tag:theconversation.com,2011:/uk/topics/sexual-attraction-26476/articlesSexual attraction – The Conversation2022-11-03T12:01:18Ztag:theconversation.com,2011:article/1926852022-11-03T12:01:18Z2022-11-03T12:01:18ZHow asexuals navigate romantic relationships<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/492843/original/file-20221101-26716-if9b84.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=2200%2C62%2C4285%2C2860&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">The asexual pride flag.</span> <span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.gettyimages.com/detail/photo/rendering-3d-illustration-asexual-pride-flag-royalty-free-image/1351003585?phrase=asexual pride flag&adppopup=true">Queso/iStock via Getty Images</a></span></figcaption></figure><p><a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/00224490409552235">Though an estimated 1% of people identify as asexual</a> – a sexual orientation most commonly defined as lacking sexual attraction – asexual people remain relatively invisible and are rarely researched. For these reasons, they’re frequently subjected to <a href="https://doi.org/10.1080/19419899.2013.774162">discrimination and stereotyping</a>.</p>
<p>For example, it’s often assumed that all people who are asexual are also “aromantic” – that they aren’t interested in being in romantic relationships or aren’t capable of doing so. </p>
<p>However, that couldn’t be further from the truth. Asexuality exists on a spectrum, and there is a wide range in how the members of this group <a href="https://doi.org/10.1111/1467-954X.12362">experience sexuality and romance</a>.</p>
<p><a href="https://www.doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2022.912978">In a recently published study</a> that I conducted with several Michigan State faculty members and other research associates, we surveyed people on the asexual spectrum who were currently in romantic relationships. We wanted to learn more about how asexuals experience romantic relationships and bring attention to their experiences – many of which, it turns out, aren’t all that different from those of people who aren’t on the asexual spectrum.</p>
<h2>The invisible sexuality</h2>
<p>Outside of <a href="https://www.researchgate.net/scientific-contributions/Alexandra-Brozowski-2230892618">my work as a psychology researcher</a>, I am a member of the asexual community. </p>
<p>Specifically, I am a heteroromantic <a href="https://demisexuality.org/articles/what-is-gray-asexuality/">gray-asexual</a>: I am someone who feels romantic attraction to people of other sexes or genders, but experiences fluctuating or limited sexual attractions. </p>
<p>Yet in existing research, I found few examples of people like me. Most studies seem to focus on people who are completely asexual, not in the gray area.</p>
<p>In popular media, asexuals rarely even appear at all. <a href="https://www.themiamihurricane.com/2019/10/30/on-asexuality-the-big-bang-theory-and-representation/">When they do</a>, they’re often portrayed as weird, robotic and incapable of love. In mainstream culture, there’s also an element of denialism, with many people believing that asexuality is impossible – that those who identify as asexual must have something wrong with them, such as hormonal issues. Perhaps they simply “<a href="https://medium.com/@acegirl/being-asexual-does-not-mean-we-havent-found-the-right-person-yet-459eb3938312">haven’t found the right person</a>” or need to “try harder.”</p>
<p>So this study was born out of my experiences as a person on the asexual spectrum, which is why it was so important for me to address all the different asexuals out there and give a voice to my own community.</p>
<p>Many asexual people choose to be in relationships; they just may go about the process differently. Some might participate in <a href="https://www.brook.org.uk/your-life/non-monogamous-relationships/">non-monogamous relationships</a>. Others might be forced to disclose their identities and preferences in different ways, wondering when – if ever – they should open up about it to potential partners, fearing that the reactions could be less than positive and lead to relationship difficulties.</p>
<figure class="align-center ">
<img alt="A person holds a sign reading 'The 'A' is for Asexual.'" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/492845/original/file-20221101-25187-aalrfp.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/492845/original/file-20221101-25187-aalrfp.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=482&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/492845/original/file-20221101-25187-aalrfp.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=482&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/492845/original/file-20221101-25187-aalrfp.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=482&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/492845/original/file-20221101-25187-aalrfp.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=605&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/492845/original/file-20221101-25187-aalrfp.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=605&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/492845/original/file-20221101-25187-aalrfp.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=605&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px">
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<span class="caption">Many people incorrectly assume that asexual people are less likely to be in romantic relationships.</span>
<span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.gettyimages.com/detail/news-photo/participant-holds-a-sign-that-says-the-a-is-for-asexual-news-photo/835534248?phrase=asexual&adppopup=true">Robert Perry/Getty Images</a></span>
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</figure>
<p>However, many asexuals relate to the <a href="https://www.gsrc.princeton.edu/split-attraction#:%7E:text=According%20to%20the%20split%20attraction,the%20same%20for%20some%20people.">Split Attraction Model</a>, which is a theory that shows how romantic and sexual attraction are two distinct experiences, and therefore, one can experience sex without love and love without sex. With this in mind, it is possible for asexuals to identify with a romantic orientation and pursue romantic relationships, since these are different experiences.</p>
<h2>Relationships centered on romance</h2>
<p>For our study, we looked exactly at this split and surveyed 485 people who self-identified as being on the asexual spectrum and were currently in a romantic relationship. </p>
<p>The participants identified as heteroromantic, biromantic, homoromantic, panromantic and more, showing significant diversity among the romantic interests of this group. We then asked them about their relationship satisfaction, their level of investment in the relationship and how they viewed the quality of alternatives to their relationship. </p>
<p>Additionally, we explored their <a href="https://www.attachmentproject.com/blog/four-attachment-styles/">attachment orientation</a>. This is defined as the way in which people approach their close relationships. It’s usually formed in childhood and is a pattern that continues into adulthood. People tend to either exhibit an “anxious attachment style,” which is often characterized by feeling worried about abandonment and being anxious about losing the relationship; an “avoidant attachment style,” which means someone may push people away or fear emotional intimacy; or a “secure attachment style,” which is when people feel secure in their emotions and can maintain long-lasting relationships.</p>
<p>Ultimately, our results were generally consistent with <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/1475-6811.00035">previous work</a> on relationships in all of their forms. As with those relationships, we found that asexual people who were more satisfied and more invested were more committed in their relationships. When they weren’t pining for other people or didn’t see being alone as a better alternative, their relationships tended to flourish. </p>
<p>Attachment orientation patterns were also generally consistent with past research on other sexuality groups. Much like <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/j.1475-6811.2012.01423.x">work done</a> on other relationships, avoidant asexual individuals were also less committed, satisfied and invested in their relationships, as one would expect. </p>
<p>However, there were also some inconsistencies with past research. For example, among asexual people, an anxious attachment style actually correlated to higher commitment and satisfaction. The opposite tends to occur in other types of <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4939067/">relationships.</a></p>
<p>Nonetheless, I hope this research will help normalize the idea that asexuals can thrive in romantic relationships. It turns out that asexuals can experience romantic love as much as other sexual orientations do: with the same opportunities for joy and growth, the same challenges of navigating conflict and compromise, and the same possibility of a lifelong commitment.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/192685/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Alexandra Brozowski does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organization that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.</span></em></p>It’s often assumed that people who identify as asexual are also ‘aromantic’ – that they aren’t interested in forming romantic relationships or aren’t capable of doing so.Alexandra Brozowski, Research Associate, Michigan State UniversityLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/1768162022-02-10T14:05:08Z2022-02-10T14:05:08ZWant to impress on Valentine’s Day? Then make sure to wear red<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/445407/original/file-20220209-21-13dje5x.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">
</span> <span class="attribution"><span class="source">Shutterstock</span></span></figcaption></figure><p>Sexual attractiveness is a preoccupation that clings to us throughout our daily lives. Today’s social media obsession with perfect beauty makes being attractive and feeling attractive seem all the more important. Being attractive feels crucial for increasing one’s chances of romantic relationships. Wearing red, especially on Valentine’s Day, might be helpful when people want to impress.</p>
<p>The factors that influence people’s attractiveness to others are well documented. They include physical attributes, such as <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/0022022190211001">height and build</a>, but also nonphysical characteristics such as <a href="https://www.researchgate.net/publication/239548612_Liking_Some_Things_in_Some_People_more_than_Others_Partner_Preferences_in_Romantic_Relationships_and_Friendships">kindness</a>, <a href="https://www.researchgate.net/publication/261628029_Effects_of_Potential_Partners'_Costume_and_Physical_Attractiveness_on_Sexuality_and_Partner_Selection">social status</a> and <a href="https://www.researchgate.net/publication/29871054_International_Preferences_in_Selecting_Mates_A_Study_of_37_Cultures">emotional stability</a>.</p>
<p>Recent research has also <a href="https://www.apa.org/pubs/journals/releases/xge-139-3-399.pdf">investigated colour</a>, specifically the colour red, as an influence on attractiveness. A group of researchers around Andrew J. Elliot, a professor of psychology, <a href="https://www.apa.org/pubs/journals/releases/xge-139-3-399.pdf">found</a> that people perceived others as more attractive when they were presented with the colour red.</p>
<p>According to the <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/B9780123942869000020#:%7E:text=Central%20to%20color%2Din%2Dcontext,and%20actions%20in%20different%20contexts.">colour-in-context theory</a>, one reason for this effect can be found in colour associations due to biologically based predispositions. The colour red, for example, is regarded as a sexual signal that might have evolved from our <a href="https://www.apa.org/pubs/journals/releases/xge-139-3-399.pdf">biological heritage</a>. This reasoning is supported by research showing that nonhuman female primates exhibit red coloration as an indicator of fertility. </p>
<p>Research on colour associations indicates that people <a href="https://www.apa.org/pubs/journals/releases/xge-139-3-399.pdf">across cultures</a> link red to love and passion. </p>
<p>Two colleagues and I <a href="https://www.researchgate.net/publication/318164388_The_effect_of_red_color_on_perceived_self-attractiveness_Red_color_and_self-attractiveness">investigated</a> whether the red effect came into play in self-perception. Given that individuals’ clothing seems to have a <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/stuck/201406/todays-news-swimsuit-clad-women-underperform-in-math-tests">profound impact</a> on people’s self-perception, we decided to <a href="https://www.researchgate.net/publication/318164388_The_effect_of_red_color_on_perceived_self-attractiveness_Red_color_and_self-attractiveness">take a closer look</a> at the potential effect of the colour red on people’s perception of their own attractiveness.</p>
<p>We found that people wearing red rated themselves as more attractive than study participants wearing blue. The self-perception red effect was found for both female and male participants in our study. </p>
<p>One possible conclusion to draw from this is that people who view themselves as being attractive are, at the same time, perceived as more attractive by potential mating partners than individuals who are less convinced about their personal attractiveness. </p>
<p>Wearing red might be helpful in two ways. </p>
<p>First, the original red effect (independently from any self-perception aspects) can kick in, giving individuals the chance to be perceived as more attractive, leading others to believe that the person is more sexually receptive or higher in social status. </p>
<p>Second, increasing the perception of one’s own attractiveness thanks to red and feeling good about oneself might give others the impression of confidence, which is usually considered to be an attractive trait.</p>
<h2>Our findings</h2>
<p>In the first experiment, we tested whether the colour red increased people’s perception of self-attractiveness. </p>
<p>After putting on an assigned shirt (some were red, some blue), participants completed a questionnaire assessing personality traits and their perceived self-attractiveness. They were asked to indicate their agreement with a couple of statements. For example:</p>
<blockquote>
<p>At the moment I consider myself attractive.</p>
</blockquote>
<p>Participants wearing a red shirt rated themselves as more attractive than the participants in the control group wearing a blue shirt. No differences were found between female and male participants. </p>
<p>We then decided to modify the procedure. Participants were again provided with a standardised red or blue T-shirt and were asked to take a snapshot of themselves. They were told that their snapshot would be given to experts who would judge the participant’s personality on the basis of specific facial features (such as symmetry). </p>
<p>Participants were given a questionnaire to fill out containing questions on their personality and attractiveness. In a final study, we added some questions about the participants’ self-perceived sexual receptivity. For example:</p>
<blockquote>
<p>I can imagine being sexually active today.</p>
</blockquote>
<p>And self-perceived status:</p>
<blockquote>
<p>At the moment I am a person of high standing. </p>
</blockquote>
<p>Participants in the red shirts rated themselves as more attractive, more sexually receptive and higher in status than those in the blue shirts. </p>
<p>Since no statistical differences regarding gender emerged, it is likely that both male and female participants profit equally from the colour red in terms of their increased status and sexual receptivity. </p>
<p>Given that the number of participants in the final study was relatively small, the findings regarding status and sexual receptivity should be considered with some caution.</p>
<p>Nevertheless, the pattern of results about the effect of red on self-perceived attractiveness was quite stable across all studies. So there is reason to believe that it is possible to heighten one’s own attractiveness by wearing the colour red.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/176816/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Anne Berthold does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.</span></em></p>Research on colour associations has found that people across cultures link red to love and passion.Anne Berthold, Senior Researcher, Consumer Behavior, Dept of Health Sciences and Technology, Swiss Federal Institute of Technology ZurichLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/1723962022-01-18T19:06:42Z2022-01-18T19:06:42ZResearch confirms men with older brothers are more likely to be gay, suggesting same-sex attraction has a biological basis<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/437951/original/file-20211216-23-1i2gvb3.jpeg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=32%2C57%2C5431%2C3579&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">
</span> <span class="attribution"><span class="source">Shutterstock</span></span></figcaption></figure><p>New research shows having a greater number of older brothers increases the probability of a person entering a same-sex union at some point in their lives. </p>
<p>This finding, detailed in our paper <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/00224499.2021.1974330">published today</a> in the Journal of Sex Research, offers a rare insight into the origins of sexual orientation.</p>
<h2>The origins of sexual orientation</h2>
<p>In recent decades, many countries have achieved remarkable progress towards equal treatment of LGBTIQ+ people, including <a href="https://theconversation.com/revealed-who-supports-marriage-equality-in-australia-and-who-doesnt-82988">greater public support</a> and more protective legislation. But despite these encouraging developments, sexual minorities still experience high levels of stigma – and the origins of sexual orientation remain a matter of debate. </p>
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Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/how-stigma-impacts-lgb-health-and-wellbeing-in-australia-96904">How stigma impacts LGB health and wellbeing in Australia</a>
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<p>A growing body of research is attempting to shed light on why some people experience same-sex sexual attraction and others don’t. These studies have <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/1529100616637616">substantial implications</a> for public opinion and debate, and subsequently the treatment of LGBTIQ+ people.</p>
<p>For example, we <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1300/J082v52n03_06">know</a> people who view sexual orientation as a product of biological factors (such as hormones or genetics) are more likely to support sexual minorities and their civil rights, compared to those who view it as a product of social factors or individual choice. </p>
<h2>The fraternal birth order effect</h2>
<p>The “fraternal birth order effect” is one of the most well-documented patterns supporting a biological origin of human sexual orientation. This <a href="https://ajp.psychiatryonline.org/doi/abs/10.1176/ajp.153.1.27">longstanding hypothesis</a> proposes men’s propensity for homosexuality increases with the number of older biological brothers they have.</p>
<p>This effect has been attributed to a <a href="https://www.pnas.org/content/115/2/234">mother’s immune reaction</a> to proteins produced by a male foetus. The proteins enter the mother’s bloodstream and trigger the production of antibodies that influence the sexual development of subsequent children. </p>
<p>These maternal antibodies accumulate over successive pregnancies with male foetuses, which means men with more older brothers are more likely to experience same-sex sexual attraction.</p>
<p>However, previous research documenting the fraternal birth order effect has relied on small and selective participant samples, which has led some scholars to <a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10508-017-1086-2">question the authenticity of the phenomenon</a>. Indeed, no study of a representative population sample has supported its existence – until now.</p>
<h2>Our research</h2>
<p>Our research used unique data from Dutch population registers. These data allowed us to follow the life trajectories of more than nine million people born between 1940 and 1990.</p>
<p>In previous studies we used this dataset to <a href="https://academic.oup.com/ej/article/131/637/2144/6055681?login=true">examine whether the gender of a married couple’s children</a> affected the stability of their union, and to compare the academic performance of <a href="https://read.dukeupress.edu/demography/article/58/2/393/168481/Academic-Achievement-of-Children-in-Same-and">children raised by same- and different-sex couples</a>. This time, we used it to provide a robust test of the fraternal birth order effect.</p>
<p>While the data did not contain direct measures of individuals’ sexual orientation, they did indicate whether they ever entered a same-sex marriage or registered partnership. We used this information as a proxy for homosexuality. </p>
<p>In the Netherlands, registered same-sex partnerships have been recognised since 1998, and same-sex marriage since 2001. </p>
<h2>What we found</h2>
<p>Our results show clear evidence of a fraternal birth order effect on homosexuality. Specifically, men with one older brother are 12% more likely to enter a same-sex union than men with one older sister, and 21% more likely than men with just one younger brother or sister.</p>
<p>The birth order and total number of siblings matter too. Men who are the youngest sibling are more likely to enter a same-sex union than men who are the oldest sibling, and the differences grow larger as the total number of siblings increases. </p>
<p>For example, the probability of a man entering a same-sex union is 41% greater if he has three older brothers, as opposed to three older sisters, and 80% greater than if he has three younger brothers.</p>
<p>The chart below illustrates some of our findings, showing the number of men who entered same-sex unions among those with up to three siblings. The sex of older siblings wields a considerable influence over same-sex union formation. On the other hand, the sex of younger siblings plays little to no role.</p>
<figure class="align-center ">
<img alt="" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/434251/original/file-20211128-23-1n2vm6i.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/434251/original/file-20211128-23-1n2vm6i.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=761&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/434251/original/file-20211128-23-1n2vm6i.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=761&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/434251/original/file-20211128-23-1n2vm6i.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=761&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/434251/original/file-20211128-23-1n2vm6i.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=956&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/434251/original/file-20211128-23-1n2vm6i.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=956&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/434251/original/file-20211128-23-1n2vm6i.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=956&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px">
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">Data cover men born in the Netherlands between 1940 and 1990. The underlying statistical model accounts for birth year differences. This rules out the possibility that our results are due to age differences between the groups. Whiskers denote 95% confidence intervals.</span>
<span class="attribution"><span class="source">Author provided</span></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>Unlike earlier studies which focused almost exclusively on men, we documented the same pattern of results among women. We found women are also more likely to enter a same-sex union if they have older brothers.</p>
<p>This finding yields tentative support to <a href="https://global.oup.com/academic/product/gay-straight-and-the-reason-why-9780190297374?cc=au&lang=en&">arguments</a> that maternal antibodies and foetal proteins also interact to influence womens’ sexual development.</p>
<h2>What does it all mean?</h2>
<p>Our results tell a clear and consistent story: the number and sex of one’s siblings play an important role in the development of their sexuality. </p>
<p>This evidence aligns squarely with perspectives that emphasise sexual orientation as an innate trait and a reflection of a person’s true self, rather than a product of “<a href="https://www.theguardian.com/science/brain-flapping/2015/jan/08/homosexuality-gay-choice-psychology">lifestyle</a> <a href="https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/vote-2010-gop-senate-candidate-compares-gay-alcoholism/story?id=11909666&page=1">choices</a>” or a “<a href="https://www.sbs.com.au/news/mp-bob-katter-slammed-after-calling-homosexuality-a-fashion-trend/67551980-7d75-4d18-a9ab-30d54b74e5fd">fashion trend</a>” as some suggest.</p>
<p>Of course, in an ideal society, the rights and respect people are afforded should not depend on whether their sexual identity is “innate” or “a choice”. But unfortunately, these issues still loom large in contemporary debate, further highlighting the importance of our findings. </p>
<p>A biological basis for human sexuality suggests harmful practices like <a href="https://theconversation.com/conversion-therapy-is-discredited-and-increases-risk-of-suicide-yet-fewer-than-half-of-us-states-have-bans-in-place-161330">conversion therapy</a> can’t alter someone’s sexual orientation. It also discredits claims homosexuality can be “taught” (such as through sexual diversity <a href="https://theconversation.com/factcheck-does-the-safe-schools-program-contain-highly-explicit-material-87437">education at schools</a>) or “passed on” (such as through same-sex couples adopting children). </p>
<p>We acknowledge the diverging opinions on the value of research concerning the origins of human sexuality. Some feel such research is irrelevant because the findings should have no bearing on public attitudes or legislation, while others reject it for more hostile reasons.</p>
<p>Like <a href="https://theconversation.com/why-has-same-sex-sexual-behaviour-persisted-during-evolution-166571">others before us</a>, we consider this research essential. Understanding the mechanisms behind sexual orientation can offer insights into what makes people who they are, and helps normalise the full spectrum of human sexual diversity. </p>
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Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/why-has-same-sex-sexual-behaviour-persisted-during-evolution-166571">Why has same-sex sexual behaviour persisted during evolution?</a>
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<hr>
<img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/172396/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Francisco Perales received funding from the Australian Research Council as part of its Discovery Early Career Researcher Award scheme for a project titled 'Sexual Orientation and Life Chances in Contemporary Australia'.</span></em></p><p class="fine-print"><em><span>Jan Kabatek receives funding from the Australian Research Council Centre of Excellence for Children and Families over the Life Course.</span></em></p><p class="fine-print"><em><span>Christine Ablaza does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.</span></em></p>Evidence suggests the development of a person’s sexuality begins before they are born.Francisco Perales, Associate Professor, School of Social Science, The University of QueenslandChristine Ablaza, Postdoctoral Research Fellow, School of Social Science, The University of QueenslandJan Kabatek, Research Fellow, Melbourne Institute of Applied Economic and Social Research, The University of MelbourneLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/1642412021-07-20T20:08:36Z2021-07-20T20:08:36ZNetflix’s Sexy Beasts tells us you can take physical attraction out of love. The reality is much more complicated<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/412025/original/file-20210719-17-gr9pw3.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=0%2C5%2C3840%2C2149&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">
</span> <span class="attribution"><span class="source">Netflix</span></span></figcaption></figure><p>Netflix’s Sexy Beasts, out today, promises to move past superficial dating by having contestants meet while wearing heavy make-up and prosthetics to disguise their physical attributes.</p>
<p>First up is Emma, the demon, a six-foot tall model from New York. When asked about her expectations of dating and her ideal partner, Emma explains “it is just all in the chemistry” and “sexual attraction is definitely a must.” </p>
<p>Throughout the series, contestants speak of physical attributes they want to see in a romantic partner: mandrill Bennett hopes to find someone with “big boobs”; beaver James explains it is “ass first, personality second”; and the pixie Amber connects with her date over his big bicep muscles.</p>
<figure>
<iframe width="440" height="260" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/IJO5m6EFL6A?wmode=transparent&start=0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen=""></iframe>
</figure>
<p>Masks aren’t enough to disguise build, height, and complexion — or the fact all of the contestants are conventionally attractive. Although we are shown the pairs connecting in disguise, the lead up to the unmasking proves expectations of meeting someone physically attractive still remains. </p>
<p>In a modern-day <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PuD2rx2a1hQ">Perfect Match</a>, Sexy Beasts asks if people can fall in love “solely” based on personality. </p>
<p>But how do we really fall in love?</p>
<h2>The biology of love can be measured …</h2>
<p>Signs of physical attraction can be <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0014579307004875">measured</a> in the brain as biological responses to an appealing visual stimuli. Brain imaging has shown a number of areas actively light up when we see someone we consider attractive. These activated areas are consistent regardless of an individual’s gender identity and sexual preference.</p>
<figure class="align-center zoomable">
<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/412026/original/file-20210719-21-ozj339.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="A man with the head of a beaver." src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/412026/original/file-20210719-21-ozj339.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/412026/original/file-20210719-21-ozj339.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=338&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/412026/original/file-20210719-21-ozj339.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=338&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/412026/original/file-20210719-21-ozj339.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=338&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/412026/original/file-20210719-21-ozj339.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=424&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/412026/original/file-20210719-21-ozj339.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=424&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/412026/original/file-20210719-21-ozj339.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=424&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">Specific areas of our brains light up when we see someone attractive.</span>
<span class="attribution"><span class="source">Netflix</span></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>Physical attractiveness is not just based on facial qualities. We judge physical attractiveness based on waist-to-hip ratio and breast size (<a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/1474704916631614">for female bodies in particular</a>); waist-to-chest radio (<a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.3200/SOCP.147.1.15-26?casa_token=JWBtyqwitxkAAAAA:nGnYW7GW5F2OmFgtgiPSzCsQmM9R4TaxVhDD_0IOUNNY82lkzn7l4bbXgz70u9CgdkWpwD2YD8No">for male bodies in particular</a>); and skin tone. </p>
<p>According to <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1300/J056v18n02_05">evolutionary psychology</a>, heterosexual males tend to look for a partner who signifies youth and fertility. Heterosexual females tend to look for a partner with a strong immune system and who can provide support for the young. </p>
<hr>
<p>
<em>
<strong>
Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/is-there-really-a-single-ideal-body-shape-for-women-38432">Is there really a single ideal body shape for women?</a>
</strong>
</em>
</p>
<hr>
<p>The “<a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/15990719/">neurobiology of love theory</a>” posits love is an emotion that has evolved to encourage beneficial biological behaviours such as sex, reproduction and survival of individuals and their species. </p>
<p>The general thesis here is love is a learned conditioned response.</p>
<h2>… but it’s not all biology</h2>
<p>This explanation for how we understand love is limited. </p>
<p>Social and developmental researchers specialising in relationships (such as myself) believe individuals will evaluate potential romantic partners based on a <a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/15155031/">trade-off of three different desirable characteristics</a>: physical attractiveness, yes, but also kindness and wealth. </p>
<figure class="align-center zoomable">
<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/412028/original/file-20210719-15-1b884c5.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="A demon" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/412028/original/file-20210719-15-1b884c5.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/412028/original/file-20210719-15-1b884c5.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=338&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/412028/original/file-20210719-15-1b884c5.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=338&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/412028/original/file-20210719-15-1b884c5.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=338&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/412028/original/file-20210719-15-1b884c5.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=424&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/412028/original/file-20210719-15-1b884c5.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=424&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/412028/original/file-20210719-15-1b884c5.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=424&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">You can’t just be hot. You must also be kind.</span>
<span class="attribution"><span class="source">Netflix</span></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>In relationships, “kindness” can also be described as warmth and trustworthiness, having a partner who is understanding and supportive. “Wealth” relates to both status and resource, having a partner who is successful in their profession. Globally, kindness has been rated as the most important criteria, followed by physical attractiveness and then wealth. </p>
<p>It is highly improbable one individual will be able to perfectly meet <a href="https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2006-12810-007">all these standards</a>. Therefore, expectations are often <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/pere.12297">modified</a> to justify partner selection.</p>
<p>Failing to adjust expectations, some individuals will continually change partners to try and find someone who can fit all of their expectations. </p>
<hr>
<p>
<em>
<strong>
Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/men-are-from-mars-women-are-from-mars-how-people-choose-partners-is-surprisingly-similar-but-depends-on-age-161081">Men are from Mars, women are from... Mars? How people choose partners is surprisingly similar (but depends on age)</a>
</strong>
</em>
</p>
<hr>
<p>My research has shown “falling short” or “not living up” to partners’ expectations is a recipe for <a href="https://doi.org/10.1080/15332691.2020.1795039">relationship sabotage</a>.</p>
<p>Sexy Beasts tries to take “physical attractiveness” out of the equation, forcing contestants to rely instead on their judgements of “what is important” to establish and maintain a long lasting relationship. But we can’t modify our expectations simply by completely removing one factor from consideration.</p>
<h2>How to build a relationship</h2>
<p>Watching Sexy Beasts as a relationship expert, I was not convinced contestants in this show connected based on personality alone. The show removes some elements of judging physical attractiveness, but it doesn’t give the space for the individuals to judge kindness and wealth.</p>
<p>Social context is an important factor when deciding which partner characteristics are important. As with all reality dating shows, these contestants are motivated not by love, but by winning a competition — even if that means going against what is important to them in a partner and a relationship.</p>
<figure class="align-center zoomable">
<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/412029/original/file-20210720-21-6q9xq8.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="A woman with a panda head and a man with a bull head feed meerkats" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/412029/original/file-20210720-21-6q9xq8.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/412029/original/file-20210720-21-6q9xq8.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=338&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/412029/original/file-20210720-21-6q9xq8.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=338&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/412029/original/file-20210720-21-6q9xq8.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=338&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/412029/original/file-20210720-21-6q9xq8.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=424&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/412029/original/file-20210720-21-6q9xq8.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=424&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/412029/original/file-20210720-21-6q9xq8.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=424&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">True love requires compatibility, but also work.</span>
<span class="attribution"><span class="source">Netflix</span></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>The owl, Gabi, is a veterinary student from West Virginia who talks about her love for dogs — but she is matched to a potential partner who is allergic to dogs. The dolphin Nina is looking for a “cowboy” — but does not chose the contestant who matches that description. </p>
<p>The panda Kariselle, an outgoing and “nerdy” party motivator from New Jersey, is looking for a husband. But, on the show, she rejects the bull, Josh, who is “dating to marry” and looking for an outgoing partner with the same “nerdy” interests as him. </p>
<p>To promote connection without physical attraction we should look at other qualities. Warmth, expressivity, openness, and a good sense of humour are <a href="https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2002-04146-002">common factors</a> conducive to long-term relationships. Although individuals might be able to meet and start a relationship disguised as “sexy beasts”, <a href="https://doi.org/10.1080/15332691.2020.1795039">long-term commitment</a> requires a connection based on personal insight and understanding of what we need in a partner. </p>
<p>Hours of work have gone into the creation of each of these “sexy beasts”. But it is nothing compared to the work it takes to make a relationship last.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/164241/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Raquel Peel does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.</span></em></p>We fall for people based on appearance, kindness and wealth. It’s not as simple as removing one part of the equation.Raquel Peel, Lecturer, University of Southern QueenslandLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/1610812021-05-19T19:57:31Z2021-05-19T19:57:31ZMen are from Mars, women are from… Mars? How people choose partners is surprisingly similar (but depends on age)<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/401542/original/file-20210519-19-1psbexl.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=41%2C17%2C3952%2C1479&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">
</span> <span class="attribution"><span class="source">Shutterstock</span></span></figcaption></figure><p>As behavioural scientists, we have a keen interest in how people make decisions, and particularly how these decisions incorporate a range of emotional, cognitive and psychological factors.</p>
<p>Choosing a life partner is arguably one of the most important decisions a person can make. And <a href="https://www.abc.net.au/news/2019-11-26/australia-talks-national-survey-where-to-find-a-partner/11692170">research</a> <a href="https://news.stanford.edu/2019/08/21/online-dating-popular-way-u-s-couples-meet/">has shown</a> the most common way to do this these days is to go online.</p>
<figure class="align-right zoomable">
<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/401526/original/file-20210519-21-kk0ghq.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/401526/original/file-20210519-21-kk0ghq.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=237&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/401526/original/file-20210519-21-kk0ghq.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=951&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/401526/original/file-20210519-21-kk0ghq.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=951&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/401526/original/file-20210519-21-kk0ghq.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=951&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/401526/original/file-20210519-21-kk0ghq.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=1195&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/401526/original/file-20210519-21-kk0ghq.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=1195&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/401526/original/file-20210519-21-kk0ghq.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=1195&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">John Gray’s famous 1992 book purports that men and women have innately different natures.</span>
<span class="attribution"><span class="source">Wiki</span></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>As increasing numbers of people wade cautiously through the digital dating market, many still subscribe to stereotypical ideas about what men and women find attractive in a partner.</p>
<p>Our latest research, <a href="https://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0250151">published</a> today in PLOS One shows the truth, as ever, is more nuanced. </p>
<p>Using survey data from 7,325 heterosexual users of dating websites, aged 18 to 65, we show there is no absolute difference between the preferences of men and women when it comes to choosing a mate. Both essentially desire the same qualities, but prioritise them slightly differently.</p>
<h2>The democratisation of dating?</h2>
<p>Dating in the 21st century is <a href="https://theconversation.com/sex-bots-virtual-friends-vr-lovers-tech-is-changing-the-way-we-interact-and-not-always-for-the-better-159427">a truly unique experience</a>. For millennia, the human search for companionship had been constrained by access, distance and resources. Most people had to find a partner through close or extended family, or religious, cultural or social organisations.</p>
<p>Today, online dating allows seemingly unrestrained and “<a href="https://www.cs.ubc.ca/%7Ekevinlb/teaching/cs322%20-%202005-6/Lectures/lect32.pdf">nonsequential</a>” decision-making.</p>
<p>Imagine if you met someone at a bar and told them to wait around for two hours, just in case you managed to find someone better. It sounds bizarre, but that’s what <a href="https://medium.com/@therealnair/tinder-and-cognitive-overload-5c7650f5fe00">online dating allows</a>. You can search through thousands of people and never have to make a decision. </p>
<p>This is good news for researchers of human behaviour. With such a vast and growing pool of data, we can study mating choices in a way we never could before.</p>
<h2>Pressure to play the evolutionary game</h2>
<p>Obviously, a huge part of sexual attraction comes down to personal preference regarding what makes someone “sexy”. That said, there are many stereotypes relating to what heterosexual men and women find sexy. </p>
<p>It’s often assumed women favour more emotional, personality, intelligence and commitment-based traits in men, while men are often said to prefer physical attractiveness. </p>
<p>From an evolutionary psychology angle, these stereotypes aren’t unfounded. In the game of life, the main aim is to pass on your genes — and once you do, to ensure your offspring achieve the same success. </p>
<p>Naturally, men and women play different roles in the reproduction process. From an evolutionary standpoint, it makes sense for women to seek a man with traits that will benefit her offspring in both the short and long term, as women bear a bigger reproductive cost than men. </p>
<p>They have internal gestation for nine months and then must successfully give birth, all while facing discomfort and risk. They will then continue to nurse and care for the child. </p>
<figure class="align-center ">
<img alt="Mother and child place their hands atop each other's" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/401522/original/file-20210519-21-1bi2qzi.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/401522/original/file-20210519-21-1bi2qzi.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/401522/original/file-20210519-21-1bi2qzi.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/401522/original/file-20210519-21-1bi2qzi.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/401522/original/file-20210519-21-1bi2qzi.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/401522/original/file-20210519-21-1bi2qzi.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/401522/original/file-20210519-21-1bi2qzi.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px">
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">Throughout the evolution of our species, mothers on average have had a far greater parenting responsibility across their offspring’s lives.</span>
<span class="attribution"><span class="source">Shutterstock</span></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>Men, at its simplest, need only to invest time into copulation to have offspring. Theoretically, then, the specific selection pressures on men and women to pass on their genes should be observable in the characteristics of the mates they choose.</p>
<p>Many of these assumptions fall under a school of thought called “<a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/topics/neuroscience/parental-investment">parental investment theory</a>”, developed in the early 1970s by evolutionary biologist Robert Trivers. </p>
<p>More recent theories in gender studies and social and evolutionary psychology have countered the notion of absolute differences. They demonstrate men and women are far more similar in their preferences than previously thought.</p>
<p>Our research reinforces one such theory, referred to as “<a href="https://www.pnas.org/content/106/Supplement_1/10001">mutual mate choice</a>”. We found both men and women essentially desire the same qualities in a partner, differing only in the relative emphasis placed on each trait at different life stages.</p>
<hr>
<p>
<em>
<strong>
Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/should-i-stay-or-should-i-go-here-are-the-relationship-factors-people-ponder-when-deciding-whether-to-break-up-153707">Should I stay or should I go? Here are the relationship factors people ponder when deciding whether to break up</a>
</strong>
</em>
</p>
<hr>
<h2>If men are from Mars, women are too</h2>
<p>We asked survey participants to rate from 0 to 100 the importance they placed on nine traits when looking for a mate. They fell into three categories: </p>
<ul>
<li><strong>aesthetics</strong>, such as age, attractiveness and physical features</li>
<li><strong>resources</strong>, such as intelligence, education and income</li>
<li>and <strong>personality</strong>, such as trust, openness and emotional connection.</li>
</ul>
<p>Both genders rated aesthetics as highly important, along with all three personality traits, while income was much less important. </p>
<hr>
<p><iframe id="ScLiU" class="tc-infographic-datawrapper" src="https://datawrapper.dwcdn.net/ScLiU/2/" height="400px" width="100%" style="border: none" frameborder="0"></iframe></p>
<hr>
<p>Women, however, rated factors including age, education, intelligence, income, trust and emotional connection about 9 to 14 points higher than men. Men placed relatively more emphasis on attractiveness and physical build.</p>
<p>Importantly, the way both genders prioritised traits changed with age. Both cared less about physical attractiveness as they got older, whereas emphasis on personality increased. This makes sense, considering we require different things from a partner at different life stages. </p>
<p>Our findings reinforce that both men and women tend to give similar emphasis to certain traits, depending on their individual needs at a particular stage in life.</p>
<figure class="align-center zoomable">
<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/401520/original/file-20210519-13-ebp1j4.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="Older couple" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/401520/original/file-20210519-13-ebp1j4.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/401520/original/file-20210519-13-ebp1j4.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/401520/original/file-20210519-13-ebp1j4.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/401520/original/file-20210519-13-ebp1j4.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/401520/original/file-20210519-13-ebp1j4.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/401520/original/file-20210519-13-ebp1j4.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/401520/original/file-20210519-13-ebp1j4.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">On dating apps, users can at times be spoilt for choice. This may result in us not placing as much emphasis on the actual search for a partner that older generations historically did.</span>
<span class="attribution"><span class="source">Shutterstock</span></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<h2>Men and women can both be very picky</h2>
<p>One interesting revelation came when we grouped participants’ preference data together. </p>
<p>Of those individuals who said one specific trait was very important to them, it turned out the majority of traits were very important to them. On the other hand were respondents who said they didn’t have a strong preference for any particular trait at all. </p>
<p>So while some people were happy to go with the flow, many of the participants actually cared <em>a lot</em> about <em>a lot</em> of different factors. For men, the likelihood of having such stringent preferences was most common between ages 20 and 40. Among women it was more likely between the ages of 35 and 50. </p>
<h2>Personal circumstance and preference is key</h2>
<p>The bottom line is there is no single unified theory of mate choice. Attractiveness matters to everyone to some extent. Resources and intelligence matter to everyone to some extent. </p>
<p>Beyond human biology and evolution, it’s likely our individual personal constraints — such as employment, education, family and social circle — still have a huge impact on how we choose a mate, even if we are dating online.</p>
<p>While dating apps and websites may come with an element of “cognitive overload”, they are ultimately just conduits for human communication. They let people search far and wide for a mate who will help them achieve their own relationship goals.</p>
<p>And our relationship goals, just as is the case with the importance we place on our preferences, change over time.</p>
<hr>
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<em>
<strong>
Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/the-one-could-dna-tests-find-our-soulmate-we-study-sex-and-sexuality-and-think-the-idea-is-ridiculous-158533">The One: could DNA tests find our soulmate? We study sex and sexuality — and think the idea is ridiculous</a>
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<img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/161081/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Rob Brooks receives funding from the Australian Research Council.</span></em></p><p class="fine-print"><em><span>Benno Torgler, Ho Fai Chan, and Stephen Whyte do not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and have disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.</span></em></p>Each year, more and more people are looking to dating apps to find a partner. And a trove of data from these users is finally revealing what men and women really want.Stephen Whyte, Deputy Director, Centre for Behavioural Economics, Society and Technology, Queensland University of TechnologyBenno Torgler, Professor, Business School, Queensland University of TechnologyHo Fai Chan, Postdoctoral Research Fellow, Queensland University of TechnologyRob Brooks, Scientia Professor of Evolutionary Ecology; Academic Lead of UNSW's Grand Challenges Program, UNSW SydneyLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/1590232021-04-28T12:16:10Z2021-04-28T12:16:10ZFeminism’s legacy sees college women embracing more diverse sexuality<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/397159/original/file-20210426-15-u7y7bf.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=50%2C0%2C5615%2C3741&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">How women describe themselves, and whom they engage romantically with, is changing.</span> <span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.gettyimages.com/detail/photo/urban-female-couple-enjoy-royalty-free-image/800390692">serts/E+ via Getty Images</a></span></figcaption></figure><p>Most adults identify themselves as heterosexual, meaning they report being attracted to, and engaging in sex with, only members of the other sex. However, women ages 18 to 29 are increasingly rejecting exclusive heterosexuality and describing their sexual orientation in other ways. These changes in women’s sexuality are not mirrored by their male peers.</p>
<p>That’s the primary finding in our most recent report on nine years of surveys at the <a href="https://www.researchgate.net/lab/Binghamton-Human-Sexualities-Lab-Sean-Massey">Binghamton Human Sexualities Research Lab</a>, just published in “<a href="https://global.oup.com/academic/product/sexuality-in-emerging-adulthood-9780190057008">Sexuality in Emerging Adulthood</a>.” Together with our Binghamton University colleagues Richard E. Mattson, Melissa Hardesty, Ann Merriwether and Maggie M. Parker, we conclude that changes in young adults’ sexual orientation are not just as a result of increased social acceptance of LGBT people – but also are related to feminism and the women’s movement.</p>
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<h2>LGBT progress</h2>
<p>These findings align with recent polling by the Gallup Organization, which found that <a href="https://news.gallup.com/poll/329708/lgbt-identification-rises-latest-estimate.aspx">American adults are increasingly identifying as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender or more than one of those</a>. The Gallup report attributed these changes to increasing public awareness and acceptance of people who identify as LGBT, as well as the influence of a 2015 U.S. Supreme Court case <a href="https://www.britannica.com/event/Obergefell-v-Hodges">legalizing same-sex marriage nationwide</a>. Another potential factor was proposed federal legislation <a href="https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/house-passes-bill-to-ban-discrimination-based-on-sexual-orientation-and-gender-identity/2019/05/17/aed18a16-78a3-11e9-b3f5-5673edf2d127_story.html">banning discrimination on the basis of gender identity</a> or sexual orientation.</p>
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<p>But our study goes beyond those poll results, showing that young American adults are shifting away from heterosexuality not just in how they identify themselves when asked about their identities, but also how they describe whom they are attracted to and with whom they have sex. That indicates something more is happening than an increasing willingness to “come out” and identify as LGBT.</p>
<p>The fact that these differences are larger among women than men indicates, we believe, that feminism and the women’s movement have, in fact, begun to change female sex and gender roles.</p>
<h2>Compulsory heterosexuality</h2>
<p>In the early 1980s, lesbian feminist Adrienne Rich argued that what she called “<a href="https://doi.org/10.1086/493756">compulsory heterosexuality</a>” was the primary cause of gender inequality. She said that because social pressures and threats of violence – as well as actual violence – force heterosexuality on women, that made women dependent on and subservient to men in all areas of life, including gender roles and sexual expression. </p>
<p>Our research indicates that one outcome of <a href="https://www.vox.com/2018/3/20/16955588/feminism-waves-explained-first-second-third-fourth">more than a century of feminist activism and progress</a> may be women’s increasing resistance to compulsory heterosexuality and its consequences. As a result, more women under 30 are moving away from exclusive heterosexuality than men in the same age group.</p>
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<p>In a related development, we found that women in this age group are also reporting more open attitudes toward sex than previous generations of women. They are separating sex from traditional love relationships, describing themselves as enjoying casual sex with different partners and more likely to have sex with a person before being sure the relationship would become serious or long term. These attitudes are more akin to those of their male peers.</p>
<p>The shift is more pronounced among women who are moving away from exclusive heterosexuality, and less obvious among women who report they are exclusively heterosexual.</p>
<h2>There’s much more to learn</h2>
<p>We still have a lot of questions about these trends. We wonder how they affect the ways that these young adults engage in sex and relationships. We also don’t know how women who identify themselves as not exclusively heterosexual negotiate and navigate sexual relationships with men – or whether these trends will continue as they age. </p>
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<p>We are also interested in why men in this age group are less likely than women to reject exclusive heterosexuality – but are more likely to report exclusive homosexuality. And we’d like to know whether, or at what point, those who are not exclusively heterosexual might come out to family and friends – and if they deal with things like anti-LGBT prejudice. </p>
<p>As human sexuality becomes increasingly diverse, it remains unclear whether the political and social landscape will affirm these changes or threaten those who are expressing that diversity. We are hopeful that the continued success of the LGBT and feminist movements will push society toward an affirming future.</p>
<p>[<em>Over 100,000 readers rely on The Conversation’s newsletter to understand the world.</em> <a href="https://theconversation.com/us/newsletters/the-daily-3?utm_source=TCUS&utm_medium=inline-link&utm_campaign=newsletter-text&utm_content=100Ksignup">Sign up today</a>.]</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/159023/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>The authors do not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organization that would benefit from this article, and have disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.</span></em></p>Women’s sexual identities and behaviors are changing in ways men’s are not.Sean G. Massey, Associate Professor of Women, Gender and Sexuality Studies, Binghamton University, State University of New YorkMei-Hsiu Chen, Director of Statistical Consulting Services, Lecturer, Department of Mathematical Sciences, Binghamton University, State University of New YorkSarah Young, BSW Program Director, Assistant Professor of Social Work, Binghamton University, State University of New YorkLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/1197512019-07-11T09:31:51Z2019-07-11T09:31:51ZWhat Love Island can tell us about the history of love<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/283376/original/file-20190709-44505-1itdjub.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=5%2C5%2C1991%2C1000&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">
</span> <span class="attribution"><span class="source">ITV Pictures</span></span></figcaption></figure><p>Last summer, the apparently scandalous statistic that more young people applied for the reality TV series Love Island <a href="https://www.digitalspy.com/tv/reality-tv/a858828/love-island-2018-application-numbers-top-cambridge-oxford/">than applied for Oxbridge</a> rippled through the commentariat, eventually featuring in Prime Minister’s Questions and that hotbed of middle-class moral panics, Question Time. </p>
<p>While this was not the first reality TV show to provoke a media storm, the scale and impact was unprecedented – the series attracted four million viewers and more than <a href="https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-44683885">2,500 complaints to Ofcom</a>. The current series has again been a magnet for controversy, with concerns around “<a href="https://www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/2019/jul/05/love-island-has-a-gaslighting-problem-yet-again">gaslighting</a>” and mental health being offset by record-breaking viewing figures. </p>
<p>Hidden historical arguments often underpin these public furores. The “problems” which Love Island represent are almost always framed as being specific to the current generation – symptomatic of a newly emergent youth culture recalibrated by the tyranny of social media, subverted by a newly hyper-sexualised imaginary and driven by an obsession with celebrity. </p>
<p>The show is <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/2018/jul/18/problem-with-love-island-people-who-turned-it-down">regularly identified</a> as the epitome of a shallow, inauthentic age. This historical narrative has even been deployed to explain the <a href="https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/love-island-reality-tv-mental-health-suicide-mike-thalassitis-sophie-gradon-itv2-a8936256.html">tragic suicides of two ex-Islanders</a>. So what can Love Island tell us about our collective emotional history – what, if anything, is new about feelings on and in Love Island?</p>
<h2>Moral panic</h2>
<p>Moral panics over the “hyper-sexualisation” of young people, particularly working-class women, are nothing new. From wartime alarm about “<a href="https://www.jstor.org/stable/260893">Khaki-fever</a>” to <a href="http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/763998.stm">Mary Whitehouse’s moral crusades</a> in the 1960s, anxiety about the romantic interactions of “youths” has been rearing its head throughout the 20th century. </p>
<p>In the broadsheet press, Love Island is often seen to represent a “<a href="https://www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/2018/may/29/from-jacqui-lambie-to-love-island-tv-shows-us-romance-is-just-another-consumer-experience">coarsening of courting rituals</a>” – the Islanders are presented as being motivated by money or winning the game rather than “real” feelings. But anyone who thinks that the intersection between economics, social status and love is a new thing need simply read any Jane Austin novel, or indeed Sally Holloway’s book on Georgian courting rituals entitled <a href="https://www.telegraph.co.uk/books/what-to-read/valentines-gloves-garters-fall-love-like-georgian/">The Game of Love</a>.</p>
<figure class="align-center ">
<img alt="" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/283488/original/file-20190710-44432-ijk891.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/283488/original/file-20190710-44432-ijk891.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=338&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/283488/original/file-20190710-44432-ijk891.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=338&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/283488/original/file-20190710-44432-ijk891.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=338&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/283488/original/file-20190710-44432-ijk891.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=424&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/283488/original/file-20190710-44432-ijk891.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=424&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/283488/original/file-20190710-44432-ijk891.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=424&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px">
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">Elizabeth Bennett and Mr Darcy playing the courting game in Jane Austen’s Price and Prejudice.</span>
<span class="attribution"><span class="source">BBC Archive</span></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>Looking beyond the responses of the chattering classes, the Islanders themselves reveal much about the <em>historicity</em> of love – the idea that feelings are not fixed parts of our biology, but contingent on the changing historical moments they are experienced within. Take, for example, the catch-phrase “100% my type on paper”. It’s easy to dismiss it as a throwaway idiom – but this phrase does important intellectual work.</p>
<h2>Making matches</h2>
<p>The straightforward way to interpret “my type on paper” is about a dissonance between physical appearance and what is generally termed “personality”. The phrase is generally used when the person saying the phrase and the subject of the phrase don’t know each other very well. </p>
<p>There’s clearly some traction to this interpretation – it’s clear that Love Island, through both its contestants and its heavy-handed producers, promote a “type” which works along distinctly, and in many cases worryingly, aesthetic lines. The men are athletic, smooth-chested, sporting 12 packs, orange skin and fluorescent teeth. The women tend to be relatively similar, albeit with a few less abs. All, of course, heterosexual. </p>
<p>The “types” certainly speak of the racialised and gendered ideologies circulating today – it <a href="https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/love-island-2019-samira-mighty-token-black-woman-diversity-yewande-a8950786.html">(has been noticed)</a> that no black contestants have been selected for “coupling up” in the opening episode for the past four years. The show shines a light on – perhaps even offers a platform for – thorny issues about emotional prejudice in wider society.</p>
<p>This is one way to make sense of the phrase: “My type on paper” – focusing on what the “types” themselves tell us about contemporary sexual preferences. But there is another way of making sense of the phrase which opens up a different set of historical stories. While people have been quite literally setting out “types” on “paper” for centuries (the first lonely hearts advert <a href="https://books.google.co.uk/books?id=Hq5sWfkIu3YC&pg=PA41&lpg=PA41&dq=harry+cocks+classified&source=bl&ots=Tqyz1zgEh7&sig=ACfU3U0DLt3VTHLWIjk237rZ5EnblsnJ5g&hl=en&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwir8t7okajjAhU4RxUIHdWfDbQQ6AEwCHoECAkQAQ#v=onepage&q=harry%20cocks%20classified&f=false">appeared in 1690</a>, just 50 years after the first newspaper), the phrase also reveals much about how a distinctly “modern” understanding of love has emerged. </p>
<p>It seems to be suggesting an irrational, autonomous and enigmatic understanding of love, defying rules that can be written down on paper. There is a long tradition of sexual love being conceived of in such a way – certain early-modern historians would see this as being rooted in the democratising process of the late 18th century. According to historian <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/books/2012/feb/10/origins-of-sex-faramerz-dabhoiwala-review">Faramerz Dabhoiwala</a>, processes such as the French Revolution, the Enlightenment and industrialisation unshackled love from the rules and regulations of a feudal regime.</p>
<p>The phrase can also be placed in a shorter trajectory. <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/books/2013/aug/10/english-in-love-langhamer-review">Claire Langhamer argues</a> that an emotional revolution in the middle of the 20th century created new expectations about love. Rather than primarily providing material security, romantic love suddenly had to complete the “self” – a “soul-mate” was now demanded. </p>
<p>The key here was a cultural development which has been dubbed the “psychologisation of society” – the popularisation of psychological ways of thinking about the world. This is a compelling way of historicising “my type on paper” – the phrase suggests the person speaking only has conscious control of their emotions to an extent. They can try to set the rules, but ultimately it will be an unconscious part of their psyche which will determine who they love. </p>
<p><div data-react-class="Tweet" data-react-props="{"tweetId":"1148734100427235330"}"></div></p>
<h2>Performing love</h2>
<p>Is there anything new about the love in Love Island? The show is a product of a moment in which we’ve made a game out of judging the authenticity of other people’s romantic relationships, not just our own. We spend our leisure honing our ability to detect sincere feelings, to discern “truth” in love. </p>
<p>In many ways, this is the real pleasure of the programme – does Curtis really fancy Amy? Do Molly-Mae and Tommy have a genuine connection? Which couple perform “love” the best?</p>
<p>As well as being central to the success of the show, this incitement to scrutinise emotional authenticity also helps explain the outraged responses to Love Island. The show poses questions about knowing the “truth” of others’ feelings, and through this, our own. It suggests that the experience of love is not solely determined by “chemistry”, but shaped by shifting social, cultural and political environments. It’s not simply the language and labels of love which have changed through time, but its very essence.</p>
<p>This mercurial, historically fluid conception of love might seem unsettling for some, but in the words of this year’s Islanders: “It is what it is.”</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/119751/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>David Geiringer does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.</span></em></p>The show – and the public’s reaction – can tell us a huge amount about how ideas about love and romance have changed over the centuries.David Geiringer, Associate Lecturer, Queen Mary University of LondonLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/1092972019-01-04T12:11:25Z2019-01-04T12:11:25ZWhy we want to build a machine that can predict a person’s attractiveness<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/252419/original/file-20190103-32154-d401od.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">
</span> <span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.shutterstock.com/image-photo/multiracial-serious-people-lineup-mugshot-standing-399773986?src=dabeswLFO40WY0KxOyxSuw-1-4">Akhenaton Images/Shutterstock</a></span></figcaption></figure><p>It is an age-old question – what makes someone attractive? We often say things like “beauty is in the eye of the beholder” but while this romantic notion may bring comfort to those dealt a poor hand in life, it also gives the impression that the foundations of attractiveness are elusive and unpredictable. It suggests that what each of us sees as an attractive trait – whether physical or psychological – is so variable that everyone must be looking for something different. </p>
<p>While there is variety in what each of us regards as beautiful, cutting through this noise are common and consistent preferences. Psychological traits such as a <a href="https://doi.org/10.1016/j.intell.2011.03.006">sense of humour</a>, <a href="http://psycnet.apa.org/record/1993-37429-001">intelligence</a> and <a href="http://dx.doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.82.6.947">kindness</a> are generally sought after. Similarly, physical attributes such as <a href="https://doi.org/10.1016/0162-3095(95)00074-7">waist-to-hip ratio</a> (the difference in waist and hip circumference), <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/22216228">sex-typical voice pitch</a> (basically, our expectation that men will have deep voices, and women high voices), and <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S1090513899000148">facial symmetry</a> are also reliably desirable. Finding someone who could take or leave <em>some</em> of these characteristics may be easy, but one would have a hard time finding someone yearning to meet a sour-faced, selfish and dull person who refuses to take a shower.</p>
<p>While researchers have taken steps to <a href="https://doi.org/10.1017/S0140525X00023992">comprehensively catalogue</a> the preferences of men and women, we still don’t know which traits are the most important contributors to a person’s attractiveness. What we do know is that not all attractive traits are preferred equally. This can be revealed using some basic psychological tasks, such as asking people to design a partner by allocating points to enhance their characteristics (similar to designing a character in a video game). </p>
<figure class="align-right ">
<img alt="" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/252463/original/file-20190104-32151-17345jy.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=237&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/252463/original/file-20190104-32151-17345jy.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=440&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/252463/original/file-20190104-32151-17345jy.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=440&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/252463/original/file-20190104-32151-17345jy.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=440&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/252463/original/file-20190104-32151-17345jy.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=552&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/252463/original/file-20190104-32151-17345jy.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=552&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/252463/original/file-20190104-32151-17345jy.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=552&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px">
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">Attractiveness is not skin deep.</span>
<span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.shutterstock.com/image-photo/beautiful-woman-face-close-studio-on-288371504?src=3P7FPbeH0PQS6pAVH8JvcA-1-4">Irina Bg/Shutterstock</a></span>
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<p>When given only a small points budget, tough choices have to be made – and some characteristics normally attractive in their own right tend to fade into the background. <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/12051582">One study</a> found that creativity and talents were trumped by the likes of intelligence and social status during the task. Interestingly, basic kindness tends to be one of the top traits when building the ideal long-term partner.</p>
<p>These tasks are great for assessing the individual traits that make up mate preferences. But they do not necessarily capture how people make judgements about the attractiveness of living, breathing human beings. They may tell us that humour is important, for instance, but we balance a range of criteria in assessing attractiveness. A funny personality may seem less appealing in a person who is selfish. </p>
<p>Looking deeper into this, these tasks don’t acknowledge the often complicated relationship between characteristics. For example, while the task might allow someone to design a partner who is low in intelligence but high in creativity, these attributes tend to go <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S016028961300024X">hand in hand</a> in the real world. </p>
<p>This leaves us in the position where we know which traits are attractive, and have some idea of what preferences are prioritised over others. But by looking at different traits in isolation we are still missing the complete picture. Perhaps a better way to approach the problem would be to take an objective rating of a person’s attractiveness (by asking the public to rate them <a href="https://experiment.com/u/z8oDww">on a scale</a>, for example) and then figuring out what traits hold the most influence over that number.</p>
<p>Doing this would require taking a large sample of the population and measuring all the psychological and physical traits known to contribute to attractiveness. Then, by adding in objective measures of overall attractiveness – and a dash of machine learning – creating models capable of learning what traits matter the most.</p>
<p>This is not some science fiction idea – in fact it is something that my lab at Swansea University <a href="http://www.experiment.com/whatmatters">is currently crowdfunding</a>. Machine learning is a powerful tool that has already accomplished feats such as predicting biological sex with <a href="https://www.pnas.org/content/113/14/E1968">a 93% accuracy</a> based on brain scans alone. While we won’t be scanning brains, we will be measuring dozens of our volunteers’ characteristics – including humour, intelligence, impulsivity, facial symmetry, strength, and more. </p>
<p>In the first instance, we will use this information to calculate how these attributes combine to predict how one perceives one’s own attractiveness. Then, we will extend this to predict objective judgements of attractiveness such as those made by the public after viewing online profiles of the volunteers. </p>
<p>This resulting model would be able to tell us that, for example, John’s rating of “seven out of 10” by the public is primarily driven by his high intelligence, but held back a bit by his lack of muscle mass. It might also tell us that his poor sense of humour would normally work against him, but is completely overshadowed by his high social status. It would also tell us which traits don’t really matter at all – that nobody really cares about John’s lack of hair. </p>
<p>After calibration, such a model would also be able to predict the attractiveness of new cases – without the need for public ratings. In other words, it could guess how the public would rate someone’s attractiveness, based on a small number of important traits. </p>
<p>Ultimately, this system could even be used to advise people on how they can make themselves more attractive to a wider range of people. One only has to look at the billions of dollars spent every year on <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0166497204001099">make up</a> and <a href="https://academic.oup.com/asj/article/33/4/604/204834">cosmetic surgery</a> alone to realise that there is a great public interest in what people can do to enhance their attractiveness. </p>
<p>Some enhancements, such as taking guitar lessons or learning magic tricks for example, may at first glance seem like good methods of self-improvement. However, ultimately, these may pale in comparison to the attractiveness boost experienced by finding a better-paid job or – perhaps controversially – simply trying to be a kinder person. But to know for sure, we need a method to sort the wheat from the chaff. Which is why we want to build a machine that can predict attractiveness.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/109297/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Andrew G. Thomas does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.</span></em></p>Using physical and psychological traits, researchers are building a system which can rate a person’s attractiveness.Andrew G. Thomas, Lecturer in Psychology, Swansea UniversityLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/989502018-07-05T20:04:26Z2018-07-05T20:04:26ZMust love jokes: why we look for a partner who laughs (and makes us laugh)<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/225638/original/file-20180702-116123-1477skf.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">There are many reasons why those who laugh and can make others laugh are attractive mates.</span> <span class="attribution"><span class="source">Shutterstock</span></span></figcaption></figure><p>Whether we’re looking for love or lust, we look for someone with a good sense of humour. Studies of courtship on <a href="http://thescienceexplorer.com/brain-and-body/humor-gets-girl">Tinder</a> and <a href="https://pdfs.semanticscholar.org/f105/24516fb90e04aa09eded3fc4d71f9df515d1.pdf">Facebook</a> show that a sense of humour is the most valued quality in a potential mate. </p>
<p>A philosophy of humour as a virtue sheds light on why it’s so important. A virtue is a valuable trait – something that elicits <a href="https://global.oup.com/academic/product/exemplarist-moral-theory-9780190655846?cc=au&lang=en&">admiration</a>, pride or love. Traditional examples include prudence, honesty, chastity and wisdom. Is a sense of humour comparable to these time-honoured virtues? </p>
<p>Of course, whether you’re looking for casual dates or seeking a life partner will influence what you want in a mate. But <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/00223989809599166">research</a> on relationships suggests humour doesn’t just land you that first date or first kiss: it’s also associated with keeping a relationship together. </p>
<p>When we eulogise someone’s life, having a sense of humour still stands out. My own research on <a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10790-017-9602-0">obituaries</a> shows that, when reflecting on the life of a loved one, we tend to treasure their capacity to laugh and make others laugh. </p>
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Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/facebook-gets-into-dating-but-theres-little-scientific-evidence-online-personality-matching-works-95935">Facebook gets into dating, but there's little scientific evidence online personality matching works</a>
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<p>Why are we so serious about not being too serious? One reason is that laughter is enjoyable, and laughing with someone is even more enjoyable. Part of the value of a sense of humour derives from its ability to counter negative emotions with positive ones. We want to be with people who can make us laugh, especially if they can help us laugh at the things and situations that cause us stress, anxiety or despair. But there are lots of ways to enjoy life. Why do people value humour more than, say, being a good cook or owning a beach house?</p>
<p>When we think about having a sense of humour, perhaps the first thing that comes to mind is stand-up comedy, like the routines of <a href="https://aparnacomedy.com/">Aparna Nancherla</a> and <a href="https://www.youtube.com/user/EddieIzzard">Eddie Izzard</a>. These people are in the business of producing humour, of making people laugh. </p>
<p>But of course, someone needs to be there to consume humour as well, to do the laughing. And in the typical case, humour is also about someone or something: the object of humour. This producer-consumer-object <a href="https://www.pep-web.org/document.php?id=se.008.0000a">triangle</a> is the matrix in which a sense of humour finds its home.</p>
<p>Though the research on Tinder and Facebook doesn’t draw these distinctions, I think they’re essential to understanding why a sense of humour is so highly valued. To have a good sense of humour, you have to be skilled at occupying each of the corners of the triangle. Someone who can’t make us laugh is deficient in humour. And there’s nothing less attractive than a person who laughs at their own jokes while everyone else sits in stony silence.</p>
<p>Likewise, someone who isn’t able to laugh at the absurdities of life is a humourless boor. Of course, different people find different things laughable. It depends on what you value, what you expect and what you hold sacred. </p>
<p>This explains why we <a href="http://eprints.lse.ac.uk/49089/">feel so in tune</a> with someone who both laughs when we do and doesn’t laugh when we don’t. The sort of person who finds Holocaust jokes funny and complains about <a href="https://www.etsy.com/market/feminist_killjoy">feminist killjoys</a> may not be your type. They certainly aren’t mine. Testing the boundaries of someone’s sense of humour is a shortcut to discovering whether you share their values. People prize a sense of humour in a potential mate because this is one of the best clues to compatibility.</p>
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Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/why-we-desire-partners-who-have-had-relationship-experience-78463">Why we desire partners who have had relationship experience</a>
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<p>The third corner of the triangle is probably the hardest to occupy. In general, it isn’t very fun to be the butt of the joke. But an inability to admit your own faults and laugh at yourself is a sign that you have an <a href="https://www.bleedingcool.com/2018/05/02/today-lois-lane-tells-clark-kent-the-importance-of-the-white-house-correspondents-dinner-action-comics-special-spoiler/">over-inflated ego or take yourself too seriously</a>. Someone who can’t take a joke is bad at being the object of humour. They’re unwilling to admit their own foibles and flaws, and therefore unable to correct them. Who would want to be with a jerk like that?</p>
<p>Of course, I don’t want to suggest that the best romantic partners are constantly laughing at themselves, even when the humour is mean-spirited, cruel or just lame. <a href="http://geekfeminism.wikia.com/wiki/It_was_just_a_joke">“It was just a joke. Get a sense of humour!”</a> is a common rhetorical ploy in the domination of women and other subordinated groups.</p>
<p>My point is that someone who’s unable to laugh at themselves when a little self-contempt is appropriate is likely to be either an arrogant self-deceiver or a <a href="https://www.jstor.org/stable/pdf/2026228.pdf">Puritanical saint</a>. Neither makes a good mate. And so it makes perfect sense that, when we look for a partner, we’d rather <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rlEvh-DZ-kE">laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints</a>.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/98950/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Mark Alfano does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.</span></em></p>Why are we so serious about not being too serious? The philosophy of humour has the answer.Mark Alfano, Associate Professor of Philosophy, Delft University of TechnologyLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/888392018-02-12T11:40:33Z2018-02-12T11:40:33ZNo, opposites do not attract<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/205749/original/file-20180209-51719-1j45je1.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=62%2C0%2C1291%2C809&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">It's likeness that makes the heart grow fonder.</span> <span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:African_print_couple_love.jpg">Zediajaab</a>, <a class="license" href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0/">CC BY-SA</a></span></figcaption></figure><p>Everyone seems to agree that opposites attract. Young and old people, happy and distressed couples, single folks and married partners – all apparently buy the classic adage about love. <a href="https://books.google.com/books/about/Opposites_attack.html">Relationship experts</a> <a href="https://books.google.com/books/about/I_Love_You_But_why_are_We_So_Different.html">have written</a> <a href="https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/opposites-attract-renee-baron/1103372924">books</a> based on this assumption. It’s even been internalized by people who are on the hunt for a partner, with 86 percent of those looking for love saying they’re <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177/147470490800600406">seeking someone with opposite traits</a>.</p>
<p>The problem is that what’s true of magnets is not at all true of romance. As I explain in my book, “<a href="http://www.wiley.com/buy/978-1-118-52128-1">Great Myths of Intimate Relationships: Dating, Sex, and Marriage</a>,” people tend to be attracted to those who are similar – not opposite – to themselves.</p>
<h2>I love how you’re just like me</h2>
<p>Whether people <a href="http://dx.doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.72.3.592">really find opposites more attractive</a> has been the subject of many scientific studies. Researchers have investigated what combination makes for better romantic partners – those who are similar, different, or opposite? Scientists call these three possibilities the homogamy hypothesis, the heterogamy hypothesis and the complementarity hypothesis, respectively.</p>
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<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/205750/original/file-20180209-51700-1yhgd2a.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/205750/original/file-20180209-51700-1yhgd2a.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=237&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/205750/original/file-20180209-51700-1yhgd2a.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=795&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/205750/original/file-20180209-51700-1yhgd2a.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=795&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/205750/original/file-20180209-51700-1yhgd2a.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=795&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/205750/original/file-20180209-51700-1yhgd2a.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=999&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/205750/original/file-20180209-51700-1yhgd2a.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=999&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/205750/original/file-20180209-51700-1yhgd2a.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=999&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
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<span class="caption">Happy together.</span>
<span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.flickr.com/photos/onegoodtum/2644393703">Thom Wong</a>, <a class="license" href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/4.0/">CC BY-NC-ND</a></span>
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<p>The clear winner is homogamy. Since the 1950s, social scientists have conducted over 240 studies to determine whether similarity in terms of <a href="http://dx.doi.org/10.1037/h0045531">attitudes</a>, <a href="http://doi.org/10.1177/0146167291174010">personality traits</a>, <a href="http://dx.doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.53.6.1052">outside interests</a>, <a href="https://doi.org/10.1016/0022-1031(81)90009-3">values</a> and <a href="http://doi.org/10.1111/j.1540-4560.1976.tb02485.x">other characteristics</a> leads to attraction. In 2013, psychologists Matthew Montoya and Robert Horton examined the <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177/0265407512452989">combined results of these studies</a> in what’s called a meta-analysis. They found an irrefutable association between being similar to and being interested in the other person.</p>
<p>In other words, there is clear and convincing evidence that birds of a feather flock together. For human beings, the attractiveness of similarity is so strong that it is found <a href="https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1475-6811.2009.01217.x">across cultures</a>.</p>
<p>Because similarity is associated with attraction, it makes sense that individuals in committed relationships tend to be alike in many ways. Sometimes this is called <a href="http://doi.org/10.1177/0192513x12459020">assortative mating</a>, although this term is more often used to describe the ways in which people with similar levels of educational attainment, financial means and <a href="http://doi.org/10.2307/2786870">physical appearance</a> tend to pair up.</p>
<p>None of this necessarily means that opposites don’t attract. Both the homogamy hypothesis and the complementarity hypothesis could be true. So is there scientific support that opposites might attract at least some of the time?</p>
<h2>Filling in my weak spots with your strengths</h2>
<p>Love stories often include people finding partners who seem to have traits that they lack, like a good girl falling for a bad boy. In this way, they appear to complement one another. For example, one spouse might be outgoing and funny while the other is shy and serious. It’s easy to see how both partners could view the other as ideal – one partner’s strengths balancing out the other partner’s weaknesses. In fact, one could imagine the friends and relatives of a shy person trying to set them up with an outgoing person to draw the shy one out. The question is whether people actually seek out complementary partners or if that just happens in the movies.</p>
<p>As it turns out, it’s pure fiction. There is essentially no research evidence that differences in personality, interests, education, politics, upbringing, religion or other traits lead to greater attraction.</p>
<p>For example, in one study researchers found that college students preferred descriptions of mates whose written bios were <a href="https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.85.4.709">similar to themselves or their ideal self</a> over those described as complementing themselves. <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177/0146167298243004">Other studies</a> have supported this finding. For example, <a href="http://dx.doi.org/10.1037/h0031699">introverts are no more attracted to extraverts</a> than they are to anyone else.</p>
<h2>Why are we so sure opposites attract?</h2>
<p>Despite the overwhelming evidence, why does the myth of heterogamy endure? There are probably a few factors at work here.</p>
<p>First, <a href="http://dx.doi.org/10.1037/0096-1523.24.5.1315">contrasts tend to stand out</a>. Even if the partners in a couple match on tons of characteristics, they may end up arguing about the <a href="https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/acceptance-and-change-in-couple-therapy-andrew-christensen/1103810614?ean=9780393702903">ways in which they are different</a>.</p>
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<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/205815/original/file-20180210-51706-l19s7a.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/205815/original/file-20180210-51706-l19s7a.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/205815/original/file-20180210-51706-l19s7a.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/205815/original/file-20180210-51706-l19s7a.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/205815/original/file-20180210-51706-l19s7a.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/205815/original/file-20180210-51706-l19s7a.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/205815/original/file-20180210-51706-l19s7a.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/205815/original/file-20180210-51706-l19s7a.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
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<span class="caption">We’re totally different – she uses weights on our morning walks.</span>
<span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.shutterstock.com/image-photo/happy-older-couple-matching-outfits-talking-496474147">CREATISTA/Shutterstock.com</a></span>
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<p>Beyond that, there’s evidence that <a href="http://dx.doi.org/10.1037/h0044134">small differences</a> between spouses can become larger over time. In their self-help book “<a href="https://www.guilford.com/books/Reconcilable-Differences/Christensen-Doss-Jacobson/9781462502431">Reconcilable Differences</a>,” psychologists Andrew Christensen, Brian Doss and Neil Jacobson describe how partners move into roles that are complementary over time.</p>
<p>For example, if one member of a couple is slightly more humorous than the other, the couple may settle into a pattern in which the slightly-more-funny spouse claims the role of “the funny one” while the slightly-less-funny spouse slots into the role of “the serious one.” Scientists have demonstrated that, yes, partners <a href="http://doi.org/10.1111/j.1475-6811.2001.tb00038.x">grow more complementary over time</a>; while they may begin as quite alike, they find ways to differentiate themselves by degree.</p>
<p>In the end, people’s attraction to differences is vastly outweighed by our attraction to similarities. People persist in thinking opposites attract – when in reality, relatively similar partners just become a bit more complementary as time goes by.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/88839/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Matthew D. Johnson does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organization that would benefit from this article. He has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond his academic appointment and his authorship of a book mentioned in the article.</span></em></p>It’s a classic adage for those seeking love. The problem is that psychology research shows it’s just not true.Matthew D. Johnson, Professor of Psychology and Director of the Marriage and Family Studies Laboratory, Binghamton University, State University of New YorkLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/813372017-08-27T20:05:50Z2017-08-27T20:05:50ZYou can tell if someone is attracted to you by their voice<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/182367/original/file-20170817-13444-jt70tq.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">Attractiveness in the voice is very important for the impressions we give our potential partners.</span> <span class="attribution"><span class="source">from shutterstock.com</span></span></figcaption></figure><p>We’ve heard of the physical effects on our body when we are talking to someone we are attracted to, like pupils getting larger or butterflies in our stomach. </p>
<p>Numerous <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/lisa-copeland/flirt-with-body-language_b_7617420.html">self-help websites</a> offer tips on how to read body language to tell if the object of our affection is interested in us.</p>
<p>Apparently, if their feet are facing towards us, that’s a good sign. If their arms are folded, not so much. But you can also gauge the level of someone’s attraction by their voice.</p>
<h2>Male and female pitch</h2>
<p>The biological gender differences in the human voice are very clear. Female voices have higher pitch and male voices have lower pitch. </p>
<p>These differences are thought to be because of evolutionary pressures such as mating choices. In the animal world, pitch is <a href="http://www.journals.uchicago.edu/doi/abs/10.1086/283219">associated with larger animals</a> that can cause a bigger threat. </p>
<p>So by lowering their pitch, males can show their physical dominance in front of their competitors and appear more sexually fit to females. As a result, women find <a href="http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0003347200915239">men with lower-pitched voices</a> more attractive. It’s the opposite for men, who are <a href="http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0003347203921233">more attracted to women</a> with higher-pitched voices, which is perceived as a marker for femininity. </p>
<p>Attractiveness in the voice is important for the impressions we give our potential partners. In research settings, this is studied by asking listeners to rate voices of people they have never seen as either attractive or unattractive. </p>
<p>Using this method, <a href="http://www.albany.edu/news/pdf_files/Hughes%20article.pdf">one study showed</a> that people who reported being more sexually experienced and sexually active were rated to have more attractive voices by strangers. That is, the specific qualities that the raters were perceiving in the voices were indicative of these people’s mating behaviours and sexual desirability. </p>
<figure class="align-center zoomable">
<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/182384/original/file-20170817-13494-mkue1y.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/182384/original/file-20170817-13494-mkue1y.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/182384/original/file-20170817-13494-mkue1y.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/182384/original/file-20170817-13494-mkue1y.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/182384/original/file-20170817-13494-mkue1y.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/182384/original/file-20170817-13494-mkue1y.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/182384/original/file-20170817-13494-mkue1y.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/182384/original/file-20170817-13494-mkue1y.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">There are many unconscious things we do when we’re flirting with someone.</span>
<span class="attribution"><span class="source">from shutterstock.com</span></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>We actually have the ability to change the attractiveness of our voice depending on our interlocutor, and we do this without knowing. Women sometimes modify their voices to sound most attractive during the most fertile part of their <a href="https://www.researchgate.net/publication/251944160_Women's_voice_attractiveness_varies_across_the_menstrual_cycle">menstrual cycle</a>. Men also modify the pitch in their voice, specifically when <a href="https://pdfs.semanticscholar.org/b511/063a8576c3fdbffe0bc3bc5d8084bd773495.pdf">confronted with potential competitors</a> in dating scenarios. </p>
<p>This means that just like we fix our hairstyle or clothes to look more attractive for a date, we also give our voices an unconscious makeover to sound more attractive and sexually fit.</p>
<h2>Sounding the same</h2>
<p>Another phenomenon that may also cause changes in the way we speak when talking to a love interest is something called “phonetic convergence”. People who talk to each other tend to start sounding more similar, completely unaware they are doing so. </p>
<p>This similarity can be speech rate (how fast we’re talking), the pitch or intonation patterns we use, or even the way we produce individual words or sounds. This <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3753450/">adaption can happen</a> over long (months or years) and even very short (one-hour lab study) periods of time. </p>
<p>One study <a href="http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0095447011000945">compared the speech</a> of five pairs of new roommates who had just moved in together. At the beginning and end of semester, researchers took recordings of each person and asked them to rate how they felt about their new roommate. They found that the roommates sounded more similar at the end compared to the beginning of semester and that this convergence was related to the ratings of closeness. </p>
<figure class="align-center zoomable">
<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/183399/original/file-20170825-15232-1k3r6r5.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/183399/original/file-20170825-15232-1k3r6r5.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/183399/original/file-20170825-15232-1k3r6r5.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/183399/original/file-20170825-15232-1k3r6r5.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/183399/original/file-20170825-15232-1k3r6r5.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/183399/original/file-20170825-15232-1k3r6r5.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/183399/original/file-20170825-15232-1k3r6r5.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/183399/original/file-20170825-15232-1k3r6r5.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">People who talk to each other tend to start sounding more similar, completely unaware they are doing so.</span>
<span class="attribution"><span class="source">from shutterstock.com</span></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>So how could this relate to physical attraction? One proposed explanation of phonetic convergence, the <a href="http://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0265407597143008">similarity attraction hypothesis</a>, is that people try to be more similar to those they are attracted to. So, in an effort to be more similar to someone we are interested in, we may start to talk more similarly and maximise the chances they will also find us attractive. </p>
<p>The opposite can also happen: this is called “phonetic divergence”. Divergence may occur when we <a href="https://www.cambridge.org/core/journals/language-in-society/article/dialect-divergence-and-convergence-in-new-zealand-english/07375AEEC4AADA0E39BD1A5F0651981E">want to be more distinct</a>, or less similar to our speaking partner, perhaps when we aren’t attracted to them.</p>
<p>It also doesn’t necessarily take months for this to happen. Phonetic convergence can occur in a much shorter time. </p>
<p>In <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/16642851">another experiment</a>, researchers brought previously unacquainted pairs of participants into the lab to complete a task. Both partners have a map, but only one has the route drawn on their map. Their job is to describe the route to their partner so they can draw it, without using pointing or other gestures, only words. </p>
<p>The researchers found convergence occurred in the session and even persisted after participants had completed the experimental task. </p>
<p>The great news is these changes happen automatically and unconsciously. When we face an attractive partner, our voices and speech are modified to sound more attractive and alike. So during a conversation with that special someone, your voice may be doing the hard work to let them know you are interested, which may increase your chances of getting a second date.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/81337/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Heather R Kember receives funding from the Australian Research Council</span></em></p><p class="fine-print"><em><span>Marina Kalashnikova receives funding from the Australian Research Council. </span></em></p>Body language can sometimes tell us if the person we’re talking to is interested in us romantically. But the way they talk offers a few clues, too.Heather Kember, Research fellow in speech processing, Western Sydney UniversityMarina Kalashnikova, Researcher in Infancy Studies, Western Sydney UniversityLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/784632017-06-26T03:10:15Z2017-06-26T03:10:15ZWhy we desire partners who have had relationship experience<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/172217/original/file-20170605-31047-k0dufu.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">'The Wedding Ring Effect' is the idea that simply by wearing a wedding ring a man is somehow imbued with a host of desirable characteristics.</span> <span class="attribution"><span class="source">shutterstock</span></span></figcaption></figure><p><a href="https://theconversation.com/why-were-more-likely-to-date-someone-who-has-an-ex-67367">Mate copying</a> (sometimes called mate-choice copying) is where an individual is preferred as a future romantic partner simply because they have relationship experience. </p>
<p>Mate copying is a form of non-independent mate selection arising from social learning. Someone gathers mate-relevant information about a potential partner by observing their romantic interactions with someone else. The “copying” part refers to developing a preference for a partner simply because someone of the same gender as yourself has had a preference for them in the past.</p>
<p>The basic idea is that people who have already been in a relationship have been “road-tested”. The logic goes they have proven they have at least some romantically desirable attributes because of their experience. This might seem odd, but there is plenty of good <a href="http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S1090513810000231">scientific evidence</a> that mate copying exists.</p>
<p>Although the phenomenon <a href="http://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0009115">applies broadly</a>, we know that it is particularly prevalent <a href="https://researchonline.jcu.edu.au/36244/">among young women</a>.</p>
<p>So, what is the value in mate copying? While it may not be obvious, the phenomenon does hold some utility. For one, mate-seekers (men or women) can readily identify a “good” (or at least passable) mate. In a sense, the person with experience is a “safer bet”.</p>
<p>Another advantage is that this information is cheap. Rather than going through a costly trial-and-error process to identify a suitable romantic partner (expending time and money on dates), the mate copier gets similar information from observing others. </p>
<p>A man holding hands with and embracing a woman is presumably considered by her to be at least an adequate relationship partner. The guy in the corner of the room alone staring at his iPhone may or may not be.</p>
<p><a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007%2Fs12110-003-1006-0?LI=true">“The Wedding Ring Effect”</a>, as it is sometimes called by the popular media, is the idea that simply by wearing a wedding ring a man is somehow imbued with a host of desirable characteristics. </p>
<p>With an understanding of how and why mate copying works, this may seem like an entirely logical extension. It is, however, an egregious misconception. </p>
<p><a href="https://www.jstor.org/stable/2462347?seq=1#page_scan_tab_contents">Seminal studies</a> and a multitude of <a href="http://www.bioone.org/doi/abs/10.5735/086.048.0202">subsequent empirical work</a> have thoroughly established that mate copying exists among non-humans, and there is a bunch of converging evidence suggesting that the phenomenon occurs among humans. However, having a heightened preference for someone that has been romantically “pre-approved” is very different from chasing someone who is married.</p>
<p>Studies have shown that romantically unavailable men are considered to be both more <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1660608/">attractive</a>, and more <a href="http://eprints.gla.ac.uk/77762/">desirable as long-term mates</a>. But there are also solid reasons not to pursue (or even desire) a married man. </p>
<p>For one, married men are probably going to be harder to romantically “obtain” than someone who is single. A married man is going to at least be reluctant to violate marital commitments, and prying him from his partner is likely going to be met with strong resistance. </p>
<p>Additionally, there are all sorts of social proscriptions against pursuing a married man. Doing so may well result in social derogation and/or exclusion.</p>
<p>In one of the most realistic studies of mate copying, <a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s12110-003-1006-0">Swedish researchers</a> had women engage in real-life interactions with men who were wearing a wedding ring and men who weren’t. After the women had met and talked with each man (separately), each woman was asked a series of questions about the men she had just met. For example, she was asked her first impression of each man, their attractiveness and so on.</p>
<p>There were no major differences between the two men in terms of how they were perceived by the women, but the men without wedding rings were on average considered more attractive, both physically and generally.</p>
<p>Women suggested that they would rather have dinner with, have sex with, start a relationship with, and invite home the men <em>not</em> wearing a wedding ring. This may not come as much of a surprise, but it does suggest that while being in a relationship may make a man appealing in some sense, being married doesn’t.</p>
<p>Following on from this idea, <a href="http://docplayer.net/22088144-The-wedding-ring-effect-revisited-steve-manna.html">research</a> conducted in the US found that female participants evaluating a photo of a man found him to be slightly more romantically attractive and generally likeable if he was romantically available than if he was living with a romantic partner.</p>
<p>The much more important variable here was whether or not he had a history of commitment. Men who had previously been in relationships for three years were considered far more romantically attractive and generally likeable than men whose longest relationship had lasted only a few months. </p>
<p>Some research I conducted recently found a curious pattern of results. Namely, men with relationship experience were considered more desirable than those without experience if the men were described only (no visual representation). As soon as they were pictured alongside a partner, this effect completely reversed. </p>
<p>Taken together, these studies suggest that the idea of a man in a relationship is appealing in theory – but when it becomes a reality the appeal vanishes, or is at least mitigated.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/78463/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Ryan Anderson does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.</span></em></p>Mate copying is the name given to the phenomenon whereby an individual is preferred as a future romantic partner simply because they have relationship experience.Ryan Anderson, PhD Candidate, School of Arts and Social Sciences, James Cook UniversityLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/603542016-06-06T16:30:35Z2016-06-06T16:30:35ZWhy gendered deodorants work – particularly for some men<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/125383/original/image-20160606-13085-52l7e6.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">Old Spice may be the solution for those looking to be more manly.</span> <span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.google.co.uk/search?site=imghp&tbm=isch&q=old+spice+&tbs=sur:fmc&gws_rd=cr&ei=v4FVV7rDOsXfU8TeoZgM#gws_rd=cr&imgrc=YAfhzYj7r-mn2M%3A">youtube.come</a></span></figcaption></figure><p>Adverts for male deodorants – such as Old Spice or Axe/Lynx – typically promise a boost in manliness and romantic success for those discerning enough to try the products. But can artificial fragrances, mixed with our natural body odours, really make us appear more masculine or feminine? Our <a href="http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S109051381630068X">latest research</a> reveals this may indeed be the case. We found that men who are perceived as not being particularly masculine benefit the most from using deodorant. </p>
<p>As you would expect, this is all about sex and our search for the ideal partner. Both masculinity and femininity are important qualities in potential romantic partners. For example, studies have linked masculine physical traits in men to various indicators of “quality”, such <a href="http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/17160983">as physical strength</a>, <a href="http://bit.ly/28ffhjz">good health</a>, and <a href="http://humupd.oxfordjournals.org/content/12/4/417.full">reproductive capacity</a>. Similarly, feminine traits in women also indicate reproductive quality – <a href="http://rspb.royalsocietypublishing.org/content/273/1583/135">studies have linked</a> feminine facial features with higher oestrogen levels.</p>
<figure>
<iframe width="440" height="260" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/VX5au0LOJp8?wmode=transparent&start=0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen=""></iframe>
<figcaption><span class="caption">“I’m on a horse”.</span></figcaption>
</figure>
<p>Given the relevance of masculinity and femininity in assessing romantic partners it’s not surprising that fragrances are often tailored to be either masculine or feminine, <a href="http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/joss.12014/abstract">with only a minority marketed as unisex</a>. But we wanted to know how successful such products actually are in manipulating our perceptions of masculinity and femininity when mixed with a person’s natural body odour. </p>
<h2>The experiment</h2>
<p>Masculinity and femininity can be assessed in many ways, such as facial structure, voice and body odour. We used this in our study to collect masculinity and femininity ratings of both faces and odours and then see how the relationship between these was altered by artificial fragrances (participants’ own deodorants).</p>
<p>In total, 20 men and 20 women provided us with facial photographs, “unaltered” odour samples and “odour plus deodorant” samples. These were then judged and rated by heterosexual participants (130 face raters and 239 odour raters) on the basis of their masculinity or femininity.</p>
<p>Given that previous findings have found that femininity is usually seen in <a href="http://evp.sagepub.com/content/8/3/147470491000800311.short">faces and voices simultaneously</a> while masculinity is often linked across <a href="http://beheco.oxfordjournals.org/content/early/2011/05/30/beheco.arr061.short">faces, voices and body odour</a>, we predicted that participants would give similar ratings to both faces and odours. </p>
<p>However, only female participants did. Ratings given by men showed no agreement between the faces and odours of different donors. It could be that men are not as accurate at assessing the stimuli, or perhaps they were less motivated in the study.</p>
<p>Though the lack of agreement in men’s ratings of faces and odours is not an objective measure of olfactory accuracy, they are not surprising as sex differences in olfactory perception have been reported before, with <a href="http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/11547515">women often outperforming men</a>. It is perhaps just as well, as <a href="https://www.researchgate.net/publication/222672798_He_sees_she_smells_Male_and_female_reports_of_sensory_reliance_in_mate_choice_and_non-mate_choice_contexts">women place a greater importance on smell</a> when assessing potential partners. </p>
<p>One explanation for this sex difference is that women have <a href="http://www.roberttrivers.com/Publications_files/Trivers%201972.pdf">greater biological costs of reproduction</a> than men do. It is therefore more important for them to be able to accurately assess an individual’s quality before they begin a relationship with them. Men on the other hand can afford to be less picky as sperm is (relatively) cheap.</p>
<p>We also found that when women applied deodorant this significantly increased their ratings of “odour femininity”. In other words, if a woman had a low rating of femininity for her face and natural odour, applying deodorant would increase this, but she would still have lower femininity than “more feminine” women who were wearing deodorant.</p>
<figure class="align-center ">
<img alt="" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/125363/original/image-20160606-25972-15vipv1.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/125363/original/image-20160606-25972-15vipv1.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/125363/original/image-20160606-25972-15vipv1.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/125363/original/image-20160606-25972-15vipv1.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/125363/original/image-20160606-25972-15vipv1.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/125363/original/image-20160606-25972-15vipv1.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/125363/original/image-20160606-25972-15vipv1.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px">
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">Love: in the nose of the beholder?</span>
<span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="http://www.shutterstock.com/downloading_tips.mhtml?code=&id=353646365&size=huge&image_format=jpg&method=download&super_url=http%3A%2F%2Fdownload.shutterstock.com%2Fgatekeeper%2FW3siZSI6MTQ2NTI0MjI2MCwiYyI6Il9waG90b19zZXNzaW9uX2lkIiwiZGMiOiJpZGxfMzUzNjQ2MzY1IiwiayI6InBob3RvLzM1MzY0NjM2NS9odWdlLmpwZyIsIm0iOiIxIiwiZCI6InNodXR0ZXJzdG9jay1tZWRpYSJ9LCJuZXVDeWMrS3pXZk5ubmtTbzAwMFBYMW1uR2siXQ%2Fshutterstock_353646365.jpg&racksite_id=ny&chosen_subscription=1&license=standard&src=Y9x7dT9p6jC31x8LVixg-g-1-2">Artem Tymoshenko/shutterstock</a></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>This pattern was completely different in men. Men who were rated as less masculine before applying deodorant benefited from a significant boost to their ratings after using deodorant. On the other hand, men who had a higher masculinity rating from the start were not rated differently after using deodorant. This finding suggests that some men may actually be able to use deodorant to enhance their masculinity in a way that may “level the playing field” (at least as far as odour is concerned), between themselves and their more masculine compatriots.</p>
<h2>Evolutionary origin?</h2>
<p>We hypothesise that the findings may reflect the difference between our preferences for masculinity and femininity. Both traits seem important in partner choice, but studies show that there is an <a href="http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/10717775">optimum preferred level of masculinity</a>. This is because masculinity also has <a href="http://faceresearch.org/students/notes/masculinity.pdf">negative connotations</a> such as aggression, poor cooperation, and poor parenting – not ideal traits in a romantic partner.</p>
<p>Interestingly, there are no studies suggesting that there is an optimum level of femininity. These findings suggest that our evolved biological preferences (for differential levels of masculinity and femininity) have potentially shaped the design of the fragrances which we use – female fragrances can be as feminine as they like without penalty, but no one wants an extremely masculine deodorant. </p>
<p>Of course, it is not entirely clear why we perceive certain artificial odours as masculine or feminine. It could be that this is something that is entirely driven by marketing or culture, as it is likely that interpretations of masculinity and femininity vary cross-culturally. But it could also be that these fragrances are in some way similar to natural odours. I don’t mean that we create fragrances which smell like body odour, but body odours are complex and have hundreds of compounds within them and perhaps some of these are similar (perceptually) to some of the compounds used in a fragrance. Take, for example, the use of animal musk in fragrances.</p>
<p>While these findings are intriguing, they only represent one study and must be interpreted cautiously until we have further evidence. However, it does reveal the tip of an iceberg. There are countless studies showing that we can find out a lot about a potential partner from their body odour, including <a href="http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4528100/">health status</a>, <a href="http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3719001/">personality</a>, <a href="http://www.sscnet.ucla.edu/comm/haselton/unify_uploads/files/gildersleeve%20et%20al.%202012%20hormones%20and%20behvior.pdf">fertility</a> and even <a href="http://link.springer.com/article/10.1007%2Fs10886-010-9827-x">genetic relatedness</a>. Our avid <a href="http://www.toddkshackelford.com/downloads/Roberts-Miner-Shackelford-RGP-2010.pdf">use of fragranced products</a> therefore necessitates further investigations which may one day reveal a lot about our everyday social interactions.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/60354/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Caroline Allen does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.</span></em></p>Deodorants can benefit us all. But manly men can skip it if they like, finds study.Caroline Allen, Researcher, University of StirlingLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.