tag:theconversation.com,2011:/uk/topics/parenthood-2252/articlesParenthood – The Conversation2024-02-15T13:16:03Ztag:theconversation.com,2011:article/2225672024-02-15T13:16:03Z2024-02-15T13:16:03ZMost people would be equally satisfied with having one child as with two or three – new research<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/575046/original/file-20240212-18-cr3m9v.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=0%2C0%2C2650%2C1918&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">
</span> <span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.shutterstock.com/image-photo/diverse-culture-families-playing-children-on-644803663">Tint Media/Shutterstock</a></span></figcaption></figure><p>Picture your ideal family. Do you have children? How many?</p>
<p>It’s fairly well established that when asked about their ideal family, people <a href="https://uk.style.yahoo.com/parents-happiest-with-this-number-of-children-130657574.html?guccounter=1&guce_referrer=aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cuZ29vZ2xlLmNvbS8&guce_referrer_sig=AQAAALSMoZY_favqh1RLJg3osUVkZY4Rcc-gZ73Db3kMC4q4wHFgjNXJeTMPDGEwWCJfcYMawoqwwsnmEprKNbIpz1qN6Dh3gSvg3SLmTlvez2ll1oiAXxQics4EvK5c5M4Kw73OjCf2ADaZ_uO3NxJkkhniFfs20KNzuUuLll_4-5Mi">tend to say</a> that <a href="https://www.businessinsider.com/american-families-ideal-number-of-kids-cost-raising-child-expensive-2023-11?r=US&IR=T">two children</a> is the best number to have. But this regularity has come about from asking the simple question: “Ideally, how many children would you like to have?”. </p>
<p>But if two children really was the best number to have, surely most people would have two – but they don’t. In South Korea, the average number of children is less than one per woman. In the US it’s 1.64. </p>
<p>A huge number of studies have tried to figure out why this is – why there’s a gap between the number of children people say they want, and how many they have. But it turns out we may have been asking the wrong questions. </p>
<p>When you take a different approach and ask people to rate different options of family life, you get a far more accurate idea of what people are happy with. <a href="https://www.pnas.org/doi/10.1073/pnas.2311847121">My research</a> with colleagues has done just this. I found that people still valued parenthood. But they valued having one child just as highly as having two or three. </p>
<h2>Family values</h2>
<p>A family isn’t just about the number of children. There are a whole range of other things to consider when thinking about what your ideal family might look like. Are you married, cohabiting, or a single parent? Who does the washing up and changes the nappies? What does the work-life balance in your family look like? </p>
<figure class="align-center ">
<img alt="Family of three in kitchen" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/575047/original/file-20240212-20-gm8rij.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/575047/original/file-20240212-20-gm8rij.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/575047/original/file-20240212-20-gm8rij.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/575047/original/file-20240212-20-gm8rij.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/575047/original/file-20240212-20-gm8rij.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/575047/original/file-20240212-20-gm8rij.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/575047/original/file-20240212-20-gm8rij.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px">
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">We found that number of children mattered less than you might expect.</span>
<span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.shutterstock.com/image-photo/happy-young-family-three-home-kitchen-45888763">michaeljung/Shutterstock</a></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>When you bring in factors like this, the ideal number of children starts to change. </p>
<p>We carried out research with around 10,000 people in a range of countries: the US, Norway, Italy, Spain, Japan, China, South Korea and Singapore. We showed each person in the study six scenarios with descriptions of different families. Half of the respondents were shown scenarios that included families with no children as well as with children, and the other half saw scenarios that included families with one, two or three children. </p>
<p>These scenarios had further varying factors, such as traditional or egalitarian gender roles and the amount of contact with extended family. In some, family members communicated well, and not in others. We asked the people in our study to rate these different scenarios on a scale from one to ten.</p>
<p>The findings are clear. Looking at all the responses, overall people do feel that a family with no children is not ideal. Parenthood still matters. But there is no discernable difference in how people rated the families with one, two or three children. </p>
<p>The only outlier is China, where people viewed having three children somewhat negatively: understandable after decades of policies curbing fertility. Nowhere in our study was having just one child viewed more negatively. </p>
<h2>Importance of communicating</h2>
<p>What does come out very strongly is the role of communication, both within the nuclear family but also with grandparents. This characteristic is the most important feature of the ideal family of today.</p>
<p>If you think about it, this finding is not all too unexpected. Good communication means strong emotional support – and that is what most people would like to receive from a family. If communication breaks down, then why bother with having a family if you can get the necessary support elsewhere through friends and other social networks?</p>
<p>Other features matter too – obviously. Respondents viewed low income negatively (apart from in Norway). More egalitarian gender roles and good work-life balance are important. But our findings, which are remarkably similar across different countries, show that good communication matters the most in people’s vision for good family life – more than the number of children they might have.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/222567/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Arnstein Aassve receives funding from Horizon Europe. </span></em></p>We found no discernable difference in how people rated family scenarios with one, two or three children.Arnstein Aassve, Professor in Demography, Bocconi UniversityLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/2205552024-01-31T12:02:04Z2024-01-31T12:02:04ZYoung dads are painted as feckless or absent – but they’re working to change perceptions<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/571500/original/file-20240125-19-svrgu0.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=38%2C23%2C4414%2C3385&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">shutterstock</span> <span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.shutterstock.com/image-photo/young-caucasian-bearded-father-carrying-newborn-1718826880">Anna Kraynova/Shutterstock</a></span></figcaption></figure><p>For young dads – those aged 25 or younger – sharing the news of their fatherhood may be more likely to bring raised eyebrows than congratulations. </p>
<p>Young dads are <a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s11199-020-01172-8">often portrayed</a> as irresponsible, <a href="https://theconversation.com/the-myth-of-the-fatherless-society-73166">absent</a> or as “deadbeat dads”. <a href="https://fyff.co.uk/files/9ab001a7fa237900e5ddfead9e654f16aa2babf2.pdf">But our research</a> has found that even when pregnancies are unplanned, the children of young fathers are far from unwanted. </p>
<p>Becoming a father for the first time can be a <a href="https://followingfathers.leeds.ac.uk/wp-content/uploads/sites/79/2015/10/Brieifing-Paper-1-web.pdf">transformative experience</a>, but young dads don’t always get the support they need to be the fathers they want to be for their children. </p>
<p>This is a problem because we know that positively involved and engaged fathers <a href="https://www.irp.wisc.edu/links-between-involved-fathers-and-positive-effects-on-children/">have a positive influence</a> on their children’s longer-term social, emotional and educational development. There can also be progress for gender equality when women and men can co-parent effectively together. </p>
<p>Our <a href="https://followingyoungfathersfurther.org/">research</a> has involved talking to and working with young dads to explore how they can be better supported. We have found that they want to be included in the support offered to their partners and that they <a href="https://fyff.co.uk/files/efecbf9ed5d6526e209ba6af988649530945dc69.pdf">value supportive relationships</a> with health and other professionals that are free of judgement and based on care, compassion and understanding.</p>
<h2>Trying to be involved</h2>
<p>Effective support is so important because of some of the disadvantages young dads experience. Being an involved dad can be more straightforward for fathers who have supportive family networks, adequate housing and secure routes to education and employment, as well as access to effective service support. </p>
<p>Yet, we know that young dads, especially those from disadvantaged backgrounds, often struggle to secure <a href="https://fyff.co.uk/files/cc95d4cb23e13a41df9e14c3d098b945613a6991.pdf">stable employment</a>, making it harder to provide economically for their children. If they are on zero-hour contracts or are self-employed they are less able to budget and plan, and they are not entitled to parental leave. </p>
<p>Social security payments are lower for those aged under 25, meaning young dads claiming universal credit are <a href="https://fyff.co.uk/files/16b25d4a6b11fbcc9e5e836f15a0a409dd3566ab.pdf">penalised for their age</a>. Access to secure housing is also difficult for young fathers, especially when they can’t rely on their parents or if they don’t live with their children. Sustaining positive relationships with the mothers of their children, their co-parents, can require living nearby, but housing options may be scarce. </p>
<p>The hurdles young fathers need to overcome often overshadow their strengths and capabilities as parents and their intentions to “be there” for their children as engaged dads. This can lead to issues with <a href="https://fyff.co.uk/files/832041e26557d03238246595eb4ef6350dc92e05.pdf">mental health</a> that either go unnoticed or can lead to challenging behaviour. </p>
<p>Another issue is that services that provide support with parenting, relationships and employment for young fathers are <a href="https://followingfathers.leeds.ac.uk/wp-content/uploads/sites/79/2016/06/Evidence-Report.pdf">few and far</a> between. </p>
<p>Mainstream health services also struggle to include young dads. Dads tell us they want to be included in support, but that this is predominantly aimed at mothers. Additionally, there are few resources for professionals to help them support dads or be more <a href="https://fyff.co.uk/files/efecbf9ed5d6526e209ba6af988649530945dc69.pdf">father-inclusive</a>.</p>
<p>Since January 2020, we have been working on the <a href="https://followingyoungfathersfurther.org/">Following Young Fathers Further</a> study, which aims to remedy this lack of support in a way that is led by young dads themselves. </p>
<h2>Collective support</h2>
<p>We have been working together with dads and professionals who provide specialist support to create resources that are designed to increase and improve support for all dads, but young dads especially. These include two new Young Dads Collectives – groups that bring young dads together with professionals from health, social care, education and beyond – <a href="https://followingfathers.leeds.ac.uk/wp-content/uploads/sites/79/2017/04/SYD-final-report.pdf">in Leeds</a> <a href="https://fyff.co.uk/files/1601d72e665f056bdd7f24d46bc3608d857a0c8d.pdf">and Grimsby</a>. </p>
<p>Young dads provide education and training for these professionals, sharing their experiences about being a dad and how services have treated them. The young dads have the chance to challenge the stereotypical views that may be held about them. Professionals are also asked to consider how to include dads in their support offers and why this is so important for mothers and children as well. One <a href="https://bristoluniversitypressdigital.com/view/journals/frs/aop/article-10.1332-204674321X16913136250482/article-10.1332-204674321X16913136250482.xml">father involved</a> in the Young Dads Collectives said: </p>
<blockquote>
<p>Buzzing, love being listened to. It’s not just the work with the professionals, it’s about meeting up with other dads when we do the planning. We all want other dads to have a better experience.</p>
</blockquote>
<p>Since 2022, we have also been working on an e-learning platform called <a href="https://www.digidad.uk/">DigiDAD</a>, set up with young dads and professionals from a specialist support charity for young fathers in Gateshead called the <a href="https://www.neydl.uk/">North East Young Dads and Lads</a>. </p>
<p><div data-react-class="Tweet" data-react-props="{"tweetId":"1720855476093501541"}"></div></p>
<p>DigiDAD features videos, courses, podcasts and other learning content presented or voiced by young dads. Checked by researchers and other experts for accuracy, the content focuses on parenting skills, managing social care proceedings, dealing with mental health difficulties and relationship skills. </p>
<p>Like the Collectives, DigiDAD gives young dads a place to talk openly about shared challenges and to educate wider audiences about the value of supporting dads. </p>
<p>At the time of writing, DigiDAD content has been watched by <a href="https://www.neydl.uk/2023_annual_report/2/">over 30,000</a> YouTube viewers and accessed as far afield as Peru. </p>
<p>Our research work is proof that young dads themselves are working to change the narrative about young fatherhood. They are active in addressing the negative ideas and stereotypes that so often contribute to the stigma they both experience and internalise. And they are educating health professionals in order to reduce this stigma.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/220555/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Professor Anna Tarrant receives funding from the UK Research & Innovation Future Leaders Fellowship scheme. She is the Chair of Trustees for the North East Young Dads and Lads. </span></em></p><p class="fine-print"><em><span>Linzi Ladlow consults for the North East Young Dads and Lads.</span></em></p>Dads tell us they want to be included in support, but that this is predominantly aimed at mothers.Anna Tarrant, Professor of Sociology, University of LincolnLinzi Ladlow, Research Fellow in Family Research, University of LincolnLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/2207612024-01-10T13:30:13Z2024-01-10T13:30:13ZPope Francis called surrogacy ‘deplorable’ – but the reasons why women and parents choose surrogacy are complex and defy simple labels<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/568467/original/file-20240109-17-1nw9j8.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=137%2C31%2C6938%2C4678&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">Pope Francis baptizes 16 infants in the Sistine Chapel on Jan. 7, 2024, in Vatican City.</span> <span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.gettyimages.com/detail/news-photo/pope-francis-baptises-16-infants-in-the-sistine-chapel-on-news-photo/1914446578?adppopup=true">Vatican Media via Vatican Pool/Getty Images</a></span></figcaption></figure><p>Pope Francis made headlines on Jan. 8, 2024, when he called for a global surrogacy ban, <a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2024/01/08/world/europe/pope-francis-surrogacy-ban.html">stating</a>, “I deem deplorable the practice of so-called surrogate motherhood, which represents a grave violation of the dignity of the woman and the child, based on the exploitation of situations of the mother’s material needs.”</p>
<p>The use of surrogacy, in which a woman carries and delivers a child for someone else, has grown exponentially in <a href="https://doi.org/10.1016/j.fertnstert.2016.03.050">recent years</a> and is expected to <a href="https://www.gminsights.com/industry-analysis/surrogacy-market">continue to do so</a>. While headlines often surface when celebrities like <a href="https://www.vanityfair.com/style/paris-hilton-on-why-she-chose-surrogacy-for-her-children">Paris Hilton</a> grow their family using the technology, it also gets attention on the rare occasion a surrogate <a href="https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1356176/Surrogate-mother-wins-case-baby-giving-birth.html">refuses to relinquish the child they carried</a>, or when <a href="https://www.harpercollins.com/products/the-red-market-scott-carney?variant=32123686453282">surrogates experience exploitation</a>.</p>
<p>Such human rights violations appear to be the reason that Francis condemned the practice. But in so doing, I argue, the pope is failing to recognize how varied and nuanced the experiences of intended parents, surrogates and children are.</p>
<p><a href="https://www.baylorpress.com/9781481310567/conceiving-family/">I have researched surrogacy</a> <a href="https://candler.emory.edu/faculty-profiles/danielle-tumminio-hansen/">for over a decade</a> and have learned many things: Some women indeed become surrogates out of desperation and <a href="https://cup.columbia.edu/book/wombs-in-labor/9780231169905">are abused in the process</a>, as the pope says. But others, like the Christian ethicist <a href="https://www.sup.org/books/title/?id=31699">Grace Kao</a>, are thriving professionals who make the choice for altruistic reasons and never accept remuneration.</p>
<p>The complex reasons why women become surrogates and why parents choose to create families in this way <a href="https://oneill.law.georgetown.edu/a-lack-of-consensus-around-surrogacy-regulation-at-the-national-level/">make it nearly impossible</a> to issue a universal conclusion about it. Instead, like many technologies, surrogacy’s ethical value is dependent upon the people and systems who use it. </p>
<h2>Catholicism and surrogacy</h2>
<p>While the pope framed his condemnation of surrogacy as a human rights abuse, the Catholic tradition has <a href="https://www.vatican.va/roman_curia/congregations/cfaith/documents/rc_con_cfaith_doc_19870222_respect-for-human-life_en.html">consistently opposed</a> <a href="https://www.vatican.va/roman_curia/congregations/cfaith/documents/rc_con_cfaith_doc_20081208_dignitas-personae_en.html">surrogacy, in vitro fertilization</a> and <a href="https://www.usccb.org/issues-and-action/human-life-and-dignity/abortion/respect-for-unborn-human-life">abortion</a> on the grounds that they violate natural law. </p>
<p>Natural law is a philosophy that states there are certain unchangeable parts of human nature that God endows. Catholic theologians who support this basic view extrapolate that intercourse within heterosexual marriage is the only acceptable way to reproduce, that life begins at conception, and that an embryo has a right to life from conception until natural death.</p>
<p>Hence, the Roman Catholic Church only encourages reproduction within the confines of heterosexual marriage, and when a heterosexual couple cannot conceive via intercourse, they are encouraged to adopt or remain childless.</p>
<p>The church has consistently condemned IVF because conception takes place outside of heterosexual intercourse. IVF results in the destruction of embryos and involves conception via a test tube. The church likewise has never supported surrogacy, so the pope’s recent assessment of surrogacy as “despicable” is consistent with the church’s overall views of reproduction.</p>
<p>Nonetheless, surrogacy is the only form of assisted reproduction documented in the Bible, unless one considers Mary’s conception of Jesus to be a form of assisted reproduction. In the <a href="https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Genesis%2016-18&version=NRSVUE">Book of Genesis</a>, the wife of Abraham begs her husband to have sex with <a href="https://www.researchgate.net/publication/301577539_Hagar_the_Egyptian_Wife_Handmaid_and_Concubine">her slave Hagar</a> in order to procreate. Sarah abuses the slave and orchestrates both sex and procreation without Hagar’s consent. </p>
<p>Hagar eventually bears a son <a href="https://www.usnews.com/news/religion/articles/2008/01/25/why-scholars-just-cant-stop-talking-about-sarah-and-hagar">named Ishmael</a>. Later, Sarah demands that both Hagar and Ishmael be cast out into the wilderness. Muslims regard Ishmael as a prophet and believe he and Abraham built <a href="https://www.khanacademy.org/humanities/ap-art-history/introduction-cultures-religions-apah/islam-apah/a/the-kaaba">the Kaaba</a> in Mecca, Saudi Arabia.</p>
<h2>Myths and fears</h2>
<figure class="align-center ">
<img alt="Four women standing together wearing masks, with two of them holding new-born babies." src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/424528/original/file-20211004-13-1ggnsgp.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=47%2C31%2C5176%2C3554&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/424528/original/file-20211004-13-1ggnsgp.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=411&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/424528/original/file-20211004-13-1ggnsgp.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=411&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/424528/original/file-20211004-13-1ggnsgp.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=411&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/424528/original/file-20211004-13-1ggnsgp.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=516&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/424528/original/file-20211004-13-1ggnsgp.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=516&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/424528/original/file-20211004-13-1ggnsgp.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=516&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px">
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">Nurses with babies born to Ukrainian surrogate mothers in Kyiv.</span>
<span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.gettyimages.com/detail/news-photo/nurses-hold-babies-as-foreign-couples-gather-to-collect-news-photo/1219071333?adppopup=true">Sergei Supinsky/AFP via Getty Images</a></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>Fast forward to modern times, and surrogacy is now performed predominantly in high-priced in vitro fertilization centers in one of two ways. In “traditional surrogacy,” the fertilized egg belongs to the surrogate. In “gestational surrogacy,” which is <a href="https://surrogate.com/about-surrogacy/types-of-surrogacy/what-is-traditional-surrogacy/">more common today</a>, the fertilized egg comes from either the intended mother or a donor.</p>
<p>In both cases, that egg combines with a sperm to become an embryo that grows in the surrogate’s womb and not the intended mother’s.</p>
<p>Gestational surrogacy may be preferable because it allows intended mothers to maintain a genetic connection with their child. Others may prefer it because of fears that a surrogate could lay claim to the child with whom <a href="https://www.americansurrogacy.com/blog/the-legal-and-emotional-risks-of-traditional-surrogacy/">she had a biological connection</a>.</p>
<p>The concern that a surrogate will try to steal or adopt a child is one of many legal and ethical fears surrounding surrogacy. In the 1980s, the <a href="https://law.justia.com/cases/new-jersey/supreme-court/1988/109-n-j-396-1.html">Baby M Case</a> in the United States attracted much media attention because it tapped into these fears. In this situation, the surrogate, named Mary Beth Whitehead, attempted to retain custody of the baby she birthed. </p>
<p>The case <a href="https://doi.org/10.1093/humrep/deu339">fueled a stereotype</a> of surrogates as emotionally unstable, defying the reality that surrogates undergo psychological testing before participating in a procedure.</p>
<p>Documented instances of surrogates retaining children are also rare. Research shows that surrogates often experience pregnancy and birth differently than they did with their <a href="https://academic.oup.com/humrep/article/33/4/646/4941810">own children</a>. They also often see themselves as <a href="https://academic.oup.com/california-scholarship-online/book/17848">heroes or gift givers</a> instead of mothers. </p>
<p>If the public perceives surrogates negatively, intended parents often fare no better. They are often categorized as selfish, desperate and rich, especially when they choose surrogacy <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2019/may/25/having-a-child-doesnt-fit-womens-schedule-the-future-of-surrogacy">without a medical reason</a>. </p>
<p>Those popular images of intended parents fail to account for the <a href="https://www.apa.org/pubs/books/reproductive-trauma-second-edition">reproductive trauma</a> many of them experience prior to turning to surrogacy. The decision to hire a surrogate is <a href="https://syndicate.network/symposia/theology/conceiving-family/#:%7E:text=In%20Conceiving%20Family%3A%20A%20Practical,class%20and%20are%20often%20white">often the last option</a> for parents who have tried everything else and are, as <a href="https://www.baylorpress.com/9781481310567/conceiving-family/">I’ve proposed in my own research</a>, attempting to write a happy ending to the story of their reproductive lives.</p>
<p><a href="https://www.filia.org.uk/latest-news/2023/4/19/dont-buy-adopt-stop-surrogacy-now">Critics</a> counter that individuals who use surrogates should be turning to adoption instead. However, this logic fails to recognize that adoption can be traumatic <a href="https://doi.org/10.1016/j.chiabu.2021.105309">for the child</a> and <a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/2276293/">the birth mother</a>. Adoption, therefore, isn’t a cure-all for individuals who can’t conceive via heterosexual intercourse.</p>
<h2>Ethical concerns about surrogacy</h2>
<p>It is true that surrogacy is expensive, at least in the U.S., where use of the technology routinely costs over <a href="https://money.usnews.com/money/personal-finance/family-finance/articles/how-much-surrogacy-costs-and-how-to-pay-for-it">US$100,000</a>. The cost is so extreme because intended parents pay health care fees for both themselves and the surrogate, many of which aren’t covered by insurance. </p>
<p>They also have to pay legal and agency fees and compensate the surrogate, which alone can range from <a href="https://www.westcoastsurrogacy.com/become-a-surrogate-mother/surrogate-mother-compensation">$45,000 to $75,000</a>. Contrast that price tag to the one in India prior to its ban on international surrogacy in 2015: Couples who traveled there could expect to spend <a href="https://www.motherjones.com/politics/2010/04/surrogacy-tourism-india-nayna-patel/">$15,000 to $20,000</a> in total for their surrogacy journey. The extreme costs of surrogacy in the U.S. also limit its availability to the wealthy. </p>
<p>In addition, feminists are divided on how surrogacy affects women. Some feminists feel that surrogates have a right to <a href="https://www.jstor.org/stable/3174860">choose what to do with their bodies</a>. Others object to surrogacy on the grounds that systemic oppression drives women into surrogacy, or that it’s unethical for people to <a href="https://cup.columbia.edu/book/wombs-in-labor/9780231169905">buy women’s bodies</a>. </p>
<p><a href="https://www.motherjones.com/politics/2010/04/surrogacy-tourism-india-nayna-patel/">Cases documented in India</a> support these concerns. Investigative journalist <a href="https://www.harpercollins.com/products/the-red-market-scott-carney?variant=32123686453282">Scott Carney</a> found one prominent Indian surrogacy clinic where surrogates were kept in crowded bedrooms on restricted diets and forced to have Cesarean sections in order to streamline the labor and delivery process. </p>
<p>Scholars also worry about surrogacy’s <a href="https://cbc-network.org/issues/making-life/surrogacy/?fbclid=IwAR13wlHiYvqQ_crLOiatzk6XpkFvp0WKXBWOYfi4BURgMLm00aY4EZDC9Sk">impact on children</a>.
Extensive research hasn’t been conducted with children of surrogates, but research by social scientists studying children born via egg and sperm donation largely mirrors the findings of adoption research: Children have questions about their identity, and they find answers from individuals who are <a href="https://academic.oup.com/humrep/article/15/9/2041/2915461">part of their birth story</a>.</p>
<p>Yet agencies and governments rarely regulate how surrogates, intended parents and children interact following the baby’s birth. </p>
<h2>The case for surrogacy</h2>
<figure class="align-center ">
<img alt="A woman in a green shirt stands in front of colorful red and orange flowers." src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/424575/original/file-20211004-12705-rfkwei.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/424575/original/file-20211004-12705-rfkwei.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/424575/original/file-20211004-12705-rfkwei.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/424575/original/file-20211004-12705-rfkwei.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/424575/original/file-20211004-12705-rfkwei.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/424575/original/file-20211004-12705-rfkwei.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/424575/original/file-20211004-12705-rfkwei.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px">
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<span class="caption">Actress Gabrielle Union has talked openly about her surrogacy journey.</span>
<span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.gettyimages.com/detail/news-photo/gabrielle-union-attends-the-veuve-clicquot-polo-classic-at-news-photo/1344504189?adppopup=true">Frazer Harrison/Getty Images</a></span>
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<p>Such objections might lead to the conclusion that there is never a reason to hire a surrogate. But this might be too simplistic. Even with the documented struggles on the parts of both intended parents and surrogates, many are profoundly grateful for the technology.</p>
<p>Intended parents often feel surrogates are “<a href="https://www.ucpress.edu/book/9780520259645/birthing-a-mother">gifts from God</a>” who help them reach their dream of parenthood. Meanwhile, some surrogates believe their powers of procreation provide them with a unique opportunity to help others. Many surrogates see their ability to create life as a source of power, a profound act of altruism that is part of their legacy.</p>
<p>When I spoke with a group of surrogates in Austin, Texas, while conducting research for my book, I found that their stories aligned with <a href="https://www.routledge.com/Surrogate-Motherhood-Conception-In-The-Heart/Ragone/p/book/9780367289249">the findings of other researchers</a> who discovered that many surrogates had positive experiences in which they <a href="https://www.ucpress.edu/book/9780520259645/birthing-a-mother">experienced themselves as heroes</a>. These women felt empowered because they helped infertile heterosexual couples and <a href="https://doi.org/10.1016/j.rbms.2018.10.019">gay couples</a> create families. Without surrogacy, these individuals would have no way to have a genetic connection with their children. </p>
<p>The surrogates acknowledged that sometimes intended parents could be difficult, that pregnancy and labor could be challenging, and that it could be confusing when a checkout clerk at the grocery store asked what they were planning to name the baby.</p>
<p>Becoming a parent through surrogacy can be awkward and humbling, confusing and miraculous all at the same time.</p>
<p>But when surrogates and intended parents can act freely, with <a href="https://www.ucpress.edu/book/9780520259645/birthing-a-mother">appropriate regulations and the support of society</a>, there is the potential for them to discover that family is not just biological but also social and relational. In those encounters, many experience the technology as life-giving, both metaphorically and literally.</p>
<p><em>This is an updated version of an <a href="https://theconversation.com/becoming-a-parent-through-surrogacy-can-have-ethical-challenges-but-it-is-a-positive-experience-for-some-167760">article first published on Oct. 6, 2021</a>.</em></p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/220761/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Danielle Tumminio Hansen does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organization that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.</span></em></p>Surrogacy can exploit women, but others may choose to be involved for altruistic reasons. A scholar points out that surrogacy’s ethical value is dependent upon the people and systems who use it.Danielle Tumminio Hansen, Assistant Professor of Practical Theology & Spiritual Care, Emory UniversityLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/2174902023-12-01T17:49:18Z2023-12-01T17:49:18ZArtificial wombs could someday be a reality – here’s how they may change our notions of parenthood<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/562949/original/file-20231201-25-ap5mgk.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=0%2C0%2C6000%2C3988&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">Artificial womb technology could eventually make it possible to grow a foetus from conception to "birth" wholly outside the human body.</span> <span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.shutterstock.com/image-photo/infant-child-fetal-position-embryo-hologram-1733258987">Marko Aliaksandr/ Shutterstock</a></span></figcaption></figure><p>Our reproductive lives are considerably different from those of our ancestors, thanks in part to health innovations that have taken place over the past few decades. Practices such as IVF, donor eggs and sperm, womb transplants, surrogacy and egg freezing, mean that for many, there’s now more choice than ever before over whether, when and how to reproduce.</p>
<p>Yet, despite these advances, one aspect of reproduction has remained constant: the need to gestate (grow) foetuses in the womb. But what would happen to our notions of parenthood if technology made it possible to grow a foetus outside the human body?</p>
<p>Until recently, the idea of ectogenesis – growing a foetus outside the body – has been science fiction. But teams in the US, Australia and Japan have begun developing artificial wombs. It’s hoped that this technology will someday save the lives of very premature infants.</p>
<hr>
<p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/uk/topics/should-i-have-children-148388?utm_source=TCUK&utm_medium=InArticleTop&utm_campaign=Parenting2023">Should I have children?</a> The pieces in this series will help you answer this tough question – exploring fertility, climate change, the cost of living and social pressure.</em></p>
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<p>Trials have already been performed on animals – with researchers reporting success in <a href="https://www.nature.com/articles/ncomms15112">gestating lamb foetuses</a>.</p>
<p>Meanwhile, a team in the Netherlands is developing a similar system using <a href="https://nl.espacenet.com/publicationDetails/biblio?DB=EPODOC&II=0&ND=3&adjacent=true&locale=nl_NL&FT=D&date=20220331&CC=WO&NR=2022066014A1&KC=A1">simulation technology</a>. This approach mimics the birth of extremely premature infants <a href="https://perinatallifesupport.eu/project/">using a manikin</a> equipped with advanced monitoring and computer modelling. This allows the researchers to understand how an infant may develop in an environment that simulates the womb’s conditions. </p>
<p>Although this may be many decades away, and is not the intended endpoint of current research, artificial womb technologies could eventually lead to “full ectogenesis” – growing a foetus from conception to “birth” wholly outside the human body.</p>
<p>One barrier to research into full ectogenesis is <a href="https://www.futuremedicine.com/doi/10.2217/rme-2019-0138">current legislation worldwide</a>, which either bans embryo research altogether or forbids growing human embryos for research beyond 14 days.</p>
<p>Legislation would therefore need to change for <a href="https://www.healthcouncil.nl/documents/advisory-reports/2023/10/31/the-14-day-rule-in-the-dutch-embryo-act">this kind of research</a> to happen. There’s an increasing appetite for this among the <a href="https://www.nuffieldbioethics.org/publications/time-limits-on-maintaining-human-embryos-in-research">international scientific community</a>, but whether such a change would have public support is not known. </p>
<p>Full ectogenesis also raises important <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/15265161.2022.2048738">ethical, legal and social questions</a>, which would need to be answered before it can be used.</p>
<p><a href="https://www.legislation.gov.uk/ukpga/2008/22/contents">In the UK</a>, the person who gives birth is the child’s legal mother – regardless of genetics or intention. Growing a foetus in an artificial womb could however sever this link between gestation and motherhood. </p>
<p><a href="https://lawcom.gov.uk/project/surrogacy/#:%7E:text=A%20new%20pathway%20to%20legal,the%20right%20to%20withdraw%20consent.">Surrogacy</a> has, to some extent, already challenged our legal and social conceptions of motherhood. The surrogate is the child’s legal mother at birth, but parenthood can then be transferred to the intended parents via a parental order or adoption.</p>
<figure class="align-center ">
<img alt="A woman touches a pregnant woman's stomach with." src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/562964/original/file-20231201-25-va05yl.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/562964/original/file-20231201-25-va05yl.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=338&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/562964/original/file-20231201-25-va05yl.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=338&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/562964/original/file-20231201-25-va05yl.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=338&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/562964/original/file-20231201-25-va05yl.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=424&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/562964/original/file-20231201-25-va05yl.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=424&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/562964/original/file-20231201-25-va05yl.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=424&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px">
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<span class="caption">Surrogacy has already challenged notions of parenthood.</span>
<span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.shutterstock.com/image-photo/pregnant-woman-talking-room-maternity-concept-2032275200">metamorworks/ Shutterstock</a></span>
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<p>But artificial wombs could disrupt long-established norms in more profound ways, as there would no longer be a “birth mother” at all. The law would need to define who the legal mother is in such circumstances, and whether that definition applies to all mothers or only when artificial womb technologies are used.</p>
<p>The impact of artificial wombs on legal definitions of fatherhood may be less significant.</p>
<p>In the UK, the person who provides the sperm is normally the legal father of the child – unless the child is born using sperm donated in a licensed clinic. In that case, the donor is <a href="https://www.legislation.gov.uk/ukpga/2008/22/section/41">not the legal father</a> of any resulting child. </p>
<p>But fatherhood (or parenthood for same-sex couples) can also legally be attributed to someone via the <a href="https://www.legislation.gov.uk/ukpga/2008/22/contents">Human Fertilisation and Embryology Act 2008</a>. This allows someone not genetically related to the child to be recognised as their legal father or other parent. The provisions in this Act would apply to full ectogenesis because this will require IVF to create the embryo.</p>
<p>Full ectogenesis may result in more radical changes to the way we view legal parenthood. It may cause us not only to rethink our ideas of “mother” and “father”, but also the language used. Would it be more appropriate, for example, to always use the word “parent”, instead?</p>
<h2>Personal decisions</h2>
<p>Artificial womb technology would also influence the personal decisions that people make about reproduction. It could drastically change the way the decision to become a parent fits into many people’s lives.</p>
<p>Like egg freezing and IVF, artificial wombs would make it possible for women in particular to have children later in life. It could also allow people to gestate multiple foetuses at once – making it possible for them to complete their families within a far shorter time period than has previously been possible.</p>
<p>Artificial womb technology technology would make it easier for more people to have their own biological children – including single men, same sex couples and women unable to become pregnant for health reasons. It would also mean that women would no longer have to undergo the significant risks and burdens associated with <a href="https://reproductive-health-journal.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s12978-018-0527-2">pregnancy and childbirth</a> in order to have children.</p>
<p>In science fiction, artificial wombs are often a symbol of dystopia – of technological incursion into natural processes and a means of government control (as in The Matrix or Brave New World). But artificial womb technology might instead add to the reproductive choices currently available – making it possible for more people to become parents if they want to.</p>
<p>Full ectogenesis is still a long way off, but it’s important to discuss it now so that we can have a more informed view of the issues it raises. As with many aspects of human reproduction, artificial womb technology may be divisive.</p>
<p>Some will see it as a way to increase reproductive autonomy and equity, others as dangerous – or even a threat to traditional family structures and values. More still will probably see its potential for both. Whatever your position, this technology could be on the horizon and its implications for society and our concept of parenthood merit careful consideration.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/217490/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Stephen Wilkinson receives funding from Wellcome. He is Principal Investigator for a Research Development Award in Humanities & Social Science called 'The Future of Human Reproduction: transformative agendas and methods for the Humanities and Social Sciences' (222858/Z/21/Z). He is also a member of Wellcome's Career Development Award Interview Panel.</span></em></p><p class="fine-print"><em><span>Nicola J. Williams receives funding from Wellcome. She is a co-investigator for a Research Development Award in Humanities and Social Science called 'The Future of Human Reproduction: transformative agendas and methods for the Humanities and Social Sciences' (222858/Z/21/Z). She is also Senior Deputy for the European Society of Human Reproduction and Embryology Special Interest Group: Ethics and Law. </span></em></p><p class="fine-print"><em><span>Sara Fovargue receives funding from Wellcome. She is Co-Investigator for a Research Development Award in Humanities & Social Science called 'The Future of Human Reproduction: transformative agendas and methods for the Humanities and Social Sciences' (222858/Z/21/Z).
</span></em></p>Artificial wombs could drastically change how the decision to become a parent fits into many people’s lives.Stephen Wilkinson, Professor of Bioethics, Lancaster UniversityNicola J. Williams, Wellcome Lecturer in The Ethics of Human Reproduction, Lancaster UniversitySara Fovargue, Professor of Law, University of SheffieldLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/2095402023-11-30T14:22:55Z2023-11-30T14:22:55ZDoes having children make you happier? Here’s what the research suggests<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/562686/original/file-20231130-25-e817x7.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=0%2C0%2C5898%2C4327&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">The happiness and fulfilment you feel with the decision will depend on many different factors.</span> <span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.shutterstock.com/image-photo/child-childfree-checkbox-on-white-paper-2335691323">CeltStudio/ Shutterstock</a></span></figcaption></figure><p>The <a href="https://doi.org/10.1007/s11205-011-9865-y">prevailing belief</a> in many parts of the world is that having children is key to happiness – and that people who don’t have children are unfulfilled in their lives.</p>
<p>But is this really the case? The answer to this question is both simple and complex – and the fulfilment you feel in your life, whether you decide to have kids or not, depends on many complex factors.</p>
<p>Let’s look first at the simple answer – which is no, you don’t need to have children to be <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/1066480720911611">happy and fulfilled</a>.</p>
<hr>
<p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/uk/topics/should-i-have-children-148388?utm_source=TCUK&utm_medium=InArticleTop&utm_campaign=Parenting2023">Should I have children?</a> The pieces in this series will help you answer this tough question – exploring fertility, climate change, the cost of living and social pressure.</em></p>
<p><em>We’ll keep the discussion going at a live event in London on November 30. <a href="https://www.waterstones.com/events/the-conversation-should-i-have-children/london-tottenham-court-road">Click here</a> for more information and tickets.</em></p>
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<p>Studies in women who are child-free by choice show most feel they have a <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0277539514001824?via%3Dihub">good sense of identity and individuality</a>. They don’t feel defined by their role within the family, and feel they have <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0891243202238982">more freedom</a> and control over their bodies, life and future. Child-free women also report greater <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177/0192513X07303879">financial stability</a> – although higher <a href="https://www.jstor.org/stable/353143?origin=crossref">socioeconomic status</a> isn’t necessary to be satisfied with the decision to be child-free. </p>
<p>Women and men who are child-free are also <a href="https://doi.org/10.1207/S15374424JCCP2904_13">less stressed</a> on average, and report <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0165032721013926?via%3Dihub">greater satisfaction</a> in their marriages.</p>
<p>There’s limited research on single men and their experience of being child-free – and even less on the <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/15240657.2019.1559515">transgender or queer experience of being child-free</a>. But one study of men who were child-free by choice reported most were satisfied with their decision and happy to have more freedom in their life. Only a small number expressed regrets about their decision – largely because they wouldn’t <a href="https://www.bloomsbury.com/uk/chosen-lives-of-childfree-men-9780897895989/">have a legacy</a>.</p>
<p>However, there’s a risk that child-free men may experience a <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/0192513X07303879">reduction in overall life satisfaction</a> in older age if they <a href="https://academic.oup.com/esr/article-abstract/26/1/1/538246?redirectedFrom=fulltext">lack social support</a>.</p>
<h2>The parenthood paradox</h2>
<p>Things get a little more complicated when we look at the decision to have children.</p>
<p>While parents can certainly be happy and fulfilled in life, the satisfaction they feel with this decision typically unfolds over time – and can also depend on many factors they can’t control. </p>
<p>Initially, many parents actually experience a <a href="https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2010-13310-011">temporary decrease in wellbeing</a> after having a child – a phenomenon known as the “<a href="https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2013-21502-002">parenthood paradox</a>”. This is because a new baby can come in the way of many basic needs – such as sleep, eating well and seeing friends. This can be a recipe for discontentment. </p>
<p>Straight women also <a href="https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1741-3737.2003.00574.x">report more unhappiness</a> when they become parents compared with men. This may be because the burden of care tends to fall disproportionately on women.</p>
<p>But having good <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5222535/">family and social support</a>, an <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6294450/">active and equally involved co-parent</a>, and living in an area that has <a href="https://www.cambridge.org/core/journals/social-policy-and-society/article/abs/introduction-parenting-support-in-the-nordic-countries-is-there-a-specific-nordic-model/18BFF0AB8EACD27F826AEDB573AEB237">work-family supportive policies</a> can all offset the <a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s11205-011-9865-y">stresses and costs of parenting</a>. </p>
<p>This probably explains why women in Norway <a href="https://link.springer.com/referenceworkentry/10.1007/978-3-319-69909-7_3710-2">don’t report</a> a <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S1053535705001733?via%3Dihub">loss of happiness</a> when they have children, as Norway has many family-friendly policies which make it possible for both parents to <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/0959353505051730">raise children and have careers</a>.</p>
<p>While parenting can be tough, that doesn’t mean it can’t still lead to happiness, joy and <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/0956797612447798">greater meaning in life</a>. The parenting experience can even lead to a profound form of wellbeing called eudaimonic wellbeing. This is the feeling you have lived a life worth living, which is distinct from short-term happiness.</p>
<p>Both men and women can experience <a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s11482-021-10020-0">positive eudaimonic wellbeing</a> when they <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177/0192513X18758344">become parents</a>. But for women, the boost in <a href="https://psycnet.apa.org/journals/bul/140/3/846">eudaimonic wellbeing</a> they experience also depends on how balanced the parenting duties are with their partner. </p>
<h2>Facing regret</h2>
<p>Another major thing people worry about is whether they’ll regret not having children.</p>
<p>Reassuringly, research in child-free <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/1066480720911611">older adults</a> shows many report <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.2190/8PTL-P745-58U1-3330">high life satisfaction</a> and <a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s11205-015-1177-1">resiliency</a> against poor mental health.</p>
<p>It seems the biggest key in being happy with <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177/1066480716648676">your decision</a> to have or not have children depends on whether you <a href="https://doi.org/10.2190/J08N-VBVG-6PXM-0T">felt in control</a> of that decision. When we feel we’ve chosen our path, we tend to accept our decisions and be happier about them.</p>
<p>Yet what if that choice has been taken away from you – and you wanted a child but were unable to have one? Can you be happy then? Our research shows the answer is a resounding yes. </p>
<p>We investigated the <a href="https://iacp.ie/files/UserFiles/00981%20IJCP%20Q1-23%20-%20Full_1.pdf">impact of childlessness</a> on 161 UK-based women who wanted to have children but couldn’t for various reasons – such as not being able to find a partner or infertility. Participants were aged between 25 and 75.</p>
<p>We found that on average, the participants’ wellbeing was no different to that of the general public. While 12% languished (meaning their lives felt aimless), 24% were flourishing psychologically – meaning they reported the highest level of mental health. The remainder experienced moderate levels of wellbeing.</p>
<p>Interestingly, for some, the struggle to have a child resulted in <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S2468749920300764">post-traumatic growth</a>. This refers to positive psychological changes that happen after a traumatic event. Women with the highest levels of wellbeing said being able to focus on new possibilities in their lives, outside of being a parent, helped them improve their wellbeing. </p>
<p>Studies in men who have been unable to have children due to infertility show many <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/02646838.2010.544294">experienced sadness</a> as a result – though this sadness did reduce as they got older. But similar to women who are involuntarily childless, finding ways of re-framing their identify and role in society <a href="https://psycnet.apa.org/doi/10.1177/1097184X99002001002">outside of fatherhood</a> helped many find meaning and satisfaction in their life. </p>
<p>So, does parenthood make us happier? Does childlessness make us miserable? The answer to these questions isn’t as simple as it seems. The happiness or fulfilment we experience depends on so many factors, many of which are out of our control. While the way you choose to make meaning in your life is indeed a key factor, so too is the social support you have to become a parent, and the political climate you live in.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/209540/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>The authors do not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and have disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.</span></em></p>Our own study resoundingly finds that you can still be happy even if you want to have a child but are unable to.Trudy Meehan, Lecturer, Centre for Positive Psychology and Health, RCSI University of Medicine and Health SciencesJolanta Burke, Senior Lecturer, Centre for Positive Health Sciences, RCSI University of Medicine and Health SciencesLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/2177262023-11-28T16:52:45Z2023-11-28T16:52:45ZWhy you should talk about fertility, even if you don’t want children – and what you should discuss<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/561557/original/file-20231124-23-k697g6.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=0%2C152%2C7551%2C4975&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">
</span> <span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.shutterstock.com/image-photo/diverse-male-female-hipsters-having-positive-1746193439">GaudiLab/Shutterstock</a></span></figcaption></figure><p>Women (and men) are having their first child at older ages. As a result, couples are sometimes unable to conceive or require medical intervention in their pursuit of parenthood. Others may face a <a href="https://ifstudies.org/blog/the-global-fertility-gap#:%7E:text=While%20fertility%20ideals%20around%20the,children%20is%20a%20serious%20problem">“fertility gap”</a> between the number of children they anticipate having and those they actually have.</p>
<p>Young people often <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/14647273.2020.1798516">overestimate</a> womens’ capacity to become pregnant as they age, and the extent to which technology like IVF can help them conceive.</p>
<p>Despite these issues, conversations about fertility and childbearing remain taboo. <a href="https://www.emerald.com/insight/publication/doi/10.1108/9781787564831">I have found</a> that women in particular feel uncomfortable bringing it up in new relationships, fearing that discussing a desire for motherhood may “put off” potential romantic partners or make them appear “desperate” for a baby.</p>
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<p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/uk/topics/should-i-have-children-148388?utm_source=TCUK&utm_medium=InArticleTop&utm_campaign=Parenting2023">Should I have children?</a> The pieces in this series will help you answer this tough question – exploring fertility, climate change, the cost of living and social pressure.</em></p>
<p><em>We’ll keep the discussion going at a live event in London on November 30. <a href="https://www.waterstones.com/events/the-conversation-should-i-have-children/london-tottenham-court-road">Click here</a> for more information and tickets.</em></p>
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<p>But these conversations can be crucial in preventing future relationship breakdown, and preparing for age-related fertility decline. No matter your situation – single, coupled-up, or childfree by choice – you might benefit from talking earlier and more often about your plans. </p>
<p>Here’s what to talk about depending on your situation.</p>
<h2>I want to have a child, but not yet</h2>
<p>Many factors are leading women and couples to delay having children. Women are participating more in the labour force, there are more reliable forms of contraception available, and it’s more accepted to have multiple relationships before getting married or having a child.</p>
<p>The growing gap between wages and the cost of living means it is harder to achieve the <a href="https://theconversation.com/more-young-people-in-the-uk-are-living-with-parents-and-grandparents-heres-what-you-need-to-know-if-youre-considering-it-216280">standard of living</a> that many deem necessary to become parents. </p>
<p>Whatever the reason, technology like egg or embryo freezing may offer the opportunity to preserve reproductive material for future use. </p>
<p>Egg freezing sees women undergo the same ovarian stimulation and retrieval process as IVF patients. A number of her eggs are then frozen and stored for future use. Used most often by women who do not yet have a partner, egg freezing <a href="https://theconversation.com/six-things-you-should-know-if-you-are-considering-freezing-your-eggs-94039">at any age</a> cannot guarantee a live birth. </p>
<p>Previously, the law only permitted eggs to be frozen for up to 10 years. This meant a woman who froze her eggs at 30 would have to use them by the time she was 40 or risk them being destroyed. A <a href="https://www.legislation.gov.uk/ukpga/2022/31/schedule/17/enacted">legal change</a> in 2021 means women in England and Wales are now able to freeze their eggs for up to 55 years, making this a more viable form of “fertility extension”.</p>
<p>The <a href="https://www.londoneggbank.com/news/blog/what-is-the-best-age-to-freeze-my-eggs/#:%7E:text=Indeed%2C%20more%20than%20any%20other,smaller%20number%20over%20age%2035.">optimum time</a> to undertake egg freezing is before the steepest decline in a woman’s fertility in her late 30s. The best results are generally from women who froze their eggs by the time they were 35.</p>
<figure class="align-center ">
<img alt="Close up of a woman looking solemnly at a pregnancy test" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/561561/original/file-20231124-29-fzrvr1.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/561561/original/file-20231124-29-fzrvr1.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/561561/original/file-20231124-29-fzrvr1.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/561561/original/file-20231124-29-fzrvr1.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/561561/original/file-20231124-29-fzrvr1.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/561561/original/file-20231124-29-fzrvr1.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/561561/original/file-20231124-29-fzrvr1.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px">
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<span class="caption">People are delaying pregnancy for a number of health and social reasons.</span>
<span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.shutterstock.com/image-photo/young-woman-pregnancy-test-hands-427218448">Pressmaster/Shutterstock</a></span>
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<p>Embryo freezing – where eggs are fertilised and stored for later use – offers a greater chance of a live birth and can be achieved as part of a relationship, or with donor sperm. </p>
<p>Embryos created by a couple can lead to complications if the relationship breaks down. One party may want the genetic material destroyed against the other’s wishes. Embryo freezing may be an option for stable couples who need to delay parenthood due to issues like illness or overseas deployments. However, it is unlikely to be of use to those who aren’t ready to have a child due to the cost of living or who are trying to save for their first home. The cost of the procedure, like egg freezing, can often be between £3,000-£4,000 or more, plus annual storage fees. </p>
<h2>I’m not sure, and I’m getting older</h2>
<p>Fertility monitoring can provide some insights into reproductive health for both <a href="https://www.createfertility.co.uk/blog/whats-a-fertility-mot-and-why-are-experts-recommending-it-to-women#:%7E:text=What%20does%20a%20Fertility%20MOT,time%20in%20the%20menstrual%20cycle.">women</a> and <a href="https://www.londonivfandgenetics.co.uk/fertility-mot/male-mot/">men</a>.</p>
<p>Fertility “MOTs” are offered by clinics and as <a href="https://hertilityhealth.com/?tw_source=google&tw_adid=681259505447&tw_campaign=19778466649&gad_source=1&gclid=CjwKCAiAjfyqBhAsEiwA-UdzJP0C3Wl-suGdFy73atjNWo656QCKLzylw2_zjbzOmRqIosPmubgjaRoCBSsQAvD_BwE">at-home tests</a>. They can reveal sperm quantity and motility, give an indication of ovarian reserve and help identify factors which could inhibit conception. </p>
<p>However they cannot reliably be used to calculate how many “fertile years” a woman has, or provide detailed quantitative insights in to a woman’s ovarian reserve. They are also not provided on the NHS and clinics often charge in excess of £500 for such tests.</p>
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Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/at-home-fertility-tests-heres-what-they-can-actually-tell-you-198639">At-home fertility tests: here's what they can actually tell you</a>
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<p>Like those in heterosexual relationships, LGBTQ+ couples can also access technologies like egg or embryo freezing through the use of donated gametes (egg and sperm) and can build their families with the help of a <a href="//www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S1472648313001806">surrogate</a>. Like most fertility treatment, these procedures are rarely fully funded by the NHS and can cost tens of thousands of pounds. </p>
<h2>I don’t want children – but what if I change my mind?</h2>
<p>Without question, technology has created more opportunities for people to have children later in life, even if they just want to keep their options open. But egg freezing and fertility monitoring have financial, physical and emotional costs, and are not a guarantee. </p>
<p>For many, the best form of preparation is a conversation. </p>
<p>If you are a young woman unsure about having children, this may mean speaking to immediate female family members about the age they experienced menopause and any fertility issues within the family. Even if you are not planning to have children, these conversations can be helpful for learning about other medical issues that may affect you in ways beyond fertility, such as endometriosis or PCOS.</p>
<p>Evidence has <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3717046/">also shown</a> that both women and men can improve their fertility chances by paying attention to issues such as their weight, stress levels, alcohol consumption and exercise patterns. These are all things that can benefit general health, regardless of your plans for children.</p>
<p>Talking more openly about fertility and the choice to have children or not can help break the stigma around these topics. Just as people (women especially) may face criticism for <a href="https://theconversation.com/women-still-face-unfair-pressure-about-having-children-heres-what-to-expect-if-you-dont-have-kids-when-youre-young-217135">delaying parenthood</a>, there are social taboos around deciding not to have children. The conversations you have now may help you, and future generations, make more informed decisions about their reproductive choices.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/217726/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Kylie Baldwin receives funding from The Foundation for Sociology of Health and Illness</span></em></p>Talking about plans for childbearing is still seen as a taboo.Kylie Baldwin, Senior Lecturer, De Montfort UniversityLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/2171352023-11-20T17:32:11Z2023-11-20T17:32:11ZWomen still face unfair pressure about having children – here’s what to expect if you don’t have kids when you’re young<p>If you’re a woman in your 20s or 30s, particularly if you’re in a long-term relationship, you’ve probably been asked when you’re going to have children. In the UK and many other countries, there is a clear societal expectation that women will eventually become mothers. </p>
<p>Many people feel pressured to <a href="https://today.yougov.com/politics/articles/40911-does-society-pressure-men-and-women-have-children">have children</a> by their own parents, who look forward to <a href="https://academic.oup.com/psychsocgerontology/article/75/10/2250/5601159">having grandchildren</a>. Parenthood as the default life trajectory is evident in films and television, and even in public health recommendations. </p>
<p>A draft report from the World Health Organisation in 2021 caused an uproar when it suggested that all women of child-bearing age should avoid alcohol in case of <a href="https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/women/who-alcohol-women-pregnancy-report-b1867960.html">becoming pregnant</a>. </p>
<p>These assumptions and pressures become more intense depending on age and timing. In England and Wales, <a href="https://www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/birthsdeathsandmarriages/livebirths/bulletins/birthcharacteristicsinenglandandwales/2021">in 2021</a>, the average age was 30.9 years for women and 33.7 years for men to become parents. </p>
<p>Compare this with the <a href="https://www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/birthsdeathsandmarriages/livebirths/bulletins/birthcharacteristicsinenglandandwales/2017#:%7E:text=The%20average%20age%20of%20first,or%20subsequent%20births%20in%202017">2017 figures</a> of 28.8 years for women and 33.4 years for men. While age for all parents is increasing, it is now markedly higher for women to become mothers. </p>
<hr>
<p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/uk/topics/should-i-have-children-148388?utm_source=TCUK&utm_medium=InArticleTop&utm_campaign=Parenting2023">Should I have children?</a> The pieces in this series will help you answer this tough question – exploring fertility, climate change, the cost of living and social pressure.</em></p>
<p><em>We’ll keep the discussion going at a live event in London on November 30. <a href="https://www.waterstones.com/events/the-conversation-should-i-have-children/london-tottenham-court-road">Click here</a> for more information and tickets.</em></p>
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<p>Women becoming mothers at an older age translates into other social expectations. Mothers are <a href="https://doi.org/10.1080/14680777.2012.678073">portrayed as selfish</a> for “choosing” older motherhood and supposedly risking the health of the baby due to increasing maternal age. </p>
<p>However, the evidence shows that delaying motherhood isn’t as simple as that. Women become mothers in their <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177/0959353516639615">mid-30s</a> for a myriad of reasons, including establishing careers, not being in a suitable partnership or <a href="https://doi.org/10.1080/13698575.2013.827633">not feeling ready</a>.</p>
<p>And, while rates of teenage pregnancy have <a href="https://www.nuffieldtrust.org.uk/resource/teenage-pregnancy">declined</a> in recent years, there is still a stigma associated with having a baby “too young”. This stigma is exacerbated if the mother is <a href="https://doi.org/10.1080/14680770701824779">working class</a>.</p>
<h2>The gender parenting gap</h2>
<p>As we can see from the ONS figures, men are older when they have their first children. Men can continue to father children at a later age than women typically can get pregnant, but they arguably do not face the same social or time pressure as women to have children.</p>
<p>This gender gap continues into parenthood. If you pick up a parenting book, you’ll probably notice that the text is written primarily for mothers. Even when there is a move to a gender equal “parent”, much of the text still <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177/0957926506063126">refers to mothers</a> instead of fathers as the one predominantly responsible for caregiving. Meanwhile, <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177/0957926500011002006">fathers</a> are seen as more part-time, bumbling assistants or “babysitters”.</p>
<p>Parenting is hard work, time-consuming and expensive, and many countries’ working cultures are not set up to support parents. It is often the mothers who scale down their paid working hours to pick up more of the childcare <a href="https://www.jstor.org/stable/48656859">when the baby arrives</a>. </p>
<p>As I’ve found in <a href="http://www.palgrave.com/gb/book/9781137581563">my research</a>, media about stay-at-home fathers depicts them as being forced into the role through economic pressure. This is a contrast to what these primary caregiving fathers have told me themselves, which is that they see parenting as an equal partnership. </p>
<p>There has been some progress in families towards equal parenting (including in gay and lesbian <a href="https://doi.org/10.1146/annurev-devpsych-070220-122704">partnerships</a>). But the idea of mothers as the primary caregivers persists, and means that women in their 20s and 30s still face undue pressure about whether (and when) to try for children.</p>
<h2>Choosing to be childfree</h2>
<p>Women and men should be able to choose their own path as to whether to become a parent or not. Obviously, ignoring social pressure is easier said that done. </p>
<p>There is some evidence that millennial and generation Z women are more commonly embracing being <a href="https://www.bbc.com/worklife/article/20230208-the-adults-celebrating-child-free-lives">“childfree by choice”</a>. As the ONS figures show, half of all women do not have a child by <a href="https://www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/birthsdeathsandmarriages/conceptionandfertilityrates/bulletins/childbearingforwomenbornindifferentyearsenglandandwales/2020">age 30</a>.</p>
<figure class="align-center ">
<img alt="A young couple smiles and embraces each other while holding a small dachshund dog." src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/559723/original/file-20231115-23-u0rfii.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/559723/original/file-20231115-23-u0rfii.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/559723/original/file-20231115-23-u0rfii.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/559723/original/file-20231115-23-u0rfii.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/559723/original/file-20231115-23-u0rfii.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/559723/original/file-20231115-23-u0rfii.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/559723/original/file-20231115-23-u0rfii.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px">
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<span class="caption">Being childfree by choice is becoming more visible and celebrated.</span>
<span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.shutterstock.com/image-photo/happy-black-millennial-couple-hugging-standing-1354297076">fizkes/Shutterstock</a></span>
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</figure>
<p>Of course, this comes with its own social implications. As research by Rebecca Harrington <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/15240657.2019.1559515">notes</a>, women who decide to remain childfree are often stigmatised. They are seen to be going against the socially accepted “nurturing female” and the expectation that girls grow up to become mothers. </p>
<p>The <a href="https://doi.org/10.1080/02646839908404595">identity shifts</a> that happen when women become mothers can impact friendships, especially between parents and non-parents. Maintaining relationships with others can be difficult while managing the the demands of caring for a young infant. For the friend without children, the arrival of a baby is not <a href="https://www.thecut.com/article/adult-friendships-vs-kids.html">without its challenges</a>.</p>
<p>For all its ills, social media is helping change the conversation. The option to be childfree is becoming more visible and even celebrated through campaigns such as <a href="https://www.instagram.com/wearechildfree_/">We Are Childfree</a>. Seeing online communities of like-minded people with similar life trajectories can show you that becoming a parent isn’t the only option, and reassure you that you are not alone in whatever path you choose.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/217135/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Abigail Locke does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.</span></em></p>The pressure to parent looks different for women and men.Abigail Locke, Professor of Critical Social and Health Psychology, Keele UniversityLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/2170762023-11-13T11:52:54Z2023-11-13T11:52:54ZWhat women say about how breastfeeding affects their body image<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/558010/original/file-20231107-25-xzhpml.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=14%2C0%2C9475%2C6317&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">
</span> <span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.shutterstock.com/image-photo/mother-son-sitting-on-sofa-breastfeeding-2251534251">Krakenimages.com/Shutterstock</a></span></figcaption></figure><p>The <a href="https://www.cdc.gov/nccdphp/dnpao/features/breastfeeding-benefits/index.html#:%7E:text=Breastfeeding%20has%20health%20benefits%20for%20both%20babies%20and,baby%20and%20mom%20against%20certain%20illnesses%20and%20diseases">benefits of breastfeeding</a> are well known – but the UK has one of the lowest breastfeeding rates in the world. The <a href="https://www.who.int/health-topics/breastfeeding">WHO recommends</a> that babies should be exclusively breastfed up to the age of six months (when they can start having food in addition to breast milk). But <a href="https://www.unicef.org.uk/babyfriendly/about/breastfeeding-in-the-uk/">just 1%</a> of women in the UK exclusively breastfeed their babies to six months old. </p>
<p>There are many reasons that lead mothers to stop breastfeeding, or not start at all. One of these is <a href="https://www.taylorfrancis.com/books/mono/10.4324/9781003100041/body-image-sarah-grogan">body image</a>: their perceptions or feelings about their body.</p>
<p>In 2019, one of us (Alison Owen) carried out a <a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/30873876/">review</a> of research studies looking at the relationship between body image and breastfeeding. In total, 13,046 people took part in these studies. </p>
<p>We found that pregnant women with higher body image – those who were more satisfied with the way they looked – were more likely to exclusively breastfeed. Women with concerns about their appearance were less likely to plan to breastfeed. Those who did start breastfeeding carried on for a shorter time than the women who felt good about the way they looked.</p>
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<p><em><strong><a href="https://theconversation.com/uk/topics/quarter-life-117947?utm_source=TCUK&utm_medium=linkback&utm_campaign=UK+YP2022&utm_content=InArticleTop">This article is part of Quarter Life</a></strong>, a series about issues affecting those of us in our twenties and thirties. From the challenges of beginning a career and taking care of our mental health, to the excitement of starting a family, adopting a pet or just making friends as an adult. The articles in this series explore the questions and bring answers as we navigate this turbulent period of life.</em></p>
<p><em>You may be interested in:</em></p>
<p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/baby-names-why-we-all-choose-the-same-ones-185546?utm_source=TCUK&utm_medium=linkback&utm_campaign=UK+YP2022&utm_content=InArticleTop">Baby names: why we all choose the same ones</a></em></p>
<p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/what-is-normal-baby-sleep-how-evolutionary-clues-not-cultural-expectations-can-help-new-parents-187747?utm_source=TCUK&utm_medium=linkback&utm_campaign=UK+YP2022&utm_content=InArticleTop">What is ‘normal’ baby sleep? How evolutionary clues, not cultural expectations, can help new parents</a></em></p>
<p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/mens-fertility-also-declines-with-age-heres-what-to-know-if-youre-planning-to-wait-to-have-kids-187498?utm_source=TCUK&utm_medium=linkback&utm_campaign=UK+YP2022&utm_content=InArticleTop">Men’s fertility also declines with age — here’s what to know if you’re planning to wait to have kids</a></em></p>
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<p>In a recent <a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/37874008/">study</a>, we explored the body image experiences of breastfeeding mothers in the UK, to try and find out a bit more about how breastfeeding had an impact on how they felt about their bodies – as well as how body image might have affected their experience of breastfeeding. </p>
<h2>Awareness of bodies</h2>
<p>We interviewed 18 women who had all breastfed their babies and asked them about their thoughts and feelings around their body image, specifically in relation to their breastfeeding.</p>
<p>Although our previous research found that the choice to breastfeed was linked with higher body image, we discovered that considerations, thoughts and worries about how they looked remained a significant part of their experience.</p>
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<img alt="Woman breastfeeding on sofa" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/558012/original/file-20231107-270141-ict3f3.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/558012/original/file-20231107-270141-ict3f3.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/558012/original/file-20231107-270141-ict3f3.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/558012/original/file-20231107-270141-ict3f3.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/558012/original/file-20231107-270141-ict3f3.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/558012/original/file-20231107-270141-ict3f3.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/558012/original/file-20231107-270141-ict3f3.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px">
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<span class="caption">The clothes needed for breastfeeding affected women’s body image.</span>
<span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.shutterstock.com/image-photo/tired-mother-breastfeeding-her-baby-daughter-1891249108">Jelena Stanojkovic/Shutterstock</a></span>
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<p>Breastfeeding is a physical experience and it can require mothers to use their bodies in a way that may draw attention. For one of the women we spoke to, body image concerns shaped her experience of breastfeeding by affecting her choices of places to feed her baby. She said:</p>
<blockquote>
<p>I don’t have the most positive body image and I think I’ve definitely avoided breastfeeding in public as much as possible, to the point where, apart from flying, I don’t think we’ve ever really breastfed in public.</p>
</blockquote>
<p>The choice to breastfeed also means looking different – down to the need to choose different clothes. Women told us how clothes that are suitable for breastfeeding didn’t always help in terms of body positivity. Clothes were a big part of the women’s body image and identity, helping them feel like they were getting back to their “old selves” after pregnancy and breastfeeding, rather than seeing themselves as just “mums”. One said:</p>
<blockquote>
<p>I’ve gone back to my own style. I wore breastfeeding clothes for a bit, but I just found that they weren’t very stylish and the ones that were stylish you’d have to pay like £60 pound for a hoodie … or a jumper. So I just thought forget that. </p>
</blockquote>
<p>For one of the mothers we spoke to, considerations of how her body looked was a key factor leading her to make the choice to breastfeed. She said: </p>
<blockquote>
<p>Everything that I read was always like, you’ll go back to your pre-pregnancy body quicker if you breastfeed… So, I thought oh OK, then ‘cause I thought I’d be like the size of a house after having [baby] so I thought I better breastfeed then … I think that had a big part in me choosing to breastfeed so I could lose the weight.</p>
</blockquote>
<p>But some of the women we spoke to also talked about negative feelings about how breastfeeding had affected their bodies, and in particular their breasts. Although she referred to breastfeeding as “one of the best things I did”, one of the mothers said that she didn’t now like to see her breasts. Another said that “it took me a long time to kind of like the deflated boobs, but I just thought well, they’ve served the purpose”.</p>
<h2>Bodies as tools</h2>
<p>This awareness of the functionality of their bodies – serving a purpose – helped women feel more positive about them. They felt proud of what they had achieved through breastfeeding. One said she had “a deeper level of respect” for her body, whereas before having babies “it was quite superficial”, how the thought of a “muffin top” hanging over her jeans “mattered”. She added:</p>
<blockquote>
<p>…In reality it’s like no. Actually, you’ve grown a human and given birth to one and are keeping one alive now with just your body, like it’s amazing.</p>
</blockquote>
<p>But this functionality can have a negative side – the sense that the purpose of a mother’s body is just for motherhood. As one mother said: </p>
<blockquote>
<p>Your world gets taken over by baby and you become mum and that is your sole purpose … ’cause all you do is just constantly breastfeeding, and I felt like that was all I was.</p>
</blockquote>
<p><a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2865685/">Other research</a> surveying mothers who chose not to breastfeed found one of the reasons was wanting to feel that their bodies were their own again. </p>
<p>Breastfeeding did affect the body image of the women we spoke to – and the way some of the women felt about their bodies affected their breastfeeding choices, such as choosing not to breastfeed in public. </p>
<p>This is further evidence of the importance of breastfeeding support that helps mothers feel as comfortable as possible about their bodies, even if they do look and feel different to how they did before they had a baby.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/217076/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>The authors do not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and have disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.</span></em></p>The way some of the women felt about their bodies affected their breastfeeding choices.Alison Owen, Lecturer in Health Psychology, Staffordshire UniversityJennifer Taylor, Senior Lecturer in Qualitative Psychological Research Methods, Staffordshire UniversityLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/2119722023-11-09T14:15:03Z2023-11-09T14:15:03ZHow autistic parents feel about breastfeeding and the support they receive – new research<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/550058/original/file-20230925-15-aytg7n.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=0%2C0%2C5020%2C3321&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">Almost half the study's respondents found breastfeeding to be a positive experience most or all of the time. </span> <span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.shutterstock.com/image-photo/young-mother-breastfeeding-her-newborn-child-516261334">Lolostock/Shutterstock</a></span></figcaption></figure><p>Surprisingly little is still known about autism and breastfeeding. A few years ago, <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/13623613221089374">we reviewed</a> all of the research evidence and found limited information about the experiences of autistic parents – beyond highlighting that the sensory differences when breastfeeding could be very challenging for them. We also found that communication by health professionals didn’t always meet the <a href="https://www.autisticuk.org/post/autistic-mothers-experiences-of-breast-and-formula-feeding-babies-what-does-the-evidence-s">needs</a> of autistic parents.</p>
<p>So, for our newly released <a href="https://doi.org/10.1111/mcn.13581">study</a>, we asked 152 autistic parents from across the UK about their breast- and formula-feeding experiences. Some 87% of those who breastfed were strongly motivated to keep breastfeeding even if they ran into difficulties, while only 54% of all the parents we interviewed used any infant formula. This is a substantially lower rate of formula use than we’d typically see in the UK, where <a href="https://doc.ukdataservice.ac.uk/doc/7281/mrdoc/pdf/7281_ifs-uk-2010_report.pdf">88% of babies</a> receive some infant formula during their first six months.</p>
<p>Almost half of our respondents found breastfeeding to be a positive or enjoyable experience most or all of the time. This included the experience of feeling bonded with their baby and enjoying learning about breastfeeding.</p>
<p>That said, many of these autistic parents described experiencing sensory difficulties, with touch-related issues being their most frequently reported challenge. These issues ranged from discomfort caused by “little hands” touching their skin, to pain from infants suckling, biting and “latching on” to the breast. </p>
<p>Some 10% of our participants expressed breastmilk all of the time. This is higher than we would expect in an average group of parents, as expressing milk for every feed is <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/j.1365-2648.2012.06035.x">usually only done</a> when babies are premature or parents have returned to work. On the other hand, the feeling and sound of breast pumps could be unbearable for some of the parents we interviewed.</p>
<h2>Interoception</h2>
<p>Most people know about the five basic human senses: touch, sight, sound, smell and taste. But we also have three other senses that are just as important. The <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/topics/neuroscience/vestibular-system">vestibular system</a> helps us keep our balance and move around safely; <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/topics/neuroscience/proprioception#:%7E:text=Proprioception%20refers%20to%20the%20sense,have%20receptors%20involved%20in%20proprioception.">proprioception</a> lets us know how our muscles and joints are moving; and <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/topics/medicine-and-dentistry/interoception">interoception</a> tells us about what is happening inside our bodies, such as our heart rate, breathing and digestion.</p>
<p>Autistic people often have <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S073657481630096X">different interoceptive experiences</a> to non-autistic people – such as either not knowing or being acutely aware that they are hungry, thirsty or need the toilet. </p>
<p>With regard to breastfeeding, 41% of our participants who breastfed told us that their interoceptive experiences relating to the <a href="https://www.breastmilkcounts.com/breastfeeding-basics/the-let-down/">milk let-down reflex</a> (the response from your body that causes breastmilk to flow) was uncomfortable or painful always or most of the time. This included having “a feeling of dread” or the let-down reflex feeling odd in some way. One of our parents noted that “it felt like I had an old-fashioned telephone ringing in my breasts”.</p>
<h2>Adaptation strategies</h2>
<p>Whether our parents breast- or formula-fed, the intensity of babies’ frequent feeding could be overwhelming – a <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/j.1468-2397.2009.00684.x">well-known issue</a> among the general population of parents too. However, for autistic parents, carefully developed strategies to stay regulated and de-stress, such as going for a walk or watching an episode of a favourite TV show, could be disrupted by the busy routine of new parenthood.</p>
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<img alt="A woman looks at her phone while breastfeeding her baby." src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/550067/original/file-20230925-25-cnncei.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=237&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/550067/original/file-20230925-25-cnncei.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=899&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/550067/original/file-20230925-25-cnncei.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=899&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/550067/original/file-20230925-25-cnncei.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=899&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/550067/original/file-20230925-25-cnncei.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=1130&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/550067/original/file-20230925-25-cnncei.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=1130&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/550067/original/file-20230925-25-cnncei.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=1130&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px">
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<span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.shutterstock.com/image-photo/portrait-young-confident-woman-modern-living-2049690128">BAZA Production/Shutterstock</a></span>
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<p>The parents in our study had done a lot of problem-solving to reduce the sensory challenges of feeding their babies. This included adapting their clothing and distracting themselves during feeding by looking at a mobile phone, for example. </p>
<p>There is evidence that bonding is <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/nhs.12918">not negatively impacted</a> by the use of smartphones when breastfeeding in a general population. So, these types of distraction should be encouraged for all parents who are finding breastfeeding hard but want to continue doing so.</p>
<p>While 76% of our parents had received some form of breastfeeding support, nearly three-quarters of these parents (71%) still reported feeling unsupported. Issues included there not being enough breastfeeding support available, and health professionals providing conflicting information – concerns that also found in the accounts of <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/mcn.13355">non-autistic parents</a>.</p>
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<p>
<em>
<strong>
Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/dehumanising-policies-leave-autistic-people-struggling-to-access-health-education-and-housing-new-review-202997">'Dehumanising policies' leave autistic people struggling to access health, education and housing – new review</a>
</strong>
</em>
</p>
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<p>It also appears that those supporting infant feeding, such as midwives and health visitors, did not have a good understanding of autistic communication. For example, some parents felt they were not listened to or that their concerns were dismissed.</p>
<p>Furthermore, some parents felt that staff did not appear to understand the specific sensory and interoceptive differences that could affect autistic people while breastfeeding.</p>
<h2>Room for improvement</h2>
<p>Overall, our study suggests there is a need for better understanding of autism among those providing infant feeding support. The national autism training <a href="https://www.annafreud.org/training/national-autism-trainer-programme/">programme</a>, which is developed and delivered by autistic adults, aims to improve this situation across England. Ideally, similar programmes should be implemented in the other UK nations.</p>
<p>A second area for improvement is for autistic parents, their partners and other people supporting them to be aware of potential feeding issues in advance, so they can be better prepared. Our project provides a <a href="https://www.youtube.com/@AutismMenstruationToMenopause/videos">suite of videos</a>, designed and created by autistic health professionals and parents, to help provide this information in an autism-friendly way.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/211972/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Aimee Grant receives funding from UKRI and the Wellcome Trust. She is a non-executive director of Disability Wales. We wish to thank Prof Amy Brown, who was also part of the research team.</span></em></p><p class="fine-print"><em><span>Kathryn Williams receives funding for her PhD studentship from the Economic and Social Research Council. She is affiliated with Autistic UK CIC, where she is a voluntary non-executive director.</span></em></p><p class="fine-print"><em><span>Catrin Griffiths does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.</span></em></p>New research sheds light on how autism affects how we feed our babies, and vice versa.Aimee Grant, Senior Lecturer in Public Health and Wellcome Trust Career Development Fellow, Swansea UniversityCatrin Griffiths, Research Officer, Swansea UniversityKathryn Williams, PhD Candidate, Cardiff UniversityLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/2143032023-10-05T15:14:59Z2023-10-05T15:14:59ZBaby formula preparation machines might not reach NHS recommended temperatures for killing bacteria – new research<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/550876/original/file-20230928-21-25f2uo.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=46%2C0%2C5184%2C3445&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">The NHS recommends using water heated to at least 70C for mixing with formula powder.</span> <span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.shutterstock.com/image-photo/preparation-mixture-baby-feeding-on-white-556921537">279photo Studio/Shutterstock</a></span></figcaption></figure><p>When you have a new baby, it can feel as though there are suddenly thousands of things to worry about. One of the biggest concerns for parents in the early weeks is feeding.</p>
<p>Our <a href="https://doi.org/10.1111/mcn.13567">new study</a> has raised questions about one popular feeding device – the formula preparation machine. We found that only 15% of formula preparation machines tested dispensed water that appeared to be hot enough to meet NHS recommendations for preparing baby formula. In comparison, a majority of samples prepared using a kettle did meet the recommended temperature.<br>
Almost <a href="https://doc.ukdataservice.ac.uk/doc/7281/mrdoc/pdf/7281_ifs-uk-2010_report.pdf">three quarters</a> of babies in the UK receive some formula in the first six weeks after birth. This goes up to 88% within the first six months. Infant formula comes ready to drink in bottles and powdered, which parents need to mix with very hot water. Around <a href="https://static1.squarespace.com/static/59f75004f09ca48694070f3b/t/6053645514d0f3072adec94e/1616077909798/Marketing_of_infant_milk_in_the_UK-what_do_parents_see_and_believe_finala.pdf">80%</a> of parents who use formula use a powdered version at least half the time.</p>
<p>NHS guidance states that formula should be prepared using a kettle <a href="https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/baby/breastfeeding-and-bottle-feeding/bottle-feeding/making-up-baby-formula/">to boil</a> 1 litre of water, leaving the water to cool for no more than 30 minutes before adding it to the formula. This is so that it remains at a temperature of at least 70C when it is mixed with the powder. This is needed to <a href="https://www.who.int/publications/i/item/9789241595414">kill any bacteria</a>. </p>
<h2>Formula preparation machines</h2>
<p>In recent years, a range of formula preparation machines have been sold in the UK. Some dispense a small amount of hot water to which powder should be added, the bottle shaken and then the bottle topped up with cold water. Other machines dispense prepared formula in to a bottle. Our past <a href="https://static1.squarespace.com/static/59f75004f09ca48694070f3b/t/6053645514d0f3072adec94e/1616077909798/Marketing_of_infant_milk_in_the_UK-what_do_parents_see_and_believe_finala.pdf">research</a> suggests that more than half of parents use a formula preparation machine. </p>
<p>Some <a href="https://www.southtees.nhs.uk/services/maternity/infant-feeding/formula-feeding/">NHS trusts</a> (as well as the <a href="https://www2.hse.ie/babies-children/bottle-feeding/preparing-baby-formula/#:%7E:text=The%20Food%20Safety%20Authority%20of,for%20preparing%20your%20baby's%20bottle.">Irish government</a>), have stated that parents should not use these machines to prepare formula, due to there being problems with these devices that could lead to babies becoming unwell. This may be based on concerns that the water may not remain at a <a href="https://static1.squarespace.com/static/59f75004f09ca48694070f3b/t/5f58858c11457f399bae4a61/1599636878436/Bacterial_contamination_Aug20.pdf">hot enough temperature</a> to kill any bacteria in the powder. This matters because it increases the risk of gastrointestinal infection. </p>
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<img alt="A man feeds a baby with a bottle." src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/550878/original/file-20230928-27-d1ixap.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/550878/original/file-20230928-27-d1ixap.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/550878/original/file-20230928-27-d1ixap.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/550878/original/file-20230928-27-d1ixap.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/550878/original/file-20230928-27-d1ixap.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/550878/original/file-20230928-27-d1ixap.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/550878/original/file-20230928-27-d1ixap.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px">
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<span class="caption">shutterstock.</span>
<span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.shutterstock.com/image-photo/family-parenthood-people-concept-close-father-1152717200">Ground Picture/Shutterstock</a></span>
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<p>Formula-fed babies are <a href="https://www.unicef.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/2012/11/Preventing_disease_saving_resources.pdf">more likely</a> to get bacterial gastrointestinal infections than breastfed babies. There are two main ways that bacteria can get into formula. Firstly, powdered formula itself cannot be made sterile because of how it is manufactured, meaning it can get <a href="https://www.cdc.gov/cronobacter/infection-and-infants.html#:%7E:text=Powdered%20formula%20is%20not%20sterile,processing%20facilities%20that%20make%20it.">contaminated</a>. This means that a brand new, unopened tub of formula <a href="https://static1.squarespace.com/static/59f75004f09ca48694070f3b/t/624edeb6873c47686bd34825/1649335991943/Bacterial+contamination_April+22.pdf">can contain</a> harmful bacteria such as <em>Salmonella</em> and <em>Cronobacter</em>. </p>
<p>Secondly, bacteria can be introduced into the formula in the home <a href="https://www.nature.com/articles/s41598-019-46181-0">by parents</a> or carers if they do not wash their hands or adequately sterilise all feeding equipment before making a bottle.</p>
<p>Using water boiled in a kettle and cooled to above 70C <a href="https://iris.who.int/bitstream/handle/10665/43659/9789241595414_eng.pdf?isAllowed=y&sequence=1">kills</a> harmful bacteria that cause gastrointestinal infections. Because of this, it is the only method of preparing formula which is currently <a href="https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/baby/breastfeeding-and-bottle-feeding/bottle-feeding/making-up-baby-formula/">recommended</a> by the NHS.</p>
<p>However, <a href="https://static1.squarespace.com/static/59f75004f09ca48694070f3b/t/6053645514d0f3072adec94e/1616077909798/Marketing_of_infant_milk_in_the_UK-what_do_parents_see_and_believe_finala.pdf">we found</a> that many parents do not feel confident about preparing bottles of formula safely.</p>
<h2>What we found</h2>
<p>We asked 143 parents to test the temperature of the water they used to prepare a bottle of formula at home. <a href="https://doi.org/10.1111/mcn.13567">We found</a> that only 15% of the 74 infant formula preparation machines tested appeared to produce water that reached NHS recommended temperatures for preparing bottles of formula.</p>
<p>But among the parents in our study who used a kettle to make up their formula, 78% of temperatures reported were above the recommended NHS level. </p>
<p>This is concerning, as temperatures below 70C can be harmful to babies’ health, and also given such a high number of parents use formula preparation machines. </p>
<h2>Advice</h2>
<p>If you are formula feeding, more information and support about preparing bottles is available on the <a href="https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/baby/breastfeeding-and-bottle-feeding/bottle-feeding/making-up-baby-formula/">NHS website</a>. The NHS guide recommends using a kettle to boil the water.</p>
<p>The Food Standards Agency (FSA) <a href="https://www.swansea.ac.uk/press-office/news-events/news/2023/10/study-raises-concerns-over-powdered-infant-formula-preparation-machines.php">recommend</a> that if you already have a formula preparation machine, you use a food thermometer to test the temperature of the water it produces. If you do this, do not put the thermometer into the bottle that you use to feed your baby, as the thermometer could introduce bacteria, so you will need to do this separately to making a bottle. </p>
<p>If your thermometer shows the water is below 70C, the machine should not be used to prepare bottles of formula and you should use a kettle instead. The FSA recommend that parents should notify both the manufacturer and their <a href="https://www.gov.uk/find-local-trading-standards-office">local trading standards</a> department or <a href="https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/">Citizens Advice</a>. </p>
<p>We have shared our results with the <a href="https://www.gov.uk/government/organisations/office-for-product-safety-and-standards">Office for Product Safety and Standards</a>, the UK’s product safety regulator, who have purchased examples of formula preparation machines to assess compliance. We have also shared our findings with the <a href="https://www.food.gov.uk/">FSA</a>, who safeguard public health and protect consumers in relation to food across the UK.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/214303/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Aimee Grant receives funding from UKRI and the Wellcome Trust. She has previously received funding from the NIHR, HEFCW, and public health charities. Aimee is affiliated with Disability Wales. The Finding the Formula study, which is reported on in this article, was funded by UKRI and the Food Standards Agency. We wish to thank Dr Vicky Sibson, Dr Rebecca Ellis, Abbie Dolling, Tara McNamara, Jonie Cooper, Susan Dvorak, Sharon Breward, Phyll Buchanan and Dr Emma Yhnell who were also part of the study team, and the parents who provided data for this study.
</span></em></p><p class="fine-print"><em><span>Amy Brown has received research funding from UKRI, HEFCW, Infant feeding charities, local councils, health trusts and Public Health Wales. </span></em></p><p class="fine-print"><em><span>Sara Jones was paid for her time as a study manager from the UKRI funding for this project. She has also received funding from MRC and infant feeding charities.</span></em></p>New research finds that 85% of formula preparation machines tested were dispensing water that did not appear to reach NHS recommended temperatures for preparing bottles of formula.Aimee Grant, Senior Lecturer in Public Health and Wellcome Trust Career Development Fellow, Swansea UniversityAmy Brown, Professor of Child Public Health, Swansea UniversitySara Jones, Senior lecturer at Lactation and Infant Feeding Translational research centre, Swansea UniversityLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/2137842023-09-25T10:38:26Z2023-09-25T10:38:26Z‘Mum-shaming’ of Sophie Turner is part of a problem that harms all parents<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/549602/original/file-20230921-27-l8ugp9.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=134%2C80%2C5856%2C3979&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">The high-profile divorce of Joe Jonas and Sophie Turner is sparking discussions about mum-shaming.</span> <span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.shutterstock.com/image-photo/new-york-ny-may-3-2022-2153471465">lev radin/Shutterstock</a></span></figcaption></figure><p>Like many celebrity divorces, the split of Sophie Turner and singer Joe Jonas has been accompanied by a flurry of rumours. It was reported that the breakup happened because the Game of Thrones actress “<a href="https://www.tmz.com/2023/09/05/joe-jonas-files-divorce-sophie-turner-split-children-joint-custody/">likes to party</a>” whereas “he likes to stay at home”.</p>
<p>There has been a swift backlash to this speculation. Commentators from <a href="https://www.rollingstone.com/culture/culture-commentary/sophie-turner-joe-jonas-divorce-motherhood-misogyny-media-gossip-1234820043/">Rolling Stone</a>, <a href="https://www.glamourmagazine.co.uk/article/joe-jonas-sophie-turner-divorce-mum-shaming">Glamour</a>, <a href="https://www.vogue.co.uk/article/sophie-turner-mum-shaming">Vogue</a>, <a href="https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p0gcftw0">Radio 4 Women’s Hour</a> and others have denounced the rumours as misogyny and “mum-shaming”.</p>
<p>It is not surprising that these comments hit a nerve. Many mothers (and other parents, such as non-binary parents who are <a href="https://www.npr.org/2021/06/15/1006183612/the-natural-mother-of-the-child-non-binary-parenthood">seen as mothers</a>), far less famous than Turner, have had their own experiences of shaming. </p>
<p>The parents who make use of childcare and hear comments like: “Why do people have children when they don’t mean to raise them?” Or the observation that you are “so lucky” that the father of your children has agreed to “babysit” so you can attend work drinks. This was evident in the Turner-Jonas discourse too, with Jonas painted as caring for the couple’s children “<a href="https://www.tmz.com/2023/09/05/joe-jonas-files-divorce-sophie-turner-split-children-joint-custody">pretty much all of the time</a>” in recent months.</p>
<p>The practice of mum-shaming – criticising mothers for their parenting styles or choices – is <a href="https://www.vox.com/2019/4/23/18508136/pregnancy-mothers-moms-babies-advice-quinlan-johnson">centuries old</a>. In 1762, philosopher <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emile,_or_On_Education">Jean-Jacques Rousseau</a> held women who did “deign to breastfeed their children” responsible for all society’s problems. <a href="https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/technology-56890264">Social media</a> has made it easier to shame mothers from behind a screen.</p>
<p>My work in the philosophy of pregnancy, birth and early parenthood tries to understand why all this happens. I identify <a href="https://jme.bmj.com/content/43/8/515">mistakes in society’s thinking about motherhood</a> and show how they contribute to the pressure that <a href="https://theconversation.com/how-philosophy-can-help-mothers-avoid-judgment-guilt-and-shame-196975">mothers experience</a>. </p>
<p>There is a gendered <a href="https://cupofjo.com/2022/02/07/have-you-seen-this-viral-comic-about-parenting-double-standards">double standard</a> inherent in many mum-shaming comments, where fathers are likely to be praised for parenting that would be seen as the bare minimum for a mother. </p>
<p>But fathers can also suffer from assumptions that they are not capable of caring for their children. This may well contribute to barriers to men taking time off work for <a href="https://www.vwv.co.uk/news-and-events/blog/employment-law-brief/shared-parental-leave-scheme-reform">caring responsibilities</a>.</p>
<h2>The conflicting ideals of motherhood</h2>
<p>Depictions of motherhood in popular culture often communicate the idea that the mother who sacrifices everything for her children is the best kind of mother. Like many aspects of parent shaming, there is a contradiction here: mothers who don’t work are often looked down on, as are mothers who work “too much”.</p>
<p>Petra Bueskens, an expert in motherhood, psychoanalysis and social and political theory, argues that modern mothers are caught between two conflicting ideals of individual freedom and self-sacrificing motherhood. </p>
<p>And these ideals <a href="https://www.routledge.com/Modern-Motherhood-and-Womens-Dual-Identities-Rewriting-the-Sexual-Contract/Bueskens/p/book/9780367460129#">depend on one another</a>: the original free individuals were men, who were able to be free precisely because their wives and mothers were taking on all caring responsibilities. Women claimed equality with men as individuals, but the expectations of motherhood remained.</p>
<p>Despite the problems she identifies, Bueskens’ conclusion is hopeful. Her book contains case studies of mothers finding ways to navigate the contradictions between freedom and care. Bueskens even argues that recognition of these contradictions might transform society. </p>
<p>What’s more, sacrifice by mothers is seen as a good thing for their children. But this might not be true. </p>
<h2>Respecting mothers’ choices</h2>
<p>I’m a bit wary of justifying women’s choices by appealing to the positive effect on their children. If women matter in their own right, then we should not need to do this. Having said that, claiming your own identity does send a positive message to your children, especially if those children are girls. </p>
<p>Research suggests that <a href="https://journalistsresource.org/economics/working-mother-employment-research/">having a mother who works can have long-term benefits for children</a>. It is also important to tell our children that mothers are entitled to have interests that aren’t either family or work-related. </p>
<p>As outside observers – and even other parents – we must notice and be very suspicious of inclinations to judge individual mothers. We should ask ourselves whether we would react the same way to a father. If not, it is possible that we are being influenced by these unfair ideas about motherhood. </p>
<p>Parents are also likely to be judged even more harshly if they do not <a href="https://www.worldcat.org/title/mothers-mothering-and-motherhood-across-cultural-differences-a-reader/oclc/876425204">fit the image</a> of a “typical” or “good” mother or father, such as parents who are <a href="https://www.stylist.co.uk/life/judge-women-when-choose-have-baby-children-44-old-motherhood-delayed-child-free-survey-janet-jackson/64226">older</a>, <a href="https://cafemom.com/parenting/208911-people-judging-young-moms">younger</a>, <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/society/2023/feb/19/i-did-not-expect-motherhood-to-legitimise-me-parenting-with-a-disability">disabled</a> or <a href="https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/racism-parenting_uk_5dfcaf38e4b0843d35fa3b72">from an ethnic minority</a>.</p>
<p>Ideally, I would like to help improve the way society treats parents. In the meantime, it can be helpful for parents to recognise their individual experiences as part of a larger pattern. This can help them feel less alone and to make informed decisions about how to respond.</p>
<p>Getting the balance right between our own needs and our children’s needs is tricky. Stopping mum-shaming is just the start.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/213784/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Fiona Woollard was part of the Better Understanding the Metaphysics of Pregnancy (BUMP) project funded by European Research Council. She has also received funding from the Arts and Humanities Research Council; the Economic and Social Research Council (through the University of Southampton ESRC Impact Acceleration Account); the Southampton Ethics Centre and the Mind Association. </span></em></p>Young parents and others who don’t fit the ‘ideal’ of parenthood are especially vulnerable.Fiona Woollard, Professor of Philosophy, University of SouthamptonLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/2061522023-08-21T11:19:07Z2023-08-21T11:19:07ZShared parental leave has failed because it doesn’t make financial or emotional sense<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/540474/original/file-20230801-25-b25rj7.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=1732%2C30%2C5144%2C3226&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">
</span> <span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.shutterstock.com/image-photo/vietnamese-young-father-feeding-his-baby-371031866">Dragon Images/Shutterstock</a></span></figcaption></figure><p>When <a href="https://www.gov.uk/shared-parental-leave-and-pay">shared parental leave</a> was introduced in 2015 in the UK, the then Conservative-Liberal Democrat coalition government described it as a “<a href="https://hansard.parliament.uk/Commons/2013-02-25/debates/13022511000001/ChildrenAndFamiliesBill?highlight=jo%20swinson%20radical#contribution-13022511000467">radical</a>” policy, suitable for modern <a href="https://assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/82969/12-1267-modern-workplaces-response-flexible-parental-leave.pdf">lives and workplaces</a>. </p>
<p>By allowing parents to share up to 50 weeks of leave in the first year of their child’s life, it was vaunted as a way to encourage fathers to bond with their babies and enable mothers to return to work sooner, helping to close the gender pay gap.</p>
<p>Eight years on, it’s hard to see shared parental leave as anything but a failure. We don’t know exactly what proportion of parents have used it over these eight years, but the number is certainly extremely low. </p>
<p>Figures for <a href="https://assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/1166383/shared-parental-leave-evaluation-report-2023.pdf">children born between May and September 2017</a> show that just 1% of eligible mothers and 5% of eligible fathers took shared parental leave: the discrepancy coming from mothers taking maternity leave and leftover leave being claimed as shared parental leave by fathers. <a href="https://www.birmingham.ac.uk/documents/college-social-sciences/business/research/wirc/spl-policy-brief.pdf">Other research has found</a> that just over 1% of eligible parents took shared parental leave in 2017-18. And that’s not even 1% of all parents: some aren’t eligible for the benefit anyway.</p>
<p>Unfortunately, there is little data on whether shared parental leave has been taken up by same-sex parents. </p>
<h2>More responsibility</h2>
<p>The primary caregiver in a child’s first year tends to take on the bulk of parenting during that child’s formative years – and this is usually the mother. Shared parental leave was intended to challenge this by giving the secondary caregiver, usually the father, the chance to take on more responsibility from the beginning.</p>
<p>Research has shown that this can work. Shared parenting gives fathers more opportunities to <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6690499/">bond</a> with their babies which then <a href="https://doi.org/10.3138/jcfs.44.5.557">increases</a> their involvement in childcare as the child gets older. </p>
<p>But the way the policy was designed in the UK has left shared parental leave with plenty of downsides too. It requires mothers give up some of their maternity leave, which means they have less maternity leave overall. </p>
<p>The pay you receive (shared parental pay) is also a disadvantage. The first six weeks of maternity pay is 90% of the mother’s average earnings. Shared parental pay is <a href="https://www.gov.uk/shared-parental-leave-and-pay/what-youll-get">paid at a statutory rate</a>, currently less than half of <a href="https://checkyourpay.campaign.gov.uk/#are_you_23_or_over_">the living wage</a> (or 90% of the mother’s salary if it’s lower than this rate). This means that there’s no financial incentive for the mother to transfer her maternity leave within these first weeks. </p>
<figure class="align-center ">
<img alt="Parents looking at bills" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/540485/original/file-20230801-23-7lyfr9.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/540485/original/file-20230801-23-7lyfr9.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/540485/original/file-20230801-23-7lyfr9.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/540485/original/file-20230801-23-7lyfr9.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/540485/original/file-20230801-23-7lyfr9.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/540485/original/file-20230801-23-7lyfr9.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/540485/original/file-20230801-23-7lyfr9.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px">
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">Shared parental leave can cause financial headaches for parents.</span>
<span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.shutterstock.com/image-photo/portrait-adult-couple-doing-paperwork-while-1601449429">SeventyFour/Shutterstock</a></span>
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<p>And if the father or secondary partner earns more than the mother (often referred to as the “<a href="https://doi.org/10.1177/0950017020946657">partner pay gap</a>” and the norm within the UK and other European countries), the financial costs of giving up that wage during shared parental leave are often insurmountable. This also true for couples where one partner is self-employed. Self-employed workers are <a href="https://www.unbiased.co.uk/discover/personal-finance/family/paternity-leave-pay-what-is-it-and-how-does-it-work#:%7E:text=What%20about%20self%2Demployed%20paternity,shared%20parental%20leave%20or%20pay.">not eligible</a> for shared parental leave (or statutory paternity leave). </p>
<p>My <a href="https://cordis.europa.eu/project/id/838816">research</a> with parents of babies born in 2020 found that the financial implications and complexity of the policy discourages parents from using shared parental leave. </p>
<h2>Parents’ wishes</h2>
<p>But the problem with the policy goes deeper than this. The UK’s shared parental leave fails to take into account parents’ desires to spend as much time as possible with their children, especially in the early years. It was designed without considering how beliefs about who provides the “best parenting” can shape parental decisions. Mothers <a href="https://bristoluniversitypress.co.uk/black-mothers-and-attachment-parenting">are reluctant</a> to <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/01442872.2019.1581160">sacrifice their time</a> with their child by sharing <a href="https://link.springer.com/chapter/10.1007/978-3-319-42970-0_10">their parental leave</a>. </p>
<p>The overarching aim of shared parental leave was focused more on <a href="https://assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/82969/12-1267-modern-workplaces-response-flexible-parental-leave.pdf">helping the economy</a> – by keeping people in work or encouraging people to return to work – rather than on allowing parents to care for their child at home for as long as they wish. </p>
<p>Despite its imperfections, shared parental leave does provide families with some options that can be positive for both parents. But to really change societal dynamics around childcare and make caring responsibilities truly equal, we need policies that support children and parents and enable them to make the choices that work best for their families. </p>
<p>A good start would be to learn from places that have much higher rates of parental leave take-up, particularly where men take longer leave. These include <a href="https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-35225982">Sweden</a> and Quebec in <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/world/2018/jun/15/the-daddy-quota-how-quebec-got-men-to-take-parental-leave">Canada</a>. The key to these and other successes has been individual entitlement. This means giving fathers and secondary caregivers an independent right to well-paid leave. </p>
<p>If the government truly want to give children <a href="https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/best-start-in-life-a-research-review-for-early-years">the best start in life</a>, it should to reconsider how we support parents. Their ability to spend time with their children should not be linked to their value as a worker or their contribution to the economy.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/206152/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Patricia Hamilton's research was funded by a Marie Curie Individual Fellowship (838816).</span></em></p>Shared parental leave requires mothers to give up some of their maternity leave.Patricia Hamilton, Lecturer, University of YorkLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/2050592023-07-28T12:52:44Z2023-07-28T12:52:44ZBreastfeeding: mothers taking prescription medicines faced with a lack of information – new review<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/534299/original/file-20230627-15-svfyno.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=85%2C0%2C9504%2C6260&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">Most medicines are safe for most breastfed babies, while serious harm to infants is rare.</span> <span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.shutterstock.com/image-photo/mother-son-sitting-on-sofa-breastfeeding-2251534251">Krakenimages.com/Shutterstock</a></span></figcaption></figure><p>Breastfeeding is a cornerstone of early childhood nutrition and development. However, taking prescription medicines can reduce breastfeeding rates because parents who take such medications often face a lack of information about their potential impact on babies or how medicines affect lactation. </p>
<p>To better understand the effects of medicines on breastfeeding, we conducted a <a href="https://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0284128">systematic review</a> of the available information. We scoured electronic databases for research on the impact of prescription medicines on breastfeeding. These studies examined how medicines affected milk composition, milk production and the health of breastfed infants. </p>
<p>We found a limited number of high-quality studies, with only ten established databases reporting on breastfeeding, medicines and infant outcomes together. And, unfortunately, none of these studies covered educational outcomes, making it difficult to assess potential long-term risks, harms and benefits.</p>
<p>Our research shows that more data collection is needed. And our work and <a href="https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0225133">other research</a> highlights there is a need for additional support to help breastfeeding mothers overcome physical barriers, including delayed milk production and <a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/28027444/">anxiety</a> about the use of prescription medicine.</p>
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<img alt="" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/542294/original/file-20230811-4652-hn8w80.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=237&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/542294/original/file-20230811-4652-hn8w80.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=600&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/542294/original/file-20230811-4652-hn8w80.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=600&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/542294/original/file-20230811-4652-hn8w80.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=600&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/542294/original/file-20230811-4652-hn8w80.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=754&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/542294/original/file-20230811-4652-hn8w80.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=754&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/542294/original/file-20230811-4652-hn8w80.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=754&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px">
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<p><em>This article is part of <a href="https://theconversation.com/uk/topics/womens-health-matters-143335">Women’s Health Matters</a>, a series about the health and wellbeing of women and girls around the world. From menopause to miscarriage, pleasure to pain the articles in this series will delve into the full spectrum of women’s health issues to provide valuable information, insights and resources for women of all ages.</em></p>
<p><em>You may be interested in:</em></p>
<p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/five-old-contraception-methods-that-show-why-the-pill-was-a-medical-breakthrough-207572">Five old contraception methods that show why the pill was a medical breakthrough
</a></em></p>
<p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/the-orgasm-gap-and-why-women-climax-less-than-men-208614">The orgasm gap and why women climax less than men</a></em></p>
<p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/science-experiments-traditionally-only-used-male-mice-heres-why-thats-a-problem-for-womens-health-205963">Science experiments traditionally only used male mice – here’s why that’s a problem for women’s health</a></em></p>
<hr>
<h2>Safety</h2>
<p>Most medicines are safe for most breastfed babies, while serious harm to infants is rare. In most cases, the benefits of breastfeeding outweigh the risks of harms associated with medicine use. Still, this can be a complex issue and it’s essential to weigh the benefits and risks carefully.</p>
<p>There are some medicines that require extra checks on infants and their ability to breastfeed. For example, infants whose mothers use antibiotics such as amoxicillin and erythromycin (which are known to be safe to use during breastfeeding), should be checked for oral thrush and diarrhoea, as prompt treatment is important. </p>
<p>The <a href="https://bnf.nice.org.uk">British National Formulary</a> (BNF) offers advice on the prescribing and administration of medicines. Infants of mothers taking certain medicines, such as those for epilepsy, mental health conditions, sedatives, or opioids, should be monitored for signs of sedation, sleepiness, poor feeding, weight loss and irritability. </p>
<p>Health professionals should also assess how effectively the baby is feeding by observing suckling and attachment to the breast. This is important because these types of medicines can interfere with an infant’s ability to feed and receive adequate nutrition.</p>
<p>The BNF expresses reservations regarding prescribing some sedative medicines that pass into breastmilk, where there is a risk of infant sedation, as with benzodiazepines (such as diazepam), and some anti-seizure medicines such as phenobarbital or primidone. </p>
<p>It recommends avoiding certain medicines during breastfeeding altogether, including some antipsychotics, such as olanzapine and clozapine, and the antidepressants escitalopram and fluoxetine. But other antidepressants, such as citalopram, may be used with caution. Most antipsychotic injections should be avoided during breastfeeding too, as should fingolimod which is used to treat multiple sclerosis. </p>
<p>Breastfeeding while using many medicines for serious illness, such as cancer, should be discussed with medical professionals. There may be little or no information from human studies, and there may be too little information to guarantee safety. Examples include many monoclonal antibodies used to treat cancer, and the immunosuppressant, mycophenolate mofetil, which is used to prevent the rejection of kidney, heart or liver transplants.</p>
<h2>Advice</h2>
<p>Mothers taking medicines should not blame themselves for being hesitant towards breastfeeding. Medical advice should be sought before birth. And families should not feel compelled to choose between breastfeeding and continuing with prescription medicines.</p>
<p>It’s essential for doctors, pharmacists and other health professionals to consult reliable information sources, including <a href="https://wicworks.fns.usda.gov/resources/lactmed">LactMed</a> and <a href="https://www.e-lactancia.org/">E-lactancia</a>, or contact the <a href="https://www.breastfeedingnetwork.org.uk/detailed-information/drugs-in-breastmilk/">Drugs in Breastmilk helpline</a>.</p>
<p>To help families who need prescription medicines, it is crucial for public health teams controlling the collection of routine healthcare data to treat data collection on medicine use during and after pregnancy and during labour as a priority. This would allow research into the benefits and harms of medicine use before and during breastfeeding. </p>
<p>Such information would help parents make informed decisions regarding their medical treatment, breastfeeding and monitoring infants. It would also help minimise parental anxiety and potentially harmful false dilemmas.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/205059/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Sue Jordan receives funding from the ConcePTION project. The ConcePTION project has received funding from the Innovative Medicines Initiative 2 Joint Undertaking under grant agreement No 821520. This Joint Undertaking receives support from the European Union’s Horizon 2020 research and innovation programme and EFPIA. Funding was awarded to SJ, SLL. The funders had no role in study design, data collection and analysis, decision to publish, or preparation of the manuscript. </span></em></p><p class="fine-print"><em><span>Sophia Komninou does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.</span></em></p>Not enough data is being collected about the impact taking prescription medication has on breastfeeding.Sophia Komninou, Lecturer in Public Health Nutrition, Swansea UniversitySue Jordan, Professor of Medicines Management and Health Services Research, Swansea UniversityLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/2038282023-06-05T12:06:11Z2023-06-05T12:06:11ZBirth of a story: How new parents find meaning after childbirth hints at how they will adjust<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/529856/original/file-20230602-19-u8qb1f.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=94%2C549%2C4418%2C2943&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">Having a new baby can upend everything about your old life.</span> <span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.gettyimages.com/detail/photo/newborn-baby-boy-being-cradled-by-new-parents-in-royalty-free-image/1307728623">Cavan Images/Cavan via Getty Images</a></span></figcaption></figure><p>Gather a group of new parents and the conversation will likely turn to their childbirth stories – ranging from the joyful to the gnarly to the positively traumatic. <a href="https://slate.com/human-interest/2022/01/birth-stories-feminist-history-internet-sharing.html">Birth story podcasts and websites</a> feature a curated range of birth experiences, and you can buy embossed leather “birth story” journals as a baby shower gift. People are fascinated by this pivotal, emotionally complex and literally life-and-death experience.</p>
<p>Birth narratives might also contain clues about how the adjustment to parenthood will go.</p>
<p><a href="https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/203434/the-uses-of-enchantment-by-bruno-bettelheim/">People have long used stories</a> to understand difficult experiences. Stories may be particularly valuable as a source of “meaning-making,” the process of finding order in chaos by making sense of unexpected events, identifying silver linings and discovering the patterns and connections that thread seemingly random events together into a coherent narrative.</p>
<p>In a new study led by <a href="https://scholar.google.com/citations?user=YRIcV6YAAAAJ&hl=en&oi=ao">Geoffrey Corner</a>, a former graduate student in <a href="https://dornsife.usc.edu/nestlab/">my lab</a>, we found that the levels of meaning-making in the stories new parents told about their baby’s birth <a href="https://doi.org/10.1037/fam0001062">predicted their relationship quality and parenting stress</a> in the child’s first months.</p>
<figure class="align-center zoomable">
<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/529857/original/file-20230602-23-6cutjo.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="three moms with infants on mats facing an instructor with a doll in a baby yoga class" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/529857/original/file-20230602-23-6cutjo.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/529857/original/file-20230602-23-6cutjo.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/529857/original/file-20230602-23-6cutjo.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/529857/original/file-20230602-23-6cutjo.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/529857/original/file-20230602-23-6cutjo.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/529857/original/file-20230602-23-6cutjo.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/529857/original/file-20230602-23-6cutjo.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">When new moms come together, the talk often turns to their childbirth stories.</span>
<span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.gettyimages.com/detail/news-photo/baby-massage-class-switzerland-new-mothers-learn-how-to-news-photo/629429057">BSIP/Universal Images Group via Getty Images</a></span>
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<h2>Constructing meaning in your own life</h2>
<p>Finding meaningful themes and patterns in life’s seeming randomness is a fundamentally human activity. As writer Joan Didion put it, “<a href="https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/40775/we-tell-ourselves-stories-in-order-to-live-by-joan-didion-introduction-by-john-leonard/">we tell ourselves stories in order to live</a>.”</p>
<p>“Meaning-making” can buffer despair in the wake of tragedy. Holocaust survivor Victor Frankl’s memoir, “<a href="http://www.beacon.org/Mans-Search-for-Meaning-P602.aspx">Man’s Search for Meaning</a>,” argued that meaning and purpose can prevent the bitterness and disillusionment that can otherwise fester after great loss. Research on what psychologists call <a href="https://doi.org/10.1207/s15327965pli1501_01">post-traumatic growth</a> has found that the level of “meaning-making” in people’s narratives about a difficult event predicts their mental health over time.</p>
<p>For example, studies have found <a href="https://doi.org/10.1037/a0018301">links between meaning-making and resilience</a> in cancer patients, bereaved parents and caregivers. Cancer survivors might discover that their chemo ordeal brought them closer to friends and family, or helped them step back from the hustle of everyday life and embrace a slower pace.</p>
<p>Although childbirth is typically experienced as a joyful rather than a tragic event, it can still be unpredictable, frightening and even life-threatening. Indeed, psychologists have begun to recognize that particularly difficult labors <a href="https://doi.org/10.1080/02646838.2015.1031646">can trigger post-traumatic stress symptoms</a>, not just in mothers but in their partners as well. Even normal, nontraumatic births require parents to cope with hours, sometimes days, of pain and discomfort. Therefore, we hypothesized that meaning-making might be an important part of couples’ birth narratives, potentially promoting resilience in new parents.</p>
<p>To test these hypotheses, we collected birth stories from 77 couples who were participating in our lab’s <a href="https://dornsife.usc.edu/nestlab/research/">longitudinal study of the transition to parenthood</a>. We visited couples at the hospital within a day or two of their infant’s birth, and audio-recorded them sharing their stories together. We told couples, “We’d like to hear you tell the story of your birth experience. Start from the beginning and tell us as much as you remember.”</p>
<figure class="align-center zoomable">
<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/529858/original/file-20230602-29-rszklh.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="three masked medical workers hold newborn above mother's body during C-section operation" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/529858/original/file-20230602-29-rszklh.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/529858/original/file-20230602-29-rszklh.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=443&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/529858/original/file-20230602-29-rszklh.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=443&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/529858/original/file-20230602-29-rszklh.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=443&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/529858/original/file-20230602-29-rszklh.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=557&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/529858/original/file-20230602-29-rszklh.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=557&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/529858/original/file-20230602-29-rszklh.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=557&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">Parents may need to process even a normal childbirth with healthy outcomes.</span>
<span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.gettyimages.com/detail/photo/caesarian-babys-first-breath-royalty-free-image/125951777">Peter Dazeley/The Image Bank via Getty Images</a></span>
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<h2>Listening for meaning-making in birth stories</h2>
<p>A team of coders listened to each story and recorded examples of meaning-making, using three categories established in the research literature:</p>
<ul>
<li><p>Sense-making: Identifying reasons that an event might have unfolded the way it did or making connections that show why an event was meaningful. For example, one mother in our sample found meaning in her long labor, describing her baby as “very brave and tough” because she survived hours of pushing. </p></li>
<li><p>Benefit-finding: Pointing out silver linings or unexpected positive effects of a difficult experience. For example, after a difficult birth, one parent in our sample stated, “It was scary, but the nurses and the doctors were so nice to us.”</p></li>
<li><p>Change in identity: Describing how an event has transformed one’s sense of self. As a parent in our sample said, “I feel like my life has changed completely with the baby now here.”</p></li>
</ul>
<p>Although couples told their story together, we tracked meaning-making separately for each partner. We also rated how much each partner participated in telling their story so we could adjust for their levels of engagement in sharing their birth narrative.</p>
<p>The couples in our <a href="https://doi.org/10.1037/fam0001062">sample were avid “meaning makers”</a>: Almost all the participants made at least some meaning-making statements in their birth stories. Of the three categories of meaning-making, “change in identity” language surfaced least often, appearing in about 37% of the birth stories. Mothers tended to use more “sense-making” and “benefit-finding” language than fathers. And both members of a couple tended to use similar amounts of meaning-making language. </p>
<figure class="align-center zoomable">
<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/529859/original/file-20230602-27-200pws.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="infant on mother's chest in hospital bed with father smiling down at baby" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/529859/original/file-20230602-27-200pws.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/529859/original/file-20230602-27-200pws.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=487&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/529859/original/file-20230602-27-200pws.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=487&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/529859/original/file-20230602-27-200pws.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=487&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/529859/original/file-20230602-27-200pws.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=612&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/529859/original/file-20230602-27-200pws.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=612&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/529859/original/file-20230602-27-200pws.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=612&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">A new parent’s meaning-making can affect them and their partner.</span>
<span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.gettyimages.com/detail/photo/mixed-race-family-admiring-their-newborn-baby-at-royalty-free-image/1248789907">SelectStock/E+ via Getty Images</a></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<h2>Becoming mom or dad</h2>
<p>After we had coded all of the narratives, we next looked to see whether “meaning-making” predicted relationship satisfaction and parenting stress in our couples. The transition to parenthood can be a “<a href="https://doi.org/10.2307/347802">crisis event” for the couple relationship</a> and is often linked with <a href="https://theconversation.com/have-children-heres-how-kids-ruin-your-romantic-relationship-57944">declines in relationship quality</a>.</p>
<p>But when mothers used more “sense-making” and “benefit-finding” language, they showed a smaller drop in their relationship satisfaction than moms who used less. Fathers who used more “sense-making” and “benefit-finding” language reported lower parenting stress at six months postpartum than dads who used less.</p>
<p>And partners of fathers who used more “change in identity” language also reported lower parenting stress later on, suggesting that dads who experience the transition to parenthood as transformative may be able to help mothers cope better with new parenthood. On the flip side, though, when mothers showed more meaning-making, their partners actually reported more parenting stress at six months postpartum. It may be that when mothers find the birth experience to be more personally meaningful, partners feel left out or pressured to step up their own parenting.</p>
<p>Overall, these results supported our initial hunch that meaning-making might be detectable in birth narratives and forecast parents’ psychological adjustment after birth. Greater meaning-making language seemed to benefit the couple relationship and largely buffer parenting stress.</p>
<p>This study was limited by a fairly small sample of cohabiting heterosexual parents. Nevertheless, it highlights the value of stories in shaping family transitions. For therapists working with new parents in the wake of a difficult birth, encouraging couples to seek meaning in their birth story may help ease their transition to parenthood. Journaling and storytelling exercises may help couples process their feelings about their childbirth experiences. After all, the birth of a baby is also the birth of a story – and that story is well worth telling.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/203828/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Darby Saxbe receives funding from the National Institutes of Health and the National Science Foundation. </span></em></p>How you tell the story of a momentous event can help you make sense of what happened. Research finds new moms’ and dads’ narratives around childbirth held clues about their transition to parenthood.Darby Saxbe, Associate Professor of Psychology, USC Dornsife College of Letters, Arts and SciencesLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/1982752023-06-02T14:45:22Z2023-06-02T14:45:22ZPostnatal depression: what new fathers need to know – and how to ask for help<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/529771/original/file-20230602-15-weta8e.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=0%2C0%2C4157%2C2763&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">Postnatal depression symptoms are quite similar to depression symptoms.</span> <span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.shutterstock.com/image-photo/tired-unhappy-father-holding-his-baby-1432243013">christinarosepix/ Shutterstock</a></span></figcaption></figure><p>Many people think of postnatal depression as a condition that only affects women. But in reality, postnatal depression affects <a href="https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/conditions/post-natal-depression/overview/">almost as many men as women</a> – with some research estimating it occurs in up to <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6659987/">10% of fathers</a>.</p>
<p>Yet despite how common postnatal depression may be in men, there still isn’t very much information out there about it. This can make it hard to know if you may have postnatal depression – and how to get help if you do.</p>
<p>Here’s what you need to know.</p>
<hr>
<figure class="align-right ">
<img alt="Quarter life, a series by The Conversation" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/451343/original/file-20220310-13-1bj6csd.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=237&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/451343/original/file-20220310-13-1bj6csd.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=600&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/451343/original/file-20220310-13-1bj6csd.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=600&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/451343/original/file-20220310-13-1bj6csd.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=600&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/451343/original/file-20220310-13-1bj6csd.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=754&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/451343/original/file-20220310-13-1bj6csd.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=754&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/451343/original/file-20220310-13-1bj6csd.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=754&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px">
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<p><em><strong><a href="https://theconversation.com/uk/topics/quarter-life-117947?utm_source=TCUK&utm_medium=linkback&utm_campaign=UK+YP2022&utm_content=InArticleTop">This article is part of Quarter Life</a></strong>, a series about issues affecting those of us in our twenties and thirties. From the challenges of beginning a career and taking care of our mental health, to the excitement of starting a family, adopting a pet or just making friends as an adult. The articles in this series explore the questions and bring answers as we navigate this turbulent period of life.</em></p>
<p><em>You may be interested in:</em></p>
<p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/he-is-always-there-to-listen-friendships-between-young-men-are-more-than-just-beers-and-banter-200301?utm_source=TCUK&utm_medium=linkback&utm_campaign=UK+YP2022&utm_content=InArticleTop">‘He is always there to listen’: friendships between young men are more than just beers and banter</a></em></p>
<p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/body-image-issues-affect-close-to-40-of-men-but-many-dont-get-the-support-they-need-179046?utm_source=TCUK&utm_medium=linkback&utm_campaign=UK+YP2022&utm_content=InArticleTop">Body image issues affect close to 40% of men – but many don’t get the support they need</a></em></p>
<p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/anxiety-can-lead-to-erection-problems-in-young-men-but-reaching-for-viagra-isnt-always-the-solution-191980?utm_source=TCUK&utm_medium=linkback&utm_campaign=UK+YP2022&utm_content=InArticleTop">Anxiety can lead to erection problems in young men – but reaching for Viagra isn’t always the solution</a></em></p>
<hr>
<h2>Why it happens</h2>
<p>There are many reasons why postnatal depression happens. And, contrary to popular belief, it isn’t just due to hormones. Even in women, hormones only <a href="https://www.nature.com/articles/nrdp201822">play a small role</a> in postnatal depression.</p>
<p>Instead, postnatal depression is typically due to a <a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/29096280/">combination of risk factors</a> – such as a previous history of depression, sleep problems after the baby is born, lack of social support or financial challenges. Postnatal depression can also <a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/30818245/">happen at any age</a>.</p>
<p>The symptoms of postnatal depression are quite similar to symptoms of depression. As such, <a href="https://bestpractice.bmj.com/topics/en-gb/512">symptoms of postnatal depression</a> may include low mood, lack of motivation, poor sleep, feeling guilty or worthless, poor concentration, changes in appetite or weight, fatigue and thoughts of death or suicide. </p>
<p>The main difference between depression and postnatal depression is that these feelings tend to happen in the postnatal period (typically the first year or so after the baby is born).</p>
<p>It can be normal to struggle with your mental health somewhat after your baby is born. After all, it can be an overwhelming and emotional time, with nearly every aspect of your life changing – from your daily routine, your relationship with your partner, to the amount of sleep you get every night. </p>
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<img alt="Female doctor speaks with male patient." src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/529772/original/file-20230602-29-y77d67.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/529772/original/file-20230602-29-y77d67.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/529772/original/file-20230602-29-y77d67.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/529772/original/file-20230602-29-y77d67.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/529772/original/file-20230602-29-y77d67.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/529772/original/file-20230602-29-y77d67.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/529772/original/file-20230602-29-y77d67.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px">
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<span class="caption">Consider speaking with your GP if symptoms have lasted more than a few weeks.</span>
<span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.shutterstock.com/image-photo/smiling-indian-woman-doctor-talking-consulting-2078659627">fizkes/ Shutterstock</a></span>
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<p>But if you’ve been experiencing low mood and lack of motivation for more than a few weeks, and are finding these feelings are making it difficult to engage with your infant, you may want to consider speaking with your GP or a mental health professional. It’s also worth noting that postnatal depression can happen at any time in the first year or two after the baby is born – not just in the early months.</p>
<h2>Getting help</h2>
<p>Postnatal depression is not likely to go away on its own. If you suspect you may be struggling with postnatal depression, it’s important to seek support – not only for your wellbeing, but because postnatal depression can also affect your bond <a href="https://acamh.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/j.1469-7610.2008.02000.x">with your baby</a>.</p>
<p>First of all, there’s <a href="https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyt.2020.599039/full">nothing wrong with needing help</a>, and seeking support – either from loved ones, friends or a doctor – is nothing to be <a href="https://www.magonlinelibrary.com/doi/full/10.12968/bjmh.2018.7.3.130">embarrassed by</a>.It does not <a href="https://www.magonlinelibrary.com/doi/full/10.12968/bjmh.2018.7.3.130">make you weak</a>, nor does experiencing postnatal depression make you a “<a href="https://bmcpregnancychildbirth.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s12884-021-03947-7">failure</a>”. </p>
<p>While it can be difficult to know how to take the first step in getting support, a good starting point is simply acknowledging that this is a difficult thing to talk about. As simple as this sounds, it may just help you feel less awkward about sharing your experiences when you do speak to someone. It’s also worth remembering that when you do speak to someone, it’s important to say how you really feel – not what you feel you should say. </p>
<p>It’s also <a href="https://bmcpregnancychildbirth.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s12884-021-03947-7">normal if you feel angry</a> about feeling the way you do. Many young men who struggle with their mental health feel angry that they feel this way, or worry that they’ve let their loved ones down or that the system will not listen to them. To deal with that anger, be patient. Try to let the anger go – it may help you feel more at ease opening up about your other emotions.</p>
<p>You may also find it easier to talk about your experiences in certain settings. For example, while some people may find it easier to speak with their GP or in online chat groups, you may find it more comfortable to speak up in a less formal setting – such as while watching sports with friends. You can begin this conversation with something as simple as asking how others are doing, before sharing your own feelings and experiences. Or, if your friends are also parents themselves, you might ask if any of them experienced similar feelings during the postnatal period.</p>
<p>If you’re finding it hard to speak to loved ones, you could also consider using a mental health app. Some people find it easier to use an app to ask questions, find solutions and discuss how they’re feeling. Apps such as <a href="https://thedadpad.co.uk/ask-dadpad/mental-health-new-dads/">DadPad</a> have a number of resources that can help you navigate fatherhood. </p>
<p>Postnatal depression in fathers is real and it does matter. Fortunately, compared to just a few years ago, there’s more awareness and help available than ever before.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/198275/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Andrew Mayers does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.</span></em></p>Postnatal depression is thought to affect up to 10% of fathers.Andrew Mayers, Principal Academic in Psychology, Bournemouth UniversityLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/1972702023-01-12T13:22:17Z2023-01-12T13:22:17ZUS birth rates are at record lows – even though the number of kids most Americans say they want has held steady<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/504125/original/file-20230111-17-rb1th.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=605%2C401%2C4607%2C3396&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">More one-and-done families influence the overall birth rate.</span> <span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.gettyimages.com/detail/photo/close-up-of-multi-ethnic-parents-kissing-son-royalty-free-image/764783339">Maskot via Getty Images</a></span></figcaption></figure><p>Birth rates are falling in the U.S. After the highs of the Baby Boom in the mid-20th century and the lows of the Baby Bust in the 1970s, birth rates were relatively stable for nearly 50 years. But during the Great Recession, from 2007-2009, <a href="https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/nvsr/nvsr70/nvsr70-17.pdf">birth rates declined sharply</a> – and they’ve kept falling. In 2007, average birth rates were right around 2 children per woman. By 2021, levels had dropped more than 20%, close to the <a href="https://apnews.com/article/birth-rates-science-coronavirus-pandemic-health-d51571bda4aa02eafdd42265912f1202">lowest level in a century</a>. Why? </p>
<p>Is this decline because, as some suggest, young people <a href="https://www.nbcnews.com/news/world/adoption-highest-forms-love-pope-francis-says-rcna11065">aren’t interested in having children</a>? Or are people facing increasing barriers to becoming parents?</p>
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<p><a href="https://scholar.google.com/citations?user=yEWD08QAAAAJ&hl=en&oi=ao">We are demographers</a> <a href="https://scholar.google.com/citations?user=2c_rF_IAAAAJ&hl=en&oi=ao">who study</a> how people make plans for having kids and whether they are able to carry out those intentions.</p>
<p><a href="https://doi.org/10.1111/padr.12535">In a recent study</a>, we analyzed how changes in childbearing goals may have contributed to recent declines in birth rates in the United States. Our analysis found that most young people still plan to become parents but are delaying childbearing.</p>
<h2>Digging into the demographic data</h2>
<p>We were interested in whether people have changed their plans for childbearing over the past few decades. And we knew from other research that the way people think about having children changes as they get older and their circumstances change. Some people initially think they’ll have children, then gradually <a href="https://doi.org/10.1007/s13524-018-0739-7">change their views over time</a>, perhaps because they don’t meet the right partner or because they work in demanding fields. Others don’t expect to have children at one point but <a href="https://doi.org/10.1111/jomf.12402">later find themselves desiring to have children</a> or, sometimes, unexpectedly pregnant. </p>
<p>So we needed to analyze both changes over time – comparing young people now to those in the past – and changes across the life course – comparing a group of people at different ages. No single data set contains enough information to make both of those comparisons, so we combined information from multiple surveys. </p>
<p>Since the 1970s, the <a href="https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/nsfg/index.htm">National Surveys of Family Growth</a>, a federal survey run by the National Centers for Health Statistics, have been asking people about their childbearing goals and behaviors. The survey doesn’t collect data from the same people over time, but it provides a snapshot of the U.S. population about every five years.</p>
<p>Using multiple rounds of the survey, we are able to track what’s happening, on average, among people born around the same time – what demographers call a “cohort” – as they pass through their childbearing years.</p>
<p>For this study, we looked at 13 cohorts of women and 10 cohorts of men born between the 1960s and the 2000s. We followed these cohorts to track whether members intended to have any children and the average number of children they intended, starting at age 15 and going up to the most recent data collected through 2019.</p>
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<p>We found remarkable consistency in childbearing goals across cohorts. For example, if we look at teenage girls in the 1980s – the cohort born in 1965-69 – they planned to have 2.2 children on average. Among the same age group in the early 21st century – the cohort born in 1995-1999 – girls intended to have 2.1 children on average. Slightly more young people plan to have no children now than 30 years ago, but still, the vast majority of U.S. young adults plan to have kids: about 88% of teenage girls and 89% of teenage boys.</p>
<p>We also found that as they themselves get older, people plan to have fewer children – but not by much. This pattern was also pretty consistent across cohorts. Among those born in 1975-79, for instance, men and women when they were age 20-24 planned to have an average of 2.3 and 2.5 children, respectively. These averages fell slightly, to 2.1 children for men and 2.2 children for women, by the time respondents were 35-39. Still, overwhelmingly, most Americans plan to have children, and the average intended number of children is right around 2. </p>
<p>So, if childbearing goals haven’t changed much, why are birth rates declining?</p>
<h2>What keeps people from their target family size?</h2>
<p>Our study can’t directly address why birth rates are going down, but we can propose some explanations based on other research. </p>
<p>In part, <a href="https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jadohealth.2016.06.024">this decline is good news</a>. There are fewer unintended births than there were 30 years ago, a decrease linked to increasing use of effective contraceptive methods like IUDs and implants and improved insurance coverage from the Affordable Care Act.</p>
<p>Compared with earlier eras, people today start having their children later. These delays also contribute to declining birth rates: Because people start later, they have less time to meet their childbearing goals before they reach biological or social age limits for having kids. As people wait longer to start having children, they are also <a href="https://doi.org/10.1353/dem.0.0073">more likely to change their minds about parenting</a>.</p>
<p>But why are people getting a later start on having kids? We hypothesize that Americans see parenthood as harder to manage than they might have in the past. </p>
<p>Although the U.S. economy overall <a href="https://www.bls.gov/opub/mlr/2018/article/great-recession-great-recovery.htm">recovered after the Great Recession</a>, many young people, in particular, feel <a href="https://doi.org/10.1007/s10834-017-9548-1">uncertain about their ability to achieve</a> some of the things they see as necessary for having children – including a good job, a stable relationship and safe, affordable housing. </p>
<p>At the same time, the <a href="https://doi.org/10.1007/s13524-012-0146-4">costs of raising children</a> – from child care and housing to <a href="https://nces.ed.gov/programs/digest/d21/tables/dt21_330.10.asp">college education</a> – are rising. And parents may feel more pressure to live up to <a href="https://doi.org/10.1093/sf/soy107">high-intensive parenting standards</a> and prepare their children for an <a href="https://www.ucpress.edu/book/9780520278103/motherload">uncertain world</a>. </p>
<p>And while our data doesn’t cover the last three years, the COVID-19 pandemic may have increased feelings of instability by exposing the lack of support for American parents.</p>
<p>For many parents and would-be parents, the “right time” to have a child, or have another child, may feel increasingly out of reach – no matter their ideal family size.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/197270/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Sarah Hayford receives funding from the Eunice Kennedy Shriver National Institutes of Child Health and Human Development and the National Institute on Aging. She is affiliated with the American Sociological Association and the Population Association of America. </span></em></p><p class="fine-print"><em><span>Karen Benjamin Guzzo receives funding from the Eunice Kennedy Shriver Institute of Child Health and Human Development. She is affiliated with the Population Association of America, the American Sociological Association, the National Council on Family Relations, and the Council on Contemporary Families. </span></em></p>Childbearing goals have remained remarkably consistent over the decades. What has changed is when people start their families and how many kids they end up having.Sarah Hayford, Professor of Sociology; Director, Institute for Population Research, The Ohio State UniversityKaren Benjamin Guzzo, Professor of Sociology and Director of the Carolina Population Center, University of North Carolina at Chapel HillLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/1890312022-08-22T12:25:38Z2022-08-22T12:25:38ZSerena Williams: why many female athletes feel pressure to retire after becoming mothers<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/480347/original/file-20220822-64444-kcyuod.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=0%2C0%2C5184%2C3445&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">Williams has won 23 grand slams in her career.</span> <span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.shutterstock.com/image-photo/teb-bnp-paribas-wta-championship-on-1896783634">photoyh/ Shutterstock</a></span></figcaption></figure><p>Serena Williams has announced she’s retiring from tennis. During her career, the 40-year-old has often been hailed as the best female tennis player, winning 23 grand slam titles. In 2017, Williams won the Australian Open while eight weeks pregnant, returning to play in 2018 after giving birth and even making the Wimbledon final that same year. </p>
<p>In an essay Williams wrote for Vogue, the <a href="https://www.vogue.com/article/serena-williams-retirement-in-her-own-words">main reason given for her retirement</a> was wanting to expand her family. Williams is not alone in her decision. For many professional sportswomen, pregnancy and motherhood are often the <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/17430437.2020.1720200">main reasons they end their sports career</a>. </p>
<p>And, as Williams acknowledged <a href="https://www.vogue.com/article/serena-williams-retirement-in-her-own-words">in her essay</a>, it’s a decision male athletes often don’t need to make. “I never wanted to have to choose between tennis and family,” she wrote. “I don’t think it’s fair. If I were a guy I wouldn’t be writing this.” </p>
<p>There are plenty of examples of professional male athletes who have continued to play competitively despite becoming fathers. Take tennis player Novak Djokovic, for example, who even said becoming a father was good for his <a href="https://www.espn.co.uk/tennis/story/_/id/13347641/tennis-fatherhood-inspires-novak-djokovic-roger-federer">competitive play</a>. </p>
<p>Research has confirmed this, with a study comparing male and female distance runners showing many women felt pregnancy carried an <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S1469029215000643">expectation that they would retire</a>. Meanwhile men felt it was both “acceptable and worthwhile” to continue their career, even after becoming a parent. </p>
<p>Of course, there’s no denying the physical impact of pregnancy and childbirth, which can see women missing several months of training and competition as a result – something men just don’t have to experience. But this isn’t the only reason many women feel pressure to retire from competitive sport when they choose to become a mother. </p>
<p>First, <a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10826-012-9673-2">dated cultural norms</a> continue to persist, which fundamentally pit being an athlete against being a good mother. This way of thinking suggests that the perfect mother is selfless, solely focusing on caring for her children and her family. </p>
<p>But being an athlete requires a person to focus on themselves and put their needs first in order to compete at their best. This way of thinking can in turn create guilt, especially for someone who may still choose compete after becoming a mother.</p>
<p>Financial pressure can also be a factor, with many women experiencing a <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/10.1080/17430437.2019.1567495">distinct lack of financial support</a> from sponsors and governing bodies during pregnancy. Many stakeholders even assume that pregnancy will mean the end of the athlete’s career, so funding is often cut or removed. </p>
<p>Having the right support, whether from family, coaches or sponsors can allow a woman the opportunity to continue in sport, both in emotional terms but also in more tangible terms (such as having childcare). This may also be why many women <a href="https://journals.humankinetics.com/view/journals/wspaj/18/1/article-p3.xml">decide to wait</a> until the end of their career to start a family.</p>
<p>We also can’t ignore the fact that becoming a mother is hard not only physically but mentally, too. Many professional athletes travel extensively, have hours of training daily and competitions that last weeks. Combining a career with a growing family can be difficult, especially for athletes who may not have the same level of support as Williams did. </p>
<p>Of course, Williams’s situation is unique. She has had a long and very successful career, and even continued to compete for a number of years after giving birth to her first child. </p>
<p>While a desire to expand her family may be a driving force in her retirement, it’s likely that other factors also came into play, such as the frequent injuries she’s suffered recently. By choosing to retire before injury or performance decline hit she is taking some control of her retirement.</p>
<p>There has been a shift in recent years that has seen more women being open about their experiences of being <a href="https://psycnet.apa.org/buy/2016-54166-001">a mother and an athlete</a> and the challenges that might involve. Yet many women still remain concerned about how they <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/11745398.2008.9686792">may be judged</a> for choosing to continue their career even after becoming a mother. </p>
<p>Women shouldn’t have to choose between being a mother or continuing their athletic career. But in order to make this possible, we need a better understanding of how to support athletic mothers, and what they need to <a href="https://bjsm.bmj.com/content/bjsports/50/10/567.full.pdf">manage their training and career</a> both during and after pregnancy. </p>
<p>There’s still <a href="https://www.jospt.org/doi/abs/10.2519/jospt.2020.0607">limited guidance</a> on how to return to exercise after childbirth especially when the return is to elite level competition.</p>
<p>What needs to happen going forward is ensuring more women have a choice when it comes to competing and being a mother. This will include providing the right support, financial stability and information to women on how they can continue to compete during and after pregnancy.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/189031/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Candice Lingam-Willgoss does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.</span></em></p>More women should feel they have a choice to continue playing after becoming a mother – which is why the right kind of support is important.Candice Lingam-Willgoss, Senior Lecturer in Sport & Fitness, The Open UniversityLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/1874982022-08-10T15:33:02Z2022-08-10T15:33:02ZMen’s fertility also declines with age — here’s what to know if you’re planning to wait to have kids<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/477665/original/file-20220804-25-yu6m7w.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=0%2C14%2C4992%2C3974&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">Fertility tends to decline from 40 onwards.</span> <span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.shutterstock.com/image-vector/sperm-spermatozoa-magnifying-glass-analysis-spermogram-2157696345">Home creator/ Shutterstock</a></span></figcaption></figure><p>While women are often reminded about their “biological clock,” many guys just <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/1467-9566.13116">don’t feel the same pressures</a> when it comes to settling down and starting a family. In fact, a lot of men in their 20s – especially cisgender, heterosexual men – don’t think a great deal about <a href="https://dash.harvard.edu/handle/1/40046518">having children</a> or when they <a href="https://dora.dmu.ac.uk/handle/2086/22039">might want to have children</a>.</p>
<p>This might be because many people think men have all the time in the world when it comes to having children. Exceptional examples such as Mick Jagger – who had a child when he was 73 years old – are often cited to reinforce this argument. But in reality, there are many things men need to bear in mind when it comes to their fertility and starting a family. </p>
<p>In recent decades we have seen a gradual shift towards more people becoming parents later in life. In England and Wales, both men and women are having children later than <a href="https://www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/birthsdeathsandmarriages/livebirths/bulletins/birthcharacteristicsinenglandandwales/2020">ever before in recorded history</a>. Men alone now have children on average aged <a href="https://www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/birthsdeathsandmarriages/livebirths/bulletins/birthcharacteristicsinenglandandwales/2020">nearly 34-years-old</a>, compared to around <a href="https://www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/birthsdeathsandmarriages/livebirths/bulletins/birthcharacteristicsinenglandandwales/2017">29-years-old in the mid-70s</a>. </p>
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<p><em><strong><a href="https://theconversation.com/uk/topics/quarter-life-117947?utm_source=TCUK&utm_medium=linkback&utm_campaign=UK+YP2022&utm_content=InArticleTop">This article is part of Quarter Life</a></strong>, a series about issues affecting those of us in our twenties and thirties. From the challenges of beginning a career and taking care of our mental health, to the excitement of starting a family, adopting a pet or just making friends as an adult. The articles in this series explore the questions and bring answers as we navigate this turbulent period of life.</em></p>
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<p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/baby-names-why-we-all-choose-the-same-ones-185546?utm_source=TCUK&utm_medium=linkback&utm_campaign=UK+YP2022&utm_content=InArticleTop">Baby names: why we all choose the same ones</a></em></p>
<p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/body-image-issues-affect-close-to-40-of-men-but-many-dont-get-the-support-they-need-179046?utm_source=TCUK&utm_medium=linkback&utm_campaign=UK+YP2022&utm_content=InArticleTop">Body image issues affect close to 40% of men – but many don’t get the support they need</a></em></p>
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<p>There are <a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/21652599/">multiple, complex reasons</a> for this – including young people facing more difficulties buying houses and living in an uncertain economic climate, alongside changes in the way people date and form relationships. Another factor is that both women and men are <a href="https://www.rbmojournal.com/article/S1472-6483(13)00501-4/fulltext">staying in education longer</a>, and taking longer to establish careers. Alongside this, people appear to feel more pressure to have children at a time when they can <a href="https://link.springer.com/chapter/10.1007/978-90-481-8969-4_11">give them the “best start” in life</a>.</p>
<p>While some people can have children in their 30s, 40s and beyond with ease, others may struggle. There are often misconceptions that only women face fertility difficulties the older they get but growing evidence suggests that age also affects a man’s fertility, too – <a href="https://www.drfertility.co.uk/pages/does-age-affect-male-fertility">from around about 40 onwards</a>. In fact, age has been shown to <a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1186/s12958-015-0028-x">negatively affect sperm quality</a>, <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0378512219301343">reduce fertility</a>, and carry a greater likelihood of both <a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1186/s12958-015-0028-x">miscarriage</a> and <a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s11934-018-0802-3">health conditions</a> in children – particularly <a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1186/s12958-015-0028-x">autism, schizophrenia, bipolar disorder and childhood leukaemia</a>. </p>
<p>But this evidence is rarely talked about – and men <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S001502821202345X">often aren’t aware</a> their fertility can decline as they get older. While this is not a reason to panic – arguably the <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4854095/">risks still remain low</a> – it is something to be aware of if you are planning to wait to have kids.</p>
<h2>Improving your odds</h2>
<p>So what can you do then to make sure you have the best chance possible when you do want to have children? There are a couple of factors to take into account.</p>
<p>The first is your lifestyle. Research shows that many different lifestyle factors can affect a man’s fertility. In particular, research suggests avoiding <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/14647273.2017.1382733">smoking</a> and <a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/29713532/">excess alcohol intake</a>, as well as having a <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7848840/">healthy diet and BMI</a>, are important for healthy sperm and for fertility. Men (and women) <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ETwDCKBaYd4">are encouraged to think about these things</a> – and others such as <a href="https://academic.oup.com/humrep/article/33/9/1749/5066758?login=true">avoiding tight underwear</a>, <a href="https://www.nice.org.uk/guidance/cg156/evidence/full-guideline-pdf-188539453">drugs and steroids</a> – in their teens and 20s.</p>
<figure class="align-center ">
<img alt="A group of young men drink beers in a pub." src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/477666/original/file-20220804-1334-shfeux.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/477666/original/file-20220804-1334-shfeux.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/477666/original/file-20220804-1334-shfeux.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/477666/original/file-20220804-1334-shfeux.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/477666/original/file-20220804-1334-shfeux.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/477666/original/file-20220804-1334-shfeux.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/477666/original/file-20220804-1334-shfeux.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px">
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">Lifestyle factors such as excess drinking can affect fertility.</span>
<span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.shutterstock.com/image-photo/people-leisure-friendship-bachelor-party-concept-389227426">Ground Picture/ Shutterstock</a></span>
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<p>But having a healthy lifestyle is only one part of the equation. Another key part is age. Ideally, you want to try to have children before “fertility ageing” becomes a problem – that is, before age may affect your chance of conceiving or the wellbeing of your children. Although many people believe that men can continue having children well into old age, the evidence shows us that this may not necessarily be true – and may also come with risks. This is why it may be important for more young men to start thinking about whether, when and under what circumstances they may want children, and build these ideas into <a href="https://theconversation.com/forget-freezing-sperm-its-time-for-men-to-take-responsibility-for-the-foreplay-of-fatherhood-43753">how they plan and live their life</a>.</p>
<p>Being single is a <a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/32802369/">key reason</a> why both men and women aren’t able to have children at their ideal time – and why some <a href="https://www.emerald.com/insight/content/doi/10.1108/WWOP-09-2017-0025/full/html">remain childless</a> even if they wanted children. So it’s important to keep fatherhood in mind when navigating dating and relationships. Both <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1111/j.1467-954X.2010.01924.x">avoiding “settling down”</a> or staying with the wrong person for too long can affect your (and your partner’s) chances of finding the right person to have children with in the future. </p>
<p>Fertility isn’t just down to one person. If you do have a partner, it may be important to consider both of your ages and fertility when considering having kids. A woman’s fertility <a href="https://www.britishfertilitysociety.org.uk/fei/at-what-age-does-fertility-begin-to-decrease/">decreases faster</a> than a man’s does, so having frank and honest conversations about if and when you’d both like to become parents may help you avoid future arguments and disappointments. </p>
<p>New technologies continue to be developed which may help people increase their odds of becoming parents in the middle and older age. In particular, <a href="https://www.emerald.com/insight/publication/doi/10.1108/9781787564831">egg freezing is a growing phenomenon</a> and some suggest <a href="https://jme.bmj.com/content/41/9/775.short?g=w_jme_ahead_tab">sperm freezing in younger adulthood</a> can help men have children later in life but using the best quality sperm. But just because these technologies may make it possible, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t still think about whether and when you want to have children as you begin to plan your adult life.</p>
<p><iframe src="https://action.bridged.media/?id=62ebc4f42e78b514b03ec1f9&embed=true" width="100%" height="400px" style="border:none; overflow: hidden;"></p></iframe></p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/187498/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Caroline Law does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.</span></em></p>Despite what many men believe, they might not have all the time in the world when it comes to having children.Caroline Law, Senior Research Fellow, De Montfort UniversityLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/1877472022-08-05T15:25:04Z2022-08-05T15:25:04ZWhat is ‘normal’ baby sleep? How evolutionary clues, not cultural expectations, can help new parents<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/477394/original/file-20220803-15-gdgghs.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=46%2C0%2C3725%2C3453&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">
</span> <span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.shutterstock.com/image-photo/father-holding-newborn-baby-son-nursery-627696287">Monkey Business Images/Shutterstock</a></span></figcaption></figure><p>The <a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10995-015-1798-7">sleep disruption</a> of new parenthood is both well known yet unexpected. While new parents are aware that babies need frequent night time care, the reality is often a cruel surprise. “What’s wrong with my baby?” new parents ask themselves, or “what’s wrong with me that I can’t get this baby to sleep?”</p>
<p>If you are facing this, you are not a bad parent, nor is your baby abnormal. You are simply asking <a href="https://www.bmj.com/content/346/bmj.f2344.full">the wrong questions</a>. Rather than “why won’t my baby sleep?”, parents should be asking “why do I think they should be sleeping now?” and “what am I basing my expectations on?”</p>
<p>There are <a href="https://doi.org/10.1002/ajhb.23589">three currently prevalent views</a> of infant sleep norms. These are known as the cultural norm, the biomedical norm, and the biological or evolutionary norm.</p>
<p>The cultural norm refers to the beliefs held by different cultural groups that underpin notions of what is right. Dominant cultural beliefs about babies in the UK are that “good babies” are not demanding and sleep through the night; a good baby is a sign of a good parent. </p>
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<img alt="Quarter life, a series by The Conversation" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/451343/original/file-20220310-13-1bj6csd.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=237&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/451343/original/file-20220310-13-1bj6csd.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=600&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/451343/original/file-20220310-13-1bj6csd.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=600&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/451343/original/file-20220310-13-1bj6csd.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=600&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/451343/original/file-20220310-13-1bj6csd.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=754&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/451343/original/file-20220310-13-1bj6csd.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=754&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/451343/original/file-20220310-13-1bj6csd.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=754&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px">
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<p><em><strong><a href="https://theconversation.com/uk/topics/quarter-life-117947?utm_source=TCUK&utm_medium=linkback&utm_campaign=UK+YP2022&utm_content=InArticleTop">This article is part of Quarter Life</a></strong>, a series about issues affecting those of us in our twenties and thirties. From the challenges of beginning a career and taking care of our mental health, to the excitement of starting a family, adopting a pet or just making friends as an adult. The articles in this series explore the questions and bring answers as we navigate this turbulent period of life.</em></p>
<p><em>You may be interested in:</em></p>
<p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/baby-names-why-we-all-choose-the-same-ones-185546?utm_source=TCUK&utm_medium=linkback&utm_campaign=UK+YP2022&utm_content=InArticleTop">Baby names: why we all choose the same ones</a></em></p>
<p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/what-is-gentle-parenting-an-expert-explains-184282?utm_source=TCUK&utm_medium=linkback&utm_campaign=UK+YP2022&utm_content=InArticleTop">What is gentle parenting? An expert explains</a></em></p>
<p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/rihanna-and-radical-pregnancy-fashion-how-the-victorians-made-maternity-wear-boring-182000?utm_source=TCUK&utm_medium=linkback&utm_campaign=UK+YP2022&utm_content=InArticleTop">Rihanna and radical pregnancy fashion – how the Victorians made maternity wear boring</a></em></p>
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<p>This cultural norm also holds that babies must be left to cry and will be spoiled if they are picked up too often. It says that babies should learn to “self-soothe” (to fall asleep by themselves) and that rocking or cuddling a baby to sleep prevents this. </p>
<h2>The roots of beliefs about sleep</h2>
<p>These <a href="https://books.google.co.uk/books/about/Dream_Babies.html?id=NbJFvgAACAAJ&redir_esc=y">cultural beliefs about infant care</a> are recent. They emerged in the late 1800s and early 1900s and were heavily promoted by authoritative figures such as American psychologist <a href="https://dspace.gipe.ac.in/xmlui/bitstream/handle/10973/26494/GIPE-007396.pdf?sequence=3&isAllowed=y">John B Watson</a> and pediatrician <a href="https://www.gutenberg.org/files/15484/15484-h/15484-h.htm#Sleep">L Emmet Holt</a>. They reflect the practices and lifestyles of the white middle classes 100 years ago at a time when independence, self-reliance and stoicism were highly prized in western society. Child-rearing experts claimed their methods would help parents raise children that displayed these qualities. </p>
<p>On the other hand, biomedical (or clinical) expectations for what is normal tend to come from average values determined by <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2012111/">classic studies</a>, which may be presented in parenting books, websites and charts in baby clinics as guidelines for normal infant sleep. For instance, they might suggest that at three months, babies need 14-16 hours of sleep a day, and should take three or four naps per day. </p>
<figure class="align-center ">
<img alt="Baby sleeping in cot" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/477396/original/file-20220803-19-wfl02c.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/477396/original/file-20220803-19-wfl02c.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/477396/original/file-20220803-19-wfl02c.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/477396/original/file-20220803-19-wfl02c.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/477396/original/file-20220803-19-wfl02c.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/477396/original/file-20220803-19-wfl02c.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/477396/original/file-20220803-19-wfl02c.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px">
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<span class="caption">Asleep… but for how long?</span>
<span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.shutterstock.com/image-photo/newborn-baby-cot-35040535">Monkey Business Images/Shutterstock</a></span>
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<p>However, these recommendations often reflect <a href="https://academic.oup.com/emph/article/2020/1/1/5651020">only the averages</a> from data gathered from smallish samples at specific times and places. Meta-analyses – studies which review numerous pieces of research – have found <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S1087079211000682?via%3Dihub">huge underlying variations</a> in how much babies sleep. Rather than relying on charts of average sleep patterns, we can tell a baby has slept sufficiently if they are alert and happy when they are awake.</p>
<h2>Answers from evolution</h2>
<p>The biological or evolutionary norm is less well known but arguably more realistic. It considers how the <a href="https://books.google.co.uk/books?hl=en&lr=&id=wAcfoVK23XcC&oi=fnd&pg=PA241&ots=VjX_yzDrKJ&sig=tHZsEFzMiABeGYyli1NJQKOoJSA#v=onepage&q&f=false">evolved biology of mothers and babies</a> can help us understand infant sleep over the first months of life. Remembering that human babies are mammal babies can help us grasp this. </p>
<p>Mammal babies are, by definition, fed with their mother’s milk and intensively cared for after birth. Humans, like other primates, produce milk that is low in fat and high in sugar. This means that human babies must feed often to fuel their rapidly growing brains, which at birth are only a quarter of their eventual adult size. </p>
<p>This explains why human infants are <a href="https://books.google.co.uk/books?hl=en&lr=&id=hrMzDQAAQBAJ&oi=fnd&pg=PP1&ots=vjbYU_6UzW&sig=DwnkOMNkWSJ3JIKXCs8piN4Rgj0&redir_esc=y#v=onepage&q&f=false">uniquely helpless</a> and dependent, wake frequently at night and prefer contact with a caregiver during the <a href="https://doi.org/10.1016/j.ajog.2017.03.032">first three months</a> of life. This biological view of infant sleep is quite different from <a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/32138610/">cultural and clinical</a> expectations of infant sleep in most western societies. </p>
<figure class="align-center ">
<img alt="Mother with baby looking despairing" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/477395/original/file-20220803-12-fvcw74.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/477395/original/file-20220803-12-fvcw74.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/477395/original/file-20220803-12-fvcw74.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/477395/original/file-20220803-12-fvcw74.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/477395/original/file-20220803-12-fvcw74.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/477395/original/file-20220803-12-fvcw74.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/477395/original/file-20220803-12-fvcw74.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px">
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<span class="caption">Another sleepless night.</span>
<span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.shutterstock.com/image-photo/postnatal-depression-stressful-motherhood-concept-exhausted-2095299124">Arsenii Palivoda/Shutterstock</a></span>
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<p>Understanding normal infant sleep biology can also help parents deal with other aspects of baby sleep. Knowing that babies are developing a circadian rhythm – adjusting their waking and sleep patterns to light and dark – will help parents understand that it’s a good thing to expose babies to daylight early in the day, and that long naps in a darkened room during daytime <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S2352721818301372">disrupt this developing circadian rhythm</a> and are best avoided.</p>
<p>Biologically normal approaches to sleep in the first year of life can also help parents harmonise family sleep patterns. This can be done by pushing the baby’s bedtime to later in the evening, so parents can benefit from having their own sleep aligned with their baby’s longest sleep period (usually the first sleep of the night). Short daytime naps in daylight for babies can also reduce night waking and encourage them to obtain more of their sleep during night-time hours. </p>
<h2>Knowing what’s normal</h2>
<p>Friends and family can help parents have realistic expectations about baby sleep. Instead of asking new parents questions that frame babies’ normal behaviour as problematic (“does he sleep well?”), friends and family might instead ask something like “how are you coping with night time care?”, “are you getting enough help?” or “are you managing to go out?”</p>
<p><a href="https://core.ac.uk/download/pdf/153531364.pdf">Normalising questions</a> like this emphasise that night waking is expected and that it is difficult. They reinforce the importance of asking for and getting help from partners, family and friends, and that getting out of the house with the baby can be helpful (both for baby sleep and parental mental health).</p>
<p>Ultimately, <a href="https://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0237240">empowering parents</a> to experiment with what works for their baby and family rather than slavishly following cultural or biomedical norms reduces anxiety and improves everyone’s wellbeing. To understand what normal infant sleep involves, let your baby show you.</p>
<p><iframe src="https://action.bridged.media/?id=62eafb312e78b514b03eaf55&embed=true" width="100%" height="400px" style="border:none; overflow: hidden;"></p></iframe></p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/187747/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Helen Ball currently receives research funding from the NIHR ARC (Applied Research Collaborative) for the North East and North Cumbria. She has previously received research funding from the Economic and Social Research Council (ESRC), National Institute for Health Research (NIHR), Scottish Department of Health, Lullaby Trust, Leverhulme Trust, Nuffield Foundation, Babes in Arms Charity, and Scottish Cot Death Trust. She is affiliated with UNICEF UK Baby Friendly Initiative, Lullaby Trust, and International Society for the Study and Prevention of Infant Deaths (ISPID).</span></em></p>Understanding the evolutionary roots of baby sleep can help parents cope.Helen L. Ball, Professor of Anthropology and Director of the Parent-Infant Sleep Lab, Durham UniversityLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/1830782022-05-19T12:22:50Z2022-05-19T12:22:50ZPandemic babies with developmental delays can be helped to make up for lost social interaction – 5 tips for parents<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/464050/original/file-20220518-17-kfq2t0.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=22%2C0%2C5059%2C3403&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">Children born during the pandemic are at nearly twice the risk for developmental delays.</span> <span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.gettyimages.com/detail/photo/teacher-and-students-learning-alphabet-with-digital-royalty-free-image/699084027?adppopup=true">Ariel Skelley / Getty Images</a></span></figcaption></figure><p>Typically, about <a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/31558576/">1 in 6 children</a> experience a developmental delay. But children born during the pandemic, a 2022 study has found, have <a href="https://doi.org/10.31234/osf.io/j7kcn">nearly twice the risk</a> of developmental delays in communication and social development compared to babies born prior to the pandemic.</p>
<p>The reason, some researchers believe, is related to <a href="https://www.cuimc.columbia.edu/news/babies-born-during-pandemics-first-year-score-slightly-lower-developmental-screening-test">less interaction with other children</a>, among other factors.</p>
<p>Delays in communication can mean a child learns to talk later, talks less or uses gestures like pointing instead of talking. Social developmental delays might be present when a child doesn’t respond to their name when called, doesn’t look at what adults are paying attention to in the environment, or doesn’t play with other children or with trusted adults.</p>
<p>It’s hard to say if children who suffer from these delays can be caught up or if they will require continued services or special education into elementary school and beyond. The more severe the delay, the more likely the child will need ongoing specialized services.</p>
<p>One way to be more certain is to talk to your child’s pediatrician about whether your child is meeting certain developmental benchmarks. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, part of the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, also recommends that parents contact their state’s <a href="https://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/actearly/parents/states.html#textlinks">early intervention program</a> and say, “I have concerns about my child’s development, and I would like to have my child evaluated to find out if he/she is eligible for early intervention services.” </p>
<p>In the meantime, parents and early childhood teachers can support language development for children who may suffer from delays by providing rich, responsive interactions and conversations.</p>
<p>As a <a href="https://scholar.google.com/citations?user=XMQY7N0AAAAJ&hl=en">researcher</a> who specializes in language and literacy skills for young children with learning disabilities, here I offer five evidence-based strategies that parents and teachers of children with pandemic-related developmental delays can use to support the growth of their child’s language skills and later school performance.</p>
<h2>1. Get children talking</h2>
<p>Language is how we share experiences. However, children with developmental delays may not talk very much. Adults can <a href="https://doi.org/10.1016/j.ecresq.2019.02.010">create opportunities to talk</a>, which helps children develop the ability to communicate and interact with others.</p>
<p>One way to do this is to create situations in which the child has to talk to get something they want. For example, at home, put a favorite toy or snack in a clear sealed bag or plastic container so the child can see the item but cannot get it themselves without asking for help. At preschool or day care during snack time or free play, provide the student with two choices and have them say which choice they want. For children whose speech is hard to understand, any noise or attempt at talking is a good sign. The important part is that they are trying to talk, not that the words come out perfectly. If the child’s speech is unintelligible, have them point and talk at the same time to show their choice. </p>
<h2>2. Expand on children’s speech</h2>
<p>Providing <a href="https://doi.org/10.1016/j.ecresq.2016.01.015">rich language</a> is critical for supporting the language development of children with developmental delays.</p>
<p>One way to provide rich language is by responding to what the child says and then adding on details or adjectives. For example, if a young child sees a dog and exclaims, “Doggy!”, an adult could expand on that speech by saying, “Yes! There’s a big brown dog.” The adult is acknowledging what the child said and providing more language for the child to hear and respond to while sharing the experience of seeing a dog.</p>
<h2>3. Be a warm and attentive conversation partner</h2>
<p>When adults provide warm, supportive interactions, children go on to have <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0885200616300151?via%3Dihub">better language skills in preschool</a>, better vocabulary and reading ability in first grade, and better mathematics performance in third grade.</p>
<p>Being a supportive partner means <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177%2F0271121411426486">following the child’s lead and not always telling the child what to do</a>. For example, play with toys the child chose or enact pretend scenarios the child came up with. During conversation, talk directly to the child about a topic the child chose and take turns talking. Don’t worry about correcting the child or guiding the interaction. It’s OK if you’ve talked about the dog across the street a thousand times. Each interaction builds language skills. Stay positive and engaged.</p>
<h2>4. Share a book</h2>
<p>Shared book reading is a technique where the adult actively involves the child in the storytelling experience. Children who participate in frequent shared book reading have larger vocabularies, use more complex language and have <a href="https://doi.org/10.1016/j.ecresq.2018.12.006">better reading comprehension in later grades</a>.</p>
<p>Start by asking open-ended questions like, “What do you think will happen next?” Talk to the child about their real-life experiences similar to the book, like, “Remember when we went to the park? What did we do there?”</p>
<p>Point out words and letters while reading aloud to help children develop their awareness of print. Talk about interesting words in the story and define new words. Children often like to read the same book over and over, so there will be many opportunities to use these strategies during story time. Don’t worry about using them all at once.</p>
<h2>5. Talk about words</h2>
<p>Help children develop a better awareness of the connection between words and how they sound. This is an important skill that <a href="https://lincs.ed.gov/publications/pdf/NELPReport09.pdf">supports reading and writing</a>.</p>
<p>Clap or count syllables in words, such as “cupcake” or “butterfly.” Tell nursery rhymes and have the child say which words rhyme or come up with other words that rhyme. Talk about the sounds you hear at the beginning or end of words, such as the “t” sound in “tiger” or the “m” in “room.” Children are slowly learning that spoken language is made up of words and sounds that can be represented by written letters. This knowledge is the gateway for learning to read and write.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/183078/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Abigail A. Allen received a federal grant from the Institute of Education Sciences (R324B200016) to develop a series of sentence writing intervention lessons for young struggling learners (2020-2024).</span></em></p>The COVID-19 pandemic – and the isolation it brought on – deprived many babies of the stimulating experiences they need to develop. Is the damage permanent? A language specialist weighs in.Abigail A. Allen, Associate Professor of Special Education, Clemson UniversityLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/1771362022-04-29T12:18:24Z2022-04-29T12:18:24ZI’m a Black sociologist, and a mom – by listening to other Black mothers, I’ve learned about their pandemic struggles and strengths<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/459562/original/file-20220425-24059-4ezr5r.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=221%2C8%2C5086%2C3587&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">When schools shut down to prevent the spread of COVID-19, moms took on the burden of supporting students at home.</span> <span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://newsroom.ap.org/detail/PicturesoftheWeekPhotoGallery-NorthAmerica/91f236f0ee234a3cbe723889ef6bb1e3/photo?boardId=d7f2514f50804466b15dfb81ed00d9cd&st=boards&mediaType=audio,photo,video,graphic&sortBy=&dateRange=Anytime&totalCount=61&currentItemNo=0">AP Photo/Shafkat Anowar</a></span></figcaption></figure><p>I spent the 2020 spring break week setting up to teach my college courses online while helping to care for my 14-month-old grandchild, whose daycare had closed. At the same time, I couldn’t help thinking, <a href="https://saph.umbc.edu/ftfaculty/person/qd36810/">being the sociologist I am</a>, of the devastating consequences of COVID-19 I saw for women like me, Black mothers, whom I have studied for over a decade.</p>
<p><a href="https://doi.org/10.1080/13645570902966056">Social science research</a> <a href="https://www.whysocialscience.com/blog/2017/6/20/because-social-science-drives-smart-investments-in-public-safety">can influence policy</a>. Sharing Black mothers’ stories in their own voices may ultimately lead to more compassionate policies. My work is part of a small body of descriptive research, mostly by researchers of color, countering negativity and victim-blaming in earlier studies of Black families.</p>
<p>My research partner, sociologist <a href="https://www.neiu.edu/faculty/barbara-scott">BarBara Scott</a>, lives in Chicago, where I grew up. In our studies of Black mothers there, we’ve explored <a href="https://scholar.google.com/citations?view_op=view_citation&hl=en&user=mrM-LJsAAAAJ&sortby=pubdate&citation_for_view=mrM-LJsAAAAJ:w1MjKQ0l0TYC">parenting in violent communities</a> and living with <a href="https://doi.org/10.29011/2688-7460.100048">inadequate health care</a>. In 2019, before COVID-19 hit, we were preparing to study parenting practices.</p>
<p>But when lab conditions change, scientists need to reorganize their work. I am a social scientist and society is my lab, where the pandemic dramatically altered the conditions of my research. </p>
<p>We adjusted, preparing to interview remotely instead of in person. We added new questions to investigate, like: How were Black mothers coping with pandemic conditions? How did the murder of George Floyd and the resulting protests affect them? Our research would now include the pandemic and the country’s racial upheaval, highly unusual factors complicating Black mothers’ already challenging lives.</p>
<figure class="align-center zoomable">
<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/460413/original/file-20220428-9919-b9c38b.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="masked Black woman hugs masked elementary school girl" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/460413/original/file-20220428-9919-b9c38b.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/460413/original/file-20220428-9919-b9c38b.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=401&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/460413/original/file-20220428-9919-b9c38b.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=401&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/460413/original/file-20220428-9919-b9c38b.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=401&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/460413/original/file-20220428-9919-b9c38b.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=504&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/460413/original/file-20220428-9919-b9c38b.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=504&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/460413/original/file-20220428-9919-b9c38b.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=504&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">Parenting didn’t stop when the pandemic started.</span>
<span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.gettyimages.com/detail/photo/mothers-with-children-back-to-school-during-covid-royalty-free-image/1278438579">kali9/E+ via Getty Images</a></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<h2>Researching with rapport</h2>
<p>The first challenge was finding participants. We put up fliers in and around schools, churches, the YWCA and other places Black moms go when not at work. Even in the best of times, though, they face practical barriers to joining a research project. Child care responsibilities might be theirs alone. Taking time off from work means their paychecks take a hit not nearly covered by the $25 gift cards we offered. </p>
<p>But they called. Some just wanted to sign up after looking me up on their phones. Others, who may have known that the <a href="https://www.fda.gov/about-fda/center-drug-evaluation-and-research-cder/institutional-review-boards-irbs-and-protection-human-subjects-clinical-trials">federal government oversees</a> studies involving people, asked why I was studying them and what I would do with their information. I knew that if any of the women thought talking with me might bring embarrassment or other trouble, they might be less forthcoming or decide not to participate. My findings would be much less credible.</p>
<p>I assured the moms that I would keep their responses confidential and that they had a right to leave the study whenever they wanted to.</p>
<p>None of them did. We signed up enough moms for two focus groups of five to seven participants each. I ran group meetings and conducted 12 one-on-one interviews via video conferencing. </p>
<p>To start our 60- to 90-minute sessions, I introduced myself and got the mothers talking with an ice breaker question like, “What is the farthest place from your current neighborhood that you’ve been?” </p>
<p>I also tell them that I have a Black mom, and that I am one. And then, because my skin tone is fair, I mention that I have an Italian father. I didn’t want to be mistaken for white; the moms might feel <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177%2F004912418000800403">less comfortable discussing certain topics with me</a>. But after realizing that I’m Black too, a few of them said things like, “I knew there was something about you!”</p>
<p>I share my belief in centering – and that’s the word I use – Black mothers’ lived experiences and exploring their parenting from a strength perspective. That’s when I got a lot of smiling and nodding.</p>
<figure class="align-center zoomable">
<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/459563/original/file-20220425-26-57or0h.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="Black woman wearing a mask marked #StayHome" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/459563/original/file-20220425-26-57or0h.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/459563/original/file-20220425-26-57or0h.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/459563/original/file-20220425-26-57or0h.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/459563/original/file-20220425-26-57or0h.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/459563/original/file-20220425-26-57or0h.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/459563/original/file-20220425-26-57or0h.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/459563/original/file-20220425-26-57or0h.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">Many Black mothers were front-line workers who couldn’t heed the message on Chicago Mayor Lori Lightfoot’s mask in the early days of the pandemic.</span>
<span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://newsroom.ap.org/detail/ChicagoMayor/bef1b02bd98146d58fe3dcf8fb1a089b/photo?boardId=d7f2514f50804466b15dfb81ed00d9cd&st=boards&mediaType=audio,photo,video,graphic&sortBy=&dateRange=Anytime&totalCount=61&currentItemNo=1">AP Photo/Nam Y. Huh</a></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<h2>No time for racism</h2>
<p>Black mothers don’t need a pandemic to face impossible choices. But it took a pandemic for others to see that. As nearly everyone else <a href="https://www.chicago.gov/city/en/depts/mayor/press_room/press_releases/2020/march/StayAtHomeOrder.html">stayed home</a> to stop the spread of COVID-19, it became obvious that Black women were more likely <a href="https://www.niussp.org/education-work-economy/frontline-workers-in-the-u-s-race-ethnicity/">than any one else</a> to be <a href="https://www.bls.gov/careeroutlook/2020/article/essential-work.htm">essential workers</a> in <a href="https://doi.org/10.1057/s11369-021-00230-7">front-line jobs</a>. And despite risking COVID-19 infection to keep their jobs, Black workers were more likely to <a href="https://www.census.gov/library/stories/2021/07/how-pandemic-affected-black-and-white-households.html">lose them anyway</a> during the pandemic.</p>
<p>I asked the mothers about the pandemic’s effect on their lives. They talked about the trickiness of trying to isolate or distance in small or crowded homes. They hated being unable to get masks and hand sanitizer when stores closed during the George Floyd protests, which none of them attended.</p>
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<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/458971/original/file-20220420-20-vcz8q0.jpeg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="A crowd of people including some holding signs and some shouting, face police officers on bicycles at a large protest." src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/458971/original/file-20220420-20-vcz8q0.jpeg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/458971/original/file-20220420-20-vcz8q0.jpeg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/458971/original/file-20220420-20-vcz8q0.jpeg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/458971/original/file-20220420-20-vcz8q0.jpeg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/458971/original/file-20220420-20-vcz8q0.jpeg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/458971/original/file-20220420-20-vcz8q0.jpeg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/458971/original/file-20220420-20-vcz8q0.jpeg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">None of the Black moms in the study went to the protests George Floyd’s death spurred in 2020.</span>
<span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.gettyimages.com/detail/news-photo/protesters-and-chicago-police-clash-during-protests-news-photo">Natasha Moustache/Getty Images News via Getty Images</a></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>I asked why they didn’t go, given their stated frustrations with racism affecting their lives. Some didn’t want to risk getting sick. But most of these Black mothers told me they don’t dwell on racism, saying things like, “Yeah, racism is bad, but I got things to do.” </p>
<p>And so they did those things. While at work, they sent their kids text reminders to go to remote school if it was available, or if it was not, to study. The moms came home from long shifts and helped with homework, worrying about their kids falling behind academically. The mothers worried about getting COVID-19 and losing custody of kids if they became too sick to parent well.</p>
<h2>Keeping the conversation flowing</h2>
<p>The qualitative research I do is about words and meanings, not just numbers and statistics. It allows me to explore the lives of Black moms in depth.</p>
<p>In my interviews, I don’t ask closed-ended questions – the kind where the answer is simply yes or no, true or false, or limited to a set of multiple-choice answers. For example, if a participant can only respond to the question, “How safe is your community?” with the options “very safe,” “somewhat safe,” or “not safe,” that’s a closed-ended question. </p>
<p>In qualitative research, however, questions are often open-ended. Participants decide what a question means to them, then answer in any way they choose. I’ve been asking the Black mothers questions like: “How do you feel about Chicago as a place to live and raise your children? How do you feel about working and raising your children during the COVID-19 pandemic?” </p>
<p>Reading the transcribed interviews later, I look for general thoughts, or themes, in the mothers’ collective responses. For example, when I asked about violence, the overall sentiment was that it was around, but avoidable. One participant told me, “You have to know where [to go] and where not to go, when to go and when not to go.” And she called Chicago “a great place,” with “great opportunities” for anyone who wanted to be there. </p>
<p>This response was common: The moms know that Chicago can be violent, but many focus on the positive aspects of the city. My theory is that this is their conscious or unconscious way of explaining why they stay in a violent community. That question has come often enough – usually from those with far more options – to hang over the heads of these Black moms, even if no one asks them directly.</p>
<p>A related sentiment the moms had was that moving away is pointless since violence “is everywhere.” They may simply want to stay close to the generations of family and community ties they have. But it’s also true that moving isn’t affordable for many of these mothers. </p>
<p>Identifying these themes helps me present a picture of Black mothers’ lives as a corrective to the earlier research. Documenting their experiences as the center of my research gives them a voice and validates their lives as worthy of exploration.</p>
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<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Loren Henderson does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organization that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.</span></em></p>As the world locked down and a country’s racial reckoning heated up, this social scientist refined her approach to studying the lives of Black moms.Loren Henderson, Associate Professor of Sociology, University of Maryland, Baltimore CountyLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/1714782022-01-25T13:27:46Z2022-01-25T13:27:46ZLife’s stages are changing – we need new terms and new ideas to describe how adults develop and grow<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/438111/original/file-20211216-13-1czwi0d.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=0%2C48%2C5319%2C3519&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">These days, people in their 20s are figuring out who they are as adults, rather than experiencing "extended adolescence." </span> <span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.gettyimages.com/detail/photo/elderly-man-saying-goodby-to-family-after-bbq-royalty-free-image/1014771010?adppopup=true"> Hinterhaus Productions/DigitalVision via Getty Images</a></span></figcaption></figure><p>What image comes to mind when you think of a person in their 20s? </p>
<p>Do you imagine an adult stressed out by the weight of many new responsibilities in family and work roles? </p>
<p>Or do you envision someone who is bursting with hope and undeveloped potential, still more of a kid than an adult, struggling to define a life and making little or no money but managing to find occasional joy nevertheless? Perhaps your soundtrack here is <a href="https://youtu.be/AgFeZr5ptV8">Taylor Swift’s radiant “22”</a>: “We’re happy, free, confused and lonely at the same time. It’s miserable and magical.”</p>
<p>How about when you think of someone in their 60s? </p>
<p>Do you envision someone – or maybe a happy couple – enjoying life, living well, still vigorous but now freer than before from daily work and family duties? </p>
<p>Or do you see someone who is stooped over from a lifetime of carrying burdens, their health diminished, now shuffling toward no particular destination? Here the soundtrack might be the doleful Beatles song “<a href="https://youtu.be/ckV2ogbt8W4">When I’m 64</a>”: “Will you still need me? Will you still feed me? When I’m 64?” </p>
<p>The whole arc of adult development has changed over the past several decades, in ways that our psychological theories are still catching up with. In the 21st century, does it still make sense to refer to “young adulthood,” “midlife” and “late adulthood,” as psychologists have been doing for so long? If not, what are more accurate concepts? </p>
<p>Most of my career <a href="https://scholar.google.com/citations?user=8bvGDaYAAAAJ&hl=en&oi=sra">as a developmental psychologist</a> has been devoted to answering these questions. My theory of <a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/10842426/">emerging adulthood</a> recognizes that the lives of younger adults have changed vastly since the 1960s. As the father of 22-year-old twins, I’m keenly aware of their journey through the new life stage I have been researching and writing about for so long. As a 64-year-old, I’m also turning my attention to how the 60s have changed from what they used to be. </p>
<h2>A longer-than-ever journey to adulthood</h2>
<p>In my research over the past two decades, I’ve found that people ages 19 to 29 are neither fully adult nor in an “extended adolescence” – as this time of life was viewed over the course of the 20th century. In the early 21st century, these years had become a time of gradually and often erratically making one’s way toward <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Emerging-Adulthood-Winding-Through-Twenties/dp/0199929386/ref=sr_1_2?crid=KJSM1BSQUMBJ&keywords=jeffrey+jensen+arnett&qid=1637252495&s=books&sprefix=Jeffrey+Jensen%2Caps%2C175&sr=1-2">a more established adulthood</a>.</p>
<p>I invited scholars from all over the world to contribute to a special issue of American Psychologist, one of the top journals in psychology, on the theme of <a href="https://doi.apa.org/fulltext/2020-29966-001.html">“Rethinking Adult Development: New Ideas for New Times.”</a> The recently published results are a wonderfully diverse set of papers that go a long way toward reconceptualizing what adult development looks like now and where it might be going. </p>
<p>Most of the authors were developmental psychologists. About half were Americans and half were Europeans, although <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7474435/">Shinobu Kitayama and his colleagues</a> offered a refreshingly different Asian cultural perspective. </p>
<p>Here are some of the highlights:</p>
<p>– Ages 30 to 45 are now “the rush hour of life.” Today people around the world wait later than ever to marry and have kids, and most have only one or two. But then couples typically have the dual challenge of trying to move ahead in their careers while also handling the intense responsibilities of caring for young children. Women have vastly greater opportunities in education and work than they did in 1960, which is welcome but also presents new challenges and stresses. </p>
<p>In <a href="https://doi.org/10.1037/amp0000600">their contribution</a> to the special issue, <a href="https://psycnet.apa.org/doiLanding?doi=10.1037%2Famp0000600">Clare Mehta and her colleagues</a> propose the term “established adulthood” to distinguish these years as the most intense and demanding years of adult life, characterized by the “career-and-care-crunch,” when obligations are high in both work and family roles.</p>
<p>– In midlife – ages 45-60 – the crunch years of caring for young children abate. Adults reach their peak career earnings and status in their late 40s and 50s. But life can become complicated, as new responsibilities may arise with grandchildren and with aging parents who need more assistance. </p>
<p>Overall, as <a href="https://doi.org/10.1037/amp0000591">Frank Infurna and colleagues detail</a> in their contribution, mental health declines in midlife. Reports of depression and anxiety increase. Seeking professional help for mental health issues reaches a lifetime peak.</p>
<p>Furthermore, midlife well-being, health and life expectancy have declined notably in the U.S. since 2000, especially among working-class adults who have been left behind by the information-and-technology economy. This has led to an epidemic of <a href="https://press.princeton.edu/books/hardcover/9780691190785/deaths-of-despair-and-the-future-of-capitalism">“deaths of despair”</a> from suicide, opioid overdoses or alchoholism.</p>
<p>– Adults in later life, ages 60-75, are thriving like never before. Although life after age 60 is traditionally regarded as a time of inevitable decline, the reality of it has become sharply different –and better – in recent decades. </p>
<p>Life expectancy at birth is higher now than it has ever been, worldwide, and adults are smarter and healthier for longer than ever. <a href="https://doi.org/10.1037/amp0000596">Denis Gerstorf and his colleagues</a> show how these positive trends have taken place across many countries over the past century because of improvements in education, nutrition and health care. </p>
<p>[<em>Like what you’ve read? Want more?</em> <a href="https://memberservices.theconversation.com/newsletters/?source=inline-likethis">Sign up for The Conversation’s daily newsletter</a>.]</p>
<p>Physical health issues do arise with age for most people, but more people than ever before stay healthy through their 60s and early 70s by maintaining healthy diet and physical exercise practices. One of the exciting recent findings highlighted <a href="https://doi.org/10.1037/amp0000612">in Ursula Staudinger’s article</a> is that regular exercise promotes mental health as well as physical well-being, helping to maintain mental sharpness and prevent Alzheimer’s disease.</p>
<p>Life satisfaction also seems to rise in later life, as we gain a new freedom to choose the kind of work we do – or stop working altogether and spend more time with the people we care about most. <a href="https://doi.org/10.1037/amp0000615">According to Phillip Ackerman and Ruth Kanfer</a>, more people are working into their late 60s and early 70s than ever before, but they have more freedom to choose how they do it, whether it’s working part time, starting a small business or trying something they have always wanted to do. </p>
<h2>Adulthood’s new arc requires new concepts and ideas</h2>
<p>Over my decades of writing about emerging adulthood, I’ve learned that it matters how people think about the stages of human development. Thinking shapes expectations and how experiences are interpreted. Lots of compelling and exciting new findings about adult development point to the importance of rethinking previous theories, assumptions and stereotypes about the course of adult life.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/171478/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Jeffrey Arnett does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organization that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.</span></em></p>Views of the stages of adulthood are stuck in the early 20th century, even though they’ve changed a lot over the past 100 years.Jeffrey Arnett, Senior Research Scholar, Department of Psychology, Clark UniversityLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/1616662021-06-06T09:01:16Z2021-06-06T09:01:16ZGhana’s fathers: maternal health services must do more to help them get involved<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/403606/original/file-20210531-24-111tk6g.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">Health care professionals have to involve expectant fathers </span> <span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.shutterstock.com/search/maternal+care?page=2">Shutterstock</a></span></figcaption></figure><p>Including men in maternal healthcare is good for families, <a href="https://theconversation.com/fathers-can-be-a-crucial-factor-in-lifesaving-decisions-about-maternal-health-43735">research</a> has found internationally. Men can be involved in maternal healthcare in various ways. These include attending maternity care, making decisions with the mother, helping with housework and supporting the woman’s care financially.</p>
<p><a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4706017/">Studies</a> have shown that men participating in maternal health services can influence the quality of care that women get at health facilities, through their control over financial resources, by demanding respectful care and acting as women’s advocates. In these ways, men’s involvement improves the health of mothers and children, and promotes gender equality in reproductive health. </p>
<p>With this in mind, <a href="https://theconversation.com/how-tanzanias-spousal-escort-policy-frustrates-antenatal-health-care-99777">studies</a> in African countries have tended to focus on the reasons for low male attendance for maternity care. These reasons include the perception that pregnancy and childbirth are women’s responsibilities, long waiting hours at the clinic, and low formal educational status of male partners.</p>
<p>The concentration of research on barriers to male inclusion in maternal healthcare services has left a knowledge gap. Men who do attend maternity care have remained invisible and their experiences undocumented. Hence, our study endeavoured to <a href="https://reproductive-health-journal.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s12978-021-01152-5">investigate</a> the antenatal care experiences of expectant fathers in Accra, Ghana.</p>
<p>We found that men who attended antenatal care were keen to support the well being of their partners and children. However, they were left unengaged and often disappointed. </p>
<p>Knowing how antenatal care is structured and what resources health workers need could help get men to participate more actively to benefit mothers and their unborn babies. </p>
<h2>Feeling left out</h2>
<p>The research was conducted in a government hospital in Accra. The study, using a qualitative approach, explored men’s own understanding of events and experiences. We interviewed and observed first-time expectant fathers who regularly attended antenatal care, midwives and community health nurses. </p>
<p>The data indicated that men who accompanied their pregnant partners to antenatal care felt they were mere ‘escorts’ and did not see themselves as part of the procedures at the clinic. The few men who attended antenatal care mostly stayed outside the clinic because they felt shy sitting among women. Fathers did feel they had various contributions to make and helped in ways like carrying their partners’ bags and folders, making payments, buying medication and donating blood. They also brought up reminding their partners at home about what they had learnt at the clinic. Nonetheless, health workers didn’t do much to get men more involved.</p>
<p>Antenatal care activities at the hospital start with health workers giving health information to expectant parents in the waiting area of the clinic. They advise on topics like nutrition, exercise, and the prevention and management of malaria and anaemia during pregnancy. </p>
<p>Afterwards, women are expected to see their assigned midwife for individual consultation. Most of the men who participated in this study did not stay in the waiting area during the health information session, and only a few participated in the individual consultation. Some men claimed that they were uncomfortable sitting among women in the waiting area. Others complained that health workers did not involve them in the activities at the information session or invite them to join the individual consultation. This left many fathers disappointed.</p>
<p>Men’s claims in this study are similar to earlier <a href="https://bmcpregnancychildbirth.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s12884-017-1590-3">findings</a> in Ghana and <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.3402/gha.v9.31482">Rwanda</a> where maternal health services have been criticised as excluding men.</p>
<p>Our study found that health workers supported male involvement in maternity care but that they face some structural and logistical challenges. One midwife, for example, said that the work of primary healthcare providers would be more accessible if more men participated in antenatal care. Knowing more about pregnancy and childcare would help men care for their families at home. </p>
<p>Midwives also acknowledged that in individual consultation sessions, men asked more questions than expectant mothers themselves, who are usually tired after long waiting hours and eager to go home.</p>
<p>But midwives are already overstretched, with approximately five midwives having one-on-one consultation with about 200 women daily in this <a href="https://reproductive-health-journal.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s12978-021-01152-5">particular hospital</a>. Involving men in individual consultations might increase the amount of time midwives spend with each patient, adding to their working hours. </p>
<p>Expectant fathers in the study suggested that health workers should organise separate sessions for men. Again, health workers explained that they did not have adequate staff to do this.</p>
<p>To motivate male participation in maternity care, the <a href="https://www.ghanahealthservice.org/">Ghana Health Service</a> permits service providers to serve women who attend clinics with their partners first before women who attend the clinic unaccompanied. Some men knew about this recommendation and participated in antenatal care to assist their partners to jump the queue. Nevertheless, health workers said they were careful in implementing this recommendation to avoid quarrel among expectant mothers in the waiting area.</p>
<h2>More than “escorts”</h2>
<p>One way to get expectant fathers more involved might be to emphasise men’s reasons for attending the clinic, including reminding women of important health messages and donating blood. Additionally, health facilities should assess what is possible within their capacity and resources to accommodate male attendees. For example, they could consider providing audio-visual materials in maternity clinics’ waiting areas offering information about male activities and responsibilities during pregnancy. Health workers could also receive gender-sensitive training.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/161666/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Gloria Abena Ampim received funding from the Meltzer Foundation, affiliated to the University of Bergen, to collect the data for this research. However, Meltzer Foundation did not play any role in designing the objectives of the study or analysing the data material.</span></em></p>Fathers who attend antenatal care may be keen to support the well being of their partners and children, but are left unengaged and often disappointed.Gloria Abena Ampim, Research Fellow, University of BergenLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/1587392021-04-30T12:15:11Z2021-04-30T12:15:11ZFamily meals are good for the grown-ups, too, not just the kids<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/397948/original/file-20210429-17-1t7ozy9.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=148%2C181%2C5318%2C3474&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">Moms and dads have better physical and mental health when they dine with their children – despite all the work of a family meal.</span> <span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.gettyimages.com/detail/photo/mother-cutting-daughters-food-at-breakfast-royalty-free-image/659856885">Thomas Barwick/DigitalVision via Getty Images</a></span></figcaption></figure><p>For all the parents feeling exhausted by the cooking, cleaning and planning of a million meals during the pandemic, there’s some good news. Commensality, or the sharing of food with others, is beneficial for your physical and mental health.</p>
<p>Most parents already know that family mealtimes <a href="https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jpeds.2014.08.030">are great</a> <a href="https://triggered.edina.clockss.org/ServeContent?url=http://archfami.ama-assn.org%2Fcgi%2Fcontent%2Ffull%2F9%2F3%2F235">for the</a> <a href="https://doi.org/10.1016/j.cjca.2015.07.714">bodies</a>, <a href="https://doi.org/10.1002/cd.155">the</a> <a href="https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1741-3737.2001.00295.x">brains</a> and <a href="https://doi.org/10.1016/j.adolescence.2009.03.011">the</a> <a href="https://doi.org/10.1001/jamapediatrics.2014.1223">mental</a> <a href="https://doi.org/10.1097/DBP.0000000000000520">health</a> of children. More than two decades of studies reveal that kids who eat with their families do better in school and have bigger vocabularies. They also have lower rates of depression, anxiety and eating disorders, as well as healthier diets and better cardiovascular health.</p>
<p>But what may come as unexpected news to beleaguered parents is that these same shared meals are also good for adults. <a href="https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jneb.2013.07.012">Across the life span</a>, from young parents eating with toddlers to parents talking about pandemic-coping strategies with their school-age kids and Medicare-eligible <a href="https://doi.org/10.4082/kjfm.17.0060">adults</a> eating with younger generations, shared meals are associated with healthier eating and better mood.</p>
<h2>Healthy for all adults, but especially for parents</h2>
<p>For adults, both with and without children, there are numerous <a href="https://doi.org/10.1016/j.appet.2012.03.008">health benefits to eating with others</a>. Even unrelated adults, like firefighters, have <a href="https://doi.org/10.1080/08959285.2015.1021049">enhanced team performance</a> when they cook and eat together as they await the call to action.</p>
<p>On the flip side, researchers have found that <a href="https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jneb.2007.08.014">eating alone is associated with</a> an increased likelihood of skipping meals and the downstream effects – lower intakes of nutrients, reduced energy and poorer nutritional health.</p>
<p>Regardless of parental status, adults who eat with others tend to eat more fruits and vegetables and less fast food than those who eat alone. Even when a home cook isn’t particularly focused on healthy cooking, <a href="https://doi.org/10.1017/S1368980014001943">home-cooked meals lower the odds that adults will be obese</a>. Large portion sizes, the embrace of fried foods and a heavy hand with butter are more common at restaurants than in a civilian’s kitchen.</p>
<p>Adults who park their dinner plates in front of the television may have a <a href="https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jand.2017.01.009">greater chance of weight gain</a>, just as <a href="https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jada.2006.10.010">evidence from the U.S.</a>, <a href="https://doi.org/10.1017/S1368980013002954">Sweden, Finland and Portugal</a> supports the connection between obesity and kids’ eating dinner while watching TV.</p>
<figure class="align-center zoomable">
<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/397949/original/file-20210429-13-9depck.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="two dads and two kids eating together" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/397949/original/file-20210429-13-9depck.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/397949/original/file-20210429-13-9depck.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/397949/original/file-20210429-13-9depck.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/397949/original/file-20210429-13-9depck.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/397949/original/file-20210429-13-9depck.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/397949/original/file-20210429-13-9depck.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/397949/original/file-20210429-13-9depck.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">Kids may be the healthiest dining companions you can line up for yourself.</span>
<span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.gettyimages.com/detail/photo/new-family-enjoying-vegetarian-lunch-together-royalty-free-image/1217374721">10'000 Hours/DigitalVision via Getty Images</a></span>
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</figure>
<p>In addition to these benefits of dining with others, there are additional boosts for adults who eat with their children – and they <a href="https://doi.org/10.1016/j.ypmed.2018.05.006">pertain equally to mothers and fathers</a>. When kids are present at mealtime, parents may eat more healthily, perhaps to model good behavior and provide the best nourishment they can to their kids. When there is plenty of conversation with kids chiming in, the pace of eating slows down, allowing diners’ brains to register fullness and signal that it’s time to stop eating.</p>
<p>For kids, eating more family meals is associated with lower rates of obesity. The act of eating with others does not correlate with reduced weight gain in adults, though – <a href="https://doi.org/10.1017/S1368980011000127">unless their dining companions include children</a>. Parents who dine with their kids also tend to report <a href="https://doi.org/10.1016/j.appet.2012.03.008">less dieting and binge-eating behavior</a>. Parents may dial back some of these destructive behaviors when they know their kids are watching and ready to imitate.</p>
<h2>Despite all the work, a boost for mental health</h2>
<p>It may seem counterintuitive that a process that demands so much time and resources – the energy to plan the meal, shop for it, prepare it, serve it and clean up after – could also lead to boosts in mental health. Much more obvious is how kids would benefit from their parents’ demonstrating their love and care by providing nightly dinners.</p>
<p>But researchers have found that having frequent family meals is associated with <a href="https://doi.org/10.1016/j.ypmed.2018.05.006">better mental health for both mothers and fathers</a>, despite <a href="https://doi.org/10.1017/S1368980017002270">mothers’ carrying more of the burden of meal prep</a>. Compared with parents who rarely ate family meals, parents who regularly dined with their kids reported higher levels of family functioning, greater self-esteem and lower levels of depressive symptoms and stress.</p>
<p>And mental health benefits don’t depend on a slow-roasted pork shoulder or organic vegetables. Since it’s the atmosphere at the dinner table that contributes most significantly to emotional well-being, takeout or prepared food eaten at home will work nicely too.</p>
<p>In an earlier study of parents of infants and toddlers, couples who attached more meaning and importance to family meals were <a href="https://doi.org/10.2307/353344">more satisfied with their marital relationship</a>. It’s unclear in which direction the causality goes. Is it that those in more satisfying marriages gravitate toward creating daily rituals? Or that enacting daily rituals leads to more robust relationships? In either case, the establishment of meaningful rituals, like shared mealtime, during early stages of parenthood may add some predictability and routine at a time of life that can be very busy and fragmented.</p>
<p>Just as for children, family dinner is the most reliable time of the day for adults to slow down and talk to others. It’s a time to step away from video calls, emails and to-do lists, and instead connect face to face. Dinnertime often allows for a few laughs, a time to decompress and also to solve logistical problems and talk about the day’s events and what tomorrow holds.</p>
<h2>Family meals are a COVID-19 habit to keep</h2>
<p>For parents taking the long view, there is another perk to family dinner. When adolescents grow up having regular family dinners, they are much more likely to replicate that practice <a href="https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jneb.2017.08.010">in their own homes when they become parents</a>. Adults who reported having had six to seven family meals a week as a child went on to have <a href="https://doi.org/10.1037/fam0000046">frequent family meals with their own children</a>. Family dinner and its benefits may be an heirloom you pass along to future generations.</p>
<p>Shared mealtime, however, is not equally accessible to all. <a href="https://doi.org/10.1017/S1368980011000127">Frequent family dinners are</a> <a href="https://doi.org/10.1016/j.appet.2012.03.008">more common among</a> white Americans, those with higher levels of education, married people and those with household incomes that are middle class or higher. While family meal frequency in the U.S. <a href="https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jadohealth.2012.06.004">remained quite steady overall from 1999 to 2010</a>, it decreased significantly (47% to 39%) for low-income families while increasing (57% to 61%) for high-income families. This gap can be understood in terms of structural disparities: Low-income parents often have less control over their work schedules and may need to juggle more than one job to make ends meet.</p>
<figure class="align-center zoomable">
<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/397950/original/file-20210429-20-2n7rzk.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="multigenerational family eating a meal at the table" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/397950/original/file-20210429-20-2n7rzk.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/397950/original/file-20210429-20-2n7rzk.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/397950/original/file-20210429-20-2n7rzk.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/397950/original/file-20210429-20-2n7rzk.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/397950/original/file-20210429-20-2n7rzk.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=502&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/397950/original/file-20210429-20-2n7rzk.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=502&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/397950/original/file-20210429-20-2n7rzk.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=502&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">Family meals can be a habit passed from one generation to the next.</span>
<span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.gettyimages.com/detail/photo/generations-laughing-together-at-meal-royalty-free-image/528973981">Klaus Vedfelt/DigitalVision via Getty Images</a></span>
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<p>As people now tiptoe back to living more expansively, many are reflecting on what they learned during the pandemic that might be worth holding on to. There is some evidence that <a href="https://doi.org/10.3390/nu12082352">more families ate more meals together</a> during the COVID-19 pandemic than ever before. Some families who didn’t prioritize eating together pre-pandemic may emerge from the past year with a new appreciation of the joys of commensality. Of course, others may already be bookmarking all their favorite restaurants, eager to have chefs cook for them after feeling depleted by so much home labor.</p>
<p>But parents may want to remember that the science suggests shared mealtime is good for the mental and physical health of each member of the family. As people start to heal from this past year of loss, disruption and anxiety, why not continue to engage in nourishing practices that are helpful to all? <a href="https://scholar.google.com/citations?user=sh-v7eQAAAAJ&hl=en&oi=ao">In my family therapy practice</a>, it will be a top recommendation.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/158739/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Anne Fishel is the executive director and co-founder of The Family Dinner Project, a non-profit initiative, based at Massachusetts General Hospital, that helps families improve the quality and frequency of their shared mealtime. </span></em></p>All that planning, shopping, prepping, serving and cleaning can pay off with better physical and mental health for all members of the family.Anne Fishel, Associate Clinical Professor of Psychology at Harvard Medical School, Harvard UniversityLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/1459732020-09-25T09:56:56Z2020-09-25T09:56:56ZWorried about negative thoughts as a new parent? You’re not alone<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/360002/original/file-20200925-16-11r5zw9.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=15%2C0%2C5160%2C3453&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">Many new parents often feel they have to hide how they really feel.</span> <span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.shutterstock.com/image-photo/parents-home-hospital-newborn-baby-nursery-627703319">Monkey Business Images/ Shutterstock</a></span></figcaption></figure><p>If you believe what the media tells us, we should feel nothing apart from overwhelming love, <a href="https://www.romper.com/p/17-instagram-captions-for-babys-arrival-that-sum-up-all-the-sweetness-of-those-first-moments-18705744">gratitude</a> and excitement immediately when our baby is born. Although becoming a new parent might indeed be a time of happiness, feeling a far more <a href="https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2016-38769-001">complex array of emotions</a> is actually more common than you might think. </p>
<p>Research shows that overall happiness actually <a href="https://ideas.repec.org/a/spr/jhappi/v14y2013i2p501-524.html">drops in the first year</a> of having a baby, especially for women. Although parents may love their babies very much, it’s common to not love <a href="https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2002-11235-010">the things that come alongside it</a>, such as money worries, sleepless nights and feeling disconnected from your partner or friends. </p>
<p>However, parents often hide how they <a href="https://www.diva-portal.org/smash/get/diva2:1009517/FULLTEXT02.pdf">really feel</a>, believing these thoughts are wrong, and that sharing them would have them labelled a “bad parent”. Worries such as this can be a core part of not feeling like a good enough parent and are also common in <a href="https://search.informit.com.au/documentSummary;dn=909929185761432;res=IELAPA">postnatal depression</a>. </p>
<p>The mental health of new parents and the unexpected things that can happen in the first year of parenting is the subject of <a href="https://www.pinterandmartin.com/lets-talk-about-the-first-year-of-parenting">my latest book</a>. I spoke with more than 500 parents who told me how they honestly felt after their baby was born. </p>
<p>What was immensely clear from their stories is that there’s no one “right way” to feel once you have a baby. Alongside the positives, parents felt a whole host of emotions they weren’t expecting, often saying this was the first time they had spoken openly about their feelings. Here were some of the most common things people felt:</p>
<h2>1. Not loving your baby instantly</h2>
<p>The media would have us believe that the moment a baby is born, parents fall madly in love with them. Although this can happen, many parents talked about feeling disconnected or so exhausted they couldn’t think about loving anyone. </p>
<p>Others felt shock that a baby was actually here. It can be especially difficult when parents have had a <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/02646830802350831">traumatic pregnancy or birth</a>, <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S001502829900583X">IVF or previous loss</a>, or <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5114875/">premature baby</a>. </p>
<p>It’s normal for bonding to take time. However, things like <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0884217515311448">skin to skin contact</a>, holding your baby closely <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0190740919311260">in a sling</a>, or even a giving them a <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0165032707003886">gentle baby massage</a> are all shown to help improve bonding – and mental health. </p>
<h2>2. Feeling incompetent and overwhelmed</h2>
<p>Another common emotion was feeling terrified by the responsibility of being a new parent. Many felt shocked that they were now actually expected to care for this baby, despite no tests or training. Parents remembered feeling like everyone else knew what to do, but they didn’t. This feeling is likely exacerbated by us now <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2018/mar/31/late-motherhood-is-on-the-rise-but-as-one-who-knows-it-has-its-downsides">having babies later</a>, <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1002/brb3.107">living away from family</a>, and often not really being around babies until we have our own. </p>
<p>But many people feel this way. And babies are resilient, so it’s okay if you don’t <a href="https://scholar.google.com/scholar?hl=en&as_sdt=0%2C5&q=3.%09Woodhouse%2C+S.+S.%2C+Scott%2C+J.+R.%2C+Hepworth%2C+A.+D.%2C+%26+Cassidy%2C+J.+%282020%29.+Secure+base+provision%3A+A+new+approach+to+examining+links+between+maternal+caregiving+and+infant+attachment.+Child+Development%2C+91%281%29%2C+e249-e265.&btnG=">do everything “perfectly”</a> all the time.</p>
<figure class="align-center ">
<img alt="Two parents hold a crying baby." src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/360003/original/file-20200925-20-tidzkj.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/360003/original/file-20200925-20-tidzkj.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/360003/original/file-20200925-20-tidzkj.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/360003/original/file-20200925-20-tidzkj.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/360003/original/file-20200925-20-tidzkj.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/360003/original/file-20200925-20-tidzkj.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/360003/original/file-20200925-20-tidzkj.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px">
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<span class="caption">It’s normal to feel overwhelmed.</span>
<span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.shutterstock.com/image-photo/portrait-asian-family-consisting-father-mother-1652764228">JR-50/ Shutterstock</a></span>
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</figure>
<p>If you’re feeling this way, talking to other new parents or with your health visitor or midwife may help reassure you of just how common these feelings are. However, if these thoughts are affecting you significantly, do consider <a href="https://www.parenthoodinmind.co.uk/">talking to a therapist</a> who specialises in supporting new parents. </p>
<h2>3. Grieving for your former life</h2>
<p>The build-up to having a baby is often all about the birth and buying things for the baby. When the baby arrives, your life suddenly changes.</p>
<p>It’s normal to be shocked, feel regret at how tough some parts can be, and to grieve for your old life – even though you wouldn’t actually swap back to it. Part of this, especially for mothers, was feeling like they’d lost their identity and simply becomes someone’s “mum”, their days filled with caring for their baby on repeat. </p>
<p>But missing your old life does not mean you don’t love your baby or are a bad parent. And it does <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0884217503255199?casa_token=5gRbDY2rk4kAAAAA:D5IUWUy5YQ3kmOKKt01EbKoIftd4tGsPphH5JZwDNsB8ba1OzitTawDdBdrsd3MKtf7QM9zcoAD8">get easier over time</a> as you transition into your new normal. </p>
<h2>4. Feeling trapped – but not wanting to be separated</h2>
<p>Parents also talked about wanting a break while simultaneously not wanting to be separated from their baby. </p>
<p>Mothers talked about jealousy of their partner leaving the house for work, yet dreaded being separated from their baby to do the same. Some counted down the clock until bedtime and then immediately missed their baby. You might find people get exasperated at you for feeling this way – ignore them. You don’t have to leave your baby if you don’t want to. What you probably need is <a href="https://www.mother.ly/love/14-ways-to-really-help-a-new-mom">more support in other ways</a>, such as a hot meal, a nap or simply some adult company. </p>
<p>If you’re a new parent and struggling, it’s important to remember that negative and mixed emotions are a normal part of life. Talking to other parents may help you see you aren’t alone in feeling this way. Having negative emotions about people and the things we love is also normal. And, perhaps most importantly, people lie on social media. Research shows it’s common for new parents to feel they have to share positive messages to the point they <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5321197/">embellish or even lie</a> to create a certain image to the world. Let’s not fall for it any more. </p>
<p>Altogether, what was clear from my research was the complexity and variability in what parents felt. Emotions could change from one moment to the next, or come all at once. Being a parent certainly isn’t easy – and parents should know that it’s okay to feel this way.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/145973/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Amy Brown has previously received funding from the ESRC, NIHR, HEFCW, Infant feeding charities and Public Health Wales. She is a trustee for First Steps Nutrition Trust. She is author of six infant feeding and parent books published by Pinter and Martin Ltd.</span></em></p>Here are four thoughts and feelings it’s common to have when you have a new baby.Amy Brown, Professor of Child Public Health, Swansea UniversityLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.