tag:theconversation.com,2011:/au/topics/valentines-day-2021-100061/articlesValentine's Day 2021 – The Conversation2021-02-12T15:20:38Ztag:theconversation.com,2011:article/1551912021-02-12T15:20:38Z2021-02-12T15:20:38ZSingle on Valentine’s Day and happily so<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/383901/original/file-20210211-21-i403um.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=20%2C27%2C2284%2C1254&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">Single and happy on Valentine's Day/</span> <span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.gettyimages.com/detail/photo/hearts-royalty-free-image/1081552302?adppopup=true">anandaBGD via Getty Images Collections E+</a></span></figcaption></figure><p>In this pandemic year, many Americans are focused on how to have a socially distanced romantic dinner or prepare the perfect date night at home.</p>
<p>There’s nothing wrong with celebrating romantic love, but the focus on such celebrations drowns out the voices of those who are fine as they are - single and happily so. </p>
<p>As I’ve argued in <a href="https://elizabethbrake.com/minimizing-marriage/">my research on the ethics and politics of the family</a>, social practices that celebrate romance, while ignoring the joys of friendship and solitude, reflect widespread assumptions. One is that everyone is seeking a romantic relationship. The second is more value-laden: Living in a long-term romantic, sexual partnership is better than living without one. This fuels beliefs that those living solo are less happy, or lonelier, than couples.</p>
<p>These assumptions are so prevalent that they guide many social interactions. But research shows they’re false.</p>
<h2>Why more Americans are living single</h2>
<p>The truth is that more Americans are living unmarried and without a romantic partner. In 2005, the census for the first time recorded <a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2007/01/16/us/16census.html">a majority of women living outside of marriage</a>. By 2010, <a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2011/05/26/us/26marry.html">married couples became a minority</a> in the United States. While many unmarried people may have romantic partners, a 2017 Pew survey showed <a href="http://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2017/10/11/the-share-of-americans-living-without-a-partner-has-increased-especially-among-young-adults/">more young adults were choosing to live single</a>. </p>
<p>Personal finances likely play a role in such choices. <a href="https://doi.org/10.17016/FEDS.2018.080">Millennials are worse off</a> than earlier generations. There is a proven connection between economic resources and marriage rates – what legal scholar <a href="http://www.bu.edu/law/profile/linda-c-mcclain/">Linda McClain</a> calls “<a href="https://scholarship.law.bu.edu/faculty_scholarship/115/">the other marriage equality problem</a>.” Lower incomes <a href="https://theconversation.com/low-income-parents-want-a-white-picket-fence-not-just-money-before-getting-married-106294">correlate with lower rates of marriage</a>. </p>
<p>But changing family patterns are not simply the result of financial instability. They reflect choices: Not everyone wants romantic partnership and many single people see solo life as more conducive to flourishing and autonomy. </p>
<h2>Single by choice</h2>
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<img alt="" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/251609/original/file-20181219-45403-1wqz57g.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/251609/original/file-20181219-45403-1wqz57g.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/251609/original/file-20181219-45403-1wqz57g.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/251609/original/file-20181219-45403-1wqz57g.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/251609/original/file-20181219-45403-1wqz57g.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/251609/original/file-20181219-45403-1wqz57g.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/251609/original/file-20181219-45403-1wqz57g.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px">
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<span class="caption">Many people enjoy being single.</span>
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<p>As I show in my book “<a href="https://global.oup.com/academic/product/minimizing-marriage-9780199774135?lang=en&cc=us">Minimizing Marriage</a>,” people have many different political or ethical reasons for preferring singlehood. </p>
<p>Some women become <a href="https://www.singlemothersbychoice.org/">single mothers by choice</a>. As sociologist <a href="https://sociology.berkeley.edu/professor-emeritus/arlie-r-hochschild">Arlie Hochschild</a> has argued, <a href="https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/310593/the-second-shift-by-arlie-hochschild-with-anne-machung/9780143120339/">marriage brings extra work for women</a>, making it less attractive than single life for some. </p>
<p>For other people, being single is simply a relationship preference or even an orientation. For example, there are those, referred to as “asexuals” and “aromantics,” who lack interest in sexual and romantic relationships. </p>
<h2>Who are asexuals and aromantics?</h2>
<p>Data from a 1994 British survey of more than 18,000 people showed 1% of the respondents <a href="https://rowman.com/ISBN/9781442201019#">to be asexual</a>. Because asexuality is still little-known, some asexual people might not identify as such. And so, it’s possible that the true numbers could be higher.</p>
<p>Asexual people do not feel sexual attraction. Asexuality is not simply the behavior of abstaining from sex, but an orientation. Just as heterosexual people feel sexual attraction to members of a different sex, and gay and lesbian people feel attraction to members of the same sex, asexual people simply do not feel sexual attraction. Asexual people can have romantic feelings, wanting a life partner to share intimate moments with and even cuddle – but without sexual feelings. </p>
<p>But some asexual people are also aromantic, that is, not interested in romantic relationships. Like asexuality, aromanticism is an orientation. Aromantics may have sexual feelings or be asexual, but they do not have romantic feelings. Both asexual people and aromantics face a lack of understanding.</p>
<p><a href="http://www.angelachen.org/">Angela Chen</a>, a journalist who wrote a book about asexuality, reports that her asexual interview subjects suffered from a lack of information about asexuality. As they failed to develop sexual attractions during puberty - while their classmates did - they asked themselves, “Am I normal? Is something wrong with me?” </p>
<p>But while asexuality is sometimes misunderstood as a medical disorder, <a href="http://dx.doi.org/10.1080/19419899.2013.774165">there are many differences</a> between an asexual orientation and a medical disorder causing a low sex drive. When asexual people are treated as “abnormal” by doctors or therapists, it does them a disservice.</p>
<p>Since the early 2000s, asexual people have exchanged ideas and organized through online groups. One such group, <a href="https://www.asexuality.org/">The Asexual Visibility and Education Network</a>, for example, promotes the understanding that lack of sexual attraction is normal for asexual people, and lack of romantic feelings is normal for aromantics.</p>
<p>Asexual people, like aromantics, challenge the expectation that everyone wants a romantic, sexual partnership. They don’t. Nor do they believe that they would be better off with one. </p>
<h2>Single and alone – or lonely?</h2>
<p>Far from the stereotype of the lonely single, lifelong singletons are less lonely than other older people, according to psychologist <a href="http://www.belladepaulo.com/about-bella-depaulo/">Bella DePaulo</a>, the author of “<a href="https://us.macmillan.com/books/9780312340827">Singled Out</a>.” Nor are singles alone. </p>
<p>Many singles have close friendships which are <a href="https://elizabethbrake.com/minimizing-marriage/">just as valuable as romantic partnerships</a>. But assumptions that friendships are less significant than romantic partnerships hide their value.</p>
<p>Understanding the reasons people have for remaining single might help to handle family pressures. If you’re single, you could take unwanted questioning as a teachable moment. If you’re the friend or family member of someone who tells you they’re happily single – believe them. </p>
<p>And if you’re single on Valentine’s Day, consider celebrating the varied loves of your life: your friends, your family, your furry companions, and, most of all, yourself.</p>
<p><em>This is an updated version of a piece <a href="https://theconversation.com/single-doesnt-mean-being-lonely-or-alone-108665">first published</a> on Dec. 20, 2018.</em></p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/155191/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Elizabeth Brake has received funding from Social Sciences and Humanities Research Council and
National Endowment for the Humanities. </span></em></p>Not everyone wants romantic partnership and many singles find more happiness and autonomy in their solo life.Elizabeth Brake, Professor of Philosophy, Rice UniversityLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/1537072021-02-12T13:16:45Z2021-02-12T13:16:45ZShould I stay or should I go? Here are the relationship factors people ponder when deciding whether to break up<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/383885/original/file-20210211-15-158vmy7.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=275%2C351%2C4028%2C2621&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">Are you feeling more 'soul mate' or 'k bye' about your relationship?</span> <span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.gettyimages.com/detail/photo/heart-shaped-conversation-candies-background-copy-royalty-free-image/1200840322">Christine_Kohler/iStock via Getty Images Plus</a></span></figcaption></figure><p>Where do you see yourself in five years? It’s a standard job interview question, but it’s an even better question to ask yourself about your relationship.</p>
<p>The person you talk to, date, move in with, get engaged to, marry, break up with or divorce – it’s all up to you. You’re in the driver’s seat regarding your relationship’s trajectory.</p>
<p>Most of the time, you probably cruise along on autopilot, maintaining the status quo. Every once in a while, though, something disrupts that equilibrium and you seriously ponder your relationship’s fate.</p>
<p>At some point, most people find themselves facing the complicated decision of whether to stick with it or call it quits. While there’s lots to consider when you’re pondering your own situation, maybe it would be helpful to know how others deal with these important life decisions. Recent research, <a href="https://www.littlebrown.com/titles/gary-w-lewandowski-jr-phd/stronger-than-you-think/9780316454704/">including my own in the field of relationship science</a>, has explored how people make these choices. </p>
<h2>Factors when weighing a relationship</h2>
<p>It feels as if there could be as many reasons someone would decide to maintain or end a relationship as there are relationships.</p>
<p>To learn more about what people actually consider, psychology researchers <a href="https://scholar.google.com/citations?user=3lKgR-QAAAAJ&hl=en&oi=ao">Samantha Joel</a>, <a href="https://scholar.google.com/citations?user=Xji4sRAAAAAJ&hl=en&oi=ao">Geoff Macdonald</a> and <a href="https://scholar.google.com/citations?user=VhP69dEAAAAJ&hl=en&oi=ao">Elizabeth Page-Gould</a> asked over 400 individuals who were questioning their own relationship: “<a href="https://doi.org/10.1177/1948550617722834">What are some reasons</a> someone might give for wanting to stay with or leave their romantic partner?”</p>
<p>Out of all the specific circumstances, 50 common themes emerged.</p>
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<p>People came up with 27 broad reasons for staying. These focused on key relationship components such as attraction, physical and emotional intimacy and support. People were reluctant to lose the time and effort they had already invested and were fearful of being alone. They considered pluses, such as the desirable aspects of their partner’s personality and how much fun they had together. They also factored in practical issues, including potential family disruption and financial implications.</p>
<p>Participants also suggested 23 general reasons to leave. These included many of the same themes as the reasons to stay, but focused on the negative side – things like a partner’s problematic personality, acts of deception or cheating, emotional distance, lack of support and insufficient emotional or physical intimacy.</p>
<h2>So many reasons, but what to do?</h2>
<p>Listing these themes is one thing. How do individuals factor them into real-life decisions of whether to stay or go? To find out, the researchers did a follow-up study with over 200 people who were contemplating breaking up or getting a divorce.</p>
<p>Roughly half of these participants reported feeling, on balance, more inclined to stay in the troubled relationship. That makes sense – inertia is powerful. Staying often takes the least effort.</p>
<p>However, those same exact people simultaneously had an above-average inclination to leave, meaning they rated themselves as leaning toward breaking up. See the problem? Participants were motivated to stay with their partner at the same time they were motivated to end things. And this ambivalence was very common. </p>
<p>That relationship doubts are so common and people are often conflicted about what to do are what make this kind of research potentially helpful. It lends some order to the chaos by helping to identify what’s most important. </p>
<h2>A long and winding road</h2>
<p>Relationship decisions are rarely as clear cut as “should I stay or should I go?” Instead, people experience subtle shifts in their commitment that build up over time. What contributes to these variations in commitment? </p>
<p>Relationship researchers <a href="https://scholar.google.com/citations?user=aJgXSyoAAAAJ&hl=en&oi=sra">Laura Machia</a> and <a href="https://scholar.google.com/citations?user=aCOyAim5Kz4C&hl=en&oi=sra">Brian Ogolsky</a> sought to find out by <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177/0146167220966903">interviewing participants in stable relationships</a>. At each of eight monthly interviews, 464 participants indicated how serious their relationship was by rating how likely it was they’d marry their current partner – “0% if they were certain they would never marry their partner or never thought about marriage, and 100% if they were certain they would marry their partner in the future.” Each time their “commitment to wed” percentage shifted from one interview to the next, researchers asked why. </p>
<p>Participants expressed a lot of reasons for commitment fluctuations – 13,598, to be exact. The researchers distilled them down to 14 key themes. The most influential reasons were positive and negative characterizations of the partner and relationship. These included direct statements about the partner – such as “he was fun, considerate and kind” – or about them as a couple – such as “we were drifting apart.” As you’d expect, positive statements related more to increased commitment, while negative statements were associated with declines.</p>
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<p>The next-most-mentioned reason was circumstances – unforeseen events or experiences such job loss, a partner becoming ill or needing to move. Interestingly, this kind of life change could either increase or decrease an individual’s commitment to the relationship. This finding is further evidence that events by themselves – say, a worldwide pandemic – aren’t the sole determinant of a relationship’s fate. A couple’s existing dynamics play a large role too.</p>
<p>Out of all the possible reasons that nudged people up or down the commitment scale, there was one that stood out as actually predicting whether a couple would break up: cheating. As much as other factors made people feel more or less likely to consider marriage, involvement with another dating partner was the one true relationship-killer. </p>
<p>In the other direction, the study also identified one factor that increased commitment and pushed relationships closer toward marriage: positive disclosure. That’s what psychologists call it when you share information with each other that encourages positive feelings, which in turn supports your relationship. Think exchanging stories about your childhoods, getting to know each other on a deeper level, or sharing good news. <a href="https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.91.5.904">These kinds of disclosures strengthen relationships</a>. </p>
<h2>Love is a decision – and rarely clear cut</h2>
<p>Relationships are complicated, and no one knows for sure what the future holds. It’s hard to know what the best decision is if you’re thinking about whether to stay with a partner or move on. The best relationships have their issues, while the worst relationships still have their virtues. While you don’t want to get stuck with an awful partner, you also don’t want to be unnecessarily harsh on what could be a great relationship. Maybe knowing what others consider important factors can help you make your own best choice.</p>
<p>[<em>Get our best science, health and technology stories.</em> <a href="https://theconversation.com/us/newsletters/science-editors-picks-71/?utm_source=TCUS&utm_medium=inline-link&utm_campaign=newsletter-text&utm_content=science-best">Sign up for The Conversation’s science newsletter</a>.]</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/153707/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Gary W. Lewandowski Jr. does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organization that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.</span></em></p>People have plenty of individual reasons to stick with or end a romantic relationship. But researchers have identified some common themes that influence this big decision.Gary W. Lewandowski Jr., Professor of Psychology, Monmouth UniversityLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/1550992021-02-11T20:10:50Z2021-02-11T20:10:50ZFor the birds? Hardly! Valentine’s Day was reimagined by chivalrous medieval poets for all to enjoy, respectfully<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/383815/original/file-20210211-19-qdtz6d.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=302%2C627%2C761%2C755&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">Roses are red, thieving birds are blue. My neck is aching, are you uncomfortable too?</span> <span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://digi.ub.uni-heidelberg.de/diglit/cpg848/0494">Universitatbibliothek Heidelberg</a></span></figcaption></figure><p>Valentine’s Day <a href="https://www.cnn.com/2012/02/13/opinion/obeidallah-hate-valentines-day/index.html">annoys many people</a>.</p>
<p>For many in a relationship, the pressure to impress a partner can weigh heavily, and expensive gifts serve as a reminder of the <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2010/feb/12/valentines-day-commercialised">relentless commercialization</a> <a href="https://www.researchgate.net/publication/228150577_A_Holiday_Loved_and_Loathed_A_Consumer_Perspective_of_Valentine's_Day">of the holiday</a>. Meanwhile those still looking for love <a href="https://blog.pof.com/2020/01/the-pressures-of-valentines-day-dating-study/">approach the day with trepidation</a> – another reminder of their single status and the pressure to find a partner.</p>
<p>As a <a href="https://scholars.library.tamu.edu/vivo/display/nbfd0863b/Persons/View%20All">chivalric literary historian</a> who has studied the origins of the holiday, I find this a shame. When the notion of Valentine’s Day as a day for romance emerged in the 1380s it was all about love as a natural life force – birds choosing their mates, the freedom to choose or refuse love and the arrival of springtime. But even then many people did not understand or value these things. In fact, that is why it was invented. </p>
<h2>Odes to love</h2>
<p>The first to write of Valentine’s Day – a feast day with <a href="https://www.nationalgeographic.com/culture/holidays/reference/saint-st-valentines-day/#:%7E:text=The%20earliest%20possible%20origin%20story,sacrifice%20a%20goat%20and%20dog.&text=When%20Pope%20Gelasius%20came%20to,put%20an%20end%20to%20Lupercalia.">ancient pagan roots</a> – as a holiday celebrating love and lovers were the 14th-century <a href="https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poets/geoffrey-chaucer">English squire Geoffrey Chaucer</a> and his friend, the internationally admired <a href="https://d.lib.rochester.edu/teams/text/nicholson-grenier-winther-granson-poems-introduction">knight and poet Oton III de Granson</a>, from Savoy in modern-day France. Both poets were recognized in their own time as chivalrous advocates for human rights. And in tandem, they seem to have <a href="https://www.bl.uk/collection-items/the-parliament-of-fowls#:%7E:text=The%20idea%20that%20Valentine's%20Day,their%20mates%20for%20the%20year.">concocted Valentine’s Day as a day for lovers</a>.</p>
<p>Their work supported principles still important for us today, notably the right to free choice in love and the right to refuse romantic advances.</p>
<p>Chaucer and Granson encountered one another in the service of <a href="https://www.ancient.eu/Richard_II_of_England/">Richard II of England</a> and admired one another’s poetry. Their poems about Valentine’s Day show them operating as an international chivalric team to address pressing issues in the theory and practice of love, then and now.</p>
<p>In the poem “<a href="https://www.poetryintranslation.com/PITBR/English/Fowls.php">The Parliament of Fowls</a>,” Chaucer presents Valentine’s Day as a day when birds gather to choose their mates under the supervision of nature. In the poem, presented as a dream, three rival eagles each express a lifelong commitment to a single female. Birds of lower social status and different temperament, waiting in line, quarrel about how to resolve the impasse so they, too, can select their mates.</p>
<figure class="align-center ">
<img alt="An engraving of four eagles in a tree as depicted in Geoffrey Chaucer's 'Parliament of Fowls'" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/383790/original/file-20210211-15-1ycv2m0.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/383790/original/file-20210211-15-1ycv2m0.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=452&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/383790/original/file-20210211-15-1ycv2m0.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=452&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/383790/original/file-20210211-15-1ycv2m0.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=452&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/383790/original/file-20210211-15-1ycv2m0.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=568&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/383790/original/file-20210211-15-1ycv2m0.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=568&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/383790/original/file-20210211-15-1ycv2m0.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=568&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px">
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<span class="caption">A 19th-century illustration of Chaucer’s ‘Parliament of Fowls.’</span>
<span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.gettyimages.com/detail/news-photo/illustration-from-the-kelmscott-press-edition-of-the-works-news-photo/464000155?adppopup=true">The Print Collector/Getty Images</a></span>
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<p>In the scenario, two of the eagles must be disappointed – Valentine’s Day is no guarantee that all will find love. But in the end the wise female eagle obtains from the figure of Nature the right to take her time in deciding her mate. She chooses not to choose. It is a story of waiting to recognize one’s true love, knowing your own heart and having the right to choose your partner yourself.</p>
<p>Chaucer’s tale relates to an actual courtship that included three suitors and ended in the wedding of two 15-year-olds: <a href="https://www.westminster-abbey.org/abbey-commemorations/royals/richard-ii-and-anne-of-bohemia">Richard II and the princess Anne of Bohemia</a>, in 1382. </p>
<p>Meanwhile, Granson promoted Valentine’s Day in his French poems as a day for human lovers to choose one another and pledge their love, as do the birds. Granson pledges his own undying love to a mysterious lady in his “<a href="https://d.lib.rochester.edu/teams/text/granson-nicholson-grenier-winther-complainte-de-saint-vallentin-garenson">Complaint to Saint Valentine</a>.” There was no merchandise involved and no gifts were expected.</p>
<h2>Free love</h2>
<p>Chaucer and Granson’s celebration of love as a relationship between partners, a union of souls grounded in respect and the freedom of choice, contrasts with many of the traditions of the age in which they lived.</p>
<p>Throughout the Middle Ages, most <a href="https://www.brown.edu/Departments/Italian_Studies/dweb/society/sex/sex-spouses.php">marriages were arranged and often forced</a>, usually in childhood – as <a href="https://www.unicef.org/stories/child-marriage-around-world">many still are today</a> – with the full support of tradition and the law. Saints’ lives and legal documents describe <a href="https://ir.uiowa.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1948&context=mff">parents coercing children to marry</a> by brute force. Chaucer’s own father was <a href="https://books.google.com/books?id=TQHw98Pn16IC&pg=PA371&dq=John+Chaucer+aunt+kidnapping&hl=en&newbks=1&newbks_redir=0&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwia1M3l9uHuAhXaG80KHYaWDLIQ6AEwAnoECAcQAg#v=onepage&q=John%20Chaucer%20aunt%20kidnapping&f=false">kidnapped at age 12 by his aunt</a> in an attempt to force him to marry her daughter in order to gain control over his inheritance.</p>
<p>In this context, Chaucer and Granson reimagined the already existing Valentine’s Day festival to celebrate the potential beauty of love itself. In a world where forced and child marriages are still all too common, it is important to reflect on Chaucer and Granson’s visions. Their reinvention of the day opened the eyes of poets, knights, ladies and just plain folk to the need for respect and self-respect in courtship – and the value of partnerships entered into for love, not just for lust, power or money.</p>
<p>Servants of love, these two knightly poets shaped Valentine’s Day as a gift for future generations. Their chivalrous enterprise deserves to be celebrated as we pursue our own happiness.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/155099/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Jennifer Wollock does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organization that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.</span></em></p>The view of Valentine’s Day as a day for lovers can be traced back to two medieval poets who stood up for romance and the freedom to choose.Jennifer Wollock, Professor of English, Texas A&M UniversityLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/1548892021-02-11T18:42:56Z2021-02-11T18:42:56ZValentine’s Day: COVID-19 wilted the flower industry, but sustainability still a thorny issue<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/383446/original/file-20210210-19-123749r.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=321%2C171%2C6247%2C4255&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">A worker cuts roses to be shipped to the U.S. and Europe at a flower farm in Madrid, Colombia, in August 2020.</span> <span class="attribution"><span class="source">(AP Photo/Fernando Vergara)</span></span></figcaption></figure><p>Cut flowers are a multi-billion-dollar business globally, closely linked to social events and holidays, such as Christmas, Hanukkah and Mother’s Day, and to happy and sad occasions, like weddings and funerals.</p>
<p>And then there’s Valentine’s Day.</p>
<p>In the United States alone, an <a href="https://smartasset.com/insights/the-economics-of-flowers">estimated $1.9 billion worth of cut flowers are sold on or before Valentine’s Day</a> each year. As Valentine’s Day approaches, and the chill of winter lingers, it leaves one wondering: Where do all these flowers come from? How do those roses get from grower’s land to lover’s hand? </p>
<p>As a professor who studies sustainability, I’ve investigated the impact of many business models, including cut flowers. If there’s enough money to be made (or favour to be won), the social and environmental implications of business decisions often are trumped by short-term economics.</p>
<h2>The flower industry</h2>
<p>Since 2019, the worldwide cut flower market had been blooming. The market for cut flowers, houseplants and landscape greenery was expected to <a href="https://www.petalrepublic.com/floristry-and-floriculture-statistics/">grow roughly 6.3 per cent over the five years ending in 2024</a>.</p>
<p>But that market wilted to <a href="https://www.reportlinker.com/p05817698/Global-Cut-Flowers-Industry.html">an estimated US$29.2 billion in 2020</a>, a 6.2 per cent contraction from 2019, largely due to the pandemic. In top spot, the United States accounted for US$7.9 billion, or 27 percent of the 2020 global market. </p>
<p>Florists typically sell cut flowers, as well as floral arrangements and potted plants. These items come from both domestic and foreign flower farms and wholesalers. In the U.S. and Canada around 80 per cent of these flowers are imported.</p>
<p>Florists are small businesses. In both Canada and the United States, the average florist has only about two employees. In Canada, the florist industry consists of an estimated <a href="https://www.ibisworld.com/canada/market-research-reports/florists-industry/">2,822 retail businesses, 5,054 employees and annual sales revenue of $602 million</a>. In the U.S. last year, there were <a href="https://www.ibisworld.com/united-states/market-research-reports/florists-industry/">31,663 florists, with 65,000 employees, in a US$5 billion market</a>.</p>
<h2>The cut flower supply chain</h2>
<p>The cut flower supply chain often starts in Colombia. About <a href="https://hellohomestead.com/as-local-cut-flower-industry-grows-research-shows-what-challenges-growers-will-face/">80 per cent of cut flowers sold in the U.S. are imported</a>. Colombia is the No. 1 country of origin and <a href="https://www.floraldaily.com/article/9015340/infographic-looking-at-the-us-flower-industry/">Ecuador is No. 2</a>. </p>
<p>While the Netherlands produces 80 percent of the world’s tulips, <a href="https://www.petalrepublic.com/floristry-and-floriculture-statistics/">Colombia and Ecuador are the world’s largest producers of carnations and roses, respectively</a>. As a symbol of love and romance, <a href="https://safnow.org/">roses are the world’s most popular flowers</a>. </p>
<p>The top <a href="https://www.petalrepublic.com/floristry-and-floriculture-statistics/">four flower producing countries in 2019, in terms of export revenues</a>, were: The Netherlands ($4.6 billion), Colombia ($1.4 billion), Ecuador ($879.8 million) and Kenya ($709.4 million). </p>
<figure class="align-center zoomable">
<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/383858/original/file-20210211-21-1ewtm9a.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="Table showing rank of various flower exporting countries" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/383858/original/file-20210211-21-1ewtm9a.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/383858/original/file-20210211-21-1ewtm9a.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=298&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/383858/original/file-20210211-21-1ewtm9a.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=298&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/383858/original/file-20210211-21-1ewtm9a.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=298&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/383858/original/file-20210211-21-1ewtm9a.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=375&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/383858/original/file-20210211-21-1ewtm9a.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=375&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/383858/original/file-20210211-21-1ewtm9a.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=375&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
<figcaption>
<span class="caption"></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>Flowers grown on the Bogotá Plateau are cut, combined into bundles and hydrated for up to 24 hours — in preparation to enter the “cold chain.” As roses travel to Bogotá’s El Dorado International Airport in refrigerated trucks, shipping and storage temperatures are maintained at about 1C. </p>
<p>Next, those roses are flown to Miami, Fla. In fact, <a href="https://globalnews.ca/news/3248691/reality-check-where-does-your-bouquet-of-roses-come-from/">most cut flowers destined for the U.S. or Canada arrive via Miami International Airport</a>. </p>
<p>In the case of Edmonton-based Grower Direct, roses and other cut flowers are loaded onto refrigerated trucks for direct delivery to stores across Canada. The entire journey, <a href="https://www.growerdirect.com/a-cut-flowers-journey">from farm to flower shop, takes as little as four days</a>. Despite the speedy journey, <a href="https://www.petalrepublic.com/floristry-and-floriculture-statistics/">45 per cent of all cut flowers die before they are sold</a>. </p>
<h2>Low wages, pesticides and greenhouse gases</h2>
<p>Sustainability attempts to balance social, environmental and economic implications of decisions and actions, today and into the future. </p>
<p>While the cut flower industry provides jobs for producers and distributors, there is a price. The <a href="https://laborrights.org/">International Labor Rights Fund</a> notes that the industry has a reputation for low wages and poor working conditions. Workers on Colombian flower farms are predominantly female. They work <a href="https://brownpoliticalreview.org/2019/07/every-rose-thorn-exposing-cut-flower-industry/">16 or more hours a day for a monthly wage of about $300</a>.</p>
<figure class="align-center ">
<img alt="A woman walking through a greenhouse filled with pink roses, carries a large bunch of flowers." src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/383448/original/file-20210210-17-1d6xj2c.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/383448/original/file-20210210-17-1d6xj2c.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=397&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/383448/original/file-20210210-17-1d6xj2c.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=397&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/383448/original/file-20210210-17-1d6xj2c.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=397&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/383448/original/file-20210210-17-1d6xj2c.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=499&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/383448/original/file-20210210-17-1d6xj2c.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=499&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/383448/original/file-20210210-17-1d6xj2c.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=499&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px">
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">A farm worker cuts roses to be thrown away at the Maridadi Flowers farm in Naivasha, Kenya, on Mar. 19, 2020, after lockdowns and border restrictions strangled the cut flower industry.</span>
<span class="attribution"><span class="source">(AP Photo/Patrick Ngugi)</span></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>Since flowers are not classified as edible, they are often exempt from pesticide regulations. Thus, <a href="https://globalnews.ca/news/3248691/reality-check-where-does-your-bouquet-of-roses-come-from/">many flower production workers in Ecuador and Colombia have suffered from respiratory problems, rashes and eye infections</a> caused by exposure to toxic chemicals in fertilizers, fungicides and pesticides. </p>
<p>The Fairtrade movement is a response to this mistreatment. It <a href="https://www.fairtrade.ca/en-CA/Stay-in-touch/Blog/2020/February/Flower-Power.html">aims to improve working conditions for flower farmers and workers</a>, as well as living conditions in their communities, by ensuring they earn a living wage and by protecting their rights.</p>
<p>Moving flowers from South America to North America, in refrigerated trucks and cargo planes, in and out of warehouses along the cold chain, yields a large carbon footprint. During a typical peak season, <a href="https://atmos.earth/cut-flowers-environmental-carbon-cost-facts/">30-35 cargo planes arrive in Miami from Bogotá every day to meet American demand</a>. While local production would ground some of those flights, growing flowers in greenhouses can use as much energy as shipping them from Colombia by air freight. </p>
<h2>COVID-19 impact</h2>
<p>On March 11, 2020, the World Health Organization declared COVID-19 a “global pandemic.” The timing could hardly have been worse for the cut flower industry. </p>
<figure class="align-center ">
<img alt="Overhead view of two people surrounded by flowers, chopping them up on a wooden table." src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/383447/original/file-20210210-21-r19rax.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/383447/original/file-20210210-21-r19rax.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=404&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/383447/original/file-20210210-21-r19rax.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=404&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/383447/original/file-20210210-21-r19rax.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=404&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/383447/original/file-20210210-21-r19rax.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=508&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/383447/original/file-20210210-21-r19rax.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=508&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/383447/original/file-20210210-21-r19rax.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=508&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px">
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">Flower shop employees destroy unsold flowers in St. Petersburg, Russia, after shops were ordered closed to limit the spread of the coronavirus, on Apr. 13, 2020.</span>
<span class="attribution"><span class="source">(AP Photo/Dmitri Lovetsky)</span></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>Spring is the industry’s <a href="https://www.pri.org/stories/2020-05-08/coronavirus-pandemic-wilts-global-flower-industry">busy season, with weddings, Easter and Mother’s Day</a>. But soon, weddings were being postponed and flower shops closed. As lockdowns went into place around the world, the market wilted. Growers in Kenya and Colombia began to toss roses away.</p>
<p>Now, as lockdowns and other restrictions begin to ease up, there is optimism that 2021 will be better, starting with Valentine’s Day. Indeed, the Society of American Florists anticipates “<a href="https://www.floraldaily.com/article/9293169/florists-gearing-up-for-busier-valentine-s-day-due-to-pandemic/">the biggest Valentine’s Day in decades</a>” in 2021.</p>
<p>But what if you forget to bring a bouquet of roses to your Valentine on Sunday? You could remind him or her or them about the social and/or environmental ills of the cut flower industry. </p>
<p>Or, you could just buy the damn flowers. But be sure they are Fairtrade certified or locally grown. And be sure to wear a mask.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/154889/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Paul D. Larson does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.</span></em></p>After a withered 2020 due to COVID-19, the flower industry is hoping to blossom. The industry, which remains far from sustainable, remains a multi-billion dollar operation.Paul D. Larson, CN Professor of Supply Chain Management, University of ManitobaLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/1546452021-02-11T02:01:50Z2021-02-11T02:01:50Z‘I die where I cling’: garters and ‘busks’ inscribed with love notes were the sexy lingerie of the past<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/383440/original/file-20210210-19-xxm4cy.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=13%2C714%2C3079%2C2954&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">The Garter, 1724,
Jean François de Troy.
</span> <span class="attribution"><span class="source">The Metropolitan Museum, New York</span></span></figcaption></figure><p>Lingerie sales in 2020 <a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2020/06/25/style/lingerie-sales-underwear.html">surged</a> as pandemic lockdowns saw online shoppers seek to escape the mundanity of sweatpants and spice up their sex lives. Such sales will likely increase ahead of Valentine’s Day, but the gift of intimate apparel is not a modern phenomenon. </p>
<p>In 17th and 18th-century England and France, intimate objects were also gifted during courtship or amorous liaisons as tokens of romantic intention and sexual desire. </p>
<p>The “<a href="https://fashionhistory.fitnyc.edu/busk/">busk</a>”, a long piece of wood, metal or whalebone, was placed into a stitched channel between layers of fabric in the front of corset bodices or stays.</p>
<p>And garters — more of a novelty item today — were strips of fabric or ribbons tied around a woman’s lower thigh to keep her stocking in place. </p>
<p>Both were often inscribed or embroidered with intimate words of love. They were also charged with erotic connotations due to their intimate position on the female body next to breasts, groins and thighs. </p>
<figure class="align-center zoomable">
<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/383435/original/file-20210210-17-yvnrjs.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/383435/original/file-20210210-17-yvnrjs.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/383435/original/file-20210210-17-yvnrjs.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=333&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/383435/original/file-20210210-17-yvnrjs.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=333&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/383435/original/file-20210210-17-yvnrjs.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=333&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/383435/original/file-20210210-17-yvnrjs.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=419&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/383435/original/file-20210210-17-yvnrjs.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=419&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/383435/original/file-20210210-17-yvnrjs.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=419&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">A pair of women’s garters, England or France, early 19th century, made from
printed and embroidered silk, metal clasp, and coiled wire.</span>
<span class="attribution"><span class="source">Los Angeles County Museum of Art</span></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<h2>Intimate tokens</h2>
<p>In 1684, English poet and playwright <a href="https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poets/aphra-behn">Aphra Behn</a> imagined a tree that for years had witnessed couples wooing under its branches. Her <a href="https://www.poetrynook.com/poem/juniper-tree-cut-down-make-busks">poem ends</a> when the tree falls to the axe and …</p>
<blockquote>
<p>My body into busks was turned:</p>
<p>Where I still guard the sacred store,</p>
<p>And of Love’s temple keep the door. </p>
</blockquote>
<figure class="align-right zoomable">
<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/382937/original/file-20210208-21-v4aqv5.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="Intricately carved wooden strip from corset." src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/382937/original/file-20210208-21-v4aqv5.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=237&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/382937/original/file-20210208-21-v4aqv5.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=1323&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/382937/original/file-20210208-21-v4aqv5.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=1323&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/382937/original/file-20210208-21-v4aqv5.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=1323&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/382937/original/file-20210208-21-v4aqv5.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=1663&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/382937/original/file-20210208-21-v4aqv5.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=1663&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/382937/original/file-20210208-21-v4aqv5.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=1663&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">This 17th-century busk is inscribed with a heartfelt poem, to be worn close to the bosom.</span>
<span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.metmuseum.org/art/collection/search/84187">Gift of Mrs. Edward S. Harkness/The Met Museum, New York.</a></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>As busks were destined to sit on the body next to the heart, it was only fitting that wood from this tree was used to fashion them. </p>
<p>Several <a href="https://quod.lib.umich.edu/cgi/t/text/pageviewer-idx?cc=eebo;c=eebo;idno=a59460.0001.001;seq=48;vid=61846;page=root;view=text">plays and poems</a> refer to men who bought or made busks for their sweethearts. The sheer number of surviving busks that contain inscriptions of love testifies to their popularity.</p>
<p>One 17th-century French busk in The Met Museum’s collection <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/1468-0424.12066">exclaims</a>, “Until Goodbye, My Fire is Pure, Love is United”. </p>
<p>Three engravings correspond with each line: a tear falling onto a barren field, two hearts appearing in that field and finally a house that the couple would share together in marriage with two hearts floating above it. </p>
<p>Similarly, surviving 18th-century garters contain embroidered sayings and verses. One <a href="https://collections.lacma.org/node/233286">18th-century French pair</a> proclaims, “same hearts, same thoughts”.</p>
<p><a href="https://collections.mfa.org/objects/46760/garter-one-of-a-pair?ctx=8d1ac8d9-6cee-480b-b891-84ca19565065&idx=0">Another states</a>, “My motto is to love you, It will never change”. </p>
<p>In February 1660, meanwhile, <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Samuel_Pepys">Samuel Pepys</a> noted in his diary that he sent his wife “silk stockings and garters, for her Valentines.” </p>
<hr>
<p>
<em>
<strong>
Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/dear-valentine-take-another-little-piece-of-my-heart-or-hair-37462">Dear Valentine, take another little piece of my heart, or hair</a>
</strong>
</em>
</p>
<hr>
<h2>Erotic puns</h2>
<p>Although busks and garters were commonly given as gifts, even on Valentine’s Day they were not socially ostentatious tokens like jewellery.</p>
<p>Their position within or underneath clothing meant that while giving and receiving could be public, the wearing was a matter of intimacy. This was exploited in erotic literature and on the objects themselves. </p>
<figure class="align-left zoomable">
<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/383436/original/file-20210210-21-otpfz9.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/383436/original/file-20210210-21-otpfz9.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=237&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/383436/original/file-20210210-21-otpfz9.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=834&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/383436/original/file-20210210-21-otpfz9.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=834&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/383436/original/file-20210210-21-otpfz9.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=834&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/383436/original/file-20210210-21-otpfz9.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=1048&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/383436/original/file-20210210-21-otpfz9.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=1048&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/383436/original/file-20210210-21-otpfz9.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=1048&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">17th century French busk inscribed with love poetry. Gift of Mrs. Edward S. Harkness, 1930.</span>
<span class="attribution"><span class="source">Metropolitan Museum of Art, New York</span></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>Some inscriptions found on busks spoke of men’s jealousy of the busks, giving these inanimate objects voices of their own. </p>
<p>A 17th-century French busk, engraved with a man’s portrait declares, “He enjoys sweet sighs, this lover / Who would very much like to take my place.” That “place” being between his lover’s breasts. </p>
<p>Like busks, garters also contained verses acknowledging their intimate place on the female body. A pair of French embroidered silk garters from 1780 proclaims, “United forever / I die where I cling.” </p>
<p>In this context, “where I cling” refers to a woman’s lower thighs, which were only accessible to those most intimate with her. It was also a euphemism for an orgasm. </p>
<p>The busk itself could also take on phallic connotations as it was likened to a lover’s erection in bawdy jokes. </p>
<figure class="align-center zoomable">
<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/382932/original/file-20210208-15-1a0hhn9.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=391%2C416%2C1960%2C2376&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="Woman adjusts garters in historic drawing" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/382932/original/file-20210208-15-1a0hhn9.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=391%2C416%2C1960%2C2376&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/382932/original/file-20210208-15-1a0hhn9.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=762&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/382932/original/file-20210208-15-1a0hhn9.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=762&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/382932/original/file-20210208-15-1a0hhn9.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=762&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/382932/original/file-20210208-15-1a0hhn9.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=958&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/382932/original/file-20210208-15-1a0hhn9.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=958&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/382932/original/file-20210208-15-1a0hhn9.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=958&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">A Girl with a Basket and Birdcage Adjusts Her Garter. Thomas Rowlandson, c. 1785-95.</span>
<span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.metmuseum.org/art/collection/search/811105">Thomas Rowlandson/Met Museum</a></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>By the late 18th century, busks and garters became less personalised and began to be produced on a large scale. </p>
<p>They tell the tales of both fickle human hearts and also of a changing European culture that embraced and then commodified love and desire — much like many Valentine’s gifts today.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/154645/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Sarah Bendall receives funding from the Australian Research Council and the Pasold Research Fund.</span></em></p>The busk was a long piece of wood, metal or whalebone, stitched into fabric and inscribed with intimate words of love. Garters, too, often carried messages and were charged with erotic connotations.Sarah Bendall, Research Fellow, Gender and Women's Research Centre, Institute for Humanities and Social Sciences, Australian Catholic UniversityLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.