tag:theconversation.com,2011:/us/topics/teenage-relationships-42029/articlesTeenage relationships – The Conversation2021-05-31T20:10:44Ztag:theconversation.com,2011:article/1595432021-05-31T20:10:44Z2021-05-31T20:10:44Z‘I always get horny … am I not normal?’: teenage girls often feel shame about pleasure. Sex education needs to address this<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/403548/original/file-20210531-21-12j25qo.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">
</span> <span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.shutterstock.com/image-photo/side-view-young-woman-looking-away-1196187574">Shutterstock</a></span></figcaption></figure><p>Young people have a lot of questions about sex. I answered hundreds of them over 23 years for the <a href="https://www.researchgate.net/publication/310603102_A_quantitative_analysis_of_the_quality_and_content_of_the_health_advice_in_popular_Australian_magazines">Dolly Doctor</a> magazine column, until the <a href="https://www.mamamia.com.au/dolly-magazine-closing/">magazine closed</a> at the end of 2016. </p>
<p>Many questions from girls suggested they needed information about desire and experiences of sexual pleasure. Those discovering sexual arousal and masturbation often seemed ecstatic (pun intended), although, even from a young age, these desires were often seen as problems and silenced. </p>
<p>Somewhere between the delights of sexual self-discovery during early puberty and becoming sexually involved with a partner later in adolescence, I had a sense young women fell into a chasm of sexual repression, objectification and instruments for male pleasure.</p>
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Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/shes-a-slut-sexual-bullying-among-girls-contributes-to-cultural-misogyny-we-need-to-take-it-seriously-157421">'She's a slut': sexual bullying among girls contributes to cultural misogyny. We need to take it seriously</a>
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<h2>Is it ‘normal’ to like sex?</h2>
<p>In my analysis of Dolly Doctor questions, I found girls asking about masturbation regularly made up 5-10% of questions about sexuality. For instance, here is a question from the 1990s:</p>
<blockquote>
<p>I have a problem; I masturbate ALL the time! Even when I’m in class I ask the teacher if I can go to the toilet and when I get there I finger myself. Can you tell me if there is something wrong with me and how can I stop!?</p>
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<p>The concerns expressed about whether this is normal could, of course, signify typical developmental preoccupations with peer comparison: asking whether an observation or experience is “normal” was common regardless of the topic.</p>
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Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/is-it-normal-for-girls-to-masturbate-112393">'Is it normal for girls to masturbate?'</a>
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<p>But concerns could also emerge because adolescent girls received no information about female sexual desire, so their curiosity was mixed with alarm about the intensity and power of their urges. </p>
<p>Here is another question from the 2000s:</p>
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<p>I always get horny! Everytime I see something about sex I get horny! But it feels good! Is this common or am I just not normal?</p>
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<p>My view is that together with a lack of relevant information, these girls had absorbed messages of gendered shaming. Here is a question from from the 2010s:</p>
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<p>Ok I need some help, I started getting interested in watching pornography and I used to touch myself while I watch it I knew it was wrong but my body craved it and it was pleasure like I was a magical feeling I cant explain it but I cant talk to my family and I cant talk to my friends. is this normal?? Dolly doctor please help me. </p>
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<p>The shaming of girls’ and young women’s sexuality has been found in studies about diverse topics, such as <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/09589236.2020.1825217">sexting</a>, <a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2019/08/13/style/sti-stigma-sexual-transmitted-infections.html">sexually transmitted infections</a>, <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0038038512441281">seeking contraception</a> and <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/1077801215576581">sexual violence</a>.</p>
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<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/403496/original/file-20210531-25-50dcvs.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="Girl covering her face." src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/403496/original/file-20210531-25-50dcvs.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=237&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/403496/original/file-20210531-25-50dcvs.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=900&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/403496/original/file-20210531-25-50dcvs.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=900&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/403496/original/file-20210531-25-50dcvs.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=900&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/403496/original/file-20210531-25-50dcvs.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=1131&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/403496/original/file-20210531-25-50dcvs.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=1131&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/403496/original/file-20210531-25-50dcvs.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=1131&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
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<span class="caption">Girls are internalising messages of shame.</span>
<span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.shutterstock.com/image-photo/stressed-scared-female-student-casual-tshirt-1966928503">Shutterstock</a></span>
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<p>Philosopher, Bonnie Mann, <a href="https://www.cambridge.org/core/journals/hypatia/article/abs/femininity-shame-and-redemption/8064CD2E02B781636D35C94541335F19">writes</a> gendered shame may be “the mechanism <a href="by%20which">…</a> […] subordination of women across class and race (occurs)”. </p>
<p>Early adolescence marks a critical juncture in young people’s lives, powered by the intensity of puberty which marks the transition from childhood to adolescent sexuality. </p>
<p>Expressions of partnered interactions (such as kissing, sexting, oral sex and intercourse) in adolescence are similar to the way sex is <a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/23998672/">experienced in adulthood</a> and throughout life for most people.</p>
<p>This makes sex education that empowers young women with the appropriate knowledge about pleasure all the more important.</p>
<h2>Is it normal to feel nothing?</h2>
<p>The questions to Dolly Doctor from young women about sex with a partner were fewer in number — most Dolly readers were quite young adolescents. </p>
<p>A <a href="https://academic.oup.com/fampra/article/26/3/196/511883?login=true">small proportion of these questions</a> were concerned with lack of pleasure or orgasm. Such as this one from the 1990s</p>
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<p>Dear Melissa, I am 17 […] and […] been sexually active since last year and every time I have had sex with my boyfriend I have never had an orgasm and I feel like he is getting all the fun and I get none.</p>
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<p>Here is another one from the 2000s</p>
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<p>i have had sex with my boyfriend a number of times but it seems to give me no pleasure. All my friends talk about how good it feels and i dont know this great feeling […] i have talked to my boyfriend and he feels it why dont i? </p>
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<p>And another from the 2010s</p>
<blockquote>
<p>[…] recently with my boyfriend we went to seconds but when he fingered me I didn’t feel anything at all. I have tried doing i myself but I dont feel any pleasure. Is there something wrong with me? What can I do to fix it? Thanks</p>
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<p>Other questions included experiences of painful intercourse (with a male) or fear of pain despite a wish to begin a sexual relationship. </p>
<h2>How can I better please him?</h2>
<p>Questions about oral sex suggested adolescent women were keen to please. For instance:</p>
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<p>I am wanting to give my boyfriend oral sex. I was wondering how to do it and for some techniques that he would enjoy and so my boyfriend is pleased.</p>
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<p>and </p>
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<p>How do you give a better blow job? Please help me. </p>
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<p>Questions about receiving oral sex (by the young women) were very few in number and were often about girl-on-girl sex that was pleasurable, “She […] gave me oral sex, I liked it and I didn’t stop her”.</p>
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<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/403501/original/file-20210531-21-vconwc.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="A young couple lying in bed together." src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/403501/original/file-20210531-21-vconwc.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/403501/original/file-20210531-21-vconwc.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/403501/original/file-20210531-21-vconwc.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/403501/original/file-20210531-21-vconwc.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/403501/original/file-20210531-21-vconwc.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/403501/original/file-20210531-21-vconwc.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/403501/original/file-20210531-21-vconwc.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
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<span class="caption">Girls are often eager to please their partner.</span>
<span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.shutterstock.com/image-photo/beautiful-brunette-girl-guy-lying-bed-391662925">Shutterstock</a></span>
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<p>There is more analysis that could be done on Dolly Doctor questions that speak to constructions of female sexuality. But the analysis so far has provided me with unique insights about how young women respond to messages about their roles in heterosexual encounters. </p>
<h2>Teachers must be supported to talk about sex</h2>
<p>Good school-based sex education means providing teachers with the training and support they need without fear of backlash. In the <a href="https://apo.org.au/sites/default/files/resource-files/2011-03/apo-nid53187.pdf">first Australian study</a> among health teachers about sex education, less than half had received sex education training during their undergraduate degree and 15.5% had received no training. </p>
<p>The topic areas where teachers felt they needed most assistance related to discussions about behaviour, emotions and feelings. And yet, teaching consent in sexual encounters needs to include truthful discussion on these exact topics. </p>
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Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/sexuality-education-can-counter-what-kids-learn-from-porn-but-some-teachers-fear-backlash-when-tackling-risky-topics-158209">Sexuality education can counter what kids learn from porn, but some teachers fear backlash when tackling 'risky' topics</a>
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<p>Parents, teachers and young people need to find the right language and create safe spaces to allow teaching and learning about sexual consent, which by definition means talking about sex and pleasure in its various forms. This includes the normality, right and importance of female pleasure.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/159543/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Melissa is co-author (with Yumi Stynes) of the book Welcome to Consent.</span></em></p>Melissa Kang answered hundreds of questions from girls for the Dolly Doctor column. What she found on analysis was a sense of shame when young women experienced sexual pleasure.Melissa Kang, Adjunct associate professor, University of Technology SydneyLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/1594382021-04-22T06:08:15Z2021-04-22T06:08:15ZTeaching young people about sex is too important to get wrong. Here are 5 videos that actually hit the mark<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/396437/original/file-20210422-15-1o9ihh0.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">
</span> <span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.shutterstock.com/image-photo/young-loving-couple-hugging-kissing-summer-552953926">Shutterstock</a></span></figcaption></figure><p>Two videos were removed this week from the Australian government’s <a href="https://thegoodsociety.gov.au/">recently released</a> sexuality education resource for schools.</p>
<p>The government <a href="https://ministers.dese.gov.au/tudge/teaching-australian-students-respect-matters">released the Good Society resource</a> in mid April, which consists of more than 350 materials including videos, digital stories and podcasts to teach respectful relationships in schools. The two videos that were removed had been <a href="https://www.abc.net.au/news/2021-04-20/nsw-premier-state-politicians-slam-milkshake-consent-video/100081296">widely criticised</a> by politicians, sexuality educators, and <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2021/apr/20/consent-education-is-too-important-to-become-a-schoolyard-joke">sexual assault support groups</a> for missing the mark on sex education.</p>
<p>One clip, showing a couple on a film set that looks like a retro diner, aims to teach about consent through the metaphor of a milkshake. After a young man rejects a young woman’s milkshake, she smears milkshake in his face, saying sentence “Drink it all!”. </p>
<p>The scene is followed by somewhat confusing diagrams of a football field with a voiceover explaining ideas about shared decision making. </p>
<p><div data-react-class="Tweet" data-react-props="{"tweetId":"1383941185127911424"}"></div></p>
<p>I’m a visual culture researcher interested in how information about sexuality and relationships can effectively be communicated to young people. I have compiled several examples of sexual education videos that better meet the needs of young people. </p>
<h2>What works in sexual education?</h2>
<p>The milkshake metaphor in the Good Society video is confusing because it is meant to teach about sexual consent, but doesn’t ever mention sex. Nor does it explain what the metaphor stands for.</p>
<p>Young people already see a explicit and distorted representation of sex in pornography. <a href="https://www.abc.net.au/news/2017-06-30/teenagers-porn-use-on-the-rise-research-says/8664842">Generally, boys start watching</a> around the age of 13 and girls around 16. So, it seems antiquated to produce sexuality education resources that don’t speak directly about sex.</p>
<p><a href="https://theconversation.com/worried-about-the-sexualisation-of-children-teach-sex-ed-earlier-10311">Research shows</a> straightforward language is best when teaching young people about sexuality and relationships. </p>
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<p>The Good Society resource attempts to use humour to engage the audience. <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/08870446.2017.1380812">Research shows</a> humour can be an effective strategy in public health campaigns. However, <a href="https://www.ted.com/talks/thomas_goetz_it_s_time_to_redesign_medical_data?language=en#t-333371">sustained behaviour change</a> relies on easily understood messages, a feeling the information is personally relevant to the targeted audience, and a sense of self-efficacy (the individual knowing how to act on the information they see). </p>
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Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/not-only-are-some-of-the-governments-consent-videos-bizarre-and-confusing-many-reinforce-harmful-gender-stereotypes-159220">Not only are some of the government's consent videos bizarre and confusing, many reinforce harmful gender stereotypes</a>
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<p>Because the Good Society resource was confusing, the humour was confusing as well. And the video failed to create a clear sense of personal relevance and self-efficacy.</p>
<p>Here are videos that work better.</p>
<h2>Australia — rhinos and astronauts</h2>
<p>The Practical Guide to Love, Sex and Relationships was developed by expert sexuality education researchers at the Australian Research Centre in Sex, Health and Society (ARCSHS) at La Trobe University. </p>
<p><a href="https://www.lovesexrelationships.edu.au/">The resource</a> includes a series of humorous but straightforward animated videos dealing with sex, pornography, relationships, consent and gender.</p>
<p>One video for students in years 9 and 10, illustrates sexual desire and consent by using a couple of astronauts and then a couple of pirates. </p>
<p>Though these depictions may sound as confusing as the milkshake metaphor, the metaphors in these videos are clearly explained. And the use of colloquial language provides a sense of relevance. The narrators of the videos talk directly to young people:</p>
<p>“You’re 14, 15, 16 … there’s a lot of shit going on,” says a female narrator. </p>
<p>“That looks like electricity”, a male narrator says when lightning bolts are drawn coming towards the head of a boy.</p>
<p>“It’s a metaphor for all the shit going on,” the female narrator responds.</p>
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<iframe width="440" height="260" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/j6qMKMISCPY?wmode=transparent&start=0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen=""></iframe>
<figcaption><span class="caption">This video uses many metaphors such as roller coasters, astronauts and even a hilarious parody of John Travolta trying to grope Olivia Newton-John to discuss relationships and consent.</span></figcaption>
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<p>The drawings are informal and engaging, as opposed to the football field diagrams used in The Good Society resource. </p>
<p>The video ends with a set of questions teenagers can ask themselves to gauge whether they feel comfortable in a situation. Clear advice helps create a sense of self-efficacy.</p>
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Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/not-as-simple-as-no-means-no-what-young-people-need-to-know-about-consent-155736">Not as simple as 'no means no': what young people need to know about consent</a>
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<p>Another video, with the same two narrators discusses the stereotypes women and men have to grapple with. It uses a rhinoceros as a metaphor for sexual desire, with a man and woman on top.</p>
<p>The male voice says: “I’m the guy, I’m supposed to be ‘oh yeah, can’t wait to get in her pants.’”</p>
<p>Then the female voice says: “And I’m the girl, I’m supposed to be ‘umm, I don’t know, ummm, I’m not sure umm …’”</p>
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<iframe width="440" height="260" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/OBl7HoaBOew?wmode=transparent&start=0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen=""></iframe>
<figcaption><span class="caption">A rhinoceros is a metaphor for sexual desire, but the narrators acknowledge that and make a bit of a joke out of it.</span></figcaption>
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<h2>Sweden’s explicit cartoon</h2>
<p>Scandinavia is known for leading the way in progressive sexuality education. The <a href="https://www.fatherly.com/health-science/international-sex-education/">low teenage pregnancy rates</a> in Scandinavian countries (Norway and the Netherlands have some of the lowest teen rates in the world and Sweden’s is roughly one-fourth of Great Britain’s) are regularly touted as proof of its effectiveness.</p>
<p>In Sweden, an <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T-XAR8PIqbs">animated video</a> produced by The Swedish Association for Sexuality Education follows four teenagers receiving an unexpected lesson from a substitute teacher. </p>
<p>As they ask the teacher questions, many topics are discussed from the appearance of genitalia, to respect in relationships and STDs. </p>
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<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/396429/original/file-20210422-13-mvrfo8.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="Cartoon image of a young man with a map of sexual partners behind him. The words underneath say, 'viruses and bacteria don't care if you're in love with your sex partner'." src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/396429/original/file-20210422-13-mvrfo8.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/396429/original/file-20210422-13-mvrfo8.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=330&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/396429/original/file-20210422-13-mvrfo8.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=330&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/396429/original/file-20210422-13-mvrfo8.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=330&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/396429/original/file-20210422-13-mvrfo8.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=414&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/396429/original/file-20210422-13-mvrfo8.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=414&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/396429/original/file-20210422-13-mvrfo8.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=414&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
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<span class="caption">The Swedish video discusses many topics related to sex, from the appearance of genitalia to the discomfort of putting on condoms.</span>
<span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T-XAR8PIqbs">Screenshot from Sex on the Map video</a></span>
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<p>The animation includes a scene where two of the students try to have sex, but fumble with condoms and nerves. The scene seems very real, and would be relevant to the lived experience of many teens.</p>
<p>Incorporated into the narrative are gay and lesbian storylines, making it relevant to a diverse audience. The fact the story is animated allows for more explicitness, without moving into the realm of pornography. </p>
<p>The video has an age restriction but can be <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T-XAR8PIqbs">viewed on YouTube</a>.</p>
<h2>New Zealand’s porn stars</h2>
<p>Although not part of a school education program, the New Zealand government campaign, <a href="https://www.keepitrealonline.govt.nz/">Keep it Real Online</a>, aims to help parents navigate digital safety. A video shown on television is a good example of how humour can be used effectively to approach sensitive topics. </p>
<p>In the clip two porn stars visit a mother, saying her son has been watching them on every device possible. What makes the video great is its ability to be funny and engaging. And the same time, it allows the viewer to identify with the shocked boy, who is told the porn stars would never act like that in real life, and with the mother, who realises it is time to have frank conversation with her son about sex.</p>
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Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/sexuality-education-can-counter-what-kids-learn-from-porn-but-some-teachers-fear-backlash-when-tackling-risky-topics-158209">Sexuality education can counter what kids learn from porn, but some teachers fear backlash when tackling 'risky' topics</a>
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<p>The humour is disarming, but the lesson is clear: porn is scripted and performed by actors, and should not be perceived as real life.</p>
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<iframe width="440" height="260" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/94mINLDSWlk?wmode=transparent&start=0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen=""></iframe>
<figcaption><span class="caption">This hilarious video uses disarming humour to get its message across.</span></figcaption>
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<h2>And then there’s the cup of tea</h2>
<p>And finally, there’s the very well-known video which explains consent through the metaphor of offering someone a cup of tea. Again, it clearly identifies the metaphor in the beginning, and goes through the idea of asking someone for sex, but instead replacing sex with tea. If you ask someone if they want a cup of tea and they’re not sure if they do, then the video advises</p>
<blockquote>
<p>you can make them a cup of tea or not, but be aware they might not drink it, and if they don’t drink it then — and this is the important part — don’t make them drink it.</p>
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<iframe width="440" height="260" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/oQbei5JGiT8?wmode=transparent&start=0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen=""></iframe>
<figcaption><span class="caption">This well-known video explains consent through a relatable metaphor of a cup of tea.</span></figcaption>
</figure>
<p>It is crucial we get sexuality education right for teenagers who need to not only navigate sexuality and relationships, but also deal with the proliferation of pornography and technology. </p>
<p>If we want to teach teenagers about sexual consent, we will need to talk about sex not milkshakes. </p>
<hr>
<p>
<em>
<strong>
Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/young-people-are-hungry-for-good-sex-education-i-found-a-program-in-mexico-that-gets-it-right-156742">Young people are hungry for good sex education. I found a program in Mexico that gets it right</a>
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</p>
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<img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/159438/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Louise Moana Kolff does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.</span></em></p>To be effective, a video needs to be clear about its message and relatable. The government’s milkshake video seemingly about consent failed on both counts. But these videos get it right.Louise Moana Kolff, Lecturer, UNSW SydneyLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/1574212021-04-11T19:51:32Z2021-04-11T19:51:32Z‘She’s a slut’: sexual bullying among girls contributes to cultural misogyny. We need to take it seriously<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/394186/original/file-20210409-17-sy0a12.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">
</span> <span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.shutterstock.com/image-photo/unhappy-girl-being-gossiped-about-by-713643238">Shutterstock</a></span></figcaption></figure><p>In an online petition launched by Chanel Contos in February, thousands of <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2021/mar/15/do-they-even-know-they-did-this-to-us-why-i-launched-the-school-sexual-assault-petition">women have now disclosed </a> instances of sexual harrassment and assault when at school parties. The petition’s author was <a href="https://www.smh.com.au/national/hundreds-of-sydney-students-claim-they-were-sexually-assaulted-and-call-for-better-consent-education-20210219-p57449.html">calling for sexual consent</a> to be taught better, and earlier, in schools. </p>
<p>But the petition was quickly swamped with personal testimonies, feeding into the broader national discussion about sexism and misogyny that had emerged after <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/australia-news/2021/feb/19/brittany-higgins-incident-reports-into-alleged-werent-handed-to-police-for-two-weeks">former government staffer Brittany Higgins alleged</a> she had been sexually assaulted by another staff member at parliament house.</p>
<p>In an <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2021/mar/15/do-they-even-know-they-did-this-to-us-why-i-launched-the-school-sexual-assault-petition">opinion piece in The Guardian</a>, Contos wrote that everyone contributes to rape culture, including herself. She said:</p>
<blockquote>
<p>Of course I called girls sluts […] of course I called people frigid and of course I made my friends feel insecure about their level of sexual activity. Of course I did, because everyone I knew did.</p>
</blockquote>
<p>Such behaviour among girls can often be dismissed or trivialised as “just being bitchy”. But it is also a sub-type of bullying — what some researchers refer to as “sexual bullying”.</p>
<p>Sexual bullying is not something we can ignore. It is an <a href="https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fnbeh.2018.00081/full">aggressive behaviour</a> and overlaps with sexual harassment, which we often hear of as being perpetrated by men against women. But as Contos pointed out, women and girls may also perpetuate unhealthy sexual attitudes. This may especially be the case among teenage girls, who are just discovering their sexual identity and place within peer groups.</p>
<h2>What is sexual bullying?</h2>
<p><a href="https://bullyingnoway.gov.au/understanding/Documents/research-snapshot-what-is-bullying.pdf">Bullying</a> happens when a person abuses their power in a relationship to aggressively and repeatedly hurt another person. </p>
<p>Sexualised bullying is not recognised officially in Australia. But in the United Kingdom, it’s <a href="https://www.bullying.co.uk/general-advice/what-is-sexual-bullying/">defined as</a>:</p>
<blockquote>
<p>any behaviour which degrades someone, singles someone out by the use of sexual language, gestures or violence, and victimising someone for their appearance. Sexual bullying is also pressure to act promiscuously and to act in a way that makes others uncomfortable.</p>
</blockquote>
<p>Examples include</p>
<ul>
<li><p>abusive, sexualised name calling and insults (such as calling someone a slut, or frigid)</p></li>
<li><p>spreading rumours of a sexual nature online or in person. This includes using homophobic language and insults</p></li>
<li><p>unwelcome looks and comments about someone’s appearance or looks, either face-to-face or to someone else</p></li>
<li><p>inappropriate and uninvited touching</p></li>
<li><p>pressuring someone to sext and using emotional blackmail, such as threatening to end a relationship if they don’t send an image. Sending the image to others without consent</p></li>
<li><p>inappropriate sexual innuendo that is persistent and unwelcome</p></li>
<li><p>its most extreme form, sexual assault or rape.</p></li>
</ul>
<p>In Australia, the above behaviours reflect our understanding of <a href="https://humanrights.gov.au/quick-guide/12096">sexual harassment</a>. We usually understand most of the above as harassment in the context of a workplace, and most often as males directing it toward females. </p>
<hr>
<p>
<em>
<strong>
Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/he-had-hundreds-of-pictures-of-me-tales-of-sexism-from-female-teachers-in-elite-boys-schools-156748">'He had hundreds of pictures of me': tales of sexism from female teachers in elite boys' schools</a>
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</em>
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<p>But the gender of the perpetrator and target is not so relevant if the behaviour is weaponised and the impact is deliberately destructive.</p>
<p>In this way, sexual harassment may shift to become ongoing sexual bullying. And while we most often hear about this being perpetrated by boys, it happens among girls too.</p>
<h2>What we know about it</h2>
<p>Most studies on sexual bullying among young people have explored sexual harassment. </p>
<p>In 2019, an Australian study aimed to provide the first estimates of the prevalence of sexual harassment <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/15388220.2019.1699800">among teenagers</a>. It involved more than 4,000 teenagers aged 11-19. Around 42% of boys and 40% of girls reported having experienced some form of sexual harassment in the previous school term. </p>
<p>The authors wrote sexual harassment was a pervasive problem in Australian high schools. They suggested teenagers seemed to use sexual harassment to enforce their learned cultures of masculinity and femininity, to police heterosexuality conformity and to establish power in peer groups. </p>
<figure class="align-center zoomable">
<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/394199/original/file-20210409-15-1uve0xn.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="Sad girl holding mobile phone." src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/394199/original/file-20210409-15-1uve0xn.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/394199/original/file-20210409-15-1uve0xn.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/394199/original/file-20210409-15-1uve0xn.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/394199/original/file-20210409-15-1uve0xn.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/394199/original/file-20210409-15-1uve0xn.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/394199/original/file-20210409-15-1uve0xn.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/394199/original/file-20210409-15-1uve0xn.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">In the digital age, sexual bullying can happen via text or social media.</span>
<span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.shutterstock.com/image-photo/single-sad-teen-holding-mobile-phone-627623021">Shutterstock</a></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>An <a href="http://researchoutputs.unisa.edu.au/1959.8/120808">Australian study</a> in 1994-5 collected data on the bullying behaviours of nearly 1,000 girls aged 10-15. They wanted to see whether girls could sexually harass each other and if they did so as a form of bullying. </p>
<p>Around 72% of girls said verbal sexual harassment was bullying, around 24% were unsure and only 4% said it wasn’t bullying. </p>
<p>The survey also invited girls to anonymously record the name-calling they used when bullying each other and the types of rumours they would spread. </p>
<hr>
<p>
<em>
<strong>
Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/nearly-a-third-of-early-adulthood-depression-linked-to-bullying-in-teenage-years-42813">Nearly a third of early adulthood depression linked to bullying in teenage years</a>
</strong>
</em>
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<hr>
<p>The analyses showed girls made crude statements about people’s sexual status, sexuality and about other girls’ bodies as part of their bullying. </p>
<p>The authors suggested girls denigrated other girls to elevate their own status in the group. They did so by making other girls look bad, as either promiscuous (slut shaming), frigid, or through saying they were gay.</p>
<p>A <a href="https://www.bulliedvoices.com/support-for-individuals/educators/92-sexual-bullying-in-school-summary-of-the-research.html">2007 survey</a> by the UK National Union of Teachers (NUT) suggested sexual bullying is most often carried out by boys against girls. But they also noted girls were increasingly harassing girls and boys in a sexual manner. </p>
<p>The survey’s findings showed:</p>
<ul>
<li><p>45% of teenage girls have had their bottom or breasts groped against their will</p></li>
<li><p>38% of young people have received unwanted sexual images</p></li>
<li><p>37% of young people hear “slag” used often or all the time</p></li>
<li><p>65% of gay or bisexual young people experience homophobic bullying in school</p></li>
<li><p>48% of teachers have witnessed sexist language from one peer to another</p></li>
<li><p>66% of LGBT young people suffer from bullying at school. 58% of them never report it and half of them skip school as a result.</p></li>
</ul>
<h2>Sexual bullying is serious</h2>
<p>Sexually derogatory behaviours among girls are not always deemed as sexual harassment in the school context. Nor are they explicitly recognised as contributing to the larger cultures of misogyny and sexism.</p>
<p>But if we do not tolerate such behaviours from boys towards girls, we should not be ignoring it if girls use the same sexual put downs.</p>
<hr>
<p>
<em>
<strong>
Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/lets-make-it-mandatory-to-teach-respectful-relationships-in-every-australian-school-117659">Let's make it mandatory to teach respectful relationships in every Australian school</a>
</strong>
</em>
</p>
<hr>
<p>If schools are mandated to have policies in place to protect young people from bullying, then the role sexualised forms of aggression play in the peer dynamic must be highlighted and explicitly addressed. </p>
<p>Sexual bullying is serious. It forms part of the continuum of aggression, power and violence. Schools need to acknowledge sexual bullying exists within and across gender and that it hits at the time when young people are their most vulnerable: as they are developing their sexual identity and orientation.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/157421/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Barbara Spears does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.</span></em></p>We often hear of sexual harassment and bullying of a sexual nature being perpetrated by men/boys against women/girls. But it happens within groups tooBarbara Spears, Adjunct Professor of Education and Social Development, University of South AustraliaLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/1582092021-04-01T19:04:16Z2021-04-01T19:04:16ZSexuality education can counter what kids learn from porn, but some teachers fear backlash when tackling ‘risky’ topics<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/393011/original/file-20210401-23-1ev7uxs.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">
</span> <span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.shutterstock.com/image-photo/man-watching-video-sexy-women-notebook-768653044">Shutterstock</a></span></figcaption></figure><p>Thousands of women outlined stories of sexual harassment at private school parties in a petition <a href="https://www.smh.com.au/national/abuse-that-crosses-generations-is-proof-we-need-new-narrative-on-rape-20210328-p57eqg.html">launched by Chanel Contos</a> recently. Contos is calling for better sexuality education at school, which includes more information about consent.</p>
<p>After the March 4 Justice rally demanding better treatment of women in workplaces, schools and society several boys from Melbourne’s private Wesley College <a href="https://www.abc.net.au/news/2021-03-17/complaint-over-wesley-college-boys-sexist-comments/100014474">made misogynistic comments</a> on a bus.</p>
<p>Wesley’s principal Nick Evans called the behaviour unacceptable and told the ABC pornography was a <a href="https://www.facebook.com/watch/live/?v=1061963600956321&ref=watch_permalink">source of sex education</a> for many students and “has to be a huge part of the conversation” in tackling violence against women. </p>
<p>Better sexuality education which teaches respect can go some way to counter the lessons young people take from pornography. </p>
<p>But our study on the delivery of sexuality education found some teachers were anxious about parental fear, negative media and political hysteria. Unfortunately, the teachers we spoke to considered teaching sexuality “risky”. </p>
<p>Consequently, schools and teachers in our study were watering down content, excluding some material and shutting down conversations. </p>
<h2>Pornography and sex education</h2>
<p>One of the reasons young people use pornography is to <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/1461444818759271">satisfy their curiosity</a> about sex. And much of mainstream pornography models misogynist attitudes and problematic sexual behaviour. </p>
<p>Feminist author <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2019/apr/16/why-andrea-dworkin-is-the-radical-visionary-feminist-we-need-in-our-terrible-times">Andrea Dworkin</a> made the link between pornography and misogyny in the 1970s. Feminist research continues to demonstrate a connection. </p>
<p><div data-react-class="Tweet" data-react-props="{"tweetId":"1377091199664852993"}"></div></p>
<p>Most recently, sexuality educator <a href="https://www.huffingtonpost.com.au/maree-crabbe/we-need-to-talk-to-our-kids-about-porn_a_21444679/">Maree Crabbe</a> wrote that porn</p>
<blockquote>
<p>communicates a whole range of deeply problematic messages – about sex … gender, power, aggression, bodies, pleasure, sexuality, consent and race.</p>
</blockquote>
<p>She wrote:</p>
<blockquote>
<p>Porn is an incredibly powerful communicator. It can influence what we like and want without us even realising. </p>
</blockquote>
<h2>School sexuality programs</h2>
<p>Between 2016 and 2017, one of the authors conducted in-depth interviews with nine teachers across nine Victorian government schools to find out how students are taught the skills to develop positive, healthy relationships. She observed the delivery of sexuality education and spoke with five principals about it. </p>
<p>Teachers said sex isn’t being discussed at home with parents. Instead, students are deliberately seeking out information about sex from pornography.
This <a href="https://media-cdn.ourwatch.org.au/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/2020/11/20022415/Pornography-young-people-preventing-violence.pdf">corresponds with the findings </a>of Our Watch that by the age of 13, nearly 50% of boys have viewed pornography.</p>
<p>Teachers expressed concern about students’ reliance on pornography. They talked about students believing what they see to be “the way you should act” or “how you do sex”. This includes questionable negotiations over consent. </p>
<hr>
<p>
<em>
<strong>
Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/not-as-simple-as-no-means-no-what-young-people-need-to-know-about-consent-155736">Not as simple as 'no means no': what young people need to know about consent</a>
</strong>
</em>
</p>
<hr>
<p>One teacher said: “In pornography you’re seeing something that young people think is consensual.”</p>
<p>Respectful Relationships is a program that constitutes one component of sexuality education in some schools. It has the potential to combat the misogyny of mainstream pornography. </p>
<p>Respectful Relationships is a set of <a href="https://www.education.vic.gov.au/about/programs/Pages/respectfulrelationships.aspx">evidence-based resources</a> promoting the development and maintenance of healthy relationships of all kinds. The resources are for use in and beyond sexuality education classes.</p>
<p>All Victorian government schools are mandated to deliver the Respectful Relationships curriculum as <a href="http://www.rcfv.com.au/Report-Recommendations">recommended by the royal commission</a> into family violence. Although other schools in Australia may use this curriculum resource.</p>
<hr>
<p>
<em>
<strong>
Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/lets-make-it-mandatory-to-teach-respectful-relationships-in-every-australian-school-117659">Let's make it mandatory to teach respectful relationships in every Australian school</a>
</strong>
</em>
</p>
<hr>
<p>Specifically, there is a <a href="https://fusecontent.education.vic.gov.au/03bdca34-62ec-4f30-aca0-8262db67c2db/DETBuildingRespectfulRelationshipsUpdated2501v4.3.pdf">unit designed to</a> “address the link between sexualisation, pornography, gender and respectful relationships”. </p>
<p>One teacher said about the program:</p>
<blockquote>
<p>Girls can feel empowered by the program […] They may examine their relationship and see if it’s a respectful relationship. </p>
</blockquote>
<p>The teachers we spoke with wanted to deliver this curriculum. They were well trained to do so. They knew their students and that the curriculum has the potential to counter what students learn outside the classroom. </p>
<figure class="align-center zoomable">
<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/393015/original/file-20210401-13-74sou0.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="Group of young friends laughing about something." src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/393015/original/file-20210401-13-74sou0.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/393015/original/file-20210401-13-74sou0.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=396&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/393015/original/file-20210401-13-74sou0.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=396&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/393015/original/file-20210401-13-74sou0.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=396&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/393015/original/file-20210401-13-74sou0.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=498&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/393015/original/file-20210401-13-74sou0.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=498&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/393015/original/file-20210401-13-74sou0.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=498&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">The respectful relationships curriculum can empower girls.</span>
<span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.shutterstock.com/image-photo/friends-hipster-teenager-buddies-concept-527458141">Shutterstock</a></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>While one teacher talked explicitly about the way the curriculum empowered girls, another described it as filling a gap in knowledge that prevented students from seeking bad information via alternative resources. </p>
<p>For this teacher, Respectful Relationships supported students to talk to her when they were considering having sex for the first time or when they experienced harmful sexual behaviour. </p>
<h2>So, what’s the problem?</h2>
<p>This curriculum provides tools for students navigating sex and sexuality, and for teachers to counter, even preemptively challenge, problematic ideas.</p>
<p>But with the public controversy over <a href="https://www.education.vic.gov.au/about/programs/Pages/safeschools.aspx?Redirect=2">Safe Schools</a> — a program that aims to help schools foster a safe environment supportive and inclusive of LGBTI students — at the forefront of their minds, teachers and principals detailed the many ways they sought to minimise parental fear and negative media associated with sexuality education. </p>
<p>One teacher said:</p>
<blockquote>
<p>This is a really loaded subject […] it can really frighten people and they can think, ‘Christ, I have a little year 7 or a year 12 girl at that school’. </p>
</blockquote>
<p>Teachers described censoring curriculum to avoid “riskier” content such as non-heterosexual sex and female pleasure. They also removed the words “sex” and “sexuality” from the title of programs, and limited parental knowledge about the programs they deliver. </p>
<hr>
<p>
<em>
<strong>
Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/young-people-are-hungry-for-good-sex-education-i-found-a-program-in-mexico-that-gets-it-right-156742">Young people are hungry for good sex education. I found a program in Mexico that gets it right</a>
</strong>
</em>
</p>
<hr>
<p>During class observations the author witnessed teachers hesitant to engage with important but complex topics such as consent and same-sex intimacy.</p>
<p>The Respectful Relationships curriculum has the potential to combat the misogyny of porn. By giving teachers the confidence, support and opportunity to do the job they are employed to do, we are likely to see meaningful change.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/158209/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Sharon O'Mara has received funding from a Graduate Women Victoria bursary, Transforming Human Societies scholarship and a postgraduate research scholarship.
</span></em></p><p class="fine-print"><em><span>Kirsty Duncanson does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.</span></em></p>A study on the delivery of sexuality education found some teachers were anxious about parental fear, negative media and political hysteria. Sometimes they watered down ‘risky’ content.Sharon O'Mara, PhD Candidate in Crime, Justice and Legal Studies, La Trobe UniversityKirsty Duncanson, Senior Lecturer in Crime, Justice and Legal Studies, La Trobe UniversityLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/1569612021-03-15T18:56:10Z2021-03-15T18:56:10Z‘I couldn’t escape. I wasn’t entirely sure I wanted to’: confusing messages about consent in young adult fantasy fiction<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/389213/original/file-20210312-17-l34wh.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=15%2C31%2C5152%2C3414&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">
</span> <span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://images.unsplash.com/photo-1511405889574-b01de1da5441?ixid=MXwxMjA3fDB8MHxwaG90by1wYWdlfHx8fGVufDB8fHw%3D&ixlib=rb-1.2.1&auto=format&fit=crop&w=2850&q=80">Unsplash/Travis Grossen</a>, <a class="license" href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/">CC BY</a></span></figcaption></figure><p>Sexual consent and young people have been in the news lately, from <a href="https://www.theage.com.au/politics/victoria/i-think-i-have-been-raped-several-times-victorian-schools-mentioned-on-online-sexual-consent-petition-balloon-20210310-p579m9.html">an online petition</a> detailing thousands of high schoolers’ recollections of sexual assault and rape to <a href="https://www.sbs.com.au/news/schools-in-australia-will-soon-be-provided-with-sexual-consent-education-materials">calls for better school-based education</a>. </p>
<p>What young people read is another <a href="https://www.hypable.com/sex-in-ya-novels-is-important/">important form of sexual education</a>. Young adult (YA) fiction has a unique role to play in representing sexual relationships, but a number of popular YA fantasy novels send confusing and potentially harmful messages about sex and consent. Often, these are not addressed, such as when Shalia in the <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/en/book/show/25566671-reign-the-earth">Reign the Earth</a> series (2018-2020) is forced to consummate her marriage.</p>
<blockquote>
<p>‘I didn’t feel love, or lust, or heat. I felt frightened … panicked beneath him.’</p>
</blockquote>
<p>Rather than echo the “<a href="https://theconversation.com/bodice-rippers-and-bad-education-do-romance-novels-lead-to-sexual-mistakes-2283">bodice ripper</a>” content of some adult fantasy novels (where sex <a href="https://www.theatlantic.com/sexes/archive/2013/03/beyond-bodice-rippers-how-romance-novels-came-to-embrace-feminism/274094/">usually begins with domination</a>), books for young readers can be an opportunity to unpack what consent is and isn’t.</p>
<figure class="align-center zoomable">
<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/389226/original/file-20210312-13-16qun2e.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/389226/original/file-20210312-13-16qun2e.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/389226/original/file-20210312-13-16qun2e.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/389226/original/file-20210312-13-16qun2e.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/389226/original/file-20210312-13-16qun2e.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/389226/original/file-20210312-13-16qun2e.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/389226/original/file-20210312-13-16qun2e.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/389226/original/file-20210312-13-16qun2e.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">Some books in the young adult fantasy genre echo the ‘bodice rippers’ of yesteryear.</span>
<span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://unsplash.com/photos/xU34s6wuxyU">Unsplash/Hanna Postova</a>, <a class="license" href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/">CC BY</a></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<hr>
<p>
<em>
<strong>
Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/teen-summer-reads-how-to-escape-to-another-world-after-a-year-stuck-in-this-one-150646">Teen summer reads: how to escape to another world after a year stuck in this one</a>
</strong>
</em>
</p>
<hr>
<h2>Characters young people relate to</h2>
<p>Research shows young people <a href="https://theconversation.com/honest-and-subtle-writing-about-sex-in-young-adult-literature-48002">use YA fiction as a source of sex education</a>. Teens turn to novels to learn through the actions of characters they relate to. They identify with what is happening on the page and learn without having to seek advice or information from adults or peers. </p>
<p><a href="https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2005-07532-002">Studies</a> have also shown representations of sexual intimacy provide a behavioural script for young readers. These scripts are then put to use during their own sexual encounters. In one study, researchers heard from girls who used episodes of <a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0118276/">Buffy the Vampire Slayer</a> to learn new “date moves”.</p>
<figure class="align-right zoomable">
<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/389217/original/file-20210312-21-1pt13tk.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="Book cover: Twilight" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/389217/original/file-20210312-21-1pt13tk.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=237&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/389217/original/file-20210312-21-1pt13tk.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=902&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/389217/original/file-20210312-21-1pt13tk.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=902&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/389217/original/file-20210312-21-1pt13tk.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=902&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/389217/original/file-20210312-21-1pt13tk.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=1134&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/389217/original/file-20210312-21-1pt13tk.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=1134&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/389217/original/file-20210312-21-1pt13tk.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=1134&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
<figcaption>
<span class="caption"></span>
<span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1361039443l/41865.jpg">Goodreads</a></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>Because sex is a natural area of interest for readers, realist YA fiction engages with questions of sexual consent in clear ways. YA fantasy — the genre that includes the <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/41865.Twilight?from_search=true&from_srp=true&qid=lj3dqXfG4q&rank=1">Twilight</a> series and <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/2767052-the-hunger-games?from_search=true&from_srp=true&qid=YFY9IDgzyJ&rank=1">The Hunger Games</a> — can omit some important aspects of this. </p>
<p>Psychologists have <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/blog/psychologist-the-movies/201111/relationship-violence-in-twilight">characterised</a> schoolgirl Bella’s relationship with vampire Edward in Twilight as a template for violence and abuse, concerned fans may model real-life relationships on the narrative. Jealous Edward isolates Bella from her friends, family and potential love rivals, even sabotaging her car to prevent her escape from him. </p>
<p>Fantasy fiction is often set in a different time or place, but it still reflects contemporary concerns. </p>
<p>In many of these novels, the female character’s ability to say “yes” is denied to her. In Shelby Mahurin’s <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/40024139-serpent-dove?from_search=true&from_srp=true&qid=MPUAkzNnl8&rank=1">Serpent and Dove</a> (2019), the female protagonist is forced into marriage. Brigid Kemmerer’s <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/43204703-a-curse-so-dark-and-lonely?ac=1&from_search=true&qid=YyxsAWWU8s&rank=1">A Curse So Dark and Lonely</a> (2019) gains inspiration from <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/5784403-beauty-and-the-beast?from_search=true&from_srp=true&qid=4LJMsboGig&rank=4">Beauty and the Beast</a>, with the female protagonist captured and unable to consent to her relationship. Neither novel discusses how consent is compromised.</p>
<hr>
<p>
<em>
<strong>
Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/friday-essay-why-ya-gothic-fiction-is-booming-and-girl-monsters-are-on-the-rise-95921">Friday essay: why YA gothic fiction is booming - and girl monsters are on the rise</a>
</strong>
</em>
</p>
<hr>
<h2>‘Too shy to say the words’</h2>
<p>In Holly Black’s <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/26032825-the-cruel-prince?from_search=true&from_srp=true&qid=Q1woSqhdSW&rank=1">The Cruel Prince</a> series (2018-2019), Prince Cardan physically and emotionally abuses orphan girl Jude during their relationship. Her consent to intimacy is mired in domestic violence. </p>
<figure class="align-left zoomable">
<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/389216/original/file-20210312-19-mb0arz.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="book cover: The Cruel Prince" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/389216/original/file-20210312-19-mb0arz.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=237&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/389216/original/file-20210312-19-mb0arz.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=899&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/389216/original/file-20210312-19-mb0arz.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=899&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/389216/original/file-20210312-19-mb0arz.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=899&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/389216/original/file-20210312-19-mb0arz.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=1130&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/389216/original/file-20210312-19-mb0arz.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=1130&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/389216/original/file-20210312-19-mb0arz.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=1130&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
<figcaption>
<span class="caption"></span>
<span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1574535986l/26032825._SY475_.jpg">Goodreads</a></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>When they do have sex, she does not verbally consent. Jude is “too shy to say the words” and just “kisses him instead”. This example of sexual consent contradicts models of positive consent as an “enthusiastic yes” or the viral video many young people are shown depicting consent as similar to offering someone a <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oQbei5JGiT8">cup of tea</a>.</p>
<p>Sarah J. Maas’ popular series, <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/16096824-a-court-of-thorns-and-roses?from_search=true&from_srp=true&qid=q0sFbownpo&rank=1">A Court Of Thorns and Roses</a> (2015-2021) begins with a romantic relationship between Feyre and Tamlin in a magical kingdom. The series has sold over <a href="https://www.thebookseller.com/news/maas-turns-ya-author-bloomsbury-787586#:%7E:text=Maas'%20epic%20fantasy%20series%20Throne,36%20languages%2C%20said%20the%20publisher.">six million copies</a>. </p>
<p>Yet, in the first book, a serious violation of consent occurs. When Tamlin attempts to kiss Feyre, she tells him to “let go”, but instead he embeds his claws in a wall behind her head. When she pushes him away, he “grabs [her] hands and bites [her] neck”. </p>
<figure class="align-right zoomable">
<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/389211/original/file-20210312-19-k0wasb.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/389211/original/file-20210312-19-k0wasb.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=237&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/389211/original/file-20210312-19-k0wasb.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=911&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/389211/original/file-20210312-19-k0wasb.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=911&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/389211/original/file-20210312-19-k0wasb.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=911&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/389211/original/file-20210312-19-k0wasb.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=1144&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/389211/original/file-20210312-19-k0wasb.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=1144&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/389211/original/file-20210312-19-k0wasb.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=1144&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
<figcaption>
<span class="caption"></span>
<span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/16096824-a-court-of-thorns-and-roses?from_search=true&from_srp=true&qid=q0sFbownpo&rank=1">Goodreads</a></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>Feyre’s reaction to Tamlin is confusing as well. While she tells him to stop, she also describes her feelings of sexual arousal. She “couldn’t escape” from Tamlin but “wasn’t entirely sure [she] wanted to”. To Feyre’s fury, the next morning Tamlin says he “can’t be held accountable” for her bruises. But by the next paragraph all is forgiven. </p>
<p>The descriptions of physical pleasure also suggest verbal consent in not the only thing in play. Is she saying no, when she really means yes? </p>
<hr>
<p>
<em>
<strong>
Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/relationships-and-sex-education-is-now-mandatory-in-english-schools-australia-should-do-the-same-144348">Relationships and sex education is now mandatory in English schools – Australia should do the same</a>
</strong>
</em>
</p>
<hr>
<h2>Explicit consent</h2>
<p>Of course, some YA fantasy texts address consent explicitly. Tracy Deonn’s <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/50892338-legendborn?from_search=true&from_srp=true&qid=LAqavceQfB&rank=1">Legendborn</a> (2020) features clear conversations of consent. When Nick asks if he can kiss Bree, she responds “Oh”. He then clarifies “Oh, ‘no’, or oh, ‘yes’?”.</p>
<figure class="align-left zoomable">
<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/389209/original/file-20210312-16-zsyahq.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/389209/original/file-20210312-16-zsyahq.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=237&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/389209/original/file-20210312-16-zsyahq.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=916&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/389209/original/file-20210312-16-zsyahq.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=916&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/389209/original/file-20210312-16-zsyahq.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=916&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/389209/original/file-20210312-16-zsyahq.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=1152&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/389209/original/file-20210312-16-zsyahq.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=1152&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/389209/original/file-20210312-16-zsyahq.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=1152&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
<figcaption>
<span class="caption"></span>
<span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/32334268-valentine?ac=1&from_search=true&qid=6LB0cbLQU8&rank=1">Goodreads</a></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>Some books have questionable consent but call it out on the page. In Jodi McAlister’s <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/32334268-valentine?ac=1&from_search=true&qid=6LB0cbLQU8&rank=1">Valentine</a> series, male faerie Finn uses his powers to enter Pearl’s dreams and lead her into sexual fantasies. When she realises what he’s done, she orders him “out of [her] head”, and they discuss his inappropriate behaviour.</p>
<p>Ambiguous scenes in YA fantasy can provide an opportunity for parents, teachers and young people to discuss consent and sexual intimacy. How are the characters consenting to intimacy? Is there an aspect of consent missing? What would be a better way for these characters to gain consent from each other? Care should be taken not to glorify taking advantage of these ambiguities in an intimate setting.</p>
<p>Classrooms can also be a place to confront the taboos of sexuality by analysing sexual interactions and unpacking how consent is given. <a href="https://theconversation.com/young-people-are-hungry-for-good-sex-education-i-found-a-program-in-mexico-that-gets-it-right-156742">Equipping teachers to facilitate conversations around trust, sex and consent</a> could further the conversation. </p>
<hr>
<p>
<em>
<strong>
Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/lets-make-it-mandatory-to-teach-respectful-relationships-in-every-australian-school-117659">Let's make it mandatory to teach respectful relationships in every Australian school</a>
</strong>
</em>
</p>
<hr>
<img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/156961/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Elizabeth Little receives funding from Deakin University.</span></em></p><p class="fine-print"><em><span>Kristine Moruzi has received funding from the Australia Research Council. </span></em></p>Millions of people are reading young adult fantasy novels like Twilight or A Court of Thorns and Roses. But the way sexual consent is depicted in these can be confusing or even harmful.Elizabeth Little, PhD Candidate, Deakin UniversityKristine Moruzi, Senior Lecturer in the School of Communication & Creative Arts, Deakin UniversityLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/1557362021-02-22T23:09:01Z2021-02-22T23:09:01ZNot as simple as ‘no means no’: what young people need to know about consent<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/385442/original/file-20210222-15-w0krja.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">
</span> <span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.shutterstock.com/image-photo/teenage-couple-embracing-home-close-crop-565387747">Shutterstock</a></span></figcaption></figure><p>A <a href="https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSduOvPbj9fDynm26O9rmuUq42DDQuaUsvvwAZVyoDjoWkCOdA/viewform">recent petition</a> circulated by Sydney school girl Chanel Contos called for schools to provide better education on consent, and to do so much earlier.</p>
<p>In the petition, which since Thursday has been signed by <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/australia-news/2021/feb/20/viral-petition-reveals-more-than-500-allegations-of-sexual-assault-in-australian-private-schools">more than 5,000 people</a>, Contos writes that her school</p>
<blockquote>
<p>… provided me with life changing education on consent for the first time in year 10. However, it happened too late and came with the tough realisation that amongst my friends, almost half of us had already been raped or sexually assaulted by boys from neighbouring schools. </p>
</blockquote>
<p>So, what core information do young people need to know about consent? And is the Australian curriculum set up to teach it?</p>
<h2>What’s in the curriculum?</h2>
<p>This is not the first time young people have criticised their school programs. Year 12 student <a href="https://www.morningtonpeninsulamagazine.com.au/people-places/2020/12/20/mount-martha-teen-speaks-out-with-abc">Tamsin Griffiths</a> recently called for an overhaul to school sex education after speaking to secondary students throughout Victoria. She advocated for a program that better reflects contemporary issues. </p>
<p>Australia’s <a href="https://www.australiancurriculum.edu.au/f-10-curriculum/health-and-physical-education/">health and physical education curriculum</a> does instruct schools to teach students about establishing and maintaining respectful relationships. The <a href="https://www.australiancurriculum.edu.au/f-10-curriculum/health-and-physical-education/pdf-documents/">resources provided</a> state all students from year 3 to year 10 should learn about matters including:</p>
<ul>
<li><p>standing up for themselves</p></li>
<li><p>establishing and managing changing relationships (offline and online)</p></li>
<li><p>strategies for dealing with relationships when there is an imbalance of power (including seeking help or leaving the relationship)</p></li>
<li><p>managing the physical, social and emotional changes that occur during puberty</p></li>
<li><p>practices that support reproductive and sexual health (contraception, negotiating consent, and prevention of sexually transmitted infections and blood-borne viruses)</p></li>
<li><p>celebrating and respecting difference and diversity in individuals and communities.</p></li>
</ul>
<p>Despite national guidance, there is <a href="https://theconversation.com/relationships-and-sex-education-is-now-mandatory-in-english-schools-australia-should-do-the-same-144348">wide variability</a> in how schools interpret the curriculum, what topics they choose to address and how much detail they provide. This is further compounded by a <a href="https://doi.org/10.1080/14681811.2020.1792874">lack of teacher training</a>.</p>
<hr>
<p>
<em>
<strong>
Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/relationships-and-sex-education-is-now-mandatory-in-english-schools-australia-should-do-the-same-144348">Relationships and sex education is now mandatory in English schools – Australia should do the same</a>
</strong>
</em>
</p>
<hr>
<p>A <a href="https://www.shinesa.org.au/media/2016/05/%E2%80%98It-is-not-all-about-sex%E2%80%99-EYPSE-Research-Report.pdf">study of students in South Australia and Victoria</a>, along with <a href="http://www.teenhealth.org.au/Previous-Surveys.php">repeated nationwide surveys</a> of secondary students, have shown young people do consider school to be a trustworthy source of sex education. But most don’t believe the lessons have prepared them adequately for relationships and intimacy. </p>
<p><div data-react-class="InstagramEmbed" data-react-props="{"url":"https://www.instagram.com/p/CLf7XU_BGU-/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link","accessToken":"127105130696839|b4b75090c9688d81dfd245afe6052f20"}"></div></p>
<p>They want lessons that take into account diverse genders and sexualities, focus less on biology, and provide more detail about relationships, pleasure and consent.</p>
<p>The national curriculum also stops mandating these lessons after year 10 and many year 11 and 12 timetables are focused on university entrance exams or vocational learning opportunities. This means senior students have limited opportunity to receive formal sex education at a time when they really need it.</p>
<h2>So, what should young people know about consent?</h2>
<p>The term “consent” is often associated with sex, but it’s much broader than that. It relates to permission and how to show respect for ourselves and for other people. Consent should therefore be addressed in an age-appropriate way across all years of schooling.</p>
<figure class="align-center zoomable">
<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/385694/original/file-20210222-19-a6ylo0.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="Kids playing with toy train." src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/385694/original/file-20210222-19-a6ylo0.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/385694/original/file-20210222-19-a6ylo0.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=399&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/385694/original/file-20210222-19-a6ylo0.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=399&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/385694/original/file-20210222-19-a6ylo0.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=399&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/385694/original/file-20210222-19-a6ylo0.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=502&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/385694/original/file-20210222-19-a6ylo0.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=502&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/385694/original/file-20210222-19-a6ylo0.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=502&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">Younger children can be taught about consent with relation to sharing toys.</span>
<span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.shutterstock.com/image-photo/two-happy-siblings-playing-toy-cars-623436743">Shutterstock</a></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>The most important point about consent is that everyone should be comfortable with what they’re engaging in. If you are uncomfortable at any point, you have the right to stop. On the other side, if you see someone you are interacting with being uncomfortable, you need to check in with them to ensure they are enthusiastic about the activity, whatever it may be.</p>
<p>In the early years, students should be taught how to affirm and respect personal boundaries, using non-sexual examples like whether to share their toys or give hugs. It is also important they learn about public and private body parts and the <a href="https://gdhr.wa.gov.au/-/protective-behaviours">importance of using correct terminology</a>.</p>
<hr>
<p>
<em>
<strong>
Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/why-having-the-sex-talk-early-and-often-with-your-kids-is-good-for-them-82879">Why having the sex talk early and often with your kids is good for them</a>
</strong>
</em>
</p>
<hr>
<p>In later years, lessons should consider more intimate or sexual scenarios. This also includes consent and how it applies to the digital space. </p>
<p>Older students need to learn sexual activity is something to be done <em>with</em> someone, not <em>to</em> someone. Consent is a critical part of this process and it must be freely given, informed and mutual. </p>
<p>Consent isn’t about doing whatever we want until we hear the word “no”. Ideally we want all our sexual encounters to involve an enthusiastic “yes”. </p>
<p>But if your partner struggles to say the word “yes” enthusiastically, it is important to pay attention to body language and non-verbal cues. You should feel confident your partner is enjoying the activity as much as you are, and if you are ever unsure, stop and ask them. </p>
<p>Often this means checking in regularly with your partner.</p>
<figure class="align-right zoomable">
<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/385440/original/file-20210222-19-1ezy8qy.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/385440/original/file-20210222-19-1ezy8qy.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=237&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/385440/original/file-20210222-19-1ezy8qy.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=947&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/385440/original/file-20210222-19-1ezy8qy.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=947&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/385440/original/file-20210222-19-1ezy8qy.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=947&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/385440/original/file-20210222-19-1ezy8qy.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=1191&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/385440/original/file-20210222-19-1ezy8qy.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=1191&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/385440/original/file-20210222-19-1ezy8qy.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=1191&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
<figcaption>
<span class="caption"></span>
<span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.instagram.com/chanelc/">Chanelc Instagram Screenshot</a></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>Young people also need to know just because you have agreed to do something in the past, this does not mean you have to agree to do it again. You also have the right to change you mind at any time — even partway through an activity. </p>
<h2>It’s not as simple as ‘no means no’</h2>
<p>The most recent <a href="http://teenhealth.org.au/resources/Reports/SSASH%202018%20National%20Report%20-%20V10%20-%20web.pdf">Australian survey</a> of secondary school students highlighted that more than one-quarter (28.4%) of sexually active students reported an unwanted sexual experience. Their most common reasons for this unwanted sex was due to pressure from a partner, being intoxicated or feeling frightened. </p>
<p>We should be careful not to oversimplify the issue of consent. Sexual negotiation can be a difficult or awkward process for <a href="https://doi.org/10.1111/chso.12358">anyone</a> — regardless of their age — to navigate. </p>
<p>Some <a href="https://doi.org/10.1080/00909882.2018.1435900">academics</a> have called for moving beyond binary notions of “yes means yes” and “no means no” to consider the grey area in the middle. </p>
<hr>
<p>
<em>
<strong>
Read more:
<a href="https://theconversation.com/forget-the-pick-up-lines-heres-how-to-talk-about-your-sexual-desires-and-boundaries-53291">Forget the pick-up lines – here's how to talk about your sexual desires and boundaries</a>
</strong>
</em>
</p>
<hr>
<p>While criminal acts such as rape are perhaps easily understood by young people, teaching materials need to consider a broad spectrum of scenarios to highlight examples of violence or coercion. For example, someone having an expectation of sex because you’ve flirted, and making you feel guilty for leading them on.</p>
<p>When it comes to sexual activity, we should be clear that:</p>
<ul>
<li><p>although the <a href="https://yla.org.au/wa/topics/health-love-and-sex/sex/">law</a> defines “sex” as an activity that involves penetration, other sexual activities may be considered indecent assault</p></li>
<li><p>a degree of equality needs to exist between sexual partners and it is coercive to use a position of power or methods such as manipulation, trickery or bribery to obtain sex</p></li>
<li><p>a person who is incapacitated due to drugs or alcohol is not able to give consent </p></li>
<li><p>wearing certain clothes, flirting or kissing is not necessarily an invitation for other things.</p></li>
</ul>
<p>We should also challenge gender stereotypes about who should initiate intimacy and who may wish to take things fast or slow. Healthy relationships involve a ongoing and collaborative conversation between both sexual partners about what they want.</p>
<h2>Consent is sexy</h2>
<p>A partner who actively asks for permission and respects your boundaries is showing they respect you and care about your feelings. It also leads to an infinitely more pleasurable sexual experience when both partners are really enjoying what they are doing.</p>
<p>It is important that lessons for older students focus on the positive aspects of romantic and sexual relationships. </p>
<p>They should encourage young people to consider what sorts of relationships they want for themselves and provide them with the skills, such as communication and empathy, to help ensure positive experiences.</p>
<hr>
<p>More information about consent:</p>
<ul>
<li><p>the “<a href="https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/relationships/sexual-consent">Consent is as easy as FRIES</a>” is a useful model</p></li>
<li><p>this viral YouTube clip shows how <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fGoWLWS4-kU">consent is as easy as a cup of tea</a></p></li>
<li><p>the parent resource <a href="https://healthywa.wa.gov.au/-/media/HWA/Documents/Healthy-living/Sexual-health/talk-soon-talk-often.pdf">Talk Soon. Talk Often.</a> provides some ideas on how to start a conversation about consent with your child</p></li>
<li><p><a href="https://headspace.org.au/young-people/what-is-sex-risks-health-and-contraception/">Headspace</a> and <a href="https://kidshelpline.com.au/teens/issues/what-consent">KidsHelpline</a> also has some useful resources for young people.</p></li>
</ul><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/155736/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Jacqueline Hendriks works for Curtin University, is Project Manager of the RSE Project and is part of the Management Team for SiREN. She receives some funding from the WA Department of Health (Sexual Health and Blood-borne Virus Program) and is a Director of the Australian Association for Adolescent Health.</span></em></p>Sexual negotiation can be a difficult process. It’s about reading body language as well as verbal cues, and respecting the wants and needs of your partner. Schools need to teach it early and often.Jacqueline Hendriks, Research Fellow and Lecturer, Curtin UniversityLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/1072082018-11-26T12:16:40Z2018-11-26T12:16:40ZYoung people value diversity, humour and honesty in their friendships – new research<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/246220/original/file-20181119-76157-1up435y.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">Best friends.</span> <span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.shutterstock.com/image-photo/friends-hipster-teenager-buddies-concept-527458141?src=wzJgYLABv1LJ0BhD0hzSEw-1-0">Rawpixel.com/Shutterstock</a></span></figcaption></figure><p>Friendships made in school play a special part in young people’s development. They are more than just moral support, friends help them learn key social skills, and serve as a source of social support. Close school friends also help young people develop a sense of <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1002/cd.121">importance, trust, acceptance and belonging</a> within their school. Young people who are well appreciated and accepted by their friends are more likely <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0883035500000264">to be happy and do well at school</a> and more likely to <a href="https://books.google.co.uk/books/about/On_Friendship.html?id=Y5Smackz6qwC&redir_esc=y">develop positive friendships and relationships as adults</a>. In fact, schools in the UK have been found to be <a href="https://www.taylorfrancis.com/books/9781317538479">the most important place</a> for young people to make friends with others of their own age. </p>
<p>But just what is it that makes an ideal friend? Is it that they should be generous? Or they should be supportive in times of crisis over all else? For the the past six years, my colleagues and I have been conducting the <a href="https://wiserd.ac.uk/research">WISERD Education</a> multi-cohort, longitudinal study with pupils in secondary schools, to increase our understanding of the lives of young people in Wales. In our most recent surveys – conducted between February and May 2018 – we were particularly interested in exploring what young people think of their friendship networks. We wanted to know more about how these associations develop and how the relationships impact and shape young people’s identities, behaviour, relationships and perspectives.</p>
<p>We surveyed 895 pupils, aged between ten and 17, from 11 schools across Wales about their friendships. We asked them to choose what they thought were the most important qualities that an ideal friend should possess. They were given 11 different options to choose from – including confidence, honesty, money, popularity and looks – and were allowed to select three options. </p>
<p>We found that a good sense of humour (82%), honesty (67%) and kindness (61%) were the top three qualities that these young people valued the most in their friendships. Perhaps surprisingly, popularity (4%) and intelligence (14%) ranked low in pupils’ choices.</p>
<iframe id="datawrapper-chart-DYiNJ" src="https://datawrapper.dwcdn.net/DYiNJ/1/" scrolling="no" frameborder="0" allowtransparency="true" style="width: 0; min-width: 100% !important;" height="353" width="100%"></iframe>
<p>Another interesting takeaway from this study was the qualities that young people consider least important in an ideal friend. Despite the often pretentious and vapid television culture portrayed by popular shows such as <a href="https://www.itv.com/loveisland">Love Island</a> and <a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt1737565/">The Only Way Is Essex</a>, the young people who participated in our survey ranked being good looking (2%), fashionable (3%), rich (3%) and popular (4%) as the least important qualities that they looked for in ideal friends. In fact, none of these qualities were chosen by more than 45 of our 895 respondents.</p>
<p>In addition, we received interesting responses when asking the pupils whether they had school friends who were different from themselves – that is to say, if they had friends who were of a different gender, race or ethnicity at school. Some 84% said they had friends of a different gender at school and 61% indicated that they had friends of different race or ethnicity to themselves at school. This, combined with the quality of “seeing things from other peoples’ perspective” ranking fourth out of the 11 options, suggests that young people today are fairly open minded, and keen to engage with “other” people who don’t just look like them and have the same opinions as them. Instead, they are willing to be open to perspectives that are different from their own.</p>
<p>The qualities that the majority of the pupils and students in this survey chose show that young people are open and engaged in diverse friendships within their learning environments. Our study also supports existing research from England, <a href="http://dera.ioe.ac.uk/6287/1/RR732.pdf">published in 2006</a>, which found that young people want to be part of strong, safe communities based on friendships that foster trust, concern for individual well-being, a sense of self-worth and that encourage individual and collective social responsibility.</p>
<p>These positive friendships will hopefully result in these young people having more inclusive social engagements and citizenship in their community life as they grow up. This is something we hope to explore in further research, but given what we already know, it is likely that their inclusive friendships will provide them with a wider view of the world.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/107208/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>This paper is based on research supported by the Wales Institute of Social & Economic Research, data & Methods (WISERD). The research that this publication relates to was undertaken through WISERD Education and was funded by HEFCW (Higher Education Funding Council for Wales). </span></em></p>More than 800 students told researchers what they value most in their friends.Constantino Dumangane Jr., Research Associate, WISERD, Cardiff UniversityLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/1018822018-08-24T10:39:56Z2018-08-24T10:39:56ZTeens who feel down may benefit from picking others up<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/232955/original/file-20180821-149466-195vxtr.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&rect=358%2C515%2C4455%2C2661&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">Boosting someone else may deliver a mood boost to you too.</span> <span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://unsplash.com/photos/QqJiA8cZ3Ds">Mohamed Nohassi/Unsplash</a>, <a class="license" href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/">CC BY</a></span></figcaption></figure><p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/como-apoyar-a-un-hijo-con-depresion-ensenale-a-ayudar-a-otros-102143">Leer en español</a></em>.</p>
<p>Think about the last time you helped someone out. Maybe you sent a supportive text to a stressed-out friend or gave directions to a lost stranger. </p>
<p>How did it make you feel? </p>
<p>If you said good, happy, or maybe even “warm and fuzzy,” you’re not alone. Research shows that helping others offers a number of important psychological and health benefits.</p>
<p>In daily life, people report better mood on days that they <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177/2167702615611073">assist a stranger</a> or <a href="https://doi.org/10.1037/emo0000084">offer an empathetic ear to a friend</a>. Adults who <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177/002214650704800408">volunteer</a>, <a href="https://doi.org/10.1016/j.paid.2014.05.013">spend money on others</a> and <a href="https://doi.org/10.1111/1467-9280.14461">support their spouses</a> also experience improved well-being and <a href="https://doi.org/10.1111/1467-9280.14461">reduced risk of death</a>.</p>
<p>Helping others is beneficial in part because it <a href="https://www.researchgate.net/profile/Richard_Ryan2/publication/41087502_When_Helping_Helps_Autonomous_Motivation_for_Prosocial_Behavior_and_Its_Influence_on_Well-Being_for_the_Helper_and_Recipient/links/02e7e53274d556c5f8000000.pdf">promotes social closeness and feelings of personal competence</a>. </p>
<p>As <a href="https://scholar.google.com/citations?user=6Y0_gc8AAAAJ&hl=en&oi=ao">a researcher who studies adolescent development</a>, I decided to investigate how all this might play out in teenagers. I’m interested in studying teens’ prosocial behavior – things like helping, comforting and sharing – in the context of their close relationships. Given that adolescence is a time of <a href="https://doi.org/10.1111/desc.12373">heightened emotional intensity</a>, do teens reap mood benefits from helping out others in everyday life?</p>
<h2>Teens and depression</h2>
<p>Looking back on your own high school years, you might recall feeling intensely anxious about looking cool in front of classmates or being liked by your crush. During adolescence, youth become increasingly <a href="https://doi.org/10.1146/annurev-psych-010213-115202">preoccupied with the opinions of their peers</a>, including their friends and romantic partners. Indeed, adolescence is a time when experiences of social exclusion or rejection can <a href="http://doi.org/10.1177/0963721413476512">sting particularly badly</a>.</p>
<figure class="align-right zoomable">
<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/233345/original/file-20180823-149475-1i6s2gq.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/233345/original/file-20180823-149475-1i6s2gq.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=237&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/233345/original/file-20180823-149475-1i6s2gq.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=900&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/233345/original/file-20180823-149475-1i6s2gq.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=900&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/233345/original/file-20180823-149475-1i6s2gq.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=900&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/233345/original/file-20180823-149475-1i6s2gq.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=1131&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/233345/original/file-20180823-149475-1i6s2gq.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=1131&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/233345/original/file-20180823-149475-1i6s2gq.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=1131&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">The teenage years can be a hard time for some adolescents.</span>
<span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.flickr.com/photos/noizephotography/3302465543">Paul De Los Reyes</a>, <a class="license" href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/">CC BY</a></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>The teenage years are also a high-risk time for developing depressive symptoms. Almost <a href="http://doi.org/10.1542/peds.2016-1878">1 in every 11</a> adolescents and young adults in the U.S. experience a major depressive episode. And, even youth with depressive symptoms who don’t meet criteria for an official diagnosis of depression are <a href="https://doi.org/10.1017/S095457941300093X">at risk for adjustment problems</a>, such as loneliness and romantic relationship difficulties.</p>
<p>Depressed adolescents, in addition to feeling hopeless and lacking self-esteem, often respond to <a href="http://psycnet.apa.org/record/2008-01178-004">social stress</a> with intensified negative emotions. For example, adolescents with major depressive disorder <a href="https://doi.org/10.1093/scan/nst175">take peer rejection harder</a> than do their healthy peers.</p>
<p>If depressed adolescents feel especially bad after negative social encounters, might they feel especially good after positive social encounters? Psychologists know that in general adolescents’ concerns about social approval can make positive interpersonal interactions – like offering a peer support or assistance – <a href="https://doi.org/10.1016/j.dcn.2016.11.008">all the more rewarding</a>. I wanted to see if that held even for teens who were feeling down.</p>
<h2>Did you help someone today?</h2>
<p>In <a href="https://doi.org/10.1037/emo0000494">our 2018 study</a>, <a href="https://dornsife.usc.edu/labs/margolinfamilystudies/graduate-students/">my colleagues and I</a> examined teenagers’ prosocial behavior in their everyday interactions with friends and romantic partners. Our goal was to understand whether giving help is particularly mood-enhancing for youth with depressive symptoms. </p>
<p>We recruited 99 late adolescents from the community around us in Los Angeles. Most of them were high school students or recent high school graduates. First we assessed their depressive symptoms in the lab so we could find out how they’d been feeling the prior couple weeks.</p>
<p>Then we asked them to complete 10 consecutive days of short surveys at home. Each of the 10 days, participants told us whether they helped out their friends or romantic partners – things like doing them a favor, or making them feel important. They also reported their own mood.</p>
<p>On days that teens helped their friends or dating partners, they experienced increased positive mood. Even if their mood wasn’t great the day before or if they themselves didn’t receive any social support that day, helping someone else was still related to a boost in their spirits.</p>
<p>But does helping help some teens more than others? The positive effects of day-to-day prosocial behavior on mood that we saw were strongest for teens with higher levels of depressive symptoms. So youth with elevated emotional distress reaped the greatest mood benefits from lending their peers a helping hand. </p>
<p>While we often talk about the importance of receiving social support when we’re feeling down, these findings highlight the unique value of providing support to others.</p>
<figure class="align-center zoomable">
<a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/233355/original/file-20180823-149490-11p3lz8.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img alt="" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/233355/original/file-20180823-149490-11p3lz8.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/233355/original/file-20180823-149490-11p3lz8.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/233355/original/file-20180823-149490-11p3lz8.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/233355/original/file-20180823-149490-11p3lz8.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/233355/original/file-20180823-149490-11p3lz8.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/233355/original/file-20180823-149490-11p3lz8.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/233355/original/file-20180823-149490-11p3lz8.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px"></a>
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">Teens felt better when they supported a friend.</span>
<span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://unsplash.com/photos/gRj8fOks0eg">Justin Groep/Unsplash</a>, <a class="license" href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/">CC BY</a></span>
</figcaption>
</figure>
<h2>Helping others helps yourself</h2>
<p>This study provides a glimpse into the potential benefits of help-giving for teens, particularly those experiencing depressive symptoms. Our finding builds upon previous research demonstrating that prosocial behavior is most rewarding for people experiencing <a href="https://doi.org/10.1037/a0027761">social anxiety</a>, <a href="https://doi.org/10.1111/jopy.12299">neuroticism</a> and <a href="https://doi.org/10.1016/j.paid.2017.10.042">body dissatisfaction</a>.</p>
<p>Although we did not test for underlying mechanisms for why this might be, it’s possible that providing help can make individuals feel <a href="https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0051380">appreciated by others</a> or promote <a href="https://doi.org/10.1080/17439760.2016.1209541">their sense of purpose</a> and <a href="https://doi.org/10.1016/j.adolescence.2017.04.002">self-esteem</a>. For youth with high levels of social-emotional distress, opportunities to strengthen social connections and feel competent within close relationships might be especially important for improving mood.</p>
<p>Many studies linking prosocial behavior to mood, ours included, are correlational — we cannot conclude that helping friends or romantic others causes more positive mood. Experimental studies that <a href="https://doi.org/10.1037/a0027761">randomly assign some participants to engage in acts of kindness</a> and others to engage in non-helping social activities will help rule out the possibility that it’s actually positive mood that drives subsequent prosocial behavior.</p>
<p>It’s also important to keep in mind that very few of our participants were clinically depressed. Research still needs to determine whether prosocial behavior is similarly linked to positive mood among adolescents with a diagnosed depressive disorder. An interesting question is whether some depressed youth experience emotional “burnout” from very frequent help-giving.</p>
<p>Although the word “adolescence” may conjure up images of reckless teens experiencing interpersonal conflict and emotional turmoil, the adolescent years are a time of great social opportunity and growth. Understanding when, how and why teens behave prosocially – and for whom help-giving most promotes well-being – can contribute to our understanding of adolescent social development.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/101882/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>This material is based upon work supported by a National Science Foundation SBE Postdoctoral Research Fellowship awarded to Dr. Hannah L. Schacter under Grant No. 1714304.
This project is also based on work supported by NSF BCS-1627272 (Dr. Gayla Margolin, PI) and NIH-NICHD R21-HD072170 A1 (Dr. Gayla Margolin, PI).
Any opinions, findings, and conclusions or recommendations expressed in this material are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the National Science Foundation or the National Institutes of Health.</span></em></p>Psychology researchers found that daily acts of kindness were linked to increases in positive mood – especially for teens who felt depressed.Hannah L. Schacter, Postdoctoral Research Fellow in Psychology, USC Dornsife College of Letters, Arts and SciencesLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/907892018-02-09T11:17:04Z2018-02-09T11:17:04ZHow to prevent abuse in teenage relationships<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/205570/original/file-20180208-180833-757kfl.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">
</span> <span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://pixel.nymag.com/imgs/fashion/daily/2018/01/16/v-day-gifts/5-asos.w710.h473.2x.jpg">Shutterstock</a></span></figcaption></figure><p>The UK has made <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/forthcoming-domestic-abuse-bill-is-a-real-opportunity_uk_5a6de598e4b006be66080f33">some positive shifts</a> in legislating against intimate partner violence among adults in recent years. However, physical, psychological and sexual violence in teenage relationships is still a very real problem. </p>
<p>A <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/25604968">recent study of young people</a> – aged 15 to 18 years old – in relationships in the UK and Spain, found that 21% experience serious victimisation by partners (an example given was one partner slamming the other into a wall). A further 30.1% meanwhile are subject to mild aggression including pushing, grabbing or shoving.</p>
<p>Across Europe there are similar findings. 42% of young women and 39% of young men (aged 16 to 17-years-old) <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/17367721">experience physical violence</a>. And a Portuguese study has revealed that 31% of girls age 15 to 16-years-old <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/25476053">experience sexual violence</a> in relationships. </p>
<p>Psychological victimisation – including hostile attitudes, intimidation or restrictive control – is the most prevalent type of relationship violence that young people (aged 14-20) experience. Some studies report rates as high as <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/17367721">94% of girls and 93% of boys</a>. </p>
<h2>Ending the violence</h2>
<p>Having positive peer relationships during adolescence has been shown to be one of <a href="http://psycnet.apa.org/record/1999-04132-000">the most important things</a> for teenagers’ well being, health, school attendance and achievement, and self-esteem. Lack of peer relationships, loneliness, or negative peer relationships have a hugely negative affect on <a href="http://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1207/S1532480XADS0401_3">those same things</a>. </p>
<p>Our teenage years are when we develop the skills we need to form, maintain and enjoy healthy relationships. Adolescence is a time to fall in love, to have our hearts broken and learn how to mend them again. It’s the time when our peer group is most important to us. We rely on them to help us through that roller coaster journey and we support our friends as they ride the same. </p>
<p>But if that journey is marked by violence, it can potentially take years for the victim to recover from what they have experienced. So how can we get teenagers to see that either acting violent or suffering under it is a problem?</p>
<figure class="align-center ">
<img alt="" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/205558/original/file-20180208-180826-5uaiw3.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/205558/original/file-20180208-180826-5uaiw3.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/205558/original/file-20180208-180826-5uaiw3.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/205558/original/file-20180208-180826-5uaiw3.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/205558/original/file-20180208-180826-5uaiw3.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/205558/original/file-20180208-180826-5uaiw3.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/205558/original/file-20180208-180826-5uaiw3.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px">
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<span class="caption">Breaking down.</span>
<span class="attribution"><a class="source" href="https://www.shutterstock.com/image-photo/sad-teenager-crying-during-couple-fight-758429347?src=LJsVWXfOMDonRbE1o91-ew-1-0">Shutterstock</a></span>
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</figure>
<p>Some researchers have suggested a <a href="http://www.ncdsv.org/images/Date%20violence%20prevention%20literature%20review.pdf">focus on changing attitudes</a> to things like traditional <a href="https://theconversation.com/gender-stereotypes-make-teenagers-more-accepting-of-violence-33505">gender-related roles and myths about them</a> – for example, that women can’t do certain jobs or roles at work or home – but it has <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/15070553">not been proved</a> that addressing these issues might reduce violence in young people’s relationships.</p>
<h2>Light ahead</h2>
<p>We are working on a project that takes a new approach to teenage relationship violence. Rather than simply educating or trying to change attitudes, our method draws on the assets that young people already have, to help them identify their own problems and develop their relationship skills. </p>
<p>One <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/25528978">review of the research</a> suggested that school projects are more successful at preventing violence in relationships when they involve participation (using drama). That is as well as addressing factors such as gender equality, healthy relationships and non-violent conflict resolution. It has <a href="http://www.ncdsv.org/images/Date%20violence%20prevention%20literature%20review.pdf">also been suggested</a> that specific training for young people to improve skills such as communication, negotiation and conflict resolution may also be helpful.</p>
<p>So our EU-funded project puts these ideas into practice. We are working with teenagers aged between 13 and 15 at schools in six European countries (Italy, Spain, Portugal, Romania, Poland, UK). Our aim is to help them identify, share and strengthen their positive assets and relationship skills by using drama, film and peer learning.</p>
<p>Many projects in the area of teenage dating violence focus on <a href="http://www.ncdsv.org/images/Date%20violence%20prevention%20literature%20review.pdf">deficits and risk factors</a> – such as <a href="https://youth.gov/youth-topics/teen-dating-violence/risk">trauma or a disadvantaged family life</a> – that may be implicated in the violence. But <a href="http://www.lights4violence.eu/">Lights 4 Violence</a> uses a different approach, focusing on individual strengths such as assertiveness, pro-social problem solving, as well as the attributes individuals can rely on within their families, peer groups and school. </p>
<p>The teenagers will learn about communicating their feelings, recognising the feelings of others – and develop assertiveness skills to address and resolve conflict in their relationships. In addition, teachers will be equipped with the skills to help the young people empower and protect themselves from abusive relationships.</p>
<p>It is hugely important that schools are not only supported in stopping teenage relationship violence, but also given the right methods to do it – and that is why we are taking this new approach. Simply talking to teens won’t work – and we hope that our project will prepare the young people participating to engage in and enjoy positive, healthy relationships.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/90789/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Nicola Bowes receives funding from European Commission Directorate - General Justice and Consumers Rights, Equality and Citizen Violence Against Women Programme 2016, under grant agreement no. 776905.</span></em></p><p class="fine-print"><em><span>Karen De Claire receives funding from European Commission Directorate - General Justice and Consumers Rights, Equality and Citizen Violence Against Women Programme 2016, under grant agreement no. 776905</span></em></p>More than 90% of teens are reportedly experiencing some form of relationship abuse.Nicola Bowes, Forensic Psychologist and Senior Lecturer in Forensic Psychology, Cardiff Metropolitan UniversityKaren De Claire, Senior Lecturer in Forensic Psychology, Cardiff Metropolitan UniversityLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.tag:theconversation.com,2011:article/818782017-08-20T22:03:28Z2017-08-20T22:03:28ZTeenage heartbreak doesn’t just hurt, it can kill<figure><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/182328/original/file-20170816-17687-1xrgur.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=496&fit=clip" /><figcaption><span class="caption">noah silliman</span> <span class="attribution"><span class="source">(Unsplash/Noah Silliman)</span></span></figcaption></figure><p>Most adults recall the breakup of a romantic relationship as the most traumatic event of their youth. Research shows that breakups are the <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/10609425">leading cause of psychological distress</a> and a major <a href="http://dx.doi.org/10.1177/1049732314553441">cause of suicide</a> among young people. </p>
<p>So why do we deem them trivial at worst, character-building at best? </p>
<p>My husband, who is the Director of the Counselling Services at the University of New Brunswick, noted that many students came to counselling presenting with a mental health issue relating to a breakup. As a researcher of intimate relationships among young people, I started working with him to track how many. </p>
<p>It turns out breakups were implicated in 28 per cent of the cases seen over four months. We applied time and time again for federal funding to study this topic, but got absolutely nowhere. The reviewers’ comments suggested that this topic lacked sufficient gravitas and was not compelling in light of more serious problems facing youth.</p>
<h2>Suicide and substance use</h2>
<p>Romantic relationships are common among adolescents and, because of their shortened duration, relationship breakups are also common. A study of 15- to 18-year-old Canadian teens found that <a href="http://dx.doi.org/%2010.1016/j.adolescence.2009.01.006">23 per cent had experienced a breakup</a> in the prior six months. Common experiences, for sure, but not to be dismissed.</p>
<figure class="align-right ">
<img alt="" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/182330/original/file-20170816-17651-katwfx.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=237&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/182330/original/file-20170816-17651-katwfx.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=632&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/182330/original/file-20170816-17651-katwfx.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=632&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/182330/original/file-20170816-17651-katwfx.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=632&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/182330/original/file-20170816-17651-katwfx.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=794&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/182330/original/file-20170816-17651-katwfx.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=794&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/182330/original/file-20170816-17651-katwfx.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=794&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px">
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">Research prioritizes adult relationship breakups.</span>
<span class="attribution"><span class="source">(Unsplash/Milada Vigerova)</span>, <a class="license" href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/">CC BY</a></span>
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<p>Breakups are believed to be the No. 1 cause of <a href="http://doi.apa.org/journals/psp/60/2/327.pdf">suicides</a> among young people. What could be more serious as a mental health issue? </p>
<p>In one study, 40 per cent experienced clinical depression following a romantic relationship dissolution; another 12 per cent reported <a href="http://doi.apa.org/journals/psp/60/2/327.pdf">moderate to severe depression</a>. </p>
<p>Other <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/20432597">adverse symptoms</a> include sleeplessness, substance use, self-harm and intrusive thoughts. Romantic dissolution has strong physiological effects too: Recent fMRI research indicates that relationship loss shows activation and biochemical reactions <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/11117499">similar to those experiencing drug withdrawal</a>.</p>
<p>Time and again, we encountered beliefs that by virtue of being common experiences for youth, they were unimportant. Or, in another twist of logic, because most of us had to endure such breakups in our youth, all could be endured. </p>
<figure class="align-right ">
<img alt="" src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/182331/original/file-20170816-17689-g7m7w4.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=237&fit=clip" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/182331/original/file-20170816-17689-g7m7w4.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=900&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/182331/original/file-20170816-17689-g7m7w4.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=900&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/182331/original/file-20170816-17689-g7m7w4.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=900&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/182331/original/file-20170816-17689-g7m7w4.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=1131&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/182331/original/file-20170816-17689-g7m7w4.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=1131&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/182331/original/file-20170816-17689-g7m7w4.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=1131&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px">
<figcaption>
<span class="caption">Adolescent breakups can be just as devastating as those of adults, if not more so.</span>
<span class="attribution"><span class="source">(Unsplash/William Stitt)</span>, <a class="license" href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/">CC BY</a></span>
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<p>We know little about young people’s adjustment over time; we assume that the pain diminishes and they learn from experience. But do they? We think that this type of pain is an unavoidable outcome required for learning and refining relationship skills that allow us to find our “forever partner.” But is it? </p>
<p>Some breakups are so bad the negative outcomes adversely affect a person’s personal, social and academic functioning, and may in fact adversely affect the skills and competency required in their subsequent intimate relationships. </p>
<p>Wondering why your teen might be holed up in their room refusing to come out for days at a time? Or isn’t finding pleasure in the things that they used to enjoy? It might be breakup-related.</p>
<h2>Research biases</h2>
<p>What’s surprising to me as a researcher of intimate relationships among young people is how little research attention this topic has received. I believe the lack of research likely reflects long-standing biases that minimize or dismiss the stresses young people experience. </p>
<p>Like most topics that affect adults, there are thousands of studies addressing the extreme psychological aftermath of divorce and separation. The consequences of the dissolution of an adult relationship may be widespread and severe, especially when children are involved. As with adults, not all breakups among young people are difficult, but when they are, they can be equally devastating. Often they are more devastating, because there is much less concern and fewer supports designed to help adolescents regain footing.</p>
<p>Given that the average ages in Canada for a first marriage are now 29.1 for women and 31.1 for men, young people will spend much of their second and third decades of life in non-marital relationships. Because of these changing demographics, acquiring competence in the romantic domain is now considered a key developmental task entering adulthood. This requires significant gains in interpersonal skills for emotional and sexual intimacy, emotional regulation and communication.</p>
<p>We don’t know if young people develop patterns of adjustment that improve, persist or worsen after a breakup. But some research is emerging at long last.</p>
<p><a href="http:dx.doi.org.proxy.hil.unb.ca/10.1002/smi.2738.">We tracked 148 young people</a> (aged 17 to 23 years) who had recently broken up. Higher frequency of intrusive thoughts about the breakup predicted greater distress over time, even after accounting for relationship characteristics, such as who initiated the breakup and the passage of time since breakup. However, of interest here, higher levels of deliberate reflection about how things went wrong, and what one would do differently, was related to positive growth at later assessments. </p>
<p>So it’s true, not all breakups are bad — some adolescents are left in a better place afterwards. But we need to do better at giving credence to this difficult rite of passage.</p><img src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/81878/count.gif" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" />
<p class="fine-print"><em><span>Lucia O'Sullivan does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.</span></em></p>When teen romance crashes, adults often see it as trivial or “character building.” The truth is, breakups are a major cause of suicide, drug use and self-harm.Lucia O'Sullivan, Professor of Psychology, University of New BrunswickLicensed as Creative Commons – attribution, no derivatives.