tag:theconversation.com,2011:/global/topics/separation-and-divorce-2254/articlesSeparation and divorce – The Conversation2021-10-13T19:12:04Ztag:theconversation.com,2011:article/1694652021-10-13T19:12:04Z2021-10-13T19:12:04ZWhy your ex may be able to claim half your superannuation, even if you aren’t married<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/426072/original/file-20211012-15-1aike4k.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=1341%2C461%2C2652%2C1586&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">
</span> <span class="attribution"><span class="source">Picsfive/Shutterstock</span></span></figcaption></figure><p>Moving in together is an exciting time for people in relationships. Likely the last thing on your mind is what might happen in the event of a breakup. </p>
<p>But it’s worth knowing that if you split, your ex could be able to file a legal claim for up to half your superannuation, under <a href="https://www.ag.gov.au/families-and-marriage/families/superannuation-splitting">certain circumstances</a>. </p>
<p>And for all states (except <a href="https://www.gotocourt.com.au/family-law/superannuation-split-wa/">Western Australia</a>), you don’t need to be married, have kids or own a house together; even people in de facto relationships may have to split their super when they break up.</p>
<p>For the purposes of family law, a de facto relationship is when you and your partner live together in a relationship as a couple on a genuine domestic basis but are not married. </p>
<p>The superannuation of both partners is included in the pool of assets divided on separation. Super is often the single biggest financial asset younger people have, so make sure you know what the law <a href="https://www.ag.gov.au/families-and-marriage/families/superannuation-splitting">says</a> on this question. </p>
<p>Here’s what you need to know.</p>
<h2>By order of the court, or by agreement</h2>
<p>Splitting up super could become a bigger issue in years to come, as compulsory employer contributions ratchet up. When superannuation was made compulsory almost 30 years ago, <a href="https://www.apra.gov.au/superannuation-australia-a-timeline">employer contributions were 3%</a>. As of July, <a href="https://www.ato.gov.au/Business/Business-bulletins-newsroom/Employer-information/Super-Guarantee-rate-rising-1-July/">they’ve hit 10%</a>. So these assets are getting bigger, faster. </p>
<p>According to the federal attorney-general’s <a href="https://www.ag.gov.au/families-and-marriage/publications/superannuation-splitting-frequently-asked-questions">website</a>, superannuation can be split either by:</p>
<ul>
<li><p>an order of the Federal Circuit and Family Court of Australia (or Family Court of Western Australia for married couples in Western Australia); or</p></li>
<li><p>a superannuation agreement (a financial agreement that deals with a superannuation interest).</p></li>
</ul>
<p>The <a href="https://www.legislation.gov.au/Series/C2004A00275">Family Law Act 1975</a> gives the Family Court the power to deal with superannuation interests of spouses (including de facto spouses). </p>
<p>The superannuation cannot usually be taken as a cash payment; in most cases, it is rolled over to the recipient’s own superannuation account.</p>
<figure class="align-center zoomable">
<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/425403/original/file-20211008-23-li5okq.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="A couple sit angrily on a couch." src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/425403/original/file-20211008-23-li5okq.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/425403/original/file-20211008-23-li5okq.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/425403/original/file-20211008-23-li5okq.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/425403/original/file-20211008-23-li5okq.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/425403/original/file-20211008-23-li5okq.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/425403/original/file-20211008-23-li5okq.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/425403/original/file-20211008-23-li5okq.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">If you split, your ex could be able to file a legal claim for up to half your super, under certain circumstances.</span>
<span class="attribution"><span class="source">Shutterstock</span></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<hr>
<p>
<em>
<strong>
Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/people-are-using-artificial-intelligence-to-help-sort-out-their-divorce-would-you-142731">People are using artificial intelligence to help sort out their divorce. Would you?</a>
</strong>
</em>
</p>
<hr>
<h2>But why?</h2>
<p>These laws were designed to tackle the longstanding issue where one person in a relationship – usually a woman – would have a tiny amount of super relative to her partner. </p>
<p>That’s because, back a generation, it was common for women in particular to give up work and spend many of their productive years as primary carers for their children. Even now, women are more likely than men to reduce their working hours to raise a family and <a href="https://theconversation.com/voluntary-super-a-good-way-to-increase-womens-dependence-on-men-120979">have a fraction of the superannuation of their male partners</a>. </p>
<p>The laws are meant to ensure equity in the event of the relationship foundering, and improve the life of the person with less financial power in the relationship after it ends.</p>
<p>But society has changed and we are more likely to separate and re-partner. That, plus the higher amounts involved, means these cases may be cropping up more often now than in the past.</p>
<h2>How do these laws apply to me?</h2>
<p>You don’t have to be married to potentially have to split your assets.</p>
<p>It applies if you have a child together or have been in a de facto relationship <a href="http://classic.austlii.edu.au/au/legis/cth/consol_act/fla1975114/s90sb.html">for at least two years</a>. The definition of a de facto relationship under <a href="http://classic.austlii.edu.au/au/legis/cth/consol_act/fla1975114/s4aa.html">section 4AA of the the Family Law Act 1975</a> is based on whether you were living together in a genuine domestic relationship. </p>
<p>According to the Act, a person is in a de facto relationship with another person if:</p>
<blockquote>
<p>(a) the persons are not legally married to each other; and</p>
<p>(b) the persons are not related by family </p>
<p>(c) having regard to all the circumstances of their relationship, they have a relationship as a couple living together on a genuine domestic basis.</p>
</blockquote>
<p>The circumstances of the relationship are set out and include matters such as how you organise your financial arrangements, whether you have children, your commitment to a life together and whether other people would see you as a couple. </p>
<p>So consider these issues before you move in together or take steps to cement your relationship. </p>
<p>Remember that any split isn’t necessarily half-half. You can enter into an agreement without going to court, but if you do end up in court the judge will take into account the relevant circumstances including whether you have kids, direct and indirect financial contributions to the relationship, and the ongoing needs of each party.</p>
<p>And if a relationship has ended in bitterness, judges will hopefully be alert to the possibility a legal claim for an ex-partner’s super could be part of a vindictive effort to cause distress, and take that into account.</p>
<figure class="align-center zoomable">
<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/425407/original/file-20211008-21-1ii1riz.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="A woman looks at a legal letter" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/425407/original/file-20211008-21-1ii1riz.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/425407/original/file-20211008-21-1ii1riz.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/425407/original/file-20211008-21-1ii1riz.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/425407/original/file-20211008-21-1ii1riz.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/425407/original/file-20211008-21-1ii1riz.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/425407/original/file-20211008-21-1ii1riz.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/425407/original/file-20211008-21-1ii1riz.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">Judges will hopefully be alert to the possibility a legal claim for an ex-partner’s super could part of a vindictive effort to cause distress.</span>
<span class="attribution"><span class="source">Shutterstock</span></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<h2>Go in with your eyes open</h2>
<p>It’s not common for people in new or de facto relationships to draw up legal documents to protect themselves. </p>
<p>Go in with your eyes open, but you do have to have a certain amount of trust. Engaged couples do sometimes look at drawing up a financial agreement (a prenuptial agreement), which can address issues like super. </p>
<p>You can read more about superannuation and your rights in the event of a breakup on the <a href="https://www.ag.gov.au/families-and-marriage/families/superannuation-splitting">federal attorney general’s website</a>, which has also produced a “frequently asked questions” <a href="https://www.ag.gov.au/sites/default/files/2020-03/Superannuation%20splitting%20frequently%20asked%20questions.pdf">factsheet</a> on the matter. </p>
<p>You can also:</p>
<ul>
<li><p>search online for factsheets on the issue produced by your state government</p></li>
<li><p>contact a legal aid organisation in your state or contact a free legal helpline such as <a href="https://www.legalaid.nsw.gov.au/get-legal-help">LawAccess NSW</a> or its equivalent in <a href="https://www.legalaid.vic.gov.au/contact-us">Victoria</a>.</p></li>
</ul>
<p>Remember, a financial agreement – either before or after the relationship has broken down – is not binding if both parties have not obtained independent legal advice.</p>
<p>Couples who have already been through the difficulties of divorce, separation, or being widowed may be more likely to make legal arrangements to choose what will happen in the event of separation or death, particularly if they want to make sure children from that relationship are financially secure. </p>
<p>And absolutely everyone – young and old – should look seriously into where your super will go in the event that you die. It’s important to ensure your super goes where you want it to. </p>
<hr>
<p>
<em>
<strong>
Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/voluntary-super-a-good-way-to-increase-womens-dependence-on-men-120979">Voluntary super: a good way to increase women's dependence on men</a>
</strong>
</em>
</p>
<hr>
<p><em>Correction: an earlier version of this story said a financial agreement – either before or after the relationship has broken down – is not binding if both parties have not obtained financial advice. It should have said “have not obtained independent legal advice”. The story has now been corrected.</em></p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/169465/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Helen Hodgson has received funding from the ARC, AHURI and CPA Australia. Helen is the Chair of the Social Policy Committee and a Director of the National Foundation for Australian Women (NFAW), and is on the Tax and Superannuation Advisory Panel of ACOSS. Helen was a Member of the WA Legislative Council in WA from 1997 to 2001, elected as an Australian Democrat. She is not a current member of any political party. She is a Registered Tax Agent and a member of the SMSF Association. This story is part of a series on financial and economic literacy funded by Ecstra Foundation.</span></em></p>For young people, super is the biggest single asset they have – so it’s worth knowing what the law says on how it could be split if a relationship ends.Helen Hodgson, Professor, Curtin Law School and Curtin Business School, Curtin UniversityLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/1340932020-03-24T21:46:51Z2020-03-24T21:46:51ZCo-parenting in the coronavirus pandemic: A family law scholar’s advice<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/322688/original/file-20200324-155652-17yxpi1.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=0%2C0%2C7365%2C4817&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">When parents fight, kids suffer.</span> <span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.gettyimages.com/detail/photo/why-do-they-have-to-fight-royalty-free-image/486417825">PeopleImages/Getty Images</a></span></figcaption></figure><p>As millions of people around the world practice social distancing and self-quarantine, they are separating themselves from everyone but their immediate family members. However, for divorced or separated parents who <a href="https://doi.org/10.1111/fcre.12300">share custody of their children</a>, the definition of “immediate family” isn’t obvious.</p>
<p>Already, family lawyers around the country are being inundated with calls from <a href="https://www.weinbergerlawgroup.com/blog/divorce-family-law/coronavirus-child-custody-plans-answers-to-your-urgent-questions/">anxious parents worried about returning children</a> to co-parents who are not willing to practice social distancing. They are contemplating keeping their child away from the other parent, in violation of a shared-custody agreement – but wonder how courts will react.</p>
<p><a href="https://scholar.google.com/citations?user=0_aSL2IAAAAJ&hl=en&oi=ao">I</a> have been a family law professor for almost 13 years. I have written numerous articles about custody and visitation. Until recently, I never even contemplated how these traditional family law concepts might change in response to a pandemic. Few custody and child-support court orders will have provisions covering how to share parenting in a pandemic – although they may become common in the future.</p>
<p>This is uncharted legal territory. The <a href="https://www.whitehouse.gov/presidential-actions/proclamation-declaring-national-emergency-concerning-novel-coronavirus-disease-covid-19-outbreak/">federal government</a>, <a href="https://www.michigan.gov/coronavirus/0,9753,7-406-98163-521341--,00.html">many states</a> and even <a href="http://wvmetronews.com/2020/03/15/city-of-charleston-declares-state-of-emergency-in-response-to-covid-19/">municipal governments</a> around the country have declared states of emergency.</p>
<p>With many family courts closed, divorced or separated parents will have to make up arrangements as they go along. My strong advice is that parents should not try and equate the COVID-19 pandemic with other types of emergencies that may be covered in their custody agreements. </p>
<p>Instead, they should seek to work together – however difficult that may be – to provide for the best interests of their children, and to preserve a sense of fairness and equity, both emotionally and legally, however custody is shared.</p>
<h2>Finding common ground</h2>
<p>As workplaces shut down or convert employees to working from home, many parents may find opportunities to adjust schedules so the child can be cared for by one parent or the other, rather than bring in the care of sitters, nannies or members of the extended family.</p>
<p>Public health experts say it’s best to <a href="https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/conditions-and-diseases/coronavirus/coronavirus-social-distancing-and-self-quarantine">limit social circles</a> to reduce the spread of the coronavirus.</p>
<p>Parents should try to be a team in this situation, even if it is difficult. This is not the time to keep a minute accounting of how many overnights the other parent has had or to argue that the current school closures should be treated like summer vacation. Avoid gamesmanship. </p>
<p>Talk through concerns and be open to new arrangements. Reassure the other parent that any current reduction in their parenting time will be made up – eventually – and that in the meantime, they will have increased phone calls, video chats and other forms of non-physical contact. </p>
<p>I do recommend keeping records, including contacting the other parent in writing (by text or email), explaining what your concerns are about the current custody plan, and proposing a reasonable solution. It will be very helpful to encourage the other parent’s thoughts and suggestions on the proposal. Any coronavirus custody arrangement should accommodate the concerns and interests of both parents.</p>
<p>It is stressful for everyone – parents and children alike – to live through this pandemic. Children don’t need the <a href="https://doi.org/10.1002/bsl.2370090405">added worry of parental fights</a>. They badly need more stability and reassurance – especially about their contact and connection with those who love them the most.</p>
<h2>Judges look out for the kids</h2>
<p>It may not be easy to come to agreement. Every relationship – and ex-relationship – is different. Some couples may be used to sorting things out in court. That is less possible now than during normal times.</p>
<p><a href="https://www.mass.gov/probate-and-family-court-rules/probate-and-family-court-standing-order-2-20-court-operations-under">Most</a> <a href="http://firststateupdate.com/2020/03/delaware-family-court-facilities-ordered-closed-to-public/">family</a> <a href="https://www.burlingtonfreepress.com/story/news/local/2020/03/17/covid-19-vermont-courts-cancel-most-hearings-close-buildings-public/5066012002/">courts</a> are closed for everything but emergency matters, which almost certainly do not include custody disputes. Of course, after the crisis passes, the courts will reopen.</p>
<p>At that time, I have little doubt that judges will be pleased with parents who have worked together to identify their children’s best interests, and taken steps to protect their health and safety. And I expect judges will be furious at parents who put their own interests before their children’s, and refused to cooperate with a willing and reasonable parent.</p>
<figure class="align-center zoomable">
<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/322691/original/file-20200324-155702-1vlk6ai.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/322691/original/file-20200324-155702-1vlk6ai.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/322691/original/file-20200324-155702-1vlk6ai.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=474&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/322691/original/file-20200324-155702-1vlk6ai.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=474&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/322691/original/file-20200324-155702-1vlk6ai.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=474&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/322691/original/file-20200324-155702-1vlk6ai.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=596&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/322691/original/file-20200324-155702-1vlk6ai.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=596&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/322691/original/file-20200324-155702-1vlk6ai.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=596&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">This is what you want to avoid.</span>
<span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.gettyimages.com/detail/photo/gavel-is-held-out-as-a-threat-by-angry-judge-royalty-free-image/640207272">RapidEye/Getty Images</a></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<h2>Disobeying a court order is a big unknown</h2>
<p>If agreement is really impossible, the path gets much more precarious. Shared-custody agreements and orders were crafted when the present crisis was unimaginable, but violating them is risky – even if the reason sounds solid. <a href="https://childrightsngo.com/newdownload/downloadsection10/Interference%20with%20Parental%20Rights%20of%20Noncustodial%20Parent%20as%20Grounds%20for%20Modification%20of%20Child%20Custody%20by%20Edward%20B.%20Borris.pdf">Judges may reduce visitation and custody</a> for parents who interfere with their ex-partner’s custodial rights.</p>
<p>Parents who fear for their children’s health may be willing to take their chances and hope that when this is all over, the family court will agree that their decision was reasonable. It is a big gamble – and regardless of the outcome is likely to involve significant legal expense and time fighting in court. </p>
<figure class="align-center zoomable">
<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/322631/original/file-20200324-155702-1mfoall.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/322631/original/file-20200324-155702-1mfoall.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/322631/original/file-20200324-155702-1mfoall.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=387&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/322631/original/file-20200324-155702-1mfoall.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=387&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/322631/original/file-20200324-155702-1mfoall.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=387&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/322631/original/file-20200324-155702-1mfoall.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=486&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/322631/original/file-20200324-155702-1mfoall.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=486&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/322631/original/file-20200324-155702-1mfoall.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=486&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">Mediation may be a way to come to an agreement without going to court.</span>
<span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.gettyimages.com/detail/news-photo/mlevisonstartribune-com-03-09-07-assign-109539-new-world-news-photo/1155787050">Marlin Levison/Star Tribune via Getty Images</a></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<h2>Seeking help to settle disputes</h2>
<p>There are alternatives to conflict and animosity, and waiting for courts to reopen and sort things out.</p>
<p>Many <a href="http://mediationblog.kluwerarbitration.com/2020/03/14/reflections-in-the-age-of-coronavirus-covid-19/">family court</a> <a href="https://www.jdsupra.com/legalnews/covid-19-and-your-family-law-matter-43123/">mediators</a> remain available to <a href="https://lanecounty.org/government/county_departments/health_and_human_services/youth_services/family_mediation/court-_required_custody_and_parenting_time_mediati">help couples work out</a> pandemic related custody issues. Although the specific circumstances of the coronavirus pandemic are unprecedented, parental disputes about children’s health and safety are common. Mediators are well versed in these issues and can help families reach reasonable agreements. </p>
<p>Mediated agreements – even attempts at agreements – provide a contemporary and largely objective record of the parents’ thoughts, circumstances and concerns. That record may help judges sort out who was being reasonable and accommodating in seeking custody changes, and who was not.</p>
<p>In the effort to stem the spread of the coronavirus, Americans are repeatedly reminded that the decisions they make today will have <a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2020/03/11/science/coronavirus-curve-mitigation-infection.html">direct consequences</a> on our individual and collective well-being in the future. This warning is not specifically directed at divorced or separated parents, but it is just as applicable. </p>
<p>The custody choices parents make in the next few weeks affect not only the immediate health and welfare of their children and families, but may also affect their future custody arrangements. Courts rarely look kindly on parents who put their needs before their children’s. In the aftermath of a pandemic, it safe to assume this will be even more true. </p>
<p>The circumstances surrounding many custody disputes have changed drastically in the past week, but as always, the safest bet is cooperation.</p>
<p>[<em>Insight, in your inbox each day.</em> <a href="https://theconversation.com/us/newsletters?utm_source=TCUS&utm_medium=inline-link&utm_campaign=newsletter-text&utm_content=insight">You can get it with The Conversation’s email newsletter</a>.]</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/134093/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Marcia Zug does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organization that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.</span></em></p>The coronavirus pandemic is not like other emergencies addressed in custody arrangements. The best advice is to try to collaborate and cooperate – even if that’s difficult.Marcia Zug, Professor of Family Law, University of South CarolinaLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/1029002018-09-27T20:22:48Z2018-09-27T20:22:48ZHow teachers can help support children during their parents’ divorce<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/238243/original/file-20180927-48631-1q2dws7.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">Teachers can help support students though the stress of their parents' separation or divorce.</span> <span class="attribution"><span class="source">www.shutterstock.com</span></span></figcaption></figure><p>Almost <a href="http://www.abs.gov.au/ausstats/abs@.nsf/Latestproducts/3310.0Main%20Features122016?opendocument&tabname=Summary&prodno=3310.0&issue=2016&num=&view=">one in two</a> marriages in Australia end in divorce. It’s estimated that in Australia, <a href="http://quickstats.censusdata.abs.gov.au/census_services/getproduct/census/2016/quickstat/036#familycomposition">one in five children</a> under the age of 18 have a parent living elsewhere. This represents around one million Australian children.</p>
<p>For many children, their parents’ separation and divorce is a stressful time. Children have different experiences and <a href="https://www.jstor.org/stable/1131066?seq=1#page_scan_tab_contents">reactions</a> and bring these into their classrooms. Children’s <a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10802-005-9013-8">social</a> and <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/03004430.2011.585238">emotional</a> well-being, and <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/j.1741-3737.2010.00740.x">learning</a> can be affected <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/j.1741-3737.2002.00472.x">for many years</a>. At this time, it may be difficult for parents to provide the support their children need as they deal with their own stress.</p>
<hr>
<p>
<em>
<strong>
Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/how-will-my-divorce-affect-my-kids-101594">How will my divorce affect my kids?</a>
</strong>
</em>
</p>
<hr>
<p><a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1002/0471264385.wei0710">Teachers and schools</a> can help children make positive adjustments. Teachers see these children the most each day apart from their parents. They’re in an ideal position to provide support when needed. But they may not know how to help in these situations. Our study provides some helpful strategies that have proven to be successful for teachers. </p>
<h2>Negative impacts of divorce</h2>
<p>Much is known about the <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/j.1741-3737.2005.00217.x">short-term</a> and <a href="http://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/002214650504600203">long-term</a> effects of separation and divorce on children’s social and emotional well-being and learning. But there is little known about these children’s experiences at school. There is even less known about how their teachers work with them. </p>
<figure class="align-center ">
<img alt="" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/238262/original/file-20180927-48653-110ge3u.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/238262/original/file-20180927-48653-110ge3u.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=368&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/238262/original/file-20180927-48653-110ge3u.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=368&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/238262/original/file-20180927-48653-110ge3u.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=368&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/238262/original/file-20180927-48653-110ge3u.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=463&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/238262/original/file-20180927-48653-110ge3u.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=463&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/238262/original/file-20180927-48653-110ge3u.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=463&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px">
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">Separation or divorce can have long lasting negative impacts on a child’s well-being.</span>
<span class="attribution"><span class="source">from www.shutterstock.com</span></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>Related studies have shown having a support network that includes children’s teachers can <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/j.1744-1617.2005.00007.x">promote resilience</a>. </p>
<p><a href="https://books.google.com.au/books?hl=en&lr=&id=pghOVeLsLcYC&oi=fnd&pg=PA3&dq=Butler+Divorce+2003&ots=co8UjKFDin&sig=4hCux4Qbr5grmmmwvpA0W9o4nLg#v=onepage&q=Butler%20Divorce%202003&f=false">Another study</a> found children talked to their teacher so their teachers were aware of their situation. Teachers could then offer support if needed. </p>
<p><a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0742051X11001326">Other studies</a> showed children felt secure when the daycare and school environment was friendly, structured and predictable. While these studies provide some awareness, little is known about teachers and their interactions with these children to promote well-being and learning. This provided the motivation for our study. </p>
<h2>Our study</h2>
<p><a href="https://books.google.com.au/books?hl=en&lr=&id=Dc45DQAAQBAJ&oi=fnd&pg=PP1&dq=Corbin+%26+Strauss+&ots=M2HN4SqQwm&sig=g_96KFjv699kyxcHyrSOaubyxPc#v=onepage&q=Corbin%20%26%20Strauss&f=false">Grounded theory</a> research design was applied in this study. Grounded theory is a useful methodology to use when little is known about the topic. It explores the perspective of participants - this could be through interview, focus groups, journalling or observation, although many researchers rely on interviews.</p>
<hr>
<p>
<em>
<strong>
Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/how-to-tell-your-child-youre-getting-divorced-101193">How to tell your child you're getting divorced</a>
</strong>
</em>
</p>
<hr>
<p>In our study, teachers from multiple government schools in regional Victoria were interviewed. During the interviews, teachers talked about their experiences with children in their class whose parents were separated or divorced. </p>
<h2>Useful strategies for teachers</h2>
<p><a href="https://eprints.qut.edu.au/78991/">Our study</a> showed teachers were firstly concerned with children’s social and emotional well-being. They believed when children felt safe and secure they could learn. Importantly, the support teachers in our study provided varied depending on the different needs of children and their families, as it should. </p>
<figure class="align-center ">
<img alt="" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/238264/original/file-20180927-48665-rgql6t.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/238264/original/file-20180927-48665-rgql6t.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/238264/original/file-20180927-48665-rgql6t.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/238264/original/file-20180927-48665-rgql6t.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/238264/original/file-20180927-48665-rgql6t.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/238264/original/file-20180927-48665-rgql6t.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/238264/original/file-20180927-48665-rgql6t.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px">
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">Teachers can make sure the child is included in supportive friendship groups, both in the classroom and playground.</span>
<span class="attribution"><span class="source">from www.shutterstock.com</span></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>Useful and effective actions teachers in our study took included:</p>
<ul>
<li><p>developing an understanding of children’s reactions to their parents and divorce by reflecting on their observations and conversations with children </p></li>
<li><p>developing an understanding of the type and effect of parents’ stress</p></li>
<li><p>having private conversations with children, asking if they are OK, being a good listener, letting children talk, and providing reassurance</p></li>
<li><p>arranging one-on-one time with a teacher aide to provide emotional support or to help them settle into the day</p></li>
<li><p>being available for children and parents to speak to </p></li>
<li><p>creating a safe, friendly environment where children feel free to talk </p></li>
<li><p>developing friendships with children and families so they can feel safe and secure to talk to them </p></li>
<li><p>communicating with parents about how their child is going emotionally, socially and academically at school </p></li>
<li><p>referring children to the student welfare coordinator when necessary for additional support</p></li>
<li><p>talking about <a href="http://ask-ed.com.au/about/catastrophe-scale/">catastrophic scales</a> to help children put their problems into perspective on a scale from zero to ten where zero is no problem and ten is the worst problem ever</p></li>
<li><p>being consistent with school routines, rules and expectations </p></li>
<li><p>making sure the child is included in supportive friendship groups, both in the classroom and playground</p></li>
<li><p>making activities and communication inclusive – for example, not always saying “tell mum” but instead saying “tell the person who packs your lunch” or “does your homework with you”</p></li>
<li><p>having flexible expectations with the child’s school work</p></li>
<li><p>arranging tutoring for the child with the teacher, other parents, peers, and teacher aides</p></li>
<li><p>getting financial support through the school welfare budget or community organisations for resources, food and to help pay for school excursions and camps</p></li>
<li><p>providing encouragement for children to make good decisions and to manage their own behaviour.</p></li>
</ul>
<hr>
<p>
<em>
<strong>
Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/how-to-co-parent-after-divorce-101608">How to co-parent after divorce</a>
</strong>
</em>
</p>
<hr>
<p>Teachers can buffer the stress of divorce or separation and help children adjust to their changed family arrangement. The strategies for teachers identified in this study can help teachers support children and families through these unsettled times. </p>
<p>The actions teachers take are important in increasing the bonding between children, families and teachers. Teachers must consider the uniqueness of children and their family situation as they promote resilience and coping skills, encourage a realistic and positive outlook, and decide which of these strategies to use.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/102900/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Linda Mahony does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.</span></em></p>Children can experience stress during their parents’ separation or divorce. Here’s how teachers can support them through this tough time.Linda Mahony, Senior Lecturer in Education, Charles Sturt UniversityLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/880142018-01-07T19:09:52Z2018-01-07T19:09:52ZMum, dad and two kids no longer the norm in the changing Australian family<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/200123/original/file-20171220-4965-1shr6f1.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">Grandparent-led families are increasingly significant in Australia.</span> <span class="attribution"><span class="source">Shutterstock</span></span></figcaption></figure><p>The image of the typical family – mum, dad, and two kids – still permeates how we define and understand the family in contemporary Australia. This ideal saturates our screens and newsfeeds and was at the centre of the marriage equality debate, underscoring the pervasiveness of the nuclear family as the dominant family form in our consciousness.</p>
<p>However, this conceptualisation masks the true nature of Australian families, which has changed significantly in recent decades. As sociologists and demographers have long known, the Australian family is as diverse and different as the country’s terrain. </p>
<p>Drawing on data from the 2016 Census, we know there are more than 6 million families in Australia. This is a significant increase from the 5 million or so families counted at the 2011 Census. </p>
<figure class="align-center ">
<img alt="" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/200110/original/file-20171220-4980-105ngby.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/200110/original/file-20171220-4980-105ngby.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=391&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/200110/original/file-20171220-4980-105ngby.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=391&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/200110/original/file-20171220-4980-105ngby.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=391&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/200110/original/file-20171220-4980-105ngby.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=492&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/200110/original/file-20171220-4980-105ngby.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=492&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/200110/original/file-20171220-4980-105ngby.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=492&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px">
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">Figure 1 – Family composition.</span>
<span class="attribution"><span class="source">2016 Census - Counting Families, Place of Enumeration</span></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>Of these 6 million families, the most-common family form (as illustrated in Figure 1) was the couple family with no children (37.76%). The next-most-common was couple families with dependent children under the age of 15 (30.64%). </p>
<p>These proportions confirm that the nuclear family is no longer the most common family form in Australia. One-parent families with dependent children comprise around 8% of all Australian families. </p>
<p>Reflecting this move away from the traditional, nuclear family and the rise of more couple families without children, is the size of families. In 2016, around 30% of all families were two-person families. A further 27% were four-person families. </p>
<figure class="align-center ">
<img alt="" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/200111/original/file-20171220-4957-1n5wxqv.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/200111/original/file-20171220-4957-1n5wxqv.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=391&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/200111/original/file-20171220-4957-1n5wxqv.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=391&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/200111/original/file-20171220-4957-1n5wxqv.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=391&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/200111/original/file-20171220-4957-1n5wxqv.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=492&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/200111/original/file-20171220-4957-1n5wxqv.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=492&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/200111/original/file-20171220-4957-1n5wxqv.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=492&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px">
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">Figure 2 – Family blending.</span>
<span class="attribution"><span class="source">2016 Census – Counting Families, Place of Enumeration</span></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>Most couple families with children in Australia are so-called “intact families” (89.94%), consisting of at least one one child who is the natural or adopted child of both partners in the couple.</p>
<p>However, families are becoming increasingly more “blended”, as couples dissolve (due to separation, divorce or death of a partner) and new families are formed. </p>
<p>Blended families are a small proportion of modern Australian family forms, accounting for just over 3.7% of all families. This includes families with two or more children, at least one of whom is the natural or adopted child of both partners and at least one other child who is the step-child of one of them. </p>
<p>A further 6.3% of families are step-families. Here, there is at least one resident step-child, but no child who is the natural or adopted child of both partners. </p>
<p>Grandparent-led families are also increasingly significant. </p>
<p>Grandparents already play a significant role in Australian family lives through the provision of informal child care, but there are now just over 60,000 grandparent families in Australia (which a significant increase from estimates in 2004, which found around 22,500 grandparent families). Of those, 53% of grandparent families are couple families with grandchildren and 47% are lone grandparent families. </p>
<figure class="align-center ">
<img alt="" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/200112/original/file-20171220-4951-ys0rvb.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/200112/original/file-20171220-4951-ys0rvb.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=391&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/200112/original/file-20171220-4951-ys0rvb.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=391&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/200112/original/file-20171220-4951-ys0rvb.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=391&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/200112/original/file-20171220-4951-ys0rvb.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=492&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/200112/original/file-20171220-4951-ys0rvb.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=492&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/200112/original/file-20171220-4951-ys0rvb.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=492&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px">
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">Figure 3 – Family composition by same-sex.</span>
<span class="attribution"><span class="source">2016 Census – Counting Families, Place of Enumeration</span></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>The 2016 Census gathered information on same-sex couples. Compared with opposite-sex couples, these data show that family forms differ across sexual orientation.</p>
<p>Overall, around 15% of same-sex couples had children. Female same-sex couples were more likely to be in couple families with dependent children (20.67%) compared to male same-sex couples (3.10%), or opposite-sex couples (37.8%). </p>
<p>However, same-sex couples were still more likely to be in couple families with no children than were opposite-sex couples, and they were more likely to have smaller families. Of those, around 54% of male same-sex couples with children and 51% of female same-sex couples with children had one-child families. One-third of same-sex couples had two children. </p>
<p>In comparison, 36% of opposite sex-couples had one child, and 42% had two children. </p>
<p>What these data from the 2016 Census show is just some of the diversity within the Australian family. While the idealised nuclear family of the past is no more, this does not mean that the family as a social institution is in decline, or that families in contemporary Australia are at risk.</p>
<p>But it does mean families are changing. Our political leaders should reflect on this diversity to ensure social policies reflect these differences, so that all families are well supported.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/88014/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Brendan Churchill is Convenor of the The Australian Sociological Association's (TASA) Families and Relationships Thematic Group. </span></em></p>Families are changing, and our political leaders should reflect on this diversity to ensure social policies reflect these differences, so that all families are well supported.Brendan Churchill, Research Fellow, The University of MelbourneLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/882172018-01-01T22:25:51Z2018-01-01T22:25:51ZWhy you might want to rethink monogamy<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/200279/original/file-20171220-4973-t9ehry.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">Is a too-strict definition of monogamy undermining your relationship? Research shows that while most people expect exclusivity in a relationship, infidelity is still the leading cause of divorce.</span> <span class="attribution"><span class="source">(Shutterstock)</span></span></figcaption></figure><p>Monogamy is difficult to maintain. Sure, it’s easy enough at times when your life is devoid of temptation. But unless you and your partner live in isolation in a cottage in the woods, there are no guarantees that an attractive “other” will not emerge — to lure you away and challenge the sanctity of your relationship. </p>
<p>“Oh no,” you think. “Not me. I adore my partner. Things are still so fresh. And I have so much to lose if I were to stray.” </p>
<p>Yes, of course. But research makes it clear that our best intentions are often worthless in the face of a compelling, and possibly unexpected, attraction to another person — someone intent on connecting with us. <a href="http://dx.doi.org/10.1037/fam0000280">Those who report having had an extramarital relationship say it was with a close friend, co-worker or long-term acquaintance</a>; these tend not to be random strangers. </p>
<p>What’s more, an act of infidelity is often understood as the “dealbreaker” in relationships. And few people are abhorred more than those known to have “cheated.” Movies, songs and literature are replete with stories depicting the appalling retribution believed owed to those who stray. </p>
<p>Despite all this, studies show that most people have in fact <a href="https://link-springer-com.proxy.hil.unb.ca/article/10.1007%2Fs12144-011-9119-9">engaged in some type of infidelity in the past</a> or have experienced a partner’s infidelity.</p>
<p>The question arises then: Is it time to ditch, or rethink, monogamy as a standard?</p>
<h2>Optimistic expectations</h2>
<p><a href="http://dx.doi.org/10.1111/j.1530-2415.2012.01286.x">Research shows that most people both expect romantic and sexual exclusivity</a> to be in place very early in their relationships and that they <a href="http://dx.doi.org/10.1111/j.1741-3737.2000.00048.x">denounce infidelity</a>.</p>
<p>Interviews with newlyweds in the United States indicate that many people expect they and their partner will remain monogamous, <a href="https://doi.org/10.1080/10502556.2012.651966">despite admitting to having experienced a range of extramarital thoughts and behaviours already</a>, such as flirting with another or feeling aroused in the presence of another. </p>
<p>All industrialized countries, even those purporting to have more tolerant beliefs around the importance of exclusivity, <a href="http://dx.doi.org/10.1016/S0140-6736(06)69479-8">report that monogamy is the dominant pattern in their societies</a>. </p>
<figure class="align-center ">
<img alt="" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/200051/original/file-20171219-4968-1y4ni3z.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/200051/original/file-20171219-4968-1y4ni3z.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/200051/original/file-20171219-4968-1y4ni3z.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/200051/original/file-20171219-4968-1y4ni3z.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/200051/original/file-20171219-4968-1y4ni3z.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/200051/original/file-20171219-4968-1y4ni3z.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/200051/original/file-20171219-4968-1y4ni3z.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px">
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">Are jealousy and suspicion undermining your monogamous relationship?</span>
<span class="attribution"><span class="source">(Shutterstock)</span></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>Despite strong universal disapproval of infidelity, and <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177/0265407515574463">despite optimistic expectations</a>, studies show that <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177/0192513X12439692">infidelity remains, year after year, the primary cause of relationship break-ups and divorce</a>. </p>
<p>Now, if you factor in the distress, distrust and discord that infidelity causes to those relationships it does not destroy, you begin to understand the weight of its consequences.</p>
<h2>Fantasizing about a celebrity lover?</h2>
<p>Is monogamy reasonable? Can we ever reconcile the improbability of spending a lifetime (also known as many years) with a partner without ever being drawn to another? </p>
<p>Can we admit that our partners might not meet all of our needs at all times? That we could experience attraction to another without a complete surrender of our rights to a loving and respectful relationship or a wish to abandon our lives to race off with the other person? </p>
<p>These questions are more poignant in light of research indicating that <a href="http://dx.doi.org/10.1080/1047840X.2014.863723">intimate relationships are becoming less rewarding over time</a> even as our expectations of what they should deliver steadily increase.</p>
<figure class="align-center ">
<img alt="" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/200064/original/file-20171219-4957-1ps3u7y.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/200064/original/file-20171219-4957-1ps3u7y.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=396&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/200064/original/file-20171219-4957-1ps3u7y.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=396&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/200064/original/file-20171219-4957-1ps3u7y.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=396&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/200064/original/file-20171219-4957-1ps3u7y.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=498&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/200064/original/file-20171219-4957-1ps3u7y.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=498&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/200064/original/file-20171219-4957-1ps3u7y.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=498&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px">
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">Singer Adam Levine is one of the most fantasized about celebrities.</span>
<span class="attribution"><span class="source">(Shutterstock)</span></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>In most Western countries, belief in the importance of monogamy is strong, yet relatively few individuals actually discuss with their partner what monogamy must entail. </p>
<p>Is online flirting with an ex you will never see again “cheating?” Is fantasizing about a celebrity lover being untrue to your One True Love? </p>
<h2>Jealousy and suspicion are the tools</h2>
<p>A series of studies by psychologist Ashley Thompson makes clear that we are <a href="https://doi.org/10.1080/00224499.2015.1062840">notably inconsistent</a> in <a href="https://doi.org/10.1017/jrr.2016.1">the monogamy standards</a> that <a href="https://doi.org/10.1080/01973533.2017.1350578">we hold for ourselves versus those we hold for our partners</a>. For example, we are far more lenient and tolerant in explaining our own versus our partner’s behaviour.</p>
<figure class="align-center ">
<img alt="" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/200053/original/file-20171219-4965-8p3m2n.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/200053/original/file-20171219-4965-8p3m2n.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/200053/original/file-20171219-4965-8p3m2n.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/200053/original/file-20171219-4965-8p3m2n.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/200053/original/file-20171219-4965-8p3m2n.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/200053/original/file-20171219-4965-8p3m2n.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/200053/original/file-20171219-4965-8p3m2n.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px">
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">Proponents of polyamory march at the 2017 Toronto Pride Parade.</span>
<span class="attribution"><span class="source">(Shutterstock)</span></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>Those who endorse alternative approaches — such as “consensual non-monogamy” which allows for romantic or sexual relationships beyond the primary relationship, with the partner’s consent — argue that monogamous relationships are far less stable because people use <a href="http://web.a.ebscohost.com.proxy.hil.unb.ca/ehost/pdfviewer/pdfviewer?vid=3&sid=14e57d37-335f-4d4c-8388-dad14da65119%40sessionmgr4007">jealousy, monitoring and suspicion as tools to hold their partners to this difficult standard</a>. </p>
<p>Individuals in supposedly monogamous relationships are also <a href="http://dx.doi.org/10.1111/jsm.12987">less likely to practise safe sex when they cheat</a> (putting their primary partner’s health at risk) than are those in consensually non-monogamous relationships. And questions arise about whether you are really practising “monogamy” if you’re exclusive but in relationship after relationship after relationship — that is, for those who change primary partners after just a few years.</p>
<h2>Rewriting the fairytale</h2>
<p>To discuss dealbreakers in one’s relationship, it is essential for a couple to define what constitutes a betrayal, violation of trust or act of dishonesty.</p>
<figure class="align-center ">
<img alt="" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/200063/original/file-20171219-4965-z1uhjg.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/200063/original/file-20171219-4965-z1uhjg.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/200063/original/file-20171219-4965-z1uhjg.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/200063/original/file-20171219-4965-z1uhjg.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/200063/original/file-20171219-4965-z1uhjg.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/200063/original/file-20171219-4965-z1uhjg.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/200063/original/file-20171219-4965-z1uhjg.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px">
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">Negotiating guidelines with your partner can help you both be on the same page, about what types and expressions of connection with others are acceptable.</span>
<span class="attribution"><span class="source">(Shutterstock)</span></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>If a couple can plan ahead of time for the possibility than one or both partners might have an intimate moment with another person at some point, this can reinforce the flexibility, tolerance and forgiveness required to adjust if that happens. </p>
<p>It all depends on the circumstances, of course, but accepting that another person might offer something that we or our partners need can leave couples better-positioned to move forward and adjust or negotiate if necessary, without an entire and irreversible relationship disintegration.</p>
<p>This is key: If we can admit to ourselves that a fleeting attraction, or more meaningful connection, with another partner might not irreparably harm our primary relationship — and indeed might supplement it — then our relationships might survive longer and better. </p>
<p>A new viewpoint requires a willingness to supplant the fairytale — a belief (often cherished) that one person can forever meet all your emotional, romantic and sexual needs.</p>
<h2>Lunch is ok, touch is out</h2>
<p>This is unlikely to be easy for most of us. The idea of a partner being distracted by another can induce panic in the most stalwart and confident. But insisting upon a fairly unreasonable standard (lifelong exclusivity or else!) can in fact harbour the possibility of secrecy and betrayal. </p>
<figure class="align-center ">
<img alt="" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/200061/original/file-20171219-4965-v7f1ph.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/200061/original/file-20171219-4965-v7f1ph.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/200061/original/file-20171219-4965-v7f1ph.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/200061/original/file-20171219-4965-v7f1ph.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/200061/original/file-20171219-4965-v7f1ph.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/200061/original/file-20171219-4965-v7f1ph.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/200061/original/file-20171219-4965-v7f1ph.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px">
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">Negotiate with your partner and make guidelines such as ‘Lunch is ok, touching is not.’</span>
<span class="attribution"><span class="source">(Shutterstock)</span></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>The emphasis in relationships needs always to be on openness, caring and mutual consent. </p>
<p>This is not to say that you or your partner will ultimately connect intimately with another person in any way despite adopting a new viewpoint about exclusivity. It also does not mean you have to agree that “anything goes,” that your relationship becomes an open relationship in the broadest sense of that term, or that anyone at all can enter your private sphere. </p>
<p>It is wise to negotiate some guidelines with your partner — about who or what type of person might be invited to look in on that sphere, for a moment or longer, and what might be acceptable ways to connect with another person (e.g. lunch is okay, touch is out), should the need or want arise. </p>
<p>If you also discuss how best to talk about it, this approach can go far in keeping your relationship truthful, transparent and trusting — making the need for a dealbreaker that much less relevant altogether.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/88217/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Lucia O'Sullivan does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.</span></em></p>Seeking monogamy without jealousy? Try ditching the fear of your partner’s intimate connections with others and write your own relationship rules, suggests a relationship researcher.Lucia O'Sullivan, Professor of Psychology, University of New BrunswickLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/820182017-09-21T09:15:32Z2017-09-21T09:15:32ZWhat is a cohabitation agreement and do I need one?<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/183190/original/file-20170823-4869-1gfrhvk.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">This bit explains what happens if we break up... </span> <span class="attribution"><span class="source">fizkes/shutterstock</span></span></figcaption></figure><p>Cohabiting couples, who live together but are not married or in a civil partnership, are the fastest growing family type in the UK. According to statistics from the <a href="https://www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/birthsdeathsandmarriages/families/bulletins/familiesandhouseholds/2016">Office of National Statistics</a>, this type of couple has doubled from 1.5m in 1996 to 3.3m in 2016. </p>
<p>Cohabiting couples can enter into what’s called a “cohabitation agreement” in order to avoid the legal uncertainty that may follow a relationship breakdown. Despite the clarity it may bring, there is still reluctance among cohabiting couples about signing such an agreement. </p>
<p>A <a href="http://www.mills-reeve.com/files/uploads/Documents/common-law-marriage-final.pdf">recent survey</a> of 1,000 cohabiting couples across England found that there is a massive lack of awareness of cohabitation agreements. More than 76% of those surveyed had never heard of them and only 10% of couples have an agreement. More than a third were also unaware that they do not have the same legal rights as married couples. </p>
<p>In England and Wales, when married couples divorce or civil partnerships dissolve, each person has a right to a fair share of any assets they have and a court will use its discretion to consider all the circumstances and history of the relationship. The first consideration is given to the welfare of any children, followed by a consideration of a <a href="http://www.legislation.gov.uk/ukpga/1973/18/section/25">range of issues</a> such as the income, financial and non-financial contributions and needs of each person. In Scotland, the court does have the power to make financial orders when cohabiting couples separate. </p>
<p>But if a cohabiting relationship breaks down, the couple does not currently have the same level of protection – regardless of how long they have lived together or whether they have children. At present, <a href="https://www.newlawjournal.co.uk/content/cohabitation-conundrum">definitions of cohabitation</a> in legislation and case law are varied, but as a general rule there is no minimum cohabitation period that couples must satisfy to be considered a cohabiting couple or family. </p>
<p>Where a cohabiting couple decides to purchase a property together, a declaration of trust will confirm the <a href="https://www.gov.uk/joint-property-ownership/overview">ownership</a> of the home and in what proportion to divide the proceeds of sale if the relationship ends. However, if one partner owns the house, the basic legal position is that the non-owner has no claim to the property in the same way had they been married. </p>
<h2>Reluctance to reform</h2>
<p>Successive governments have been reluctant to reform the law relating to cohabitation. This is despite the increase in this family type, and <a href="http://www.lawcom.gov.uk/document/cohabitation-the-financial-consequences-of-relationship-breakdown/">recommendations</a> from the Law Commission for the introduction of a new scheme of financial relief based on contributions made to the relationship. The government has argued that reform would discourage marriage, which is more beneficial for society than cohabitation, and that rights and responsibilities that come with being a spouse should not be imposed on a couple that has chosen not to marry.</p>
<p>The <a href="http://researchbriefings.parliament.uk/ResearchBriefing/Summary/SN03372">Cohabitation Rights Bill</a> introduced in parliament on a number of occasions has so far failed to make any progress. A new <a href="http://services.parliament.uk/bills/2017-19/cohabitationrights.html">version of the bill</a> was introduced as a private members bill in the Lords in July 2017 and is awaiting a second reading. </p>
<h2>What an agreement does</h2>
<p>In order to protect their interests, the couple may use a <a href="http://www.advicenow.org.uk/guides/how-make-living-together-agreement#guideAccordians">cohabitation agreement</a>, sometimes called a Living Together agreement. This is a flexible, bespoke agreement that couples considering cohabiting or those who have lived together for many years can use. </p>
<figure class="align-center ">
<img alt="" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/183182/original/file-20170823-13319-sm0z9g.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/183182/original/file-20170823-13319-sm0z9g.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/183182/original/file-20170823-13319-sm0z9g.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/183182/original/file-20170823-13319-sm0z9g.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/183182/original/file-20170823-13319-sm0z9g.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/183182/original/file-20170823-13319-sm0z9g.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/183182/original/file-20170823-13319-sm0z9g.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px">
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">Agreements can be tailored to suit a couple’s needs.</span>
<span class="attribution"><span class="source">Billion Photos/shutterstock</span></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>The agreement generally deals with a number of key areas: who owns what at the start of the relationship; how any property acquired during the relationship will be owned; financial arrangements during the relationship and how property, assets and income should be divided if the relationship ends. </p>
<p>In 2004, the web-based Living Together Campaign created by the charity <a href="http://www.advicenow.org.uk/living-together">Advicenow</a> aimed to advise cohabitants and provide them with a <a href="http://www.advicenow.org.uk/guides/how-make-living-together-agreement">template</a> cohabitation agreement for a £30 fee. <a href="http://citeseerx.ist.psu.edu/viewdoc/download?doi=10.1.1.847.8927&rep=rep1&type=pdf">Research</a> into the impact of the campaign found that in theory cohabitants felt agreements were a good idea, but many of the people interviewed were reluctant to enter into one due to their negative connotation and because they did not want to contemplate their relationship ending.</p>
<p>There is no specific legislation governing the status of cohabitation agreements, and the ordinary rules of contract law are applicable. Where a cohabitation agreement contains terms that are reasonable, and each partner has had separate, independent legal advice on its effect, then the agreement will be <a href="http://www.lawcom.gov.uk/app/uploads/2015/03/lc307_Cohabitation.pdf">binding</a>. If the agreements have not been entered into freely and voluntarily, the validity of the agreement can be challenged if there is an allegation of undue influence or duress.</p>
<p>The cost of preparing an agreement can also vary depending on the law firm or service used but this will undoubtedly be far cheaper than dragging a dispute through the courts.</p>
<p>Deciding whether to make a cohabitation agreement depends on the couple. This may be when they move in together or have a child together, or if they decide they don’t want to get married. The first step is for a couple to have an open discussion about who owns what, how they will arrange their finances and how any assets should be divided if they separate. Following this, if they decide to enter into a cohabitation agreement, couples should seek independent legal advice.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/82018/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Zanele Nyoni- Wood does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.</span></em></p>Cohabiting couples can sign an agreement to avoid legal uncertainties in the case of a relationship breakdown.Zanele Nyoni- Wood, Lecturer in Law, Solicitor, University of Central LancashireLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/806342017-07-11T01:10:24Z2017-07-11T01:10:24ZHow daughters can repair a damaged relationship with their divorced dad<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/177612/original/file-20170710-1385-p0vx9i.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">How can dads and daughters reconnect after a divorce?</span> <span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.shutterstock.com/image-photo/swedish-father-daughter-sitting-on-sofa-415425583?src=5ITu_18U2wn4gBYurQD_lw-1-34">Marie Linner/Shutterstock.com</a></span></figcaption></figure><p>In a 2002 study involving nearly 2,500 children, researchers found that <a href="http://books.wwnorton.com/books/For-Better-or-For-Worse/">daughters’ relationships with their fathers were more damaged</a> than sons’. What’s more, estranged daughters are more likely than estranged sons to suffer <a href="http://www.resolution-services.com/images/Divorced_Fathers_and_Their_Daughters_-_A_Review_of_Recent_Research.pdf#page=3">negative effects</a> from the damaged relationship.</p>
<p>If you’re like <a href="https://www.routledge.com/Father-Daughter-Relationships-Contemporary-Research-and-Issues/Nielsen/p/book/9781848729346">most daughters with divorced parents</a>, you probably feel as though your parents’ divorce damaged your relationship with your father, there are things you want to ask him about the divorce but haven’t or you want to contact him but just don’t know what to say or do.</p>
<p>As a professor, researcher and writer, <a href="http://users.wfu.edu/nielsen/">I’ve studied father-daughter relationships extensively</a>. Having taught and advised young adult daughters for more than 30 years, I’ve seen how difficult it can be for estranged daughters to reconnect with their divorced dads.</p>
<p>So how can you repair the damage or strengthen an uncomfortable relationship?</p>
<p>Here is <a href="http://www.turnerpublishing.com/books/detail/between-fathers-and-daughters">what I’ve learned</a> that has helped almost every daughter I’ve worked with to renew, repair and reconnect with her father – even those who haven’t spoken to their fathers for years.</p>
<h2>Obstacles divorced dads face</h2>
<p>If you were a child at the time your parents divorced, you probably were unaware of a lot of the obstacles your dad was up against in trying to maintain a close relationship with you. In fact, in a 2002 survey of 72 family lawyers, 60 percent agreed that the <a href="https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1741-3729.2002.00325.x">legal system is biased against fathers</a>.</p>
<p>If you want to repair your relationship with your dad, try traveling back in time, putting aside how you felt, and imagining yourself in your father’s place.</p>
<p>Now that you’re older and more mature, it’s time to ask yourself: How could my relationship with my father have been better if my mother, my teachers and the legal system had all actively worked to keep him involved in my life and to make him feel welcomed and appreciated? Considering what he probably went through, can I be more compassionate and forgiving?</p>
<figure class="align-center ">
<img alt="" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/177597/original/file-20170710-5963-1rmsf3y.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/177597/original/file-20170710-5963-1rmsf3y.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=444&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/177597/original/file-20170710-5963-1rmsf3y.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=444&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/177597/original/file-20170710-5963-1rmsf3y.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=444&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/177597/original/file-20170710-5963-1rmsf3y.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=558&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/177597/original/file-20170710-5963-1rmsf3y.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=558&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/177597/original/file-20170710-5963-1rmsf3y.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=558&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px">
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">Deadbeat dads like Jeffery Nichols – who was jailed in 1995 after racking up more than US$640,000 in unpaid child support – have given fathers in custody battles a bad name.</span>
<span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="http://www.apimages.com/metadata/Index/AP-A-NY-NY110-PM-FILE-DEADBEAT-DAD/e75e06efc7e0da11af9f0014c2589dfb/5/0">AP Photo/Joe Tabacca</a></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<h2>Misconceptions about divorced dads</h2>
<p>Americans have developed a lot of <a href="http://dx.doi.org/10.1300/J087v31n03_08">ideas about divorced fathers</a>. These ideas can influence what we think of friends, family members and co-workers. They can also affect the relationship that daughters have with their divorced dads.</p>
<p>What did you think about these stereotypes before your parents separated? After? Reexamine your own beliefs about divorced fathers and consider how they might have negatively affected your relationship with your dad.</p>
<p>How many stereotypes about divorced dads do you think are true? The more negative assumptions you make about divorced men, the <a href="http://dx.doi.org/10.1300/J087v31n03_08">more difficult it is</a> for you and your dad to stay bonded.</p>
<h2>Mom’s influence</h2>
<p>Even though she may never come right out and say negative things to you about your dad, your mother can still give you <a href="http://www.resolution-services.com/images/Divorced_Fathers_and_Their_Daughters_-_A_Review_of_Recent_Research.pdf#page=6">a negative impression</a> of him in other ways – the expressions on her face, her tone of voice, the way she acts after she’s talked to him or when you’re going to spend time with him.</p>
<p>Unfortunately, this happens to <a href="https://www.routledge.com/Father-Daughter-Relationships-Contemporary-Research-and-Issues/Nielsen/p/book/9781848729346">millions of daughters</a> – especially when dad has remarried but mom is still single.</p>
<p>The more often your mother implied that your father was to blame or is an inferior person/parent, the more difficult it can be for you to have an open mind when it comes to dad.</p>
<figure class="align-center ">
<img alt="" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/177613/original/file-20170710-25758-151g764.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/177613/original/file-20170710-25758-151g764.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/177613/original/file-20170710-25758-151g764.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/177613/original/file-20170710-25758-151g764.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/177613/original/file-20170710-25758-151g764.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/177613/original/file-20170710-25758-151g764.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/177613/original/file-20170710-25758-151g764.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px">
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">Mothers can give their daughters negative impressions of their divorced dads – sometimes without even trying.</span>
<span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.shutterstock.com/image-photo/happy-mother-teenage-daughter-resting-park-668709043?src=G2EMRUcvv5LCwuFqEyEJDQ-1-47">Ganna Martsheva/Shutterstock.com</a></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<h2>Why are you afraid?</h2>
<p>I’ve found that the best way to reconsider your impressions of your father is to reach out to him and hear about his perspectives, feelings and experiences. After all, if your mother was awarded custody, she likely had ample opportunity to share her feelings and experiences with you. Why would you deny your dad the same opportunity?</p>
<p>Most daughters tell me that the reason they haven’t contacted their father or the reason they won’t talk to him about certain divorce-related issues is that they’re afraid.</p>
<p>What are you afraid of? Angering your mother? Being rejected? How likely is it those fears would come true? If they did, would you feel worse than you do now with a strained or uncomfortable relationship with your dad?</p>
<p><iframe id="6HkfM" class="tc-infographic-datawrapper" src="https://datawrapper.dwcdn.net/6HkfM/2/" height="400px" width="100%" style="border: none" frameborder="0"></iframe></p>
<p>In answering these questions, you might find that your fears are exaggerated and are unlikely to occur. You might also realize that even if the worst did happen, it is not as damaging to you in the long run as never having tried to improve your relationship with your dad.</p>
<h2>Reach out</h2>
<p>If you don’t know what to say to your father because you haven’t seen one another in a long time, try sending him something like this:</p>
<blockquote>
<p>Dad, It’s taken me a long time to get up the nerve to write you. I don’t know exactly how to start or what to say, except that I’d like us to be in touch again. I don’t want money and nobody has put me up to writing this. I just want us to have a relationship again. Could we maybe start to write or phone? I’ve enclosed a picture of me. I wish you’d send me one of you. Well, that’s about it for now.</p>
</blockquote>
<figure class="align-center ">
<img alt="" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/177622/original/file-20170710-5970-lc5f07.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/177622/original/file-20170710-5970-lc5f07.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/177622/original/file-20170710-5970-lc5f07.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/177622/original/file-20170710-5970-lc5f07.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/177622/original/file-20170710-5970-lc5f07.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/177622/original/file-20170710-5970-lc5f07.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/177622/original/file-20170710-5970-lc5f07.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px">
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">Gathering the courage to reach out can be an important first step in repairing a father-daughter relationship strained by divorce.</span>
<span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.shutterstock.com/image-photo/teenage-girl-wearing-headphones-sitting-on-565381111?src=JRAcfOqwrDpIi3F8vkdlWA-1-13">Monkey Business Images/Shutterstock.com</a></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<h2>Will it be worth it?</h2>
<p>If you decide to follow this advice, will it be worth it? According to <a href="http://www.turnerpublishing.com/books/detail/between-fathers-and-daughters">most of the daughters I’ve worked with</a> over the past decades, yes. Here’s what some of them have to say:</p>
<blockquote>
<p>Amanda: “Problems in my family are never discussed or explained – just ignored. Now, 10 years after my parents’ divorce, because I’m finally asking my dad to tell me about his experiences, I’m learning what led to the breakup of our family. And I’ve found the father who had been taken away from me.”</p>
<p>Pam: “He said that the saddest experience of his life was losing me after the divorce. He said it again and again. I had no idea what an impact I’d had on him. I realize that he and I have wanted the same thing from each other all these years. But we never knew because we didn’t talk honestly enough.”</p>
<p>Lynn: “It had been 5 years since I’d seen my dad. I never thought I’d get any response if I tried to contact him. When I sent him the letter, he immediately emailed back. I’m constantly amazed at his willingness to spend time with me now. He said my contacting him was the best gift I had ever given him. I always had this vision of him as some opinionated, overbearing, stubborn tyrant. I never thought he would admit his mistakes, as he has done. I feel loved.”</p>
</blockquote>
<p>These are just a handful of the hundreds of positive responses I’ve heard over the last 30 years. Though not all fathers and daughters face damaged relationships, for those who do, the effort to repair those relationships is well worth it.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/80634/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Linda Nielsen does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organization that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.</span></em></p>Daughters across the US feel like their relationship with their father was damaged by their parents’ divorce. Here are steps daughters can take to repair that relationship.Linda Nielsen, Professor of Education, Wake Forest UniversityLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/781762017-05-31T20:18:31Z2017-05-31T20:18:31ZFamily break-up raises homelessness risk, and critical period is longer for boys<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/170926/original/file-20170525-31770-1qrv9af.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">Of those who have experienced homelessness, 62% cite family breakdown or conflict as the main reason for becoming homeless for the first time.</span> <span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.shutterstock.com/image-vector/illustration-relationship-divorcedivision-property-418364767?src=74-AnYXkCpT7YA3L_onJQw-8-15">shutterstock</a></span></figcaption></figure><p>Australia is going through a <a href="https://theconversation.com/affordable-housing-finger-pointing-politics-and-possible-policy-solutions-75703">well-documented housing affordability crisis</a>. Single parents are especially vulnerable to rising housing costs, as they rely on a single income to provide a decent home for the family. <a href="https://doi.org/10.4225/50/5859e352c3d44">Past research</a> has found that:</p>
<blockquote>
<p>In 2013-14, 46% of … low-income couple families and 67% of one-parent families with dependent children in private rental housing paid more than 30% of their income on rent.</p>
</blockquote>
<p>These families are facing “<a href="https://theconversation.com/rental-housing-policies-trap-children-in-poverty-so-how-low-will-we-go-64111">housing affordability stress</a>”. Taken together, rising housing costs and diminishing family benefits are putting low-income Australian families, and especially those that break down, at risk of intense financial stress, housing insecurity and possibly homelessness. </p>
<p>In my <a href="http://melbourneinstitute.unimelb.edu.au/__data/assets/pdf_file/0012/2369919/wp2017n14.pdf">recent research</a> with Jan van Ours, we used a unique dataset of disadvantaged Australians, <a href="http://melbourneinstitute.unimelb.edu.au/journeys-home">Journeys Home</a>, and showed that parental separation increases the risk of becoming homeless. </p>
<h2>Finding the relevant data</h2>
<p>In <a href="http://melbourneinstitute.unimelb.edu.au/__data/assets/pdf_file/0012/2369919/wp2017n14.pdf">our study</a>, we used a broad characterisation of homelessness, which seeks to identify situations in which families’ housing conditions do not meet standard requirements to qualify as a “home”. </p>
<p>This is qualitatively similar to the <a href="http://www.abs.gov.au/AUSSTATS/abs@.nsf/Latestproducts/4922.0Main%20Features22012?opendocument&tabname=Summary&prodno=4922.0&issue=2012&num=&view=">Australian Bureau of Statistics’ definition</a>. Homelessness includes: </p>
<ul>
<li><p>sleeping rough or squatting in abandoned buildings;</p></li>
<li><p>staying with relatives or friends temporarily with no alternative; or</p></li>
<li><p>staying in a caravan park, boarding house, hotel or crisis accommodation.</p></li>
</ul>
<p>Parental separation can lead to homelessness in many ways. For example, a separation might require an urgent move, which generates a financial shock. Without enough savings or networks of family and friends to help cover this unexpected expense, low-income parents may be unable to afford secure and safe housing for their family and hence become homeless. </p>
<p>Financial pressure on single-parent households increased again in April when <a href="http://www.aph.gov.au/Parliamentary_Business/Bills_Legislation/Bills_Search_Results/Result?bId=s1064">legislation</a> that froze or reduced entitlements to several family benefits was passed.</p>
<p>Even less-disadvantaged parents, who may be able to cope financially in the short run (by covering housing costs with their savings, for example), may be unable to do so in the medium run (once those savings run out). They then become homeless a few years after the separation. </p>
<p>Parental separations can also create conflict between parents and children. This may drive children out of their parent’s home and potentially into homelessness in subsequent years.</p>
<h2>What did our research show?</h2>
<p>In the <a href="http://melbourneinstitute.unimelb.edu.au/journeys-home">Journeys Home</a> sample, family breakdown appears to be an important trigger for homelessness. Of those who have experienced homelessness, <a href="http://melbourneinstitute.unimelb.edu.au/__data/assets/pdf_file/0007/2202838/Scutella_et_al_Journeys_Home_Research_Report_W1.pdf">62% of respondents</a> cite family breakdown or conflict as the main reason for becoming homeless for the first time.</p>
<p>However, the research linking parental separation and homelessness is scarce. This is because most of the available datasets are not well suited to this purpose. </p>
<p>Disadvantaged populations – that is, people who have experienced homelessness – are underrepresented in general household surveys. And datasets that include only people who are currently homeless fail to capture other segments of the disadvantaged population who might be at risk of homelessness. </p>
<p>In contrast, Journeys Home is unique in that it covers a broad spectrum of the disadvantaged population, not just those currently homeless. In fact, <a href="http://melbourneinstitute.unimelb.edu.au/__data/assets/pdf_file/0007/2202838/Scutella_et_al_Journeys_Home_Research_Report_W1.pdf">75% of respondents</a> were not homeless at the time of the first interview. </p>
<p>At the same time, the high frequency of homelessness and parental separation in the sample provides enough occurrences to help us answer the question of a potential causal relationship between the two. </p>
<p>We exploited Journeys Home’s detailed information on respondents’ histories to investigate whether their parents’ separation (if ever) led to their first experience of homelessness (if ever).</p>
<figure class="align-right zoomable">
<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/171098/original/file-20170526-23241-c6tx12.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/171098/original/file-20170526-23241-c6tx12.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=237&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/171098/original/file-20170526-23241-c6tx12.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=799&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/171098/original/file-20170526-23241-c6tx12.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=799&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/171098/original/file-20170526-23241-c6tx12.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=799&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/171098/original/file-20170526-23241-c6tx12.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=1004&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/171098/original/file-20170526-23241-c6tx12.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=1004&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/171098/original/file-20170526-23241-c6tx12.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=1004&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">For boys, the critical time in which parental separation increases their future risk of homelessness extends into their teenage years.</span>
<span class="attribution"><span class="source">shutterstock</span></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>We found that parental separation increases the overall likelihood of becoming homelessness, although the risk for any individual is influenced by the particular characteristics of both the family and the individual. The effect is substantial. </p>
<p>For boys, their risk of becoming homeless by age 30 increases by ten to 15 percentage points. This is irrespective of their age when the separation occurs. </p>
<p>For girls, only parental separation before the age of 12 matters. This increases their likelihood of being homeless before 30 by 15-20 percentage points. </p>
<p>The effects of separation on homelessness are larger when the parents were formally married.</p>
<p>These results constitute a critical first step in understanding how individuals, and in particular children or young adults, become homeless. They highlight the role of parental separation in the process and hence the need to act on the issue of housing affordability for disadvantaged families that break down in order to protect children from poverty and homelessness.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/78176/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>This paper uses unit record data from Journeys Home: Longitudinal Study of Factors Affecting Housing Stability (Journeys Home). The study was initiated and is funded by the Australian Government Department of Social Services (DSS) and was approved by the Human Research Ethics Committee of the University of Melbourne. The Department of Employment has provided information for use in Journeys Home and it is managed by the Melbourne Institute of Applied Economic and Social Research (Melbourne Institute). The findings and views reported in this paper, however, are those of the authors and should not be attributed to DSS, the Department of Employment or the Melbourne Institute. </span></em></p>Parental separation substantially raises the risk of homelessness by the age of 30 for girls and boys, but only boys are affected by a break-up after the age of 12.Julie Moschion, Senior Research Fellow, Melbourne Institute, The University of MelbourneLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/756142017-04-03T19:30:59Z2017-04-03T19:30:59ZSeparation and single parenting: the tribulations of Henry Lawson’s wife<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/163568/original/image-20170403-19452-d5qf1n.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">Henry Lawson in 1915. </span> <span class="attribution"><span class="source">State Library of New South Wales</span>, <a class="license" href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/">CC BY</a></span></figcaption></figure><p><em>Henry Lawson is one of Australia’s best-known poets. His married life, documented in Kerrie Davies’ newly published A Wife’s Heart: the untold story of Bertha and Henry Lawson, was tumultuous. Bertha and Henry were married in 1896 and had two children, Bartha and Jim. In an April 1903 affidavit, discussed in the following edited extract, Bertha alleged that Henry was habitually drunk and cruel. They received judicial separation on June 4 of the same year.</em></p>
<hr>
<p>Written from Bertha’s lodging, 397½ Dowling Street, Moore Park, dated Monday, 15 June 1903:</p>
<blockquote>
<p>Harry,</p>
<p>Your letter has just come.</p>
<p>Your papers are not here. I looked for them before. There are also a good many of my private letters and papers missing, and I thought they may be amongst your things. Re the children. I will not consent to let them go. Not through any paltry feelings of revenge, but as a matter of duty. You see, you left me, with these two little children. I was turned into the world, with 1/6 and not a shelter or food for them. I had to pawn my wedding ring to pay for a room. And then had to leave the little children shut up in the room, while I sought for work. And when I got work to do I had to leave them all day, rush home to give them their meals. And back to work again. And mind you, I was suffering torture all the time with toothache, and had to tramp the cold wet streets all day, knowing unless I earnt some money that day the children would go hungry to bed. (I was a fortnight working before Robertson gave Miss [Rose] Scott that money.) I had no money to pay a dentist. (I wrote to you at P.A. Hospital telling you, you were forcing me to place the children in the Benevolent Asylum and you took no notice of the letter.) I went to the Dental Hospital and had a tooth extracted. They have broken part of the jaw bone. And I go into hospital on Wednesday and go under an operation to have the dead bone removed. The children will be well looked after. While I am away I have to pay a pound where they are going. So I trust you will endeavour to send Mr Henderson some more again this week. You know my condition and I am certainly not fit at the present moment to struggle for a living.</p>
<p>As far as the case goes, the sooner it is over the better. You alone have forced this step. God alone knows how often I have forgiven you and how hard I struggled for you. And how have you treated me. Harry there is no power on the earth will ever reunite us. You are dead to me as far as affection goes. The suffering I have been through lately has killed any thought of feeling I may have had for you.</p>
<p>When you have proved yourself a better man and not a low drunkard you shall see your children as often as you like. Until then, I will not let you see them. They have nearly forgotten the home scenes when you were drinking – and I will not let them see you drinking again. I train them to have the same love for you as they have for me. And if baby’s prayers are heard in heaven, you should surely be different, to what you have been. They will have to decide the right and wrong between us, when they are old enough to understand. I think you are very cruel to make the statements you do about me. You know Harry as well I do they are absolutely false. Why don’t you be a man. And if you want to talk to people of your troubles, tell them drink is the sole cause. Do not shield yourself behind a woman. Mr Henderson cannot influence me one way or another, nor any one else. You had your chance to sign a mutual separation and you would not do it. I dread the court case and publicity more than you do. Still I will not draw back again. And I only wish it was settled and over today. I am so weary of struggling against pain and sorrow that I do not give a tinker’s curse for anything – or anybody.</p>
<p>Bertha.</p>
</blockquote>
<figure class="align-right zoomable">
<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/163565/original/image-20170403-19466-1p0mprr.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/163565/original/image-20170403-19466-1p0mprr.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=237&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/163565/original/image-20170403-19466-1p0mprr.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=898&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/163565/original/image-20170403-19466-1p0mprr.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=898&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/163565/original/image-20170403-19466-1p0mprr.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=898&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/163565/original/image-20170403-19466-1p0mprr.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=1129&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/163565/original/image-20170403-19466-1p0mprr.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=1129&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/163565/original/image-20170403-19466-1p0mprr.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=1129&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
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<span class="attribution"><span class="source">UQP</span></span>
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<p>*</p>
<p>Facts drift like the pollen on Dowling Street the day I visit. The terraces are rusted and dusted by the constant traffic driving past. One of them is undergoing renovation; through an open door you can see new floorboards, a glossy fireplace and rickety steps to the second floor.</p>
<p>Outside number 397, two plane trees have grown as tall as the terrace, and the balcony has been walled in with glass. Next door, the crucial fraction – 397½ – is written on the window above the door.</p>
<p>The terrace Bertha brought the children to is now painted an undercoat pink, with a green corrugated-iron balcony, windowed-in like its neighbour. Plants entwine the security bars, and large council garbage bins blight the entrance. Upstairs the tree branches are reflected in the windowpanes. It was from inside here, beyond today’s sky-blue front door, that Bertha wrote an angry letter to Henry about having to pawn her wedding ring and leave the children shut up in her room while she looked for work. She warned of more proceedings, perhaps to continue to full dissolution of marriage.</p>
<p>Their daughter, Barta, later wrote that her mother was sometimes overly dramatic. Bertha’s own mother lived in Sydney – surely that was an alternative to leaving them alone, or threatening to place them in the asylum? And what about her sister, Hilda?</p>
<p>But then conjecturing comes up against solid fact: <em>You know my condition.</em> Perhaps Bertha wasn’t thinking at all about anything except survival.</p>
<p><em>I will not draw back again.</em></p>
<p>*</p>
<p>Still the facts keep drifting. In April 1903, the same month she filed her affidavit alleging cruelty and drunkenness, Bertha had written to Henry on the 23rd, saying that unless he sent money she would be forced to place the children “in the Benevolent Asylum … I don’t care about myself, but I cannot see my children starve … I think it is most dreadfully cruel for any Mother, to have to part with her children let alone be placed in the position that I am in.” Initially it reads solely as financial but, having had two children, she must surely have suspected the significance of the missed periods, the swollen breasts, the heightened sense of smell that transforms the slightest scent into a stench. Or, perhaps, she tried to ignore them. There is no clear mention of a new baby in the letters until June.</p>
<p>The Benevolent Asylum’s admissions and discharge ledger is an album of life stories, like this one on Wednesday, April 5 1903: “Father Frederick sent to Gaol for four months for neglecting to support. Mother dead. Children committed by Newtown Police Court.” It’s fearful to look, then a relief to find that young Barta and Jim Lawson weren’t there then.</p>
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<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/163569/original/image-20170403-19462-kdwvks.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/163569/original/image-20170403-19462-kdwvks.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=237&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/163569/original/image-20170403-19462-kdwvks.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=790&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/163569/original/image-20170403-19462-kdwvks.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=790&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/163569/original/image-20170403-19462-kdwvks.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=790&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/163569/original/image-20170403-19462-kdwvks.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=993&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/163569/original/image-20170403-19462-kdwvks.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=993&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/163569/original/image-20170403-19462-kdwvks.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=993&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
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<span class="caption">Statue of Lawson by George Lambert in the Royal Botanic Garden Sydney, dedicated in 1931.</span>
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</figure>
<p>In July, Bertha was clearer still: “I am forced to write to you. I do not think you realize my position. I will be laid up either the end of October or first week in November … There is the nurse to engage, and all my sewing to do, you know I have not any baby clothes.”</p>
<p>Counting nine months back to summer from her due date – it was February, and they were still living in Manly when the Critic article gossiped that Mrs Lawson and Henry were sighted holding hands as they strolled around the beach cliffs. She must have conceived during this brief reunion. Now she warned Henry: “I have to solely depend on you for an existance [sic]…I cannot walk far or stand long … You promised I should have every comfort. I am not asking you for that but for bare necessary’s”.</p>
<p>Bertha might have blanched at food, but put her upset tummy down to stress. Realising that she was with child could have finally driven her to the lawyers, to pin down an agreement for continual support. But there was no mention of pregnancy enhancing her vulnerability in the April affidavit.</p>
<p>The baby is coming. The father is not. What do you do? Do you to try to reconcile again for the baby’s sake? Or is it too late?</p>
<p>Too late.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>Each word Bertha wrote feels like a clue: “I think considering what Dr Brennand told you and after all your promises, it is most cruel that I should suffer all that agony again. If it were not for the sake of Jim and Bertha, I should not go through with it.”</p>
<p>Did she mean that she would not go through with having the baby? Abortion was an open but illegal secret, especially in the bohemian world that Henry and Bertha inhabited. In a leather-bound report, Royal Commission on the Decline of the Birth-Rate and the Mortality of Infants in New South Wales, published in 1904, a witness told the commission he had treated 150 women suffering from “the effects of abortion” at his hospital. Hannah Thornburn had died only the previous year, three days after she had collapsed from a feverish infection.</p>
<p>Despite his prominent Macquarie Street practice, Bertha’s doctor, Henry Wolverine Brennand, was not one of the doctors, midwives, pharmacists, undertakers or religious witnesses who gave evidence to the royal commission that investigated the prevalence of abortion and contraceptive practices among women in New South Wales. These women and their midwives were, predictably, being blamed for the declining birth rate despite many being in Bertha’s position, where they were reluctantly increasing it.</p>
<p>Bertha wrote to Henry of her pregnancy: “it is not a very cheerful prospect to look forward to, knowing as you know well, I will very likely die.” She sounds like she is being dramatic again, but pregnancy complications were dramatic in 1903.</p>
<p>Bertha may have given birth with a midwife at home, or at Crown Street Women’s Hospital. Or she may have been helped by the Benevolent Society of New South Wales, which took in not only children but also destitute and single mothers at their “lying in” wards. On today’s flickering microfilm, those emotional lives are again compressed into crisp factlets, such as: “Single. Pregnant. Alleged father. Emergency. Married. Deserted.’”</p>
<p>The only thing certain is that Bertha and Henry’s last baby was stillborn sometime in late 1903. A nurse would have certified the stillbirth, and no other notification was required. This lack of birth or death registration was raised at the Royal Commission on the Decline of the Birth-Rate and the Mortality of Infants in New South Wales, because of its potential to conceal infanticide and midwifery negligence.</p>
<p>Bertha confirmed: “the little one that we lost was born and the sad time came of our parting. For sorrow had come to us, and difficulties.”</p>
<p>The sorrow.</p>
<hr>
<p><em>A Wife’s Heart: The Untold Story of Bertha and Henry Lawson by Kerrie Davies is published by UQP. It will be launched in Sydney by Jane Caro at <a href="http://berkelouw.com.au/stores">Berkelouw Books</a>, Paddington, on Wednesday, April 5. Kerrie will also be appearing at the <a href="http://folkfestival.org.au/">National Folk Festival</a> on Friday, April 14.</em></p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/75614/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Kerrie Davies does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.</span></em></p>Bertha Lawson alleged that her husband, celebrated poet Henry Lawson, was habitually cruel and drunk.Kerrie Davies, Lecturer, School of the Arts & Media, UNSW SydneyLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/518362016-12-12T15:21:18Z2016-12-12T15:21:18ZDivorce can be nobody’s fault – the law should do more to recognise that<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/149415/original/image-20161209-31405-1w4u9sa.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">
</span> <span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Just_divorced.jpg">Jennifer Pahlka/flickr.com</a>, <a class="license" href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0/">CC BY-SA</a></span></figcaption></figure><p>The law affecting families in England and Wales is changing. Since legal aid was withdrawn in family law cases by <a href="http://www.legislation.gov.uk/ukpga/2012/10/contents/enacted">legislation in 2012</a>, resolving disputes amicably on divorce has never been more important. People are having to navigate a complex legal framework <a href="https://www.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/380479/litigants-in-person-in-private-family-law-cases.pdf">without legal support</a> at the most emotionally fraught time of their lives. </p>
<p>But the law itself is failing divorcing couples by making compromise more difficult. It effectively encourages spouses to attribute blame even when no-one is at fault. <a href="http://www.familylaw.co.uk/news_and_comment/family-lawyers-gather-in-parliament-to-call-for-no-fault-divorce#.WD9ip7KLTIU">Family lawyers</a> and <a href="http://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/sex/divorce/10796954/Top-family-judge-calls-for-no-fault-divorce-for-all-and-putting-cohabitees-on-a-par-with-married-couples.html">leading judges</a> are now calling for legislative reform.</p>
<p>Since the 1970s, the sole ground for divorce in England and Wales is irretrievable breakdown of the marriage. This is established on proof of <a href="http://www.legislation.gov.uk/ukpga/1973/18/section/1">one of five facts</a>: adultery, behaviour, desertion, two years separation with consent or five years separation without consent. The latter two facts require no fault but do mean years of waiting – and if a couple mutually wish to divorce there may be various emotional and economic reasons why they cannot wait this long.</p>
<p>So, although couples are not required to attribute blame to establish irretrievable breakdown, they are often compelled to do so if they want to end their marriage quickly. For instance, if one can prove that their spouse is guilty of adultery – an option <a href="http://www.legislation.gov.uk/ukpga/2013/30/notes/division/2/9/3">not available to same-sex married couples</a> – or behaviour that is unreasonable, the divorce can be finalised in less than six months. All this means that divorce is a much quicker process when there is someone to blame.</p>
<p>It is therefore unsurprising that the latest available <a href="http://www.ons.gov.uk/ons/rel/vsob1/divorces-in-england-and-wales/2013/stb-divorces-in-england-and-wales--2013.html#tab-Fact-proven-at-divorce">statistics</a> indicate that the most common reason spouses divorce is unreasonable behaviour, as the graph below shows. A YouGov survey commissioned in 2015 by Resolution, an organisation of family lawyers, found that <a href="http://www.resolution.org.uk/news-list.asp?page_id=228&n_id=301">27% of couples</a> proved irretrievable breakdown on the basis of fault because it was quicker and easier, admitting that neither spouse was to blame for the separation. </p>
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<h2>Fabricating fault</h2>
<p>One of the most significant reasons spouses turn to apportioning blame is that their property and finances cannot be divided until the divorce is finalised. For individuals who had previously been financially dependent on their ex-partner, a delay of a couple of years in financial relief could be disastrous. One way of avoiding this is to blame the other party for the marriage breakdown, even if such allegations are untrue.</p>
<p>This is problematic to say the least. Spouses may ruin an otherwise amicable separation by having to decide whose name will be recorded on the divorce petition as being responsible for the end of the marriage. Worse still, this process is unnecessary, as allegations of fault in a divorce petition have no bearing on how the marital assets are subsequently divided.</p>
<p><a href="https://ore.exeter.ac.uk/repository/handle/10871/15172">Research has shown</a> that this emphasis on fault increases animosity during relationship breakdown, because it encourages family disputes to be resolved in an adversarial way. The consequences of this are serious. Attributing blame can lead to bitterness and hostility, reducing the chance of reconciliation and prolonging the resolution of issues such as child arrangements and financial redistribution. It also costs more and puts pressure on court resources. </p>
<p>Not only is this detrimental to any children involved, but an emphasis on apportioning fault in proceedings could also jeopardise couples’ chances for successful mediation. It has consistently been proven that mediation is less likely to be successful in <a href="https://socialsciences.exeter.ac.uk/media/universityofexeter/collegeofsocialsciencesandinternationalstudies/lawimages/familyregulationandsociety/pdfs/Mapping_Paths_to_Family_Justice_Briefing_Paper_23_06_14.pdf">high conflict</a> situations, yet fault-based divorce brings conflict to the fore. For the <a href="http://researchbriefings.parliament.uk/ResearchBriefing/Summary/SN07113">increasing numbers of people representing themselves</a> in court, a fault-driven divorce process further aggravates an already volatile situation. This can be very damaging when there is no solicitor present to alleviate tensions.</p>
<h2>Appetite for reform</h2>
<p>Reform that eliminates fault from divorce law would not only encourage a non-adversarial process, but as president of the Family Division James Munby put it, more <a href="http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-27206987">“intellectual honesty”</a> would be brought to the divorce process because spouses would not have to make fictitious accusations of unreasonable behaviour against each other. </p>
<p>Calls for reform have been around for 20 years. The Law Commission <a href="https://www.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/228985/0636.pdf">recommended reform in 1990</a>. But, provisions seeking to eliminate fault on divorce in the Family Law Act 1996 were never introduced and were repealed by the Children and Families Act 2014.</p>
<p>Now, amid recent developments such as the potential introduction of <a href="https://www.lawgazette.co.uk/practice/divorce-to-move-online-in-2017-says-munby/5053929.article">online divorce next year</a>, reform may finally be imminent. </p>
<p>On November 30, more than 150 family law practitioners from Resolution <a href="http://www.familylaw.co.uk/news_and_comment/family-lawyers-gather-in-parliament-to-call-for-no-fault-divorce#.WD9ip7KLTIU">lobbied parliament</a> to make divorce a <a href="http://bbc.in/2gZ0PWW">“kinder process”</a> by reducing the wait in cases where both spouses consent and no-one is deemed at fault from two years of separation to six months. There is also <a href="http://www.theguardian.com/law/2015/dec/04/four-in-five-back-no-fault-divorces-poll">public appetite</a> for no-fault divorce. </p>
<p>Those opposed to reform are concerned that it would mean a huge surge in the number of divorces, and that this, in turn, would destabilise the family unit. Yet, there is no research to support this and the divorce rate is currently at its <a href="http://www.jordanpublishing.co.uk/system/froala_assets/documents/1336/ONS_divorce_rates_in_England_and_Wales_2014.pdf">lowest since the 1970s</a>. In Scotland, where couples can consent to divorce <a href="http://www.legislation.gov.uk/asp/2006/2/crossheading/divorce">after one year</a> of separation without blaming either person, <a href="http://www.familylaw.co.uk/news_and_comment/in-anticipation-of-a-temporary-blip-would-a-change-in-the-divorce-law-increase-the-divorce-rate#.VmMuPHbhDIV">divorce rates are also decreasing</a>. </p>
<p><a href="http://www.resolution.org.uk/editorial.asp?page_id=308">Resolution’s campaign</a> for the removal of fault-based divorce highlights the pressing problems with divorce law in England and Wales. Fictional allegations of fault are exacerbating bitterness at a time when spouses must go increasingly through to the divorce proceedings <a href="https://www.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/380479/litigants-in-person-in-private-family-law-cases.pdf">without any legal support</a>.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/51836/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Sharon Thompson does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.</span></em></p>Couples filing for divorce have an incentive to pin the blame for marriage breakdown on one person. This should stop.Sharon Thompson, Lecturer in Law, Cardiff UniversityLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/628262016-07-28T19:44:52Z2016-07-28T19:44:52ZSeparated parents and the family law system: what does the evidence say?<p>Talk of reforming the Family Court and family law system is <a href="http://www.abc.net.au/news/2016-07-16/nationals-could-help-pauline-hanson-reform-family-court/7634202">back in the headlines</a>, but agitation about the family law system has a long history.</p>
<p>Since the introduction of the Family Law Act and the establishment of the Family Court of Australia in 1976, there have been many parliamentary inquiries and numerous reforms. However, sad stories of parents who’ve had a tough time of the law continue to <a href="http://www.abc.net.au/am/content/2016/s4501788.htm">shape public and politcians’ perceptions</a> of how family law functions in Australia.</p>
<h2>What does the empirical evidence say?</h2>
<p>The findings from a <a href="https://aifs.gov.au/our-work/research-expertise/laws-and-families">large research program</a> conducted by the <a href="https://aifs.gov.au/">Australian Institute of Family Studies</a> tells many stories. One of the main ones is a good news story: most couples separate amicably, work parenting and property out for themselves and maintain good relationships with the other parent and their children after separation. This applies to more than 70% of separated parents. </p>
<p>There are also more complex stories in the data. One concerns the parents who do use the family law system. Where parents don’t work things out themselves, about 3% use court, 6% use lawyer-based negotiation and about 10% use family dispute resolution (FDR), which is a form of mediation. Since 2006, FDR has become much more widely used, with 10% of parents in 2014 using this mechanism, compared with 3% in 2006. At the same time, lawyers are used less (11% cf 6%) and so are courts (8% cf 3%). </p>
<p>The families who use the family law system are troubled. They are much more likely to have a history of family violence, concerns for their own or their children’s safety as a result of ongoing contact with the other parent, mental ill health, substance abuse, gambling, problematic social media or pornography use. </p>
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<p>These characteristics are particularly concentrated among parents who use courts (85% report emotional abuse and 54% report physical violence) and to a slightly lesser extent lawyers (emotional abuse: 85%, physical violence: 38%) and to a lesser extent still family dispute resolution (emotional abuse: 74%, physical violence: 27%). Up to four in ten parents who use courts have several of these issues and it is clear from this that concerns for the well-being and safety of children in these families are particularly relevant.</p>
<h2>What do parents think of the family law system?</h2>
<p>Even with these complex characteristics, half or more of the parents who used the court to make parenting arrangements think it worked adequately for themselves (50%) and their children (61%). Of the three ways that parents make parenting arrangements – lawyers, courts and family dispute resolution - those who use FDR are more satisfied (73.6%) than those who use lawyers (60%) and courts. </p>
<p>Most satisfied of all are those who work things out for themselves (89%). The evidence does not support bald statements about the family law system, especially if you consider that when court is involved, one parent will almost invariably be a “loser” to a greater extent than the other in an adversarial system and these are families with significant problems.</p>
<p>There is also clear evidence that some things need to be improved in the way the system deals with some issues, including matters of risk and safety. </p>
<p>The 2012 family violence amendments were a step in the right direction in this respect: of the 653 family law system professionals surveyed in 2014, 77% agreed that the family law system needed the 2012 family violence amendments. </p>
<p>These changes were intended to support better identification of and responses to matters involving family violence and safety concerns. But the evidence from the Evaluation of the 2012 family violence amendments shows that more needs to be done.</p>
<p>This is evident in many ways, perhaps mostly clearly in the responses of family law system professionals to two propositions. Asked if the family law system places adequate priority on supporting children to have meaningful relationships with both parents after separation, 97% said yes. It’s a different story in relation to the other proposition – does the family law system place adequate priority on protecting children from harm? – to which 69% said yes.</p>
<h2>Problem areas</h2>
<p>There are several problem areas. One is screening, risk assessment and risk management. This occurs in an inconsistent and piecemeal way across the system and is recognised by family law system professionals. Asked if they thought the family law system screened adequately for family violence and child safety concerns, 46% disagreed. </p>
<p>About 30% of parents who used FDR, lawyers and courts in 2014 indicated that they had not been asked about family violence and safety concerns. Considering the prevalence of risk factors among such parents these findings point to a need for significant improvement.</p>
<p>Another issue is the legislation: legal professionals recognise that the provisions governing parenting arrangements are complex and confusing. Since the 2012 amendments, parenting arrangements have also taken longer to resolve out of court and especially in court. For parents and children where risk is an issue, this is not good news.</p>
<p>Separation is generally not a trauma for parents and children. For a troubled minority, the story is much more complex. There is a clear need for improvement in some areas to provide better solutions for children where risk is an issue.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/62826/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>The research referred to in this article was funded by the Commonwealth Attorney General's Department. </span></em></p>Separating couples who use the family law system generally have a positive experience - but for a troubled minority, there is still much work to be done.Rae Kaspiew, Senior Research Fellow, Australian Institute of Family StudiesLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/543262016-02-29T19:08:01Z2016-02-29T19:08:01ZHow child support can better help single mothers<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/112277/original/image-20160222-23457-3ovi3i.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">Poverty strikes single mothers disproportionately, which is exacerbated by child support failures.</span> <span class="attribution"><span class="source">Shutterstock</span></span></figcaption></figure><p>Child support is often a highly charged, contested aspect of parenting after a relationship breaks down. It has the potential to counter child poverty but is often less a resource than an intransigent problem in the lives of single mothers, undermining their financial security and sense of well-being.</p>
<p>In Australia child support can be paid through Department of Human Services (Child Support) or organised privately. <a href="https://www.ag.gov.au/Publications/Documents/Post-SeparationParentingPropertyAndRelationshipDynamicsAfterFiveYears/post-separation-parenting-property-and-relationship-dynamics-after-five-years-chapters-0-2.pdf">Most people</a> who pay child support are fathers, and most people who receive child support are mothers. </p>
<p>In my <a href="https://www.academia.edu/13298344/Single_mothers_experiences_with_the_DHS-CS_full_report">recent research</a>, conducted with Kay Cook and Torna Pitman, single mothers raised three central concerns about Australia’s child support system.</p>
<h2>Compliance</h2>
<p>This is a common finding in <a href="https://aifs.gov.au/publications/snapshot-contemporary-attitudes-child-support">Australian</a> <a href="https://www.ag.gov.au/Publications/Documents/Post-SeparationParentingPropertyAndRelationshipDynamicsAfterFiveYears/post-separation-parenting-property-and-relationship-dynamics-after-five-years-chapters-0-2.pdf">research</a>. Many payers do not consistently transfer child support in full and on time. </p>
<p>Women also report that former partners underestimate their incomes or fail to lodge tax returns. They are frustrated by slow responses, the need to follow up multiple times, the unrealistic expectation that they gather information on their former partner’s income, and the limited power and will of departmental workers to address payment problems.</p>
<p>One said:</p>
<blockquote>
<p>I’ve had a number of people, probably maybe four or five different staff, say, ‘You should be just counting yourself lucky if you get anything at all’. </p>
</blockquote>
<h2>Calculating the costs</h2>
<p>When fathers earn low incomes, child support will not meaningfully contribute to the costs of raising a child. This shortfall is sharpened by a standardised formula calculating the <a href="http://guides.dss.gov.au/child-support-guide/2/4/2#costs2016">costs of children</a> that does not realistically capture living, schooling, extracurricular and health costs. </p>
<p>When parents are faced with unexpected or changed costs of raising children, they can apply to the department to change the assessed amount of child support. However, these processes are onerous to pursue and not widely known.</p>
<p>For many, child support does not significantly contribute to the basics, let alone come close to meeting:</p>
<blockquote>
<p>… all those extra costs that are important for children to grow and develop and be part of the community rather than being the poor kid that’s sort of left out.</p>
</blockquote>
<h2>Department communication</h2>
<p>Women’s interactions with the department are characterised by poor accessibility and communication. It is difficult to contact staff, and case managers are typically unavailable. </p>
<p>Women report “hard and harsh and aggressive” responses from staff; inaccurate or uninformative responses and reports; lost information; information silos separating the department, the Australian Tax Office and Centrelink; and a refusal by workers to take into account women’s experiences of domestic violence and rape. These interactions intensify the insecurity, fear and sometimes despair felt by women. </p>
<p>There are some positive points. Some mothers note that the impersonal processes of the department could facilitate payments and reduce the associated tensions, especially in high-conflict relationships. Some describe useful information, and value the moral support they receive. And, for many, low or unreliable payments are better than no money at all. </p>
<p>These benefits suggest that child support and the department can make a positive contribution to the lives of single mothers and their children.</p>
<h2>How can it be fixed?</h2>
<p>So what needs to happen? Women recommended four changes to child support processes.</p>
<ul>
<li><p><strong>Rethink the costs of children</strong>. More generous calculations can increase mothers’ ability to care for children in line with social expectations, mitigating the social exclusion of children. Making it easier to request a reassessment based on changed or unexpected costs would better reflect the financial contingencies of raising a child. </p></li>
<li><p><strong>Take compliance seriously</strong>. This requires timely responses to payment issues, increasing the investigative powers available to the department, <a href="http://www.australianreview.net/journal/v11/n2/cook.html">closing tax return loopholes</a> and imposing “sticks” (for example, fines) for late payment. Importantly, introducing state-guaranteed child support payments will limit the financial instability arising from unreliable child support.</p></li>
<li><p><strong>Facilitate information sharing between the department, the Tax Office and Centrelink</strong>. This will mean women are not required to report information multiple times, welfare payments can be adjusted in response to child support inconsistencies, and information is not lost in the system. Government should systematise communication between police and the department in instances of domestic violence (with women’s consent).</p></li>
<li><p><strong>Improve departmental communication and support to parents</strong>. There should be straightforward, written materials communicating amounts of child support paid and outstanding, relevant options and processes (particularly exemptions from seeking child support <a href="http://guides.dss.gov.au/family-assistance-guide/3/1/5/70">in instances of domestic violence</a>), and the relationship between child support and government payments. Parents should also be able to have face-to-face meetings with department staff, social workers and case managers. Staff should be trained to identify and respond to domestic violence, which impacts on the <a href="http://search.informit.com.au/documentSummary;dn=923393563390121;res=IELAPA">dynamics of child support payment and non-payment</a>.</p></li>
</ul>
<p>Implementing the recommended changes will address immediate challenges faced by women. However, the poverty experienced by disproportionately high levels of <a href="http://benews.unimelb.edu.au/2013/2013-hilda-report-sounds-the-alarm-on-child-poverty/">single mothers</a> exacerbates the impacts of child support failures. </p>
<p>Changing discrete practices can only be a first step in a much bolder approach to supporting and valuing single mothers and their children.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/54326/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Kristin Natalier has previously received funding from the Australian Housing and Urban Research Institute.
She is Treasurer of The Australian Sociological Association.</span></em></p>Single mothers have identified a number of impediments to receiving adequate child support, including compliance, costs and difficult interactions with government agencies.Kristin Natalier, Associate Professor in Sociology, Flinders UniversityLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/336202014-11-12T10:38:38Z2014-11-12T10:38:38ZChild custody - parental rights vs the child’s best interest<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/64307/original/mmk9sjpr-1415739303.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">How can parents who no longer live together continue to raise their children?</span> <span class="attribution"><span class="source">via www.shutterstock.com</span></span></figcaption></figure><p>The November 2014 elections included a North Dakota voter initiative emblematic of the vigorous debate taking place nationwide about child custody.</p>
<p>The “Parental Rights Initiative” required courts to award “equal parenting time” to both parents after divorce or separation. The <a href="http://knowledgecenter.csg.org/kc/content/north-dakota-defeats-parental-rights-ballot-initiative-measure">measure</a> was defeated by a sizeable margin (62% to 38%) but it represents only the latest round in a combustible campaign to change how child custody cases are decided.</p>
<h2>A history of child custody (in a nutshell)</h2>
<p>Colonial Americans followed the English common law rule that upon divorce the father retained custody of his children. Fathers had the right to the physical custody, labor and earnings of their children in exchange for supporting, educating, and training them to earn their own livelihoods or, in the case of girls, marry a man who would support them.</p>
<p>Colonial mothers, though deemed worthy of honor and deference, were not endowed with legally enforceable parental rights. </p>
<p>This paternal preference continued well into the 19th century. In fact, the 1848 <a href="http://www.npg.si.edu/col/seneca/senfalls1.htm">Women’s Rights Convention in Seneca Falls</a> – the first women’s rights convention – listed the fathers’ automatic custody rule among its principal complaints. But women began gaining the upper hand as our legal system dealt with two cultural transformations: the industrial revolution’s remaking men into marketplace wage earners and the emergence of a “separate sphere” for women as domestic caregivers. </p>
<p>By the early 20th century, motherhood had attained near-mythical status. Under the “<a href="http://legal-dictionary.thefreedictionary.com/Tender+Years+Doctrine">tender years” presumption</a>, custody of young children was almost exclusively awarded to mothers upon divorce. </p>
<p>It took a social revolution to unseat the tender years doctrine and replace it with gender-neutral custody standards. </p>
<p>Mounting divorce rates in the 1960s and ensuing decades provoked a lively debate about parental roles and custody issues. The movement for gender equality, along with the rise of fathers’ rights groups, called attention to the importance of both parents in the care of children at the same time as loosening the link between gender and parental roles. </p>
<p>The end of formal rules dictating a result favoring one parent over the other led to the adoption of a more inclusive but less definitive standard of deciding custody cases based on the “best interests of the child.” This standard opened up the possibility of excessive judicial discretion as well as a threat of inconsistency in the results, resulting in hotly contested custody battles.</p>
<h2>From the rule of one to the sharing of custody</h2>
<p>No matter how child custody was determined, one rule continued to be ironclad: custody was indivisible. After a marital breakup, only one parent could properly raise the children, with the other parent entitled merely to visiting rights. Until the late 20th century, courts regularly refused to allow divorcing parents to share custody. The dominant view was that after divorce a child needed the full time stability of a home run by one parent. </p>
<p>The greater social and legal acceptance of shared custody in recent decades came about when parents began shouldering more equal parenting responsibilities. State legislatures, courts, and parents themselves began to value the opportunity for a child to continue a strong and meaningful relationship with both parents. The new approach sought to avoid treating one parent as merely a visitor, and to reduce the trauma of marital dissolution for children. Sharing custody also became a way to circumvent the brutal dynamics of adversarial child custody litigation.</p>
<p>An important <a href="http://link.springer.com/article/10.1007%2Fs13524-014-0307-8">2014 study</a> shows that child custody norms are significantly changing in the 21st century, with the proportion of parents sharing custody rising dramatically. In fact, we reached a major milestone in the past decade: for the first time since the mid-19th century, custodial arrangements that did <em>not</em> provide sole custody to mothers constituted a majority. </p>
<p>The vocabulary of child custody is also adapting to shared parenting. </p>
<p>“Decision making” and “parenting time” are replacing “legal custody” and “physical custody.” The modern terms reflect a cultural pivot toward mutual child rearing responsibilities rather than declaring a winner and a loser. On balance, then, it appears that our society has adapted the best-interest-of-the-child standard to provide some variant of shared custody. In custody cases today, both parents increasingly enjoy significant, though not necessarily equal, amounts of parenting time. </p>
<h2>The problem with presumptions, and a better alternative</h2>
<p>Legally enforceable presumptions, such as the one proposed and rejected in North Dakota or <a href="https://www.revisor.mn.gov/bills/text.php?number=HF322&version=0&session_year=2011&session_number=0.">the one</a> that the Governor of Minnesota vetoed in 2012, are problematic. An equal parenting presumption shifts the starting point for a custody determination from the child’s best interests to how the parents will divide the 168 hours in a week so that each parent handles half the child rearing. </p>
<p>A 50/50 presumption alters the critical issue from what’s best for the child to how we can treat the parents equally. That’s not the same question at all. A legal presumption of equal parenting time effectively converts the current focus on the child’s welfare to a best-interests-of-the-parents standard. </p>
<p>There is another alternative, better than having a judge decide the child’s best interests and far better than a legal presumption. </p>
<p>In the past few years, separating and divorcing parents have begun taking matters into their own hands by crafting “parenting plans” for their children. These blueprints for post-divorce child rearing allocate parenting time and decision-making authority for each child, depending on the child’s particular needs and circumstances. A good parenting plan also sets out dispute resolution options (such as mediation or a parenting coordinator) for the inevitable time when the parents will face unanticipated child rearing problems. </p>
<p>Many states - <a href="http://www.azleg.state.az.us/ars/25/00403-02.htm">Arizona</a> is a leader on the issue - are redefining the issue of parenting after divorce from a demand for custody by one parent to a requirement that both parents work together to create a <a href="http://www.azcourts.gov/portals/31/parentingTime/PPWguidelines.pdf">“parenting plan.”</a> These plans further the public policy goal that children have frequent and continuing contact with both parents, and that both share in the responsibilities of raising their children.</p>
<p>Parenting plans may be crafted from scratch, or they may be customized from a menu of templates and sample plans available from court or private organization websites. Parents often negotiate these plans by themselves, with the help of a mediator, or through counsel. The plans should be flexible but fairly detailed, describing each parent’s area of responsibility in providing for the child’s residential and physical care as well as emotional well being, both at the time the plan goes into effect and as the child ages and matures. </p>
<p>Unlike a court custody order, a parenting plan can include mechanisms to adjust to children’s developmental changes as they age and to other significant family transformations. </p>
<p>Parenting plans are homemade custody resolutions, and courts remain a last resort for deciding contested custody cases. But the parenting plan movement is providing approaches towards sharing custody more in keeping with child development research and less likely to lead to further damaging litigation. </p>
<p>The failed North Dakota “equal parenting time” initiative sought a rigid resolution of the most sensitive issue after divorce: how can parents who no longer live together continue to raise their children. </p>
<p>Our society is gradually adopting shared parenting by choice, not by mathematical formula. We should encourage the movement toward parenting plans rather than legal briefs, mediation rather than litigation, and sharing the parenting rather than dividing the child.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/33620/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>J Herbie DiFonzo does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organization that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.</span></em></p>The November 2014 elections included a North Dakota voter initiative emblematic of the vigorous debate taking place nationwide about child custody. The “Parental Rights Initiative” required courts to award…J Herbie DiFonzo, Professor of Law, Hofstra UniversityLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/200062013-11-21T14:54:56Z2013-11-21T14:54:56ZHard evidence: what sort of people are absent fathers?<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/35707/original/cx8tsg43-1384962169.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">Fathers stick around if they can afford to.</span> <span class="attribution"><span class="source">Orlando Rob</span></span></figcaption></figure><p>Since the 1970s, family life in the UK has changed dramatically. Increases in relationship breakdown, remarriage and repartnering have seen us move away from the traditional, two-parent nuclear family and towards more diverse forms of family life.</p>
<p>As a consequence, there are more children living apart from a parent than ever before. <a href="http://www.ons.gov.uk/ons/rel/ghs/general-lifestyle-survey/2011/rpt-40-years.html">ONS figures</a> show that the number of single parent families has increased from 8% in 1971 to 26% in 2011. It is estimated that up to 97% of single parents are mothers, which means that a large number of fathers are non-resident.</p>
<p>Non-resident fathers are frequently described in negative terms, just last week the Conservative MP David Davis fell back on the old adage of <a href="http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-wales-politics-24916242">“feckless fathers”</a>. However very little is known about non-resident fathers. They are a difficult group to research as no data is systemically collected about them.</p>
<p>The assumed number of non-resident fathers is often based on inaccurate proxies using rates of lone motherhood. Using data from a representative UK-wide survey, information collected from non-resident fathers themselves, we have sought to provide an accurate picture of how many fathers are non-resident and what what sort of people they are.</p>
<h2>Who are non-resident fathers?</h2>
<p>ONS estimates show that more than 20 million men aged 16-64 were living in the UK in mid-2012. From our analysis 5% of men in the UK reported that they had a non-resident child aged under 16 years old, which equates to just under a million non-resident fathers </p>
<p>Of course non-resident fathers form a diverse cross-section of men, with a range of ages, ethnicities, relationship histories and economic situations. However, we found there are a number of key differences between those fathers who live with their dependent children and those who do not. </p>
<p>Non-resident fathers emerge as a more disadvantaged group than resident fathers. They are less likely to be in work, have educational qualifications and be a home owner. For example 25% of non-resident fathers have no qualifications and 17% are unemployed, compared with 17% and 7% of resident fathers, respectively.</p>
<p>Other <a href="http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/j.1741-3737.2001.00381.x/abstract">research</a> has shown that non-resident fathers have poorer physical and emotional well-being compared with resident fathers and men who don’t have children.</p>
<figure class="align-center zoomable">
<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/35795/original/99kx9p5b-1385035209.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/35795/original/99kx9p5b-1385035209.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/35795/original/99kx9p5b-1385035209.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=246&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/35795/original/99kx9p5b-1385035209.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=246&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/35795/original/99kx9p5b-1385035209.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=246&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/35795/original/99kx9p5b-1385035209.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=309&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/35795/original/99kx9p5b-1385035209.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=309&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/35795/original/99kx9p5b-1385035209.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=309&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">Fathers’ working status by whether or not they have non-resident children.</span>
<span class="attribution"><span class="source">Natcen</span></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p><a href="http://www.modernfatherhood.org/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/Briefing-paper-Non-resident-fathers.pdf">Our research</a> shows that the ethnic background of fathers is significantly related to non-residency. Fathers from Asian backgrounds (Indian, Bangladeshi and Pakistani) are the least likely to be non-resident whereas Black Caribbean, mixed race and Black African fathers are the most likely. Whereas just 6% of Pakistani fathers and 7% of Bangladeshi fathers are non-resident, 32% of Black Caribbean, 21% of mixed race and 19% of Black Caribbean fathers have non-resident children.</p>
<p>It also appears that the more relationships that a father has had, the more likely he is to have non-resident children. Whereas 73% of resident fathers report that they have only been married once or cohabited with a partner for at least 6 months, only 32% of non-resident fathers said the same. Non-resident fathers reported a range of relationship histories. They are more likely than resident fathers to have had multiple relationships but also more likely to have had no relationships at all.</p>
<h2>Keeping in touch</h2>
<p>The vast majority of non-resident fathers maintain contact with their children, with 38% saying that they are in contact several times a week. Only 13% of non-resident fathers report that they never see their children. Again using ONS population estimates, this equates to just 129,000 fathers in the UK. Given the widely publicised Centre for Social Justice report earlier this year which used terms such as <a href="http://www.centreforsocialjustice.org.uk/UserStorage/pdf/Press%20releases%202013/CSJ-Press-Release-Lone-Parents.pdf">“man deserts”</a> this figure is surprisingly low.</p>
<p>_</p>
<figure class="align-center zoomable">
<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/35796/original/9j5qbngj-1385036491.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/35796/original/9j5qbngj-1385036491.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/35796/original/9j5qbngj-1385036491.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=386&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/35796/original/9j5qbngj-1385036491.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=386&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/35796/original/9j5qbngj-1385036491.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=386&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/35796/original/9j5qbngj-1385036491.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=485&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/35796/original/9j5qbngj-1385036491.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=485&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/35796/original/9j5qbngj-1385036491.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=485&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">Amount of contact non-resident fathers have with their children.</span>
<span class="attribution"><span class="source">Natcen</span></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>Several factors are related to whether a father is in contact with his non-resident children. Those with a second family and those in more difficult economic circumstances are less likely to maintain contact.</p>
<h2>Money matters</h2>
<p>The link between child support and contact is well-established but it is not straightforward and the direction of the relationship is not clear. Nevertheless, despite the lack of clarity on cause and effect, it is evident that non-resident fathers who are in contact with their children are more likely to provide financially for their non-resident children than those with no contact.</p>
<figure class="align-center zoomable">
<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/35798/original/7wyh9rdk-1385036830.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/35798/original/7wyh9rdk-1385036830.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/35798/original/7wyh9rdk-1385036830.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=272&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/35798/original/7wyh9rdk-1385036830.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=272&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/35798/original/7wyh9rdk-1385036830.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=272&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/35798/original/7wyh9rdk-1385036830.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=342&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/35798/original/7wyh9rdk-1385036830.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=342&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/35798/original/7wyh9rdk-1385036830.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=342&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">Amount of contact non-resident fathers have with their children, by whether they provide money for child support.</span>
<span class="attribution"><span class="source">Natcen</span></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>That said, there is a tendency to misreport on this issue. Resident parents often underestimate how much of a contribution the other parent makes, while non-resident parents overestimate levels of contact and child support.</p>
<p>The figures show that non-resident fathers are usually still very much a part of their children’s lives but that factors such as economic circumstances can have an impact on the extent of their contact. While the overall figures on contact are positive, more research is needed to unpick the reasons why some fathers are not in contact with their children and whether policy changes could be made to improve the situation. </p>
<p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/topics/hard-evidence">Hard Evidence</a> is a series of articles in which academics use research evidence to tackle the trickiest public policy questions.</em></p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/20006/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Eloise Poole receives funding from the ESRC under the Secondary Data Analysis Initiative.</span></em></p>Since the 1970s, family life in the UK has changed dramatically. Increases in relationship breakdown, remarriage and repartnering have seen us move away from the traditional, two-parent nuclear family…Eloise Poole, Senior Researcher, Children & Young People, National Centre for Social ResearchLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/159662013-08-09T13:33:15Z2013-08-09T13:33:15ZSilver separation could be a headache for women<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/28921/original/tmd2c32c-1375952270.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">Ronnie and Jo Wood pre silver separation</span> <span class="attribution"><span class="source">Sean Dempsey/PA</span></span></figcaption></figure><p>Longer and healthier lives mean more married couples in their 60s are spying the possibility of second chances. <a href="http://www.ons.gov.uk/ons/rel/family-demography/older-people-divorcing/2011/sty-divorce.html">Office for National Statistics figures</a> released yesterday suggest the trend for “silver separators” in the UK is still building. In 2011, divorce rates among men over 60 had increased by 44% since 1991 despite an overall decrease in divorce rates. The figures are at their highest since the <a href="http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-12417483">Divorce Reform Act</a> made it easier for people to divorce in 1971.</p>
<p>In the US, divorce among the over 50s <a href="http://www.bgsu.edu/downloads/cas/file94173.pdf">has doubled</a> in the last 20 years. This is paralleled in Australia, where the average age for divorcing couples <a href="http://www.abs.gov.au/ausstats/abs@.nsf/Products/FA863DAD965E1050CA257AC500113144?opendocument">has risen</a> from an average of 34 to around 43. This is no blip, and there is every reason to believe that silver separation rates will continue to rise and keep at a much higher level for the long term.</p>
<figure class="align-center ">
<img alt="" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/28855/original/q5sxssgw-1375879396.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/28855/original/q5sxssgw-1375879396.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=482&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/28855/original/q5sxssgw-1375879396.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=482&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/28855/original/q5sxssgw-1375879396.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=482&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/28855/original/q5sxssgw-1375879396.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=606&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/28855/original/q5sxssgw-1375879396.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=606&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/28855/original/q5sxssgw-1375879396.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=606&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px">
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<span class="attribution"><span class="source">Office for National Statistics licensed under the Open Government Licence v.1.0</span></span>
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<p>This is positive. It signals increasing independence amongst older people. They will increasingly have new opportunities, and more of a role in society, rather than be assumed to be “retiring” from social life as well as career when they reach a certain age. Longevity and the possibility of new adventures is something to be celebrated.</p>
<p>The report suggests that these increasing break-ups are due to a combination of longer life expectancy, a loss of stigma in being divorced, and increasing participation in the labour market by women. However, this increase may not be sufficient.</p>
<h2>Not the whole story</h2>
<p>For women, divorce late in life could be a risky strategy. There is a real danger that, without further changes to female employment expectations, older women will become the fastest growing disadvantaged group in society. Women live longer, and <a href="http://www.theguardian.com/news/datablog/2013/mar/07/general-household-survey-smoking-drinking-living-alone#alone">more and more of them live alone</a>. Pensioners in general are also more likely to be affected by poverty, and therefore single older women are at greatest risk of poverty and isolation. </p>
<p>By contrast, men are more likely to have worked for longer, and in positions where they are being paid more and have accumulated more in the way of savings and a pension pot. For example, <a href="http://ec.europa.eu/europe2020/pdf/themes/31_labour_market_participation_of_women.pdf">EU figures show</a> that among 55-64 year-olds, around 60% of women aren’t working, compared with 40% of men.</p>
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<img alt="" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/28863/original/pqxchm3w-1375889656.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/28863/original/pqxchm3w-1375889656.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=157&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/28863/original/pqxchm3w-1375889656.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=157&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/28863/original/pqxchm3w-1375889656.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=157&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/28863/original/pqxchm3w-1375889656.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=197&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/28863/original/pqxchm3w-1375889656.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=197&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/28863/original/pqxchm3w-1375889656.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=197&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px">
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<span class="attribution"><span class="source">Office for National Statistics licensed under the Open Government Licence v.1.0</span></span>
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<p>The basic solution is for women to be more engaged in work throughout their lives in order to provide longer-term social and economic security. <a href="https://www.gov.uk/government/news/default-retirement-age-to-end-this-year">The changes in statutory retirement age</a> should help by allowing more people the opportunity to work for longer, and encourage more employers to see the value of retaining older employees on the payroll. This should allow for more flexibility in people’s lives. </p>
<p>If we could begin to break away from the idea of a <em>status quo</em> progression along the conveyor belt of education, work and then retirement - and only ever in that order - then there would be more understanding of the additional demands on women. The greater flexibility that this would allow would engender a more malleable idea of working life. This would encourage time out for children, caring responsibilities, as well as training and development and career changes at different stages. </p>
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<img alt="" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/28922/original/4thn4xtx-1375953358.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=237&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/28922/original/4thn4xtx-1375953358.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=394&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/28922/original/4thn4xtx-1375953358.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=394&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/28922/original/4thn4xtx-1375953358.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=394&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/28922/original/4thn4xtx-1375953358.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=495&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/28922/original/4thn4xtx-1375953358.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=495&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/28922/original/4thn4xtx-1375953358.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=495&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px">
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<span class="caption">Axed BBC presenter Miriam O'Reilly.</span>
<span class="attribution"><span class="source">Yui Mok/PA</span></span>
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<p>As ever, the biggest challenges to overcome are all cultural. Any attempt to keep more older women in the workforce is going to be tough, because women <a href="http://www.theguardian.com/world/2012/sep/29/generation-women-toxic-ageism-sexism">are reported</a> to experience ageism at a younger age than men. While the world has seen real change in the roles of men and women in the UK over the past 60 years, workplaces have remained strangely unaffected. </p>
<p>There is still an assumption that family life shouldn’t be allowed to impinge on work - meaning that women are still regarded as potentially unreliable due to caring responsibilities, while men are considered to be naturally more focused and rational when it comes to continuing with work. The <a href="http://news.bis.gov.uk/Press-Releases/Mums-and-dads-will-share-parental-leave-68330.aspx">new legislation</a> allowing greater paternity leave for childcare is a small step in the right direction.</p>
<p>The idea of traditional roles are going to take some time to shift - but need to change to reflect the new realities of extended lives and older populations looking for both security and second chances. The <a href="http://whqlibdoc.who.int/hq/2012/WHO_DCO_WHD_2012.2_eng.pdf">World Health Organisation argues</a> that while years have been added to life, we must now start adding life to years - and this is going to be a highly pertinent issue for women in the coming years.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/15966/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Christine Broughan does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.</span></em></p>Longer and healthier lives mean more married couples in their 60s are spying the possibility of second chances. Office for National Statistics figures released yesterday suggest the trend for “silver separators…Christine Broughan, Co-Director, Age Research Centre, Coventry UniversityLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/51312012-02-07T19:09:54Z2012-02-07T19:09:54ZWho decides what’s best for children?<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/7449/original/z7knhdfj-1328585999.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">Australia has been ahead of the pack in recognising equal rights for parents.</span> <span class="attribution"><span class="source">Kayla Sawyer</span></span></figcaption></figure><p>Social issues involving young children and warring interest groups make good media fodder. So researchers involved in these areas have to decide very carefully how to promote their findings to stop their work from being taken out of context. The latest chapter of the “shared care” debate shows how tricky this can be. </p>
<p>The <a href="http://www.comlaw.gov.au/Details/C2006A00046">2006 reforms to the Family Law Act</a> promoted the idea of fathers and mothers sharing the care of their children after separation. Opponents saw the changes as a disaster brought about by fathers’ rights groups; supporters saw it as fair and a recognition that men’s family roles had changed. </p>
<p>Australia was ahead of the pack in recognising equal rights for parents. It was only last year that <a href="http://www.israelnationalnews.com/News/News.aspx/151920#.TynBZuP264I">Israel’s justice ministry accepted the findings</a> of an expert committee recommending the “Tender Years Doctrine”, which automatically gave the care of children under six years old to their mother, be scrapped. </p>
<p>In Britain, two private members bills – the Shared Parenting Orders and Children’s Access to Parents bills – have been introduced to give fathers greater access to their children after divorce. </p>
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<img alt="" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/7422/original/s527wbq3-1328572985.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=237&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/7422/original/s527wbq3-1328572985.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=752&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/7422/original/s527wbq3-1328572985.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=752&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/7422/original/s527wbq3-1328572985.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=752&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/7422/original/s527wbq3-1328572985.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=945&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/7422/original/s527wbq3-1328572985.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=945&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/7422/original/s527wbq3-1328572985.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=945&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px">
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<span class="attribution"><span class="source">mau ry/flickr</span></span>
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<p>The Australian reforms have not been accepted without conflict. After <a href="http://www.abc.net.au/radionational/programs/backgroundbriefing/5050-parenting/2926656">criticism from legal experts and women’s advocates</a>, sections of the reforms were amended last year to make it clear that the interests of the child were to be rated above sharing of care between parents.</p>
<p>Now questions are being asked again about the basis of shared care. There’s a debate about whether very young children, those under two years old, for instance, should be allowed to spend the night with their other parent (in most cases,the father) after separation.</p>
<p>A <a href="http://www.familytransitions.com.au/Family_Transitions/Family_Transitions_files/Post%20Separation%20parenting%20arrangements%20and%20developmental%20outcomes%20for%20children%20%26%20infants%202010.pdf">recent report on post-separation parenting</a> to the attorney general recommended that “shared care should not normally be the starting point for discussions about parenting arrangements for very young children.” </p>
<p>The report used supporting evidence from an examination of data from <a href="http://www.aifs.gov.au/growingup/">Growing up in Australia</a>, a large national study following children and their families from the first year of life. It concluded that babies under two years who lived one or more overnights a week with both parents were significantly stressed.</p>
<p>Based on this report the Australian Association for Infant Mental Health (AAIMH), a group of professionals involved with families and their infants, released a set of guidelines – <a href="http://www.aaimhi.org/inewsfiles/AAIMHI_Guideline_1_-_Infants_and_overnight_care_post_separation_and_divorce.pdf">Infants and overnight care - post-separation and divorce</a> – for deciding on this issue when parents separate. </p>
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<img alt="" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/7441/original/c9vdp7bm-1328583870.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=237&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/7441/original/c9vdp7bm-1328583870.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=766&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/7441/original/c9vdp7bm-1328583870.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=766&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/7441/original/c9vdp7bm-1328583870.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=766&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/7441/original/c9vdp7bm-1328583870.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=963&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/7441/original/c9vdp7bm-1328583870.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=963&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/7441/original/c9vdp7bm-1328583870.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=963&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px">
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<span class="attribution"><span class="source">Jennifer König</span></span>
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<p>Their rules are clear: children under two years should not have overnight time away from the primary care-giver unless it’s necessary. In high conflict cases before the family court, no overnight care is appropriate before the child is three years old.</p>
<p>For such a sweeping decree, you’d expect the research to be pretty much watertight. But there are <a href="http://books.google.com.au/books?id=hlCvhtRfYdoC&q=mcintosh#v=snippet&q=mcintosh&f=false">few studies</a> of overnight care with young children and the results from these are contested. </p>
<p><a href="http://www.aflc.com.au/Documents/Session%201_Cashmore%20and%20Parkinson%20Contact%20Arrangements%20for%20Young%20Children%20June%202011.pdf">Researchers have also pointed to weaknesses</a> in the AAIMH guidelines. Although the <a href="http://www.aifs.gov.au/growingup/">Growing up in Australia</a> study began with over 10,000 children, in the under-two age group, for the purposes of the guidelines, only 21 parents were classed as primary carers, and 64 ended up in the shared-care group. What’s more, the primary-care group included children who did stay one night a week with the other parent. So the evidence for overnight care away from the primary carer being damaging for infants is suggestive but not conclusive.</p>
<p>There’s nothing sinister in this; the authors of the Australian study are well-respected researchers with impressive track records in the area. Evaluation of emerging research is expected to detect flaws and doubts. </p>
<p>But guidelines barring parents from overnight care of their children ought to be firmly based on solid evidence. In this case, it appears that the results of the research have been stretched too far. Those deciding on parenting arrangements for young children after separation will still need to weigh up the benefits and the costs of sharing night-time care. </p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/5131/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Richard Fletcher receives funding from both government and non-government bodies.</span></em></p>Social issues involving young children and warring interest groups make good media fodder. So researchers involved in these areas have to decide very carefully how to promote their findings to stop their…Richard Fletcher, Senior Lecturer, Faculty of Health , University of NewcastleLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.