tag:theconversation.com,2011:/fr/topics/tinder-11817/articlesTinder – The Conversation2024-03-25T16:37:51Ztag:theconversation.com,2011:article/2258372024-03-25T16:37:51Z2024-03-25T16:37:51ZDating apps: Lack of regulation, oversight and competition affects quality, and millions stand to lose<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/583280/original/file-20240320-24-xk2kwq.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=0%2C19%2C6498%2C4299&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">Dating apps have helped people make millions of connections.</span> <span class="attribution"><span class="source">(Shutterstock)</span></span></figcaption></figure><p>When Aleksandr Zhadan <a href="https://gizmodo.com/guy-used-chatgpt-talk-5-000-women-tinder-met-his-wife-1851228179">used ChatGPT</a> to talk to over 5,000 women on Tinder, it was a sign of things to come. </p>
<p>As artificial intelligence becomes more sophisticated and easily available, online dating is facing an onslaught of AI-powered fraud. The industry, which is dominated by a small number of incumbents, has already proven slow to respond to long-standing problems on its apps. AI will be its moment of reckoning — there are even apps that can <a href="https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/artificial-intelligence-relationships-1.7148866">help people write their messages</a>.</p>
<p>Opponents of dating apps <a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2024/03/16/opinion/dating-apps-hinge-tinder-bumble.html">may be happy</a> to see the industry crash and burn. The rest of us should worry. Online dating plays an important, and I believe positive, role in our lives. It has made it easier for people to find relationships, and easier to find people with whom we are truly compatible.</p>
<p>As the industry careens towards disaster, regulators should be prepared to intervene.</p>
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<h2>Real versus fake connections</h2>
<p>Zhadan’s case shows one of the challenges AI poses for online dating. Now, when we chat with someone on one of the apps, we cannot know if their answers are written by a chatbot, nor can we know how many other people they are talking to simultaneously. We also can’t know if someone’s photos have been <a href="https://mashable.com/article/using-ai-photo-generator-apps-for-dating-profile">produced with the help of an AI image generator</a> </p>
<p>But at least Zhadan was actually looking for love. Since the launch of ChatGPT in late 2022, the amount of outright fraud on dating apps, much of it powered by AI, has skyrocketed. According to cybersecurity company Arkose Labs, there was, between January 2023 and January 2024, <a href="https://www.arkoselabs.com/latest-news/how-criminals-are-manipulating-ai-to-target-dating-apps/">a staggering 2,000 per cent increase</a> in bot attacks on dating sites. </p>
<p>And this is just the beginning. AI is getting more powerful, and more convincingly human, all the time.</p>
<p>Even before AI appeared on the scene, fraud on dating apps was already a serious problem. Sign up for one of them and you’ll instantly find your feed clogged with an endless number of fake profiles. Most of them have been created for a specific purpose, which is to steal your money. Unfortunately, it works. </p>
<p>In 2023, 64,000 people in the United States admitted to being the victims of romance scams, most of which happen through dating apps — we can assume this is only a small portion of the actual cases. </p>
<p>The Federal Trade Commission <a href="https://www.ftc.gov/business-guidance/blog/2024/02/love-stinks-when-scammer-involved">measures the losses</a> for the year at US$1.14 billion. This has been going on for years, and the app companies have done little to stop it.</p>
<h2>Online connections, offline threats</h2>
<p>Fraud is not the only challenge faced by dating app users. <a href="https://www.kaspersky.com/about/press-releases/2024_nearly-a-quarter-of-online-daters-experience-digital-stalking">A quarter of them</a>, mostly women, have been stalked by someone they met online. Even more tragic are the cases of people being <a href="https://co.usembassy.gov/security-alert-risks-of-using-online-dating-applications/">assaulted or murdered</a>.</p>
<p>There are other issues: prices on the apps <a href="https://www.ft.com/content/83cd07a3-134c-4df7-ab6a-08752c724bbe">have gone up steadily</a> and innovation has come to a grinding halt. Ever since Tinder introduced <a href="https://techcrunch.com/2016/09/21/tinders-newest-app-tinder-stacks-lets-you-swipe-on-anything/">the card stack in 2016</a>, the design of the apps has hardly changed. </p>
<p>You swipe, match, message and hope for the best. It should perhaps be no surprise that customers are <a href="https://www.cnn.com/2024/02/14/business/dating-apps-2024-hinge-tinder-dg/index.html">getting fed up</a>.</p>
<figure class="align-center zoomable">
<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/583458/original/file-20240321-30-md695s.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="Man using dating app on mobile phone" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/583458/original/file-20240321-30-md695s.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/583458/original/file-20240321-30-md695s.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/583458/original/file-20240321-30-md695s.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/583458/original/file-20240321-30-md695s.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/583458/original/file-20240321-30-md695s.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/583458/original/file-20240321-30-md695s.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/583458/original/file-20240321-30-md695s.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">Online dating plays an important and positive role in people’s lives.</span>
<span class="attribution"><span class="source">(Shutterstock)</span></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<h2>Benefits to society</h2>
<p>While online dating certainly has its share of <a href="https://www.hachettebookgroup.com/titles/nancy-jo-sales/nothing-personal/9780316492799/">long-standing critics</a>, I have argued that, on balance, the apps are a <a href="https://www.taylorfrancis.com/chapters/mono/10.4324/9781315448848-7/sex-technology-neil-mcarthur">benefit to users and to society</a>. They are an efficient way to find partners, get us out of our social bubbles and encourage connections across class and race. </p>
<p>Precisely because of the important role the technology plays in our lives, we should pay attention to how the industry operates. The dating app companies are <a href="https://www.cnet.com/tech/services-and-software/what-you-need-to-know-about-tinders-new-verification-process/">finally starting</a> to do something to protect users. </p>
<p>But given how long fraud has plagued these apps, their response has been slow and pretty underwhelming. They need, at a minimum, better tools to detect fake accounts and remove them quickly. There is a lot more they could do as well. </p>
<p>They could require background checks for users, which <a href="https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2023/02/02/key-findings-about-online-dating-in-the-u-s/">polls show</a> a majority of people support. They could put AI to use themselves, to flag signs of fraud during people’s private chats. And dating app companies could implement safety features to protect users when they meet in person, for instance making it easier to share with your friends or family the profiles of people you are meeting up with.</p>
<h2>Dominant players</h2>
<p>One explanation for the companies’ sluggish response will be familiar to any observer of big tech: the concentration of ownership. The dominant player, Match Group, owns <a href="https://faq.lert.matchgroup.com/en/brands">over 40 different apps</a>, including most of the well-known: Tinder, Match.com, OkCupid, Hinge and Plenty of Fish. Its only serious competitor for market share is <a href="https://ir.bumble.com/news/news-details/2022/Bumble-Inc.-acquires-popular-Gen-Z-dating-app-Fruitz/default.aspx">Bumble, which also owns Badoo and Fruitz</a>. </p>
<p>In the United States, Match Group and Bumble control <a href="https://www.start.io/blog/these-6-apps-own-85-of-the-mobile-dating-market-on-valentines-day-2024/">over three-quarters</a> of the <a href="https://www.businessofapps.com/data/dating-app-market/">market</a>. </p>
<p>Anti-trust authorities have never given the industry any serious scrutiny. Presumably, they do not think online dating is important enough to deserve it. But these companies have a lot of control over one of the most intimate aspects of our lives.</p>
<figure class="align-center zoomable">
<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/583457/original/file-20240321-28-aq0kfb.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="a woman's hand holding a phone displaying a yellow background with the word BUMBLE" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/583457/original/file-20240321-28-aq0kfb.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/583457/original/file-20240321-28-aq0kfb.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/583457/original/file-20240321-28-aq0kfb.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/583457/original/file-20240321-28-aq0kfb.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/583457/original/file-20240321-28-aq0kfb.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/583457/original/file-20240321-28-aq0kfb.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/583457/original/file-20240321-28-aq0kfb.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">In the United States, Match Group and Bumble control over three-quarters of the dating apps market.</span>
<span class="attribution"><span class="source">(Good Faces Agency/Unsplash)</span></span>
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<p>Thirty per cent of all adults in the U.S., and over half of people under 30, have <a href="https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2023/02/02/key-findings-about-online-dating-in-the-u-s/">used a dating app at some point</a>. One in 10 Americans is currently in a relationship with someone they met online. </p>
<p>The costs of fraud and abuse, in both human and financial terms, are huge. And the anti-competitive pressures in the industry are strong, given the network effect built into online dating: we want to be on the apps that everyone else is on.</p>
<p>Regulators should finally get involved. They should hold the companies accountable for fraud and abuse on their apps in order to force them to innovate to protect users. They should look closely at the prices they charge customers for premium features. The ultimate solution may be to break up the sector’s dominant players, Match Group and Bumble, in order to create real competition.</p>
<p>The inventors of dating apps deserve credit for enabling millions of connections that would never have happened otherwise. But if things don’t change, the companies could be in trouble and millions of people could be lonelier as a result.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/225837/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Neil McArthur does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.</span></em></p>Dating apps provide a valuable social service. The industry should be regulated to protect consumers, increase competition and address fraud.Neil McArthur, Director, Centre for Professional and Applied Ethics, University of ManitobaLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/2240682024-02-22T02:03:13Z2024-02-22T02:03:13ZDating apps are accused of being ‘addictive’. What makes us keep swiping?<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/577201/original/file-20240222-26-jrgxac.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=647%2C262%2C4562%2C3374&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">
</span> <span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.shutterstock.com/image-photo/woman-using-phone-dating-app-1951465051">13_Phunkod/Shutterstock</a></span></figcaption></figure><p>A class-action lawsuit filed in the United States against Match Group – the parent company of dating apps Tinder, Hinge and The League – is making headlines around the world.</p>
<p>The claimants accuse Match of having a “<a href="https://www.washingtonpost.com/technology/2024/02/19/tinder-hinge-dating-app-lawsuit/">predatory” business model</a> and using “<a href="https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2024/feb/17/are-dating-apps-fuelling-addiction-lawsuit-against-tinder-hinge-and-match-claims-so">recognised dopamine-manipulating product features</a>” to get people addicted to their apps. </p>
<p>So, can dating apps really be addictive? Are we swiping right into a trap? Here’s the science behind how dating apps are influencing our brains. </p>
<h2>How do apps give us a dopamine hit?</h2>
<p>Dating apps, like many apps these days, are designed to keep users engaged. Like any product on the market, one of the developers’ goals is for the app to be sold and used.</p>
<p>While dating apps are designed to facilitate connections, some people may find themselves developing an unhealthy relationship with the app, constantly swiping left and right. </p>
<p>Dating apps can feel addictive because they activate the dopamine reward system. <a href="https://www.health.harvard.edu/mind-and-mood/dopamine-the-pathway-to-pleasure">Dopamine</a> is a neurotransmitter – a chemical messenger in the brain, one of many such chemicals essential for our survival.</p>
<p>One of dopamine’s crucial roles is to influence when and how we experience pleasure and reward. Think about the rush of winning money at a casino, or getting lots of likes on Instagram. That’s dopamine working its magic.</p>
<p>However, dopamine does more that just help us feel pleasure and excitement. It also has a key role in <em>motivating</em> us to seek out pleasurable things. It’s released not only when we experience something pleasurable, but also when we’re <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3032992/#:%7E:text=The%20neurotransmitter%20dopamine%20(DA)%20has,and%20avoid%20the%20bad%20things.">anticipating and seeking out</a> a pleasurable experience. </p>
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Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/the-problems-with-dating-apps-and-how-they-could-be-fixed-two-relationship-experts-discuss-218401">The problems with dating apps and how they could be fixed – two relationship experts discuss</a>
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<h2>Excitement and unpredictability</h2>
<p>Certain app features make it more likely we will open our phones and start swiping. When you get a match on a dating app, it feels exciting – that’s dopamine at work. </p>
<p>But an element of unpredictability adds to this excitement. Each time you open the app, you don’t know what profiles you might see, and who might match with you. This element of surprise and anticipation is especially important in getting us hooked. </p>
<p>Imagine if instead of swiping through profiles one by one, you were shown a long list of them at once. It would still feel good to match with people, but that excitement and anticipation of swiping through one by one would be missing.</p>
<p>Additionally, <a href="https://books.google.com.au/books?hl=en&lr=&id=xctyCQAAQBAJ&oi=fnd&pg=PR13&dq=Schedules+of+reinforcement.+skinner&ots=4EmKhvhp5v&sig=zMZvJ65sKgben286FQif9Pw-984#v=onepage&q=Schedules%20of%20reinforcement.%20skinner&f=false">intermittent reinforcement</a> comes into the mix. This is where “rewards” – in this case, matches – are provided at irregular intervals. We know we might eventually get some matches, but we don’t know when or with whom.</p>
<p>Imagine if instead of being drip-fed your matches, you received a list of any matches from the past 24 hours, at 9am each day. Your excitement and desire to check the app throughout the day would likely lessen. </p>
<p>Other small features, such as “hearts” and “roses”, make dating apps socially rewarding. These are all forms of approval. It feels different to receive a heart or a rose compared to something unemotional like a “tick” or “thumbs up”. These social stimuli are rewarding and activate our dopamine, too.</p>
<h2>6 addictive signs to watch out for</h2>
<p>Not every dating app user will develop an unhealthy relationship to it. Just like not everyone who gambles, plays mobile games, or drinks alcohol develops a problem with those.</p>
<p>However, some people are biologically more vulnerable to addictions than others. <a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s11469-020-00318-9">A review of the research</a> into problematic dating app use found the people likely to spend more time on the apps are those high on personality traits such as neuroticism, sociability and sensation-seeking. Problematic use of online dating apps is also associated with low self-esteem. </p>
<p>While there’s no current diagnosis of a “dating app addiction”, some people do develop unhealthy app habits and experience day-to-day harms as a result. </p>
<p>These <a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s11469-020-00318-9">six</a> “<a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/14659890500114359">addiction components</a>” outline some of the signs you might be developing an unhealthy relationship with dating apps:</p>
<ol>
<li>salience (dating app use dominates your thoughts)</li>
<li>mood modification (dating apps change your mood)</li>
<li>tolerance (your use of dating apps increases over time)</li>
<li>withdrawals (distress when dating app use is interrupted for a period of time)</li>
<li>conflict (use of dating apps negatively affects your reality)</li>
<li>relapse (you return to a previous pattern of dating app use after some interruption)</li>
</ol>
<h2>Oh no, I think I’m hooked on an app!</h2>
<p>So, what can you do if you find yourself swiping through those matches more than you’d prefer?</p>
<p>Consider taking a break from the apps for a period of time. Depending on how hooked you feel, stopping completely for a while will help you reset your reliance on them.</p>
<p>Consider what is driving you to spend time swiping: are you feeling bored, sad or lonely? What other ways can you find to soothe these emotional experiences instead of turning to the app?</p>
<p>Make a list of the practical or emotional consequences of swiping, as a reminder of why you want to reduce your use. Perhaps the apps give you a brief rush, but in the long run don’t align with how you want to be spending your time, or <a href="https://bmcpsychology.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s40359-020-0373-1?fd=5317710456904024%7C5456507360795513&lp=/dating-apps-mental-health">don’t make you feel particularly good</a> about yourself.</p>
<p>If you really do feel hooked, it will feel uncomfortable to take a break. Strategies such as <a href="https://psycnet.apa.org/fulltext/2013-10410-007.html">mindfulness</a> can help us sit with the discomfort. Consider seeking out professional help from a psychologist if you’re struggling to take time from dating apps. </p>
<p>Lastly, remember that apps, while great for meeting people, are not the be-all and end-all of dating. </p>
<p>In-person events and opportunities to mingle still exist. So, step away from the screen and embrace the excitement, unpredictability and dopamine hit you can get from face-to-face encounters too. </p>
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Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/online-dating-fatigue-why-some-people-are-turning-to-face-to-face-apps-first-184910">Online dating fatigue – why some people are turning to face-to-face apps first</a>
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<img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/224068/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Anastasia Hronis does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.</span></em></p>The world’s largest online dating company – which runs Tinder, Hinge, OkCupid, The League and more – is being sued for making its apps too addictive. Are we swiping right into a trap?Anastasia Hronis, Clinical Psychologist; Research Fellow, University of Technology SydneyLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/2171742024-01-24T10:12:42Z2024-01-24T10:12:42ZDating apps: marketing experts’ research reveals pitfalls to look out for, and tactics for success<p>Dating can come with new and sometimes frustrating challenges. In the past, relationships were often <a href="https://www.ucpress.edu/ebook/9780520917996/consuming-the-romantic-utopia">arranged by families and guided by societal norms</a>, limiting individual choice but sparing us the agony of endless decisions. Nowadays, those who are single have endless potential partners at their fingertips. A 2019 Pew Research Center study showed that couples who met online are <a href="https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2019/06/24/couples-who-meet-online-are-more-diverse-than-those-who-meet-in-other-ways-largely-because-theyre-younger/">more diverse</a>, be it in terms of income, education, political orientation and ethnicity. </p>
<h2>Freedom can have its price</h2>
<p>According to <a href="https://www.amazon.fr/Escape-Freedom-Erich-Fromm/dp/0805031499">psychoanalyst Erich Fromm</a>, freedom can sometimes come at the price of feelings of powerlessness and even isolation. We are marketing researchers exploring online dating to determine if the market ideology of freedom and endless choice extends to every aspect of human life. Our <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/0267257X.2022.2033815">research reveals</a> that users’ feelings of anxiety and frustration stem from a clash between a perceived commodification of relationships and societal values.</p>
<p>Some study participants referred to online dating as “draining”, expressing a hope that they could “finally” finish the process. Didier, a 51-year-old engineer living in Paris called online dating “mass manipulation”; Ella, a 25-year-old editor, said that at first, online dating was “exciting and new”, but that as time went by, she found the experience depressing.</p>
<p>So why does it happen that faced with unlimited opportunities to love, we at times feel that love is not getting any closer?</p>
<p><em>“Liquid” modernity and the rise of emotional capitalism</em></p>
<p>In his book <a href="https://www.amazon.fr/Liquid-Love-Frailty-Human-Bonds/dp/0745624898"><em>Liquid Love</em></a>, British sociologist Zygmunt Bauman asserts that the modern world has ushered in an era of the “individual without ties,” prioritising freedom and flexibility over attachment. This has transformed traditional notions of love and relationships into more transient and “liquid” forms. </p>
<p>French-Israeli sociologist Eva Illouz <a href="https://www.fnac.com/a5926310/Eva-Illouz-Why-love-hurts">echoes these observations</a>, contending that those living in today’s capitalist societies face unique challenges due to evolving norms and values. According to Illouz, as a society, we no longer see love uniquely through a framework of moral virtue, commitment and stability, but this is the price we pay for greater control over our romantic lives, greater self-knowledge, and equality between the sexes. Amid the backdrop of media-promoted ideals that often set unrealistic standards for love, people find themselves hesitant to invest in the emotional work required for deeper connections.</p>
<p><em>Misaligned values</em></p>
<p>In online dating settings, what happens when two individuals’ values or expectations of a relationship are not aligned? As our <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/0267257X.2022.2033815">research shows</a>, this misalignment can cause frustration – for example, one participant could be looking for a long-term relationship, while another could be more interested in casual relationships or broadening their horizons. Both would perceive the other’s actions as inappropriate.</p>
<p>Mark, a 26-year-old management consultant, shared a sense of frustration he felt when the women he met on an app wanted to connect with him on social media or call frequently, as he preferred to establish boundaries. By contrast, Alice, a 54-year-old administrator, said that some of the men she met online were often not open about their marital status. She even worked out techniques to find out whether a potential partner was in a relationship, such as getting off the phone very quickly or always paying cash.</p>
<p>Sometimes these conflicting desires are even experienced by one and the same person: they might strive for commitment, trust and closeness, yet be unwilling or unable to get off the hook of unlimited choice. Derek, a 38-year-old entrepreneur, reflected on the gap between his relationship expectations and his online-dating experience: </p>
<blockquote>
<p>“For me, long-term relationships are about values – human values. And if I meet for a date and the morning after I have another new profile, I think ‘Oh, great’, and the woman or the man you saw last night, they’re at the bottom of the list.”</p>
</blockquote>
<p>This misalignment can lead to negative experiences, mistreatment, and even abuse online. Rose, a 23-year-old university lecturer, said that to her, going on dates was connected with a sense of fear because of the “horror stories” she had heard from others. Indeed, reports from other study participants (whose names we chose to withhold) had experiences ranging from distressing to traumatising, including verbal abuse, encounters with individuals who bore no resemblance to their photos, and even a sexual assault by someone using a fake profile.</p>
<p><em>The gamification of dating</em></p>
<p>The deinstitutionalised social setting of online dating can lead to situations where there are sometimes few or no shared social connections between the partners. This can lead to its being perceived as a “gamified” experience, as those met online are perceived as less “real” compared those encountered through friends or family. This diminished sense of reality can make behaviour less predictable, as there are no specific sanctions for what would normally be seen as unethical behaviour.</p>
<p><em>Denial and shame</em></p>
<p>While many study participants enjoyed the choice provided by dating apps, some were hesitant to identify themselves as using them, highlighting the situational and temporary nature of this condition. Some talked about the “stigmatised” nature of online dating, the perception that if they find a partner this way, those in their social circle might think there was something “wrong” with them because they were not able to find a partner in “real life” by traditional means.</p>
<p><em>The uncertainty</em></p>
<p>Such uncertainty arises when we’re unsure about the norms and outcomes of social interactions. This can happen when there is a lack of clarity about the framework under which the interaction is taking place. As the relationship terms are not clarified, both parties feel vulnerable and prefer not to open up too much to avoid potentially being hurt. The communication codes are also often unclear, giving rise to <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/OnlineDating/">multiple discussions in online communities</a>, where the users ask for advice in explaining behaviours of their dating partners.</p>
<h2>The survival strategies</h2>
<p><em>Embrace the best authenticity in you and in others</em></p>
<p>If you’re using a dating app, consider a daring strategy: authenticity. Self-promotion is fine, even necessary, but so are conviction, realism and honesty. In that way you can try to match with partners who see you as the person you are and not the person you project. Definitely select flattering photos and showcase your desirable traits, but also show some conviction and your true self. Let some light in on the magic!</p>
<p><em>Use the app functions to narrow down the choice</em></p>
<p>When seeking a relationship online, it’s important to make the most of the available resources, ensuring you don’t miss out on potential connections. Consider using filters and search tools to refine your search for compatible partners. Specify your preferences, such as age, location, and shared interests, to increase your chances of finding a meaningful connection.</p>
<p><em>Enjoy the little things</em></p>
<p>It’s essential to adapt your approach and redefine what “value” means to you in this unique context. Instead of judging success by a single measure, consider redefining it to include other aspects – for example, meaningful conversations or shared interests. This flexibility enables you to recalibrate your expectations and discover value in your app experience, even if it doesn’t align with your initial goals. Love is built on shared emotions.</p>
<p><em>Talk, but also listen</em></p>
<p>Don’t be afraid to discuss your expectations with potential partners. Most importantly, when a person says that he or she is not looking for a committed relationship, believe them, rather than trying to change them or hoping that they will reconsider. Show them that you’re listening and not just broadcasting a set of preconceived ideas.</p>
<p><em>Keep exploring, yet know when to stop</em></p>
<p>Last but not least, don’t give up. As online dating becomes more and more accepted, a greater number of people are finding real relationships online. Despite all the hurdles, <a href="https://www.pewresearch.org/internet/2020/02/06/the-virtues-and-downsides-of-online-dating/">more than 12% of marriages</a> start online, according to a Pew Research Center study. Consider dating apps not as an unending search, but as a means to an end – and potentially a happy one.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/217174/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Les auteurs ne travaillent pas, ne conseillent pas, ne possèdent pas de parts, ne reçoivent pas de fonds d'une organisation qui pourrait tirer profit de cet article, et n'ont déclaré aucune autre affiliation que leur organisme de recherche.</span></em></p>Use of dating apps is on the rise and they can provide a wealth of choice. Research also shows that they can leave some users feeling overwhelmed and exhausted.Alisa Minina Jeunemaître, Associate Professor of Marketing, EM Lyon Business SchoolJamie Smith, Director of Undergraduate Programmes, ISC Paris Business SchoolStefania Masè, Associate professor of marketing and communication, IPAG Business SchoolLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/2055652023-05-17T03:26:26Z2023-05-17T03:26:26ZThink you might be dating a ‘vulnerable narcissist’? Look out for these red flags<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/526685/original/file-20230517-17-bi5991.jpeg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=66%2C275%2C7282%2C4627&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">
</span> <span class="attribution"><span class="source">Shutterstock</span></span></figcaption></figure><p>Single people are increasingly turning online to find love, with more than <a href="https://www.businessofapps.com/data/dating-app-market/">300 million people</a> around the world trying their luck on dating apps. Some find their fairy tale. But for others, stories of online dating have very different endings. </p>
<p>You may be ghosted after a seemingly blissful start, or strung along with just crumbs of attention. Perhaps you suddenly learn the person you’re dating isn’t who you thought they were.</p>
<p>If these scenarios sound familiar, you may have dated a “vulnerable narcissist”.</p>
<h2>The dark side of online dating</h2>
<p>These days, about 30% of new relationships <a href="https://www.monash.edu/news/articles/rise-of-the-ebabies-kids-born-to-aussie-couples-who-met-online-will-be-in-the-majority-by-2038">form online</a>, and experts say this will only become more common in the future. But online dating isn’t without risk.</p>
<p>Antisocial dating behaviours are common online, such as <a href="https://theconversation.com/when-texts-suddenly-stop-why-people-ghost-on-social-media-171932#:%7E:text=Ghosting%20happens%20when%20someone%20cuts,a%20ghost%2C%20they%20just%20vanish.">ghosting</a> and breadcrumbing (when someone gives you crumbs of attention to keep you interested, with no intention of progressing the relationship). These experiences are often painful for the person on the receiving end, resulting in diminished <a href="https://www.mdpi.com/1660-4601/17/3/1116?amp=1">self-esteem and wellbeing</a>.</p>
<p>Misrepresentation is also rife online. One study found up to 81% of online dating users had engaged in <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/14681994.2020.1714577?casa_token=bpv_gGMc3H0AAAAA%3AAMGr1fH2YISVI2mw_RSBIDKNNFJ-Iwibx-gI9Yi2G28pAGHr1X4POqkCGTtCRAYL6aQvKuOsiEza">some form of it</a>. Some forms of misrepresentation are arguably innocuous, such as a carefully selected profile photo. But others are more deceptive and potentially harmful, such as presenting one’s personality inauthentically to lure a potential mate. </p>
<h2>Behind the mask</h2>
<p>In <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0736585323000497#b0075">new research</a> conducted by me and my colleagues Eliza Oliver and Evita March, we explore how personality traits can be associated with inauthentic self-presentation while online dating. </p>
<p>We were particularly interested in a sub-type of narcissism called vulnerable narcissism. Narcissism in a broad sense can be conceptualised as a personality trait that falls on a continuum. Those at the extreme end are characterised by entitlement, superiority, and a strong need for attention, admiration and approval. </p>
<p><a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/j.1467-6494.2010.00711.x?casa_token=zRwVnmU2U0oAAAAA%3AGB9QPb8uZg9q10NvzRktf6kKxcCYQzU8y67x0x4p5NlFRIurhFOseZImTp3hJVsWrBTKgwSnOyNG2a0wFg">Vulnerable narcissism</a> is characterised by high emotional sensitivity and a defensive, insecure grandiosity that masks feelings of incompetence and inadequacy.</p>
<figure class="align-center zoomable">
<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/526687/original/file-20230517-15-e132h0.jpeg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/526687/original/file-20230517-15-e132h0.jpeg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/526687/original/file-20230517-15-e132h0.jpeg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/526687/original/file-20230517-15-e132h0.jpeg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/526687/original/file-20230517-15-e132h0.jpeg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/526687/original/file-20230517-15-e132h0.jpeg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/526687/original/file-20230517-15-e132h0.jpeg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/526687/original/file-20230517-15-e132h0.jpeg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">Vulnerable narcissists tend to mask feelings of inadequacy with a grandiose presentation.</span>
<span class="attribution"><span class="source">Shutterstock</span></span>
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</figure>
<p>For <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0736585323000497#b0075">our study</a>, we recruited a sample of 316 online daters (55% female) via the crowdsourcing platform <a href="https://www.prolific.co/">Prolific</a>. We measured their scores for vulnerable narcissism, along with other “<a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/topics/psychology/dark-triad">dark triad</a>” personality traits including grandiose narcissism (arrogance and dominance), <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/basics/psychopathy">psychopathy</a> (low empathy and callousness) and <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/blog/machiavellians-gulling-the-rubes/201509/meet-the-machiavellians">Machiavellianism</a> (being manipulative and calculating).</p>
<p>We asked participants to complete two questionnaires that measured six domains of their personality, to measure how authentically they presented themselves.</p>
<p>First they considered their authentic self, with items such as “I can handle difficult situations without needing emotional support from anyone else”. Then they were asked to consider the persona they presented while online dating, with items such as “the persona I present when online dating would like people who have unconventional views”. </p>
<p>We then calculated a score for inauthentic self-presentation, which represented the distance between the authentic self and the online dating self.</p>
<p>We also asked participants whether they had ever engaged in the antisocial dating behaviours of ghosting or breadcrumbing. </p>
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Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/first-the-love-bomb-then-the-financial-emergency-5-tactics-of-tinder-swindlers-176807">First the 'love-bomb', then the 'financial emergency': 5 tactics of Tinder swindlers</a>
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<h2>Here’s what we found</h2>
<p>We found a significant link between vulnerable narcissism and inauthentic self-presentation. That is, those with higher scores for vulnerable narcissism presented more inauthentically. </p>
<p>Participants who had ghosted or breadcrumbed someone also had higher scores for vulnerable narcissism. However, it should be noted these effects were small, and not everyone who ghosts is likely to be a vulnerable narcissist. People may ghost for a range of reasons, some of which are appropriate to their situation (such as for their own safety). </p>
<p>That said, if a ghost returns from the dead without a reasonable explanation for their absence, you may have been “<a href="https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/worse-than-being-ghosted-zombied-is-the-new-dating-trend_uk_644bbe89e4b011a819c72cea">zombied</a>”. This is when someone ghosts you, only to reappear months or even years later. If this happens it would be wise to hit the block button. </p>
<h2>Might I be dating a vulnerable narcissist?</h2>
<p>Vulnerable narcissists can be difficult to identify in the early stages of dating because the persona they present isn’t their authentic self. Over time, however, the mask usually comes off. </p>
<p>If you’re wondering whether you’re dating a vulnerable narcissist, look out for these red flags waving in sync.</p>
<ol>
<li><p>Vulnerable narcissists are usually <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/00223891.2012.742903?casa_token=IcNNaKmGw3UAAAAA%3AzFrhAeKDeVSJIKuSnjPEXr_qXidHdYl9aMiqK8iVp9F7w_0WRhu5PIaEmDsD9N6ZaevcZYrkFLhvOMM">introverted and high on neuroticism</a>. In isolation, these traits need not be of concern, but in vulnerable narcissists they typically present in combination with dishonesty, and a lack of <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0191886917306220?casa_token=DhWyvFYiticAAAAA:VZ3738yoILJZEHsePwKnsbNuiu7KYCpNvfoqE03I59Cuz2UkppwrfAknCIZZeTJIgI3AM4xoeskC">agreeableness and humility</a>.</p></li>
<li><p><a href="https://scholarworks.uark.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1013&context=discoverymag">Love-bombing</a> is a manipulative dating tactic commonly used by vulnerable narcissists. It’s characterised by excessive attention and affection. While this can be flattering in the early stages of a relationship, the intention is to manipulate you into feeling dependent on and obligated to them.</p></li>
<li><p><a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1002/pmh.1532">The devaluation phase</a> follows love-bombing. It will often manifest in emotionally abusive behaviours such as harsh and relentless criticism, unprovoked angry outbursts, <a href="https://theconversation.com/explainer-what-does-gaslighting-mean-107888">gaslighting</a> and stonewalling. </p></li>
<li><p>Finally, vulnerable narcissists are hypersensitive to criticism. Constructive criticism is an important component of communication in healthy relationships. But a vulnerable narcissist is likely to perceive the slightest criticism as a personal attack. They may respond to criticism with emotional outbursts, making you feel like you’re walking on eggshells.</p></li>
</ol>
<h2>I think I’m dating a vulnerable narcissist!</h2>
<p>Vulnerable narcissists are prone to engaging in <a href="https://dvassist.org.au/am-i-experiencing-domestic-violence/quizzes/am-in-an-emotionally-abusive-relationship/">emotionally abusive behaviours</a>. If you suspect you’re dating one then you may be experiencing domestic violence, or be at significant risk of it if the relationship continues. </p>
<p>The onset of narcissistic abuse is often <a href="https://theconversation.com/narcissism-and-the-various-ways-it-can-lead-to-domestically-abusive-relationships-116909">slow and insidious</a>, but the adverse effects (such as symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder) can persist long after the <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0191886922004470?casa_token=r6Y-_qazDXkAAAAA:7DuvvE7SkGYdwYS56_abxctoBQXaLUDdMm6Sksy6_nob279--ICCtwEvvB57CxuDlhgtKZfNpTt4">relationship has ended</a>. </p>
<p>If you have concerns, it’s important to seek support from your family doctor, a psychologist, or a <a href="https://www.1800respect.org.au/">domestic violence support service</a>. They can help you navigate the relationship, or safely exit it. </p>
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Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/is-narcissism-a-mental-health-problem-and-can-you-really-diagnose-it-online-188360">Is narcissism a mental health problem? And can you really diagnose it online?</a>
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<p><em>Anyone at risk of family and domestic violence and/or sexual assault can seek help 24 hours a day, seven days a week, either online or by calling 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732). Information is also available in 28 languages other than English.</em></p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/205565/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Megan Willis does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.</span></em></p>Research reveals individuals that score high for vulnerable narcissism are likely to present themselves inauthentically while online dating.Megan Willis, Senior Lecturer, School of Behavioural and Health Sciences, Australian Catholic UniversityLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/1984542023-02-20T13:46:07Z2023-02-20T13:46:07ZChatGPT and Tinder: do smart chatbots make dating online better or worse?<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/510832/original/file-20230217-22-979ksn.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">
</span> <span class="attribution"><span class="source">Lucemade/iStock/Getty Images Plus</span></span></figcaption></figure><p><a href="https://tinder.com">Tinder</a> and other dating apps have come to define modern dating, and notoriously so. Users download the Tinder app to their phones or other devices and can then view the profiles of potential dates nearby. If they think someone might be a match, they swipe to the right on their touchscreens to show interest. If the other person swipes right too, a chat can begin, which might lead to an in-person meeting. </p>
<p>This initial introduction involves minimal information – a photo and some basic details about yourself. The result is that romance and trust are sometimes assumed to be missing from the dating process. Added to this are fears of <a href="https://www.wired.com/story/dating-apps-tools-to-thwart-scams/">harassment and scams</a> as well as uninspirational (and often sexually aggressive) Tinder opening lines like, “Wow, your clothes would look great bundled on my bedroom floor”. Yet, Tinder remains firmly part of the repertoire when looking for love, casual connections or intimacy. </p>
<p>Now Tinder’s chat game has been taken to new heights with the much discussed “smart” <a href="https://www.ibm.com/topics/chatbots">chatbot</a>, <a href="https://chat.openai.com/auth/login">ChatGPT</a>. Prompted by a typed question or instruction, ChatGPT provides answers and suggestions that have surprised many with their plausibility. It seems to have human qualities even though it is an artificial intelligence tool that frames its answers based on vast amounts of data from the internet. Some Tinder users have started to consult ChatGPT to suggest creative lines to use when chatting, modelled to the profile information available. It can even be used to design more intriguing profile biographies.</p>
<p>But what does this mean for app dating? Does it make building trust through technologies even more difficult? I don’t think so.</p>
<p>To consider the question, I draw on the experiences of 25 Tinder users in Cape Town, South Africa whose dating journeys I followed for two years. My <a href="https://open.uct.ac.za/handle/11427/35694">research</a> confirmed that the first phase of app dating is regarded with some scepticism and caution. But it also revealed that users often find ways to make the app’s technology work to build trust and romance. It depends on how it’s used. </p>
<h2>What is ChatGPT?</h2>
<p><a href="https://openai.com/blog/chatgpt/">ChatGPT</a> was launched by <a href="https://openai.com">OpenAI</a>, a US research laboratory, in November 2022 and sparked a chatbot development race among global tech giants. Available free, ChatGPT reached <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2023/feb/02/chatgpt-100-million-users-open-ai-fastest-growing-app">100 million users</a> within just two months who soon got <a href="https://medium.com/illumination/14-creative-ways-to-use-chatgpt-you-probably-didnt-know-about-f0f5d2608c6d">creative with it</a>. </p>
<p>Significantly more sophisticated than earlier chatbots, it builds sentences by picking words that are likely to follow one another, drawn from a large pool of information. While it doesn’t always do well with very simple questions, it impresses when more things are specified besides a topic – like the mood, tone or intellectual level required of its response. </p>
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Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/tinder-use-in-cape-town-reveals-the-paradox-of-modern-dating-177391">Tinder use in Cape Town reveals the paradox of modern dating</a>
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<p>ChatGPT can be used as a search engine to suggest a list of literature on, say, feminist theory. But it can also be instructed to write an essay or a poem on living as a woman. Or a podcast introduction on the topic, for that matter. </p>
<p>Even if the bot is not always factually correct – just like a human – it creates conversation that seems confident and intelligent, even humorous and witty. And it’s getting better at it.</p>
<h2>Tinder meets chatGPT</h2>
<p>Users experimenting with ChatGPT realised it can make the initial stage of Tinder dating less tedious and replace cringy or boring human pick-up lines with more intriguing and personalised ones, <a href="https://www.tiktok.com/discover/chatgpt-tinder-ai">even entire poems</a>. </p>
<p>On Tinder, there’s a general agreement that certain behaviour is wrong – like <a href="https://www.teenvogue.com/story/signs-youre-being-catfished">catfishing</a> (pretending to be an entirely different person). But things get blurrier when Tinder already offers built-in chatbot technology to suggest opening lines – like, “What are your favourite song lyrics?”. Tinder users can also manipulate their photos with filters or exaggerate their most positive attributes to attract more attention. </p>
<p>These slight manipulations are among the reasons my research respondents found Tinder introductions lack authenticity. The debates around ChatGPT and its potential to shortcut the labour needed to establish relationships made me think about their struggles to really connect online. Apart from an appealing profile, another deciding factor for a match is proving oneself through quick wit and bold banter. This can easily go wrong under pressure and communicating via text, <a href="https://www.britannica.com/topic/emoji">emojis</a> and <a href="https://www.britannica.com/technology/GIF">GIFs</a>. Enter ChatGPT.</p>
<h2>Will trust be ruined?</h2>
<p>Confident chatbots could indeed make the process of building trust and romance more complicated. But are they spoiling the integrity of romance and trust on Tinder? My answer would be no. ChatGPT will probably inspire bolder lines that users often dare to write. </p>
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Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/chatgpt-dall-e-2-and-the-collapse-of-the-creative-process-196461">ChatGPT, DALL-E 2 and the collapse of the creative process</a>
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<p>While the line between inspiration and deception may become thin at times, this doesn’t necessarily mean that human qualities like creativity or confidence become replaced. Nor does it have to lead to an erosion of trust. </p>
<h2>Putting ChatGPT to the test</h2>
<p>Putting ChatGPT to the test, it seems one might actually get some surprisingly useful dating advice from it. When I asked clumsily for an opener for Tinder, the chatbot offered me some general advice and then concluded, “The opening line is just the beginning of the conversation. The most important thing is to be genuine, show interest in the other person, and be respectful.” </p>
<p>ChatGPT could be used to cheat in online exams or spread <a href="https://www.businessinsider.com/i-asked-chatgpt-to-write-insider-story-it-was-convincing-2022-12?r=US&IR=T">misinformation</a>, but it can also be part of constructive development. For instance it can prompt a <a href="https://www.wired.com/story/chatgpt-is-coming-for-classrooms-dont-panic/">rethink</a> about what education should look like. Similar discussions should be encouraged regarding dating. What do we want intimacy to be today? </p>
<p>Technologies don’t disrupt by themselves. Dating and sexuality are part of social processes that involve regulation and coding. Manipulating, violating or playing with these rules is also nothing new. The ways in which this happens change. When they do, we need to focus not so much on the technology but on how it is used. It’s worth remembering that humans can be untrustworthy and untransparent offline as well. In its worst applications, technology just accentuates this. </p>
<h2>Technology is people</h2>
<p>The fact that the Tinder users I interviewed kept deleting and redownloading the app showed me there’s a willingness to persevere, to navigate through the clichéd openers and posed images to get to more meaningful encounters. Experiences that felt inauthentic were part of this. </p>
<p>Given that the bar is quite low on Tinder and people tend to play it safe by not revealing too much about themselves, bold and personalised ChatGPT may initially seem like a breath of fresh air. </p>
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Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/debate-chatgpt-reminds-us-why-good-questions-matter-199047">Debate: ChatGPT reminds us why good questions matter</a>
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<p>But there’s no reason to believe that intimacy can be readily manipulated through the bot on a deeper level. My research found that the initial stage of Tinder dating, the online part, was recognised and humoured as a necessary stepping stone to get to the “real stuff”. </p>
<p>The good news about it all is that Tinder users have become good at sorting the wheat from the chaff, so to say. Even if this is a tiresome process, it’s a life skill that’s becoming ever more relevant. </p>
<p>A performance of confidence through ChatGPT cannot be maintained for long anyway. Once it wears thin and questions become more personal, people have to fall back on their ability to communicate sensitively, take risks, and slowly build trust.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/198454/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Leah Davina Junck does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.</span></em></p>Confident chatbots could undermine trust and romance - but probably won’t. They may even enhance online dating.Leah Davina Junck, University of Cape TownLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/1990592023-02-13T17:45:02Z2023-02-13T17:45:02ZValentine’s Day: research-backed tips for dating app success<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/509457/original/file-20230210-30-wzbpz8.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=40%2C57%2C5422%2C3579&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">
</span> <span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.shutterstock.com/image-photo/woman-using-phone-dating-app-1951465051">13_Phunkod/Shutterstock</a></span></figcaption></figure><p>Whether you’re in it for the romance or the chocolate, Valentine’s Day means love is in the air. For the <a href="https://www.businessofapps.com/data/dating-app-market/">300 million</a> people who use dating apps like Tinder, Bumble and Hinge, February 14 might be a time to get chatting. </p>
<p><a href="https://drrachelarielkatz.wixsite.com/info">I have studied</a> the many creative ways people use and communicate on dating apps, including <a href="https://hub.salford.ac.uk/health-and-society-research/public-health-messaging-during-the-covid-pandemic-dating-app-usage-and-sexual-wellbeing-among-men-who-have-sex-with-men">to talk about health precautions during the pandemic</a>, and <a href="https://research.manchester.ac.uk/en/studentTheses/on-the-grid-grindrs-reconfiguration-of-interactions-relations-and">making connections while travelling</a>.</p>
<p>I’ve learned that while dating apps are a great way to meet people, the aspects that people value, like <a href="https://research.manchester.ac.uk/en/studentTheses/on-the-grid-grindrs-reconfiguration-of-interactions-relations-and">convenience</a>, can also be a downside. The design of and social expectations of using dating apps can lead people to solicit a hook-up too aggressively, or make it easy to ghost someone just as they were getting excited about a match. </p>
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<img alt="Quarter life, a series by The Conversation" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/451343/original/file-20220310-13-1bj6csd.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=237&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/451343/original/file-20220310-13-1bj6csd.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=600&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/451343/original/file-20220310-13-1bj6csd.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=600&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/451343/original/file-20220310-13-1bj6csd.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=600&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/451343/original/file-20220310-13-1bj6csd.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=754&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/451343/original/file-20220310-13-1bj6csd.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=754&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/451343/original/file-20220310-13-1bj6csd.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=754&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px">
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<p><em><strong><a href="https://theconversation.com/uk/topics/quarter-life-117947?utm_source=TCUK&utm_medium=linkback&utm_campaign=UK+YP2022&utm_content=InArticleTop">This article is part of Quarter Life</a></strong>, a series about issues affecting those of us in our twenties and thirties. From the challenges of beginning a career and taking care of our mental health, to the excitement of starting a family, adopting a pet or just making friends as an adult. The articles in this series explore the questions and bring answers as we navigate this turbulent period of life.</em></p>
<p><em>You may be interested in:</em></p>
<p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/online-dating-fatigue-why-some-people-are-turning-to-face-to-face-apps-first-184910?utm_source=TCUK&utm_medium=linkback&utm_campaign=UK+YP2022&utm_content=InArticleTop">Online dating fatigue – why some people are turning to face-to-face apps first</a></em></p>
<p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/love-island-what-the-show-can-teach-young-people-about-commitment-185459?utm_source=TCUK&utm_medium=linkback&utm_campaign=UK+YP2022&utm_content=InArticleTop">Love Island – what the show can teach young people about commitment</a></em></p>
<p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/what-you-need-to-know-about-surveillance-and-reproductive-rights-in-a-post-roe-v-wade-world-185933?utm_source=TCUK&utm_medium=linkback&utm_campaign=UK+YP2022&utm_content=InArticleTop">What you need to know about surveillance and reproductive rights in a post Roe v Wade world</a></em></p>
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<p>From crafting the perfect opening message to taking the conversation offline, here are some things to consider after you’ve made a match.</p>
<h2>1. Actually read their profile</h2>
<p>People don’t always take the time to read someone’s entire profile before “liking” or dismissing them. This is a shame, because people attach a lot of meaning to their <a href="https://doi.org/10.17863/CAM.43238">profile pictures</a> and how they present themselves – and it’s not about looking as attractive as possible. People want to be liked for who they are. They express this by selecting photos that convey their hobbies, personalities and values. </p>
<p>Write your opening message with this in mind. Don’t just share details about yourself, or say a generic “hi”, or shower them with compliments. Ask a question or two to spark a longer conversation. Mention something specific they wrote in their profile or did in a photo, or comment on their answer to a prompt. For example, if they have a photo of themselves hiking, you could ask about their favourite hiking routes, or their other hobbies.</p>
<p>This is also something to think about when designing your own profile. Add a question or an opening line to encourage people to message you thoughtfully. Something as simple as: “Ask me about my ideal weekend” could get the ball rolling.</p>
<h2>2. Make your intentions clear</h2>
<p>Make clear what you want to get out of the interaction, whether it’s meeting new people, a hook-up or something longer term. This can save time and lead to a better experience. No one wants to spend too much energy communicating with someone who isn’t after the same thing as them.</p>
<p>If you’d like to go on a date, you could suggest something like: “I would love to go out and show you why cacio e pepe is definitively the best Italian meal.”</p>
<p>If you’re only interested in a hook-up, clarify you’re looking for something casual, but don’t talk about sex too quickly or aggressively – people find that <a href="https://research.manchester.ac.uk/en/studentTheses/on-the-grid-grindrs-reconfiguration-of-interactions-relations-and">off-putting</a>. Instead, tell them that they caught your eye and would love to see if there’s chemistry on a night together.</p>
<p>Respect other people’s intentions and varying comfort levels when it comes to taking risks – emotionally and physically. You can start this conversation by sharing what’s important to you about safety. This can be health-related (COVID testing or monkeypox vaccines), or safety-related, like meeting in a public place first. It doesn’t have to happen in the first message, but it’s worth discussing before you meet in person, as it’s often easier to talk about online. </p>
<p>My <a href="https://hub.salford.ac.uk/health-and-society-research/public-health-messaging-during-the-covid-pandemic-dating-app-usage-and-sexual-wellbeing-among-men-who-have-sex-with-men/public-health-messaging-during-the-covid-pandemic-findings/">research</a> with colleagues about gay men during the pandemic found that on dating apps, people gradually shifted away from government safety guidance, preferring to set their own strategies and boundaries. Just because you feel one way about health precautions or safety doesn’t mean your conversation partner feels the same. </p>
<figure class="align-center ">
<img alt="An androgynous couple, both with short hair and wearing makeup and brightly-coloured collared shirts, stand back to back and smile at their mobile phones, against a bright pink background" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/509498/original/file-20230210-22-yxr3b5.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/509498/original/file-20230210-22-yxr3b5.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/509498/original/file-20230210-22-yxr3b5.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/509498/original/file-20230210-22-yxr3b5.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/509498/original/file-20230210-22-yxr3b5.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/509498/original/file-20230210-22-yxr3b5.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/509498/original/file-20230210-22-yxr3b5.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px">
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<span class="caption">Will your next match be the one?</span>
<span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.shutterstock.com/image-photo/carefree-gay-couple-using-their-mobile-2078507641">Jacob Lund/Shutterstock</a></span>
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<h2>3. Don’t take things personally</h2>
<p>It’s hard not to take things personally when you put yourself out there. Dating rejection, even online, can be <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177/0265407520970287">painful</a>. This can be ghosting – when someone abruptly stops messaging you without warning – or when you simply don’t get a reply after your first message.</p>
<p>You might think: “We matched, which means they like me! So why ignore me?” Unfortunately, this happens often on dating apps. Many factors influence whether people will chat once they have been matched, including sexuality and gender. For example, straight women are more likely than straight men to have a lot of interested matches to sort <a href="https://www.statista.com/statistics/975925/us-tinder-user-ratio-gender/">through</a>. </p>
<p>Women also often take on the burden of <a href="https://doi.org/10.1080/14680777.2021.1948884">safety work</a> – screening matches to protect themselves. Whether it’s selectivity, not reading profiles closely until after matching or just overlooking their inbox on a busy day, a match doesn’t always lead to a conversation. </p>
<p>My <a href="https://research.manchester.ac.uk/en/studentTheses/on-the-grid-grindrs-reconfiguration-of-interactions-relations-and">research</a> suggests there are clashing ideas of social etiquette on apps. Not replying to an opening message might seem rude to you because you wouldn’t ignore someone speaking to you in real life. But someone else might view ghosting as a norm of the convenient, quick interactions dating apps enable.</p>
<p>People are on dating apps for different reasons. Whatever you’re looking for, there’s probably someone out there for you.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/199059/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Rachel A. Katz's research and her research with colleagues has received funding from UKRI, The University of Salford and The University of Manchester. She has also shared her academic research findings with Bumble. </span></em></p>The convenience of dating apps can also make them difficult to navigate.Rachel A. Katz, Postdoctoral Research Fellow, University of SalfordLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/1986402023-02-12T13:19:52Z2023-02-12T13:19:52ZChinese immigrants look to digital Chinatowns to find love online<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/506683/original/file-20230126-36630-6ek7qk.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=0%2C0%2C4941%2C3319&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">Dating apps like 2RedBeans and Tantan, that specifically cater to Chinese people, have become increasingly popular.</span> <span class="attribution"><span class="source">(Joshua Chun/Unsplash)</span></span></figcaption></figure><p>Where do people go for good Chinese food? One obvious answer is Chinatown. Many large cities have established Chinatowns and other neighbourhoods that serve as a cultural base for different communities. But increasingly, more than existing in physical space, these ethnic communities are forming in cyberspace. </p>
<p>In particular, digital Chinatowns are becoming very important in the dating lives of Chinese immigrants. According to <a href="https://doi.org/10.1111/cars.12414">our new research</a>, many Chinese immigrants in Canada are turning to online communities hoping to find love.</p>
<p>As the internet and smartphones have become ubiquitous in our day-to-day life, millions of singles are <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177/1529100612436522">going online</a> to look for romantic partners. And online dating platforms have burgeoned. </p>
<h2>Digital Chinatowns</h2>
<p>Even if you’ve never tried online dating, you’ve probably heard of Tinder, Plenty of Fish, OkCupid or one of the many dating apps available today. There are also online dating platforms that <a href="https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-319-95540-7_4">cater to specific groups</a>.</p>
<p>A popular choice among Chinese immigrants is <a href="https://www.2redbeans.com/en/chinese-dating?">2RedBeans</a>, one of the main dating sites for Chinese people living abroad. Another frequently mentioned app, <a href="https://tantanapp.com/en">Tantan</a>, is known as the Tinder of China. </p>
<figure class="align-center zoomable">
<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/509542/original/file-20230210-22-5ahifc.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="A hand holfing a smartphone showing a woman's picture on a dating app." src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/509542/original/file-20230210-22-5ahifc.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/509542/original/file-20230210-22-5ahifc.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/509542/original/file-20230210-22-5ahifc.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/509542/original/file-20230210-22-5ahifc.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/509542/original/file-20230210-22-5ahifc.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/509542/original/file-20230210-22-5ahifc.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/509542/original/file-20230210-22-5ahifc.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
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<span class="caption">dating platforms that cater to specific groups have become increasingly popular.</span>
<span class="attribution"><span class="source">(Shutterstock)</span></span>
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<p>People of Chinese descent are <a href="https://www12.statcan.gc.ca/census-recensement/2021/dp-pd/prof/details/page.cfm?LANG=E&GENDERlist=1&STATISTIClist=1,4&DGUIDlist=2021A000011124&HEADERlist=31,30,25&SearchText=Canada">one of the largest visible minority groups</a> in Canada. Nearly 60 per cent of them are foreign-born immigrants to Canada. </p>
<p>In 2018–2019, our research team interviewed 31 heterosexual Chinese immigrants in Metro Vancouver, including 17 women and 14 men. All of our research participants had used online dating services while they were living in Canada. We talked with each of them about their dating and relationship experiences. </p>
<p>About half of the people we interviewed preferred to date someone of the same ethnic background. Many of them preferred Chinese immigrants who had come to Canada at a similar age to themselves. They believed that immigrating from China to Canada around similar ages would indicate shared cultural upbringings. This cultural matching was perceived to facilitate mutual understanding, good conversations, and feelings of “clicking” in intimate relationships.</p>
<p>Interviewees told us it was difficult to make friends in their daily life in Vancouver, let alone find their preferred dates. For example, one interviewee participated in an <a href="https://bcrefugeehub.ca/free-english-conversation-circles-a-comprehensive-listing/">English conversation circle</a> for newcomers to improve her English. However, she found it hard to socialize with people there because everyone “was cold to each other” and “had little interest in chatting further.” So, she went online in search of dates and romantic partners, just like <a href="https://doi.org/10.1108/INTR-10-2020-0547">many other immigrants</a>. </p>
<p>But meeting people on western dating apps was also challenging for our Chinese immigrant interviewees. While Tinder is often seen as a default option in the western dating scene, one interviewee felt there were “very few Chinese” on Tinder. Another said: “If any, those are the Chinese people who can’t speak Chinese; those speaking Chinese don’t use Tinder to look for partners.”</p>
<figure class="align-center zoomable">
<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/508141/original/file-20230203-13612-7qjkit.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="Asian woman looks out a window." src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/508141/original/file-20230203-13612-7qjkit.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/508141/original/file-20230203-13612-7qjkit.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/508141/original/file-20230203-13612-7qjkit.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/508141/original/file-20230203-13612-7qjkit.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/508141/original/file-20230203-13612-7qjkit.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/508141/original/file-20230203-13612-7qjkit.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/508141/original/file-20230203-13612-7qjkit.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
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<span class="caption">Interviewees said that difficulty making friends encouraged them to go online in search of dates.</span>
<span class="attribution"><span class="source">(Shutterstock)</span></span>
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<p>As a result, many Chinese immigrants we interviewed primarily, or even exclusively, used dating platforms that specifically catered to Chinese people. </p>
<p>Dating apps like 2RedBeans and Tantan have created Chinatowns in cyberspace. Chinese-oriented dating apps not only provide a virtual space for co-ethnic daters to gather, but they also preserve the use of Chinese language. </p>
<p>Speaking Chinese matters when connecting with potential partners. Users who lack Chinese language skills can feel blocked out of cyber-Chinatowns. One of our interviewees, who came to Canada as a child and didn’t speak fluent Chinese, said his experience on Chinese dating apps had not been fruitful. In his experience on Tantan, most women stopped talking to him after he asked if they could speak English. </p>
<h2>Racial stereotypes</h2>
<p>Our research also found that Chinese immigrant men were more likely than women to rely on ethnic online communities to look for romance. Men’s choices of online dating platforms were not just down to personal preference, but rooted in their lived experiences of discrimination in dating. </p>
<p>One man shared with us that he once received the following comment from a white woman: “You are the first Asian man that caught my eye!” While it was meant to be complimentary, it felt more like scorn than praise, echoing stereotypes of Asian men being “unmasculine” and “unattractive.” </p>
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Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/asian-guys-stereotyped-and-excluded-in-online-dating-130855">Asian guys stereotyped and excluded in online dating</a>
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<p>Some of our male interviewees tried mainstream western dating apps like Tinder and Plenty of Fish but kept getting no matches. Disappointed with their experiences, they soon deleted the apps. </p>
<p>Even if some Chinese men were open to dating women of other ethnicities, non-Chinese women seldom responded to their messages. After experiencing constant non-responses and rejections on western dating apps, Chinese men tended to “retreat” into cyber-Chinatowns as a comfort zone shielding them from potentially disappointing encounters.</p>
<figure class="align-center zoomable">
<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/508126/original/file-20230203-7058-srd12l.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="People on a bench using smartphones." src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/508126/original/file-20230203-7058-srd12l.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/508126/original/file-20230203-7058-srd12l.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=338&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/508126/original/file-20230203-7058-srd12l.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=338&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/508126/original/file-20230203-7058-srd12l.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=338&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/508126/original/file-20230203-7058-srd12l.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=424&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/508126/original/file-20230203-7058-srd12l.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=424&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/508126/original/file-20230203-7058-srd12l.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=424&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
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<span class="caption">Chinese users found it difficult to meet people on western dating apps due to racial stereotypes.</span>
<span class="attribution"><span class="source">(Shutterstock)</span></span>
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<p>Without enough intercultural contact that promotes <a href="https://hbr.org/2017/06/does-diversity-actually-increase-creativity">deeper understanding</a>, individuals are often reduced to <a href="https://www.ucpress.edu/book/9780520293458/the-dating-divide">stereotypical characterizations</a>. As such, racial stereotypes remain unchallenged and racial discrimination continues to prevail.</p>
<p>Ethnic, cultural or religious online communities help people find a match. However, such communities can also risk further segregating people into ethnic clusters and reduce interactions across different cultural groups. </p>
<p>Our interviews with Chinese immigrants were conducted before the COVID-19 pandemic. Since then, <a href="http://dx.doi.org/10.2139/ssrn.3626460">anti-Asian racism has surged</a>. That could mean more Chinese immigrants will turn to digital Chinatowns to look for love and companionship. </p>
<p>What can be done to help immigrants attain a sense of belonging without living in the margins of the host society? Ideally, in Canada, a country that <a href="https://www.canada.ca/en/services/culture/canadian-identity-society/multiculturalism.html">supports multiculturalism</a>, visible minority immigrants can preserve their ethnic cultures while having plentiful intercultural communications without experiencing racism. But in reality, that is not always the case.</p>
<p>Limited opportunities to make meaningful connections won’t be magically solved by using technology. We must all cultivate more space, on and offline, where we can meet people of different backgrounds and get to know each other as real people and social equals. Culture may define us, but it should not divide us.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/198640/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Manlin Cai receives funding from the UBC Centre for Migration Studies Small Grants for Faculty-Graduate Student Research Collaborations. Any opinions, findings, and conclusions or recommendations expressed in this article are those of the authors and do not necessarily reflect the views of the funders.</span></em></p><p class="fine-print"><em><span>Yue Qian receives funding from the Social Sciences and Humanities Research Council of Canada Insight Development Grant and the UBC Centre for Migration Studies Small Grants for Faculty-Graduate Student Research Collaborations. Any opinions, findings, and conclusions or recommendations expressed in this article are those of the authors and do not necessarily reflect the views of the funders.</span></em></p>Chinese-oriented online dating platforms create “Chinatowns” in cyberspace, where Chinese daters gather in hopes of finding true love.Manlin Cai, PhD student, Department of Sociology, University of British ColumbiaYue Qian, Associate Professor of Sociology, University of British ColumbiaLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/1914032022-10-17T20:28:15Z2022-10-17T20:28:15ZPowerful women heading up dating apps are framed as young and sexy<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/489627/original/file-20221013-18-nftsei.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=275%2C17%2C5475%2C3811&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">Whitney Wolfe Herd who heads up Bumble speaks during the TIME 100 Summit in New York, April 2019. </span> <span class="attribution"><span class="source">(AP Photo/Richard Drew)</span></span></figcaption></figure><p>People are swiping on dating apps in record numbers and roughly half of these individuals identify as women, which may be the reason why the dating app industry recently assigned the top leadership roles to women.</p>
<p>Indeed, this past year, the most powerful dating apps in the world — <a href="https://www.statista.com/chart/24404/most-popular-dating-apps-us/">Bumble and Tinder</a> — were both run by women. Whitney Wolfe Herd is at Bumble while Renate Nyborg was running Tinder. </p>
<p>As scholars who write about <a href="https://theconversation.com/does-it-really-empower-women-to-expect-them-to-make-the-first-move-175032">dating apps like Bumble</a> and <a href="https://theconversation.com/love-lust-and-digital-dating-men-on-the-bumble-dating-app-arent-ready-for-the-queen-bee-120796">dating and feminism</a>, we were interested to see how journalists reported on these two women leading the male-dominated, highly lucrative online dating industry and we wanted to compare that coverage with how the CEOs represented themselves on social media. </p>
<p>We looked at last year’s top 50 news stories for each woman that came up in search results. We found a pattern of sexist and patronizing coverage. We noted often repeated descriptors for the leaders and created three categories to describe them: “young tycoon,” “feminist revenge” and “sexy poster child.” </p>
<p>We also did a <a href="https://www.google.com/imghp?hl=en">Google Image search</a> and looked at the top 100 results for each CEO to <a href="https://annenberg.usc.edu/news/diversity-and-inclusion/algorithms-oppression-safiya-noble-finds-old-stereotypes-persist-new">see how a Google search represented</a> these leaders. What we saw were visually distinct styles intricately tied to each brand. </p>
<p>In contrast, we observed more diverse and interesting accounts of gender and leadership in the women’s personal media spaces. These stories include notions of motherhood, inclusivity and equity. </p>
<p>It seems that significant tensions exist between news representations of women leaders in tech versus how they represent themselves.</p>
<h2>The Bumble sensation</h2>
<p>Both CEOs are depicted in news stories through the lens of sexism and sensationalism. In the case of Whitney Wolfe Herd, her youth as well as her scandalous past with Tinder are often highlighted.</p>
<figure class="align-left ">
<img alt="" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/489625/original/file-20221013-23-ncwrm.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=237&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/489625/original/file-20221013-23-ncwrm.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=928&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/489625/original/file-20221013-23-ncwrm.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=928&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/489625/original/file-20221013-23-ncwrm.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=928&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/489625/original/file-20221013-23-ncwrm.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=1166&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/489625/original/file-20221013-23-ncwrm.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=1166&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/489625/original/file-20221013-23-ncwrm.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=1166&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px">
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">Bollywood actress Priyanka Chopra, right, stands with Bumble founder and CEO Whitney Wolfe Herd during the launch party for Bumble in New Delhi, India in 2018.</span>
<span class="attribution"><span class="source">(AP Photo/Pallav Paliwal)</span></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>Wolfe Herd launched the feminist dating app Bumble in 2014, after leaving Tinder. She became the youngest self-made female billionaire. She’s also the <a href="https://www.forbes.com/sites/angelauyeung/2021/02/11/bumble-founder-whitney-wolfe-herds-fortune-rockets-past-1-billion-as-dating-app-goes-public/?sh=5b43db80578d">youngest woman CEO to take a company public in the United States</a>. </p>
<p>Yet mainstream news and pop culture outlets focus on <a href="https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/the-switch/wp/2014/07/01/read-the-most-surprising-allegations-from-the-tinder-sexual-harassment-lawsuit/">her controversial past with Tinder</a> and the <a href="https://www.businessinsider.com/whitney-wolfe-settles-sexual-harassment-tinder-lawsuit-1-million-2014-11">sexual discrimination suit she filed</a> prior to leaving Tinder. </p>
<p>The language of competition, divisiveness and feminist backlash runs through many of these articles. <a href="https://time.com/4737036/dating-feminist-advice-bumble-founder-whitney-wolfe/">Bumble is framed as part of her larger feminist agenda</a> that is set on <a href="https://nypost.com/2015/03/11/scorned-tinder-co-founder-finally-gets-revenge-against-the-tech-bros/">revenge against the tech bros who dominate the dating app industry</a>.</p>
<h2>Renate Nyborg let go from Tinder</h2>
<p>Renate Nyborg’s ascent to the top of Tinder in 2021 made headlines primarily in financial and economic publications. Most stories highlight that <a href="https://www.prnewswire.com/news-releases/match-group-names-renate-nyborg-chief-executive-officer-of-tinder-301373226.html">she is Tinder’s first female CEO</a> and that she is a “poster-child” for the company since she met her husband on the app. An article in <a href="https://fortune.com/2022/05/18/tinder-ceo-online-dating-women-lgbtq-renate-nyborg/"><em>Fortune</em> magazine</a> calls her “the ultimate testament to Tinder’s ability to create healthy, long-term relationships.” </p>
<p>Other stories reflect <a href="https://markets.businessinsider.com/news/stocks/renate-nyborg-to-lead-dating-app-tinder-1030792698">optimism about Nyborg’s potential to grow the app due to previous start-up experience</a>. Tinder is positioned as the brand and most stories focus on Nyborg’s ability to advance the company. </p>
<p>Yet after less than a year, <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2022/aug/03/tinder-chief-leaves-dating-app-after-one-year-renate-nyborg">she was quietly released from her position</a> this August and the impact of her brief reign within the tech industry has been glossed over. </p>
<p>During her tenure, <a href="https://www.tinderpressroom.com/2022-07-14-Tinder-wins-three-2022-Comparably-Awards,-Including-Best-Career-Growth">Tinder won multiple awards, including Best CEO for Diversity</a>, and it <a href="https://www.tinderpressroom.com/2022-03-08-Tinder-Named-One-of-the-Worlds-Most-Innovative-Companies-in-2022-by-Fast-Company">was named one of the most innovative companies of 2022 by <em>Fast Company</em></a>.</p>
<p><div data-react-class="Tweet" data-react-props="{"tweetId":"1526872824505409536"}"></div></p>
<p>Given the importance of diversity and innovation in the tech industry, her dismissal is curious if growth in these areas was a corporate priority. It may be linked with the illusionary nature of empowerment within various aspects of the dating app industry and <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177/20563051211068130">Tinder’s lingering identity as a platform associated with hook-ups and misogyny</a>.</p>
<h2>Social media representations</h2>
<p>Compared to the limited and problematic portrayals of the CEOs in the news media, the women employ more diverse and personalized notions of gender and leadership on their social media platforms. </p>
<p>Wolfe Herd showcases her identity as Bumble CEO on her social media accounts, on Instagram especially and Twitter less so. She also flags her role as a mother who runs a company that’s central to her larger feminist mission. </p>
<p>Her <a href="https://girlboss.com/">narrative of female empowerment reminiscent of the “girl boss”</a> is prevalent. She constructs herself as the brand, with Bumble and its <a href="https://twitter.com/whitwolfeherd?lang=en">“women make the first move” philosophy</a> forming part of a larger feminist mission to revolutionize modern courtship. </p>
<p>Nyborg curates her leadership persona primarily on professional platforms like Twitter and LinkedIn, and actively posts about leadership, tech blogs and gender diversity. She also highlights her excitement about leading the company.</p>
<p>Her social media accounts emphasize a broad framing of inclusivity to effect change. On her last day at Tinder, Nyborg shared a <a href="https://www.linkedin.com/posts/renatenyborg_swiperight-activity-6960374540644315136-QFZC/?trk=public_profile_like_view&originalSubdomain=es">post on LinkedIn to highlight her accomplishments, focusing on elevating women’s safety and inclusion at her former company</a>. </p>
<h2>Fashion and colour</h2>
<p><a href="https://financialpost.com/fp-work/women-embrace-colour-and-style-as-old-office-wear-rules-go-out-the-window">Fashion and colour are used strategically both in the news stories and also how these women style themselves</a> as powerful female executives performing important leadership roles. </p>
<p>Journalist Alexis Grenell, writing in <em>The Nation</em>, suggests that we have been conditioned to visually associate executive power with male fashion, namely the suit and tie. She writes: <a href="https://www.thenation.com/article/society/hochul-garcia-power-visual/">“if we don’t note how women are redefining what executive power looks like … it’ll remain de facto male”</a>.</p>
<p>Bumble is synonymous with a sunny shade of yellow, which marks the company brand and is widely featured in Whitney Wolfe Herd’s posts. Herd uses images that project a “wholesome, girl next door” vibe with light lipsticks and muted, <a href="https://www.highsnobiety.com/p/bumble-shop-clothing-basics-collection/">college-inspired clothing</a>.</p>
<p>The Tinder flame logo is red, and this colour dominates Renate Nyborg’s images in news and her own media stories. She usually wears bold red lipstick to match her red outfits, <a href="https://www.forbes.com/sites/mariaminor/2020/10/19/wear-red-show-your-strength-and-confidence/?sh=680f29d1821c">signaling strength</a>. </p>
<p>When it comes to matching fashion to corporate brands, the meanings associated with certain colours can have unintentional consequences for leaders. Whereas yellow may boost Wolfe Herd’s persona through <a href="https://www.talentedladiesclub.com/articles/how-to-wear-colour-to-work/">positive notions of happiness and creativity</a>, <a href="https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.95.5.1150">associations with red could be interpreted as sexual and aggressive</a> for Nyborg. </p>
<h2>Corporate culture remains male-driven</h2>
<p>Nyborg’s departure from Tinder suggests that it’s still hard for women to maintain high level executive positions in the tech industry, even when they’re the CEO. </p>
<p>Initial reflections of the news coverage show a persistent devaluing of women’s contributions in tech leadership </p>
<p>We need more stories about how women are challenging and changing male-driven corporate culture.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/191403/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>The authors do not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and have disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.</span></em></p>Two women ruled the dating app tech industry last year. How they were portrayed by mainstream media versus how they portrayed themselves in social media says a lot about how women leaders are viewed.Treena Orchard, Associate Professor, School of Health Studies, Western UniversityRiki Thompson, Associate Professor of Digital Rhetoric and Writing Studies, University of WashingtonLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/1849102022-06-20T10:51:31Z2022-06-20T10:51:31ZOnline dating fatigue – why some people are turning to face-to-face apps first<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/469280/original/file-20220616-22-d2gzpo.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=82%2C49%2C5302%2C3282&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">
</span> <span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.shutterstock.com/image-photo/couple-date-black-man-woman-drinking-1494190382">Prostock-studio / Shutterstock</a></span></figcaption></figure><p>For the last two-plus years, people hoping to meet their soulmate in person have had a rough time. Lockdowns and uncertainty about social gatherings have led many people to turn to dating apps. People who feel they have lost months or years of their dating life may be eager to avoid the perils of dating apps – <a href="https://theconversation.com/from-ghosting-to-backburner-relationships-the-reasons-people-behave-so-badly-on-dating-apps-179600">ghosting, backburner relationships</a>, or just wasting time chatting with the wrong people.</p>
<p>People are eager to meet in person, and the menu of dating apps is expanding to accommodate this. In addition to the likes of Tinder, Hinge and Bumble, there are apps that focus on bringing people together in person. </p>
<p>One of these is an <a href="https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2022/01/07/thursday-dating-hit-millennials-suffering-app-fatigue/">increasingly popular</a> app called Thursday. It is live just once a week (on Thursdays) and gives users just 24 hours to arrange a date. This cuts down on the onerous swiping and messaging throughout the week and possibly prevents people using the app simply for validation or amusement. Thursday also hosts in-person events where attendees might meet someone without swiping at all.</p>
<hr>
<figure class="align-right ">
<img alt="Quarter life, a series by The Conversation" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/451343/original/file-20220310-13-1bj6csd.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=237&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/451343/original/file-20220310-13-1bj6csd.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=600&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/451343/original/file-20220310-13-1bj6csd.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=600&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/451343/original/file-20220310-13-1bj6csd.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=600&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/451343/original/file-20220310-13-1bj6csd.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=754&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/451343/original/file-20220310-13-1bj6csd.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=754&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/451343/original/file-20220310-13-1bj6csd.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=754&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px">
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<p><em><strong><a href="https://theconversation.com/uk/topics/quarter-life-117947?utm_source=TCUK&utm_medium=linkback&utm_campaign=UK+YP2022&utm_content=InArticleTop">This article is part of Quarter Life</a></strong>, a series about issues affecting those of us in our twenties and thirties. From the challenges of beginning a career and taking care of our mental health, to the excitement of starting a family, adopting a pet or just making friends as an adult. The articles in this series explore the questions and bring answers as we navigate this turbulent period of life.</em></p>
<p><em>You may be interested in:</em></p>
<p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/why-you-should-travel-solo-this-summer-184000?utm_source=TCUK&utm_medium=linkback&utm_campaign=UK+YP2022&utm_content=InArticleTop">Why you should travel solo this summer</a></em></p>
<p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/sally-rooneys-conversations-with-friends-how-british-attitudes-have-become-tougher-on-adultery-183843?utm_source=TCUK&utm_medium=linkback&utm_campaign=UK+YP2022&utm_content=InArticleTop">Sally Rooney’s Conversations with Friends – how British attitudes have become tougher on adultery</a></em></p>
<p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/love-island-ditches-fast-fashion-how-reality-celebrities-influence-young-shoppers-habits-183771?utm_source=TCUK&utm_medium=linkback&utm_campaign=UK+YP2022&utm_content=InArticleTop">Love Island ditches fast fashion: how reality celebrities influence young shoppers’ habits</a></em></p>
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<p>There are a few reasons in-person dating may be more appealing to some people than dating apps. The information we glean from online profiles gives us little to go on. Meeting in person results in a far richer and more detailed impression of a date than meeting online, where all we see is a photo and, usually, a brief bio. Also, 45% of current or previous users of dating apps or sites reported that the experience left them <a href="https://www.pewresearch.org/ft_2020-02-06_datingtakeaways_02">feeling frustrated</a>.</p>
<p>Online dating matches us to people we don’t know, making it easy for <a href="https://theconversation.com/first-the-love-bomb-then-the-financial-emergency-5-tactics-of-tinder-swindlers-176807">scammers to take advantage of them</a>. Apart from this, users often misrepresent themselves, resulting in disappointment when daters meet face to face.</p>
<p>While online dating appears to offer an abundance of choice, <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/15213269.2015.1121827?cookieSet=1">research suggests</a> that we make poorer decisions online about dating choice. We use simpler methods when choosing from a large array of potential suitors than when we choose on a one-to-one basis in person. This is often referred to as the paradox of choice.</p>
<h2>Are dating apps dead?</h2>
<p>Dating apps have undisputedly had a huge impact on how couples meet. In the US, <a href="https://news.stanford.edu/2019/08/21/online-dating-popular-way-u-s-couples-meet/">meeting online is the most popular</a> way that couples meet, and the number has increased in recent years.</p>
<p>Part of the appeal of apps is their simplicity: you can create a profile and start matching with people in a matter of minutes. Despite this, using dating apps does take time and effort. A large survey by <a href="https://www.bustle.com/p/millennials-spend-average-of-10-hours-a-week-on-dating-apps-survey-finds-but-heres-what-experts-actually-recommend-8066805">dating app Badoo found</a> that millennials spend on average 90 minutes a day looking for a date, by swiping, liking, matching and chatting.</p>
<p>Often, messages by one party go unanswered by the other, and even if there is a response, the chatting may never result in meeting in person. In 2016, Hinge’s data found that only <a href="https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/soloish/wp/2016/10/03/why-is-the-dating-app-hinge-bashing-swipe-apps/">one in 500 swipes</a> resulted in phone numbers being exchanged.</p>
<p>This onerous process may lead to online dating fatigue for some. If we get no positive matches from our seemingly endless swiping, or we receive no response to our messages, our online dating efforts will eventually fizzle out.</p>
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<img alt="A woman looks confusedly at her mobile phone" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/469273/original/file-20220616-20-pmnopz.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/469273/original/file-20220616-20-pmnopz.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/469273/original/file-20220616-20-pmnopz.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/469273/original/file-20220616-20-pmnopz.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/469273/original/file-20220616-20-pmnopz.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/469273/original/file-20220616-20-pmnopz.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/469273/original/file-20220616-20-pmnopz.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px">
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<span class="caption">Do you have dating app fatigue?</span>
<span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.shutterstock.com/image-photo/upset-confused-young-woman-suing-mobile-594411368">pathdoc / Shutterstock</a></span>
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<p>Traditional dating apps are still incredibly popular, especially among young people. As of 2021, Tinder has been <a href="https://www.tinderpressroom.com/news?item=122515">downloaded</a> over 450 million times – with Generation Z making up 50% of the app’s users.</p>
<p>Research by <a href="https://lendedu.com/blog/tinder-match-millennials/">Lendedu</a> asked 3,852 millennials whether they had ever met up with their Tinder matches. The research found that only 29% said “yes” – much lower than the 66% who reported meeting for at least one date via more traditional dating sites such as Match or OKCupid. </p>
<p>But not everyone on Tinder is hoping to find a date. <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0736585316301216">Research among Dutch Tinder users found</a> that many use the app for validation (using matches merely as an assessment of one’s own level of attractiveness), or for the thrill of receiving a match but having no intention of pursuing a date. </p>
<p>For this reason, dating apps may eventually lose users who are pursuing genuine relationships, particularly if they are instead turning to face-to-face opportunities first. But as long as they adapt to the changing demands of daters, apps are here to stay.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/184910/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Martin Graff does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.</span></em></p>Newer apps like Thursday prioritise meeting in person over possibly endless online chat.Martin Graff, Senior Lecturer in Psychology of Relationships, University of South WalesLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/1813752022-05-17T16:40:18Z2022-05-17T16:40:18ZFacebook Dating was set to take over the market – instead it was dead in the water<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/463013/original/file-20220513-16-j4u4kv.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=112%2C14%2C4880%2C3308&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">
</span> <span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.shutterstock.com/image-photo/february-15-2020-brazil-this-photo-1645674859">rafapress/Shutterstock</a></span></figcaption></figure><p>Facebook Inc, now <a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2021/10/28/technology/facebook-meta-name-change.html">called Meta</a>, <a href="https://www.theverge.com/2018/5/1/17307782/facebook-tinder-dating-app-f8-match-okcupid">announced</a> its dating application, Facebook Dating, in May 2018. There was real excitement, with people expecting a revolutionary dating app that <a href="https://www.theverge.com/2018/5/1/17308662/facebook-dating-app-events-tinder">would soon beat Tinder</a>. </p>
<p>And it is no wonder, when you consider the size of the company, its technical capabilities, and most importantly the large volume of data that Facebook has collected about its users. After all, research shows that Facebook <a href="https://www.pnas.org/doi/full/10.1073/pnas.1418680112">knows us better than our mums</a>, so why wouldn’t it live up to its goal of creating “<a href="https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2018/may/01/facebook-dating-app-mark-zuckerberg-f8-conference">meaningful relationships</a>”?</p>
<p>But four years later, it hasn’t taken over the market – most people have simply forgotten about it. Numerous reports claim the dating app <a href="https://thetab.com/uk/2021/06/21/i-tried-facebook-dating-211352">practically doesn’t function</a>. Facebook’s own data <a href="https://www.theverge.com/2021/4/15/22384448/facebook-dating-user-data-popular-downloads">suggest</a> not many people use the service – about 300,000 in New York, compare with the <a href="https://thebeehive.bumble.com/whitneyftob">claimed 3 million</a> Bumble users in New York.</p>
<p>As an <a href="https://www.vice.com/en/article/nz7dv7/research-confirms-dating-apps-tinder-grindr-happn-bumble-are-a-sad-game">online dating technology researcher</a>, I had an eye on Facebook Dating since its announcement. But as I never heard anything about its market success, it took me a while to look into it. Now, I think I have a good idea why the app failed. </p>
<h2>My experiment</h2>
<p>When I activated my Facebook Dating profile (out of a pure <a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s42001-021-00132-w">academic curiosity</a>), I was overwhelmed by the number of very attractive profiles that I was exposed to in the first few hours. I started pressing “like”, soon receiving “match” notifications, meaning people had also “liked” me. </p>
<p><a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s42001-021-00132-w">My own research</a> shows that receiving a positive signal on a dating app for a male heterosexual user is a rather rare event. Nevertheless, my phone didn’t stop buzzing for hours. But I started checking the profiles and soon realised this was too good to be true – with the matches seemingly out of my league. </p>
<p>To see what was going on, I started chatting. I didn’t have ethics clearance from my university for full-on research, therefore I made it clear on my profile I was there just for chatting.</p>
<p>But writing a couple of messages to one person, I got a phone number and an invitation to take things to WhatsApp. My past work has shown this <a href="https://arxiv.org/pdf/1607.03320.pdf">usually happens after at least 20 messages</a> and within three to four days. This was light-speed-dating – according to science. </p>
<p>Within a few hours, I had a long list of attractive matches who all wanted to talk to me “about interesting things” – not on the app, but on WhatsApp. Interestingly, nobody sent me an Irish number (often UK or Polish), even though they all lived in Ireland, supposedly.</p>
<figure class="align-center zoomable">
<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/463746/original/file-20220517-14-pjxx9t.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/463746/original/file-20220517-14-pjxx9t.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/463746/original/file-20220517-14-pjxx9t.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=363&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/463746/original/file-20220517-14-pjxx9t.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=363&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/463746/original/file-20220517-14-pjxx9t.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=363&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/463746/original/file-20220517-14-pjxx9t.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=456&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/463746/original/file-20220517-14-pjxx9t.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=456&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/463746/original/file-20220517-14-pjxx9t.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=456&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">They all wanted to chat about interesting things on WhatsApp.</span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>Things got even more weird quickly. Not only did the text messages look very similar, but also the profile names including Lily, Sandra and Miriam gradually turned to Tomasz, Moises and Andrew, as I continued liking and matching on the app. When I asked “Andrew” from Japan if “her” name is common for girls in Japan, she said it’s her German name. Tomasz, aka Diana, said it’s her ex-boyfiriend’s name and Moises didn’t reply.</p>
<p>At this point, I started to suspect that I was dealing with an organised phishing campaign with the goal of having my phone number via a WhatsApp chat combined with my name, and heaven knows what would come next. </p>
<figure class="align-center zoomable">
<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/463745/original/file-20220517-14-kqtdhr.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/463745/original/file-20220517-14-kqtdhr.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/463745/original/file-20220517-14-kqtdhr.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=360&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/463745/original/file-20220517-14-kqtdhr.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=360&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/463745/original/file-20220517-14-kqtdhr.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=360&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/463745/original/file-20220517-14-kqtdhr.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=453&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/463745/original/file-20220517-14-kqtdhr.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=453&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/463745/original/file-20220517-14-kqtdhr.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=453&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">A rather unconventional naming convention.</span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>If there is one social network company who could verify the authenticity of its users, it would be Facebook/Meta. The wealth of data that we have shared with the app makes it very easy for them to verify the accounts. In fact, <a href="https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/the-switch/wp/2018/05/03/facebooks-dating-service-is-a-chance-to-meet-the-catfisher-advertiser-or-scammer-of-your-dreams/">we rely on Facebook athentication</a> system to login to many other services and apps, including Tinder and Bumble.</p>
<p>Why then didn’t Facebook bother to remove all these fake profiles? </p>
<h2>Trouble on the horizon</h2>
<p>Facebook Dating coincided with <a href="https://www.businessinsider.com/mark-zuckerberg-scandals-last-decade-while-running-facebook-2019-12?r=US&IR=T#4-then-came-2018-when-news-of-the-cambridge-analytica-scandal-broke-and-revealed-that-the-data-analytics-firm-improperly-harvested-data-from-tens-of-millions-of-facebook-users-for-ad-targeting-during-the-2016-election-4">all sorts of scandals</a>, including the Cambridge Analytica one, and parliamentary questioning. Maybe an invasive use of personal data for matching purposes would have raised more angry voices. It seems the original vision for Facebook Dating may have been dead in the water before it was properly launched. </p>
<p>The rather primitive design of the app suggests that there was little attempt to compete with the existing dating apps. Your experience would be similar to your experience on Tinder ten years ago. </p>
<p>It seems most likely intentional that Meta allows fake accounts to lurk around Facebook Dating. There are simply aren’t many real users. If the fake accounts are removed the app practically becomes empty and Facebook wants us to see many profiles to stay around the app a bit longer. </p>
<p>So what can we learn from all this? It might be hard for users to detect fake accounts on dating apps immediately, therefore it is important not to share your phone number, and other private information before a level of trust is built. Eager invitations to take things to the next level, generic profile descriptions and rather inconsistent replies to your messages could be all bad signs to be ware of.</p>
<p>For the first time since its launch in 2004, the number of Facebook users stopped growing <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2022/feb/06/first-time-history-facebook-decline-has-tech-giant-begun-crumble">this past quarter</a>. And as <a href="https://www.newscientist.com/article/2295438-why-has-facebook-changed-its-name-to-meta-and-what-is-the-metaverse/">many of us are speculating</a>, this may be a reason why the company has chosen to change its name to separate Meta from Facebook, the social network, and attempt to focus on other areas, such as the <a href="https://www.wired.com/story/what-is-the-metaverse/">metaverse</a>. So perhaps the failure of Facebook Dating was an early sign that Facebook’s problems ran deep.</p>
<p><em>The Conversation approached Meta for a comment but didn’t get a reply.</em></p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/181375/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Taha Yasseri has received funding from EPSRC, Google, eharmony in the past.</span></em></p>An expert had a confusing time trying out Facebook dating.Taha Yasseri, Associate Professor, School of Sociology; Geary Fellow, Geary Institute for Public Policy, University College DublinLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/1774122022-03-30T13:27:49Z2022-03-30T13:27:49ZThe dating game: survey shows how and why South Africans use Tinder<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/451372/original/file-20220310-27-1wbr61h.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">
</span> <span class="attribution"><span class="source">Klaus Vedfelt/Shutterstock</span></span></figcaption></figure><p>The growth of the internet and smartphones has led to the widespread global use of dating apps, such as <a href="https://tinder.com/">Tinder</a>, <a href="https://bumble.com/">Bumble</a> and <a href="https://www.okcupid.com/">OKCupid</a>. These location-based apps have become a popular and acceptable way to meet new potential romantic partners. With over <a href="https://www.statista.com/statistics/1200234/most-popular-dating-apps-worldwide-by-number-of-downloads/#:%7E:text=With%20over%206.5%20million%20monthly,who%20they%20are%20interested%20in">6.5 million</a> monthly downloads Tinder is the most popular dating app in the world, including in <a href="https://www.702.co.za/articles/361040/dating-platform-tinder-most-downloaded-app-in-south-africa">South Africa</a>. </p>
<p>But Tinder still has a reputation for being a “hook-up” app. Most people <a href="https://www.businessinsider.com/what-is-tinder?IR=T#:%7E:text=How%20does%20Tinder%20work%3F,a%20more%20tech%2Dsavvy%20generation">perceive</a> it as a way to search for casual dating or short-term sexual partners. Owing to its focus on pictures, physical attractiveness is the main way that users make <a href="https://www.businessinsider.co.za/dating-app-tips-tinder-match-2020-8">decisions</a> about matches. </p>
<p>The app itself has tried to shift these perceptions and to destigmatise online dating through, for example, its <a href="https://mashable.com/article/tinder-weddings-swipe-right-decor">promotion</a> of the hashtag <a href="https://twitter.com/search?q=%23Tinderwedding&src=typed_query&f=live">#Tinderwedding</a> to promote couples who met on Tinder and found love. But recent Netflix documentary <em><a href="https://www.netflix.com/tudum/articles/who-is-tinder-swindler-real-shimon-hayut">The Tinder Swindler</a></em> has again put Tinder on the agenda in more ominous and <a href="https://www.iol.co.za/lifestyle/food-drink/my-enemies-are-after-me-checkers-sixty60s-clever-rebrand-is-giving-us-life-with-its-tinder-swindler-vibes-e58dd707-0ada-4155-8b8a-9bf937bcfc76">amusing</a> ways. The true-crime documentary highlights the potential to be duped by someone who creates a fake identity (who “catfishes” you) on Tinder.</p>
<p>My study of Tinder formed part of a broader project, exploring how South Africans use various social media apps as part of everyday life. My <a href="https://www.routledge.com/Social-Media-and-Everyday-Life-in-South-Africa/Bosch/p/book/9780367280796">research</a> has shown that despite negative perceptions of the app and despite it functioning as a kind of smartphone game, many South Africans use Tinder because they believe they will find long term romantic partners. But even more people use it casually because they’re bored, playing with the app like a kind of game.</p>
<h2>How Tinder works</h2>
<p>Tinder users create a profile, providing photos and some optional information about themselves. Users of the free version see just the profiles of people who are nearest to them geographically. Profiles appear on the phone screen and users can swipe left or right to select or reject potential matches. When two users both swipe right on each other’s profiles, they are able to contact each other through the app. </p>
<hr>
<p>
<em>
<strong>
Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/the-art-of-the-con-inventing-anna-the-tinder-swindler-and-gender-177121">The art of the con: 'Inventing Anna,' 'The Tinder Swindler' and gender</a>
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<p>During the COVID-19 pandemic, the app opened its “global” function to all users, allowing people to see matches from all over the world and make “<a href="https://www.theverge.com/2020/3/20/21188029/tinder-passport-subscription-free-covid-19-coronavirus-quarantine">quarantine buddies</a>”. This briefly shifted the primary focus of the app from dating to friendship and connection. </p>
<h2>The findings</h2>
<p>My study of South African Tinder use is based on an online survey of 260 individuals and then in-depth interviews with 20 of these respondents.</p>
<p>The survey was filled by mostly white South Africans between the age of 20-25, 70% of whom identified as heterosexual. I found that 56% of respondents downloaded the app because they were bored or curious; 52% indicated that they were looking for love; and only 12% used the app for networking and finding friends. So, more than half of South Africans use Tinder for entertainment, scrolling through and browsing a catalogue of potential suitors. In this way it commodifies romance. The remainder are looking for long-term love.</p>
<p>In the in-depth interviews, users highlighted a strong focus on how they present themselves. Most said that they were trying to craft a particular impression of themselves on the app. While they said their online persona was the same as their offline one, they also chose images to best market themselves as desirable commodities. While they saw themselves as authentic online, they highlighted finding high levels of deception in the profiles of others. A few people admitted that they withheld certain aspects of themselves (such as being a smoker, or having children) to increase their chance of matches.</p>
<p>Women said the app afforded them greater sexual freedoms and access to a wider range of potential partners. They also highlighted a sense of agency through being able to “unmatch” from or block users they felt threatened by, perhaps of particular significance given high levels of crime and gender based violence in South Africa. Respondents indicated that they managed risk by withholding identifying information such as their work or home location, messaging via the app before shifting the conversation to WhatsApp, and scheduling the first meet-up in public spaces. </p>
<p>People surveyed said that they pursued multiple matches simultaneously, browsing through available profiles as though they were perusing a catalogue. Interviewees reflected that matching with someone gave them a boost of self-confidence and feeling of achievement, much like an achievement in a video game might.</p>
<h2>What it all means</h2>
<p>South Africans are turning to Tinder to augment their courtship practices and widen their pool of potential romantic partners. People might previously have more typically met via social connections, friendship circles or interest groups. </p>
<p>The internet has become a powerful social intermediary, shifting patterns of dating, love and romance. In the process, traditional ideals of monogamy, commitment and romantic love are being displaced through these online engagements.</p>
<p>What is interesting about Tinder in South Africa is that despite its notoriety as a hook-up app and despite social fears, many are using it to find long-term love and connection.</p>
<hr>
<p>
<em>
<strong>
Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/tinder-use-in-cape-town-reveals-the-paradox-of-modern-dating-177391">Tinder use in Cape Town reveals the paradox of modern dating</a>
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</em>
</p>
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<p>But, in my analysis, Tinder turns the process of finding love online into a kind of game. Matches are based on very little knowledge or information about the other person, besides their carefully selected photographs. Tinder users act like game players, making moves, selecting how to swipe or whether to send a message, and then whether to meet in real life, based on the “moves” of the other person in a game-like interface.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/177412/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Tanja Bosch does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.</span></em></p>The study found most use Tinder casually because they’re bored, playing with the app like a kind of smartphone game - even though many use it to find true love.Tanja Bosch, Associate Professor in Media Studies and Production, University of Cape TownLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/1796002022-03-23T14:05:31Z2022-03-23T14:05:31ZFrom ghosting to ‘backburner’ relationships: the reasons people behave so badly on dating apps<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/453834/original/file-20220323-23-1r30mf7.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=0%2C7%2C5112%2C2866&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">
</span> <span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.shutterstock.com/image-photo/man-using-smartphone-walking-through-night-2037557108">Gorodenkoff/Shutterstock</a></span></figcaption></figure><p>There’s no doubt that <a href="https://www.pnas.org/doi/abs/10.1073/pnas.1222447110">online dating</a> and dating apps have transformed the way we initiate, form and end romantic relationships. We might also question whether the convenience of these apps has encouraged us to behave differently than we would in “real life”. More specifically, do mobile dating apps breed bad or antisocial behaviour?</p>
<p>If you use dating apps, you’ve probably been “ghosted” on occasion (where someone withdraws all contact) – or maybe you’ve ghosted somebody yourself. Perhaps you’ve found out that someone you’ve been chatting to on an app was in a relationship. Or if you don’t use these apps, you might have heard horror stories from friends.</p>
<p>Let’s take a look at some of the bad behaviours that we see most commonly – and how psychology can explain them. </p>
<p>One of the main themes is how common it is for people to be using dating apps while in relationships. Data from the US has shown <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0747563218303625#bib37">some 42%</a> of people with a Tinder profile were either in a relationship or married. </p>
<p>In <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0191886917306311">a study</a> of American undergraduate students, around two-thirds revealed that they had seen someone on Tinder who they knew to be in a relationship. Further, 17% of participants said they had messaged someone on Tinder while in a committed relationship, with 7% engaging in a sexual relationship with someone they had met on Tinder while in a committed relationship.</p>
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<p>
<em>
<strong>
Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/how-will-dating-change-after-coronavirus-psychology-offers-some-clues-138893">How will dating change after coronavirus? Psychology offers some clues</a>
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</p>
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<p>There’s also evidence that people are using dating apps to keep up what we call “<a href="https://www.academia.edu/35860478/Communication_Research_Reports_Maintaining_Relationship_Alternatives_Electronically_Positive_Relationship_Maintenance_in_Back_Burner_Relationships">backburner</a>” relationships. This is when someone on a dating app maintains contact with another person in the hope of some day pursuing something romantic or sexual. </p>
<p>Surprisingly, the authors of <a href="https://www.academia.edu/35860478/Communication_Research_Reports_Maintaining_Relationship_Alternatives_Electronically_Positive_Relationship_Maintenance_in_Back_Burner_Relationships">a 2018 study</a> involving 658 undergraduate college students found that the number of backburners reported did not differ significantly between those who were single, casually dating or in a committed relationship. Around 73% of all respondents reported they had at least one backburner.</p>
<p>Online communication, of course, makes keeping in contact much easier. Researchers <a href="https://www.academia.edu/35860478/Communication_Research_Reports_Maintaining_Relationship_Alternatives_Electronically_Positive_Relationship_Maintenance_in_Back_Burner_Relationships">have suggested</a> that relationship maintenance in a backburner relationship involves positivity (being compassionate to the other person and ensuring that interactions with them are fun and enjoyable), openness (disclosing personal information to them, maybe even sharing secrets) and assurances (demonstrating a wish for the relationship to be sustained over time).</p>
<figure class="align-center ">
<img alt="Hands holding a smartphone, which is displaying a dating app." src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/453839/original/file-20220323-23-1f5ws2e.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/453839/original/file-20220323-23-1f5ws2e.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/453839/original/file-20220323-23-1f5ws2e.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/453839/original/file-20220323-23-1f5ws2e.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/453839/original/file-20220323-23-1f5ws2e.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/453839/original/file-20220323-23-1f5ws2e.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/453839/original/file-20220323-23-1f5ws2e.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px">
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">It’s not uncommon for people to be on dating apps while in relationships.</span>
<span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.shutterstock.com/image-photo/find-love-online-concept-adult-woman-1851220126">Studio Romantic/Shuttersrtock</a></span>
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<p>Online dating has also made ghosting much easier. A <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/0276236618820519">2019 study</a> found that respondents had ghosted 29% of the people they had dated, and had been ghosted by 25% of dates themselves. In addition, 74% of respondents said they believed that ghosting was an appropriate way to end a relationship.</p>
<p>Participants in this study reported both instances of sudden ghosting (abruptly ceasing contact) and gradual ghosting (slowing down contact before disappearing altogether). Gradual ghosting increased the degree of uncertainty for the person being ghosted.</p>
<p>Ghosting probably occurs so frequently because of the ease of ending a relationship in this way, particularly if the couple is yet to meet in person. The authors of the <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/0276236618820519">same study</a> also highlight that online dating offers an abundance of possible partners, and that people who “ghost” one partner may do so because they have moved on to someone new.</p>
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Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/falling-in-love-in-virtual-reality-could-be-a-deeper-experience-than-real-life-73084">Falling in love in virtual reality could be a deeper experience than real life</a>
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<p>People don’t just use <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0747563217300286">dating apps</a> for seeking a relationship or for sex – many people report using them simply for fun. As such, more genuine users of these apps may be easy targets for trolls, who merely wish to create conflict and cause distress to other online users for their own amusement.</p>
<p>A <a href="https://isiarticles.com/bundles/Article/pre/pdf/117718.pdf">2017 study</a> found that dating app trolls scored highly on measures of sadistic behaviour, showing a disregard for the pain or suffering inflicted on other people; and highly on dysfunctional impulsivity, characterised by not following up on promises.</p>
<h2>Some general reasons for bad behaviour</h2>
<p>The convenience and abundance of choice in online dating perhaps encourages a culture of “disposability” – being able to “trade up” in the dating market and abandon a current partner more easily. Personal mobile devices, equipped with a passcode or face recognition protection, allow for and might even encourage more surreptitious and secretive behaviour.</p>
<p>Online behaviour generally is often characterised by <a href="http://drleannawolfe.com/Suler-TheOnlineDisinhibitionEffect-2004.pdf">disinhibition</a> – we’re inclined to behave more freely online than we do in a face-to-face context. In part, this is because of the feeling of anonymity we have online.</p>
<p>Finally, the way people use dating apps is very much related to personality characteristics. For instance, people with open (open to experience, adventurous) and less agreeable (less caring and thoughtful towards others) <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0747563218303625#:%7E:text=For%20non%2Dsingle%20Tinder%20users,Tinder%20for%20an%20ego%2Dboost">personality styles</a> are more likely to use dating apps in a more casual way.</p>
<p>If bad or dysfunctional behaviour now seems commonplace on dating apps, social media and online generally, the technology which has given rise to this behaviour is here to stay. We may need to adjust our expectations accordingly.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/179600/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Martin Graff does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.</span></em></p>If you use dating apps, you might have experienced ghosting, or worse.Martin Graff, Senior Lecturer in Psychology of Relationships, University of South WalesLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/1773912022-03-13T06:30:45Z2022-03-13T06:30:45ZTinder use in Cape Town reveals the paradox of modern dating<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/450411/original/file-20220307-85648-19yt4qk.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">
</span> <span class="attribution"><span class="source">Shutterstock</span></span></figcaption></figure><p>Dating apps are the new reality, but do they really make dating easier? My study suggests they complicate it further. </p>
<p>Questions about trust and online dating regularly crop up along with headlines about unpleasant online approaches, <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2022/feb/15/tinder-swindler-americans-romance-scam-con-fbi">scams</a> and even physical assaults when dates move offline. Still, dating apps like <a href="https://tinder.com">Tinder</a> remain hugely popular, downloaded and used mostly on cellphones to meet new people. In fact, they have received increasing traffic globally in recent years despite these bleak stories and <a href="https://www.businessinsider.com/tinder-hinge-match-group-dating-apps-more-users-coronavirus-2020-8?IR=T">spurred</a> by COVID-induced lockdowns.</p>
<p>My <a href="https://open.uct.ac.za/handle/11427/35694">ethnographic research</a> in Cape Town, South Africa, shows that Tinder dating is riddled with contradictory feelings. As an anthropology scholar who is curious about intimacy and apps, I followed the dating journeys of 25 Tinder users for two years. </p>
<p>I soon found myself confronted with a paradox: even though using the app had become a mundane everyday practice, app users described meeting someone on Tinder as less “real” or less “authentic” than meeting someone offline. This may make it even more challenging to relate intimately in a time when trust is often likened to naivety or vulnerability. </p>
<h2>The study</h2>
<p>What I set out to explore was how the app becomes part of people’s lives in Cape Town. Meeting most of my research participants regularly, I was able to see how their approach to using the app changed over time. They were from different areas and cut across age groups (5 were under 25, 17 between 25-40 and 3 between 40-55). 14 of them identified as male, and 11 as female. The majority (75%) would be classified as “white” – I recruited most participants via a research profile on the app in a “whiter” area of a town, a lingering result of apartheid spatial segregation.</p>
<p>A Tinder profile can be set up in almost no time. After downloading the app and connecting it to a Facebook account, all that is left to do is select some profile pictures, perhaps write a short biography, and choose a few parameters (interested in men or women, within what age frame, and how far do you want to venture to meet them?). Encountering a potential match, users move their finger over the image of the person to the right if they are interested in them and left if not. If a person expresses interest back, you’re matched and can exchange messages.</p>
<p>Geographic proximity aside, who one sees on the app is further determined by an <a href="https://www.vox.com/2019/2/7/18210998/tinder-algorithm-swiping-tips-dating-app-science">opaque algorithm</a> that Tinder is notoriously secretive about. Parent company Match Group Holdings owns 45 dating services worldwide and Tinder alone has been <a href="https://www.datingsitesreviews.com/article.php?story=tinder-releases-its-year-in-swipe-report">downloaded</a> more than 400 million times, producing 55 billion matches, a compelling impact on a lot of love lives.</p>
<h2>Common experiences</h2>
<p>Exploring what it means to use Tinder for the individuals in my study, I found that the app was regularly deleted. This was because of an accumulation of disappointments such as missing a “spark”, excitement thinning out and being “ghosted”(ignored).</p>
<p>Interestingly, though, users also kept re-downloading Tinder and changing their approaches by choosing different profile pictures, tweaking biographies and patterns of swiping. Swiping styles would depend on previous experiences and the kinds of intimacy they were currently looking for. Commonly, returning users would adopt a more casual approach and try to manage their expectations.</p>
<p>32-year-old PhD student Johana (not their real name), for instance, had been on and off Tinder for years but continued mustering hope of a meaningful connection. Most of her dates had been either mediocre or disillusioning. One looked nothing like his profile picture, another was much shyer offline than on and others were pushing for sex. Then suddenly she found herself on a captivating eight-hour-long date.</p>
<p>For days she waited for him to respond to a message she sent after their magic night. She tried everything to distract herself: she buried herself in her studies, met with friends, and switched her phone off – just to switch it back on and sneak another peek at it. When it had become clear he had no interest in pursuing anything further (and after deleting and re-downloading the app) Johana decided to approach Tinder dating differently.</p>
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Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/how-tinder-is-being-used-for-more-than-just-hook-ups-131256">How Tinder is being used for more than just hook-ups</a>
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<p>She explained that she was now simply using Tinder as a means to connect and potentially have a “fun experience” that may or may not evolve into something worthwhile. Concluding that her directness on Tinder was interpreted as neediness by men, it seemed restraint might avoid further frustration and rejection. This affected how she was chatting, the kinds of meetings she arranged (daytime rather than night) as well as her biography, now briefly describing her as wanting to meeting new people. However, each intriguing connection would have the ultimate dating challenge resurface: how to establish a meaningful connection while managing the risk of being hurt. And that at Tinder’s fast, gamified swiping pace.</p>
<h2>The end of love?</h2>
<p>Tinder is marketed as liberating and empowering, especially for young women. The app promises the chance to create connections and meaning out of nowhere, to link people and places and fulfil romantic desires. And users in my research did embrace Tinder as a tool to meet people they would otherwise have been unlikely to meet. </p>
<p>However, grand romantic ideals seem to be replaced by uncertainty and strategies of detachment in the process. The app’s mostly vacant assurance of romantic magic helps explain why many users insisted that Tinder makes matches that lack meaning and “realness”.</p>
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Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/how-scammers-like-anna-delvey-and-the-tinder-swindler-exploit-a-core-feature-of-human-nature-177289">How scammers like Anna Delvey and the Tinder Swindler exploit a core feature of human nature</a>
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<p>The idea that Tinder-initiated encounters lack authenticity is also in sync with the dominant view that embedding technologies into everyday activities (including the most intimate ones) is a damning symptom of the contemporary zeitgeist. </p>
<p>Undeterred by years of dating app use and numerous stories of relationships and friendships originating on apps, satiric <a href="https://theculturetrip.com/africa/south-africa/articles/the-10-types-of-south-african-youll-meet-on-tinder/">blog entries</a> poking fun at Tinder clichés, Instagram accounts like <a href="https://www.instagram.com/tindernightmares/?hl=enas">Tinder Nightmares</a> as well as <a href="https://www.researchgate.net/publication/307862744_Liquid_love_Dating_apps_sex_relationships_and_the_digital_transformation_of_intimacy">academic</a> <a href="https://lareviewofbooks.org/article/bodies-on-the-market/">literature</a> suggest that Tinder intimacy liquefies or ends love as we know it. </p>
<h2>All is not lost</h2>
<p>But after two years using an in-depth research approach, I came to the conclusion that, despite negative associations, dating apps have their place and their intimacies are not lesser than those originating elsewhere. Connections made via Tinder are neither different by nature, nor are they easier to navigate.</p>
<p>Regardless of the image of Tinder as a superficial platform and of Tinder fatigue, there was not just a persistent use of the app but also an enduring desire for connections that feel meaningful. The problem with Tinder is not that experiences are less real. At the root of frustrations is rather a one-dimensional view of “dating”, formatted as an eroticised encounter that requires an immediate and powerful spark.</p>
<p>From excitement to hurt, a lot happens in commodified, gamified dating app environments – notwithstanding the composed approaches adopted by their users. Thinking of emotions on the app as something that can be kept in check and of Tinder as something removed from “real life” may not only produce disappointing encounters in the moment, but it could also influence how people think about dating in the future.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/177391/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Leah Davina Junck does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.</span></em></p>Dating on apps is the new reality, but do they really make dating easier? A Cape Town study finds Tinder complicates it further.Leah Davina Junck, Postdoctoral Research Fellow, University of Cape TownLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/1772892022-02-21T13:16:20Z2022-02-21T13:16:20ZHow scammers like Anna Delvey and the Tinder Swindler exploit a core feature of human nature<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/447325/original/file-20220218-43691-5ufwkc.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=0%2C8%2C5811%2C3979&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">Anna Sorokin, better known as Anna Delvey, during her trial in April 2019. Sorokin is the subject of a new Netflix miniseries.</span> <span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.gettyimages.com/detail/news-photo/anna-sorokin-better-known-as-anna-delvey-the-28-year-old-news-photo/1136286877?adppopup=true">Timothy A. Clary/AFP via Getty Images</a></span></figcaption></figure><p>Maybe she had so much money she just lost track of it. Maybe it was <a href="https://www.thecut.com/article/how-anna-delvey-tricked-new-york.html">all a misunderstanding</a>. </p>
<p>That’s how Anna Sorokin’s marks explained away the supposed German heiress’s strange requests to sleep on their couch for the night, or to put plane tickets on their credit cards, which she would then forget to pay back. </p>
<p>The subject of a new Netflix series, “<a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt8740976/">Inventing Anna</a>,” Sorokin, who told people her name was Anna Delvey, conned over $250,000 out of wealthy acquaintances and high-end Manhattan businesses between 2013 and 2017. It turns out her lineage was a mirage. Instead, she was an intern at a fashion magazine who came from a working-class family of Russian immigrants.</p>
<p>Yet the people around her were quick to accept her odd explanations, even creating excuses for her that strained credulity. The details of the Sorokin case mirror those from another recent Netflix production, “<a href="https://abcnews.go.com/US/woman-man-met-tinder-swindled-200k-didnt-dump/story?id=62806053">The Tinder Swindler</a>,” which tells the story of an Israeli conman named Simon Leviev. Leviev persuaded women he met on the dating app to lend him large sums of money with similarly unbelievable claims: He was a billionaire whose enemies were trying to track him down and, for security reasons, couldn’t use his own credit cards.</p>
<p>How is it that so many people could have been gullible enough to buy the fantastical stories spun by Sorokin and Leviev? And why, even when “<a href="https://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-50662268">[t]he red flags were everywhere</a>” – as one of Sorokin’s marks put it – did people continue to believe these grifters, spend their time with them and agree to lend them money?</p>
<p><a href="https://www.vanessabohns.com/research">As a social psychologist</a> who has written a book about our surprising power of persuasion, I don’t see this as an unusual glitch of human nature. Rather, I view the stories about Sorokin and Leviev as examples of bad actors exploiting the social processes people rely on every day for efficient and effective human communication and cooperation.</p>
<h2>To trust is to be human</h2>
<p>Despite the belief that people are skeptics by nature, primed to shout “gotcha!” at any mistake or faux pas, this simply isn’t the case. Research shows that <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177/0963721419838255">people tend to default to trusting others</a> over distrusting them, <a href="https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.65.2.221">believing them over doubting them</a> and <a href="https://www.worldcat.org/title/presentation-of-self-in-everyday-life/oclc/256298">going along with someone’s self-presentation</a> rather than embarrassing them by calling them out.</p>
<p>Elle Dee, a DJ whom Delvey once asked to pick up a 35,000-euro bar tab, <a href="https://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-50662268?intlink_from_url=&">described the ease with which people went along with Delvey’s claims</a>: “I don’t think she even had to try that hard. Despite her utterly unsound story, people were all-too-eager to buy it.”</p>
<p>It still might be hard to believe that people in Sorokin’s circle would willingly hand over their money to someone they hardly knew. </p>
<p>Yet psychologists have watched participants hand over their money to complete strangers <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177%2F0963721419838255">for many years across hundreds of experiments</a>. In these studies, participants are told they are taking part in various types of “investment games” in which they are given the opportunity to hand over their money to another participant in the hopes of receiving a return on their investment. </p>
<p>What’s fascinating about these studies is that most participants are cynical about ever seeing their money again – let alone any returns on their investment – and yet they still hand it over. In other words, despite deep reservations, they still choose to trust a complete stranger.</p>
<figure class="align-center ">
<img alt="Man being led away in handcuffs." src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/447344/original/file-20220218-49929-1yq8y5.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/447344/original/file-20220218-49929-1yq8y5.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=443&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/447344/original/file-20220218-49929-1yq8y5.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=443&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/447344/original/file-20220218-49929-1yq8y5.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=443&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/447344/original/file-20220218-49929-1yq8y5.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=557&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/447344/original/file-20220218-49929-1yq8y5.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=557&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/447344/original/file-20220218-49929-1yq8y5.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=557&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px">
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">Simon Leviev wooed women on the dating app Tinder before persuading them to give him access to cash and credit cards.</span>
<span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.gettyimages.com/detail/news-photo/picture-taken-on-july-1-2019-shows-the-so-called-tinder-news-photo/1153322644?adppopup=true">Tore Kristiansen/AFP via Getty Images</a></span>
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<p>There’s something deeply human about this impulse. Humans are social creatures, and trusting one another is baked into our DNA. As psychologist David Dunning and his colleagues <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177%2F0963721419838255">have pointed out</a>, without trust it is hard to imagine endeavors like Airbnb, car shares or a working democracy having any success.</p>
<h2>Lies are the exception, not the norm</h2>
<p>Of course, Sorokin’s requests were often accompanied by elaborate explanations and justifications, and you might wonder why so few people seemed to doubt the veracity of her claims. Yet just as trust is a default of human interaction, a presumption of sincerity is a default expectation of basic communication.</p>
<p>This maxim of communication was first proposed by Paul Grice, an influential philosopher of language. <a href="https://www.ucl.ac.uk/ls/studypacks/Grice-Logic.pdf">Grice argued</a> that communication is a cooperative endeavor. Understanding one another requires working together. And to do that, there must be some ground rules, one of which is that both parties are telling the truth.</p>
<figure class="align-center ">
<img alt="Two young men and two young women pose for a photograph." src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/447324/original/file-20220218-2552-vrc3c3.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/447324/original/file-20220218-2552-vrc3c3.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=444&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/447324/original/file-20220218-2552-vrc3c3.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=444&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/447324/original/file-20220218-2552-vrc3c3.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=444&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/447324/original/file-20220218-2552-vrc3c3.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=558&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/447324/original/file-20220218-2552-vrc3c3.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=558&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/447324/original/file-20220218-2552-vrc3c3.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=558&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px">
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<span class="caption">Sorokin – then known to her acquaintances as ‘Anna Delvey’ – appears, far right, at a fashion award ceremony in New York City in 2014.</span>
<span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.gettyimages.com/detail/news-photo/giudo-cacciatori-gro-curtis-giorgia-tordini-and-anna-delvey-news-photo/455118596?adppopup=true">Dave Kotinsky/Getty Images</a></span>
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<p>In an era of “<a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2010/10/17/magazine/17FOB-onlanguage-t.html">truthiness</a>” and “<a href="https://theconversation.com/why-do-we-fall-for-fake-news-69829">fake news</a>,” such a premise may seem absurd and naϊve. <a href="https://theconversation.com/are-people-lying-more-since-the-rise-of-social-media-and-smartphones-170609">But people lie far less than you might think</a>; in fact, if the default assumption were that the person you were talking to was lying, communication would be nearly impossible. If I challenged you on whether you read every book you claimed to have read, or whether the steak you had last night was really overcooked, we’d never get anywhere.</p>
<p>Researchers have found experimental evidence for what is sometimes called the “truth default.” <a href="https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.65.2.221">In one series of studies</a>, researchers asked participants to evaluate whether statements were true or false. Sometimes the participants were interrupted so they couldn’t fully process the statements. This allowed the researchers to get at people’s default assumption: When in doubt, would they default to belief or disbelief? </p>
<p>It turns out that when participants weren’t able to fully process statements, they tended to simply assume they were true.</p>
<h2>A reluctance to accuse</h2>
<p>Even if Sorokin’s marks were to doubt her story, it’s unlikely that they would have called her out on it. </p>
<p>[<em>You’re smart and curious about the world. So are The Conversation’s authors and editors.</em> <a href="https://memberservices.theconversation.com/newsletters/?source=inline-youresmart">You can read us daily by subscribing to our newsletter</a>.]</p>
<p>The sociologist Erving Goffman’s <a href="https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/61106/the-presentation-of-self-in-everyday-life-by-erving-goffman/">classic theory of “facework”</a> argues that it is as uncomfortable for us to call someone else out – to suggest they aren’t who they are presenting themselves to be – as it is to be the person called out. Even when people see someone doing something they disagree with, they’re loath to say anything.</p>
<p>Other studies have explored this phenomenon. One found that people <a href="https://doi.org/10.1126/science.1164951">hesitate to call others out for using racist language</a> they disagree with <a href="https://doi.org/10.1111/0022-4537.00199">or for sexual harassment</a>. </p>
<p>As much as you’d like to believe that if you were in the shoes of Sorokin’s and Leviev’s targets you would have been emboldened to blow the lid off the whole charade, chances are that rather than make things uncomfortable for everyone, you’d simply go along with it.</p>
<p>The tendency to trust, believe and go along with other people’s explanations of events may seem disadvantageous. And it’s true, these inclinations can expose people. But without trust, there is no cooperation; without assuming others are telling the truth, there is no communication; and without accepting people for what they present to the world, there is no foundation on which to build a relationship. </p>
<p>In other words, the very features that look like glitches when exploited are in fact the very essence of what it means to be human.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/177289/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Vanessa Bohns receives funding from the National Science Foundation. She is affiliated with the Academy of Management. </span></em></p>Despite the belief that people are deeply skeptical of strangers, study after study shows that humans are primed to trust one another.Vanessa Bohns, Associate Professor of Organizational Behavior, Cornell UniversityLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/1768072022-02-11T04:36:59Z2022-02-11T04:36:59ZFirst the ‘love-bomb’, then the ‘financial emergency’: 5 tactics of Tinder swindlers<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/445867/original/file-20220211-27-1mg91az.jpeg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">shutterstock</span> </figcaption></figure><p>In the chart-topping Netflix documentary <a href="https://www.netflix.com/au/title/81254340">The Tinder Swindler</a>, three women describe how they were defrauded by convicted conman Simon Leviev (who was born Shimon Hayut) after meeting him on the dating app. </p>
<p>The film gives a detailed and deeply personal account of how Leviev used Tinder to connect with his victims and ultimately swindle them out of hundreds of thousands of dollars. </p>
<p>I have been <a href="https://link.springer.com/referenceworkentry/10.1007/978-3-319-90307-1_41-1">researching romance fraud</a> for more than a decade. I have heard the painful and traumatic stories of hundreds of victims. While each story is unique, there are common factors, and some wider lessons to learn. </p>
<p>The Tinder Swindler is a powerful example of what can go wrong, but what does it teach us about romance fraud, and how can you avoid becoming the next victim? </p>
<h2>What is romance fraud?</h2>
<p>Romance fraudsters use the guise of a personal relationship to exploit their victim’s trust and gain a financial advantage (or sometimes, as ASIO this week <a href="https://www.abc.net.au/news/2022-02-09/asio-threat-assessment-dating-apps-foreign-spies-covid-protests/100817850">warned</a>, to access private or classified information).</p>
<p>It typically happens online, through a dating website or app, or social media platform. In many cases, the victim and offender never actually meet. However, as The Tinder Swindler shows, it can also happen in face-to-face relationships. </p>
<p>Romance fraudsters use a range of skilful grooming techniques, social engineering practices and psychological abuse tactics to gain compliance from their victims. </p>
<p>Leviev successfully manipulated several women by posing as the son of a diamond magnate, before claiming his family was being violently threatened and asking his victims to take out loans on his behalf to help deal with a purported security emergency. </p>
<p>Each of his actions was deliberate and purposeful, and is reflected across known offending patterns more broadly. Here are some <a href="https://link.springer.com/referenceworkentry/10.1007/978-3-319-90307-1_41-1">typical tactics</a>, all of which were used by Leviev:</p>
<ol>
<li><p>Create an attractive profile and identity that exudes power, wealth and status. </p></li>
<li><p>“Love-bomb” victims with grand expressions of affection, including moving rapidly towards being “a couple” and discussing a possible future together. </p></li>
<li><p>Manufacture an “emergency” that urgently requires financial help – this might be a business situation, medical problem or criminal justice issue such as claiming to have been arrested overseas.</p></li>
<li><p>Escalate these financial demands over time, typically by asking victims to transfer money, register credit cards or take out bank loans.</p></li>
<li><p>Threaten, abuse or otherwise coerce the victim if they refuse.</p></li>
</ol>
<h2>Why do victims send money?</h2>
<p>Watching from the safety of your living room couch, it’s easy to say “I wouldn’t go along with that”. But we must not underestimate a skilled offender’s ability to identify a weakness or vulnerability and exploit it mercilessly. </p>
<p>Using surveys with victims and non-victims, <a href="https://www.liebertpub.com/doi/10.1089/cyber.2016.0729">research</a> has revealed a handful of traits associated with falling victim to romance fraud. Crucially, people with higher levels of <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/1068316X.2013.772180">romanticised beliefs</a>, or who believe in the idea of “true love”, are more likely to become victims. </p>
<figure class="align-center ">
<img alt="" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/445866/original/file-20220211-110-ov74h7.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/445866/original/file-20220211-110-ov74h7.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=338&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/445866/original/file-20220211-110-ov74h7.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=338&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/445866/original/file-20220211-110-ov74h7.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=338&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/445866/original/file-20220211-110-ov74h7.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=424&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/445866/original/file-20220211-110-ov74h7.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=424&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/445866/original/file-20220211-110-ov74h7.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=424&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px">
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">Think twice before getting out the credit card.</span>
<span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.shutterstock.com/image-photo/close-wife-fingers-holding-plastic-credit-1606121170">Shutterstock</a></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>Several victims I spoke with could identify a particular reason that prompted their initial decision to engage with an offender. It may have been the loss of a previous relationship or a change in life circumstances (such as retirement or children leaving home). In many cases, a split-second decision to swipe right on a profile, or respond to a friendly message, changed their lives forever. </p>
<p>Someone’s level of vulnerability to fraud is not static; it can change on a monthly, weekly or even daily basis. Many victims would not have been deceived had they seen the message at a different time. Offenders target hundreds of victims in the hope of a single success.</p>
<p>My research has also found many offenders use <a href="https://eprints.qut.edu.au/118434/">psychological abuse</a> techniques similar to those commonly found in domestic violence. Offenders might prevent victims from communicating with family and friends, bombard them with messages to monopolise their attention, or verbally abuse them to make them feel worthless. All these tactics impair a victim’s ability to think clearly about their situation or seek help.</p>
<h2>‘I’d never fall for it’</h2>
<p>No victim wakes up in the morning thinking “I am going to give away all my money today”. Instead, it’s the result of a painstaking grooming process. Offenders, having earned their victim’s trust, will often create realistic-looking contracts, bank statements or official letters to justify their requests for money. </p>
<p>They will typically depict these requests as both urgent and secret, as in the case of Leviev’s “security emergency” in which he claimed to be attempting to negotiate business deals while in hiding. This tactic reduces the victim’s ability to respond rationally or seek outside advice.</p>
<p>Victims of romance fraud suffer a wide range of negative impacts, including shame and social stigma. They are often <a href="https://eprints.qut.edu.au/83702/">blamed</a> and held responsible for their financial losses, and this stereotyping makes it less likely they will report such crimes. </p>
<h2>How can I prevent it happening to me?</h2>
<p>Online dating is fraught enough without having to worry about financial fraud. It is hard to know someone on a dating app is really who they say they are. </p>
<p>Current <a href="https://www.scamwatch.gov.au/types-of-scams/dating-romance">fraud-prevention advice</a> focuses on taking the relationship into the real world as soon as you feel ready, and never giving money to someone you haven’t met face-to-face. But in The Tinder Swindler, this advice is redundant because Leviev, like many offenders, had curated a real-life persona that matched his digital profile. </p>
<p>The truth is that a determined enough fraudster can extend their online lies into the offline world. Meeting someone in person, researching their background, and doing a reverse image search on their profile picture is all good advice – but it’s not <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/0894439321999311">foolproof</a>.</p>
<p>Ultimately, fraud is almost always about money. So consider the motives behind any request for financial help, and never send money you can’t afford to lose. In 2020, Australians lost more than <a href="https://www.accc.gov.au/publications/targeting-scams-report-on-scam-activity/targeting-scams-report-of-the-accc-on-scam-activity-2020">A$131 million</a> to romance fraud. It’s a heavy price to pay for chasing true love. </p>
<hr>
<p><em>If you or someone you know has been a victim of romance fraud, you can report it to <a href="https://www.cyber.gov.au/acsc/report">ReportCyber</a>. For support, contact <a href="https://www.idcare.org/support-services/individual-support-services">iDcare</a>. For prevention advice, consult <a href="https://www.scamwatch.gov.au/">Scamwatch</a>.</em></p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/176807/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Cassandra Cross has previously received funding from the Australian Institute of Criminology and the Cybersecurity Cooperative Research Centre. </span></em></p>It’s easy to say “I’d never fall for that” when confronted with the stories of women who were conned by romance fraudster Simon Leviev. But a determined scammer can be very convincing and persuasive.Cassandra Cross, Associate Dean (Learning & Teaching) Faculty of Creative Industries, Education and Social Justice, Queensland University of TechnologyLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/1602192021-05-11T13:21:33Z2021-05-11T13:21:33ZRelationships during a pandemic: How dating apps have adapted to COVID-19<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/398440/original/file-20210503-19-1yllv9i.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=0%2C0%2C5973%2C3997&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">As for-profit corporations, should dating apps be taking care of us? Should they act as health authorities?</span> <span class="attribution"><span class="source">(Shutterstock)</span></span></figcaption></figure><p>The pandemic has challenged and changed how most people date and hookup.</p>
<p>“<a href="https://www.mtlblog.com/en-ca/news/government-of-quebec-unfortunately-asks-that-you-please-be-monogamous-right-now">Monogamy is preferable at this time</a>,” said Horacio Arruda, Quebec’s National Director of Public Health, during the height of the first wave. Government-imposed physical distancing measures, stay-at-home orders and other public health initiatives resulted in a shift toward online dating.</p>
<p>This shift has increased <a href="https://www.businessinsider.com/tinder-hinge-match-group-dating-apps-more-users-coronavirus-2020-8">the number of dating app users</a> and <a href="https://theblog.okcupid.com/love-in-the-time-of-corona-massive-spikes-in-matching-messaging-and-virtual-dates-around-the-ec12c49eab86">the amount of time people spend on dating apps</a>. Tinder says its users had 11 per cent more swipes and 42 per cent more matches last year, making <a href="https://filecache.mediaroom.com/mr5mr_tinder/178656/Tinder_Future%20of%20Dating_3.24_FINAL.pdf">2020 the app’s busiest year</a>. </p>
<p>Since dating apps were created to help people connect online and then meet in person, how have app companies responded to the pandemic? And what does their role in helping people adjust to this new dating reality mean? </p>
<h2>Three main ways dating apps have responded to the pandemic</h2>
<p>As scholars who study how digital technology is changing dating and relationships, we noticed <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B9sHiArhwnJ/">swift responses</a> <a href="https://www.tinderpressroom.com/Connecting-in-the-time-of-COVID-19">from dating app companies</a> when lockdown measures were introduced. </p>
<p>From March to May 2020, we looked at 16 dating apps, their social media accounts and broader media coverage to understand their pandemic responses. </p>
<p>We shared our findings in the book <a href="https://www.routledge.com/The-COVID-19-Crisis-Social-Perspectives/Lupton-Willis/p/book/9780367628987"><em>The COVID-19 Crisis: Social Perspectives</em></a> and consider whether app companies, as for-profit corporations, are best positioned to support people’s health and wellbeing.</p>
<p>We found dating apps made efforts to shape how people date during the pandemic in three main ways:</p>
<p><em><strong>1. Communicating about health</strong></em></p>
<p>Pop-up <a href="https://www.businessinsider.com/tinder-warning-about-staying-safe-coronavirus-2020-3">messages on dating apps</a> encouraged users to stop meeting in person and engage with each other online. Bumble sent users direct messages while public service announcements from provincial governments showed up in Tinder’s swipe screen. Grindr told users <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B-KrZC4n4eV/">“Right Now” can wait</a> to disrupt the usual emphasis on quick hookups. </p>
<p>Dating apps operated as public health advocates: users were invited to stay home, wash their hands, practise physical distancing and consult a doctor if they had COVID symptoms. </p>
<figure class="align-center ">
<img alt="virtual chatting." src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/398438/original/file-20210503-15-e5whwz.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/398438/original/file-20210503-15-e5whwz.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/398438/original/file-20210503-15-e5whwz.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/398438/original/file-20210503-15-e5whwz.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/398438/original/file-20210503-15-e5whwz.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/398438/original/file-20210503-15-e5whwz.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/398438/original/file-20210503-15-e5whwz.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px">
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">Company blogs and social media accounts provided ideas for virtual dates.</span>
<span class="attribution"><span class="source">(Shutterstock)</span></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p><em><strong>2. Addressing loneliness and isolation</strong></em></p>
<p>Dating apps also tried to foster community-building and address feelings of isolation or fear. Apps like Grindr, Lex, Bumble, HER and Coffee Meets Bagel hosted online events like <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B-QN2wRnnG2/">concerts</a>, <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/CAtFO_4APkA/">speed dating</a> and <a href="https://bumble.com/en-us/the-buzz/virtual-dating-intimacy">dating</a> <a href="https://weareher.com/couples-quarantine-intimacy-sex-distance-relationship-advice-from-queer-sex-therapist-casey-tanner/">advice</a> <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B-kWqT0huP_/">sessions</a>.</p>
<p>On social media, dating app companies promoted self-care. Plenty of Fish made an Instagram post stating, “<a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B-C3hpTHR6R/">It’s important to isolate without feeling isolated … and we’re here to help you through it!</a>” Bumble said that “<a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B-fj1UhBw25/">If you’re just ok, that’s ok.</a>” Coffee Meets Bagel told users in an Instagram story, “It’s ok to do less when you’re coping with more.” </p>
<p>These posts reflected the messages of support that circulated widely across social media from companies and people during the first few months of the pandemic. </p>
<p><em><strong>3. Making virtual dating the new normal</strong></em></p>
<p>Several apps <a href="https://mashable.com/article/hinge-date-from-home-feature/">created</a> or <a href="https://blog.pof.com/2020/04/dating-virtually-just-got-easier-with-nextdate-social-hours-on-plenty-of-fish-live/">unlocked</a> features to facilitate virtual dating. More than simply meeting through apps, virtual dating took the form of multiple online activities and exchanges that people could participate in while physical distancing. </p>
<p>Match, Bumble, Hinge, Jack’d and Plenty of Fish offered <a href="https://blog.match.com/post/everything-you-need-to-know-about-vibe-check/">free</a> <a href="https://bumble.com/en-us/the-buzz/video-chat-voice-call">video</a> <a href="https://blog.pof.com/2020/03/what-is-the-live-feature-on-plenty-of-fish/">services</a>. Other apps like HER, Coffee Meets Bagel and OkCupid recommended their users connect via <a href="https://weareher.com/how-to-successfully-date-online-during-covid-19/">Zoom or other videoconferencing software</a>, <a href="https://coffeemeetsbagel.com/blog/original/cmb-updates/covid-19-and-cmb-how-daters-are-adapting/">text messages</a> and <a href="https://theblog.okcupid.com/love-in-the-time-of-corona-massive-spikes-in-matching-messaging-and-virtual-dates-around-the-ec12c49eab86">even old-fashioned telephone calls</a>. Tinder made its <a href="https://www.tinderpressroom.com/2020-04-02-Passport-Feature-Available-For-Free-All-Members">passport feature free</a>, which allowed users to geolocate themselves anywhere in the world, encouraging them to connect with people globally – all while staying home. </p>
<p>Company blogs and social media accounts provided ideas for virtual dates. From <a href="https://bumble.com/en-us/the-buzz/virtualdatingideas">virtual museum tours</a> to ordering UberEats for each other and <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B-95soZnirk/">sharing a meal over FaceTime</a>. They also offered advice ranging from what to wear to how to <a href="https://swipelife.tinder.com/post/virtual-date">adjust the lighting for a video date</a>.</p>
<p>Dating app companies focused their efforts to convince people that virtual dating had its benefits. Depending on the app, keeping things online was seen as socially responsible, romantic or even <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/CAU78GXFZzs/">sexy</a>. </p>
<h2>Should dating apps be taking care of us?</h2>
<p>Our findings raise questions about what roles dating app companies should play in their users’ health, well-being and dating behaviours. </p>
<p>Dating apps can be important tools for establishing relationships in times of crisis. Even though new features and supportive messaging may help people feel more connected, app companies stand to profit from the pandemic. For example, the companies benefit from more paid subscriptions and greater amounts of user data when they keep people on their apps. </p>
<p>As for-profit corporations, should dating apps be taking care of us? Should they act as health authorities? If so, can their one-on-one matching features truly establish spaces for community-building? And do these companies possess the will and resources required to sustain communities over time?</p>
<p>These are important questions to consider, especially because provincial and federal health messages have often <a href="https://www.cbc.ca/radio/whitecoat/confusing-covid-19-advice-is-undermining-public-trust-here-s-how-to-restore-it-1.5755220">left people confused as to how to stay safe</a>.</p>
<p>Scholars have pointed out that <a href="https://doi.org/10.1111/gwao.12491">marginalized communities have not felt supported</a> by health and governmental institutions during the pandemic, prompting them to search for information elsewhere. <a href="https://montreal.ctvnews.ca/organizations-mobilizing-to-counter-covid-19-outbreak-among-montreal-s-indigenous-homeless-population-1.5257169">Non-profit organizations have rushed in to help</a> while <a href="https://theconversation.com/the-community-led-movement-creating-hope-in-the-time-of-coronavirus-134391">mutual aid initiatives</a> pop up across the world, spawning a redistribution of care from national and international groups to local communities and even <a href="https://www.cbc.ca/news/entertainment/community-support-coronavirus-1.5498521">individual</a> <a href="https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-england-51995089">people</a>.</p>
<figure class="align-center ">
<img alt="Women wearing masks hugging." src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/398441/original/file-20210503-19-1yq0ezu.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/398441/original/file-20210503-19-1yq0ezu.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/398441/original/file-20210503-19-1yq0ezu.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/398441/original/file-20210503-19-1yq0ezu.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/398441/original/file-20210503-19-1yq0ezu.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/398441/original/file-20210503-19-1yq0ezu.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/398441/original/file-20210503-19-1yq0ezu.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px">
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">Apps are ready to get their users meeting in person again.</span>
<span class="attribution"><span class="source">(Courtney Coles/Unsplash)</span></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<h2>The future of dating</h2>
<p>Dating app companies are reporting success in the uptake of virtual dating. <a href="https://theblog.okcupid.com/love-in-the-time-of-corona-massive-spikes-in-matching-messaging-and-virtual-dates-around-the-ec12c49eab86">OkCupid found</a> that 31 per cent of users liked engaging in virtual activities, 25 per cent preferred video chat over meeting in person and 15 per cent wanted to watch a movie or TV together online. </p>
<p>While this is good news for dating apps, these companies are also ready to get their users meeting in person again. Tinder recently gave away <a href="https://www.tinderpressroom.com/news?item=122492">hundreds of free mail-in COVID test kits</a>. Each kit included a pair of tests: one for the individual and one for their Tinder match. </p>
<p>As we move into the next stages of COVID crisis management, people who are looking to date will wonder what to do. If governments, health experts and community leaders do not step in with clear advice, the most prominent guidance daters receive may come from dating app companies. </p>
<p>And while it is certainly better for dating app companies to respond to the COVID crisis than do nothing, their efforts should not replace public and community-based initiatives that offer people free and reliable support to address risk, safety and loneliness in these challenging times.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/160219/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Christopher Dietzel receives funding from a SSHRC Partnership Grant (McGill University) and the SHaG Lab (Dalhousie University). He has consulted Facebook on its dating platform.</span></em></p><p class="fine-print"><em><span>David Myles receives postdoctoral funding from the Social Sciences and Humanities Research Council. </span></em></p><p class="fine-print"><em><span>Stefanie Duguay receives funding from the Social Sciences and Humanities Research Council through an Insight Development Grant examining how social media and apps are shaping queer women's social lives. She has participated in consultations with Facebook. </span></em></p>Dating apps were created to help people connect online, then meet in person… How have they responded to the pandemic? And what role do they play in helping people adjust to this new dating reality?Christopher Dietzel, Postdoctoral fellow, School of Health and Human Performance, Dalhousie UniversityDavid Myles, Postdoctoral researcher in Communication studies, McGill UniversityStefanie Duguay, Assistant Professor, Department of Communication Studies, Concordia UniversityLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/1598112021-04-28T05:44:30Z2021-04-28T05:44:30ZNSW Police want access to Tinder’s sexual assault data. Cybersafety experts explain why it’s a date with disaster<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/397493/original/file-20210428-17-1rdeyi0.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=110%2C34%2C3771%2C2549&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">
</span> <span class="attribution"><span class="source">Shutterstock</span></span></figcaption></figure><p>Dating apps have been under increased scrutiny for their role in facilitating harassment and abuse. </p>
<p>Last year an <a href="https://www.abc.net.au/news/2020-10-12/tinder-dating-app-helps-sexual-predators-hide-four-corners/12722732?nw=0">ABC investigation</a> into Tinder found most users who reported sexual assault offences didn’t receive a response from the platform. Since then, the app has reportedly implemented <a href="https://www.tinderpressroom.com/news?item=122491">new features</a> to mitigate abuse and help users feel safe. </p>
<p>In a recent development, New South Wales Police <a href="https://www.abc.net.au/triplej/programs/hack/tinder-announces-new-safety-measures-artificial-intelligence/13317896">announced</a> they are in conversation with Tinder’s parent company Match Group (which also owns OKCupid, Plenty of Fish and Hinge) regarding a proposal to gain access to a portal of sexual assaults reported on Tinder. The police also suggested using artificial intelligence (AI) to scan users’ conversations for “red flags”.</p>
<p>Tinder <a href="https://www.tinderpressroom.com/2021-02-25-The-Top-10-Safety-Focused-Features-on-Tinder">already uses automation</a> to monitor users’ instant messages to identify harassment and verify personal photographs. However, increasing surveillance and automated systems doesn’t necessarily make dating apps safer to use.</p>
<h2>User safety on dating apps</h2>
<p><a href="https://theconversation.com/right-swipes-and-red-flags-how-young-people-negotiate-sex-and-safety-on-dating-apps-128390">Research</a> has shown people have differing understandings of “safety” on apps. While many users prefer not to negotiate sexual consent on apps, some do. This can involve disclosure of sexual health (including HIV status) and explicit discussions about sexual tastes and preferences. </p>
<p>If the <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2021/jan/26/grindr-fined-norway-sharing-personal-information">recent Grindr data breach</a> is anything to go by, there are serious privacy risks whenever users’ sensitive information is collated and archived. As such, some may actually feel less safe if they find out police could be monitoring their chats.</p>
<p>Adding to that, automated features in dating apps (which are supposed to enable identity verification and matching) can actually put certain groups at risk. <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/14461242.2020.1851610">Trans and non-binary users</a> may be misidentified by automated image and voice recognition systems which are trained to “see” or “hear” gender in binary terms. </p>
<p>Trans people may also be accused of deception if they don’t disclose their trans identity in their profile. And those who do disclose it risk being targeted by transphobic users.</p>
<h2>Increasing police surveillance</h2>
<p>There’s no evidence to suggest that granting police access to sexual assault reports will increase users’ safety on dating apps, or even help them feel safer. <a href="https://eprints.qut.edu.au/131121/2/Rosalie_Gillett_Thesis.pdf">Research</a> has demonstrated users often don’t report harassment and abuse to dating apps or law enforcement. </p>
<p>Consider NSW Police Commissioner Mick Fuller’s misguided “<a href="https://www.abc.net.au/news/2021-03-18/nsw-sexual-consent-app-proposed-by-mick-fuller/100015782">consent app</a>” proposal last month; this is just one of many reasons sexual assault survivors may not want to contact police after an incident. And if police can access personal data, this may deter users from reporting sexual assault.</p>
<p>With high attrition rates, <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/society/2021/mar/20/barriers-to-justice-we-are-still-governed-by-the-idea-that-women-lie-about-sexual-assault">low conviction rates</a> and the prospect of being retraumatised in court, the criminal legal system often fails to deliver justice to sexual assault survivors. Automated referrals to police will only further deny survivors their agency.</p>
<p>Moreover, the proposed partnership with law enforcement sits within a broader project of escalating police surveillance fuelled by <a href="https://journals.uic.edu/ojs/index.php/fm/article/view/5615">platform-verification processes</a>. Tech companies <a href="https://yalebooks.yale.edu/book/9780300209570/atlas-ai">offer police forces a goldmine</a> of data. The needs and experiences of users are rarely the focus of such partnerships.</p>
<hr>
<p>
<em>
<strong>
Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/australian-police-are-using-the-clearview-ai-facial-recognition-system-with-no-accountability-132667">Australian police are using the Clearview AI facial recognition system with no accountability</a>
</strong>
</em>
</p>
<hr>
<p>Match Group and NSW Police have yet to release information about how such a partnership would work and how (or if) users would be notified. Data collected could potentially include usernames, gender, sexuality, identity documents, chat histories, geolocation and sexual health status. </p>
<h2>The limits of AI</h2>
<p>NSW Police also proposed using AI to scan users’ conversations and identify “red flags” that could indicate potential sexual offenders. This would build on Match Group’s current tools that detect sexual violence in users’ private chats. </p>
<p>While an AI-based system may detect overt abuse, everyday and “ordinary” abuse (which is <a href="https://eprints.qut.edu.au/131121/2/Rosalie_Gillett_Thesis.pdf">common in digital dating contexts</a>) may fail to trigger an automated system. Without context, it’s difficult for AI to detect behaviours and language that are harmful to users.</p>
<p>It may detect overt physical threats, but not seemingly innocuous behaviours which are only recognised as abusive by individual users. For instance, repetitive messaging may be welcomed by some, but experienced as harmful by others. </p>
<p>Also, even as automation becomes more sophisticated, users with malicious intent can develop ways to <a href="https://www.theverge.com/interface/2019/5/31/18646525/facebook-white-supremacist-ban-evasion-proud-boys-name-change">circumvent it</a>.</p>
<hr>
<p>
<em>
<strong>
Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/tinders-new-safety-features-wont-prevent-all-types-of-abuse-131375">Tinder's new safety features won't prevent all types of abuse</a>
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</em>
</p>
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<p>If data are shared with police, there’s also the risk flawed data on “potential” offenders may be used to train other <a href="https://mashable.com/2017/10/26/children-predictive-policing-australia/">predictive policing tools</a>.</p>
<p>We know from past research that automated hate-speech detection systems can harbour inherent <a href="https://arxiv.org/abs/2005.13041">racial</a> and <a href="https://arxiv.org/abs/1707.01477">gender biases</a> (and perpetuate them). At the same time we’ve seen examples of AI trained on <a href="https://www.netflix.com/au/title/81328723">prejudicial data</a> making important <a href="https://nyupress.org/9781479837243/algorithms-of-oppression/">decisions about people’s lives</a>, such as by giving <a href="https://rlc.org.au/publication/media-release-call-end-predictive-policing-targeting-children-young-ten">criminal risk assessment scores</a> that negatively impact marginalised groups.</p>
<p>Dating apps must do a lot more to understand how their users think about safety and harm online. A potential partnership between Tinder and NSW Police takes for granted that the <a href="https://reason.com/2021/03/27/will-feminists-please-stop-calling-the-cops/">solution to sexual violence </a> simply involves <a href="https://jacobinmag.com/2020/08/prison-reform-sex-offenders-feminism/">more law enforcement and technological surveillance</a>. </p>
<p>And even so, tech initiatives must always sit alongside well-funded and comprehensive sex education, consent and relationship skill-building, and well-resourced crisis services. </p>
<hr>
<p><em>The Conversation was contacted after publication by a Match Group spokesperson who shared the following:</em></p>
<p><em>“We recognize we have an important role to play in helping prevent sexual assault and harassment in communities around the world. We are committed to ongoing discussions and collaboration with global partners in law enforcement and with leading sexual assault organizations like RAINN to help make our platforms and communities safer. While members of our safety team are in conversations with police departments and advocacy groups to identify potential collaborative efforts, Match Group and our brands have not agreed to implement the NSW Police proposal.”</em></p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/159811/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Rosalie Gillett receives funding from the Australian Research Council Centre of Excellence for Automated Decision-Making and Society. She is also the recipient of a Facebook Content Governance grant.</span></em></p><p class="fine-print"><em><span>Kath Albury receives funding from the Australian Research Council Centre of Excellence for Automated Decision-Making and Society. She is also the recipient of an Australian eSafety Commission Online Safety grant.</span></em></p><p class="fine-print"><em><span>Zahra Zsuzsanna Stardust receives funding from the Australian Research Council Centre of Excellence for Automated Decision-Making and Society. </span></em></p>Granting police access to Tinder users’ information is problematic for many reasons (even if the intent is to keep people safe).Rosalie Gillett, Postdoctoral Research Fellow, Centre of Excellence for Automated Decision-Making and Society, Queensland University of Technology, Queensland University of TechnologyKath Albury, Professor of Media and Communication and Associate Investigator, ARC Centre of Excellence for Automated Decision-Making + Society, Swinburne University of TechnologyZahra Zsuzsanna Stardust, Postdoctoral Research Fellow, Centre of Excellence in Automated Decision-Making and Society, Queensland University of TechnologyLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/1479092020-10-13T05:21:40Z2020-10-13T05:21:40ZTinder fails to protect women from abuse. But when we brush off ‘dick pics’ as a laugh, so do we<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/363107/original/file-20201013-21-favnv0.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=359%2C454%2C4529%2C2799&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">
</span> <span class="attribution"><span class="source">Shutterstock</span></span></figcaption></figure><p>An ABC investigation has highlighted the <a href="https://www.abc.net.au/news/2020-10-12/tinder-dating-app-helps-sexual-predators-hide-four-corners/12722732?nw=0">shocking threats of sexual assault</a> women in Australia face <a href="https://eprints.qut.edu.au/131121/2/Rosalie_Gillett_Thesis.pdf">when “matching” with people on Tinder</a>. </p>
<p>A notable case is that of <a href="https://www.abc.net.au/news/2019-05-10/tinder-rapist-glenn-hartland-sentenced/11101416">rapist Glenn Hartland</a>. One victim who met him through the app, Paula, took her own life. Her parents are now <a href="https://www.abc.net.au/news/2020-10-13/tinder-rapist-glenn-hartland-used-fake-profiles-to-lure-women/12742670">calling</a> on Tinder to take a stand to prevent similar future cases. </p>
<p>The ABC spoke to Tinder users who tried to report abuse to the company and received no response, or received an unhelpful one. Despite the <a href="https://www.pathologyjournal.rcpa.edu.au/article/S0031-3025(20)30104-5/abstract">immense harm dating apps can facilitate</a>, Tinder has done little to improve user safety.</p>
<h2>Way too slow to respond</h2>
<p>While we don’t have much data for Australia, one <a href="https://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2020/03/06/young-women-often-face-sexual-harassment-online-including-on-dating-sites-and-apps/">US–based study</a> found 57% of female online dating users had received a sexually explicit image or image they didn’t ask for. </p>
<p>It also showed women under 35 were twice as likely than male counterparts to be called an offensive name, or physically threatened, by someone they met on a dating app or website.</p>
<p>Tinder’s <a href="https://www.gotinder.com/community-guidelines">Community Guidelines state</a>: </p>
<blockquote>
<p>your offline behaviour can lead to termination of your Tinder account.</p>
</blockquote>
<p>As <a href="https://www.abc.net.au/news/2020-02-07/dating-app-sexual-assault-predator-was-using-dating-profiles/11931586">several</a> <a href="https://thenextweb.com/tech/2020/01/31/tinder-and-bumble-under-investigation-over-underage-use-sex-offenders-and-data-handling/">reports</a> over the years have <a href="https://www.businessinsider.com.au/tinder-says-registered-sex-offenders-use-app-match-group-2019-12?r=US&IR=T">indicated</a>, the reality seems to be perpetrators of abuse face <a href="https://www.abc.net.au/news/2020-10-12/tinder-dating-app-helps-sexual-predators-hide-four-corners/12722732?nw=0">little challenge from Tinder</a> (with <a href="https://www.buzzfeednews.com/article/krishrach/a-man-has-been-permanently-banned-from-tinder-after-a-woman">few exceptions</a>). </p>
<p>Earlier this year, the platform unveiled a suite of new safety features in a bid to protect users online and offline. These include photo verification and a “<a href="https://futurism.com/the-byte/tinder-panic-button-anti-catfishing-features">panic button</a>” which alerts law enforcement when a user is in need of emergency assistance.</p>
<hr>
<p>
<em>
<strong>
Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/tinders-new-safety-features-wont-prevent-all-types-of-abuse-131375">Tinder's new safety features won't prevent all types of abuse</a>
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</em>
</p>
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<p>However, most of these features are still only available in the US — while Tinder operates in more than 190 countries. This isn’t good enough.</p>
<p>Also, it seems while Tinder happily <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YN1VPNHXmms">takes responsibility</a> for successful relationships formed through the service, it distances itself from users’ bad behaviour.</p>
<h2>No simple fix</h2>
<p>Currently in Australia, there are no substantial policy efforts to curb the prevalence of technology-facilitated abuse against women. The government recently closed consultations for a new <a href="https://www.communications.gov.au/have-your-say/consultation-new-online-safety-act">Online Safety Act</a>, but only future updates will reveal how beneficial this will be.</p>
<p>Historically, platforms like Tinder have <a href="https://www.abc.net.au/news/2020-10-13/tinder-rapist-glenn-hartland-used-fake-profiles-to-lure-women/12742670">avoided legal responsibility</a> for the harms their systems facilitate. Criminal and civil laws generally focus on individual perpetrators. Platforms usually <a href="https://eprints.qut.edu.au/116142/">aren’t required to actively prevent offline harm</a>. </p>
<p>Nonetheless, some lawyers are bringing cases to <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2019/aug/13/lawyer-carrie-goldberg-online-harassment-revenge-porn">extend legal liability</a> to dating apps and other platforms. </p>
<p>The UK is looking at introducing a more general <a href="https://www.gov.uk/government/consultations/online-harms-white-paper/online-harms-white-paper">duty of care</a> that might require platforms to do more to prevent harm. But such laws are <a href="https://www.article19.org/resources/online-harms-duty-of-care-would-restrict-free-speech-in-the-uk/">controversial</a> and still under development.</p>
<p>The UN Special Rapporteur on violence against women has also drawn attention to harms facilitated through digital tech, urging platforms to <a href="https://undocs.org/pdf?symbol=en/A/HRC/38/47">take a stronger stance</a> in addressing harms they’re involved with. While such rules aren’t legally binding, they do point to mounting <a href="https://eprints.qut.edu.au/121223/">pressures</a>.</p>
<figure class="align-center zoomable">
<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/363108/original/file-20201013-15-72vcud.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="Illustration of distressed woman at computer." src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/363108/original/file-20201013-15-72vcud.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/363108/original/file-20201013-15-72vcud.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=600&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/363108/original/file-20201013-15-72vcud.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=600&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/363108/original/file-20201013-15-72vcud.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=600&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/363108/original/file-20201013-15-72vcud.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=754&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/363108/original/file-20201013-15-72vcud.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=754&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/363108/original/file-20201013-15-72vcud.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=754&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">Online abusers on Tinder have been reported blocking victims, thereby deleting all the conversation history and removing proof of the abuse.</span>
<span class="attribution"><span class="source">Shutterstock</span></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>However, it’s not always clear what we should expect platforms to do when they receive complaints. </p>
<p>Should a dating app immediately cancel someone’s account if they receive a complaint? Should they display a “warning” about that person to other users? Or should they act silently, down-ranking and refusing to match potentially violent users with other dates? </p>
<p>It’s hard to say whether such measures would be effective, or if they would comply with Australian defamation law, anti-discrimination law, or international human rights standards. </p>
<h2>Ineffective design impacts people’s lives</h2>
<p>Tinder’s app design <a href="https://eprints.qut.edu.au/116016/">directly influences how easily users can</a> abuse and harass others. There are changes it (and many other platforms) should have made long ago to make their services safer, and make it clear abuse isn’t tolerated. </p>
<p>Some design challenges relate to user privacy. While Tinder itself doesn’t, many location-aware apps such as <a href="https://www.businessinsider.com.au/happn-dating-app-romance-and-stalking-2015-2">Happn</a>, Snapchat and Instagram have settings that make it easy for users to stalk other users.</p>
<p>Some Tinder features are <a href="https://www.abc.net.au/news/2020-10-12/tinder-dating-app-helps-sexual-predators-hide-four-corners/12722732?nw=0">poorly thought out</a>, too. For example, the ability to completely block someone is good for privacy and safety, but also deletes the entire conversation history — removing any trace (and proof) of abusive behaviour. </p>
<p>We’ve also seen cases where the very systems designed to reduce harm are used against the people they’re meant to protect. Abusive actors on Tinder and similar platforms can exploit “flagging” and “reporting” features to <a href="https://onlinecensorship.org/news-and-analysis/blunt-policies-and-secretive-enforcement-mechanisms-lgbtq-and-sexual-health-on-the-corporate-web">silence minorities</a>.</p>
<p>In the past, content moderation policies have been applied in ways that <a href="https://eprints.qut.edu.au/199785/">discriminate against women</a> and <a href="https://eprints.qut.edu.au/119319/">LGBTQI+ communities</a>. One example is users flagging certain LGBTQ+ content as “adult” and to be removed, when similar heterosexual content isn’t.</p>
<hr>
<p>
<em>
<strong>
Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/looking-for-love-on-a-dating-app-you-might-be-falling-for-a-ghost-128626">Looking for love on a dating app? You might be falling for a ghost</a>
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</p>
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<h2>Tackling the normalisation of abuse</h2>
<p>Women frequently report unwanted sexual advances, <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0277539518300384">unsolicited “dick pics”</a>, threats and other types of <a href="https://ipvtechbib.randhome.io/pdf/harris2020.pdf">abuse</a> across <a href="https://uk.sagepub.com/en-gb/eur/misogyny-online/book245572">all major digital platforms</a>.</p>
<p>One of the most worrying aspects of toxic/abusive online interactions is that many women may — even though they may feel uncomfortable, uneasy, or unsafe — ultimately <a href="https://eprints.qut.edu.au/131121/">dismiss them</a>. For the most part, poor behaviour is now a “cliche” posted on popular social media pages as <a href="https://www.instagram.com/tindernightmares/?hl=en">entertainment</a>. </p>
<p><div data-react-class="InstagramEmbed" data-react-props="{"url":"https://www.instagram.com/p/CFfmtC8FW5T","accessToken":"127105130696839|b4b75090c9688d81dfd245afe6052f20"}"></div></p>
<p>It could be such dismissals happen because the threat doesn’t seem imminently “serious”, or the woman doesn’t want to be viewed as “overreacting”. However, this ultimately trivialises and downplays the abuse.</p>
<p>Messages such as unwanted penis photos are not a laughing matter. Accepting ordinary acts of abuse and harassment <a href="https://www.wiley.com/en-us/Surviving+Sexual+Violence-p-9780745667430">reinforces</a> <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0277539517305101">a culture that supports violence against women</a> more broadly. </p>
<p>Thus, Tinder isn’t alone in failing to protect women — our attitudes matter a lot as well. </p>
<p>All the major digital platforms have their work cut out to address the online harassment of women that has now become commonplace. Where they fail, we should all work to keep the pressure on them.</p>
<p><em>If you or someone you know needs help, call <a href="https://www.lifeline.org.au/">Lifeline</a> on 13 11 14.</em></p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/147909/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Rosalie Gillett receives funding from the Australian Research Council for Discovery-Project "The Platform Governance Project: Rethinking Internet Regulation as Media Policy" (DP190100222) and is the recipient of Facebook Content Governance grant.</span></em></p><p class="fine-print"><em><span>Nicolas Suzor receives funding from the Australian Research Council for research on the governance of digital platforms (DP190100222), and is a Chief Investigator of the ARC Centre of Excellence for Automated Decision-Making and Society. Nic is also a member of the Oversight Board, an independent organisation that hears appeals and makes binding decisions about what content Facebook and Instagram should allow or remove, based on international human rights norms. He is the author of Lawless: the secret rules that govern our digital lives (Cambridge, 2019).</span></em></p>Tinder and similar apps fail to properly address issues of online harm. A lack of policy is to blame, as well as app design features and society’s general attitudes towards more minor cases of abuse.Rosalie Gillett, Postdoctoral Research Fellow, Centre of Excellence for Automated Decision-Making and Society, Queensland University of TechnologyNicolas Suzor, Professor, Queensland University of TechnologyLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/1412392020-09-02T17:49:30Z2020-09-02T17:49:30ZEverything you always wanted to know about the economics of dating sites (but were afraid to ask)<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/356078/original/file-20200902-14-64cmom.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=0%2C33%2C7534%2C4657&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">With a seemingly infinite number of online-dating site, the options are endless.</span> <span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://unsplash.com/photos/RJdd8cfChDk">Unsplash</a>, <a class="license" href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/">CC BY</a></span></figcaption></figure><p>One in three marriages in the United States now <a href="https://qz.com/1546677/around-40-of-us-couples-now-first-meet-online/">starts with a virtual connection</a>, and algorithms have supplanted traditional dating and matchmaking agencies. The choices are seemingly endless: If you’re looking for a lasting relationship, <a href="https://www.eharmony.co.uk/">eHarmony</a> promises bliss. If it’s just a quick fling you’re after, there’s <a href="https://tinder.com/">Tinder</a> or <a href="https://bumble.com/">Bumble</a>. If your preferences are more specific, <a href="https://glutenfreesingles.com/">GlutenfFreeSingles</a> or <a href="https://www.clowndating.com/">ClownDating</a> might appeal. </p>
<p>In the quest for a future partner almost everyone covets a profile that is more attractive than his or her own, and as a result, a significant number of prospective daters never get a response. Economic analysis once framed a theory to explain marriage, but the boom in dating sites has baffled many econometricians. </p>
<p>Before looking at how couples form, however, let’s consider the basic economic features of dating platforms. It’s less exciting but worth understanding if you think might one day want to use their services.</p>
<h2>Big players behind the scenes</h2>
<p>If you’re wary of monopolies, you may be reassured by the large number of sites – there are several thousand in all, and seemingly more every day. At first glance, it seems as if there is no dating equivalent to Google or Amazon with a stranglehold on the market. In fact, a little-known player, InterActive Corp (IAC), dominates the field through its Nasdaq-listed subsidiary Match Group. IAC owns about <a href="https://www.nyulawreview.org/issues/volume-94-number-4/antitrust-and-commitment-issues-monopolization-of-the-dating-app-industry/">50 brands</a> including Tinder, Plenty of Fish, Match, OkCupid, Hinge and Meetic. The daters’ diverse amorous inclinations and sexual orientations explain why one company would have so many brands. Having several in its portfolio helps a firm broaden its customer base, catering for specific interests without losing consumers who flit from one platform to the next.</p>
<figure class="align-right zoomable">
<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/341238/original/file-20200611-80750-bkmzpj.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/341238/original/file-20200611-80750-bkmzpj.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=237&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/341238/original/file-20200611-80750-bkmzpj.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=326&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/341238/original/file-20200611-80750-bkmzpj.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=326&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/341238/original/file-20200611-80750-bkmzpj.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=326&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/341238/original/file-20200611-80750-bkmzpj.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=409&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/341238/original/file-20200611-80750-bkmzpj.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=409&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/341238/original/file-20200611-80750-bkmzpj.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=409&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">Market share in the online-dating industry.</span>
<span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.nyulawreview.org/issues/volume-94-number-4/antitrust-and-commitment-issues-monopolization-of-the-dating-app-industry/">Antitrust and Commitment Issues: Monopolization of the Dating App Industry, Evan Michael Gilbert</a></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>So in addition to the standard worries about a monopoly being able to push up prices, there is the fear of poor-quality service. The classic business model for dating platforms entails netting customers with a free, no-frills deal and then converting them to a more comprehensive, paid contract. The drawback is that once someone has found their ideal partner, hitched up, gotten engaged and/or married, they will cease being customers – for a time, at least. Competitive focus on quality counteracts a firm’s understandable temptation to hold back on improvements in the code that would yield more durable relationships.</p>
<p>From a strictly business point of view, it is more profitable for sites to prioritize brief encounters. All the more so as free deals generate substantial advertising revenue. But some sites claim to specialize in the quest for a soul mate – just the name of Match says it all. Then there’s <a href="https://www.cnet.com/news/facebook-dating-wont-push-tinder-off-your-home-screen-just-yet/">Facebook Dating</a>, a newcomer that has yet to make its mark. Its approach nevertheless seems credible, operating as an add-on to the global social network, rather than a stand-alone profit centre.</p>
<h2>Data, data everywhere</h2>
<p>Regardless of a specific platform’s approach, you should pay attention to how much personal data they gather and how careful they are with it. Dating sites record and store intimate details, going far beyond your name, address and credit card number. OkCupid asks prospective members hundreds of questions, such as “Have you ever gone on a rampant sex spree while depressed?”, or “While in the middle of the best lovemaking of your life, if your lover asked you to squeal like a dolphin, would you?” </p>
<figure class="align-center ">
<img alt="" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/341236/original/file-20200611-80754-4zyuk9.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/341236/original/file-20200611-80754-4zyuk9.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=450&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/341236/original/file-20200611-80754-4zyuk9.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=450&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/341236/original/file-20200611-80754-4zyuk9.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=450&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/341236/original/file-20200611-80754-4zyuk9.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=566&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/341236/original/file-20200611-80754-4zyuk9.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=566&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/341236/original/file-20200611-80754-4zyuk9.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=566&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px">
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">‘If your lover asked you to squeal like a dolphin, would you?’ is just one of the many questions that the site OkCupid asks its members.</span>
<span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.pxfuel.com/en/free-photo-oeril">Pxfuel</a>, <a class="license" href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/">CC BY</a></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>For those wondering if I’m some kind of sexual deviant, I discovered these <a href="https://thoughtcatalog.com/brian-donovan/2012/09/a-tour-of-the-sex-questions-on-okcupid/">odd questions</a> without having to sign up for OkCupid – in 2016, two Danish students posted data hacked from <a href="https://openpsych.net/files/papers/Kirkegaard_2016g.pdf">70,000 accounts</a>. The year before, another group stole details of <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ashley_Madison_data_breach">several million Ashley Madison users</a>. (As the site specializes in extra-marital affairs, infidelity may come at a high price.) There have been dozens of similar incidents, mainly concerning little-known, short-lived sites that escape public notice, making it more difficult to check and sanction their dubious methods.</p>
<p>Data may also be shared with third parties, such as technical service providers involved with the site, or sold for advertising. There is little likelihood of criminal misuse but it may nevertheless prove embarrassing. In 2018 <a href="https://techcrunch.com/2018/04/02/grindr-sends-hiv-status-to-third-parties-and-some-personal-data-unencrypted/">it was revealed</a> that Grindr – a dating app for gay, bi- and trans-sexual people – shared not only the address and telephone number of members with software designers, but also their HIV/AIDS status.</p>
<h2>Online dating, national security</h2>
<p>This year Grindr was back in the news for other reasons. After two years of nuptial negotiations it accepted the hand of a Chinese company specializing in online games. Unfortunately, the firm <a href="https://www.theverge.com/2020/3/6/21168079/grindr-sold-chinese-owner-us-cfius-security-concerns-kunlun-lgbtq">apparently omitted</a> to report the takeover to the CFIUS, tasked with checking the national security implications of foreign investments. Fearing that the People’s Republic of China might use personal data to blackmail US citizens – potentially including members of Congress and government officials – the committee ordered an immediate divorce. Earlier this year a group of California-based investors finally purchased the platform.</p>
<p>Your data will be better protected if you live in Europe. It will be easier to access and check the trail of data you have left behind, like so many pebbles… or boulders. You may be surprised by the volume of material that has accumulated over the years. As <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2017/sep/26/tinder-personal-data-dating-app-messages-hacked-sold">Judith Duportail detailed in <em>The Guardian</em></a>, “I asked Tinder for my data. It sent me 800 pages of my deepest, darkest secrets”.</p>
<p><div data-react-class="Tweet" data-react-props="{"tweetId":"912642655728865280"}"></div></p>
<p>This brief tour suggests that it would make sense to subscribe to more than one site, each owned by different companies. You should find out whether they specialize in long-term relationships or one-night stands, lean toward sites with a clearly registered office, and thoroughly check the terms of use regarding personal data. You could even adopt the same tactics as when purchasing a lawnmower or a clothes iron, and check out the relevant surveys and tests published by impartial organisations such as <a href="https://www.consumerreports.org/dating-relationships/online-dating-guide-match-me-if-you-can/"><em>Consumer Reports</em></a>.</p>
<h2>How couples form</h2>
<p>For the less practically minded, the theory of how couples form may be instructive. In Plato’s <em>Symposium</em>, the Greek playwright Aristophanes recalls <a href="https://www.john-uebersax.com/plato/myths/androgyne.htm">one of the oldest explanations</a>. According to Greek mythology, humans were originally created with four arms, four legs and a head with two faces. Fearing humans’ power, Zeus split them into two separate beings, condemned to spend their lives in search of their other halves. </p>
<p>In <a href="https://www.nber.org/chapters/c2970.pdf"><em>A Theory of Marriage</em></a>, Gary Becker, winner of the 1992 Nobel prize for economics, took a more down-to-earth approach while still assuming that humankind’s yearning for union is governed by the quest for our other half. In Becker’s theory, thanks to the “complementarity” of partners’ specific qualities, they make the most of living as a couple with children, a home and a car. While this was the first attempt by an economist to address the matter of marriage, it was a wholly theoretical exercise, with no empirical data. The Internet did not exist at the time and matrimonial agencies did not record information of any statistical value.</p>
<figure class="align-center ">
<img alt="" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/356072/original/file-20200902-20-sm8w5z.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/356072/original/file-20200902-20-sm8w5z.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/356072/original/file-20200902-20-sm8w5z.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/356072/original/file-20200902-20-sm8w5z.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/356072/original/file-20200902-20-sm8w5z.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=502&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/356072/original/file-20200902-20-sm8w5z.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=502&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/356072/original/file-20200902-20-sm8w5z.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=502&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px">
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">There are plenty of fish in the ocean, but pairing up can be a challenge.</span>
<span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.flickr.com/photos/80717252@N00/84195844">Madhava Enros/Flickr</a>, <a class="license" href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-sa/4.0/">CC BY-NC-SA</a></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>Note that in the two narratives there is no mention of jealousy or rivalry between fellow humans. The prevalent theories of couple formation hinge largely on competition. The guiding principle is as follows: individuals rank possible partners in order of preference or, indeed, desirability. They propose to the person they prefer or find most attractive, but they are not alone in doing so. In turn, the potential partner has their say in the matter, potentially turning down the proposal in the hope of finding an even better party.</p>
<p>A well-known model for matching up all these competing parties was designed by <a href="https://apps.dtic.mil/dtic/tr/fulltext/u2/251958.pdf">mathematician David Gale and economist Lloyd Shapley</a>. It yields a stable allocation by which everyone finds a suitable match: none of the couples it forms may deviate in a way that would allow either member to fare better. If one wants to pair up with a more attractive person, the latter partner will lose out, the new one necessarily being not as good as their current one. In other words, it’s no use courting someone who is out of your league, because a more appealing rival will win their heart and oust you. Matching occurs between equally attractive partners, which is another form of complementarity. It is possible to demonstrate mathematically that the same balance, the same optimal allocation, is achieved, whether a couple forms through <a href="https://princetonup.degruyter.com/view/title/535213?tab_body=toc">complementarity or rivalry</a>.</p>
<h2>Matching up, or trying to</h2>
<p>Of course, ideal allocation is only possible by simplifying assumptions, particularly regarding individuals’ order of preference and how well they know each other. Things are not the same in real life, which is inevitably more complex – otherwise, no one would divorce.</p>
<p>For instance, one can well imagine that subscribers to dating apps or sites are angling for a partner more alluring than themselves – in short, better looking and wealthier. Another academic duo, this time comprising a physicist and a sociologist, drew up a <a href="https://advances.sciencemag.org/content/4/8/eaap9815/tab-pdf">hierarchy of desirability</a> based on the number of messages received in one month by users of a US-based heterosexual site. A 30-year old woman from New York City registered the highest score, with more than 1,000 messages. They also classified users with Google’s Page Rank algorithm, which estimates the popularity of web pages. On average, daters of both sexes target partners who are 25% more desirable than themselves.</p>
<figure class="align-center ">
<img alt="" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/356111/original/file-20200902-24-zoz4gp.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/356111/original/file-20200902-24-zoz4gp.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/356111/original/file-20200902-24-zoz4gp.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/356111/original/file-20200902-24-zoz4gp.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/356111/original/file-20200902-24-zoz4gp.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/356111/original/file-20200902-24-zoz4gp.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/356111/original/file-20200902-24-zoz4gp.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px">
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">He’s aiming high, but it may not necessarily pay off.</span>
<span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.piqsels.com/en/public-domain-photo-sjiap">Piqsels</a></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>Another team of researchers <a href="https://ideas.repec.org/a/eee/jetheo/v185y2020ics0022053119301061.html">propose a model</a> to explain such behaviour, based on a trade-off between reaching for the sky and prompting reciprocal interest. The higher up you aim, the more you risk to exceed your own desirability and the less likely you are to connect. In theory it’s easy enough to select a prospect and reach out – you just scan a few dozen profiles, “like” a photo or add a quick message – but the time and effort involved, and hence the cost, are far from negligible. Not to mention there’s the unpleasant experience of being ignored or rebuffed. </p>
<p><a href="https://www.dallasfed.org/research/economics/2020/0211">One intuitive way</a> of interpreting this model is that men and women are not very good at gauging the desirability of potential partners and consequently rely on the other making a mistake – by chance, he or she may not notice the hierarchical difference. It’s certainly worth a try, but not all the time, as such advances are costly.</p>
<p>Predictably, men do not appear in a particularly good light. Data from heterosexual dating sites show that men tend to contact women who are more petite, younger and less educated than they are. They also <a href="https://www.researchgate.net/publication/281965128_Gender_Differences_in_Online_Dating_What_Do_We_Know_So_Far_A_Systematic_Literature_Review">attach greater importance to physical attributes than women do</a>. Similarly, men respond to 60% of all contacts, whereas their female counterparts only respond to 6%. (<a href="https://www.economist.com/leaders/2018/08/18/modern-love">These figures</a> were provided by Tantan, the Chinese equivalent of Tinder.) Tragically, 5% of male daters never get an answer to their contacts. Tinder reports a similar imbalance in the share of likes, with women accepting 12% of contacts, compared with <a href="https://medium.com/@worstonlinedater/tinder-experiments-ii-guys-unless-you-are-really-hot-you-are-probably-better-off-not-wasting-your-2ddf370a6e9a">72% for men</a>.</p>
<p>It would be interesting to see the figures from Bumble, which is nearly as popular as Tinder, only women can start a conversation. In a short time, this simple innovation has convinced a large number of followers to “Join the Hive”. For a change, it’s the men who must wait to be contacted.</p>
<h2>Mirror, mirror…</h2>
<p>With regard to <a href="https://www.britannica.com/topic/endogamy">endogamy</a>, the preferences revealed by dating platforms hold few surprises. Users would rather relate to partners of the same skin colour and creed. But what is much more interesting is to compare behaviour online to the more <a href="https://web.stanford.edu/%7Emrosenfe/Rosenfeld_et_al_Disintermediating_Friends.pdf">conventional alternatives it has partly replaced</a>. Before the Internet, marriages resulted from initial meetings brought about by family or friends, in bars or cinemas, at school or university, at work or, perhaps less commonly, at church, or indeed through classified ads. In the past 30 years all these forms of mediation have declined. </p>
<figure class="align-center ">
<img alt="" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/341789/original/file-20200615-65952-krv9l0.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/341789/original/file-20200615-65952-krv9l0.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=401&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/341789/original/file-20200615-65952-krv9l0.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=401&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/341789/original/file-20200615-65952-krv9l0.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=401&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/341789/original/file-20200615-65952-krv9l0.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=504&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/341789/original/file-20200615-65952-krv9l0.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=504&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/341789/original/file-20200615-65952-krv9l0.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=504&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px">
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">Dating applications can enable the formation of couples who aren’t within the same circle of friends and family.</span>
<span class="attribution"><span class="source">Santypan/Shutterstock</span></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>In the United States, dating platforms have become the dominant means of meeting potential partners. But couples formed after an initial contact online are characterized by greater <a href="https://www.britannica.com/topic/exogamy">exogamy</a>, with a <a href="https://academic.oup.com/sf/article-abstract/98/3/1257/5498124">larger share of inter-ethnic or inter-faith marriages</a>. At the same time dating platforms have made it easier for people with less mainstream sexual preferences or orientations – and consequently fewer options in their immediate social circle – to find a suitable partner. In the United States, 70% of same-sex couples met their partner online, a rate that is more than <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/0003122412448050">three times higher than for heterosexuals</a>.</p>
<p>Comparison with <a href="https://www.sociologicalscience.com/download/vol-4/september/SocSci_v4_490to510.pdf">conventional dating also suggests</a> that meaningful relationships following an initial contact online <a href="https://www.economist.com/briefing/2018/08/18/how-the-internet-has-changed-dating">last longer and are more fulfilling</a>. By substantially increasing the number of potential partners – beyond the limits of family, friends and workplace – online dating platforms offer a better chance of finding a good match.</p>
<p>There is still much to be learned about dating sites, but by now you should know enough to decide whether or not to venture online, be it in search of a quick fling or a life-long mate. Enough too to form a less subjective opinion on their social utility.</p>
<hr>
<p><em>François Lévêque is the author of <a href="https://www.cambridge.org/core/books/competitions-new-clothes/C5673F61E3872255E3142042CCE99B93">“Competition’s New Clothes: 20 Short Cases on Rivaly between Firms”</a>. Cambridge University Press, 2019.</em></p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/141239/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>François Lévêque ne travaille pas, ne conseille pas, ne possède pas de parts, ne reçoit pas de fonds d'une organisation qui pourrait tirer profit de cet article, et n'a déclaré aucune autre affiliation que son organisme de recherche.</span></em></p>From geopolitical tensions over - very - personal data to user strategies, discover the workings of an industry that is responsible for one in three marriages in the United States.François Lévêque, Professeur d’économie, Mines Paris - PSLLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/1318362020-08-31T13:17:12Z2020-08-31T13:17:12ZOnline dating: Humour matters more than ‘good looks’ but immigrants struggle with local jokes<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/355158/original/file-20200827-14-11obj9a.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">When it comes to online dating, writing something short but funny on your profile will help you stay in the game.</span> <span class="attribution"><span class="source">priscilla du preez UEuVWA Tk unsplash</span></span></figcaption></figure><p>Online dating platforms have witnessed <a href="https://www.businessinsider.com/tinder-hinge-match-group-dating-apps-more-users-coronavirus-2020-8">a surge of users and activities</a> during the COVID-19 pandemic. The lockdown restrictions and physical distancing protocols have <a href="http://www.forbes.com/sites/williamarruda/2020/05/07/6-ways-covid-19-will-change-the-workplace-forever/#5634db45323e">changed the way people work</a> <a href="https://www.pewsocialtrends.org/2020/03/30/most-americans-say-coronavirus-outbreak-has-impacted-their-lives/">and live</a> — but also how <a href="https://www.forbes.com/sites/abrambrown/2020/04/05/coronavirus-is-changingonline-dating-permanently/#178584273b22">they date</a>. </p>
<p><a href="https://www.cnbc.com/2020/03/24/how-singles-are-meeting-up-on-dating-apps-during-the-coronavirus.html">Dating from home</a> may help some singles stay connected, <a href="https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/pandemic-dating-apps-1.5532965">cope with anxiety</a> and meet <a href="https://dailyhive.com/vancouver/bonnie-henry-phase-3-bc-relationships">“summer love”</a> in this isolating time. </p>
<p>As the virus shifts even more people <a href="https://www.businessinsider.com/tinder-hinge-match-group-dating-apps-more-users-coronavirus-2020-8">to online dating</a>, perhaps you are wondering what the secret is to standing out? </p>
<p>Before COVID-19, we conducted a research project about people’s experiences of online dating in Vancouver. What we found during our in-depth interviews may help answer that question. </p>
<p>Our study suggests that writing something short but witty on your profile will help you stay in the game. Many of our research participants highly valued a sense of humour in potential partners.</p>
<h2>Humour matters more than ‘good looks’</h2>
<p>Even if your online profile pictures are conventionally attractive, humour matters. Other research has also shown that dating candidates who show a good sense of humour receive <a href="https://doi.org/10.3200/JRLP.143.1.67-77">higher ratings of attractiveness and suitability as long-term partners</a>.</p>
<p>We also discovered something else during our interviews. We experienced many awkward moments when our respondents gave examples of funny instances. As immigrant interviewers, we just didn’t get the jokes. </p>
<p>When we asked for clarification, our research participants described humour as a coded language that was “hard to explain.” We often found ourselves Googling after our interviews to figure out what some jokes meant.</p>
<p>These moments triggered new questions for us. Could the desire for humour along with the <a href="https://www.vogue.com/article/tinder-style-mobile-apps-felicity-sargent">snap-decision culture of online dating</a> potentially create a divide between immigrants and people born and raised in Canada? Could the desire for humour also impact other areas besides online dating? </p>
<figure class="align-center ">
<img alt="" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/320302/original/file-20200312-111249-v9jx06.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/320302/original/file-20200312-111249-v9jx06.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=418&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/320302/original/file-20200312-111249-v9jx06.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=418&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/320302/original/file-20200312-111249-v9jx06.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=418&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/320302/original/file-20200312-111249-v9jx06.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=526&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/320302/original/file-20200312-111249-v9jx06.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=526&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/320302/original/file-20200312-111249-v9jx06.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=526&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px">
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">Many online daters said: ‘I just want to be with someone who is fun to be with.’</span>
<span class="attribution"><span class="source">Analise Benevides/Unsplash</span></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<h2>Humour as a cultural divide</h2>
<p>From 2018-19, we interviewed 63 men and women in Vancouver who had used online dating sites or apps to look for different-sex relationships. About half of our respondents were Chinese immigrants (most of whom had arrived in Canada as adults). The other half were born in Canada and were from diverse racial and ethnic backgrounds. </p>
<p>The majority of Canadian-born respondents in our study — 81 per cent — used humour as a primary screening criterion in evaluating potential partners online. Many said they were able to quickly decide whether to like or pass on profiles, depending on whether a dating candidate appeared to be humorous. In contrast, less than 20 per cent of Chinese immigrants mentioned humour as something important.</p>
<p>When we asked our Canadian-born research participants why being funny or witty was so important to them, some told us: “I just want to be with someone who is fun to be with.” They said being funny or witty required “smartness,” a “fast grasp of relevance,” “divergent thinking” and “intelligence.” </p>
<p>When screening profiles, exchanging messages or meeting offline, respondents looking for humour found clues to evaluate the funniness of dating candidates. They believed this humour could be communicated, for example, through a self-deprecating introduction or picture, a joke based on a TV show or a witty use of puns.</p>
<p>Respondents often stressed that their desire for humour was a personal preference. But is it?</p>
<h2>What is humour?</h2>
<p>Humour is inherently a <a href="https://doi.org/10.1515/9783110198492">social construct</a>. Being humorous <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177/1749975513477405">requires a lucid linguistic fluency and years of cultural learning</a>. Being able to appreciate each other’s humour requires people to have similar experience and share cultural references such as popular books and TV shows. </p>
<p>In sociology, this is called <a href="https://doi.org/10.1093/OBO/9780199756384-0209">cultural capital</a>. People from different backgrounds likely accumulate different cultural capital and so have <a href="https://doi.org/10.1016/S0092-6566(02)00534-2">different perceptions</a> of humour.</p>
<p>The Canadian-born respondents in our study were open to dating both immigrants and people born in Canada, as long as their partners were able to hold a good conversation based on humour. Nevertheless, the expectation for their partners to possess humour in the Canadian context requires a lot of cultural capital that many immigrants may not have (especially those who are newcomers). </p>
<p>Adult newcomers commonly <a href="https://www.arrivepreparedalberta.ca/blogposts/5-common-challenges-faced-by-immigrants">face challenges</a> like language barriers, cultural shock and isolation. Many immigrants — even those who came to Canada early in life — live in ethnic enclaves and have segregated <a href="https://doi.org/10.1080/01419870.2020.1760328">social networks</a>. They may not be able <a href="https://acs-aec.ca/en/publications-en/immigration-opportunities-and-challenges/">to integrate</a> into so-called “mainstream” culture. </p>
<p>Looking for humour in these fast-paced online environments can become a process of <a href="https://doi.org/10.1146/annurev.soc.28.110601.141107">boundary-making</a> between Canadians and immigrants.</p>
<h2>Beyond online dating</h2>
<p>The findings of our study might be applied beyond online dating.</p>
<p><a href="https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2019.00123">In western contexts, especially</a>, humour is used as a way to evaluate people in many situations. Current research is mixed on the benefits of humour when it comes to <a href="https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2019.00123">physiological well-being</a>, <a href="https://doi.org/10.1080/10570314.2012.757796">relationship satisfaction</a> and <a href="https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2018.02643">workplace harmony</a>. </p>
<p>Yet humour is commonly regarded as a <a href="https://qz.com/768622/a-good-sense-of-humor-is-a-sign-of-psychological-health/">character strength</a>. Humour is also found to increase <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177/0098628315569924">evaluation ratings</a> and promote <a href="https://www.forbes.com/sites/jacquelynsmith/2013/05/03/10-reasons-why-humor-is-a-key-to-success-at-work/#3efcd5ec5c90">career success</a>. </p>
<figure class="align-center ">
<img alt="" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/320303/original/file-20200312-111289-ck49ny.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/320303/original/file-20200312-111289-ck49ny.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/320303/original/file-20200312-111289-ck49ny.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/320303/original/file-20200312-111289-ck49ny.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/320303/original/file-20200312-111289-ck49ny.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/320303/original/file-20200312-111289-ck49ny.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/320303/original/file-20200312-111289-ck49ny.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px">
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">Humour is found to be key to career success.</span>
<span class="attribution"><span class="source">Brooke Cagle/ Unsplash</span></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>For immigrants who represent <a href="https://www12.statcan.gc.ca/census-recensement/2016/as-sa/fogs-spg/Facts-can-eng.cfm?Lang=Eng&GK=CAN&GC=01&TOPIC=7">more than 20 per cent of</a> Canada’s total population, how long does it take for them to get and crack a “Canadian” joke?</p>
<p>We have spent almost a decade in North America. Yet it’s not easy for us to understand certain jokes. If we feel this way, how long does it take for newer immigrants with less language proficiency and cultural capital than us to remain part of a conversation?</p>
<p>If humour is used in evaluating cultural fit in friendships, romantic relationships and employment, how long does it take for immigrants to navigate the culture of humour when making friends, seeking future partners or looking for jobs?</p>
<p>During COVID-19, <a href="https://papers.ssrn.com/sol3/papers.cfm?abstract_id=3626460">a spike of xenophobia</a> has challenged Canadians to <a href="https://www.theglobeandmail.com/canada/article-racism-canada-coronavirus-fears-chinese-canadians-xenophobia/">reflect on</a> the biases in our multicultural society. Reflecting on the <a href="https://doi.org/10.1016/j.evolhumbehav.2009.07.003">implicit biases</a> we hold when preferring someone who has an obvious “Canadian” sense of <a href="https://www.npr.org/2015/12/08/458307977/how-what-makes-you-laugh-and-cringe-reveals-your-hidden-biases">humour</a> may also help to prevent divisions among us.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/131836/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>The authors do not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and have disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.</span></em></p>People looking for a potential partners online highly value a sense of humour but immigrants struggle with local jokes.Yue Qian, Assistant Professor of Sociology, University of British ColumbiaSiqi Xiao, MA Student in Sociology, University of British ColumbiaLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/1312562020-02-25T20:07:44Z2020-02-25T20:07:44ZHow Tinder is being used for more than just hook-ups<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/314866/original/file-20200211-146696-rnmhds.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=0%2C97%2C4790%2C3158&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">A recent study uncovered a variety of surprising ways that people used Tinder in their lives.</span> <span class="attribution"><span class="source">(Shutterstock)</span></span></figcaption></figure><p>The developers of the dating app Tinder recently announced that <a href="https://blog.gotinder.com/tinder-introduces-safety-updates/">new safety features would be added to its app throughout 2020</a>. These updates include a means to connect users with emergency services when they feel unsafe and more safety information provided through the app. </p>
<p>Given that many users, especially women, experience <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177%2F1461444816681540">harassment, sexism</a> and <a href="https://adanewmedia.org/2016/10/issue10-farvid-aisher/">threatening behaviour</a> on Tinder, these appear to be positive steps to addressing such issues.</p>
<p>Tinder also mentioned app updates will incorporate artificial intelligence (AI) to validate profile photos. <a href="https://blog.gotinder.com/tinder-introduces-safety-updates/">Their blog explains</a>:</p>
<blockquote>
<p>“The [AI] feature allows members to self-authenticate through a series of real-time posed selfies, which are compared to existing profile photos using human-assisted AI technology.” </p>
</blockquote>
<p>Whereas Tinder’s connection to Facebook <a href="https://doi.org/10.1080/1369118X.2016.1168471">previously served to validate user identity</a>, the app now lets users join without linking Facebook. Features like this AI-powered photo validation are intended to enhance users’ trust in each other’s authenticity.</p>
<h2>Authenticating users</h2>
<p>We already know that <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177%2F1461444811410395">people tend to fib a bit</a> on their dating profiles to counter idealized perceptions of the desirable age, height and weight of a potential partner. Users of the app also selectively disclose details and elements of their appearance <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177%2F1440783319833181">to avoid racism, sexism and homophobia</a>. </p>
<p>People have long appropriated technologies to make them fit with their lives. This process is called domestication. It is achieved when we no longer notice technology because it works so well for us. For example, after setting up a smart speaker to play your favourite tunes after work, you may no longer notice the speaker at all when you arrive home and start humming along. </p>
<p>My <a href="https://doi.org/10.1080/01972243.2019.1685036">recently published study</a> uncovered a variety of surprising ways that people used Tinder in their lives. However, platforms and apps like Tinder are social technologies, and users take notice when members use them for something unexpected. Platform companies may also take note. Their updates to features or functions can make some of these innovative uses more difficult or even impossible. </p>
<p>Beyond dating, my study revealed a fine balance between how apps guide users’ behaviour and how people make this technology effective for a range of goals. </p>
<h2>Apps have labels</h2>
<p>When a doctor prescribes medication, it comes labelled with directions for use. Similarly, many apps have a stated purpose. In <a href="https://apps.apple.com/ca/app/tinder-dating/id547702041">Apple’s app store</a>, Tinder is described as an app for “meeting new people.” We can think of Tinder’s self-description as the app’s label.</p>
<p>Since Tinder’s launch, in its <a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2014/10/30/fashion/tinder-the-fast-growing-dating-app-taps-an-age-old-truth.html">popular coverage</a> and <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177%2F2056305116641976">everyday use</a>, people have tended to think about it as an app for arranging dates and sexual encounters or hook-ups. We can think of this as Tinder’s expected use.</p>
<p>Sometimes people use medication for something other than what’s on the label. Pharmacologists call this “off-label use.” It’s a catchy term that <a href="https://www.forbes.com/sites/jeffbercovici/2014/05/06/linkedin-for-love-tinder-for-business-and-other-off-label-technology-uses/#2dffcab02e41">journalist Jeff Bercovici</a> first imported into the tech world when reporting about lesser-known uses of platforms. </p>
<p>While Facebook and Twitter host a broad range of user activities, my study asked, what does off-label use look like on an app like Tinder, which has an articulated label? Further, how does off-label use play out when other users expect that the app has fixed purposes?</p>
<h2>Swiping for awareness, politics and money</h2>
<p>I examined a range of news articles reporting on how people were using Tinder for purposes other than dating and hooking-up. Since my research started in 2016, it didn’t take long to uncover <a href="https://www.wsj.com/articles/swipe-left-swipe-right-political-campaigning-invades-dating-apps-1541182048">several articles about</a> <a href="https://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-44606411">people campaigning on behalf</a> <a href="https://www.ft.com/content/49f19c76-3375-11e9-bd3a-8b2a211d90d5">of politicians in the lead-up to</a> <a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2016/02/05/us/politics/bernie-sanders-tinder.html">the United States presidential election</a>. </p>
<p>I also found several <a href="https://www.theverge.com/2015/2/11/8017933/fake-tinder-profiles-aids-awareness-campaign-brazil">health</a> and <a href="https://www.bbc.com/news/technology-35070858">awareness campaigns</a>, personal ads, promotion of local gigs, joke accounts and even <a href="https://www.engadget.com/2015/05/22/meat-your-match-with-this-tinder-swiping-steak/">subversive works of art</a>. </p>
<p>In select interviews with people carrying out these off-label uses, I found that they often complemented Tinder’s expected use for dating and hooking up. For example, an anti-smoking campaign focused on the message that smoking is unattractive. It involved two different profiles for the same model, who was smoking in the photos on one profile and not on the other. The campaign boasted that the non-smoking profile received many more right swipes (likes) than the smoking profile.</p>
<p>People also found creative ways of using Tinder’s features. The lead of an anti-sex trafficking campaign constructed profiles warning users to watch for signs of non-consensual sex work. This campaign re-purposed profile photos in a storytelling manner, getting across the message in a way that Tinder’s new photo validation software may be unlikely to allow.</p>
<p>Not all matches were happy to encounter off-label users. Several users told a Bernie Sanders campaigner that she was using the app the wrong way and threatened to report her. Both the political campaigner and a woman selling nutritional supplements spoke of frequently receiving hostile messages from men who were frustrated that these women weren’t looking for a romantic or sexual connection. </p>
<p><div data-react-class="InstagramEmbed" data-react-props="{"url":"https://www.instagram.com/p/B8y_r2FHG4c","accessToken":"127105130696839|b4b75090c9688d81dfd245afe6052f20"}"></div></p>
<h2>A delicate balance between users and apps</h2>
<p>While Tinder seemed to take little notice of individual off-label users, the app has been updated over time to deal with high volumes of disruptive activity. In response to spam bots — deceptive automated accounts running phishing scams — Tinder introduced a reporting mechanism. The company also associated the introduction of a swipe limit, a constraint on the number of accounts that a user could swipe right on (like) over a given period, with a <a href="https://blog.gotinder.com/keeping-tinder-real/">reduction in spam bots</a>. </p>
<p>These changes also affect the development of off-label uses. A swipe limit that can only be surpassed through a premium subscription poses financial barriers for non-profit organizations, such as those running health and awareness campaigns. </p>
<p>Similarly, people looking to sell items or promote their music, creative endeavours or favourite politician may be subject to higher rates of reporting now that Tinder has articulated restrictions on commercial activity, allowing only officially approved advertising.</p>
<p>Platform changes like this may be reassuring for those only wanting to use the app for meeting romantic and sexual partners. However, the range of uses I uncovered demonstrate that Tinder is a social ecosystem where multiple activities co-exist. </p>
<p>This reflects findings by historian Andrew DJ Shield that some <a href="https://www.taylorfrancis.com/books/e/9781315625812/chapters/10.4324/9781315625812-26">Grindr users establish friend networks, and housing or employment opportunities</a> while also using the app to identify potential partners. It seems that the division between these aims is not so clear cut on what are generally thought of as dating and hook up apps.</p>
<p>People are paying attention to each other on Tinder, and this presents opportunities for political, economic and social activity beyond dating. While Tinder’s attention to safety is absolutely needed, the company should ensure that its new features are not shutting down creative, productive and self-protective uses that make the app meaningful in people’s everyday lives.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/131256/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>This research was conducted during a PhD internship at Microsoft Research New England.</span></em></p>Tinder was developed as a dating app, but research has found that some find it useful for promotional campaigns and artistic purposes.Stefanie Duguay, Assistant Professor, Data and Networked Publics, Concordia UniversityLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/1286262020-02-11T19:10:16Z2020-02-11T19:10:16ZLooking for love on a dating app? You might be falling for a ghost<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/309845/original/file-20200114-103994-pov155.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=13%2C0%2C4575%2C2580&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">
</span> <span class="attribution"><span class="source">Tommy Tong/Unsplash</span></span></figcaption></figure><p>Consider the moments you have fallen in love.</p>
<p>If you unpick the threads, you will quickly find much of the falling <a href="https://www.huffpost.com/entry/is-love-real-or-a-project_b_8398808">occurred in the mind</a>. Many artefacts that go towards creating intimacy are imagined. We can’t fully understand or know someone else, but we can construct a persona around them and a shared view of the future. </p>
<p>Yes, there were likely tangible and physical components that went towards constructing the intimacy. You would have seen that person, had a discussion with them, a date (or several dates even), but realistically a lot of it happened in your mind. </p>
<p>Love requires imagination: <a href="https://books.google.com.au/books?hl=en&lr=&id=3D9FE-UfYxEC&oi=fnd&pg=PA109&dq=lauren+berlant+intimate+publics&ots=1g_TnzoJGF&sig=XsCBOmbhCgpe2Atmj9UtlEIiW_I#v=onepage&q=lauren%20berlant%20intimate%20publics&f=false">a shared vision, narrative or trajectory</a>. </p>
<p>In our connected world, this imagination is fostered from the very start of the interaction. It happens from the moment we pick up our phones, tap on an app and consider swiping right. And we’re doing <em>a lot</em> of swiping: <a href="https://time.com/4837/tinder-meet-the-guys-who-turned-dating-into-an-addiction/">5 million matches</a> a day on Tinder alone. Dating apps and dating have become <a href="https://www.irishtimes.com/special-reports/smart-living/appy-ever-after-true-love-is-just-a-swipe-away-1.3986971">virtually synonymous</a>. </p>
<hr>
<p>
<em>
<strong>
Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/why-tinder-is-so-evilly-satisfying-72177">Why Tinder is so 'evilly satisfying'</a>
</strong>
</em>
</p>
<hr>
<p>It would be easy to chalk up the success of the dating app <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/1461444818804773">to functionality, mobility and ease</a>, but what about its reawakening of the imagination?</p>
<h2>Dreamspaces</h2>
<p>Dating apps provide users with the ability to dream, to fantasise, to construct a person and an imagined story based on limited information. We open the app with a series of beliefs about who might make for our perfect match. Athletic, committed, creative, respectful, passionate, educated, age-appropriate (or inappropriate) … and then we interpret. </p>
<p>Consider what you are supplied with: a few profile pictures and a brief description. Information is limited; gaps need to be filled.</p>
<p>A photo taken with an adorable chocolate Labrador. Is he an animal lover – and therefore dependable? Holding a cocktail in a party dress with a friend. Does she enjoy her social life – and so is she fun to be around? On the beach: they must love the outdoors. </p>
<figure class="align-center ">
<img alt="" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/311063/original/file-20200121-187154-7poo5p.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/311063/original/file-20200121-187154-7poo5p.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=900&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/311063/original/file-20200121-187154-7poo5p.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=900&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/311063/original/file-20200121-187154-7poo5p.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=900&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/311063/original/file-20200121-187154-7poo5p.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=1131&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/311063/original/file-20200121-187154-7poo5p.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=1131&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/311063/original/file-20200121-187154-7poo5p.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=1131&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px">
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">Would you swipe right on this good boy?</span>
<span class="attribution"><span class="source">Tadeusz Lakota/Unsplash</span></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>From there, we springboard into interpreting other prompts and creating a narrative. You’re imaging an afternoon spent at the dog park (with the chocolate lab and your cavoodle – they would be the best of friends); an evening at the latest bar sipping the newest drink; a swimsuit, board shorts and a towel haphazardly flung over a balcony in the memory of a day spent at the beach. </p>
<p>And while you are imagining your potential match, they are imagining you, too.</p>
<hr>
<p>
<em>
<strong>
Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/must-love-jokes-why-we-look-for-a-partner-who-laughs-and-makes-us-laugh-98950">Must love jokes: why we look for a partner who laughs (and makes us laugh)</a>
</strong>
</em>
</p>
<hr>
<p>Swipe right, and start a DM chat, and our intrepid interpretation of the other person and potential intimacy continues. The ghost of an imagined relationship has begun to haunt us. </p>
<h2>Go on, ghost me</h2>
<p>“Hauntology” was coined by philosopher <a href="https://libcom.org/files/Derrida%20-%20Specters%20of%20Marx%20-%20The%20State%20of%20the%20Debt,%20the%20Work%20of%20Mourning%20and%20the%20New%20International.pdf">Jacques Derrida</a> to refer to the return or persistence of elements from the past, as in the manner of a ghost. </p>
<p>Dating apps allow the user to mobilise hauntological recollections from a previous relationship, a movie, a novel, or an idea. </p>
<p>The virtual digital space is the perfect location for such hauntologies. You might think there is another person on the other side of the app, but we can also consider them to be a ghost.</p>
<p>It’s easy to understand why dating apps are so popular. Their mobility makes them easy to use; users are in control of their selection of potential matches. </p>
<p>Tinder founders Sean Rad and Justin Mateen say the design takes “<a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/1440783316662718?journalCode=josb">the stress out of dating</a>”, and the game-like quality of the app creates <a href="https://time.com/4837/tinder-meet-the-guys-who-turned-dating-into-an-addiction/">less emotional investment</a>. </p>
<p>But the imagining constitutes a significant emotional investment. Studies have shown imagined occurrences have similar, if not the same, impact <a href="https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2018/12/181210144943.htm">as reality</a>. </p>
<p>Despite the lack of a face-to-face interaction you might find yourself intensely linked to your ghost. But will your ghost match the actual person when you meet them face-to-face for the first time? Will the two converge, or will there be an unbearable space between? </p>
<figure class="align-center ">
<img alt="" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/311062/original/file-20200121-187186-cbpxfd.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/311062/original/file-20200121-187186-cbpxfd.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=840&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/311062/original/file-20200121-187186-cbpxfd.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=840&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/311062/original/file-20200121-187186-cbpxfd.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=840&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/311062/original/file-20200121-187186-cbpxfd.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=1056&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/311062/original/file-20200121-187186-cbpxfd.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=1056&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/311062/original/file-20200121-187186-cbpxfd.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=1056&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px">
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">Hello, is it me you’re looking for?</span>
<span class="attribution"><span class="source">Kinga Cichewicz/Unsplash</span></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>Awareness is half the battle. When you’re next flicking through potential matches on a dating app, be conscious of how far you’re taking your digital imaginings. </p>
<p>You can aim to keep them in check, or you can consciously let them spiral – in the knowledge of the notion you might be falling for a ghost.</p>
<hr>
<p><em>Researchers at Western Sydney University are looking for Bumble and Tinder users aged between 18 and 35 living in New South Wales to investigate dating apps and gender roles. <a href="https://form.jotform.com/200228040670038">Click here</a> for more information and to register.</em></p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/128626/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Lisa Portolan does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.</span></em></p>Love requires imagination. What happens when this imagination spirals?Lisa Portolan, PhD student, Institute for Culture and Society, Western Sydney UniversityLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/1313752020-02-10T04:13:11Z2020-02-10T04:13:11ZTinder’s new safety features won’t prevent all types of abuse<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/314375/original/file-20200210-52417-2lxp5j.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=0%2C0%2C4575%2C3053&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">
</span> <span class="attribution"><span class="source">Shutterstock/Wachiwit</span></span></figcaption></figure><p>The dating app Tinder has faced increasing scrutiny over <a href="https://www.abc.net.au/news/2020-02-07/dating-app-sexual-assault-predator-was-using-dating-profiles/11931586">abusive interactions on the service</a>. In November 2019, an Auckland man was <a href="https://theconversation.com/grace-millanes-murder-trial-shows-social-attitudes-continue-to-minimise-gendered-violence-127796">convicted of murdering British woman Grace Millane</a> after they met on Tinder. Incidents such as these have brought attention to the potential for serious violence facilitated by dating apps.</p>
<p>Amid ongoing <a href="https://www.propublica.org/article/tinder-lets-known-sex-offenders-use-the-app-its-not-the-only-one">pressure</a> to better protect its users, Tinder <a href="https://blog.gotinder.com/tinder-introduces-safety-updates/">recently unveiled some new safety features</a>.</p>
<p>The US version of the app added a panic button which alerts law enforcement to provide emergency assistance, in partnership with the safety app Noonlight. There is also a photo verification feature that will allow users to verify images they upload to their profiles, in an effort to prevent <a href="https://theconversation.com/its-not-about-money-we-asked-catfish-why-they-trick-people-online-100381">catfishing</a>.</p>
<p>“Does This Bother You?” is another new feature, which automatically detects offensive messages in the app’s instant messaging service, and asks the user whether they’d like to report it. Finally, a Safety Center will give users a more visible space to see resources and tools that can keep them safe on the app.</p>
<p>These features are an improvement, but they won’t end the harassment of women via the platform.</p>
<h2>Previously unsafe</h2>
<p>My <a href="https://eprints.qut.edu.au/131121/">PhD research</a> investigated experiences that make women feel unsafe on Tinder. It showed the app’s previous attempts to curb harassment have been inadequate.</p>
<p>In 2017, Tinder launched a feature to allow users to send animated messages, called “Reactions”, in reply to unacceptable messages they received. The negative images, which only women could send, included an eye roll and throwing a drink in someone’s face. Tinder <a href="https://blog.gotinder.com/tinder-launches-reactions/">claimed</a> Reactions would give users a fun and easy way to “call out” the “douchey” behaviour of men.</p>
<hr>
<p>
<em>
<strong>
Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/right-swipes-and-red-flags-how-young-people-negotiate-sex-and-safety-on-dating-apps-128390">Right-swipes and red flags – how young people negotiate sex and safety on dating apps</a>
</strong>
</em>
</p>
<hr>
<p>The main critique of Reactions is that it puts the onus on women, rather than the app itself, to police the abusive behaviour of men. The effect was to distance Tinder from its users’ behaviour, rather than engage meaningfully with it.</p>
<figure class="align-center ">
<img alt="" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/314117/original/file-20200207-43102-figpkx.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/314117/original/file-20200207-43102-figpkx.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=264&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/314117/original/file-20200207-43102-figpkx.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=264&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/314117/original/file-20200207-43102-figpkx.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=264&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/314117/original/file-20200207-43102-figpkx.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=332&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/314117/original/file-20200207-43102-figpkx.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=332&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/314117/original/file-20200207-43102-figpkx.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=332&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px">
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">Tinder’s Reactions feature, launched in 2017, held women responsible for policing the abusive behaviour of men.</span>
<span class="attribution"><span class="source">Tinder Blog</span></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<h2>A swipe in the right direction</h2>
<p>Tinder’s latest safety mechanisms are an improvement. The newly released tools suggest Tinder is taking the harassment of women more seriously, and a button that alerts law enforcement might actually protect users from physical abuse.</p>
<p>But the panic button is only available in the United States. Given the service operates in <a href="https://www.gotinder.com/press">more than 190 countries</a>, Tinder should consider rolling it out worldwide.</p>
<p>The new “Does This Bother You?” feature could also prove useful in preventing overt harassment. Using machine learning, it will prompt users to report inappropriate messages they receive through the service. <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/0959353517720226">Research</a> and a range of <a href="https://www.instagram.com/tindernightmares/?hl=en">social media pages</a> show that harassing and abusive messages are commonly facilitated through the platform’s instant messaging service.</p>
<h2>‘De-normalising’ abuse</h2>
<p>Because a great deal of harassment and abusive behaviour is normalised, it is unclear how much Tinder’s new measures will protect women. <a href="https://eprints.qut.edu.au/131121/">My research</a> showed that many women using Tinder experienced behaviour that made them feel uncomfortable, but they didn’t think it met the threshold of abuse.</p>
<p>Sometimes, abusive behaviours can be initially interpreted as romantic or caring. One woman I interviewed reported receiving an overwhelming number of lengthy text messages and phone calls from a Tinder user who was pressuring her into having dinner with him. At first, the woman considered the man’s behaviour “sweet”, viewing it as an indication that he really liked her. But after the number of his messages became torrential, she feared for her safety.</p>
<hr>
<p>
<em>
<strong>
Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/its-not-about-money-we-asked-catfish-why-they-trick-people-online-100381">It's not about money: we asked catfish why they trick people online</a>
</strong>
</em>
</p>
<hr>
<p>For experiences like this, Tinder’s “Does This Bother You?” feature would be ineffective since the messages were sent via SMS. The limitations of the in-app messaging feature, such as the inability to send photographs, led many of the women I interviewed to talk to prospective dates through other digital media. But Tinder cannot identify communication on other services. The inability to send photos, however, does prevent users from receiving unsolicited images within the app.</p>
<p>Even if the man’s messages were sent in-app, it is unclear whether the “Does This Bother You” algorithm would prompt users to report messages that are seemingly romantic in content.</p>
<figure class="align-center ">
<img alt="" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/314376/original/file-20200210-52384-rg65mg.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/314376/original/file-20200210-52384-rg65mg.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/314376/original/file-20200210-52384-rg65mg.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/314376/original/file-20200210-52384-rg65mg.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/314376/original/file-20200210-52384-rg65mg.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/314376/original/file-20200210-52384-rg65mg.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/314376/original/file-20200210-52384-rg65mg.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px">
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">Tinder’s new safety features suggest the app is taking abuse more seriously. But they’re not enough to prevent harassment of women via the platform.</span>
<span class="attribution"><span class="source">Shutterstock/Kaspars Grinvalds</span></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<h2>Taking users seriously</h2>
<p>For the “Does This Bother You?” feature to be effective, Tinder needs to be better at responding to users’ reports. Some of the women I interviewed stopped reporting other users’ bad behaviour, because of Tinder’s failure to act.</p>
<p>One woman described reporting a man who had sent her harassing messages, only to see his profile on the service days later. This points to a big problem: Tinder does little to enforce its <a href="https://www.gotinder.com/terms/us-2018-05-09">Terms of Use</a>, which reserves the right to delete accounts that engage in harassment. </p>
<p>Tinder’s failure to respond to user reports sends a messages that they’re not justified, leaving users with the impression that harassment is tolerated. The app’s new safety features will only help users if Tinder does better to address user reports.</p>
<p>While Tinder’s new safety mechanisms are an improvement, the platform will need to do more to address normalised abuse. It can begin to do this by listening to women about what makes them feel uneasy, uncomfortable, and unsafe on the app.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/131375/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Rosalie Gillett does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.</span></em></p>Dating app Tinder has come under increasing scrutiny over harassment facilitated by the platform. But its new safety measures, while undoubtedly an improvement, are unlikely to prevent abuse.Rosalie Gillett, Research Associate in Digital Platform Regulation, Queensland University of TechnologyLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/1207962019-07-28T12:30:52Z2019-07-28T12:30:52ZLove, lust and digital dating: Men on the Bumble dating app aren’t ready for the Queen bee<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/285758/original/file-20190725-136754-16tew3o.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">The Bumble dating app puts women in the driver's seat when it comes to dating. But are men ready for that?</span> <span class="attribution"><span class="source">Wiktor Karkocha/Unsplash</span></span></figcaption></figure><p>When love, lust and all things in between come calling, dating apps appear to be the only way to meet new people and experience romance in 2019. They’re not of course, but social media and popular culture inundate us with messages about the importance of these seemingly easy and effective approaches to digital dating. Drawing upon my personal experiences and academic insights about sexuality, gender and power, this article explores what happens when dating apps fail on their promises. </p>
<p>Being a tech <a href="https://www.bbc.com/news/magazine-17770171">Luddite</a>, I never dreamed of using a dating app. However, when other options were exhausted, I found myself selecting photos and summarizing myself in a user profile. I chose Bumble because it was rumoured to have more professional men than other apps and I was intrigued by its signature design where women ask men out. Self described as <a href="https://www.vanityfair.com/culture/2015/08/bumble-app-whitney-wolfe">“100 percent feminist,”</a> Bumble’s unique approach has generated significant social buzz and it has over 50 million users. </p>
<p>As a medical anthropologist, I explore sexuality, gender and health experiences among people in sex work, Indigenous communities and those affected by HIV/AIDS. I had no intention of writing about my socio-sexual experiences, but as soon as I started my Bumble journey the words began to flow. Writing helped me cope with the bizarre things I encountered, and my anthropological insights told me that my observations were unique as well as timely. </p>
<p>But what is Bumble all about? What does it reveal about <a href="https://adanewmedia.org/2016/10/issue10-farvid-aisher/">feminism and gender in contemporary dating culture</a>?</p>
<h2>The female worker bee does all the work</h2>
<p>Established in 2014, Bumble is branded as a feminist dating app that puts women in the driver’s seat and takes the pressure off men to initiate dating conversations. In a 2015 <em>Esquire</em> interview, <a href="https://www.esquire.com/lifestyle/sex/interviews/a39872/whitney-wolfe-bumble-2015-breakouts/">Bumble CEO and co-founder Whitney Wolfe Herd explained the honeybee inspiration</a>: </p>
<blockquote>
<p>“Bee society where there’s a queen bee, the woman is in charge, and it’s a really respectful community. It’s all about the queen bee and everyone working together. It was very serendipitous.”</p>
</blockquote>
<p>However, a honeybee hive is less about sisterhood and more about gendered inequity. Just as female worker bees do the heavy lifting as they care for larvae and their hexagon lair, Bumble women perform the initial dating labour by extending invitation after invitation to potential matches. Bumble men, much like male bees, largely sit and wait for their invites to come.</p>
<figure class="align-center ">
<img alt="" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/285757/original/file-20190725-136774-tuouce.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/285757/original/file-20190725-136774-tuouce.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=600&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/285757/original/file-20190725-136774-tuouce.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=600&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/285757/original/file-20190725-136774-tuouce.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=600&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/285757/original/file-20190725-136774-tuouce.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=754&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/285757/original/file-20190725-136774-tuouce.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=754&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/285757/original/file-20190725-136774-tuouce.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=754&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px">
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">Like the female worker bee, women do all the work on Bumble.</span>
<span class="attribution"><span class="source">Courtesy of Bumble</span></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>In my five months on Bumble, I created 113 unique opening lines, each of which involved not just work but also a leap of faith. Here’s just two examples: </p>
<blockquote>
<p>Hi X! I like your photos, they’re attractive and interesting. You’re a personal trainer, it must be rewarding to work with people to achieve their goals …</p>
<p>Hey, X. Your photos are hot …want to connect?</p>
</blockquote>
<p>Will he respond? Will this one like me? Putting myself out there repeatedly made me feel vulnerable, not empowered.</p>
<p>Sure, there was some short-lived excitement, but much of my time was spent wondering if they would respond. Only 60 per cent of my opening lines were answered and I met just ten men in five months, which is a nine per cent “success” rate. </p>
<p>Of my 10 encounters, four rated as very good to excellent, three as quite bad and three fluctuated in the middle: not terrible, but not something I’m keen to repeat. Like the attractive guy with the prickly arms (because he shaved them) who twirled me around in my dining room but could barely tie his shoes up because his pants were so tight. Or, the guy who talked obsessively about being 5'6" but really, really wasn’t. </p>
<h2>A girl-power bubble</h2>
<p>My digital dating journey was not the effective, empowering experience I hoped for. The discrepancy between Bumble’s sunny narrative and my stormier encounters stemmed from the app’s outdated brand of feminism. The women-taking-charge-for-themselves model assumes that we live in a girl-power bubble. It ignores men’s feelings about adopting a more passive dating role. This creates tensions between users. I learned the hard way that despite our feminist advances, many men are still not comfortable waiting to be asked out. </p>
<p>Some Bumble men view the app’s signature design as a way for women to rob them of their rightful dating power. Many openly critiqued us for acting “like men” and I was ghosted, sexually degraded and subjected to violent language by men who resented me or what I represented as a feminist. This was confirmed by several of my matches, who discussed women’s acquisition of socio-economic and sexual power as a problem. These insights not only shocked me; they impaired my ability to have meaningful dating experiences on Bumble. </p>
<p>The #MeToo and Time’s Up movements continue to illuminate how much unfinished business we have ahead of us before gender equity is a reality. My Bumble experiences reflect the same unfortunate truth, as do <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177%2F2056305116641976">other studies</a> about the <a href="https://doi.org/10.1080/1369118X.2016.1168471">complex relationship</a> between gender and power relations on dating apps.</p>
<p>Using a feminist dating app in a patriarchal world is messy, but also fascinating for what it reveals about sexuality, gender and power in the digital dating universe. Bumble needs a serious upgrade it if truly wants to empower women and make room for men en route to more meaningful dating experiences. </p>
<p>One suggestion would be to remove the “she asks” and “he waits” design so both partners can access one another as soon as a match is made. Bumble might also consider having users answer questions about gender equity and feminism before matches are generated. This could make digital dating experiences less of a bell jar and more of an equitable mess.</p>
<p>Another idea is to have Bumble refresh its narrative to support women’s desires and to help diverse dating roles be more readily accepted by men. The app could add a forum where users can share their various Bumble experiences in ways that encourage safe, engaged dating-related communication. </p>
<p>My personal feeling is that instead of depending exclusively on dating apps, it’s best to use multiple dating methods. This means having the courage to act on our desires as they surface in the grocery story, the art gallery, or at the subway stop. It can be terrifying but also much more exciting than swiping right. Go for it! </p>
<p>[ <em>You’re smart and curious about the world. So are The Conversation’s authors and editors.</em> <a href="https://theconversation.com/ca/newsletters?utm_source=TCCA&utm_medium=inline-link&utm_campaign=newsletter-text&utm_content=youresmart">You can read us daily by subscribing to our newsletter</a>. ]</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/120796/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Treena Orchard has received funding from the Canadian Institutes of Health Research for previous research studies. </span></em></p>Bumble, the wildly popular dating app where women ask the men out relies on a girl-power model of feminism. The problem is that the men on Bumble aren’t ready for this model.Treena Orchard, Associate Professor, School of Health Studies, Western UniversityLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/1069942018-11-26T19:02:13Z2018-11-26T19:02:13ZGroping, grinding, grabbing: new research on nightclubs finds men do it often but know it’s wrong<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/246152/original/file-20181119-27764-qqhos6.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">Young Australians use nightclubs as a place to relax and perhaps meet a new sexual partner. Many regard some phyiscal contact during the mating ritual as off limits – but still put up with it.</span> </figcaption></figure><p>We have conducted what we believe to be Australia’s first <a href="https://www.sisinternational.com/what-is-quantitative-research/">quantitative research</a> on young people’s <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/10508422.2018.1541744?journalCode=hebh20">behaviour in nightclubs</a> and the findings present a disturbing picture.</p>
<p>The research suggests that behaviour is taking place at these clubs that would be criminal if non-consensual, and totally unacceptable at the very least.</p>
<p>However, the behaviour is somehow tolerated – in some cases almost encouraged. Many young people think they are too conservative, and that the behaviours they witness must be normal and acceptable in a nightclub setting - so they just put up with it.</p>
<p>Men engage in this conduct – such as groping, grabbing, and pinching a person on the buttocks – far more than women. Our research was confined to behaviour between heterosexual men and women. The respondents came from across Australia.</p>
<p>On the relatively rare occasions when women initiate such conduct, respondents of both genders regard this as somewhat more acceptable than when it’s men engaging in the conduct.</p>
<h2>A values and accountability-free zone?</h2>
<p>On any given weekend, young Australians flock to nightclubs and bars to have a good time and, in many cases, find a sexual partner. For years, nightclubs have been hot spots for sexual behaviour that would be deemed out of order in any other setting. </p>
<p>We hear of women who avoid nightlife settings because they dislike their “grab, grope and grind” culture. We also know these behaviours can potentially cause some people to feel <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177/1557085112442979">degraded, threatened or distressed </a>.</p>
<p>In our study, we explored the norms of sexual behaviour in nightclubs and bars as experienced by 381 young Australians. </p>
<p>They comprised 342 women and 39 men, all of whom identified as heterosexual. They were aged 18 to 30 and had been to nightclubs in the past six months. We recruited them using social media, given the high level of adoption of these platforms by nightclub-goers. We were able to find only 39 male respondents because it’s very hard to get men to open up on this subject. Statistically, this is less than ideal.</p>
<p>We posed the various scenarios listed below, then reversed the role of male and female for each scenario. The third scenario - grinding - is clearly non-consensual, and so would amount to criminal assault. The other scenarios might well amount to criminal assault if non-consensual.</p>
<p><iframe id="iYczl" class="tc-infographic-datawrapper" src="https://datawrapper.dwcdn.net/iYczl/1/" height="400px" width="100%" style="border: none" frameborder="0"></iframe></p>
<p>Both genders are more accepting of these behaviours if the perpetrator is a woman.</p>
<p>This finding is difficult to explain. The explanation is likely to be complex, but several factors probably play a role.</p>
<p>It could be that the rise of feminism and the associated sexual liberation of women might have influenced participants from both genders to be more accepting of these behaviours <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2018/feb/02/thats-patriarchy-how-female-sexual-liberation-led-to-male-sexual-entitlement">by women</a>.</p>
<h2>Men’s behaviour more likely to cause harm</h2>
<p>Or could it be that participants believed this type of behaviour by men could <a href="https://doi.org/10.1007/978-1-4614-5871-5_7">cause more harm</a> to recipients than women would cause. This belief is also echoed in the media and society, where the voices of male survivors of sexual assault by women are dismissed or belittled as the harm caused to them is often perceived to be less than that of a <a href="https://www.abc.net.au/news/2018-02-25/men-sexual-assault-and-the-metoo-conversation/9465022">female victim</a>. Women are sexually assaulted by men in far greater numbers than the number of men sexually assaulted by women.</p>
<p>In follow-up questions we posed after the study, several men indicated that the more attractive the woman engaging in the unacceptable behaviour was - attractive as perceived by the respondent making the judgement - the more acceptable the behaviour would be. No woman said anything similar of such behaviour by men.</p>
<p>Other research has previously found that men are welcoming of most sexual behaviour in <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177/0886260513506289">nightlife settings</a>. In relation to the rare instances of women groping men at nightclubs, men have said women cannot help themselves around a young attractive man and that they, the men, do not see the behaviour as a threat – more as a [self-esteem boost].</p>
<h2>People think they must be more prudish than their peers</h2>
<p>Participants in our study reported they often observe these four behaviours in nightlife settings. Why do they suppress their personal values in this setting and not in others? </p>
<p>Many young people wrongly think that most other people find the behaviours acceptable. Research shows it’s a common phenomenon for people to wrongly think they are <a href="http://www.alanberkowitz.com/articles/Preventing%20Sexual%20Violence%20Chapter%20-%20Revision.pdf">more conservative</a> than their peers. They therefore subjugate their personal values in nightlife settings because they think most other people find the behaviour acceptable.</p>
<p>Another reason is patrons find it difficult to identify whether the behaviour is consensual or not. The continuum of consensual sexual behaviour in nightlife settings extends much further than in most other public settings, such as workplaces or the street - that is, an act that would clearly be assault on the street might conceivably be mutually consented to by two people in a nightclub.</p>
<p>Some people go to nightlife settings to find sexual partners, and flirting and <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177/0891243210369894">hook-up behaviours</a> often occur. There can also be significant pressure on people, <a href="https://doi.org/10.1093/sf/sox066">especially men</a>, to find a sexual partner, which can lead to riskier and more <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177%2F1557085109343676">aggressive sexual advances</a>.</p>
<h2>So what’s the solution?</h2>
<p>Nightlife settings serve an important social function as a place where young people relax, socialise, develop their social identities and find <a href="https://doi.org/10.3109/00952990903544836">sexual partners</a>. Society should allow them that opportunity, but at the same time the nightclub should not necessarily be a place where personal values and integrity are left at the door.</p>
<figure class="align-center ">
<img alt="" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/246978/original/file-20181123-149712-1funfne.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/246978/original/file-20181123-149712-1funfne.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/246978/original/file-20181123-149712-1funfne.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/246978/original/file-20181123-149712-1funfne.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/246978/original/file-20181123-149712-1funfne.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/246978/original/file-20181123-149712-1funfne.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/246978/original/file-20181123-149712-1funfne.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px">
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">One option is to educate young people about criminal behaviour - if they are willing to listen.</span>
<span class="attribution"><span class="source">Shutterstock</span></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>The <a href="https://theconversation.com/beyond-lockouts-sydney-needs-to-become-a-more-inclusive-city-55821">lock-out laws</a> in some states are an overreaction by authorities to engineer change in these environments. But how can young people bring the right balance to what happens in <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177/0004865815626962">nightlife settings</a>?</p>
<p>One possible way forward is to use what we academics call “normative interventions”. Such interventions involve first letting young people know what the majority of them actually think, and that is that “grabbing, groping and grinding” in nightlife settings is wrong. Just because it seems like everyone is doing it, doesn’t make it OK.</p>
<p>The next step is to encourage patrons to speak up when such behaviours occur, whether they are the victim or a bystander. Research in other settings shows it’s possible to develop programs that encourage people who observe <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177/0004865815626962">such behaviour</a> to intervene, such as confronting the perpetrator or reporting the incident to authorities. In further research currently underway, we are looking more closely at the role of consent in nightclub conduct.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/106994/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>The authors do not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and have disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.</span></em></p>Nightclub-goers often regard the sort of sexually aggressive behaviour they witness as unacceptable, but they put up with it because it seems like lots of people – especially men – are doing it.Alfred Allan, Professor, Edith Cowan UniversityAimee-Rose Wrightson-Hester, PhD Candidate, Edith Cowan UniversityMaria Allan, Lecturer in Psychology, Edith Cowan UniversityLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.