tag:theconversation.com,2011:/fr/topics/sexual-behaviour-19110/articlesSexual behaviour – The Conversation2021-03-20T18:50:36Ztag:theconversation.com,2011:article/1575432021-03-20T18:50:36Z2021-03-20T18:50:36Z‘Sex addiction’ isn’t a justification for killing, or really an addiction – it reflects a person’s own moral misgivings about sex<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/390700/original/file-20210320-23-16gloky.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=0%2C62%2C2298%2C1438&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">Feeling 'addicted to sex' has more to do with one's values than frequency of behavior.</span> <span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.gettyimages.com/detail/photo/sex-shop-signs-at-night-royalty-free-image/471048321">Terraxplorer/E+ via Getty Images</a></span></figcaption></figure><p>A 21-year-old white man is alleged to have entered three different spas in the greater Atlanta area on March 16 and shot dead eight people, six of whom were Asian women. The following day, Cherokee County sheriff’s officials announced what the suspect blamed as a possible motive for the killings: sex addiction.</p>
<p>The alleged shooter has been described as a devoutly conservative <a href="https://apnews.com/article/atlanta-georgia-coronavirus-pandemic-84ea109933ce05dba5c61022f9b1d41f">evangelical Christian</a> who had, according to numerous reports, been <a href="https://www.washingtonpost.com/nation/2021/03/18/sex-addiction-atlanta-shooting-long/#click=https://t.co/kEK5FmaDqr">struggling to control</a> his sexual behaviors. <a href="https://www.washingtonpost.com/nation/2021/03/17/atlanta-spa-shootings-live-updates/?itid=lk_inline_manual_3">Law enforcement officials</a> said the suspect claimed to have been dealing with a sex addiction and ultimately killed as a way to “eliminate” the “temptation” he felt these women posed.</p>
<p>I am a researcher who specializes in <a href="https://www.joshuagrubbsphd.com">behavioral addictions</a>, <a href="https://scholar.google.com/citations?user=gCnmj3kAAAAJ&hl=en">specifically sexual addictions</a>. A lot of my research has focused on how religion interacts with sexual behaviors and feelings of addiction. Over the past decade, my research has found that religion and sexual addiction are deeply intertwined.</p>
<h2>Clinicians don’t diagnose ‘sex addiction’</h2>
<p>Right now, there is no diagnosis of “sex addiction” in <a href="https://www.appi.org/Diagnostic_and_Statistical_Manual_of_Mental_Disorders_DSM-5_Fifth_Edition">any diagnostic manual</a> that psychologists consult when working with patients. It’s not a recognized disorder in the mental health community. This may come as a surprise to some, as many people do believe that <a href="https://doi.org/10.1037/adb0000228">sex can be addictive</a>.</p>
<p>Without terming the problem an addiction, mental health practitioners do, of course, recognize that out-of-control sexual behaviors can be a real problem for individuals. Recently, the <a href="https://www.thefix.com/compulsive-sexual-behavior-">World Health Organization announced</a> that the latest edition of its “<a href="https://www.who.int/standards/classifications/classification-of-diseases">International Classification of Diseases</a>” will include a new diagnosis of compulsive sexual behavior disorder.</p>
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<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/390701/original/file-20210320-15-fszc79.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="neon signs for a sex shop" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/390701/original/file-20210320-15-fszc79.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=237&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/390701/original/file-20210320-15-fszc79.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=757&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/390701/original/file-20210320-15-fszc79.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=757&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/390701/original/file-20210320-15-fszc79.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=757&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/390701/original/file-20210320-15-fszc79.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=951&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/390701/original/file-20210320-15-fszc79.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=951&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/390701/original/file-20210320-15-fszc79.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=951&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
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<span class="caption">Whatever the label, compulsive sexual behavior can be a problem.</span>
<span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.gettyimages.com/detail/photo/neon-lights-pigalle-paris-royalty-free-image/157169264">Dutchy/E+ via Getty Images</a></span>
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<p>This new diagnosis is officially an <a href="https://doi.org/10.1002/wps.20499">impulse control disorder</a> rather than an addiction, but it does cover people with excessive or compulsive sexual behaviors that most members of the public would consider addiction. Any number of behaviors could qualify for this diagnosis, ranging from excessive pornography use and masturbation to cruising for casual sex to soliciting sex workers. The key feature of the diagnosis is not the specific sexual behavior itself, but how out of control it has become in a person’s life and how much difficulty or impairment it causes.</p>
<p>Compulsive sexual behavior disorder is the only diagnosis in over 55,000 total diagnoses in the WHO manual to include a special caveat. At the very end of the disorder’s description, <a href="https://doi.org/10.1016/j.cpr.2020.101925">there’s a note</a> cautioning that “distress that is entirely related to moral judgments and disapproval about sexual impulses, urges, or behaviors is not enough to meet this requirement.”</p>
<p>In other words, feeling distressed about behaving in sexual ways that you find morally wrong is not sufficient for a diagnosis of this new disorder. That’s a very important caveat because, based on my research, it’s moral distress about sex behaviors that commonly triggers people to believe they have a sex addiction. </p>
<h2>What feeds a self-diagnosis of ‘sex addiction’?</h2>
<p>In the U.S. in particular, many studies have clearly shown that more religious people, people from more strict religious backgrounds and people who morally disapprove of their own sexual behaviors are much more likely to <a href="https://doi.org/10.1007/s10508-018-1248-x">interpret those behaviors as an addiction</a>.</p>
<p>What’s surprising is there’s also a lot of evidence that these same people are actually less likely to do things like watch pornography or have sex outside of marital relationships. My colleagues and I have found that more religiously devout people simultaneously report <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177/2167702620922966">less use of pornography while also reporting greater addiction to pornography</a>. </p>
<p>It seems that conservative moral beliefs about sexuality, particularly those associated with conservative religiosity, lead some people to interpret behaviors like even occasionally watching porn as signs of an addiction.</p>
<p>My colleagues and I call this disconnect between beliefs and behavior “moral incongruence.” It turns out to be a powerful predictor of whether someone thinks they have a sex addiction.</p>
<p><iframe id="gFOuR" class="tc-infographic-datawrapper" src="https://datawrapper.dwcdn.net/gFOuR/2/" height="400px" width="100%" style="border: none" frameborder="0"></iframe></p>
<p>In fact, we’ve now shown in two studies that used nationally representative samples that <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177/2167702620922966">religiosity</a> and <a href="https://doi.org/10.1037/abn0000501">moral disapproval of pornography</a> amplify the links between pornography viewing and feelings of addiction to pornography. For people who do not find pornography morally objectionable or who are nonreligious, there is virtually no link between how much pornography they view and whether they believe themselves to be addicted to it. Yet, for people who are very religious or who find pornography viewing to be especially wrong, even small amounts of pornography use are linked to self-reported feelings of addiction.</p>
<h2>Internal turmoil doesn’t predict violence</h2>
<p>To be clear, the distress that people may feel when they fall short of their morals is undoubtedly real and profound. However, much of this distress is likely the result of guilt and shame rather than a true addiction.</p>
<p>In the case of the Georgia shooter, there is simply not yet enough information to determine whether he had an out-of-control pattern of sexual behavior, whether he was morally distressed over his behavior, or whether it was both. Frankly, those distinctions are not that important to understanding what happened.</p>
<p>Compulsive sexual behavior disorder and moral incongruence are both real problems that can lead to <a href="https://doi.org/10.1080/00224499.2017.1295013">relationship conflict</a>, <a href="https://doi.org/10.1037/adb0000114">depression, anxiety</a> and other <a href="https://doi.org/10.1007/s10508-018-1248-x">consequences</a>. But they are not excuses for violence, murder or hate crimes – nothing is. If <a href="https://doi.org/10.1001/jamanetworkopen.2018.4468">recent estimates</a> are correct, there are <a href="https://doi.org/10.1556/2006.7.2018.134">millions of Americans</a> who are concerned that their sexual behaviors might be out of control. </p>
<p>Yet the Atlanta suspect chose to do something that these millions of other Americans have not, allegedly targeting and killing women he viewed as “a temptation.” This choice on his part is not in any way attributable to whether he had a sexual addiction, whether he felt moral incongruence about his sexual behaviors or whether he was having a bad day.</p>
<p>[<em>Deep knowledge, daily.</em> <a href="https://theconversation.com/us/newsletters/the-daily-3?utm_source=TCUS&utm_medium=inline-link&utm_campaign=newsletter-text&utm_content=deepknowledge">Sign up for The Conversation’s newsletter</a>.]</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/157543/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Joshua B. Grubbs receives funding from the National Institute for Civil Discourse and the Charles Koch Foundation.</span></em></p>‘Sex addiction’ isn’t a diagnosable disorder, but the turmoil religious men feel over the disconnect between their sexual values and behavior can lead to real psychological distress.Joshua B. Grubbs, Assistant Professor of Psychology, Bowling Green State UniversityLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/1265662019-12-23T13:44:33Z2019-12-23T13:44:33ZWhy some people distrust atheists<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/305675/original/file-20191206-90609-1sjadcl.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">Some researchers believe atheists are disliked because people link their lack of belief to an overall lack of values.</span> <span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.flickr.com/photos/garysoup/4602200658/">Gary Stevens/Flickr</a>, <a class="license" href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/">CC BY</a></span></figcaption></figure><p><a href="https://ffrf.org/news/news-releases/item/36010-ffrf-s-unabashed-atheist-ron-reagan-ad-to-run-during-cnn-dem-debate-tuesday">An ad featuring Ron Reagan</a>, son of the Republican former President Ronald Reagan, surprised some viewers of the recent Democratic primary debates. </p>
<p>In the 30-second spot, run by the <a href="https://ffrf.org/">Freedom from Religion Foundation</a>, Reagan expressed concern that religious beliefs have gained too much political influence in the United States. </p>
<p>Reagan signed off by describing himself as a “lifelong atheist, not afraid of burning in hell.”</p>
<p>Reagan’s detractors <a href="https://www.lifesitenews.com/pulse/cnn-democrat-debate-features-atheist-commercial-mocking-burning-in-hell-christianity-god">expressed alarm</a>. They were concerned that an “unabashed atheist” – a person who lacks belief in a god or gods – could speak so bluntly on national television. And the ad inspired some <a href="https://www.foxnews.com/politics/debate-democrats-google-ron-reagan-atheist">strong reactions</a>, with some major networks even banning it from the airwaves. And perhaps that should be unsurprising. </p>
<p>Research shows there is <a href="https://theconversation.com/how-distrust-of-unbelievers-runs-deep-in-american-history-71776">intense prejudice against atheists in the U.S</a>. Of the approximately <a href="https://www.pewforum.org/2019/10/17/in-u-s-decline-of-christianity-continues-at-rapid-pace/">25% proportion of the U.S. population who do not identify as religious</a>, a little over <a href="https://www.pewforum.org/2019/10/17/in-u-s-decline-of-christianity-continues-at-rapid-pace/">3% identify specifically as atheists</a>, although, some researchers claim <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/1948550617707015">the actual number might even be as high as 20%</a>. </p>
<p>What’s behind such distrust?</p>
<h2>Prejudice toward atheists</h2>
<p>Because of this prejudice, people might be reluctant to identify themselves as atheists, even on anonymous questionnaires. Research shows that <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177/0956797615576473">atheists are trusted less than religious people</a>. In fact, even <a href="https://psycnet.apa.org/doiLanding?doi=10.1037%2Fa0025882">atheists trust their fellow atheists less than religious people</a>. And until recently, <a href="https://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2017/10/16/a-growing-share-of-americans-say-its-not-necessary-to-believe-in-god-to-be-moral/">a majority of Americans believed that atheists are not moral</a>. University of Kentucky scholar <a href="http://willgervais.com/">Will Gervais</a> and colleagues have found that <a href="https://www.nature.com/articles/s41562-017-0151">people in several countries even tend to associate serial murder with atheism</a>, relative to religious belief. </p>
<p>Social psychologists have spent years examining what causes some people to have negative feelings, thoughts and behavior toward atheists. Some work argues, for example, that atheists are disliked because they remind religious believers of <a href="https://theconversation.com/for-believers-fear-of-atheists-is-fueled-by-fear-of-death-41724">their inevitable mortality</a>. That is, atheists deny the existence of an afterlife. When reminded of death, this theory suggests, religious people respond with increased prejudice toward atheists. </p>
<p>Our <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177/0956797617753606">2018 study</a> on the prejudices that religious believers hold against atheists, conducted along with our colleagues at Arizona State University, examined one previously unexplored cause of atheist prejudice: perceptions of their sexual behavior. </p>
<h2>Religious people and values</h2>
<p>Evidence suggests that <a href="https://theconversation.com/religiosity-about-reproduction-more-than-cooperation-18935">religion and sexual behavior are often linked</a>. <a href="https://www.routledge.com/Religion-and-Sexuality-in-Cross-Cultural-Perspective/Ellingson-Green/p/book/9780203954003">Many major religions</a>, such as Christianity, Judaism, Islam and some <a href="https://theconversation.com/in-the-name-of-the-father-the-links-between-religion-and-paternity-7516">traditional religions</a>, promote lifestyles emphasizing fidelity and underscoring the importance of caring for one’s family. And a <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/0963721419838242">large body of research</a> suggests that such religions may be especially <a href="https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2005-08167-009">attractive to people who value such commitments</a> – perhaps precisely because those religions help to reinforce their own lifestyle choices. </p>
<p>This is not to say that all sexually committed people are religious or vice versa. Rather, this seems to be a stereotype. For example, <a href="https://www.pewforum.org/religious-landscape-study/religious-family/atheist/marital-status/married/">many atheists are married, and around 40% have young children</a>.</p>
<p>Still, knowing the perceived connection between faith and sexual commitment, <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/0956797617753606">we suspected</a> that people may see atheists, relative to believers, as less likely to endorse values like monogamy and caring for one’s family – values associated with being sexually committed. </p>
<p>In such people’s minds, <a href="https://www.pnas.org/content/113/2/310">sexually uncommitted behavior is linked to several other traits and social behavior</a>, such as opportunism and being impulsive – traits that hardly inspire trust. So we reasoned that people’s stereotypes of atheists as being sexually uncommitted were the root cause of distrust of atheists. </p>
<h2>Distrust of uncommitted partners?</h2>
<p>To test this, we recruited 336 participants from the U.S. to complete an online experiment. They were randomly assigned to rate one of two detailed dating profiles. These two profiles differed only in whether the person profiled identified as religious or nonreligious.</p>
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<img alt="" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/305681/original/file-20191206-90597-j9gu7i.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/305681/original/file-20191206-90597-j9gu7i.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=338&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/305681/original/file-20191206-90597-j9gu7i.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=338&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/305681/original/file-20191206-90597-j9gu7i.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=338&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/305681/original/file-20191206-90597-j9gu7i.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=424&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/305681/original/file-20191206-90597-j9gu7i.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=424&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/305681/original/file-20191206-90597-j9gu7i.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=424&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px">
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<span class="caption">In a study, atheists were assumed to be unready to commit in a relationship.</span>
<span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.flickr.com/photos/woolamaloo_gazette/48134581468/in/photolist-2gkuj63-22Xp9og-MTrDb9-2gC8YJi-2h7ypvS-2g6jPxG-2dR5B8L-EiktM7-qNau6C-4sUJfZ-WoCU9Y-PkMwgA-uAgaYG-2hyfZX3-29FeaNv-zwX37j-C88Guc-4xq99z-rL74en-pGsLGw-6ExHZi-psXCTx-4pz54o-a4c3L-tRAHm-3oQ8uU-2edVpx9-2g6jP9L-4EMtJA-78C87U-wT85Rp-z64p93-RSzyjP-nwN7W3-qqt36o-QEcWQh-2hBUFMR-27AimwH-64Rhcr-RWopAy-2hEdASx-UjHxik-KcZKVK-2gdiZyL-29kWghD-2hBUFUe-2hxXqan-SojTNg-ZDceHY-2hS6Qfm">byronv2/Flickr</a>, <a class="license" href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc/4.0/">CC BY-NC</a></span>
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<p>We found that participants made inferences about the person in the profile based solely on religiosity. First, and consistent with <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/0956797615576473">past research</a>, the nonreligious person was trusted less than the religious person.</p>
<p>Second, supporting our theory, the nonreligious person was rated as less likely to have committed lifestyle. For example, compared to the religious profile, people viewed the nonreligious one as less of a “faithful romantic partner” and less of a “dedicated” parent. </p>
<p>To determine whether this inference that atheists are sexually uncommitted actually caused distrust, we conducted a second experiment. We recruited 445 U.S. participants and showed them the same profiles, but with one additional piece of information: The person in the profile was also described as keen to either “get married” or “play the field.”</p>
<p>Adding this scant bit of information about sexual behavior – “dating preferences” – was enough to override the assumptions people made about atheists. Atheists who wanted to “get married” were thought to be just as trustworthy as religious people, and they were thought to be even more trustworthy than religious people who wanted to “play the field.” </p>
<p>Statistically, a person’s dating preferences explained approximately 19.7% of participants’ trustworthiness ratings – a fairly large effect for social sciences. By contrast, the person’s religiosity explained less than 1%. </p>
<p>Notably, religious participants did not evaluate the religious profile more favorably, suggesting that even religious folks are swayed more by someone’s sexual behavior than that person’s religiosity.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/126566/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>The authors do not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organization that would benefit from this article, and have disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.</span></em></p>Many Americans have a distrust of atheists. A group of researchers found that some of the distrust relates to beliefs about atheists’ family values.Jaimie Arona Krems, Assistant Professor of Psychology, Oklahoma State UniversityJordan W. Moon, Graduate Student, Arizona State UniversityLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/1174462019-05-21T11:27:22Z2019-05-21T11:27:22ZBonobo mothers meddle in their sons’ sex lives – making them three times more likely to father children<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/275668/original/file-20190521-23845-8784pd.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">
</span> <span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.shutterstock.com/image-photo/portrait-male-bonobo-walking-jungle-pan-407331436?src=HRiuQClsLfiopLQg60UEMg-1-29">Sergey Uryadnikov/Shutterstock</a></span></figcaption></figure><p>Dating is never easy, for any of us. Scenarios play over in our heads, classic questions and worries bombard us. Will she like me? Does he share the same interests? Will my mum be watching us have sex? Thankfully, that last question isn’t actually one we humans have to deal with. But <a href="https://www.cell.com/current-biology/fulltext/S0960-9822(19)30338-0?_returnURL=https%3A%2F%2Flinkinghub.elsevier.com%2Fretrieve%2Fpii%2FS0960982219303380%3Fshowall%3Dtrue">new research</a> shows that for bonobos, sex really is often a family affair. What’s more, rather than being an embarrassing hindrance, motherly presence greatly benefits bonobo sons during the deed.</p>
<p>Along with chimpanzees (<em>Pan troglodytes</em>), bonobos (<em>Pan paniscus</em>) are our closest living relatives. Restricted to a 500,000 km² thickly-forested zone of the <a href="http://pin.primate.wisc.edu/factsheets/entry/bonobo">Congo Basin</a>, these endangered great apes were only formally discovered in 1928, which until <a href="https://www.cell.com/current-biology/fulltext/S0960-9822(17)31245-9?_returnURL=https%3A%2F%2Flinkinghub.elsevier.com%2Fretrieve%2Fpii%2FS0960982217312459%3Fshowall%3Dtrue">2017</a> made them the most recently-described living great ape species.</p>
<p>Operating in female-led social <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1002/evan.21501">systems</a>, bonobos are capable of showing a wide range of what were long held as human-specific feelings and emotions, such as <a href="https://www.amazon.co.uk/Bonobo-Forgotten-Ape-Frans-Waal/dp/0520216512">sensitivity</a>, patience, compassion, kindness, <a href="https://science.sciencemag.org/content/336/6083/874">empathy</a> and <a href="https://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0051922">altruism</a>.</p>
<p>They’re also perhaps the most promiscuous non-human species on the planet. While chimpanzee sex is tied closely to reproduction, up to <a href="https://www.jstor.org/stable/pdf/24980375.pdf?casa_token=qcSO4qG6HUsAAAAA:mCt3dYZWsLAZhDUYEfyokaEzhunqHZ7mv9zjoXTSo-LSC8x4XhSKoUfjCDZGzFsHAIYSsDpA0bf6VcI23IeyaVUEvjDd8xDltIDwJo5pEQNKim6VlkM">75%</a> of bonobo sexual behaviour is purely for pleasure. From saucy greetings and social bonding to conflict <a href="https://brill.com/view/journals/beh/152/3-4/article-p313_4.xml">resolution</a> and post-conflict <a href="https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/bonobos-use-sex-to-cool-tempers/?redirect=1">make-up sex</a>, sex serves <a href="https://www.jstor.org/stable/pdf/24980375.pdf?casa_token=qcSO4qG6HUsAAAAA:mCt3dYZWsLAZhDUYEfyokaEzhunqHZ7mv9zjoXTSo-LSC8x4XhSKoUfjCDZGzFsHAIYSsDpA0bf6VcI23IeyaVUEvjDd8xDltIDwJo5pEQNKim6VlkM">hugely important</a> functions in most aspects of bonobo social behaviour. Even the mere discovery of a new food source or feeding ground is enough to <a href="https://www.jstor.org/stable/pdf/24980375.pdf?casa_token=l7hL1eK07SIAAAAA:W3G87V0eoyDVR8kzXwz6EnY0LvAjP1l5cy2OgiKynIb5V3FqiE2NsfY43EEsOZ3gL_m1CNey9-tSw6uYlh4FqPShhUVXvALumo5X_it0dZwnNIPJA7c">spark a wave</a> of communal sexual activity.</p>
<figure class="align-center ">
<img alt="" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/275492/original/file-20190520-69169-72tucs.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/275492/original/file-20190520-69169-72tucs.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=416&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/275492/original/file-20190520-69169-72tucs.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=416&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/275492/original/file-20190520-69169-72tucs.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=416&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/275492/original/file-20190520-69169-72tucs.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=522&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/275492/original/file-20190520-69169-72tucs.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=522&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/275492/original/file-20190520-69169-72tucs.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=522&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px">
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">Bonobo sex isn’t generally a private affair.</span>
<span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.shutterstock.com/image-photo/bonobo-love-lola-ya-democratic-republic-60692260?src=-kZ0IxjEn9RlXeiiG0dXjQ-1-4">Sergey Uryadnikov/Shutterstock</a></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>It seems that the number of reasons for a bonobo to have sex is surpassed only by the number of forms in which they do it. Indiscriminate of sex and <a href="https://www.nature.com/articles/srep16135#ref4">age</a>, the only combination strictly off limits in bonobo society is between a mother and her mature son. In addition to standard penetrative encounters, they frequently engage in manual genital massage and <a href="https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/bonobos-use-sex-to-cool-tempers/">oral</a> sex. These positionally creative apes are also the only animal (other than us) to practice tongue-on-tongue <a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1023%2FA%3A1026395829818">kissing</a> or <a href="https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/bonobos-use-sex-to-cool-tempers/?redirect=1">face-to-face</a> penetrative sex. The prominence of bonobos’ sexual behaviour in social life has led researchers to brand bonobos as the <a href="https://www.amazon.co.uk/Bonobo-Forgotten-Ape-Frans-Waal/dp/0520216512">“make-love-not-war apes”</a>.</p>
<h2>Meddling mothers</h2>
<p>Bonobo mothers, however, seem to make a war out of seeing their sons successfully make love. They’ve frequently been <a href="https://royalsocietypublishing.org/doi/full/10.1098/rspb.2010.1572">observed</a> to form coalitions with their sons to help them acquire and maintain high dominance rank, protect their sons’ mating attempts from interference by other males and even interfere in the mating attempts of other, unrelated males.</p>
<p>The <a href="https://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2019-05/cp-bmw051519.php">new research</a>, published in Current Biology, shows that these strategies pay off. Males who had a mother present in their social group engaging in these behaviours were about three times more likely to produce offspring than males whose mothers were no longer part of the group.</p>
<p>Mothers of successful bonobo fathers were present more than twice as frequently during conception than in chimpanzees, a species in which males are socially dominant, and in which maternal presence provided no benefit to sons. Thus, it appears that the dominance of females in bonobo social systems allows mothers to exert behavioural influence to boost the sexual fitness of their sons.</p>
<p>This elevated female social power doesn’t just let bonobo mums get involved in their families’ sex lives, but is likely responsible for a host of peaceful and progressive traits rarely seen in the mammal world. Females practice sex even when <a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007%2FBF02734089">not ovulating</a>, male-male competition is much <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1002/ajp.22641">reduced</a>, and the species is remarkably tolerant to bonobos from outside of their social <a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10764-018-0058-2">group</a>. Perhaps us humans ought to take note of how positively society can change when females are in positions of influence. It’s probably better if we keep our sex lives parent-free, though.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/117446/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Ben Garrod does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.</span></em></p>Bonobos may be the most promiscuous species on the planet. From meddling mothers to feeding ground excitement, their sex lives are unique in the animal world.Ben Garrod, Professor of Evolutionary Biology and Science Engagement, University of East AngliaLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/1011532018-08-09T04:56:06Z2018-08-09T04:56:06ZOther people are having way, way less sex than you think they are<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/231132/original/file-20180808-191041-evwqcr.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">
</span> <span class="attribution"><span class="source">Shutterstock</span></span></figcaption></figure><p>Research shows we think young people have a lot more sex than they do in reality – and men have a particularly skewed view of the sex lives of young women.</p>
<p>As part of Ipsos’ long-running <a href="http://www.perils.ipsos.com">studies on misperceptions</a>, to be released in a new book, <a href="https://www.amazon.co.uk/Perils-Perception-Wrong-Nearly-Everything-ebook/dp/B0792KQZFZ">The Perils of Perception</a>, we asked people in Britain and the US to guess how often people aged 18-29 in their country had sex in the past four weeks.</p>
<p>The average guess about young men in both countries is that they had sex fourteen times in the last month, when the actual number is just <a href="http://www.natsal.ac.uk/home.aspx">five in Britain</a> and <a href="https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/nhanes/index.htm">four in the US</a>, according to detailed surveys of sexual behaviour.</p>
<p>Our guess would mean that, on average, young men are having sex every other day – around 180 times a year – compared with the more mundane reality of around 50 times. But that’s not the most remarkable error in our guessing. Men are even more wildly wrong when they guess about young women’s sex lives, in both the US and Britain.</p>
<p>Men think British and American young women are having an incredible amount of sex – 22 times a month in Britain, and 23 times a month in the US. These guesses would be the equivalent of the average young woman having sex every weekday, plus two or three times on one special day each month. In reality, it’s around five times.</p>
<h2>Why we get it so wrong</h2>
<p>As with so many of our misperceptions, the explanations for this will be both how we think and what we’re told.</p>
<p>The survival of our species literally depends on sex. Yet it is a hotbed of misperceptions, because unlike many other core human behaviours, where we can get a better idea of social norms from observation, sex mostly happens behind firmly closed doors (and the sex that is available for general viewing is not a fully accurate representation of the norm).</p>
<p>Because we don’t have access to very much real-life comparative information, we turn to other “authoritative” sources: playground or locker room chat, dubious surveys, salacious media coverage and porn. These provide extreme examples and dodgy anecdotes that distort our views of reality.</p>
<figure class="align-center ">
<img alt="" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/230797/original/file-20180806-191025-13db4ah.PNG?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/230797/original/file-20180806-191025-13db4ah.PNG?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=338&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/230797/original/file-20180806-191025-13db4ah.PNG?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=338&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/230797/original/file-20180806-191025-13db4ah.PNG?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=338&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/230797/original/file-20180806-191025-13db4ah.PNG?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=424&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/230797/original/file-20180806-191025-13db4ah.PNG?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=424&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/230797/original/file-20180806-191025-13db4ah.PNG?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=424&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px">
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">Frequency of sex among young people, perception and reality.</span>
<span class="attribution"><span class="source">Ipsos MORI</span></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>In the same survey, we asked people in three countries to guess how many sexual partners people in their country have had by the time they get to 45-54 years of age. On this, people are actually very accurate at guessing the average number of partners reported by men.</p>
<p>The actual figure in Australia and Britain is an average of 17 partners by the time men reach 45–54. In the US, it’s 19. The average guesses are almost spot-on.</p>
<p>But it gets much more interesting when we compare men and women. First, the standout pattern is with the actual data. The number of partners claimed by women in surveys of sexual behaviour is much, much lower than the number claimed by men.</p>
<p>In fact, women claim to have had almost half the number of sexual partners as men. This is one of the great conundrums of sexual behaviour measurement: it’s seen again and again in high quality sex surveys, but it’s a statistical impossibility.</p>
<p>Given that both men and women are reporting pairings, and they make up roughly equal proportions of the (heterosexual) population, the numbers should roughly match.</p>
<figure class="align-center ">
<img alt="" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/230798/original/file-20180806-191035-1nh2qqh.PNG?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/230798/original/file-20180806-191035-1nh2qqh.PNG?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=338&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/230798/original/file-20180806-191035-1nh2qqh.PNG?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=338&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/230798/original/file-20180806-191035-1nh2qqh.PNG?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=338&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/230798/original/file-20180806-191035-1nh2qqh.PNG?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=424&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/230798/original/file-20180806-191035-1nh2qqh.PNG?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=424&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/230798/original/file-20180806-191035-1nh2qqh.PNG?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=424&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px">
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">Number of lifetime sexual partners, perception and reality.</span>
<span class="attribution"><span class="source">Ipsos MORI</span></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>There are a number of <a href="https://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/sex-by-numbers-what-statistics-can-tell-us-about-sexual-behaviour-by-david-spiegelhalter-fjd0r7cc5s7">suggested explanations</a> for this – everything from men’s use of prostitutes to how the different genders interpret the question (for example, if women discount some sexual practices that men count).</p>
<p>But it seems most likely to be a mix of men’s tendency to be more <a href="https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2018/07/180726161251.htm">rough and ready</a> when they add up, combined with men’s conscious or unconscious bumping up of their figure, and women’s tendency to deflate theirs.</p>
<p>There is evidence of the latter effect from a <a href="https://www.newscientist.com/article/dn3936-fake-lie-detector-reveals-womens-sex-lies/">US study</a> among students which split the participants into three groups before asking them about their sexual behaviour. One group of women was left alone to fill out the questionnaire as normal. Another was led to believe that their answers could be seen by someone supervising the experiment. And the third was attached to a fake lie detector machine.</p>
<p>The group of women who thought their answers may be seen claimed an average of 2.6 sexual partners, the standard anonymous questionnaire group said 3.4 on average, while those attached to the useless beeping machine said 4.4 – which was in line with the men in the study.</p>
<h2>Check your figures, American men</h2>
<p>There is one final worrying twist in the US data. Men and women guess very differently for women in the US. American men think that American women have had 27 partners on average, but American women guess only 13, which is much closer to the figure women claim for themselves of 12.</p>
<figure class="align-center ">
<img alt="" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/230788/original/file-20180806-191013-1wz0b4.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/230788/original/file-20180806-191013-1wz0b4.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/230788/original/file-20180806-191013-1wz0b4.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/230788/original/file-20180806-191013-1wz0b4.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/230788/original/file-20180806-191013-1wz0b4.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/230788/original/file-20180806-191013-1wz0b4.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/230788/original/file-20180806-191013-1wz0b4.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px">
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">Me? I’ve actually got quite a lot of life admin to be getting on with.</span>
<span class="attribution"><span class="source">freestocks org unsplash</span></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>This ludicrously high average guess among men for US women is largely due to a small number of US men who think that US women have an incredible number of partners. In fact, there were around 20 US men in our sample of 1,000 that went for numbers of 50 or (sometimes way) above, and that skews the data.</p>
<p>Our misperceptions reveal a lot about how we see the world. They are a brilliant clue to our deep-seated biases, as our guesses at what is “normal” are more automatic and unguarded. In this study, these guesses point to some frighteningly wrong views of young people and women, particularly among a small section of men. </p>
<p>As with other misperceptions, the answer is not just to bombard people with more facts to correct these views, but to also deal with the underlying causes – that what we’re told and how we think leads many of us to get so much so wrong.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/101153/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>The Perils of Perception – Why We’re Wrong About Nearly Everything is published by Atlantic Books on September 6, 2018.</span></em></p>We all think men are at it way more than they are. But estimates of how much nooky young women are getting are basically ludicrous.Bobby Duffy, Visiting Senior Research Fellow, King's College LondonLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/922372018-03-05T23:46:18Z2018-03-05T23:46:18ZThe orgasm gap and what sex-ed did not teach you<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/208737/original/file-20180302-65516-kihtjd.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">Studies show that women reach climax less often than men do during sexual encounters together. </span> <span class="attribution"><span class="source">Matheus Ferrero/Unsplash</span></span></figcaption></figure><p>There is a clear disparity between men and women when it comes to achieving orgasm; a phenomenon scientists call the orgasm gap.</p>
<p>Studying orgasms is no easy task. We work as psychology of sexual behaviour researchers in the lab of <a href="https://www.concordia.ca/artsci/psychology/faculty.html?fpid=james-pfaus">Dr. James Pfaus</a> at Concordia University and were interested to explore the <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/27791968">“controversy”</a> of clitoral versus vaginal orgasms. </p>
<p>We conducted a literature review on the current state of the evidence and different perspectives on how this phenomenon occurs in women. Particularly, the nature of a woman’s orgasm has been a source of scientific, political and cultural debate for over a century. Although <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0272735800000696?via%3Dihub">science has an idea</a> of what orgasms are, we are still quite uncertain as to how they occur. </p>
<p><a href="http://psycnet.apa.org/record/1966-35042-000">Orgasms are</a> one of the few phenomena that occur as a result of a highly complex interaction of several physiological and psychological systems all at once. While there may be evolutionary reasons why <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5087694/">men are</a> more likely to orgasm during sex, we shouldn’t doom ourselves to this idea. Indeed, part of the problem lies in what happens in the bedroom.</p>
<p>We all have different preferences when it comes to what we like in bed. But one commonality we share is that we know when we orgasm and when we do not. We don’t always orgasm every time we have sex, and that can be just fine, because we may have sex for many different reasons. However, studies repeatedly show that women reach climax less often than men do during sexual encounters together. </p>
<p>For example, a national survey conducted in the United States showed that <a href="https://books.google.ca/books/about/The_Social_Organization_of_Sexuality.html?id=72AHO0rE2HoC&hl=en&redir_esc=y">women reported one orgasm for every three from men</a>. Heterosexual males said they achieved orgasm usually or always during sexual intimacy, 95 per cent of the time. </p>
<figure class="align-center ">
<img alt="" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/208736/original/file-20180302-65541-1jh8laq.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/208736/original/file-20180302-65541-1jh8laq.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/208736/original/file-20180302-65541-1jh8laq.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/208736/original/file-20180302-65541-1jh8laq.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/208736/original/file-20180302-65541-1jh8laq.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/208736/original/file-20180302-65541-1jh8laq.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/208736/original/file-20180302-65541-1jh8laq.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px">
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">Sexual education needs to address the orgasm gap, just as much as it does sexual pleasure for all.</span>
<span class="attribution"><span class="source">Shutterstock</span></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>The gap appears to become narrower among homosexual and bisexual people, where 89 per cent of gay males, 88 per cent bisexual males, 86 per cent lesbian women, and 66 per cent of bisexual women orgasm during sexual interactions. </p>
<p>When we take a closer look at what might explain the orgasm gap, we can see the type of relationship we have with our partner matters. If you are in an established committed relationship, the <a href="http://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/0003122412445802">gap tends to close</a>, but it widens during casual sex.</p>
<p>That is, <a href="http://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0003122412445802">women in a committed relationship report</a> reaching an orgasm as often as 86 per cent of the time, whereas women in casual sex encounters report they orgasm only 39 per cent of the time. Furthermore, heterosexual women achieve orgasm easily and regularly through masturbation. </p>
<p>Likewise, the more knowledge about the female genitalia (especially about the clitoris) the partner has, the higher the likelihood is for women to orgasm more frequently. Finally, and most importantly, the respondents reported the most reliable practice to achieve an orgasm for women is oral sex. </p>
<p>We don’t know why this gap occurs in casual sex versus sex in a committed relationship, but part of it might be how we communicate what we want sexually, what we expect sexually and attitudes toward sexual pleasure. </p>
<h2>What sex-ed did not teach you</h2>
<p>Formal education teaches us a vast amount of relevant topics in school, yet sexual education has been and is still a matter of (moral) debate. For many of us, sexual education covered reproductive biology and how not to get pregnant or contract sexually transmitted infections. </p>
<p>Sex-ed <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC198355/">has been focused</a> on preventing kids from having sex. “Always use condoms” was sometimes the most progressive sex-ed message. Education is now progressing into teaching what sex is about and how to engage in ethical and respectful sex, but that is still not the whole picture. <a href="https://theconversation.com/fun-sex-is-healthy-sex-why-isnt-that-on-the-curriculum-81020">How about pleasure or how to have fun and to explore what we like</a>, how to communicate to our partners and many other crucial aspects of intimate life? </p>
<p>The key to the ultimate goal of enjoying ourselves is to know what you and your partner want and how to satisfy each other. Consequently, incomplete and biased sex education fails both men and women, omitting the fact sex is not only for reproduction but also for enjoyment. </p>
<p>Maybe the first thing we should learn about sex is that it is one of the favourite pastimes of adults. Preventing it from happening will only increase the likelihood of future generations engaging in it more, only with less knowledge about to how get the most out of it.</p>
<figure class="align-center ">
<img alt="" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/208735/original/file-20180302-65511-x9fezj.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/208735/original/file-20180302-65511-x9fezj.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/208735/original/file-20180302-65511-x9fezj.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/208735/original/file-20180302-65511-x9fezj.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/208735/original/file-20180302-65511-x9fezj.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/208735/original/file-20180302-65511-x9fezj.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/208735/original/file-20180302-65511-x9fezj.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px">
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">Women reach climax less often than men. Part of the problem likely lies in what happens in the bedroom.</span>
<span class="attribution"><span class="source">Becca Tapert/Unsplash</span></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<h2>Some advice for sexual partners</h2>
<p>Our first reaction to the orgasm gap may be to point fingers and find someone to blame: Cultural attitudes, religion, society, the educational system, your ex. Certainly, anyone would agree that the gap is a multifactorial phenomenon. </p>
<p>Statistics do not count when it comes to your own intimacy. In bed, it’s you and your partner(s), and <em>that</em> is what matters. We cannot create nor do we trigger orgasms in our partners. We can only help to make them easier, more fun and more enjoyable for them. </p>
<p>Even if you may have a good idea of what your partner may want in bed, what people like varies a great deal. Thus, understanding what a partner wants, how, when, where, or for how long, <a href="https://www.ted.com/talks/peggy_orenstein_what_young_women_believe_about_their_own_sexual_pleasure">requires openness, trust and, most importantly, communication</a>. </p>
<p>These key ingredients may be what’s missing in both casual and long-term encounters. We could all be more open and humble, and acknowledge that with a good attitude and a good teacher, everyone gets better at it. </p>
<p>Your sexual prowess and ability to satisfy grows with practice; it goes without saying that our sexual lives should improve beyond previous negative experiences.</p>
<p>There may be very few things in this world that perhaps all people in this world enjoy, and orgasms are among them. But the enjoyment of sex is not the race to climb to the top of the mountain. Instead, it is the enjoyment of getting there.</p>
<p>So what can you do? Talk, be confident and pay attention to your partner. </p>
<p>Satisfaction means very different things for different people. What really matters is what you and your partner(s) want. Shattering the climax glass ceiling is a team effort. Sex is fun — and everyone has something to learn about it.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/92237/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>The authors do not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and have disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.</span></em></p>Women report one orgasm for every three from men. Part of the problem might lie in what happens in the bedroom.Gonzalo R. Quintana Zunino, PhDc Behavioral Neuroscience and Public Scholar, Concordia UniversityConall Eoghan Mac Cionnaith, Ph.D Candidate, Concordia UniversityLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/596652017-01-20T10:59:31Z2017-01-20T10:59:31ZData should smash the biological myth of promiscuous males and sexually coy females<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/153319/original/image-20170118-26573-1kkbpx1.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=104%2C0%2C1850%2C1092&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">Victorian mores influenced ideas not just about men and women but animals too.</span> <span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.flickr.com/photos/eoskins/10092139186">Joseph Christian Leyendecker</a>, <a class="license" href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/">CC BY</a></span></figcaption></figure><p>That males are naturally promiscuous while females are coy and choosy is <a href="http://www.hup.harvard.edu/catalog.php?isbn=9780674002357">a widely</a> <a href="https://global.oup.com/academic/product/the-selfish-gene-9780198788607?q=the%20selfish%20gene&lang=en&cc=us">held belief</a>. Even many scientists – including some biologists, psychologists and anthropologists – tout this notion when <a href="http://people.com/archive/why-are-men-more-promiscuous-its-in-the-genes-says-a-psychologist-vol-12-no-17/">interviewed</a> by the media about almost any aspect of male-female <a href="http://canadiancrc.com/newspaper_articles/Time_Magazine_infidelity_in_genes_15AUG94.aspx">differences</a>, <a href="http://www.cbsnews.com/news/a-controversial-book-on-rape/">including</a> <a href="http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=1069570">in human beings</a>. In fact, certain human behaviors such as rape, marital infidelity and some forms of domestic abuse have been portrayed as <a href="https://mitpress.mit.edu/books/natural-history-rape">adaptive traits that evolved</a> because males are promiscuous while females are sexually reluctant.</p>
<p>These ideas, which are pervasive in Western culture, also have served as the cornerstone for the evolutionary study of sexual selection, sex differences and sex roles among animals. Only recently have some scientists – fortified with modern data – begun to question their underlying assumptions and the resulting paradigm.</p>
<h2>It all comes down to sperm and eggs?</h2>
<p>These simple assumptions are based, in part, on the differences in size and presumed energy cost of producing sperm versus eggs – a contrast that we <a href="http://dx.doi.org/10.1016/0022-5193(72)90007-0">biologists call anisogamy</a>. <a href="http://darwin-online.org.uk/EditorialIntroductions/Freeman_TheDescentofMan.html">Charles Darwin was the first to allude</a> to anisogamy as a possible explanation for male-female differences in sexual behavior.</p>
<p>His brief mention was ultimately expanded by others into the idea that because males produce millions of cheap sperm, they can mate with many different females without incurring a biological cost. Conversely, females produce relatively few “expensive,” nutrient-containing eggs; they should be highly selective and mate only with one “best male.” He, of course, would provide more than enough sperm to fertilize all a female’s eggs.</p>
<p>In 1948, Angus Bateman – a botanist who never again published in this area – was the first to test Darwin’s predictions about sexual selection and male-female sexual behavior. He set up a series of breeding experiments using several inbred strains of fruit flies with different mutations as markers. He placed equal numbers of males and females in laboratory flasks and allowed them to mate for several days. Then he counted their adult offspring, using inherited mutation markers to infer how many individuals each fly had mated with and how much variation there was in mating success. </p>
<p>One of Bateman’s most important conclusions was that male reproductive success – as measured by offspring produced – increases linearly with his number of mates. But female reproductive success peaks after she mates with only one male. Moreover, <a href="http://doi.org/10.1038/hdy.1948.21">Bateman alleged this was a near-universal characteristic</a> of all sexually reproducing species.</p>
<p>In 1972, theoretical biologist Robert Trivers highlighted Bateman’s work when he formulated the <a href="http://joelvelasco.net/teaching/3330/trivers72-parentalinvestment.pdf">theory of “parental investment.”</a> He argued that sperm are so cheap (low investment) that males evolved to abandon their mate and indiscriminately seek other females for mating. Female investment is so much greater (expensive eggs) that females guardedly mate monogamously and stay behind to take care of the young.</p>
<p>In other words, females evolved to choose males prudently and mate with only one superior male; males evolved to mate indiscriminately with as many females as possible. Trivers believed that this pattern is true for the great majority of sexual species.</p>
<p>The problem is, modern data simply don’t support most of Bateman’s and Trivers’ predictions and assumptions. But that didn’t stop “Bateman’s Principle” from influencing evolutionary thought for decades.</p>
<figure class="align-center zoomable">
<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/153445/original/image-20170119-26555-db89el.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/153445/original/image-20170119-26555-db89el.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/153445/original/image-20170119-26555-db89el.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=336&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/153445/original/image-20170119-26555-db89el.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=336&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/153445/original/image-20170119-26555-db89el.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=336&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/153445/original/image-20170119-26555-db89el.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=422&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/153445/original/image-20170119-26555-db89el.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=422&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/153445/original/image-20170119-26555-db89el.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=422&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">A single sperm versus a single egg isn’t an apt comparison.</span>
<span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.shutterstock.com/image-illustration/3d-render-representing-human-sperm-egg-362907557">Gametes image via www.shutterstock.com.</a></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<h2>Examining the assumptions about males</h2>
<p>In reality, it makes little sense to compare the cost of one egg to one sperm. As comparative psychologist <a href="http://www.jstor.org/stable/2461181">Don Dewsbury pointed out</a>, a male produces millions of sperm to fertilize even one egg. The relevant comparison is the cost of millions of sperm versus that of one egg. </p>
<p>In addition, males produce semen which, in most species, contains critical bioactive compounds that presumably are <a href="http://dx.doi.org/10.1080/00224499.2016.1150938">very expensive to produce</a>. As is now also well-documented, sperm production is limited and males can run out of sperm – what researchers term “sperm depletion.”</p>
<p>Consequently, we now know <a href="http://dx.doi.org/10.1016/S0169-5347(02)02533-8">males may allocate more or less sperm to any given female</a>, depending on her age, health or previous mated status. Such differential treatment among preferred and nonpreferred females is a form of male mate choice. In some species, males may even <a href="http://dx.doi.org/10.1126/science.213.4509.779">refuse to copulate</a> <a href="http://dx.doi.org/10.1006/anbe.1996.0432">with certain females</a>. Indeed, <a href="http://dx.doi.org/10.1080/00224499.2016.1150938">male mate choice</a> is now a particularly active field of study. </p>
<p>If sperm were as inexpensive and unlimited as Bateman and Trivers proposed, one would not expect sperm depletion, sperm allocation or male mate choice.</p>
<h2>Assumptions about females don’t match reality</h2>
<p><a href="https://global.oup.com/academic/product/evolutionary-ecology-of-birds-9780198510888?q=Evolutionary%20Ecology%20of%20Birds:%20Life%20Histories,%20Mating%20Systems%20and%20Extinction&lang=en&cc=us">Birds have played a critical role</a> in dispelling the myth that females evolved to mate with a single male. In the 1980s, approximately 90 percent of all songbird species were believed to be “monogamous” – that is, one male and one female mated exclusively with one another and raised their young together. At present, only about 7 percent are classified as monogamous.</p>
<p>Modern molecular techniques that allow for paternity analysis revealed <a href="http://dx.doi.org/10.1073/pnas.96.18.10236">both males and females</a> often <a href="https://books.google.com/books?id=3i4Q8SvohfEC">mate and produce offspring with multiple partners</a>. That is, they engage in what researchers call “extra-pair copulations” (EPCs) and “extra pair fertilizations” (EPFs).</p>
<p>Because of the assumption that reluctant females mate with only one male, many scientists initially assumed promiscuous males coerced reluctant females into engaging in sexual activity outside their home territory. But behavioral observations quickly determined that <a href="http://joelvelasco.net/teaching/3330/hrdy-mythofcoy.pdf">females play an active role</a> in <a href="http://dx.doi.org/10.1007/978-1-4615-5985-6_12">searching for nonpair males and soliciting</a> extra-pair copulations.</p>
<p>Rates of EPCs and EPFs vary greatly from species to species, but the superb fairy wren is one socially monogamous bird that <a href="http://dx.doi.org/10.1098/rspb.1994.0032">provides an extreme example</a>: 95 percent of clutches contain young sired by extra-pair males and 75 percent of young have extra-pair fathers.</p>
<p>This situation is not limited to birds – across the animal kingdom, females frequently mate with multiple males and produce broods with multiple fathers. In fact, Tim Birkhead, a well-known behavioral ecologist, concluded in his 2000 book <a href="https://books.google.com/books?id=3i4Q8SvohfEC">“Promiscuity: An Evolutionary History of Sperm Competition</a>,” “Generations of reproductive biologists assumed females to be sexually monogamous but it is now clear that this is wrong.”</p>
<p>Ironically, Bateman’s own study demonstrated the idea that female reproductive success peaks after mating with only one male is not correct. When Bateman presented his data, he did so in two different graphs; only one graph (which represented fewer experiments) led to the conclusion that female reproductive success peaks after one mating. The other graph – largely ignored in subsequent treatises – showed that the number of offspring produced by a female increases with the number of males she mates with. That finding runs directly counter to the theory there is no benefit for a “promiscuous” female.</p>
<p>Modern studies have demonstrated this is true in a broad <a href="http://doi.org10.1093/beheco/ars077">range of species</a> – <a href="http://dx.doi.org/10.1080/00224499.2016.1150938">females that mate with more than one male produce more young</a>.</p>
<figure class="align-center zoomable">
<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/153322/original/image-20170118-26539-1i8w62u.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/153322/original/image-20170118-26539-1i8w62u.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/153322/original/image-20170118-26539-1i8w62u.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=456&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/153322/original/image-20170118-26539-1i8w62u.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=456&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/153322/original/image-20170118-26539-1i8w62u.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=456&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/153322/original/image-20170118-26539-1i8w62u.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=573&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/153322/original/image-20170118-26539-1i8w62u.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=573&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/153322/original/image-20170118-26539-1i8w62u.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=573&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">What’s happening in society outside the lab can influence what you see inside it.</span>
<span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.flickr.com/photos/nlireland/5863096328">National Library of Ireland on The Commons</a></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<h2>Seeing what society leads you to expect</h2>
<p>So if closer observation would have disproved this promiscuous male/sexually coy female myth, in the animal world at least, why didn’t scientists see what was in front of their eyes?</p>
<p>Bateman’s and Trivers’ ideas had their origins in Darwin’s writings, which were greatly <a href="https://doi.org/10.1093/icb/45.5.831">influenced by the cultural beliefs of the Victorian era</a>. Victorian social attitudes and science were closely intertwined. The common belief was that males and females were radically different. Moreover, attitudes about Victorian women influenced beliefs about nonhuman females. Males were considered to be active, combative, more variable, and more evolved and complex. Females were deemed to be passive, nurturing; less variable, with <a href="http://www.hup.harvard.edu/catalog.php?isbn=9780674802919">arrested development equivalent to that of a child</a>. “True women” were expected to be pure, submissive to men, <a href="http://www.jstor.org/stable/3173022">sexually restrained and uninterested in sex</a> – and this representation was also seamlessly applied to female animals.</p>
<p>Although <a href="http://dx.doi.org/10.1080/00224499.2016.1150938">these ideas may now seem quaint</a>, most scholars of the time embraced them as scientific truths. These stereotypes of men and women survived through the 20th century and influenced research on male-female sexual differences in animal behavior.</p>
<p>Unconscious biases and expectations can influence the <a href="https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/point-of-view-affects-how-science-is-done/">questions scientists ask and also their interpretations of data</a>. Behavioral biologist Marcy Lawton and colleagues <a href="http://dx.doi.org/10.1007/978-1-4615-5985-6_4">describe a fascinating example</a>. In 1992, eminent male scientists studying a species of bird wrote an excellent book on the species – but were mystified by the lack of aggression in males. They did report violent and frequent clashes among females, but dismissed their importance. These scientists <a href="http://dx.doi.org/10.1007/978-1-4615-5985-6_12">expected males to be combative and females to be passive</a> – when observations failed to meet their expectations, they were unable to envision alternative possibilities, or realize the potential significance of what they were seeing.</p>
<p>The same likely happened with regard to sexual behavior: Many scientists saw promiscuity in males and coyness in females because <a href="http://dx.doi.org/10.1007/978-1-4615-5985-6_11">that is what they expected to see</a> and what theory – and societal attitudes – told them they should see.</p>
<p>In fairness, prior to the advent of molecular paternity analysis, it was extremely difficult to accurately ascertain how many mates an individual actually had. Likewise, only in modern times has it been possible to accurately measure sperm counts, which led to the realization that sperm competition, sperm allocation and sperm depletion are important phenomena in nature. Thus, these <a href="http://dx.doi.org/10.1046/j.1365-294x.2000.00964.x">modern techniques also contributed to overturning stereotypes</a> of male and female sexual behavior that had been accepted for more than a century. </p>
<figure class="align-center zoomable">
<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/153456/original/image-20170119-26577-15nkg6g.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/153456/original/image-20170119-26577-15nkg6g.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/153456/original/image-20170119-26577-15nkg6g.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=395&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/153456/original/image-20170119-26577-15nkg6g.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=395&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/153456/original/image-20170119-26577-15nkg6g.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=395&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/153456/original/image-20170119-26577-15nkg6g.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=496&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/153456/original/image-20170119-26577-15nkg6g.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=496&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/153456/original/image-20170119-26577-15nkg6g.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=496&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">What looks like monogamy at first glance very often isn’t.</span>
<span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.shutterstock.com/image-photo/couple-waved-albatross-galapagos-111927389">Waved Albatross image via www.shutterstock.com.</a></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<h2>Bateman’s research has not been replicated</h2>
<p>Besides the data summarized above, there is the question of whether Bateman’s experiments are replicable. Given that <a href="https://theconversation.com/half-of-biomedical-research-studies-dont-stand-up-to-scrutiny-and-what-we-need-to-do-about-that-45149">replication is an essential criterion of science</a>, and that Bateman’s ideas became an unquestioned tenet of behavioral and evolutionary science, it is shocking that more than 50 years passed before an attempt to replicate the study was published.</p>
<p>Behavioral ecologist Patricia Gowaty and collaborators had found numerous methodological and statistical problems with Bateman’s experiments; when they <a href="http://dx.doi.org/10.1111/j.1558-5646.2007.00212.x">reanalyzed his data, they were unable to support his conclusions</a>. Subsequently, they reran Bateman’s critical experiments, using the exact same fly strains and methodology – and <a href="http://dx.doi.org/10.1073/pnas.1207851109">couldn’t replicate his results or conclusions</a>.</p>
<p>Counterevidence, evolving social attitudes, recognitions of flaws in the studies that started it all – Bateman’s Principle, with its widely accepted preconception about male-female sexual behavior, is currently undergoing serious scientific debate. The scientific study of sexual behavior may be experiencing a paradigm shift. Facile explanations and assertions about male-female sexual behaviors and roles just don’t hold up.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/59665/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Zuleyma Tang-Martinez received funding from NSF in the past - but did not have funding at the time that this article was written </span></em></p>Victorian attitudes influenced what scientists thought they were observing about sexual behaviors in the animal world. But modern techniques reveal the myth for what it is.Zuleyma Tang-Martinez, Professor Emerita of Biology, University of Missouri-St. LouisLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/601012016-05-27T05:38:31Z2016-05-27T05:38:31ZChildren with sexualised behaviours need support, not silence and stigma<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/124281/original/image-20160527-869-16o9cu9.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">Isolating a child from their peers does nothing to address the underlying concerns that may have lead to a child behaving in this way.</span> <span class="attribution"><span class="source">from www.shutterstock.com</span></span></figcaption></figure><p>Reports of coercive sex acts among small children quite understandably provoke strong and broad ranging reactions. </p>
<p>The <a href="http://www.theage.com.au/victoria/grade-one-student-sex-acts-cover-up-angers-and-shocks-parents-20160526-gp4goz.html">case</a> of a child in grade one performing sex acts on other children in a Victorian primary school point to what specialised child counsellors see as an <a href="http://www.abc.net.au/news/2014-06-03/calls-for-action-to-halt-child-on-child-sex-abuse/5497196">increase</a> in the number of children with sexualised behaviours.</p>
<p><a href="https://crimecommission.gov.au/sites/default/files/problem_sexual_behaviour_in_children_complete.pdf">Sexualised behaviours</a> may include excessive self-stimulation, sexual approaches to adults, an obsessive interest in pornography and sexual overtures to other children, including, in some cases, coercive sex acts with other children.</p>
<p>But a lack of data means it is difficult to know how prevalent this is.</p>
<h2>The need for more data</h2>
<p>Many acts go unreported, as parents or schools seek to deal with these behaviours quietly. </p>
<p>Where parents or teachers do reach out for assistance, they often find it difficult to locate appropriate services. </p>
<p>Calls to police, child protection, or the education department don’t necessarily result in a referral to the specialised services designed to counsel children with sexualised behaviours. </p>
<p>Although specialised counselling services don’t collect data uniformly, longitudinal data from the services themselves clearly indicate an <a href="https://www.crimecommission.gov.au/sites/default/files/NIITF-PSB-REPORT-2010.pdf">increased demand</a> for sexualised behaviours counselling in recent years.</p>
<p>This apparent increase is something that we need to reflect quite carefully on as a society. </p>
<p>Although the tendency is to apportion blame to individuals - the child themselves, or their parents - to do so is to miss a much larger point. </p>
<p>Clinical practitioners that work closely with children report that sexualised behaviours are most often part of a complex set of challenges faced by a child. </p>
<p>Children, by virtue of their developmental immaturity, require secure attachments with adults, and nurturing supports, to ensure that they develop the capacity to make decisions progressively for themselves. </p>
<p>Where children’s attachment is disrupted, due to caregiver substance abuse, or a fractious home-life, for example, the supports that children need, and deserve, are lacking. </p>
<p>Enhancing our understanding of the challenges that children face is important. </p>
<p>Recent commissions of inquiry are directing much needed attention to questions about the extent to which exposure to <a href="http://www.rcfv.com.au/Report-Recommendations">family violence</a>, and <a href="http://www.aph.gov.au/Parliamentary_Business/Committees/Senate/Environment_and_Communications/Online_access_to_porn">exposure to online pornography</a> <a href="https://theconversation.com/silent-victims-royal-commission-recommends-better-protections-for-child-victims-of-family-violence-56801">impact adversely</a> on children during their crucial early years. </p>
<p>We know, however, that a child’s wellbeing is not just influenced by their immediate home context. The contexts of school, and community, also have the potential to act as strong supports for a child. </p>
<h2>Children shouldn’t be isolated</h2>
<p>For this reason, it is crucial that when a child comes to attention for sexualised behaviours, they are not further isolated from their immediate community. </p>
<p>The cultures of silence and denial that surround child sexualised behaviours mean that adults often lack the information that they need to respond appropriately. </p>
<p>There is a risk that parents or teachers minimise such behaviours, calling it “child’s play” or “boys being boys”. </p>
<p>By assuming that the behaviours are not harmful means that the supports that are required for all affected children are then not provided. This creates ongoing risks for all children. </p>
<p>At the same time, further harm is caused by panic-driven responses that stigmatise a child as a “perpetrator” and seek to isolate or punish the child.</p>
<h2>…or treated as criminals</h2>
<p>In Australia, children under the age of ten cannot be held criminally responsible for their actions – and for very good reason. </p>
<p>Children’s developmental capacity is such that the law deems that they are incapable of forming <a href="http://www.alrc.gov.au/publications/18-childrens-involvement-criminal-justice-processes/age-thresholds-criminal-justice-pro">criminal intention</a>, and the principle of <em>doli incapax</em> presumes that this also applies to children between the ages of ten and 14. </p>
<p>A criminal justice response is therefore inappropriate in instances where young children display coercive sexualised behaviours. There is no sense in which children can be described as “perpetrators,” and to do so causes a child further harm. </p>
<p>Instead, when a child comes to adult attention for sexualised behaviours it is important that the adult response is calm, non-stigmatising, and focused only on ensuring the wellbeing of all children involved. </p>
<p>Children subjected to the behaviours require the support of their caregivers, and child-centred trauma counselling. </p>
<h2>A sensitive response needed</h2>
<p>Importantly, children with sexualised behaviours are equally in need of a sensitive therapeutic response to provide them with the appropriate supports to adopt respectful behaviours towards others.</p>
<p>In school settings it is crucial that a sensible and sensitive safety plan is implemented that prioritises the wellbeing and integration of all children, including the child with the behaviours. </p>
<p>Practitioners have <a href="https://www.crimecommission.gov.au/sites/default/files/NIITF-PSB-REPORT-2010.pdf">reported</a> instances where children with sexualised behaviours are segregated by being forced to spend lunchtime seated outside the principal’s office. </p>
<p>Isolating a child from their peers and treating them with disrespect is not a sensible course of action if we seek to teach a child respectful behaviours. </p>
<p>A punitive measure of this kind strips a child of the social interaction that we know to be a protective factor. Punishing a child in this way does nothing to address the underlying concerns that may have lead the child to display sexualised behaviours in the first place.</p>
<p>Children require calm and coordinated responses from parents, teachers and counsellors.</p>
<p>After gently intervening to create a situation of safety, the response should be informed by <a href="http://www.dhs.vic.gov.au/__data/assets/pdf_file/0003/644772/children-problem-sexual-behaviours-families-specialist-practice-resource-2012.pdf">specialist guidelines</a> and be sensitive to the individual circumstances and context.</p>
<p>Generic advice to suit all circumstances isn’t possible, given the legal and regulatory requirements in various contexts, depending on the age of children and the acts performed. </p>
<p>In contexts where clear response protocols are lacking, professionals working with children, including teachers, should be informed by <a href="http://www.dhs.vic.gov.au/__data/assets/pdf_file/0003/644772/children-problem-sexual-behaviours-families-specialist-practice-resource-2012.pdf">specialist practice guidelines</a> suitable for the context. </p>
<p>Measures by schools to create secrecy around these issues fail to acknowledge the uncomfortable fact that child sexualised behaviours are a facet of contemporary life. </p>
<p>If we seek to understand why this is the case, and we wish to respond appropriately, then instead of silence and stigma we need to promote open and respectful conversations about the role that we can all play to support and nurture children while they develop the skills to negotiate the adult world.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/60101/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>In her former role, Wendy O'Brien conducted research on sexualised behaviours, and children's wellbeing, for the Australian Crime Commission.</span></em></p>The cultures of silence and denial that surround child sexualised behaviours mean that adults often lack the information they need to respond appropriately.Wendy O'Brien, Lecturer in Criminology, Deakin UniversityLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/578262016-04-15T13:09:16Z2016-04-15T13:09:16ZThe government cited my research in its campaign against porn and anal sex – here’s why I disagree<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/118892/original/image-20160415-11179-10d1rep.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">
</span> <span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.flickr.com/photos/calistan/4413169375/in/photolist-8SeiC2-8ShFKo-D3wv51-5ArzRR-D5QDXH-CVh3rY-6GZxHq-7J3A95-7HYDva-j1tHZX-7J3AfS-FhNdFG-frAonm-5RXrsC-71G36o-71JsaV-6q48mj-8Sgz7W-71FzEJ-D5QE2v-71JrPT-71BLv4-71BBi2-2Z82Qr-9CVZww-71G4iA-71C19F-71BKRr-8S2eDL-71BwfT-71C3bT-8NPG4f-71FBJN-6q497q-3k3xQw-63vM3V-58AQLv-71FYt9-71BSXn-71FZzQ-aPb1b8-6pZ1wM-71BUJH-6q48X9-58AQNM-71FGCo-7HYDRx-72gmr7-aD6odJ-71BoaT">Calistan</a>, <a class="license" href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/">CC BY</a></span></figcaption></figure><p>Are we facing an epidemic of harmful anal sex, brought on only because of the availability of online porn? This is what you’d think from reading a <a href="https://www.gov.uk/government/consultations/child-safety-online-age-verification-for-pornography">recent policy note</a> from the Department of Culture, Media and Sport in support of the government’s aim to require all pornographic websites to use age verification by default.</p>
<p>But this suggestion rests on two debatable assumptions: first, that pornography has driven the rise in heterosexual couples trying anal sex, and second, that this is harmful, something to be discouraged or, in the government’s words: “unwanted”. Considering that it’s one of my research papers that the government cites in support of its claims, I feel I need to question these assumptions.</p>
<p>On the first assumption, there is no clear link between access to pornography and anal sex among young people – something pointed out in my <a href="http://bmjopen.bmj.com/content/4/8/e004996.full">paper published in the BMJ Open journal</a> in 2014. However, whether or not this is the case the second assumption misses – or blurs – the essential distinction between consensual and coercive sexual practices. My co-author Ruth Lewis and I argued that the harms we identified – as cited in the DCMS note – stem not from anal sex per se but from elements of coercion that seem to be an integral part of many young people’s experiences and expectations of anal sex between men and women. In fact this is not limited to anal sex, but a feature of <a href="http://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/00224499.2015.1117564">other sexual practices</a> too.</p>
<p>What <a href="https://theconversation.com/all-too-often-anal-sex-isnt-about-young-womens-desires-30489">we found in our research</a> was that young, straight men may derive some kudos among their friends from having anal sex with women, and that some of the young men in our study seemed to place a low value on their partner’s wishes. Participants talked about men “persuading” and using coercive methods to have anal sex with women as if this were normal. The fundamental problems behind coercion – of women’s desires being ignored, the men pushing/women resisting model of heterosex, and sex acts as goals for men – all long pre-date the era of easy access to online porn, as does sexual coercion itself. </p>
<figure class="align-center ">
<img alt="" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/118894/original/image-20160415-11167-n815ak.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/118894/original/image-20160415-11167-n815ak.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=414&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/118894/original/image-20160415-11167-n815ak.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=414&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/118894/original/image-20160415-11167-n815ak.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=414&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/118894/original/image-20160415-11167-n815ak.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=520&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/118894/original/image-20160415-11167-n815ak.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=520&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/118894/original/image-20160415-11167-n815ak.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=520&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px">
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">Consent is the thing.</span>
<span class="attribution"><span class="source">EQRoy/shutterstock.com</span></span>
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</figure>
<p>Of course, pornography may contain depictions of harmful practices, such as coercive or non-consensual sex. But this also appears in films, books and other media that aren’t classed as pornography – films such as Irreversible or Baise Moi, to name just two. But the fundamental causes of sexual coercion and rape go far deeper than simply copying what is on screen. It seems overly optimistic to suggest that reducing access to pornography will reduce the problem of sexual coercion or “unwanted sex”, when the socio-cultural attitudes that support sexual coercion remain unchallenged.</p>
<p>Good education on sex and sexuality can help challenge some of the harmful gender dynamics that promote the problematic sexual activities we identified in our study. Better education and more frank and open discussion would also help young people take a more critical view of pornographic imagery. The government’s policy document rightly talks about tackling the potential harms that can come from anal sex, but instead of asking why couples are increasingly trying anal sex – framed as if this is a threat to society – the government should be asking why they engage in sexual acts they do not want or do not enjoy. Addressing this is a question that goes far beyond restricting children’s access to porn.</p>
<p>A good starting point would be to ensure all young people have access to comprehensive sexuality education that challenges coercive practices, helps improve communication skills, and emphasises mutuality – the process where partners ask about and take account of each other’s desires. Instead, the government has taken steps to ensure that <a href="http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/education-35549295">sexuality education will not be a compulsory part</a> of the curriculum.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/57826/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Cicely Marston received funding for the study referred to in this article from the UK Economic and Social Research Council. The views in this article are the author's and not those of the research councils.</span></em></p>Its attitude to porn and anal sex suggests the government would benefit from some sex ed classes too.Cicely Marston, Senior Lecturer in Social Science, London School of Hygiene & Tropical MedicineLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/454672015-07-31T13:35:29Z2015-07-31T13:35:29ZEven educated fleas do it … but is animal sex spicier than we thought?<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/90430/original/image-20150731-11813-elbigd.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">Fly me to the moon</span> <span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="http://www.shutterstock.com/cat.mhtml?lang=en&language=en&ref_site=photo&search_source=search_form&version=llv1&anyorall=all&safesearch=1&use_local_boost=1&autocomplete_id=&searchterm=animal%20sex&show_color_wheel=1&orient=&commercial_ok=&media_type=images&search_cat=&searchtermx=&photographer_name=&people_gender=&people_age=&people_ethnicity=&people_number=&color=&page=1&inline=192062309">Nednapa</a></span></figcaption></figure><p>There’s an <a href="http://www.omgfacts.com/lists/7406/Dolphins-are-the-only-animal-that-have-sex-for-pleasure-ab630-0">idea circulating</a> that humans are the only animal to experience sexual pleasure; that we approach sex in a way that is distinct from others. As with many questions about sex, this exposes some interesting facts about the way we discuss the subject.</p>
<p>On one level, the question of whether humans and nonhumans experience sex in the same way is fairly simply dismissed: how would we know? We cannot know how a nonhuman experiences anything – they can’t be asked. Sex as an experiential phenomenon for nonhumans is, quite simply, inaccessible. Science is obliged to propose questions that are answerable, and “how does a leopard slug experience sex?” is, at time of writing, about as unanswerable as they get.</p>
<p>Having said that, we can make educated guesses about whether sex is pleasurable for other species. Sex would be a very strange thing to seek if it didn’t bring some form of pleasure. It increases risk of disease, it wastes energy, it can seriously increase the likelihood of something bigger coming along and eating you (seriously, check out leopard-slug reproduction).</p>
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<iframe width="440" height="260" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/RUvw66h0nbQ?wmode=transparent&start=0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen=""></iframe>
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<p>There’s no reason why an animal should seek sex unless they enjoy it. It is often proposed that an inherent “drive to reproduce” explains nonhuman sexual activity, but that is not an alternative here: if animals possess an instinct to reproduce, it needs to function somehow – and pleasure is a fairly basic motivator. The hypothesis that all sexually reproducing species experience sexual pleasure is, in itself, quite reasonable – as would be the hypothesis that animals find eating pleasurable.</p>
<h2>Peak performance</h2>
<p>This hypothesis about sex has been tested. Since the word “pleasure” is quite vague, scientists have tended to focus on orgasms. As a particularly intense form of sexual pleasure for many people, the logic has been that if non-humans experience orgasm, they are almost certainly experiencing pleasure. </p>
<p>Given that we are most familiar with human orgasms, scientists have unsurprisingly looked for behavioural and physical correlates of what we sometimes experience – shuddering, muscular rigidity, a cessation of movement, vocalisation, changes of facial expression, ejaculation. None of these are guaranteed, and consequently we should not expect them necessarily to be associated with sex in other species. But using this method, most commonly to study non-human primates, the animals perhaps most likely to display responses similar to humans, <a href="https://global.oup.com/academic/product/primate-sexuality-9780199544646?cc=gb&lang=en&">scientists have detected</a> orgasm in many different species including macaques, orangutans, gorillas and chimpanzees. </p>
<p>In fact, very few primatologists doubt that non-human primates experience orgasm – at least, male non-human primates. <a href="http://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/BF01542242#page-1">There is debate</a> as to whether female primates (including humans) experience sexual pleasure in the same way male primates do, which raises some fairly important questions about how Western culture views female sexual agency. But some detailed studies of the stump-tailed macaque <a href="http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/7384791">have suggested</a> that females of this species, at least, demonstrate a capacity for orgasm.</p>
<figure class="align-center zoomable">
<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/90433/original/image-20150731-11796-1j6zd5n.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/90433/original/image-20150731-11796-1j6zd5n.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/90433/original/image-20150731-11796-1j6zd5n.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/90433/original/image-20150731-11796-1j6zd5n.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/90433/original/image-20150731-11796-1j6zd5n.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/90433/original/image-20150731-11796-1j6zd5n.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/90433/original/image-20150731-11796-1j6zd5n.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/90433/original/image-20150731-11796-1j6zd5n.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
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<span class="caption">‘The post-coital twig’</span>
<span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="http://www.shutterstock.com/s/orangutan/search.html?page=2&thumb_size=mosaic&inline=284840792">Funny Solution Studio</a></span>
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<h2>One size fits all</h2>
<p>Drilling down the totality of the “experience of sexual pleasure” to the moment of orgasm is problematic, though. It is the result of the pioneering work of <a href="http://www.amazon.co.uk/Human-Sexual-Response-William-Masters/dp/0923891218">Masters and Johnson</a> dating from 1966. They focused sexual pleasure on orgasm by proposing a four-stage biomedical framework of excitement, plateau, orgasm and resolution. Despite much criticism, it entered intellectual and public consciousnesses as a description of “normal” sex, involving genitals and aimed at producing orgasms.</p>
<p>But while this may describe sex for many, it excludes an awful lot of people. A brief survey of the various things that humans get up to quickly indicates that sex isn’t necessarily focused on orgasm or genitals. Focusing sex on genitals and orgasm only makes sense if we assume that the central function of sex is reproduction – exactly the same assumption that seems to lie behind scientific enquiries into sexual pleasure in other species. </p>
<p>Various cultures maintain that sex is not connected to conception, though – most famously the <a href="http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2627148/Inside-worlds-original-free-love-community-Trobriand-Islanders-change-spouses-want-dedicated-love-huts-settle-differences-game-cricket.html">Trobriand Islanders</a> of the South Pacific. New reproductive technologies have meanwhile separated sex and reproduction: it is not necessary for a people to have sex in order to conceive. This shouldn’t come as much of a surprise, given that people have more sex than they have children. The yoking of sex to reproduction to the exclusion of pleasure can be traced to the Victorian era, and is the consequence of all sorts of exciting historico-political processes that would take a whole separate article to explain, but it seeped into all aspects of Western culture, including science.</p>
<figure class="align-center zoomable">
<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/90432/original/image-20150731-11823-g241xt.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/90432/original/image-20150731-11823-g241xt.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/90432/original/image-20150731-11823-g241xt.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/90432/original/image-20150731-11823-g241xt.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/90432/original/image-20150731-11823-g241xt.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/90432/original/image-20150731-11823-g241xt.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/90432/original/image-20150731-11823-g241xt.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/90432/original/image-20150731-11823-g241xt.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">‘Mind where you’re putting that trumpet’</span>
<span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="http://www.shutterstock.com/s/animal+sex/search.html?page=2&thumb_size=mosaic&inline=239978791">RCKM594</a></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>Not to suggest that sex isn’t involved in reproduction. The gamete exchange that is necessary for conception to occur is, in general, the result of some form of contact between bodies. But when people say that “humans are the only species to have sex for pleasure” they are really saying that “humans are the only species that has non-reproductive sex”. </p>
<p>In fact, sex may well serve a number of other functions. Sex <a href="http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0003347200914519">may bond</a> animals together or <a href="http://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/BF00170251#page-1">may cement</a> a dominance hierarchy in the case of <a href="http://www.bonobo.org/bonobos/what-is-a-bonobo/">bonobos</a>, for example, one of humans’ closest relatives. These functions may be extremely important, especially for social animals, and would likely only be feasible if sex were in itself a source of pleasure.</p>
<p>There is also no shortage of examples where non-human sex has nothing to do with reproduction at all. Females of many species mate with males when they are non-fertile (marmosets for example). And same-sex sexual behaviour, which is definitionally non-reproductive, occurs in every vertebrate species in which it has been looked for, <a href="http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0168010296010875">along with</a> some <a href="http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0003347209004485">non-vertebrates</a> (bedbugs, for example, or fruit flies). </p>
<p>This evidence alone should lead us to expect that many animals experience sexual pleasure in much the same way that humans do – that the pleasure involved in sex leads many animals to seek it in non-reproductive contexts, and that this aspect of sexuality is not as unique as humans may like to think. This insight is surely vital to understanding sex in other species, not to mention all other aspects of their behaviour too.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/45467/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Jamie Lawson does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.</span></em></p>Scientists have tended to think of nonhuman sexual behaviour as being all about reproduction. In fact, there is far more ha ha hee hee than we give animals credit for.Jamie Lawson, Teaching Fellow in Anthropology, Durham UniversityLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.