tag:theconversation.com,2011:/us/topics/social-expectations-74293/articlesSocial expectations – The Conversation2022-07-18T12:26:04Ztag:theconversation.com,2011:article/1850012022-07-18T12:26:04Z2022-07-18T12:26:04ZLost touch with someone? Reach out – your friend will likely appreciate it more than you think<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/472384/original/file-20220704-18-67hibz.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=23%2C15%2C5094%2C3383&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">People tend to underestimate how much a friend they've lost contact with would enjoy a simple note saying 'hi.'</span> <span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.gettyimages.com/detail/photo/black-woman-writing-letter-royalty-free-image/123317939?adppopup=true">JGI/Tom Grill/Tetra Images via Getty Images</a></span></figcaption></figure><p><em>The <a href="https://theconversation.com/us/topics/research-brief-83231">Research Brief</a> is
a short take about interesting academic work.</em> </p>
<h2>The big idea</h2>
<p>The next time you wonder whether to reach out to a friend, family member, classmate or other person who’s been out of touch for a long time, go ahead and do it. According to <a href="https://doi.org/10.1037/pspi0000402">our just-published research</a>, it’s likely they’ll appreciate it more than you think. </p>
<p>In a series of 13 experiments involving over 5,900 participants, we – along with colleagues <a href="https://scholar.google.com/citations?user=0Stzf1cAAAAJ&hl=en">SoYon Rim</a> and <a href="https://scholar.google.com/citations?user=TZQefJAAAAAJ&hl=en">Kate Min</a> – wanted to investigate whether people accurately predict <a href="https://doi.org/10.1037/pspi0000402">how much their social contacts appreciate being reached out to</a>.</p>
<p>In one experiment we conducted, college students wrote a note “to check in and say hello” to a classmate they hadn’t interacted with in a while. Then we asked them how much they thought their classmate would appreciate receiving this note. </p>
<p>Next, we delivered these notes to their classmates and asked the recipients how much they appreciated receiving them. </p>
<p>We found that the students who received the notes were much more appreciative of the gesture than the students who wrote them had anticipated.</p>
<p>Other experiments varied the scenario by involving older adults as participants rather than college students, switching the written message to a small gift – such as cookies or coffee – and comparing how much the sender underestimated the appreciation that an emotionally distant contact would feel compared with a close contact.</p>
<p>Overall they yielded the same basic finding: People tended to underestimate how much others appreciated hearing from them. </p>
<p>What drives this underestimation? Our results suggest that it’s related to how little the people reaching out factor in the surprise felt by those being contacted. When we asked recipients what they focused on when indicating how appreciative they felt, they reported paying a lot of attention to their positive feelings of surprise, which were linked to how appreciative they felt.</p>
<p>Comparatively, potential senders did not report focusing much on recipients’ positive feelings of surprise.</p>
<p>It also mattered whether the two parties were already in a close relationship. People’s underestimations were even greater when their contact was a distant acquaintance because these recipients were especially surprised at being contacted. </p>
<h2>Why it matters</h2>
<p>Many people can name at least one person with whom they would like to reconnect. Taking a new job, moving to a different city, becoming a parent, or the busyness of everyday life – these are just some of the life events and circumstances that can cause people to lose touch. Then, if the desire to reconnect arises on one side, doubts may arise about whether the other person may appreciate being contacted out of the blue.</p>
<p>When people consider taking the initiative to reach out, especially after a prolonged period of no contact, they may worry about being rejected. This worry might keep them from reaching out in the first place. </p>
<p>Our research lessens this challenge by showing that often, these gestures will be much more appreciated than one might expect.</p>
<h2>What other research is being done</h2>
<p>Our findings fit within a growing stream of research examining the tendency to underestimate others’ appreciation of various social exchanges. For example, other researchers have found that people underestimate how much <a href="https://doi.org/10.1037/pspa0000277">others appreciate receiving compliments</a> or <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177/0956797618772506">expressions of gratitude</a>. </p>
<p>Our work adds to this area by broadening the scope of the contexts in which people underestimate how much social exchanges are appreciated. Reaching out could but need not require giving compliments or expressing gratitude – the gesture can be as simple as checking in with someone to show that one is thinking about them.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/185001/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>The authors do not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organization that would benefit from this article, and have disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.</span></em></p>It can feel risky to try reconnecting with people in our lives after falling out of touch – but fears of rejection are often overblown.Peggy Liu, Ben L. Fryrear Chair in Marketing and Associate Professor of Business Administration, University of PittsburghLauren Min, Assistant Professor of Marketing, University of KansasLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/1570542021-04-28T20:08:28Z2021-04-28T20:08:28ZMy partner or my degree: a choice that exposes how students battle gender inequity<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/396953/original/file-20210426-13-1an4puy.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=0%2C20%2C6720%2C4446&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">
</span> <span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.shutterstock.com/image-photo/lazy-husband-sitting-couch-using-phone-1779932177">Shutterstock</a></span></figcaption></figure><p>The current focus on gender equity has meant universities are promoting and investing in strategies to overcome gender-related factors known to hinder women academics’ success. While these are positive steps, female university students burdened by gender inequities have been largely overlooked. <a href="https://doi.org/10.1080/03075079.2020.1861597">Our research</a> explored the impacts of traditional societal expectations of women’s domestic roles on mature-age nursing students. More than one in four separated from their partners, with most indicating they did this so they could complete their studies. </p>
<p>All our research participants were living with a male partner. In these relationships, traditional gender responsibilities associated with “being female” can threaten their ability to engage and achieve at university. At the same time, the stability of their family unit is undermined. </p>
<hr>
<p>
<em>
<strong>
Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/how-covid-is-widening-the-academic-gender-divide-146007">How COVID is widening the academic gender divide</a>
</strong>
</em>
</p>
<hr>
<p>Women students are <a href="https://theconversation.com/yes-women-outnumber-men-at-university-but-they-still-earn-less-after-they-leave-142714">in the majority</a> in Australian higher education. In undergraduate nursing they account for <a href="https://www.voced.edu.au/content/ngv%3A57229">90% of enrolments</a>.</p>
<p>Nursing degrees are steadily losing favour with school leavers but are <a href="http://dx.doi.org/10.1515/1548-923X.2334">increasingly attractive to older women</a>. Many of them are considering a career for the first time after having children. The <a href="http://hdl.voced.edu.au/10707/384852">rise in the average age</a> of nursing students means more are living with a partner than ever before. </p>
<h2>‘Women’s work’ hinders study</h2>
<p>For <a href="https://doi.org/10.1080/03075079.2020.1861597">our research</a>, we conducted 52 in-depth interviews with 29 participants across the degree journey at an Australian university nursing school. Analysis of their responses identified the influences on their studies off traditional societal expectations of women’s roles and responsibilities. </p>
<p>Every participant took main or sole responsibility for childcare and housework before they began their degree. This reflects commonly reported <a href="https://www.abs.gov.au/ausstats/abs@.nsf/Lookup/by%20Subject/2071.0%7E2016%7EMain%20Features%7EEmployment%20Data%20Summary%7E67">divisions of domestic work</a> in Australian households.</p>
<p>The unequal division of duties continued during their time at university – the woman’s study commitment or the time each partner spent in paid work made no difference. Partners remained unwilling to share the domestic load. </p>
<blockquote>
<p>“No he never compromised. To him all he really had as a responsibility was his work.” (Lauren*, 32).</p>
</blockquote>
<hr>
<p>
<em>
<strong>
Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/covid-forced-australian-fathers-to-do-more-at-home-but-at-the-same-cost-mothers-have-long-endured-154834">COVID forced Australian fathers to do more at home, but at the same cost mothers have long endured</a>
</strong>
</em>
</p>
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<h2>University practices add to the problem</h2>
<p>Aspects of the degree curriculum and its delivery made the women’s situation worse. Most notable was the university’s practice of allocating clinical placements without consulting students. Some placements were far from home. </p>
<p>In addition, hospital placement providers often gave students minimal notice of shift patterns. They were left to struggle to reorganise paid work arrangements and secure childcare. </p>
<blockquote>
<p>“Practical placements are horrendous when you’ve got a young family and you don’t get your shift roster until a week and a half before you go. I mean some hospitals, you get it on the day you turn up there.” (Candice*, 40).</p>
</blockquote>
<figure class="align-center ">
<img alt="Tired nurse completes notes in ward" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/396956/original/file-20210426-23-1e31sjk.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/396956/original/file-20210426-23-1e31sjk.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=338&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/396956/original/file-20210426-23-1e31sjk.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=338&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/396956/original/file-20210426-23-1e31sjk.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=338&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/396956/original/file-20210426-23-1e31sjk.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=424&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/396956/original/file-20210426-23-1e31sjk.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=424&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/396956/original/file-20210426-23-1e31sjk.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=424&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px">
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">Work placements far from home, often made with little notice or consultation, add to nursing students’ difficulties.</span>
<span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.shutterstock.com/image-photo/overworked-nurse-wrinting-on-clipboard-working-1931087729">Shutterstock</a></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>Much-needed student academic and digital support workshops tended to be planned outside the curriculum. This made sessions, especially those held in the early evening, less accessible to these time-poor students. The almost ubiquitous initial lack of digital literacy among the women in this study meant online workshops were similarly inaccessible.</p>
<hr>
<p>
<em>
<strong>
Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/its-not-about-you-how-to-be-a-male-ally-158134">'It's not about you': how to be a male ally</a>
</strong>
</em>
</p>
<hr>
<h2>Compromise and sacrifice</h2>
<p>The stress of the competing demands of the women’s studies and their private lives coupled with the lack of domestic support from partners created tension in their relationships. </p>
<p>Partners resented the time the women took away from the family to study. They often withdrew emotional support over time. Some women described partners as “obstructive” to their academic progress. Most described periods of relationship conflict. </p>
<blockquote>
<p>“It was anger and verbal abuse … He would just put me down as far as my study goes … in a way of demeaning the study, like it doesn’t really matter about my nursing degree at the end of the day.” (Jennifer*, 46). </p>
</blockquote>
<p>The women described how they made compromises to remain at university and appease their partners. Some sacrificed sleep and socialising with friends and family. Most consciously lowered their personal achievement expectations. </p>
<blockquote>
<p>“I had to base my course around my family. I think if I did have more time, more freedom to choose […] [it] would definitely have increased my grades.” (Georgia*, 23).</p>
</blockquote>
<hr>
<p>
<em>
<strong>
Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/women-arent-better-multitaskers-than-men-theyre-just-doing-more-work-121620">Women aren't better multitaskers than men – they're just doing more work</a>
</strong>
</em>
</p>
<hr>
<p>More than a quarter of the women separated from their partners later in their studies. Most of them indicated this had been a conscious decision to enable them to complete their degree. </p>
<blockquote>
<p>“I realised something needs to give and it’s not going to be my degree. It just wasn’t going to work so I gave him the flick.” (Charlotte*, 30).</p>
</blockquote>
<h2>Implications for nursing and an ageing society</h2>
<p>The heterosexual intimate relationship can act as a direct challenge to women nurse students’ progression and achievement. With women studying nursing later in life, this has serious implications for nurse education and the supply of fully prepared graduates to the workforce. </p>
<p>The <a href="https://www.aihw.gov.au/getmedia/19dbc591-b1ef-4485-80ce-029ff66d6930/6_9-health-ageing.pdf.aspx">rise in the nursing needs</a> of Australia’s ageing population compounds the problem of a <a href="https://www.voced.edu.au/content/ngv%3A57229">projected shortage of nurses</a>. These trends heighten the significance of nursing students’ situation. </p>
<p>More widely, the implications of relationship breakdowns on the mental and financial health of those affected should not be forgotten. </p>
<h2>What can universities do?</h2>
<p>The idea of the nurse student as a single autonomous agent who can prioritise the university over “traditionally female” domestic roles at home is at odds with reality. Universities need to acknowledge the substantial impacts of gendered expectations and responsibilities on women students. </p>
<p>Universities are notoriously reluctant to pry into students’ private lives. They see this as outside their remit. In reality, universities can improve engagement opportunities for their women nurse students in many ways. </p>
<p>Some universities are beginning to offer workshops that prepare students for the digital requirements of study at the start of the degree. They are also embedding academic literacy support across the curriculum. </p>
<p>There is still more they can do. Simple strategies include involving students in clinical placements to ensure these are accessible, providing placement information in good time, and providing accessible childcare that meets the ad hoc and changing needs of students. Training of university counsellors could also be expanded to support students in relationship crisis.</p>
<p><em>* Pseudonyms have been used to protect study participants’ privacy.</em></p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/157054/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Lesley Andrew does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.</span></em></p>Nursing students are 90% female, often mature-age students who are still expected to carry most of the housework and childcare load while they study. Something has to give.Lesley Andrew, Course Coordinator, Postgraduate Public Health, Edith Cowan UniversityLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/1405522020-07-09T19:59:53Z2020-07-09T19:59:53ZPauses in the busy lives of migrant Indian women can make a big difference<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/346319/original/file-20200708-3987-19umm5z.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=0%2C12%2C3458%2C2251&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption"></span> <span class="attribution"><span class="license">Author provided</span></span></figcaption></figure><p>Women manage many overlapping responsibilities in both public and private spheres. Their busy routines leave them with just a little time to take a break or a <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1525/si.1986.9.1.1">pause</a> in their activity. These pauses are a time for self or for activities other than home, work or care-giving responsibilities. </p>
<p>What is the role of such pauses in migrant women’s everyday lives? Interviews were conducted with 20 migrant women (mostly <a href="https://www.deccanchronicle.com/nation/current-affairs/120919/hyderabad-lack-of-rural-jobs-leading-to-migration.html">migrants from rural areas) in Hyderabad, India</a>, and 19 <a href="https://www.sbs.com.au/language/english/biggest-source-of-migrants-revealed">Indian migrants in Melbourne, Australia</a>, as part of doctoral research. From the interviews, these seemingly incidental pauses emerged as an integral part of their daily lives. </p>
<hr>
<p>
<em>
<strong>
Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/from-lascars-to-skilled-migrants-indian-diaspora-in-new-zealand-and-australia-99288">From lascars to skilled migrants: Indian diaspora in New Zealand and Australia</a>
</strong>
</em>
</p>
<hr>
<p>Each pause served a specific purpose and was itself as important as the women’s other routine activities. Pauses particularly helped the women strengthen their social ties in the community. Pauses also helped them get to know different (public) places. </p>
<p>Most of the participants were married women with children. They saw home and family as their primary responsibility. Some did paid work, or owned a small home-based business, while also managing domestic responsibilities.</p>
<p>What kind of pauses matter to these migrant women? It appears pauses in their busy routines were most important for:</p>
<ol>
<li><p>social interactions</p></li>
<li><p>moments of self-reflection or relaxation</p></li>
<li><p>opportunities for work or other activities.</p></li>
</ol>
<h2>Social interactions</h2>
<p>In India, we observed social interactions as pauses when the migrant women co-ordinated their chores or made trips in their neighbourhood. Washing and airing laundry or prepping meals while chatting together in the common corridors of apartment buildings was common during the day. </p>
<p>Socialising at the doorstep was convenient, accessible and easy to manage between chores. As Monica* explained:</p>
<blockquote>
<p>Even if we are busy with work, we can step outside and rest for a bit […] Everyone can get back to their work after that!</p>
</blockquote>
<figure class="align-center zoomable">
<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/341213/original/file-20200611-80746-j903ao.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/341213/original/file-20200611-80746-j903ao.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/341213/original/file-20200611-80746-j903ao.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=293&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/341213/original/file-20200611-80746-j903ao.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=293&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/341213/original/file-20200611-80746-j903ao.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=293&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/341213/original/file-20200611-80746-j903ao.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=368&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/341213/original/file-20200611-80746-j903ao.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=368&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/341213/original/file-20200611-80746-j903ao.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=368&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">Corridor spaces provide places for co-ordinated daily chores and casual interactions.</span>
<span class="attribution"><span class="source">Author provided</span></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>Trips on foot, to chaperone children to schools or to buy groceries, were similarly co-ordinated within small groups of women. Through these trips the migrant women identified others with similar cultural backgrounds and (migration) experiences and formed local connections. </p>
<p>Similarly, in Melbourne, women of similar ethnic or cultural backgrounds regularly co-ordinated lunch hours at work as time to “hang out” at a cafe or a restaurant. These acquaintances sometimes transformed into lasting friendships.</p>
<h2>Self-reflection or relaxation</h2>
<p>In India, the participants said their personal time was limited to only a short nap between chores when their spouse and children were away and if time permitted. In Melbourne, some used lunch hours at work for walks in the park, for both reflection and relaxation. Space for reflection helps cultivate self-awareness for any individual.</p>
<p>For Sejal*, this lunch hour was also an opportunity to spend quality time with her spouse during a brief period when they worked together in the CBD.</p>
<blockquote>
<p>… because me and my husband never dated you know, (and) after one-and-a-half years (of marriage) I had a baby and that’s it … my life changed! […] So, I am spending it (that time) now … after 16 years of my marriage!</p>
</blockquote>
<h2>Opportunities for work and other activities</h2>
<p>As women’s family responsibilities reduced at different life stages, some longer pauses appeared in their daily routines. For example in India, some women started a small home-based business like sewing or making handicrafts as their children got older. These activities were sometimes considered secondary, but provided a creative outlet and extra income for the family. </p>
<p>In Melbourne, some women felt they had lesser familial expectations than in their country of origin and they could pursue other interests. Nirmala* said that before migrating she had always felt the need to prioritise her children over her own needs.</p>
<blockquote>
<p>‘Why do you want to study?’ they asked me, because I already have two children.</p>
</blockquote>
<p>After her migration, Nirmala felt encouraged to study further, while continuing to be the primary carer at home.</p>
<hr>
<p>
<em>
<strong>
Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/migrants-who-adapt-to-australian-culture-say-theyre-happier-than-those-who-dont-117264">Migrants who adapt to Australian culture say they're happier than those who don't</a>
</strong>
</em>
</p>
<hr>
<h2>A break that builds bridges</h2>
<p>Women’s everyday movements and activities have primarily emerged from gender norms shaped by patriarchy and societal expectations. Intervals of everyday casual interactions helped the women take a break from their “expected” responsibilities. </p>
<p>Pauses varied in duration and formats. They appeared in different spaces linked to the core routine activities of the women. These spaces ranged from home and its vicinity, to public spaces like streets and parks. </p>
<hr>
<p>
<em>
<strong>
Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/putting-the-pieces-together-to-create-safe-public-spaces-for-all-89961">Putting the pieces together to create safe public spaces for all</a>
</strong>
</em>
</p>
<hr>
<p>These interactions helped the women identify others (mainly women) with similar interests or backgrounds. This helps them overcome unfamiliarity with a new place due to limited social connections. Social and cultural connections are particularly necessary for migrants to build a sense of belonging in their new cities. </p>
<figure class="align-center zoomable">
<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/346375/original/file-20200708-3991-13kmyyy.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/346375/original/file-20200708-3991-13kmyyy.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/346375/original/file-20200708-3991-13kmyyy.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=356&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/346375/original/file-20200708-3991-13kmyyy.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=356&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/346375/original/file-20200708-3991-13kmyyy.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=356&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/346375/original/file-20200708-3991-13kmyyy.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=447&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/346375/original/file-20200708-3991-13kmyyy.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=447&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/346375/original/file-20200708-3991-13kmyyy.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=447&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">Interactions at a weekly informal market.</span>
<span class="attribution"><span class="source">Author provided</span></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>Further, through their individual and shared routines, the women identified familiar routes and “comfortable” places. For any individual, these routine and repetitive practices help develop an attachment to a place. </p>
<hr>
<p>
<em>
<strong>
Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/the-neighbours-were-always-very-welcoming-and-warm-little-things-count-to-help-refugees-belong-140449">'The neighbours were always very welcoming and warm': little things count to help refugees belong</a>
</strong>
</em>
</p>
<hr>
<p>The process of migration is a complex social phenomenon affecting the women’s health and vulnerability. In today’s “new normal” of restricted mobility and social distancing, what becomes of these pauses? What are the impacts on women as they face an increased burden of domestic responsibilities and vulnerabilities while everyone stays home? </p>
<p>And what will these turbulent times mean for the migrants who are already experiencing instability? Will these pauses take a different social and spatial form, or be forever lost?</p>
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<p><em>* Names have been changed to protect anonymity.</em></p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/140552/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Iderlina Mateo-Babiano receives funding from the Australian Research Council. </span></em></p><p class="fine-print"><em><span>SriPallavi Nadimpalli does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.</span></em></p>Women juggle many responsibilities in their lives. Research reveals the importance for migrant women of taking even brief breaks from their daily routine of home, work or care-giving activities.SriPallavi Nadimpalli, PhD Candidate, The University of MelbourneDerlie Mateo-Babiano, Senior Lecturer in Urban Planning, The University of MelbourneLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/1197322019-08-01T12:40:55Z2019-08-01T12:40:55ZGrudges come naturally to kids – gratitude must be taught<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/286490/original/file-20190731-186814-a2phye.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=1120%2C300%2C4355%2C3126&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">Kids have no problem remembering who plays fair.</span> <span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.shutterstock.com/image-photo/boy-serious-offended-concept-childrens-emotions-1198736056">Natalia Lebedinskaia/Shutterstock.com</a></span></figcaption></figure><p>Have you heard this tale? In ancient times, an escaped slave hid in a cave only to encounter a wounded lion. Although afraid, the man helps the lion, removing a thorn from its paw. The lion is forever grateful, shares his food with the man and, eventually, saves his life.</p>
<p>If this millennia-old fable sounds familiar, you may have encountered it as a child. Variations of “<a href="https://www.bartleby.com/17/1/23.html">Androcles and the Lion</a>” appear in Aesop’s Fables and Roman folklore, and the story persists in <a href="https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/isbn/9780140502770">children’s books today</a>.</p>
<p>Stories like these capitalize on a lesson that most people consider to be deeply natural and intuitive: “You scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours.” Given the relevance of this proverb in daily life, like many psychologists before <a href="https://scholar.google.com/citations?user=Rrq6vekAAAAJ&hl=en&oi=ao">us</a>, <a href="https://scholar.google.com/citations?user=zu9eT-YAAAAJ&hl=en">we</a> <a href="https://scholar.google.com/citations?user=Tt4hKsQAAAAJ&hl=en">assumed</a> that this principle would be at play in the behavior even of young children.</p>
<p>However, <a href="https://doi.org/10.31234/osf.io/vjb6q">recent experiments</a> by our team suggest that reciprocity of this kind is neither natural nor intuitive: Young children showed almost no awareness that they should repay favors to those who helped them in the past.</p>
<figure class="align-center zoomable">
<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/286275/original/file-20190730-186819-2y6trw.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/286275/original/file-20190730-186819-2y6trw.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/286275/original/file-20190730-186819-2y6trw.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=428&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/286275/original/file-20190730-186819-2y6trw.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=428&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/286275/original/file-20190730-186819-2y6trw.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=428&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/286275/original/file-20190730-186819-2y6trw.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=538&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/286275/original/file-20190730-186819-2y6trw.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=538&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/286275/original/file-20190730-186819-2y6trw.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=538&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">The lion remembers Androcles’ kindness and returns the favor down the road.</span>
<span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File%3AJean-L%C3%A9on_G%C3%A9r%C3%B4me_-_Androcles.jpg">Jean-Léon Gérôme/Wikimedia Commons</a></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<h2>Helping those who help you</h2>
<p>The principle of direct reciprocity – paying back those who have helped you in the past – is so central to everyday life that it’s often imbued with moral status. In many societies, including the U.S., <a href="http://dx.doi.org/10.1037/a0021201">failure to return a favor</a> can be considered a great offense.</p>
<p>Beyond the personal level, researchers have argued that direct reciprocity can explain both the <a href="https://www.jstor.org/stable/2092623">success of communities</a> and the <a href="https://doi.org/10.1016/j.tics.2013.06.003">evolution of cooperation</a> more generally. We reasoned that if reciprocity is indeed something that evolved as a foundation of the way human beings interact with others, it should come naturally to young children.</p>
<p>To test this hypothesis, we designed a simple computer game for 4- to 8-year-olds. Children interacted with four avatars that we told them were other children playing the game. In one version of task, all of the “other children” received a sticker, leaving the child without any. But then one of the players gave their sticker to the child.</p>
<p>In the next phase of the game, the child received a second sticker which they could give to one of the other players. Surely, the most obvious choice would be to return the favor and give that sticker to their prior benefactor?</p>
<p>In fact, the answer was an unequivocal no. Even when forced to give their new sticker away, and even when interacting with people who were members of their same social group, children at all ages gave randomly to one of the other players. Their behavior showed no evidence of direct reciprocity.</p>
<p>Was there something wrong with our task? Or was it too difficult for young children to keep track of who had done what? It didn’t seem like it – when we asked them, nearly all the kids recalled who had given them a sticker.</p>
<p>We found this same effect several times in other groups of children, again finding no evidence that they respect the principle of “You scratch my back, and I’ll scratch yours.”</p>
<p>Does this mean children never show direct reciprocity? Not exactly. In fact, they did, just in the form of grudges rather than gratitude.</p>
<h2>Paying back with a punishment</h2>
<p>Direct reciprocity actually comes in two flavors. In addition to the positive form of returning benefits – showing gratitude – there is a negative form of returning injuries – holding grudges. This negative form is also ensconced in proverbs, such as “An eye for an eye.”</p>
<p>We tested the negative form of direct reciprocity with a different group of children, who played a “stealing” version of the task.</p>
<p>Children started with a sticker which was then stolen by one of the four computer players. Later the other players had stickers and the child had the opportunity to take from one of them. Now children retaliated, often with relish, snatching a sticker from the thief in order to even the score.</p>
<p>Why were children of the same age eager to retaliate but unconcerned with returning a favor? Here too, memory errors or biases could not account for the phenomenon: Children were just as good at remembering the nice person as the mean person, but they only reciprocated in the case of negative behavior.</p>
<figure class="align-center zoomable">
<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/286491/original/file-20190731-186814-gpw7pn.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/286491/original/file-20190731-186814-gpw7pn.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/286491/original/file-20190731-186814-gpw7pn.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/286491/original/file-20190731-186814-gpw7pn.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/286491/original/file-20190731-186814-gpw7pn.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/286491/original/file-20190731-186814-gpw7pn.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/286491/original/file-20190731-186814-gpw7pn.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/286491/original/file-20190731-186814-gpw7pn.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">Who should receive the sticker?</span>
<span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.shutterstock.com/image-photo/kid-gluing-sticker-on-applique-750057400">Dmytro Yashchuk/Shutterstock.com</a></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<h2>An expectation that must be learned</h2>
<p>Young children may not respond to obligation, but researchers know they <a href="http://dx.doi.org/10.1037/0012-1649.44.3.875">try to abide by social expectations</a>. We wondered if children were simply unaware of the norm of returning favors. Maybe it just doesn’t occur to them to reciprocate the benefits they received.</p>
<p>So, we asked them. We used the same game as before and children still received a sticker, but this time, we just asked “Whom should you give to?” In this case, kids in the oldest age group we looked at, 7- and 8-year-olds, did systematically pick the person who had given a sticker to them. Younger children chose the potential beneficiary at random; it appeared that they simply didn’t know the rule.</p>
<p>Our results suggested that young children must learn the principle of direct reciprocity in order to apply it.</p>
<p>We ran one last study to test this possibility. One group of children heard a story about two children who returned favors to each other, with this information presented in a prescriptive way: “I remember Tom gave me a sticker yesterday so I should do the same for him today.” A separate group of children heard a story about two children who engaged in positive actions, but not in any kind of reciprocal way.</p>
<p>Both groups of children then played the same game as before. It turned out children in the first group, who heard the reciprocity story, were much more likely to “pay back” the person who gave to them compared to the children who heard the second story about kind deeds. In other words, a simple story about gratitude was sufficient for children to start following the social norm of paying back favors.</p>
<p>So the upshot isn’t so grim after all: grudges may come more naturally than gratitude, but gratitude is readily learned. Perhaps, then, the reason why there are so many fables like “Androcles and the Lion” about reciprocity isn’t because the behavior comes so naturally. Instead, we need the fables precisely because it doesn’t.</p>
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<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Nadia Chernyak received funding from the National Science Foundation, the John Templeton Foundation, and the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley.</span></em></p><p class="fine-print"><em><span>Peter Blake receives funding from the John Templeton Foundation and the National Science Foundation. </span></em></p><p class="fine-print"><em><span>Yarrow Dunham receives funding from The National Science Foundation, the John Templeton Foundation, the U.S. Army Research Laboratory, and the U.K. Ministry of Defence. </span></em></p>Do children understand the lesson that if you scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours? Developmental psychologists suggest they’re more likely to punish bad behavior than they are to reward good deeds.Nadia Chernyak, Assistant Professor of Cognitive Science, University of California, IrvinePeter Blake, Associate Professor of Psychological and Brain Sciences, Boston UniversityYarrow Dunham, Assistant Professor of Psychology and Cognitive Science, Yale UniversityLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.