tag:theconversation.com,2011:/us/topics/bereavement-7814/articlesBereavement – The Conversation2024-03-14T13:28:28Ztag:theconversation.com,2011:article/2249842024-03-14T13:28:28Z2024-03-14T13:28:28ZGhostbots: AI versions of deceased loved ones could be a serious threat to mental health<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/580740/original/file-20240308-29-sis8wp.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=5%2C26%2C3565%2C2350&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">
</span> <span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.shutterstock.com/image-photo/female-face-matrix-digital-numbers-artifical-2268966863">Alena Ivochkina/Shutterstock</a></span></figcaption></figure><p>We all experience loss and grief. Imagine, though, that you don’t need to say goodbye to your loved ones. That you can recreate them virtually so you can have conversations and find out how they’re feeling. </p>
<p>For Kim Kardashian’s fortieth birthday, her then husband, Kanye West, gave her a hologram of her <a href="https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-54731382">dead father</a>, Robert Kardashian. Reportedly, Kim Kardashian reacted with disbelief and joy to the <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2020/oct/30/robert-kardashian-resurrected-as-a-hologram-for-kim-kardashian-wests-birthday">virtual appearance</a> of her father at her birthday party. Being able to see a long-dead, much missed loved one, moving and talking again might offer comfort to those left behind. </p>
<p>After all, resurrecting a deceased loved one might seem miraculous – and possibly more than a little creepy – but what’s the impact on our health? Are AI ghosts a help or hindrance to the grieving process? </p>
<p>As a psychotherapist researching how AI technology can be used to enhance therapeutic interventions, I’m intrigued by the advent of ghostbots. But I’m also more than a little concerned about the potential effects of this technology on the mental health of those using it, especially those who are grieving. Resurrecting dead people as avatars has the potential to cause more harm than good, perpetuating even more confusion, stress, depression, paranoia and, in some cases, psychosis.</p>
<p>Recent developments in artificial intelligence (AI) have led to the creation of ChatGPT and other chatbots that can allow users to have sophisticated human like conversations.</p>
<p>Using deep fake technology, AI software can create an <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0267364924000104">interactive virtual representation</a> of a deceased person by using their <a href="https://wired.me/technology/artificial-intelligence/why-scientists-are-building-ai-powered-digital-imprints-of-the-dead/">digital content</a> such as photographs, emails, and videos. </p>
<p>Some of these creations were just themes in science fiction fantasy only a few years ago but now they are a scientific reality. </p>
<h2>Help or hindrance?</h2>
<p><a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s12124-022-09679-3">Digital ghosts</a> could <a href="https://www.technologyreview.com/2022/10/18/1061320/digital-clones-of-dead-people/">be a comfort</a> to the bereaved by helping them to reconnect with lost loved ones. They could provide an opportunity for the user to say some things or ask questions they never got a chance to when the now deceased person was alive. </p>
<p>But the ghostbots’ uncanny resemblance to a lost loved one <a href="https://www.newscientist.com/article/2416079-resurrecting-loved-ones-as-ai-ghosts-could-harm-your-mental-health/">may not be</a> as positive as it sounds. <a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10676-024-09744-y">Research suggests</a> that deathbots should be used only as a temporary <a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s12124-022-09679-3">aid to mourning</a> to avoid potentially harmful emotional dependence on the technology.</p>
<figure>
<iframe width="440" height="260" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/IJeqTUG75gA?wmode=transparent&start=0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen=""></iframe>
</figure>
<p>AI ghosts could be harmful for people’s mental health by interfering with the <a href="https://www.newscientist.com/article/mg26034650-700-how-ai-avatars-of-the-deceased-could-transform-the-way-we-grieve/">grief process</a>. </p>
<p>Grief takes time and there are many <a href="https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/grieving-process#:%7E:text=They%20include%20shock%2C%20denial%2C%20anger,them%20cope%20in%20various%20ways.">different stages</a> that can take place over many years. When newly bereaved, those experiencing grief might think of their deceased loved one frequently. They might freshly recall old memories and it is quite common for a grieving person <a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/23449603/">to dream</a> more intensely about their lost loved one. </p>
<p>The psychoanalyst <a href="https://tidsskriftet.no/en/2020/03/essay/dynamics-grief-and-melancholia">Sigmund Freud</a> was concerned with how human beings respond to the experience of loss. He pointed out potential added difficulties for those grieving if there’s negativity surrounding a death. </p>
<p>For example, if a person had ambivalent feelings towards someone and they died, the person could be left with a sense of guilt. Or if a person died in <a href="https://www.frontiersin.org/journals/psychiatry/articles/10.3389/fpsyt.2020.00749/full">horrific circumstances</a> such as a murder, a grieving person might find it more difficult to accept it this. </p>
<p>Freud referred to this as “melancholia”, but it can also be referred to as <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/15524256.2020.1745726">“complicated grief”</a>. In some extreme cases, a person may experience apparitions <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/1363461520962887">and hallucinate</a> that they see the dead person and begin to believe they are alive. AI ghostbots could further traumatise someone experiencing complicated grief and may exacerbate associated problems such as hallucinations.</p>
<figure>
<iframe width="440" height="260" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/Q8DIBNkghs8?wmode=transparent&start=0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen=""></iframe>
</figure>
<h2>Chatbot horror</h2>
<p>There are also risks that these ghost-bots could say harmful things or give bad advice to someone in mourning. Similar generative software such as ChatGPT chatbots are already widely criticised for <a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2023/02/08/technology/ai-chatbots-disinformation.html">giving misinformation</a> to users. </p>
<p>Imagine if the AI technology went rogue and started to make <a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2023/02/16/technology/bing-chatbot-microsoft-chatgpt.html">inappropriate remarks</a> to the user – a situation experienced by journalist <a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2023/02/16/technology/bing-chatbot-transcript.html">Kevin Roose</a> in 2023 when a <a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2023/12/17/insider/ai-chatbots-humans-hallucinate.html#:%7E:text=On%20Valentine's%20Day%20this%20year,him%20to%20leave%20his%20wife.">Bing chatbot</a> tried to get him to leave his wife. It would be very hurtful if a deceased father was conjured up as an AI ghost by a son or daughter to hear comments that they weren’t loved or liked or weren’t their father’s favourite. </p>
<p>Or, in a more extreme scenario, if the ghostbot suggested the user join them in death or they should kill or harm someone. This may sound like a plot from a horror film but it’s not so far fetched. In 2023, the UK’s <a href="https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-66224052">Labour party</a> outlined a law to prevent the training of AI to incite violence. </p>
<p>This was a response to the attempted assassination of the Queen earlier in the year by a man who was encouraged by his chatbot girlfriend, with whom he had an “<a href="https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-berkshire-66123122">emotional and sexual</a>” relationship.</p>
<p>The creators of ChatGPT currently acknowledge that the software makes errors and is still <a href="https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/ai-platforms-like-chatgpt-are-easy-to-use-but-also-potentially-dangerous/">not fully reliable</a> because it fabricates information. Who knows how a person’s texts, emails or videos will be interpreted and what content will be generated by this AI technology? </p>
<figure>
<iframe width="440" height="260" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/s2FJRbRsBBY?wmode=transparent&start=0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen=""></iframe>
</figure>
<p>In any event, it appears that no matter how far this technology advances, there will be a need for considerable oversight and human supervision.</p>
<h2>Forgetting is healthy</h2>
<p>This latest tech says a lot about our digital culture of infinite possibilities with no limits.</p>
<p>Data can be stored on the cloud indefinitely and everything is retrievable and nothing truly deleted or destroyed. Forgetting is an important element of healthy grief but in order to forget, people will need to find new and meaningful ways of remembering the deceased person.</p>
<p>Anniversaries play a key role in helping those who are mourning to not only remember lost loved ones, but they are also opportunities to <a href="https://scholarlypublishingcollective.org/psup/speculative-philosophy/article-abstract/34/3/284/196788/Grief-Phantoms-and-Re-membering-Loss">represent the loss</a> in new ways. Rituals and symbols can mark the end of something that can allow humans to properly remember in order to properly forget.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/224984/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Nigel Mulligan does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.</span></em></p>AI ghosts, the recreation of digital versions of the dead, may sound like a wonderful idea to those dealing with the pain of loss but this technology could seriously disrupt the grieving processNigel Mulligan, Assistant Professor in Psychotherapy, School of Nursing, Psychotherapy and Community Health, Dublin City UniversityLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/2245952024-03-13T17:03:49Z2024-03-13T17:03:49ZBereavement policies need to be updated to better support employees affected by MAID<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/580777/original/file-20240308-16-mvo5i4.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=20%2C30%2C6659%2C4436&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">Current bereavement policies do not address the reality of employees with family members that have used, or are planning to use, medical assistance in dying (MAID) services.</span> <span class="attribution"><span class="source">(Shutterstock)</span></span></figcaption></figure><p>Imagine your elderly parent has just made the decision to use <a href="https://www.canada.ca/en/health-canada/services/health-services-benefits/medical-assistance-dying.html">medical assistance in dying (MAID) services</a>. Your parent, who has a terminal diagnosis and is suffering and in pain, made this choice after careful consideration, medical guidance and a heartfelt talk with family.</p>
<p>Your family members, who are spread across Canada, decide to gather a few days before MAID is performed — to visit, share stories, laugh and cry together, and say goodbyes. You want to be by your parent’s side, holding their hand, when the procedure is performed. There are plans for a funeral service two days after the procedure.</p>
<p>You call your employer to alert them that you need five days off due to an imminent death in the family. “I’m sorry,” your employer says. “Our official policy allows only three days of bereavement leave, please let us know which three days you will be absent.” </p>
<p>Which event would you be willing to miss? The goodbyes? The medical procedure itself? The funeral? And how much will it cost you emotionally to make that choice? </p>
<p>This is the situation many Canadians, including an Alberta HVAC technician named Arthur Newman (pseudonym), whom I interviewed for this story as part of ongoing research on the topic, currently find themselves in. </p>
<p>Most workplace bereavement policies were designed prior to MAID and very few employers have adjusted these policies in light of the new reality of living and dying in Canada.</p>
<h2>Bereavement policies in Canada</h2>
<p>Bereavement policies are <a href="https://www.benefitscanada.com/benefits/absence-management/a-look-at-current-provincial-policies-on-bereavement-leave/">inconsistent across Canada.</a> Federal employees are able to take up to <a href="https://www.canada.ca/en/employment-social-development/programs/laws-regulations/labour/interpretations-policies/compassionate-care.html">10 days</a> off (not required to be consecutive), while the minimum legal requirements in <a href="https://www2.gov.bc.ca/gov/content/employment-business/employment-standards-advice/employment-standards/forms-resources/igm/esa-part-6-section-53">British Columbia</a> and <a href="https://www.alberta.ca/bereavement-leave">Alberta</a> are only three days. </p>
<p>In <a href="https://www.ontario.ca/document/your-guide-employment-standards-act-0/bereavement-leave">Ontario</a> it is only two days, although employers can voluntarily offer more. <a href="https://www.canada.ca/en/services/benefits/ei/caregiving.html">Compassionate care leave</a> is available, but that requires going through Employment Insurance and is intended for people acting as a primary caregiver for an extended period, rendering it impractical for short leaves.</p>
<p>In addition, some employers strongly encourage employees to take their bereavement days consecutively, limiting flexibility. This current approach assumes the leave only begins after a death has occurred and is inadequate when a family member is using MAID. </p>
<figure class="align-center ">
<img alt="Close up of a pair of hands holding the hand of an older person with an oxygen saturation probe on their finger" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/580765/original/file-20240308-26-89qkk0.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/580765/original/file-20240308-26-89qkk0.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=398&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/580765/original/file-20240308-26-89qkk0.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=398&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/580765/original/file-20240308-26-89qkk0.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=398&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/580765/original/file-20240308-26-89qkk0.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=501&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/580765/original/file-20240308-26-89qkk0.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=501&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/580765/original/file-20240308-26-89qkk0.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=501&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px">
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">Being physically present for the procedure itself is also an important comfort for the person dying and their loved ones.</span>
<span class="attribution"><span class="source">(Shutterstock)</span></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>In the era of MAID, <a href="https://www.cfp.ca/content/64/9/e387.short">death rituals</a> that take place before someone passes away, like <a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2017/05/25/world/canada/euthanasia-bill-john-shields-death.html">living wakes</a> and other <a href="https://doi.org/10.1080/07481187.2021.1876790">traditions</a>, are becoming increasingly common. If a family member wishes to fully participate in all the end-of-life rituals of a loved one, they will need more than two or three days of leave.</p>
<p>Being physically present for the procedure itself is also an important comfort for the person dying and their loved ones, both of whom <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177/10497323231196827">psychologically benefit from a supportive and serene environment</a>. These new support needs and rituals generally supplement funerals, rather than replace them, which increases the overall time off that is required.</p>
<h2>Unintended complications</h2>
<p>Aside from death rituals and the MAID process itself, there are additional practical complications that can impact how many days of leave someone requires. For example, in Newman’s case, he travelled from Alberta to Ontario for his father’s MAID services. </p>
<p>After he arrived, his father decided to postpone his death a couple of weeks to address some unexpected legal complications related to his estate. Newman found himself in the impossible position of, having already taken a bereavement leave, being ineligible for another in the same year. </p>
<p>It was not an uncommon dilemma; the nurse practitioner scheduled to perform the service told him short postponements often happened due to things like estate management issues or parents giving their adult children more time to accept their decision. </p>
<p>Current bereavement policies do not address this reality. The outcome of that can be unintentionally cruel if employees are forced to choose between participating in death rituals (postponed or otherwise) or maintaining a positive relationship with their employer. </p>
<p>Some of these issues apply to non-MAID deaths as well. People with terminally ill loved ones who don’t choose MAID also want to be with them at the end, gather with loved ones, and have rituals, but the timing is even more difficult because they don’t have a specific death date.</p>
<h2>Supporting grieving employees</h2>
<p>Like most people who experience loss, employees who have a loved one going through MAID often require support <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177/0969733020921493">while they process a wide range of emotions</a>. They experience the usual emotions associated with grieving, including fear, anger, guilt, sadness and uncertainty. </p>
<p>In some cases, however, they also experience moral confusion or outrage if their personal or religious beliefs conflict with the practice of MAID. Family tension, arguing and alienation may emerge if some family members support the decision and others do not, heightening anxiety for everyone.</p>
<p>This creates significant stress. <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/08853134.1997.10754079">Work-family role conflict</a>, which is conflict experienced when our work roles interfere with our ability to meet family obligations, magnifies the negative impacts of stress. This can lead to emotional exhaustion, difficulties with empathy, the tendency to treat people like objects and diminished performance at work. </p>
<figure class="align-center ">
<img alt="A man with a tired, stressed look on his face, rests his head against his hand while sitting at a desk" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/580778/original/file-20240308-22-rdjshw.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/580778/original/file-20240308-22-rdjshw.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/580778/original/file-20240308-22-rdjshw.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/580778/original/file-20240308-22-rdjshw.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/580778/original/file-20240308-22-rdjshw.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/580778/original/file-20240308-22-rdjshw.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/580778/original/file-20240308-22-rdjshw.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px">
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">Employees who have a loved one going through MAID require extra time and support to process their grief.</span>
<span class="attribution"><span class="source">(Shutterstock)</span></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>All of these outcomes are highly negative in the workplace. As such, it is beneficial for employers to minimize work-family conflict by providing compassionate and caring supports for all bereaved workers, including those whose family members use MAID. That could include an empathetic supervisor, provision of an employee assistance plan with free counselling or referrals to bereavement support groups. </p>
<p>It also includes allowing sufficient time for employees to help their loved ones die with dignity and celebrate the life that was lost — in rituals that occur both before and after MAID services. It is highly recommended that employers adjust bereavement policies to allow more time and flexibility. </p>
<p>The additional cost created is justified on moral and ethical grounds, but also on a direct cost basis. Employees who feel like they are treated fairly, with compassion, consistently <a href="https://doi.org/10.1093/jopart/mux028">perform better than employees who feel their needs are being overlooked</a> or neglected. As such they are better able to do their work and contribute to profitable operations.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/224595/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Katherine Breward does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.</span></em></p>Most workplace bereavement policies were designed prior to MAID and very few employers have adjusted these policies in light of the new reality of living and dying in Canada.Katherine Breward, Associate Professor, Business and Administration, University of WinnipegLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/2247212024-03-07T13:36:07Z2024-03-07T13:36:07ZWhat is a frozen embryo worth? Alabama’s IVF case reflects bigger questions over grieving and wrongful death laws<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/579978/original/file-20240305-16-b0u7k5.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=8%2C8%2C2986%2C1985&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">An embryologist uses a microscope to view an embryo, visible on a monitor.</span> <span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://newsroom.ap.org/detail/AlabamaFrozenEmbryos/e6f3454e8ba144ccadc7e0a21532fb6c/photo?Query=alabama%20supreme%20court&mediaType=photo&sortBy=arrivaldatetime:desc&dateRange=Anytime&totalCount=508&currentItemNo=22">AP Photo/Richard Drew, File</a></span></figcaption></figure><p>In the weeks since the Alabama Supreme Court held that <a href="https://thehill.com/homenews/state-watch/4477607-alabama-supreme-court-rules-frozen-embryos-are-children/">embryos are “unborn children</a>” under one state law, most attention has been focused on in vitro fertilization – whether the decision imperils parents’ attempts to create a family. On March 6, 2024, Gov. Kay Ivey signed legislation to <a href="https://apnews.com/article/alabama-ivf-frozen-embryos-ruling-cab8171e80c88a088778dc7a187b7b5a">shield IVF providers from legal liability</a>, though the new law does not address frozen embryos’ legal status.</p>
<p>As <a href="https://health.usf.edu/publichealth/overviewcoph/faculty/katherine-drabiak">a health law professor</a>, I believe it’s also important to understand the laws that shaped the court’s decision: not only Alabama’s laws about “unborn children,” but wrongful death laws. This is a legal claim where family members can bring a civil lawsuit against a person who intentionally or carelessly caused the family member’s death, which is different from any criminal charges.</p>
<p>Over the past 100 years, laws have evolved to reflect a wider sense of what it means to lose a loved one, and how to “compensate” their family. Courts have been asked to interpret how wrongful death laws should apply to situations before a child is born.</p>
<h2>What happened in the clinic?</h2>
<p>The Alabama case, <a href="https://law.justia.com/cases/alabama/supreme-court/2024/sc-2022-0579.html">LePage v. Center for Reproductive Medicine</a>, was brought by three couples who had used IVF at a fertility clinic. They sued the clinic after a patient who wandered into the “cryogenic nursery,” where frozen embryos are stored, picked some up and accidentally dropped them on the floor, destroying them.</p>
<p>In the language of the court, this killed the embryos, since they might have developed into a healthy fetus if implanted in the uterus. </p>
<figure class="align-center zoomable">
<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/580020/original/file-20240305-18-hv069o.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="A steel vat, with icy condensation inside, open to reveal white packets inside at the bottom of the container." src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/580020/original/file-20240305-18-hv069o.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/580020/original/file-20240305-18-hv069o.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=406&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/580020/original/file-20240305-18-hv069o.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=406&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/580020/original/file-20240305-18-hv069o.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=406&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/580020/original/file-20240305-18-hv069o.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=510&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/580020/original/file-20240305-18-hv069o.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=510&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/580020/original/file-20240305-18-hv069o.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=510&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">Containers holding frozen embryos and sperm are stored in liquid nitrogen at a fertility clinic in Fort Myers, Fla., in 2018.</span>
<span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://newsroom.ap.org/detail/AlabamaFrozenEmbryos/25b27e79f3e14fb6910ff3de3ebc7dae/photo?Query=alabama%20supreme%20court&mediaType=photo&sortBy=arrivaldatetime:desc&dateRange=Anytime&totalCount=508&currentItemNo=32">AP Photo/Lynne Sladky, File</a></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>The three sets of parents filed a lawsuit based on a claim for <a href="https://www.law.cornell.edu/wex/wrongful_death">wrongful death</a>. Like <a href="https://www.bu.edu/bulawreview/files/2020/03/LENS.pdf">about 40 other states</a>, Alabama allows parents to bring a claim for <a href="https://law.justia.com/codes/alabama/2022/title-6/chapter-5/article-22/section-6-5-391/">wrongful death</a> of an unborn child.</p>
<p>The court said the question in this case centered around whether the term “unborn child” in state laws only refers to an embryo or fetus in utero, or whether there is an “unwritten exception” for embryos that have not yet been transferred to the womb.</p>
<h2>The court’s decision</h2>
<p>Alabama Supreme Court cases in 2011 and 2012 had already held that the state’s wrongful death law <a href="https://casetext.com/case/mack-v-carmack">allows expectant parents to bring a claim</a> following a death at <a href="https://casetext.com/case/hamilton-v-scott-2">any stage of the embryo’s or fetus’s development</a>.</p>
<p>In addition, Alabama <a href="https://ballotpedia.org/Alabama_Amendment_2,_State_Abortion_Policy_Amendment_(2018)">amended its state constitution</a> in 2018 to affirm that public policy of the state should protect “the rights of the unborn child.”</p>
<p><a href="https://law.justia.com/cases/alabama/supreme-court/2024/sc-2022-0579.html">Combining the previous cases</a>, the state constitution and even dictionary definitions, the court said nothing in the current wrongful death law would exempt “extrauterine children – that is, unborn children who are located outside of a biological uterus at the time they are killed.”</p>
<p>This ruling does not mean that the parents won a wrongful death lawsuit, but that a court will be able to hear the parents’ claim for wrongful death.</p>
<h2>The legal ‘value’ of an embryo</h2>
<p>This is significant because in <a href="https://doi.org/10.1016/j.xfre.2020.06.007">other cases</a> where embryos were destroyed, the law generally has treated embryos as <a href="https://www.nbcnews.com/health/health-news/university-hospitals-fertility-clinic-faces-new-lawsuits-after-tank-failures-n962341">parents’ property</a>, or allege negligence by the clinic. Only a <a href="https://doi.org/10.1016/j.fertnstert.2022.12.038">handful of other states</a> – including Illinois, Missouri and Georgia – allow wrongful death lawsuits for embryos.</p>
<p>IVF <a href="https://www.nytimes.com/article/ivf-treatment-costs-guide.html">is a significant investment</a> of time and money, and involves a variety of <a href="https://www.mayoclinic.org/tests-procedures/in-vitro-fertilization/about/pac-20384716">medical risks</a>. In a case where fertility treatment goes wrong, couples could try to recoup those costs through civil lawsuits that sometimes treat frozen embryos as property.</p>
<p>However, that does not account for each embryo’s biological and emotional uniqueness. Before the Alabama ruling, other cases had tried to classify embryos as <a href="https://www.courthousenews.com/would-be-parents-want-embryos-deemed-people-after-clinic-meltdown/">living people</a> to signify their <a href="https://abcnews.go.com/US/families-sue-cleveland-clinic-malfunction-possibly-destroyed-embryos/story?id=53683517">irreplaceable value</a>. </p>
<p>Some <a href="https://vanderbiltlawreview.org/lawreview/2022/11/abortion-pregnancy-loss-subjective-fetal-personhood/">legal experts</a> assert that embryos only have “subjective and relational value.” In other words, only parents can decide whether or not they are important and have meaning.</p>
<p>Other <a href="https://contemporarythinkers.org/robert-george/book/embryo-defense-human-life/">experts suggest</a> that embryos have inherent value because they are each genetically distinct, unique human life at the earliest stage. They argue that allowing protection for some stages of human development but not others violates human rights principles.</p>
<h2>How wrongful death laws work</h2>
<p>How the value of an embryo is defined also shapes whether wrongful death laws would apply.</p>
<p>Wrongful death laws were originally designed to compensate family members for the loss of that person’s <a href="https://heinonline.org/HOL/Page?handle=hein.journals/wsulr5&div=17&g_sent=1&casa_token=&collection=journals">services and contributions</a>. Damages from a lawsuit could pay medical bills, funeral expenses and lost earnings from that person’s job, for example.</p>
<p>Each state has its own wrongful death law. <a href="https://www.bu.edu/bulawreview/files/2020/03/LENS.pdf">Since the 1850s</a>, these laws have allowed parents to bring claims to recover damages from a person who causes their child’s death. Initially, these laws were designed as an economic tool because parents expected their children to work.</p>
<p>Now, according to some <a href="https://www.bu.edu/bulawreview/files/2020/03/LENS.pdf">legal scholars</a>, many states recognize that losing a child means much more: a moral injury, pain and <a href="https://papers.ssrn.com/sol3/papers.cfm?abstract_id=1286251">the anguish</a> from losing the child’s company and affection. Some states allow the family to <a href="https://www.ilga.gov/legislation/ilcs/ilcs3.asp?ActID=2059&ChapterID=57">recover damages for suffering and grief</a> – recognizing a person’s inherent value, not only their economic value.</p>
<p><a href="https://casetext.com/case/stinnett-v-kennedy-1">Awarding damages</a> to a grieving family is meant to deter risky actions that could result in loss of life.</p>
<p>By the mid-1900s, courts began to allow wrongful death claims for children that died before birth as a result of another person’s negligence or carelessness. Some states specify that <a href="https://nebraskalegislature.gov/laws/statutes.php?statute=30-809">this includes at any stage of gestation</a>. </p>
<p>Some laws, including in <a href="https://nebraskalegislature.gov/laws/statutes.php?statute=30-809">Nebraska</a> and <a href="https://statutes.capitol.texas.gov/Docs/CP/htm/CP.71.htm#:%7E:text=71.003.,inside%20or%20outside%20this%20state.">Texas</a>, prevent families from suing the pregnant woman, or from suing her medical provider, if she opts to have a medical procedure that results in unintended fetal loss. Others specify that the law <a href="https://www.ilga.gov/legislation/ilcs/ilcs3.asp?ActID=2059&ChapterID=57#:%7E:text=Whenever%20the%20death%20of%20a,then%20and%20in%20every%20such">does not apply</a> in cases of abortion. </p>
<h2>What the case means moving forward</h2>
<p>Some policymakers have <a href="https://time.com/6835548/lawmakers-ivf-embryos-alabama-legislation/">expressed concern</a> that Alabama’s decision “criminalizes” parents from trying to grow their family, or that they would face <a href="https://www.cnn.com/2024/02/27/us/ivf-ruling-impact-other-states/index.html">prosecution</a>. However, this is not accurate, since this case only relates to civil lawsuits, not criminal law.</p>
<figure class="align-left zoomable">
<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/580222/original/file-20240306-28-lwkhnd.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="A woman in a long white sweater, holding a pink sign that says 'I just want to be a mom,' speaks with another blonde woman in a doctor's coat." src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/580222/original/file-20240306-28-lwkhnd.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=237&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/580222/original/file-20240306-28-lwkhnd.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=800&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/580222/original/file-20240306-28-lwkhnd.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=800&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/580222/original/file-20240306-28-lwkhnd.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=800&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/580222/original/file-20240306-28-lwkhnd.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=1005&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/580222/original/file-20240306-28-lwkhnd.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=1005&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/580222/original/file-20240306-28-lwkhnd.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=1005&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">Patients and doctors gathered outside the Alabama Statehouse in Montgomery on Feb. 28, 2024, urging lawmakers to protect IVF services in the state.</span>
<span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://newsroom.ap.org/detail/AlabamaIVFAffectedGroups/e3ec159eb74c437297b40e73d8835780/photo?Query=ivf&mediaType=photo&sortBy=arrivaldatetime:desc&dateRange=Anytime&totalCount=110&currentItemNo=4">Kim Chandler/AP</a></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>Nor does the decision prohibit using IVF. The Alabama attorney general has stated that he <a href="https://www.cnn.com/2024/02/23/us/alabama-ivf-embryos-supreme-court-ruling-legislation/index.html">does not intend</a> to use this decision to prosecute either parents or IVF providers. However, several fertility clinics announced that they would <a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2024/02/23/us/politics/alabama-ivf-treatment-law.html">pause their IVF services</a> while assessing the law.</p>
<p>Based on the U.S. Constitution, courts can only <a href="https://www.ncsl.org/about-state-legislatures/separation-of-powers-legislative-judicial-relations">interpret what the law is</a>, not decide what they think it should be. </p>
<p>In response, state legislators rapidly proposed <a href="https://www.cnn.com/2024/02/27/us/ivf-ruling-impact-other-states/index.html">a variety of bills</a> aimed at preserving IVF. The bill signed into law on March 6, 2024 <a href="https://www.newsfromthestates.com/article/alabama-legislature-passes-bills-aimed-protecting-vitro-fertilization?emci=9460e6e7-4cd7-ee11-85f9-002248223794&emdi=a8a94336-c3d7-ee11-85f9-002248223794&ceid=519099">gives broad immunity</a> to IVF clinics, shielding providers from prosecution and lawsuits “for the damage to or death of an embryo.” However, it provides more protection than is standard, which may create unintended consequences – for example, potentially making it more difficult to sue for negligence or breach of contract.</p>
<p>As Alabama legislators discuss next steps, they need to incorporate the state constitution while considering how to reflect the will of their voters.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/224721/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Katherine Drabiak does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organization that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.</span></em></p>Alabama’s case began when three couples sued an IVF clinic where their frozen embryos had accidentally been dropped.Katherine Drabiak, Professor of Health Law, Public Health Law and Medical Ethics, University of South FloridaLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/2216302024-02-28T16:52:42Z2024-02-28T16:52:42ZMusic therapy could help manage the pain of bereavement<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/576549/original/file-20240219-23-d4z3wf.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=11%2C47%2C7892%2C5249&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">
</span> <span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.shutterstock.com/image-photo/seniors-nursing-home-making-music-rhythm-1513123493">Kzenon/Shutterstock</a></span></figcaption></figure><p>Grief has always inspired songwriters. Popular songs including Let Me Go, by Gary Barlow, Eric Clapton’s Tears in Heaven and The Living Years by Mike and the Mechanics, were all written as a way of working through the grief of losing a loved one. </p>
<p><a href="https://youtube.com/shorts/vYrJwka114o?feature=shared">Tears in Heaven</a> deals with the sudden loss of Clapton’s four-year-old son. <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2014/jan/25/mike-rutherford-precious-living-years-father">The Living Years</a> addresses the songwriters’ mutual regrets over disagreements with their fathers while they were alive. </p>
<p>The songs are as poignant and heartrending as you might expect from something written about close family bereavement.</p>
<p>Barlow’s Let Me Go, however, is a remarkably upbeat and joyful record, written from the perspective of the pop star’s <a href="https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/gary-barlow-dawn-poppy-stillbirth-b2159067.html">stillborn daughter, Poppy</a>. </p>
<p>Barlow <a href="https://www.independent.co.uk/news/people/when-corden-met-barlow-gary-barlow-speaks-in-depth-about-his-stillborn-daughter-for-the-first-time-9325750.html">has said</a> that writing the song in the voice of his daughter helped keep her memory alive and offered an opportunity for celebration as well as grief. </p>
<figure>
<iframe width="440" height="260" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/ENrj5u_lrWw?wmode=transparent&start=0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen=""></iframe>
</figure>
<p>But you don’t have to be a famous musician for music to play a role in helping you to work through grief. </p>
<h2>Music helps communicate the unspeakable</h2>
<p>Music can help people cope with grief in <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/00302228221121490?icid=int.sj-abstract.citing-articles.3">a variety of ways</a>. It can help create connection with a deceased loved one. It can help those grieving to explore spirituality (hope and meaning in life) and deal with challenging emotions. Many people have an <a href="https://www.mariecurie.org.uk/talkabout/articles/songs-that-helped-me-through-grief/292607">intimate connection to the songs</a> that have helped them through bereavement.</p>
<p><a href="https://www.bamt.org/music-therapy">Music therapy</a> harnesses people’s innate connection to music as a means of expression. The therapy helps them communicate and deal with emotions that might otherwise be overwhelming, painful and hard to put into words. </p>
<p>The therapy is conducted by a professionally trained music therapist, using activities like singing, playing instruments, writing lyrics or listening to music to help patients and their loved ones navigate end-of-life and bereavement. This could include helping to improve communication and intimacy between the patient and loved ones, aiding spiritual exploration or even managing physical pain and symptoms. </p>
<p>Music therapy boasts a rich history in end-of-life care, supported by a growing body of <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/0269216316635387">academic evidence</a>. </p>
<p>As part of <a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1186/s12904-017-0253-5">our previous research</a>, we offered music therapy to people with life-limiting illnesses, such as terminal cancer, in hospice care. The research suggested that music therapy may not only be of benefit to patients, but also to their loved ones. Music can evoke positive memories and allows a depth of communication that can’t always be achieved through words. </p>
<p>Music therapy at end of life, then, can help provide a more comforting environment to say goodbye to a loved one and helps create a unique, lasting memory to hold onto after they die.</p>
<p>It is <a href="https://spcare.bmj.com/content/early/2018/02/22/bmjspcare-2018-001510?versioned=true">common</a> for music therapists working in end-of-life care settings to include the person’s loved ones in their therapeutic practice. This suggests there is demand and recognised value in music therapy as a support for people both before and after the death of their loved one. But what does the evidence tell us? </p>
<h2>Preventing prolonged grief disorder</h2>
<p>Along with our colleagues, we conducted <a href="https://bmcpalliatcare.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s12904-024-01364-z/metrics">a systematic review</a> to identify all the research published worldwide on music therapy with loved ones of people with life-limiting illness, before and after death. </p>
<p>We discovered a total of 34 studies, which used music therapy in different ways. For example, by supporting people with life-limiting illness and their loved ones within the same session or by bringing groups of loved ones together. We found that no conclusions could be made on the effectiveness of music therapy as a form of bereavement support, as there was a lack of high-quality trials.</p>
<p>However, rich accounts of people’s experiences of music therapy provided insight into how it can influence the ability to cope with grief and improve quality of life and <a href="https://bmcpalliatcare.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s12904-020-0532-4">mental wellbeing</a>. </p>
<p>Music therapy also seemed to protect against prolonged grief disorder or <a href="https://www.cruse.org.uk/understanding-grief/effects-of-grief/complicated-grief/">complicated grief</a> (when someone experiences debilitating long-term emotional distress after a bereavement). Family and loved ones of people with life-limiting illness shared how music therapy helped reduce depression, anxiety, family conflict, poor perceived social support, difficulty accepting loss, and difficulty accessing positive memories – all of which are warning signs of complicated grief</p>
<p>Our research review showed that group singing “<a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/02682621.2018.1493646">fostered feelings of</a> connection, awareness, and support”. Other studies with loved ones also shared insights into how music therapy helped them prepare for the loss of their loved one, and increased their <a href="https://bmcpalliatcare.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s12904-022-01116-x">spirituality</a>. </p>
<p>The <a href="https://bmcpalliatcare.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s12904-020-0532-4">care industry is increasingly</a> seeing the importance of social connections when it comes to supporting the grieving process. This is especially important in a <a href="https://www.ageing.ox.ac.uk/blog/Resocializing-Social-connectedness-in-a-post-pandemic-world%20">post-pandemic world</a> where the risk factors for complicated grief such as depression, anxiety and poor perceived social support have been heightened through severing of personal relationships and community groups.</p>
<p>A report by The World Health Organization recently suggested that the <a href="https://www.who.int/europe/publications/i/item/9789289054553">arts can help improve health and wellbeing</a> by addressing complex problems, such as prolonged grief, which are resistant to other more conventional treatments. This suggests there may be an important role for music therapy in bereavement support.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/221630/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>The authors do not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and have disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.</span></em></p>Research suggests that music therapy can help support people before and after a loved one’s death.Lisa Graham-Wisener, Lecturer of Health Psychology, Queen's University BelfastTracey McConnell, Marie Curie Senior Research Fellow , Queen's University BelfastLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/2238482024-02-27T23:45:01Z2024-02-27T23:45:01ZWe talked to dozens of people about their experience of grief. Here’s what we learned (and how it’s different from what you might think)<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/577495/original/file-20240222-26-pcdtt5.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=7%2C7%2C4899%2C3258&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">
</span> <span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.shutterstock.com/image-photo/pensive-single-caucasian-pretty-young-woman-1819708136">Shutterstock</a></span></figcaption></figure><p>Have you ever felt a sudden pang of sadness? A bird seems to stop and look you in the eye. A photo drops out of a messy drawer from long ago, in the mundanity of a weekend spring clean. </p>
<p>Your day is immediately derailed, unsettled. You are pulled into something you thought was past. And yet, in being pulled back, you are grateful, reconnected, and grief-stricken all over again. </p>
<p>“You’ll get over it”. “Give it time”. “You need time to move on”. These are common cultural refrains in the face of loss. But what if grief doesn’t play by the rules? What if grief is a different thing altogether? </p>
<p>We talked to 95 people about their experiences of grief surrounding the loss of a loved one, and <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/00380261241228412">their stories</a> provided a fundamentally different account of grief to the one often presented to us culturally.</p>
<hr>
<p>
<em>
<strong>
Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/not-all-mourning-happens-after-bereavement-for-some-grief-can-start-years-before-the-death-of-a-loved-one-221629">Not all mourning happens after bereavement – for some, grief can start years before the death of a loved one</a>
</strong>
</em>
</p>
<hr>
<h2>Disordered grief?</h2>
<p>Grief is often imagined as a time-bound period in which one processes the pain of loss – that is, adjusts to absence and works toward “moving on”. The bereaved are expected to process their pain within the confines of what society deems “normal”. </p>
<p>The <a href="https://theconversation.com/explainer-what-is-the-dsm-and-how-are-mental-disorders-diagnosed-9568">DSM-5 psychiatric manual</a> says if grief drags on too long, in fact, it becomes a pathology (a condition with a medical diagnosis). “Prolonged grief disorder” is the name given to “persistent difficulties associated with bereavement that exceeded expected social, cultural, or religious expectations”.</p>
<figure class="align-center zoomable">
<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/577498/original/file-20240223-24-k2d40c.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="Two people hold the hands of a third person to comfort them" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/577498/original/file-20240223-24-k2d40c.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/577498/original/file-20240223-24-k2d40c.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=338&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/577498/original/file-20240223-24-k2d40c.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=338&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/577498/original/file-20240223-24-k2d40c.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=338&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/577498/original/file-20240223-24-k2d40c.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=424&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/577498/original/file-20240223-24-k2d40c.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=424&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/577498/original/file-20240223-24-k2d40c.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=424&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">Prolonged grief disorder is a useful diagnosis for some, but for others, it’s putting arbitrary timeframes on grieving.</span>
<span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.shutterstock.com/image-photo/asia-people-adult-child-help-middle-2274180457">Shutterstock</a></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>While there can be <a href="https://theconversation.com/why-prolonged-grief-should-be-listed-as-a-mental-disorder-4262">value</a> in clinical diagnostic categories such as this, the danger is they put artificial boundaries around emotions. The pathologisation of grief can be deeply alienating to those experiencing it, for whom the pressure to “move on” can be hurtful and counterproductive. </p>
<p>The stories we gathered in our research were raw, complex and often fraught. They did not sit comfortably with commonsense understandings of how grief “should” progress. As bereaved daughter Barbara told us:</p>
<blockquote>
<p>Grief is not in the little box, it doesn’t even come close to a little box.</p>
</blockquote>
<h2>Grief starts early</h2>
<p>The tendency is to think of grief as something that happens post death. The person we love dies, we have a funeral, and the grief sets in. Then it slowly subsides with the steady march of time. </p>
<p>In fact, grief often begins earlier, often in a clinical consultation where the words “terminal” or “nothing more we can do” are used. Or when a loved one is told “go home and get your life in order”. Grief can begin months or even years before bereavement. </p>
<hr>
<p>
<em>
<strong>
Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/friday-essay-homesick-for-ourselves-the-hidden-grief-of-ageing-202754">Friday essay: homesick for ourselves – the hidden grief of ageing</a>
</strong>
</em>
</p>
<hr>
<p>As the people we interviewed experienced it, loss was also cumulative. The gradual deterioration of a loved one’s health in the years or months before their death imposed other painful losses: the loss of chosen lifestyles, the loss of longstanding relational rhythms, the loss of shared hopes and anticipated futures. </p>
<p>Many participants felt their loved ones – and, indeed, the lives they shared with them – slipping away long before their physical deaths. </p>
<h2>Living with the dead</h2>
<p>Yet the dead do not simply leave us. They remain with us, in memories, rituals and cultural events. From <a href="https://theconversation.com/what-ancient-cultures-teach-us-about-grief-mourning-and-continuity-of-life-86199">Mexico’s Dia de los Muertos</a> to <a href="https://theconversation.com/japans-obon-festival-how-family-commemoration-and-ancestral-worship-shapes-daily-life-179890">Japan’s Opon</a>, festivals of the dead play a key role in cultures around the world. In that way, remembering the dead remains a critical aspect of living. So too does <a href="https://theconversation.com/theres-not-always-closure-in-the-never-ending-story-of-grief-3096">the ongoing experience of grief</a>. </p>
<p>Events of this kind are not merely celebratory. They are critical forms through which life and death, joy and grief, are brought together and integrated. The absence of remembering can hold its own trouble, as our participants’ accounts revealed. As bereaved wife Anna explained:</p>
<blockquote>
<p>I just find it really frustrating and I do get quite angry and upset sometimes. I know that life goes on. I’d be talking to girlfriends and stuff like that and it’s like they’ve forgotten that I’ve lost my husband. They haven’t, but nothing really changed in their life. But for me, and my family, it has.</p>
</blockquote>
<p>Part of the problem, here, is the ambivalent role grief plays in advanced industrialised societies like ours. Many of our participants felt pressure to perform resilience or (in clinical terms) to <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/1363459317724854">“recover” quickly after loss</a>.</p>
<p>But whose interests does a swift recovery serve? An employer’s? Friends who just want to get on with a death-free life? And, even more importantly, mightn’t ongoing connections with the dead enable better living? Might bringing the dead along with us actually make for better deaths and better lives? </p>
<p>Many of our participants felt their loved ones remained with them, and experienced their “absent presence” as a source of comfort. Grieving, in this context, involved spending time “with” the dead. Anna described her practice as follows:</p>
<blockquote>
<p>I had a diary, so I just write stuff in it about how I’m feeling or something happened and I’ll say to [my deceased husband], it’s all to [my deceased husband], “Do you remember, blah, blah, blah.” I’ll just talk about that memory that I have of that particular time and I find that that helps.</p>
</blockquote>
<hr>
<p>
<em>
<strong>
Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/why-did-he-leve-me-5-things-grieving-children-want-to-know-about-the-death-of-a-loved-one-215881">'Why did he Leve Me?' 5 things grieving children want to know about the death of a loved one</a>
</strong>
</em>
</p>
<hr>
<h2>Caring for those who grieve</h2>
<p>Grief does not begin at death, but neither do relationships end there.</p>
<p>To rush the bereaved through grief – to usher them towards “recovery” and the more comfortable territories of happiness and productivity – is to do them a disservice. </p>
<p>And, perhaps more critically, ridding our lives of the dead and grief may, in the end, make for more limited and muted emotional lives.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/223848/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Michelle Peterie receives funding from the Australian Research Council. </span></em></p><p class="fine-print"><em><span>Alex Broom receives funding from the Australian Research Council </span></em></p>There are many social assumptions about how to best ‘get through’ grief. We interview 95 people about their experiences of loss and found we need to rethink what grief looks and feels like.Michelle Peterie, Research Fellow, Sydney Centre for Healthy Societies, University of SydneyAlex Broom, Professor of Sociology & Director, Sydney Centre for Healthy Societies, University of SydneyLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/2216292024-02-22T13:28:09Z2024-02-22T13:28:09ZNot all mourning happens after bereavement – for some, grief can start years before the death of a loved one<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/575990/original/file-20240215-24-2ic6sr.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=9%2C28%2C6221%2C4119&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">
</span> <span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.shutterstock.com/image-photo/mixed-ethnicity-family-couple-holding-hands-1492617761">fizkes/Shutterstock</a></span></figcaption></figure><p>For many people, grief starts not at the point of death, but from the moment a loved one is diagnosed with a life-limiting illness. </p>
<p>Whether it’s the diagnosis of an advanced cancer or a non-malignant condition such as dementia, heart failure or Parkinson’s disease, the psychological and emotional process of grief can begin many months or even years before the person dies. This experience of mourning a future loss is known as <a href="https://link.springer.com/referenceworkentry/10.1007/978-3-319-69892-2_1006-1">anticipatory grief</a>.</p>
<p>While not experienced by everyone, anticipatory grief is a <a href="https://spcare.bmj.com/content/bmjspcare/early/2022/02/10/bmjspcare-2021-003338.full.pdf?casa_token=IWNMDFN5SoIAAAAA:2EybwyPcKu73VdrACTNk7jITor-mMIXK8rv76arXgdjV9cA2Y0MV0LyZLLwcYe1rZUAQymOzFYo">common</a> part of the grieving process and can include a range of conflicting, often difficult thoughts and emotions. For example, as well as feelings of loss, some people can experience guilt from wanting their loved one to be free of pain, or imagining what life will be like after they die.</p>
<h2>Difficult to define, distressing to experience</h2>
<p>Anticipatory grief has proved <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/02692163221074540#bibr13-02692163221074540">challenging to define</a>. A <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/02692163221074540#bibr13-02692163221074540">systematic review</a> of research studies on anticipatory grief identified over 30 different descriptions of pre-death grief. This lack of consensus has limited research progress, because there’s no shared understanding of how to identify anticipatory grief.</p>
<p>Therese Rando, a <a href="https://www.taylorfrancis.com/chapters/edit/10.4324/9781315800806-9/grief-mourning-accommodating-loss-therese-rando">prominent theorist</a>, has proposed that anticipatory grief can help prepare for death, contributing to a more positive grieving experience post-bereavement. Rando also suggests that pre-death mourning can aid with adjustment to the loss of a loved one and reduce the risk of <a href="https://www.cruse.org.uk/understanding-grief/effects-of-grief/complicated-grief/">“complicated grief”</a>, a term that describes persistent and debilitating emotional distress.</p>
<figure>
<iframe width="440" height="260" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/AapGn60DZSA?wmode=transparent&start=0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen=""></iframe>
</figure>
<p>But pre-death mourning doesn’t necessarily mean grief will be easier to work through once a loved one has died. Other <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0277953621005724?casa_token=I9mbdSv3d3gAAAAA:MqxN5X_iWbcqa6BYj7IXmImUviheOQWAVA4UBy6795UDuS1uOHG9b245qMkyOiLcvjv_SU6yVA">research evidence</a> shows that it’s possible to experience severe anticipatory grief yet remain unprepared for death. </p>
<h2>Carers should seek support</h2>
<p>Carers of people with life-limiting illnesses may notice distressing changes in the health of their loved ones. Witnessing close-up someone’s deterioration and decline in independence, memory or ability to perform routine daily tasks, such as personal care, is a painful experience. </p>
<p>It is essential, then, for carers to acknowledge difficult emotions and seek support from those around them – especially because caring for a loved one at the end of their life <a href="https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/helping-someone-else/carers-friends-family-coping-support/your-mental-health/">can be an isolating time</a>.</p>
<p>Where possible, it can also be beneficial for carers to offer their loved one <a href="https://compassionatecommunitiesni.com/our-programs/dying-to-talk/">opportunities to reflect</a> on significant life events, attend to unfinished business, and to discuss preferences for funeral arrangements. For some, this may involve supporting loved ones to reconnect with friends and family, helping them to put legal or financial affairs in order, talking about how the illness is affecting them, or making an <a href="https://www.england.nhs.uk/publication/universal-principles-for-advance-care-planning/">advance care plan</a>.</p>
<figure>
<iframe width="440" height="260" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/wrJaTXW1Xvk?wmode=transparent&start=0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen=""></iframe>
</figure>
<h2>Talking is key</h2>
<p>Living with altered family dynamics, multiple losses, transition and uncertainty can be <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/07481187.2021.1998935">distressing for all family members</a>. It may be difficult to manage the emotional strain of knowing death is unavoidable, to make sense of the situation, and to <a href="https://hospicefoundation.ie/i-need-help/i-am-seriously-ill/how-to-talk-to-those-you-care-about/">talk about dying</a>. </p>
<p>However, talking is key in <a href="https://www.cruse.org.uk/about/blog/important-conversations-death/">preparing for an impending death</a>. Organisations who offer specialist palliative care have information and trained professionals to help with difficult conversations, including <a href="https://www.mariecurie.org.uk/help/support/diagnosed/talking-children/children">talking to children</a> about death and dying.</p>
<p>Navigating anticipatory grief can involve self-compassion for both the patient and carer. This includes acknowledging difficult emotions and treating oneself with kindness. Open communication with the person nearing the end of their life can foster emotional connection and help address their concerns, alongside support from the wider circle of family and friends. </p>
<p>Extending empathy and understanding to those nearing death – and those grieving their impending loss – will help contribute to a compassionate community that supports those experiencing death, dying and bereavement.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/221629/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>The authors do not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and have disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.</span></em></p>Mourning the loss of a loved one before they die is known as anticipatory grief. It’s a distressing state but can be managed, as two experts explain.Lisa Graham-Wisener, Lecturer of Health Psychology, Queen's University BelfastAudrey Roulston, Professor of Social Work in Palliative Care, Queen's University BelfastLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/2158812023-10-31T00:49:04Z2023-10-31T00:49:04Z‘Why did he Leve Me?’ 5 things grieving children want to know about the death of a loved one<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/554694/original/file-20231019-23-mqpggf.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=1%2C0%2C997%2C667&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">
</span> <span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.shutterstock.com/image-photo/sad-son-hugging-his-mother-home-337104815">Shutterstock</a></span></figcaption></figure><p>Death and grief are not easy to talk about. Talking to children about these can be harder still. </p>
<p>Our instinct to protect children from harsh realities means we might avoid these topics altogether.</p>
<p>But, as we discovered in our recently published <a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10826-023-02694-x">research</a>, bereaved children have lots of questions about death and grief.</p>
<hr>
<p>
<em>
<strong>
Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/passed-away-kicked-the-bucket-pushing-up-daisies-the-many-ways-we-dont-talk-about-death-77085">Passed away, kicked the bucket, pushing up daisies – the many ways we don't talk about death</a>
</strong>
</em>
</p>
<hr>
<h2>Child grief is common</h2>
<p>Children experience grief much more commonly than most of us think. One <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/2632352420975043">study</a> in Scotland found that, by the age of ten, 62% of children report having been bereaved by the death of a family member, usually a parent, sibling, grandparent or other close person. </p>
<p>Research in the <a href="https://assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/media/5a7afd5fed915d3ed90614ef/CWRC-00081-2011.pdf">United Kingdom</a> finds about one in 20 teenagers will have experienced the death of their parent. By the age of 25, <a href="https://read.dukeupress.edu/demography/article/50/3/803/169588/A-Sibling-Death-in-the-Family-Common-and">up to 8%</a> of children and young people in a US study had lost a sibling.</p>
<figure class="align-center zoomable">
<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/554696/original/file-20231019-25-hh15g4.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="Brother comforting younger sister near grave" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/554696/original/file-20231019-25-hh15g4.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/554696/original/file-20231019-25-hh15g4.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=399&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/554696/original/file-20231019-25-hh15g4.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=399&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/554696/original/file-20231019-25-hh15g4.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=399&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/554696/original/file-20231019-25-hh15g4.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=501&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/554696/original/file-20231019-25-hh15g4.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=501&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/554696/original/file-20231019-25-hh15g4.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=501&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">Children experience grief much more commonly than most of us think.</span>
<span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.shutterstock.com/image-photo/little-brother-sister-standing-grave-their-773316946">Shutterstock</a></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<hr>
<p>
<em>
<strong>
Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/gone-but-never-forgotten-how-to-comfort-a-child-whose-sibling-has-died-101847">Gone but never forgotten: how to comfort a child whose sibling has died</a>
</strong>
</em>
</p>
<hr>
<h2>What we did</h2>
<p>We analysed questions about death and grief from more than 200 children aged five to 12 years. They had experienced the death of a parent, sibling or other family member (such as an uncle or grandmother) in the past four months to five years.</p>
<p>Causes of death included cancer, car crashes, heart attacks, suicide, workplace accidents, substance use and childhood illnesses.</p>
<p>Children had submitted their questions while on a <a href="https://lionheartcampforkids.com.au">Lionheart Camp for Kids</a>, a two-day camp to support grieving children, teenagers and families in Western Australia.</p>
<hr>
<p>
<em>
<strong>
Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/adults-can-help-children-cope-with-death-by-understanding-how-they-process-it-58057">Adults can help children cope with death by understanding how they process it</a>
</strong>
</em>
</p>
<hr>
<h2>What we found</h2>
<p>Our study, <a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10826-023-02694-x">published</a> in the Journal of Child and Family Studies, found many of the children’s questions were sophisticated. </p>
<p>They revealed curiosities about various biological, emotional and existential concepts, demonstrating complex and multi-faceted considerations of their loved one’s death and its impact on their lives. </p>
<p>Many questions reflected egocentric thinking typical of children (thinking that relates to themselves), such as thinking they caused the death.</p>
<p>We grouped their questions into five topics.</p>
<p><strong>1. Why and how people die</strong></p>
<figure class="align-right zoomable">
<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/554642/original/file-20231019-17-3mp7dg.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="What tipe of sick nesses can popol die from?" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/554642/original/file-20231019-17-3mp7dg.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=237&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/554642/original/file-20231019-17-3mp7dg.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=349&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/554642/original/file-20231019-17-3mp7dg.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=349&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/554642/original/file-20231019-17-3mp7dg.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=349&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/554642/original/file-20231019-17-3mp7dg.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=438&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/554642/original/file-20231019-17-3mp7dg.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=438&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/554642/original/file-20231019-17-3mp7dg.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=438&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">This type of question was the most common.</span>
<span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10826-023-02694-x">Journal of Child and Family Studies</a>, <a class="license" href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0/">CC BY-SA</a></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>The most common question was about causes and processes of death. </p>
<p>These questions captured children’s curiosities and concerns regarding why and how people die.</p>
<p>For instance, they wanted to know how and why heart attacks, cancer, suicide and substance use happen. Some children wanted to know how and when they’d die.</p>
<p><strong>2. Managing grief</strong></p>
<figure class="align-left zoomable">
<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/554644/original/file-20231019-19-wfrez.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="Why did he Leve Me?" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/554644/original/file-20231019-19-wfrez.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=237&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/554644/original/file-20231019-19-wfrez.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=464&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/554644/original/file-20231019-19-wfrez.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=464&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/554644/original/file-20231019-19-wfrez.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=464&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/554644/original/file-20231019-19-wfrez.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=583&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/554644/original/file-20231019-19-wfrez.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=583&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/554644/original/file-20231019-19-wfrez.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=583&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">Making sense of grief.</span>
<span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10826-023-02694-x">Journal of Child and Family Studies</a>, <a class="license" href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0/">CC BY-SA</a></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>These questions reflected children’s efforts to make sense of death and their subsequent social and emotional experiences. </p>
<p>They tried to understand their emotions and responses such as changes in sleeping patterns and physical sensations. </p>
<p>They also asked questions about how they could gain support from peers and teachers.</p>
<hr>
<p>
<em>
<strong>
Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/the-five-stages-of-grief-dont-come-in-fixed-steps-everyone-feels-differently-96111">The five stages of grief don't come in fixed steps – everyone feels differently</a>
</strong>
</em>
</p>
<hr>
<p><strong>3. Human intervention</strong></p>
<figure class="align-right zoomable">
<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/554645/original/file-20231019-25-265tvq.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="How does a paste maker work" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/554645/original/file-20231019-25-265tvq.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=237&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/554645/original/file-20231019-25-265tvq.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=372&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/554645/original/file-20231019-25-265tvq.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=372&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/554645/original/file-20231019-25-265tvq.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=372&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/554645/original/file-20231019-25-265tvq.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=467&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/554645/original/file-20231019-25-265tvq.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=467&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/554645/original/file-20231019-25-265tvq.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=467&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">Children wanted to know about pacemakers.</span>
<span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10826-023-02694-x">Journal of Child and Family Studies</a>, <a class="license" href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0/">CC BY-SA</a></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>These questions were about specific technologies such as pacemakers, and treatments such as medications, involved in preventing death and helping people who are dying.</p>
<p>Some children wanted to know how to prevent future deaths in their family.</p>
<p><strong>4. The meaning of life and death</strong></p>
<figure class="align-left zoomable">
<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/554646/original/file-20231019-29-ag8lw2.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="What is the meaning of life?" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/554646/original/file-20231019-29-ag8lw2.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=237&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/554646/original/file-20231019-29-ag8lw2.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=398&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/554646/original/file-20231019-29-ag8lw2.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=398&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/554646/original/file-20231019-29-ag8lw2.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=398&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/554646/original/file-20231019-29-ag8lw2.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=500&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/554646/original/file-20231019-29-ag8lw2.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=500&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/554646/original/file-20231019-29-ag8lw2.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=500&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">Children questioned life’s purpose.</span>
<span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10826-023-02694-x">Journal of Child and Family Studies</a>, <a class="license" href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0/">CC BY-SA</a></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>These questions captured the children’s existential concerns about life’s purpose and why people die.</p>
<p>These included questions about why some people can die so young, but others live for many years.</p>
<hr>
<p>
<em>
<strong>
Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/curious-kids-why-do-people-get-old-190142">Curious Kids: why do people get old?</a>
</strong>
</em>
</p>
<hr>
<p><strong>5. After death</strong></p>
<figure class="align-right zoomable">
<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/554647/original/file-20231019-17-68bc4l.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="What does it feel like to be in heaven?" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/554647/original/file-20231019-17-68bc4l.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=237&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/554647/original/file-20231019-17-68bc4l.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=169&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/554647/original/file-20231019-17-68bc4l.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=169&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/554647/original/file-20231019-17-68bc4l.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=169&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/554647/original/file-20231019-17-68bc4l.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=212&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/554647/original/file-20231019-17-68bc4l.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=212&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/554647/original/file-20231019-17-68bc4l.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=212&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">Children wanted to know about the afterlife.</span>
<span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10826-023-02694-x">Journal of Child and Family Studies</a>, <a class="license" href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0/">CC BY-SA</a></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>The final question type included ones relating to a person once they had died. </p>
<p>Many questions were about after-death destinations, such as heaven, and the possibility of reincarnation.</p>
<hr>
<p>
<em>
<strong>
Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/friday-essay-what-might-heaven-be-like-95939">Friday essay: what might heaven be like?</a>
</strong>
</em>
</p>
<hr>
<h2>What now?</h2>
<p>Children <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/chso.12352">are aware</a> adults are reluctant to discuss death with them. But shielding them from details <a href="https://linkinghub.elsevier.com/retrieve/pii/S0140673618332021">could add</a> to their distress and worry.</p>
<p>Our research shows children who have experienced the death of a close person want to know how to cope with difficult emotions and need support, validation and reassurance. </p>
<p>They need adults around them to encourage them to ask questions, then for those adults to listen and answer. And adults should try to find opportunities to start a conversation with children, bereaved or not, about death and grief.</p>
<hr>
<p><em>Shelly Skinner (Lionheart Camp for Kids and Perth Children’s Hospital) and Lisa Cuddeford (Perth Children’s Hospital) co-authored this article.</em></p>
<hr>
<p><em>If this article raises issues for you or someone you know, call Kids Helpline on 1800 55 1800. <a href="https://www.childrensgriefawarenessday.org/cgad2/index.shtml">Online resources</a> <a href="https://www.childrenscolorado.org/conditions-and-advice/parenting/parenting-articles/grief-and-loss/#:%7E:text=Tips%20for%20talking%20to%20children%20about%20death%201,...%206%20Take%20care%20of%20yourself%2C%20too%20">are</a> <a href="https://www.grief.org.au/ga/ga/Resources.aspx">also available</a> on how best to support a child experiencing death and grief.</em></p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/215881/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Lauren Breen has received funding from Wellcome Trust, Medical Research Future Fund, Australian Research Council, Department of Health (Western Australia), Silver Chain, Royal Perth Hospital Medical Research Foundation, Canadian Institutes of Health, Star Legacy Foundation, MND Research Institute of Australia, iCare Dust Diseases Board (New South Wales), Cancer Council (Western Australia), and Healthway. She is on the board of Grief Australia and Lionheart Camp for Kids. She is the managing editor of Death Studies.</span></em></p>Children experience grief much more commonly than most of us think. This is what they want to know.Lauren Breen, Professor of Psychology, Curtin UniversityLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/1972992023-01-25T13:08:06Z2023-01-25T13:08:06ZDeath and dying: how different cultures deal with grief and mourning<p>Grief is a universal emotion. It’s something we all feel, no matter where we come from or what we’ve been through. Grief comes for us all and as humans who form close relationships with other people, it’s hard to avoid. </p>
<p>Studies of <a href="https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/the-grieving-brain-mary-frances-oconnor/1140045432?ean=9780062946232">grieving brains</a> – be it scans of the brain regions which process grief, or measures of the stress hormone cortisol that is released in grief – show no differences in relation to race, age or religion. <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/02682629808657425">People of all cultures grieve</a>; we all feel sorrow, loss, and despair. We just do it – and show it – in different ways. </p>
<p><a href="https://psycnet.apa.org/record/1969-06883-001">James Averill</a>, a US professor of psychology, has compared this to sexual feelings which, like grief, are biologically driven but expressed in elaborately different social contexts. </p>
<p>Here are several examples that demonstrate how grief and mourning can look very different depending on where you live and come from. </p>
<h2>1. Collective grief is common</h2>
<p>When it comes to grieving in the west, the focus is often placed on the individual. People talk about their personal grief, and counselling is usually arranged for just one person – even support groups are attended by individual members. But the reality is that the family – or for many Indigenous people, the tribe – grieves collectively, and in some cultures this is more pronounced than others.</p>
<p>In <a href="https://www.taylorfrancis.com/chapters/edit/10.4324/9781315721088-4/death-hindu-family-pittu-laungani-ann-laungani">Hindu families</a> in India, for example, relatives and friends come together to support the immediate family in an elaborate 13-day ritual. A widow ceases to be the head of the household and her place is taken by the wife of her oldest son. </p>
<p>Typical of <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/1473325020973301">Native American culture</a>, the Lakota tribe elders use the phrase “mitakuye oyasin”, meaning “we are all related”. The death of anyone in the tribe is felt by all. </p>
<p><a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/009164711604400203">In Tibet</a>, the Buddhist mourning period following a funeral lasts 49 days. During this time the family gathers to make clay figures and prayer flags, allowing for a collective expression of grief.</p>
<p>Collective grief is also the norm in traditional Chinese culture, but here the family also makes collective decisions – which sometimes <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1303047/">exclude the dying person</a>. This was seen in the 2019 film <a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt8637428/">The Farewell</a>, which was based on director and writer Lulu Wong’s real life. In the film, a Chinese family discovers their grandmother has only a short time left to live and decides to keep her in the dark, scheduling a wedding in order to gather before she dies.</p>
<h2>2. Grieving times vary by culture</h2>
<p>After a bereavement, a steady return to normal functioning can typically take <a href="https://books.google.co.uk/books?hl=en&lr=&id=AEiRDwAAQBAJ&oi=fnd&pg=PT7&dq=The+other+side+of+sadness+Bonanno&ots=TxwGl9PMCE&sig=BvhnYX4GRHnjFBtv0KyJlGSqMpk#v=onepage&q=The%20other%20side%20of%20sadness%20Bonanno&f=false">two or more years</a>. Experts no longer talk of “moving on”, but instead see grief as a way of adapting to loss while forming a <a href="https://www.google.co.uk/books/edition/Continuing_Bonds/u4COAwAAQBAJ?hl=en&gbpv=1&dq=Continuing+Bonds&printsec=frontcover">continuing bond</a> with the lost loved one. But again, this varies from culture to culture.</p>
<p>In <a href="https://books.google.co.uk/books?hl=en&lr=&id=QkH8Xzf9geUC&oi=fnd&pg=PP9&dq=managing+turbulent+hearts+Wikan&ots=aaZEUZ9kkz&sig=23rFm_4c7S3icaZngKYe6mOBLP8#v=onepage&q=managing%20turbulent%20hearts%20Wikan&f=false">Bali</a>, Indonesia, mourning is brief and tearfulness is discouraged.
If family members do cry, tears must not fall on the body as this is thought to give the person a bad place in heaven. To cry for too long is thought to invoke malevolent spirits and encumber the dead person’s soul with unhappiness. </p>
<p>In <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/0277953688903681">Egypt</a>, tearfully grieving after seven years would still be seen as healthy and normal – whereas in the US this would be <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1303047/">considered a disorder</a>. Indeed, in the west, intense grief exceeding 12 months is labelled “<a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/pdf/10.1177/00048674211025728">prolonged grief disorder</a>”. </p>
<h2>3. People like to visit the body</h2>
<p>The way people interact with the dead body also differs culturally. For example, between the death and the funeral, the <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S2405844022002134#bib67">Toraja people</a> on the island of Sulawesi, Indonesia, treat their relative as if they were ill rather than dead, by bringing them food and keeping them company.</p>
<p>Europe has its own customs. In the UK until the mid-20th century, along the <a href="https://books.google.co.uk/books?hl=en&lr=&id=hXNuVogVnQYC&oi=fnd&pg=PA4&dq=Death+in+Staithes&ots=Dd1dFkLAtT&sig=Tz1yx6vnNT9xKQe-u0VmtKFR-Gw#v=onepage&q=Death%20in%20Staithes&f=false">Yorkshire coast</a>, the lying-out of the body was done by women of the village. Friends and family would come to view the deceased, pay their respects, and recall memories of the person. This practice continues in some countries. </p>
<p>In <a href="https://debbiecollins.co.uk/an-italian-grief/">Italy</a>, for example, a temporary refrigerated coffin is delivered to the family home so people can bring flowers and pay their respects in the immediate aftermath of the death.</p>
<h2>4. Signs from above</h2>
<p>In the UK, some people believe that white feathers are a message from heaven, though this is often dismissed as childlike <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/03069885.2021.1983154">magical thinking</a>. But in many <a href="https://scholarworks.gvsu.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1018&=&context=iaccp_papers&=&sei-redir=1&referer=https%253A%252F%252Fscholar.google.co.uk%252Fscholar%253Fhl%253Den%2526as_sdt%253D0%25252C5%2526q%253Dtraditional%252Bafrican%252Bcommunication%252Bwith%252Bthe%252Bdeceased%2526btnG%253D#search=%22traditional%20african%20communication%20deceased%22">African societies</a>, spiritual connection to the deceased is considered normal and very real. </p>
<p>In sub-Saharan Africa, the traditional belief is that the dead become spirits but remain in the living world on Earth. They are thought of as the living dead. The spirit may <a href="https://d1wqtxts1xzle7.cloudfront.net/85385219/a_3A102281872291320220503-1-4qjnu8-libre.pdf?1651555207=&response-content-disposition=inline%3B+filename%3DParallels_Between_Jungian_and_Black_Afri.pdf&Expires=1674486693&Signature=Kj%7ErNYUajI6lizNik5rmD3pqu9LXaBXG59aMjcM7w99p7TCgJjkxhJRXDam88BAqYFcQmRLyhlH6hGHmXTamAP54yPVOLCysS8R3HnCKKY6YxFOw80hRur7AXiBlre2e%7EpFH0YIdxFAQ6XEm5P2uAD3cVLRHOA5ECpxwEVGuSd0GNLb7DHh1SN6dlYubHQijCdbNPPQB7-e%7E1MiXIAynAzcGsdD5s%7E956Ag3dM9zeHpzfKU1pqr13-D2C4f3%7E%7EgcFrg3nC-EPS74CXS10Px64fY0Q8q13b50wyt3xqvfesmK-eew6J1g5qyQMru-L0Sp0HUFaI3V5y7BNT-6hAoIIg__&Key-Pair-Id=APKAJLOHF5GGSLRBV4ZA">appear in dreams</a> in their human form.</p>
<h2>5. Sending on the spirit</h2>
<p>The Māori people indigenous to New Zealand set aside time to grieve and mourn. They perform rites for the dead in a process called “<a href="https://researchcommons.waikato.ac.nz/bitstream/handle/10289/7968/Nikora%20et%20al%202010%20Tangihanga%20overview.pdf?sequence=1">tangihanga</a>”. First, rituals send on the spirit, then the body is prepared by an undertaker, often helped by family members. The body returns to the family home for the family to reminisce in celebration. </p>
<p>Elaborate rituals follow, including dances and songs and finally a farewell speech. Traditional artefacts including clothes, weapons and jewellery are displayed. After the funeral, there is a ritual cleansing of the deceased’s house and feasting, before an eventual unveiling of the headstone.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/197299/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>John Frederick Wilson does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.</span></em></p>From Bali to China, Italy to India, the way people grieve varies greatly across the world.John Frederick Wilson, Honorary Research Fellow, Director of Bereavement Services Counselling & Mental Health Clinic, York St John UniversityLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/1955142022-12-07T15:17:47Z2022-12-07T15:17:47ZWhy mourning a pet can be harder than grieving for a person<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/498663/original/file-20221202-18-fkdmuf.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=0%2C22%2C4992%2C3226&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">People are often taken aback by the intensity of pet grief</span> <span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.shutterstock.com/image-photo/broken-grief-female-dog-grieving-owner-2078632441">Soloviova Liudmyla/Shutterstock</a></span></figcaption></figure><p>Many pet owners know that our connections with animals can be on an emotional par with those we share with other humans – and <a href="https://www.researchgate.net/profile/Ben-Rockett/publication/274344384_Animals_and_Attachment_Theory/links/5f8552bb458515b7cf7c5851/Animals-and-Attachment-Theory.pdf">scientific research backs this up</a>. </p>
<p><a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0265407507087958">The key ingredients of human attachment</a> are experiencing the other person as a dependable source of comfort, seeking them out when distressed, feeling enjoyment in their presence and missing them when apart. Researchers have identified these as features of our relationships with pets too.</p>
<p>But there are complexities. Some groups of people are more likely to develop intimate bonds with their pets. This includes <a href="https://books.google.co.uk/books?hl=en&lr=&id=yyM5DQAAQBAJ&oi=fnd&pg=PA123&dq=pet+attachment+and+older+people&ots=g4NhHQwmag&sig=82Jmnjag7NC40mxaITf18Vsjk8g#v=onepage&q=pet%20attachment%20and%20older%20people&f=false">isolated older people</a>, <a href="https://www.researchgate.net/profile/Ben-Rockett/publication/313459134_Fostering_secure_attachment_experiences_of_animal_companions_in_the_foster_home/links/5f85529e458515b7cf7c5848/Fostering-secure-attachment-experiences-of-animal-companions-in-the-foster-home.pdf">people who have lost trust in humans</a>, and <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/14616734.2011.584410?journalCode=rahd20">people who rely on assistance animals</a>. </p>
<p>Researchers have also found our connections with our fluffy, scaled and feathered friends come with a price, in that we <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/07481187.2021.1901799">grieve the loss of our pets</a>. But some aspects of pet grief are unique. </p>
<h2>Euthanasia</h2>
<p>For many people, pet death may be the only experience they have of grief connected to euthanasia. Guilt or doubt over a decision to euthanise a cherished companion animal can complicate grief. For example, <a href="https://www.researchgate.net/publication/288696026_Pet_loss_and_human_emotion_A_guide_to_recovery_Second_edition">research has found</a> that disagreements within families about whether it is (or was) right to put a pet to sleep can be particularly challenging.</p>
<p>But euthanasia also gives people a chance to prepare for a beloved animal’s passing. There is a chance to say goodbye and plan final moments to express love and respect such as a favourite meal, a night in together or a last goodbye. </p>
<p>There are stark differences in people’s responses to pet euthanasia. <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/07481187.2012.738764">Israeli research</a> found that in the aftermath of euthanised pet death, 83% of people feel certain they made the right decision. They believed they had granted their animal companion a more honourable death that minimised suffering. </p>
<figure class="align-center ">
<img alt="Man on bench looking at the ground holding a dog leash" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/498664/original/file-20221202-25-4p3vsz.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/498664/original/file-20221202-25-4p3vsz.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=403&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/498664/original/file-20221202-25-4p3vsz.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=403&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/498664/original/file-20221202-25-4p3vsz.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=403&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/498664/original/file-20221202-25-4p3vsz.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=507&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/498664/original/file-20221202-25-4p3vsz.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=507&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/498664/original/file-20221202-25-4p3vsz.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=507&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px">
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">Pet grief can make people turn inwards.</span>
<span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.shutterstock.com/image-photo/broken-grief-man-dog-owner-grieving-2078664577">Soloviova Liudmyla/Shutterstock</a></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>However, a <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1539639/">Canadian study</a> found 16% of participants in their study whose pets were euthanised “felt like murderers”. And <a href="https://www.semanticscholar.org/paper/Establishing-a-model-pet-loss-support-hotline.-Mader-Hart/ed169dfdb2d43c2c94bc3f4c617e92bb37c08402">American research</a> has shown how nuanced the decision can be as 41% of participants in a study felt guilty and 4% experienced suicidal feelings after they consented to their animal being euthanised. Cultural beliefs, the nature and intensity of their relationship, attachment styles and personality influence people’s experience of pet euthanasia. </p>
<h2>Disenfranchised grief</h2>
<p>This type of loss <a href="https://neurosciencenews.com/grief-pet-loss-21950/">is still less acceptable socially</a>. This is called disenfranchised grief, which refers to losses that society doesn’t fully appreciate or ignores. This makes it harder to mourn, at least in public. </p>
<figure class="align-center ">
<img alt="Older man holding pet dog outside" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/498669/original/file-20221202-12013-xmkv40.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/498669/original/file-20221202-12013-xmkv40.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=432&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/498669/original/file-20221202-12013-xmkv40.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=432&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/498669/original/file-20221202-12013-xmkv40.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=432&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/498669/original/file-20221202-12013-xmkv40.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=543&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/498669/original/file-20221202-12013-xmkv40.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=543&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/498669/original/file-20221202-12013-xmkv40.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=543&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px">
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">Older people often more isolated which makes their pets an important source of comfort.</span>
<span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.shutterstock.com/image-photo/cute-dog-cuddling-on-old-mans-755405365">Budimir Jevtic/Shutterstock</a></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>Psychologists Robert Neiymeyer and John Jordan said <a href="https://www.semanticscholar.org/paper/Disenfranchised-Grief%3A-New-Directions%2C-Challenges%2C-Doka/93982a0299f424a451986bc2938751d909b5a98b">disenfranchised grief</a> is a result of an empathy failure. People deny their own pet grief because a part of them feels it is shameful. This isn’t just about keeping a stiff upper lip in the office or at the pub. People may feel pet grief is unacceptable to certain members of their family, or to the family more generally. </p>
<p>And at a wider level, there may be a mismatch between the depth of pet grief and social expectations around animal death. For example, some people may react with contempt if someone misses work or takes leave to mourn a pet.</p>
<p><a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/08927936.2019.1621545?journalCode=rfan20">Research</a> suggests that when people are in anguish over the loss of a pet, disenfranchised grief makes it more difficult for them to find solace, post-traumatic growth and healing. Disenfranchised grief seems to restrain emotional expression in a way that makes it harder to process. </p>
<p>Our relationships to our pets can be as meaningful as those we share with each other. Losing our pets is no less painful, and our grief reflects that. There are dimensions of pet grief we need to recognise as unique. If we can accept pet death as a type of bereavement, we can lessen people’s suffering. We’re only human, after all.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/195514/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Sam Carr does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.</span></em></p>The death of a pet can be a deeply painful experience. But acknowledging the way pet grief is different can help people find consolation.Sam Carr, Reader in Education with Psychology and Centre for Death and Society, University of BathLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/1911352022-10-03T15:16:41Z2022-10-03T15:16:41ZLosing a loved one can change you forever, but grief doesn’t have to be the end of your relationship with them<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/487105/original/file-20220928-22-v4qo8m.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=0%2C8%2C5751%2C3819&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">
</span> <span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.shutterstock.com/image-photo/two-women-talking-about-problems-home-1059280925">Prostock-studio/Shutterstock </a></span></figcaption></figure><p>When the Queen died, some were struck by feelings so strong they <a href="https://www.stylist.co.uk/news/queen-elizabeth-meghan-markle-kate-middleton-twitter-tribute/705766">described it as</a> like <a href="https://www.itv.com/news/2022-09-09/tributes-flood-in-across-the-uk-as-public-pays-tribute-to-very-special-queen">losing a family member</a>. For many it was a chance to reflect on the losses in their own lives. The public mass mourning has reminded all of us of the disruptive and disorientating influence of grief. </p>
<p><a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/sjp.12462">Research</a> shows that grief is a unique kind of loss that leaves a void in our lives. In many cases, it can also trigger new beginnings, including a different, yet enduring relationship with the person we lost. In many ways, we are never the same after being touched by grief.</p>
<p>A <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/00302228211053058">recent study</a> we conducted, based on 80 in-depth interviews, revealed that losing someone with whom we have been deeply intertwined equates to losing a part of ourselves and forces a change of identity. </p>
<p>We also explored the power of grief in <a href="https://www.cambridge.org/core/journals/ageing-and-society/article/gradual-separation-from-the-world-a-qualitative-exploration-of-existential-loneliness-in-old-age/5567288AD35DFB878F3F756FF233FB1C">another interview-based study</a>. The results showed grief can upend our lives no matter our age. It doesn’t get easier to lose people as we near the end of life and still prompts the kinds of existential crises that make people question their sense of meaning and purpose. </p>
<p>Philosopher Thomas Attig argues that grief can be so powerful we have to “<a href="https://global.oup.com/academic/product/how-we-grieve-9780195397697?cc=gb&lang=en&">relearn the world</a>”. The impact of grief challenges the meaning of our lives and our sense of who we are. </p>
<h2>The right words</h2>
<p>People often reach for <a href="https://whatsyourgrief.com/grief-metaphors/">metaphors</a> to explain their experience of grief. They say things such as “Grief is like being extremely homesick, knowing your home no longer exists,” or “Grief is a fog that hides the world and makes every sound seem distant.” </p>
<p>These analogies point to an experience that disconnects people from and shatters the world as they once knew it. <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/105413730601400301">Research</a> has outlined the importance of listening out for these emblems when supporting a bereaved person and reworking them in constructive ways. </p>
<p>Not long ago, we both lost loved ones. <a href="https://blogs.bath.ac.uk/casp/2022/08/08/a-long-waited-but-unexpected-loss-my-first-encounter-with-grief-as-a-bereavement-researcher-and-why-its-important-to-talk-about-it/">Chao lost his grandmother in summer</a>, Sam lost his father in spring. He also faced the end of a long-term relationship in the summer, which can also be described as a grief experience as outlined by psychologist, Ginette Paris, in <a href="http://www.ginetteparis.com/books-2/heartbreak/">her work on heartbreak, mourning, and loss</a>). </p>
<p>Through his grandmother, Chao lost a safe haven, where he always felt loved, supported, and understood. </p>
<p>As Sam waded through his grief, a friend asked him if he knew how a caterpillar transitions into a butterfly. Once cocooned, she told him, it digests itself, breaking down into a sort of soup. Within the “soup”, specialised cells called <a href="https://www.cell.com/current-biology/pdf/S0960-9822(10)00291-5.pdf">imaginal discs</a> survive, and find their way to the right places, eventually forming wings and other core structures. Out of the soup, the butterfly emerges. </p>
<p>“Right now, you are the soup,” Sam’s friend told him. According to <a href="http://www.ginetteparis.com/books-2/heartbreak/introduction-to-heartbreak/">Ginette Paris</a>, grief similarly breaks us down and forces us to take an “evolutionary leap”.</p>
<figure class="align-center ">
<img alt="A pupa hanging under the leaf" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/487109/original/file-20220928-8992-2r5i1d.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/487109/original/file-20220928-8992-2r5i1d.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/487109/original/file-20220928-8992-2r5i1d.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/487109/original/file-20220928-8992-2r5i1d.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/487109/original/file-20220928-8992-2r5i1d.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/487109/original/file-20220928-8992-2r5i1d.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/487109/original/file-20220928-8992-2r5i1d.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px">
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">Bereavement can mould us into different forms.</span>
<span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.shutterstock.com/image-photo/pupa-hanging-under-leaf-taichung-city-1908338101">Baolin/Shutterstock</a></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>Death is not the end of our relationship with the person we lost, and is often the beginning of our grief, but <a href="https://www.sueryder.org/how-we-can-help/bereavement-information/support-for-yourself/how-long-does-grief-last">how long does grief last?</a> The answer varies considerably from person to person. The fact that <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3075805/">psychological researchers</a> use terms like “complicated grief”, is evidence enough that for some people, acute grief gains a foothold and can be chronically debilitating over long periods of time. </p>
<p>A connected issue is the “<a href="https://www.routledge.com/Continuing-Bonds-New-Understandings-of-Grief/Klass-Silverman-Nickman/p/book/9781560323396">continuing bonds</a>” that we establish with our late loved ones and embed into our everyday lives. For example, for Chao, the frequent reminders of cherished moments with his grandmother – through family chats, while watching TV, or when spotting an older person on the street – highlight that we do not leave our long-standing relationships with loved ones behind. </p>
<p>In some circumstances, we may create spaces where they remain part of our lives. When Sam’s father died, he felt compelled to name a star after him, so that he might symbolically always be “up there in the night sky.” <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/07481180600848322">Studies show</a> the relationship between continuing bonds and grief is complex.</p>
<h2>Grief transforms</h2>
<p>Because it pushes us to adapt and change. As captured in <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/26077627-a-grief-observed">C.S. Lewis’s</a> writing about his daily struggles after losing his wife, grief also has a transformational dimension. Our future selves are inspired and propelled by our loss and grief. </p>
<p>In her book “<a href="https://www.hup.harvard.edu/catalog.php?isbn=9780674498587">The Cue for Passion</a>”, Professor Gail Holst-Warhaft paints a dynamic picture of the grieving process in different groups of bereaved people. These include <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/world/2017/apr/28/mothers-plaza-de-mayo-argentina-anniversary">mothers of “disappeared” children</a> in Argentine civil unrests, American families of victims of the Vietnam War, and gay people who lost their partner to AIDS. </p>
<p>Palpable in these experiences is not only the adoption of traditional rituals to process sorrow but also the transformation of grief into political reform. </p>
<figure>
<iframe width="440" height="260" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/khkJkR-ipfw?wmode=transparent&start=0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen=""></iframe>
</figure>
<p>The Queen’s death has given us a unique opportunity to reflect on grief. For some, the pain of losing a loved one may remain vivid or acute for longer periods of time. For others, the feeling of being connected to a loved one may be so interwoven into their everyday lives that they grieve at the same time they <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/0030222816686609">engage with and even sense</a> their loved one by their side. </p>
<p>Despite how differently we mourn and how uniquely grief can affect us all, at the heart of our grief is a desire to love, to remember, and ultimately, as author Nora McInerny said in her Ted Talk, to “move forward with it”.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/191135/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>The authors do not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and have disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.</span></em></p>Research shows people can undergo transformational experiences when they grieve.Chao Fang, Research fellow, University of BathSam Carr, Senior Lecturer in Education with Psychology, University of BathLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/1906092022-09-16T15:19:08Z2022-09-16T15:19:08ZWilliam and Harry reunite to mourn the Queen — here’s why the death of a family member can bring siblings together<p>Much has been made of supposed tensions between princes William and Harry over the last few years. But in the wake of the Queen’s death we have seen the <a href="https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-62866247">brothers come together</a> with their family, uniting to pay tribute to their grandmother and take part in official mourning activities.</p>
<p>Regardless of speculation about their relationship, it is typical for sibling bonds to be bolstered or rekindled at critical moments such as the death of a family member. Often our longest lasting relationships, sibling relationships are far from static. </p>
<p>Being one in a series of siblings is significant to who we are, though this role evolves throughout our lives. Hierarchies associated with birth order and age gaps can shift or <a href="https://link.springer.com/referenceworkentry/10.1007/978-981-287-026-1_7">even flip entirely</a> as siblings weather illnesses, bereavements, parenthood, marriages, divorces, redundancies and so on.</p>
<p>In <a href="https://manchesteruniversitypress.co.uk/9781526142177/">my new research</a>, I’ve analysed over 100 adults’ written reflections about their sibling relationships, commissioned and archived as part of the UK’s <a href="http://www.massobs.org.uk/about/mass-observation-project">Mass Observation Project</a>. My findings reveal how critical life moments, such as the death of a family member, often led to these relationships intensifying and improving. This was true even between siblings who had not been in regular contact or whose relationship had become strained.</p>
<hr>
<figure class="align-right ">
<img alt="Quarter life, a series by The Conversation" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/451343/original/file-20220310-13-1bj6csd.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=237&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/451343/original/file-20220310-13-1bj6csd.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=600&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/451343/original/file-20220310-13-1bj6csd.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=600&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/451343/original/file-20220310-13-1bj6csd.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=600&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/451343/original/file-20220310-13-1bj6csd.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=754&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/451343/original/file-20220310-13-1bj6csd.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=754&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/451343/original/file-20220310-13-1bj6csd.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=754&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px">
<figcaption>
<span class="caption"></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p><em><strong><a href="https://theconversation.com/uk/topics/quarter-life-117947?utm_source=TCUK&utm_medium=linkback&utm_campaign=UK+YP2022&utm_content=InArticleTop">This article is part of Quarter Life</a></strong>, a series about issues affecting those of us in our twenties and thirties. From the challenges of beginning a career and taking care of our mental health, to the excitement of starting a family, adopting a pet or just making friends as an adult. The articles in this series explore the questions and bring answers as we navigate this turbulent period of life.</em></p>
<p><em>You may be interested in:</em></p>
<p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/hope-from-despair-how-young-people-are-taking-action-to-make-things-better-184859?utm_source=TCUK&utm_medium=linkback&utm_campaign=UK+YP2022&utm_content=InArticleTop">Hope from despair: how young people are taking action to make things better</a></em></p>
<p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/covid-how-careful-do-i-still-need-to-be-around-older-and-vulnerable-family-members-187556?utm_source=TCUK&utm_medium=linkback&utm_campaign=UK+YP2022&utm_content=InArticleTop">COVID: how careful do I still need to be around older and vulnerable family members?</a></em></p>
<p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/what-is-gentle-parenting-an-expert-explains-184282?utm_source=TCUK&utm_medium=linkback&utm_campaign=UK+YP2022&utm_content=InArticleTop">What is gentle parenting? An expert explains</a></em></p>
<hr>
<p>Many participants described coming together to care for ill parents and to sort out administrative logistics following their death. They were grateful that they did not have to bear these burdens alone. While William and Harry’s responsibilities certainly look quite different, the sight of them performing the <a href="https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-62864876">public face of mourning together</a> is a familiar one to many siblings.</p>
<p>It is not just the sharing of practical tasks that bring the significance of sibling relationships into sharp relief following a family death. Many participants wrote about reminiscing on shared childhood memories at this time, and a feeling of privileged knowledge about their family shared only with their sibling. </p>
<p>Siblings can be something of an “anchor” in these situations. They help one another feel grounded, and facilitate a sense of belonging in time as they age and their families change. </p>
<p>One 58-year-old man described how his relationship with his older brother and sister improved following the death of their parents. As children, his sister (ten years his senior) had irritated him by trying to “mother” him. He argued regularly with his brother as they struggled to share a cramped bedroom. Contact with his siblings decreased once they moved out of the family home but resumed as they supported their mother and made arrangements following the death of their father.</p>
<p>The writer had also recently lost his mother. With both his parents gone, his bond with his siblings, formed through shared childhood experiences of poverty, took on a renewed significance in his life. </p>
<p>Of course, William and Harry’s childhood experiences and adversities will have been quite different, and we have seen them come together to publicly mourn the death of their mother as children. The importance of shared childhood memories, whether happy or difficult, are often heightened following the death of a close family member. </p>
<h2>Coping without siblings</h2>
<p>Of course, siblings do not always come together at moments like this. Respondents who remained estranged from their sibling or who did not have siblings often felt the absence of this relationship more strongly following a family bereavement or illness. Many “only children” in their 20s, 30s and 40s described feelings of trepidation about future caring responsibilities, which they worried about shouldering alone. </p>
<p>One 48-year-old man wrote poignantly about his sister’s terminal cancer diagnosis, and the strangeness of realising that they would not grow old together. He would have to face the responsibilities and challenges of caring for ageing parents alone.</p>
<p>One writer in her 40s described the ways her relationship with her sister, who is five years younger, improved in adulthood. The irritations and injustices of their childhood faded and their age gap felt less significant, allowing them to become friends. </p>
<p>However, this writer expressed worries about the future of her relationship with her sister. She envisioned a “nightmare” time trying to negotiate caring responsibilities for their mother in her old age.</p>
<p>William and Harry are living their family bereavement on the world stage. In many ways, their caring responsibilities bear little resemblance to the financial and time pressures that many families experience at times of loss. However, sibling bonds are special. </p>
<p>Even where relationships are turbulent, having siblings can feel something like travelling through life with a convoy. They anchor us to our past, and the background sense of “being there for us” can be revived at key moments in life, like the death of a parent or grandparent.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/190609/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Katherine Davies does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.</span></em></p>Sharing administrative tasks and reminiscing on family moments can bring siblings together during tough times.Katherine Davies, Senior Lecturer in Sociology, University of SheffieldLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/1904562022-09-14T17:02:05Z2022-09-14T17:02:05ZGrieving for a grandparent: a counsellor explains how they help people through such a loss<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/484684/original/file-20220914-9089-6nr6ho.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=25%2C0%2C5707%2C3830&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">William Prince of Wales and Catherine Princess of Wales accompanied by Harry, Duke of Sussex and Meghan Duchess of Sussex look at tributes to Queen Elizabeth II outside Windsor Castle</span> <span class="attribution"><span class="source">Alamy/ Jamie Lorriman</span></span></figcaption></figure><p>Many of us feel touched by the loss of our queen, but that is nothing
compared to the loss of a beloved grandparent. The queen’s grandchildren and great-grandchildren have lost a wise and loving guardian. For most people their parent or parents are their main caregiver but grandparents can have a special role in our lives.</p>
<p>I know, from conversations with bereaved people, that the media coverage of the queen’s death has triggered many to revisit their own losses. If it means that they use the opportunity to explore the previously unresolved, that can only be a good thing.</p>
<p>Everyone’s grief journey is unique. But this is how I, in my practice as a bereavement counsellor, guide clients through the loss of a grandparent. No experienced bereavement counsellor makes assumptions, either about
the relationship between the lost loved one and their mourning relative, or
about the thoughts and feelings the client is experiencing in their grief. </p>
<p>The first step when I meet a new client, whatever their age, is to ask them to
tell me, at their own pace, the story of the loss, including events that <a href="https://uk.jkp.com/products/supporting-people-through-loss-and-grief">led up to it</a>, such as a <a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/16270342/">prolonged illness</a> or sudden unexpected death. </p>
<p>The way they tell the story, in detail or rushed tearfully or in a matter-of-fact style, gives me important clues into their emotional state. Telling the story in a brief, dispassionate way is a signal that they are dissociating from their grief, for example.</p>
<p>For young children, their account helps me understand how much they have been told by the grown-ups. However, even a teenage or adult grandchild may not have all the information they need to make sense of the loss. Unlike their parents, they may have not been present at the death. </p>
<p>Adults who hurried to be at their grandparent’s (or parent’s) final hours, but did not make it in time, can be left with a profound sense of guilt. Making sense of, and <a href="https://nebula.wsimg.com/10af421c023232a9f5736ca1393ac353?AccessKeyId=C005B8E40871028AF00A&disposition=0&alloworigin=1">finding meaning</a> in, the loss is the most important part of grief resolution. This includes understanding and articulating our feelings.</p>
<h2>Helping young children grieve</h2>
<p>Even the youngest child grieves in some way. The intellectual and cognitive stage of the child makes a big difference to how a counsellor will work. </p>
<p>A toddler does not understand the permanence of death. A young
child’s <a href="https://www.verywellfamily.com/the-signs-of-magical-thinking-in-children-290168">magical thinking</a>, the egocentric stage of believing that their actions can result in unrelated events, can leave them feeling that they in some way caused the death. </p>
<p>The child that reaches an abstract stage of thinking about death, normally between the ages of 11 and 16, may still struggle with an emotional vocabulary. Even a baby can sense family stress and that their parent, <a href="https://www.routledge.com/Why-Love-Matters-How-affection-shapes-a-babys-brain/Gerhardt/p/book/9780415870535">feeling the loss of their parent</a>, is emotionally distant.</p>
<p>The depth of a grandchild’s grief may not be fully understood by their family,
because, understandably, they are wrapped up in their own grief. There are times when it is helpful for the counsellor to work in <a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/16816226/">collaboration with the adult relatives</a>. Counsellors who work with children often work with parents to help them support their child. </p>
<p>Parents and siblings of the deceased may have been expecting the death
sooner or later, whereas to grandchildren, the loss may have come as a shock
to their <a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/5088720/">assumptive world</a>. This means the personal world we know and take for granted: in this instance, a world in which grandma or grandad would always be there. </p>
<p>The seriousness of the grandparent’s condition may not have been communicated to the children, and what they do know may have been gleaned by overhearing snippets of adult conversation. It is not always easy to recognise a young child’s grief because it is often expressed differently to an adult, including anger, mood swings, and regression into the <a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/24521044/">behaviour of a younger child</a>. </p>
<figure class="align-center ">
<img alt="Young hands grasp older hands" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/483975/original/file-20220912-18-dzzz5r.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=0%2C0%2C5000%2C3315&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/483975/original/file-20220912-18-dzzz5r.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=399&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/483975/original/file-20220912-18-dzzz5r.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=399&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/483975/original/file-20220912-18-dzzz5r.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=399&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/483975/original/file-20220912-18-dzzz5r.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=502&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/483975/original/file-20220912-18-dzzz5r.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=502&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/483975/original/file-20220912-18-dzzz5r.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=502&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px">
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">Grandparent loss is part of growing up.</span>
<span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.shutterstock.com/image-photo/young-hand-holding-elderly-sitting-wheel-760253272">OHishiapply/Shutterstock</a></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>I also need to know the part the grandparent played in the grandchild’s life. Grandparents frequently pick up grandchildren from school, read them stories, teach them songs, help them with homework and take them on days out. The grandparent can be a role model for the children of <a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/28198652/">single-parent families</a>. A grandchild whose grandparent was a significant part of their life needs time to adapt and <a href="https://www.apa.org/pubs/books/431651A">relearn a world</a> without granny or grandpa.</p>
<h2>Adults and teenagers</h2>
<p>I have worked with young adults who regarded a grandmother as a surrogate for an absent mother. I have been told: “On paper she was my Nana, but in reality, she was my Mum.” As it becomes common for people to live into their 80s and 90s, there will be more adults bereaved by the loss of a grandparent. To a great extent, the emotions of adults are the same, particularly in the <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/03069885.2021.1983154">early weeks and months of grief</a>.</p>
<p>A grandchild of any age can be left with <a href="https://www.apa.org/pubs/books/4318045">disenfranchised grief</a>, a belief that they have no right to the thoughts and feelings they are experiencing. </p>
<p>Once I am confident that my client understands what happened, can make
sense of the death and has the vocabulary to express their emotions, we begin
the process of adapting to the loss. No longer do psychologists expect people to let go and move on. Instead we encourage them to preserve memories, which helps to to develop a <a href="https://psycnet.apa.org/record/1996-97406-000">new, symbolic bond</a> with their grandparent. </p>
<p>For older children it can help to go through old photographs and talk with them about past events. For young children we do this with <a href="https://www.taylorfrancis.com/chapters/edit/10.4324/9780203152683-80/memory-boxes-jordan-potash-stephanie-handel">memory boxes</a>. These are boxes, which the child may want to decorate, filled with pictures and objects that represent their lost loved one, or their relationship. </p>
<p>Young children intuitively take time out from their grief, and to some extent adults do too, although guilt and social pressures may prevent this. It helps to validate the unique and creative ways older children and young people may choose to <a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/21058610/">distract themselves</a> from their grief, often with hobbies, films, computer games, or time on social media with friends. I let them know this is natural and doesn’t diminish the bond they had with their late grandparent. </p>
<p>Grieving for grandparents is a part of growing up, and for most of us, preparation for losing parents. The grief is always there. Effective bereavement counselling leaves the client aware that their grief will continue, but will become more manageable, and breaks the acute grief cycle of unresolved emotions.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/190456/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>John Frederick Wilson does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.</span></em></p>The death of the Queen may turn people’s minds to the loss of their own grandparents, or how the younger royals will cope.John Frederick Wilson, Honorary Research Fellow, Director of Bereavement Services Counselling & Mental Health Clinic, York St John UniversityLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/1888182022-08-31T03:16:02Z2022-08-31T03:16:02ZA Beginner’s Guide to Grief: joy and sadness belong together in this new Australian ‘traumedy’<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/481925/original/file-20220830-46102-1isx65.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=0%2C0%2C7951%2C5304&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">
</span> <span class="attribution"><span class="source">SBS</span></span></figcaption></figure><p><em>Review: A Beginner’s Guide to Grief, directed by Renée Mao</em></p>
<p>We all experience grief in different ways. It is a powerful force that can affect our daily lives, making the simplest task feel difficult, at best, or entirely insurmountable at worst. </p>
<p>Grief is messy, surprising, revealing and honest at different times and all at once. </p>
<p>This is what lies at the heart of the SBS comedy A Beginner’s Guide to Grief. </p>
<p>Written by its star, Anna Lindner, and directed by Renée Mao, the six 12-minute episodes follow Harriet “Harry” Wylde as she navigates her way through the five stages of grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance also provide the first five episode titles) after losing both her parents to cancer within a week – first her mum and then her dad on the day of her mum’s funeral. </p>
<p>Aunty Barb (Georgina Naidu) is the epitome of “putting on a brave face” as she attempts to offer Harry solace in the knowledge that at least her dad is “now in the arms of our Lord and Saviour”. </p>
<figure>
<iframe width="440" height="260" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/ZPyB_d6lh5I?wmode=transparent&start=0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen=""></iframe>
</figure>
<p>Harry’s very Christian Uncle Trev (Rory Walker) and creepy cousin Isaiah (Carlo Ritchie) take over her dad’s funeral preparations with the implication that men can deal with these kinds of emotional situations better. </p>
<p>The most interesting relationship in the series is between Harry and her foster-sister Daisy (Cassandra Sorrell), a pyromaniac who has spent time in prison after lighting a car on fire when she was young. </p>
<p>Their relationship is far from perfect, but Daisy is a welcome relief from the rest of the family’s suffocating presence. </p>
<hr>
<p>
<em>
<strong>
Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/iggy-and-ace-a-zany-aussie-comedy-about-two-gay-best-friends-and-alcohol-abuse-165953">Iggy & Ace: a zany Aussie comedy about two gay best friends — and alcohol abuse</a>
</strong>
</em>
</p>
<hr>
<h2>Contemporary traumedies</h2>
<p>A Beginner’s Guide to Grief joins recent series like Netflix’s <a href="https://www.huffpost.com/archive/au/entry/never-have-i-ever-mindy-kaling_au_5eb54cacc5b62d0addad63a0">Never Have I Ever</a> (2020-) and <a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt8398600/?ref_=nv_sr_srsg_0">After Life</a> (2019-2022) that centre on grieving characters who have lost loved ones and are left behind to cope in the aftermath. </p>
<p>These shows have been labelled “<a href="https://www.wellandgood.com/traumedy-trend/">traumedies</a>”: narratives that explore feelings of loss and pain presented through a comedic lens. </p>
<p>Traumedies can offer audiences an <a href="https://www.npr.org/2020/06/17/877090656/if-youre-grieving-right-now-here-are-5-shows-that-get-it">opportunity for catharsis</a>, processing our feelings of loss and grief – particularly at a time of so much social and cultural upheaval.</p>
<figure class="align-center zoomable">
<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/481945/original/file-20220831-22-brw5j5.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="An alpaca and a woman stand at a grave." src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/481945/original/file-20220831-22-brw5j5.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/481945/original/file-20220831-22-brw5j5.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/481945/original/file-20220831-22-brw5j5.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/481945/original/file-20220831-22-brw5j5.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/481945/original/file-20220831-22-brw5j5.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/481945/original/file-20220831-22-brw5j5.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/481945/original/file-20220831-22-brw5j5.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">Traumedies acknowledge there is joy alongside grief.</span>
<span class="attribution"><span class="source">SBS</span></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>Like these international examples, A Beginner’s Guide to Grief invites us to have frank conversations about and acknowledge the impacts of death, dying and grieving openly – rather than bottling those feelings away to maintain an image of strength. </p>
<p>It is through the series’ funniest thread, a self-help audio tape on dealing with grief that Harry listens to each episode, we truly feel permission to laugh at tragedy. </p>
<p>The tape’s grief therapist, brilliantly voiced by Ted Lasso’s Brett Goldstein, provides a bizarre distraction for Harry – and us – as each stage of grief is described in more and more ridiculous ways. Grief, the tape tells us, is:</p>
<blockquote>
<p>an overwhelming emotion not unlike […] sitting down to your favourite breakfast cereal but then pouring its milky sweet contents over your lap, smashing the porcelain bowl with nothing but your forehead, and slowly swallowing shard after jagged shard of the broken remains until you realise you are indeed bleeding from your stomach.</p>
</blockquote>
<p>A visceral yet poetic description. </p>
<hr>
<p>
<em>
<strong>
Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/the-five-stages-of-grief-dont-come-in-fixed-steps-everyone-feels-differently-96111">The five stages of grief don't come in fixed steps – everyone feels differently</a>
</strong>
</em>
</p>
<hr>
<h2>Grief is a mixed bag</h2>
<p>The sixth and final episode, The Next Chapter, initially feels unnecessary. We have moved through the five stages of grief, after all. But Lindner is careful to acknowledge grief is not cured once you’ve reached “acceptance”. </p>
<p>The process of grieving is complex and can’t be miraculously solved by the end of a series. </p>
<p>Life must go on for Harry, but she still has some healing to do. </p>
<figure class="align-center zoomable">
<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/481946/original/file-20220831-22-dygfw.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="A woman cries; another woman comforts her." src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/481946/original/file-20220831-22-dygfw.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/481946/original/file-20220831-22-dygfw.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=338&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/481946/original/file-20220831-22-dygfw.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=338&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/481946/original/file-20220831-22-dygfw.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=338&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/481946/original/file-20220831-22-dygfw.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=424&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/481946/original/file-20220831-22-dygfw.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=424&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/481946/original/file-20220831-22-dygfw.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=424&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">Grief doesn’t end at ‘acceptance’.</span>
<span class="attribution"><span class="source">SBS</span></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>Throughout the series, flashbacks are interwoven with the present-day, depicting scenes of happier times with her parents next to ones showing the realities and ravages of cancer.</p>
<p>The show is semi-autobiographical. Lindner’s <a href="https://indaily.com.au/inreview/film/2022/08/26/death-and-anarchy-in-the-barossa/">father died</a> from cancer, and her mother was also diagnosed with the disease. She brings a deep perspective on her own grief. “I want people to know that grief and joy don’t just co-exist, but they belong together,” <a href="https://tvtonight.com.au/2022/08/airdate-a-beginners-guide-to-grief.html">she has said</a>.</p>
<p>A Beginner’s Guide to Grief does not offer a particularly unique perspective on grief, but it is a worthy local entry into the traumedy genre and an excellent example of contemporary Australian short form storytelling.</p>
<p><em>A Beginner’s Guide to Grief premieres on SBS On Demand on September 4.</em></p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/188818/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Sian Mitchell does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.</span></em></p>Grief is messy, surprising, revealing and honest at different times and all at once. Here, it is also funny.Sian Mitchell, Lecturer, Film, Television and Animation, Deakin UniversityLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/1866082022-07-11T12:29:46Z2022-07-11T12:29:46Z1 in 8 U.S. deaths from 2020 to 2021 came from COVID-19 – leaving millions of relatives reeling from distinctly difficult grief<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/473229/original/file-20220708-21-ud78px.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=0%2C0%2C5950%2C4060&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">When a person loses a loved one to COVID-19, the mental health effects can be severe.</span> <span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.gettyimages.com/detail/photo/midsection-of-woman-holding-hands-royalty-free-image/1324340507">Ol'ga Efimova / EyeEm via Getty Images</a></span></figcaption></figure><figure class="align-center ">
<img alt="" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/473098/original/file-20220707-9634-elgdz5.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/473098/original/file-20220707-9634-elgdz5.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=255&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/473098/original/file-20220707-9634-elgdz5.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=255&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/473098/original/file-20220707-9634-elgdz5.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=255&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/473098/original/file-20220707-9634-elgdz5.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=321&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/473098/original/file-20220707-9634-elgdz5.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=321&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/473098/original/file-20220707-9634-elgdz5.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=321&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px">
<figcaption>
<span class="caption"></span>
<span class="attribution"><a class="license" href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nd/4.0/">CC BY-ND</a></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>COVID-19 was the third-most-common cause of death between March 2020 and October 2021 in the U.S., behind only heart disease and cancer, according to a <a href="https://doi.org/10.1001/jamainternmed.2022.2476">recent study</a>.</p>
<p>Older adults face the greatest risk of <a href="https://doi.org/10.1001/jamanetworkopen.2022.12686">dying from COVID-19</a>, but infection with the coronavirus remains a serious risk for younger people, too. In 2021, COVID-19 was the <a href="https://doi.org/10.1001/jamainternmed.2022.2476">leading cause of death</a> in adults aged 45 to 54, the second leading cause for adults aged 35 to 44 and the fourth leading cause for those aged 15 to 34.</p>
<p>As sociologists who study population health, we have been assessing how losing a loved one to COVID-19 has affected people’s well-being. Our research shows that more than <a href="https://doi.org/10.1073/pnas.2007476117">9 million people have lost a close relative</a> to COVID-19 in the U.S. This dramatic rise in bereavement is troubling because our research finds that COVID-19 bereavement not only <a href="https://doi.org/10.1093/geronb/gbab132">increases people’s risk of depression</a>, but can make them uniquely vulnerable to mental distress. </p>
<p><iframe id="TBodP" class="tc-infographic-datawrapper" src="https://datawrapper.dwcdn.net/TBodP/2/" height="400px" width="100%" style="border: none" frameborder="0"></iframe></p>
<h2>The distinctness of grieving COVID-19 deaths</h2>
<p>Researchers have a sense of what constitutes <a href="https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jpainsymman.2019.07.033">“good” and “bad” deaths</a>. Bad deaths are those that involve pain or discomfort and happen in isolation. Their unexpectedness also makes these deaths more distressing. People whose loved ones die “bad deaths” tend to report <a href="https://doi.org/10.2307/1519809">greater mental distress</a> than those whose loved ones died in more favorable circumstances. </p>
<p>COVID-19 deaths often <a href="https://doi.org/10.1080/08959420.2020.1764320">bear many hallmarks</a> of “bad” deaths. They are preceded by physical pain and distress, often occur in isolated hospital settings and happen suddenly – leaving family members unprepared. The ongoing nature of the pandemic has inflicted an added layer of agony, as individuals are grieving during a time of protracted social isolation, economic precarity and general uncertainty.</p>
<p>In another <a href="https://doi.org/10.1093/geronb/gbac085">recent study</a>, our team used national survey data from 27 countries to test whether the mental health impacts of COVID-19 deaths are more severe than death from other causes. We focused on the case of spousal death and compared two groups of people: those whose spouses died of COVID-19 in the pandemic’s first wave and those whose spouses died of other causes just before the pandemic began. We found that COVID-19 widows and widowers <a href="https://doi.org/10.1093/geronb/gbac085">face higher rates of depression and loneliness</a> than expected based on widow and widower mental health outcomes pre-pandemic.</p>
<h2>The secondary population health consequences of COVID-19 deaths</h2>
<p>The outsized effects of COVID-19 deaths on grieving spouses’ mental health is troubling because we estimate that nearly 500,000 people have already <a href="https://doi.org/10.1073/pnas.2007476117">lost a spouse</a> to COVID-19 in the U.S. alone.
The mental health problems that people face after losing a loved one can also lead to <a href="https://doi.org/10.1093/geronb/gbaa044">declines in physical health and even increase a person’s risk of death</a>.</p>
<p>Our research suggests that COVID-19 not only increased rates of family bereavement, but that people who lost loved ones to the coronavirus were particularly distressed afterward. But we studied only widowhood; future research needs to identify the potentially unique health, social and economic consequences of COVID-19 losses for other bereaved relatives. </p>
<p>With COVID-19 representing 1 in every 8 deaths between March 2020 and October 2021, there are millions of people who could benefit greatly from financial, social and mental health support. It is also critical to continue taking steps to prevent future COVID-19 deaths. Each death averted not only saves a life but also saves numerous loved ones from the harm that follows these tragedies.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/186608/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Emily Smith-Greenaway receives funding from the National Science Foundation and the National Institute of Child Health and Human Development. </span></em></p><p class="fine-print"><em><span>Ashton Verdery receives funding from The National Institute on Aging (1R01AG060949).</span></em></p><p class="fine-print"><em><span>Shawn Bauldry receives funding from the National Institute on Aging. </span></em></p><p class="fine-print"><em><span>Haowei Wang does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organization that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.</span></em></p>COVID-19 deaths tend to be more unexpected and traumatic than other types of deaths. A sociologist explains the mental health burdens facing the millions who’ve lost a relative to the coronavirus.Emily Smith-Greenaway, Associate Professor of Sociology, USC Dornsife College of Letters, Arts and SciencesAshton Verdery, Professor of Sociology, Demography and Social Data Analytics, Penn StateHaowei Wang, Postdoctoral Research Associate in Sociology, Penn StateShawn Bauldry, Associate Professor of Sociology, Purdue UniversityLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/1848372022-06-22T20:03:04Z2022-06-22T20:03:04ZCOVID deaths are now barely mentioned in the media. That changes the very nature of grief<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/468936/original/file-20220615-25-fma87d.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=1%2C0%2C997%2C667&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">
</span> <span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.shutterstock.com/image-photo/husband-trying-comfort-his-wife-graveyard-1230613846">Shutterstock</a></span></figcaption></figure><p>About a year ago, many of us were in lockdown. State premiers fronted the media every day to reveal how many people had tested positive for COVID and how many people had died.</p>
<p>The number of deaths were prominent in news bulletins. We would lament the sadness of it all, until the next day’s data arrived.</p>
<p>A year later, Australia has an average of about 50 COVID deaths a day. We have had <a href="https://ourworldindata.org/covid-deaths?country=%7EAUS">more than 9,300 COVID deaths</a> since the pandemic began. Yet, these deaths are barely mentioned in the Australian media.</p>
<p><div data-react-class="Tweet" data-react-props="{"tweetId":"1539508854509084672"}"></div></p>
<p>We seem to have lost the collective opportunity to acknowledge lives lost. And when we don’t talk about these traumatic deaths, there’s a long-term impact on those left behind.</p>
<hr>
<p>
<em>
<strong>
Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/covid-has-changed-how-we-live-how-we-die-and-how-we-grieve-177731">COVID has changed how we live, how we die, and how we grieve</a>
</strong>
</em>
</p>
<hr>
<h2>Is traumatic loss different?</h2>
<p>All grief is hard to cope with. But when grief is combined with the type of trauma we’d see with a violent or sudden death, we can see something different over the long term.</p>
<p>If the media doesn’t discuss the losses, this can <a href="https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyt.2021.638874/full">complicate the traumatic grief</a> and lead to something called <a href="https://icd.who.int/browse11/l-m/en#/http://id.who.int/icd/entity/1183832314">prolonged grief disorder</a>.</p>
<p>This type of grief can extend far beyond the first year after the loss. People yearn for their life before their loved one was taken away. This impacts their capacity to keep moving forward, long after the death occurs.</p>
<hr>
<p>
<em>
<strong>
Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/health-care-workers-share-our-trauma-during-the-coronavirus-pandemic-on-top-of-their-own-137887">Health-care workers share our trauma during the coronavirus pandemic – on top of their own</a>
</strong>
</em>
</p>
<hr>
<h2>How does this apply to COVID?</h2>
<p>People who have lost a loved one to COVID can feel <a href="https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyt.2021.638874/full">lonely and isolated</a>. They can <a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/32360895/">also develop</a> prolonged grief disorder.</p>
<p>It can be traumatic to say goodbye under hospital restrictions or losing the opportunity for grief rituals – viewings, funerals and sharing the loss with others – despite many others going through a similar loss.</p>
<p>People who develop prolonged grief disorder after losing a loved one to COVID may find they have <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7194880/">more severe</a> and prolonged grief responses. This can lead to adverse outcomes such as an increased pre-occupation with their grief, intense emotions and difficulty connecting with their life after the loss. </p>
<p>But if we look to Australian media, it appears the community is no longer focused on the faces of those lives lost.</p>
<h2>What has the media got to do with it?</h2>
<p>Media coverage has long been <a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s11089-009-0227-5">intertwined</a> with how we grieve. </p>
<p>When the media publicises first-person accounts of people’s lives, images or faces of people who died, or continually updates the toll of lives lost, this has an impact on those left behind, especially if there was a sudden and traumatic death.</p>
<p>This type of media coverage allows viewers to collectively empathise with people left behind, placing stories against the abstract statistics of death. The community can share in that sorrow vicariously and the media exposure increases the community’s understanding of what that loss means.</p>
<p>We’ve seen examples of this on social media, for instance with the <a href="https://twitter.com/FacesOfCOVID">@FacesOfCOVID</a> Twitter account, which pays tribute to five or six people a day who have died of COVID.</p>
<p><div data-react-class="Tweet" data-react-props="{"tweetId":"1525458966402191360"}"></div></p>
<p>However, we haven’t seen the equivalent tributes, on a daily basis, in the mainstream media.</p>
<p>If we don’t pay tribute to lives lost, this can affect people left behind in many ways:</p>
<ul>
<li><p>fewer shared images, names or acknowledgments limits how many people hear about someone who’s died, so fewer can express their grief</p></li>
<li><p>families lose the chance to say to others “this is the person I have lost” to show people their pain </p></li>
<li><p>people who have also lost someone don’t get to see others bearing the same pain.</p></li>
</ul>
<hr>
<p>
<em>
<strong>
Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/the-five-stages-of-grief-dont-come-in-fixed-steps-everyone-feels-differently-96111">The five stages of grief don't come in fixed steps – everyone feels differently</a>
</strong>
</em>
</p>
<hr>
<h2>Each traumatic loss affects many others</h2>
<p>More people are impacted by a sudden or traumatic loss, such as a homicide or suicide, than we once thought. One study suggests as many as <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/sltb.12450">135 people</a> are significantly affected. For each COVID death, another study shows <a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/32651279/">up to nine people</a> are impacted.</p>
<p>Irrespective of whether there are nine or 135 people feeling the ripple effects, the number of deaths we have experienced in Australia tells us thousands are living with the grief of a traumatic COVID death.</p>
<p>This grief will shape people’s experiences of the world, dulling possibilities for joy, making it difficult to accept the finality of a loss. This will be exacerbated by how little we focused on those losses as a community. </p>
<p>A lack of media coverage of COVID deaths means we have also lost moments of shared empathy – a space for others to see people who are travelling the same path.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/184837/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Sarah Wayland does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.</span></em></p>We have also lost moments of shared empathy – a space for others to see people who are travelling the same path.Sarah Wayland, Senior Lecturer Social Work, University of New EnglandLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/1848472022-06-13T13:44:36Z2022-06-13T13:44:36ZGrenfell Tower: the difficult task of creating a fitting memorial to the tragedy<p>In the days and weeks after the 2017 <a href="https://theconversation.com/grenfell-tower-disaster-how-did-the-fire-spread-so-quickly-79445">Grenfell Tower tragedy</a>, in which 72 people lost their lives in a fire that consumed the 24-storey residential block in North Kensington, London, dozens of memorials appeared in the vicinity of the building. People brought flowers and pictures and green ribbons. They made hearts and mosaics. They painted graffiti. They went on silent walks. </p>
<p>Five years on, many of these spontaneous creations are still there. They speak powerfully to the pain and loss in the community. But through lack of maintenance and ownership, or simply because they were not designed to withstand the elements and the passing of time, they are already showing signs of decay. The risk of their disappearing entirely comes with the fear that the memory of what happened will be lost too.</p>
<p>This is why, in 2019, the Grenfell Tower memorial commission was created. The purpose was to formalise how the site would be remembered and to ensure the community is <a href="https://theconversation.com/social-housing-tenants-need-their-voices-heard-heres-how-to-make-it-happen-130265">heard</a>. </p>
<p>In May 2022, the commission published <a href="https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-london-61456786">an interim report</a> entitled Remembering Grenfell: Our Journey So Far. It relays the breadth of ideas and concerns expressed to date, over what form this memorial should take.</p>
<p><a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S1877916621000497">Research shows</a> that collectively remembering a difficult past in this way – via a structure or object intended to endure – is not an easy task. For a memorial to serve its purpose, it needs to be peaceful and reflective. It needs to promote <a href="https://theconversation.com/why-remembering-matters-for-healing-94565">remembrance</a>, hope and community. Respect is fundamental. </p>
<figure class="align-center ">
<img alt="A green-painted section of wall with a floral mosaic, floral tributes and written messages." src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/468412/original/file-20220613-22566-dxwwmn.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/468412/original/file-20220613-22566-dxwwmn.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=399&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/468412/original/file-20220613-22566-dxwwmn.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=399&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/468412/original/file-20220613-22566-dxwwmn.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=399&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/468412/original/file-20220613-22566-dxwwmn.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=501&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/468412/original/file-20220613-22566-dxwwmn.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=501&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/468412/original/file-20220613-22566-dxwwmn.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=501&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px">
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">CAPTION.</span>
<span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.shutterstock.com/image-photo/north-kensingtonlondon-july-18-2019-memorial-1611582916">JessicaGirvan | Shutterstock</a></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<h2>How to create a fitting memorial</h2>
<p>The Grenfell Tower memorial commission represents three main communities: bereaved family members; survivors of the fire; and residents of the Lancaster West Estate, in which the tower stands. With the help of public engagement company Kaizen, it has sought to reach as many people as possible – via recorded conversations, online community meetings and weekend drop-in sessions – and will continue to do so until January 2023. </p>
<p>A design brief will then be developed in order to open a public competition between April 2023 and April 2024. The plan is to start building the memorial by December 2024. </p>
<p>So far, as the report relays, about 20% of bereaved individuals, 6.2% former residents of Grenfell tower and Grenfell Walk (who have now been fully relocated to new homes) and 28% of the residents of the wider Lancaster housing estate, have already shared their views. This is a good starting point. </p>
<p>With over 2,000 participants, recognising the views of all those affected, and co-designing something that encompasses all those views, is a challenge. As the report’s authors put it, “part of the way forward might be to accept that we cannot make all the pain go away or make it better.” </p>
<p>Many bereaved family members are still grieving and are simply not ready to engage in the memorial design. The commission is nonetheless adamant to “never make a decision by numbers, without thinking through whether it meets the needs of bereaved families as well as others.” The silence of these community members should also be part of the remembrance process. </p>
<p>The site of the memorial will become a sacred space, a place where the remains of the victims that were not identified will be put to rest and a place where those who were can be honoured by their families.</p>
<p>The report speaks to people’s hopes that the memorial will materialise the pain of families and also their collective determination that this never happen again. “Justice,” the authors write, “is incredibly important to the Grenfell community.”</p>
<p>Ultimately, the aim is is that the site become a beacon to ensure the nation does not forget this shameful episode. And that it never be used as housing again. </p>
<figure class="align-center ">
<img alt="A shot of a high-rise building that has been burned." src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/468410/original/file-20220613-47433-deifyq.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/468410/original/file-20220613-47433-deifyq.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/468410/original/file-20220613-47433-deifyq.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/468410/original/file-20220613-47433-deifyq.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/468410/original/file-20220613-47433-deifyq.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/468410/original/file-20220613-47433-deifyq.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/468410/original/file-20220613-47433-deifyq.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px">
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">The tower stands as a constant reminder of the tragedy.</span>
<span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.shutterstock.com/image-photo/london-united-kingdom-june-24-2017-666265843">dominika zara | Shutterstock</a></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<h2>The shapes the memorial could take</h2>
<p>In keeping with other <a href="https://theconversation.com/memorials-that-go-beyond-boring-statues-of-big-men-on-bronze-horses-65069">memorial</a> projects around the world, the participants have highlighted several key notions that should underpin the design: peaceful and reflective; respect and remembrance; hope and positivity; community and love. The report shows how these ideas are being kept front and centre:</p>
<blockquote>
<p>Perhaps through art, our disappointment, anger, fear, guilt and sorrow could find a place of respect at the heart of the memorial, rather than being silenced or pushed to the side. </p>
</blockquote>
<p>Three options for the structure itself are being explored: a garden (potentially with a water feature and a children’s play area); an artwork or monument; or a building. </p>
<p>The <a href="https://www.proquest.com/docview/2314682435?pq-origsite=gscholar&fromopenview=true">National Memorial Arboretum</a>, in Staffordshire, which is the UK’s centre of remembrance for fallen servicepeople, shows how gardens can provide the quiet people need for reflection. Being in nature – to experience the seasons and the passing of time – also brings a sense of hope and positive thoughts about the future. Research also shows that <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/0277953692903603">landscapes designed to be therapeutic</a> may help with the grieving process.</p>
<p>Artworks and monuments have been shown to be effective memorials, too, particularly when they include information about those who lost their lives. To <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S1877916621000497">memorialise those who died</a> during Argentina’s military dictatorship (1976-1983), the Park of Memory was created in 2004 and comprises a garden and memorials, with the names of all the disappeared inscribed on long walls. </p>
<figure class="align-center ">
<img alt="Two small children touch a long wall on which thousands of names are inscribed." src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/468424/original/file-20220613-41411-323m9r.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/468424/original/file-20220613-41411-323m9r.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/468424/original/file-20220613-41411-323m9r.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/468424/original/file-20220613-41411-323m9r.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/468424/original/file-20220613-41411-323m9r.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/468424/original/file-20220613-41411-323m9r.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/468424/original/file-20220613-41411-323m9r.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px">
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">Those who disappeared in Argentina’s military dictatorship are remembered, by name, in the Park of Memory.</span>
<span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.shutterstock.com/image-photo/memory-park-buenos-aires-argentina-716721217">J GONZALEZ | Shutterstock</a></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>The Grenfell commission’s report highlights that there is no consensus yet about how much information could be used in the memorial, be it in the form of pictures or personal stories. </p>
<p>Few people were in favour of a building, potentially a museum, since this could bring tourists to the area and adversely impact the peacefulness of the memorial. But <a href="http://irep.ntu.ac.uk/id/eprint/33181/">as my research shows, </a> combining the authenticity of a historic site with the pedagogical aspect of memory can work. The Otto Weidt Museum in Berlin combines the factory in which Weidt, a pacifist factory owner, tried to help Jewish workers escape from the Gestapo, with a documentation centre located next door. </p>
<p>Some people have suggested a separate exhibition on the Grenfell disaster, to be held at the Museum of London. Separating out the spaces for reflection and for education is a common solution, as has been done Buenos Aires. The main memorial museum is located not in the Park of Memory but in the former ESMA building, the Argentine army mechanics school and clandestine torture centre.</p>
<p>The Grenfell Tower memorial commission has no bearing on the future of the tower itself – on whether it is kept or demolished – as this is the government’s responsibility. </p>
<p>The tower is a constant reminder of the tragedy. For many it causes a huge strain on their mental health. Bereaved families, former and current residents in the area may need more time. Some may never be ready to talk about how to memorialise this tragedy. </p>
<p>A distinct memorial, whichever form it takes, will be a place for all, to remember and to fight for justice, devised in a truly grassroots manner. I encourage you to read the commission’s report in full. The challenge it has taken on is as sad and difficult as it is laudable. And its members are in it for the long haul.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/184847/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Ana Souto does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.</span></em></p>Designing a memorial that helps the community grieve and heal is no easy task.Ana Souto, Senior Lecturer in Architectural History, Nottingham Trent UniversityLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/1692392021-10-26T19:48:36Z2021-10-26T19:48:36ZSpirit photography captured love, loss and longing<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/428561/original/file-20211026-23-16vp1mt.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=21%2C82%2C988%2C713&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">Spirit photograph by William Hope, taken around 1920.</span> <span class="attribution"><span class="source">(National Media Museum Collection/Flickr)</span></span></figcaption></figure><iframe style="width: 100%; height: 175px; border: none; position: relative; z-index: 1;" allowtransparency="" src="https://narrations.ad-auris.com/widget/the-conversation-canada/spirit-photography-captured-love--loss-and-longing" width="100%" height="400"></iframe>
<p><a href="https://www.bloomsburycollections.com/book/cinematic-ghosts-haunting-and-spectrality-from-silent-cinema-to-the-digital-era/ch1-phantom-images-and-modern-manifestations-spirit-photography-magic-theater-trick-films-and-photography-s-uncanny">Photography has always had a relationship to haunting</a> as it shows not what is, but what once was. </p>
<p>The process whereby light must bounce off the subject and back towards the camera suggests that photographs have touched and carry a trace of what is shown. Scholars of fields from anthropology to art history have explored the <a href="https://jhupbooks.press.jhu.edu/title/nature-exposed">association between</a> photographs <a href="https://doi.org/10.1080/08949460802156292">and ghosts</a>. </p>
<p>This association is exaggerated by spirit photography, which are portraits that visually reunite the bereaved with their loved ones — a phenomenon I attribute <a href="https://theconversation.com/spirit-photography-19th-century-innovation-in-bereavement-rituals-was-likely-invented-by-a-woman-164033">to the creative innovation of a Boston woman in 1861</a>. </p>
<p>Modern readers may be <a href="https://www.history.com/news/spirit-photography-civil-war-william-mumler">preoccupied by the motives and methods of spirit photographers</a> — their use of double exposure, combination printing or contemporary digital manipulation to produce semi-translucent “apparitions.” But far more interesting is the impact the resulting photographs had on the bereaved who commissioned the portraits. At heart, the Victorian interest in spirit photography is a tale of love, loss and longing.</p>
<h2>Spirit of the age</h2>
<figure class="align-left ">
<img alt="Black and white photo of a woman seated next to a semi-translucent child." src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/428568/original/file-20211026-13-c04axm.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=237&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/428568/original/file-20211026-13-c04axm.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=988&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/428568/original/file-20211026-13-c04axm.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=988&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/428568/original/file-20211026-13-c04axm.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=988&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/428568/original/file-20211026-13-c04axm.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=1241&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/428568/original/file-20211026-13-c04axm.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=1241&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/428568/original/file-20211026-13-c04axm.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=1241&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px">
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">Spirit photograph taken between 1862–1875.</span>
<span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.getty.edu/art/collection/objects/95744/william-h-mumler-mrs-tinkham-american-1862-1875/">(The Paul J. Getty Museum)</a></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>Spirit photography developed within the <a href="https://www.britannica.com/topic/spiritualism-religion">context of spiritualism</a>, a 19th-century religious movement. Spiritualists believed <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/science/2013/oct/20/seances-and-science">in the soul’s persistence after death</a> and of the potential for continued bonds and communication between the dead and the living.</p>
<p>In 1848, when two young women of Hydesville, N.Y., <a href="https://www.smithsonianmag.com/history/the-fox-sisters-and-the-rap-on-spiritualism-99663697/">claimed the ability to hear and interpret the knocking of a deceased peddler in their home</a>, <a href="https://iupress.org/9780253215024/radical-spirits-second-edition/">spiritualist ideas were already in the air</a>.</p>
<p>Some 19th-century spiritualist artists saw their work as being inspired by an unseen presence. For example, British artist and medium Georgianna Houghton produced <a href="https://georgianahoughton.com/">abstract watercolours she dubbed her “spirit drawings.”</a> Similarly, about 20 years after photography as a medium emerged, spirit photographers began attributing <a href="https://www.bbc.com/culture/article/20191001-how-spiritualism-influenced-modern-art">their work to an external force, a presence that temporarily overcame or possessed them</a>. The spiritual “extra” that appeared alongside the bereaved in spirit photographs — sometimes clearly a face, at other times a shape or object — was meant to be understood as <a href="https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1469-8676.2010.00139.x">not having been made by humans</a>. </p>
<p>Paired with the longing of the bereaved, spirit photographs had the potential to become intensely personal, enchanted memory objects.</p>
<h2>Sustained bonds</h2>
<figure class="align-right ">
<img alt="Photograph of a seated man with a semi-translucent female figure standing next to him." src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/428569/original/file-20211026-17-vyezlv.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=237&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/428569/original/file-20211026-17-vyezlv.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=963&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/428569/original/file-20211026-17-vyezlv.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=963&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/428569/original/file-20211026-17-vyezlv.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=963&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/428569/original/file-20211026-17-vyezlv.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=1210&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/428569/original/file-20211026-17-vyezlv.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=1210&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/428569/original/file-20211026-17-vyezlv.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=1210&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px">
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">Spirit photograph believed to be taken in the 1870s.</span>
<span class="attribution"><span class="source">(Wikimedia Commons)</span></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>Unlike <a href="http://www.reaktionbooks.co.uk/display.asp?K=9781861897916">postmortem photography — the 19th-century practice of photographing the deceased, typically as though sleeping</a> — spirit photographs did not lock the loved one in a moment after separation has occurred through death. Instead, they suggested a moment beyond death and therefore the potential for future moments shared.</p>
<p>Spirit photography <a href="https://muse.jhu.edu/article/439624">encouraged and then mediated the resurgence of the deceased’s animated likeness</a>. At a time when many <a href="https://www.dukeupress.edu/haunted-media">available technologies</a> — <a href="https://www.cornellpress.cornell.edu/book/9780801448010/the-sympathetic-medium/#bookTabs=1">such as the telegraph, telephone and typewriter</a> — were being applied towards communication with the dead, spirit photography offered a visual record of communication. </p>
<p>But in spirit photographs, the beloved seldom appeared at full opacity. Using the technique of semi-translucence, spirit photographers depict spirits as animated and “still with us.” That they are only <em>half</em> there is also indicated. In this way, spirit photographs illustrate the lingering presence of the absent loved one, just as it is felt by the bereaved.</p>
<p>Spirit photographs <a href="https://graphicarts.princeton.edu/2018/09/27/stories-in-stereo/">were not the first photographs to depict ghostly apparitions</a>. But they do mark the first instance wherein these semi-translucent “extras” were marketed as evidence of continued connection to the deceased.</p>
<p>As a service rendered within the bereavement industry, spirit photographs were meant to be understood as the grief of separation, captured by the camera — and not constructed through some form of trickery.</p>
<h2>Spirits in the world</h2>
<figure class="align-left ">
<img alt="Oil painting of a veil with a translucent face." src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/428574/original/file-20211026-15-1m5qlz9.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=237&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/428574/original/file-20211026-15-1m5qlz9.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=704&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/428574/original/file-20211026-15-1m5qlz9.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=704&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/428574/original/file-20211026-15-1m5qlz9.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=704&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/428574/original/file-20211026-15-1m5qlz9.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=885&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/428574/original/file-20211026-15-1m5qlz9.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=885&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/428574/original/file-20211026-15-1m5qlz9.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=885&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px">
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">‘The Veil of Saint Veronica,’ oil painting by Francisco de Zurbaran (1598-1664), photo taken at National Museum of Fine Arts, Stockholm.</span>
<span class="attribution"><span class="source">(Ninara/Flickr)</span>, <a class="license" href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/">CC BY</a></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>Belief in the appearance of miraculous impressions of forms and faces may appear novel in the emerging medium and technology of photography. But a longer tradition of finding meaning and solace in the apparition of faces can be seen <a href="https://theconversation.com/belief-in-touch-as-salvation-was-stronger-than-fear-of-contagion-in-the-italian-renaissance-157135">in Christian traditions of venerating relics</a> such as <em><a href="https://www.newworldencyclopedia.org/entry/Veil_of_Veronica">The Veil of Veronica</a></em> which, according to Catholic popular belief and legend, bears the likeness of <a href="https://www.britannica.com/biography/Saint-Veronica">Christ’s face imprinted on it before his crucifixion</a>.</p>
<p>Even <a href="https://www.unz.com/print/AtlanticMonthly-1863jul-00001/">in the 19th century</a>, recognition of the beloved in spirit photographs was occasionally equated <a href="https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20140730-why-do-we-see-faces-in-objects">with pareidolia</a> — the powerful human tendency to perceive patterns, objects or faces, such as in relics or random objects. </p>
<p>In 1863, physician and poet O.W. Holmes <a href="https://www.unz.com/print/AtlanticMonthly-1863jul-00001/">noted in <em>Atlantic Monthly</em></a> that for the bereaved who commissioned spirit photography, what the resulting photograph showed was inconsequential: </p>
<blockquote>
<p>“It is enough for the poor mother, whose eyes are blinded with tears, that she sees a print of drapery like an infant’s dress, and a rounded something, like a foggy dumpling, which will stand for a face: she accepts the spirit-portrait as a revelation from the world of shadows.”</p>
</blockquote>
<p>If the photographer’s methods were exposed, the bereaved still maintained their spirit photograph was authentic. The ambiguity of the figures that appeared seldom deterred the bereaved from seeing what they hoped for. Indeed, it was this very leap of faith that incited the imaginative input required to transform these otherwise unbelievable photographs into potent and intensely personal objects.</p>
<p>In 1962, a woman who had commissioned a photograph of her late husband shared with the spirit photographer: “It is recognized by all that have seen it, who knew him when upon Earth, <a href="http://iapsop.com/archive/materials/banner_of_light/banner_of_light_v12_n12_13_dec_1862.pdf">as a perfect likeness, and I am myself satisfied, that his spirit was present, although invisible to mortals</a>.” </p>
<h2>Haunting refrains</h2>
<p>Spirit photographs were often proven to have been produced through double exposure or by way of combination printing. Thus, it would have been equally possible to produce photographs wherein the deceased appeared at full opacity alongside the bereaved — seamlessly reunited. And yet the tendency to present the absent individual at a lesser opacity has persisted — even within contemporary, <a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2016/04/07/us/a-dead-child-a-ghostly-photo-and-a-mother-charged-with-murder.html">digitally produced composite portraits</a>.</p>
<p>The use of semi-translucence in depicting the remembered individual, is a deliberate indication of a presence that is felt but not seen, except by those attuned to it. </p>
<p>While spirit photographs were cherished as messages of love from beyond the grave, surely they were also messages of love to the departed.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/169239/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Felicity T. C. Hamer has received funding from The Social Sciences and Humanities Research Council of Canada (SSHRC) and Fonds de recherche du Québec - Société et culture (FRQSC).</span></em></p>Today viewers may be preoccupied by the methods used by spirit photographers, but spirit photographs had a notable impact on the bereaved who commissioned the portraits.Felicity T. C. Hamer, PhD Candidate and Public Scholar, Communication Studies, Concordia UniversityLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/1640332021-09-29T16:02:00Z2021-09-29T16:02:00ZSpirit photography: 19th-century innovation in bereavement rituals was likely invented by a woman<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/423379/original/file-20210927-27-th2vd7.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=19%2C60%2C547%2C346&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">Spirit photograph from 1901.
</span> <span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://lccn.loc.gov/91732576">(Library of Congress/John K. Hallowell; S.W. Fallis, photographer)</a></span></figcaption></figure><p>Spirit photography was an <a href="http://iapsop.com/archive/materials/herald_of_progress_us/herald_of_progress_v3_n37_nov_1_1862.pdf">important development</a> within bereavement rituals of the early 1860s. </p>
<p>Spirit photographs are portraits that visually reunite the bereaved with the wispy reappearance of their loved ones. Some people perceived these photographs <a href="http://iapsop.com/archive/materials/banner_of_light/banner_of_light_v12_n12_13_dec_1862.pdf">as evidence</a> in support of <a href="https://www.britannica.com/topic/spiritualism-religion">core “spiritualist” beliefs</a>. Spiritualists held that the soul persists after death and the potential exists for <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/science/2013/oct/20/seances-and-science">continued bonds and communication between the dead and the living</a>. </p>
<p><a href="https://www.cornellpress.cornell.edu/book/9780801448010/the-sympathetic-medium/#bookTabs=1%20%22%22%20">Mediums</a>, <a href="https://www.jstor.org/stable/10.7591/j.ctt7z8f3">largely women</a>, worked alongside spirit photographers to enable the “spiritual” reappearance of the deceased. My research shows women to have been integral participants in this development: <a href="https://doi.org/10.1080/03087298.2018.1498491">I name a woman</a> as the likely inventor of spirit photography.</p>
<h2>Appealed to women</h2>
<p>The emergence of spirit photography in Boston was an exciting and highly publicized moment that continues <a href="https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20150629-the-intriguing-history-of-ghost-photography">to captivate people today</a>.</p>
<p>Contemporary viewers sometimes see spirit photographs as amusing <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=No9shmys4Qc">historical artifacts</a>. Some Victorian viewers were also accustomed to the use of translucence in photographs produced <a href="https://www.jstor.org/stable/20442752">for entertainment</a> <a href="https://graphicarts.princeton.edu/2018/09/27/stories-in-stereo/">or popular storytelling</a>.
For example, some people collected and shared images generated by cameras that produced differing views of the same scene <a href="https://www.smithsonianmag.com/innovation/sterographs-original-virtual-reality-180964771">to produce the illusion of three dimensionality</a>. Nonetheless, for the bereaved who commissioned spirit photographs, these objects had worth as personal mementoes.</p>
<p>The afterlife envisioned by spiritualism <a href="https://iupress.org/9780253215024/radical-spirits-second-edition/">appealed to women</a> who rejected the idea that their unbaptized children could be damned to hell. All who had died young — soldiers, children and the many women who did not survive childbirth — were cared for in this realm, and <a href="https://www.upress.virginia.edu/title/1256">emotional bonds with them were sustained</a>. </p>
<p>Beheld by sympathetic eyes, spirit photographs were evidence of undying love. Nonetheless, even within some spiritualist communities, they attracted a great <a href="http://iapsop.com/spirithistory/spiritualist_skepticism_about_spirit_photography.html">deal of criticism</a>. </p>
<h2>Charges of fraud</h2>
<p><a href="https://www.jstor.org/stable/10.5749/j.ctttsdrr">William H. Mumler</a>, credited in his day as the originator of spirit photography, was <a href="http://access.bl.uk/item/viewer/ark:/81055/vdc_100036301494.0x000001#?c=0&m=0&s=0&cv=0&xywh=-1643%2C-151%2C5043%2C3001">charged with “obtaining money by pretended ‘spirit’ photographs</a>.” After a lengthy and public pre-trial, Mumler was acquitted of all charges and continued his work. </p>
<p>During Mumler’s pre-trial, press reported on “Mrs. Stuart” as the woman who ran the studios where Mumler’s first spirit photographs originated. Stuart never appeared in court. Unlike many spirit photographers that followed, the methods of Mumler and his associate, Stuart, were never proven.</p>
<p>My research has documented Stuart as one of <a href="https://books.google.ca/books?id=5UH2swEACAAJ&dq=Fields+of+vision+:+women+in+photography+:+from+the+photography+collections,+Special+Collections+Department&hl=en&newbks=1&newbks_redir=0&sa=X&redir_esc=y">Boston’s most prolific photographers</a>,
the first <a href="https://babel.hathitrust.org/cgi/pt?id=chi.101956564&amp;view=1up&amp;seq=422&amp;skin=2021&amp;q1=stuart">photographer to be clearly listed as a woman in local directories</a>. More importantly, my findings suggest that the name “Mrs. Stuart” was likely an alias. </p>
<p>Many <a href="https://www.upress.umn.edu/book-division/books/the-strange-case-of-william-mumler-spirit">important accounts</a> of <a href="https://www.upress.virginia.edu/title/1256">spirit photography</a> have indicated the need to further investigate the role of Mrs. Stuart and Hannah Mumler, William’s wife. </p>
<h2>Commemorative hair jeweller</h2>
<p>Hannah Frances Green was born in Marblehead, Mass., in 1832, and married Thomas Miller Turner 20 years later, bearing two children with him. Divorce <a href="https://newspaperarchive.com/boston-post-oct-08-1864-p-4/">records state</a> that Green and the children were deserted by 1859. </p>
<p>The same year Green was adjusting to life as a single mother of two, a Mrs. A. M. Stuart appeared in Boston directories as <a href="https://babel.hathitrust.org/cgi/pt?id=chi.14813064&amp;view=1up&amp;seq=393&amp;skin=2021&amp;q1=stuart">an artist in hair</a> at 191 Washington St., and also as a “<a href="https://babel.hathitrust.org/cgi/pt?id=chi.14813064&view=1up&seq=467&skin=2021&q1=stuart">hair work manufacturer</a>” at the same address.
Hair work manufacturing was the <a href="https://www.artsy.net/article/artsy-editorial-curious-victorian-tradition-making-art-human-hair">Victorian art of weaving hair into art, jewellery or ornaments for commemorative purposes</a>. The following year, she lists again as a <a href="https://babel.hathitrust.org/cgi/pt?id=chi.14815759&amp;view=1up&amp;seq=415&amp;skin=2021&amp;q1=stuart">hair artist</a>. </p>
<p>In 1861, Mrs. <a href="https://babel.hathitrust.org/cgi/pt?id=hvd.32044082518507&view=1up&seq=432&skin=2021&q1=stuart">H.F. Stuart lists as a hair jewellery manufacturer</a> at 221 Washington St.
By 1862, H.F. Stuart expanded to establish her <a href="https://babel.hathitrust.org/cgi/pt?id=chi.101956564&amp;view=1up&amp;seq=422&amp;skin=2021&amp;q1=stuart">professional photography</a> studios at <a href="https://babel.hathitrust.org/cgi/pt?id=hvd.32044092997923&amp;view=1up&amp;seq=495&amp;skin=2021&amp;q1=stuart">258 Washington St.</a>, the address associated with the first spirit photograph. Her continued production of <a href="https://quod.lib.umich.edu/w/wcl1ic/x-7923/WCL007989?lasttype=boolean;lastview=reslist;med=1;resnum=3;size=50;sort=relevance;start=1;subview=detail;view=entry;rgn1=wcl1ic_su;select1=phrase;q1=Women%2520photographers.">hair jewellery is</a> <a href="http://www.luminous-lint.com/__phv_app.php?/p/Mrs_Stuart">verifiable by the stamp</a> on the back of her many commissioned <a href="https://www.britannica.com/technology/carte-de-visite"><em>carte-de-visite</em></a> portraits.</p>
<p>Helen F. Stuart’s business listings place her within the years 1859-67, but I could not locate any census records for her. There are no verifiable birth, death or marriage records associated with this name. </p>
<h2>‘Clairvoyant physician’</h2>
<p>Early in this time frame, Hannah Green(e) listed her services as <a href="https://babel.hathitrust.org/cgi/pt?id=chi.14815759&amp;view=1up&amp;seq=198&amp;skin=2021&amp;q1=hannah%20greene">clairvoyant physician</a>. (Some women in spiritualist movements promoted their <a href="https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2021/05/31/why-did-so-many-victorians-try-to-speak-with-the-dead">gifts of “clairvoyance”</a> as allowing them to diagnose problems and <a href="https://press.uchicago.edu/ucp/books/book/chicago/D/bo3623876.html">facilitate healing</a> by channelling a spirit.)</p>
<p>As a producer of hair jewellery, photographer and clairvoyant physician well into <a href="https://cambridge.dlconsulting.com/?a=d&d=Chronicle18940210-01.2.100.1&dliv=none&e=-------en-20--1--txt-txIN-------">her 80s</a>, Hannah Green (Stuart) was uniquely positioned to envision the innovation within bereavement rituals that spirit photography represents. Women’s expertise has, after all, been long recognized as integral to <a href="https://oxford.universitypressscholarship.com/view/10.1093/acprof:oso/9780198201885.001.0001/acprof-9780198201885">commemorative practices</a> <a href="https://oxford.universitypressscholarship.com/view/10.1093/acprof:oso/9780195104677.001.0001/acprof-9780195104677">surrounding death</a> in the Victorian period and earlier.</p>
<p>I have thus far located four spirit photographs that are <a href="https://quod.lib.umich.edu/w/wcl1ic/x-7923/WCL007989?lasttype=boolean;lastview=reslist;med=1;resnum=3;size=50;sort=relevance;start=1;subview=detail;view=entry;rgn1=wcl1ic_su;select1=phrase;q1=Women%2520photographers.">positively attributed to Helen F. Stuart</a>, a woman who exists in business listings only in the approximate time period that Hannah Green(e) is missing from public census records.</p>
<h2>‘Magnetic powers’</h2>
<p>In an <a href="https://www.upress.umn.edu/book-division/books/the-strange-case-of-william-mumler-spirit">1869 court statement</a> following his investigation and indictment, Mumler claimed he was alone when he produced his first spirit photograph. He said he relied solely on what he had surmised by watching an unnamed male friend, yet there are no other references to this friend. </p>
<p>In 1861, <a href="https://babel.hathitrust.org/cgi/pt?id=hvd.32044082518507&amp;view=1up&amp;seq=332&amp;skin=2021&amp;q1=mumler">Mumler, the engraver</a>, and <a href="https://babel.hathitrust.org/cgi/pt?id=hvd.32044082518507&amp;view=1up&amp;seq=528&amp;skin=2021&amp;q1=stuart">Stuart, the jewellery manufacturer</a>, are both listed at 221 Washington St., in Boston.</p>
<p>The “male friend” was likely concocted to conceal that Mumler sought instruction from a woman (Stuart). Perhaps he avoided expressly admitting that Hannah Green had been there, as she was still married to Turner. Or perhaps he wished to protect her and the children from scrutiny as the four relocated to New York. As official records show, Mumler and Green married in 1864, months after her divorce from Turner was finalized. </p>
<p><a href="https://www.upress.umn.edu/book-division/books/the-strange-case-of-william-mumler-spirit">Witnesses at Mumler’s pre-trial</a> testified that a woman known as Mrs. Mumler prepped clients for spiritual encounter and guided them towards a positive identification of the ghostly apparitions.</p>
<p>Later, in his published memoirs, Mumler notes that on the occasion of his “first development,” a woman was present — someone he praises for her “<a href="http://iapsop.com/archive/materials/banner_of_light/banner_of_light_v36_n22_feb_27_1875.pdf">wonderful magnetic powers</a>,” that he believed were connected to apparitions. Though Mumler’s wife was spared the courtroom and seldom plays an important role in accounts — Mumler did find space to credit her.</p>
<h2>Professional with extraordinary skills</h2>
<p>Hannah Green’s capacity for survival as a professional <a href="https://cambridge.dlconsulting.com/?a=d&d=Chronicle18931118-01.2.77&dliv=none&e=-------en-20--1--txt-txIN-------">with extraordinary skills at self-promotion are verifiable</a> long after she separated from William Mumler, her second husband, in the late 1870s — and after his death in 1884. </p>
<p>Mediumship as it was understood in the Victorian era <a href="https://press.uchicago.edu/ucp/books/book/chicago/D/bo3623876.html">implied a kind of passivity, which was why women were believed to be suited</a> to this role. By contrast, in the latter half of the 19th century, photography became increasingly associated <a href="https://jhupbooks.press.jhu.edu/title/nature-exposed">with men’s work and scientific method</a>. It would have been difficult for a woman to present herself as the inventor of spirit photography. I believe Hannah Green involved a man with complementary skills in an effort to move her vision and business forward. </p>
<p>In considering Green’s contribution to spirit photography, we are led to revisit how women’s roles have been overlooked at a significant moment in photographic history — and to recover an understanding of spirit photography as an innovation within personal bereavement rituals.</p>
<p>Why believe this counter-narrative? There is more evidence that points to this scenario than not.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/164033/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Felicity T. C. Hamer has received funding from The Social Sciences and Humanities Research Council of Canada (SSHRC) and Fonds de recherche du Québec - Société et culture (FRQSC).</span></em></p>The afterlife envisioned by spiritualism appealed to women who rejected the idea that their unbaptized children could be damned to hell.Felicity T. C. Hamer, PhD Candidate and Public Scholar, Communication Studies, Concordia UniversityLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/1653532021-09-23T14:08:37Z2021-09-23T14:08:37ZChildren are losing caregivers to COVID-19: they need support<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/419974/original/file-20210908-15-ktc1cp.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">As the pandemic progresses, many more children will experience devastating losses.</span> <span class="attribution"><span class="source"> SDI Productions/GettyImages</span></span></figcaption></figure><p>Children have a very <a href="https://www.nature.com/articles/d41586-021-01897-w">low risk of death or severe disease</a> from COVID-19. As a result, they have not been a core focus in the pandemic response priorities of prevention, detection, and response. But this approach doesn’t take into account the secondary impacts of the pandemic. These include children being orphaned or bereft of their caregivers.</p>
<p>Children are among the most vulnerable members of any society and are thus disproportionately affected by the devastation of this pandemic. If every adult death represents a child who has lost a member of their care network, we are on the cusp of a crisis of care for those children left behind. Without support, these children are set to face adverse consequences, including poverty, abuse, and institutionalisation.</p>
<hr>
<p>
<em>
<strong>
Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/covid-19-in-children-the-south-african-experience-and-way-forward-164586">COVID-19 in children: the South African experience and way forward</a>
</strong>
</em>
</p>
<hr>
<p>A first step in supporting these children is to figure out how many have lost guardians to COVID-19. We <a href="https://www.thelancet.com/journals/lancet/article/PIIS0140-6736(21)01253-8/fulltext">worked with experts</a> at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, the World Health Organisation, the World Bank, and the United States Agency for International Development to estimate this number. </p>
<p>We used mathematical modelling and mortality and fertility data from 21 countries that account for 76% of the reported global deaths from COVID-19. </p>
<p>Our <a href="https://www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-ncov/downloads/community/orphanhood-report.pdf">findings</a> uncovered a hidden, secondary pandemic. Over the first 14 months of the COVID-19 pandemic, 1.5 million children around the globe lost primary caregivers, including at least one parent or grandparent, to the virus. We also created an <a href="https://imperialcollegelondon.github.io/orphanhood_calculator/#/country/Brazil">online calculator</a> that shows minimum estimates for every country in the world.</p>
<p>As the pandemic progresses, many more children will experience such devastating losses. By September 2021 the number had already risen to 2.3 million. Evidence-based responses to this caregiver loss are urgently needed within global and national responses to COVID-19.</p>
<h2>Crisis of care</h2>
<p>More than 1.1 million children around the world experienced the death of <a href="https://www.thelancet.com/journals/lancet/article/PIIS0140-6736(21)01253-8/fulltext">a primary caregiver</a>, such as a parent or custodial grandparent, between March 2020 and April 2021. More than <a href="https://www.thelancet.com/journals/lancet/article/PIIS0140-6736(21)01253-8/fulltext">1.5 million</a> children experienced the death of primary caregivers as well as co-residing grandparents (or kin).</p>
<p>Considering custodial grandparents as caregivers in our research is particularly important for an African context. Grandparents <a href="https://www.un.org/development/desa/pd/data/living-arrangements-older-persons">often</a> serve as guardians, caring for children whose parents migrated for work, have died, or are separated by conflict or war. </p>
<p>Countries with the highest numbers of children losing primary caregivers were South Africa, Peru, the USA, India, Brazil, and Mexico. The number of children orphaned in these countries ranges from 94 ,625 to 1, 562, 000. On the African continent, South Africa has experienced the greatest loss of primary caregivers. Although it is likely that other countries may be under-reporting COVID-19-associated deaths and may have many more orphaned children than we were able to measure. But we know that one in every 200 children in the country lost their primary caregiver. In sum, estimates suggest that every 12 seconds, a child around the world loses a caregiver to the coronavirus pandemic.</p>
<p>As long as the COVID-19 pandemic continues, this devastating toll of caregiver loss will increase daily. For those of us working in child protection, these figures representing the scale of COVID-19-associated orphanhood are deeply concerning. They present serious long-term challenges to the well-being of children.</p>
<p>Children experiencing COVID-19-associated deaths of parents or caregivers are at greater risk of family separation and institutionalisation. Institutionalisation <a href="https://www.thelancet.com/pdfs/journals/lanchi/PIIS2352-4642(20)30060-2.pdf">should be avoided</a> because of its clear damage to psychosocial, physical and neural development.</p>
<p>Accelerating equitable vaccine delivery is key to developing a response to this crisis. Over half a billion COVID-19 vaccine doses have been administered worldwide. But <a href="https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2021/03/31/world/global-vaccine-supply-inequity.html">more than 75%</a> have been used by the world’s richest countries. To this day, less than <a href="https://www.afro.who.int/news/eight-10-african-countries-miss-crucial-covid-19-vaccination-goal">3%</a> of Africa’s population has been fully vaccinated. This moment is all too reminiscent of when AIDS first rampaged through sub-Saharan Africa. It was a time when lifesaving medicines were available in the United States and Europe, but still years away for other countries.</p>
<h2>Lessons from HIV</h2>
<p>Lessons from mass-fatality outbreaks such as HIV might pave a way forward. </p>
<p>In 2003, the United States’ President’s Emergency Plan for AIDS Relief (PEPFAR) programme made <a href="https://crsreports.congress.gov/product/pdf/IF/IF10797">a ground-breaking commitment</a> to children worldwide affected by the AIDS epidemic. It mandated that 10% of the programme’s funds would support children whose primary caregivers had died of AIDS or had acquired HIV. This programme, through evidence-based interventions and clinical services, continues to support families caring for children who lost caregivers to AIDS. This helps prevent children being placed in institutions.</p>
<p>Such evidence-based responses should inspire the thinking around how best to care for bereaved children. It is essential to help families caring for these children. Psychosocial support groups should be established. Surviving caregivers must be empowered to facilitate grieving and open communication with children about the trauma of losing loved ones. We must advocate for resources to be allocated to this.</p>
<p>Investments are also urgently needed for accelerator programmes adapted to COVID-19, which combine economic interventions, positive parenting, and education support. Our earlier <a href="https://www.thelancet.com/journals/lanchi/article/PIIS2352-4642(19)30033-1/fulltext">research</a> shows that low-cost approaches focused on family strengthening can improve multiple outcomes for children with deceased caregivers.</p>
<p>Our <a href="https://www.thelancet.com/journals/lanchi/article/PIIS2352-4642(19)30033-1/fulltext">research</a> on development accelerators on the African continent has also shown that programmes like these are feasible and can be affordable. For example, cellphone-based parenting support programmes that help caregivers to manage stress, give them strategies for nonviolent discipline and teach ways to keep children safe from sexual violence can cost as little as about $8 a child.</p>
<p>The grief of these children and their future are the global community’s responsibility. An all-encompassing response to these losses is urgent.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/165353/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Lorraine Sherr has received various research grants over the course of my academic career.</span></em></p><p class="fine-print"><em><span>Lucie Cluver receives research grants to the University of Oxford and the University of Cape Town from the Oak Foundation and Global Challenges Research Fund (UK) for this work. </span></em></p>Estimates suggest that every 12 seconds, a child somewhere in the world loses a caregiver to the coronavirus pandemic.Lorraine Sherr, Professor of Clinical and Health Psychology, UCLLucie Cluver, Honorary Professor in Psychiatry and Mental Health, University of Cape TownLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/1624142021-06-30T12:12:00Z2021-06-30T12:12:00ZChina’s ‘one-child policy’ left at least 1 million bereaved parents childless and alone in old age, with no one to take care of them<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/407757/original/file-20210622-23-1iohzjj.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=0%2C89%2C5000%2C3263&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">For four decades, the Chinese government has restricted family size.</span> <span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.gettyimages.com/detail/news-photo/pedestrians-and-a-man-carrying-baskets-pass-by-a-huge-news-photo/158661292?adppopup=true">Peter Charlesworth/LightRocket via Getty Images </a></span></figcaption></figure><p>A child’s death is devastating to all parents. But for Chinese parents, losing an only child can add financial ruin to emotional devastation. </p>
<p>That’s one conclusion of a <a href="https://www.sixthtone.com/news/1006719/their-only-child-gone%2C-shidu-parents-shun-chinas-kid-centric-society">research project on parental grief I’ve conducted in China since 2016</a>.</p>
<p>From 1980 to 2015, the Chinese government limited couples to one child only. I have interviewed over 100 Chinese parents who started their families during this period and have since lost their only child – whether to illness, accident, suicide or murder. Having passed reproductive age at the time of their child’s death, these couples were unable to have another child. </p>
<p>In 2015, the Chinese government raised the birth limit to two, an effort to <a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2021/05/31/world/asia/china-three-child-policy.html">reverse declining birthrates and to rejuvenate an aging population</a>. In May 2021, it announced that Chinese families could have up to three children. </p>
<p>The new “three-child policy” received generally <a href="https://theconversation.com/chinas-three-child-policy-is-unlikely-to-be-welcomed-by-working-women-162047">lukewarm responses in China</a>. Many Chinese couples say they prefer <a href="https://www.sup.org/books/title/?id=26948">not to have multiple children</a> due to the rising cost of child rearing, how it would complicate women’s professional aspirations and declining preference for a son. </p>
<p>The childless parents I interviewed told me they felt forgotten as their government moves further away from the birth-planning policy that left them bereaved, alone and precarious in their old age – in a country where <a href="https://www.cambridge.org/core/journals/china-quarterly/article/abs/little-quilted-vests-to-warm-parents-hearts-redefining-the-gendered-practice-of-filial-piety-in-rural-northeastern-china/F6B2FD8F587F18AB4C30AE8C409AEF45">children are the main safety net for the elderly</a>.</p>
<h2>Having and losing an only child</h2>
<p>China’s one-child policy was a massive social engineering project launched to slow down rapid population growth and aid economic development efforts.</p>
<p>Until the early 1970s, most Chinese women <a href="https://data.worldbank.org/indicator/SP.DYN.TFRT.IN?locations=CN">had at least five children</a>. By 1979, China’s population had nearly reached <a href="https://data.worldbank.org/indicator/SP.POP.TOTL?locations=CN">1 billion</a> – <a href="http://www.gov.cn/gzdt/2009-09/11/content_1415054.htm#:%7E:text=1949%E5%B9%B4%EF%BC%8C%E5%85%A8%E5%9B%BD%E4%BA%BA%E5%8F%A3%E5%87%BA%E7%94%9F%E7%8E%87,%E6%80%BB%E4%BA%BA%E5%8F%A3%E4%B8%BA5.42%E4%BA%BF%E3%80%82">up from 542 million in 1949</a>. The Chinese government claimed that the one-child limit prevented 400 million births in China, although <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/j.1728-4457.2013.00555.x">this calculation has been disputed</a> as an exaggeration. </p>
<figure class="align-center zoomable">
<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/407759/original/file-20210622-13-xwv2i.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="A mother wearing a straw hat pushes a buggy with a child sitting it. There are two other children walking near the buggy." src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/407759/original/file-20210622-13-xwv2i.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/407759/original/file-20210622-13-xwv2i.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=405&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/407759/original/file-20210622-13-xwv2i.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=405&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/407759/original/file-20210622-13-xwv2i.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=405&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/407759/original/file-20210622-13-xwv2i.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=510&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/407759/original/file-20210622-13-xwv2i.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=510&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/407759/original/file-20210622-13-xwv2i.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=510&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">A family strolls in Beijing, 1972.</span>
<span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://newsroom.ap.org/detail/BeijingStreetScene/597761b4540c4080a71b9074a26e850c">AP Photo/Horst Faas</a></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>The birth limit was unpopular at first. </p>
<p>“Back then, we wanted to have more children,” said a bereaved mother who was in her 60s when I interviewed her in 2017. “My parents had an even harder time accepting that we were allowed to have only one child.”</p>
<p>To enforce the unpopular one-child policy, the Chinese authorities designed <a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s11013-013-9351-x">strict measures</a>, including mandatory contraception and, if all else failed, forced abortion. </p>
<p>Those who violated the policy paid a financial penalty, and children from <a href="https://anthrosource.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/maq.12352">unauthorized births often could not be registered for citizenship status and benefits</a>. Parents who worked for the government – and under China’s economic system, many urban workers did – risked losing their job if they had more than one child. </p>
<p>Several bereaved mothers told me that they had gotten pregnant with a second or third child in the 1980s or 1990s but had an abortion for fear of job loss. </p>
<p>The one-child policy, while painful, contributed to an age structure that benefited the economy: The large working-age population born before and after it grew rapidly compared to the country’s younger and older dependent population. </p>
<p>This “demographic dividend” accounted for <a href="https://catalog.ihsn.org/index.php/citations/63586">15% of China’s economic growth between 1982 and 2000</a>, according to a 2007 United Nations working paper. </p>
<h2>An uncertain old age</h2>
<p>Yet China’s one-child policy also created a risk for couples: the possibility of becoming childless in old age. </p>
<figure class="align-center zoomable">
<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/407764/original/file-20210622-21-qcxowc.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="A baby is fed by its mother" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/407764/original/file-20210622-21-qcxowc.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/407764/original/file-20210622-21-qcxowc.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=405&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/407764/original/file-20210622-21-qcxowc.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=405&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/407764/original/file-20210622-21-qcxowc.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=405&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/407764/original/file-20210622-21-qcxowc.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=508&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/407764/original/file-20210622-21-qcxowc.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=508&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/407764/original/file-20210622-21-qcxowc.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=508&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">The original caption of this 1994 photo accompanying an article on China’s one-child policy was: ‘A baby is fed by its mother. The child is probably never to have a sister or brother.’</span>
<span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.gettyimages.com/detail/news-photo/baby-is-fed-by-its-mother-the-child-is-probably-never-to-news-photo/158661290?adppopup=true">Peter Charlesworth/LightRocket via Getty Images</a></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>“Families with an only child are walking on a tightrope. Every family can fall off the tightrope at any moment” if they lose their only child, one bereaved mother explained to me. </p>
<p>“We are the unlucky ones,” she said. </p>
<p>In China, where the <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/epdf/10.1111/spol.12368">pension</a> and <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/10670564.2014.882617">health care</a> systems are patchy and highly stratified, adult children are the main safety net for many aging parents. Their financial support is often necessary after retirement. </p>
<p>It is estimated that 1 million Chinese families had <a href="http://www.chinadaily.com.cn/html/feature/lifeafterloss/index.html">lost their only child by 2010</a>. These childless, bereaved parents, now in their 50s and 60s, face an uncertain future. </p>
<p>Due to the country’s longstanding tradition of filial piety, <a href="https://www.cambridge.org/core/journals/china-quarterly/article/abs/little-quilted-vests-to-warm-parents-hearts-redefining-the-gendered-practice-of-filial-piety-in-rural-northeastern-china/F6B2FD8F587F18AB4C30AE8C409AEF45">children also have a moral obligation to support their aging parents</a>. Parental care is actually the legal responsibility of children in China; it is written into the <a href="http://www.gov.cn/guoqing/2018-03/22/content_5276318.htm">Chinese Constitution</a>. </p>
<p>This safety net does not exist for parents who lost the only child the government would let them have. </p>
<h2>Help, but not enough</h2>
<p>Over the past decade, <a href="https://www.reuters.com/article/us-china-protests/hundreds-of-bereaved-chinese-protest-over-one-child-compensation-idUSKCN0XF1KW">groups of bereaved parents have negotiated with the Chinese authorities</a> to demand financial support and access to affordable elder care facilities. Those I interviewed said they had fulfilled their obligation as citizens by abiding by the one-child rule and felt the government now had the responsibility to take care of them in their old age.</p>
<figure class="align-right zoomable">
<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/407763/original/file-20210622-25-b7rod7.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="A woman shows a picture to the camera." src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/407763/original/file-20210622-25-b7rod7.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=237&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/407763/original/file-20210622-25-b7rod7.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=800&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/407763/original/file-20210622-25-b7rod7.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=800&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/407763/original/file-20210622-25-b7rod7.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=800&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/407763/original/file-20210622-25-b7rod7.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=1005&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/407763/original/file-20210622-25-b7rod7.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=1005&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/407763/original/file-20210622-25-b7rod7.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=1005&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">A bereaved parent of the one-child era shows a picture of her late son.</span>
<span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.gettyimages.com/detail/news-photo/one-woman-who-lost-her-son-in-recent-years-traveled-from-news-photo/175849032?adppopup=true">William Wan/The Washington Post via Getty Images</a></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>Eventually, the authorities responded to their grievances. </p>
<p>Starting in 2013, the government has initiated multiple programs for bereaved parents, most notably a monthly allowance, hospital care insurance and in some regions subsidized nursing home care. </p>
<p>However, bereaved parents told me that these programs were insufficient to meet their elder care needs. </p>
<p>For example, adult children often take care of their parents during hospitalization, bathing them and buying meals. Private care aides can charge up to US$46 a day, or 300 yuan, to do these tasks. In regions that now provide <a href="http://www.xinhuanet.com/2020-01/14/c_1125462230.htm">government-paid hospital care insurance for childless parents</a>, most plans cover between $15.50 to $31 – about 100 to 200 yuan – daily for a care aide, based on my research. </p>
<p>Other people I interviewed worried about the high cost and <a href="https://www.sixthtone.com/news/1006061/chinas-hidden-crisis-a-growing-elder-care-gap">limited availability</a> of quality nursing homes in many regions. China’s elder care facilities cannot meet the demand of its aging population, and living in these facilities is not covered by insurance.</p>
<p>China’s controversial one-child policy is history, but its legacy may depend on how the Chinese authorities treat the grieving parents left in its wake.</p>
<p>[<em>The Conversation’s Politics + Society editors pick need-to-know stories.</em> <a href="https://theconversation.com/us/newsletters/politics-weekly-74/?utm_source=TCUS&utm_medium=inline-link&utm_campaign=newsletter-text&utm_content=politics-need-to-know">Sign up for Politics Weekly</a>.]</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/162414/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Lihong Shi receives funding from the Wenner-Gren Foundation for Anthropological Research. </span></em></p>China limited families to one child from 1980 to 2015 to curb population growth. The policy paid off economically for the country, but it left couples whose only child died grieving and impoverished.Lihong Shi, Associate Professor of Anthropology , Case Western Reserve UniversityLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/1537292021-01-22T14:03:10Z2021-01-22T14:03:10ZWhat we’ve learned about bereavement during the pandemic<p>The coronavirus pandemic has been extremely distressing for those who are bereaved and grieving, regardless of whether COVID-19 was the actual cause of death of their loved one. We know anecdotally and from emerging <a href="https://www.cardiff.ac.uk/news/view/2480146-new-study-highlights-exceptional-challenges-of-bereavement-during-covid-19-pandemic">research</a> that people who have lost someone during the pandemic were less likely to have visited them before they died or able to attend the funeral. </p>
<p>Our <a href="https://www.cruse.org.uk/sites/default/files/default_images/pdf/Documents-and-fact-sheets/J0339%20Cruse_Lockdown_Diaries.pdf">Bereavement Diaries project</a>, which gathered pandemic diaries of people supporting the bereaved in assisted living and retirement villages, or who trained as <a href="https://www.cruse.org.uk/get-help/coronavirus-bereavement-and-grief">Cruse bereavement volunteers</a>, adds nuance to this narrative. The 43 diary entries we received between May and September 2020 offer some important, real-time insights into how grief and bereavement have been experienced during the pandemic, and the everyday ways in which people have given and continue to give one another support. </p>
<figure>
<iframe width="440" height="260" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/UFRz_DdzWTY?wmode=transparent&start=0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen=""></iframe>
</figure>
<h2>Personal testimony</h2>
<p>In the early days of the pandemic, there seemed to be a familiar demographic pattern in terms of deaths, but as we now know, <a href="https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-northern-ireland-55476982">increasingly younger people are dying too</a>.</p>
<p>One of our diarists told us about her friend Eunice, whose grandson was gravely ill in hospital with COVID-19. Lockdown restrictions meant that she wasn’t able to see his mother (her daughter), which was so distressing for her that she became ill and staff had to call an ambulance. In a later entry, our diarist tells us that while Eunice did not end up in hospital, her grandson died, saying: </p>
<blockquote>
<p>I did go round and see her. I didn’t break the rules. She was in the bedroom and I was in the passage just talking to her. I spent quite a few hours with her, because she was absolutely down, absolutely, absolutely devastated.</p>
</blockquote>
<p>This diarist continues to give Eunice neighbourly love, support and comfort. We have learned that this sort of compassionate listening and support have been vital for many during lockdown, often involving telephone calls to support those who are lonely or grieving. </p>
<p>As another participant in the project put it:</p>
<blockquote>
<p>We don’t have the answers, but we can stand or sit alongside others … The fallout [from COVID-19] is immense throughout the village … Being able to talk things through and share stories with others has been helpful.</p>
</blockquote>
<p>Diarists also told us that, when there was no opportunity to collectively grieve and acknowledge someone’s death, then the grieving process was put “on hold”. Lockdown measures have greatly restricted funeral gatherings and the chance to remember loved ones who have died. </p>
<p>We heard from one diarist that people were responding to this by organising alternative memorial events, perhaps taking more active control over their collective grieving than they normally would: </p>
<blockquote>
<p>We had a funeral on Wednesday … That girl not only lost not only her mum, she lost her father and she lost her grandfather. So Mavis and Heather printed out some songs … The staff came out to stand outside and I told some of the residents, ringing round saying to quite a few people that if they wanted to go down or stand on their balconies. They had a prayer and some songs and they talked about her for about 15 minutes and then the hearse came round and stopped a bit. It was very very moving and personal.</p>
</blockquote>
<h2>Different kinds of loss</h2>
<p>We heard a great deal from our Cruse volunteer diarists about how people had very mixed feelings about bereavement during lockdown. For some, the absence of normal grieving rituals has been very challenging, taking away what one diarist described as vital “restoration after loss activities”.</p>
<p>For others though, we heard how the curtailment of normal social activities and not being at work enabled people to grieve according to their own schedule and rhythm, without the pressure to appear happy when they didn’t feel like that inside. We also heard how not being confronted with things like Mother’s Day and Father’s Day celebrations was a welcome relief for some who find such celebrations simply amplify the sense of loss. </p>
<p>Finally, our diarists told us that there was a lot of grieving going on with residents, not necessarily about a recent death, but rather over other losses:</p>
<blockquote>
<p>Grieving about not seeing family, not seeing friends. Grieving for the losses that aren’t about death. All those little things make a lot of difference.</p>
</blockquote>
<p>The impact of COVID-19 on assisted living residents was made clear in a collective feeling of uncertainty, losing confidence and missing opportunities that, for some, may never come again. </p>
<p>Diarists’ accounts echo the emerging consensus that there are additional layers of complexity to the experiences of loss, grief and bereavement during this pandemic. But they also bring into question how we memorialise death in so-called normal times. Some bereaved people have <a href="http://endoflifecareambitions.org.uk/category/community-prepared-to-help/">reported experiencing solace</a> in the way neighbours have pitched in with alternative memorials that don’t involve a great deal of expense but bring people together as a compassionate community. </p>
<p>These accounts have also demonstrated the value of listening and neighbourliness, and the role of volunteers in supporting those who are bereaved without requiring expensive talking therapies or clinical support. </p>
<p>Importantly, they have highlighted how having the opportunity to get off life’s “normal” social merry-go-round is actually helpful and welcomed by some of those grieving right now. They also serve as a reminder that the pandemic involves a great deal of other kinds of losses that still need to be mourned.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/153729/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>The authors do not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and have disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.</span></em></p>The testimonies of bereavement counsellors reveals devastatingly lonely experiences of grief, unexpected feelings of loss and even some silver linings.Karen West, Professor of Social Policy and Ageing, University of BristolHannah Rumble, Senior Research Associate in Death, Dying and Funerals, University of BristolLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/1381852020-06-01T12:12:32Z2020-06-01T12:12:32ZDifferent faiths, same pain: How to grieve a death in the coronavirus pandemic<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/338389/original/file-20200528-51467-11ho7ec.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=35%2C23%2C4000%2C2634&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">A funeral director calls relatives of a COVID-19 victim for a virtual viewing before cremation on May 22, 2020 in New York City. </span> <span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.gettyimages.com/detail/news-photo/lily-sage-weinrieb-calls-relatives-of-a-covid-victim-for-a-news-photo/1214854208?adppopup=true">Misha Friedman/Getty Images</a></span></figcaption></figure><p><em>Editor’s note: Every religion has its death rites, communal practices developed over millennia to honor the dead and console the living. Some of these rituals are unique to one faith, but more are shared – a reminder there’s a common path toward healing. Yet COVID-19 is forcing many people to grieve in isolation. We asked three faith leaders and religion scholars for their counsel on mourning during the pandemic.</em></p>
<h2>Honoring the dead and comforting mourners</h2>
<p><strong>Rabbi David A. Schuck</strong> </p>
<p><a href="https://www.haaretz.com/jewish/a-guide-to-jewish-death-and-mourning-rituals-1.5391768">Jewish mourning rituals</a> follow the principles of “k’vod hamet,” honoring the deceased, and “nichum aveilim,” comforting mourners. </p>
<p>K’vod hamet includes sitting and praying with the body, ritual washing and burial within two days of death. At a Jewish funeral, family and friends take turns filling the grave with earth – a final act of love. Focus then turns to the family, who return to their home to <a href="https://www.myjewishlearning.com/article/shiva-what-you-need-to-know/">observe shiva</a>, seven days of intense mourning in which the community provides meals, prayer and comfort. </p>
<p>With these communal rituals inaccessible during the coronavirus pandemic, the trauma of losing loved ones is profound. For synagogues in the <a href="https://www.haaretz.com/us-news/new-york-jews-quarantined-in-mass-after-coronavirus-case-in-the-community-1.8627694">center of this pandemic</a>, there’s collective trauma, too. I live in New York, and each week my congregants receive several death notices of longtime friends, but have no avenue to grieve together. </p>
<p>I’m broadcasting funerals online and coordinating <a href="https://www.wbur.org/commonhealth/2020/04/15/jewish-funeral-coronavirus-sitting-shiva">shiva visits through Zoom</a>, but <a href="https://theconversation.com/a-virtual-passover-may-be-the-first-for-many-but-judaism-has-a-long-history-of-ritual-innovation-135888">technology</a> will never approximate the comfort of a home full of people. During shiva, our community holds us in our grief until we discover ways to move forward alone again. </p>
<figure class="align-center zoomable">
<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/338357/original/file-20200528-51449-1a8dm4g.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/338357/original/file-20200528-51449-1a8dm4g.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/338357/original/file-20200528-51449-1a8dm4g.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/338357/original/file-20200528-51449-1a8dm4g.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/338357/original/file-20200528-51449-1a8dm4g.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/338357/original/file-20200528-51449-1a8dm4g.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/338357/original/file-20200528-51449-1a8dm4g.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/338357/original/file-20200528-51449-1a8dm4g.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">A family sits for a remote Zoom shiva, the traditional Jewish time of mourning, New Canaan, Connecticut, April 11, 2020.</span>
<span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.gettyimages.com/detail/news-photo/family-sits-for-shiva-a-traditional-jewish-time-of-mourning-news-photo/1218299686?adppopup=true">Andrew Lichtenstein/Corbis via Getty Images</a></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>The first funeral I officiated during the coronavirus pandemic was for a woman who would have wanted blaring trumpets to announce her death and throngs of admirers to come pay tribute. Instead, four people bid her farewell. As I grabbed earth with my fingers and dropped it onto her casket, I whispered an apology for how the world stole the dignity of her final moments.</p>
<h2>Finding solace in the psalms of lament</h2>
<p><strong>Prof. Gina Hens-Piazza</strong></p>
<p>In normal circumstances, the death of a loved one taxes the heart and mind with a paralyzing numbness. And, in normal circumstances, the <a href="https://ccapgh.org/ministry/catholic-rituals/">traditional rituals of the Catholic faith</a> – the vigil, funeral mass and graveside committal service – give mourners an occasion to honor the memory of the deceased and provide comfort. </p>
<p>A pandemic is not normal circumstances. The absence of these traditional practices compounds the rawness of grief.</p>
<p>In a <a href="https://www.commonwealmagazine.org/time-great-uncertainty">recent interview with the American Catholic magazine Commonweal</a>, Pope Francis suggested that this is a time “for inventing, for creativity” within the Church, urging Christians to find new ways to express their faith during lockdown. </p>
<figure class="align-center zoomable">
<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/338344/original/file-20200528-51445-18tqexj.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=24%2C0%2C8079%2C5406&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/338344/original/file-20200528-51445-18tqexj.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=24%2C0%2C8079%2C5406&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/338344/original/file-20200528-51445-18tqexj.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/338344/original/file-20200528-51445-18tqexj.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/338344/original/file-20200528-51445-18tqexj.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/338344/original/file-20200528-51445-18tqexj.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/338344/original/file-20200528-51445-18tqexj.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/338344/original/file-20200528-51445-18tqexj.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">A necessarily small funeral at a church outside Toulouse, France, during the coronavirus lockdown, April 2020.</span>
<span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.gettyimages.com/detail/news-photo/members-of-a-family-and-a-priest-attend-a-funeral-ceremony-news-photo/1210444291?adppopup=true">Lionel Bonaventure/AFP via Getty Images</a></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>I find examples of this creativity in how U.S. Catholic communities are using technology to accommodate gatherings of friends and family for consoling prayer, recitation of the rosary, online memorials and notes of remembrance. Some Catholic parishes have <a href="https://www.saintfrancisborgia.org/grieving-a-coronavirus-death-help-for-special-circumstances/">developed ministries of listening and consolation</a>, with volunteers calling the bereaved or visiting online to offer support. </p>
<p>People are also commemorating their dead loved ones at home, lighting candles in their memory or playing their favorite hymns. </p>
<p>And while memorial liturgies have been postponed, families may find some comforting expressions of loss more immediately in biblical texts. The “<a href="https://www.franciscanmedia.org/biblical-laments-prayer-out-of-pain/">psalms of lament</a>” – especially Psalms 91, 121 and 130 – are prayers for help in surviving times of great pain. Such recitations provide words to narrate a pain and suffering so devastating it seems to eclipse words.</p>
<h2>Healing begins after the homegoing</h2>
<p><strong>The Rev. Dr. Rodney Sadler Jr.</strong></p>
<p>For African Americans of the Baptist faith, death is a communal experience. It is in this coming together of family and friends and associates and neighbors that the healing begins. </p>
<p>As the Rev. Dr. Peter Wherry <a href="https://www.judsonpress.com/Products/J205/preaching-funerals-in-the-black-church.aspx">writes in his book “Preaching Funerals</a>,” black Baptists often call funerals “homegoing services,” denoting the fact that the believer once transitioning is in a better state than when here…they have “gone home to live with [the] Lord.” </p>
<p>When someone transitions, despite the clear suffering attendant to a loss, we celebrate their life. This occasions sayings like “trouble don’t last always,” or “we will see X again.” </p>
<p>Though well worn, these cliches seek to comfort the mourning that their loved one is not really dead, but lives on with God. </p>
<p>Since homegoing services can <a href="https://www.theatlantic.com/business/archive/2016/01/black-funeral-homes-mourning/426807/">bring together family from across the world</a>, they usually take place a week or more after death to ensure everyone may participate. There is typically a viewing for people to pay their last respects before the service, and afterwards there is usually a parade to the cemetery. Burial comes with its own mini-service. </p>
<figure class="align-center zoomable">
<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/338390/original/file-20200528-51527-7wj6dk.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/338390/original/file-20200528-51527-7wj6dk.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/338390/original/file-20200528-51527-7wj6dk.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/338390/original/file-20200528-51527-7wj6dk.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/338390/original/file-20200528-51527-7wj6dk.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/338390/original/file-20200528-51527-7wj6dk.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/338390/original/file-20200528-51527-7wj6dk.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/338390/original/file-20200528-51527-7wj6dk.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">Mourners after the funeral of the Baptist pastor James Flowers, a victim of COVID-19, at a cemetery in Landover, Maryland, April 13, 2020.</span>
<span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.gettyimages.com/detail/news-photo/mourners-one-holding-a-portrait-of-bishop-james-flowers-a-news-photo/1209945885?adppopup=true">Michael Robinson Chavez/The Washington Post via Getty Images</a></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>Following that is the repast – a meal expected to feed the guests and to allow for fellowship, storytelling, reuniting with distant loved ones and meeting those known only by name. This, though quite reverent, is also festive. It facilitates the resolution needed to progress after a loss.</p>
<p>I have presided at many such services, though not during the coronavirus pandemic. One piece of advice I would offer to those who mourn now is this: In the coming months, stay in close contact with those who also mourn. Call someone whenever you feel longing for the departed – share a sorrow, a song, a funny anecdote or a recollection of their quirks. </p>
<p>Share your grief. When you feel the urge to cry, let it out. Emotions are best handled not with reason, but by allowing yourself the freedom to feel them fully. And remember, the nadir of your grief is not a curse – it is an indication of how deeply you loved. </p>
<p>
<section class="inline-content">
<img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/338598/original/file-20200529-78871-1g5gse5.jpg?w=128&h=128">
<div>
<header></header>
<p><a href="https://www.ats.edu/">Jesuit School of Theology of Santa Clara University and Union Presbyterian Seminary are members of the Association of Theological Schools</a></p>
<footer>The ATS is a funding partner of The Conversation US.</footer>
</div>
</section>
</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/138185/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>David A. Schuck is rabbi at Beth El Synagogue Center in New Rochelle, New York, and is on the board of HOPE Community Services, a soup kitchen and food pantry, also in New Rochelle.</span></em></p><p class="fine-print"><em><span>Rodney Sadler is affiliated with the North Carolina NAACP and the Charlotte Clergy Coalition for Justice, among other social justice causes. </span></em></p><p class="fine-print"><em><span>Gina Hens-Piazza does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organization that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.</span></em></p>Religious scholars and faith leaders reflect on the death rites cultures have developed to honor the deceased, comfort the living and share the burden of mourning.David A. Schuck, Lecturer, the Rabbinical School, Jewish Theological SeminaryGina Hens-Piazza, Professor of Biblical Studies, Santa Clara UniversityRodney Sadler, Associate Professor of Bible and Director of the Center for Social Justice and Reconciliation, Union Presbyterian SeminaryLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/1376652020-05-13T10:56:13Z2020-05-13T10:56:13ZWhat’s the point of grief?<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/332800/original/file-20200505-83757-1umb5ql.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=73%2C66%2C4846%2C3186&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">
</span> <span class="attribution"><span class="source">Pexels</span></span></figcaption></figure><p><a href="https://theconversation.com/how-the-internet-is-changing-the-way-we-grieve-100134">Grieving</a> is an experience almost <a href="https://theconversation.com/bowie-diana-and-why-we-mourn-in-public-53396">everyone will go through</a> at some point in their life. And is something we often have no control over.</p>
<p><a href="https://animalstudiesrepository.org/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1133&context=animsent">It isn’t just humans either</a>. There is plenty of evidence, albeit anecdotal, that <a href="https://theconversation.com/what-the-grieving-mother-orca-tells-us-about-how-animals-experience-death-101230">other mammals</a>, <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BAafj--lRW0">particularly primates</a>, stay close to their dead relatives or babies – even carrying them around for a time before descending into a period of depression.</p>
<p>In terms of evolution, <a href="https://theconversation.com/from-mummification-to-sky-burials-why-we-need-death-rituals-60386">if grief were not helpful</a>, it would long have been bred out of our species. The real question then is not why do we grieve, more what purpose does it serve?</p>
<h2>Stages of grief</h2>
<p>People often talk of the “<a href="https://theconversation.com/the-five-stages-of-grief-dont-come-in-fixed-steps-everyone-feels-differently-96111">stages of grief</a>”. The “five stages” model is the best known, with the <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/13576275.2012.758629">stages</a> being denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance – though these were actually written to describe coming to terms with dying rather than bereavement. </p>
<p>For many working in the area of bereavement of counselling, the stages of grief are little more than of <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/0030222817691870">historical interest</a> now, as the stages are seen as too rigid and not individualised enough – grief don’t come in fixed stages and everyone feels things differently.</p>
<p>In fact, most of what we understand about grief today, is down to psychologist, John Bowlby’s <a href="https://theconversation.com/why-everyone-should-know-their-attachment-style-105321">attachment theory</a>. Essentially, attachment theory focuses on the “psychological connectedness between human beings”.</p>
<p>The theory looks at the quality of the intimate bonds we make during the course of our lives, with a specific focus on parent-child relations. And it seems that grief is the flipside to these very close attachments we, as humans, are able to form.</p>
<hr>
<p>
<em>
<strong>
Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/how-coronavirus-has-transformed-the-grieving-process-136368">How coronavirus has transformed the grieving process</a>
</strong>
</em>
</p>
<hr>
<p>Every parent knows the ear-splitting protest when their infant is left alone. If they return quickly, peace is restored. Bowlby concluded that this behaviour evolved to keep the infant close to parents and safe from predators. </p>
<p>If, for whatever reason, the parent is unable to return, Bowlby noticed that after a prolonged protest, the child became withdrawn and despairing. <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/00332747.1970.11023644?journalCode=upsy20">Colin Murray Parkes</a>, guru of bereavement theory and research, and a colleague of Bowlby’s, noticed the similarity between this behaviour and grief. </p>
<h2>Science of grief</h2>
<p>As a <a href="http://etheses.whiterose.ac.uk/17661/">bereavement counsellor and researcher</a> this is something I see in my clients. Initially they cry out in protest, but as time passes, they begin to despair, realising their loved one has gone forever.</p>
<p>Grief isn’t just a mental experience either. It also has a physiological effect as it can raise the levels of the <a href="https://doi.org/10.1016/j.psyneuen.2011.08.009">stress hormone cortisol</a>. This may explain why many of my clients experience stress reactions in the form of panic attacks, particularly if they attempt to bottle up their emotions.</p>
<figure class="align-center ">
<img alt="" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/332823/original/file-20200505-83757-u4skop.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/332823/original/file-20200505-83757-u4skop.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/332823/original/file-20200505-83757-u4skop.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/332823/original/file-20200505-83757-u4skop.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/332823/original/file-20200505-83757-u4skop.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/332823/original/file-20200505-83757-u4skop.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/332823/original/file-20200505-83757-u4skop.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px">
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">Grief is a natural response to loss.</span>
<span class="attribution"><span class="source">Shutterstock/1000 words</span></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>Modern techniques in neuroscience allow us to see grief in real time. In MRI scans, a brain region called the <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2553561/">nucleus accumbens</a>, which lights up when we talk fondly of our love ones, also glows at our grief at losing them. </p>
<hr>
<p>
<em>
<strong>
Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/adults-can-help-children-cope-with-death-by-understanding-how-they-process-it-58057">Adults can help children cope with death by understanding how they process it</a>
</strong>
</em>
</p>
<hr>
<p>These reward centres in our brain that make us happy together, keep us bonded by making us sad when we are apart. In this sense, <a href="https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2001-18149-011">evolutionary biologists</a> have suggested the protest phase of grief lasts long enough for us to search for our loved one, yet is short enough to detach when hope is lost. </p>
<p>The despair phase, a form of depression, follows – and may serve to detach us from the one we have lost. It saves us from an energy-draining and fruitless search for them. And in time, emotional detachment allows us to seek a new breeding partner. It has also been suggested that both protest and despair may function to foster family and tribal cohesion and a sense of shared identity through the act of <a href="http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/4889573">shared grief</a>.</p>
<h2>A changed world</h2>
<p>Most people associate grief with losing someone they love, but in reality people can <a href="https://theconversation.com/you-really-can-die-of-a-broken-heart-heres-the-science-57442">grieve for all sorts of reasons</a>. In essence, knowing what to expect and feeling secure and stable is important for our survival - so when a loss occurs in our lives, our world shifts and is turned upside down.</p>
<p>In grief and trauma work, this is knows this as “<a href="https://psycnet.apa.org/record/1972-21034-001">assumptive world theory</a>”. In the face of death and trauma, these beliefs are shattered and disorientation and even panic can enter the lives of those affected.</p>
<p>Life is split into two halves – before the loss and after the loss. We grieve for the loss of the safe and familiar and it feels as though things will never be the same again. The loss of a loved one triggers both the grief of separation and the loss of our assumptive world in which they were a part.</p>
<p>But over time, we adapt to our new world. We <a href="https://doi.org/10.1037/10397-002">relearn the world changed by our loss</a>. Indeed, one of the privileges of working with grief is watching how so many clients learn and grow from the experience and emerge from their grief better equipped to deal with future losses.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/137665/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>John Frederick Wilson does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.</span></em></p>A bereavement counsellor on grief, loss and longing.John Frederick Wilson, Honorary Research Fellow, Director of Bereavement Services Counselling & Mental Health Clinic, York St John UniversityLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/1345302020-04-28T12:11:21Z2020-04-28T12:11:21ZMeasuring maternal grief in Africa<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/330839/original/file-20200427-145499-upbyfd.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=0%2C0%2C2295%2C1995&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">In places where children die with tragic frequency, the collective grief of parents affects all society.</span> <span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.shutterstock.com/image-vector/sad-lonely-woman-depression-flying-hair-1471114553?irgwc=1&utm_medium=Affiliate&utm_campaign=Pixabay+GmbH&utm_source=44814&utm_term=https%3A%2F%2Fpixabay.com%2Fvectors%2Fsearch%2Fgrief%2520woman%2F">Mary Long/Shutterstock</a></span></figcaption></figure><p><em>The Research Brief is a short take on interesting academic work.</em></p>
<h2>The big idea</h2>
<p>Most parents living in industrialized countries today reasonably presume that <a href="https://www.who.int/data/gho/publications/mdgs-sdgs">all their children will survive childhood</a>. </p>
<p>But child death remains woefully common in some parts of the world. A baby born in certain sub-Saharan African countries is roughly 20 times more likely to die in early childhood than a <a href="https://data.unicef.org/topic/child-survival/under-five-mortality/">baby born in North America or Western Europe</a>. </p>
<p>Our recent <a href="https://doi.org/10.1073/pnas.1907343117">study</a> measures the proportion of parents who’ve lost a child. Academic research on child death typically focuses on an individual child’s risk of death, so examining this tragedy from the perspective of parents is a new approach. </p>
<p>To determine how many parents have lost children, we used <a href="https://dhsprogram.com/">Demographic and Health Survey Program</a> <a href="https://www.statcompiler.com/en/">data</a> to track 30-year trends in 20 sub-Saharan African countries with the highest child mortality rates. These surveys have collected detailed reproductive histories from women for decades, allowing us to evaluate the experiences of mothers over time.</p>
<p>We found that <a href="https://www.pnas.org/content/pnas/suppl/2020/02/04/1907343117.DCSupplemental/pnas.1907343117.sapp.pdf">more than 20% of all young mothers</a> across West, Central, East and Southern Africa have lost a child under the age of 5, primarily due to infectious and waterborne diseases. Among older mothers aged 45 or higher, 25% to 50% have lost a young child. </p>
<p>Data from the West African countries of Mali, Liberia, and Nigeria, as well as from three southern and eastern African countries – Malawi, Rwanda and Uganda – is even more staggering. In those places, up to one in five mothers has suffered the death of two children. Some have lost more than two children. </p>
<h2>Why it matters</h2>
<p>The death of a child is an excruciating and enduring event that affects parents in lasting ways. </p>
<p>Bereaved parents have an <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177/0192513X07302728">elevated risk of depression, anxiety</a> and an <a href="https://jech.bmj.com/content/66/10/927.short">array of physical health problems</a>, from cardiovascular disease to early death. The stress of losing a child also <a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s13524-019-00846-7">strains marriages</a>, leading to more conflict, intimate partner violence, divorce and abandonment. </p>
<p>Quantifying how many mothers have lost a child gives us a sense of these individual and collective strains in a given place. In our paper, which published in the <a href="https://www.jstor.org/journal/procnatiacadscie">Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences</a> journal in February, we call this collective grief the parental “bereavement burden.” </p>
<figure class="align-center zoomable">
<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/330443/original/file-20200424-163098-9tm4jk.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/330443/original/file-20200424-163098-9tm4jk.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/330443/original/file-20200424-163098-9tm4jk.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=360&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/330443/original/file-20200424-163098-9tm4jk.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=360&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/330443/original/file-20200424-163098-9tm4jk.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=360&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/330443/original/file-20200424-163098-9tm4jk.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=452&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/330443/original/file-20200424-163098-9tm4jk.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=452&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/330443/original/file-20200424-163098-9tm4jk.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=452&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">High child mortality rates affect both women who’ve lost children and those expecting.</span>
<span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="http://shutterstock.7eer.net/c/44814/42119/1305?u=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.shutterstock.com%2Fen%2Fimage-photo%2Fid-730996924&subId1=image&subId2=list&subId3=nohits&sharedid=https%3A//pixabay.com/vectors/search/pregnant%2520woman%2520afro/">Vivid Vector/Shutterstock</a></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>That measure, in turn, tells us something important about the broader social context for all women. In places where infant and child death rates are high, the fear of losing a child is acute. Even women who have not lost a child worry that they will. </p>
<p>Maternal grief, in other words, is a shared phenomenon that affects how all women in a society navigate major life decisions.</p>
<p>For example, fertility researchers know that if mothers anticipate the loss of their own children – both current and future – they <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177/000312240607100206">will have more children</a>. <a href="https://theconversation.com/tanzanian-president-bluntly-attacks-contraception-saying-high-birth-rates-are-good-for-economy-103513">Using contraception</a> to plan for small families – <a href="https://theconversation.com/kenya-needs-a-new-plan-to-make-contraceptives-accessible-again-48470">assuming it is available</a> – is a luxury reserved for those who can reasonably think all the children they give birth to will survive.</p>
<h2>What still isn’t known</h2>
<p>In the shadows of the high child mortality rates are millions of grieving mothers who bear the personal, social and marital costs of a child’s death. </p>
<p>Yet this population receives very little scholarly or political attention. In some sub-Saharan African countries, that’s more than half of all women who are invisibly suffering the bereavement burden.</p>
<p>Our study illustrates the pressing need to understand the mother’s experience of child death and incorporate grief into a country’s public health considerations. </p>
<p>[<em>Insight, in your inbox each day.</em> <a href="https://theconversation.com/us/newsletters?utm_source=TCUS&utm_medium=inline-link&utm_campaign=newsletter-text&utm_content=insight">You can get it with The Conversation’s email newsletter</a>.]</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/134530/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>The authors do not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organization that would benefit from this article, and have disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.</span></em></p>In many sub-Saharan African countries, 20% of mothers have suffered the death of a child, a new study finds. In Mali, Liberia and Malawi, it’s common for mothers to lose two children.Emily Smith-Greenaway, Associate Professor of Sociology, USC Dornsife College of Letters, Arts and SciencesJenny Trinitapoli, Associate Professor of Sociology, University of ChicagoLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/1363682020-04-17T14:55:42Z2020-04-17T14:55:42ZHow coronavirus has transformed the grieving process<p>As I write this, the UK government has <a href="https://www.independent.co.uk/news/health/uk-coronavirus-death-toll-hospital-cases-nhs-a9468636.html">just announced</a> that 13,729 people have died in hospitals from COVID-19. <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/society/2020/apr/15/coronavirus-death-toll-in-englands-care-homes-reaches-1400">Care England estimates</a> more than 1,400 people have now died in care homes. As you read this, those appalling figures will have grown. The national medical director, Stephen Powis, <a href="https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/live/52075063">has said</a> that if the UK death tally comes in below 20,000, “we will have done very well”. </p>
<p>As a result, a wave of grief will swell in the coming months, with more and more people experiencing a close bereavement related to COVID-19. The disease brings new challenges in caring for patients and supporting their family and friends. A particularly cruel one is that patients must be isolated to control the spread of infection. </p>
<p>Since a patient’s loved ones are often unable to accompany them to hospital, and because patients with COVID-19 can deteriorate quickly, it is really important that we have conversations about <a href="https://coronavirus.compassionindying.org.uk/making-decisions-about-treatment/">advance care planning</a> and document our preferences. This is crucial for older people and those with pre-existing conditions. </p>
<p>With an advance care plan in place, relatives and clinicians have a much clearer idea what the patient would want medically, even if they are too unwell to express it. This translates into <a href="https://www.bmj.com/content/340/bmj.c1345">a better bereavement process</a> for relatives, should the patient die. </p>
<p>Up to now, visiting patients seriously ill with COVID-19 has been impossible for many, and I have heard anecdotal evidence of varying practice across hospitals and care homes. Some are allowing family members to see a patient – one at a time, and wearing personal protective equipment (PPE) – but others are not able to. </p>
<p>Although it is time-consuming to dress relatives in PPE, and risks contamination, if relatives are not in a high-risk category, in quarantine or unwell themselves, even <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0140673620306073">a short visit</a> of about 15 minutes could make a world of difference. Not being able to say goodbye <a href="https://erj.ersjournals.com/content/45/5/1341">has been identified</a> as a cause of “<a href="https://complicatedgrief.columbia.edu/professionals/complicated-grief-professionals/overview/">complicated grief</a>” among bereaved relatives. Health Secretary Matt Hancock’s <a href="https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-52299590">recent statement</a> that new steps will be taken to allow goodbyes “wherever possible” is therefore welcome – but will require far better access to testing and PPE, both of which remain <a href="https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-52304918">problematic</a>. </p>
<p>Where visits are not possible, the use of smartphones, tablet computers and <a href="https://nationalbereavementalliance.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2020/04/Keeping-in-touch.pdf">other forms of connection</a> can also be a great comfort in enabling patients to communicate with friends and relatives. Some clinical services are even asking for donations of technology to help support these virtual methods of contact. </p>
<p>But great sensitivity is required. Clinicians from a Swiss hospital have <a href="https://www.jpsmjournal.com/article/S0885-3924(20)30183-4/fulltext?rss=yes">cautioned against</a> the use of virtual contact with families when a patient is dying, due to the distress this can cause. Research with bereaved family members has also found that witnessing a death in an ICU <a href="https://linkinghub.elsevier.com/retrieve/pii/S0012-3692(11)60179-7">may be associated</a> with greater symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder. </p>
<h2>Grieving alone</h2>
<p>Grieving alone is a uniquely difficult, unnatural feature of bereavement due to COVID-19. A common impulse in the depths of grief is to seek comfort in the arms of close family members and friends, yet COVID-19 can make this impossible. As Susannah Kraft Levene, the wife of a London rabbi who died after contracting coronavirus, <a href="https://www.thejc.com/news/uk-news/rabbi-neil-krafts-wife-susannah-kraft-levene-speaks-about-being-unable-to-attend-his-funeral-1.498726">described so movingly</a>, the bereaved are often finding themselves in social isolation. </p>
<p>But those who are grieving, and their friends, families and communities, should be encouraged to reach out to others however they can – online, by telephone or by writing letters. For while these methods can never replace face-to-face interaction, they can be an effective way of showing love and care. </p>
<p>Although family, friends and existing networks are the foundation of support during bereavement, formal bereavement services play a crucial role too. Many British bereavement charities have made Herculean efforts in adapting their work. </p>
<p>Bereavement support is available <a href="https://www.winstonswish.org/coronavirus/">via email</a>, <a href="https://www.cruse.org.uk/coronavirus/cruse-services">telephone</a>, <a href="https://www.sands.org.uk/about-sands/sands-bereavement-support-app">mobile apps</a>, <a href="https://community.sueryder.org/">web forums</a>, and virtual <a href="https://letstalkaboutloss.org/meet-up/meet-up-in-south-england/meet-up-in-london/">peer-support meetings</a>. We know some people <a href="https://www.sueryder.org/sites/default/files/2019-03/a-better-grief-report-sue-ryder.pdf">don’t feel comfortable</a> asking for help, so a wide range of services is crucial. </p>
<h2>Funerals in isolation</h2>
<p>Also on the practical side, coronavirus and social distancing measures have brought about <a href="https://nafd.org.uk/funeral-advice/">significant restrictions</a> to funeral services which will affect bereaved relatives’ ability to mourn. But many funeral directors are doing everything they can to help. </p>
<hr>
<p>
<em>
<strong>
Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/coronavirus-is-changing-funerals-and-how-we-deal-with-the-dead-134842">Coronavirus is changing funerals and how we deal with the dead</a>
</strong>
</em>
</p>
<hr>
<p>There are online resources on how to organise funerals during the coronavirus crisis which are meaningful for both <a href="https://quakersocialaction.org.uk/we-can-help/helping-funerals/down-earth/coronavirus-organising-meaningful-funeral">adults</a> and <a href="https://www.winstonswish.org/coronavirus-funerals-alternative-goodbyes/">children</a>. Guidance on religious funerals in the context of COVID-19 is available from the official sites of the <a href="https://www.churchofengland.org/more/media-centre/coronavirus-covid-19-guidance-churches">Church of England</a>, the <a href="https://www.cbcew.org.uk/home/our-work/health-social-care/coronavirus-guidelines/">Catholic Church for England and Wales</a>, the <a href="https://mcb.org.uk/mcb-updates/coronavirus-guidance-for-mosques-and-madrassas/#deaths">Muslim Council of Britain</a> and the <a href="https://www.jjbs.org.uk/urgent-guidance/">Jewish Joint Burial Society</a>. </p>
<p>Ways to bring in others who are not there in person include live streaming or recording facilities and circulating the order of service, music and poems. People who are bereaved over the coming months might want to organise a simple service at this stage and arrange a memorial or celebration service later. It is important to bring people together to remember and celebrate the person who has died, even if that occasion has to be delayed. </p>
<figure>
<iframe width="440" height="260" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/bh1qaubkAKQ?wmode=transparent&start=0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen=""></iframe>
</figure>
<p>We can all play our part in supporting the bereaved by recognising and acknowledging their loss. Speaking to people who have lost loved ones and offering condolences is so important. In a <a href="https://www.sueryder.org/sites/default/files/2019-03/a-better-grief-report-sue-ryder.pdf">recent survey</a>, half of respondents reported being scared of “saying the wrong thing” to a bereaved person. One in two said they didn’t know what support to offer, while one in four avoid talking to somebody about their bereavement. </p>
<p>These attitudes can make bereavement even more isolating. As COVID-19 progresses over the coming months, our personal, professional and collective compassion will be put to the test. But with open hearts, a willingness to connect, and the courage to acknowledge and express grief and sorrow, we can help our communities heal.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/136368/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Lucy Selman receives funding from the National Institute of Health Research (NIHR) and the Wellcome Trust. She is a Bristol Sands committee member and founding director of Good Grief, Bristol. </span></em></p>Facing loss alone is a terrible predicament. But help is available.Lucy Selman, Senior Research Fellow, University of BristolLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.