Dania, well said !x

Jenny, congratulations on raising your adopted children. I'm sure they appreciate what you have done for them.

Patricia, of course the long term solution is economic development, especially educating girls. The short term is often undervalued, however, and in the short term the lives of a lot of children could be improved and extended through adoption. If you have the data on relative infant mortality, it wouldn't be that hard to show how many children stopping inter-country adoption would kill each year. It would also be good to have evidence from a longitudinal study of why parents give up children, how many want them back later, and whether they go on to have other children. A mechanism to reconnect shouldn't be that hard either ...

An excellent comment, Angela. As an adoptee I often feel we are not heard and carry the burden of 'gratitude' for being adopted. This is a thoughtful article and raises many considerations that are relevant overseas adoptions occuring today and past adoptions that have already occured.

What I can never understand is if people are so desperate to 'help' or 'save' children why are they not donating to relevant charities, making loans to small businesses via an organisation such as Kiva or volunteering their time and skills to helping mothers keep their children? If parents genuinely can't care for their own children we need to find better alternatives than inter-country adoption; placements within their own families, or at least within their own culture, preferably nearby so contact can be maintained between parents and children. We need to look at our own culture and ask what it is that's driving people so desperately to have children that industries such as private adoption and child trafficking are thriving. The author correctly states that adopted children are somebody elses children - while I don't believe that waiting-to-be parents would willingly accept a child they knew hadn't been surrendered voluntarily, I do believe that many of these parents-to-be are having their desires taken advantage of, which in turn is depriving birth parents of their children and children of their birth parents.

Please understand I mean no disrespect to those who have adopted children, I cannot imagine the process you have been through and I do not doubt that your children are being raised with the utmost love, care and attention. I just do not believe adoption is the happy solution that it's made out to be and authorities (not to mention the media!) need to be more attentive to the dilemma of adoption. I am finding writing this comment difficult as it is a very emotive subject for me, I want to be respectful to all parties, though I am passionate about making the adopted childs voice heard - our voice is rarely heard as it is assumed it is all warm fuzzy love and hugs. It is conveniently overlooked that we have our own thoughts and feelings, all of us very, very different and much of it assumed by others. I am certain that my parents feel very differently about my adoption than I do and I don't think they know what my honest views on adoption are.

I look forward to an open and honest discussion on adoption. It can only lead to something better for everyone involved.

Kate Rowan-Robinson. Thank you Kate and could not agree more with your comments X

Hi Kate,

I would like to address just a couple of the points you have bought up in your comment, not to create a situation of adoptive parent vs adoptee but rather perhaps clarify a few things for yourself and other readers.

In your second paragraph you discuss people who are desperate to help or save children and wonder why they don't donate to relevant charities etc... I think you'll find that many many adoptive parents or prospective adoptive parents are already supporting charities and also volunteering in various capacities. However they/we are discouraged to send any assistance to the country we are applying to adopt from. This is to avoid risk of trafficking and is upheld by the adoption community.

Regarding the 'better alternatives' than intercountry adoption. We actually agree. The best placement for a child is within their birth family presuming that this is a safe environment. The next best option is within their birth culture and certainly to be able to maintain contact with the birth family in some capacity is ideal. Beyond that intercountry adoption is a viable and more often than not successful option for a child to have a family. Would they be better in an orphanage in their own country? I maintain that family is still a better alternative, which is in line with the Hague convention. This is from having watched our daughter's progress as she shifted from instiutionalised mannerisms to the relaxed demeanor of a child who belongs and also from listening to older children, still in an orphanage who desperately want a family of their own. While some may pull apart that last sentence as emotive it is truth and the hardest part to swallow is that those children know that the chances of that are slim.

You did comment on the authors statement that adopted children are somebody else's children however it is vital that the argument is not weighted too heavily in suggesting that children are unfairly taken away from their birth families. Like it or not the hard fact is that many birth parents have made a conscious, educated decision to surrender their children for adoption. They have been given opportunity to visit with their children and to change their minds. It is important to show respect to those parents and to the orphanages who run good ethical programs. Not all orphanages are out for a buck.

So yes, while adopted children are somebody else's children they are also our children. I find the authors statement around that was not well balanced tends create a sense of injustice in the reader.

I feel your frustration in saying your voice is not heard. Believe it or not we feel that way too. It is actually rare to truly hear from an adoptive parent and now in the one week we can celebrate and encourage (ethical) adoption we find ourselves on the back foot having to defend something which we are so passionate about.

I would like to assure yourself and other adoptees reading and commenting in this conversation that adoptive parents these days are well informed and continue reading and resourcing so that we can raise our children to be confident in their identity, knowing that so much of their identity lays in their birth family and culture.

HI Kate. It is very hard to understand from our perspective living in Australia that birth parents in third world countries often have no other choice. It is devastating for them and their babies. I have never had a warm and fuzzy feeling about the reality that my children's birth mother, their other Mummy, felt she had no options but to place her children in the state's care. I am deeply saddened and hurt for her. We hold them in high esteem in our family, pray for them and honour them on Mother's Day. We talk about the day they will hopefully meet. I think you will find most modern adoptive families also feel this way. We also understand that there in nothing 'neat' and today about any of this. My children have issues of abandonment, rejection and loss. Something that happened several years before I met them. Together as a family we work hard to help them through those issues and find ways to manage their feelings and anxieties. Issues that we all as adults understand will haunt them forever. The other option for them was to be raised in an orphanage and then sent on their way at 16. No family, no support and no solid future.

Incidentally we do support the orphanages our children come from. Both work hard to reunite children with birth families and to provide support for birth mother to keep their children. Adoption is the last resort.

Hi Nikki,

As strange as it might seem I do appreciate where you are coming from. I do my best not to be clouded by my own experience and try to take a step back. I do agree that these women are giving up their children to give them the best opportunity at life and I am glad that children can be provided with safe homes. It's difficult to explain how it feels to be on this side of adoption and while we may have grown up in better circumstances than what we would have done there is still the eternal feeling of pieces missing and an internal void. As I am fond of saying "I was never meant for this world".

I'm not so blind that I can't see the good work people are trying to do and indeed I do my best to help those who may be struggling. My postgraduate degree is hopefully going to enable me work with an international aid agency to provide family planning and sexual/reproductive healthcare to vulnerable populations. In turn I hope that maybe one day a family won't have to be divided.

Thank you for your thoughts and careful consideration. I can see that it is an issue you care deeply about and you genuinely want to make a positive difference.