-20220510-12-u8mp23.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/462198/original/file-20220510-12-u8mp23.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/462198/original/file-20220510-12-u8mp23.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/462198/original/file-20220510-12-u8mp23.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">There are ‘lots (and lots) of labels’.</span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>There are also lots (and lots) of labels. They go beyond LGBTQ+. There’s sistagirl (an Aboriginal <a href="https://theconversation.com/supporting-trans-people-3-simple-things-teachers-and-researchers-can-do-149832">transgender</a> person). Vanilla (people who don’t do kink). There’s pansexual (someone who is attracted to all gender types: male, female, trans, non-binary); demipansexual (someone who seeks a deep connection); polyamory (multiple lovers) and more. Much more. </p>
<p>Without such labels, explains demipansexual Aggie (29), she couldn’t explore sexuality, her gender, or even polyamory itself. “These words describe things to other people and describe things you haven’t experienced before.” </p>
<p>The labels also function as an age dividing line. It’s a “generation thing”, says Aggie. There’s even a 14-year-old who identifies as “non-binary goth, demiromantic pansexual” who asks her Gen X aunt how she identifies. “I love who I love,” her bemused aunt replies.</p>
<hr>
<p>
<em>
<strong>
Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/from-ghosting-to-backburner-relationships-the-reasons-people-behave-so-badly-on-dating-apps-179600">From ghosting to 'backburner' relationships: the reasons people behave so badly on dating apps</a>
</strong>
</em>
</p>
<hr>
<h2>Love, romance and liberation</h2>
<p>Yet as the interviews in Heartland reveal, it is impossible to generalise within (or about) any age group. While some find labels liberating, others shun them. And some shun dating altogether. </p>
<p>According to Pinkerton, many young people have stopped dating – and some never start. Some look askance at apps and some have tired of them. Others are simply tired of it all: Pinkerton describes them as an “army of disappointeds”. </p>
<p>One “disappointed” is Saxon (23, straight), who has spent hours chatting with potential matches, yet never met up with any of them – almost as if <a href="https://theconversation.com/tinder-fails-to-protect-women-from-abuse-but-when-we-brush-off-dick-pics-as-a-laugh-so-do-we-147909">Tinder</a> were a computer game.</p>
<figure class="align-center zoomable">
<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/462207/original/file-20220510-12-3avq0w.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="woman in bed looking at phone and smiling" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/462207/original/file-20220510-12-3avq0w.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/462207/original/file-20220510-12-3avq0w.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=399&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/462207/original/file-20220510-12-3avq0w.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=399&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/462207/original/file-20220510-12-3avq0w.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=399&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/462207/original/file-20220510-12-3avq0w.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=502&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/462207/original/file-20220510-12-3avq0w.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=502&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/462207/original/file-20220510-12-3avq0w.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=502&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">Some young people don’t like using dating apps; others are tired of them.</span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>For Charlotte (22), there are hook-ups and there are dates. “There’s a big difference between dating and hook-ups for me. I agonise and stress over dates.” </p>
<p>By contrast, art student Stump (30) wants friendship with extras. “To be friends and fuck and be able to talk about shit and have that cordial thing going on.”</p>
<p>“I don’t care what they do, as long as they have a job,” says Lisa (27): “He needs to have life goals.” Her friend Kaylee (25) agrees. “If they can pay half the bills, I’m happy.”</p>
<p>Yet love and romance aren’t out of the equation. “I thought it would be more liberating to sleep with someone else than it was,” says 19-year-old law student Kami. “I suppose it didn’t feel great because there was no romantic connection.” </p>
<p>We meet Ryan (25), a shy security guard, who is reading Erich Fromm’s classic <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/14142.The_Art_of_Loving">The Art of Loving</a>. He is not alone in wanting to learn how to love. Pinkerton notes that many under-40s read love and sex texts, including Gary Chapman’s popular <a href="https://www.5lovelanguages.com/store/the-5-love-languages">The Five Love Languages</a>. </p>
<hr>
<p>
<em>
<strong>
Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/friday-essay-3-ways-philosophy-can-help-us-understand-love-155374">Friday essay: 3 ways philosophy can help us understand love</a>
</strong>
</em>
</p>
<hr>
<h2>Holy connection</h2>
<p>Pinkerton sees the experiences and concerns of millennials and Gen-Z as shaping a new approach to modern love. Genuine love, she writes, demands courage, and extends beyond the narrow confines of the couple. It’s about much more than romance. </p>
<p>Pinkerton noted her surprise at how often, for example, millennials would end conversations to friends with “I love you”. At first, she thought it was a bit intense, but she soon discovered the importance young people place on their friendships is the key to what they consider holy: connection.</p>
<figure class="align-left zoomable">
<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/462201/original/file-20220510-12-dgjg6f.jpeg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="woman smiling, looking down" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/462201/original/file-20220510-12-dgjg6f.jpeg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=237&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/462201/original/file-20220510-12-dgjg6f.jpeg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=608&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/462201/original/file-20220510-12-dgjg6f.jpeg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=608&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/462201/original/file-20220510-12-dgjg6f.jpeg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=608&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/462201/original/file-20220510-12-dgjg6f.jpeg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=764&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/462201/original/file-20220510-12-dgjg6f.jpeg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=764&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/462201/original/file-20220510-12-dgjg6f.jpeg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=764&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">Author and researcher Jennifer Pinkerton.</span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>Pinkerton’s reflections on the complexities of committed relationships are embedded in the context of her own story, which she willingly shares. While from a different generation, Pinkerton has experienced the anxiety of online communication (she particularly regrets sending a rather embarrassing haiku). </p>
<p>But it is the heartbreak of her own relationship breakdown with the father of her newborn son, and the loss of her mother, interwoven with the interviews, that contextualises and humanises the book. Heartland is not cold case research: it’s a genuine search for understanding, of self and others.</p>
<p>There is also a sense of authentic place evoked in Heartland: the “thick Red Centre heat that lifts off the road in ribbons and sends chalky-pink galahs hurtling from the sky.” Pinkerton identifies generational trends in dating and relationships that are by no means unique to Australia, but imbues them with a uniquely Australian sensibility. You can feel the heat as she writes about the Top End, a landscape clearly in her heart. </p>
<p>Heat – or rather, too much of it - is also an anxiety-provoking and distressing concern for Pinkerton’s millennials and <a href="https://theconversation.com/new-research-shows-australian-teens-have-complex-views-on-religion-and-spirituality-103233">Gen Z</a> interviewees. </p>
<p>Take the usual stressors of young life and add the thought, “Maybe the planet is going to burn, and we’ll have nowhere to live”, says Helen Berry, Honorary Professor of Climate Change and Mental Health at the University of Sydney. Add dating, love, romance […] it can become too difficult to contemplate connection, in the face of so much potential risk and loss. </p>
<hr>
<p>
<em>
<strong>
Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/love-academically-why-scholarly-hearts-are-beating-for-love-studies-104697">Love, Academically. Why scholarly hearts are beating for Love Studies</a>
</strong>
</em>
</p>
<hr>
<p>Heartland takes love seriously, as a subject worthy of research – at a time when interdisciplinary research about love is growing. In the School of Arts and Humanities at Edith Cowan University, the new Love Studies network includes academics from every discipline. Mapping the field, we have discovered a diversity of research about love with multidisciplinary connections that are often surprising, ranging from popular <a href="https://theconversation.com/to-the-mattresses-a-defence-of-romance-fiction-72587">romance</a> studies to criminology, sexology and peace studies. </p>
<p>There is also a new Australian cross-university initiative, <a href="https://www.jcu.edu.au/this-is-uni/health-and-medicine/articles/exploring-the-heart-of-the-matter">The Heart of the Matter Health Humanities Project</a>, which aims to </p>
<blockquote>
<p>deepen our understanding of the heart and improve human well-being through fostering dialogue and innovation across the fields of health, medicine, engineering, philosophy, literary studies and the humanities.</p>
</blockquote>
<p>The initiative brings together academics and scholarship from across the country to explore the intersections between medical understandings of the heart, the role of the humanities, and the heart as a symbol and vehicle of emotion, from research on artificial hearts to <a href="https://theconversation.com/bloody-hunting-slaughtermen-sieges-and-lechery-what-does-shakespeare-tell-us-of-war-181474">Shakespeare</a>.</p>
<p>Heartland maps both the agonies and ecstasies of today’s relationships. “Among millennials and Gen Zs there’s a fluidity to life and love, and an openness to testing out alternative options,” Pinkerton concludes. “Sure, this can add to the anxiety load. Equally, it might just create more rewarding sex and love.” Labels may change, yet the search for love remains. A heavy weight, worth carrying.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/182226/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Elizabeth Reid Boyd does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.</span></em></p>New research suggests that for millennials and Generation Z, a lack of rules around love and dating brings both loss and liberation.Elizabeth Reid Boyd, Senior Lecturer School of Arts and Humanities, Edith Cowan UniversityLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/1774192022-05-05T20:05:52Z2022-05-05T20:05:52ZTo keep people — and their money — safe online, regulate dating platforms<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/461301/original/file-20220504-16-xbr9yf.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=0%2C8%2C5472%2C3628&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">An increasing number of people are falling victim to cryptocurrency scams on dating websites.</span> <span class="attribution"><span class="source">(Shutterstock)</span></span></figcaption></figure><p>You meet an attractive stranger on a dating site. They live in your city and you hit it off right away. Soon, you’re texting with them frequently and making plans to meet in person. You’ve been lonely and isolated amid lockdowns, and this person relieves the anguish, so you seem to be spending all your time chatting with them. </p>
<p>What’s even better is that they’re doing great, financially. They got into the crypto investment boom at the right time and have seen their savings balloon. You really like them, so when they encourage you to take the dip together and put your own savings into crypto assets, it feels natural.</p>
<p>Like <a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2022/02/21/technology/crypto-scammers-new-target-dating-apps.html">thousands around the world</a>, you have been scammed. </p>
<p>The crypto exchange you’ve put your money in is fake, a front set up by the same scammers who created the persona of your online partner — who doesn’t exist. You can go to the authorities, but the money cannot be traced. It now makes up part of the <a href="https://time.com/nextadvisor/investing/cryptocurrency/common-crypto-scams/">US$14 billion estimated to have been stolen this way</a> during the COVID-19 pandemic.</p>
<h2>Online connections</h2>
<p>During a period when social distancing became synonymous with personal and public safety, online technologies have facilitated connection with other people. In my ongoing research on how Haitian gay migrants in North America and Europe develop romantic relationships with partners in Haiti, I have seen how dating and messaging apps enable and support connections across borders. </p>
<p>The past few years have seen constant hype surrounding cryptocurrencies — new forms of digital currency that promise to revolutionize the global economy through decentralization. </p>
<p>But their ease of use, together with a lack of government oversight and regulation, have created the perfect conditions for new kinds of cyber-financial crimes around the world. For example, the “pig-butchering” scam uses promises of love and financial gain to lure unsuspecting people into investing in bogus cryptocurrency trading platforms. And <a href="https://globalnews.ca/news/8707720/alberta-woman-conned-money-online-lothario/">the number of victims is on the rise</a>.</p>
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Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/organized-crime-has-infiltrated-online-dating-with-sophisticated-pig-butchering-scams-177445">Organized crime has infiltrated online dating with sophisticated 'pig-butchering' scams</a>
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<figcaption><span class="caption">A crypto ad broadcast during the 2022 Super Bowl event.</span></figcaption>
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<p>Mainstream media reports of people making <a href="https://www.forbes.com/sites/johnhyatt/2022/04/05/the-richest-crypto-and-blockchain-billionaires-in-the-world-2022/?sh=4719577b580d">vast overnight fortunes through cryptocurrencies are frequent</a>. But this is only one side of the story — the media hype has drowned out stories about how cryptocurrencies have become the <a href="https://www.ft.com/content/4169ea4b-d6d7-4a2e-bc91-480550c2f539">top form of payment for criminal activity thanks to their anonymity and privacy</a>. </p>
<p>And criminal gangs have capitalized on the increased interest: posing online as successful crypto traders, they take advantage of their marks’ lack of experience.</p>
<h2>Keeping Canadians safe</h2>
<p>Online scams have major emotional and financial consequences for their victims. Some of them have seen their entire life savings vanish, leaving them to deal with <a href="https://www.straitstimes.com/singapore/courts-crime/she-lost-240000-in-pig-butchering-cryptocurrency-scam-after-fraudster-courted-her-for-months">insurmountable debts</a> in addition to <a href="https://montreal.ctvnews.ca/they-re-bloodsuckers-montreal-man-says-he-lost-nearly-400-000-in-cryptocurrency-scam-1.5671525">symptoms arising</a> from <a href="https://bc.ctvnews.ca/hugely-traumatizing-romance-scams-on-the-rise-in-metro-vancouver-police-warn-1.5678069">post-traumatic stress</a>, as well as <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2022/jan/10/it-felt-like-losing-a-husband-the-fraudsters-breaking-hearts-and-emptying-bank-accounts">victim-blaming and shame</a>.</p>
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<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/461304/original/file-20220504-21-3qzxxx.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="two women appear shocked as they look at a laptop screen" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/461304/original/file-20220504-21-3qzxxx.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/461304/original/file-20220504-21-3qzxxx.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/461304/original/file-20220504-21-3qzxxx.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/461304/original/file-20220504-21-3qzxxx.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/461304/original/file-20220504-21-3qzxxx.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/461304/original/file-20220504-21-3qzxxx.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/461304/original/file-20220504-21-3qzxxx.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
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<span class="caption">Online scams can leave victims traumatized and ashamed.</span>
<span class="attribution"><span class="source">(Shutterstock)</span></span>
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<p>Authorities are reacting, although late. The United Kingdom was the first country to introduce an Online Safety Bill to <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/money/2022/mar/08/internet-scams-now-included-in-uk-online-safety-bill">stop fraudsters using fake online adverts</a>. To force institutions to tackle online scams, such as romance scams, the bill will make <a href="https://www.pymnts.com/news/security-and-risk/2022/uk-online-safety-bill-can-reduce-authorized-push-payment-fraud/">reimbursements mandatory to victims</a>.</p>
<p>In the United States, the <a href="https://www.koin.com/top-stories/fbi-issues-new-warning-about-scam-using-dating-sites-crypto/">Federal Bureau of Investigation</a> has launched media campaigns to increase awareness about sophisticated scams. In the same vein, Biden signed <a href="https://time.com/nextadvisor/investing/cryptocurrency/biden-executive-order-crypto-expert-reaction/">an executive order to regulate the cryptocurrency industry</a>. </p>
<p>In 2018, India considered <a href="https://www.medianama.com/2022/03/223-cryptocurrency-regulation-india-legal-anatomy/">banning cryptocurrencies altogether</a>, before imposing a tax as a form of regulation instead. And some banks and governmental institutions in France have sent out alerts to app users warning them about <a href="https://www.cafedelabourse.com/actualites/crypto-monnaie-gare-arnaques-sites-blacklistes">scams impersonating their organizations</a>. </p>
<h2>National regulation</h2>
<p>Given the <a href="https://www.antifraudcentre-centreantifraude.ca/features-vedette/2022/02/romance-rencontre-eng.htm">alarming number of victims of online dating scams in Canada</a>, the federal government should include strengthened safeguards against online scams in its <a href="https://www.canada.ca/en/canadian-heritage/campaigns/harmful-online-content.html">new commitment to keep Canadians safe online</a>. </p>
<p>The new regulatory framework for online safety that <a href="https://www.thestar.com/politics/political-opinion/2022/04/19/elon-musks-attempt-to-buy-twitter-should-be-setting-off-alarm-bells-in-ottawa.html">the Canadian government is currently developing</a> must include provisions to hold online services accountable. These services include cryptocurrency trading and exchange platforms, online banking, dating apps and social media.</p>
<p>As the government moves toward creating safer online experiences for Canadians, there should also be a concerted effort to combat growing dating and crypto investment scams.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/177419/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Carlo Handy Charles receives funding from the Social Sciences and Humanities Research Council of Canada as a Vanier Scholar. He is also a Pierre Elliott Trudeau Foundation Scholar. He is a fellow at the Convergence Migration Insitute in Paris.</span></em></p>Online dating scams are costing site users millions of dollars. Regulation needs to hold companies accountable for fraud committed on their platforms.Carlo Handy Charles, Ph.D. Candidate, Sociology and Geography, McMaster UniversityLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/1774122022-03-30T13:27:49Z2022-03-30T13:27:49ZThe dating game: survey shows how and why South Africans use Tinder<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/451372/original/file-20220310-27-1wbr61h.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">
</span> <span class="attribution"><span class="source">Klaus Vedfelt/Shutterstock</span></span></figcaption></figure><p>The growth of the internet and smartphones has led to the widespread global use of dating apps, such as <a href="https://tinder.com/">Tinder</a>, <a href="https://bumble.com/">Bumble</a> and <a href="https://www.okcupid.com/">OKCupid</a>. These location-based apps have become a popular and acceptable way to meet new potential romantic partners. With over <a href="https://www.statista.com/statistics/1200234/most-popular-dating-apps-worldwide-by-number-of-downloads/#:%7E:text=With%20over%206.5%20million%20monthly,who%20they%20are%20interested%20in">6.5 million</a> monthly downloads Tinder is the most popular dating app in the world, including in <a href="https://www.702.co.za/articles/361040/dating-platform-tinder-most-downloaded-app-in-south-africa">South Africa</a>. </p>
<p>But Tinder still has a reputation for being a “hook-up” app. Most people <a href="https://www.businessinsider.com/what-is-tinder?IR=T#:%7E:text=How%20does%20Tinder%20work%3F,a%20more%20tech%2Dsavvy%20generation">perceive</a> it as a way to search for casual dating or short-term sexual partners. Owing to its focus on pictures, physical attractiveness is the main way that users make <a href="https://www.businessinsider.co.za/dating-app-tips-tinder-match-2020-8">decisions</a> about matches. </p>
<p>The app itself has tried to shift these perceptions and to destigmatise online dating through, for example, its <a href="https://mashable.com/article/tinder-weddings-swipe-right-decor">promotion</a> of the hashtag <a href="https://twitter.com/search?q=%23Tinderwedding&src=typed_query&f=live">#Tinderwedding</a> to promote couples who met on Tinder and found love. But recent Netflix documentary <em><a href="https://www.netflix.com/tudum/articles/who-is-tinder-swindler-real-shimon-hayut">The Tinder Swindler</a></em> has again put Tinder on the agenda in more ominous and <a href="https://www.iol.co.za/lifestyle/food-drink/my-enemies-are-after-me-checkers-sixty60s-clever-rebrand-is-giving-us-life-with-its-tinder-swindler-vibes-e58dd707-0ada-4155-8b8a-9bf937bcfc76">amusing</a> ways. The true-crime documentary highlights the potential to be duped by someone who creates a fake identity (who “catfishes” you) on Tinder.</p>
<p>My study of Tinder formed part of a broader project, exploring how South Africans use various social media apps as part of everyday life. My <a href="https://www.routledge.com/Social-Media-and-Everyday-Life-in-South-Africa/Bosch/p/book/9780367280796">research</a> has shown that despite negative perceptions of the app and despite it functioning as a kind of smartphone game, many South Africans use Tinder because they believe they will find long term romantic partners. But even more people use it casually because they’re bored, playing with the app like a kind of game.</p>
<h2>How Tinder works</h2>
<p>Tinder users create a profile, providing photos and some optional information about themselves. Users of the free version see just the profiles of people who are nearest to them geographically. Profiles appear on the phone screen and users can swipe left or right to select or reject potential matches. When two users both swipe right on each other’s profiles, they are able to contact each other through the app. </p>
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Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/the-art-of-the-con-inventing-anna-the-tinder-swindler-and-gender-177121">The art of the con: 'Inventing Anna,' 'The Tinder Swindler' and gender</a>
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<p>During the COVID-19 pandemic, the app opened its “global” function to all users, allowing people to see matches from all over the world and make “<a href="https://www.theverge.com/2020/3/20/21188029/tinder-passport-subscription-free-covid-19-coronavirus-quarantine">quarantine buddies</a>”. This briefly shifted the primary focus of the app from dating to friendship and connection. </p>
<h2>The findings</h2>
<p>My study of South African Tinder use is based on an online survey of 260 individuals and then in-depth interviews with 20 of these respondents.</p>
<p>The survey was filled by mostly white South Africans between the age of 20-25, 70% of whom identified as heterosexual. I found that 56% of respondents downloaded the app because they were bored or curious; 52% indicated that they were looking for love; and only 12% used the app for networking and finding friends. So, more than half of South Africans use Tinder for entertainment, scrolling through and browsing a catalogue of potential suitors. In this way it commodifies romance. The remainder are looking for long-term love.</p>
<p>In the in-depth interviews, users highlighted a strong focus on how they present themselves. Most said that they were trying to craft a particular impression of themselves on the app. While they said their online persona was the same as their offline one, they also chose images to best market themselves as desirable commodities. While they saw themselves as authentic online, they highlighted finding high levels of deception in the profiles of others. A few people admitted that they withheld certain aspects of themselves (such as being a smoker, or having children) to increase their chance of matches.</p>
<p>Women said the app afforded them greater sexual freedoms and access to a wider range of potential partners. They also highlighted a sense of agency through being able to “unmatch” from or block users they felt threatened by, perhaps of particular significance given high levels of crime and gender based violence in South Africa. Respondents indicated that they managed risk by withholding identifying information such as their work or home location, messaging via the app before shifting the conversation to WhatsApp, and scheduling the first meet-up in public spaces. </p>
<p>People surveyed said that they pursued multiple matches simultaneously, browsing through available profiles as though they were perusing a catalogue. Interviewees reflected that matching with someone gave them a boost of self-confidence and feeling of achievement, much like an achievement in a video game might.</p>
<h2>What it all means</h2>
<p>South Africans are turning to Tinder to augment their courtship practices and widen their pool of potential romantic partners. People might previously have more typically met via social connections, friendship circles or interest groups. </p>
<p>The internet has become a powerful social intermediary, shifting patterns of dating, love and romance. In the process, traditional ideals of monogamy, commitment and romantic love are being displaced through these online engagements.</p>
<p>What is interesting about Tinder in South Africa is that despite its notoriety as a hook-up app and despite social fears, many are using it to find long-term love and connection.</p>
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Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/tinder-use-in-cape-town-reveals-the-paradox-of-modern-dating-177391">Tinder use in Cape Town reveals the paradox of modern dating</a>
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<p>But, in my analysis, Tinder turns the process of finding love online into a kind of game. Matches are based on very little knowledge or information about the other person, besides their carefully selected photographs. Tinder users act like game players, making moves, selecting how to swipe or whether to send a message, and then whether to meet in real life, based on the “moves” of the other person in a game-like interface.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/177412/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Tanja Bosch does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.</span></em></p>The study found most use Tinder casually because they’re bored, playing with the app like a kind of smartphone game - even though many use it to find true love.Tanja Bosch, Associate Professor in Media Studies and Production, University of Cape TownLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/1796002022-03-23T14:05:31Z2022-03-23T14:05:31ZFrom ghosting to ‘backburner’ relationships: the reasons people behave so badly on dating apps<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/453834/original/file-20220323-23-1r30mf7.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=0%2C7%2C5112%2C2866&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">
</span> <span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.shutterstock.com/image-photo/man-using-smartphone-walking-through-night-2037557108">Gorodenkoff/Shutterstock</a></span></figcaption></figure><p>There’s no doubt that <a href="https://www.pnas.org/doi/abs/10.1073/pnas.1222447110">online dating</a> and dating apps have transformed the way we initiate, form and end romantic relationships. We might also question whether the convenience of these apps has encouraged us to behave differently than we would in “real life”. More specifically, do mobile dating apps breed bad or antisocial behaviour?</p>
<p>If you use dating apps, you’ve probably been “ghosted” on occasion (where someone withdraws all contact) – or maybe you’ve ghosted somebody yourself. Perhaps you’ve found out that someone you’ve been chatting to on an app was in a relationship. Or if you don’t use these apps, you might have heard horror stories from friends.</p>
<p>Let’s take a look at some of the bad behaviours that we see most commonly – and how psychology can explain them. </p>
<p>One of the main themes is how common it is for people to be using dating apps while in relationships. Data from the US has shown <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0747563218303625#bib37">some 42%</a> of people with a Tinder profile were either in a relationship or married. </p>
<p>In <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0191886917306311">a study</a> of American undergraduate students, around two-thirds revealed that they had seen someone on Tinder who they knew to be in a relationship. Further, 17% of participants said they had messaged someone on Tinder while in a committed relationship, with 7% engaging in a sexual relationship with someone they had met on Tinder while in a committed relationship.</p>
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Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/how-will-dating-change-after-coronavirus-psychology-offers-some-clues-138893">How will dating change after coronavirus? Psychology offers some clues</a>
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<p>There’s also evidence that people are using dating apps to keep up what we call “<a href="https://www.academia.edu/35860478/Communication_Research_Reports_Maintaining_Relationship_Alternatives_Electronically_Positive_Relationship_Maintenance_in_Back_Burner_Relationships">backburner</a>” relationships. This is when someone on a dating app maintains contact with another person in the hope of some day pursuing something romantic or sexual. </p>
<p>Surprisingly, the authors of <a href="https://www.academia.edu/35860478/Communication_Research_Reports_Maintaining_Relationship_Alternatives_Electronically_Positive_Relationship_Maintenance_in_Back_Burner_Relationships">a 2018 study</a> involving 658 undergraduate college students found that the number of backburners reported did not differ significantly between those who were single, casually dating or in a committed relationship. Around 73% of all respondents reported they had at least one backburner.</p>
<p>Online communication, of course, makes keeping in contact much easier. Researchers <a href="https://www.academia.edu/35860478/Communication_Research_Reports_Maintaining_Relationship_Alternatives_Electronically_Positive_Relationship_Maintenance_in_Back_Burner_Relationships">have suggested</a> that relationship maintenance in a backburner relationship involves positivity (being compassionate to the other person and ensuring that interactions with them are fun and enjoyable), openness (disclosing personal information to them, maybe even sharing secrets) and assurances (demonstrating a wish for the relationship to be sustained over time).</p>
<figure class="align-center ">
<img alt="Hands holding a smartphone, which is displaying a dating app." src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/453839/original/file-20220323-23-1f5ws2e.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/453839/original/file-20220323-23-1f5ws2e.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/453839/original/file-20220323-23-1f5ws2e.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/453839/original/file-20220323-23-1f5ws2e.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/453839/original/file-20220323-23-1f5ws2e.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/453839/original/file-20220323-23-1f5ws2e.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/453839/original/file-20220323-23-1f5ws2e.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px">
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<span class="caption">It’s not uncommon for people to be on dating apps while in relationships.</span>
<span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.shutterstock.com/image-photo/find-love-online-concept-adult-woman-1851220126">Studio Romantic/Shuttersrtock</a></span>
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<p>Online dating has also made ghosting much easier. A <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/0276236618820519">2019 study</a> found that respondents had ghosted 29% of the people they had dated, and had been ghosted by 25% of dates themselves. In addition, 74% of respondents said they believed that ghosting was an appropriate way to end a relationship.</p>
<p>Participants in this study reported both instances of sudden ghosting (abruptly ceasing contact) and gradual ghosting (slowing down contact before disappearing altogether). Gradual ghosting increased the degree of uncertainty for the person being ghosted.</p>
<p>Ghosting probably occurs so frequently because of the ease of ending a relationship in this way, particularly if the couple is yet to meet in person. The authors of the <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/0276236618820519">same study</a> also highlight that online dating offers an abundance of possible partners, and that people who “ghost” one partner may do so because they have moved on to someone new.</p>
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Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/falling-in-love-in-virtual-reality-could-be-a-deeper-experience-than-real-life-73084">Falling in love in virtual reality could be a deeper experience than real life</a>
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<p>People don’t just use <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0747563217300286">dating apps</a> for seeking a relationship or for sex – many people report using them simply for fun. As such, more genuine users of these apps may be easy targets for trolls, who merely wish to create conflict and cause distress to other online users for their own amusement.</p>
<p>A <a href="https://isiarticles.com/bundles/Article/pre/pdf/117718.pdf">2017 study</a> found that dating app trolls scored highly on measures of sadistic behaviour, showing a disregard for the pain or suffering inflicted on other people; and highly on dysfunctional impulsivity, characterised by not following up on promises.</p>
<h2>Some general reasons for bad behaviour</h2>
<p>The convenience and abundance of choice in online dating perhaps encourages a culture of “disposability” – being able to “trade up” in the dating market and abandon a current partner more easily. Personal mobile devices, equipped with a passcode or face recognition protection, allow for and might even encourage more surreptitious and secretive behaviour.</p>
<p>Online behaviour generally is often characterised by <a href="http://drleannawolfe.com/Suler-TheOnlineDisinhibitionEffect-2004.pdf">disinhibition</a> – we’re inclined to behave more freely online than we do in a face-to-face context. In part, this is because of the feeling of anonymity we have online.</p>
<p>Finally, the way people use dating apps is very much related to personality characteristics. For instance, people with open (open to experience, adventurous) and less agreeable (less caring and thoughtful towards others) <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0747563218303625#:%7E:text=For%20non%2Dsingle%20Tinder%20users,Tinder%20for%20an%20ego%2Dboost">personality styles</a> are more likely to use dating apps in a more casual way.</p>
<p>If bad or dysfunctional behaviour now seems commonplace on dating apps, social media and online generally, the technology which has given rise to this behaviour is here to stay. We may need to adjust our expectations accordingly.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/179600/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Martin Graff does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.</span></em></p>If you use dating apps, you might have experienced ghosting, or worse.Martin Graff, Senior Lecturer in Psychology of Relationships, University of South WalesLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/1773912022-03-13T06:30:45Z2022-03-13T06:30:45ZTinder use in Cape Town reveals the paradox of modern dating<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/450411/original/file-20220307-85648-19yt4qk.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">
</span> <span class="attribution"><span class="source">Shutterstock</span></span></figcaption></figure><p>Dating apps are the new reality, but do they really make dating easier? My study suggests they complicate it further. </p>
<p>Questions about trust and online dating regularly crop up along with headlines about unpleasant online approaches, <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2022/feb/15/tinder-swindler-americans-romance-scam-con-fbi">scams</a> and even physical assaults when dates move offline. Still, dating apps like <a href="https://tinder.com">Tinder</a> remain hugely popular, downloaded and used mostly on cellphones to meet new people. In fact, they have received increasing traffic globally in recent years despite these bleak stories and <a href="https://www.businessinsider.com/tinder-hinge-match-group-dating-apps-more-users-coronavirus-2020-8?IR=T">spurred</a> by COVID-induced lockdowns.</p>
<p>My <a href="https://open.uct.ac.za/handle/11427/35694">ethnographic research</a> in Cape Town, South Africa, shows that Tinder dating is riddled with contradictory feelings. As an anthropology scholar who is curious about intimacy and apps, I followed the dating journeys of 25 Tinder users for two years. </p>
<p>I soon found myself confronted with a paradox: even though using the app had become a mundane everyday practice, app users described meeting someone on Tinder as less “real” or less “authentic” than meeting someone offline. This may make it even more challenging to relate intimately in a time when trust is often likened to naivety or vulnerability. </p>
<h2>The study</h2>
<p>What I set out to explore was how the app becomes part of people’s lives in Cape Town. Meeting most of my research participants regularly, I was able to see how their approach to using the app changed over time. They were from different areas and cut across age groups (5 were under 25, 17 between 25-40 and 3 between 40-55). 14 of them identified as male, and 11 as female. The majority (75%) would be classified as “white” – I recruited most participants via a research profile on the app in a “whiter” area of a town, a lingering result of apartheid spatial segregation.</p>
<p>A Tinder profile can be set up in almost no time. After downloading the app and connecting it to a Facebook account, all that is left to do is select some profile pictures, perhaps write a short biography, and choose a few parameters (interested in men or women, within what age frame, and how far do you want to venture to meet them?). Encountering a potential match, users move their finger over the image of the person to the right if they are interested in them and left if not. If a person expresses interest back, you’re matched and can exchange messages.</p>
<p>Geographic proximity aside, who one sees on the app is further determined by an <a href="https://www.vox.com/2019/2/7/18210998/tinder-algorithm-swiping-tips-dating-app-science">opaque algorithm</a> that Tinder is notoriously secretive about. Parent company Match Group Holdings owns 45 dating services worldwide and Tinder alone has been <a href="https://www.datingsitesreviews.com/article.php?story=tinder-releases-its-year-in-swipe-report">downloaded</a> more than 400 million times, producing 55 billion matches, a compelling impact on a lot of love lives.</p>
<h2>Common experiences</h2>
<p>Exploring what it means to use Tinder for the individuals in my study, I found that the app was regularly deleted. This was because of an accumulation of disappointments such as missing a “spark”, excitement thinning out and being “ghosted”(ignored).</p>
<p>Interestingly, though, users also kept re-downloading Tinder and changing their approaches by choosing different profile pictures, tweaking biographies and patterns of swiping. Swiping styles would depend on previous experiences and the kinds of intimacy they were currently looking for. Commonly, returning users would adopt a more casual approach and try to manage their expectations.</p>
<p>32-year-old PhD student Johana (not their real name), for instance, had been on and off Tinder for years but continued mustering hope of a meaningful connection. Most of her dates had been either mediocre or disillusioning. One looked nothing like his profile picture, another was much shyer offline than on and others were pushing for sex. Then suddenly she found herself on a captivating eight-hour-long date.</p>
<p>For days she waited for him to respond to a message she sent after their magic night. She tried everything to distract herself: she buried herself in her studies, met with friends, and switched her phone off – just to switch it back on and sneak another peek at it. When it had become clear he had no interest in pursuing anything further (and after deleting and re-downloading the app) Johana decided to approach Tinder dating differently.</p>
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<strong>
Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/how-tinder-is-being-used-for-more-than-just-hook-ups-131256">How Tinder is being used for more than just hook-ups</a>
</strong>
</em>
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<p>She explained that she was now simply using Tinder as a means to connect and potentially have a “fun experience” that may or may not evolve into something worthwhile. Concluding that her directness on Tinder was interpreted as neediness by men, it seemed restraint might avoid further frustration and rejection. This affected how she was chatting, the kinds of meetings she arranged (daytime rather than night) as well as her biography, now briefly describing her as wanting to meeting new people. However, each intriguing connection would have the ultimate dating challenge resurface: how to establish a meaningful connection while managing the risk of being hurt. And that at Tinder’s fast, gamified swiping pace.</p>
<h2>The end of love?</h2>
<p>Tinder is marketed as liberating and empowering, especially for young women. The app promises the chance to create connections and meaning out of nowhere, to link people and places and fulfil romantic desires. And users in my research did embrace Tinder as a tool to meet people they would otherwise have been unlikely to meet. </p>
<p>However, grand romantic ideals seem to be replaced by uncertainty and strategies of detachment in the process. The app’s mostly vacant assurance of romantic magic helps explain why many users insisted that Tinder makes matches that lack meaning and “realness”.</p>
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<p>
<em>
<strong>
Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/how-scammers-like-anna-delvey-and-the-tinder-swindler-exploit-a-core-feature-of-human-nature-177289">How scammers like Anna Delvey and the Tinder Swindler exploit a core feature of human nature</a>
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<p>The idea that Tinder-initiated encounters lack authenticity is also in sync with the dominant view that embedding technologies into everyday activities (including the most intimate ones) is a damning symptom of the contemporary zeitgeist. </p>
<p>Undeterred by years of dating app use and numerous stories of relationships and friendships originating on apps, satiric <a href="https://theculturetrip.com/africa/south-africa/articles/the-10-types-of-south-african-youll-meet-on-tinder/">blog entries</a> poking fun at Tinder clichés, Instagram accounts like <a href="https://www.instagram.com/tindernightmares/?hl=enas">Tinder Nightmares</a> as well as <a href="https://www.researchgate.net/publication/307862744_Liquid_love_Dating_apps_sex_relationships_and_the_digital_transformation_of_intimacy">academic</a> <a href="https://lareviewofbooks.org/article/bodies-on-the-market/">literature</a> suggest that Tinder intimacy liquefies or ends love as we know it. </p>
<h2>All is not lost</h2>
<p>But after two years using an in-depth research approach, I came to the conclusion that, despite negative associations, dating apps have their place and their intimacies are not lesser than those originating elsewhere. Connections made via Tinder are neither different by nature, nor are they easier to navigate.</p>
<p>Regardless of the image of Tinder as a superficial platform and of Tinder fatigue, there was not just a persistent use of the app but also an enduring desire for connections that feel meaningful. The problem with Tinder is not that experiences are less real. At the root of frustrations is rather a one-dimensional view of “dating”, formatted as an eroticised encounter that requires an immediate and powerful spark.</p>
<p>From excitement to hurt, a lot happens in commodified, gamified dating app environments – notwithstanding the composed approaches adopted by their users. Thinking of emotions on the app as something that can be kept in check and of Tinder as something removed from “real life” may not only produce disappointing encounters in the moment, but it could also influence how people think about dating in the future.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/177391/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Leah Davina Junck does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.</span></em></p>Dating on apps is the new reality, but do they really make dating easier? A Cape Town study finds Tinder complicates it further.Leah Davina Junck, Postdoctoral Research Fellow, University of Cape TownLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/1774452022-03-01T15:51:55Z2022-03-01T15:51:55ZOrganized crime has infiltrated online dating with sophisticated ‘pig-butchering’ scams<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/449007/original/file-20220228-13-1tujvnd.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=0%2C0%2C6020%2C4010&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">Scammers have stolen hundreds of millions of dollars from unsuspecting victims.</span> <span class="attribution"><span class="source">(Shutterstock)</span></span></figcaption></figure><iframe style="width: 100%; height: 175px; border: none; position: relative; z-index: 1;" allowtransparency="" src="https://narrations.ad-auris.com/widget/the-conversation-canada/organized-crime-has-infiltrated-online-dating-with-sophisticated--pig-butchering--scams" width="100%" height="400"></iframe>
<p>While we have been focused on the COVID-19 pandemic, vaccine mandates and related protests for much of the past two years, a wave of financial fraud has spread rapidly across Canada and around the world.</p>
<p>While not a deadly respiratory virus, this new approach to scamming has affected <a href="https://www.cbsnews.com/news/crypto-dating-scam/">thousands of individuals globally</a>, with victims defrauded of a record <a href="https://time.com/nextadvisor/investing/cryptocurrency/common-crypto-scams/">US$14 billion in 2021</a>. The Canadian Anti-Fraud Centre reported <a href="https://www.antifraudcentre-centreantifraude.ca/features-vedette/2022/02/romance-rencontre-eng.htm">nearly $100 million stolen from victims in Canada alone in 2020 and 2021</a>.</p>
<h2>Emotional manipulation</h2>
<p>The <a href="https://www.scamadviser.com/scam-reports/scam-trends/4117/sha-zhu-pan-the-pig-butchering-scam">pig-butchering, or “sha zhu pan,”</a> scam is a highly sophisticated form of romance and cryptocurrency investment scam. Scammers — mainly working for Chinese organized crime gangs — pose as attractive professionals or entrepreneurs looking for true love. They use <a href="https://www.businessinsider.com/crypto-scammers-fake-romance-on-dating-apps-like-hinge-2022-2">dating apps</a>, including Tinder, Grindr and Hinge, as well as social media platforms like Facebook and Instagram to match with their potential victims. The scammers target single women and men, LGBTQ+ and those over 50 years old, as well as new immigrants as their potential victims.</p>
<p>Using a combination of savvy technological tools, fake social media profiles and psychological manipulation, the scammers trick victims into believing that they live close by and are willing to meet in person whenever COVID-19 restrictions are lifted. In reality, the scammers are located mainly in Southeast Asia. </p>
<p>They slowly gain victims’ trust by using their personal information on social media against them to play the role of their dream romantic partner. They also shower their victims with messages of love and affection day and night. </p>
<figure>
<iframe width="440" height="260" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/KSVKOaZL2to?wmode=transparent&start=0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen=""></iframe>
<figcaption><span class="caption">A victim of the pig-butchering scam describes how it worked on her.</span></figcaption>
</figure>
<p>According to the Global Anti-Scam Organization, this stage of the scam is referred to as <a href="https://www.globalantiscam.org/about">fattening or raising the pig</a> before slaughtering it. The “pig” here is the unsuspecting person, located in <a href="https://www.straitstimes.com/singapore/courts-crime/she-lost-240000-in-pig-butchering-cryptocurrency-scam-after-fraudster-courted-her-for-months">Asia</a>, North America or Europe who is looking for a genuine love match on dating apps.</p>
<p>Contrary to more traditional romance scams, scammers manage to convince their victims that they are not interested in their money or personal banking information. Instead, they want to build a bright economic future with their soulmate by investing in cryptocurrency together as a couple. </p>
<p>Once the victims’ guard is down, scammers convince them to invest increasing amounts of money. Victims have, in many cases, emptied out their bank accounts, spent their inheritances and life savings, taken out loans and mortgages, and sold their houses and cars to invest in fake crypto platforms. Victims realize they were scammed only after <a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2022/02/21/technology/crypto-scammers-new-target-dating-apps.html">being blocked from withdrawing</a> the thousands or millions of dollars they invested.</p>
<h2>Isolation and vulnerability</h2>
<p>My doctoral research examines how gay men across international borders navigate romantic relationships online. As such, I understand how unsuspecting people looking for love and companionship online during the COVID-19 pandemic can fall victim to these highly sophisticated romance-cryptocurrency investment scams.</p>
<p>The COVID-19 pandemic has disrupted everybody’s life. Its intense periods of isolation, fear and uncertainty have particularly affected <a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2022/02/21/technology/crypto-scammers-new-target-dating-apps.html">single people who don’t have emotional and social support systems in place</a>. And <a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2021/08/31/well/live/dating-during-coronavirus-pandemic.html">dating during the pandemic has been especially difficult</a>.</p>
<p>Limited to online dating and dating apps, singles have become <a href="https://toronto.ctvnews.ca/two-ontario-women-speak-out-after-losing-more-than-100-000-in-cryptocurrency-scams-1.5662694">the perfect prey for criminals</a>. Taking advantage of their <a href="https://time.com/5955250/single-during-covid-19-pandemic/">vulnerability, loneliness and desire for human connection</a>, organized criminals have feigned romantic interest to con them out of their money.</p>
<figure class="align-center zoomable">
<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/449010/original/file-20220228-4438-1cnts55.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="Composite photograph of a man on a laptop sitting across from another person on a laptop wearing a hoodie" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/449010/original/file-20220228-4438-1cnts55.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/449010/original/file-20220228-4438-1cnts55.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=440&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/449010/original/file-20220228-4438-1cnts55.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=440&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/449010/original/file-20220228-4438-1cnts55.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=440&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/449010/original/file-20220228-4438-1cnts55.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=553&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/449010/original/file-20220228-4438-1cnts55.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=553&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/449010/original/file-20220228-4438-1cnts55.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=553&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">Using sophisticated methods, scammers working for organized crime are able to defraud people of their life savings.</span>
<span class="attribution"><span class="source">(Shutterstock)</span></span>
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</figure>
<p>Previously, people may have thought they could outsmart being “catfished” — <a href="https://www.ageuk.org.uk/information-advice/money-legal/scams-fraud/how-to-spot-a-catfish/">misled by an individual scammer pretending to be someone else</a> — but most of the perpetrators of these new scams work in organized crime gangs. They appear to be made up of experts in psychological profiling who can hook their victims more efficiently using <a href="https://www.globalantiscam.org/post/tricking-english-translators-for-shazhupan-scripts">elaborate scripts</a> and algorithms, gradually making them fall in love with a good-looking and wealthy professional looking for a long-term relationship. At some point, they offer financial advice, particularly in investments, usually in cryptocurrency. </p>
<p>Often, the plan is for the scammer and the victim to invest together, getting even greater returns, only the victim’s money is real while the scammer’s isn’t. This has left victims with huge debts, <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/money/2021/apr/17/bank-transfer-scams-fraud-victims">while also dealing with post-traumatic stress disorder, shame, embarrassment and anger</a> after being scammed. </p>
<h2>Regulating online safety</h2>
<p>In the United Kingdom, a <a href="https://www.ft.com/content/99f727b1-b1b7-4a00-855a-e126a97188a9">landmark online safety bill has been proposed</a> that would compel online companies <a href="https://www.which.co.uk/news/2021/12/landmark-report-targets-new-laws-for-online-safety/">to proactively tackle fraudulent content and harmful advertising</a>. </p>
<p>If passed, the Online Safety Bill will allocate greater funds to police and anti-fraud departments, <a href="https://news.sky.com/story/online-safety-bill-ignoring-epidemic-of-scams-faced-by-the-uk-experts-warn-12298864">which are critically underfunded</a>.</p>
<p>In addition, <a href="https://www.cnbc.com/2021/07/27/elizabeth-warren-presses-yellen-financial-regulator-to-manage-crypto.html">senators in the United States</a> and <a href="https://indianexpress.com/article/technology/crypto/cryptocurrency-in-india-a-look-at-the-regulatory-journey-of-cryptocurrencies-7648767/">officials in India</a> have called for tighter government regulations of cryptocurrencies to protect people from fraud. </p>
<p>Given the devastating financial and emotional impact that scams have on victims, some banks and other financial institutions in <a href="https://news.bitcoin.com/8000-bitcoin-scam-victims-refunds/">the U.S.</a> and <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/money/2021/nov/11/victims-face-reimbursement-lottery-from-their-banks">the U.K.</a> have refunded their customers. </p>
<p>Canadian government, financial institutions and the media need to work toward preventing online fraud and helping victims recover. As we increasingly integrate the virtual world with our day-to-day living, more needs to be done to protect Canadians.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/177445/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Carlo Handy Charles receives funding from the Pierre Elliott Trudeau Foundation as well as the Social Sciences and the Humanities Research Council as a Vanier Scholar. He is a fellow at the Convergence Migrations Insitute (Paris). He is an advisor on the Toronto Francophone Affairs Advisory Committee. </span></em></p>Organized crime gangs in Southeast Asia use psychological profiling, elaborate scripts and algorithms to produce sophisticated scams. Using dating apps, they target vulnerable people looking for love.Carlo Handy Charles, Ph.D. Candidate in Sociology/Geography and Research Fellow at Convergence Migrations Institute (Paris), McMaster UniversityLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/1750322022-01-26T13:25:58Z2022-01-26T13:25:58ZDoes it really empower women to expect them to make the first move?<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/442143/original/file-20220124-15-5es5ak.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=0%2C699%2C4052%2C2908&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">Bumble seeks to challenge what the company calls 'the antiquated rules of dating.'</span> <span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.gettyimages.com/detail/news-photo/teddy-boys-and-girls-of-barking-from-a-contact-sheet-news-photo/1360179813">Daily Herald Archive/National Science & Media Museum/SSPL via Getty Images</a></span></figcaption></figure><p>Heterosexual dating conventions have long held that men make the first move: first to flirt, first to ask out on a date, first to propose. </p>
<p>What if the roles were reversed?</p>
<p>That’s what one dating app, Bumble, has tried to do.</p>
<p>Bumble brands itself as a <a href="https://www.vanityfair.com/culture/2015/08/bumble-app-whitney-wolfe">feminist dating app</a> that’s designed to empower women. According to <a href="https://bumble.com/">Bumble’s website</a>, the app was developed to “challenge the antiquated rules of dating” by requiring those who identify as women to initiate communication with men they match with.</p>
<p>With over 100 million users as of 2020, <a href="https://www.businessofapps.com/data/bumble-statistics/">Bumble is one of the most popular dating apps</a> on the market, and <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H5FmVpQ4iO4">in interviews I conducted with over 100 people about online dating</a> in my <a href="https://connectingdigitally.com/">“Connecting Digitally” study</a>, more than half reported using Bumble. </p>
<p>But my research shows that Bumble, despite purporting to empower women, leaves many female users feeling frustrated and vulnerable. This disconnect can be linked in part to the ways in which many men engage with online dating apps.</p>
<h2>When a match is meaningless</h2>
<p>Bumble’s attempts at “<a href="https://bumble.com/">levelling the playing field and changing the dynamics of dating</a>” and empowering users to “<a href="https://bumble.com/">connect with confidence</a>” makes sense in theory, but not in practice. </p>
<p><a href="https://youtu.be/H5FmVpQ4iO4">Women in my study reported</a> a number of counterproductive user practices based on their own swiping experiences and conversations with male Bumble users.</p>
<p>A 39-year-old female participant in my study described the frustration of making the first move and not getting any response: “So then all of a sudden you’re a match, but they would never say anything or respond to you … you wouldn’t hear from them. What’s the point? Why even bother?”</p>
<p>Rather than evaluating profiles carefully and swiping “yes” on women they’re serious about, men are often <a href="https://www.tdx.cat/handle/10803/670200">likely to swipe right based only on the profile photo</a>.</p>
<p>In addition, many men approach online dating as a numbers game and practice what some call “<a href="https://twitter.com/bumble/status/1139706620416425989?lang=en">power swiping</a>” or “<a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/0265407517706419">shotgun swiping</a>” by saying “yes” to everyone and seeing who shows interest and matches with them. Many of them will only read a women’s profile information after matching.</p>
<p><div data-react-class="Tweet" data-react-props="{"tweetId":"1139706620416425989"}"></div></p>
<p>Lastly, because some men are <a href="https://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-3710505/What-Tinder-strategy-Men-likely-casually-swipe-right-women-match-attract-them.html">just swiping for the ego boost</a> of “likes,” they’ll simply delete the match rather than respond to a women’s invitation to chat. </p>
<p>Women in my study often pointed out that a match was far from a guarantee of mutual interest. Unfortunately, due to “<a href="https://lithub.com/swipe-right-for-loneliness-on-the-gamification-of-dating-apps/">the gamification of dating</a>” – the way the apps are designed to be engaging and addictive – mindless swiping is a common phenomena across all dating apps, not just Bumble. </p>
<h2>Communication and power</h2>
<p>For decades, language scholars have been researching how people connect – or fail to connect – <a href="https://doi.org/10.2307/412243">in conversation</a>.</p>
<p>We say that the person speaking “holds the floor,” and they can wield power through choosing the topic, talking for longer periods of time and steering the conversation in certain directions.</p>
<p>However, not all power is maintained through holding the floor. Not taking up a speaker’s topic in conversation, either by changing the topic or ignoring the question altogether, is another way to exercise power. </p>
<p>In other words, in any conversation, it takes two to tango. <a href="https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1083-6101.2006.00312.x">As the authors of a study on email communication and response times put it</a>, “failure to respond or to take the floor creates a breakdown.” On dating apps, not responding to an opening message is akin to ignoring someone who’s asking you a question in a face-to-face conversation.</p>
<figure class="align-center ">
<img alt="A video billboard reads 'Woman. Fighter. Wife. Patriot. Feminist. Mother. Hero. Justice.'" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/442142/original/file-20220124-21-1f3lrvj.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/442142/original/file-20220124-21-1f3lrvj.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/442142/original/file-20220124-21-1f3lrvj.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/442142/original/file-20220124-21-1f3lrvj.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/442142/original/file-20220124-21-1f3lrvj.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/442142/original/file-20220124-21-1f3lrvj.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/442142/original/file-20220124-21-1f3lrvj.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px">
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">Bumble, which has made empowering women a key facet of its brand, pays tribute to former Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg in an advertisement.</span>
<span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/6/6e/07.RBG.Bumble.UnionStation.WDC.23September2020_%2850381239022%29.jpg">Wikimedia Commons</a>, <a class="license" href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0/">CC BY-SA</a></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>On Bumble, women may be given the control to take the floor first and direct the initial topic of conversation through, as Bumble terms it, “<a href="https://bumble.com/en/help/how-does-messaging-work-on-bumble#:%7E:text=Users%20who%20have%20First%20Move,First%20Moves%20are%20time%2Dsensitive!">first move privileges</a>.” However, when men fail to respond or unmatch after receiving that opening message, the women in my study reported feeling dismissed, rejected and, ultimately, disempowered.</p>
<p>In 2020, <a href="https://www.bloomberg.com/news/features/2020-01-17/for-bumble-the-future-isn-t-female-it-s-female-marketing">Bloomberg published an article</a> exploring Bumble’s marketing tactics and brand messaging. Though the company maintains that requiring women to message first “reduces harassment” and “creates a kinder exchange between two people,” the author of the article noted that Bumble was never able to provide tangible proof of “how Bumble was keeping women safer or leading to more equitable relationships.”</p>
<h2>Switching poles doesn’t solve the problem</h2>
<p>On a positive note, Bumble has become a catalyst for conversation about gender, power and communication in online dating. And while <a href="https://theconversation.com/love-lust-and-digital-dating-men-on-the-bumble-dating-app-arent-ready-for-the-queen-bee-120796">many may not be ready for women to make the first move</a>, most of the male and female Bumble users in my study <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H5FmVpQ4iO">noted that they chose the app</a> precisely because of its philosophy of empowering women. To me, this speaks to the fact that people are ready to embrace Bumble’s goals of “<a href="https://thehill.com/blogs/blog-briefing-room/news/408946-female-driven-dating-app-bumble-publishes-full-page-ad-in-the">shaking up outdated gender norms</a>.”</p>
<p>That hasn’t stopped some men and women from decrying Bumble’s unique design as sexist. In fact, <a href="https://www.bumblemessagingsettlement.com/">a class action lawsuit filed in 2018 accused Bumble of discriminating</a> against heterosexual male app users because the app only allows women to send messages first. Bumble denied wrongdoing, but agreed to settle in 2021 to avoid further costly litigation.</p>
<p>A 37-year-old female participant in my study thought the app’s emphasis on gender was artificial and constrictive: “I don’t like it when people limit things by sex or gender. That doesn’t feel empowering to me. It just feels like they’re trying to [enact] reverse sexism.”</p>
<p>By creating a situation where the right to speak and direct conversation is only given to members identifying with one gender, the work of coming up with unique and engaging opening messages falls on that group. </p>
<p>Men have traditionally done more of this work. Many of them don’t exactly cherish initiating conversations with countless strangers, <a href="https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-030-23538-3_22">a process that’s rife with anxiety and rejection</a>. </p>
<p>For heterosexual matches on Bumble, women are now required to do the part. Yet to place the work of initiating conversation solely on one group seems to encourage passivity in the other party, which seems to only hamper healthy communication.</p>
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<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Riki Thompson receives funding from University of Washington Royalty Research Fund and University of Washington Tacoma, School of Interdisciplinary Arts and Science Scholarship and Teaching Fund.</span></em></p>Dating apps like Bumble have tried to shake up the gender dynamics of dating. Some users say their efforts fall flat.Riki Thompson, Associate Professor of Digital Rhetoric and Writing Studies, University of WashingtonLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.