Ben Marshall

I write soap opera for a living, so I know when you're lying, what your sub-text is, and whether Tracy and Dean are going to get together despite Sharon overhearing Tegan tell Morgan about the secret affair her mother had with Brian the cop during the investigation of what looked like a burglary at the corner shop but which turns out was actually Rajiv hiding the fact that Miriam and Lee have been covering their relationship rendezvous and secret rival business they set up as revenge for Tony's betrayal but which is now becoming so successful it's very likely to bankrupt Dean's plumbing company and tip him back into a spiral of depression and self-loathing just before the wedding and the release from prison of Tracy's ex boyfriend, Boyd the serial killer who has vowed to kill everyone in Sunnyville. Which I think qualifies me to comment on anything with a great deal of authority.

As a Conversationalist, I've also amassed considerable experience in forgetting to be nice, using sarcasm, bombarding others with links, thinking I just need to make one more comment and I'll 'win', having 'opinions' based on very little actual evidence, getting it horribly wrong, and having comments deleted by long-suffering TC editors. It's this experience that's made me a better person, raised my IQ by twelvety points and found me awarded a position on The Conversation readers' council. I shall use my power wisely, but will probably get it wrong from time to time. Or often. One of the two. Either way, I beg your indulgence and your [insert religious / ethical practice here] forbearance.